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Omg🤦🏻♀️ Yes a coworker asked "You dont mind if I leave early do you? It was are busiest time at work and thanks to you I replied " Yes I do mind for this moment but perhaps when we slow down I may be a bit more comfortable with that👍 Thank you Dan you are great and your advice is amazing.
I have been quite stressed due to a co worker trying to embarrass me in front of clients, this video makes me feel better and remember who I am. Thank you ❤
I love this "my purpose is not to teach them a lesson." And also communicating in a loving way. Sometimes we think being loving is just allowing behaviors, but there is a way to be loving and also stand up for yourself in a non combative way. It is filled with love and not defensive energy. This is so helpful. This is a new day! Great time for me to see this as the new year approaches
Yay! You are back. I love your advice. I will never forget when a relative called me up and asked what we were doing for New Year’s Eve. I was really excited thinking they wanted to make plans with us so I replied we were free. The very next question was, can you babysit for us? Never again. I will respond, why do you ask?
Omg i used to get asked this all the time by a couple and whenever I said I was busy they would say: oh that's a shame as we were going to ask you to join us/invite you over. The final straw was when I asked them to pick up the kids before a certain time the next morning as i had an orientation day before starting uni and they turned up late and i missed it.
@@hazeldenny6304 Never tell them whether you have plans or not. If most people want to do something with you they will be up front and ask directly. When they are just inquiring about your availability then they probably have a different motive.
Just because you are free doesn't meant you have to, you want to , or have the obligation to babysit etc..just say No I won't do it or I don't want to. Don't.give explanations. They want you to explain so they can convince you to change your mind. Don't lose your power. Let them get mad. Dont.feel guilty. Remember you don't owe them anything.
This is so helpful. I share an office with a manipulative person. She asks others to do her tasks. You know it's coming when she asks..."are you busy?" or "hey, I need a favor" She will ask for a small favor regarding the task and if you help her, she then labels the entire task yours or multiplies the small favors. I will try this next time she bothers me.
Hi, Dan. I love how the questions put clear undesireable *_labels_* on the other person's behavior. Then, they are the ones who will have to account for themselves. It instantly flips the script. Great advice. People deserve to be "called on their crap," as the saying goes.
You are literally a Godsend! I have a colleague who asks me uncomfortable questions (I don’t think she means harm) but sometimes they can get personally and I feel obligated to answer them and it’s like I’m being interviewed. A lot of the times I don’t know how to respond. I feel like I can’t be my genuine self around her and I always care about how she views me even though we do the same job and we’re meant to be a team. I am binging your videos! can you do a video on connecting with colleagues but without getting too personal?
Shell, you connect with colleagues by pleasantly and professionally doing your job. You don't want to try to develop "water-cooler" or "after-work" relationships if you can avoid doing-so. I hope my videos help you train this person how to treat you, but you won't find any of my videos telling you how to be "friends" with co-workers because I don't advise that in the first place. It's a professional environment--so keep it professional and don't concern yourself with what this other person thinks says, or does, unless it affects your work.
Great tips. I work with a misogynist (in a women’s health company!). He’s always making comments. Recently, he’s used the disparaging comment “like a girl” ( ie as a synonym for weak, inadequate) I used your tips and shut him down with a simple question. “What to you mean by “like a girl, Peter?” Worked like a charm. It was fun. Thanks!
Well, if blunt works for you, keep it up! If you would like a little more subtle approach, try mine. But essentially, do whatever works for you and keeps your boundaries secure and your mind peaceful.
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm in Australia, so we in general are pretty blunt lol I like this video for those to be careful of though .... some people are just nasty, these help navigate around them 🌷
Great video! My eyes are wide open to these kinds of stunts and now I've got the words to say to stop folks in their tracks when I need them. Thank you, Dan!
I am so glad that I found you! I have purchased both of your books and recently finished my personal compass. I have had a couple of good opportunities to use what I have learned from your RUclips videos and I have had a couple of missed opportunities. Whenever I see one of your videos I think “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” The way you communicate and teach resonates with me. Thank you, Dan! 🤗
Thank you so much for posting, J.L. I'll try to appear whenever you're ready. :) Having said that, we're all teachers, aren't we--and we're all students.
