Ive noticed nervous talking & "diarrhea of the mouth" is common for a lot of people...they are trying to over explain or convince you of the "truth". The fast speech is a dead giveaway with normally calm people.
Looking at their eyes, how they change during a conversation and if they match the mouth. Well, not the eyes. Mostly the muscles around it. And secondly the shoulders, how they are held. I think that's what I usually see (though I'm not always aware of seeing it myself).
Ive been naive for many years and have "chosen" to not see the red flags. Then when it happened again, (I got hurt again) I realized that I have intentionally been lied to. Feeling manipulated and betrayed. But still I want to see good, understand why. But still haven't received any answers.
I must say it's your personal effort tht has paved . I personally loved the clip , it's really informative . 👍👍👏👏 Keep it up . I would love to see more clips of u for better understanding
She says that because its marketable, fun and quirky. She didnt use the word anxiety. She draws parallels to drug addicts which both undermines the struggle off addiction but also makes it sound like awkwardness is a huge problem when its not. Just be a genuin person. it really isnt harder than that. If at work, work hard and people will respect you and accept your personality. If not they are children.
This is brilliant! I am autistic and am often seen as dishonest and now I know that my lack of self awareness and natural incongruity are likely the things preventing people from seeing me as sincere! But how does someone like me fix this when I literally cannot process things quickly enough to do the right moves on demand? Also, wouldn't THAT in itself feel very dishonest?
It's fantastic that you're gaining insights into how you're perceived and wanting to enhance your sincerity! It's not about speed but authenticity. Slow processing doesn't equate to dishonesty. It's about congruency in your actions and words, even if they come at your own pace.
I love how this is less about lie detection but more about honest communication and communication strategies! 💖💖 So informative and inspiring and uplifting. Thank you for this interview!
Exactly! For us conflict averse folks and people pleasers this is gold. We need to learn to be HONEST. It’s actually not kind not hide our truth from others. We need to give others a chance to do it communicate with us kindly, just ask for what we need. I need you to…xyz. Give others a chance to meet the need.
I somewhat agree with telling your partner on how to read cues, but telling someone who's toxic, narcissistic, or pathological liars, they will use those cues against you.
Those are the people you ought to have already removed from your life. Your partner should be a person you could trust with your life, money, health, children, career, whatever. If you don't deem them worthy and faithful...cut them out 100%.
Raised by an extremely abusive narcissist imposed conditioning that resulted in a self-imposed avoidance of personal pronouns... wondering if people assume "I" am lying? ...or would this fall under personal baseline?
That’s not why we miss the red flags. We miss them because of what we want to believe. We tend to discard as irrelevant the things that threaten our cocoon. Besides, hindsight is 20/20 and that clarity is lacking when we allow ourselves to be misted.
Wooow…I am Italian and the higher tone at the end of the sentences, which for us is super normal and signals curiosity and sends off openness, is SO mistaken abroad, I only realized it now. Biggest English lesson of my life 😂
This makes me realize how difficult it can be to be open and honest. I'm very honest, but not always very open. Now I'm beginning to see some reasons why that's a bad strategy.
The lack of confidence can be mistaken as lie. This is how i feel when I talk to people. Because my social anxiety makes me look like a liar, and I knew it. I was just wondering, and she confirmed.
This confirms a lot of what I already do. I cut people off who I know have lied to me. I don't have time for this mess. You always feel confused and frustrated with them and distrustful. No time for that!
My nose itches when I feel really vulnerable/exposed. Not usually lying. Being on the spectrum, lying is emotionally excruciating. It's much easier just to tell the truth.. and not do things I need to run from later.
The easiest way to spot lying is when they smirk, especially if you ask them if they cheated. Another is jumbling their words, they're tripping up because they have so many lies to keep on top of. Eye contact can sometimes be a sign, but anxiety or nervousness can cause you to look away. Clutching their phone and being protective of it is a sign of hiding something.
Thank you for presenting such a fabulous guest. Trusting your intuition surrounding untruthful people is always the best route. Trust your gut! It controls the entire human body! Would love to see more content like this. So profound.
What a gift to be able to see a glimpse into your mind Vanessa! Selecting each of Lisa's movements while mentally archiving social data. You said honesty is a muscle. I believe so is your understanding for these innate principles of human interaction, and it's a buff muscle!
Vanessa has complete package of beauty, knowledge, and great communicator. I was captivated of her smartness through this interview. My question is, when we caught lie, people tend to isolate or discard us from normal or positive being. Lying is the source of hiding the truth protecting ourselves from sabotaging and controlling. This is an option and should not define of who we are.
