Different people definitely have different levels of tolerance for 'messiness'. If roommates have close to equal tolerances, the cleaning tends to be more equal, and if they have very different tolerances, the one with the lower tolerance tends to do most of the cleaning.
There's also the common problem where the more you clean, the more people take it for granted that you'll clean, and then it turns into people acting entitled to you cleaning everything, of ten because they "have to go to work" are "busy streaming" or "don't know how". This especially affect women living with male roommates. It happens to me all the time, though right now it's one of my male roommate who cleans up after others. This kind of ignores situations where one person is actually clearly picking up after other people, which actually happens a lot. And often the other people actually "doing some" cleaning, are lazy about it and do things so poorly it needs to be redone. We could really use an episode about LEARNED HELPLESSNESS or how the infantilization of fellow adults is not appropriate or helpful behaviour. Or even about how expectations and what people get away with shapes them in general, and learning to not be shaped by the expectations of others.
I always feel lucky that I can trust the people I associate with (and currently live with) to have as much respect for me as I do for them. I know that if I've done something that wasn't my responsibility, or vice-versa, that the other person will feel guilty for whatever thing stopped them from doing that before I was able to. It's basically the difference between somebody saying, "You shouldn't have," and, "What took so long?"
That's super cool for you. It's good to find people you can trust to be respectful and decent. Historically, any place I've lived I have had to do all the cleaning, mostly being the only female. Now it's my one roommate and I picking up the slack for one of the other people here. He even does a lot more than I do, and it's really unfair to him. In a roommate situation you're kind of left with an ultimatum of "Fair or not, you can either clean up after others or live in their mess." and a lot of people take advantage of that. While I accept that what is presented is this video happens a lot, it kind of glosses right over all those situations where that isn't what's happening.
There's also the problem where one person has a higher standard for tidiness than the other, so they tend to get stressed out enough to do something about it before the other person even thinks it is necessary, which can also be pretty disempowering ("I was just about to do that"), and eventually they just stop thinking about it. At its extreme, control-freak cleaning can be just as frustrating as mess, especially when people get narky about it, at which point it can degenerate into a token of control in domestic power games.
All of it can degenerate into power games. That's what the struggle of roommates is. Still, I know it an be disheartening, but someone being more concerned with cleanliness or tidiness isn't really a reason to stop trying, or to feel bad about yourself. I'd suggest talking to that person and trying to work out a system, rather than just accepting being cleaned up after. That situation isn't healthy for anyone, and falling into the trap of letting someone else pick up after you and then feeling bad about yourself isn't good for you, especially if they're getting snarky and entitled about it all the time. Also remember it's their living space too, and they have every right to feel as comfortable in it as you do without having to carry extra burden. I've been on both sides of that. Recently, someone sweeping or doing the dishes before I can gather the spoons to do it [I'm not always able-bodied], or less recently, having a roommate that thinks it's appropriate to leave raw meat blood all over the table and counter for a week because he "had to go to work." There are extremes on both sides of that. Having an honest conversation about it is always the best option. I do really think a video on learned helplessness and infantilization would be really awesome to see from them.
Absolutely. It really just comes down to the power of your relationship with the person, which is never going to work well with new roommates and will implode unexpectedly weaker friendships. They might not care when things get cleaned up, especially when they're only trying to relax for an hour or two before the next day starts, so I always feel guilty when I have to ask for something that's really only for my own piece of mind. That person has to be nearly if not equally invested in your happiness/well-being to have that balance out -- and that's rare. It's really just best to find out -- if possible -- where you line up with a potential roommate on certain things that would be a day-to-day burden/maintenance. There are too many things that end up affecting both roommates that either person is going to have to come most of the way on -- simply because it's something I may not be able to change -- and that's why serious, long-term relationships can be so difficult. I don't really see much other way to approach it, other than trying to be incredibly flexible on everything. There's only so much somebody can do by separating and distancing between two quarters -- if need be.
Yes, but she does more security and protection duties than you do. She spends vastly more time keeping those birds outside the window and holding down that couch cushion so it doesn’t flip over and hurt you. But do you see that??? Obviously not.
@@IJustWantToUseMyName omg your comment just made my day 😂😂😂 obviously i landed here for a reason, and was so angry the whole day; thanks for making me laugh 😂❤️
I started watching this and immediately began thinking of people in my life this applies to while recalling no instances of me doing the same thing. So... Point taken, video. Point taken.
A great example of this is while driving. A person cuts you off and they are immediately labeled as whichever expletive you happen to prefer that day. But when you really need to get over and there's only just enough room for you car, you attempt to anyway. After you really needed to, you were in a hurry. Even though you did the same thing as the person in the first scenario, you're not the bad guy. I've been trying to get this point across to my wife for years now. And while I know I'm guilty of this I try to be better by remembering some of Hank's brother's own advice, "Imagine people complexly."
