This validated what I was thinking about my past relationship. My ex saw nothing wrong with being engaged to me while also being “friends” with another woman. I left him, but he continued to text me while pursuing a relationship with her. I went no contact almost a year ago. He kept her hidden from his family until last September while at the same time he had been pursuing his exes who are the mothers of his adult children. I am glad to be free of this! Thanks Sara. ❤️
Being the fantasy was flattering at first, then it just became depressing. When I tried explaining to her that there was nothing in it for me (in a nice way) or her because she was married, this caused big problems. I should have just kept my mouth shut and disappeared quietly. Narcissist or not, who wants to become emotionally attached to a person they will have very limited access to?
@@leescuderi8331 For me it was around 4.5 months, and that's exactly the direction I was heading in. I was experiencing depression, anxiety and fluctuations in general mood and affect. It was starting to impact my day to day functioning. She hoovered me on and off for 5 months as well until I changed my number and blocked everywhere.
I broke off my relationship with a covert narc at 10 1/2 months. I knew nothing about NPD at that time. Once I broke off the relationship, the exhausted feeling I continuously felt all the time was immediately lifted.
I was the (brief) affair partner of a narcissist and he insisted I was as important as his wife. Equally important, he said. I thought it was BS to keep me there as he knew I was thinking of leaving. Now, after watching this, I believe him. He was honest at times and told on himself a lot. I left anyway and he told me he felt empty when I did. Another tell. But yes, lose lose all around. Nobody wins.
I am a therapist and love the bravery of what you are doing here. Thank you for sharing the truth of your experience and being real…taking off that mask is a big f**. deal
Thanks again for another great video. During her last hoover she went all the way down to saying "it has never been between you or the other guy, you both give me different things". She has been trying to be with both of us for months now. I explained to her that I am not interested and withdraw from the whole mess. And went no contact again. I have no clue if I'm the main or the fantasy, and I don't really care.
When you referenced the Land of Make Believe and then said it's garbage day out there... I thought you were still talking about the land of make to believe 🤣. The timing was superb!
I took myself out of the equation, his side is now his main. I don't miss him at all, i have to co-parent and that is a pain in itself. So glad you where able to see something was off. I'm glad for your journey to healing.
Ty Ty Ty lol. I love the way these videos make me remember why I should just be focusing on bettering myself and my life instead of wondering who’s secretly f’ing me over behind my back which is something I obsess about 😂🤣 (when it comes to a romantic partner lmao). Got me unstuck rn from that ruminating addiction lol 🎉
Just got to the end where you say “everybody is losing” and holy sh did I need to hear that 😂. Idk if I’m being cheated on but suspecting it takes so much of my time. Wondering about it takes so much of my time. That line was the single most useful thing I could have heard rn. I can’t thank you enough 🙏 lol.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkEhi Sara, so why during Christmas holidays where he was far away from me, he asked me via message, if I fucked someone else?( Never did because I love him) If It was good and ask me some details?
@@iloveda90s31 If by fantasy you mean an intimate secondary source, then yes. Intimate sources are always more important, but intimate secondary sources are easier to replace.
I am always amazed by the way cluster B is able to go through each specific event break it and laid it down. It's like opening her brain and explaining what's going on inside. Thanks. cluster B do you do the 1 on 1?
What the cluster B doesn’t understand is we will meet all his or her most important needs. We want to do bad. We are never given the chance by the cluster B though. At least in my case he didn’t even give me a chance. He would not even tell me all his needs.
What would actually happen if a narcissist was forced to be alone in a desert without the possibility of any contact with another human? Would they go mad? If narcissists think they need the attention of others for survival, how does it feel for them to be only with themselves for a period of time that's not under their control?
Sometimes called 2ndary or backburner. Supposedly the secondary rarely get devaluation, but the "main "supply gets the worst devaluation. Or it's "corrective" devaluation??? . Back n forth I read was the NPD plays ping pong , then you got crazy 8s , king queen , cat mouse games really ? what's crazy 8s anyways
What does it mean, when the fantasy is being mostly love bombed and the main supply mostly devalued and it's been like this for years - on and off?? Is it because the main supply stays (no real threat) while the fantasy likes to run away and be chased or is it because the fantasy has more to give and the main supply is used and drawn out?
