Guy Thinks Wife’s Homemade Gifts Aren’t Good Enough
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
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First!
You used "have your cake and eat it too" correctly. FWIW, the saying was originally, "You can't eat your cake and have it too," which actually makes sense, since the point of having a cake is to eat it.
Hey it’s my birthday today ! I know you probably won’t but responding to this comment would make my day then again if you can’t that’s fine ✌✌
He posted this comment 14 hours ago, so he probably turned notifications off 13 hours and 55 minutes ago. FWIW, Happy Birthday, stranger!
@@baronvonsatan why thank other stranger at least someone cares have a good day✌😎
She's "choosing her child over her family?" Dude that child IS YOUR FAMILY.
My mom would literally write down exactly what she wanted for birthdays and Christmas, and my dad would buy something of the same type but not what she wanted. Like if she asked for a specific perfume, he would grab a random one off the shelf. He would literally have the list with him. It always felt intentional, and it always made my mom feel like he didn't care. Even though they've been divorced a long time, she still has trouble on those days because she feels like she might be disregarded again
😢 that's sad and I hope she can find people that respect her so much more
My mom is this way. I have to now give her a link to exact item I want. It doesn't matter how descriptive I am, if I don't give her the exact item I want, she will get something completely different.
you know what I hate .... that mentality of "oh be happy you got something" even when its situations like this. Like that should be more important than the clear dig or lack of understanding.
@aazhie My brothers and I always do our very best to buy her exactly what she wants as well as extra gifts so she has an abundance
@@cupcakebruh yeah it takes the fun and excitement out of the whole process. It sucks
"Have your cake and eat it too" means you can't literally behold your cake after you've eaten it.
It was originally "eat your cake and have it too" which makes it more clear that you can't eat your cake and still have it.
Do you mean "hold" your cake?
"Behold" means to see something.
Edit: Ok, people, you can stop telling me it technically fits.
Read this as "have your cat and eat it too" lol
@@isaacemerson2035 "they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats, and they're having them too!"
@@Jansenbaker either way. It's in front of you or in your stomach, you can't have both.
Imagine if the guy who wasn't there for the childbirth blamed the wife for going into labour a month early. Neither of them had control over it, but only one is being blamed for it.
Did you even watch the video she brings it up in every argument
I've seen a bunch of guys in my friends group become fathers - and the vast majority were planning for potential labour 5 to 4 weeks in advance. For a first kid, its pretty sensible to not plan your time too tightly around the due date because going into labour early happens a lot.
So yeah, she's obviously overusing this because she got scared about having a premature baby alone and should probably talk this through with someone rather than pushing her husbands button; but I also think he was careless, by acting like the baby being early was something completely out of the blue. Four weeks in advance you're in the orange zone where most young fathers I know had their phones on all the time ready to get the call.
@@oq1106 I think it's safe to assume that if the guy is working the kind of job where he isn't even allowed to have his phone on him then it's probably also the kind of job where he can't just take 5 weeks off at a time just for the slight chance that theres an early labour.
@@oq1106his job sounds super strict, likely due to safety regulations. I highly doubt he would’ve been able to miss over 5 weeks of work for pretty much anything
@@oq1106well unfortunately he is not most young fathers you know. His job is obviously strict, obviously doesn’t allow him to have his phone on him all the time to be ready for the call, and obviously seems to be one in which he couldn’t just take 4 weeks off because maybe a pregnancy will happen
wait but story 1 wasn’t even finished???! OP admitted that his wife found out he lied about asking for time off for the birth. his boss is related to her and they told his wife that he asked for more work when they offered to give him paid time off. he didn’t see a point because the baby wouldn’t remember the birth or some asinine BS. THAT’S why she’s mad
Sounds like a guy who doesn't want his kid or the relationship. I can see why she's mad and they're always arguing.
@@Wormwoodification yeah if i remember correctly, the wife actually made a response and that’s how we know the info. OP only revealed the FULL story because she exposed him first. i feel so badly for the wife and baby
a bunch of family members at my cousin's wedding tried to hook me up with the 28 year old best man when I was 20, when HE had a long term girlfriend who conveniently wasn't there. I empathize with that second one, that shit is so fucking weird and uncomfy from the age gap alone 😖😖😖 good on that girl for standing up for herself and reaffirming her boundaries, I hope she ditched the shitty "friends".
Not to pry or anything but how did your situation end ?
@@Fantomstranger about as well as you'd expect... so not well at all. that's why I'm so happy for the girl in the story because fuck other people trying to influence you like that.
I hope the best man respected his girlfriend and didn't do anything to harm you.
I agree with the person who commented about the chance that OP could have been SA'ed. Anyone who would set another person up to be harmed that way is evil.
One aspect of the maid of honor story that pisses me off, and will ALWAYS piss me off, is people bringing up that if someone hasnt proposed yet, someone isnt good for you? I know that's not the point but that crap makes me so mad. Been with my man for 8 years and we havent gotten married because like OP, we were in school! And we bought a house, we prioritized a PLACE TO LIVE over a wedding and rings.... saving up for a house is more important than a wedding for us right now -_-
Exactly this. Plus, I don't know about everyone else, but I would like to be able to get the wedding that I WANT, and since i am not having someone else pay for it, that means it's going to take time to save up enough.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings RIGHT! Plus after getting the house, we have so much time to plan even earlier than getting engaged~ that's how we work it out at least ^^ otherwise we are taking our time! No need to rush something as beautiful as a wedding day
@@internetclown904 exactly.
Also, some people don't want to get married. We didn't for the longest time although we eventually did for legal reasons. But that had nothing to do with the solidity of our relationship. And anyone who feels entitled to judge the seriousness of anyone else's relationship out loud after they've been together a little while immediately gives off drama queen vibes to me.
Rings don't have to be expensive. 🥰 My engagement ring was $60, on sale for $30 when he bought it. Silver band, green Baltic amber. He said he picked the stone because it matches my eyes and the oval setting because I worked at a craft store and since it didn't have prongs, it wouldn't snag the fabric.
