302. The Dumper Reached Out - What do I do? (The Love Chat)
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
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#getyourexback #nocontact #dating #howtogetyourexback #thelovechat
No Contact, Rebound Relationships, Dating Advice, Love Advice, The Love Chat, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health, Casual Dating, Anhedonia, no contact rule, Limiting Beliefs, How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs, Fearful avoidant, Anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, narcissistic personality disorder
Proud to say, she reached out January of 2020, and fast forward to today, we are still together and the relationship is healthy, moving into together as a matter of fact in July.
how long were you in NC?
@@RenskeLogie about 4.5 months, I had already given up completely when she called, funny how that works out
@@sean6709 that’s insane! I’m on two weeks and already feels hopeless🤣
That’s fantastic love a happy ending, I was just over a year till recently ☺️
wow congrats man! i’m still on nc but was there any factors to the relationship like was it toxic? a lot of fighting?
feels so good not wanting my ex back anymore, thanks for helping me through the process
Can’t wait to get there
How long did it take? And any advice?
She broke up with me on March 4th. First weeks were pretty tough, never felt so desperate, to the point of almost quitting my job. With the help of family and friends, I got my shit together and started exercising a lot, eating much better, kept my job and started working on some personal projects. When I was beginning to feel consistently better, she reached out on day 43 of NC. We exchanged a few messages, she was checking on me and that was it, we haven't spoken since. In the following weeks I felt that my self improvement progress stalled, and I worried that I'd have to start from scratch. Been feeling a bit down until recently, and in these last few days I've been feeling much better, but not only that, for the first time I genuinely feel that it might be okay to live without her... Let's keep pushing through the pain, one day at a time I suppose... Keep it up everybody, we got this!
I know this feeling. My ex would randomly reach out and it would throw me off for days afterwards. It has progressively gotten quicker to get over.
I had gone completely nc with her and haven’t reached out to her once.
That was 8 months ago.
She’s been increasingly reaching out to me and tonight we talked for 45 minutes. We haven’t hung out but she said she wants us to.
We’ll see how it goes but I’m in a good space if it doesn’t work out.
@@chrisn2125 that's good news my friend! Hope everything works out for you, whatever the outcome
Update?
She reached out yes, I just didn't care, As I moved on.
I never thought I'd be that strong to not wanting her back. Yes, after 5 months she has reached whilst I was asleep, when I saw the text in the morning... I didn't see anything significant so I decided I won't respond. And it's been over a week now and I still haven't and don't think to respond. I feel I'm doing fine alone to be honest. If someone's serious they'll reach out again anyway. I just feel I'm strong and well by myself and I don't need her back... Thanks Rory for your efforts on helping me out throughout your videos. You have been so helpful
I’m 7 weeks since being dumped. I can’t wait to get to the point where I don’t want her back. Not there yet
That’s awesome man that’s kinda where I hope to see myself in a few!
@@bertod6387 Stay strong. You'll surely achieve it one day. Life's better off when you find yourself my friend.
Too funny, I was looking through Rory’s channel for a video just like this a few days ago! No Contact worked like a charm for me and it played out exactly the way Rory and DG said that it would. It took four months and I got a random meme to make me laugh which led into conversation and a meet up. We are giving things another go! I will say, I put the work in over the past few months and I’m in a place now where I know if it doesn’t pan out I’m totally fine with it! This channel was a total lifesaver and I’m so grateful I stuck to the advice that I received!
Does it work on girl?
The timing of this video was so spot on. My ex and I talked for 45 minutes tonight.
She broke up with me 8 months ago and I went completely NC. I haven’t reached out to her once in 8 months. I actually deleted her number (thought I blocked it too but I guess I didn’t).
In the beginning she reached out a couple months after we broke up, then a couple more months after that. Now she’s reaching out a couple times a week.
The second last time she reached out she mentioned going for a walk or bike together. We used to be super active and do stuff like that often. Anyway tonight she said she’d like to hang out. I’m going to leave it to her to set up and not jump the gun.