Discarding a narcissist will get you a hoover to prove that we're not worthless. That doesn't mean you will be discarded right away (most men will). The fantasy will be devalued eventually. Secondary supply are safe. We come and go as we please.
Sara. Another great video. Excellent! In the narcissist way of thinking, what needs does the main supply fulfill, that the fantasy doesn't fulfill? And vice versa. I would love to see a video with a exhaustive list of things the fantasy person fulfills with another list for the main. What needs overlap if any? What needs does the narcissist get fulfilled by both the main and fantasy person. I know each narc will be different. I would love to get your take on this. Is saying the fantasy person gets the sex, while main gets stuck with the dishes over simplifying? Just want you to know your are appreciated! 😁 Thank you for your time. Keep up the good work! ❤❤❤
I can tell you some of that because It was first handed for me. He was really clear sometimes in telling his functioning! ( he's mostly unaware or thought that I wasn't clever enough to understand). I was the side chick for a while and ( now I know) his fantasy. He reached me for sex when the main didn't gave him for X reasons. He wanted to be listened about his frustrations in the main relationship. He wanted to be unconditionally adored because at home felt unappreciated ( probably his GF just wanted to make him accountable). When she was hospitalised he called me right after he left the building, just to overcome anxiety and have attentions. He liked the trills of escaping her to came to my house in secret. He told me that she was not so hot in bed ( probably a lie) and didn't made any gesture of affection like I do. When I asked him why do you stay with her and not with me he flip the conversation. She was a stunning girl who was good for the facade. Right to expose her to family and friends. She also had a good heritance and work in the similar field, so she could brought him connections. When she left and he told me that he never wanted to leave her ( he cheated on with multiple women). But when he made a ridiculous attempt to made me primary, he said that he wasn't unable to love me like I do and wasn't felt in love with me. When I made tantrum because he considered me replaceable, he told me in hunger that It was much better when I was the side chick ( fantasy ended).
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I do put someone I fancy on a pedestal and basically that person in my head isn't even the actual person. Does that mean I'm a narcissist?
The best test I've seen for identifying the possibility for NPD is self accountability; especially for serious transgressions. If you have done something terrible to another person and can/have accept responsibility for what you did, you likely aren't a narcissist.
@@doloinc ye I did and I apologised to the person years later when I realised ut then I thought maybe I'm only apologising to manipulate them 😂😭 I don't think I'm a o dependant because I'm always on my own but I do feel better with someone near me as I'm quite self conscious and quiet
Can you please elaborate on how everyone is losing? I agree but I'm wondering the reasons why you feel that I feel like I'm getting the closure I could never get by listening to you Your the female version of my baby daddy and I'm still hurting years later
The narcissistic person is constantly in survival mode; getting their needs met. Faking nice, allowing anger, lying to protect ourselves, impulsive, not caring about how others feel, etc. The Main Supply wants the perfect relationship that was promised but gets parental treatment. And the new shiny toy gets Disneyland but that's not real even if the narcissistic person wants it to be also. Another failure. NPD Brain thinks everyone outside of them can save them or ruin them. And you fall for the illusion that you have the power to save us too, or at least make us love you again. There are no winners with this mindset.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE wow thank you and so very true Trauma really needs to be healed and transmuted so we don't pass this shit down Im not a narc but my mum is and I learnt so much from her so reparenting is the only way Sending love and thank you for sharing
This sounds actually quite healthy to me This is the way everybody should view relationships. You’ll never find one person for all your needs. Therefore, it makes sense to have two or three or four different friends for different aspects of your personality. Your soul and physical needs I don’t know why this is such a problem for many people to accept. It’s like shopping regularly at Macy’s, Home Depot and the grocery store. Each of them have different things. And you do need all of them I think it should be accepted for both men and women to have multiple friends and romantic sexual partners at the same time for this very practical and essential reason
You lost me at multiple romantic and sexual partners. That keeps you from being vulnerable when you spread yourself across several people. You sound like a narcissist making excuses.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I was the side piece for married man who stalked me four months post break up. Love your channel. Guess what I am asking do the same rules apply if there is a same sex situation going on
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Been there done that. Told me I was furniture and I didn't want to believe things changed so much (5 yrs). A few weeks later she walked out with the cat. Left everything else behind. Decided to believe after that.
