"Could my siblings have emotionally abused me?"
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- Опубликовано: 6 мар 2024
- This week on Ask Kati Anything, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses the line between normal sibling relationships and emotional abuse, shutting down in therapy, and how to know if we are oversharing. She explains how mental illnesses can sometimes follow patterns in their symptomatology, why we can struggle with self care, and our urge to diffuse situations with laughter.
Episode 206 questions & timestamps:
1.
Where is the line between normal sibling relationships and emotional abuse? My therapist seems to think my sister is emotionally abusive, but aren’t all siblings aholes to each other? 00:36
2.
My question is about shutting down in therapy and being unable to talk during a therapy session. Recently I have been looking for a new therapist, but I haven't been able to find someone that I'm comfortable with. The problem is that in the first 1-2 sessions I shut down and feel unable to talk. Different therapists handle this differently, but for the most part they just let me sit there. I have spent entire sessions in shut down mode and we just sit there doing nothing. This seems to perpetuate the idea that talking is unsafe and obviously tells my body that being in this environment is unsafe. I am scared to continue searching for a new therapist because I don't want to be triggered again and shut down. How would you handle a client that shuts down in session, especially one that is newer to you? How can I begin to feel safe in a new therapeutic relationship if I shut down almost immediately upon seeing a new therapist?" 05:41
3.
I'm wondering if you can talk a bit about "oversharing". I feel like it's a relatively-new term to me, and I'm wondering how to tell if someone is doing it. Is it OK to have some people we tell literally EVERYTHING to, even when it's TMI? Or are there some things that should always be private? In cases where we've decided someone is sharing too much with us, and we feel uncomfortable, how do we communicate this? Can you share some tips on setting a boundary without being mean? For example, it seems rude to tell someone to stop talking, or walk away...but I often find myself getting trapped in conversations I don't want to be a part of and getting dumped on, and don't know how to stop it without feeling like a jerk lol Thanks so much, I love your podcast! (COMMENT: Along the same lines of oversharing but branching off a bit. How do you manage oversharing with your therapist? My therapist has stressed that some people need to tell her every little detail, and some people don't want or need to. I can't visualize things, so I find telling them every little detail helps. But I feel like it comes across as asking for attention and as a pity party, which I'm not trying to make it come across as.) 15:03
4. Why is it the case that mental illnesses "follow patterns"? In the sense that they can be categorized into illnesses. Like why is it "natural" to get addicted or get an ED when something is missing in life. Why are these patterns natural consequences that happen for so many people even if one does not know of the existence of these illnesses?" 25:19
5. My question is why do I have trouble engaging in self care and having a hard time finding coping skills that work for me? I have things that I have enjoyed doing in the past but just can't seem to do any of them. Can I count tv watching and internet scrolling self care? I know I need some coping skills if I want to deal with childhood trauma (not sure I want to go there). Can coping skills also be self care and vice versa? 30:50
6.
I'm an awkward laugher. My way of diffusing situations used to be to make them lighthearted- that was literally my role. It's so ingrained into me now, that it's just instinctively what I go to, even when it's really not appropriate. I feel like I've also used it so much in every part of my life, that I don't really feel anything. Everything is just... a big joke? I feel like I physically can't even stop it now. I don't even know where to begin in correcting this, or if it's even fixable now so any tips would be appreciated! (Pseudobulbar Affect // not okay to be sad or mad growing up?) 36:18
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My oldest sister would bully me calling me too sensitive, too emotional, a cry-baby. She would try to frustrate me on purpose because she knew I cry when I get frustrated 🥲 And then when I start crying, she says, “See? You’re a crybaby.” My mom would do this, too.
I grew up thinking my emotions and crying were a bad thing, and that being sensitive and feeling deeply for things was also a bad thing about myself. It was only in recent years (I’m 29) that I could pinpoint where that mindset came from because I still notice it internalized sometimes.
I never felt emotionally safe in my home with my sister and mom, sadly. This is also something I didn’t realize until I stopped to think about how safe and secure I feel in my home with my husband, because my husband had never once shamed me for the same emotions and feelings and the act of crying. It’s really beautiful that this has been my new normal with him for years that I don’t even remember the household I came from sometimes.
