OMG!! My birthday is on Valentine's Day, and I married the Narc on Valentine's Day!!! He had a plan in that too I'm sure...although since we got married he pretty much discards me on Valentin's Day. I am in the process of leaving right now, and finding my FREEDOM!!! I have educated myself and I am moving forward without him! Thank you for all your counsel and insight. You have validated so much for me.
So timely, Dr Dart! I just pulled out all of my journaling about my relationship with my soon to be ex. I find I need this reinforcement every so often, reminding me of his behaviors which caused the breakup of our marriage. I am still dealing with a measure of guilt for leaving. But when I reread all of the stuff he put me through, everything comes back into focus. God got me out, and had me move several hours away! Why would I go back? It would be like the Israelites returning to their enslavement under the Egyptians!! Please keep up your INVALUABLE work. It is so hard to fully emotionally break away from narcissistic abuse. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that these perpetrators really do not think in a normal, human way.
My narc ex had her new man text me and ask for her computer password which is her name and birthday.. I just gave it to her a month prior.. He contacted me ON VALENTINES DAY!!! Asking for it... c'mon girl...up your game...lol... Talk about putting me in power!!!
My ex said he wanted closure. ha ha ha ha. closure. First, he didn't know what that even meant and, he is a narcissist. Narcissists want drama and chaos, not closure.
Oh so true! When a narcissist says they want closure they are likely trying to assert some measure of control over you. This is why it’s so important to go No Contact....no more games, no more drama, no more abuse etc. 💜
Valentine's Day brings back so many cruel memories. How I was hoovered by saying just a tiny sentence "Happy Valentine's Day dear". Of all the things to play with, abusers choose peoples' hearts.
The Pink and Purple Burberry Tie Caper. Still have it in a felt bag, with a receipt. He always said I never cared or did anything for him. When in reality, he found a new source long ago and I was too stupid- I hopped over, and through, every hoop which he said would easily bring back his affection. 27 years and the last seven was nightmarish as the audience was gone off to school. i didn’t have this education, but I did figure out that he laid traps. If I gave him something. It was awkward, and inevitably insulting. If I didn’t give him anything - I don’t care about him. Pout, pout, stomp out. But his favorite toward the end, was to simply bait me - the gift that keeps on giving. He would do so by simply ignoring an important date. If I expressed the slightest upset, as I did initially, he exploded, gave me a litany of my unworthiness and was looking for the door. And don’t ask about it the next day btw, because he is too busy giving you the silent treatment and stink-eye. Days of it. But sometimes the mask dropped..... Anyone else see this happen?: I’d see him laughing/smiling at the TV (maybe on phone etc) then, almost comically, change his expression into a fierce glare hate/disdain, directed at nothing in particular, as he finally heard my steps. It was chilling and weird, but let me know it was all an act. THE last Valentines Day, I hung onto the tie and waited to see how I might best avoid conflict. Guess, what? He had a NEW trick! At noon, he texted me the following “Happy Valentine’s Day.” That’s right, there was a period, no emoji, literally, that’s it. I kinda new what likely happened,; a secretary probably asked what we were doing for Valentines Day....and then it was a double play, as surely, any woman would freak out at that. I would send that message to my granny. I put the tie away. Go time: : Ah, so sweet, I texted back, “after work, pick up a slice of cheese cake for me and chocolate cake for you, and we can both enjoy!” So I made the best of a very an odd Valentines with someone who caused me to act out of fear, not love. He cannot resist food and the thought of cake made him forget he hadn’t successfully destroyed me with that cold message. It is exhausting. Make that WAS. Sorry to bore anyone, but if you’ve gone through these excruciating holidays, where the weirdness becomes hard to hide, you will understand.
Had you confronted him directly about his very cold Valentine's Day message he would have likely turned it back on you and told you how unappreciative you are....a common theme for the Narcissistic abuser. Thanks for sharing your story Nancy. It's so helpful to others going through a similarly painful ordeal. Hopefully you are making plans for a much happier Valentine's Day for yourself this year. #nomorenarcs
Dr. Denise Dart I spent this Valentines with my mother. I am blessed to have her. No trauma. Just the joy of giving her a basket and enjoy loving company. Btw, you gave great advice to write down what happens. One forgets, gets confused....Worse yet, when I tried to truly forgive, I would erase electronic notes or photos!. Don’t do that!. Listen to the doctor for your own sanity.. I took a picture of the destruction he left me before he walked out, after I gave him his Birthday present. (Dr. Denise has videos on Holidays and narcs), I refer to these pics whenever I wonder if I made the right decision. I wish I had all this info before, but honestly, I had my head in the sand and would not have recognized she was talking to me. Funny that.
