Thought I would share the model I have seen word for word (hope this is helpful 😊): STOPP TAKE A BREATH OBSERVE: What am I thinking? What am I reacting to? What am I feeling in my body? PULL BACK: Put in some perspective. See the bigger picture. Is this fact or opinion? How would someone else see this? PRACTISE WHAT WORKS: What's the best thing to do for me, for others, for this situation? 👍🏼
For me it's a build up of frustrations (which I don't deal with or voice) over hours or days, and then at a certain point I explode over a minor thing or inconvenience. I try to aim my sudden outburst away from others, but material stuff will be thrown against the wall. Afterwards I always feel so guilty and apologize (even if I'm not in the wrong). It's like what Bruce Banner says in the Avengers: "I am always angry." Metal music helps me cope to a certain point.
loved the validating words you said before explaining the STOPP model. not everything works for everyone and if this doesn't work for you it doesn't mean you are a lost cause - AMAZING!
I think it’s so important because I’ve been the person who the advice and the tips others suggest never works for me! So I always want to make sure people know they aren’t able to find their thing that works for them xx
I appreciate this. Thank you 😁 For me it feels like a getting older thing. I was late diagnosed, but in the past I was always very very defensive (depending on the situation) but I managed to keep the rage in. I think it was because I was always afraid of conflict and how I knew I'd feel afterwards. Now if someone or something has been rude, or something to piss me off I can't hold back. I like that I don't surpress how I feel anymore, but dam I'm sooo quick to react to a situation. So not quite sure if it's an age thing or that I've been through some shit, either way it's good to be able to relate to someone. Thanks again for your video 😁
I very much relate to this. I've ruined countless platonic relationships with my ADHD rage and almost no one forgives me (literally only 2 people have ever forgiven me however the last one I messed up with AGAIN a month ago and despite him being a fellow Audhder he doesn't forgiven me this time) 😔😔😔😔
Yes Molly! Was waiting to hear what tool you were going to suggest and it’s STOPP! I have also been using this since I discovered it through my work in mental health. I have found it helpful on many occasions 🙂 As you say everyone is different and somethings definitely don’t work for me.. But was chuffed you mentioned this as it’s something I have found useful too 🙂 only thing, the ‘model’ I know says last P stands for ‘Practice what works’: what’s the best thing for me, for others, for this situation? (think this equates to your proceed with caution) 🙏🏼👍🏼
My anger usually seems of turn it's self inwards on myself, so I'll beat myself so much over being late for work, that I won't be able to stop crying, having mini-panic attacks etc. The last time it happened in work, it derailed my whole day, but I pulled my manager aside and asked her: "Are we ok?" And I apologized again for being late and told her that I'm going to try my utmost hardest to implement more strategies so it doesn't happen again, and she told me that "yes we're ok, you've only been late one other time since the shop opened!" (It could have been a lot more if it wasn't for my partner driving me into work whenever I miss my train). The rest of my day was still terrible... Another day it happened again, where I was late to work, came across another strategy other than STOP, which was that when I started spiralling out inside my head worried about being fired and having negative flashbacks to being told off as a child, I told myself "they're just thoughts. Thoughts aren't always true and they might not come true" and that shut both the sides of my brain down, the one that was trying to say "you're messed up too many times. This is it now. You're going to be fired over this", and the other one that was trying to soothe myself, like "no, that's not true! You won't be fired"... They were in disagreement with each other but suddenly became happy that they couldn't argue with the "it Might not come true" part.. the negative side felt validated, like it was a legitimate concern that was being heard, and the self-soothing side felt like it couldn't argue with that logic either and saw some logic from the negative side of my brain. And at the same time it felt satisfied that it had effectively self soothed my negative thoughts. And my god, I had some close calls where I could see my managers were waiting for me to ball my eyes out with tears, but I managed to hold it back for long enough that I started getting into tasks and it didn't derail my day. Mind you I'm also taking medication for my ADHD, and I think it is helping a little bit with the emotional side of things and generally feeling less shit about myself day to day no matter what my performance is like in work, so maybe it's just that. But I think all those above strategies and that chat with my manager really helped me to tell myself that those thoughts might not come true. Must try this STOP technique at some point too though 😊 thanks for sharing! 💛
Hi Molly I also feel the rage the problem with it is when I'm in that rage I make stupid decisions and think they are right then regret them when the rage are subsided Phil shame and feel guilty and feel horrible but I never learn it happens every time been like it all my life I'm now 56 I don't even want to be in them situations
Has anyone thought that their intelligence has risen with more knowledge gained on ADHD? I suppose that could be educating myself. I'm pretty confident and emboldened now at 41 but I was a wreck when young, still sometimes am!
I struggle a lot with ADHD anger/rage. I'm still learning about my ADHD and don't really have coping mechanisms yet. I can try STOPP and see if it's for me. Thanks for your videos. I'm learning a lot from you.
Thought I would share the model I have seen word for word (hope this is helpful 😊):
STOPP
TAKE A BREATH
OBSERVE: What am I thinking?
What am I reacting to?
What am I feeling in my body?
