Wonderful. What a lovely man, so vulnerable, but he is trying so hard. You can do this! Cheering you on from Holland. Your wife will love it when you open up like this. Its beautifull and powerful.... God bless you Both!
It's easy for some. Not so much for others. Some people aren't wired to handle emotions or taught how to empathize because it wasn't modeled in their family. Clearly he had some emotional stuff (parents, never married, split when he was 6). So it's not too surprising that he doesn't understand how to connect with his heart. Have empathy for him as well.
For people who experienced empathy, compassion and acceptance from their caregivers, it may be easy. For men who were taught to sit squarely in the middle of the "man box" -- and who were ridiculed by their parents for being sensitive, it is not so easy. Compassion is the key--it's what the wife wants, and the husband needs it too! (Judgment is easy... listening and being emotionally present take practice.)
I encourage people to look into Non-Violent Communication. 1. Feelings & Needs awareness, 2. Observations not judgements, 3. requests not demands, 4. personal responsibility for getting needs met not looking for the other person to meet my emotional needs. *Thank you for suggesting that healing from own pain in order to be more empathic to others.*
Dr. Cloud, I immediately thought that this husband was "playing" you and was insincere. He thinks he's the "boss" in every relationship... with his wife and now tries to impress you with his knowledge. SHAMEFUL that a husband can't relax and love his wife, listen to her heart's concerns and melt into her needs. He seems so controlling and authoritative.. I feel for his wife. (and I am a man) Maybe HE needs to hit bottom and have his wife rescue him... for him to appreciate her as an equal.
yes, I think he maybe has a fear of vulnerability, maybe due to his own childhood, or he switched off that part due to pain as a child. He's trying though, right?
This is pretty much my husband. He was deeply wounded in his childhood and has trouble "letting down". Dropping the Spock persona. Being honest about his life and feelings....etc. Feeling safe.
THANK YOU to the both of you for the honesty, sincerity, and volnurability ❤ GOD BLESS you, Dr. Cloud, and you Sir, in your marriage 💑❤ Praying God will help you lay down your weapons and help you see your wofe for the beautiful helper God has made her to be for you. She is feeling your pain and is probably hurting for THAT very reason ♡
I appreciate you for sharing such a meaningful experience, as it touches my heart deeply. I am feeling suppported by the level of validation I am getting..
I know so many women, me included, who are in such a deep dark pit! We are all middle aged, I cry almost daily, I feel so alone and not important, what is going on??
I feel the same. What I try to remember is that the Lord’s mercies renew every morning so each day’s troubles are covered. We can persevere by God’s grace. Jesus came to give life, the enemy of our souls came to kill, steal and destroy. He knows his time is short so he’s doing all he can to take our peace and joy in the Lord.
5:00 you think?! He comes across like her teacher, I can imagine home to be very patronising and a know it all, I'm sure he doesn't mean to but it's very annoying
Logic and reasoning based person learning how to live with a emotional driven based person is a huge undertaking ... usually the emotional driven based person will feel emotionally hurt by logic and reasoning or feel lessor of a person due to the lack of logic and sound reasoning ... folks who are more prone to be emotionally driven based seem to lack more common sense .. and are tossed up and down by their emotions ... For the rationally logical driven folks these emotionally driven folks are the most difficult to live with ... not impossible .. almost impossible .. we all have emotions ... but what level of emotions is at play here ? As an adult we are to learn how to manage our emotions .. deal with them ... walking on glass comes from dealing with emotional driven folks ... manipulation and a list of other issues extends from emotional disorders ... truth often hurts emotions ... emotional individuals often say , " don't confuse me with the facts " Logic and sound reasoning makes sense ...
I dislike one up and one down aspect as an adult ... also parent to child when they are adults ... but it seems very obviously that this oil and water type of reality get together there is this natural negative thing that happens ... feelings often cloud up and often is the reason for not obtaining emotional healing ... feelings seem to prolong the process rather than logically dealing with it and move on ... Emotions .... emotions ... emotions ... the center of all the attention ... drama ... drama ... drama ... not making fun of the emotional driven folks ... I have emotions too ... we all do ... but to what level are our emotions in control ? and to what level are they actually in the way of obtaining common sense or hindering common sense ?