It's hard for me to look at people in the eyes and reply to questions, I can't think of a proper answers. I'm a very anxious person by nature so this is very interesting that you said that whilst writing this! hahaha great video!
@@drsheethal1906 that is my biggest issue in communication. Even if I am slightly nervous, I absolutely cannot make eye contact. I have trouble keeping eye contact and takes a huge effort to keep it but it's even worse when I am nervous.
Locked-in eye contact for more than a couple seconds is freakin creepy and confrontational. I don’t know why people associate it with honesty. What’s more, the most crafty liars, psychopaths and narcissists have perfected it. They will look right into your soul and embed their lies. 😅
Yay Vanessa Van Edwards! Her book Captivate is a gem as it is filled with unique research and practicality just like in this interview. Lisa, as always, great interview!
Incredible person reading this, you have everything there is to succeed in life, whatever that is for you. Go after the life you truly want NOW! ✨ I believe in you! Love - Nat ❤️
This was fantastic ! I was on the edge of my seat. My only apprehension is sharing this powerful information with with narcissistic or psychopath or manipulative people. Sometimes that’s our own family…Only because it can give them tools on how to manipulate you which can be very dangerous. Other than that, I learned so much from this. Just brilliant.
She is brilliant! So glad I stumbled upon this video! Recently reconnected with an ex and off the bet; he lies about sleeping with someone unprotected. To be fair, I felt his tone over the phone that he was withholding something, I was just too happy to hear from him than to hear the FULL truth. Either way, I'd rather hurting an ex partner or lover with the truth than to withholding certain info just to get what I want.
Yes !! the part about sometimes mistaking lying with being anxious. I laugh or smile a lot when I’m nervous, scared, hurt.... and so many people have mistaken that for lying or being rude or not caring 😭 worst thing
This is my favorite episode ever. I adore both of you. I had to pause the video, to comment about the nerve at the tip of the nose, that twitch when I'm deceptive it's almost painful/itchy/uncomfortable feeling. And I'm feeling like the other person realized.
I don’t know if I agree that if I look for the good and assume the best, is accurate. I did that for 22 years in a marriage with a passive aggressive covert narcissist and my entire life with my personality disordered parents. Projecting empathy and a Pollyanna outlook was my Achilles heel.
I had this classmate, very talented musically, picked up steps and choreography instantly.. She always scratched her nose when presenting homework. She could have made it in public, but she is very private. I think this nose scratching was a sign that she really felt uncomfortable in front of class.
I love that she says several times that we want to go in assuming the best !! And to not do this to trap someone by having your partner watch this video or talk about the cues with your partner. And that all employees must take the course. Im one that has always gone in with the opposite … with suspicion… but to be sore to notice the red flags as well. This was a great teaching tool !!
Because lies are not the norm you get good at spotting how they tell truth, then you see a shift. Being on the spectrum when listening/talking i have to look away to cut visual stimulation sometimes, but that can be misunderstood as disinterest or lieing. Thats why you take a baseline of people asking questions you know the answer to, name, bday, moms name, what color is this. Then ask questions you know they will likely lie about
When you look up. You are a visual learner. If you look down you are an emotional learner. The audio learner you may try to remember by speaking yourself through what you are trying to remember. These are learning styles.
One thing though. I was taught by my parents to always be professional and not 'yourself' because people like that. You know these old people of those years wan everything so professional and 'perfect'. BUT I have found what you said about the email stuff, to be true. I like to write emails where Im just myself. Expressing myself. I have written emails where I sound so professional and its just not myself. I have not gotten any responses from clients. Because I was so professional, and it even felt like to me, that I was hidding something. But its not something that Im lieing about. I was just scared to be myself because I was taught different. Im breaking that cycle though, what I was taught. I feel like the new generation will be different. We can truly be ourselves without judgement.
I loved this episode, I could listen to this stuff for ages, the body is so clever and the way people try and control it's actions it's intrigues me everytime! Congrats on your books both! :)
Lisa ! I’ve been watching you for so long and just realized I wasn’t subscribed. 🤦🏽♀️ I absolutely love Vanessa. I appreciate the direction of the dialogue a little different from the other podcasts that she has recently been interviewed by. You both made that point clear but seamless. Thank you. Made me feel I was getting more information then I did from the other interviews I saw first.
I always smile when I am stressed/ scared/ nervous or in pain. I have complex ptss. Allot of people think I am dishonest when I smile when I tell them something painfull or something about my past but that isnt at all the case.
I really appreciate your and Vanessa's work. 💜 One small note: animators form Disney didn't "invent" Pinocchio 🤥. It was the character in a story from an Italian writer, Carlo Collodi.
