If you are having extreme doubts about this, call it off. I went back and forth for months having extreme bouts of anxiety about being with my fiancé and the wedding. I pushed it down that I was just anxious or overthinking. Finally called it off three weeks before and I felt immediate relief and knew right away I made the right choice. I feel SO much better and now I realize it wasn’t right and my body was telling me. Trust your gut and be brave. You are worth it!
im a dude, and i called it off too. I know how you feel! i felt relieved and at the same time i felt bad and respect her but i know we were not meant to be and im not gonna live a lie! I had to do what i had to do.
@Koriander Yander wow, your comment is so mindful! It was really cool and interesting to read it all, from the first to the last word👍 Im totally agree with you, if people would stop idealisation of relationships and all such stuff, the anxiety level would be probably turned down. Sorry for my english, im not native speaker but I love this language and enjoy learning it :)
Female here, aleady engaged to a man with a kid. I was really hoping their behavior would progress better with time. However, people's personalities are pretty much set. I am done trying to change people: they can be themselves... (Without me)
I’ve ended two engagements. 1st time, I was in grad school and she moved across the country for work. She said we should either get married or end things. I didn’t want to end things, so I proposed. For the next few months she ignores my phone calls. I go to visit her and she is emotionally distant. I end it and drive across the country in tears. She harasses me at work and has friends call me names. 2nd time to a girl who was young (6 years younger) and unstable. She would threaten suicide by running into traffic every time we talked about my career and moving away from the area. I couldn’t stand the emotional rollercoaster nor the pressure from her family. I ended it after I had to physically apprehend her from running into traffic. Sometimes you just have to end an engagement. If I would’ve had better discernment in my 20’s I wouldn’t have wasted my time on emotionally unavailable/volatile women.
My fiance, he's a wonderful man. Any girl would dream to have a partner like him. He got all the good qualities that a gentleman has. Except I'm not attracted to him, in anyway. I just dont have any feelings for him. Its been 3 months since our engagement, and i don't feel excited at all thinking about the marriage that's gonna happen next month.
@@30everafter He ia head over heels in love with me, but i have no love to reciprocate. I made him understand this(its a LongDistanceRelationship, btw), but he tells me it's gonna work out once we have a face to face conversation / once we get married. Is he right? Im afraid to take the final step cuz breaking a marriage is more traumatic for the whole fam, ngl.
I just canceled a wedding Every minor argument resulted in him questioning weather he should be with me, move out or break the lease I had so much anxiety it wasn’t worth it anymore. I minor issue would of have me stood up at the altar. Not worth it.
I be trying to break it off but he gets so angry almost scares me. Keeps telling me I wasted all these years of his life but he was the one making the relationship hard to deal with. The deal breaker was being a mean drunk he has stopped drinking everyday however when he does drink boy oh boy just makes me wanna go jump off my balcony. After thinking on it I’m like I don’t wanna be locked into this. But he makes me feel so guilty.
He should feel guilty of not trying to be a better mate for you. When a person really loves you and sees that a part of his actions even personality hurts you, they will do the best to change his behaviour.
Hope you get a nice fresh start, which won’t be easy in the beginning, sadly because of our emotions we will miss the person we left behind, so if you ever need courage or an friendly ear, though you don’t know me, you can count on me. ☺️
I have been through the same thing i decided to cancel our engagment after he was drinking for weeks on end and one night did not come home until the next night
We are not going to get married soon but I’m so scared to tell my family that i want to break up because they won’t understand, i can tell . So it’s going to be harder than it is , and also he loves me and that’s going to be more difficult and I’m only 22 lol saying yes was a mistake
If it doesn't feel right and the same energy isn't matched or you feel a gut feeling that something is wrong speak with your spouse and communicate the issue i personally to see if its just hot and cold feet . It could just be axienty of marrying and spending your life with someone Its a very natural thing Hope everyone all the best in the pursuit of happiness
I'm not getting married anytime soon but..this was helpful to me just in the prospects of getting together with someone. I've recently found someone who feels like it could be forever. I am usually super anxious so I would say this is truly the first person that gave me red alarm sirens for being too nice! But gradually, I've slowly found a lot more comfort, and it worries me how serene I feel deep down past my fears about the idea of marrying him. We communicate honestly, and we feel good about ourselves with each other. He's rly sweet and thoughtful, and we managed to get through areas of conflict well. However recently, there's just a sensation of worry in my system. Something...there? We are planning to get together soon and..we've been going out for a rly short while but I rly like him. Just for context, I have anxious attachment tendencies and am used to being too emotionally independant having experienced emotional neglect in my childhood (family), friendships and romantic relationship. Therefore I'm very used to neglect, and realised recently I've even found comfort in it. Which was why my present lover felt so extremely threatening because of how present he was for me. I have learnt to embrace it, but I'm afraid that I may be anticipating now, about the extent of 'how bad is he really', which is a thought I get from time to time. Past that, I'm wondering what is this nagging feeling I have....is this intuition? Or....anxiety? It feels...crushing...a little bit suffocating, deep in my belly. But one thing is relentless and keeps pushing up and resurfacing past that which is: I really really like him, and I think he is so good. To note: He overstepped my physical boundaries, and I was honest afterwards, but I got a panic attack from it. He sincerely and swiftly communicated, apologised and repaired it. But I'm fearful of worse things happening like that. Nothing as large as that has happened since, minor issues, but we worked through it...but I'm rly rly specific about my physical boundaries. Sexual boundaries specifically.