The control!!! My ex told me when I filed for divorce in December said " just remember every time you look at the boys ( our children ) you will think of me "
Valentine's day is the worst holiday of my life because ill never forget the abuse that happened to me so i never look forward to this day or any holiday sad but true.
I'm fighting at this moment to not go into a sad state. And I'm only learning about Narcissism (after 19 yrs of marriage) within the last 2-4 mo. My husband and I had a bad argument just recently on Jan. 31. Our 16 yr old daughter was here, and is still hurting that our fam is truly done this time after 19 yrs of cycles. He has been living away and texted me this morning, asking to come to get clothes tomorrow evening, and that my daughter would be receiving a package tonight. It made me feel hurt and angry. He knows this is my first V.D without him. He could've let the package come/asked to come by in the morning without texting me today. Or maybe I'm too sensitive? The argument was because I discovered on his phone: romantic texts w/a coworker (involved for at least 4 yrs), 3-4 other pics/texts of other supply. My daughter knows about this. He left her this emotional voicemail just a few days after the argument, saying things like, "...I know I hurt your mother...*BUT* I hope you still let me be your daddy." *He doesn't seem to get it!!!* I have to assume it's a Valentine's gift, as we always shared gifts as a family. But to know, last Valentine's, he was cheating, (and probably sent his (coworker/replacement for me) a gift, yet, exchanged gifts with me and our daughters is hurtful!!! I don't want to give her the package, as I don't want her to feel obligated to thank him, like this is a normal Valentine's Day of which it's not. My apologies for writing so much. I'd like feedback from anyone willing to share your opinion/wisdom.🌹
Thank you your post. As I read it I could relate to how painful this has been for you and your daughter. There is absolutely NO reason for him to have to stop by on Valentine’s Day. Narc’s often get pleasure seeing their victim’s pain. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t let him come anywhere near today. To act “as if” is hurtful and harmful. He not only hurt You he hurt your daughter as well. The long term impact of having a father act this way can be significant. Claim your boundary, protect yourself and your daughter. Dad needs to show up and stop playing a game of “let’s pretend nothing happened.” NOT COOL DAD! As a father I’d like to see him take responsibility but that’s just not what Narc’s do (don’t know if he is or isn’t) Having empathy is another thing N’s don’t do. He can’t put himself in the shoes of those he hurts so he stays focused on himself and just keeps moving from one victim after another. Go do something nice for yourself today and tell him you are not available for him to stop by. 💜
Valentines Day 2018...... That was the day he had me thrown in jail falsely!!! I could not be on my own property until March 8th! He had a protective order against me and sold most of my farm equipment in that 3 week period! Do you think he might hoover me on that day???
My attorney said I interrupt her constantly and don't respond to her questions that I make things up whole cloth. I was stunned she knows I am poor so she can threaten to drop me. I am devested why bother no one will believe you and character assassination just like my narc
I am in one of the worst places I have been since I started to divorce my spouce. We are poor he never worked lied saying he was hurt. Yet the women's crisis advocate cares nothing about emotion or psychology abuse. My narc has tried to get at my daughters I see major red flags for sexual abuse of them.. she mocked and didnt believe me. Accused me of making things up and won't represent me in this action regardimg my daughters. he also moved in next door to me
Thanks not many videos tell you the Hoover might come from a different number or incognito. I think my ex after 90 days NC made a fake fb just to message me and unfortunately got my negative energy but I'll be ready next time.
Oh yes, Narcissists are crafty manipulators. It's that energetic connection and sense of control they crave. Given the chance the Narc will suck the life force out of anyone who lets them.
Yes I do. Follow the link on my website for 1:1 coaching. I am offering special Valentine's Day pricing as well as quantity discounts. www.drdenisedart.com
The narc I was with married the next supply on Valentine's Day - hilarious!
OMG!! My birthday is on Valentine's Day, and I married the Narc on Valentine's Day!!! He had a plan in that too I'm sure...although since we got married he pretty much discards me on Valentin's Day. I am in the process of leaving right now, and finding my FREEDOM!!! I have educated myself and I am moving forward without him! Thank you for all your counsel and insight. You have validated so much for me.
