While high, I like eating heritage breed pork from Butcher Box and some Sherries Berries for dessert. Then I’ll play a game from GameFly in Me Undies until I get depressed about life and look for a job on Zip......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................RECRUITER!
"If we're not supposed to drink and drive ... Then why do most bars have parking lots?" --Steven Wright. (Classic) *The Comedian who invented the concept of "The speed of dark."
My story is so similar to Bill's. I was busted for DUI, then a couple months later I was busted (sober) driving on a suspended license getting groceries. Went to jail for a weekend and was surrounded by the biggest losers and fuckups and knew I never wanted to be like them. True rock bottom.
I don't think there's really anything wrong with that. My departed Uncle Ernie was a serious alcoholic for many years. His drinking completely wrecked his marriage. Then he started having heart attacks and had to quit drinking and smoking. He'd tell us funny versions of his old drinking stories until the day he died. He'd always say "I'm not proud of these stories." but he always made us laugh with them and I'd say atoned for himself that way. A big sense of humor can help with the recovery from anything or at least I feel that way. Good luck with your recovery Joel. I believe in you and know you will be successful at it :)
Yeah, I’m sober and now I look back and can laugh at the stupid shit I did while drunk. I’m finally holding on to letting go what I had and yeah it’s hard sometimes but being able to look (not live) in my past and say “Jesus you were a fuck up while drunk” and laugh at that person I was and the MAN I’ve become. My family has had generations of drunks who never got to meet their grand kids. My dad is here and able to see my son and is someone my son loves to see. I’m in recovery and I’ll be dammed if I don’t see my sons children. I’m part of the solution and I’m happy to be here.
I used to take a few shots in the morning and go ride my motorcycle to parks. I either just chilled on benches watching people or read a book. Thb, it got harry for a bit and I had to stop, because I was doing it too often.
A couple drinks is nice. But it's so hard to leave it there. It always ends up being drunk for a whole day, then having to drink to stave off the hang over. Then it's not fun and your body is getting fucked up and your hands start shaking and you feel weird or guilty. It's those first 2-3 years of drinking you keep chasing and wanting back.
So true! You CANNOT get those memories back. The buzz is nostalgic, but there are healthier ways to reminisce, like music that reminds you of that time. But that music makes me want to drink and smoke lol. Catch 22
More than once, I woke up in my own bed -- usually fully dressed -- perfectly safe, car in the driveway ... with absolutely no recollection at all of driving home from wherever. I gave all that shit up when I woke up one New Year's Day with cuts and abrasions all over my face. My brother asked me, "Did you get in a fight last night?" (he had been with me most of the night) I must have, but I honestly didn't know.
Thats happened to me as well. Drove home with no recollection and waking up with scrapes. Just got busted omw home last night and was arrested for dui. Sitting in the jail at night and hearing the other people moan complain and come off whatever they were on was eye opening. Fuckin sucks but now I dont want anything to do with booze again.
Why do i never drink and drive? I watched the HBO series "OZ" when i was a kid. One character hit a kid when he was drunk and ended up a nazi's gf by the end of the first season.
I’m an alcoholic now and my thing is getting a bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion, bottle of Tito’s, and couple cigars. I sit on my front porch at around 10am (right after liquor store opens) and watch Quentin Tarantino films and get fuckin wasted. Around 7pm I order some shitty pizza by 9 I’m passed out. Crazy thing is, I had the time of my life. I get 2 days off every week from the job and this is usually how my first day is spent.
Liquor has never been my thing it doesn't have the same effect as pounding beers. It's like it doesn't do anything and then when it kicks in I just feel like punching a hole through the wall. 😅
every time I got drunk and walked home, I would greet my dog by my girlfriends name which would crack me up but piss her off to no end. Then she got sick of it and dumped my ass lol haha
i think they call them ponies because the most popular one was Rolling Rock, which had a horsey-type design on the bottle. they sold them by the bucket at a lot of bars, a bunch of ponies jammed into ice in a bucket brought to your table.