(Not saying that you should get engaged if you're not ready/don't want to. But it doesn't even occur to a lot of people that the ring doesn't *have to be* expensive or a diamond or anything. It can be whatever you want! It should reflect you and your relationship more than somebody's bank account.)
I do homemade gifts all the time, but it's not the only gift! Usually, the homemade gift is a "bonus" gift. For example: if my husband asked for a book, I would get him the book and make the bookmark.
That's so sweet! I love homemade bookmarks, and any homemade gifts that my kids give me; I prefer them to stuff that was purchased out of a sense of obligation!
That's a great solution. I'm the same way, although I don't make gifts anymore..
That's the best solution! Honestly I feel like the wife is being a little insensitive and not listening to his wants when he allegedly always listens to hers.
@@skyesfallenxx I think he is the A-hole. This is what she always does. Now, if he has sat down had this conversation with her, then she is wrong to dismiss his feelings. I don't think he has told her that he dislikes receiving her homemade gifts. They need to speak to someone.
@@alicelaybourne1620 He literally said he’s spoken to her about it, mate… are you the wife?
If the wife has told him that she is past this, and yet she continues to bring it up in a hurtful way, she may be struggling to communicate to him in words now how she felt in that moment then. It's not right by any means, and I think she has a lot of inner work to do if they both want to move past it together, but that may explain any lingering hurt that she's using against him.
This. They need counseling for this. Imagine you're in a life threatening situation where you know both you and your baby could easily die if things go mildly sideways, and your partner isn't there for it. We do not know why the work emergency number wasn't called, we don't know that at all, so it's silly to assume it's something she could've easily done.
Birth and especially month early, is so incredibly dangerous. You could die, your baby could die, and she likely can't regulate her feelings and the severe hurt she feels from such a traumatic event likely isn't regulating. When you're fighting with someone you love, generally your emotions regardless of your gender will be higher, your emotional response will often cloud your mind regardless of your gender, and if you feel extreme pain due to a traumatic event involving your so it'll absolutely come up during fights. It won't resolve unless they can both go to counseling and explore why it keeps happening.
@@pinapplehead3377 She definitely needs to learn how to communicate hurt and disagreement in healthier, loving ways, especially since there's a kid in the equation now who could get really hurt if their mother can't communicate well.
@@SomeoneIusedtoknow-s1fThis is what I was thinking. It sounded to me that she wasn’t throwing it his face but that she was actually still hurt by it even if it was out of his control. She can’t let go of it and she needs help doing that, especially for the sake of her family.
@@Littlelikeme92but that’s exactly what she does, she throws it in his face every time they argue….we really need to start holding each other actually accountable as women and stop using “soft approaches” for addressing things we do wrong. I’m a woman, I’ve known MANY women who do this, and it absolutely is throwing it in your husbands face if you tell him something is fine, and then every time you guys argue you’re *throwing it at him, to use against him.*
I’ve been pregnant, I went into earlier than expected labor, and I still hold myself accountable to my own word. If I tell my husband I’m fine with something and I’m not, then I either talk to my therapist to figure out how to communicate it succinctly once and for all, or I drop it. I don’t throw it in his face every argument we have lol women need to start taking responsibility for themselves and stop making it everyone else’s jobs to do it.
@@AspienWaifu Also, respectfully, you assumed a lot about me in your comment. You don’t know me. I have one friend. We hold each other accountable and I hold myself accountable. I’m not out here on the internet to do activism. I use it for entertainment and to educate myself. Please do not try to tell me how to enjoy my time on the internet. You also contradicted yourself by saying we need to hold others accountable but we need to take responsibility for ourselves and hold ourselves accountable so that others don’t have to, so, which is it? I’m my own responsibility. No one else is my responsibility and idgaf what people do as long as it doesn’t affect me. Your comment was very patronizing and I don’t appreciate it. Like I said, I’m single and childless. I’m good on my end. No arguments to be had. And did you ever once consider that I left my comment before the segment concluded and was just too lazy to go back and change it? Geez Louise.
giving birth is an absolutely terrifying experience, she probably has residual fear left in her, not that that's a valid reason for her behaviour, but he need to have multiple kind conversations to coax out the reason she's internally frustrated about that situation
They had talked about it previously. It falls on his wife to get therapy if she feels any form of trauma from going into labor early. Your partner is supposed to support you not play therapist.
Ok before I watch, I will NOT get tricked by the surprise microphone and camera
23:03 wait has he been using the surprise microphone this WHOLE TIME?!?!
24:32 WHAT THE HELL?!?!
@@Freak_Of_Nature124 Did u get caught by the headphones?
@@Freak_Of_Nature124that was the surprise
@@YKK2012that was the new surprise!
Some people are not good gift-givers. The secret to awesome gifts is something they want PLUS a detail: homemade or not...a detail like flowers or candy or a homemade accent. Everyone is right, the book plus a painted wooden bookmark would have been perfect, but his behavior is also petty.
I agree up until the point of calling the husband petty. It was stated that he had experienced this same situation for several years in a row and nothing was changing from her end on how she was delivering her gifts. The husband is showing signs of having tried to have dealt with the discomfort by overlooking it and accepting the gifts regardless of what he asked for. BUT! The fact that he has come to Reddit to ask for an outside opinion shows that overlooking it/ignoring it is creating long term cracks in his mental and emotional health that has finally reached a point where he needs to relieve this stress by talking about it. He is not being petty, he has already tried to be as kind as he can to his wife about it without starting a potential argument that may hurt their relationship if not tackled properly.
@@magistrateaeph He never mentioned what he buys for her though...does he comply with her wishes? We are only getting half a story
@@acrylicgodoyHe said he always gets her what she wants
@@magistrateaephI agree, if my partner behaved the same I would feel like I'm not being listened to and that they're not interested in actually making me happy. Cheap homemade gifts like bookmarks and scarves are cute and all but at some point you do need to step it up and show some appreciation for your partner, especially if their gifts are always about what you want.
