I dated a girl who constantly brought up the idea that I am cheating or would eventually cheat. Turns out it was all of her friends telling her it would happen because of their past/present relationships. They would constantly chirp that all guys were like that.
If SHE is on social media.. she needs to get off. I went through the same thing. I swore my bf was cheating because I was getting so many toxic things put in my head. I got off social media & realized I was being fed all these fake scenarios from reels/tik toks. Not to mention I’ve been cheated on in the past, so that didn’t help. But.. the point is, getting off social media has helped my relationship & mental health so much. My mind was so clouded & I was so paranoid. Now I have a clear mind to TALK to my partner if I’m feeling some kind of way rather than just accusing him.
It’s so funny the same situation happened to me where my ex would always accuse me of cheating or talking to other women (spoiler alert I wasn’t) and I tried to tell her it’s because she’s on social media too much and comparing us to other people too much. She never really got off of it and the accusations never stopped
@lala_arneezy Did you take 100% responsibility for all of your slanderous false allegations against your BF? If so how did you demonstrate that you took 100% responsibility for not only your slanderous false accusations but also all of the collateral damage that you caused? If you spread any of these false allegations around and share them with friends and family, you absolutely need to tell all of those people that you lied and that the accusations are false and that you and you alone are responsible for being so dishonest and mean and ugly to your BF. I hope you own the fact that he really should have broke up with you and sent you packing and that you are damn lucky that he did not do this to you. I hope you learn to control your sexist chauvinistic biases and not get into these slanderous false accusations again because if you did, the guy needs to leave you and cut his losses. False allegations are a form of abuse.
Possibility 1: she’s cheating. Possibility 2: she’s manipulating him because she gets something from having him keep having to “prove” himself to her. Possibility 3: she’s got some serious psychological issues. Unfortunately, if neither one of them is interested in counseling, it doesn’t matter which of the three it is, because the only remaining solution is the same. If they didn’t figure it out on their own in the first 12 years, they’re never going to figure it out on their own.
@@littleme3597 Yes, he is. She has psychological problems. If you keep accusing another person of something they are not doing they will eventually give up and leave.
Dr. John was right to question her family background. We cannot discount the fact that she may have a huge fear of abandonment. Even to a point of near paranoia. Anxiety, insecurity, fear???
First and foremost, this is a form of control and abuse. Second, I grew up in a house where both of my parents cheated on each other. I grew up thinking “this is just what husbands do” in my teens and 20’s I ALWAYS thought this of boyfriends. It took a lot of soul searching and self reflection to change this mind set.
Same! My parents cheated on each other and when I was younger I always worried about it too. I'm older so I don't think like that but it's a sad way to live. Life is short and it's better to enjoy having fun with your mate and focusing on the good
This is so true. I had the same issue until I realized it was all about me and that I was actually being extremely controlling and (yes) abusive. It was like a punch in the face because I never wanted to be that person. Never saw it in myself. Funny thing is, is that once I let it go…it just went. My (and my partner’s life!) is so much more peaceful now. We actually have quite a healthy relationship…a place I never knew I would get. For me, it was a narcissist for a mother. My childhood was really chaotic and I was helpless. No control over anything and no stability as she moved us every year (from boyfriend to boyfriend). Really did a number on me.
My ex fiance would constantly do this and it was exhausting. Even when she managed to get into my phone without me knowing, it was "you just deleted the evidence before I could see it!" when she didn't find anything. Nothing was ever good enough, and whenever I had something like a female colleague add me on Facebook she would take it as evidence I was cheating. The worst part is, I don't think she was projecting. I honestly think she was loyal to me. It was just tragic insanity.
Something similar happened to me. We did go to a marriage counselor. Counselor spoke 1:1 with her first and then me. When I walked back into the room to talk to the counselor, they told me that its all her, and I am not the problem. Probably not the best thing for the counselor to tell me but it is what it is. I was always accused of cheating when in fact, I found out later that she was the one who did the cheating. Its also a big reason I am single to this day since then. I can't trust anyone anymore.
I was in a previous relationship that involved cheating so when I got married I stressed about it... turns out my husband is very different than the previous person I dated. It takes a lot of healing to deal with insecurities. hugs
She may be cheating, she may not be. Sometimes they'll push away and push away because they're afraid deep inside that the person they love will leave. So when the person they're accusing of cheating stays, it's like a relief mechanism to which they get addicted. Either way, he cant do anything about it except tolerate it or leave.
BINGO. My ex accused me of cheating all the time and I never strayed. Sure enough, she was busted whoring herself out to a subordinate of hers in his parents' house. GET OUT, MY MAN.
It would be interesting to hear her side of why she thinks he is cheating. But the bigger question is why would SHE marry him, if she thought he was a cheater.
Low self esteem toxic family life in early childhood. Married a man that cheated when we were going together, prior boyfriends cheated…. Fast forward 30+ years porn throughout relationship…. Both of us with toxic issues. Also what is her side of the story….. only getting his side. Also red flag that he doesn’t want to go to counseling! My spouse went once walked out of the session when he was offended by a reasonable? On counselors part and never went back. Something is also telling me that he wants out and she is pregnant now! Why did he wait so long! Commitment issues on his or both of them??? 13 years and only married 1 year yikes! Shouldn’t take that long to know if someone is or isn’t right for you!
Because she wants power over him. When he's constantly twisting himself in knots trying to "prove" he's not cheating, she can use that as a manipulation tactic. They love to set up a "I'm the good one, you're the bad one" dynamic. I know, because my ex-husband was like this.
The narc ex used to do this with me, he accused me of cheating and I never understood why he did that because I gave him no reason to suspect me. I was trying to raise our three children, had no social media, didn't even use my phone except for calls to my family. Now it makes sense.
I had a jealous, paranoid partner like this. Nothing I said or did made any difference and it’s exhausting. In the end it killed our relationship. Oh, and having a baby won’t fix it, in fact it will probably make things x10 worse.
As a woman burden with this paranoia, I have constantly felt my husband was going to leave me or was doing things behind my back, knowing deep down he isn’t doing anything wrong. Back story, my father was a cheater and came in and out of our lives for years. It didn’t help that I dated men very similar for many years because that was “normal” until I broke that cycle. I still deal with the demons and try not to let it out but there are thoughts that pop out from my insecurities and pain. I know it’s not healthy and sought help but it’s not all the time, usually when my hormones are raging or he’s been extra busy with work. I find, all I really need in those moments is reassurance that I am loved and safe. In a way it’s an unhealthy demand for attention too. I’ve healed a lot and my husband has been there to help. I think therapy will really help her and as long as he is supportive emotionally they will hopefully heal their relationship.
You could be me. Not the same back story but had the same effect. What really helped me was realizing and admitting that it was controlling and abusive behaviour. It was like a punch in the face and I never wanted to be that type of person or partner. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but just in case seeing that might help you too. We can also reprogram our brains (the most vulnerable thing I learned in therapy). When you start having those intrusive thoughts, start arguing with them. When you start wondering why he’s taking too long running an errand (or whatever…as you know, could be anything) and you’re mind all of a sudden shows you a reel of him meeting up with another woman, immediately say to yourself “No. He would never do that. He loves me.” You won’t believe it at first. You’ll have to force it and it will take a while until one day…you really DO start believing it. It sounds SO simple but I promise it works. Everyone is different but it usually takes about 3 months to develop new thought patterns. Eventually it will become automatic the second you start to have those thoughts…your brain will argue it and you’ll believe the new voice. This can be used for any areas of your life that you need it for and it’s a wonderful tool! Best wishes to you 💕
I can relate. He's never given me reason to believe he's actually cheating, so when those thoughts pop up, like "It COULD be a thing," I really have to consciously talk myself down. Sometimes, it helps just to go to him and say, "I'm feeling terrible and just need a hug."
had a girlfriend do this. I don't deal with false accusations well, and I managed the best I could. I confronted her on multiple occasions, and she always deflected with "I'm sorry for bringing up the past...". Glitch, no. It's not the past. It's your imagination. I left. She tried saying she was pregnant and showing me a sonagram (we never had sex, so idk how that was supposed to work lol), and she got pregnant like 3 months later.