DUI (or DWI as it was called in NY) was a misdemeanor in the 70’s and early 80’s so we always drove drunk. It’s a miracle I never got caught even after being pulled over twice. I passed the sobriety tests using tricks of the trade like don’t really follow the flash light just move your eyes in the direction the officer moved the light. I don’t drive drunk anymore because I know I’ve used up all my drunk driving luck.
I used to read the newspaper at the bar. I spent so much time at my regular place, I'd get phone calls. When the bartender is handing you the houses phone, it's time to quit.
A buddy of mine and I got popped for the DUI / open container combination…. At the age of 17 and 362 days old. Spent the night in jail terrified, plead no contest, got put through the pre-trial diversion program, and got it expunged after 6 months of probation and community service. Knowing what I almost lost and the people it would have put me around makes me think I might be the luckiest person alive. There might just be a god.
My biggest problem was that I was born with a massive tolerance so it would take a lot just to get me started. I tried day drinking once and it was the only time I blacked out. I had two bottles of bourbon which I reckoned would see me through the day and the night and started at 11 AM. All I remember after that is waking up the next day with THREE empty bourbon bottles. I honestly don't know if I drove to get the third bottle or walked, but I did have a fvcked up foot at the time.
I was a really good driver when loaded. Not Mario Andretti, but good nonetheless. Dunno if that skill remains, i stopped drinking at 22. But it was fun while it lasted
I've driven drunk and had zero clue how I got where I ended up, and no memory that I even got in the car in the first place. That was years ago. As Bill stated, we don't do that anymore.
My friends let me drive home blacked out and I forgot my wallet and they let me drive back to get it and go back home. Then I did acid and drove 20 miles back home. That was tough, but we don’t do that anymore.
There is a big problem today with the justice department using the non-profit 12-step organizations in lieu of actual punishment for crimes; and further with sending predators into 12-step programs where the criminals exploit the the general population of AA members.
At 45, I am so surprised I’ve never gotten a DUI, killed myself or someone else...my God I was stupid. How many times have any of you woke up in your clothes and went out side and did the walk around your vehicle looking for dents, scratches and/or blood?
Can’t there be like a ice cream truck, in the form of a Cruze and booze where at 5 o clock a truck comes around and you get your drinks mixed right there out side your house… like a ice cream truck or hey fucking hell if there was a taco truck going around??? Anyone?
"Wine in the morning. Breakfast at night. I'm beginning to see the light." - Velvet Underground. It's fun when good. If the rarity of it increases, stop. ✌️❤️
It's difficult to tell which way the wind is blowing. Claming up seems to be the best option. If a cop is inclined to be cool, then They'll understand why you distrust cops in general. Deny everything always.
If one forgets, they repeat their mistakes. Self analysis is important. The minute you forget, the shit starts to happen. Keep it hidden and you never fully recover, dude. I am 20 years sober now.
What's your favourite thing to do when you are drunk/high? 🤔👇
vegging out on youtube and gta v
Video games
While high, I like eating heritage breed pork from Butcher Box and some Sherries Berries for dessert. Then I’ll play a game from GameFly in Me Undies until I get depressed about life and look for a job on Zip......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................RECRUITER!
@@solomonwells9290 possibly one of the best comments on RUclips
get more drunk and or high
"If we're not supposed to drink and drive ... Then why do most bars have parking lots?" --Steven Wright. (Classic) *The Comedian who invented the concept of "The speed of dark."
In New Hampshire they have the big state liquor stores on *both north and south sides of the divided highway.
My guess is it is designed for those who can consume alcohol in moderation
@@js-wz7sd they’re designed like a normal parking lot
@@nikolatesla537 Designed FOR. Not designed LIKE. Two very different statements.
@@joshuasewell5104 how is a bar parking lot designed differently from a normal parking lot?
That last part somehow blew everything Bill said out of the water lmao, fantastic clip
My story is so similar to Bill's. I was busted for DUI, then a couple months later I was busted (sober) driving on a suspended license getting groceries. Went to jail for a weekend and was surrounded by the biggest losers and fuckups and knew I never wanted to be like them. True rock bottom.