He didn't sound like he lost his temper or anything, it's no different than returning a gift to the store with a gift receipt. I think maybe he should tell her she doesn't have to give him a birthday gift but it probably wouldn't go over well.
I like to make handmade gifts and if i do something for somebody i want to be sure that that person likes it, cause it takes lots of time and effort to make and i don't want to waste my time. I like it when people let me know what gift they want, it's much easier and more satisfying for both sides.
You have very lucky friends. Homemade stuff is the best stuff. Made with love. You can't buy that.
Exactly!
When my body allows (I'm disabled due to a genetic condition), I make soaps, lotions, hair products, etc. For Christmas, I generally make soaps in four or five scents that have some relation to the holiday. For those I'm especially close with, I'll make separate batches of their favorite scents or targeting a particular need. I'd hate to waste the limited time I have on something my loved ones don't like. Feedback makes me better.
I like homemade gifts too, but some are definitely better than others. For instant, if someone gives me a homemade scarf, it will be really awkward cause I wear summer clothes during winter, and a scarf is way too hot for me. I would still appreciate the thought, but my cat would probably repurpose it as a sleeping spot.
Exculpatory damages is a legal phrase. I wonder if the commenter whose vocabulary startled you was a lawyer.
Or Catholic 😊
@@davishropshire5361 Oh shit you're right XD I was raised Catholic, I should have caught on to that XD
@@davishropshire5361 rofl you are right
Or English isn't their native language. There's quite a few words that are rarely used in English that are basically the same as common words in different languages.
@@davishropshire5361sorry if its obvious, but what does that mean? i was raised as a catholic and i dont quite understand the correlation 😅.
I am in my 40s...i have gotten many gifts over the years, the one that means the most to me, was a crocheted blanket that i got as a secret santa gift from a coworker. But that one still means more to me than any of the bought ones, no matter who the giver may have been.
That's wonderful that you value it so much, as most people don't see the time, care, and expense that goes into a gift like that!
seriously, little else better than a homemade scarf, blanket, socks... i appreciate my aunties so much for keeping me warm and cozy and not very fashionable. :3
@@roxyndra I giggled at the "and not very fashionable." 😆💙
Exactly money goes into those handmade gifts. Money you could spend on what a person asked for, instead of repeatedly ignoring there wishes. It's one thing if you think it's what someone wants, or don't know what they want. It's another to actively ignore their requests.
@@Onyx-Rose150 you replied to the wrong thread....this thread likes homemade gifts....this thread doesn't subscribe to the "get me exactly what I demanded you get me" mindset.
Most states have common law marriages. While they might not have been officially married, if two adults are together long enough, as well as multiple other factors, they'll legally be considered in a common law marriage
Some places have put laws in place eliminating common law marriage as a legally recognized relationship. I believe the issue was that when these relationships broke up the legal precedent for division of assets was murky at best and could get really nasty.
Depends on the state in the US whether or not they have them and what the conditions are to meet it. I know North Carolina doesn't have common law marriages.
In Texas, I know you have to call each other husband and wife to other people and just basically declare yourself as “married” to other people (with proof that a relationship actually exists, of course) - that’s pretty much it 😂
Most states do NOT have common law marriages. Only 7 states and Washington DC have common law marriage, and 10 other states have a limited recognition of common law marriages (they have limitations on the conditions).
I don’t think that is right. I’m an attorney, and my recollection from law school is common law marriage is largely unrecognized. If a couple doesn’t want to be considered married, my understanding is that most states respect that.
The wife bringing up the birth thing could mean she's lording it over him, or it could mean he's not as involved in parenting as he thinks he is, she is feeling unsupported and that he's missing starting from that first moment, bringing home fastfood when it's his turn to cook, not caring that she has to take a long commute to pick up the kid after a full day of work in rush hour traffic, and he doesn't see that she's drowning. It's honestly common among new parents to have one which thinks the division of labor is fair, and the other to feel overwhelmed.
the little song break in the beginning was so groovy
It got me dancing in the subway during rush hour. 😂😂😂
Pretty sure it was inspired by birds. 😅
Timestamp?
@@jgmusic_ the beginning
It went so hard ngl
My partner loves to crochet and they make me little stuffed animals all the time. And I personally love it because one it’s something they spent a lot of time on and two I love stuffed animals. But at the same time, they give me other things like rocks and hot chocolate because they know those I things I also like. It just feels like she’s ignoring what OP likes and would actually appreciate. And it doesn’t sound like OP is thinking that she’s just not spending enough money, I think it’s that it seems like he’s not being heard. I can’t tell if it’s because she just thinks her homemade gifts are automatically better than whatever OP wants or if she thinks he’ll appreciate it more but a conversation needs to be had between them
about the hospital thing: you can get power of attorney and healthcare proxy signed to make partner legally allowed to sign stuff and be with you. after my mom passed, my dad set it up for my sister and me to do that.
thank you for explaining this, as somebody that doesn't really want to get married but wants to be in a long term relationship, I knew this had to be a thing in some capacity but didn't know enough about it to describe lol
Me casually screenshotting your comment for future reference lol
The moment he took his headphones up.
I INSANTELY CALLED THE SUPRISE HEADPHONES xDDDDDDDDD
Watching to many of these xD
An interesting part of the gift issue: There are two main cultures around gift giving. One says that a gift is something you need to come up with based on what you think the person would like. The other is that the person receiving the gift effectively gives you a shopping list and you pick from that list which things to get them. It's a common problem for the two of them to clash and for both parties to feel like the other is being inconsiderate or rude when their cultures don't match up.
Personally, I like a combination of the two. I enjoy the surprise of discovering what people thought I would enjoy but didn't ask for. But I also enjoy people listening to what I wanted and getting it for me. I like Dan's idea of getting the book AND the bookmarks, making an ordinary gift special and personalized.
I love making gifts for people, my ex hated it and would get mad because i 'didnt spend enough on her' but my spouse looooves homemade gifts. If there is something he wants, I'll buy that but 9 times out of 10 he wants something made. His reigning favorite is a dice roller box I made.
It kinda depends on if you can make something the person likes.