It's also a prime source for the ages old explanation, "...but that's different!" whenever someone gets their own "sin" or "hypocrisy" pointed out to them. :o)
I have this discussion with my husband on a regular basis. lol you don't realize the hypocracy in the moment. He HATES when people drive to close to the rear of his car and so I maker a point to politely point out when he does the same thing to someoner else! no one can account for human error. if you drive too close to may wind up seriously regreting it.
knowing someone's poop schedule is waaaaay more valuable. no one is more vulnerable, then when they are squatting with their legs tangled in pants,pinching a log. the helpless look on someone's face as you open an unlocked bathroom door is where I carved this hypothesis.
me and my gf had that conversation a lot. so i started a housechore book. after seeing the resulst, she was certain that i no do more, just to prove that shes wrong. and even if you take 100% of the work for a while, you dont get a thanks, you get a "about time, you have to do this even longer to make up for all those times where i did more then you"
It seems like I'm the only person who is aware of how lazy they are. I do nothing and I'm aware of that. Do I still blame people for being lazy? Yes, but that's because its the lazy thing to do
Well no, because I clean my housemates dirt after theyve had a bath, the next day whilst she wipes hairs on the side of the bath which she leaves to "pick up later"
lol I often see it like that with my husband, but I also am hyper aware of his role outside the house. he is oftetn stressed and tired so I generally try to have most things done so he doesn't feel the need. playing the blame game when you are married doesn't help to strengthen your relationship at all.
I’m pissed when my roommate just put all sort of things on the kitchen tables without cleaning or organizing. I know she’s busy. Yeah, busy with her phone.
A good thing to counteract this bias is to have a table with the chores' schedules and have the people check it every time they do stuff. It's harder to be biased against solid evidence.
That's nice except I am 100% sure I do more than my roommate. I honestly do try to give her the benefit of the doubt as much as I can. Most of the time, though, my anger at her lack of cleanliness gets in the way. I'm kind of a neat freak and she isn't. I notice when things are/are not clean, and I honestly don't think she notices. If she had cleaned the bathroom once this year, I would have noticed...but she didn't. From the most unbiased view I can put myself in...I do more work than she does.
Terrible situation for sure, but we'll rarely fall near in-line with others when it comes to a level of cleanliness, especially as you fall further onto either side of the spectrum. All's fair and good with how they'd like to live, I just couldn't live somewhere that put such an unfair burden on myself to retain my happiness. If they even cared at all about your relationship, they could help balance the load -- but do they? Although, new roommate, new problem. #RoommateRealities #BoredNoBoard
While watching this video I caught myself thinking, "Yeah, but I don't have this bias, I know I don't do as much. So, I'm better than thi-oh. I'm doing it right now, huh."
We learned some of these in high school psychology. We also learned that these were normal for the average person while people with mental disorders like depression and anxiety had almost opposite biases which would reinforce their mental state. His examples were things like viewing yourself as bad or annoying when someone doesn't want to spend time around you rather than them just being tired or busy, viewing yourself as worthless to avoid reaching out when in trouble etc. It was an amazing topic as he encouraged an open discussion after the main lecture so we could easily learn how people view themselves to facilitate how we should either better them our ourselves in social situations
I made a commitment early in life to not treat my wife like I saw my Mum being treated. Doing all the work. Sad thing is, now I am like her and my wife is like my dad was.
Then one did x%=100%-y% and the other did y%=100%-x% of the work leading to 100% of the finished product. You can never have more than 100% of the work, since x%+y%=100%.
While that is true, and no more than 100% of the work could have been done, I don't believe that was the focus of the study. It's all about the phrasing of the question (or the answers), and you could make an argument for either side the way it was presented. If both people in a relationship participated in the act of, "cooking," for 100/100 nights, then they both correctly cooked 100% of 100 nights, or 200 nights of cooking between the two of them. By comparison, would that mean that a sous-chef has never cooked a meal in his life?
I tried to show this to my mom and she wouldn't look at it because she was "doing everything around here" I feel like this proves the whole point of the video
It would be interesting to do the study of married couples with people who have depression or anxiety or some other mental disorder just to see if it would end up with the couple getting percentage that actually is below avarage. Or if the percentage in other cultures will be different, like countires that tend to be more humble, like China, Japan or Finland.
Just shared this on Facebook, and hopefully my roommate sees it. I am so sick of her complaining that she's the only one who does the dishes. I did the dishes a couple of days ago, and so the dishwasher was dirty and ready for people to put their dishes straight into. A little bit later that same day, she dumped a bunch of her dirty lunch containers in the sick, and then people have been piling dirty dishes in the sink. Last night she complained that she was the only one who does the dishes, which meant she expected me to clean her own dishes that she was too lazy to do. She did fill up the dishwasher last night and run it, and so I should unload it this morning (I don't have time to load it before word) but I've had it with her complaining. If she thinks she's the only one who does the dishes, then she can be the only one who does them. I've had it. Also, venting, because sometimes that helps.
