Science with Sue, Episode 5: Setting up Great Sex
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- The very best aphrodisiac, and I mean the absolute best way to set up great sex, is to take care of and fire up your emotional connection. Keep watching to find out how to shape your love both inside and outside the bedroom!
In the comments, let me know what you think.
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Let’s reach “Safe and Sound” together.
Thanks for watching!
In this video, I mention:
- Emotional connection and sex
- Rekindling pleasure and passion in the bedroom
- Hold Me Tight conversations
Referencing mainly these two studies:
Birnbaum, Gurit, et al. (2006). When sex is more than just sex. Journal of Personality and Social Psych, 91, 929-943.
Wiebe, S. A., Elliott, C., Johnson, S. M., Burgess Moser, M., Dalgleish, T. L., Lafontaine, M., & Tasca, G. A. (2019). Attachment change in emotionally focused couple therapy and sexual satisfaction outcomes in a two-year follow-up study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 18(1), 1-21. doi:10.1080/15332691.2018.1481799
Sex without emotional connection is like dancing without music
I think your EFT is a wonderful thing and I still believe it could have helped us, but he refused to go to any couples therapy and after six more months just ended the relationship (after four years, living together for the most part). But I appreciate all the insights I gained from reading your book. Maybe my next significant other will be more interested and willing to work on the relationship.
Hi sue, what if you partner needs time alone to figure out her emotional connection... is this a safe method of understanding each other or is she moving on... stay loyal and hope she does to and comeback... or move on and forget...
Respectfully, that sounds like a woman's perspective. Males typically don't exhibit he same emotional arousal curve as women. Plus there are both men and woman who who are not as emotionally responsive due to their heritable constitution. Allow folks to to be be who they are not who they are supposed to be.
Hi Sue. I was wondering whether this view (of the centrality of bonding in sex), applies equally to men and women? - The reason I’m asking is that men tend to approach sex much more casually, whereas women much more emotionally: I was wondering about your thoughts on these matters? If that is indeed the case, then it seems to me that EFT is much more biased towards a female vantage point...
There are gender aspects. But I wonder if it has more to do with approaches to emotion...or attachment strategies. The partner in a marriage, gay, lesbian or straight, who tends to express more emotionally often approaches sexual intimacy from that perspective. And the person who tends more to avoid emotion, often sees sexual intimacy as a way to connect without being vulnerable. Creates quite the cycle, different than the one of safe and sound Dr. J talks about above.
My experience is that when both partners are open and intimate about emotions, and relaxed around the physical, without huge expectations, EFT is the golden ticket! Therefore, before you get committed, make sure your partner is on board. And make sure you are too.
HI Sue, could you discuss in a future video if there are recommended EFT associated approaches for individuals to work with their insecure attachment tendencies on their own outside (à la self work) of a relationship? Much thanks!