How to gain loyalty and commitment from a man: 1. Express your needs and desires 2. Be his safe place to be vulnerable 3. Show up consistently and unconditionally 4. Be responsible for your own happiness
Hi, Mat! Last month I celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary with a man I loved for 24 years. 😲🤭😂 No matter what life brings us especially for us is lost of a child, lost of parents; it truly tests how strong our love for each other is during difficult times. Patience is a Big factor! Lol! 😅 I listen to older couples age 70+ and most of them say “humor” is the magic. Well, Mat that’s my take. I wish you and your love the best! Take her out to dinner a lot. I say that because I’m the cook in this house and hubby does the dishes! Hahaha😉❣️✌️
My forever love and I have been in a committed long distance relationship for a year and 8 months now because he is winding down his last of 30 years as an officer in the military. Due to the hardships of war going on, it is refreshing to have your input on a love relationship to keep things on a positive and healthy emotional bond between us as the days, weeks and months pass by for our future lives together. Thank you Matt for helping me to stay well focused on remaining his one person whom my beloved can rely on to be his strength when he is feeling weak at heart. It's wonderful when you share your growth in spirit, so the rest of us may benefit from it in our relationships as well. Many blessings to you always. Rebecca
Thanks, I’m glad you appreciate that! 😊 I always aim to get right into the heart of the content. If you’d like to explore more, I’m running a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love to have you join! masteryofconnection.com/ 🙏✨
Thanks for this - I always feel optimistic when I watch your videos. I can feel love for myself and I look forward to sharing this happiness in myself; in perfect timing with a man I can expand this alongside and with.
This is the most important part of being a couple: Knowing that you are not going anywhere when times get rough. Both people need to be in it for the long haul, no matter what happens.
@@Mat_Shaffer It's easy to be great in a relationship during the good times. The real test is what the people in the relationship do when something hits the fan. No matter what happens, my man and I talk about what we need to do to support each other through any situation. It doesn't matter what it is, we discuss everything and make a plan together ! That's why we have lasted 18 years as a couple ( first met and became friends in 1970, 53 years ago, couple since 2005).
#3 i resonate.... my new love now is online. As much as possible consistant and uncodistional love.. and i see him his amaze to me because and i see him expression. And i see him and express same consistent. 😊🙏
Everytime he online i never change.. in that way i show and i express to him that i still here and what i am feom the beginning and he overcome &move on from his past relationship.. he traumatize feom his past relationship.. as a Christian sometimes i share to him to motivate him.. and even me i amaze, his change ans he realize from himself he have need to changw.. actually he have many tattoos. Now is gone totally. Even himself, he sont know why he do that. He love tatoos bit now his clean.. i am happy for him.. maybe thats love? 😁😊 he change from his realiAtion what better for him.. i pray this is it! And he totally heal from his past traumatize relationahip... Amen! 😊🙏
May I suggest for you to do a topic? I would like to hear some advice how to keep a strong relationship while my significant other is deployed overseas? I don’t know how to deal with this dilemma because this is my first time to be in a relationship with a soldier. We’re both soldiers but he volunteered for deployment. I love him so much, we’ve been through a lot together (1yr in relationship). I would really appreciate if you can make a atopic about my situation how to make a long distance relationship stronger especially when significant other is deployed overseas? Thank you Matt for your help☺️
I really appreciate you sharing this. 😊 Long-distance relationships, especially with a deployment involved, can be tough, but there are definitely ways to keep the connection strong. I’ll definitely consider making a video on this topic. And hey, if you’d like some extra guidance, I’m doing a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love for you to join. We’ll dive into keeping relationships strong, even when miles apart. masteryofconnection.com/ ✨
Thank you for sharing the fullness of your relationship with your lady. I get it. I accept it. I understand it and will use the wisdom of your sharing in my relationship. Thank you so much, Mat.
Hi Mat,appreciate your advice. My question: Is the feeling of a need to provide for the family still there in the man if the woman has grown children, has sold a house and has a steady income?
