Doing the Small Stuff Feels Pointless
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:09 - Discord Post
03:09 - Creating expectations
05:19 - Falling short
07:23 - Everything has to be worthwhile
11:28 - Operating from a feeling
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“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”― Søren Kierkegaard
Beautiful saying right there! Couldn’t be more true!
Chad Kierkegaard
Hey folks, this is synchronicity this video and your comment! I got nearly totally defeated by life but I'm trying to rebuild, I've been doing a channel called "Potential Techniques" to talk about things i find help on my quest to make things better.. I'm hoping me talking about what i find helps and what is good to avoid helps anyone who is going through tough times.. My video i made today, (and am going to post when i can get it uploaded) is about how much it helps to even do small things and I'm trying to help people see it is really good to try to build up our lives even when we feel we can't.. It's not an "expectation" it's just me trying to find ways to build up how we feel etc
I'd love to know what you think of the videos, and it'd mean so much if what I'm saying on my channel can help even one person to feel better in life
Good luck folks! It'd be great chat with you if you need someone to talk with, you can get in touch with me in the comments section of my videos
(Please don't delete this comment, I'm just trying to help people and find ways to build up how i feel in life and i tell people about your channel too)
Best wishes to you if you are reading this
from Rolland
Taste Like Shit anyway, doesn't Matter what you do.
Can't understand.
"So generally speaking, I exist". Dr. K is spitting facts
So im not the only one who found this funny.
This was a gem x’D a true philosopher
My habit is that I accumulate “small tasks” until it becomes one big task and I do if all at once.
Right now I’m working on doing things I don’t want to against my will. It’s like a muscle. You dont REALLY want to exercise but you do it anyways.
Same. Gotta take advantage of those days I actually feel like doing something.
Hey i did a video about that on my channel today, on my quest to find ways to make life better after i got broken by it.. I'll be uploading it in a little while, i really hope it can help people in tough times.. Good luck to you all with the good things you want to do, it's really worth trying to do the things we meant to especially if we feel beaten it's really worth trying
Keep in touch if you'd like, it'd be great to hear from anyone who is wanting to make life better
It IS like a muscle and is key to being successful in achieving substantial goals. See: executive function.
Trauma makes this difficult because it’s not just a weak muscle, it’s a muscle injured from prior overuse so to use it again at all feels traumatic
I feel like exercising needs to become sometime one enjoys - that makes it so much easier.
I can relate so much to this! I feel like i cant waste any time. If i would sit down and draw, it will have to be a big drawing and the best I've ever made. And that is just too much work, so dont even draw one single line...
So thank you Acapella for posting, and thank you Dr. K for talking about it!
This 10000%. For the first time in years I made a decision to just go to an art supply store, buy the things that seem fun (my God, it felt like Disneyland!) and just see everything as an "experiment". I‘m not good at…. painting with acrylics. So my first painting cannot be great. I‘m not great at ?? drawing with certain pens, on certain materials… Watercolors! That’s children‘s play! So we play like children! I have finished five small paintings/drawings in the past month and they are all… bad for a professional. Haha. But good for an experimenter! It might not help you perfectly, but it might get you back into it. See the enjoyment you probably once had, again. I believe in you!! Every drawing is better than no drawing!!!
@@instantpug7036 that's a great way to look at it! It will do it and see what happens!!
I know that feel bro. Super relatable.
i'm in the smae boat. i "play" guitar and want to be able to play all these songs and rock the fuck out but i can't play the songs well so i touch my guitar like once a month making no progress
Facts.
This nuance about accountability without letting the toxicity live rent free in your head is so good and so important. I wish more people talked about this on the internet because it really is so easy to only get one or the other piece of it.
I'm guilty of being crippled by my goals. ADHD/ perfectionism/ a burnout loop/ 'revenge bedtime procrastination'... but in reality, it is mostly based on my feeling/ expectations. Great advice!! I can see the positives of being uncomfortable while not fully focusing on what you desire. Inner peace. Find hippieness in whatever falls into place that day.