That was earlier today and then this video comes up 😮.
I will say this to people out there...do you when you break up. As tough as it is in the beginning it’ll put you in the right frame if they do come back.
I forgot i was even still subscribed. My ex got married last year n just had a kid. Im wayy over it now but the videos helped me alot back then love chat. Peace out
I went threw too much heartache alone that I couldn't trust him anymore. It took him 3 years of silence after a 6 year marriage. He had a lame story and wanted me discrete and without obligation 🤨. I had a week of agony in knowing this was the moment I would lose the love of my life and with great thanks to you Rory I said no. I realized I lost our connection and he didn't communicate in growth. It makes me smile that in the end I had a say in it... February 2021 and now finally free and happy dating because you Rory gave me, in your soothing voice 😁my bedtime inner strenght. Life does goes on !
she hasn't reached out but still watching the video and clicking like.. its soothing! still has to continue my work on myself
After 8,5 years my ex (met when she was 17 and I was 19) who I was engaged to and lived together with broke up with me. I had become depressed and had anxiety during the pandemic and in the end she wanted something else. The pure adrenaline of getting dumped made me feel that I had to do something about it. Now I am talking to psychologist and taking medication which has really helped. After one month I feel purpose in life again. We also have a dog together and she initially wanted me to have him every second week, which I went along with. But after listening to these videos (which I do every single day when I feel like reaching out) I told her that it is best that the dog stays with her while I figure out my life. She asked if I can help "If things get tough" and I replied that we will see but that I still want to be in my dogs life. It is also nice to do no contact without knowing that I have to meet up with her every week for the exchange. On the last exchange I was fun, outgoing, joking, just being my regular self before the depression. I wanted to show her that I am not a loser or that her last memory is me being down. It has been exactly 2 weeks since then. She still hasn't changed her fb "engaged to me" status, she is still in our family group chat, she still comments on my social media, her stuff is still at my place (but I have packed it all together and moved it to my parents garage) and because she hasn't asked about the stuff she doesn't know it is there. I may not be handling this perfect and people probably have opinions about the dog, her stuff etc but I am just trying to feel better so I don't sink back into the hole. Well.. that's my story. Stay strong people.
Thank you Rory for your videos, they have helped me every day since she left me. Keep up the great work and I will try and keep up!
How are you doing Kris?
Literally wish there were more people like Rory and DG on the face of this planet. Healing is so not linear but it truly touches me that there is this type of support out there. Another gem 👌🏽👌🏽
I'm with someone else now, and it's so much better than I would have ever imagined since I was broken up with by my ex. It was on and off for a year, very toxic. There has definitely been no contact between us since the break up. You got me through those first 3 months of being alone finding out that she monkey branched, starting self improvement steps for myself, and worry some moments too. Thanks Rory. You tha man 👍
8:30 unholy shit! that's the first time i've heard a no-contact video acknowledge that the dumper needs to win back the dumped!
thank you Rory for your videos, I always feel so much stronger after listening to you. it's been 1.5 years since my break up and honestly, I'm happy to say that I don't want my ex back anymore, but I'm still struggling to heal :(
Love yourself , have respect for yourself it can hurt after a break up but regardless of if you get your ex back or not you’re gonna be fine :)
I know my Ex will reach out at some point to Hoover me when his new supply won't 'give it up. And it will hurt him when I ignore him and concentrate on myself in order to heal from his abuse. 🍒
Did your ex ever reach out???
@archangelelmo He approached me one day after 5 was of silence, and has now gone back to being silent again. I've blocked him gir good.
Thank you,Rory,for all the support! I am happy that I don't need these videos anymore! Still I will be always thankful that you guided me through the darkest time of my life!
Long distance break up is harder but it's ok, she broke it off Feb 2020 and I'm doing a lot better. She's the love of my life and feels like there's more left to finish between us but I'm moving on and her career in her state is what I understand is best for her. It's been a journey getting her out of my system it's not easy when you see someone as the one (I cried oceans alone many times) it was as bad as greving the loss of a loved one.