My step father accused my mother of cheating for years. It was always, “I want a divorce!” But they never acted on it. Turns out he cheated on her while she was out of town. Then she cheated on him to get even. Now they cheat on each other while denying it to each other. They need to divorce but they won’t because of their business and home. Both are in their 50s. One doesn’t want to start over financially and the other struggles with man problems if you catch my drift. So I don’t speak to either one. Too much negative energy and too many secrets.
I dated someone who was always going through my phone and she'd find any remark to twist into flirting \cheating, it was exhaustion, and also insulting as i pride myself on honesty and communication. So one day 3 years into the relationship i checked her phone for the first time ever knowing for me it was over. Sure enough she's trying to arrange a meet up with a lad she really liked without letting him know i exist haha. It didnt hurt as i was over it long before but it helped me stop feeling so guilty. If you can't trust yourself not to cheat you're gonna assume others are too.
I was in a relationship like this. I am gay. But the idea behind it is the same. The other guy constantly accusing me of cheating when I have never done so or even had the intention to do so. To the point where even me driving 1 hour to see my friend is being questioned non-stop for 15 minutes unaccounted for. And in the end, whatever it is, I decided it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's just not worth it to deal with such a big insecurity issue.
Sometimes I think this is even a bigger issue in the gay community. I absolutely could be wrong and it’s probably different everywhere but I have some gay men in my family that I’m quite close to and they find it exceptionally hard to find men who want monogamous relationships. A cousin of mine was fortunate to find a great guy and they’ve been together about 20 years now but an uncle is having real difficulties. The one partner he did get serious with did cheat. Now he’s having a hard time even finding someone who wants a committed relationship. All of his friends (and he has LOTS) all have open relationships. It seems a lot more acceptable in the gay community from what I gather.
Had a relationship where the guy was constantly accusing me of cheating. He also spied on me. Turns out he was a serial cheater. Everyone told me it was projection but I didn't want to believe them. Now I cringe and laugh at the irony. Even if that's not the case here, it's emotional abuse that cannot be justified by her evident insecurity.
He’s obviously not saying everything. Not getting married for finances…. That’s not true and you could hear it in his pauses. He can easily answer EVERYTHING else except for that question. I’m willing to bet he’s caused insecurities and is ignoring it and unwilling to see it because he believes it’s not an issue, but it obviously is to her. Speaking from experience, myself.
@@mmp495 She and they will need counseling for sure. If its trauma from childhood she has to learn why she does and acts the way she does and learn new coping mechanisms, and he needs to learn that along with her.
@@cristinap6394 Yeah the whole I want to fix it myself thing tells you a lot about him. He thinks hes fine and she needs to fix herself, but if you arent making an effort to speak love languages, make her feel secure, and go to therapy with her, then neither one of them will be happy.
If this were a woman who wouldn’t keep any social media, calling about a man who accused her of cheating & tracked her constantly-everyone, including Dr. D, would be screaming for his head. They’d be calling him mentally & emotionally abusive & waving torches & pitchforks. This is semi-abusive, & if he doesn’t leave, she’s not gonna chance. The only recourse he has is to draw a line in the sand & ACT on that.
I was like this woman in the past. I accused my partner all the time, it was because I saw my father cheating all the time. She needs INDIVIDUAL counseling to heal from this. (In other cases they are the cheater and accuse the partner).
Something tells me she’s the one that’s cheating. It’s usually the person that constantly accuse their significant other or spouse of cheating that turns out to be the one that’s cheating.
Not always true. I'm always worried my husband will or has cheated. He had a "friendship" with his ex while we were dating and was secretive with his phone. I never cheated and never will.
I was married for eight years to a woman who accused me of cheating with women I'd never even met. She was caught sleeping with some kid from her store in 2016 and lost everything in the divorce. GUYS ... if you're with a woman who does this to you, she's going to cheat if she hasn't already. Get out.
If a chick ever accused me of this.. I'd just say: "Well I'm not and I will never cheat on you. if you can't take my word for it then the problem is in your head. You need to talk to a psychiatrist about it". And this is probably why I'm single because me saying that would have about a .01% chance of working. Lol
Honestly he’s too good of a guy for his own good. You have to protect your own peace and sanity at some point and if I went just one year dealing with that, saying I would be completely done is an understatement.
@@morgandawn6413 there is more to the story on all of these calls. We never get the full picture. I didn’t get a sense he was hiding anything but it’s possible you’re right.
Who has the energy to just keep accusing someone. There has to be something bigger going on or maybe this is what she has normalized. It’s still weird.
Idk he sounds guilty of something and is trying to clear his conscience or trying to convince her/himself that there's not at least an interest in other women.
HOLY CRAP does this hit home!!! I lived with this for 5 years!!! Its as if this was me on the phone call. After months of counselling, I finally understood that it was not me, it was her. Classic Borderline Personality Disorder and fears of abandonment. Not a damn thing you can do Brother........ she's NEVER going to change. Good luck!!
OK, my senses tell me something else is going on. He took over 10 years to tie the knot, he objected to all suggestions. He's either "tried" everything that was suggested, or he doesn't want to do it. I wonder if he's just done, and wants some path out, but he knows he's gonna pay a high price to leave?
He probably had a good amount of magical thinking, hoping she would change eventually. It’s easier said than done to avoid falling deeper into this trap.
I've been like this wife. For me it was because of a previous toxic relationship where there was no trust. One day I got the most valuable advice from a friend- she told me that all I could do in a relationship is be the best partner I could be, and if they cheated, then at least I knew that it wasn't because of me, it was because of them. She also told me that this fear and behavior would only push them away. It was a light bulb moment for me. I'm so grateful to have gotten this advice early in life.
I used to have this insecurity. It was just because I was cheated on a few times prior. I got over that fear by just accepting that my fear could be wrong. Now I'm in a really happy place with my husband
I was in marriage were I was cheated on constantly. About a year after divorcing the cheater I met someone wonderful and started dating. Not gonna lie it was hard for the first couple months of dating but we talked my fears out. He was so patient and things are better now ❤️ My point, it’s concerning this caller has dealt with this for 15 years 💔
Literally both people who cheat AND people who don’t cheat will deny. So the denial does not indicate cheating or not cheating. Both innocent and non innocent people will deny
Your wife has self esteem issues and doesn’t think she deserves a loving loyal relationship with a man. That’s why she keeps self sabotaging in that manner. I have seen many people who just push their partner away by accusing/belittling them and turning breakup into a self fulfilling prophesy. The day u leave her she would be like “see … I told u…. He is not committed to me”. It’s sad you are stuck in this. Your wife better agree to counselling before she ends up destroying her whole marriage
This!!! I was literally in the same boat always accusing my husband because it was literally my fear that he would find someone better and it was only due to my lack of confidence and my low self esteem only recently has things gotten better because I’ve been speaking to my therapist regarding self esteem and how to gain my confidence, self love etc etc
It's interesting that he would date for 12 years without marrying. I've heard that men who date for many years without marrying will never marry that woman.
Why did he marry her? I was accused one time. I quickly turned that around. I told her, sounds like your projecting. So who is he? Well she said no one. Then never accused me ever again.