Very near the beginning: "...trusting someone's word". Never trust someone's word. I pay attention to behaviour patterns. Behaviour patterns are infallible. Manipulation is a language, of sorts. Just like any language, there are common words everyone uses. There are common manipulation tactics manipulators use. Once I knew those, noticing the behaviour patterns became very easy. Body language & the appearance of comfort can be faked, EASILY. It may still be of some use, but certainly not as accurate as behaviour patterns. I highly suggest studying codependency & the roles within it. I learned of these behaviour patterns through my study of codependency & more specifically the roles in the dysfunction. It is not possible nor realistic to first teach people how to not be awkward before interacting with them. Noticing behaviour patterns works regardless of one's awkwardness. Depending on the situation, some truly do not know they are lying. My examples / experiences with this are in discussions related to politics or religion. People truly believe what they are telling me, EVEN though it is a lie. So the body cues do not work in these situations. Thus, my focus on behaviour patterns rather than body cues.
I took one of Vanessa's courses on Udemy and it help me with family members I was suspicious of being habitual liars. (They were). I watched this video as somewhat of a refresher. Vanessa is a really good teacher as well as giving cautions of not jumping to conclusions.
Sometimes when I'm doing something that I'm not confident in such as learning to play guitar it seems to elicite other people to be rude or unfriendly.
What happens when you are optimistic and then people mistreat you in spite of you still treating them fair. I think the best of people but a lot of people show me the worst of themselves. If anything I see their truth. And those who also are misunderstood are my tribe.
That makes sense about assuming the worse in people because that’s what cops do and they think everyone is lying but in fact most people they interview are telling the truth.
OMG this was so much fun and so informative!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩 Also @lisa I loved the levity at 38:31 when you said “She just lied!!!” Feels like you were really invested and learning. I love it 😍
When I know I'm not telling the truth about something I'm always afraid people can see my face getting red because it feels hot across the bridge of my nose
The reason that anxiety, fear and lack of confidence send the same signs as deception is because they *are* forms of internal deception. One of the first things to realize and remind yourself of when trying to overcome fear, anxiety and low self esteem is that these states of mind are actually lying to you. Your anxiety and fear are lying to you. Your poor self esteem is lying to you. Your low confidence is lying to you. You get over these conditions when you train yourself to stop believing the lie that is holding you back and keeping you down. You may not be deliberately lying to people, but when your fear, anxiety or low confidence leak through your body language, it betrays the fact that your mind is engaged in deceit and is juggling truths and lies.
Even the beginning of this video was great insight. Makes sense as to why people in the morning are usually grumpy and honest (like "I don't care what you're working on, I'm thirsty"). Later on in the day, people will start to put on a face and act smiley and pretend to listen
You’re much more likely to be grumpy when your energy is low. People who are grumpy in the morning or before their first cup of coffee are usually betraying poor sleep patterns. Hence the coffee fix to temporarily patch the low energy. If people are perky and deceptive in the afternoon, that’s likely from the boost of sugar or caffeine. So it’s not the time of day that matters, but the level of energy. Low energy makes it harder to lie or to project an upbeat attitude. But common unhealthy habits have led a lot of people to be low-energy in the morning and artificially high-energy late in the day, which is the opposite for those with healthy habits.
Mine was he was trying to cry but can’t, to convince me. So a clear indication is it’s really not aligned to what the emotion should show. I’ve concluded I was w a psychopath
😂 my friends call me the 'truth wizard ' 😍 and yes ! I am super positive and optimistic which my friends think is an oxymoron considering l can pick liars about 90% of the time ...however you have explained it perfectly !! 💓 Thank you 😂😍
Omg! This is so amazing Lisa!😄 I loved it!💕💕💕 So valuable information, educational and also validating. Like she said, I rather know the truth. I can also relate to you when communicating in writing, I love using emojis and warm language, and just being myself. Like you, I don't care if others think I'm weird😅 I find that very profesional communication is impersonal and cold. Thank you! I can't wait to get the book😃 Amazing!💖🥰💖
My husband says It's Not My favorite when I ask him how dinner was LOLOL. I know it's his polite way to say he doesn't like it but he has gratitude that I made dinner. lol
This nose thing got me so much, because i've noticed so many politicians touching their nose, or sticking out there tongue (not far, but noticeable) so often, i figured, it was some sort of "secret society" tell, so their other friends would know, "that wasn't true, I'm lying to the public again". ! maybe they "do know" they're doing it, or maybe, they're just like the rest of us, just in a powerful position, and greed's got the best of them, and they can't help but touch their noses.