Hi Dan, I have so much appreciation and love in my heart for you and all of these valuable lessons. I work with some people who can be very condescending and passive aggressive. Their comments leave me completely confused. I don't understand why people feel the need to communicate with such disdain instead of just being straightforward. Anyway, I come home and listen to your videos almost everyday, and it feels like your words are light that break up darkness in my thinking. I meditate on the power of love in the words you teach us to say, and I am just so glad I can keep being kind in the face of hostility. It is getting better because I'm learning healthy boundaries and responses. I notice coworkers being more careful around me. I just want to do my job in peace. It's far from great, but getting much better. One question I have is how would you respond to someone who only says things in situations when you can't respond? Like in front of my students? Or passing in the hallway when I least expect it? It feels like they attack me when I have to be focused on other responsibilities and can't respond. I share your videos and lessons with others who struggle with finding the right words.You are a Godsend. Thank you for everything.
So many thanks for your message, Jlfoster. You certainly made my night tonight! In answer to your question--whenever you are "attacked" in the situations you describe--you might want to have a standard line ready. "I'd like to discuss this with you but now is not the time. Please stop by my office later today if you want to pursue this." Or "I need time to think about this; let's discuss it later. Now is not a good time for me." Or "Put a pin in it and we can talk about it when I'm free. I'll contact you." Come up with a similar line and have it at the ready. If pressed, use the broken record and keep repeating it until the speaker gets the drift. Also, search "ambush" on my RUclips channel and you'll get more ideas from a recent video I did with "ambush" in the title. Hope this helps.
I am so happy that your kids are watching these videos too. If young people learn mindful communication, there's a great chance they'll use it their entire lives. Wouldn't that be wonderful???
Thanks this video has been really helpful, I can't afford any of your courses, but I enjoy watching and listening to videos over and over again to help me get strong as I have two work colleagues who think I am beneath both.
I come back to your videos in times of need and you make things so clear. I wish I realised that people are manipulative earlier than after getting upset and snap at them. Your point on being a loving communicator is so good. If we always prepare for conversations with the intent of attack those who are trying to use/exploit us it would make us so aggressive and angry which is not how any of us want to feel while worrying about other things in life. I like the idea of approaching things in a way that you stand your ground but also diffuse potentially dangerous situations with steel determination.
Dan, I am afraid it is too late for me to effectively communicate at my job. In the beginning I did not communicate directly as much as I should have because I was shy, lacked confidence, and wanted to avoid confrontation and this unfortunately gave coworkers a wrong impression of how to treat me (and they are not very kind or caring people to start off with; I was bullied a lot).. I’m burnt out and feel I’ve reached a point of no return where I can’t just look the other way and bare a fake grin and get on with it, like I used to. The resentment has reached its boiling point now. The straw that broke the camels back came this week. I am about to give a two weeks notice but I also want to just stop showing up to make them feel the burn. I will place myself at a disadvantage though because I don’t have another job lined up. I am so burnt out emotionally and mentally that I have been unable to start a job search or study for my licensure exam. I have lost so much faith in myself and other people in general that I feel numb. I wish I had strength to continue but Im so burnt out.
H H give the two week notice. Failing to do that will punish you more than "them." You sound as though you need a new start--a new environment. You'll find that once you leave this place, you'll have a great deal more strength, and hopefully your faith in yourself and others will return. There ARE good people with whom to work, and good employers for whom to work. Use the next few weeks to begin a job hunt, study for that exam, and reexamine who you are and where you want to go. Please don't be defined by others--and in this case a bunch of negative bullies? Don't let that happen to you. YOU decide who you are and where you want to go. Start by developing your personal compass; that will help you get back on track. Search "personal compass" on my channel to get you started.
aw, i can totally relate to you. Good luck and i hope you can get out sooner and find another job. There are always people at work that are annoying and manipulative bullies. I do have to deal with such co workers.