But abundance mentality is what helped me.
I just find it difficult to not compare new women in my life to her because she raised the bar in everything I've ever wanted in a woman. Maybe one day we will be together again. For now I'm living my life and working on myself.
@Bearish Still moving on loving what life has to offer me.
She wished me happy Birthday in December and I wished her the same at the beginning of February.
Still miss my Gordita Bella from time to time. But it's cool I know she misses me still watches my stories all the time and sends a comment here and there.
I know my smv went up after working out and she mentioned I looked good and said girls must be knocking my door down... I said I do ok 😂 but nobody has impacted me as her.
I know I should set a date but a good woman has gotten close to me and she will more than likely be the last chance I'll give to love. If it doesn't work out I'm happy knowing I live a life of abundance and never allow my self tu suffer from one-itus again.
Hope this helps sorry for the late response but it does get easier you just have to literally love yourself and know you are a great person of value and someone will see it in you and show you what you mean to them.
My ex reached out a few days ago after 8 months, now we’re having good conversations every day and figuring what worked and what didn’t work in our relationship
Saw my ex at my college gym, been in no contact for 4 months but I just couldn’t stay away. Passed by her and said hi to her and her friend on the track. She said hi back. Then I kept jogging. It was weird seeing her. Kinda like seeing a ghost. I thought I would have a mental breakdown if I saw her but I didn’t. I didn’t hate her nor did I feel like I was in love with her. She still pretty of course but I just didn’t feel attracted. I felt neutral. It sense it’s sad being strangers with this person, but it’s also nice have that freedom of not caring about them. Funny thing is I was looking at the chick working out right next more then I was looking at my ex.
After one year together He broke up with me 1 week ago saying I don't love you the way you love me 😪 it was a terrible Memorial weekend hurt and crying I hope and pray 🙏 that the no contact works and he realizes that I was a great woman
We are here for you, Kimmie!
Kind of sounds like me. It will be 2 years, Aug 25. I haven't heard a peep from her. We went on a last date and she had completely wanted me back when 2 weeks before she broke it off with me. After about a week of going back and forth on the phone, I said, let's just get together, hang, have fun and hookup. She agreed. She seemed really anxious but my heart was still in pieces. When we got together, she completely turned around and was complimenting me, rubbing up against me. I didn't know what to do. My heart was hurting but I was eating up all the attention. The only thing I could think of was to have a drink. It worked. I'm not really a drinker and neither is she. She was all over me, talking love to me and everything. we went to a couple of places and I was getting tired and so was she. Didn't want to take her back to my place because we wouldn't have any privacy. So she dropped me off at my place and I said, how about a kissed. She said, what the heck and kissed me for a real long time. I said, do it again and she yelled at me"NO". It scared me. I backed away from her and told her "chicken" as I closed her car door. That was the last I heard from her. It was August 25, 2019. It's been almost 2 years. I reached out once last Christmas and said, Hello. How are you? Thats' all I ever did. No calls, no nothing. Still haven't reached out to her and not a peep. She was going back to school for an 8 week course. Saw a new pic of her on a New FB page which was her 3rd one.I saw that her father past away about 4 months ago and again, she made a new FB account and still no peep. And then the Covid hit and I was laid off in April 2020. I've gone back to school also. Have done half of the school on Zoom and waiting for the tech school to start up but Covid is still holding things up. I've been house sitting for a year now and the owners want me out so they can sell it. Going into Phlebotomy.
I can't find a place to live. I have the money but everything is backed up, on a 3 year waiting list. I will have to live in my car for a while. Shit. I can't believe it. No gf. No place to live. I have family members that could put me up for a while but nobody cares. Somtimes I get a little suicidal. Taking an antidepressant but doesn't help out very much. God, please help me! Nobody Cares.