Rock bottom is being homeless due to addiction and mental illness. Not able to keep a job. Losing all friends and family. Ask me how I know.
@@occipitalneuralgia2339 how are you doing now
That’s my exact story 3 days in jail and on probation for 3 years, had to go to AA and various therapy sessions.
That's a weekend for me😂 so many driving with suspended, but no DUI. I'd rather not drive and the pandemic hit. I was gooooood lol.
@@occipitalneuralgia2339 hope you're doing better now. I overcame my demons, I hope you can too
As a recovering addict I love nothing more than talking about the good old days.
I don't think there's really anything wrong with that. My departed Uncle Ernie was a serious alcoholic for many years. His drinking completely wrecked his marriage. Then he started having heart attacks and had to quit drinking and smoking. He'd tell us funny versions of his old drinking stories until the day he died. He'd always say "I'm not proud of these stories." but he always made us laugh with them and I'd say atoned for himself that way. A big sense of humor can help with the recovery from anything or at least I feel that way. Good luck with your recovery Joel. I believe in you and know you will be successful at it :)
Yeah, I’m sober and now I look back and can laugh at the stupid shit I did while drunk. I’m finally holding on to letting go what I had and yeah it’s hard sometimes but being able to look (not live) in my past and say “Jesus you were a fuck up while drunk” and laugh at that person I was and the MAN I’ve become. My family has had generations of drunks who never got to meet their grand kids. My dad is here and able to see my son and is someone my son loves to see. I’m in recovery and I’ll be dammed if I don’t see my sons children. I’m part of the solution and I’m happy to be here.
@@AV-RC don’t stop
as a current addict, I love nothing more than talking about NOT being sober (you know, besides actually not being sober)
The end tho, you have to appreciate the honesty hahahah
Conant is an extremely underrated comedian and his full podcast with Bill is amazing
The only times ole Billy Pumpkin beard stopped driving drunk was when he ran out of booze, gas or both
I used to take a few shots in the morning and go ride my motorcycle to parks. I either just chilled on benches watching people or read a book. Thb, it got harry for a bit and I had to stop, because I was doing it too often.
That sounds awesome tbh
A couple drinks is nice. But it's so hard to leave it there. It always ends up being drunk for a whole day, then having to drink to stave off the hang over. Then it's not fun and your body is getting fucked up and your hands start shaking and you feel weird or guilty. It's those first 2-3 years of drinking you keep chasing and wanting back.
So true! You CANNOT get those memories back. The buzz is nostalgic, but there are healthier ways to reminisce, like music that reminds you of that time. But that music makes me want to drink and smoke lol. Catch 22
More than once, I woke up in my own bed -- usually fully dressed -- perfectly safe, car in the driveway ... with absolutely no recollection at all of driving home from wherever. I gave all that shit up when I woke up one New Year's Day with cuts and abrasions all over my face. My brother asked me, "Did you get in a fight last night?" (he had been with me most of the night)
I must have, but I honestly didn't know.
Thats happened to me as well. Drove home with no recollection and waking up with scrapes. Just got busted omw home last night and was arrested for dui. Sitting in the jail at night and hearing the other people moan complain and come off whatever they were on was eye opening. Fuckin sucks but now I dont want anything to do with booze again.
Hey just know your editing isn't unappreciated!
That background is clever with all the stuff he likes I like that
Except the pair, its a pretentious fruit
"First cousin?" Hahaha
Does it matter? 😳😂
@@MistaP13 Duh, first cousins are way hotter
".....So, uh... I've been sober for 7 years." -Definately 1st lol
Bill references this story on the Uninformed Podcast, but he laughs about it the whole time and actually makes it hilarious
The Van Gogh comparison is perfect. lmao!
End of the vid makes it all worth it
Why do i never drink and drive?
I watched the HBO series "OZ" when i was a kid.
One character hit a kid when he was drunk and ended up a nazi's gf by the end of the first season.
bruh
took me a second, there
“If you can’t be with the ones you love”
Yes! It was the All State guy. Was alot scarier in that roll.