We need to hold ourselves accountable, stop being concerned about a person that could care less about you‼️
This validated what I was thinking about my past relationship. My ex saw nothing wrong with being engaged to me while also being “friends” with another woman. I left him, but he continued to text me while pursuing a relationship with her. I went no contact almost a year ago. He kept her hidden from his family until last September while at the same time he had been pursuing his exes who are the mothers of his adult children. I am glad to be free of this! Thanks Sara. ❤️
Anybody that continues a relationship with a narc is really hard up.
They feel trapped.
Being the fantasy was flattering at first, then it just became depressing. When I tried explaining to her that there was nothing in it for me (in a nice way) or her because she was married, this caused big problems. I should have just kept my mouth shut and disappeared quietly.
Narcissist or not, who wants to become emotionally attached to a person they will have very limited access to?
Agreed. I just got out of this after 6 months of chaos with someone like this. It will wear your soul down to nothingness if you dont get out.
@@leescuderi8331 For me it was around 4.5 months, and that's exactly the direction I was heading in. I was experiencing depression, anxiety and fluctuations in general mood and affect. It was starting to impact my day to day functioning.
She hoovered me on and off for 5 months as well until I changed my number and blocked everywhere.
I broke off my relationship with a covert narc at 10 1/2 months. I knew nothing about NPD at that time. Once I broke off the relationship, the exhausted feeling I continuously felt all the time was immediately lifted.
Just loved your truthful ending "everybody is losing in this"😊
I was the (brief) affair partner of a narcissist and he insisted I was as important as his wife. Equally important, he said. I thought it was BS to keep me there as he knew I was thinking of leaving. Now, after watching this, I believe him. He was honest at times and told on himself a lot. I left anyway and he told me he felt empty when I did. Another tell. But yes, lose lose all around. Nobody wins.
I am a therapist and love the bravery of what you are doing here. Thank you for sharing the truth of your experience and being real…taking off that mask is a big f**. deal
If you say so.
Hello, I am looking for a theorist who specialises in cluster B. How can I reach you please?
Genuinely appreciate and respect your transparency and self-understanding.
Thanks again for another great video. During her last hoover she went all the way down to saying "it has never been between you or the other guy, you both give me different things". She has been trying to be with both of us for months now. I explained to her that I am not interested and withdraw from the whole mess. And went no contact again. I have no clue if I'm the main or the fantasy, and I don't really care.
When you referenced the Land of Make Believe and then said it's garbage day out there... I thought you were still talking about the land of make to believe 🤣. The timing was superb!
I took myself out of the equation, his side is now his main. I don't miss him at all, i have to co-parent and that is a pain in itself. So glad you where able to see something was off. I'm glad for your journey to healing.
Same situation. I pray for your peace 🙏🏾
Please pray for me yall.
Blammo! Lived this. Kept saying, "that's right!"
Thanks again
Ty Ty Ty lol. I love the way these videos make me remember why I should just be focusing on bettering myself and my life instead of wondering who’s secretly f’ing me over behind my back which is something I obsess about 😂🤣 (when it comes to a romantic partner lmao). Got me unstuck rn from that ruminating addiction lol 🎉
Just got to the end where you say “everybody is losing” and holy sh did I need to hear that 😂. Idk if I’m being cheated on but suspecting it takes so much of my time. Wondering about it takes so much of my time. That line was the single most useful thing I could have heard rn. I can’t thank you enough 🙏 lol.
Yep exactly what you should do..I have peace...not living in pieces cause of stress of that bs.
@@arcturianoracle784it kills me too. Ruminating and stuff. Havin suspiscions. How have u gotten better at not ruminating?