What drives me crazy is that while I'm limited by my disabilities in what I can do, when I offer to take something on that I am able to do as a regular responsibility, my Mum insists on doing it so it's done her way (she will make sure to do it before anyone else has a chance), then complains she does "everything"! She refuses to see she's creating this issue. The only thing I get chance to help with is the dishwasher! NB. Unfortunately, there's no affordable accommodation for single people with severe disabilities where I live & very little anywhere else in the UK. Believe me, I've tried everything I can to find somewhere. At least I have my part-time studies to keep me sane!
You can say that, but when I actually take the trash out and he leaves the trashbag by the door for someone else to find and then goes to sleep, I think I may be on to something...
I live in a house with 3 other girls. One girl and I are students, the other two have full time jobs. Whilst us students clean out the kitchen after parties and just after general use, the other two clean out the bathrooms and stuff. Our house works pretty well.
My sister sat on the couch all weekend (watching tv) and I heard the tv going the whole time, so I think I can fairly say that while I spent half my time vacuuming I did more work
Most happens with people with concentration issues (add/adhd) Because of the extra stimulation on the brain it forces the tongue out almost involuntarily- because of the overwhelming stimulation and it being difficult to focus
The person I live with makes far more mess in the kitchen, but also cleans far more of it (eventually). I think she cleans a larger percentage of the mess relative to what she makes, but that's mainly because either she gets to my own dishes before I do, or because I clean less due to the lack of space at the kitchen sink.
I live with a buddy of mine, just these past 6 months I've cleaned the bathroom several times in a row, put in and out of the dishwasher all but 1 time, taken out the trash all but 1 time, vacuumed and cleaned the living area all but 1 time and washed/scrubbed the shower for the 3rd time in a row. I do more housework than him, that's a fact.
Nope, my housemate definitely does most of the work. She has an almost pathological need to do the most, then slide snide comments at me for it. I rent the basement from her, and one day while I was at work, she cleaned the whole basement, insisted this wasn’t an invasion of privacy, shot snide comments for two days... and then proceeded to tell me she went through my laundry, throwing out stuff she thought was warn out. And I’m once again looking for a new place to live, cuz yeah...
People love viewing themselves as above average and people love viewing themselves as below average (hence the people in the comments section labelling themselves slobs) it's a way to maintain the belief that you are special.
thanks, this video has some very personal utility, my first conclusions are always bias in any confrontation, as soon as i think twice i almost always sympathise with the other person and their reality and accept i don't have a balanced perspective... this video explains this dynamic...
I can tell you for a _fact_ that my roommate cleans more than I do. I moved into this place a year and a half ago and I have not cleaned my room _yet._ I do laundry and dishes, but running a vacuum? Nah.
Is it weird that I'm the opposite on the cleaning one at the start and generally in the effort category, other people work harder than me but I still get along fine so I don't really care
When I was a kid, like younger than 10, I assumed people made sense. Whenever someone did something that seemed stupid or mean to me, I would think of a way that it could make sense from their perspective and assume that's why they did it. But I've since learned that some people are just stupid and mean, and I try not to associate with those people.
remember your time with someone is a very small percent of your day you cannot judge them till you spend 3-4 days in a row with them small periods of time are easy to act past. days are hard to act for
My brothers are in their 20's and I can count the number of times they proactively used a vacuum on my 10 fingers. We moved in this house 7 years ago and there is probably 7 yo dust in their rooms ... I clean mine every week or two.
Ah, this reminds me of a commencement speech I had to watch (through video) given by David Foster Wallace. Wonder if anyone else here has heard it? He mentioned these biases, assuming that anyone who behaves badly is because of their personality and not circumstances. But his proposed solution was to think of the worst thing someone could go through as a possible explanation for their behaviour. Somehow I feel that assuming everyone else is suffering isn't the healthiest counter to this bias...
we dont notice clean...we notice dirty...and we forget about the messes we create. when i got my first house with no roommates i almost called the cops because i thought someone broke into my house, made a huge meal and left without cleaning or waking me up...suddenly i felt bad about all the times i yelled and screamed like a nut case while doing roommates dishes
Let's just say all of us have a self-serving bias and we all have a roommate. Just by the very necessity that people are all different with different experiences, someone will always do better than the other person about housework. It's not really a measurable quality, but no two people can be equal. So let's assume that everyone thinks they do more than the other. If we have all people paired up with only one other person, 50% will be correct and 50% will be incorrect. So you are in fact NOT "also probably wrong" (see 0:25) because you have an equal chance of being either party. Although we can't determine too easily who's the "better roommate" because that's not too easily definable, measuring who does more housework is easily determinable if we measure in terms of hours. Although, we can't easily measure how "messy" someone is either. Perhaps in particles left out of place, but again, alas impractical. If your roommate literally sits on his ass all day watching stupid pointless movies on Netflix all day (the educational side of RUclips is at least a couple degrees less worthless in wasting your time watching) while his dad pays for rent because he acts like a child and gets himself fired from any job he has, you might know how much he cleans, because it is very nearly zero. Your anxiety might be ridiculous with a big contributing factor being your roommate, who you've also found uses your comb and leaves long pieces of hair for days while you wear hats because your OCD makes you unable to touch it and he couldn't care less about anyone else than himself. And your anxiety gets to you for those a few days, so if the one meal you manage to eat you leave the bowl on the counter filled with water (because the sink is always full of dishes) and it takes you a few days to clean it, it might be more than understandable. But then you've realized you've not eaten and you have to eat because you're not getting into an eating disorder again, and you don't want people to worry about you, because worrying increases world suck, so you pull yourself out of it only for the next few months to realize over and over how much food he's stealing from you. Including that huge box of taquitos in the freezer, that he ate all of but just put the box back. If even at this point instead of learning from your passive non-aggressive actions he in fact is worse about doing the one thing you ask him to do, the dishes, you might - just might - actually be the better roommate, who does more housework and not just be influenced because of the self-serving bias.