Ty🙏🌿🌼🌻✨🤔 just notice the ❓⁉️❓, I pray to God I've inspired my son's to be honest sincere and genuine and not afraid to feel their feelings. Ty again🙏🌿🌻💕✨🤗
Hi Mat! I was recently in a relationship where I feel like I was naturally doing all these things for my partner, and actually, those were the things that made him first fall in love with me. The relationship ended because he was struggling with some heavy trauma responses to things our relationship was triggering in him, and I was trying to show him that it was safe for him to experience all that and that I was not going anywhere, that I was there to support him in his healing process. But, he couldn't deal with it, like me being emotionally available for him actually trigger the trauma responses even more. I felt like a genuine safe love was so unfamiliar for him that he just wanted to run away to something more familiar even if it was not healthy. I wish I knew what to do in a scenario like this, is there anything you would suggest? Like I know there's nothing to be done about him now, but I would like to have deeper knowledge in case this happens again with someone new. Thank you so much!!! I'm a new subscriber and I'm really enjoying your content!!!
→ Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/ QUESTION OF THE DAY: How have you inspired a man's loyalty in your own relationships? Let us know in the comments!
Great video, Mat. I'm so happy you've found your Queen in Callie. I know this might be slightly off topic but I'd love to hear you one day talk about why it is that so many men find it almost impossible and even agonizing the thought of apologizing to a woman. Is it societal programming or something else? I've been so curious about this for such a long time now and I figure there's nobody better to explain this than you. Obviously only talk about it if it inspires you to do so but I want to get to the bottom of this absolute mystery to me! 🤔To my mind, if either of us messes up and we can sincerely and authentically apologize and acknowledge what we did, it makes room for deeper intimacy and I feel it cultivates mutual respect to own our mistakes. I don't personally regard it as a weakness in any way.
Great question Maria! A lot of that is ego and pride, as well as FEAR - they feel that if they apologize they are being “weak” and could potential lose control in their relationship or be taken advantage of. It takes a lot of courage to say “I’m sorry” as a man and mean it ❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer Thank you so much for this, Mst. I always value your insights. It's like it's part of an outdated consciousness when I see this reluctance to apologize. As you say,, it takes strength and courage to be able to do it but we all mess up so we all need to learn how to make a genuine heartfelt apology. You've got such a great way with words and explaining things, Mat. Thank you again.
rather than explaining it, its best to accept and lovingly release the dude! it's not your job to understand why he chose to disrespect you... can you find gratitude in the fact that he showed you who he is and you dont have to waste any more time with him? :)
I am a 65 and he is 44 ! We only get together for one night stand a week! He responds to my comments or anything I share with him, by short words ! Never expresses his feelings to me! I am into him and lost on how to take this relationship to the next level! He says he is not ready, since he just got out of a relationship! Some help is welcome! Thank you
I'm pretty sure it's not up to you to take it to the next level. He told you he wasn't ready, Thats usually fluff talk for "not really interested" After forcing myself to go out on numerous dates with men who "should be good for me" I never felt any sexual desire for any of them. So I began a fling with a Facebook guy friend. I was thinking it would just be for fun with no expectations. (I was just plain horny by now.) I vowed I would never try to "drive" the relationship. I just wanted to enjoy him because we already were familiar with each other online and I always found him attractive. To my surprise he happened to like me a lot more than I imagined and was mentally ready to start life again after his divorce. After 1 month of doing the "fling thing" he told me he loved me. He has his sights on a future with me, and we are deeply, madly in love. I am thrilled. ( He is 9 years younger too). And we are into our 4th month of serious dating. My point is, it all unfolded this way because he led it naturally of his own will. And I felt the same way about him inside but didn't let him know. They have to feel you are a good match in the first place.
How to gain loyalty and commitment from a man:
1. Express your needs and desires
2. Be his safe place to be vulnerable
3. Show up consistently and unconditionally
4. Be responsible for your own happiness
Great point!
I love how you get straight to the point in your videos Mat instead of a whole lot of extraneous words. 🥰
So glad you like the new format 🙌 I’m enjoying it as well. 🤗🤗
Hi, Mat! Last month I celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary with a man I loved for 24 years. 😲🤭😂 No matter what life brings us especially for us is lost of a child, lost of parents; it truly tests how strong our love for each other is during difficult times. Patience is a Big factor! Lol! 😅 I listen to older couples age 70+ and most of them say “humor” is the magic. Well, Mat that’s my take. I wish you and your love the best! Take her out to dinner a lot. I say that because I’m the cook in this house and hubby does the dishes! Hahaha😉❣️✌️
haha humor is so key - Callie and I laugh ALOT! love this wisdom and so happy for your relationship
@@Mat_Shaffer thank you, Mat! 😊
My forever love and I have been in a committed long distance relationship for a year and 8 months now because he is winding down his last of 30 years as an officer in the military. Due to the hardships of war going on, it is refreshing to have your input on a love relationship to keep things on a positive and healthy emotional bond between us as the days, weeks and months pass by for our future lives together.