The truth is every human is emotionally driven. We have biochemical emotions based fight flight and freeze responses to potential dangers, all of our action systems are based on emotions, feeling hungry, need for social connections etc… If we live only in the emotional right side of the brain we loose out on the benefit of rational and objective thinking. If we live only in logic and facts we aren’t connected to ourself and our relationships maybe shallow. True intelligence includes both, the ability to know the emotional drivers at play, but to respond with the wise mind that can consider actions that will lead us to have are emotional needs met. Wise mind requires emotional intelligence and rationale, there is no need for one up man ship as the wise mind values both. You cannot deal with emotions using logic, you cannot deal with logic using emotion. It is only when they are both present and integrated that you can truly move on. As a very analytical person this was a hard lesson to accept.
@@ArtyAntics yes emotions are present & have a voice .. what is more powerful than chemical driven emotion in each human Being is their own personal individual Soul’s , “ WILL” . Each human Being is born with their own choice selector, called a , “ WILL “ .. a person may feel , or want , chemically emotionally driven , the individual’s WILL can & often does select logic & reason over chemically induced / driven choice . Just because emotions are present doesn’t mean they have to be selected . Self control usually has to do with the ability to restrain from selecting the inner demands of one’s chemically driven emotions . Dealing with inner emotions & selecting logic & reasoning over the loud & strong demands coming from chemical driven emotions is one of many signs of coming into adulthood & leaving childish ways behind .. The most powerful aspect each individual human Being has is their own personal choice selector ! More powerful than a emotional chemical driven voice ! Having said this .. there’s a danger that emotional levels can reach extreme heights where logic & reasoning is no longer in control … Emotions must be controlled before emotions reach high levels ! Emotional warfare is when emotions are purposely driven to extreme levels to over ride logic & reasoning . Out of control individual extends from extreme levels of emotions .. when emotions are at a low level they are easier to manage .. when emotions are continually selected a fast path can be established & elevated emotions can occur . Wounded emotions also can create a fast tract to become elevated quickly . Mindfulness , self awareness, of one’s own emotional level is important .. self-governed individual whom is more personally aware emotions are a choice & use their Will to select better non emotional choices & not give into chemical driven emotions & not participate in emotional warfare . & by all means monitor the level of their own emotional status .. awareness is key !
@@leeharrison8790 I think you have missed the point. Good decisions come only from listening to emotions and logic. Except in a danger scenario, you don’t have time to think about the lion chasing you, the biochemical fear takes over and you run for your life based on emotional instinct. Deny the emotional drivers and you deny reality. It’s hard for an analytical mind to accept but our base operating system is emotional first, then logic develops after the age of 13 when that side of the brain develops. That is how the science of psychology states our development occurs. A healthy brain has integration between both left and right brain functions, to live solely in one side or the other creates issues with our ability to fluidly switch between action systems which we require to function in daily life. In my experience people with overly emotional brains can be taught to consider logic far easier than a logical mind can learn emotions. I’d rather intellectually solve problems all day long but emotions can’t be ignored forever, they will come up eventually. If we are invested in our identity as a logical person it can be rather destabilising. I really wish someone explained this to me sooner and saved me a lot of pain.
@@ArtyAntics I do understand your point .. military training is purposely done to think through a emotional crap storm .. reaction training does save lives in a highly emotionally crap storm ," threatening situation " / freezing , or taking flight , has killed many soldiers ... that is where I'm coming from
@@ArtyAntics I have had to retrain my brain to become more aware of my emotional levels . emotional manipulation / as I call it , " emotional warfare ", is when others purposely try to gaslight emotions ...
Where is the callers wife at while he is discussing her personal business on RUclips...you can stop laughing and own your own emotional immaturity...yep! Stop being fake dude, own your own shirt comings!
Emotional driven folks aren't bad or less of a person or dumb ... like logical and sound reasoning folks aren't deliberate emotionally hurtful either .. but that's the experience or the effect they often have when they spend time together .. Oil and water ... Encourage these two to respect each other and get along ... lol good luck
So people whom are more logical and reasoning based are emotionally heartless ? What ever happened to truth hurts ? awareness of emotionally hurting those whom are more emotionally driven based folks is when the emotional dance begins ... sensitive awareness is emotional awareness escalated over logic and sound reasoning ?