My mother is an EXTREMELY jealous person and it ruined all THREE of her marriages. She was a spoiled child and is a self centered adult. She wants attention constantly. She is jealous of me as her daughter and has acted inappropriately toward my boyfriends when I was a teenager. It is a horrible personality trait and I would not put up with that for 2 seconds. I hope he finds a woman who will love and appreciate him.
This convo John is pitching needs to happen in front of a third party to hold her accountable. To put what he says in terms she may better digest bc she's not "getting it."
I was this woman, I was so insecure, so low in my thinking of my own value, so used to seeing my Mother accuse my Dad of cheating, that I was sure my husband was having sex with other women. One of the biggest differences was going on anti anxiety medication. It was incredible how much that helped! The second was realising that my husband was a totally different man than my Dad. My Mum had me so sure that every man was a cheat, and I was so low in self esteem that I was sure that I didn’t deserve my husband so he would clearly find someone better. It was looking truly at myself, at my husband and at what his actions said that spoke the loudest in my heart. But it was being born again as a Christian that changed me from the inside out.
13:12 to 13:22 Wow!! Lightbulb went off for me!! "She's choosing to put wedges between the two of you so that you cannot get close. And then blaming you for that distance." Well said!!
1. He married into this. 2. It's weird that he also doesn't want to go to marriage counseling. Like he seems to be worried about this but then says he doesn't want to go get help? Huh? Either she's completely crazy and therefore he's totally in the right, Or there's something that he's not saying
Something shady about the caller. I bet he cheated in the past and she can't get over it and is now even more paranoid and upset due to pregnancy/hormones
Either she's extremely insecure, which is heightened with pregnancy hormones or she's projecting the cheating she's currently doing or did years ago. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the hormones are a lot (I've gotten more anxious for example), but it doesn't excuse her behavior. I hope they can communicate, get to an understanding and seek therapy to talk it out before baby comes!
Either one of two things is going on: either he is behaving in a way that would make her suspect he is acting inappropriate with other women (IE she sees him chatting up women a little too much; he texts women when its not work related; he strikes up conversations with every cashier or waitress he interacts with; he comes home later than normal often) OR she might be projecting or diverting because she is thinking about cheating herself.
Or she's seen it happen too much. You should see the sheer number of married people in my place of work who act single. It's sad. Even my neighbor's weird! ʕಠ_ಠʔ
Yep! Or speaking to women differently than he is to her, treating other women better than he treats her, forgetting to take care of her love needs while instead filling someone else’s cup emotionally, even a cup of ego.
My first serious relationship was almost exactly like this guys. He wanted to marry me and I said nope. He was completely insecure and took it all out on me. Every time I went out he accused me of cheating. It was exhausting. She needs a lot of therapy.
My friend's husband was like this. Always chatting other women online, seen at motels with women, eventually asked them both to go for an STI test because while pooping, toilet bowl water had splashed in his urethra and given him an STI, which he passed to her. He would deny, delete messages and make her feel crazy.
My ex did this. It was very destructive and gut-wrenching constantly putting out fires, getting accused and dragged through the mud. She went to counseling the first time but refused the 2nd time even after I offered to pay for it. I should have walked at that point but didnt. Took me 2 more years of chaos to finally and reluctantly end it. Now she's on to her 6th long term relationship but of course I was still the problem.
I have experienced a similar situation. She probably has a lot of hurt and insecurities from her past. She probably can't even pin point it but as John says the body keeps the score. My best advice for you would be to keep loving her and have patience with her. I know it's unfair. I know your feelings matter too. But if you have made up your mind to stay with then doing those things will help her, at least it has for me and my relationship. Keep sacrificing and when healing comes you two will be so strong. I do agree with John about going to counseling and also getting hormones checked wouldn't be a bad idea either.
If she keeps on accusing him, she will make it happen. She is damaging her marriage, she will push him to do something that he doesn't want to do. She needs counselling but the question is will she go.
“I don’t know if I would even go to marriage counseling myself” “I like to work out my issues myself” and that’s your answer. How is this not being discussed more 🤦♀️ he’s hiding something.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. He’s basically saying “there’s nothing wrong with me, she’s the one with the problem”. I’m sure there’s more to the story than the caller is saying. Maybe there’s something he’s saying, doing or something he’s not saying or doing that’s causing her to question him and his faithfulness. A woman knows when there’s something wrong, if your gut tells you something, you should at least research it before going to him with it. Have your evidence in hand before you accuse him so he can’t deny it.
Tons of people don't like the idea of counseling. Not everyone is open to talk to a stranger about their problems and it doesn't mean they are hiding something, it's just that they aren't ready for that step culturally, personally, etc yet
This is one of the more toxic relationships I’ve ever heard in this show. MARRIAGE COUNSELING NOW or this guy is choosing a life of toxicity and emotional abuse for the rest of his life with a woman he has allowed to treat him this way with zero consequences. He has put up with this for 12 years? You ain’t NEVER gunna “fix this yourself.” Dear god y’all get some help before YOUR CHILD sees this and this one day does it to his/her partner. Break the cycle man. You can do it. Y’all can get past this.
In a past relationship i was in, from the start of the 2nd month of dating she did the same thing. 2.5 years later and i left her 2 weeks before our wedding. It was avg every two weeks she’s going through my phone. Going through it while I’m sleeping. To the point where on my birthday two weeks before our wedding, she’s going through my phone through every single app looking for something. I ended up lying to her and telling her i was cheating and deleted everything. I did this because Everytime i tried to leave she always found a way to get me to come back. We broke up multiple times through that relationship where this time i had enough. I’m glad i left because i was absolutely miserable everyday to the point it was making digestive system react everytime an accusation would come up.
His mental health is really important to sustain here. I don't know what to say. My husband suspected me of cheating for a few years before he finally realized I was not his ex-wife and we did not have the same marriage relationship as they did.
I had a bf that denied he was cheating when he was texting his ex girlfriend everyday during the work day. They both deleted their texts and stopped texting at night when i noticed she texted a music video late at night. Like this caller, He would sit and tell me hes not a cheater. When he said....well i have women talk to me....thats a red flag...i wonder if there is a reason for this womans fears. I hope for the sake of her peace and her babys well being that she get the support she needs.
Omg I dealt with that for over 6 years. It was constant. I got soooo sick of it. Then o found out he had been cheating with multiple people--both men and women. We had been married 35 years. The last 5 he was retired and was out cheating with everyone while I was working that last 5. People accuse you of what they are doing.
I worked with a great guy who's wife had been in a very tough relationship before him so she was constantly on high alert. I really wish she learned to trust him better so we could have hung out as families outside of work. You cannot hold the current guy responsible for the sins of the ex...
It’s not holding the current guy responsible. She never did the work to get over her ptsd from being betrayed and then got into a new relationship. And she STILL hadn’t done the work to stop being traumatized.
@@umiluv She did go to counseling & so did her kids, it was just that bad, like the ex was a criminal that did horrible things, unfortunately it's just something she'll be working on for the rest of her life. Her current husband is a very good dude that loves her through it all!
I was never like this until my first husband who truly convinced me he was in love with me and loyal. But It turned out he was a severe serial cheater for many years. Anyway, now I’m married to a much better, totally different man. But every once in awhile I really struggle with full trust. I was so trusting in my 1st marriage and it ended up burning me bad, so something in me is more on guard and hyper vigilant now. I try and it’s much better now, but my husband has been through some interrogations a time or two. Luckily he’s understanding and forgiving. 🙏🏻❤️ everyone assuming she’s a cheater might be off. She could just be traumatized and she needs to deal with something. I have never cheated on anyone and I would NEVER do that. I’m the most loyal person. But I have dealt with similar struggles.
I'll bet that she has anxious attachment style, if they went to a therapist that specializes in attachment, and she became secure attachment, everything would be fixed.