That’s why narcs do better in Poly relationships. Let them all stay together and hurt each other in those
No Way. I'm too possessive over my people. Nobody gets to touch you. No one.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkEhi Sara, so why during Christmas holidays where he was far away from me, he asked me via message, if I fucked someone else?( Never did because I love him) If It was good and ask me some details?
Supply is supply.
Yeah whomever happens to be in their target or spotlight for the moment, it is transient.
I feel like main supply or fantasy gets more attention than secondary supply. Like the narcissist thinks certain ones are important than others
@@iloveda90s31 If by fantasy you mean an intimate secondary source, then yes. Intimate sources are always more important, but intimate secondary sources are easier to replace.
I am always amazed by the way cluster B is able to go through each specific event break it and laid it down. It's like opening her brain and explaining what's going on inside. Thanks. cluster B do you do the 1 on 1?
I do 1 on 1's. Message me at clusterbmilkshake@outlook.com if you want to set something up. 🌈
What the cluster B doesn’t understand is we will meet all his or her most important needs. We want to do bad. We are never given the chance by the cluster B though. At least in my case he didn’t even give me a chance. He would not even tell me all his needs.
Thank you for explaining this Sara…. I appreciate you! ❤
What would actually happen if a narcissist was forced to be alone in a desert without the possibility of any contact with another human? Would they go mad? If narcissists think they need the attention of others for survival, how does it feel for them to be only with themselves for a period of time that's not under their control?
I'd unalive myself.
Mines in prison all alone in a cell and i’ve blocked him lool
Yep, exactly 💯
Sometimes called 2ndary or backburner. Supposedly the secondary rarely get devaluation, but the "main "supply gets the worst devaluation. Or it's "corrective" devaluation??? . Back n forth I read was the NPD plays ping pong , then you got crazy 8s , king queen , cat mouse games really ? what's crazy 8s anyways
Narcissists devalue everyone even the secondary supply
Well said and spot on. Thank you. You even look a lot like my nex...:)
@ClusterBMilshake Trick question. Neither. Hahaha 💀🖤
That was explained very well Sara.
I hope so. I do criticize videos harshly.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE You're doing a great job.
Mine looks at self help stuff or books on attachment or relationships.
Did they try to fix themselves, though?
So what's next after they dumb the main supply for fantasy person?
The fantasy person becomes the main and suffers that fate.
Good word Sara
I love tamie Joyce's channel she's awesome.
Just another victim channel.
What does it mean, when the fantasy is being mostly love bombed and the main supply mostly devalued and it's been like this for years - on and off?? Is it because the main supply stays (no real threat) while the fantasy likes to run away and be chased or is it because the fantasy has more to give and the main supply is used and drawn out?
Discarding a narcissist will get you a hoover to prove that we're not worthless. That doesn't mean you will be discarded right away (most men will).
The fantasy will be devalued eventually. Secondary supply are safe. We come and go as we please.
I hold more value because i am special.
Hahaha! Yes, you are!
Sara. Another great video. Excellent!
In the narcissist way of thinking, what needs does the main supply fulfill, that the fantasy doesn't fulfill? And vice versa.
I would love to see a video with a exhaustive list of things the fantasy person fulfills with another list for the main.
What needs overlap if any? What needs does the narcissist get fulfilled by both the main and fantasy person.
I know each narc will be different. I would love to get your take on this.
Is saying the fantasy person gets the sex, while main gets stuck with the dishes over simplifying?
Just want you to know your are appreciated! 😁 Thank you for your time. Keep up the good work! ❤❤❤
ruclips.net/video/M_pGdv2C-P8/видео.html
If you go to my playlists, you'll find several videos on all the different supply sources.
I can tell you some of that because It was first handed for me. He was really clear sometimes in telling his functioning! ( he's mostly unaware or thought that I wasn't clever enough to understand).
I was the side chick for a while and ( now I know) his fantasy. He reached me for sex when the main didn't gave him for X reasons. He wanted to be listened about his frustrations in the main relationship. He wanted to be unconditionally adored because at home felt unappreciated ( probably his GF just wanted to make him accountable).
When she was hospitalised he called me right after he left the building, just to overcome anxiety and have attentions.