Bill Blurr
I’m an alcoholic now and my thing is getting a bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion, bottle of Tito’s, and couple cigars. I sit on my front porch at around 10am (right after liquor store opens) and watch Quentin Tarantino films and get fuckin wasted. Around 7pm I order some shitty pizza by 9 I’m passed out. Crazy thing is, I had the time of my life. I get 2 days off every week from the job and this is usually how my first day is spent.
I use to be like that but I'd usually pass put by 6. Quit when I started bleeding internally.
@Moody Fuck right!
Liquor has never been my thing it doesn't have the same effect as pounding beers. It's like it doesn't do anything and then when it kicks in I just feel like punching a hole through the wall. 😅
@@Yophillips3272 yea and tastes like fucking shit. at least beer is easy to drink
every time I got drunk and walked home, I would greet my dog by my girlfriends name which would crack me up but piss her off to no end. Then she got sick of it and dumped my ass lol haha
lol great bit
I stopped when I woke up in jail with no clue what happened
Did you figure out what happened?
@@davidneumann2705 it was so horrible, no one had the stomach to tell em.
Been there. Lol
😂😂😂😂😂
The unthinkable happened. LITERALLY unthinkable!
i think they call them ponies because the most popular one was Rolling Rock, which had a horsey-type design on the bottle. they sold them by the bucket at a lot of bars, a bunch of ponies jammed into ice in a bucket brought to your table.
Huh. I always thought it was just pony to horse. Kind of a like a pony engine on a big Diesel engine.
Combo of both. The name was right there.
I call my gf a pony for the same simple reasons. Shes small. I ride her from the back. She has a face like a horse.
@@obiwankenobi9439 Aren't you supposed to be celibate? You're a jedi smh
A pony is the diminutive version of a horse. It’s is the same idea, only for beer.
"First cousin ?!" Lol
DUI (or DWI as it was called in NY) was a misdemeanor in the 70’s and early 80’s so we always drove drunk. It’s a miracle I never got caught even after being pulled over twice. I passed the sobriety tests using tricks of the trade like don’t really follow the flash light just move your eyes in the direction the officer moved the light. I don’t drive drunk anymore because I know I’ve used up all my drunk driving luck.
I don’t drink but what are the other tricks of the trade I gotta know!
Ahhh yes those near the ocean kind of plants. Gotta love em
Wow none of those Headliners drank. Good job Mr. Burr especially being on the road.
I don't drink anymore but if you've never done Psychedelics while drunk, I'm telling you it's a good time.
The video is spot-on! KUDOS!
Oooooh yeeah! Reading paper while slurping drinkaroonies is the bomb! Those days only been gone 20 or 30 years...gawd I feel old...
It bothers me the way that box flips around that bigger box .
Coranita, ponies, l remember the tiny Budweiser too,, great chasers especially ice cold borderline frosties
Your gonna do what you wanna do just be smarter at doing it.
Best comment ... I'm not saying be an absolute shithead ... Work smahtah not hahdah
Boy that ending haha
I've been there. It gets depressing
I used to read the newspaper at the bar. I spent so much time at my regular place, I'd get phone calls. When the bartender is handing you the houses phone, it's time to quit.
Aye I live in Redondo Beach! I’ve gotten shit faced on HB pier more than a few times in my life 😂
A buddy of mine and I got popped for the DUI / open container combination…. At the age of 17 and 362 days old. Spent the night in jail terrified, plead no contest, got put through the pre-trial diversion program, and got it expunged after 6 months of probation and community service. Knowing what I almost lost and the people it would have put me around makes me think I might be the luckiest person alive.
There might just be a god.
Whoever reads the comments... This one's worth the wait till the end😂
I’m gonna ride it out because you say so. Almost hung it up but I’m hanging in there now
I miss day drinking with a passion.
Didn't know Patrice didn't drink. Cheers for that ;)
My biggest problem was that I was born with a massive tolerance so it would take a lot just to get me started. I tried day drinking once and it was the only time I blacked out. I had two bottles of bourbon which I reckoned would see me through the day and the night and started at 11 AM. All I remember after that is waking up the next day with THREE empty bourbon bottles. I honestly don't know if I drove to get the third bottle or walked, but I did have a fvcked up foot at the time.