Thank you so much for your videos! Step by step, I am learning to work through my anxiety and start to stand up for myself. I often have trouble communicating. I am an introvert so it hard for me to communicate my thoughts or get my point across. Thank you 🙏🏼
My favorite question is, "What do you have planned tonight?" If I say, "Nothing.", the perpetrator fills in my empty time with something they want! Now, I say, "Why are you asking me that question?"
Dan, thank u for your content! Your words and advice is an answer to prayer. Is sounded like Lord, help me not blow up and play into these haters. Being quiet and drama free stopped working and I don’t know what to do other than lose my cool because I don’t know what to say and they know it and use it against me... then it’s 4am I stumble on ur channel and golden answers and new ways to gain and keep my power meet me! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 ur saving jobs and lives keep it up 👍🏽 ur so clear, straightforward and real! Many blessings Dan!!!! I can’t thank u enough. I’ve spent good money on coaching and sessions and I’ve gotten more from u with a few videos! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Remember, Janet, the important thing is to practice the lessons. Whatever you're having trouble with at any given moment--practice the approaches and responses, always bearing your personal compass in mind (who you are and where you're going).
I'm doing well, Mary. I've been working on this new course for a couple months--and actually for quite awhile before that. But now I'm back to RUclips too. So please like and share, Marty--and check out this new course. Now you've had a taste . . . .
Left a company when I saw unethical and illegal practices in motion. Think too many people were manipulated or coerced into going along. These tactics are vital!
I struggle so much in turning a blind eye to evil at work. I feel like what makes me successful serving the business is my downfall working in competitive teams (transparency + working long hours)… praying for a spiritual filter bc some* women are typically so nasty and rude to me (always talk down to me and laugh in my face). They’re allowed to talk down to me but I can never stand up for myself. Will start to watch your videos and continue praying. Thank you!
Thank you Dan for sharing all these brilliant strategies. Using your power phrases has really worked for me and they have given me confidence to handle "difficult" conversations/situations at work - with both colleagues and clients - in a professional, calm and kind way. Ìt has certainly reduced feelings of stress & anxiety that I used to have in challenging situations. Sincere thanks to you & God bless x x
Christine, I am so gratified to hear that. Isn't it amazing how, when you remain calm, professional and kind, situations become less stressful and less challenging. It is absolutely true that you are in charge of every relationship in your life. When people understand that, their lives begin to improve dramatically.
Love your videos! It is helping me communicate clearly and stand up for myself. I’ve already shared with a friend with whom is in the same boat. We’ve been talking about being each other’s Guinea pigs due to being too passive and not liking confrontation. Thank you so much. Truly grateful! Have a wonderful day! 🤞🙏🤘🏻😊
My communication abilities have improved so much by watching your videos. Thank you. What to do when your supervisor uses undertones and physical gestures of passive aggression but not blunt.?
Great Video Dan 👍🏽💯! I enjoy all your videos and content is very informative knowledge! I like humor and comedy you add to it and funny voices you do to mock the naysayers and nosy mother in law. Ha 😂. Stand up for yourself and be assertive. Practice until it becomes ingrained in the mind. People with bad intentions and problems are orchestrated and presented to us to know how to react without getting pissed 📴 or defensive. I like "I Can't Broken Record" method. Great Job Dan 💯!
@@TheWizardOfWords Hi Dan, You're welcome 🙌🏽💯 & thanks for the reply! I appreciate the kind words and feedback! You're right and I agree 💯. We are learning from the lessons of Life to become better people. Even for an Introvert such as myself. I will stay tuned for more and learn the tools and apply them. Enjoy your weekend.
Consider simply saying, "Ha!" That is amusing, John. Ha-ha-ha! And then say, "I have to return to work. However, let's meet for coffee soon. How about next week?" The point is to convey to them that you are not in the least bit irritated or concerned about what they are asking. If they assert, "However, you have not addressed my question." Then employ the broken record strategy. I enjoy playing the role of "jokester" on occasion. And I believe that the use of non-abusive humor to defuse awkward conversations is significantly underrated. Besides, humor, used appropriately, makes you feel good!