So timely, Dr Dart! I just pulled out all of my journaling about my relationship with my soon to be ex. I find I need this reinforcement every so often, reminding me of his behaviors which caused the breakup of our marriage. I am still dealing with a measure of guilt for leaving. But when I reread all of the stuff he put me through, everything comes back into focus. God got me out, and had me move several hours away! Why would I go back? It would be like the Israelites returning to their enslavement under the Egyptians!! Please keep up your INVALUABLE work. It is so hard to fully emotionally break away from narcissistic abuse. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that these perpetrators really do not think in a normal, human way.
My narc ex had her new man text me and ask for her computer password which is her name and birthday.. I just gave it to her a month prior.. He contacted me ON VALENTINES DAY!!! Asking for it... c'mon girl...up your game...lol... Talk about putting me in power!!!
And no, i didnt reply to the shameless bullshit...
My ex said he wanted closure. ha ha ha ha. closure. First, he didn't know what that even meant and, he is a narcissist. Narcissists want drama and chaos, not closure.
Oh so true! When a narcissist says they want closure they are likely trying to assert some measure of control over you. This is why it’s so important to go No Contact....no more games, no more drama, no more abuse etc. 💜
Awesome timing! Loved the video. Really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
You're welcome. Glad you liked it.
Valentine's Day brings back so many cruel memories. How I was hoovered by saying just a tiny sentence "Happy Valentine's Day dear". Of all the things to play with, abusers choose peoples' hearts.
The Pink and Purple Burberry Tie Caper. Still have it in a felt bag, with a receipt. He always said I never cared or did anything for him. When in reality, he found a new source long ago and I was too stupid- I hopped over, and through, every hoop which he said would easily bring back his affection. 27 years and the last seven was nightmarish as the audience was gone off to school.
i didn’t have this education, but I did figure out that he laid traps. If I gave him something. It was awkward, and inevitably insulting. If I didn’t give him anything - I don’t care about him. Pout, pout, stomp out.
But his favorite toward the end, was to simply bait me - the gift that keeps on giving. He would do so by simply ignoring an important date. If I expressed the slightest upset, as I did initially, he exploded, gave me a litany of my unworthiness and was looking for the door. And don’t ask about it the next day btw, because he is too busy giving you the silent treatment and stink-eye. Days of it. But sometimes the mask dropped.....
Anyone else see this happen?: I’d see him laughing/smiling at the TV (maybe on phone etc) then, almost comically, change his expression into a fierce glare hate/disdain, directed at nothing in particular, as he finally heard my steps. It was chilling and weird, but let me know it was all an act.
THE last Valentines Day, I hung onto the tie and waited to see how I might best avoid conflict. Guess, what? He had a NEW trick! At noon, he texted me the following “Happy Valentine’s Day.” That’s right, there was a period, no emoji, literally, that’s it. I kinda new what likely happened,; a secretary probably asked what we were doing for Valentines Day....and then it was a double play, as surely, any woman would freak out at that. I would send that message to my granny.
I put the tie away. Go time:
:
Ah, so sweet, I texted back, “after work, pick up a slice of cheese cake for me and chocolate cake for you, and we can both enjoy!” So I made the best of a very an odd Valentines with someone who caused me to act out of fear, not love. He cannot resist food and the thought of cake made him forget he hadn’t successfully destroyed me with that cold message.
It is exhausting. Make that WAS. Sorry to bore anyone, but if you’ve gone through these excruciating holidays, where the weirdness becomes hard to hide, you will understand.
Had you confronted him directly about his very cold Valentine's Day message he would have likely turned it back on you and told you how unappreciative you are....a common theme for the Narcissistic abuser. Thanks for sharing your story Nancy. It's so helpful to others going through a similarly painful ordeal. Hopefully you are making plans for a much happier Valentine's Day for yourself this year. #nomorenarcs
Dr. Denise Dart I spent this Valentines with my mother. I am blessed to have her. No trauma. Just the joy of giving her a basket and enjoy loving company.
Btw, you gave great advice to write down what happens. One forgets, gets confused....Worse yet, when I tried to truly forgive, I would erase electronic notes or photos!. Don’t do that!.
