Why You Must Say What You Really Think - Jordan Peterson
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
- Speaker: Jordan Peterson Thanks for watching!
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So true. Being too agreeable just to avoid conflict has really come back to bite me many times.
Being too agreeable creates more conflict.
Live life on your own terms, DGAF, but be kind, truthful to yourself. Confidence. I'm learning all over again, refresher course, its healthy.
Right, I feel all my energy is actually just going into me trying reason how it’s ok to ‘hold back the monster’
I feel you on that. I have been doing it most of my life to avoid getting beaten by a parent. Now that I'm an adult it is hard to unlearn....yet very doable ❤🙏🔥👑🔥🙏❤
@@ScorpionMaiden75 yeah unfortunately ur comment resonate with me a lot.
Hope we find courage and peace.
The truth no matter how painful, brutal and harsh even is always better than a lie
I think the problem is that it's just not that simple. How often is the "truth" and "what you think to be "true" actually correct? I would say people in general are way more wrong than they are ever right. So your "truth" can destroy relationships and bring about coincidences that perhaps "show you that you were wrong" and so hooray for truth, except did we need to be carelessly saying what we think and think that's a virtue? Aren't we wrong more than right? Maybe I can agree with "Don't tell lies," but telling the truth seems to be more of a complicated thing to tout. Sometimes the question needs to be about the utility of truth over just the face value of truth. I'm just rambling out loud here. 👍
@@danlarry7020 I liked your ramble
Nah there's exceptions, stop trying to sound deep
@@SirGala-fh9xg better to sound deep than sound like an ass.
@@danlarry7020 I think the issue is it's extremely difficult to feel like your telling the truth sometimes, because you can't tell if your own biases and perceptions made it your truth or the truth
I was agreeable my whole life. A few months back, i started to take jordans advice. I started to tell people what i think. My life has gotten so much better. Do it people, i promise you, it will lead to conflicts as people do not know how to handle it, but it will getter in a short period of time.
I have practised self-abandoning for ages, rarely able to voice my discontent in my family circle, and I paid a heavy price for that. Self-abandoning NO MORE. I don't care to make people cross. I still need some readjustment, but I am feeling much better now.
A good testimony, thank you for sharing.👍🏾
The only issue I had with agreeableness growing up was I thought I was dealing with level headed people such as myself when that was never the case. Once you know this it is much easier to speak your mind.
One hundred percent understand that.
I don't get it
Exactly. You can't fight the irrational with ration
True. Most of the time we re not being agreeable, but instead we are just overthinking the whole situation, that we can’t really speak our minds.
Totally get it! 👏🏻
When you're agreeable people take advantage of you, it's as simple as that. But people also love opening up to an agreeable person, so open your ears and get ready for the tea
I WISH I’d had him for a teacher as a child!! I wish every one could listen and watch him. He might have some ideas that won’t gel for everyone and that’s alright. Listening to him through these isolated days has been SUCH A RELIEF!!! It’s like having a truly loving WISE one on our side and showing us how to choose our steps WISELY. Thank You Sir!! 🙏🏼
You are so correct. Within the last year I finally decided to stop being so agreeable and tell people what I really think. It challenged me and has made me stronger.
🎉🎉🎉😊
I couldn't win. So I decided to be quiet again. Me trying to stir the pot only made things worse. Bec. then they flip and attack me. And then I flip eventually, too. Better not to touch certain issues. Bec. I love my peace even more
@@swissherbgirl2917 the more you learn the info on what you are passionate about the stronger you become. I do tons of research so it helps. You can still comment, just don't reply to haters. They are trolls that get paid to upset you. Don't let them take control over the conversation if you respond. Ask them if they are a troll because 9 times out of 10 they don't respond back because you figured it out.
Very True. - Usually this evolves from growing up under extreme stress and constant conflict.
What I’d give for 15 mins of JPs time, an absolutely brilliant mind & so realistic.
For real
Oh man to be his friend!!
Can you elaborate please
Send him a letter. See what can happen.
@@Jackie.Miller65 your sentences what Jordan is talking about say what you mean then end your comment. Your comment was like saying, the sky. It sounds like you and Jordan need to get a face to face discussion going on. You notice I ended my sentence with a beginning and the end not just the beginning. Try and use more than four words
I look up to Jordan Peterson so much. He is motivating and inspiring. 💗💗💗
Continuing to take heed of all of your insight, and advice
Sometimes it's better to leave certain things
unsaid....not lie...just unsaid at that moment
You can't take the spoken word back....so make sure you want to say it. Ramifications can go on forever. It can end friendships.
