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Stop fighting your limerence
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- Just my opinions, you get to establish your own.
Get help from me with limerence: www.unfoldingl...
Hi I’m Marios, on this channel we talk about psychology. I'm doing my doctorate degree in counselling psychology in London.
🕊Twitter: / marios_cg
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Chapters:
00:00-00:47 - INTRO
00:48-01:48 - FIGHTING IS TIRING
01:49-02:32 - RESISTANCE
02:33-03:44 WHY IT'S NOT PRODUCTIVE
03:45-05:56 BEING WITH IT
05:57-07:56 GET THE RIGHT HELP
Disclaimer: On the channel we discuss themes relating to psychology and mental health, but it is not advice and if you need support including mental or medical attention please seek support from a licensed professional.
#limerence #obsession #heartbreak
tags: limerence, obsessive love, obsession, love, why can't I stop thinking about them, psychology, personal development, limerence help, limerence cure, limerence vs love, limerence abandonment, limerence addiction, limerence intrusive thoughts
I can't take this pain any longer...... she's like a demon in my head 24/7. I can't even do the dishes anymore.
Hang in there bro
Take agood multi vitamin in the morning, if you’re not eating properly due to grief, etc., a lack of B vitamins will contribute to obsessive thoughts.
Try it, you’ve got nothing to lose.
Hope you are better now after a few weeks.
You deserve someone who loves as deep as you love
I hear you man
It makes me feel good when I constantly daydream about my limerance objact. Later, I have sense of self hatred, criticizing myself that I ve wasted my energy and time😞
I'm going through it and it's hell , specially the jealousy when you see them with other people,
God have mercy on my soul 🤲
You videos are helping , at least the feeling of seeing someone understanding and trying to help me , bless you 💗
The jealousy is agonizing. I don’t even know how to describe it.
Hey. How are you doing now ?
Thank you for saying all this. I'm doing everything I can to build myself a new life after the loss of my beloved late husband. And after two years I still can't pry this married guy out of my head. I AM feeling a little relief by just letting it "sit in the corner" while I go have fun with friends and explore new areas of work. I keep telling myself "You just lost the love of your life; of COURSE you're vulnerable." Self-compassion helps.
It's a long story I don't want to get into, but I feel as though I'm finally figuring out that I have limerance.
I hate it. It feels like I'm doing something wrong. I'm trying to figure out what I need to do in my head, and your videos are helping me put things into words. Thank you!
Ride the wave, Limerence will disappear on it's own if not fed.
I'm having limerence because it was my coping mechanism in toxic intimate relationships. It's been over a year, and I've noticed my triggers that lead me to it. I've accepted that it will come up once in a while as it's ingrained in my healing process to find better pastures, as well I see myself slowly getting over it the more I choose to love myself and focus on my life goals. Whenever I notice I forgot about my limerent for a few hours or days, I give myself a mental cheer, high five, an excitement, that I was able to survive in my own head, within my safe or intriguing environment, and let my mind be free from it's old coping habit. It feels wonderful, even though I find I'm often at a teeter point with fully limerent, which I'd say is a huge improvement coming from a cycle binge when I used to live high stress mode daily. Now I'm in wellness mode daily, feeling I have more time and able to make better and healthier micro decisions. I deserve a me hug and use the energy to focus on myself.
Great to hear you're able to distance yourself from the limerence if only for a short while. Tough really.
Love it. Good job ❤
I’m so glad I found your channel. I have been aware of my limerence for 2 years - always fighting it, journaling, trying to distract myself, to put distance from LOs - it’s a horrible experience indeed and you offer a fresh perspective that I have never considered before. Thank you 🙏🏻
Absolute banger info and mastersword shirt. Thanks. Subbed. I need to rebuild my lifes foundation and not distract away from this crush
Thanks for all your videos, Marios. Didn't know limerence existed but it made me realise I've done this since my teens (am 58 now!). I've come from a long sex starved marrige with a complicated man. Being intimate with my LO after my divorce made me realise what I'd missed out on all these years - he gave me back my selfesteem/selfworth. It took me some time but I now know it is not him as a person I want but the fantasy of him and me together. He fills the gap - that is why I think I love him. When I feel sad or super excited about my LO it helps to ask myself out loud: 'Is this limerence-me talking hear or just me-me'. Will get there in the end... 🙏🏻
Thank you for this, I've only recently learned of Limerance. Ive had 3 relationships ever the longest being a year and a half and that was between 18 and 20. I'm currently 38 and discovered that all my relationships have been Limerance. This last one knocked me for 6. I'm in therapy with a councillor and attending support group for general depression. I have not gone NC because of that 1 percent chance 😅 but I'm learning to be a friend to her and a best friend to myself but I have accepted that due to my childhood, I love different and I'm OK with me, and I'll be aware of how I react and love and respect myself along the way. Going pretty well, although not easy at times. My limerance has faded to me wanting the best for them wether with me or not but they haven't been in a relationship since so hope that's not a trigger, but if it is, I know what I'm like and I know who I am.