I was emotionally abused into this problem. Anytime I wasn’t productive I was criticized. So by the time college started I was on edge all the time thinking I was about to fail. Now I understand that the person condemning me just was insecure about seeing me do things and did absolutely nothing during the day. So she took it out on me constantly.
On point! My mom used to tell me I should do this or that because I was getting fat. I already walked to/from school and the store for her all the time, walked the dogs, and did most of the housework while she... sat around all day. She had medical problems, although mostly self-induced from drinking, but I can see now she was picking on me because she felt bad about her own severe weight problem (and also blamed me for the time she wasted and couldn't get back). It's heartbreaking how unhappy people lash out and ruin the happiness of others.
While I appreciate editing out long silences I think it should be done less aggressively, so there is still some room for us to digest what Dr K is saying - it’s difficult here. Thx hgg
It feels so rushy, such a shame the direction the channel is taking...
@@rafaelmontero5766 They are probably just experimenting with ways to get the lessons to reach as many people as possible, which is why I left feedback. They may smooth out the kinks in future vids. No need to doompost ;p
I think it might have to do with attention spans, let's be honest; Most of the youtube crowd's attention span doesn't last more than a few seconds especially on a bad day.
3:08 "So generally speaking, I exist." 😂😂
Not feeling any sense of accomplishment hits way too close.
I've tried improving everything for years, but it's still nothing.
Way too relatable man
Please put the spaces between the words back. No more jump cuts!
Yes please, there's no time to absorb all this info with those jump cuts!
Yes, I agree. I like the longer form non-edited even though it takes longer to watch
Don’t forget that you can pause. When I feel that something is worth digesting I often pause and scribble some notes to give me time to reflect.
I think he did a video about this called “I watch your videos but never change my life” where he said it’s important to pause and reflect.
they won't. the editor hates us and dr.k probably doesn't have time to review the end product 😭
@@Doomgutt *me crashing my car after trying to pause dr. k vids repeatedly like Thyme Sage suggested*
Its always hard to tell exactly what lesson your signing up for when you watch one of these vids so it ends up constantly shocking and sneaking up on me when I relate deeply to a topic.
I started crying
Hi ! Huge fan of HGG and very thankful for the work you guys put out !
However, I've noticed that in recent videos, there is a lot of jumpcuts to increase the tempo. In my opinion they make the information a lot harder to digest and reflect on.
I feel the same
Big agree
i don't like the multiple edits every sentence, i get that it to be more precise and hold more attention, but i feels like it breaks flow, doesn't feel like a normal person talking. if you could link the original timestamp on twitch that would be helpful
It's cutting out dead air. I personally care more about the information. I even double speed the video
I agree with you, the new editing style is making me want to quit hh
Damn, this video hit the nail on the head for like...all of my problems. For the last 2 years I've felt like I wasted all my time in college because I was about to go to a certain school for a specific major, switched to a different school at the last minute because it felt "safer", switched majors halfway through, and then couldn't find a job because ADHD made it so that I didn't want to put in any effort. Before I got my diagnosis almost 2 years ago my parents were really pushing me to work hard and were harsh on me whenever I "didn't show initiative". So now I'm in a shitty restaurant bussing job that's chronically understaffed and has given me shoulder impingement, and my parents goaded me into taking a six-month data science bootcamp that I just finished (to be fair though, I ended up enjoying it), so now I have this internal pressure to get a well-paying job so that this doesn't all feel like a waste of time. Making matters worse, there's also the external pressure of needing to be financially stable by 26 because I can't be on my parents' insurance plan anymore, and they're both in their sixties and would REALLY love for me to move out.
I always feel guilty for taking a day specifically to relax because "I have to do boot camp homework" or "I have to work on my resume" or some other "productive" thing like that. And the thing is, I doubt my parents really care if I take a day or two off from it as long as I can show I've made progress. Even with hobbies like drawing though, I've had periods of burnout because I was pushing myself to improve at it every single day, and it took literally having to take a break because of shoulder and wrist pain flaring up to change this mindset.
