Having an individual fun account for each person to spend on what they want also makes things like gifts better for those surprises and thoughtfulness.
No. Because one person's "fun" is building savings and investing while the other persons "fun" is spending on luxury bags and surface level stuff. How it is fair that one person is genuinely finding fun in making the family better while the other just blows through money on crap?
@@rthellman that’s why it would be considered a budget account. It’s the money both agree from the main account that you can spend on whatever you want.
We have always only had joint bank accounts. I'm curious about how you fund your individual account. Is it each person's earnings in their own account or are the earnings pooled and divided between the individual accounts?
this is what me and my wife do. it is really nice because the money comes in to the joint account and then we take a little bit of that and put it into each individual account, let’s us know how much we can each spend on whatever we want and we don’t even have to talk to each other about it
All well and good if you and your spouse agree. I had my own house and my own bills. He had his own house and bills. I will never relinquish my hard earned money and have someone "give me permission" to spend or invest the money I earned. Never.
People dont seem to understand this. It's actuallt easy. 1. Joint account for bills 2. Savings account (401k, IRA, etc) 3. Husband's own checking account 4. Wife's own checking account
We have 5. Mine -where my pay comes in His - where his pay comes in Bills - we each put in every month and try to adjust so there is always a little ekstra Joint expenses- food, soaps, things for out daughter Savings - money to renovate our home and for insidentals that bills account can't cover. We also have our own pension savings and a small account for our daughter on fonds.
My spouse and I have individual accounts for our discretionary/fun money, and a joint checking for household expenses. It helps us visualize how much "fun" money we each have left so we don't overspend from the discretionary money.
My wife and I just each have a "fun money" category in our budget where we set aside a certain amount that each of us can spend on whatever we want without talking to each other about it first. It's all in the same account, but in practice it's the same thing as having separate accounts. I don't think doing it that way means we aren't sharing all we have and agreeing on how to use our money.
This is the way to do it. You shouldn't have to hide what you're buying from your spouse in a separate account like they are basically suggesting in this video. I understand there are some marriages where one person is really untrustworthy with money, so that could be a situation where this could be beneficial. But for a good, solid marriage with no trust issues or really poor spending habits, you've totally got the right idea.
But how do you guys "save up" the fun money. Say the fun money is $200 per each of you, but she wants to do something fun, just for her, that is $500. She decides to set aside $125 each month toward that goal. How do you keep track of that money for 4 months? Does it just sit in the checking account?
@@rebeckawoods6093 That's one option. You could also shunt it over to a slush fund account (single or joint) to save up. That's generally what we do, we earmark it and send it to a joint savings account. When we have saved the amount, we can withdraw it from savings and spend it. You shoukd be keeping track anyway - we use financial software to track all our expenditures out of our primary chequing account and savings accounts. We also have a separate chequing account we call the shopping account, which gets a fixed amount every payday from the paycheques. We both use it to buy groceries, go out for coffee, buy clothes, pay for dog groomer etc. Then we don't have to worry about overdrawing our primary account - its kind of like a digital envelope. That shopping account is the only one we don't track down to the penny, it's just there for a fixed amount and we need it to last 2 weeks.
@@Mrs.J.D.B I don't think you necessarily need to hide anything to make good use of this system, I've been planning to use this system with my GF when we get married and merge our finances for years, but I never intended to hide anything from her, it's just easier to keep track of things and make sure money is going where it needs to be first if the accounts are all separate, but my intent was that we'd both be able to view all the accounts at any time if there was a need to. It just keeps the book keeping tidy and removes any ambiguity or need to do math to figure out who can do what and when, you just check your account and whatever's in it is what your budget is.
This is almost exactly what my wife and I do. The individual accounts are just “fun money” accounts that we budget a little bit of money to go into each month. Spend it, save it, burn it, doesn’t matter what you do with your fun money!
Yep, same here. My wife and I never fight or have disagreements about money because we each get our fun money, and its equal, to spend how we see fit. Sounds pretty healthy to me.
@ Absolutely! We budget every month too and have full transparency on all things money. We share a common goal of paying off the house soon amongst other financial goals!
We did all of that, and it just ended up being too tedious. Now we're back to just the joint accounts, but we use YNAB to assign fun money to each of us each month. It's so much easier than pushing the money around. If you give every dollar a job and honor that, you don't need to mess with the extra accounts.
Depending on your employer, you don’t have to push the money around. We have allotments set up through payroll that does it automatically. However, being transparent, budgeting, and sharing a common goal is more important than how many bank accounts you have. We like to have different “funds” for goals such as home improvement or vacations. It’s also good to have your emergency fund separate and in a high yield savings account!
Exactly what me and my gf do. One account that both salaries go into, and all bill are paid from. The second account gets a weekly budget x 4, for food/petrol etc. Then our own accounts for hobbies etc.
I often forgot to write down checks I wrote. My late husband was meticulous with our account and my forgetfulness was frustrating to him. When our kids were on their own, I got a job, and opened my own account. That worked so well for us.
I absolutely agree with Steve here. You need to be able to spend the money you as an individual works hard to earn without judgment. If I want to buy a new golf club, buy an expensive whisky or go on a boys trip then I don't want to feel like I need permission and that's the same for my wife.
My parents have had separate checking accounts since I can remember. They have a joint account for the house and another for rentals they do together. I’ve never once seen them argue about money.
We do our 3 differently. We have a house account a savings and just a checking. Opening the house account was the best thing we ever did. It took the stress out at the beginning of the month because no matter what happens our mortgage is paid. It's saved us so many times especially when our mortgage went up and we never received the letter.
I like having an individual “fun” account for our own spending money. It makes it so I can buy my hubs presents and he can’t see the transaction before getting the gift (his live language is gifts). It’s not for autonomy, but so surprises aren’t spoiled lol!
When it comes to toxic or abusive relationships if you pool all your resources together they can drain you. If you're a stay at home parent or young and don't have many skills on your resume this can leave you vulnerable and without the financial ability to leave. I see nothing wrong with keeping some personal savings.
If your relationship is that toxic and controlling, you should exit that relationship. Marriage is a team effort and requires commitment from both sides.
If sharing everything works for you, great. There’s also nothing wrong with having your own small accounts as long as there’s an understanding that you’re not making any lavish purchases without the other knowing. My wife and I share accounts for savings and house expenses but also have our own checking and it’s nice to be able to buy her a birthday gift without her seeing it immediately on her statement. It’s been working great for us for 13 years even though George apparently thinks we’re doing marriage wrong.