Yes, and I'm sure because she's a cat. The only thing she cleans far more often than I do/at all is herself. Having lived with other humans, too, though - it is really hard to both know and notice what's being done and by whom, and keeping a rotating schedule of responsibilities seemed to be the best and most equitable way I've seen/tried to make sure everyone was doing their fair share. (Keeping the lines of communication open was also really important, since we've all got issues and context that others may not know or recognize.)
It is true I vacuum carpets and sweep the floor and do dishes more often, but I am honest about the fact I almost never shop. Work does not give me too many opportunities to do so, and frankly I have no inclination to make extra trips of any sort with the kind of work routine I have built up already.
Different people definitely have different levels of tolerance for 'messiness'. If roommates have close to equal tolerances, the cleaning tends to be more equal, and if they have very different tolerances, the one with the lower tolerance tends to do most of the cleaning.
this needs more upvotes.
Jim P you put it nicely there! (and yes i'm the one with lower tolerance most of the time)
Was this video sponsored by my roommate? Nice try, bro!
Roku I do think so. Hahahaha!!
Haha!!
There's also the common problem where the more you clean, the more people take it for granted that you'll clean, and then it turns into people acting entitled to you cleaning everything, of ten because they "have to go to work" are "busy streaming" or "don't know how". This especially affect women living with male roommates. It happens to me all the time, though right now it's one of my male roommate who cleans up after others.
This kind of ignores situations where one person is actually clearly picking up after other people, which actually happens a lot. And often the other people actually "doing some" cleaning, are lazy about it and do things so poorly it needs to be redone.
We could really use an episode about LEARNED HELPLESSNESS or how the infantilization of fellow adults is not appropriate or helpful behaviour. Or even about how expectations and what people get away with shapes them in general, and learning to not be shaped by the expectations of others.
I always feel lucky that I can trust the people I associate with (and currently live with) to have as much respect for me as I do for them. I know that if I've done something that wasn't my responsibility, or vice-versa, that the other person will feel guilty for whatever thing stopped them from doing that before I was able to.
It's basically the difference between somebody saying, "You shouldn't have," and, "What took so long?"
That's super cool for you. It's good to find people you can trust to be respectful and decent.
Historically, any place I've lived I have had to do all the cleaning, mostly being the only female. Now it's my one roommate and I picking up the slack for one of the other people here. He even does a lot more than I do, and it's really unfair to him.
In a roommate situation you're kind of left with an ultimatum of "Fair or not, you can either clean up after others or live in their mess." and a lot of people take advantage of that.
While I accept that what is presented is this video happens a lot, it kind of glosses right over all those situations where that isn't what's happening.
There's also the problem where one person has a higher standard for tidiness than the other, so they tend to get stressed out enough to do something about it before the other person even thinks it is necessary, which can also be pretty disempowering ("I was just about to do that"), and eventually they just stop thinking about it. At its extreme, control-freak cleaning can be just as frustrating as mess, especially when people get narky about it, at which point it can degenerate into a token of control in domestic power games.
All of it can degenerate into power games. That's what the struggle of roommates is.
Still, I know it an be disheartening, but someone being more concerned with cleanliness or tidiness isn't really a reason to stop trying, or to feel bad about yourself. I'd suggest talking to that person and trying to work out a system, rather than just accepting being cleaned up after. That situation isn't healthy for anyone, and falling into the trap of letting someone else pick up after you and then feeling bad about yourself isn't good for you, especially if they're getting snarky and entitled about it all the time. Also remember it's their living space too, and they have every right to feel as comfortable in it as you do without having to carry extra burden.
I've been on both sides of that. Recently, someone sweeping or doing the dishes before I can gather the spoons to do it [I'm not always able-bodied], or less recently, having a roommate that thinks it's appropriate to leave raw meat blood all over the table and counter for a week because he "had to go to work." There are extremes on both sides of that. Having an honest conversation about it is always the best option.
I do really think a video on learned helplessness and infantilization would be really awesome to see from them.