PULL BACK: Put in some perspective. See the bigger picture. Is this fact or opinion? How would someone else see this?
PRACTISE WHAT WORKS: What's the best thing to do for me, for others, for this situation? 👍🏼
For me it's a build up of frustrations (which I don't deal with or voice) over hours or days, and then at a certain point I explode over a minor thing or inconvenience. I try to aim my sudden outburst away from others, but material stuff will be thrown against the wall. Afterwards I always feel so guilty and apologize (even if I'm not in the wrong).
It's like what Bruce Banner says in the Avengers: "I am always angry."
Metal music helps me cope to a certain point.
Yesss! I can relate to you stephen!
loved the validating words you said before explaining the STOPP model.
not everything works for everyone and if this doesn't work for you it doesn't mean you are a lost cause - AMAZING!
I think it’s so important because I’ve been the person who the advice and the tips others suggest never works for me! So I always want to make sure people know they aren’t able to find their thing that works for them xx
I appreciate this. Thank you 😁
For me it feels like a getting older thing. I was late diagnosed, but in the past I was always very very defensive (depending on the situation) but I managed to keep the rage in. I think it was because I was always afraid of conflict and how I knew I'd feel afterwards.
Now if someone or something has been rude, or something to piss me off I can't hold back.
I like that I don't surpress how I feel anymore, but dam I'm sooo quick to react to a situation.
So not quite sure if it's an age thing or that I've been through some shit, either way it's good to be able to relate to someone.
Thanks again for your video 😁
I very much relate to this. I've ruined countless platonic relationships with my ADHD rage and almost no one forgives me (literally only 2 people have ever forgiven me however the last one I messed up with AGAIN a month ago and despite him being a fellow Audhder he doesn't forgiven me this time) 😔😔😔😔
Yes Molly! Was waiting to hear what tool you were going to suggest and it’s STOPP! I have also been using this since I discovered it through my work in mental health. I have found it helpful on many occasions 🙂 As you say everyone is different and somethings definitely don’t work for me.. But was chuffed you mentioned this as it’s something I have found useful too 🙂 only thing, the ‘model’ I know says last P stands for ‘Practice what works’: what’s the best thing for me, for others, for this situation? (think this equates to your proceed with caution) 🙏🏼👍🏼
It really is one of the only strategies that has actually worked for me!! I’m so happy it’s worked for you too!!😍
My anger usually seems of turn it's self inwards on myself, so I'll beat myself so much over being late for work, that I won't be able to stop crying, having mini-panic attacks etc. The last time it happened in work, it derailed my whole day, but I pulled my manager aside and asked her:
"Are we ok?" And I apologized again for being late and told her that I'm going to try my utmost hardest to implement more strategies so it doesn't happen again, and she told me that "yes we're ok, you've only been late one other time since the shop opened!" (It could have been a lot more if it wasn't for my partner driving me into work whenever I miss my train).
The rest of my day was still terrible... Another day it happened again, where I was late to work, came across another strategy other than STOP, which was that when I started spiralling out inside my head worried about being fired and having negative flashbacks to being told off as a child, I told myself "they're just thoughts. Thoughts aren't always true and they might not come true" and that shut both the sides of my brain down, the one that was trying to say "you're messed up too many times. This is it now. You're going to be fired over this", and the other one that was trying to soothe myself, like "no, that's not true! You won't be fired"... They were in disagreement with each other but suddenly became happy that they couldn't argue with the "it Might not come true" part.. the negative side felt validated, like it was a legitimate concern that was being heard, and the self-soothing side felt like it couldn't argue with that logic either and saw some logic from the negative side of my brain. And at the same time it felt satisfied that it had effectively self soothed my negative thoughts.
And my god, I had some close calls where I could see my managers were waiting for me to ball my eyes out with tears, but I managed to hold it back for long enough that I started getting into tasks and it didn't derail my day.
Mind you I'm also taking medication for my ADHD, and I think it is helping a little bit with the emotional side of things and generally feeling less shit about myself day to day no matter what my performance is like in work, so maybe it's just that.
But I think all those above strategies and that chat with my manager really helped me to tell myself that those thoughts might not come true.
Must try this STOP technique at some point too though 😊 thanks for sharing! 💛
Hi Molly I also feel the rage the problem with it is when I'm in that rage I make stupid decisions and think they are right then regret them when the rage are subsided Phil shame and feel guilty and feel horrible but I never learn it happens every time been like it all my life I'm now 56 I don't even want to be in them situations
Oh my, I can 10000% relate! I find myself in situations i’ve been in 100’s of times before because I don’t seem to learn from situations either! x
Thanks for this 😊
Brilliant video molly ❤
Has anyone thought that their intelligence has risen with more knowledge gained on ADHD? I suppose that could be educating myself. I'm pretty confident and emboldened now at 41 but I was a wreck when young, still sometimes am!
I struggle a lot with ADHD anger/rage. I'm still learning about my ADHD and don't really have coping mechanisms yet. I can try STOPP and see if it's for me.
Thanks for your videos. I'm learning a lot from you.
It used to be flight but it's fight now ah deary oh!