Listen to the doctor for your own sanity.. I took a picture of the destruction he left me before he walked out, after I gave him his Birthday present. (Dr. Denise has videos on Holidays and narcs), I refer to these pics whenever I wonder if I made the right decision. I wish I had all this info before, but honestly, I had my head in the sand and would not have recognized she was talking to me. Funny that.
The control!!! My ex told me when I filed for divorce in December said " just remember every time you look at the boys ( our children ) you will think of me "
Wow!
Valentine's day is the worst holiday of my life because ill never forget the abuse that happened to me so i never look forward to this day or any holiday sad but true.
I'm fighting at this moment to not go into a sad state. And I'm only learning about Narcissism (after 19 yrs of marriage) within the last 2-4 mo. My husband and I had a bad argument just recently on Jan. 31. Our 16 yr old daughter was here, and is still hurting that our fam is truly done this time after 19 yrs of cycles. He has been living away and texted me this morning, asking to come to get clothes tomorrow evening, and that my daughter would be receiving a package tonight. It made me feel hurt and angry. He knows this is my first V.D without him. He could've let the package come/asked to come by in the morning without texting me today. Or maybe I'm too sensitive?
The argument was because I discovered on his phone: romantic texts w/a coworker (involved for at least 4 yrs), 3-4 other pics/texts of other supply. My daughter knows about this. He left her this emotional voicemail just a few days after the argument, saying things like, "...I know I hurt your mother...*BUT* I hope you still let me be your daddy."
*He doesn't seem to get it!!!* I have to assume it's a Valentine's gift, as we always shared gifts as a family. But to know, last Valentine's, he was cheating, (and probably sent his (coworker/replacement for me) a gift, yet, exchanged gifts with me and our daughters is hurtful!!! I don't want to give her the package, as I don't want her to feel obligated to thank him, like this is a normal Valentine's Day of which it's not.
My apologies for writing so much. I'd like feedback from anyone willing to share your opinion/wisdom.🌹
Thank you your post. As I read it I could relate to how painful this has been for you and your daughter. There is absolutely NO reason for him to have to stop by on Valentine’s Day. Narc’s often get pleasure seeing their victim’s pain. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t let him come anywhere near today. To act “as if” is hurtful and harmful. He not only hurt You he hurt your daughter as well. The long term impact of having a father act this way can be significant. Claim your boundary, protect yourself and your daughter. Dad needs to show up and stop playing a game of “let’s pretend nothing happened.” NOT COOL DAD! As a father I’d like to see him take responsibility but that’s just not what Narc’s do (don’t know if he is or isn’t) Having empathy is another thing N’s don’t do. He can’t put himself in the shoes of those he hurts so he stays focused on himself and just keeps moving from one victim after another. Go do something nice for yourself today and tell him you are not available for him to stop by. 💜
My ex wished me happy birthday the day after my birthday thats the one and only time I've heard from her in the 8 weeks since she broke up with me
Love your videos!
Valentines Day 2018...... That was the day he had me thrown in jail falsely!!! I could not be on my own property until March 8th! He had a protective order against me and sold most of my farm equipment in that 3 week period! Do you think he might hoover me on that day???
My attorney said I interrupt her constantly and don't respond to her questions that I make things up whole cloth. I was stunned she knows I am poor so she can threaten to drop me. I am devested why bother no one will believe you and character assassination just like my narc
Narc can also buy 2nd phone.
I am in one of the worst places I have been since I started to divorce my spouce. We are poor he never worked lied saying he was hurt. Yet the women's crisis advocate cares nothing about emotion or psychology abuse. My narc has tried to get at my daughters I see major red flags for sexual abuse of them.. she mocked and didnt believe me. Accused me of making things up and won't represent me in this action regardimg my daughters. he also moved in next door to me
Great content. Suggestion: Edit out the coughs! It is very easy! & does not disrupt the message.
Good point, thanks
Thanks not many videos tell you the Hoover might come from a different number or incognito. I think my ex after 90 days NC made a fake fb just to message me and unfortunately got my negative energy but I'll be ready next time.
Oh yes, Narcissists are crafty manipulators. It's that energetic connection and sense of control they crave. Given the chance the Narc will suck the life force out of anyone who lets them.
Do you do coaching sessions ? Thanks for the really helpful advice. X
Yes I do. Follow the link on my website for 1:1 coaching. I am offering special Valentine's Day pricing as well as quantity discounts. www.drdenisedart.com
THANK U SWEETHEART I APPRECIATE U ❤❤❤