Absolutely. It really just comes down to the power of your relationship with the person, which is never going to work well with new roommates and will implode unexpectedly weaker friendships. They might not care when things get cleaned up, especially when they're only trying to relax for an hour or two before the next day starts, so I always feel guilty when I have to ask for something that's really only for my own piece of mind.
That person has to be nearly if not equally invested in your happiness/well-being to have that balance out -- and that's rare. It's really just best to find out -- if possible -- where you line up with a potential roommate on certain things that would be a day-to-day burden/maintenance. There are too many things that end up affecting both roommates that either person is going to have to come most of the way on -- simply because it's something I may not be able to change -- and that's why serious, long-term relationships can be so difficult.
I don't really see much other way to approach it, other than trying to be incredibly flexible on everything. There's only so much somebody can do by separating and distancing between two quarters -- if need be.
I do vastly more work than my roommate. All she does is lie around all day. I have to even clean up after she uses the litter box.
That sounds more like a privilege
biased boy rewatch boy.
I bet she’s probably cute and has large, beautiful eyes; therefore, it is excused.
Yes, but she does more security and protection duties than you do. She spends vastly more time keeping those birds outside the window and holding down that couch cushion so it doesn’t flip over and hurt you. But do you see that??? Obviously not.
@@IJustWantToUseMyName omg your comment just made my day 😂😂😂 obviously i landed here for a reason, and was so angry the whole day; thanks for making me laugh 😂❤️
I started watching this and immediately began thinking of people in my life this applies to while recalling no instances of me doing the same thing. So... Point taken, video. Point taken.
A great example of this is while driving. A person cuts you off and they are immediately labeled as whichever expletive you happen to prefer that day. But when you really need to get over and there's only just enough room for you car, you attempt to anyway. After you really needed to, you were in a hurry. Even though you did the same thing as the person in the first scenario, you're not the bad guy. I've been trying to get this point across to my wife for years now.
And while I know I'm guilty of this I try to be better by remembering some of Hank's brother's own advice, "Imagine people complexly."
Well said!
Yes, I tend to notice that people who display road rage also often have this bias.
It's also a prime source for the ages old explanation, "...but that's different!" whenever someone gets their own "sin" or "hypocrisy" pointed out to them.
:o)
I have this discussion with my husband on a regular basis. lol you don't realize the hypocracy in the moment. He HATES when people drive to close to the rear of his car and so I maker a point to politely point out when he does the same thing to someoner else! no one can account for human error. if you drive too close to may wind up seriously regreting it.
I need to show this to my fiancee. He's constantly road raging meanwhile he does all of this shit.
Whispers "After all, she knows where you live"
`shudders`
If you have a roommate they live with you. Thus they know where you live....
"Knowing where someone lives" is a veiled threat. It means you can kill them in their sleep if you wanted to.
knowing someone's poop schedule is waaaaay more valuable. no one is more vulnerable, then when they are squatting with their legs tangled in pants,pinching a log. the helpless look on someone's face as you open an unlocked bathroom door is where I carved this hypothesis.
I was browsing other tabs when I heard this and I cracked
How can you avoid these biases, you ask?
Easy. Just have anxiety, depression, and/or no self esteem. Bonus points if you have all three.
cataclysmicnothing 🙋
cataclysmicnothing Yup. :(
I live with a case study to the contrary...
👈🏻 yup
So just live in filth that will help w your depression
I love how many people watching this video think it's less informative and far more useful as a weapon of war against their roommates.
Le Derp Français and spouses
Because after all, they are doing so much more housework than their roommates. So much irony, it almost hurts.
i'am my own roommate who do i blame then?
your parents.
... Or Rome
Works for me most of the time... :o)
Don't forget:
Carthage must be destroyed!
obama
the microorganisms
me and my gf had that conversation a lot. so i started a housechore book. after seeing the resulst, she was certain that i no do more, just to prove that shes wrong. and even if you take 100% of the work for a while, you dont get a thanks, you get a "about time, you have to do this even longer to make up for all those times where i did more then you"
I do, because my housemate is a cat.
I read you.
My cat doesn't even clean her own litterbox. As I'm typing this, she is just laying at my feet.
Lazy kitty...
It seems like I'm the only person who is aware of how lazy they are. I do nothing and I'm aware of that. Do I still blame people for being lazy? Yes, but that's because its the lazy thing to do
I'm lazy and broke, everyone works harder than me
So I'm better than average because I don't have a self-serving bias
Wait...fuck
lol
I really liked this more personal topic :D It's much more relatable :)
Not at all interesting to me. I am always doing the hard work while everyone else is very lazy. :D
Christoph G. Are you sure that's not biased? XD
Well no, because I clean my housemates dirt after theyve had a bath, the next day whilst she wipes hairs on the side of the bath which she leaves to "pick up later"
*slowly raises finger*
"you can even be biased towards this bias"
*slowly sink finger again*
lol I often see it like that with my husband, but I also am hyper aware of his role outside the house. he is oftetn stressed and tired so I generally try to have most things done so he doesn't feel the need. playing the blame game when you are married doesn't help to strengthen your relationship at all.