This honestly works out so great! Just think of it as an allowance. Each spouse gets their own account and the predetermined allowance gets direct deposited into it. This way each spouse has their own allowance to spend as they wish. And then it also helps keep you on budget and keeps you from overspending from the joint account
This is exactly how ours is set up. Main account both paychecks are deposited to, emergency fund in high-yield savings, and two individual pocket money accounts. Hopefully both partners are skimming off an appropriate percentage into tax-advantaged retirement accounts too but that should happen before you even see your paycheck. Automatic.
I think it's a smart idea for each person to have their own account for fun money. You decide together how much fun money you get each month, and then you can use that amount however you want. If your husband spends all his fun money on video games, doesn't matter to you because it was his disposable fun money. If you save up your fun money for 6 months and use it on a weekend spa getaway, your husband doesn't care. And then if one spouse does need it to escape a bad situation, it's there.
You don't need your own account for fun money. You have a budget line item for each of you (which Ramsey recommends anyways). No need for all that extra hassle of more bank accounts to keep up with.
@minkekj if you think having an extra bank account is a hassle, you are incredibly controlling. There is absolutely 0 effort in having an extra bank account.
@minkekj Both ways are fine. The only thing I don’t like to see if the person who earn more having a much larger “fun” account. You shouldn’t be living two different lifestyles. Decide how much fun is reasonable for you both, given your combined incomes and expenses, and split it in half. You should want your spouse to have as much fun as yourself.
@mollygrace3068 i personally agree. One spouse should be going on vacations. In payment, things like that when the other spouse can't participate. But why should one spouse not have a larger fun account than the other? You both made different choices in life and you both get different results. My wife makes more than me, and I don't begrudge her separate spending account. I would never expect her to pay for my toys. Now, like I said, where I would have a problem as if she's off traveling the world on her own, because now you're starting to live separate lives. So I guess I'm really curious as to why you think one spouse shouldn't have a larger fun account if you or your spouse spent an extra 2 to 4 years in college, they sacrificed that time, why would they not be able to benefit if you or your spouse regularly works overtime, making them more tired? And they still come home to do half the chores. Why should they not have a larger fun account? I'm really curious.This isn't a confrontational thing, but I'd like to hear your viewpoint
My father remarried for the fourth time when i was 10. None of his 3 frist wives could deal with his spending habits, until the fourth one came and did exactly that, four accounts. They're happily married for 17years now. She even managed to make him pay the child support for his previous marriages on time. God bless this woman
Too many couples don’t do any premarital counseling to work these real-life issues out before they get married & the high divorce rates are one of many end results of that.
Not just that. Do a full financial audit. Full background check. Full STD panel. Hire a PI on each other. Do a prenup that looks into the future and it fair to both of you (women SHOULD be compensated for giving birth, staying home to benefit the family, and losing job marketability). That marriage contract is no joke.
Ya, it really comes down to accountability. No matter how the accounts are split up or merged, you still have to look at where the money is being spent.
Bingo. When I see couples that have to tell each other they can’t pay rent that month (like the tik tok challenge, but for REAL), or they have credit card debt the other doesn’t know about, I’m baffled.
My fiancé and I have planned our joint finances out, certain household bills are paid by each of us, I take care of my cars, tools, and hobbies, she takes care of her car and hobbies, we alternate household renovations and repairs usually with myself doing the work, and we each have our own savings set up
I like Steve's idea. Nobody thinks their spouse will cheat, or leave them, or do something catastrophically financially damaging. A relationship should always be a choice even in marriage. Also my love language is gifts. It's not really a gift if it came from a joint account and you can't surprise someone who can see all of the transactions.
We have done it this way too for a very long time. The account is accessible to both people. But we call it the play account. Mine gets $50 a paycheck, nothing crazy and when we were first starting out us was $20. I generally use it for the weird little stuff that doesn’t really fit into the family budget like grabbing sushi at the grocery store or getting a slushi at the movie. Recently I bought a new pair of workout headphones. Nothing nuts, nothing suspicious, just allows some autonomy that doesn’t screw up the planned budget.
My paychecks will hit my bank account and from there I/we will fund the joint account. My spouse has a right to know how much money is in my accounts but I don't think I'm going to be sharing like how Ramsey/Harvey suggests.
I think the first step is to get a divorce and marry someone whom you can trust in this situation. Why put work and effort into a future with someone who treats you poorly?
Amazing that all of you were “smart” enough to not end up with a liar or a cheat. The point is you can’t know. You may think you know. But you can’t. I had a smart mother who taught me to be sure I had a way to take care of myself just in case. Too many stories of women being trapped in bad situations. Usually with children.
This is all well and good if you have a good relationship. But how many people are stuck in abusive marriages because they have zero financial independence? I think especially women should have their own "run away" fund, it's basic safety
Operate the separate back accounts like an allowance. Give each other some cash they can use to do what they want. Going out for a meal at lunch, hanging out with a friend things like that. It doesn't need to be much.
Honestly, Steve's advice is more or less what I've considered was ideal for a long time, so long as the bills are paid and you're putting some away, having pocket money that is yours to do with as you please without being in competition with your spouse's pocket money is just a good idea, you'll have fewer pointless fights that way because one of you is spending way more than the other or because one of you wants to make this large purchase that the funds are totally there for but the other says it's too much or whatever. Come to an agreement of how much money goes into savings and how much goes into the individual accounts, and so long as you aren't touching any account other than yours for your fun money, there should never be an issue with how you spend it.
I'm Italian and here it is imperative to have separate bank accounts.. if one of the spouses passed away suddenly, the joint account would get frozen for up to a year. Sometimes the surviving spouse (usually the wife who doesn't have an income coming in every month) doesn't have enough money to get through the funeral expenses and those months in which the account is frozen.