But there is away around leaving your words unsaid. Maybe you can state it as a question? A way out even then is that you can say you were talking to your self,
Not saying anything is the same as disagreeing with them. They will never be able to trust you.
I used to agree with my friend as a way of comforting & encourage her in the life she lived, but it would not my lifestyle or life choices, and she got mad at me for not being honest.
Then let the "friendship" die! Be real people. Dont be fake to suit others.
There's also something that people call, "a lie of omission".
A friend of mine didn't tell me that he was being taken on a trip to a country far away by his school. It's not like our relationship broke or something (we're related), but it would've been nice for him to have asked me if I wanted anything from there (not that we're even that close) or just have told me that he'd be unable to answer calls or something. Not that I did the same: he didn't know when I was away a few months prior too- okay I just realized this is a bad example.....
Hope you get the picture?
I suppose and aim to, when deciding to hide something-and 'something' here actually means something I have the right to hide, ofc crime-related hiding is out the question-from someone, just prepare myself to have a conversation on why I hid it if they find out!
Absolutely agree. I won’t pour petrol on their bonfire. If somebody wants a scrap, they won’t get any satisfaction from me. I’m grey rock till their silk snags itself threadbare.
Thank you for this vote of encouragement✨🙏✨
Thanks to his lectures I am stopping being agreeable. He taught me to feel more confident and say what I have to say without regretting later.
I love this man.
Big Truth, and telling the Truth with Love Wins☆
Speaking truth to power doesnt have to turn into a bloody fight. Even if it does nothing to resolve differences, you set a good example for others to desire truth above all else.
Absolutely. Stand for what you believe even if you're the only one standing
Saying what I really mean was for me the biggest life changer/saver!
I could listen to this man talk every day all day
My Guru has spoken... his Word is inspiring...😃
I’m am literally doing this now. I have stayed quiet for too long. Got to get over the fear of conflict. Especially when you know without a doubt your convictions are fact.
Absolutely! Saying what you really 'think' and 'feel' is so freeing because doing so empowers healthy boundaries! Asking for God's Healthy Boundaries is worth praying for! 😎
I’m someone who is agreeable. But, I am constantly engaging in conflict that I’m afraid of, because I know it’s good for me. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where my parents and friends are saying “You don’t need to fight ALL the time”, which I’m super relieved to hear. And I’m pretty sure I learned this after hearing him say this years ago. So, thank you Jordan
I'm still learning to put my foot down with stuff, even after all these years. I don't like conflict and prefer to avoid it if possible, but I do also have boundaries. I'm also not used to folks listening to me that much, so when I put my foot down and people listen, it feels like I broke reality or something. It's scary, especially when there is something extremely important to bring to light.
Jordan is so next level
I've finally learnt. JP has changed my life for the better. I never had this strong role model growing up. I am forever grateful 🙏🏼
Hallelujah Thank you
Thank you!
I agree, it’s so against my nature to say the truth to people who are unpleasant rude and cause trouble. I often smooth the water.
Thankyou Jordan , the truth may out this weekend …
I appreciate you so much Professor .
3 rules
1. Don't steal.
2. Don't lie.
3. Only kill in self defence.
Be polite and treat people with respect in just comen sense..
I concur. Not all understand this concept tho.
It's great if you can find
Someone who HAS common
Sense
That's the HARD part !!!
Isn’t that 5 rules?
I disagree with one. Be good enough not to kill is the way to go
people has problems following simple 10 commandments. also 2000 years since jesus and there is no shortage of hate instead of love thy brother.
Just hearing you makes my heart bet harder .
I need this man on my life. I'm so agreeable i just can't
Well, I'm always very direct and straightforward, which doesn't necessarily make me popular. But it reduces misunderstanding and drama immensely.
Avoiding the conflict just prolongs the problem. Stopping the agreeable mindset is work, in and of itself, but it's never too late to stand up for yourself
Thank you. Perfect timing
Some time agreeable people are agreeable because their afraid of the monster inside getting loose
Someone is a mindreader here....or perhaps you just happened to read my mind.