Thank you Matt for helping me to stay well focused on remaining his one person whom my beloved can rely on to be his strength when he is feeling weak at heart. It's wonderful when you share your growth in spirit, so the rest of us may benefit from it in our relationships as well. Many blessings to you always.
Rebecca
Thank you for the beautiful share and feedback! Your love is lucky to have you in his life as such a devoted and amazing partner
Just love how u get straight into the reason for your videos instead of all the promotional intros.
👌🙏
Thanks, I’m glad you appreciate that! 😊 I always aim to get right into the heart of the content. If you’d like to explore more, I’m running a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love to have you join! masteryofconnection.com/ 🙏✨
Thanks for this - I always feel optimistic when I watch your videos. I can feel love for myself and I look forward to sharing this happiness in myself; in perfect timing with a man I can expand this alongside and with.
Thank you for your sweet words I so appreciate you! that's exactly the energy I am looking to inspire
Excellent. I needed this because I'm missing him and didn't want to be too needy. ❤
Happy to hear that! Thanks ❤
All of them applied to me and will change my aura now and will experiment .
Awesome so glad to hear that!
This is the most important part of being a couple: Knowing that you are not going anywhere when times get rough. Both people need to be in it for the long haul, no matter what happens.
I’m happy this resonated with you
@@Mat_Shaffer It's easy to be great in a relationship during the good times. The real test is what the people in the relationship do when something hits the fan.
No matter what happens, my man and I talk about what we need to do to support each other through any situation. It doesn't matter what it is, we discuss everything and make a plan together ! That's why we have lasted 18 years as a couple ( first met and became friends in 1970, 53 years ago, couple since 2005).
#3 i resonate.... my new love now is online. As much as possible consistant and uncodistional love.. and i see him his amaze to me because and i see him expression.
And i see him and express same consistent. 😊🙏
wonderful congratulations!!
Everytime he online i never change.. in that way i show and i express to him that i still here and what i am feom the beginning and he overcome &move on from his past relationship.. he traumatize feom his past relationship.. as a Christian sometimes i share to him to motivate him.. and even me i amaze, his change ans he realize from himself he have need to changw.. actually he have many tattoos. Now is gone totally. Even himself, he sont know why he do that. He love tatoos bit now his clean.. i am happy for him.. maybe thats love? 😁😊 he change from his realiAtion what better for him.. i pray this is it! And he totally heal from his past traumatize relationahip... Amen! 😊🙏
May I suggest for you to do a topic? I would like to hear some advice how to keep a strong relationship while my significant other is deployed overseas? I don’t know how to deal with this dilemma because this is my first time to be in a relationship with a soldier. We’re both soldiers but he volunteered for deployment. I love him so much, we’ve been through a lot together (1yr in relationship). I would really appreciate if you can make a atopic about my situation how to make a long distance relationship stronger especially when significant other is deployed overseas? Thank you Matt for your help☺️
I really appreciate you sharing this. 😊 Long-distance relationships, especially with a deployment involved, can be tough, but there are definitely ways to keep the connection strong. I’ll definitely consider making a video on this topic. And hey, if you’d like some extra guidance, I’m doing a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love for you to join. We’ll dive into keeping relationships strong, even when miles apart. masteryofconnection.com/ ✨
This is so true . The guy I’m dating definitely said this …
Amazing!
Thank you for sharing the fullness of your relationship with your lady. I get it. I accept it. I understand it and will use the wisdom of your sharing in my relationship. Thank you so much, Mat.
amazing so glad it supported you!
I have to communicate these 4 steps to him to allow him to see the same principles apply to me for my loyalty and commitment 👍🏽
YEA exactly, it’s definitely a mutual thing!!
This is awesome as usual Mat!
Thanks so much!
Thank you. I loved the points
so glad you enjoyed it!
Thx. I feel stuck and your suggestions help!
you are so welcome!
Thank you Matt. You're the best.
Fantastic! Thanks so much! ❤️
Hi Mat,appreciate your advice. My question:
Is the feeling of a need to provide for the family still there in the man if the woman has grown children, has sold a house and has a steady income?