Hey Marios! I’m currently still working through my Limerence over an ex coworker/friend. He went NC with me after I had a very bad episode and it was hell. Was taking benzos but it didn’t help just numbed the feelings. I’m reminded everyday of it especially because we still work at the same company, just different stores. Thank you for all your videos as they’ve helped me tremendously. I’m going to accept my limerence and stop beating myself up for it happening.
EFT tapping has helped me
Thanks for this. Just coming out the back of a limerent episode in which the girl I fancied ultimately was seeing someone else and they are now a couple. So much anxiety in the last three months. At least I understand and accept what's going on now with me.
How are you doing now?
@@samia6888Am doing better now - I'm happy to be a friend with the girl and as I've known her I've worked out we aren't particularly compatible (not as much as her boyfriend) anyway. Happy to let that go. Curious to see what else is out there but apart from a brief bit of texting with someone I met a month or so ago not had much since!
You are really helping us❤
I can’t even h8 him to get him out of my head … it’s been 3 years 😭💔
I know how you feel, it’s torture
3 years........... i am so sorry its beem 7months 4 months no contact for me, and its destroying me
Thank you, i needed to hear it😢
Fasting helps me
Thank you for your videos, I really love your content! I've always had this feeling of intense infatuation and sometimes even thought, this is literally making me crazy... I am going tfo therapy for quite some time now and I'm really frustrated because, even tho telling my therapist how my inner world is going, his tips and skills aren't as useful in this particular topic, as it is in the other parts of our sessions. That's why im glad i found this term limerence and the videos you make about it! I still function quiet well and do really good in my job and with my studies, friends and family, idk if im fully in this term of limerence, especially because i put myself out of this situationship, because the person clearly wasn't ready for a relationship, but feeling this way and having it consuming so much energy, made me so angry and ashamed of myself, that I everytime he came up, i started putting myself down for falling for such a "loser, or its just a man, come on!". That's why this video feels extremely gentle, and like something i should introduce to my daily thoughts! Thank you, wish you all the best :)
Thank you for the thoughtful comment.
1:03 if you constantly judging yourself for having it and hating every element of the limerence in a way that reflects on you, then you’re just making yourself weaker in the process of healing
1:59 accept what it’s happening of the limerence can happen at the same time as wanting to get better
6:57 30 seconds sit with your feelings meditation
Thank you! Enjoy your weekend!
Thank you for this video and the others , it's reassuring.
Wow… really helpful!😮
I accepted the reality a couple years ago. So no, that does not help me to sit there in suffering knowing it's uncomfortable. I found quite a bit of this video a rehash of what I have already been though, and much of it did not work. But I am glad others are seeing this and feeling these things for the first time. I've been around the block with my LO and they are very fine and my type, nothing bad about them to bring out to the surface either.
Thanks for sharing. True acceptance is an ongoing thing, not just a “I’ve done it” thing. I’m not sure if acceptance alone is enough but it is what a lot of people struggle with. If you truly think you’ve accepted and do so regularly and don’t feel it helps, then I wonder what other resistances you have going on and whether you’re going to therapy to work on this.
@@Marios_CG Well, thanks for reply. In my case and especially with this case I am currently in I have tried to make lemonade out of the lemons. I got out and worked on myself physically, I got involved with a creative team and volunteered and contributed to that team. I stayed busy rather than dwell on what can't be. So the L has not gotten me down and beat at all. And the reason I am not going total n/c has not been my objective is: 1. the person is not a bad or rotten narcissistic liar, but a good decent person with some admirable skills (and higher class/education), 2. I've been losing various friends in recent years in several ways, and loneliness is very real. 3. I confessed my sexual attraction and got rejected. And LO (definitely) got more distant from me, but did not completely abandon communication. And is now beginning to relax and see me as interesting (I think) and worth not ghosting.