Now tell me this, right.....am I a mindreader as well if I believe you, Mr.Scott, are one of those people you are referring to?
The type to let shit slide? Perhaps because (history has proven 😜) it is a far better outcome not only for yourself but moreso for the 'other' person/s in the equation....
@@Cmoney860 I've just seen what happens when the cage door is left open. Now I live a peaceful life, one that protects both me and society. We all have our monsters it's how we control them that makes the difference between good people and bad
@@Cmoney860 Depends on the severity of the situation.
@@michaelscott5917 you keep that Jungian shadow but look it in the eye, tame it and control it, use when necessary, you don't live a victim life in fear of it nor let it loose and hurt people/get locked up
For me it’s because people can’t handle the truth and think you’re attacking them 🤦🏽♀️.
Not many like to speak truth to power, but that helps a society progress.
Yes...100%and then we feel resentful after that. We need to speak up
We just need more agreeable people on earth. Then they’ll be peace ✌️
Thank you for the captions! It's great for the deaf and hearing impaired. It's appreciated.
The captions are seriously incorrect in several places unfortunately.
Youre right. I was 'nasty and harsh', today, because i finally told the truth about someones laziness.
It hurt the peace, i hated it, but it solved it, and later felt like i had a good day. Despite the confrontation
i'm very agreeable and conscientious i do hate conflict, but i was raised as a protector. i dislike conflict very much and have developed somewhat of a silver toung to avoid it, but i'm absolutely no stranger to it and am not afraid to be violent
Yes it’s so true.. I always try to prevent conflict but in certain circumstances it’s important to air your opinion if it will be beneficial to both parties so motive and how it’s delivered is also a skill that we need to learn as humans
I need to hear this today
I was like this before college. There was a situation that caused me to push through the tingling feeling of weakness and muscle protest that was ingrained into me in my youth, (if you know, you know). Somebody got fucked up. It wasn't me. Embrace that feeling. It's YOU, trying to break out of the chains you have allowed to be shackled upon you. You need to realize that this feeling means it's time to FIGHT; not back down.
Jordan understands the nuance well. I had to tip toe around my ex when our kids were young. If I took a stand with his vices all hell would break loose and I feared for our safety. Honesty was dicing with danger...
these shorts should have THE ORIGINAL LECTURE LINK INCLUDED
Yeahhh they should. I'm tired of watching these shorts and id like to hear the full message that he tries to convey in a whole video.
I came back to see if it was linked.
I came to the comments to say that I wish that these were longer!
Jordan Peterson - Best Advice for Agreeable people, just found it
All of his lectures are on his YT channel.
AMEN AND AMEN
I'm a high agreeable person. It really sucks. I'm trying to quit the habit of avoiding the conflict I'm so scared of. I had a childhood where conflicts were often met with physical and emotional violence. Now in the real world where people more likely dont attack you when you disagree than do. I am to afraid to disturb the peace.
I am one year out of my parents house and met such a different world. I sometimes let my voice be heard. Even though its careful soft and unsure.
I've always known this. The thing is you've really got to pick the people, the timing & use care with the message. No matter how true what you're saying is, if you can't stand & deliver well it's not received well
Wow that hit home
I would enjoy being in his classroom.
Ty for sharing
I needed to hear this. Oh my goodness. THANK YOU!
Blessed are the peacemakers.
I was brought up to be ever ao agreeable. 3 abusive relationships later at the age of 36, im now changing my way of handling people , boundaries etc. I would not afford the therapy to learn all this, thank God for JP being kind enough to make these videos free to watch. It literally changes (& potentially saves) people's lives 🙏
I have been single by choice for 3yrs now. No more abusive relationships for me- ive learnt SO MUCH, i now only have time for 'the one' i know is soon to come. Ive been through many storms, i can now decern very quickly. I have absolute faith in myself that only NOW am i ready to choose a non abusive partner. Someone click like in a few months & ill send an update 🤷♀️? lol
It's taken a lot of self building to start talking about myown beliefs. I'm still a bit shy about it, but my life has much improved by doing it.
Speak what we feel feel what we speak light of truth and peace harts and minds true soles wills . truth to be powerful .