He liked the trills of escaping her to came to my house in secret. He told me that she was not so hot in bed ( probably a lie) and didn't made any gesture of affection like I do.
When I asked him why do you stay with her and not with me he flip the conversation.
She was a stunning girl who was good for the facade. Right to expose her to family and friends. She also had a good heritance and work in the similar field, so she could brought him connections.
When she left and he told me that he never wanted to leave her ( he cheated on with multiple women).
But when he made a ridiculous attempt to made me primary, he said that he wasn't unable to love me like I do and wasn't felt in love with me.
When I made tantrum because he considered me replaceable, he told me in hunger that It was much better when I was the side chick ( fantasy ended).
The fantasy holds way more value to them!!!
You didn't watch the video?
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I do put someone I fancy on a pedestal and basically that person in my head isn't even the actual person. Does that mean I'm a narcissist?
It's called idealization. People with BPD do it too I think to their partners.
Codependents can also do this
@Ascension- The Glow up Process As a reformed codependent, i tell people it's a trained form of narcissism. I completely agree that codependents do it
The best test I've seen for identifying the possibility for NPD is self accountability; especially for serious transgressions. If you have done something terrible to another person and can/have accept responsibility for what you did, you likely aren't a narcissist.
@@doloinc ye I did and I apologised to the person years later when I realised ut then I thought maybe I'm only apologising to manipulate them 😂😭
I don't think I'm a o dependant because I'm always on my own but I do feel better with someone near me as I'm quite self conscious and quiet
Can you please elaborate on how everyone is losing?
I agree but I'm wondering the reasons why you feel that
I feel like I'm getting the closure I could never get by listening to you
Your the female version of my baby daddy and I'm still hurting years later
The narcissistic person is constantly in survival mode; getting their needs met. Faking nice, allowing anger, lying to protect ourselves, impulsive, not caring about how others feel, etc. The Main Supply wants the perfect relationship that was promised but gets parental treatment. And the new shiny toy gets Disneyland but that's not real even if the narcissistic person wants it to be also. Another failure.
NPD Brain thinks everyone outside of them can save them or ruin them. And you fall for the illusion that you have the power to save us too, or at least make us love you again. There are no winners with this mindset.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE wow thank you and so very true
Trauma really needs to be healed and transmuted so we don't pass this shit down
Im not a narc but my mum is and I learnt so much from her so reparenting is the only way
Sending love and thank you for sharing
This sounds actually quite healthy to me
This is the way everybody should view relationships.
You’ll never find one person for all your needs.
Therefore, it makes sense to have two or three or four different friends for different aspects of your personality. Your soul and physical needs
I don’t know why this is such a problem for many people to accept.
It’s like shopping regularly at Macy’s, Home Depot and the grocery store. Each of them have different things. And you do need all of them
I think it should be accepted for both men and women to have multiple friends and romantic sexual partners at the same time for this very practical and essential reason
You lost me at multiple romantic and sexual partners. That keeps you from being vulnerable when you spread yourself across several people. You sound like a narcissist making excuses.
Garbage Day 😂
🖤
Thanks Sara ... raw as ever. (y)
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
what is the main supply is your wife, but the fantasy is same sex
I don't know what you're asking. You might be confusing "Favorite Person" (BPD) with gay stuff.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I was the side piece for married man who stalked me four months post break up. Love your channel. Guess what I am asking do the same rules apply if there is a same sex situation going on
🍑💨🎶👃🏽💕 umm Sara heals.
You're furniture. Would you rather be the couch or the love seat?
Not in the beginning, but YES in the end.
@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Been there done that. Told me I was furniture and I didn't want to believe things changed so much (5 yrs). A few weeks later she walked out with the cat. Left everything else behind. Decided to believe after that.
WELCOME TO FANTASYLAND AHAHAHAH
She lost me at the “f-word.”
There's a lot of them. You better go find your information somewhere else, then.
Well articulated. Loose the stupid chicken… it distracts from your message.
No
It’s called being an emotional cheater miss cluster
Sometimes you can’t have everything
Do you think I was making excuses for my behavior? Do you think I don't know?
ruclips.net/video/v6iOhRzdBUo/видео.html