I’m glad you spoke on the sibling relationship thing; I feel like a lot of people don’t talk about it!
Wow, reading your post here almost felt like it came straight out of my life (except change "older sister" to "younger", and that I'm 45). I'm sorry that you had to struggle with this as well. It's always upsetting to find others that struggle with a similar dynamic, yet at the same time helps not make me feel so alone. Just curious, but have you ever looked into possibly being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? I noticed you use the words "crying" and "sensitive" so that's what brought it to my attention. I have always been super emotional and was constantly teased by my sister, mother and cousins, telling me I need to be more like them and stop being a cry baby.
I believe Kati Morton has spoken about HSP in the past. It's been life-changing for me not only to discover this trait, but to also find a therapist who is also HSP and who focuses on healing past trauma from an HSP perspective. Not implying that you need a therapist, but rather if you have not found the right one to speak with (like I floated around doing for decades), it is something that has changed my life in many ways. Thanks for sharing your story! Good to hear you too also have a loving, caring husband to help support you!
am happy you have someone like your husband to accompany you. I have come to realise that doesn't mean someone is blood related to you, it's safe. please continue to take care.
I’m sorry to hear this. Your feelings are valid. You shouldn’t have been treated that way.
My brother emotionally and physically abused me while our mother was dying with cancer he tried choking me and pushed me to the floor and put his knee on my back (like a police move) and tried to suffocate me cause I called him a narcissist. This all happened in front of our mother and she said nothing. Our parents would fight(physically) in front of us so, they didn't do much to encourage love and closeness between us. Today we are estranged and our mother has been dead since 2015.
I’m sorry, your best to be no contact…..you deserve happiness 🤍
Wow... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve that.
I am so sorry.
That’s not love; that’s violent and cruel. Siblings should have each others’ backs. Parents need to encourage their children’s’ love and attention. You should be each others’ best friends no matter the age difference.
I haven't watched this yet. But you have no idea how hard it is to find stuff on this topic and particularly combined with emotional neglect.
Not only did my sister pretty much brainwash me into all kinds of bad self-image and trauma, but no one ever checked up and taught or asked me about anything.
Anyway, thank you for considering the subject!! Rare.
I feel you..
I feel like if it's the siblings, 9 times out of 10 it's probably learned behavior from the parents
All my sisters (and I) have a "Little Dad" inside of us. We have one (or more) toxic traits that has been making our lives miserable. I'm the only one with self awareness to shrink that SOB down, so that he effectively does not exist anymore. My sister as asleep in the passenger seat, with their "Little Dad" driving them to bad outcomes.
The last thing I said to them:
To the "Real You": You are awesome. I wish you great success.
To the "Little Dad" in you: I wish you'd give it a rest. You've caused enough misery.
My father has been dead for 3 decades...but his dysfunctional family tree is GIANT and far reaching into the future. (Mine dies with me, as I never wanted to make copies of his bad programming. The odds were against me, so I'm glad to be, a dried up twig on the family tree).
I emotionally and physically abused my siblings. Yes it was learned behavior. We are extremely close now.
True. My siblings are narcissist and I know exactly where they picked up that behavior. The same way whooping/spanking is a learned behavior and a repeated cycle in the family. As a cycle breaker I'm sick and tired of people thinking it's okay to hit kids with objects like belts, sticks etc. It's NOT okay. Whooping/spanking is abuse. Whether it's severe and leaves welts or just a light spanking either way BOTH ways are wrong. Severe or light, it's still wrong. 💔
I think I’m finally realizing after moving away from home that my sister emotionally abused me for years and I had no idea I just thought it was normal. She has always been extremely jealous of me and would constantly say or do things that would make me feel awful. It finally came to a head when during an argument my sister threatened me and was on my way to my apartment luckily I managed to calm her and haven’t had much contact since. For reference my sister also struggles with Bi polar disorder so once diagnosed I would just say her bad behavior was due to a manic episode and that she didn’t mean it but honestly just cause someone has BPD doesn’t mean threats are okay. Would love to see a full video about sibling relationships and living with a sibling who has a mental illness.