I’m pissed when my roommate just put all sort of things on the kitchen tables without cleaning or organizing. I know she’s busy. Yeah, busy with her phone.
One of the best sci shows right up there with scishow kids :)
**shoves this video in tons of people's face**
SEE I FREAKIN TOLD YOU! xD
Throttle Kitty do you think you're better than them since you already knew?
No I actually have a pretty shit opinion of myself. :D
Throttle Kitty SAME
Its not bias if its true, I actually happen to be astoundingly magnificent in all ways.
Humble too.
acousticpsychosis I dare say you're humble enough to be president.
Then in Canada, all these biases are reversed.
If you were to see my roommate and I you would think that was true
Underrated comment
Sorry about that.
I just checked out your channel and it's pretty on point. Keep up the good stuff 60 Second Success.
60 Second Success May I suggest you change your channel name to 180 second success?
A good thing to counteract this bias is to have a table with the chores' schedules and have the people check it every time they do stuff. It's harder to be biased against solid evidence.
Great vid, great topic. Im loving everything about this channel. SO HAPPY it became a thing! Great work to everyone putting work into the videos.
bold of you to assume i don’t avoid these biases by having cripplingly low self esteem
I am above average at being below average.
lol when you're self deprecating and think you always do less than others and feel bad about it all the time
Love these kinds of topics, more of these! :)
But I do more work than my roommate. That's why he had to fly right out the window.
He was a real fly.
Okay, but I totally did just mow the lawn for the third week in a row. We've lived here for three weeks.
That's nice except I am 100% sure I do more than my roommate. I honestly do try to give her the benefit of the doubt as much as I can. Most of the time, though, my anger at her lack of cleanliness gets in the way. I'm kind of a neat freak and she isn't. I notice when things are/are not clean, and I honestly don't think she notices. If she had cleaned the bathroom once this year, I would have noticed...but she didn't. From the most unbiased view I can put myself in...I do more work than she does.
Pro tip: Make sure she doesn't see this video.
Alex Kalbfus Bathrooms are supposed to be cleaned? There's so much water in there that I just assumed that they were self cleaning...
Terrible situation for sure, but we'll rarely fall near in-line with others when it comes to a level of cleanliness, especially as you fall further onto either side of the spectrum. All's fair and good with how they'd like to live, I just couldn't live somewhere that put such an unfair burden on myself to retain my happiness. If they even cared at all about your relationship, they could help balance the load -- but do they? Although, new roommate, new problem. #RoommateRealities #BoredNoBoard
That joke at the end tho, pure gold xD
While watching this video I caught myself thinking, "Yeah, but I don't have this bias, I know I don't do as much. So, I'm better than thi-oh. I'm doing it right now, huh."
To pull a bit of advice from several of your brother's videos, always imagine the other complexly.
We learned some of these in high school psychology. We also learned that these were normal for the average person while people with mental disorders like depression and anxiety had almost opposite biases which would reinforce their mental state. His examples were things like viewing yourself as bad or annoying when someone doesn't want to spend time around you rather than them just being tired or busy, viewing yourself as worthless to avoid reaching out when in trouble etc. It was an amazing topic as he encouraged an open discussion after the main lecture so we could easily learn how people view themselves to facilitate how we should either better them our ourselves in social situations
Awesome! This was absolutely fascinating. :D
This still isn't an excuse for being the only one that does work in the group project >:|
I made a commitment early in life to not treat my wife like I saw my Mum being treated. Doing all the work. Sad thing is, now I am like her and my wife is like my dad was.
About 1:33
What if they cooked together? Then both would be right although the total percentage is above 100... Or am i missing something?
Oh my god, you are actually right
Then one did x%=100%-y% and the other did y%=100%-x% of the work leading to 100% of the finished product. You can never have more than 100% of the work, since x%+y%=100%.
While that is true, and no more than 100% of the work could have been done, I don't believe that was the focus of the study. It's all about the phrasing of the question (or the answers), and you could make an argument for either side the way it was presented. If both people in a relationship participated in the act of, "cooking," for 100/100 nights, then they both correctly cooked 100% of 100 nights, or 200 nights of cooking between the two of them.
By comparison, would that mean that a sous-chef has never cooked a meal in his life?
Glad I watched this before going off on my med student roommate who had a huge exam this week 😜
I tried to show this to my mom and she wouldn't look at it because she was "doing everything around here" I feel like this proves the whole point of the video
What about the imposter phenomenon? Which is basically the opposite of self-serving bias.
I watched this so much better than any of you.
But anything you can watch I can watch better,
I can watch anything better than you.
No you can't!
Yes I can! D:
No you can't!
😹
Do onto others 10% better than you want done onto you, to make up for observation error.
It would be interesting to do the study of married couples with people who have depression or anxiety or some other mental disorder just to see if it would end up with the couple getting percentage that actually is below avarage. Or if the percentage in other cultures will be different, like countires that tend to be more humble, like China, Japan or Finland.