This may have been a good thing even if it was slightly painful. So I feel that having this limerence going on is being used (by me) as a fuel for me to work harder at several things that help me. And it's supposed to give me agency, and make me more valuable to everyone, or others anyway, and maybe including the LO. But it's not really completely directed at the LO. I'm a little less lonely, a little more inspired. And I know that the fantasies are just that fantasies and very likely never coming true. But I'd rather have good dreams than no dreams. And I'd rather have the friendship than not. I think I can handle friendship (only) where many in L can't because the obsession is too strong, or the LO is a famous person who can't be there or even met. I've read about those who are in L with tv or movie personalities that they've never met. Mine at least is grounded in reality. The suffering is mild because I am able to get out and do things and not be crippled, and have my growth stunted over the LO. At least this is the way I see it.
@@Marios_CG For me, once I accepted it, I decide to work through it with activities and goals to achieve. Try and replace (some of) these feelings is the way I have dealt. Like making lemonade out of lemons. Try and find something positive about the LO that I can use to fuel other projects like working out at the gym, or work on a creative art project.
I'm more introverted and stubborn and a bit stoic than some, So I can push forward and know that time heals, and I shall prevail. I guess it's plan old positive thinking in the face of rejection.
@@rockrecordreport7136 have you looked into childhood emotional neglect? I have found that I was using my LO to fulfill those needs. Once i started to understand that and working on giving myself the emotional support my limerence almost disappeared. The habit of thinking about LO is still there but not the emotional charges I was getting.
@@sspencer4036 Yes thank you. That is the place (I think) where I am at. I've considered the substantial emotional neglect I've been through, or/and abuse. So I've reached the point where the L is not so intense. But what remains is a crush on someone who's fairly smart, interesting conversationally, and good looking which I cannot change. They are my type, and I won't tell myself otherwise. But I can get on with other things, and take the energy and be productive. That is what you are supposed to do if you get ghosted, you work on yourself and improve in other areas. But the thoughts linger in the background - like what would they think of such and such. Fine I guess.
I have had this limerence for 12 years now. In between that i have had tell myself to just accept the LO and let the brain do whatever the brain wants, in hoping that the brain got tired of it and it will go away. It worked for a while but LO came back. Now I'm in the process doing that again. Hopefully it wall go away (again) soon. It's the only method that works for me, albeit temporarily.
Hey Marios, wanna ask you something that isn't it limerence hits you the most when nothing in life going on, interests you and you are doing something boredom, sometimes we choose such path of doing thing by ourselves unconsciously, shall we take it as a opportunity to know that how we have been living in two diverted world and now that we know we can join the real world as a complete self by healing our pain, was that choosing such lonely and boring path necessary for such awakening and couldn't it happen any other way?
I am someone who was experiencing limerence even when i was having really good time. Even before knowing this concept, i literally used to talk to myself in saying that let's go into our false world please let's complete story in my head with music and scripting. It was so painful living in the raw world for like from my very early childhood till now well I'm 20 now. And i am trying my best to get over!
In my case I've been very busy with my work and very successful but perhaps neglecting my mental health , which opened the door for me to obsess over someone more so
But I have a lot of childhood trauma and this is common for many of us.
What if the limerent object actually has fallen for you but they know you are married so staying away and you cannot tell them how you feel.
Hello brother. I watched pne video you shared on dr. Becky (don't remember her name). I watched one video "Characteristics of nice guy narcissist". I noticed that I have many characteristics in me.
I don't want to be the narcissist. I don't find any video about "How not be a nice guy narcissist".
Everyone makes video how to avoid narcissist only.
Can you please suggest me how not be a nice guy narcissist? Please
Hi there, unless you have been diagnosed by a licensed professional directly, please do not assume you are a narcissist.
Videos by people online are not diagnoses and a lot of the time are talking about things in principle.
Remember this is the internet!
Do you do private consultations online? Like for practical tools and such?
Is the concept of twin flame false and it is actually just limerence?
i haven’t seen him/ had any contact in a year and a half but it’s still just as bad
I am confused , I do think about gettig validation but also I have these fantasies where I think abt a character who has everything which I lack and I like to see their world from 3rd person view. does that counts as limerence?
I don’t know but I do have those fantasies as well unfortunately
What is limerance
Icl you kinda cute for a therapist
I find you a little too morose. There is nothing wrong with constructive hope delivered to the patient.
Hey, if you're not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, maybe you should stop posting videos on topics that are sensitive to actually traumatized people
Hey, you raise a good point. The internet is not therapy and none of what I say should be taken as advice. I’m training to become a psychologist but even if I were qualified now, sharing information online is just that, sharing. If you need help, get a therapist.
Do not go to the internet to get advice on how to live your life.
thanks :) I was just very triggered when I wrote this.