I have a supervisor who overwhelms you with talking really fast and giving you no chance to think. By the time she is done, you don’t know which way is up and you don’t even know how to answer. What can I do to stop that behavior?
In the video, he says take a breath before you respond or agree to more work, then respond with clerifying questions. "Are you saying...?" "Do you mean....?" This highlights her unnecessary expectation on you to come in, when you haven't agreed or volunteered.
Hell I STOP her put my hand up - to STOP her, "Ms Fst Talker, I would appreciate you slow down to comprehend your instructions as it is COVID19 has truly traumatized everyone and we must truly meet the Mission, Thank you, so i am ready."
Thank you so much And I should've said give me time to answer that I'm working at a warehouse And I feel this video is going over what I was put thru yesterday Cuz once management begins to single me out I go to my other job and request more time on my schedule And i begin to plan my leave and look to work else where Basicly I was singled out, management took my scanner so he's in my way of working and said im insubordinate when I said, ok, i am turning on the machine.. plus there's 3 other girls up there we should be talking to everyone not just me,, im not the selected leader, the manager tell me I can be fired, like Ishe isn't using that term wrong I definitely needed some new words I watch these videos over and over I'm one of the people who come to work to work, period. And I get mad when people think ima push over because I'm jolly and naturally joyful and start treating me ill outside of rules Thanks for your videos so much I'm going to practice these phrases
I'm concerned that someone may bring up aspects of my past, so I suppose I would ask if the person/family member etc, were trying to shame me! Thanks very much for this very helpful video Dan. Julia (London, UK) X
Hi Julia (from London :) ) It absolutely boggles my mind that anyone would deliberately try to shame someone else. I really do hope this video helps you handle anyone trying to shame you. If we all addressed our own shortcomings, we would have NO TIME to address the PERCEIVED shortcomings of others.
We see it differently, J J. I think the experience of love is one of the few universals and in any culture we recognize when we are being treated without love. The person treating us this way is acting out of weakness, not strength. Yes, some cultures might need to catch up on this thinking, and I believe this is happening. If, for example, a culture sanctions putting women down, that doesn't suddenly make the practice right or loving. It means the culture is embracing lovelessness in this instance and needs to "catch up." A culture's definitions and a culture's practices might be two entirely different things.
Nice one!! Dan Truth will always be relevant & real. No matter what fun name each Generation is called, what's True has always been, is now & & will continue 2be True. Ergo, uuur reminding us by speaking what's True....u get the drift will always be relevant & so will you be🍒
I see it all the time at my part-time job where I work evenings at a grocery store. They don’t necessarily just come up to me. It’s more of, oh Jason’s here. He can help with whatever they need help with when that task should’ve been completed long before I ever shown up. Let’s say for example if I worked at a grocery store and they so happen to ask me we need you to go get carts and let’s say that my job title was utility clerk a.k.a. cleaning the store. When they asked me to go get carts I always inform them. Supervisor, who do we have doing that task at this moment are you asking me to fill in while someone takes their break or are people not doing their job to the point the task is falling behind. I really have a problem going out to so-called help them when they are not doing the duties they are expected to do. So you want me to stop whatever duties I’m a post to be doing to go help someone who is not fulfilling their duties like they should. Does that sound OK. What would happen if the roles were reversed. If I was the one out in the parking lot and someone else was cleaning the store could I get away with it. Let me answer that for you, no I could not get away with it. So why are you letting them get away with it. Now let me clarify, if I am giving someone their break and I’m only going to be out there 15 to 30 minutes. That’s fine glad to help. However, I am not out there to replace I am out there to assist if things get too far behind. Also, are we shorthanded, have clerks that are scheduled been calling in. Why do I need to stop my duties to go help someone else with better duties. Please clarify that for me. My manager eyes got so big, my manager said never mind go on about your duties as normal
I wish I would have found your channel when I started my job last year I really needed this I'm so ready to quit it's ridiculous I have a question what do you do about supervisors that play favoritism and allow people to get away with things and make you do all the extra work instead of that person everybody else sees it but no one wants to say anything about it
I had an ex work colleague/friend always ask me: is your son married, has he got a girl friend, is he single? Followed by: he'll probably always be single! Also she would say: you two have a weird relationship! Simply because when my son lived at home he called me a few times from the supermarket asking if I'd prepped dinner because he was going to buy ingredients to make me nachos or tacos or pizzas. Or he would ask me if I wanted to see a movie of my choice as a treat to say thanks for being the best mum. Btw her boys (who treated her like she was the hired help) were investigated for downloading certain porn. 2 car loads of detectives turned up at her house one day....guess they didn't know who with 3 men in the household. I just dissociated myself from her toxic behaviour and no regrets at all.