My wife and i do this. But main reason is bc she owms her own business(hair salon) so she gets paid card and cash through business account and also one momth she could bring home 4k and the next month could be 10k. So, she actually gives me cash a few times a month to put in our shared account for bills. I take 25% of what she gives me in cash every month and add it to our emergency fund and investments
I’m single and have three 1. Where I keep the rental money 2. Where I keep the excess 3. Where I put the money for the month - food, utilities, WiFi, iPhone, transportation Works fine
😮💨That's exactly what he's saying. Why should you have to argue over money when the money belongs to both of you? If you want to spend it on hair and nails and he wants to buy a new lawn mower, why avoid a compromise that strengthens your relationship? The only reason to have 2 separate accounts spending accounts is because of fear. Fear the discussion will bring to light fissures, in a relationship that may not even have anything to do with money. If you can't humble yourself enough to honor your spouse with an explanation if they simply ask, then you don't respect them because you don't trust them. And probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place. If you're married in the United States, the money belongs to both of you anyway, regardless of what account it's in. Plus, I'm sure you would want to know why your husband making 30k bought a brand new Lamborghini, and y'all don't even own your house yet.🤷🏾♀️
That's not necessary at all. We've had our joint account for ages, and not once has my wife had to ask me to spend our money and I have never had to ask her to explain any purchases... If that is happening in a relationship, regardless of the number of accounts, it sounds like something that should be discussed... Sounds like a lack of trust there..
@desiv1170 it sounds like you have codependency issues. If you think people wanting to have their own accounts and be accountable for their own actions by their own actions somehow shows trust issues tells the rest of us. You have codependent, issues. If somebody wants to buy a large expense, why should they have to even discuss it with? There's significant other as long as you're both contributing to the accounts and the expenses you agreed upon. If the other person wants to work overtime or pick up a second job so they can Get that big expense? Why would that show any trust issues? The fact that that even crosses your mind shows that you seriously have some issues in your relationship that here just painting over
If you are fighting every time you use money then your marriage has way bigger issues than who gets how much fun money. It's just a "hey I'm getting my nails done this week" and "okay, have fun". End of discussion. Unless you're spending more than you can afford. Otherwise? Your marriage needs serious help.
Not really. If you're married, all of their assets are generally transferred directly to you, including joint accounts. The most you would likely need is a death certificate.
The first step is to have a good marriage. I agree married couples, in general, should combine finances. However, there's a lot of super young people who get married on a whim or cuz they made a baby. They haven't established the level of trust, communication and responsibility necessary. You can argue (and I would agree) that they should not be married, but at the end of the day, they are. So there's gonna be a fair few for whom combining is bad advice, and will just allow an irresponsible, careless spouse to drag down the other with no means of exit.
If this system is done, the individual accounts should be set up so that both have access to the account but they spend from their own account. Also, the main account is linked to all the accounts and both paychecks go into the main account and the personal spending is budgeted.
Each can still have access to it. He's just making it fair so extra money goes to both so they can buy shoes or tools or whatever without taking out of joint account and maybe one spouse spends twice as much as the other
I think everyone should have money that is their own and that their spouse can't touch, in case they need to leave a bad abusive relationship immediately. I've seen and heard of way too many women being forced to stay in a dangerous situation because they can't leave or take care of the kids. If you and possibly the kids are in danger, having to hide away money so you can afford to live until you get the situation under control can have horrible consequences. If you never need the money, wonderful! If you do, you will be thankful it's there.
I have my issues with Steve, but what he’s saying here is ABSOLUTELY spot on! Here in the 21st century, this is necessary. For those who only have shared/joint accounts… good luck to y’all. Hopefully you’ve chosen well.
@@austin_gsjoint accounts are important you’re not very communicative with your SO about finances. I can’t go a day without talking about what I did with my money lmao. It’s already out in the open and we both are smart with money so there’s no need
We’re going on 16 years and we’ve only ever had joint accounts. All of our financial decisions are made together and we have a wonderful relationship because of it.
@flotaylor8170 so you're codependent, and have no idea how to live separate lives. That's not happy, that's addiction. Try being independent sometime. Try being held accountable by having to support your own decisions. You can still make family decisions. That's why he talks about a joint account. You both have to agree on the major expenses. You both agree on what's necessities for your life? And then you both go off and have your own independent decisions. By having separate accounts and being allowed to spend and make decisions without having to pass every decision by your spouse. Complete giant accounts are ridiculous. I suppose it works if you have a stay at home. Parents, but otherwise there's absolutely no reason for it, and it's actually detrimental 2 relationships. In most cases, studies show independent finances are much healthier for relationships. And have less divorce
My accountant suggested just this thing but for a very good reason. Should anything happen to either one of the couple, things can get legally tied up for an indefinite period of time, be it a death certificate or divorce/ abandonment/catastrophic injury. It's a sort of financial life preserver. Yes they should share everything, and not hide anything including those individual account balances and beneficiary being each other. However it gives financial ability to sustain until red tape can be gotten through.
Every couple needs at least six accounts. One personal account for each person where the paycheck goes, one savings account for each person, one joined account for expenses and one joined savings account that requires two signatures to withdraw money from.
The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of divorces are based on financial problems. The idea that you both dump all of your money in one account and try and negotiate any problems that arrive is fantasy. If one of the individuals is irresponsible they will destroy the marriage.
New flash, it takes 2 responsible adults to have a successful marriage. Having one account keeps both parties accountable. Also makes it harder to commit financial infidelity and go behind your partners back spending money on something you shouldn’t.
"If one of the individuals is irresponsible it will destroy the marriage" And....you think keeping seperate (perhaps secret) bank accounts will prevent that?? A joint account forces transparency and accountability, so it is the best way to protect against your concern.
But doesn't that tell you more about our laxadaisical attitude toward marriage versus what marriage actually is? It means we're too quick to marry. We don't have good vetting processes, and we don't ask the right questions before we say I do. That tells me we shouldn't devalue marriage out of fear, but rather take marriage more seriously at the start 🤷🏾♀️
You don’t need that third and fourth account if you just each take out cash. That’s what me and my wife do. Weekly cash withdrawal and we can spend it on whatever we want.
Every couple is different and should do it the way works best for them. Nobody should listen to a celebrity about money because they don't have to worry about it.
Yes, but you and your spouse also arent each others whole lives. Its okay if you disagree and dont come to a compromise too. Being able to accept that, and move on, within reason, is also key to a good, lasting marriage.
My parents did this and they also do the % based on what they earn. So let's say if my dad makes 50k and my mother makes 60k they put 50% each into the joint account to cover expenses that means my mother puts 30k and my father puts in 25k. You may argue my mother put more for the necessities but she would have a lot more to spend for herself; Also this would force them to live within their means and got a cheaper home than they could've gotten of they would put more of their money into it. Doesn't work for everyone but it did for them, as they pretty much share everything regardless 😅
The extra accounts are for buying gifts and items you want to surpise yoir partner with if i remember correctly. But this could be done by drawimg and saving cash.