The bookmarks one reminded me of my parents. My mom told me a story of how my dad asked her what she'd like as a gift (I forget which occasion, maybe mother's day?) and she suggested earrings. When she opened her gift, it was a fancy pen. She said she liked it but also asked why he didn't get the earrings. His reply was that then it wouldn't have been his idea. She was kind of dumbfounded by that and even confirmed with him that going forward she would have a better chance of getting what she wants if she refuses to answer 😅
The whole gift giving thing just gives me the impression that the couple in question should just not be in a relationship together. He doesn't like handmade gifts and is interpreting them as "cheap things to save money". For a lot of crafters, handmade gifts is the highest honour you can bestow on someone. If you're that incompatible, what are you doing married to eachother?
This honestly is the biggest thing
Maybe they can compromise or communicate but both people just have extremely different interpretations of the gifts, I think he’s being a bit petty but he also is valid for feeling ignored
Yeah handmade crafts are so much more special and unique than something mass produced. An item made in the millions by machinery can't compare to something that was made just for you by someone you care about.
I don't think this necessarily means separation though. Just clearer communication.
She was wrong to ignore his wishes (the book) but I also get the feeling that he's been allowing her to exchange his wanted gifts for something handmade for a while, so I have this assumption that she thinks it's okay to just continue to make him things.
I am a crafter myself, I enjoy making items for the people I love. But if one of them asked me specifically for , I wouldn't be like "nah, I won't get you that but make you cross stitch instead".
And if money really is a problem, talk about it before. "Sorry, I can't afford right now, I can get it next month OR I have these materials and can make you "
Gifts don't have to be surprises.
@@jeddybear5909 no of course not, but OP is going to Reddit instead of talking it out with his wife, and by all accounts is getting the takeaway that he is right and she is in the wrong. It doesn't need to be a big deal (if he wants a book he can just buy it for himself) but he is making it one.
To be honest, I really value handmade things that my friends give me. I also don’t ask my friends for specific gifts (unless they ask me and I need something, for example my last hair clips broke, in which case I’d ask for hair clips)
However, when I ask for something specific, it’s because that item would be useful to me. It would lead to an activity that brings me joy or it would simply make my life easier. When I’m hoping for something like that, receiving a completely different item, handmade or not, is a bummer. I don‘t think the focus is/should be (OP did kinda concentrate on that, unfortunately) „she gives me handmade things“, instead the issue is „she gifts me things that I don’t really need.“
When you receive something you have no use for, it can make it really hard to cherish it.
I always get the songs from these stuck in my head. 😂 Pretty sure I'm going to be singing "AITA" for the rest of the day. Lol
Fr, still singing "bad roommates" alone in my kitchen sometimes
A fair number of veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars have PTSD about driving. It was common for the Taliban to plant bombs in roadways, either disguised as trash or roadkill or sometimes even buried in the dirt of the road. Because of this driving is very stressful for them and they often overreact and even flashback when encountering any sort of trash or roadkill in the roadway.
I kept thinking he was going to bring out a surprise microphone when he was moving his hands in his hoodie pocket.
Lol me too
He’s playing the long game and lulling us into a false sense of security. In the future, when we ignore the hoodie, THAT is when the surprise microphone will come from the pocket!
@@AielHeart - lol. I enjoy the surprise microphone. At least we got a headset.
"Look out, he's got a microphone!"
I love non-fiction memoirs/autobiographies. People have some crazy first-hand accounts, especially in the post-religious space.
My husband missed the birth of our 3rd child. He walked me up to labor ward, went to move the car out of emergency, came back and baby was already born 😂 it was hilarious
I was never one to be concerned with getting married but as someone with health problems, you just massively opened my eyes about that whole next of kin thing.
First video of yours I’ve ever seen but I enjoy content creators who can give me food for thought! Thanks! 🙏🏻
You can get power of attorney paperwork but unfortunately a lot of hospitals tend to disregard it and make decisions without you on behalf of the person in the medical episode. They tend to respect the 'husband/wife' situation a lot more 😕
The details of the vacation one, they could've been honest about their availability and then ASKED where it is n if it was unknown then still she could've asked to be updated and if she can make it still she will if not she could just be cut out later. Like what😂
THANK YOU! I feel like this whole family needs to work on their communication skills.
Did we have a timeframe from when the family set the dates up to when they learned it was Europe? If it was long enough her availability could’ve changed, or she just could’ve decided that the hassle to get time off was worth it.
@@samikay626 Considering it was posted recently (12 of September) and the vacation is around Christmas, I assume they still have plenty of time to change it. That is if this is just a past scenario that is written in present tense. In any case this feels like a ESH post, though OP is more in the right.
I love fiction honestly, although a non-fiction book here and there is also fun
if someone made me a custom gift based off things i love to do or consume, i would quite literally sell them my soul. that's a very personal level of love, oml. maybe it's just the artist in me. still, it's very important to respect someone's preferences
I love making homemade gifts. It started as being too poor to buy anything in college so I'd make things out of the odds-and-ends I had laying around.
As I got older, and got a disposable income, it became a way for me to show care by crafting a one-of-a-kind piece for a friend or family, of something I know they'd like:
Hand-binding a book with high-grade paper for my artists sister to act as a sketchbook. Or crocheting a pokémon plush for my friend who really likes said Pokémon, etc.
That being said, I do, also, spend money on the people I care about. I'll pay for a sibling's movie ticket, or cover lunch for a friend's bday party, etc. And even the materials for my handmade gifts could easily eclipse the $25 for a book.
If you are making a gift for someone who explicitly asked for something else, however, you're no longer doing it for them. It's for you, and you've made gift-giving about yourself.
Also, unless you are handcarving the wood, and then burning a unique design into it, a bookmark is a pretty lackluster gift for a family member. That's something I'd give a coworker at like a $10-under xmas gift exchange...
I really only read fiction. If I'm going to read, I want to escape real life.
I mostly read fiction but also non fiction on subjects or people that interest me and I want to learn more.