I would wait minimum 2 years and 1 year of at least living together to engaged! I got engaged quick and we fought lots but we managed to work through it! But after that i learned that a minimum of 2 years !
Getting married or having a baby don’t help people change and won’t change existing problems. We all love to think that, but unfortunately it’s not true. Therapy can help a partner change but loving them more or doing these permanent commitments- won’t.
Is it something that he did? Is the spark gone and you believe actions and communication and counselling can fix or is it that you're not in love with him anymore? If its the latter leave if its the others its things that y'all can fix if you want to put in the time .
@@aprilchow-chee5281 im in the same situation. Im 21, engaged to a 27 yr old guy. I don't love him anymore like i used to in ghe initial days. I just don't feel anythinf towards him.... Wt am i supposed to do?
Marriage is kinda discredited. Better to live together with agreement going in "if either one of us feels the relationship is stale, we give each other permission to end it." If the partner won't agree to that going in, it's possible the only reason they want to shack up with you is they're tired of the dating scene and just want a reliable sex life. Screw that. For women much more than men, do this first, the living together. REASON: 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. This means that women dislike long term relationships much more than men. Another way to say that is, men are pussified and clingy. Only 30% of men have the courage to end the marriage when it's stale. Normally you'd expect it to be 50/50. If you look into this issue, you'll see that 'getting married' + monogamy is a pretty recent thing in society. You do not have to go back too far in history to find "marriage + monogamy" were exceptions, not the rule. Most importantly: if you find yourself saying "I gotta have a relationship or I'm not happy" then you're also saying "I don't like myself very much, I don't like being my own company." The fact is, we all have 2 decades of PROOF about this -- the majority of us stay single until we're 20 years old -- and many of us stay single much longer, and we DO JUST FINE. You have to adapt to modern society. The norm is 'no long term relationships'. Women, 70% of the time, need/want freedom from long term (stale) relationships and have the guts to end it. If you think about it, men are wired to have as many partners as possible, we have no 9 months of being laid up with children. So it's not clear why men would seek out long term relationships/marriage. Move in together, with a commitment to terminate by either party if one feels 'this is getting stale'. But in any event, avoid marriage. Women do not enjoy it long-term, and even if you're married there is no social stigma about being unfaithful. PLAY THE FIELD. And enjoy the freedom. Try marriage if you want but it gets old. No variety in your sex life unless you cheat, and then why be married at all. . . .
This is disgusting. If you don't have any spiritual/religious reasons to get married, don't bother. Shack up like a pig and let your partner use you and you use them for what they are apparently giid for. Get a month to month lease if you can so that you are no more than 30 days away from setting yourself free! 😀👍
@@cleanwaternasenyiuganda8124 It's extremely healthy to like yourself enough to NEVER have to say "I need someone else in my life" Being in a committed relationship is halfway to having a parent. You have to consult with your significant other about all sorts of decisions that, if you're on your own, do not require anyone's permission. "I'm leaving work today then for the weekend I'm traveling to see my old college buddies" WIFE: "Hey what the?" "I'm buying a new car after work today!" WIFE: "That's a budget/money decision - can we discuss it first?" "I've decided to move to the Bahamas and restart my career in the tropics" WIFE: "Hey what the?" "I'm switching my cell phone to Nextel wireless" WIFE: "Wait a minute - we're on the family plan with Sprint - if you switch we lose our discount!" It's like, FORGET IT, I don't like having ANYONE I have to seek approval/permission from. I do not need a semi-parent like that. Being single, come and go as I please, my god THERE'S NOTHING BETTER. And if you have independent financial means, here's another demotivator: www.nydailynews.com/news/world/nasty-divorce-yields-largest-settlement-british-history-article-1.2026168 NO FREAKING **THANK** YOU .