I needed this video. Things have tense at work and I pretty sure my own self serving bias is not helping. Thanks Sci Show!
I'm not biased when I say "My boss is a jerk."
Being my own boss, I know the guy well.
Just shared this on Facebook, and hopefully my roommate sees it. I am so sick of her complaining that she's the only one who does the dishes. I did the dishes a couple of days ago, and so the dishwasher was dirty and ready for people to put their dishes straight into. A little bit later that same day, she dumped a bunch of her dirty lunch containers in the sick, and then people have been piling dirty dishes in the sink. Last night she complained that she was the only one who does the dishes, which meant she expected me to clean her own dishes that she was too lazy to do. She did fill up the dishwasher last night and run it, and so I should unload it this morning (I don't have time to load it before word) but I've had it with her complaining. If she thinks she's the only one who does the dishes, then she can be the only one who does them. I've had it.
Also, venting, because sometimes that helps.
Reminds me of a good teacher I didn't take serious enough ;(
Since my roommate and fiance work, I do end up doing most of the housework (well as much as my spine permits)
What drives me crazy is that while I'm limited by my disabilities in what I can do, when I offer to take something on that I am able to do as a regular responsibility, my Mum insists on doing it so it's done her way (she will make sure to do it before anyone else has a chance), then complains she does "everything"! She refuses to see she's creating this issue. The only thing I get chance to help with is the dishwasher!
NB. Unfortunately, there's no affordable accommodation for single people with severe disabilities where I live & very little anywhere else in the UK. Believe me, I've tried everything I can to find somewhere. At least I have my part-time studies to keep me sane!
jokes on you, I live alone so i KNOW i do 85% of the cooking AND cleaning!
Saw the title and was like "Alright, I guess I'm ready to get called out..."
I'm guessing that when someone is feeling depressed, this might work in reverse.
was hoping this video would show me how to get my roommate to clean shit up,not tell me that I'm only working half as hard as I say I am...........
You can say that, but when I actually take the trash out and he leaves the trashbag by the door for someone else to find and then goes to sleep, I think I may be on to something...
I live in a house with 3 other girls. One girl and I are students, the other two have full time jobs. Whilst us students clean out the kitchen after parties and just after general use, the other two clean out the bathrooms and stuff. Our house works pretty well.
That left turn right into the maze wall tho. Good job, dorsum striatum, good job
I always make sure I do the least amount of work so I'm always the most honest.
great video I learned a lot for it
keep up your good work
tfw you try to avoid falling prey to biases/self-favoritism and every around you thinks you have low self-esteem
This is the third time I've seen Hank today
My sister sat on the couch all weekend (watching tv) and I heard the tv going the whole time, so I think I can fairly say that while I spent half my time vacuuming I did more work
Why do some people stick their tongue out when they're concentrated ?
Most happens with people with concentration issues (add/adhd) Because of the extra stimulation on the brain it forces the tongue out almost involuntarily- because of the overwhelming stimulation and it being difficult to focus
Okay but in 6 months my room mate still hasn’t taken out the trash once for real.
Is this true everywhere? I know that in Scandinavia, we tend to think the opposite because the law of Jante has a strong hold in our societies.
Love your shirt!
The person I live with makes far more mess in the kitchen, but also cleans far more of it (eventually). I think she cleans a larger percentage of the mess relative to what she makes, but that's mainly because either she gets to my own dishes before I do, or because I clean less due to the lack of space at the kitchen sink.
A restaurant that serves way more ice cream than they serve other desserts has a soft-serving bias.
I live with a buddy of mine, just these past 6 months I've cleaned the bathroom several times in a row, put in and out of the dishwasher all but 1 time, taken out the trash all but 1 time, vacuumed and cleaned the living area all but 1 time and washed/scrubbed the shower for the 3rd time in a row. I do more housework than him, that's a fact.
Nope, my housemate definitely does most of the work. She has an almost pathological need to do the most, then slide snide comments at me for it. I rent the basement from her, and one day while I was at work, she cleaned the whole basement, insisted this wasn’t an invasion of privacy, shot snide comments for two days... and then proceeded to tell me she went through my laundry, throwing out stuff she thought was warn out. And I’m once again looking for a new place to live, cuz yeah...
So now I've got an excuse to be a slob myself. Thanks. Now I don't need to feel bad about it
People love viewing themselves as above average and people love viewing themselves as below average (hence the people in the comments section labelling themselves slobs) it's a way to maintain the belief that you are special.
thanks, this video has some very personal utility, my first conclusions are always bias in any confrontation, as soon as i think twice i almost always sympathise with the other person and their reality and accept i don't have a balanced perspective... this video explains this dynamic...
It's not bias when my roommate doesn't wash the dishes at all
I can tell you for a _fact_ that my roommate cleans more than I do. I moved into this place a year and a half ago and I have not cleaned my room _yet._ I do laundry and dishes, but running a vacuum? Nah.