Sometimes not response is the best response
Well the problem that agreeable people usually face is that they are compassionate with people that don't need compassion. And that doesn't mean they aren't suffering or aren't miserable, but they are paying the price for their bad decisions and they ought to learn their lessons for themselves. And they really can go as low as starving, killing, getting killed or hurt badly, all due to their own stupidity which should prompt no compassion whatsoever
Reminds me of the Burke saying, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
I needed to hear this today
I need to watch this once a day from now on.
Sir u have described my problem n mental state exactly
I completely broke down listening to this. The first video when I opened the app. What a sucker punch to hear as we know what we need to do, just terrifying
Stand and deliver
You don’t have to say everything you think . Everyone sees things differently and just because you believe a certain thing to be true doesn’t always make it true . I say choose your battles , but most of the time mind your own business and if you can’t get along with someone you would be better to stay away from them if you can .
Good point, people are no longer able to differentiate between truth and opinion.
Really great advice, well said👍
Agreeable people lie over and over again and it's noticeable even when they think it's not.
This man makes me a better person
I really wish someone had told me this when I was little and I mean very little. Then again, better late than never learning about such a vital lesson.
So true
I love this man and I love a good debate!
True. When an argument would start I found myself staying quiet, so that it would not escalate to a physical fight, so that my daughter would not see this.
Thank you
This man is the BEST Canadian in the country NO DOUBT!
This guy is amazing
Yep!
''Everybody has the right to be wrong... just not to each other.''
You're right, people say I have no mouth filters, I say things that hurt sometimes but I won't back down from what I say, but I will debate the subject and if I am wrong I am willing to bow down, but those are rare. Some people never want to talk to me again, but most look to me to help sort out thier own dilemmas. If that makes sense.
Life is short… not all battles is worth fighting or arguing about. True doesn’t mean to be unkind. It’s an art, a skill that should be developed.
Me taking this step... is leading to the end of my current relationship and I'm strongly comfortable with it. Finally taking off my mask has made me the monster I always knew I was... Thank you to this man. EDIT: *strangely comfortable*
I don’t have problems telling people what I think. I have problems telling people how I feel.
My husband said he will not validate how I feel. He said it is a woke concept. So I decided to better not share how I feel.
Hey Miss Agreeable K Peace here. Thank you. I love this guy y'all.
Starting his book today!❤️
This. I’m an agreeable person, my automatic response to conflict is to get away, calm down, sometimes reflect, all by myself, and come back pretending nothing even happened. I think this is taught behaviour as I see my father exhibit the same patterns. In the moment & in general it sounds like a good idea, everyone acts and says irrational things when feeling angry, to get away and come back to each other with a clear state of mind can be a good idea, maybe not for agreeable people though. I tend to avoid conflict and facing my emotions. The problem with this is that.. it makes the other person, let’s say the disruptor of this issue, treat me that same way again, because I wasn’t honest with my feelings or showing how hurt I truly was. Although it can sometimes hurt other people, in the name of being more open so this doesn’t happen again, I’m completely honest, brutally so, I don’t wrap it up in niceties to try and “smooth the waters” as jp says, it goes against the fibre of my being, I mean by default it’s in my nature, I’m a woman, but I do it anyway. Now I feel, weirdly enough by actually expressing my feelings instead of suppressing them I’m less down, and am generally in a better mood. I say weirdly as, well.. in other peoples eyes, they would see someone who’s calm all the time (how I was before), vs someone who’s calm most of the time but speaks out when angry (me now), to be in a less better mood.
As an agreeable person, it is a battle I fight often. I’ve done things the correct way and know what he says is true but sometimes I still cave to the temporary comfort.
1. Say the truth - deliver the mesage.
Blessed are the peacemakers
Ooooh boy. I did this today with coworkers. Such a hard thing to do for some of us! But I did it!
I NEED TO SPEAK TO THIS MR. PETERSON!!!...
exactly 💯
Probable truth is not enough. You have to say those things that can be proven at any time.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.
Khayyam
Agreeableness makes sense as much as disagreableness from an evolutionary perspective, which is quite impressive
Sometimes, you have to agree give them what they want to hear to subside their interests of your disagreements.
Exactly be disagreeable when necessary to defend what's true
Gotta relay the message to my grandma.
TRUTH!!!
I'm agreeable to a degree. I've had to deal with undesirable conflict, in order to maintain a proper work environment. Don't be confrontational just for the sake of being so, you have to know the greater good and your limitations.