Yes it can be deeply held - it's a matter of internal worthiness :)
Ty🙏🌿🌼🌻✨🤔 just notice the ❓⁉️❓, I pray to God I've inspired my son's to be honest sincere and genuine and not afraid to feel their feelings. Ty again🙏🌿🌻💕✨🤗
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Hi Mat! I was recently in a relationship where I feel like I was naturally doing all these things for my partner, and actually, those were the things that made him first fall in love with me. The relationship ended because he was struggling with some heavy trauma responses to things our relationship was triggering in him, and I was trying to show him that it was safe for him to experience all that and that I was not going anywhere, that I was there to support him in his healing process. But, he couldn't deal with it, like me being emotionally available for him actually trigger the trauma responses even more. I felt like a genuine safe love was so unfamiliar for him that he just wanted to run away to something more familiar even if it was not healthy.
I wish I knew what to do in a scenario like this, is there anything you would suggest? Like I know there's nothing to be done about him now, but I would like to have deeper knowledge in case this happens again with someone new.
Thank you so much!!! I'm a new subscriber and I'm really enjoying your content!!!
Thanks so much my dear!
→ Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/
QUESTION OF THE DAY: How have you inspired a man's loyalty in your own relationships? Let us know in the comments!
It also takes a high value man to inspire women.
I appreciate your opinion on this!
Love the part that not making him feel making the woman happy is not. Job !
Yes its so important for us to not fall into codependency with our partners... no good can come of that!
This is amazing. Thank you so much
🕊🌞🕊Thank you!
You are so welcome my dear!! ❤️
Great video, Mat. I'm so happy you've found your Queen in Callie. I know this might be slightly off topic but I'd love to hear you one day talk about why it is that so many men find it almost impossible and even agonizing the thought of apologizing to a woman. Is it societal programming or something else? I've been so curious about this for such a long time now and I figure there's nobody better to explain this than you. Obviously only talk about it if it inspires you to do so but I want to get to the bottom of this absolute mystery to me! 🤔To my mind, if either of us messes up and we can sincerely and authentically apologize and acknowledge what we did, it makes room for deeper intimacy and I feel it cultivates mutual respect to own our mistakes. I don't personally regard it as a weakness in any way.
Great question Maria! A lot of that is ego and pride, as well as FEAR - they feel that if they apologize they are being “weak” and could potential lose control in their relationship or be taken advantage of. It takes a lot of courage to say “I’m sorry” as a man and mean it ❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer Thank you so much for this, Mst. I always value your insights. It's like it's part of an outdated consciousness when I see this reluctance to apologize. As you say,, it takes strength and courage to be able to do it but we all mess up so we all need to learn how to make a genuine heartfelt apology. You've got such a great way with words and explaining things, Mat. Thank you again.
I have done all that and we had great sex! After six months he still betrayed me. How to explain that? Thanks!
rather than explaining it, its best to accept and lovingly release the dude! it's not your job to understand why he chose to disrespect you... can you find gratitude in the fact that he showed you who he is and you dont have to waste any more time with him? :)
Shouldn't this go both ways?
Yes you're right!
I am a 65 and he is 44 ! We only get together for one night stand a week!
He responds to my comments or anything I share with him, by short words ! Never expresses his feelings to me!
I am into him and lost on how to take this relationship to the next level! He says he is not ready, since he just got out of a relationship!
Some help is welcome! Thank you
I'm pretty sure it's not up to you to take it to the next level. He told you he wasn't ready, Thats usually fluff talk for "not really interested"
After forcing myself to go out on numerous dates with men who "should be good for me" I never felt any sexual desire for any of them. So I began a fling with a Facebook guy friend. I was thinking it would just be for fun with no expectations. (I was just plain horny by now.)
I vowed I would never try to "drive" the relationship. I just wanted to enjoy him because we already were familiar with each other online and I always found him attractive. To my surprise he happened to like me a lot more than I imagined and was mentally ready to start life again after his divorce. After 1 month of doing the "fling thing" he told me he loved me. He has his sights on a future with me, and we are deeply, madly in love. I am thrilled. ( He is 9 years younger too). And we are into our 4th month of serious dating.
My point is, it all unfolded this way because he led it naturally of his own will. And I felt the same way about him inside but didn't let him know. They have to feel you are a good match in the first place.
Take a man at his word! If he says he's not ready, he's not, despite your wishes. Wish him well and stay open to love elsewhere! ❤️
@@keshakellogg5995 thank you so much!