YES! or it could also be disorganized attachment style as that creates a LOT of insecurity, especially when the relationship is committed by way of marriage and a child coming into the mix. The need to be loved combined with the fear that anyone who loves you will (not might, but for sure will) hurt you, (this being what was experienced in early development stages of life) would definitely give an explanation for her fears. Given that she would put up ith a guy using her for 10 years without the commitment of marriage further cements this suspicion for me.
@@gdhhayes2129 Are you saying that only someone with a disorganized attachment style would date a guy for many years without him marrying her? Why wouldn't someone with an anxious attachment style tolerate a guy dating her for many years without marrying her?
I could be wrong but it kind of rings a BPD bell to me when it comes to her wife. It definitely seems like an abuse and control tactic because of her insecurities, trauma etc.
What is the update on this one? I would bet money that she cheated and is pregnant with the other guy's baby. So she is pushing this guy away so that she can be the victim when he leaves.
I understand that logic but me personally, I used to think my girl was cheating in the beginning of our relationship. I would bring it up to her (the reasons why I thought she was cheating) and she would always deny and kinda get mad at me and thinking I was projecting . But I don’t cheat lol. Never cheated on any of my exes either . So who knows
Im kinda joking, but if someone shouts and belittles you claiming you’ve cheated constantly without any evidence, at that point you may as well have done
She might be gaslighting you to coerce you to do something. That can be to invest more in the relationship (or to get better treatment) or conversely it might be to make you break up with her (and that would allow her to move on to another relationship while blaming it on you).
I delt with this for 2 years because we have a 2 year old daughter.. but I finally had enough and left but of course now she uses my kid as a weapon and say if I can't be with her then I can't be with my daughter
My wife had trust issues because her previous husband was unfaithful. I finally got to the point where I looked her in the eye and said, "I know you feel like this is happening. But I have not been unfaithful, and I have no intention of being unfaithful. And that is the truth." It took her a long time, but now we no longer have this discussion.
OMG - can't believe John made a comment about hay/baling wire!! Our marriage took another hit when my husband came at me with baling twine around my body, because I didnt do a horse chore according to his demands. Ended up with a DVPO, legal separation. It was the "last straw" of years of being fearful of my husband's moods.
I never cheated but I was like this to a degree because every woman I knew told me all men cheat and I guess it sinked in. Not long after I realize this is crazy and I don't have to worry I got pregnant and it was a whole new struggle. I agree with everyone saying paternity test but it could be other things.
@umiluv agreed. Not sure it's *intentional* sabatogue, but to poisoning younger women's minds that ALL men behave X way ..., I mean, it's just not true. And certainly not helpful.
This happened to a buddy of mine. His entire 20+ year marriage she was extremely jealous and accused him of cheating. I never knew him to do this. Turns out she was the one who was cheating. Also pretty sure she had BPD petulant child.
The same thing happened to me currently; My BF dumped me because he thinks i am cheating when I'm not. I tried pleading and telling him to give me a chance but he still insist that I'm cheating and ghosted me.
This guy has the patience of a saint, but he should not have to put up with this. SHE is the one who needs the counseling. This is an issue within herself.
Anyone who forgets their phone is not always on their phone
I dated a girl who constantly brought up the idea that I am cheating or would eventually cheat. Turns out it was all of her friends telling her it would happen because of their past/present relationships. They would constantly chirp that all guys were like that.
Wow, never thought of that
YES YES YES. Social media influencers don’t help either.
Very sad, there are a lot of terrible women that are miserable and misery sure love company!!
Sorry you had to go through that
Yup lots of girls do this out of jealousy, especially if they're single
If SHE is on social media.. she needs to get off.
I went through the same thing. I swore my bf was cheating because I was getting so many toxic things put in my head. I got off social media & realized I was being fed all these fake scenarios from reels/tik toks. Not to mention I’ve been cheated on in the past, so that didn’t help. But.. the point is, getting off social media has helped my relationship & mental health so much. My mind was so clouded & I was so paranoid. Now I have a clear mind to TALK to my partner if I’m feeling some kind of way rather than just accusing him.
It’s so funny the same situation happened to me where my ex would always accuse me of cheating or talking to other women (spoiler alert I wasn’t) and I tried to tell her it’s because she’s on social media too much and comparing us to other people too much. She never really got off of it and the accusations never stopped
@@eljoshsfgaming6335 Are you still with her?🤷🏾♀🤷🏾♀
The same here! Once you get out of social media everything gets better
@lala_arneezy Did you take 100% responsibility for all of your slanderous false allegations against your BF? If so how did you demonstrate that you took 100% responsibility for not only your slanderous false accusations but also all of the collateral damage that you caused?
If you spread any of these false allegations around and share them with friends and family, you absolutely need to tell all of those people that you lied and that the accusations are false and that you and you alone are responsible for being so dishonest and mean and ugly to your BF. I hope you own the fact that he really should have broke up with you and sent you packing and that you are damn lucky that he did not do this to you. I hope you learn to control your sexist chauvinistic biases and not get into these slanderous false accusations again because if you did, the guy needs to leave you and cut his losses. False allegations are a form of abuse.
@@neechee5150 chill tf out, I kept it between me & him. you sound like an incel
Possibility 1: she’s cheating.
Possibility 2: she’s manipulating him because she gets something from having him keep having to “prove” himself to her.
Possibility 3: she’s got some serious psychological issues.
Unfortunately, if neither one of them is interested in counseling, it doesn’t matter which of the three it is, because the only remaining solution is the same. If they didn’t figure it out on their own in the first 12 years, they’re never going to figure it out on their own.
💯%
He is not innocent.
@@littleme3597how do you know he isn't. You seem certain. Are you the wife 😅. Nice profile Pic by the way.
@@littleme3597 Yes, he is. She has psychological problems. If you keep accusing another person of something they are not doing they will eventually give up and leave.
@@littleme3597🥜
It will never cease to amaze me what people will ignore on their way to a pregnancy that handcuffs you together for life.
I agree. Why would they choose to get pregnant and then choose to decide the cheating allegations are something that could break them up?
Dr. John was right to question her family background. We cannot discount the fact that she may have a huge fear of abandonment. Even to a point of near paranoia. Anxiety, insecurity, fear???
💯
First and foremost, this is a form of control and abuse. Second, I grew up in a house where both of my parents cheated on each other. I grew up thinking “this is just what husbands do” in my teens and 20’s I ALWAYS thought this of boyfriends. It took a lot of soul searching and self reflection to change this mind set.
Good of you to change this mindset. Perhaps this wife grew up with a similar situation.
Same! My parents cheated on each other and when I was younger I always worried about it too. I'm older so I don't think like that but it's a sad way to live. Life is short and it's better to enjoy having fun with your mate and focusing on the good
Good for you!
This is so true. I had the same issue until I realized it was all about me and that I was actually being extremely controlling and (yes) abusive. It was like a punch in the face because I never wanted to be that person. Never saw it in myself.
Funny thing is, is that once I let it go…it just went. My (and my partner’s life!) is so much more peaceful now. We actually have quite a healthy relationship…a place I never knew I would get.
For me, it was a narcissist for a mother. My childhood was really chaotic and I was helpless. No control over anything and no stability as she moved us every year (from boyfriend to boyfriend).
Really did a number on me.
@@supernova11711 Good job! for realizing that! Amazing the difference............right?
My ex fiance would constantly do this and it was exhausting. Even when she managed to get into my phone without me knowing, it was "you just deleted the evidence before I could see it!" when she didn't find anything. Nothing was ever good enough, and whenever I had something like a female colleague add me on Facebook she would take it as evidence I was cheating.
The worst part is, I don't think she was projecting. I honestly think she was loyal to me. It was just tragic insanity.