There are usually telltale signs when a spouse is the untrustworthy one. Money tends to reveal marital problems, but the problems are usually apparent.
The problem is it splits things to many ways for most people. Its hard enough to "save" you do that and your already ahead. Then you add in splitting that saving into 3 essentially and it becomes hard. Then id imagine fights about whos gonna use their money for certain activities. Id rather just say "we can/cant afford this"
As someone who has been married and divorced, the 4 accounts seem right. Just because I marry you doesn’t mean you get me entirely. I am my own person. You are your own person. Our marriage is an understanding that we both will work together through life… not that my everything is yours.
Having fully combined finances can be extremely harmful to anyone in an abusive relationship It would be so much harder to escape when you do not have any financial freedom
I agree. i work at a bank and a wife came devastated because her husband took all their money from a join account and left her with barely anything. its good to have your own account as a protection. you never know.
This happened to me. 12 years ago, my alcoholic fiancé went on a trip with his dad and because a really small amount was missing when he checked the account (maybe $200) and he had been drinking, he freaked out and thought I was secretly moving money out of the account because of his rampant paranoia and called the bank from another country and froze our account without needing my say-so. (This is no longer possible in 2024 thank goodness). I was left in a situation where because I had relied on him (he suggested I stop working), I had literally about $20 to my name in this world. I could never explain how frightened I was or how awful it was.
We have an insane amount of accounts. When they get to about 80% of FDIC or SIPC insurance levels you open another one. Find the right partner and you won't worry about finances.
I been happily married for 32 years and we only have 1 join account and 1 saving account. The Bible says the 2 become 1 and that’s the principle I live by and it works for us. Believe or not Having your own money creates divisions and is a recipe for disaster. Is not my money and your money is our money and our lives is now one till death do us apart. Harvey got it wrong on this one.
The problem with quoting the Bible is interpretation. Yes it could be suggested that unless you share a bank account you're not 2 becoming 1 however are you not 1 person because you have 2 lungs or 2 kidneys inside 1 body? To me it takes more trust that my spouse is spending money in respect to our household goals when I can't see every dollar than when I can. If I trust my spouse than i don't need to see everything they do because I trust we are going in the same direction. That's my interpretation of 2 becoming 1 and 8 years later works wonders.
Yeah and that seems like a great idea until someone ends up in an abusive marriage and can't get out because they have no money of they're own and no where safe for any money they can make
Having separate accounts makes it easier to count the fun money and avoid lifestyle creep. Surplus money goes into savings, and so if one spouse gets a raise, they have to make the conscious decision to let their lifestyle increase, as opposed to letting it increase or making the conscious decision to save more. Increasing your savings rate is the default, not increasing your expenses. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to share everything, having personal bank accounts makes the budgetting clearer and the extra maneuvering of money helps you cultivate financial health, which in turns helps the relationship last longer and better.
We don’t have four separate accounts, we share all of the accounts however we agreed to a budget, he makes 10 times what I make so he wanted to have more in his budget, but I get $1000 as spending money every month plus whatever I makeand then I agree to certain bills to pay and he agrees to certain bills to pay. But everything is shared we just have a spending budget. I could spend 1000+50% of my check on whatever I want.
Not to be a debbie downer, but it's extremely important for both people to have individual accounts - financial abuse is a thing, and you need to be able to have access to your own money. Its also important to have your own financial identity just in case something happens to your spouse and you need to start looking for credit or just set up your own life.
Seen too many marriages screwed over by joint accounts with both men and women. People get petty when emotions get involved. It's okay to have your own accounts
We do this. It keeps us from feeling guilty on “silly”purchases that bring us joy.
Same, married 11 years and going and it works well for us.
Having an individual fun account for each person to spend on what they want also makes things like gifts better for those surprises and thoughtfulness.
Using cash could be an alternative for this!
Using a gift card also serves the same purpose.
No. Because one person's "fun" is building savings and investing while the other persons "fun" is spending on luxury bags and surface level stuff. How it is fair that one person is genuinely finding fun in making the family better while the other just blows through money on crap?
@@rthellman that’s why it would be considered a budget account. It’s the money both agree from the main account that you can spend on whatever you want.
Or just use a budget and budget fun money for both people
The 4 account method is how me and my wife have done it for 10 years. It works beautifully and keeps everything organized.
We have always only had joint bank accounts. I'm curious about how you fund your individual account. Is it each person's earnings in their own account or are the earnings pooled and divided between the individual accounts?
this is what me and my wife do. it is really nice because the money comes in to the joint account and then we take a little bit of that and put it into each individual account, let’s us know how much we can each spend on whatever we want and we don’t even have to talk to each other about it
"You gotta have your own life."
But I got married because I wanted to share my life.
Sharing doesn't mean giving everything away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!!!
When I marry my girlfriend, it isn't because I want my own life. It'll be because I want US to have OUR life.
@@cheebsgod Until one of you guys just keep talking and the other can’t hear their own thoughts 😂
Try buying your spouse a surprise gift with a joint account
All well and good if you and your spouse agree.
I had my own house and my own bills. He had his own house and bills.
I will never relinquish my hard earned money and have someone "give me permission" to spend or invest the money I earned. Never.
It really works. Money is the biggest issue for most divorces. We never fight about money following this method.
People dont seem to understand this. It's actuallt easy.
1. Joint account for bills
2. Savings account (401k, IRA, etc)
3. Husband's own checking account
4. Wife's own checking account
We have 5.
Mine -where my pay comes in
His - where his pay comes in
Bills - we each put in every month and try to adjust so there is always a little ekstra
Joint expenses- food, soaps, things for out daughter
Savings - money to renovate our home and for insidentals that bills account can't cover.
We also have our own pension savings and a small account for our daughter on fonds.
My spouse and I have individual accounts for our discretionary/fun money, and a joint checking for household expenses. It helps us visualize how much "fun" money we each have left so we don't overspend from the discretionary money.
My wife and I just each have a "fun money" category in our budget where we set aside a certain amount that each of us can spend on whatever we want without talking to each other about it first. It's all in the same account, but in practice it's the same thing as having separate accounts. I don't think doing it that way means we aren't sharing all we have and agreeing on how to use our money.