Gift wife should give up. He doesn't like it, even if she sees making the gift as an act of love. He's just annoyed by it. The best thing to do is not to deviate what he asks for, or just give him gift cards. The first rule of gifting is giving people something they like or want. Make gifts for the people who like them and won't toss them in the garbage. At least he's not her kid. Talk about a knife in the heart. But it happens to all us crafters, haha. If they hate your gifts and your cooking, divorce them. There's no saving that.
Can't believe man has a last name as baller as "Thrasher" but isn't reading hard core fantasy.
How about you DARE yourself to dabble in some whimsy? Enjoy some fiction? Take succor in fantasy?
Preach!
hey Daniel, i really like your videos!
*surprise compliment!!* 🔥🔥
Story 1 wife has sadness and resentment they haven't talked about. I bet she was really scared. They need to talk it out & listen to each other.
“I am a mature grown-up adult boy”
- Daniel Thrasher
Regarding the homemade gifts.... the issue is not that she makes homemade gifts. The issue is that she holds more space for her own desire to make something than she holds for what the recipient wants. Her wants are more important. This is intrinsically selfish when it gets to this point.
When I make homemade things, it's because the person getting it wants it, or doesn't have a specific want and IS OKAY with receiving something homemade. We have that discussion BEFORE I make them something. Wife isn't doing any of these things. She's the AH.
I love to make things for people but if its not their thing I don't do it. Forcing people to act grateful for something I know they don't like is ridiculous.
let’s go secret microphone
Surprise headphones-
Daniel can we please get an opening like that every time I loved that
Nope!
@@kindauncool That's kinda uncool
+@@aqua3890 ikr, but we both know it won't happen
+@@aqua3890 Look, it'd be cool af if he did it, but you and I both know he's not that consistent lol
Asked my bf to get me some smaller things like a $20 jacket and an attachment for my vacuum(work supplies) after being asked what i wanted for xmas. I got a cat shaped tape dispenser... It cost $25, and ive never used it once. He didnt even get tape. Now he doesnt want to surprise me with anything, as he doesnt want to disappoint me. I think he could personally spend more time discover who i am as a person and learning wjat i like. Its been four years now...
Four years and he's still brooding about his own choice of not listening to you? That's a him problem tbh. Either he needs to start respecting you as a person more, or y'all need to break up, cause that kind of mentality and behavior creates so much stress in relationships.
now imagine you guys are married and you still never get anything you want for christmas... sounds like a horrible relationship to me
And do you plan on wasting more years of your life with someone that doesn't listen to you, know about your taste or is interested to find out?
We agree on a lot of things Danniel but the hospital thing is not a benefit of marriage, it's a failing of the medical system. If you are with someone for 40 years and you can't be with them in an emergency because you haven't made it a threesome with the government, that's a messed up system.
It is a failing and a messed up system, but unfortunately we live in a world where people can be real jerks if they decide they don't like you.
Back in '09, i was at a conference when one of the attendees was hit by a truck on her bike and died almost instantly. That was awful enough, but what's worse, this was before same-gender marriage was federally recognized, and the conference was in a state that wouldn't recognize queer marriages, nor extend the rights commonly associated. I'm pretty sure that because the adoptive daughter is a woman of color with white adoptive parents, they decided she must be lying about her identity. So there's this woman's wife and their adoptive daughter, beside themselves with grief, and the morgue wouldn't even let them see the body let along do anything to handle arrangements until the woman's biological son flew in from out of state to sign off on everything.
I fully support people's decision to not get the piece of paper. It's their relationship, i trust them to know what they need. But for a lot of marginalized folks, that piece of paper says "look, you don't have to like my relationship, but legally you do have to honor it." There's power in that.
You don't think it would be more messed up if people just declared those rights for themselves? This is why "civil unions" also exist. If you don't make it legal, how can there be legal protections for either party? People who don't want to get married often want the "freedom" of not having to get a divorce once a relationship is over, but without that legal protection, who is to stop someone who has ended their relationship from claiming to still be entitled to it? At some point, you need to formalise things to make it less easy to cheat.
@@eyliena Friend, If you think that piece of paper stops people from cheating I have some bad news for you.
A big benefit of marriage is for the woman, if a guy isn't willing to make that commitment, you're taking a gamble that he won't be committed to your kids. Of course some guys will be good dads without being married and some married men are terrible fathers. But I do think there's an overlap. Secondly, of course tax reasons, although you can argue that's a fault of the government or something. Lastly as long as you're careful who you marry it's an institution that works for a LOT of people. People get divorced because they married someone they shouldn't have or because they have things that they could work through but one or both people are being selfish. That doesn't mean making a lifelong marriage work is impossible.
With the vacation story... TRUST ME, the more people invited to an event, the more impossible it is to line up those vacation days, especially around holidays. There's ALWAYS going to be stuff to do and places to go, but more often than not the host ends up back at the drawing board the first few times they make suggestions. There's always straggler and there's ALWAYS that one person who uses "well, I don’t know if i can make it" as a tool to manipulate what the plans are (no, not everyone who says that).
He is making the right choice by getting everyone locked in and excited about a date, then testing out the best things to do around that date against what his group likes.
Easter is right around the cherry blossom peak in central Japan. But if your group doesn’t like Japan, France does some of the biggest food truck and open market festivals to celebrate easter. In mid-to-late April, there's the huge "Printemps de Bourge" music festival and a massive Kite Festival. Not busy enough? April 4th is the Senegalese Independence days and kicks of nearly 2 weeks of nation-wide and local parades and celebrations. Just don't mention that you almost chose to vacation in France...
I am the type of person who hates receiving gifts in general, because I pretty much buy anything I want for myself if I can afford it. Because of this, no one ever knows what to get me. They all guess or make assumptions, and it results in me hating and tossing 90% of the gifts I receive, whether purchased or homemade. I'd prefer people stop wasting time or money on gifts I'm not ever going to like anyway, and just take me out to *do* something with them.
Well said!