Your distancing yourself from this relationship was just what the relationship needed. For ANYONE to make that comment about your "weird" relationship with your son is appalling. It is a reflection on her relationship with her sons and has nothing to do with you and yours at all. Here's a quick anecdote for you. My grandmother told it to me. She had a friend/relative/acquaintance who once said to her (referring to her husband and her youngest daughter) "Ron has a strange relationship with Jeanie. I think they're too close." My grandmother, who never minced words and did not always speak mindfully (ahem . . . .) said "You wouldn't know a healthy relationship if you had one. And you don't." It was a very harsh thing to say, and I am not recommending that. My point is this. The woman speaking to my grandmother had strained relationships with her husband and all her children. People who knew her well knew this. When she spoke to my grandmother, she was speaking from a place of lack. SHE lacked good relationships and didn't recognize a close and loving one when she saw it. She saw a close relationship between father and daughter as strange or weird because she was accustomed to a father/daughter relationship wherein the father was dominating and belligerent and actually a bully. She simply didn't now any better because that was how she saw her husband treating the children. My grandfather didn't treat his children like that. People tend to criticize in others what is lacking in themselves. BTW, that woman never brought up my grandfather's relationship with his youngest daughter again. Never. :)
Thank you Dan! Your videos have helped me so much in standing my ground at work. I'm definitely interested in purchasing your materials. If only I could get a raise first... How's my hometown these days? Well, Chapala isn't exactly Guadalajara, but close enough 😉
I'm in San Antonio, Victor--between Ajijic and Chapala--and life is good :) Victor, you have it backwards. If you invest in my materials, perhaps that's when the raise will come. :) :)
HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
Omg🤦🏻♀️ Yes a coworker asked "You dont mind if I leave early do you? It was are busiest time at work and thanks to you I replied " Yes I do mind for this moment but perhaps when we slow down I may be a bit more comfortable with that👍 Thank you Dan you are great and your advice is amazing.
Perfect. Being prepared really helps, don't you think so, Viviana? :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Yes indeed thank you so much for all your guidance. 🙏
I have been quite stressed due to a co worker trying to embarrass me in front of clients, this video makes me feel better and remember who I am. Thank you ❤
You got this. Halie. Remember who you are.
I am so glad you're back, Dan. I wish I had an earpiece with you in my ear prompting me
Keep practicing, and you'll think I'm right there with you.
Right!!!
@@TheWizardOfWords that is so great!!exactlly!I am always thinking:what would Dan say now?
Repetition strengthens and confirms.
kkkkk
I love straight forward communication. Thank you Dan.
Especially when you deal with people that aren’t straight forward.
@@Chris-tg3qy Yes.
You bet.
I love this "my purpose is not to teach them a lesson." And also communicating in a loving way. Sometimes we think being loving is just allowing behaviors, but there is a way to be loving and also stand up for yourself in a non combative way. It is filled with love and not defensive energy. This is so helpful. This is a new day! Great time for me to see this as the new year approaches
New year and new way of thinking--why not??
Yay! You are back. I love your advice. I will never forget when a relative called me up and asked what we were doing for New Year’s Eve. I was really excited thinking they wanted to make plans with us so I replied we were free. The very next question was, can you babysit for us? Never again. I will respond, why do you ask?
Now that's a bummer--and a perfect example. You'll be ready next time.