@@Greg_Chase are you in mgtow movement, or you're just choose to be a singleton? Things that you say seem to be sensible. Through I am a woman, and I live in a country where patriarchal traditions are very imposed to all women, I agree with you. I've spent a lot of time on people who not only wasted my feelings, but also restricted my freedom. And all this sh*t I had in a pretty bonus to a neverending search for compromise:) " No, you won't go to drift racing contest, because I dont like your friends" (in fact for example, my ex was too jealous) etc. But all this pressure I see as a real abuse. And yes, now I prefer spend my time for me. I think there is nothing more precious than freedom. Sorry for my english:)
If you are having extreme doubts about this, call it off. I went back and forth for months having extreme bouts of anxiety about being with my fiancé and the wedding. I pushed it down that I was just anxious or overthinking. Finally called it off three weeks before and I felt immediate relief and knew right away I made the right choice. I feel SO much better and now I realize it wasn’t right and my body was telling me. Trust your gut and be brave. You are worth it!
Hey Sarah, hope you are doing well.
im a dude, and i called it off too. I know how you feel! i felt relieved and at the same time i felt bad and respect her but i know we were not meant to be and im not gonna live a lie! I had to do what i had to do.
@Koriander Yander wow, your comment is so mindful! It was really cool and interesting to read it all, from the first to the last word👍 Im totally agree with you, if people would stop idealisation of relationships and all such stuff, the anxiety level would be probably turned down. Sorry for my english, im not native speaker but I love this language and enjoy learning it :)
@@hondagame7069 did you have to deal with family being upset?
Thank you for this ❤
Bottomline is if you have searched for this video you know WHAT to do
Not true
@@brittanyfinch8597 what did you end up doing?
I'm about to do this,this weekend. I really wish I'd followed my gut, instead of everyone pushing me to trust her
Female here, aleady engaged to a man with a kid. I was really hoping their behavior would progress better with time. However, people's personalities are pretty much set. I am done trying to change people: they can be themselves... (Without me)
How did it go?
how did it go bro?
Just broke up it's TRUE. Wasted so much time dont want to waste more years.
I’ve ended two engagements.
1st time, I was in grad school and she moved across the country for work. She said we should either get married or end things. I didn’t want to end things, so I proposed. For the next few months she ignores my phone calls. I go to visit her and she is emotionally distant. I end it and drive across the country in tears. She harasses me at work and has friends call me names.
2nd time to a girl who was young (6 years younger) and unstable. She would threaten suicide by running into traffic every time we talked about my career and moving away from the area. I couldn’t stand the emotional rollercoaster nor the pressure from her family. I ended it after I had to physically apprehend her from running into traffic.
Sometimes you just have to end an engagement. If I would’ve had better discernment in my 20’s I wouldn’t have wasted my time on emotionally unavailable/volatile women.
My fiance, he's a wonderful man. Any girl would dream to have a partner like him. He got all the good qualities that a gentleman has. Except I'm not attracted to him, in anyway. I just dont have any feelings for him. Its been 3 months since our engagement, and i don't feel excited at all thinking about the marriage that's gonna happen next month.
Same is the situation with me...life k itne mushkil aur complicated phase se guzzar rhi hu...I don't know what to do
I’m sorry to hear that.
Perhaps an honest conversation will help steer things in a better direction?
@@30everafter The thing is, im not physically attracted to him. And im afraid it's gonna be an issue in the long run.
@@maane9545:( i thought i was the only one going through this
@@30everafter He ia head over heels in love with me, but i have no love to reciprocate. I made him understand this(its a LongDistanceRelationship, btw), but he tells me it's gonna work out once we have a face to face conversation / once we get married. Is he right? Im afraid to take the final step cuz breaking a marriage is more traumatic for the whole fam, ngl.