I went no contact with my family in 2013. My sister punched me in the face gave me a black eye for no reason. She is also in what I consider a cult religion fundamentalist and brainwashed. I saw her again 3 years now when my father was dying of dementia she since has called me a bitch has given me the silent treatment and ostracized me from my nieces and mother. My mother initiated this since we were children. So I have no contact and am orphaned and I rather live all alone than in a toxic environment
I don’t blame you. I have no contact with my sister for over two years and other family members as well. My life has actually gotten better since.
My narcissistic mother physically and mentally abused me. My siblings joined along with the emotional abuse. My brother was physically abusive. I believe it was because of the way my mother treated me growing up and what she was telling them even now. It's part of the PTSD. But, I know it wasn't their fault. If they went against her, she would turn their anger to them, or cause them to feel bad for siding with me. I have good relationships with them now. I'm healing. 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Siblings who purposely and systematically tear you down, who physically abuse you, verbally intimidate, and degrade you are abusers. My eldest sister was the worst. She thought age gave her the right to be abusive to teach me. She got married, and every one of the children she had was messed up. In my family I'm the only one who pursued an education, graduated from college, and worked in a highly respected position. I had to realize that what she said and what anyone else said did to define me.
This is so eerily similar to my mom's relationship with her eldest sister
My brother didn’t invite some of us to his wedding because he felt we were too fat and would mess up his wedding pictures. Haven’t talked to him in 20 years.
He is a crap
Thank you for discussing the question about laughing during tough situations. This is something I relate to and I'm trying to figure it out/change my behavior. I think for me, part of it is a fear of getting emotional or breaking down. If I laugh, I'm not going to cry. But I don't want to belittle my life experiences and the hard things I've been through. I'm newly in a relationship for the first time in my life and my act of laughing while sharing hard stories has become really evident to me and I'm working to get better. I have also communicated to my partner that I don't know WHY I laugh when telling "not funny" stories but that I think it's so I don't get emotional.
I think my sister and I had a two way street of emotional abuse. I definitely own my part.. I called her names, I mocked her, I insulted her..that was wrong and horrible. we were getting emotionally abused at home and I think that was the 'script' I had for dealing with my emotions. Ive apologized to her in adulthood. it's such a fuzzy thing that I try to self reflect on when it comes to her behavior towards me. I have memories of her mocking me too, and her calling me overly sensitive, or specifically passive aggressive behavior.. and some of those occasionally pop up today. she'll still say our parents were good people but all the chaos in the house was my fault. but I want to be honest with myself if I was the "main" abuser in our relationship. I honestly don't really know.
My 4 older siblings emotionally abused me, and one of them physically abused me, for years. And I had a form of Stockholm Syndrome, so I kept trying to get them to treat me decently, wondering why they didn’t. No matter how hard I tried to get them to show me respect, decency, etc they seemed to treat me worse. Social media made it worse when we all reconnected and I started getting messages, texts, emails 284$ the same emotional abuse I used to experience. I quit social media. Then l lockdowns kept me from seeing them for over a year. Then both of our parents died and the siblings all started in again. Not having seen them or spoken to them for so long really made me realize the extreme shift in my mood from before and after contact with them. It also regurgitated all of those horrible memories from childhood. It all suddenly made sense.
I went no contact a little over a year ago and my mental health, anxiety, and depression has improved VASTLY. So when people try to guilt me into getting back in touch with them, well they can’t. It’s not going to happen. I don’t owe them my sanity.
To me it wasn’t so much that my older siblings would hit me or say horrible things to me, or make me feel unsafe… it was that my Mom never stopped them. My Mom had a favorite, and that sister would hit and touch the rest of us, and say outrageous things, sometimes in front of our Mom. Mom never ever once reprimanded her. She even said it wasn’t happening as it happened. It got to the point where I knew my Mom wasn’t ever going to have my back so didn’t go to her about anything. These things didn’t stop when we all grew up. My Mom continued to talk glowingly about that sibling and ignore the rest of us at best. It even got to the point where I would do something I wanted her to be proud of me and try to tell her about it, and she would interrupt me to excitedly tell me that this sister had done the thing. As if the thing wasn’t important unless this sister had done it. There’s also huge denial about the very dysfunctional relationship my sister has with her husband, and both she and my Mom have been bragging about what a wonderful husband she has. The husband and my sister both cheat on eachother constantly, and they seem to barely be able to tolerate eachother when they’re in the same room. But we’re supposed to believe they’re the epitome of perfect marriage.