After trying and trying over and over again for 6 months I finally went NC for 5 months. My ex reached out. We had a small conversation. 3 weeks later I reached out to him asking him a simple question. He immediately asked me out, he even cooked for me etc. We talked for hours (also about the relationship but it was all very peaceful) and had a really good time. I slept at his place. Since then (1 month) he ghosted me. I know we went way too fast but come on ghosting?? He's really not the type. Hm
Dear Rory,
Would you recommend playing it cool when they basically left you for someone else? Wouldn't it be reinforcing bad behavior and openly stating "hey, I'm okay with being your plan B"?
Best advice in the world to listen to.
This popped up right as my mate called me to say my ex reached out to him... About some gardening work at her place but she could have called any gardener in the city!
I literally pocket called my ex BY MISTAKE and hung up before it went through (I thought). The next day he called me and we talked for like 30 mins..... Technically I did break no contact, but it's not the first time we've talked since the breakup.. anyway he actually said that he still thought of me and stuff ihhhhhhhhhh idk what to do
No big deal! Let them make the next move
Imo there's nothing wrong with enforcing boundaries. If you let them know you're interested in getting back together and working on things, and they wasn't at the time.
Imo ,you have all the right to walk away
I did this, she said yes. Come the day of the meet she said she can’t and then immediately blocked me haha. At least I tried 🤷🏽♂️
I went into no contact at the end of January after my ex girlfriend told me to move on and that I was wasting my time messaging her.
I made no contact whatsoever in nearly 4 months, I then saw her in the street randomly and we spoke for about 10 minutes, just general chit chat about work, her family and a bit about online dating. When I got home an hour or so later I messaged her saying “was good to chat earlier, your looking well” I got no reply whatsoever just 2 blue ticks on WhatsApp. So I’m now back into no contact.
Should I have messaged her or not ?!
Validation.
I wish my ex reached out to me. I should've realized my bipolar was getting worse due to covid and really big life changes that happened last year. I emotionally hurt her too much with self medicating, lying and irrational actions. Its crazy that when she left me, it caused me to get a new psychiatrist who put me on a new med which has stabilized me more than I have ever been. I am the best version of myself, the version she met, the version she fell in love with. I want to reach out to her and apologize for everything and explain, but I cant and I'm letting her move on because its whats best. Its been 2 months NC and I am still miserable.
Mine commented “beautiful “ on a photo. 5 weeks of no communication. I didn’t say thank you just gave him a thumbs up like. Hopefully I didn’t do the wrong move
You did perfect!
@@TheLoveChat Thank you so much for your reply! 😊 I wanted your opinion. You have a great channel here!
I’ve been broken up with for well over 2 years and in a relationship for the past year, I’ve fixed what was wrong with me “career wise” but I’ve found myself thinking about my ex just recently and it’s blocking my ability to move things forward in my current relationship. Is there something I can do to stop thinking of her?
Hey, i think it's important for u to talk to ur partner abt this and on ur behalf u should also dig a little deeper on why u probably were thinking about her. Sometimes our mind hasn't completely 'moved on' and it's repeating that flight/fright mode. Just take some time and be gentle on urself. I wish you well my friend, take care :)
He reached out after almost 6mos. Funny cause I don’t feel anything anymore, when a few mos back I was waiting. I just want the best for this person nonetheless, albeit no romantic feelings anymore.
You’ll get through it all. Trust me.
My ex reached a couple of time after 3 weeks of no Contact. Replied once and then she ghosted me again. I went back to square one. My Advice is never reply to them, it will make it a 100 times worse. I have ignored her last few calls and messages and I feel much better.
Is there any chance you can talk about the dumped dumper syndrome? I feel like it's not talked about enough and I feel alot of people struggle to deal with that problem. I'm sure some great words from Mr love chat would help alot of us out there.
One o the worse thing to ever do is going back with your ex. After 2 years of living separate lives and wether it’s god or the devil got us back together. Man lm paying the prices of people l dated when we weren’t together. My past is thrown in my face on daily. All the time apart she spend time stalking my account with a fake account and using her close friends to check on me. She got screen shots of the time I was having a good time for those 2 years she dumbed me. I will advise anyone thinking of going back with ex to move far away from those thoughts. She or he will never change.