Something similar happened to me. We did go to a marriage counselor. Counselor spoke 1:1 with her first and then me. When I walked back into the room to talk to the counselor, they told me that its all her, and I am not the problem. Probably not the best thing for the counselor to tell me but it is what it is. I was always accused of cheating when in fact, I found out later that she was the one who did the cheating. Its also a big reason I am single to this day since then. I can't trust anyone anymore.
Yikes! Sorry! That sucks! =(
I’m sorry. You definitely did not deserve that.
I feel the same way. I can’t trust any more.
Damn you gon be that miserable for the rest of your life, damn damn, women are stronger than men
My husband accuses me and he’s the one cheating, not me!
It can ruin a persons life unless you get out
I was in a previous relationship that involved cheating so when I got married I stressed about it... turns out my husband is very different than the previous person I dated. It takes a lot of healing to deal with insecurities. hugs
I am female. This one sounds like a nightmare! Why would you want this vampire in your life?
Girl why did you put that you were female?? You seem like a pick me
Isnt female a gender?
She may be cheating, she may not be. Sometimes they'll push away and push away because they're afraid deep inside that the person they love will leave. So when the person they're accusing of cheating stays, it's like a relief mechanism to which they get addicted. Either way, he cant do anything about it except tolerate it or leave.
But often than not it is a form of projection. So I bet my money that the wife is most likely cheating.
He could ask her to seek therapy.
He can be misleading her to.
Another option is counselling and therapy for each and both of them.
Very accurate description. She’s the only person who can change her behaviour. She needs healing. Counselling would be a great start.
She's projecting. She's cheating so thats why she says you cheated to put all the spotlight on you. Narc logic 101
Yep, she's having secret sausage parties and he's not invited
@@cashway0420 sausage party lol
BINGO. My ex accused me of cheating all the time and I never strayed. Sure enough, she was busted whoring herself out to a subordinate of hers in his parents' house. GET OUT, MY MAN.
I’d like to reuse that one.
Bingo
Oh, and she's pregnant. Dude you better get a paternity test.
It would be interesting to hear her side of why she thinks he is cheating. But the bigger question is why would SHE marry him, if she thought he was a cheater.
shes not logical, this is a psychological problem!! why would he marry this????
The bigger question is why would HE marry her? I'm a female and I'm siding with him.
she is clearly cheating on him hence the projection
Low self esteem toxic family life in early childhood. Married a man that cheated when we were going together, prior boyfriends cheated…. Fast forward 30+ years porn throughout relationship…. Both of us with toxic issues. Also what is her side of the story….. only getting his side. Also red flag that he doesn’t want to go to counseling! My spouse went once walked out of the session when he was offended by a reasonable? On counselors part and never went back. Something is also telling me that he wants out and she is pregnant now! Why did he wait so long! Commitment issues on his or both of them??? 13 years and only married 1 year yikes! Shouldn’t take that long to know if someone is or isn’t right for you!
Because she wants power over him. When he's constantly twisting himself in knots trying to "prove" he's not cheating, she can use that as a manipulation tactic. They love to set up a "I'm the good one, you're the bad one" dynamic.
I know, because my ex-husband was like this.
The narc ex used to do this with me, he accused me of cheating and I never understood why he did that because I gave him no reason to suspect me. I was trying to raise our three children, had no social media, didn't even use my phone except for calls to my family. Now it makes sense.
I had a jealous, paranoid partner like this. Nothing I said or did made any difference and it’s exhausting. In the end it killed our relationship. Oh, and having a baby won’t fix it, in fact it will probably make things x10 worse.
This is 20000000% true. They don’t change. It won’t get better and having the child only makes it worse
Sounds like she’s trying to sabotage the relationship so her brain can be right. So she can go “see? No ones there for me. He didn’t love me”
As a woman burden with this paranoia, I have constantly felt my husband was going to leave me or was doing things behind my back, knowing deep down he isn’t doing anything wrong. Back story, my father was a cheater and came in and out of our lives for years. It didn’t help that I dated men very similar for many years because that was “normal” until I broke that cycle. I still deal with the demons and try not to let it out but there are thoughts that pop out from my insecurities and pain. I know it’s not healthy and sought help but it’s not all the time, usually when my hormones are raging or he’s been extra busy with work. I find, all I really need in those moments is reassurance that I am loved and safe. In a way it’s an unhealthy demand for attention too. I’ve healed a lot and my husband has been there to help. I think therapy will really help her and as long as he is supportive emotionally they will hopefully heal their relationship.
You could be me. Not the same back story but had the same effect.
What really helped me was realizing and admitting that it was controlling and abusive behaviour. It was like a punch in the face and I never wanted to be that type of person or partner.
I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but just in case seeing that might help you too.
We can also reprogram our brains (the most vulnerable thing I learned in therapy).
When you start having those intrusive thoughts, start arguing with them. When you start wondering why he’s taking too long running an errand (or whatever…as you know, could be anything) and you’re mind all of a sudden shows you a reel of him meeting up with another woman, immediately say to yourself “No. He would never do that. He loves me.”
You won’t believe it at first. You’ll have to force it and it will take a while until one day…you really DO start believing it.
It sounds SO simple but I promise it works. Everyone is different but it usually takes about 3 months to develop new thought patterns. Eventually it will become automatic the second you start to have those thoughts…your brain will argue it and you’ll believe the new voice.
This can be used for any areas of your life that you need it for and it’s a wonderful tool!
Best wishes to you 💕
I can relate. He's never given me reason to believe he's actually cheating, so when those thoughts pop up, like "It COULD be a thing," I really have to consciously talk myself down. Sometimes, it helps just to go to him and say, "I'm feeling terrible and just need a hug."
@supernova11711 thank you for this.🌻
had a girlfriend do this. I don't deal with false accusations well, and I managed the best I could. I confronted her on multiple occasions, and she always deflected with "I'm sorry for bringing up the past...". Glitch, no. It's not the past. It's your imagination. I left. She tried saying she was pregnant and showing me a sonagram (we never had sex, so idk how that was supposed to work lol), and she got pregnant like 3 months later.
Oh my God, she sounds literally crazy. Glad you got out!
@@SomeBody-ce3gq she is
Yeah you dodged a big bullet right there! Wheww
Good riddance 🥾🥾🥾
Waited 13 years to try to address and doesn’t wanna go to counseling 😩
That’s the problem. He’s obviously hiding something g.
@@cristinap6394nah
@@cristinap6394victim blaming
@@cristinap6394 I wouldn't go to counseling either. she can either stop accusing or she can gtfo. stop victim blaming
Mr wishy-washy
My step father accused my mother of cheating for years. It was always, “I want a divorce!” But they never acted on it.
Turns out he cheated on her while she was out of town.
Then she cheated on him to get even.
Now they cheat on each other while denying it to each other. They need to divorce but they won’t because of their business and home. Both are in their 50s. One doesn’t want to start over financially and the other struggles with man problems if you catch my drift.
So I don’t speak to either one. Too much negative energy and too many secrets.
I dated someone who was always going through my phone and she'd find any remark to twist into flirting \cheating, it was exhaustion, and also insulting as i pride myself on honesty and communication.
So one day 3 years into the relationship i checked her phone for the first time ever knowing for me it was over. Sure enough she's trying to arrange a meet up with a lad she really liked without letting him know i exist haha. It didnt hurt as i was over it long before but it helped me stop feeling so guilty. If you can't trust yourself not to cheat you're gonna assume others are too.
I was in a relationship like this. I am gay. But the idea behind it is the same. The other guy constantly accusing me of cheating when I have never done so or even had the intention to do so. To the point where even me driving 1 hour to see my friend is being questioned non-stop for 15 minutes unaccounted for.