43rd minute; Giving permission or confirmation even if it is hard. I would rather hear the truth than live in ignorant bliss. The incessant nodding of the head occurs for me as someone who is trying so hard to show you they're interested and trying so hard to show you they are listening. In reality, it is still a technique. One of the things I learned about listening which made all of the difference in people feeling listened to or feeling heard was the moment I gave up all techniques and actually just started listening without any superfluous movements. Anything else appears as inauthentic. Nothing is more attractive than authenticity. Being still actually had women start telling me how they felt listened to and felt heard, which created a level of connection and a level of communication and sharing which allowed my relationships with women to explode into a wonderful level of connectedness
I found the answer to a question I had for a very long time. Everytime when I played with children along with their story and everytime I would play theatre, my nose startet itching and running sooo bad! I always wondered why.
I love this! So many ah ha moments. I always worry about not looking people in the eye when they ask me questions. I alway look up and left. Now I know it is part of my baseline for recalling information. So interesting!
Once I was in a meeting with a potential client and my nose itched so bad, but I had such bad allergies 😫 that day. I felt so embarrassed and actually didn't get that client. I couldn't stop scratching my nose and sniffling. I guess they thought I was being deceptive. 😭
How do assess people who have ASD? Incongruence is their jam. Not on purpose, but due to their wiring. They often are very, very hard to read. Due to it being a social, communication, relational disorder...what is presented is very often “off”.
I have watched one of vanessa’s vlog 5 years ago talking about the same topic and I am really amazed I saw her on this interview for another discussion! This is soooo interesting and really mind blowing that after watching this video I would run after looking for people to check for cues! Haha love it!
How can you tell when someone is lying?
I'm about to find out 😉
Ive noticed nervous talking & "diarrhea of the mouth" is common for a lot of people...they are trying to over explain or convince you of the "truth". The fast speech is a dead giveaway with normally calm people.
Looking at their eyes, how they change during a conversation and if they match the mouth. Well, not the eyes. Mostly the muscles around it. And secondly the shoulders, how they are held. I think that's what I usually see (though I'm not always aware of seeing it myself).
Ive been naive for many years and have "chosen" to not see the red flags. Then when it happened again, (I got hurt again) I realized that I have intentionally been lied to. Feeling manipulated and betrayed. But still I want to see good, understand why. But still haven't received any answers.
Yess!!
Was so honored to be on! I love you Lisa and thanks everyone for watching
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with all of us!
LOOOOOVE YOOOOU so much homie!! And you KNOW this!!!! ❤️🥰
Thank you for being on! One of my favorite WOI episodes❤️🥰
It’s always a pleasure to hear you talk, Vanessa! And to see you!😍 I always learn a lot with you!
I must say it's your personal effort tht has paved .
I personally loved the clip , it's really informative . 👍👍👏👏
Keep it up .
I would love to see more clips of u for better understanding
She’s a recovering awkward person????? She radiates nothing but confidence and charisma! That means there’s still hope for my social anxiety!!😅
You are so so kind. And there is hope! I promise!
Because she is good at lying now from all the bad liars she has met
She says that because its marketable, fun and quirky. She didnt use the word anxiety. She draws parallels to drug addicts which both undermines the struggle off addiction but also makes it sound like awkwardness is a huge problem when its not.
Just be a genuin person. it really isnt harder than that. If at work, work hard and people will respect you and accept your personality. If not they are children.
It's a forever adventure!
IMO she found her passion and is using her strengths which is why she’s so charismatic. It’s her sweet spot so there’s hope for all of us!
This is brilliant! I am autistic and am often seen as dishonest and now I know that my lack of self awareness and natural incongruity are likely the things preventing people from seeing me as sincere! But how does someone like me fix this when I literally cannot process things quickly enough to do the right moves on demand? Also, wouldn't THAT in itself feel very dishonest?
It's fantastic that you're gaining insights into how you're perceived and wanting to enhance your sincerity! It's not about speed but authenticity. Slow processing doesn't equate to dishonesty. It's about congruency in your actions and words, even if they come at your own pace.
“I would rather live in hard truth than ignorant bliss” I completely agree! ❤️
I love how this is less about lie detection but more about honest communication and communication strategies! 💖💖 So informative and inspiring and uplifting. Thank you for this interview!
Yes, I could not agree more!
Exactly! For us conflict averse folks and people pleasers this is gold. We need to learn to be HONEST. It’s actually not kind not hide our truth from others. We need to give others a chance to do it communicate with us kindly, just ask for what we need. I need you to…xyz. Give others a chance to meet the need.
I somewhat agree with telling your partner on how to read cues, but telling someone who's toxic, narcissistic, or pathological liars, they will use those cues against you.