This is the way to do it. You shouldn't have to hide what you're buying from your spouse in a separate account like they are basically suggesting in this video. I understand there are some marriages where one person is really untrustworthy with money, so that could be a situation where this could be beneficial. But for a good, solid marriage with no trust issues or really poor spending habits, you've totally got the right idea.
But how do you guys "save up" the fun money. Say the fun money is $200 per each of you, but she wants to do something fun, just for her, that is $500. She decides to set aside $125 each month toward that goal. How do you keep track of that money for 4 months? Does it just sit in the checking account?
The reason why it works is because you both agree. In some couples, one gets strong armed into not spending, while the other makes all the decisions.
@@rebeckawoods6093 That's one option. You could also shunt it over to a slush fund account (single or joint) to save up. That's generally what we do, we earmark it and send it to a joint savings account. When we have saved the amount, we can withdraw it from savings and spend it. You shoukd be keeping track anyway - we use financial software to track all our expenditures out of our primary chequing account and savings accounts. We also have a separate chequing account we call the shopping account, which gets a fixed amount every payday from the paycheques. We both use it to buy groceries, go out for coffee, buy clothes, pay for dog groomer etc. Then we don't have to worry about overdrawing our primary account - its kind of like a digital envelope. That shopping account is the only one we don't track down to the penny, it's just there for a fixed amount and we need it to last 2 weeks.
@@Mrs.J.D.B I don't think you necessarily need to hide anything to make good use of this system, I've been planning to use this system with my GF when we get married and merge our finances for years, but I never intended to hide anything from her, it's just easier to keep track of things and make sure money is going where it needs to be first if the accounts are all separate, but my intent was that we'd both be able to view all the accounts at any time if there was a need to. It just keeps the book keeping tidy and removes any ambiguity or need to do math to figure out who can do what and when, you just check your account and whatever's in it is what your budget is.
Me and my wife do this and since we've started doing this we never fight about money
I love the 4 account system!
This is almost exactly what my wife and I do. The individual accounts are just “fun money” accounts that we budget a little bit of money to go into each month. Spend it, save it, burn it, doesn’t matter what you do with your fun money!
Yep, same here. My wife and I never fight or have disagreements about money because we each get our fun money, and its equal, to spend how we see fit. Sounds pretty healthy to me.
@ Absolutely! We budget every month too and have full transparency on all things money. We share a common goal of paying off the house soon amongst other financial goals!
We did all of that, and it just ended up being too tedious. Now we're back to just the joint accounts, but we use YNAB to assign fun money to each of us each month. It's so much easier than pushing the money around. If you give every dollar a job and honor that, you don't need to mess with the extra accounts.
Depending on your employer, you don’t have to push the money around. We have allotments set up through payroll that does it automatically. However, being transparent, budgeting, and sharing a common goal is more important than how many bank accounts you have. We like to have different “funds” for goals such as home improvement or vacations. It’s also good to have your emergency fund separate and in a high yield savings account!
We have individual "fun money" categories in our budget. It's worked great for us over the past 20 years.
Exactly what me and my gf do. One account that both salaries go into, and all bill are paid from. The second account gets a weekly budget x 4, for food/petrol etc. Then our own accounts for hobbies etc.
I often forgot to write down checks I wrote. My late husband was meticulous with our account and my forgetfulness was frustrating to him. When our kids were on their own, I got a job, and opened my own account. That worked so well for us.
I absolutely agree with Steve here. You need to be able to spend the money you as an individual works hard to earn without judgment. If I want to buy a new golf club, buy an expensive whisky or go on a boys trip then I don't want to feel like I need permission and that's the same for my wife.
The accountability comes in when you both decide how much goes into those separate accounts every month
My wife and I have been doing multiple accounts for 10 years. Works perfectly.
My parents have had separate checking accounts since I can remember. They have a joint account for the house and another for rentals they do together. I’ve never once seen them argue about money.
We do our 3 differently. We have a house account a savings and just a checking. Opening the house account was the best thing we ever did. It took the stress out at the beginning of the month because no matter what happens our mortgage is paid. It's saved us so many times especially when our mortgage went up and we never received the letter.
That's too much. We have a joint savings, joint checking. And our investments (HYS, CDs, Stocks, etc are in both our names)
George Kamel got it right. Share everything and work through disagreements together. Couples are one.
I like having an individual “fun” account for our own spending money. It makes it so I can buy my hubs presents and he can’t see the transaction before getting the gift (his live language is gifts). It’s not for autonomy, but so surprises aren’t spoiled lol!
When it comes to toxic or abusive relationships if you pool all your resources together they can drain you. If you're a stay at home parent or young and don't have many skills on your resume this can leave you vulnerable and without the financial ability to leave. I see nothing wrong with keeping some personal savings.
If your relationship is that toxic and controlling, you should exit that relationship. Marriage is a team effort and requires commitment from both sides.
That’s exactly how we do it and it works great for us. 22 years of marriage.
If sharing everything works for you, great. There’s also nothing wrong with having your own small accounts as long as there’s an understanding that you’re not making any lavish purchases without the other knowing. My wife and I share accounts for savings and house expenses but also have our own checking and it’s nice to be able to buy her a birthday gift without her seeing it immediately on her statement. It’s been working great for us for 13 years even though George apparently thinks we’re doing marriage wrong.
Exactly. I've seen couples do finances multiple different ways. As long as you agree and it works for you, fantastic.
19 years married, and I agree with Steve.
This honestly works out so great! Just think of it as an allowance. Each spouse gets their own account and the predetermined allowance gets direct deposited into it.
This way each spouse has their own allowance to spend as they wish. And then it also helps keep you on budget and keeps you from overspending from the joint account
So, they would treat themself and their spouse as children with an allowance rather than as adults?
Seems odd to me, but whatever works...
@desiv1170 it's just a budget, every financially responsible adult has one.
Agree with Steve here... the one bank account paradigm was when single income was the norm.
Me and my wife share one checking and one saving but we each have our own credit card so we can surprise each other for birthdays and holidays
He’s right. That’s what my husband and I do and it’s great
This is exactly how ours is set up. Main account both paychecks are deposited to, emergency fund in high-yield savings, and two individual pocket money accounts. Hopefully both partners are skimming off an appropriate percentage into tax-advantaged retirement accounts too but that should happen before you even see your paycheck. Automatic.