Her world being a emotional world verses his world which is logic and sound reasoning ...lol Oil and water ... it's so obvious this is a male and female internal wiring issue ? ... Are male and female factually compatible ? Having a male learn how to address emotionally led females is difficult when the guy is wired to logic and sound reasoning ... the level of balancing emotions with logic and sound reasoning is tough when these different aspects can cancel out each other ... And for most guy's emotions are something to deal with due to most of their negative experiences comes from emotional issues ... where as logic and sound reasoning is much more stable and sensible ... emotional warfare is ugly ... emotions usually are involved in every pathetic situation where logic and reason makes sense and emotions just get in the way ... when emotions rule you can kiss logic and reasoning good by ... emotions can you trust them ? mental illness usually always involves emotional issues gone a muck ... are emotions evil NO ... but those whom are emotion driven seem to lack common sense that logic and reasoning brings to the table ... emotional pain is the number one issue with emotional driven folks .. oil and water is like emotions and logic and reasoning ... logic and reasoning hurts emotions and emotions get in the way of logic and reasoning ... can they work together ? the frustration begins ... it's so difficult to balance these components they resist each other ... good luck with this ... the emotionalism within the female I'm attracted to ... perhaps due to I'm not wired like them as a male .. but wow ... the emotional issues are real ...
"'Withness' is the connection." I love this. I also applaud the caller for his desire and willingness to learn and grow himself.
Wonderful. What a lovely man, so vulnerable, but he is trying so hard.
You can do this! Cheering you on from Holland. Your wife will love it when you open up like this. Its beautifull and powerful....
God bless you Both!
Boy i wish my husband tried even a third of what you are trying to do to improve our marriage
Wonderful isn't it!
Same
EMPATHY...I don't understand why people don't understand how empathy works or what it even is. Your wife isn't your pupil she is you life partner
It's easy for some. Not so much for others. Some people aren't wired to handle emotions or taught how to empathize because it wasn't modeled in their family. Clearly he had some emotional stuff (parents, never married, split when he was 6). So it's not too surprising that he doesn't understand how to connect with his heart. Have empathy for him as well.
For people who experienced empathy, compassion and acceptance from their caregivers, it may be easy. For men who were taught to sit squarely in the middle of the "man box" -- and who were ridiculed by their parents for being sensitive, it is not so easy. Compassion is the key--it's what the wife wants, and the husband needs it too! (Judgment is easy... listening and being emotionally present take practice.)
@@skakid7386 Yes but as an adult you can see when your actions cause harm and you can learn to do better
That was so crazy unbelievably good! I can tell how much you care about the people you serve. Thank you!
I encourage people to look into Non-Violent Communication. 1. Feelings & Needs awareness, 2. Observations not judgements, 3. requests not demands, 4. personal responsibility for getting needs met not looking for the other person to meet my emotional needs. *Thank you for suggesting that healing from own pain in order to be more empathic to others.*
Yes, validate their feelings not tell them what to do. Listen and express compassion.
He clearly loves his wife very much.
Dr. Cloud, I immediately thought that this husband was "playing" you and was insincere. He thinks he's the "boss" in every relationship... with his wife and now tries to impress you with his knowledge. SHAMEFUL that a husband can't relax and love his wife, listen to her heart's concerns and melt into her needs. He seems so controlling and authoritative.. I feel for his wife. (and I am a man)
Maybe HE needs to hit bottom and have his wife rescue him... for him to appreciate her as an equal.
This is so good! Thank you Dr. Cloud! Thank you to the man who was vulnerable to call and share! WOW! Good stuff!!!
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yes, I think he maybe has a fear of vulnerability, maybe due to his own childhood, or he switched off that part due to pain as a child. He's trying though, right?
This is pretty much my husband. He was deeply wounded in his childhood and has trouble "letting down". Dropping the Spock persona. Being honest about his life and feelings....etc. Feeling safe.
Dr. Cloud, You are amazing!!!!!