Those are the people you ought to have already removed from your life. Your partner should be a person you could trust with your life, money, health, children, career, whatever. If you don't deem them worthy and faithful...cut them out 100%.
@@ryan3442 true. But a covert narc is harder to spot
Raised by an extremely abusive narcissist imposed conditioning that resulted in a self-imposed avoidance of personal pronouns... wondering if people assume "I" am lying? ...or would this fall under personal baseline?
@@teresajsherrick5099 that would be considered your baseline but to people who don't understand, it would seem you are lying
They use everything against you.
Lisa has this amazing quality, she is such a good listener! So important!
Ahhh thanks so much 🥰
That is true. Lack of confidence and anxiety can be mistaken as a liar.
Vanessa Van Edwards has been an amazing role model. 7 years later you can tell she keeps perfecting her craft. Beautiful soul.
Isn't she so beautiful and cute, she has a great smile give a huge amount of positive energy.
I like it so much 😍
That's what you got from this? Her LOOKS?!🙄
@@redsloane879 aw come on, they were just commenting on her vibes 🙄 nothin wrong with that
So true we ignore the red flags because we did not detect them. We failed to spot the incongruencies because we did not know the signs.🙏
That’s not why we miss the red flags. We miss them because of what we want to believe. We tend to discard as irrelevant the things that threaten our cocoon. Besides, hindsight is 20/20 and that clarity is lacking when we allow ourselves to be misted.
yes among close friends one really needs to hear the truth even when it's bitter and hard to swallow. 🤗🙏
What you described about reading someone's body language is what card players have been doing for years and that is looking for a tell
Wooow…I am Italian and the higher tone at the end of the sentences, which for us is super normal and signals curiosity and sends off openness, is SO mistaken abroad, I only realized it now. Biggest English lesson of my life 😂
It won’t be a problem, because it’s your baseline.
Also by showing up authentically, you encourage the other person to also communicate and show up in a similar way.🤗🙏💗
Exactly!! It makes it feel good
People are still “showing up”?
I am a recovering awkward person. Downright sincere !! 🙏
This makes me realize how difficult it can be to be open and honest. I'm very honest, but not always very open. Now I'm beginning to see some reasons why that's a bad strategy.
So glad this episode got you reflecting ❤
You definitely know when someone really knows their stuff, because they can explain it very simply and to anyone. Fantastic content. Impressive!
Thank you for watching! Glad you enjoyed ❤
The lack of confidence can be mistaken as lie.
This is how i feel when I talk to people. Because my social anxiety makes me look like a liar, and I knew it. I was just wondering, and she confirmed.
i've just watched 54 minutes and it only feels like 5 min LOL. Amazing content, thank you!
Same
This confirms a lot of what I already do. I cut people off who I know have lied to me. I don't have time for this mess. You always feel confused and frustrated with them and distrustful. No time for that!
My nose itches when I feel really vulnerable/exposed. Not usually lying. Being on the spectrum, lying is emotionally excruciating. It's much easier just to tell the truth.. and not do things I need to run from later.
Not usually lying or not lying 🤷
The easiest way to spot lying is when they smirk, especially if you ask them if they cheated. Another is jumbling their words, they're tripping up because they have so many lies to keep on top of. Eye contact can sometimes be a sign, but anxiety or nervousness can cause you to look away. Clutching their phone and being protective of it is a sign of hiding something.
I’ve done that and I wasn’t cheating just over the question because he was cheating. Yup yup
Thank you for presenting such a fabulous guest. Trusting your intuition surrounding untruthful people is always the best route. Trust your gut! It controls the entire human body! Would love to see more content like this. So profound.
What a gift to be able to see a glimpse into your mind Vanessa! Selecting each of Lisa's movements while mentally archiving social data. You said honesty is a muscle. I believe so is your understanding for these innate principles of human interaction, and it's a buff muscle!
YOU PUT ON GREAT SHOWS, DONT STOP KEEP IT MOVING - YOU ARE HELPING ME / A LOT MORE PPL IN THIS WORLD !!! THANK YOU 🙏🙏🙏
I just love how passionate this woman is about her research and work! I find it so fascinating. I’m loving this channel so much.
Vanessa has complete package of beauty, knowledge, and great communicator. I was captivated of her smartness through this interview. My question is, when we caught lie, people tend to isolate or discard us from normal or positive being. Lying is the source of hiding the truth protecting ourselves from sabotaging and controlling. This is an option and should not define of who we are.