You’re so right about the argument thing, my ex would argue with me all the time, and she didn’t respect me one bit.
i wish someone cared enough about me to hand make gifts
It's not because she cares, she just likes making handmade gifts. It seems like she's doing it for her. But anyway I hope you find someone in your life who is interested in hand making you a gift.
I made my brother a calendar for years and when I grew up I realized that was not a good gift and I wish I hadn't done it more than a couple times.
I have a feeling OP buys things for himself all the time, so his wife tries to do something different, bc a gift that he'd just buy himself isn't very special. Felt like there was limited info in that tale.
My only thought is that maybe she actually doesn’t like just being given what she asked for, and this is a poor attempt to communicate that.
@@MainStar10than say it and don’t drop hits
Op literally said he tells her and doesn’t buy it until the Bday has passed
@@Cryptic62637 That has nothing to do with my point.
@@MainStar10 That could be true too! Or maybe she doesn't have much outside of work and family and knitting/sewing is an outlet for her and she wants it to be appreciated by her partner. I never ask for specific gifts from my partner and she knits me things all the time, I love and cherish them bc she loves to do it. I'm not a child, I don't need to make a list and expect gifts lol
Daniel, the part about being able to be in the hospital with your spouse is a huge part of why gay activists wanted gay marriage legally codified. During the AIDS crisis, many gay men's long term partners were kicked out of their dying loved ones' hospital rooms because they were not next of kin. Many of them were kicked out of their dead partners' homes or their dead partners' belongings were taken by their blood families who had not seen their gay family members in years, or who had disowned them.
To add on to the last gift commenters quote. Gifts are intended to make the receiver feel good, not the sender
Yes preach brotha
To add onto your quote: it's better to give than to receive. If the giver doesn't get any joy out of giving, then you're not going to be given many gifts from the person giving. It becomes cold and transactional and easily brushed off as a 'chore.'
@@CaffeinatedTigressand to add on to that. I think that joy is generally derived from seeing the recipient happy with what they received.
If I know you don’t like snakes and I gift you a snake because I breed them as a hobby and got a super special cool looking baby recently should be surprised when you say you don’t like your gift.
It’s transactional when you get someone something you know they do not like and still expect them to be happy.
@@CaffeinatedTigress yeah but it was already cold with the wife not giving what he wants every year
@@Teh_minotaurous see - that just makes you a shitty gift giver and not a great analogy. In your case: the recipient doesn't like snakes - that's an all over thing. Don't like snakes. Therefore snake gifts and snake adjacent things would be not welcomed. That's fully understandable. In this case... this is a bookmark. The recipient likes to read - therefore a bookmark is book adjacent. The fact that he doesn't like *particular styles* of bookmarks is pedantic. The fact that he can't appreciate someone's work and effort - which is quite possibly their love language - is a bit spoiled. I'm not saying she's innocent in this regards - but I am saying he is being childish... and she is very dense.
I started watching random videos of yours, and have been walking around singing your songs for days. Suddenly blared out "You're not in-viiiii-ted!" about an upcoming party.
I kinda wish Daniel was my therapist- he has good knowledge about stuff like that, yet also funny
On a side note, his advice has helped me a lot with my life. I have motivation to do basic things now!
i had a therapist once, who was my best therapist ever, and daniel sometimes reminds me of him ❤️ i miss that therapist, adam, soooo much. idk if you have ever seen The Speech Prof on youtube but he also reminds me of that therapist. his content is way different than daniel's tho xD
I just want to clarify to Daniel, because his opinion is absolutely correct given his perspective, but when it comes to the hospital thing, in *most* places in North America the medical power of attorney can be held by anyone given you expressly legally acknowledged that person to be the one to hold that power. Without express written acknowledgment, however, it defaults to your next of kin and all that jazz.
I look forward to these episodes everyday 🙏
These make my day
"Ahh, both mikes for this!" 😂
I read only fiction.
I find nonfiction to be unrelatable, somehow.
It's easier to relate to problems we face in real life when there's a filter of it being fantasy.
got to agree with you there
19:50 They're probably a writer 😂
I appreciate the (correct) use of big or unusual words. Big brain energy can be very sexy.
If they were a writer, they would hopefully know that “dad” is NOT capitalized in the context that they used it.
Two in a week! Lucky us 😊
I read fiction for enjoyment and nonfiction for analyzing and book discussions. I don't often choose to read nonfiction, but usually when I do read that genre, I do enjoy it. Thanks for asking!
I 100% agree with you about arguments. IMO - and like Daniel, this is just my opinion - arguments are discussions where people aren't listening to one another. Maybe some really serious things do warrant a stronger response but to me disagreements should be talked about respectfully, not argued over. Arguing is unproductive.
I never thought about it like that, but that's a good distinction
14:24 What an absolutely banger of a song!!! I am always so amazed at your musical creativity and love watching you build the musical interludes. You are one talented person.
Nice hoodies and a book recommendation to slowly fix anxiety!? Daniel my savior! 😁
"So soft and so well insulated," same, hoodie, same.
Maid of Honor wasn't being "set up" with the Best Man; she was being whored out to him.
If my long term BF isn't invited to a destination wedding - especially a 4 hour drive I'm expected to make - he's coming with and getting his own accommodations, or I'm not going. No, I wouldn't attempt to insert him into the proceedings, he'd enjoy a nice weekend away & mostly to himself.
On your argument for marriage;
They need to split the religious from the legal.
Anyone should be able to be in a legal Civil Union with anyone else, and get all the legal and visitation benefits of "marriage".
THEN there will be marriage where religious people can be "joined under the eyes of God", but get absolutely no real-world benefit until they take their marriage license and get an automatic civil union as well.
Problem Solved.
Agreed! You're the first person I've seen that thought the same!
Goodluck fighting off all the religious nutjobs who think they own the concept of marriage tho. This is why the amount of countries where queer people can have a legally recognised relationship on par with heteros fits on one hand.
Yes. Bad things tend to happen when The State and The Church get involved in each other's business.
I believe that this is how it's done in some countries already, like Mexico.