The cuts in the videos lately make them shorter but also I feel like it's harder to focus on the content since we do not get the pauses Dr K. has while thinking.
I think it would be better if only technical pauses are shortened.
Agreed, the editing on this one makes it hard to follow.
100% agreed. The AOE healing might be reaching more people, but is less effective.
I agree. I wish there was a more direct way of getting this feedback to the editor. Since they've changed the editing it feels like I can't breath when I listen to these clips. :(
I disagree, I have hard time following with the pauses
There must be an optimal length for a pause - 5 seconds is too long, but no pause is obviously unnatural. I guess 1-2 secs is a sweet spot.
I relate to this so much. I simultaneously feel like I need to make the most of my time because I've wasted so much already, but also feel overwhelmed by everything and just don't want to do it? so I end up spending my time doing nothing instead of anything.
Like, I spent the past 2 days reading webcomics and manga in bed instead of doing my homework and studying that's been piling up from the past 2 weeks. And I've been avoiding trying get involved in extracurricular stuff even though I want to make friends. I think along with this feeling of being behind and having to make the most of my time all the time, I'm also struggling with social anxiety, general anxiety, and depression. So it's hard for me to tell when it's reasonable to be "understanding" of the poor choices I make, or if I should always just have the attitude of "I can and should be trying to do better."
But, in this video and another Dr.K video about perfectionism, Dr.K says that the root is to let go of expectations. How do I know if I've let go of expectations? I try to tell myself, "ok, take a step back and don't compare yourself to other people" or I try to make the conscious effort to "banish" comparisons I make in my mind. But I'm worried I'm just tricking myself into thinking that they aren' there, when instead of being in my conscious mind, those expectations are just operating in my unconscious mind where I'm not aware of them...
Maybe my approach can help you: I concously set expectations for myself that do require some kind of effort, but are definetly achievable. E.g.: for next weekend I have planned to plant and seed my winter vegetables. When I accomplish that the weekend was successful and I did everything I HAD to do. And I deserve to feel accomplished. Because on top of eating, drinking, feeding the cats, showering etc. I finished all the tasks I planned on finishing.
But additionally I have a COULD do list. I know this list is way way too long to finish everything next weekend. I probably could spend 2 whole months on it. But if I have some extra time and energy (which often happens) I can work on one other thing from the list and feel extra accomplished. I also don't need to finish that second, optional taks. But working on it just a little bit should be considered a win. E.g.: I'm building a cat tree out of a cherry tree cutting. If I'm able to cut the baseboard to the correct size this weekend it's a big win, because I moved 1 step closer to the finish line.
Also another thing that might help: My professor (currently doing my PhD) told me in the beginning "Think about how much time you will need to do that thing. Now multiply this time by 4 and you have a realistic estimation of how long it will need." This helped me a lot. I now don't feel so bad when I'm not able to finish a task on a deadline I set for myself. Because EVERYONE underestimates how long tasks take.
So my approach is not to completely let go of my expectations, but trying to conciously set expectations that are a bit below of what I can realistically achieve. And constantly readjusting and reprioritizing expectations. E.g.: I completely underestimated how much time we would need to set up our apartment. I thought that after about 3 months all the furniture and everything would be set up. But so far I only lived in 200sqft apartments. Me and my boyfriend moved into a 950sqft + 100sqft Balcony apartment in April last year. I misjudged the impact of the additionally 800sqft completely. It is over a year later and I just started moving my books from my parents house into our apartment, the cat tree from the cherry tree cutting is still unfinished, the glass showcase I bought over a year ago is still empty, the floating shelf is still on the floor instead hanging on the wall, ... It stressed me out for months. But now that's ok. I accepted that my expectations were wrong and readjusted them. My expectation now is actually "The apartment will never be finished. There will always be something to do. And that's ok."