I'll be listening to this over and over again. Thanks for giving us the tools! 😃
Vanessa Van Edwards you have an amazing personality and exude such positive energy and enthusiasm. Tks for such valuable content.🤗🙏
Wow!!! This is something, of the ABSOLUT best, and most interesting I have listen to, for a very long time 😅.If EVER!!!❤❤❤
Wow! That's great to hear. I'm so glad you enjoyed watching. ❤
This channel is gold. You help so many people Lisa. Never forget that🌸
"Follow up and get it in writing!"
I love It. Plus so many more gems from this.
THANK YOU!
💛💛
It's hard for me to look at people in the eyes and reply to questions, I can't think of a proper answers. I'm a very anxious person by nature so this is very interesting that you said that whilst writing this! hahaha great video!
Me too
@@drsheethal1906 that is my biggest issue in communication. Even if I am slightly nervous, I absolutely cannot make eye contact. I have trouble keeping eye contact and takes a huge effort to keep it but it's even worse when I am nervous.
I'm the same, I look away as I'm visualising my answer.
Locked-in eye contact for more than a couple seconds is freakin creepy and confrontational. I don’t know why people associate it with honesty. What’s more, the most crafty liars, psychopaths and narcissists have perfected it. They will look right into your soul and embed their lies. 😅
Yay Vanessa Van Edwards! Her book Captivate is a gem as it is filled with unique research and practicality just like in this interview. Lisa, as always, great interview!
Incredible person reading this, you have everything there is to succeed in life, whatever that is for you. Go after the life you truly want NOW! ✨
I believe in you! Love - Nat ❤️
This was fantastic ! I was on the edge of my seat. My only apprehension is sharing this powerful information with with narcissistic or psychopath or manipulative people. Sometimes that’s our own family…Only because it can give them tools on how to manipulate you which can be very dangerous. Other than that, I learned so much from this. Just brilliant.
this one was especially useful. Vanessa's energy is just sparking through. I instantly feel more confident with my work negotiations
The way someone speaks with their body language.
She is brilliant! So glad I stumbled upon this video! Recently reconnected with an ex and off the bet; he lies about sleeping with someone unprotected. To be fair, I felt his tone over the phone that he was withholding something, I was just too happy to hear from him than to hear the FULL truth. Either way, I'd rather hurting an ex partner or lover with the truth than to withholding certain info just to get what I want.
Yes !! the part about sometimes mistaking lying with being anxious. I laugh or smile a lot when I’m nervous, scared, hurt.... and so many people have mistaken that for lying or being rude or not caring 😭 worst thing
This is my favorite episode ever. I adore both of you. I had to pause the video, to comment about the nerve at the tip of the nose, that twitch when I'm deceptive it's almost painful/itchy/uncomfortable feeling. And I'm feeling like the other person realized.
So happy you enjoyed this episode! ❤
I don’t know if I agree that if I look for the good and assume the best, is accurate. I did that for 22 years in a marriage with a passive aggressive covert narcissist and my entire life with my personality disordered parents. Projecting empathy and a Pollyanna outlook was my Achilles heel.
I had this classmate, very talented musically, picked up steps and choreography instantly.. She always scratched her nose when presenting homework.
She could have made it in public, but she is very private. I think this nose scratching was a sign that she really felt uncomfortable in front of class.
Yes, it's possible it was a self-soothing gesture!
I love that she says several times that we want to go in assuming the best !! And to not do this to trap someone by having your partner watch this video or talk about the cues with your partner. And that all employees must take the course. Im one that has always gone in with the opposite … with suspicion… but to be sore to notice the red flags as well. This was a great teaching tool !!
Because lies are not the norm you get good at spotting how they tell truth, then you see a shift. Being on the spectrum when listening/talking i have to look away to cut visual stimulation sometimes, but that can be misunderstood as disinterest or lieing. Thats why you take a baseline of people asking questions you know the answer to, name, bday, moms name, what color is this. Then ask questions you know they will likely lie about
When you look up. You are a visual learner. If you look down you are an emotional learner. The audio learner you may try to remember by speaking yourself through what you are trying to remember. These are learning styles.
One thing though. I was taught by my parents to always be professional and not 'yourself' because people like that. You know these old people of those years wan everything so professional and 'perfect'. BUT I have found what you said about the email stuff, to be true. I like to write emails where Im just myself. Expressing myself. I have written emails where I sound so professional and its just not myself. I have not gotten any responses from clients. Because I was so professional, and it even felt like to me, that I was hidding something. But its not something that Im lieing about. I was just scared to be myself because I was taught different. Im breaking that cycle though, what I was taught. I feel like the new generation will be different. We can truly be ourselves without judgement.
One of your best guests Lisa!!! Thanks!