THANK YOU to the both of you for the honesty, sincerity, and volnurability ❤ GOD BLESS you, Dr. Cloud, and you Sir, in your marriage 💑❤ Praying God will help you lay down your weapons and help you see your wofe for the beautiful helper God has made her to be for you. She is feeling your pain and is probably hurting for THAT very reason ♡
It’s one of thousands of things that end in permanent divorce
I like these little individual question videos
Me too!!!!
I appreciate you for sharing such a meaningful experience, as it touches my heart deeply. I am feeling suppported by the level of validation I am getting..
I know so many women, me included, who are in such a deep dark pit! We are all middle aged, I cry almost daily, I feel so alone and not important, what is going on??
I feel the same. What I try to remember is that the Lord’s mercies renew every morning so each day’s troubles are covered. We can persevere by God’s grace.
Jesus came to give life, the enemy of our souls came to kill, steal and destroy. He knows his time is short so he’s doing all he can to take our peace and joy in the Lord.
5:00 you think?! He comes across like her teacher, I can imagine home to be very patronising and a know it all, I'm sure he doesn't mean to but it's very annoying
This guy needs therapy - big time!
He has no empathy, is rigid but in fact his wife is unhappy cause she is not loved. It sounds like he is a narsiccist.
Logic and reasoning based person learning how to live with a emotional driven based person is a huge undertaking ... usually the emotional driven based person will feel emotionally hurt by logic and reasoning or feel lessor of a person due to the lack of logic and sound reasoning ... folks who are more prone to be emotionally driven based seem to lack more common sense .. and are tossed up and down by their emotions ... For the rationally logical driven folks these emotionally driven folks are the most difficult to live with ... not impossible .. almost impossible .. we all have emotions ... but what level of emotions is at play here ? As an adult we are to learn how to manage our emotions .. deal with them ... walking on glass comes from dealing with emotional driven folks ... manipulation and a list of other issues extends from emotional disorders ... truth often hurts emotions ... emotional individuals often say , " don't confuse me with the facts " Logic and sound reasoning makes sense ...
I dislike one up and one down aspect as an adult ... also parent to child when they are adults ... but it seems very obviously that this oil and water type of reality get together there is this natural negative thing that happens ... feelings often cloud up and often is the reason for not obtaining emotional healing ... feelings seem to prolong the process rather than logically dealing with it and move on ... Emotions .... emotions ... emotions ... the center of all the attention ... drama ... drama ... drama ... not making fun of the emotional driven folks ... I have emotions too ... we all do ... but to what level are our emotions in control ? and to what level are they actually in the way of obtaining common sense or hindering common sense ?
The truth is every human is emotionally driven. We have biochemical emotions based fight flight and freeze responses to potential dangers, all of our action systems are based on emotions, feeling hungry, need for social connections etc… If we live only in the emotional right side of the brain we loose out on the benefit of rational and objective thinking. If we live only in logic and facts we aren’t connected to ourself and our relationships maybe shallow. True intelligence includes both, the ability to know the emotional drivers at play, but to respond with the wise mind that can consider actions that will lead us to have are emotional needs met. Wise mind requires emotional intelligence and rationale, there is no need for one up man ship as the wise mind values both. You cannot deal with emotions using logic, you cannot deal with logic using emotion. It is only when they are both present and integrated that you can truly move on. As a very analytical person this was a hard lesson to accept.
@@ArtyAntics yes emotions are present & have a voice .. what is more powerful than chemical driven emotion in each human Being is their own personal individual Soul’s , “ WILL” . Each human Being is born with their own choice selector, called a , “ WILL “ .. a person may feel , or want , chemically emotionally driven , the individual’s WILL can & often does select logic & reason over chemically induced / driven choice . Just because emotions are present doesn’t mean they have to be selected . Self control usually has to do with the ability to restrain from selecting the inner demands of one’s chemically driven emotions . Dealing with inner emotions & selecting logic & reasoning over the loud & strong demands coming from chemical driven emotions is one of many signs of coming into adulthood & leaving childish ways behind .. The most powerful aspect each individual human Being has is their own personal choice selector ! More powerful than a emotional chemical driven voice ! Having said this .. there’s a danger that emotional levels can reach extreme heights where logic & reasoning is no longer in control … Emotions must be controlled before emotions reach high levels ! Emotional warfare is when emotions are purposely driven to extreme levels to over ride logic & reasoning . Out of control individual extends from extreme levels of emotions .. when emotions are at a low level they are easier to manage .. when emotions are continually selected a fast path can be established & elevated emotions can occur . Wounded emotions also can create a fast tract to become elevated quickly . Mindfulness , self awareness, of one’s own emotional level is important .. self-governed individual whom is more personally aware emotions are a choice & use their Will to select better non emotional choices & not give into chemical driven emotions & not participate in emotional warfare . & by all means monitor the level of their own emotional status .. awareness is key !