I relate to this so much
Thank you
Dr. K, THIS is the one video in which you have really hit the nail in the head for me. Been a long time follower. First time that the problem/solution so accurately applies to me. I feel that having watched this video today has been a game changer in how i view myself/accomplishments/expectations, etc. Dr. K, you have fixed my life today.
I liked the old style of editing better because I felt like I had more time to think about the content, but I can see why it is like this now. Maybe I need to get used to it. Whenever Dr. K would take a long pause I would sometimes think that the video ended or the video was buffering, so there is an argument for either style. It's nice to see the effort that is going into improving these VODs
I was thinking the same thing, I really dislike all the frantic cuts every couple seconds. Makes the video feel jittery, whereas they used to feel smooth and contemplative. I’ll try to get used to it if that style is here to stay, but I hope I won’t have to.
10:28 😁🤘 11:10 "Whatever you screwed up in the past, you screwed it up, it's over, let it go. Cant fix it!
That hurts tho 😲 Omg
Are you telling me it's a waste? 😮
Im not telling you it's a waste, you are the one telling me it's a waste, there are all kinds of benefits but you refuse to see it because you are trying to make up for it" 😏
Gold ❤ as usual in Dr K videos
this has been my problem for YEARS and it’s dragging me down with everything else
first it was binge watching, then weed, then binge eating, then drugs, then back to smoking and binge watching
Why does the editor edit all the pauses out? It's so hard to understand 🥺
One thing i am afraid of if I do something that makes me feel dread is i might feel numb for ignoring what I really want. But then I ususally feel dread for avoiding what I need to do
This is totally me, I always felt left behind and not as smart as my peers. I graduated college (older than most) and only did a few interviews. Instead of applying for more jobs in my field, I decided to take a full time office job because I felt that my resume was not good enough and I wasn't ready enough and that I needed to get good enough to apply. I feel behind from my peers and thus guilty if I do pleasurable things because I should be working on that personal project to put on my resume yet I would sometimes procrastinate with social media. I think i've wasted time in my current job and opportunities by not applying to other places, even though it would have meant I would have failed a hundred times before I found that job I was happy with. I feel I understand myself more, thanks so much for this vid
I feel like towards the end the video missed by focusing on larger social issues, for me i prefer to hear rhe actionable steps one can take because hving conceptual understanding vs ability to practically implement is quite different.
I think practical implements are specific to each person and cannot be done in general audience vids like this. You have to discuss it with peers, figure it out yourself, and maybe make appointment with dr k coaching program
More than anything, I truly appreciate Dr. K for always elaborating on what he is saying. He is so clear and concise in his speech that there is no room for misunderstanding him.
@@crumbtember yeah that is very true, good point.
@@crumbtember I totally appreciate what you have to say. I guess I should really say that his effort to be so elaborate on his thoughts and not just say something vague and broad is what I really appreciate here.
Man, hard things are the ones worth doing or however that saying goes really does ring true. Abandoning expectations? That's so difficult that I have no idea how to even approach it. I can go a few days actively fighting my mind to expunge unhealthy expectations but eventually it wins, or I get fed up with spending 16 hours a day on RUclips and remember how many things I want to get done and have a panic attack. I know a relapse doesn't mean you're starting from zero but I still can't scrape together the motivation to try again for months after one.
And not operating from a feeling? That's like my whole life, doing things based on how I feel. It's so palpably painful to do something when your whole body is rebelling against it, and it takes at least five-ten minutes most of the time before it starts to become bearable, and I don't have the willpower to stay with it for that long on most days. I've tried doing things for 30 seconds at a time but that runs into the expectations problem again and I get fed up with it after a few weeks of work that, in total, adds up to like 5 minutes.
For a second I there thought I had written this. Hahah. That’s horrible but also… good? Because it made me see it a little from the outside. And I all I could think was: It’s not that hard. Not even for you. You can totally do it. It FEELS hard - but it’s not.
Wow, what a revelation.
I feel like if you go outside and just sit somewhere on a bench, no phone, no music in ears, just the quiet and people-watching - see how long you can do that. I think once you challenge yourself to do that, because it is a challenge for many of us, you realize just how strong you are, how simple it all is.