Watching this channel for me is like taking a pill full of vitamins...nutrition for my mind ❤
What a wonderful and sincere conversation, so much positivity with you both! Thanks for sharing all that useful knowledge 💝😄
wonderful! only comment i have is someone stressed or depressed wont be expressive even though they are not lying!
YESSSS LISAS DONE IT AGAIN always bringing the coolest people!!
🥰🥰🥰
@@lisabilyeu8103 i think jada smith would be interesting too!!
Look for good in people absolutely it actually makes a lot of sense . I do this everyday
I loved this episode, I could listen to this stuff for ages, the body is so clever and the way people try and control it's actions it's intrigues me everytime! Congrats on your books both! :)
Lisa ! I’ve been watching you for so long and just realized I wasn’t subscribed. 🤦🏽♀️
I absolutely love Vanessa. I appreciate the direction of the dialogue a little different from the other podcasts that she has recently been interviewed by. You both made that point clear but seamless. Thank you. Made me feel I was getting more information then I did from the other interviews I saw first.
I just finished the interview-congrats to both of you on your new books! I’m looking forward to reading them!
I always smile when I am stressed/ scared/ nervous or in pain. I have complex ptss. Allot of people think I am dishonest when I smile when I tell them something painfull or something about my past but that isnt at all the case.
I really appreciate your and Vanessa's work. 💜
One small note: animators form Disney didn't "invent" Pinocchio 🤥. It was the character in a story from an Italian writer, Carlo Collodi.
Very near the beginning: "...trusting someone's word". Never trust someone's word. I pay attention to behaviour patterns. Behaviour patterns are infallible. Manipulation is a language, of sorts. Just like any language, there are common words everyone uses. There are common manipulation tactics manipulators use. Once I knew those, noticing the behaviour patterns became very easy.
Body language & the appearance of comfort can be faked, EASILY. It may still be of some use, but certainly not as accurate as behaviour patterns. I highly suggest studying codependency & the roles within it. I learned of these behaviour patterns through my study of codependency & more specifically the roles in the dysfunction.
It is not possible nor realistic to first teach people how to not be awkward before interacting with them.
Noticing behaviour patterns works regardless of one's awkwardness.
Depending on the situation, some truly do not know they are lying. My examples / experiences with this are in discussions related to politics or religion. People truly believe what they are telling me, EVEN though it is a lie. So the body cues do not work in these situations. Thus, my focus on behaviour patterns rather than body cues.
I took one of Vanessa's courses on Udemy and it help me with family members I was suspicious of being habitual liars. (They were). I watched this video as somewhat of a refresher. Vanessa is a really good teacher as well as giving cautions of not jumping to conclusions.
So glad I could help!! Grateful for your support ❤
Me too I would rather hear the truth then be lied to it shows a huge form of respect to me .
Sometimes when I'm doing something that I'm not confident in such as learning to play guitar it seems to elicite other people to be rude or unfriendly.
This is GOLD! Truly quality top notch content. Thank you ladies, keep it up.
Vanessa on Lisa’s show....I just had to watch!! Outstanding episode
What happens when you are optimistic and then people mistreat you in spite of you still treating them fair. I think the best of people but a lot of people show me the worst of themselves. If anything I see their truth. And those who also are misunderstood are my tribe.
I hear you! People that are just plain mean have really made me trust people a lot less.
I noticed straight away at 1:40, watch Vanessa’s head movement when she says “I love it”
Thank you so much Kyle! I have been around crystals for over 25 years. This was very informative. Thank you again. I can't wait for part 2 tomorrow!!
That makes sense about assuming the worse in people because that’s what cops do and they think everyone is lying but in fact most people they interview are telling the truth.
True that! People ALWAYS ASSUME IM LYING. WHEN REALLY.....IM JUST LACKING CONFIDENCE N SOCIALLY SUPER AWKWARD. 🤔😔
OMG this was so much fun and so informative!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩 Also @lisa I loved the levity at 38:31 when you said “She just lied!!!” Feels like you were really invested and learning. I love it 😍
I love Vanessa, great that she's back !
When I know I'm not telling the truth about something I'm always afraid people can see my face getting red because it feels hot across the bridge of my nose
The reason that anxiety, fear and lack of confidence send the same signs as deception is because they *are* forms of internal deception. One of the first things to realize and remind yourself of when trying to overcome fear, anxiety and low self esteem is that these states of mind are actually lying to you. Your anxiety and fear are lying to you. Your poor self esteem is lying to you. Your low confidence is lying to you. You get over these conditions when you train yourself to stop believing the lie that is holding you back and keeping you down.
You may not be deliberately lying to people, but when your fear, anxiety or low confidence leak through your body language, it betrays the fact that your mind is engaged in deceit and is juggling truths and lies.