I'm a cishet; allosexual; monogamous; long-term, happily married woman. I believe marriage should be available for all consenting adults. That includes poly marriage. Since polygamy has been rife with abuse, so there would need to be laws specifically restricting church marriage to adults, making it easier for a person to leave a civil marriage (overturning laws such as those in some states which make it impossible to divorce if a married person is pregnant), and requiring that marital property is not all owned by only one of the spouses. There are likely other ways to reduce the abuses which are often associated with polygamy in a way that all civil marriage would benefit.
I would agree if you have to get married in a church but you don't have to, you can legally get married in a completely non-religious setting and the church still counts that as being married as well.
@@sarahberkner yup, but under these rules that would be the churches problem to deal with. "married" would only mean church approved union. Ultimately each religion (and the MANY subsects therin) would have their say over the rules of marriage. It would not be a legal problem and people would get no legal benefits from marriage. All it would do legally is fasttrack getting a civil union.
Excuse me? Expecting a young woman to sleep in the same room as a strange guy?! She would have had every right to refuse point blank. The whole set-up isn't half as concerning as this. She needs to get those crazy people out of her life. She sounds like a sweet person who they've probably been manipulating until they crossed the line.
Woah I don't think I've ever been this early!!!
Might as well say, Daniel, these past couple of weeks have been really challenging for me mentally and you are one of the creators that brought some sunshine to my days. Love your work man, keep it up!
Me either. And I only just started watching him recently
Same lol.
The way I cackled through this whole video. Love your unhinged moments Dan.
Do petty revenge! I think its pretty good and I think you will like it!!!
That intro song was a vibe, please make a full version
Doctor Dan was the name of a preacher I knew, lol!
This is a public service message: In the US, you can get all the rights for hospital visitation and getting information and signing paperwork if you complete a document called a "medical power of attorney." You can also get some power to do financial stuff if you have a "durable power of attorney." This paperwork can often be found just by searching online in your state and printing out whatever the official form is. States will also respect documents from other states. You don't need a lawyer to complete these in most places, just witnesses or a notary.
I think the book vs bookmark thing is so very classic ask culture vs guess culture situation where neither of them are necessarily in the wrong, but their communication styles and values are clearly very different. To him, if she says "What do you want?" he thinks and responds to the specific question with a specific answer (ask culture), but she's using it as a generalized/vague way to get inspiration for gifts she can make, because making gifts is important to her, so when she hears "specific book" she webs it into -> book in general -> book related things -> bookmarks I can make (very guess culture). His expectations are that when she says "what do you want?" she means only that, but she's actually asking several questions in one question. This kind of thing can happen if someone has grown up in a situation where THEY always had to learn to read between the lines, read the room, read the emotions of the people around them, etc, and so that's how they learn to communicate as they grow up, but woo nelly can it be very frustrating when the guess/ask people collide 😵💫
Your honest opinions and funny lil gags n tunes are why I dont feel ashamed for watching reddit content videos. You really add enough flare to where it's fun but chill enough if I wanna turn off my brain for a bit.
Therapy with Daniel is in session ❤
It's fine to tell people the things that you would like as gifts but you shouldn't expect to get what you want. Just be grateful they cared enough to get you anything.
5:57 Bill burr said the same exact thing. Once she’s losing the argument; she throws something in your face that’s concocted. Like in the example, you clearly were right because the closest care was too expensive. So, bam.
19:39 I love this commenter on the subreddit 😂 I love learning new words. And Daniel blowing up in amazement is the icing on the cake! 🍰😂❤
*dont keep asking especially if it has to do with work' .... dude there's jobs I'd stay at to go somewhere a 3 hour drive away but I'd totally tell the workplace to deal if it were europe.
Yeah but then it's like... you weren't going to have a family vacation, you're just going because "ooh europe". At that point, get your own vacation to europe, as grown adults, instead of trying to get a free one out of your mom, who you clearly aren't worried about going with.
Idk, I think it's icky and greedy. Especially coming from the child in-law and not the actual child. Because again, the child in-law was not going for the purpose of the vacation which is to spend time with family. She's going because woo Europe for free!
@@gennybrown5023 Nah, sorry, I disagree. You sound like you're coming from a place of major privilege where travel happened a lot, or could. I've been in poverty all my life and I'll likely never escape it. There will never, ever be a day I will ever be able to travel outside the country, if I'm the one paying for it. I'd say yes to a trip with my worst enemy if it was to a place I'd never be able to pay for myself, but I'd say no to even my best friend if it was just a trip to a nearby hotel.
@@jijitterssee I get your point and the OP of this threads point. However, if you are unsure where the trip will be and it’s months away then why give such a firm no? You can easily say, these dates may work but we aren’t certain and give a firmer confirmation once it gets closer and it’s time to book everything. Like if you’re only going because it’s Europe then it does seem weird and I get all situations are different but I think the dad’s point is they had no interest in the family time, the preposed whole point of the trip, and just see it as free trip to Europe.
@@jijitters Im sorry to hear that, but I'm definitely not coming from a place of privilege. I too grew up extremely poor, my father is an abusive addict and my mom was the victim of a cult who dropped out of high-school pregnant. I promise we had nothing. At age 10 I decided I didn't want to live like that and got straight As in school so I could go to college, bc I knew for sure they would not be able to help, and they haven't. Started working at 16 to pay for my own drivers ed and phone, etc. I spent 5 years working and going to college and eventually graduated. I still live paycheck to paycheck like most people. However, I have a fiance who's family is quite wealthy. I do not ask them for anything, because their money is not mine. I simply prefer to work for what I want. If I didn't want to go on a family vacation with my mom in law, which I have decided before, I would not just change my mind and ask to go when I found out where they were going. That's rude and shows you're only there for the money and not the family.
About the gift post. Some people are bad at gifting. You litteraly have to spell out for them what you like and even the there is a good chance it will be ignored. (My relatives in a nutshell.)
Then there are the "you should be grateful" people. Gifts are not about the givers fee fees. They should show the receiver that you like them and care about them. Sometimes the best thing you can do is admit you don't know what to give and just ask and if they tell you give them exactly what was asked for.