I love your shirt!
I'm glad I found this video. I've been emotionally, verbally and mentally abused by my siblings during my childhood and it's still happening in my adulthood.
my sister would bully me to no end. what hurt more was how my parents enabled it so that they didnt have to endure her bullying and abuse too
My partner has a little brother, and tell me that he loved his brother so much from the day he was born till now, he would play with him and bring him EVERYWHERE, they are 6 years apart, today they have the same friend groups, did a lot of things together but also apart, they have always had a very loving relationship as i guess they where just encouraged to, and my partner ofc where allowed to hold his brother, nurse him, clothe him, play with him and much more - my guess is that my partner where allowed to SHARE the responsibility of caring for his brother and thus didn't feel left out but included :)
My sister was 11 when i was born, our parents marriage was rough and they should have parted before i was born to be honest. Both my sister and i was diagnosed with Autism last year.
She HATED me so, so, sooooo much when i was born. My mom really tried bonding us but my sister had no interest in a new baby - we have a funny picture of me sitting in her bed and her sitting in the other end scowling at me haha! My sister told me that my mom had tried leaving me alone with her, and she had hit me because i was crawling on her, drooling and pulling her hair - i understand, no hard feelings at all! But yea she hated me, so much that when our parents finally divorced 3 years later, she moved in with my dad so she didn't have to live with me, lol!
I barely knew her growing up, i was given all her old stuff when she didn't use it anymore, but i never really talked much with her until i was 10.
She got a nice boyfriend and he didn't have much family, so he loved visiting us feeling like a family and my sister also seemed to be much more interested in getting to know me - i always knew she kinda resented me for our parents divorce, and that it was misplaced, i was a very grown up child sometimes, so i just waited until she was ready. (I also didn't want my parents to get together again as most other children do, i knew why divorces happened even if i didn't know why this one happened)
I think there are many family dynamics, but i feel that if you as a child feel threatened or unsafe in your own home, that's a red flag, that could be bullying, physical or mental, it could be abuse, or drugs, it could be the people who are invited over, it could be many things, but you should be able to feel safe in your own home.
so interesting to hear you talk about techniques you use. thank you
I love your video’s! Your honesty is also very helpful! I am learning so much! Thank-you for taking the time to share your expertise with us! 😀
Very professional and realistic way to explain this delicate and emotional issue.
Just for anyone who thinks all siblings are horrible to each other: they’re not. I have one older brother (2.5 year gap) and I’m 23 female. We’ve obviously gotten on each other’s nerves over the years, but we’re best friends. We never compete against each other (unless for fun in a game etc.). We have banter where we’ll take p*ss, but never about anything deep: he’ll joke about my shoes, I’ll joke about his love life. But it’s in a good spirit (we’re also British, so it’s a sign of love 😂). But honestly, I consider him a friend & we’ve always loved to hang out together. It does exist ❤ I’m also super sorry that that’s not everyone’s experience. Family don’t have the right to be in your life if they’re not conducive to your happiness.
3 older sisters. Im male. It was and is still horrible. Wasnt allowed to be a boy. Now in abusive and dependent relationship with them. Constantly being devalued and invalidated. I have no confidence or self esteem. Failure in work and personal life.
I use colouring as both a distraction and a processing coping skill. I have my "journal" coloring book that I write in.
Absolutely.
I've had trouble with oversharing before. In my case, I was deeply ashamed of my past, and I of course wanted validation, "That's OK. I don't think you are freakish. I still think you're a good and attractive person." But if someone doesn't know you well, they don't know if you're a good person! Of course what you said in the video is true, about the fact that getting to know new people is a dance, where you move from one level to the next. But also, if you dump your problems and insecurities on someone, then that's just about YOU. Where is your interest in THEM? It's not wrong to want validation from other people, but you need to think of them. Validation is not easy for all people to give, and basically impossible to give to a near stranger. This is the great joy of banishing that shame - now, at my advanced age, I finally can direct my energies towards OTHER people. Shame is a black hole that absorbs everything and prevents you from being who you actually are. And with this comes the realization that I have something to *give*.