I just canceled a wedding
Every minor argument resulted in him questioning weather he should be with me, move out or break the lease
I had so much anxiety it wasn’t worth it anymore. I minor issue would of have me stood up at the altar. Not worth it.
Sounds like you made the right decision! Marriage is such a long game, you want to go in as a strong couple
I be trying to break it off but he gets so angry almost scares me. Keeps telling me I wasted all these years of his life but he was the one making the relationship hard to deal with. The deal breaker was being a mean drunk he has stopped drinking everyday however when he does drink boy oh boy just makes me wanna go jump off my balcony. After thinking on it I’m like I don’t wanna be locked into this. But he makes me feel so guilty.
He should feel guilty of not trying to be a better mate for you. When a person really loves you and sees that a part of his actions even personality hurts you, they will do the best to change his behaviour.
@@indiralopez1890 thank u for responding my sentiments exactly.
Hope you get a nice fresh start, which won’t be easy in the beginning, sadly because of our emotions we will miss the person we left behind, so if you ever need courage or an friendly ear, though you don’t know me, you can count on me. ☺️
Run!
I have been through the same thing i decided to cancel our engagment after he was drinking for weeks on end and one night did not come home until the next night
You can’t be 100 percent sure though🤔....
We are not going to get married soon but I’m so scared to tell my family that i want to break up because they won’t understand, i can tell . So it’s going to be harder than it is , and also he loves me and that’s going to be more difficult and I’m only 22 lol saying yes was a mistake
Thank you for sharing. It’s better to be honest now rather than later.
Turning 30 in 6 days, engaged. So scared to break it off. I am looking forward to ‘after 30’ ,single or not.
If it doesn't feel right and the same energy isn't matched
or you feel a gut feeling that something is wrong speak with your spouse and communicate the issue
i personally to see if its just hot and cold feet .
It could just be axienty of marrying and spending your life with someone
Its a very natural thing
Hope everyone all the best in the pursuit of happiness
I'm not getting married anytime soon but..this was helpful to me just in the prospects of getting together with someone. I've recently found someone who feels like it could be forever. I am usually super anxious so I would say this is truly the first person that gave me red alarm sirens for being too nice! But gradually, I've slowly found a lot more comfort, and it worries me how serene I feel deep down past my fears about the idea of marrying him. We communicate honestly, and we feel good about ourselves with each other. He's rly sweet and thoughtful, and we managed to get through areas of conflict well. However recently, there's just a sensation of worry in my system. Something...there? We are planning to get together soon and..we've been going out for a rly short while but I rly like him.
Just for context, I have anxious attachment tendencies and am used to being too emotionally independant having experienced emotional neglect in my childhood (family), friendships and romantic relationship. Therefore I'm very used to neglect, and realised recently I've even found comfort in it. Which was why my present lover felt so extremely threatening because of how present he was for me. I have learnt to embrace it, but I'm afraid that I may be anticipating now, about the extent of 'how bad is he really', which is a thought I get from time to time. Past that, I'm wondering what is this nagging feeling I have....is this intuition? Or....anxiety? It feels...crushing...a little bit suffocating, deep in my belly. But one thing is relentless and keeps pushing up and resurfacing past that which is: I really really like him, and I think he is so good.
To note: He overstepped my physical boundaries, and I was honest afterwards, but I got a panic attack from it. He sincerely and swiftly communicated, apologised and repaired it. But I'm fearful of worse things happening like that. Nothing as large as that has happened since, minor issues, but we worked through it...but I'm rly rly specific about my physical boundaries. Sexual boundaries specifically.
I would wait minimum 2 years and 1 year of at least living together to engaged! I got engaged quick and we fought lots but we managed to work through it! But after that i learned that a minimum of 2 years !
Why would you live together first? That's playing house.
What if he’s a hoarder.. deal breaker?
Wasn't expecting the "dick head" 🤣🤣🤣 but yessss.....cut your losses. It is okay.
Getting married or having a baby don’t help people change and won’t change existing problems. We all love to think that, but unfortunately it’s not true. Therapy can help a partner change but loving them more or doing these permanent commitments- won’t.
love the edition!! =)
Thank you!
One way to know is if you are listening to this video
I m 23 and engaged about 4 past years. .but I have no feeling while my funcie is in lv with me what I do??