@@leeharrison8790 I think you have missed the point. Good decisions come only from listening to emotions and logic. Except in a danger scenario, you don’t have time to think about the lion chasing you, the biochemical fear takes over and you run for your life based on emotional instinct. Deny the emotional drivers and you deny reality. It’s hard for an analytical mind to accept but our base operating system is emotional first, then logic develops after the age of 13 when that side of the brain develops. That is how the science of psychology states our development occurs. A healthy brain has integration between both left and right brain functions, to live solely in one side or the other creates issues with our ability to fluidly switch between action systems which we require to function in daily life. In my experience people with overly emotional brains can be taught to consider logic far easier than a logical mind can learn emotions. I’d rather intellectually solve problems all day long but emotions can’t be ignored forever, they will come up eventually. If we are invested in our identity as a logical person it can be rather destabilising. I really wish someone explained this to me sooner and saved me a lot of pain.
@@ArtyAntics I do understand your point .. military training is purposely done to think through a emotional crap storm .. reaction training does save lives in a highly emotionally crap storm ," threatening situation " / freezing , or taking flight , has killed many soldiers ... that is where I'm coming from
@@ArtyAntics I have had to retrain my brain to become more aware of my emotional levels . emotional manipulation / as I call it , " emotional warfare ", is when others purposely try to gaslight emotions ...
Go for the "GOLD".....LOVE THIS
4:59. Paul we have got you be much more emotionally present In the relationship.....how do I use the emotional muscle ??
Where is the callers wife at while he is discussing her personal business on RUclips...you can stop laughing and own your own emotional immaturity...yep! Stop being fake dude, own your own shirt comings!
Emotional driven folks aren't bad or less of a person or dumb ... like logical and sound reasoning folks aren't deliberate emotionally hurtful either .. but that's the experience or the effect they often have when they spend time together .. Oil and water ... Encourage these two to respect each other and get along ... lol good luck
The husband needs therapy! Wow!!!! He lacks empathy. 🤮
So people whom are more logical and reasoning based are emotionally heartless ? What ever happened to truth hurts ? awareness of emotionally hurting those whom are more emotionally driven based folks is when the emotional dance begins ... sensitive awareness is emotional awareness escalated over logic and sound reasoning ?
That guy sounded like he was unable to feel
Hereditary or conditioning?
Her world being a emotional world verses his world which is logic and sound reasoning ...lol Oil and water ... it's so obvious this is a male and female internal wiring issue ? ... Are male and female factually compatible ? Having a male learn how to address emotionally led females is difficult when the guy is wired to logic and sound reasoning ... the level of balancing emotions with logic and sound reasoning is tough when these different aspects can cancel out each other ... And for most guy's emotions are something to deal with due to most of their negative experiences comes from emotional issues ... where as logic and sound reasoning is much more stable and sensible ... emotional warfare is ugly ... emotions usually are involved in every pathetic situation where logic and reason makes sense and emotions just get in the way ... when emotions rule you can kiss logic and reasoning good by ... emotions can you trust them ? mental illness usually always involves emotional issues gone a muck ... are emotions evil NO ... but those whom are emotion driven seem to lack common sense that logic and reasoning brings to the table ... emotional pain is the number one issue with emotional driven folks .. oil and water is like emotions and logic and reasoning ... logic and reasoning hurts emotions and emotions get in the way of logic and reasoning ... can they work together ? the frustration begins ... it's so difficult to balance these components they resist each other ... good luck with this ... the emotionalism within the female I'm attracted to ... perhaps due to I'm not wired like them as a male .. but wow ... the emotional issues are real ...