I think you, we, just have to accumulate these moments. In which we force ourselves to Do The Things. Or not do the comfortable things. It will become easier.
And I totally feel that "palpable physical pain". It’s SO hard. And on some days you will fall back entirely. Absolutely. But I guess we‘ll just have to do our best to accumulate those moments and challenge ourselves. We are WAY stronger than we think we are.
Don't know if this will help but I would consider looking for a better motivation sounds like your motivation is frustation and it's good to remember willpower is a resource and a sign of good motivation is it requires little thought to push you forward.
Either way I hope things improve for you!
@@ItG8823 Thanks for the well-wishes! You're right that negative motivation is not very effective, but sometimes it feels like the only thing that works for me, even if poorly. Like, there are a number of things that I am positively motivated to accomplish, or even things that are just plain enjoyable to do, that I still don't do because of various fears and anxieties stopping me. And the only thing that seems to be powerful enough to overshadow those fears is an even stronger fear, haha.
How can i abandon expectations when the world has huge expectations on everyone...? What should we do with expectaions that are not our own ones....?
Sometimes all it takes it attaching that small task to a bigger goal, then once you can see the bigger picture it will feel good to make progress, even if that progress is a tiny first step. I use a habit tracker to make it feel rewarding for taking tiny steps :)
But then you create an expectation for yourself, and then we're right back where we started. I don't recommend what you're saying if the video applies to you.
@@MiketheNerdRanger I am equally intimidated by the massive tasks for the sheer exertion required for it and the over-abundance of small ones for how overwhelming it makes things appear. I honestly can't win, so most battles go unfought or I'm only able to address them when there's immense pressure from a closing deadline.
So yeah, this trick doesn't really work for me. My brain is already trying to find the easy way out, and so the permanence of grouping tasks is an illusion and I'll just only tackle essential parts and leave the rest of the "big" task undone.
It almost sounds like the habit tracker is “gamifying” each tiny steps, which might be interesting and effective. What habit tracker are you using? Is it an app by chance?
@@trueasianmensch that’s the goal :) it called ‘Habit Tracker’ on iOS. Very good layout and designed so it feels good when you swipe to complete a task. Literally gamifies the little things that make me healthier
@@MiketheNerdRanger nab you just have no expectations but have a goal and trust the process and eventually you'll see results
Thanks Dr K. Everytime I come YT and you drop a banger of a video, its like you know the adversities I'm going through, and listening to all your videos just gives me so much more hope and comfort.
I found this thinking familiar with exception of conversations and porn usage. I "binge" videogames trying to reach a certain rank. I think that is similar to the gambling thing. I usually put it away after I reach that point. In general I find it hard to switch activities, so I am careful to not play videogames at all if I have something I MUST do that day or tomorrow. I also find myself avoiding certain "productive" activity that I might not enjoy as much because I will pursue it for many times longer than I intended.
I definitely relate to feeling a pawl(pal?) of pensiveness for the day where I haven't accomplished the day objective and as I get further in hole for that thing, the more I'm inclined to avoid it. Until I feel the need to do it for basically the whole day, sometimes multiple days in a row.
This cycle goes away(mostly) when I get good schedule control. It starts to spiral when I have some exigent event(s) that breaks my routine. Though I have broken my own routine through obsessive activity(both productive and non)it's easier to reset. I'm trying to build in more robust mechanisms for a minimalist routine I can always maintain.
"Do the work especially when you don't feel like it"
Editor you got to chill with these billion cuts, the doc feels like he's on speed, it's fine if he takes a breath and there is a bit of space to process what he has said...
I didn't watch this the day it came out as I usually do, but it made perfect sense today for me. It feels like I needed this today. Thank you so much for your lectures Dr. K.
How does HealthyGamerGG always puts out videos that address me directly?