She sent me an e-mail two weeks ago… I don’t really use that e-mail anymore so I didn’t see it till yesterday and you just posted this video. It was like a long apology letter. Seemed like she was trying to relieve her guilt. Idk if I responded correctly. I was very nice though but she was talking about the breakup, and I responded accordingly… wish I would have just said no sweat hit me up if you want to meet up. I freaked out since it took me two weeks to see it
As for right now, I really want my ex(the dumper) to reach out. But deep down I know, I want to be able to move on.
Me and my ex broke up 6 months ago he broke up with me and pretty much ghosted me. He came up to me at a party this past Saturday and texted me after I left and the next day. We made plans to talk more since we left a lot of stuff in the air at the party. We plan on meeting today but you know I’m gonna cancel. Because I’ve come so far in my healing process I feel like talking to them is gonna set me back. It’s gonna be ok I promiae
We had dated for 3 months, seeing each other about 1-2 times/wk, had some intimacy without the real sex. We had argument and broke up 3 times.(He pulled away and I noticed and told him I was not OK with the inconsistency.) The main issue is my appearance that he doesn’t like(I’m chubby). But he is the one who came back both times. I’m so confused. I thought the appearance issue should be clear at the very first time we met. He said he doesn’t like my appearance(body size&how I dress). I’m trying to lose weight all the time but that’s not easy. I want him to accept my imperfect. He said he came back to see if he can change his mind because he likes my personality and attitude. I trust him and disappointed for 3 times. I worry he may come back. Any suggestions? Should I give it another chance? Or without only physical attraction I have to let it go? (I think we’re compatible in the other area) 😭
It’s 2 wks for the first break, 1 wk for the second break before he came back. It’s been 2 wks since the last meeting.(3rd break) He texted me asking how am I doing 3 days ago. I’m in NC.
Fuck him! You can do better than a swallow POS! DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL UNPRETTY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN GOD'S IMAGE. find someone to love you for you! 💞
He devalued you. Run. He’s an abuser trying to get you you chasing him. No.
Much needed video. Thanks Rory❤️
This is just the sort of thing I was looking for. I have been searching for this video and all I could find is how to get your ex back nothing on how to keep them and I have to ask what’s the point in getting them back if you don’t want to keep them?
Hi Rory! I don't want to get back together with my ex, but I think about him constantly. I think I have a tendency to obsess over some guys. What should I do?
Dis was exactly me vatng for thnks
Just wondering if people can request a topic? ... haven't seen any videos on it
Of course! What is the topic?
Does it mean anything if they unfollow you after a few months or is that just mind reading
Doesn't mean anything - and stop checking!!
@@TheLoveChat 😂😂😂 youre right Rory!
@@face2799 Stop checking their social media, you don't need them
@@ZaphodJan yeah I know, you’re right. I’ve been in NC for about 5 months now and some days I just miss her a lot. Never got the chance to be official so i guess it’s just difficult to let go completely
Man everyone got stories and all these ways. Bitches don’t come back. They’re already on another jock.
*We went on a date the whole rest of the night she was acting cold with me. Turns out she was cheating on me*
I dunno if it is wise to say “I’m not willing to talk unless it’s romantic.” That’s like desperate talk. Why would you go that long and then say that? That’s giving the situation stress and ultimatums. How about build the chemistry?
Is it possible ti get my ex back when she moved on already?
I want to get there so bad. I’m in that weird stage where you’re starting to come out of the fog and see your ex for what they really are, and even start to think that the breakup was for the best, but yet I know that if if she txted me or came to my door wanting me back I’d be powerless to refuse her.
She dumped me 7 weeks ago today and she’s already in a rebound.
Rebounds never last
I thought i was first! Dang
Rory I messed up this was LDR , she started talking to me again few days later she somehow started talking about we are not getting back and we are done
How did you mess up?
Just forget her and move on.
😂😂