Ok, BUT, my roommates do need to start cleaning their dishes...
Is it weird that I'm the opposite on the cleaning one at the start and generally in the effort category, other people work harder than me but I still get along fine so I don't really care
great video!
AWESOME! Now i can show this to my roomies and don't do cleaning anymore. If they say something, i can blame them for their BIAS! Thanks PsyShow! :D
Just because the total is more than 100% doesnt automatically constitute that one does not do more than the other.
Much worst is having a brother as your roommate. And I'm sure I've seen him cleaned the bathroom once.
I've always been scared of my roommate. How is anyone not scared of the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home?
When I was a kid, like younger than 10, I assumed people made sense. Whenever someone did something that seemed stupid or mean to me, I would think of a way that it could make sense from their perspective and assume that's why they did it. But I've since learned that some people are just stupid and mean, and I try not to associate with those people.
remember your time with someone is a very small percent of your day you cannot judge them till you spend 3-4 days in a row with them small periods of time are easy to act past. days are hard to act for
What about people who don't think they do more work? Are we broken?
My brothers are in their 20's and I can count the number of times they proactively used a vacuum on my 10 fingers. We moved in this house 7 years ago and there is probably 7 yo dust in their rooms ... I clean mine every week or two.
I know I do less work around the house then my roommates.
Takes a lot of personal introspection to be willing to admit it
Ah, this reminds me of a commencement speech I had to watch (through video) given by David Foster Wallace. Wonder if anyone else here has heard it? He mentioned these biases, assuming that anyone who behaves badly is because of their personality and not circumstances. But his proposed solution was to think of the worst thing someone could go through as a possible explanation for their behaviour.
Somehow I feel that assuming everyone else is suffering isn't the healthiest counter to this bias...
This guy looks like he does more housework than his "roommate."
I not only know where my roommate lives... I know where her bed sleeps
we dont notice clean...we notice dirty...and we forget about the messes we create. when i got my first house with no roommates i almost called the cops because i thought someone broke into my house, made a huge meal and left without cleaning or waking me up...suddenly i felt bad about all the times i yelled and screamed like a nut case while doing roommates dishes
Let's just say all of us have a self-serving bias and we all have a roommate. Just by the very necessity that people are all different with different experiences, someone will always do better than the other person about housework. It's not really a measurable quality, but no two people can be equal.
So let's assume that everyone thinks they do more than the other. If we have all people paired up with only one other person, 50% will be correct and 50% will be incorrect. So you are in fact NOT "also probably wrong" (see 0:25) because you have an equal chance of being either party.
Although we can't determine too easily who's the "better roommate" because that's not too easily definable, measuring who does more housework is easily determinable if we measure in terms of hours. Although, we can't easily measure how "messy" someone is either. Perhaps in particles left out of place, but again, alas impractical.
If your roommate literally sits on his ass all day watching stupid pointless movies on Netflix all day (the educational side of RUclips is at least a couple degrees less worthless in wasting your time watching) while his dad pays for rent because he acts like a child and gets himself fired from any job he has, you might know how much he cleans, because it is very nearly zero.
Your anxiety might be ridiculous with a big contributing factor being your roommate, who you've also found uses your comb and leaves long pieces of hair for days while you wear hats because your OCD makes you unable to touch it and he couldn't care less about anyone else than himself. And your anxiety gets to you for those a few days, so if the one meal you manage to eat you leave the bowl on the counter filled with water (because the sink is always full of dishes) and it takes you a few days to clean it, it might be more than understandable.
But then you've realized you've not eaten and you have to eat because you're not getting into an eating disorder again, and you don't want people to worry about you, because worrying increases world suck, so you pull yourself out of it only for the next few months to realize over and over how much food he's stealing from you. Including that huge box of taquitos in the freezer, that he ate all of but just put the box back.
If even at this point instead of learning from your passive non-aggressive actions he in fact is worse about doing the one thing you ask him to do, the dishes, you might - just might - actually be the better roommate, who does more housework and not just be influenced because of the self-serving bias.
So the fact that I have no self-esteem is related to my seeming ability to have less bias than most people?
You're right.
@3:00
That’s a really weird vase as the background image.
To the housework: What if they cook together?
Yes, and I'm sure because she's a cat. The only thing she cleans far more often than I do/at all is herself. Having lived with other humans, too, though - it is really hard to both know and notice what's being done and by whom, and keeping a rotating schedule of responsibilities seemed to be the best and most equitable way I've seen/tried to make sure everyone was doing their fair share. (Keeping the lines of communication open was also really important, since we've all got issues and context that others may not know or recognize.)
It is true I vacuum carpets and sweep the floor and do dishes more often, but I am honest about the fact I almost never shop. Work does not give me too many opportunities to do so, and frankly I have no inclination to make extra trips of any sort with the kind of work routine I have built up already.
besicaly being extreamly rational and persize in viewing these things, you can become very depressed very easly