That's exactly what we have. It works great!
I think it's a smart idea for each person to have their own account for fun money. You decide together how much fun money you get each month, and then you can use that amount however you want. If your husband spends all his fun money on video games, doesn't matter to you because it was his disposable fun money. If you save up your fun money for 6 months and use it on a weekend spa getaway, your husband doesn't care. And then if one spouse does need it to escape a bad situation, it's there.
You don't need your own account for fun money. You have a budget line item for each of you (which Ramsey recommends anyways). No need for all that extra hassle of more bank accounts to keep up with.
My husband and I have had our accounts like this for almost 20 years. Works great!
And we don’t fight over money or get mad about purchases.
@minkekj if you think having an extra bank account is a hassle, you are incredibly controlling. There is absolutely 0 effort in having an extra bank account.
@minkekj Both ways are fine. The only thing I don’t like to see if the person who earn more having a much larger “fun” account. You shouldn’t be living two different lifestyles. Decide how much fun is reasonable for you both, given your combined incomes and expenses, and split it in half. You should want your spouse to have as much fun as yourself.
@mollygrace3068 i personally agree. One spouse should be going on vacations. In payment, things like that when the other spouse can't participate. But why should one spouse not have a larger fun account than the other? You both made different choices in life and you both get different results.
My wife makes more than me, and I don't begrudge her separate spending account.
I would never expect her to pay for my toys.
Now, like I said, where I would have a problem as if she's off traveling the world on her own, because now you're starting to live separate lives.
So I guess I'm really curious as to why you think one spouse shouldn't have a larger fun account if you or your spouse spent an extra 2 to 4 years in college, they sacrificed that time, why would they not be able to benefit if you or your spouse regularly works overtime, making them more tired? And they still come home to do half the chores. Why should they not have a larger fun account? I'm really curious.This isn't a confrontational thing, but I'd like to hear your viewpoint
My father remarried for the fourth time when i was 10. None of his 3 frist wives could deal with his spending habits, until the fourth one came and did exactly that, four accounts. They're happily married for 17years now. She even managed to make him pay the child support for his previous marriages on time. God bless this woman
Too many couples don’t do any premarital counseling to work these real-life issues out before they get married & the high divorce rates are one of many end results of that.
Not just that. Do a full financial audit. Full background check. Full STD panel. Hire a PI on each other. Do a prenup that looks into the future and it fair to both of you (women SHOULD be compensated for giving birth, staying home to benefit the family, and losing job marketability). That marriage contract is no joke.
It's also better for your credit score if you have an account in your own name. In theory share everything, in reality, listen to Steve.
I agree with Steve’s idea. It’s not a lack of accountability.
Ya, it really comes down to accountability. No matter how the accounts are split up or merged, you still have to look at where the money is being spent.
Bingo. When I see couples that have to tell each other they can’t pay rent that month (like the tik tok challenge, but for REAL), or they have credit card debt the other doesn’t know about, I’m baffled.
Steve is such a good and decent man
This is how my wife and I have done it for 35 years and we have never argued over money. We are now debt free.
It makes keeping a balanced account much easier also.
My fiancé and I have planned our joint finances out, certain household bills are paid by each of us, I take care of my cars, tools, and hobbies, she takes care of her car and hobbies, we alternate household renovations and repairs usually with myself doing the work, and we each have our own savings set up
Happily married for 25 yrs and we are financially secure.
Steve is right.
I like Steve's idea. Nobody thinks their spouse will cheat, or leave them, or do something catastrophically financially damaging. A relationship should always be a choice even in marriage. Also my love language is gifts. It's not really a gift if it came from a joint account and you can't surprise someone who can see all of the transactions.
We have done it this way too for a very long time. The account is accessible to both people. But we call it the play account. Mine gets $50 a paycheck, nothing crazy and when we were first starting out us was $20.
I generally use it for the weird little stuff that doesn’t really fit into the family budget like grabbing sushi at the grocery store or getting a slushi at the movie. Recently I bought a new pair of workout headphones.
Nothing nuts, nothing suspicious, just allows some autonomy that doesn’t screw up the planned budget.
Steve is right on this one for sure!
My paychecks will hit my bank account and from there I/we will fund the joint account. My spouse has a right to know how much money is in my accounts but I don't think I'm going to be sharing like how Ramsey/Harvey suggests.
I agree with Steve on this more than daves combine everything
Like it or not, some people end up in shaky relationships with untrustworthy people, in which case it is critical to have a bail out account.
I think the first step is to get a divorce and marry someone whom you can trust in this situation. Why put work and effort into a future with someone who treats you poorly?
Sounds like a bad dating (vetting) process
Sounds like having a backup lover, just in case. If you can't trust this person, don't be with them, why lie?
Don't be in a relationship with someone you don't trust
Amazing that all of you were “smart” enough to not end up with a liar or a cheat. The point is you can’t know. You may think you know. But you can’t. I had a smart mother who taught me to be sure I had a way to take care of myself just in case. Too many stories of women being trapped in bad situations. Usually with children.
Probably the only thing this man has ever said that makes sense.
This is all well and good if you have a good relationship. But how many people are stuck in abusive marriages because they have zero financial independence? I think especially women should have their own "run away" fund, it's basic safety
Why should women specifically have a “run away” account?
Operate the separate back accounts like an allowance. Give each other some cash they can use to do what they want. Going out for a meal at lunch, hanging out with a friend things like that. It doesn't need to be much.
Totally agree with Steve.
Honestly, Steve's advice is more or less what I've considered was ideal for a long time, so long as the bills are paid and you're putting some away, having pocket money that is yours to do with as you please without being in competition with your spouse's pocket money is just a good idea, you'll have fewer pointless fights that way because one of you is spending way more than the other or because one of you wants to make this large purchase that the funds are totally there for but the other says it's too much or whatever. Come to an agreement of how much money goes into savings and how much goes into the individual accounts, and so long as you aren't touching any account other than yours for your fun money, there should never be an issue with how you spend it.
I'm Italian and here it is imperative to have separate bank accounts.. if one of the spouses passed away suddenly, the joint account would get frozen for up to a year. Sometimes the surviving spouse (usually the wife who doesn't have an income coming in every month) doesn't have enough money to get through the funeral expenses and those months in which the account is frozen.
what about their life insurance,? wouldn't she get that for her to live on....