Exactly! Doesn't make it less abusive.
We all picked on each other it was bad. It was really bad as a teenager in my household. We needed to respect eachother!
☺️☺️☺️ I love Kati Morton
That last question about the humor or laughter - I kind of understood the question differently. I know people ho inappropriately tell jokes. But when I went to the eating disorder hospital, they confronted me on laughing a lot. For me, it was an anxiety response…like when they would ask me a personal question, I would answer and had this like nervous laugh. It was because I didn’t feel enough, so my answers didn’t feel enough…so I would laugh. It really hit home when I noticed my niece doing the same thing. We are very close, are a lot alike and even sound alike so when I noticed her doing the laugh, I realized that as I began to like myself better and know that my answers were okay, my laughter just kind of naturally went away. I talked to my niece about it and we have been talking to one another about some family issues, etc. And her laughter has lessened too. Our family as a whole used sarcasm and inappropriate joking with one another a lot to take the place of being able to express anger. There are things I participated in like my brother would say, in front of my mother, that she was going to have come live with me because he was tired of her…and I would say, no way! I don’t want her. Truth is my mom could be a pain in so many ways and we really didn’t want to take of her…but I know we hurt her with that hateful banter and even though we did take care of her and she has been gone for 12-years, I feel some sadness about treating her like that.
They can be the worst part of it.
Yes, my narc sis made every horrible time in my life worse. She would probably love hearing that
Hey, Kati. Sometimes I wonder if I self harm by underworking. I currently delay moving out, cleaning my room and starting to REGULARLY Journal, meditate, seek help etc. I am convinced I’m a childhood emotional abuse Survivor with ADHD and I have a „in between“ Diagnosis for Autism.
Do you have any thoughts on my Situation, or any guidance? FYI, I still study at University and socialise and seek help, but keeping eveything but School up regularly is so difficult.
Thank you for Living for all of us.
@katimorton How's your IFS exploration going?
Before even watching, yes. Lol
Do you have a video on Generational Trauma?
I'm 57 and going over childhood up bringing. I don't know what's normal behaviour for brothers and sister. I did feel left out throughout the age of 5 to 16 mainly. When mum walked out when I was 10, sis 12, brother 14 and we were with left with alcohol dad, I remember my brother screaming in my ear repetitively saying your mental, mental and my sister had photos of us family and was very fond of witches and dragons and when we were not getting on would laugh and show me photos and put pins in pic of me. I accidentally bumped into my brother in the morning ( I was 16) and he was moody and we had words and he chased me and hit me in the face with his shoe.
I recently lost a job that I was extremely lucky to get, and my anxiety has gone out of control, effectively gaining control over my life. My parents think I’m just lazy and have no support from anyone. Is there a way I can get treatment with no insurance without going in debt
yay im on a roll ! been first 3 times in a row (i cant wait to listen to this!!)
My brother beat me up daily.
So he beat you up from the day you were born?!
That happened to my husband too
My sisters did it to me all the time.
@@VictorVonDoom.seriously? So you are here to bully people online? You are part of the problem being addressed in this video
Yes!!
To expand on the point: "what we have access to" when it comes to addictions, well I'd like to add to that: what DON'T we have access to? I think that's a bigger factor that we need to tackle as a society. The lack of ease of access to mental health education especially for young parents.. It's really saddening especially because it's not a mistake, mental health is covertly inaccessible and behind paywall for the reason that it's been made for the elite, and by the time us peasants realize, half of our life is gone or we never figure it out and were tortured until we pass on. I will never truly know who my parents are because of their traumas controlling every interaction of their life and I will never forgive the powers that be who taken away my ability to know them.. all for the sake of having power over the little guy
That settles it, my 9 year old son is abusing my 6 year old daughter. He calls her fat stupid ugly all the time. He laughs at her, makes her mad on purpose cause he thinks it’s funny. I don’t know what to do. His mom is a narcissist and I think I’m watching generational trauma unfold before my eyes
😢 if you can’t control him because of mom then just do your best to be there for your daughter and reassure her ! Iv had similar times as a child and my dads support , god bless his soul , his compassion and reassurance got me through a lot and even when I struggle now , my dads passed now but I still hear his voice and his compassion and I still feel his heart. I pray for you and your daughter and your family ❤ 😢
I dunno about just sitting silent for an _entire_ session. If I were that client, I would feel like I just paid for a session I didn't get. "Hug and roll" is pretty awesome, though.