And in the end, whatever it is, I decided it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's just not worth it to deal with such a big insecurity issue.
Can’t build a relationship when the other person can’t trust you. That’s frustrating
@@SF-op5ix it's very toxic
Sometimes I think this is even a bigger issue in the gay community. I absolutely could be wrong and it’s probably different everywhere but I have some gay men in my family that I’m quite close to and they find it exceptionally hard to find men who want monogamous relationships.
A cousin of mine was fortunate to find a great guy and they’ve been together about 20 years now but an uncle is having real difficulties. The one partner he did get serious with did cheat. Now he’s having a hard time even finding someone who wants a committed relationship. All of his friends (and he has LOTS) all have open relationships. It seems a lot more acceptable in the gay community from what I gather.
Had a relationship where the guy was constantly accusing me of cheating. He also spied on me. Turns out he was a serial cheater. Everyone told me it was projection but I didn't want to believe them. Now I cringe and laugh at the irony. Even if that's not the case here, it's emotional abuse that cannot be justified by her evident insecurity.
She’s insecure and he doesn’t make her feel loved and wanted. It’s an insecure attachment from childhood trauma.
If that's the case no one will ever fulfill her needs. She has to love and feel secure herself.
He’s obviously not saying everything. Not getting married for finances…. That’s not true and you could hear it in his pauses. He can easily answer EVERYTHING else except for that question. I’m willing to bet he’s caused insecurities and is ignoring it and unwilling to see it because he believes it’s not an issue, but it obviously is to her. Speaking from experience, myself.
@@mmp495 She and they will need counseling for sure. If its trauma from childhood she has to learn why she does and acts the way she does and learn new coping mechanisms, and he needs to learn that along with her.
@@cristinap6394 Yeah the whole I want to fix it myself thing tells you a lot about him. He thinks hes fine and she needs to fix herself, but if you arent making an effort to speak love languages, make her feel secure, and go to therapy with her, then neither one of them will be happy.
@@Gingerrrrsnapps exactly!
If this were a woman who wouldn’t keep any social media, calling about a man who accused her of cheating & tracked her constantly-everyone, including Dr. D, would be screaming for his head. They’d be calling him mentally & emotionally abusive & waving torches & pitchforks.
This is semi-abusive, & if he doesn’t leave, she’s not gonna chance. The only recourse he has is to draw a line in the sand & ACT on that.
There is a huge female bias on this show.
I was like this woman in the past. I accused my partner all the time, it was because I saw my father cheating all the time. She needs INDIVIDUAL counseling to heal from this. (In other cases they are the cheater and accuse the partner).
You are a homosexual “partner”?
Something tells me she’s the one that’s cheating. It’s usually the person that constantly accuse their significant other or spouse of cheating that turns out to be the one that’s cheating.
That's what happened to my Aunt. She said she was always being accused of cheating and walked in on her ex husband. She's happily remarried now.
Not always true. I'm always worried my husband will or has cheated. He had a "friendship" with his ex while we were dating and was secretive with his phone. I never cheated and never will.
@@melissahale7806 He’s friends with his ex?? That’s a huge red flag.
Your wrong.
I was married for eight years to a woman who accused me of cheating with women I'd never even met. She was caught sleeping with some kid from her store in 2016 and lost everything in the divorce. GUYS ... if you're with a woman who does this to you, she's going to cheat if she hasn't already. Get out.
If a chick ever accused me of this.. I'd just say: "Well I'm not and I will never cheat on you. if you can't take my word for it then the problem is in your head. You need to talk to a psychiatrist about it". And this is probably why I'm single because me saying that would have about a .01% chance of working. Lol
The letter thing is great and the wording is fantastic. I'll save that for later if I ever need it in a relationship.
I said that to my ex, so frustrating when you’re a loyal person and not trusted.
I'd say "I'm not, but there's the door."
Lol. Totally a valid response, but you're right: I can't imagine that going well.
When in a relationship never use the words 'it's all in your head' say anything else but that
Honestly he’s too good of a guy for his own good. You have to protect your own peace and sanity at some point and if I went just one year dealing with that, saying I would be completely done is an understatement.
I very much doubt it (that he's a good guy). Very much doubt it.
@@gdhhayes2129
There's definitely more to the story
@@morgandawn6413 there is more to the story on all of these calls. We never get the full picture. I didn’t get a sense he was hiding anything but it’s possible you’re right.
Hu w@@gdhhayes2129
Yeah shes 100% cheating herself, how this guy didn't figure that out is crazy.
You are right; I would recommend a paternity test.
I didn't "figure it out" in my 20's when I had BSC ex GF doing this - but I know now.
@@ryand7713 black southern Californian girlfriend?
@@SarahConnor562 LMAO never seen that acronym, thank you
We're only hearing one side of this. I'd sure like to hear her reasons why she's always accusing him.
Who has the energy to just keep accusing someone. There has to be something bigger going on or maybe this is what she has normalized. It’s still weird.
It means shes cheating
Idk he sounds guilty of something and is trying to clear his conscience or trying to convince her/himself that there's not at least an interest in other women.
@@biolife3274 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@biolife3274 nope. She's nuts.
Fixated, OCD. Sounds miserable 😢
HOLY CRAP does this hit home!!! I lived with this for 5 years!!! Its as if this was me on the phone call. After months of counselling, I finally understood that it was not me, it was her. Classic Borderline Personality Disorder and fears of abandonment. Not a damn thing you can do Brother........ she's NEVER going to change. Good luck!!
OK, my senses tell me something else is going on. He took over 10 years to tie the knot, he objected to all suggestions. He's either "tried" everything that was suggested, or he doesn't want to do it. I wonder if he's just done, and wants some path out, but he knows he's gonna pay a high price to leave?
He married her knowing how she is. Then, she is pregnant. Wow. He willingly walked into this.
He stuck it in crazy. A big no no.
Aptly put.
He probably had a good amount of magical thinking, hoping she would change eventually. It’s easier said than done to avoid falling deeper into this trap.
Seems like most men can't resist the urge to save a h**/crazy woman
@@specialboy7809 men love crazy, they can deny it all they want but the history doesnt lie lol. Just like the trope of women liking bad boys.
I've been like this wife. For me it was because of a previous toxic relationship where there was no trust. One day I got the most valuable advice from a friend- she told me that all I could do in a relationship is be the best partner I could be, and if they cheated, then at least I knew that it wasn't because of me, it was because of them. She also told me that this fear and behavior would only push them away. It was a light bulb moment for me. I'm so grateful to have gotten this advice early in life.
I used to have this insecurity. It was just because I was cheated on a few times prior. I got over that fear by just accepting that my fear could be wrong. Now I'm in a really happy place with my husband
I was in marriage were I was cheated on constantly. About a year after divorcing the cheater I met someone wonderful and started dating. Not gonna lie it was hard for the first couple months of dating but we talked my fears out. He was so patient and things are better now ❤️
My point, it’s concerning this caller has dealt with this for 15 years 💔
She knows he’s too good for her
My ex fiancé CONSTANTLY accused me of cheating. He’s the one that did, MANY times!
Same.
Very often the cheaters are the ones insisting they are innocent
But not always
@@theeasternfront6436 you’re right…there are no absolutes and exceptions to every rule
very often the cheaters are the ones who insist their partner is cheating
@@MeowmyandMewhy call into this show if your not?