My wife and i do this. But main reason is bc she owms her own business(hair salon) so she gets paid card and cash through business account and also one momth she could bring home 4k and the next month could be 10k. So, she actually gives me cash a few times a month to put in our shared account for bills. I take 25% of what she gives me in cash every month and add it to our emergency fund and investments
I was married for 11 years..never had a joint account. I personally don't agree with that.
I’m single and have three
1. Where I keep the rental money
2. Where I keep the excess
3. Where I put the money for the month - food, utilities, WiFi, iPhone, transportation
Works fine
That is correct,financial disaster breakup a marriage if both are not unified with how both manage money.
Steve is right. I'm not asking or explaining to my partner for money for nails shoes birthday presents when we have saved, paid bills and invested.
😮💨That's exactly what he's saying. Why should you have to argue over money when the money belongs to both of you? If you want to spend it on hair and nails and he wants to buy a new lawn mower, why avoid a compromise that strengthens your relationship? The only reason to have 2 separate accounts spending accounts is because of fear. Fear the discussion will bring to light fissures, in a relationship that may not even have anything to do with money. If you can't humble yourself enough to honor your spouse with an explanation if they simply ask, then you don't respect them because you don't trust them. And probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place. If you're married in the United States, the money belongs to both of you anyway, regardless of what account it's in. Plus, I'm sure you would want to know why your husband making 30k bought a brand new Lamborghini, and y'all don't even own your house yet.🤷🏾♀️
That's not necessary at all. We've had our joint account for ages, and not once has my wife had to ask me to spend our money and I have never had to ask her to explain any purchases...
If that is happening in a relationship, regardless of the number of accounts, it sounds like something that should be discussed... Sounds like a lack of trust there..
@desiv1170 it sounds like you have codependency issues. If you think people wanting to have their own accounts and be accountable for their own actions by their own actions somehow shows trust issues tells the rest of us. You have codependent, issues. If somebody wants to buy a large expense, why should they have to even discuss it with? There's significant other as long as you're both contributing to the accounts and the expenses you agreed upon. If the other person wants to work overtime or pick up a second job so they can Get that big expense? Why would that show any trust issues? The fact that that even crosses your mind shows that you seriously have some issues in your relationship that here just painting over
If you are fighting every time you use money then your marriage has way bigger issues than who gets how much fun money. It's just a "hey I'm getting my nails done this week" and "okay, have fun". End of discussion. Unless you're spending more than you can afford. Otherwise? Your marriage needs serious help.
Requiring two signatures to move money can be in issue in the case that one person passes away.
Nonsense
Not really. If you're married, all of their assets are generally transferred directly to you, including joint accounts.
The most you would likely need is a death certificate.
The first step is to have a good marriage. I agree married couples, in general, should combine finances. However, there's a lot of super young people who get married on a whim or cuz they made a baby. They haven't established the level of trust, communication and responsibility necessary. You can argue (and I would agree) that they should not be married, but at the end of the day, they are. So there's gonna be a fair few for whom combining is bad advice, and will just allow an irresponsible, careless spouse to drag down the other with no means of exit.
Thank goodness I didn’t share mine. Got to keep all my money after the divorce lol
Doesn’t matter in a majority of states, all assets will be divided equally lol
If this system is done, the individual accounts should be set up so that both have access to the account but they spend from their own account. Also, the main account is linked to all the accounts and both paychecks go into the main account and the personal spending is budgeted.
Each can still have access to it. He's just making it fair so extra money goes to both so they can buy shoes or tools or whatever without taking out of joint account and maybe one spouse spends twice as much as the other
I think everyone should have money that is their own and that their spouse can't touch, in case they need to leave a bad abusive relationship immediately. I've seen and heard of way too many women being forced to stay in a dangerous situation because they can't leave or take care of the kids. If you and possibly the kids are in danger, having to hide away money so you can afford to live until you get the situation under control can have horrible consequences. If you never need the money, wonderful! If you do, you will be thankful it's there.
I have my issues with Steve, but what he’s saying here is ABSOLUTELY spot on! Here in the 21st century, this is necessary. For those who only have shared/joint accounts… good luck to y’all. Hopefully you’ve chosen well.
Joint accounts work better than individual accounts. Individual accounts encourages you to spend more of ‘your own money.’
@@austin_gsjoint accounts are important you’re not very communicative with your SO about finances. I can’t go a day without talking about what I did with my money lmao. It’s already out in the open and we both are smart with money so there’s no need
If you can't trust the person to share a bank account with, you shouldn't marry them.
We’re going on 16 years and we’ve only ever had joint accounts. All of our financial decisions are made together and we have a wonderful relationship because of it.
@flotaylor8170 so you're codependent, and have no idea how to live separate lives. That's not happy, that's addiction.
Try being independent sometime. Try being held accountable by having to support your own decisions. You can still make family decisions. That's why he talks about a joint account. You both have to agree on the major expenses. You both agree on what's necessities for your life? And then you both go off and have your own independent decisions.
By having separate accounts and being allowed to spend and make decisions without having to pass every decision by your spouse. Complete giant accounts are ridiculous. I suppose it works if you have a stay at home. Parents, but otherwise there's absolutely no reason for it, and it's actually detrimental 2 relationships. In most cases, studies show independent finances are much healthier for relationships. And have less divorce
My accountant suggested just this thing but for a very good reason. Should anything happen to either one of the couple, things can get legally tied up for an indefinite period of time, be it a death certificate or divorce/ abandonment/catastrophic injury. It's a sort of financial life preserver. Yes they should share everything, and not hide anything including those individual account balances and beneficiary being each other. However it gives financial ability to sustain until red tape can be gotten through.
Every couple needs at least six accounts. One personal account for each person where the paycheck goes, one savings account for each person, one joined account for expenses and one joined savings account that requires two signatures to withdraw money from.
The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of divorces are based on financial problems. The idea that you both dump all of your money in one account and try and negotiate any problems that arrive is fantasy. If one of the individuals is irresponsible they will destroy the marriage.
New flash, it takes 2 responsible adults to have a successful marriage. Having one account keeps both parties accountable. Also makes it harder to commit financial infidelity and go behind your partners back spending money on something you shouldn’t.
Continual conversation about the money is what keeps you from arguing.