🤯thankyou Dr K this vid explains a lot for me, now to figure out how to stop this cycle, it's hard at 46 to stop with the high expectations I have on myself that are actually throwing me into paralysis all too often.. I may have to watch this a few times 😂
I'm at 10:49 of this video and need to say thank you Dr.K. That literally opened my eyes. It all makes sense now - thank you (this comment is meant seriously!).
Thanks Dr. K, is love to hear more on holding people accountable, especially with friends/family
It helps to really attach the small tasks to an overarching goal or challenge for me.
I’m kinda like at point where everything kinda pointless 🤔
I'm 23 and have made some really dumb decisions in life so far and I was caught up in trying to get back what I've already lost. This video was really helpful to me in getting my shit together
This is literally me (except I'm 36 and I'm already past college. Thank you so much for untying this knot, it's a glimmer of hope to me rn.
Woah, I wish I had found this video two weeks ago as it describes almost exactly how I feel. It might be too late to fix my current situation but I’m glad I know how to change for the future
I recently started thinking I have ADHD after a lot of research and this video tackles my other issue. The paralysis is so great I am started to get really bad anxiety. Progress is being made everyday but the arbitrary deadlines I set myself have been really detrimental to my mental health.
I started crying when I realized what I was going through. This exactly. I started crying and I already have a little more hope.
Small tasks have this thing that they feel never ending, like ants. I started (again) to do them in the morning, to relief myself for the rest of the day, but then they are so many and scattered and chaotic that they zombify me and I walk paralyzed.
i seriously needed to hear this, thank you so much
Thanks for the video! This is exactly what I'm dealing with right now. :)
The last part really resonated with me, about how not to act on feelings, or go hot in the head >.>
i've heard of people taking cold showers as another example of creating less-than-satisfying situations to train their tolerance for such situations.
Dr. K your content is such a blessing
Thanks for doing your work Dr.K !
i think the whole topic is further worsened by the hustle grindset and other bs when millionaires (ie people who have rich parents) make a business model telling you to not waste even a second (gary vee swallowing the chewing gun instead of spitting it out) because this is how get rich. also, buy my course/book, etc to get ahead of your competition. the whole thing is stupid. you need to allow your brain to be in a neutral state, to rest in order to avoid mental fatigue. you'll find that having some pointless downtime/rest will make your more creative/whatever, because you allow your brain to process your life.
thanks, i needed this
This is exactly the video I needed right now
What about money? Knowing that you have projects that you want to see through but money becomes as persistent obstacle. Almost to the point where you feel like cosmic forces do not want you to feel like you're useful or "successful."
I have a.d.d.
I remind myself that the small things make a difference. If I tidy throughout the week and clean once a week I will have less work to do later when I need to be more thorough.
If I do the small boring or annoying things I make my life easier and better. If I take the time to set my fridge or bathroom up for easier use later then it's easier to use later. If I think about the future problems in the beginning then it's not a big issue later. If I buy a big thing of soda cans and I unload it and line them up in the fridge door or shelf then I can get rid of the box now and not have to think about it again everytime I grap a drink or finish the box.
Same goes for work and homework. Do the hard stuff first then you have more time to do the fun stuff.
I don't know. This channel is just gold.
I've been struggling to do anything at all lately, and I was just thinking it this morning, I thought maybe I'd watch a Yt video, and what do u know, this is the first thing I see, it's like you read minds
Maybe now you should do what you are suppose to be doing too
Does anyone else dislike the editing with fast cuts? It feels like it's too much info to take in at once and I liked the old style where some silence allowed us to process more of what Dr. K is saying
It's all too hard to keep track of and I can try all this for a week until I burnout and go back into isolation and self destructive behaviours.
Dr. K is a mind reader. I needed this
what would my life be like, if i dont have to watch hgg until i felt satisfied ? arghhh, my brains hurt when trying to think and really follow along dr.k
Everything feels pointless unless it's really important. Which means almost everything I do feels pointless.
The part at 12:32 about not letting feelings control our actions is something that confuses me especially when people say cliches like “listen to your heart” or “do what FEELS right”. I know we need to be more nuanced about this and it’s kinda off topic from this video.