Literally both people who cheat AND people who don’t cheat will deny. So the denial does not indicate cheating or not cheating. Both innocent and non innocent people will deny
Your wife has self esteem issues and doesn’t think she deserves a loving loyal relationship with a man. That’s why she keeps self sabotaging in that manner. I have seen many people who just push their partner away by accusing/belittling them and turning breakup into a self fulfilling prophesy. The day u leave her she would be like “see … I told u…. He is not committed to me”. It’s sad you are stuck in this. Your wife better agree to counselling before she ends up destroying her whole marriage
It’s sad that grown adults can’t comprehend the damage and stress they cause someone else and choose not to address their own issues
This!!! I was literally in the same boat always accusing my husband because it was literally my fear that he would find someone better and it was only due to my lack of confidence and my low self esteem only recently has things gotten better because I’ve been speaking to my therapist regarding self esteem and how to gain my confidence, self love etc etc
He needs to actually be willing to go since he said he wouldn’t and said he never brought it up… she never said no. He did.
She's been doing this for 13 years and he married her anyway a year ago.
He knew what he was getting
It's interesting that he would date for 12 years without marrying. I've heard that men who date for many years without marrying will never marry that woman.
switch the roles u wouldnt say the same. That she knew what she was getting in to
Why bring a baby into this toxicity 😢
who said it was intentional
@@dontworry1568 doesn’t matter
Too late- it’s done- get a paternity test, just in case!
Why did he marry her? I was accused one time. I quickly turned that around. I told her, sounds like your projecting. So who is he? Well she said no one. Then never accused me ever again.
My mother is an EXTREMELY jealous person and it ruined all THREE of her marriages. She was a spoiled child and is a self centered adult. She wants attention constantly. She is jealous of me as her daughter and has acted inappropriately toward my boyfriends when I was a teenager. It is a horrible personality trait and I would not put up with that for 2 seconds. I hope he finds a woman who will love and appreciate him.
This convo John is pitching needs to happen in front of a third party to hold her accountable. To put what he says in terms she may better digest bc she's not "getting it."
The ones who accuse you of cheating are the ones who, themselves, are the ones cheating.
always.
I was this woman, I was so insecure, so low in my thinking of my own value, so used to seeing my Mother accuse my Dad of cheating, that I was sure my husband was having sex with other women. One of the biggest differences was going on anti anxiety medication. It was incredible how much that helped! The second was realising that my husband was a totally different man than my Dad. My Mum had me so sure that every man was a cheat, and I was so low in self esteem that I was sure that I didn’t deserve my husband so he would clearly find someone better.
It was looking truly at myself, at my husband and at what his actions said that spoke the loudest in my heart. But it was being born again as a Christian that changed me from the inside out.
13:12 to 13:22 Wow!! Lightbulb went off for me!! "She's choosing to put wedges between the two of you so that you cannot get close. And then blaming you for that distance." Well said!!
1. He married into this.
2. It's weird that he also doesn't want to go to marriage counseling. Like he seems to be worried about this but then says he doesn't want to go get help? Huh?
Either she's completely crazy and therefore he's totally in the right, Or there's something that he's not saying
My thoughts too. He’s calling for affirmation. It sounds like he’s gaslighting her.
Something shady about the caller. I bet he cheated in the past and she can't get over it and is now even more paranoid and upset due to pregnancy/hormones
Either she's extremely insecure, which is heightened with pregnancy hormones or she's projecting the cheating she's currently doing or did years ago. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the hormones are a lot (I've gotten more anxious for example), but it doesn't excuse her behavior.
I hope they can communicate, get to an understanding and seek therapy to talk it out before baby comes!
Either one of two things is going on: either he is behaving in a way that would make her suspect he is acting inappropriate with other women (IE she sees him chatting up women a little too much; he texts women when its not work related; he strikes up conversations with every cashier or waitress he interacts with; he comes home later than normal often) OR she might be projecting or diverting because she is thinking about cheating herself.
That is definately another possibility. Great comment.
excellent reply. I agree.
Exactly what I was thinking
Or she's seen it happen too much. You should see the sheer number of married people in my place of work who act single. It's sad. Even my neighbor's weird! ʕಠ_ಠʔ
Yep! Or speaking to women differently than he is to her, treating other women better than he treats her, forgetting to take care of her love needs while instead filling someone else’s cup emotionally, even a cup of ego.
My first serious relationship was almost exactly like this guys. He wanted to marry me and I said nope. He was completely insecure and took it all out on me. Every time I went out he accused me of cheating. It was exhausting. She needs a lot of therapy.
I have been on both sides of this and both are extremely exhausting. It's taken good therapy but I'm free and much happier. ❤
It’s pretty healthy to feel insecure after being turned down for marriage.
He needs to leave her ASAP! It's not working.
My friend's husband was like this.
Always chatting other women online, seen at motels with women, eventually asked them both to go for an STI test because while pooping, toilet bowl water had splashed in his urethra and given him an STI, which he passed to her.
He would deny, delete messages and make her feel crazy.
He sounds like a gaslighting narcissist in need of a Momma to confirm he’s the victim. He’s probably gonna show her this video too.
My ex did this. It was very destructive and gut-wrenching constantly putting out fires, getting accused and dragged through the mud. She went to counseling the first time but refused the 2nd time even after I offered to pay for it. I should have walked at that point but didnt. Took me 2 more years of chaos to finally and reluctantly end it. Now she's on to her 6th long term relationship but of course I was still the problem.
I have experienced a similar situation. She probably has a lot of hurt and insecurities from her past. She probably can't even pin point it but as John says the body keeps the score. My best advice for you would be to keep loving her and have patience with her. I know it's unfair. I know your feelings matter too. But if you have made up your mind to stay with then doing those things will help her, at least it has for me and my relationship. Keep sacrificing and when healing comes you two will be so strong. I do agree with John about going to counseling and also getting hormones checked wouldn't be a bad idea either.
You’re not leaving your child because you left the mother… that logic is what keeps people stuck
If she keeps on accusing him, she will make it happen. She is damaging her marriage, she will push him to do something that he doesn't want to do. She needs counselling but the question is will she go.
“I don’t know if I would even go to marriage counseling myself” “I like to work out my issues myself” and that’s your answer. How is this not being discussed more 🤦♀️ he’s hiding something.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. He’s basically saying “there’s nothing wrong with me, she’s the one with the problem”. I’m sure there’s more to the story than the caller is saying. Maybe there’s something he’s saying, doing or something he’s not saying or doing that’s causing her to question him and his faithfulness. A woman knows when there’s something wrong, if your gut tells you something, you should at least research it before going to him with it. Have your evidence in hand before you accuse him so he can’t deny it.
@@pattyc655 Some people really are just off the deep end, they aren't necessarily "sensing something wrong." Could be.
@@geometerfpv2804 yes, I’m sure in some cases that happens, as well.
Tons of people don't like the idea of counseling. Not everyone is open to talk to a stranger about their problems and it doesn't mean they are hiding something, it's just that they aren't ready for that step culturally, personally, etc yet
This is one of the more toxic relationships I’ve ever heard in this show. MARRIAGE COUNSELING NOW or this guy is choosing a life of toxicity and emotional abuse for the rest of his life with a woman he has allowed to treat him this way with zero consequences. He has put up with this for 12 years? You ain’t NEVER gunna “fix this yourself.” Dear god y’all get some help before YOUR CHILD sees this and this one day does it to his/her partner. Break the cycle man. You can do it. Y’all can get past this.
You can hear it from his accent that he’s not on his phone all the time.
He's put up with it for 13 years but now he can't put up with it anymore? She could be cheating or she could just be really jealous and insecure.
She doesnt think hes cheating on her...otherwise she wouldnt just drop it and move on.
She just enjoys the control of the accusation.
In a past relationship i was in, from the start of the 2nd month of dating she did the same thing. 2.5 years later and i left her 2 weeks before our wedding. It was avg every two weeks she’s going through my phone. Going through it while I’m sleeping. To the point where on my birthday two weeks before our wedding, she’s going through my phone through every single app looking for something. I ended up lying to her and telling her i was cheating and deleted everything. I did this because Everytime i tried to leave she always found a way to get me to come back. We broke up multiple times through that relationship where this time i had enough. I’m glad i left because i was absolutely miserable everyday to the point it was making digestive system react everytime an accusation would come up.