The fantasy is pretending the train wreck you married would suddenly be a responsible adult.
"If one of the individuals is irresponsible it will destroy the marriage"
And....you think keeping seperate (perhaps secret) bank accounts will prevent that?? A joint account forces transparency and accountability, so it is the best way to protect against your concern.
But doesn't that tell you more about our laxadaisical attitude toward marriage versus what marriage actually is? It means we're too quick to marry. We don't have good vetting processes, and we don't ask the right questions before we say I do. That tells me we shouldn't devalue marriage out of fear, but rather take marriage more seriously at the start 🤷🏾♀️
This is the best solution when you and your spouse have different spending and saving mindset.
You don’t need that third and fourth account if you just each take out cash. That’s what me and my wife do. Weekly cash withdrawal and we can spend it on whatever we want.
Every couple is different and should do it the way works best for them. Nobody should listen to a celebrity about money because they don't have to worry about it.
My wife and I have been married for 28 years. We always compromise on money as long as I agree with everything she says.
Yes, but you and your spouse also arent each others whole lives. Its okay if you disagree and dont come to a compromise too. Being able to accept that, and move on, within reason, is also key to a good, lasting marriage.
My parents did this and they also do the % based on what they earn. So let's say if my dad makes 50k and my mother makes 60k they put 50% each into the joint account to cover expenses that means my mother puts 30k and my father puts in 25k. You may argue my mother put more for the necessities but she would have a lot more to spend for herself; Also this would force them to live within their means and got a cheaper home than they could've gotten of they would put more of their money into it. Doesn't work for everyone but it did for them, as they pretty much share everything regardless 😅
The extra accounts are for buying gifts and items you want to surpise yoir partner with if i remember correctly. But this could be done by drawimg and saving cash.
100% agree because unfortunately not every spouse is trustworthy. Many find that out way too late.
There are usually telltale signs when a spouse is the untrustworthy one. Money tends to reveal marital problems, but the problems are usually apparent.
Than why will you get married or stay married
Yes,but having to ask your spouse for money for intimates or his birthday present isn't a good solution.
The problem is it splits things to many ways for most people. Its hard enough to "save" you do that and your already ahead. Then you add in splitting that saving into 3 essentially and it becomes hard. Then id imagine fights about whos gonna use their money for certain activities. Id rather just say "we can/cant afford this"
As someone who has been married and divorced, the 4 accounts seem right. Just because I marry you doesn’t mean you get me entirely. I am my own person. You are your own person. Our marriage is an understanding that we both will work together through life… not that my everything is yours.
Having fully combined finances can be extremely harmful to anyone in an abusive relationship
It would be so much harder to escape when you do not have any financial freedom
Simple idea idea, but I like it. Very Nice.
I agree. i work at a bank and a wife came devastated because her husband took all their money from a join account and left her with barely anything. its good to have your own account as a protection. you never know.
This happened to me. 12 years ago, my alcoholic fiancé went on a trip with his dad and because a really small amount was missing when he checked the account (maybe $200) and he had been drinking, he freaked out and thought I was secretly moving money out of the account because of his rampant paranoia and called the bank from another country and froze our account without needing my say-so. (This is no longer possible in 2024 thank goodness). I was left in a situation where because I had relied on him (he suggested I stop working), I had literally about $20 to my name in this world. I could never explain how frightened I was or how awful it was.
Easily fixed in court. Then sue for pain and suffering.
My sister's husband ran away with all the money they both had saved over their 20 years of marriage...
I have my own bank account, just in case....😅
We do this and love it.
We have an insane amount of accounts.
When they get to about 80% of FDIC or SIPC insurance levels you open another one.
Find the right partner and you won't worry about finances.
Every day I hope the economy circles back to the point where I go I could do something like this with my girl
My wife and I have 4 accounts, one for bills, a joint spending and each of have a "allowance" account
I been happily married for 32 years and we only have 1 join account and 1 saving account. The Bible says the 2 become 1 and that’s the principle I live by and it works for us. Believe or not Having your own money creates divisions and is a recipe for disaster. Is not my money and your money is our money and our lives is now one till death do us apart. Harvey got it wrong on this one.
Amen.
Given that money is one of the most argued over items in a marriage this seems to make a lot of sense.
The problem with quoting the Bible is interpretation. Yes it could be suggested that unless you share a bank account you're not 2 becoming 1 however are you not 1 person because you have 2 lungs or 2 kidneys inside 1 body?
To me it takes more trust that my spouse is spending money in respect to our household goals when I can't see every dollar than when I can. If I trust my spouse than i don't need to see everything they do because I trust we are going in the same direction. That's my interpretation of 2 becoming 1 and 8 years later works wonders.
Yeah and that seems like a great idea until someone ends up in an abusive marriage and can't get out because they have no money of they're own and no where safe for any money they can make
@@KhaosBByLove Steve doesn't understand that we're not all millionaires and 99% of us live paycheck by paycheck.
Having separate accounts makes it more difficult to have conversations about money, which is one of the top reasons for divorce...
That's a great way to turn to romantic relationship into a business relationship.
Having separate accounts makes it easier to count the fun money and avoid lifestyle creep. Surplus money goes into savings, and so if one spouse gets a raise, they have to make the conscious decision to let their lifestyle increase, as opposed to letting it increase or making the conscious decision to save more. Increasing your savings rate is the default, not increasing your expenses.
Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to share everything, having personal bank accounts makes the budgetting clearer and the extra maneuvering of money helps you cultivate financial health, which in turns helps the relationship last longer and better.
We don’t have four separate accounts, we share all of the accounts however we agreed to a budget, he makes 10 times what I make so he wanted to have more in his budget, but I get $1000 as spending money every month plus whatever I makeand then I agree to certain bills to pay and he agrees to certain bills to pay. But everything is shared we just have a spending budget. I could spend 1000+50% of my check on whatever I want.
Not to be a debbie downer, but it's extremely important for both people to have individual accounts - financial abuse is a thing, and you need to be able to have access to your own money. Its also important to have your own financial identity just in case something happens to your spouse and you need to start looking for credit or just set up your own life.
My husband and I have one rule. We make and we spend it. He can spend whatever he wants if it fits the budget and the same for me.
Seen too many marriages screwed over by joint accounts with both men and women. People get petty when emotions get involved. It's okay to have your own accounts
We have one account, JT checking, period! This is a marriage, not a business transaction.