Yes
⚠️ Warning⚠️
My own twin brother would hit me, tell me to kill myself, take my xbox cord, turn my xbox off in the middle of playing. Most of the time, it was simply because I didn't get him a drink from our gas station. I begged our mom to come save me once when he was literally breaking down my door, she just said well why did you you make him mad. He did say sorry to me when we got older, and even told me to tell him when he's being an a hole. He still terrifies me when he gets angry. All of my therapists have been very concerned about that part of our relationship.
If i had a therapist that just sat and stared at me until the session finished, i would honestly not come back... Idk that's some bullshit behavior, they need to at least help you feel safe and able to open up, if you fight them on it, fine, but seriously they should help you open up and feeling safe.
At least when your relationship is new - as Kati says, ofc there is times where it can be necessary to let the person sit with it.
I'm so greatfully for my relationship with my brother. Honestly he's the reason I'm still here even he's never gonna know. But lately I feel like he's not enough reason to be here. I struggle with my thesis. And ísť start to getting me. I was struggling with it last year and now again. Same song over and over again. I want to do it I know what to do and how to do it just... I'm to stupid to actually get up and do it feels like my own brain doesn't let me do it. Okej it doesn't make sense. Am I going crazy? Or am just to stupid to do it and I should just give up. Would be better.
Me and my sister were awful to each other growing up we shared a bedroom so we didn't have our own space and we would call each other names but as adults we are OK now we were both as bad as each other at different stages
Addiction is so seductive and our societies rejection to those with substance misuse is due to it being so triggering as it would mean turning the mirror to ourselves. I feel the opioid epidemic is just a reflection to how deterioration of society but things can be hidden.
They did and they still however we share the father defrent mothers so I understand
Yes, and it feels like you have to justify self care - and that’s impossible. It doesn’t feel like needs have to be justified.
Hey...My cousin brother who I share my home with, since I live in a joint family, sexually abused me some days back. So, what happened was I was in my room with my door locked exploring myself when i saw a hand in the window holding a phone recording a video. I was scared to death and confronted him if it was him. He denied it initially but later accepted. He began questioning me with care and since I was nervous, I got relief but thought he would scold me but he said that he understood. Then he locked the door and began touching me inappropriately and molested me saying he won't tell anyone . He touched my private parts and then opened the door for me to leave. i was too numb to react. I started crying and then slept. Then he woke me up and asked if i would like an ice cream which I denied. But he gave me one. So we are 7 cousins and have been living together since we were born. So, next day, I got confused when I woke up if it was real or a nightmare. So I started looking for evidences and to my surprise, I found nothing in his whole and the bin. So to get a clear idea, I asked him the time he woke up since I slept at 3 pm. When he said he woke up at 4 pm, I got relieved and since he was behaving normally, I concluded that it was a nightmare. I even scolded myself of thinking low about him and behaving rudely with him. Now, fast forward today, I was in the room studying and he was sleeping in the other room. Then he woke up and came to my room and laid beside me and began touching me like roaming his hands on my thighs. I felt awkward but chucked it. Then suddenly he locked the room and began touching me and i was shook to the core. I opened the door and ran away. AND NOW I KNOW IT WAS NOT A BLOODY NIGHTMARE BUT FR, I AM UNSAFE IN THE PLACE WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE SAFEST 'MY HOME'. I CAN'T SHARE IT WITH MY PARENTS SINCE I LIVE IN A TYPICAL INDIAN FAMILY AND IK THEY WOULD BE ASHAMED OF ME FOR EXPLORING MYSELF AND DON'T KNOW IF THEY WOULD BELIEVE IT OR NOT. I DON'T WANNA LOSE MY PARENT'S TRUST ON ME COZ I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM. Now, I have to protect my sisters and myself from him all by myself.