And I m litteraly try my best but it's naturally that I dont have feelings (not the case that I lv someone else)
Is it something that he did? Is the spark gone and you believe actions and communication and counselling can fix or is it that you're not in love with him anymore? If its the latter leave if its the others its things that y'all can fix if you want to put in the time .
@@aprilchow-chee5281 im in the same situation. Im 21, engaged to a 27 yr old guy. I don't love him anymore like i used to in ghe initial days. I just don't feel anythinf towards him.... Wt am i supposed to do?
@@aleeshamehar8209 u there ?
@@aleeshamehar8209 how long before you lost feelings for him ?
Thank you so much
Thanks
Ari Calade hope it was helpful.
Marriage is kinda discredited.
Better to live together with agreement going in "if either one of us feels the relationship is stale, we give each other permission to end it."
If the partner won't agree to that going in, it's possible the only reason they want to shack up with you is they're tired of the dating scene and just want a reliable sex life. Screw that.
For women much more than men, do this first, the living together. REASON: 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
This means that women dislike long term relationships much more than men.
Another way to say that is, men are pussified and clingy. Only 30% of men have the courage to end the marriage when it's stale. Normally you'd expect it to be 50/50.
If you look into this issue, you'll see that 'getting married' + monogamy is a pretty recent thing in society. You do not have to go back too far in history to find "marriage + monogamy" were exceptions, not the rule.
Most importantly: if you find yourself saying "I gotta have a relationship or I'm not happy" then you're also saying "I don't like myself very much, I don't like being my own company."
The fact is, we all have 2 decades of PROOF about this -- the majority of us stay single until we're 20 years old -- and many of us stay single much longer, and we DO JUST FINE.
You have to adapt to modern society. The norm is 'no long term relationships'.
Women, 70% of the time, need/want freedom from long term (stale) relationships and have the guts to end it.
If you think about it, men are wired to have as many partners as possible, we have no 9 months of being laid up with children. So it's not clear why men would seek out long term relationships/marriage.
Move in together, with a commitment to terminate by either party if one feels 'this is getting stale'.
But in any event, avoid marriage. Women do not enjoy it long-term, and even if you're married there is no social stigma about being unfaithful.
PLAY THE FIELD. And enjoy the freedom. Try marriage if you want but it gets old. No variety in your sex life unless you cheat, and then why be married at all.
.
.
.
This is disgusting.
If you don't have any spiritual/religious reasons to get married, don't bother.
Shack up like a pig and let your partner use you and you use them for what they are apparently giid for. Get a month to month lease if you can so that you are no more than 30 days away from setting yourself free! 😀👍
Calling off is difficult though
@@cleanwaternasenyiuganda8124 It's extremely healthy to like yourself enough to NEVER have to say "I need someone else in my life"
Being in a committed relationship is halfway to having a parent. You have to consult with your significant other about all sorts of decisions that, if you're on your own, do not require anyone's permission.
"I'm leaving work today then for the weekend I'm traveling to see my old college buddies" WIFE: "Hey what the?"
"I'm buying a new car after work today!" WIFE: "That's a budget/money decision - can we discuss it first?"
"I've decided to move to the Bahamas and restart my career in the tropics" WIFE: "Hey what the?"
"I'm switching my cell phone to Nextel wireless" WIFE: "Wait a minute - we're on the family plan with Sprint - if you switch we lose our discount!"
It's like, FORGET IT, I don't like having ANYONE I have to seek approval/permission from. I do not need a semi-parent like that.
Being single, come and go as I please, my god THERE'S NOTHING BETTER.
And if you have independent financial means, here's another demotivator:
www.nydailynews.com/news/world/nasty-divorce-yields-largest-settlement-british-history-article-1.2026168
NO FREAKING **THANK** YOU
.
@@Greg_Chase are you in mgtow movement, or you're just choose to be a singleton? Things that you say seem to be sensible. Through I am a woman, and I live in a country where patriarchal traditions are very imposed to all women, I agree with you. I've spent a lot of time on people who not only wasted my feelings, but also restricted my freedom. And all this sh*t I had in a pretty bonus to a neverending search for compromise:) " No, you won't go to drift racing contest, because I dont like your friends" (in fact for example, my ex was too jealous) etc. But all this pressure I see as a real abuse. And yes, now I prefer spend my time for me. I think there is nothing more precious than freedom. Sorry for my english:)