Circling back to the actual topic at hand, I always tell myself Life is full of things we don’t feel like doing. 😂
The way I see it, there are situations in which it isn't clear what you should do; when what is best or right is uncertain. In these situations, many would advise you to follow your heart and do what feels right. Generally, these types of situations are complex scenarios with lots of variables such as human relationships. What is right to do when someone close to you lets you down or hurts you in some way? It's not always clear what is the right action here.
Then there are situations in which it is much clearer what you should do; when it may even be certain what is best or right. Here, it would be to your advantage to not to let your feelings get in the way of the right action. You may not feel like exercising or cutting out junk foods, but you know that it is in your best interests to regularly exercise and eat healthy foods, regardless of your feelings towards the matter.
@@VimDoozy yes definitely. Lots of layers and required nuance to it. I’m still figuring out how to get to know myself and often times the only way to do that is to let feelings guide me. But can’t be so stiff about this as if it were a mathematical theory. Humans and life require context.
But someone pls help how to discover myself and what I want :(
Great video. A bit fast paced but with excellent info.
When im behind on things it makes me lose motivation to do those things and do the things i do to cope like video games because i feel guilty for playing games instead of doing work and i get stuck in the middle of not being motivated enough to do any work and too guilty to do anything else i enjoy
Thank you for this video. That is all I have room to say now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I GO THROUGH!
I have been disabled for 8 years due to a genetic chronic illness. I'm stuck in bed 22 hours a day and can leave the house once or twice a month. I feel so frustrated. I just want to do simple things like clean or go out with my kids. It's been 8 years and every day is a struggle.
not sure how the end related to the title of the video lmfao.... or any of the other parts of the video .. but brilliant articulation of exactly how i feel but didnt know it was a real trap
Cudo's for the title because it really is relatable even tho I dont have the 'worthwhile' feeling.
It just seems pretty obvious to me that one would need anything they are planning to do to feel worth it. Is this not how everyone feels?
The ancient aliens expression goes perfect here.
Boy that point about us as a society surrendering our happiness to the words of others is INCREDIBLY appropriate. It’s amazing how easily people get deeply, personally offended by words today, even words that weren’t intended to be offensive.
Getting more from less > Getting less from more.
this is exactly my main blocking mechanic.
Ty
I feel like this all the time
bacon cheese burger for lunch? oh wee, someone's going to feel groggy and sleepy for the rest of the day LOL
Other useful thing to do would be to play a videogame you don't like, forcing yourself to consume it despite the lack of dopaminergic reward.
How to set a goal for yourself and also abandon all expectations? This sounds like a contradiction, because I can only do things once I define what I want / need to do, but if I don't do them I feel the problem with high expectations...
Thats right. In order to have a small expectations you have to aim at small goals. I think a good major goal is to stack little goals, like farming for late game x)
Maybe have the goal be more action-based? Try to have a goal be an action that will probably have a positive outcome, but don’t have the outcome BE the goal.
Examples:
Action-based goal: study every night
Outcome-based goal: get an A in every class
Action-based goal : go to more events where you can meet people
Outcome-based goal : get more friends / get a partner
Action-based goal : clean the house more frequently
Outcome-based goal : start finding cleaning enjoyable
The outcome might happen as a consequence of you doing the action, but you can’t directly control things like how hard your tests end up being, how much people like you, whether you find something fun or not. So focus on what you can directly control.
@@demonschnauzer1555 thank you for this!
@@demonschnauzer1555 I think Dr. K has mentioned action-based goals several times in the past, but I think this is the first time I've seen it so cleanly laid out in a comment. Good job man.
Doing all things feels pointless, cuz it really is pointless, we just need to find good enough lie to trick our brain into believing it is important and by deceiving ourselves we can achieve our goals. Perfectly living in a perfect lie.