Now for the "but it's handmade" folks. I'm a crafter and one of the toughest lessons a crafter has to learn is: Crafting is YOUR hobby. YOU had fun making the thing. And yes it wasa lot of work but that doesn't mean every one has to love a gift you made, especially if they aren't into handmade stuff and haven't asked for it. And btw. I've looked up fabric bookmarks. The ones I found are a small piece of cloth with stitches (sorry don't know the right word in english) around them. So everyone who says it's a huge effort - Nope, thats a few minutes on a sewing maschine per piece if it's nothing to complicated. But if you think that's cute I can fold you a paper plane for your birthday.
The bookmark guy is the A 💯. He’s an adult and it is his birthday. It’s not “I’m entitled to a gift” day. If someone chooses to show you they are thinking about you by spending time making something then you throw it in their face and say, “it’s not what I wanted” and you have to ask if AITA? She clearly shows her love by making the gift. You said you wanted a book. She can’t write one for you or make a wooden bookmark but she can make you a bookmark out of fabric that you and your “bigger paycheck, no big deal” can use when you read the book you can clearly afford on your own. What a pos
Therapy Daniel is crazy
Wow, people are so quick to claim that the last story isn’t a good take on Daniel’s end or OP’s end. It’s insane to me that all of y’all are thinking “oh it’s so sweet and kind of her that she handmade him a gift!” as if that excuses the fact she totally ignored what HE WANTED FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. It’s not like he asked for a PlayStation 5 or a new car or something, he asked for a $25 book! That’s it! And she made it over-complicated and spent all that time making him something he didn’t even ask for. She even ignored the fact that he has a clear preference for wooden bookmarks over fabric material ones. That would drive me bonkers if my significant other gave me gifts THEY wanted to give me instead of gifts I explicitly asked for.
The gift story is a simple case of speaking two different love languages. OP appreciates receiving gifts, but homemade gifts like the bookmarks are less gift-giving and more acts of service. For the wife, the time and effort she put into the bookmarks is how she shows she cares, but for OP, the gift itself is the expression of love. Getting someone the right gift will make that person feel seen and understood. Getting someone who values gifts as a love language the wrong gift can tell them you don't know or care enough about them to get them something they would like, which can be really frustrating, especially coming from someone so close to them, and especially when what they wanted was explicitly stated. If the wife can't afford the gift, then they need to talk that out. I understand it can be difficult to tell your partner who makes more than you that you can't afford the book they want, but that conversation has to happen if the relationship is going to work.
Re: the get officially married debate, it's also pretty compelling that a giant light-hating labyrinth will open up inside your new house and turn your friends against you if you don't
Everyone assuming wife is making home made gifts because she doesn't have money; IT'S NOT CHEAPER. Supplies to make gifts are far more often MORE expensive than buying the same thing.
Which makes it even worse that she didn’t get him what he would actually like
I think there is a LOT more to this story. And the way OP is writing, I feel like he is not a nice person.
It depends on what is being made.
I make soaps, lotions, hair products, and the like. While the initial outlay to buy raw materials can be expensive, the cost per unit is often significantly lower than what can be purchased in a store.
That is not the case when it comes to shampoo. For some reason, the surfactants (the bubbly, cleansing ingredients) are quite expensive. My shampoo costs about the same to make as what I can buy retail.
There are other categories of handmade gifts which are expensive. My partner sometimes dabbles with woodworking. Considering the cost of materials and tools, those presents can be quite a bit more expensive than purchasing something from a retail establishment.
@@karbebs Agreed. The thing about the bookmarks not being the kind he likes isn't sitting well with me. Yeah, wooden bookmarks are cool, but the point of a bookmark is still served with fabric bookmarks.
OP also didn't have to give the bookmarks back and say that he doesn't like them. Doing that with a gift is intentionally hurtful. It makes me wonder if he has ever asked his wife why she makes him things.
@@katie6731 I think it is because at this point he has had ENOUGH after trying to be more gentle for years. Like, just get me this boring book or even don't give me anything, that's fine, but don't give me this junk you KNOW I won't use and don't care for!!!! And I am just supposed to act grateful! Like if your intimate loved one only ever gave you doilies and nothing else. You now have 40 doilies and you don't use any of them, yet they keep giving you more.
Surprise video drop?
Or is it just me.
I LOVE THE "SURPRISE" LORE BAHAHAHAHAHAHA it genuinely... surprises me every time LMFAO
Lol I just heard the first story yesterday. NTA he needs to have a serious talk with her about where this relationship is going.
Or get therapy. A month early is a life threatening event, which is often seen by our bodies and brains as traumatic and trauma rewires our brains. She needs therapy, and couples therapy to see if it can be resolved.
NOTE: If you aren’t married, you ARE able to designate your significant other (or ANYONE) as your Health Care Proxy. You just have to do the paperwork ahead of time.
My friend worked retail at a bargain depot chain and couldn't have her phone while clocked in
To the maid of honor who was being set up to a man she doesn't know about; just send the people calling you mean names this video.
version 2 of the hoodie idea: shoulders says (pls) and the back says (I'm broke) so you can do a little rotation thing and get that dollar 100% of the time. yw
I NEED THE FUGGIN' "SURPRISE *ITEM*" SCREAM!!! PLEASE!!!! It makes me laugh so hard every single time.
As a sewist, I have made my hubby things like a custom hoodie and plushies for birthdays and Christmas, so I do emphathize with the wife in the homemade gifts one, but she does need to make a greater effort to see his needs in the situation too. Like bookmarks without the book to enjoy them with is not going to go over well. If she had done both and he was complaining about the bookmarks not being the wooden ones he likes, he would be the jerk, but that's not what happened. She's not listening to his needs.
Only 12 mins in so far, and first time watching one of these videos (been binge watching Daniel's main channel), and I have to say: I deeply appreciate Daniel's perspective and thought process on these. Seems like he's got his head screwed on straight, which I very much appreciate in people! I love how his comedy videos are so insane, yet here he is so grounded 😂
FFXIV scholars use Succor.