Even the beginning of this video was great insight. Makes sense as to why people in the morning are usually grumpy and honest (like "I don't care what you're working on, I'm thirsty"). Later on in the day, people will start to put on a face and act smiley and pretend to listen
You’re much more likely to be grumpy when your energy is low. People who are grumpy in the morning or before their first cup of coffee are usually betraying poor sleep patterns. Hence the coffee fix to temporarily patch the low energy. If people are perky and deceptive in the afternoon, that’s likely from the boost of sugar or caffeine.
So it’s not the time of day that matters, but the level of energy. Low energy makes it harder to lie or to project an upbeat attitude. But common unhealthy habits have led a lot of people to be low-energy in the morning and artificially high-energy late in the day, which is the opposite for those with healthy habits.
I love Vanessas's energy and excitment!!
Expect nothing, and the unexpected naturally happens either good or bad.
Mine was he was trying to cry but can’t, to convince me. So a clear indication is it’s really not aligned to what the emotion should show. I’ve concluded I was w a psychopath
😂 my friends call me the 'truth wizard ' 😍 and yes ! I am super positive and optimistic which my friends think is an oxymoron considering l can pick liars about 90% of the time ...however you have explained it perfectly !! 💓 Thank you 😂😍
Omg! This is so amazing Lisa!😄 I loved it!💕💕💕 So valuable information, educational and also validating. Like she said, I rather know the truth. I can also relate to you when communicating in writing, I love using emojis and warm language, and just being myself. Like you, I don't care if others think I'm weird😅 I find that very profesional communication is impersonal and cold. Thank you! I can't wait to get the book😃 Amazing!💖🥰💖
My husband says It's Not My favorite when I ask him how dinner was LOLOL. I know it's his polite way to say he doesn't like it but he has gratitude that I made dinner. lol
This nose thing got me so much, because i've noticed so many politicians touching their nose, or sticking out there tongue (not far, but noticeable) so often, i figured, it was some sort of "secret society" tell, so their other friends would know, "that wasn't true, I'm lying to the public again". ! maybe they "do know" they're doing it, or maybe, they're just like the rest of us, just in a powerful position, and greed's got the best of them, and they can't help but touch their noses.
43rd minute; Giving permission or confirmation even if it is hard. I would rather hear the truth than live in ignorant bliss. The incessant nodding of the head occurs for me as someone who is trying so hard to show you they're interested and trying so hard to show you they are listening. In reality, it is still a technique. One of the things I learned about listening which made all of the difference in people feeling listened to or feeling heard was the moment I gave up all techniques and actually just started listening without any superfluous movements. Anything else appears as inauthentic. Nothing is more attractive than authenticity. Being still actually had women start telling me how they felt listened to and felt heard, which created a level of connection and a level of communication and sharing which allowed my relationships with women to explode into a wonderful level of connectedness
The most entertaining episode ever. Learning with humour at the same time with lots of examples. 👍🏼
So true saying one thing then catching them in something they say they had nothing to do with . My favourite line is I’m confused I don’t understand.
My husband's tell is...he sniffles quickly when he lies!!! This is crazy that this is backed by science. I've been noticing this through the years.
Great conversation!!
How do you know if someone is lying by omission?
Great question!
Fantastic guest; very interesting points!
I found the answer to a question I had for a very long time. Everytime when I played with children along with their story and everytime I would play theatre, my nose startet itching and running sooo bad! I always wondered why.
Thanks for always helping us come in alignment with our true selves
I love this! So many ah ha moments. I always worry about not looking people in the eye when they ask me questions. I alway look up and left. Now I know it is part of my baseline for recalling information. So interesting!
Another point is that this is a lot better way of approaching true and false than conjuring up conspiracy theories.
Once I was in a meeting with a potential client and my nose itched so bad, but I had such bad allergies 😫 that day. I felt so embarrassed and actually didn't get that client. I couldn't stop scratching my nose and sniffling. I guess they thought I was being deceptive. 😭
*WE KNOW THE TRUTH* *WE FEEL THE TRUTH*
How do assess people who have ASD? Incongruence is their jam. Not on purpose, but due to their wiring.
They often are very, very hard to read. Due to it being a social, communication, relational disorder...what is presented is very often “off”.
I have watched one of vanessa’s vlog 5 years ago talking about the same topic and I am really amazed I saw her on this interview for another discussion! This is soooo interesting and really mind blowing that after watching this video I would run after looking for people to check for cues! Haha love it!
“I’d rather live in hard truth, than ignorant bliss”
I M IN LOVE TOOT !!! I NEED TO GET HER BOOK !!!
that nervous tell was awesome!