It depends usually on what I want out of life
I have offtopic question, and i hope somebody can answer it. My question is, do hardcore games corrupt dopamine system just like other games/YT/social media/etc? YT for example, being very easy task to do, gets us used to such easy tasks with high reward, hardcore games like Escape from Tarkov for example (which is probably hardest game i ever experienced) logically seems much less convenient, so its a difficult task with high reward, so its not the same? Also, do i even rest playing games like that?
It still be very complex and you cannot judge anything as it is separete point from everything else.
If your outside life is unmotivated boredom, you can imagine what kind of trap Tarkov could be. If only oportunities are inside the game, it will dominate.
Question allways is: with this action, do I try to hide and mask some feeling? Avoid some situation/task?
Short answer is: Of course they are different, but it does not mean it could't evolute to problem.
@@MeltedMask i was mainly asking about if tarkov able to corrupt my dopamine system, like how YT does. But i get what you said, thanks for response. And no, i don't have issues with motivation as far as i can tell.
@@vengeance160 Tarkov won't corrupt similarly than binge watching.
I called it input output ratio.
You need to be more active to play hard game until in the end you get reward, acomplishment.
Otherwise binge watching videos, anime, tv-series and doom-scrolling, there is little to no input needed and not any good limits not to click next thing.
Next video is the novel and rewarding! Next post is that make my life difference and better. Drugs had false promises.
Tarkov is more of learning and in the end that is what brain loves. Novel ideas that can stich to old network. Information contrast, experiences.
@@MeltedMask Thanks, dude.
This is a huge part of my life, turns out it's heavily influenced by my ADHD
wait ADHD has a correlation with high expectations.
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 is this a statement or a question
Thank you
I feel like these types of people are the ones that achieve success the fastest and then kill themselves at the youngest age.
Great video, but the cuts made it hard to follow. Would've preferred it being a few minutes longer with normal syntax.
Dr K.: "So this who problem starts with-" scrolls up to the stick figure
Me: Existence
Damn this is a critical hit on me. Oof! Thanks for this, Dr. K.
Tho it is isolating when what everyone else considers small stuff is different from mine and I can’t relate to anyone and they just isolate me
if feelings don't dictate your actions, what should?
Me: "Yea can I get a bacon cheeseburger without the patty?"
McD's cashier: "huh??"
insanely good
Is this finally the video for me. Oh my GoD.
Is there a way to adjust your expectations as well?
Gotta work on that willpower
Dear editor, it is difficult to follow when all the pauses are cut out. Dr K's natural way of speaking, with pauses, sinks in better
Mr editor's job is to cut out those pauses so the video isnt an hour long
Can someone explain 7:43 onwards to me? "The more in the hole I am, the less my time is worth, the more miserly I am about it." He used an example after that but I still didn't understand. What is the meaning of the part "the less my time is worth"? Worth meaning like standalone worth of my work? Or time left to do the work?
if it's still relevant:
he's pointing out that people who haven't accomplished much will feel guiltier "wasting" their time by not doing something productive--and that it seems contradictory that someone less accomplished and whose time objectively is worth less (e.g. someone who can't find a job) will feel that more than someone accomplished (e.g. surgical resident). because surgical resident's time is more in-demand and they practically would make more difference in other people's lives by not taking time off but they won't feel guilty while taking a vacation, while someone whose time isn't in-demand would.
i think the point of this is to show the situation from another perspective and that the logic of "i can't waste any time because i'm already behind" isn't unquestionable.
OR to just put in context who is likely to feel this way
Wait, I'm "supposed" to separate my feelings from my actions consciously? Really? I thought that I was always supposed to follow how I felt. I want to say this is mindblowing but I'm kind of confused. Cry when we're not sad? Smile when I'm incredibly angry? There's no congruence there. I don't get it. Not to discount what you've said here, but I just feel like we need to dive a little deeper into this facet of conversation.
Every feelings are valid, as you and K said. You should gry if you feel that.
What K wasn't conveying clearly is separation of acute and longterm state. Feelings are acute by nature and can help only acute problems. But when you let feelings dictate longterm action, then problems arise.
You need to separete feelings from long term goals.