I would drink and play pc games while I could barely see the screen. Was nice
crazy how bailiffs can get you more into trouble by the way they read the report lolol
Bill Burr: why I no longer mainline acid and smoke PCP behind the 7/11
I was a really good driver when loaded. Not Mario Andretti, but good nonetheless. Dunno if that skill remains, i stopped drinking at 22. But it was fun while it lasted
I've driven drunk and had zero clue how I got where I ended up, and no memory that I even got in the car in the first place. That was years ago. As Bill stated, we don't do that anymore.
My friends let me drive home blacked out and I forgot my wallet and they let me drive back to get it and go back home. Then I did acid and drove 20 miles back home. That was tough, but we don’t do that anymore.
the edits really complement the video
He got to 21 and realized “Where’s the fun in this anymore?” Man, We really lost Bill.
That tiny beer is called a "snit".
i got 1 at 21 too
Oaks bluff?
Ol' Billy Booze Bag
There is a big problem today with the justice department using the non-profit 12-step organizations in lieu of actual punishment for crimes; and further with sending predators into 12-step programs where the criminals exploit the the general population of AA members.
Oh fuck I love the first talk. Amazing. I can relate
Craig is cool, seemed a lot cooler before being sober
Great name you have!
At 45, I am so surprised I’ve never gotten a DUI, killed myself or someone else...my God I was stupid. How many times have any of you woke up in your clothes and went out side and did the walk around your vehicle looking for dents, scratches and/or blood?
Had my first corona pony by accident, long day of work had me spacing out, didn't realize the six i grabbed were child sized... Who are those for?
Anyone else enjoy day drinking and playing pc games like cyberpunk?
Hell yeah dude
Cyberpunk is garbage
@@R3VO7UTION Said the generic console noob
I'm waiting for Halo Infinite ♾
Chess
Can’t there be like a ice cream truck, in the form of a Cruze and booze where at 5 o clock a truck comes around and you get your drinks mixed right there out side your house… like a ice cream truck or hey fucking hell if there was a taco truck going around??? Anyone?
🦞 sighting @8:49
I remember when MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers out) That's when I joined DAMM ( Drunks Against Mad Mothers )
Where’s stick figure bill? He was great
OV ponies! Woot!!!!
"Wine in the morning. Breakfast at night. I'm beginning to see the light." - Velvet Underground. It's fun when good. If the rarity of it increases, stop. ✌️❤️
Ahahahaha
Fish and chips? In America?
“now”
No excuse with Uber and lift…..
driving drunk is hella fun
I didn't know Bill Burr's wife was black. Its not important but I think its cool. Because I'm black. :)
Who the fuck is he talking to ? Lmfaoooo
Inmate number 420 69😆😎
But if you dont drive drunk how the fuck do you get home? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Loosers are born every second
I Talk in existential and philosophical circles, and convince myself how intellectually amazing I am. When anyone listening would be like... What?
Cringe
This is like a drafted tweet.
Good reason to get sober
I almost got a DUI twice. Once was driving for doordash.
craigs laugh is the worst thing ive ever heard in my life
If you can come off as cool in a conversation with the cops, then you get a pass.
If they're assholes, just clam up and hope for the best. If they're reasonable, then just cooperate with them - theirs can be a miserable job.
It's difficult to tell which way the wind is blowing. Claming up seems to be the best option. If a cop is inclined to be cool, then They'll understand why you distrust cops in general. Deny everything always.
It's one of those videos in which the guest just says 'yeah' the entire time. 😑
To be fair its better than talking over bills story that'd lead into a tangent or off topic. Happens all the time in podcasts
bruh, "i got pulled over before i hurt somebody"
what a lightweight, you're worried about hurting somebody because you can't handle alcohol
God, enough with the endless self-analysis. You've learned your lessons, now just move on.
shut up paul
If one forgets, they repeat their mistakes. Self analysis is important. The minute you forget, the shit starts to happen. Keep it hidden and you never fully recover, dude. I am 20 years sober now.
I'm 22, I always read the paper 🗞️