His mental health is really important to sustain here. I don't know what to say. My husband suspected me of cheating for a few years before he finally realized I was not his ex-wife and we did not have the same marriage relationship as they did.
I had a bf that denied he was cheating when he was texting his ex girlfriend everyday during the work day. They both deleted their texts and stopped texting at night when i noticed she texted a music video late at night. Like this caller, He would sit and tell me hes not a cheater. When he said....well i have women talk to me....thats a red flag...i wonder if there is a reason for this womans fears. I hope for the sake of her peace and her babys well being that she get the support she needs.
lol, stop projecting your personal life onto this man .
Omg I dealt with that for over 6 years. It was constant. I got soooo sick of it. Then o found out he had been cheating with multiple people--both men and women.
We had been married 35 years. The last 5 he was retired and was out cheating with everyone while I was working that last 5.
People accuse you of what they are doing.
I worked with a great guy who's wife had been in a very tough relationship before him so she was constantly on high alert. I really wish she learned to trust him better so we could have hung out as families outside of work. You cannot hold the current guy responsible for the sins of the ex...
It’s not holding the current guy responsible. She never did the work to get over her ptsd from being betrayed and then got into a new relationship. And she STILL hadn’t done the work to stop being traumatized.
@@umiluv She did go to counseling & so did her kids, it was just that bad, like the ex was a criminal that did horrible things, unfortunately it's just something she'll be working on for the rest of her life. Her current husband is a very good dude that loves her through it all!
0:59 well Ben, you have to de-evolve into a pile of goo because whatever changes you make to make her feel more secure will never be good enough.
I was never like this until my first husband who truly convinced me he was in love with me and loyal. But It turned out he was a severe serial cheater for many years. Anyway, now I’m married to a much better, totally different man. But every once in awhile I really struggle with full trust. I was so trusting in my 1st marriage and it ended up burning me bad, so something in me is more on guard and hyper vigilant now. I try and it’s much better now, but my husband has been through some interrogations a time or two. Luckily he’s understanding and forgiving. 🙏🏻❤️ everyone assuming she’s a cheater might be off. She could just be traumatized and she needs to deal with something. I have never cheated on anyone and I would NEVER do that. I’m the most loyal person. But I have dealt with similar struggles.
I'll bet that she has anxious attachment style, if they went to a therapist that specializes in attachment, and she became secure attachment, everything would be fixed.
YES! or it could also be disorganized attachment style as that creates a LOT of insecurity, especially when the relationship is committed by way of marriage and a child coming into the mix. The need to be loved combined with the fear that anyone who loves you will (not might, but for sure will) hurt you, (this being what was experienced in early development stages of life) would definitely give an explanation for her fears.
Given that she would put up ith a guy using her for 10 years without the commitment of marriage further cements this suspicion for me.
@@gdhhayes2129 Are you saying that only someone with a disorganized attachment style would date a guy for many years without him marrying her? Why wouldn't someone with an anxious attachment style tolerate a guy dating her for many years without marrying her?
He said he wouldn’t go to counseling because he likes to figure out his issues alone 😂 that’s the problem.
@@cristinap6394 its not for everyone, I've done it before and it only made me worse
no accountability
Ben: There have been moments where women have SPOKE to me..
John: How dare you, Ben
😂😂😂😂
I could be wrong but it kind of rings a BPD bell to me when it comes to her wife. It definitely seems like an abuse and control tactic because of her insecurities, trauma etc.
What is the update on this one? I would bet money that she cheated and is pregnant with the other guy's baby. So she is pushing this guy away so that she can be the victim when he leaves.
Waiting for the comments with my popcorn....
Is she trying to lose him because the baby may not be his?
"Would you leave her?" "Absolutely not".
And that, folks, is the difference.
She is either projecting and wants to push him to leave or she has past relationship insecurities
*Reads title
That means she's cheating bro, sorry you had to find out this way.
Agee; he might want a paternity test.
No, sometimes ppl r VERY VERY VERY insecure n have low self esteem
I understand that logic but me personally, I used to think my girl was cheating in the beginning of our relationship. I would bring it up to her (the reasons why I thought she was cheating) and she would always deny and kinda get mad at me and thinking I was projecting . But I don’t cheat lol. Never cheated on any of my exes either . So who knows
@@Butterd4t4ss The problem here is it’s not the beginning of the relationship; he’s 12 years in.
@@David-wo9un If you listen, the caller said that she has been saying this since the beginning
Im kinda joking, but if someone shouts and belittles you claiming you’ve cheated constantly without any evidence, at that point you may as well have done
huge red flag. women project when they themselves are cheating. Seen this a bunch of times.
I would agree but I have done this and not been cheating so I also don't think it's guaranteed
It’s not a man or women thing . Everyone who cheats does this 😂
@@amberriley7633 disagree, not every cheater accuses their partner. And not everyone accusing their partner is cheating
Cheaters project, men, woman and everybody else In between.
She might be gaslighting you to coerce you to do something. That can be to invest more in the relationship (or to get better treatment) or conversely it might be to make you break up with her (and that would allow her to move on to another relationship while blaming it on you).
Generally either the person is insanely controlling or projecting .
Either way you need to separate or she needs therapy badly .
If this gets too much and nothing works then he should leave
I delt with this for 2 years because we have a 2 year old daughter.. but I finally had enough and left but of course now she uses my kid as a weapon and say if I can't be with her then I can't be with my daughter
My wife had trust issues because her previous husband was unfaithful. I finally got to the point where I looked her in the eye and said, "I know you feel like this is happening. But I have not been unfaithful, and I have no intention of being unfaithful. And that is the truth." It took her a long time, but now we no longer have this discussion.
OMG - can't believe John made a comment about hay/baling wire!! Our marriage took another hit
when my husband came at me with baling twine around my body, because I didnt do a horse chore according to his demands. Ended up with a DVPO, legal separation. It was the "last straw"
of years of being fearful of my husband's moods.
These women that are obsessed with other guys phone, I will never understand.
I never cheated but I was like this to a degree because every woman I knew told me all men cheat and I guess it sinked in. Not long after I realize this is crazy and I don't have to worry I got pregnant and it was a whole new struggle. I agree with everyone saying paternity test but it could be other things.
Women sabotaging other women. I often ignored everything my friends said about men and also never told them about my problems because of this.
@umiluv agreed. Not sure it's *intentional* sabatogue, but to poisoning younger women's minds that ALL men behave X way ..., I mean, it's just not true. And certainly not helpful.
Someone might be 100% trustworthy, but the other person still must choose to trust if the relationship will be viable.
This happened to a buddy of mine. His entire 20+ year marriage she was extremely jealous and accused him of cheating. I never knew him to do this. Turns out she was the one who was cheating. Also pretty sure she had BPD petulant child.
The same thing happened to me currently; My BF dumped me because he thinks i am cheating when I'm not. I tried pleading and telling him to give me a chance but he still insist that I'm cheating and ghosted me.
Dr. John wants us to think he has never watched Jerry Springer
My gosh Delony this is ridiculous……….. how is this the callers fault smh…… once again no accountability for the woman……
Because the caller is a man and delony always places the fault on the man.
I'm in this exact situation with my husband. I married him knowing he accuses me of cheating when I'm not, and he continues to do so.
I dated a girl like this
I couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat. It was absolutely horrific
best riddance ever
This guy has the patience of a saint, but he should not have to put up with this. SHE is the one who needs the counseling. This is an issue within herself.