Mam, pls reply and help me to recover from these feelings of disgust' remorse, guilt and shame since i really don't know what to do. It feels as if someone is choking me up.
Im so sorry about your situation... Please try to talk to an adult in your family, one which you trust the most... you do not have to mention what you were doing, only your cousins actions. IT IS NOT your fault. If possible, try to find the video he took and delete it if you're afraid of your familys reaction. Do not let him blackmail or threaten you... Praying for you dear may God be with you
Yessss they can abuse you to a point they make you feel low.
Mama taught me “anchoring “
You know what you grew up with. If parents criticize, name call, make you feel not good enough, etc..kids pick up in it. They interact that way with their kids. Maybe one child will see the cycle and stop it.
My sis told me "jokingly" that I'm an accident. There are 3 of us (siblings) My sis is the eldest, my brother in the middle and I'm the youngest. So she said she is an expected first child, my brother is the planned child but I'm the accidentally made (pregnant) child. I know she's just joking but I cannot forget this because I feel that I am unwanted from birth until now (I'm already in my 40s). She's not physically abusive and she spends a lot of money for my family (taking care of us) but some words from her mouth is "heavy" in my opinion. I was also given a nickname "chubby fat". My dad is bad tempered and I'm always associated with him, "bad". They (my sis, bro and mom) are the good ones. But in my opinion, good people don't have to inform others that they are good..... right? When I set my boundaries, they will say things like, "You are selfish, over sensitive, introvert, weird over thinking". My gosh~ I'm learning to ignore them and just be myself even though I'm not up to their standards.
I know I was emotionally abused by my sibling, and later on by my cousins, friends, society. It sux!
My NM condoned the nastiness to me by everyone, it's the only thing she ever wanted.
Yes, siblings are abusive. Maybe they were kids and didn't know any better. I don't blame the kid though, I blame the parents that didn't do anything about the abuse.
I’ll share a short story about my brother. He’s paranoid schizophrenic and bipolar. He’s also addicted to meth. My whole life I was called fatso and tubolard and aunt jemama. He would do this thing where he stared straight forward with his arms outstretched and he walked slowly and he’d say…rush…kill…destroy…rush..kill..destroy…my other brother moved out at 18 and I’ve maybe seen him five times in 37 years.
I felt extremely guilty that I had a mental hygiene and he was in the state hospital for nine months. I had to explain every day to mom and dad what was going on. He started using meth immediately when he got out and I thought this…I thought I’d party with him and learn about his dealers..and the addiction had me. One day I told him “brother this stuff is killing us..I can’t do it anymore “and he said “ I’ll never stop doing icccce” I had to change everything I did. I told him our relationship was going to change because I needed him so much and he couldn’t be around me being high. That was hard. Man so hard.
I’ve stood in the hood in the middle of the road begging dealers to stop killing my brother! I’m surprised I’m alive. Now our dad is dead and mama is 77 3rd stroke
LOVE ME SOME KATI ❤👑🫶💕
I dont have to ask this question. The answer is definitely YES. And i'm the firstborn.
My mom was too wrapped up in her boyfriend to care
She chased me and other sis wirh knives
You r pretty !
Why does a therapist ask you such personal questions first second session if they are supposed to help you learn good social skills. Seems like that would make one feel like they are supposed to tell more quickly.
He also liked to push mama around
Use of laughter ....
It is my hypothesis that laughter is ALWAYS a signal of "I'm no threat". I have a video on my channel going in to this. When we use it as with the person who asked the question here, it is a likely due to being anxious about what others think of us, so we try to get them to signal 'no threat' to us by making them laugh.
I don't blame my brother but I do blame my mother
Idk man... i thought my sis loved me but nah... i mea idk still
I hate my life
I’m sorry you are going through a bad time. Praying you get the help you need.❤I’m going through a bad stretch too, you are not alone. Remember this:You are not alone
@@xenxebra2559 lmao why would I want to trade with your life
@@brightspacebabe thank you ♥️
You can't go to the parents - where do you think they learned it?!
Hello, please learn about Islam and read the Holy Quran. Thank you
Go away
@@prodigygirl1Why don't you learn about Islam and then make your decision for which you will be held accountable on the Day of Resurrection?