Omg i used to get asked this all the time by a couple and whenever I said I was busy they would say: oh that's a shame as we were going to ask you to join us/invite you over. The final straw was when I asked them to pick up the kids before a certain time the next morning as i had an orientation day before starting uni and they turned up late and i missed it.
@@hazeldenny6304 Never tell them whether you have plans or not. If most people want to do something with you they will be up front and ask directly. When they are just inquiring about your availability then they probably have a different motive.
Just because you are free doesn't meant you have to, you want to , or have the obligation to babysit etc..just say No I won't do it or I don't want to. Don't.give explanations. They want you to explain so they can convince you to change your mind. Don't lose your power. Let them get mad. Dont.feel guilty. Remember you don't owe them anything.
@@karinam4115 I agree and that is what I should have said. I will not give up my power anymore.
This is so helpful. I share an office with a manipulative person. She asks others to do her tasks. You know it's coming when she asks..."are you busy?" or "hey, I need a favor" She will ask for a small favor regarding the task and if you help her, she then labels the entire task yours or multiplies the small favors. I will try this next time she bothers me.
OMIGOD, yes, try these questions/responses and let me know how that works with this woman :)(
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will definitely keep you posted!
"Hey, I need a favor" LMAO
Hi, Dan. I love how the questions put clear undesireable *_labels_* on the other person's behavior. Then, they are the ones who will have to account for themselves. It instantly flips the script. Great advice. People deserve to be "called on their crap," as the saying goes.
Absolutely, Alex; labeling and spotlighting behavior is helpful in teaching people how we want to be treated :)
You are literally a Godsend! I have a colleague who asks me uncomfortable questions (I don’t think she means harm) but sometimes they can get personally and I feel obligated to answer them and it’s like I’m being interviewed. A lot of the times I don’t know how to respond. I feel like I can’t be my genuine self around her and I always care about how she views me even though we do the same job and we’re meant to be a team. I am binging your videos! can you do a video on connecting with colleagues but without getting too personal?
Shell, you connect with colleagues by pleasantly and professionally doing your job. You don't want to try to develop "water-cooler" or "after-work" relationships if you can avoid doing-so. I hope my videos help you train this person how to treat you, but you won't find any of my videos telling you how to be "friends" with co-workers because I don't advise that in the first place. It's a professional environment--so keep it professional and don't concern yourself with what this other person thinks says, or does, unless it affects your work.
Great tips. I work with a misogynist (in a women’s health company!). He’s always making comments. Recently, he’s used the disparaging comment “like a girl” ( ie as a synonym for weak, inadequate) I used your tips and shut him down with a simple question. “What to you mean by “like a girl, Peter?” Worked like a charm. It was fun. Thanks!
Amazing what direct, forthright, mindful communication can do, right? Thanks for sharing, Carrie.
"you don't have any kids do you"
"What are you doing after work"
"Can I ask you a favour"
Me: "why"? / "Depends, what is it"? I'm blunt.
Well, if blunt works for you, keep it up! If you would like a little more subtle approach, try mine. But essentially, do whatever works for you and keeps your boundaries secure and your mind peaceful.
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm in Australia, so we in general are pretty blunt lol I like this video for those to be careful of though .... some people are just nasty, these help navigate around them 🌷
I work in an industrial job, and being blunt works well. If I had an office job, I may need to be more tactful.
Blunt is a facade.. it doesn’t get to the root of the problem and may bother you later than now.
Getting straight to the point works well for me
So good...you've been missed. Your work seems to be more important than ever these days...
Yes, I think mindful communication could help us all quite a bit.
Great video! My eyes are wide open to these kinds of stunts and now I've got the words to say to stop folks in their tracks when I need them. Thank you, Dan!
You're welcome, 97.
I am so glad that I found you! I have purchased both of your books and recently finished my personal compass. I have had a couple of good opportunities to use what I have learned from your RUclips videos and I have had a couple of missed opportunities. Whenever I see one of your videos I think “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” The way you communicate and teach resonates with me. Thank you, Dan! 🤗
Thank you so much for posting, J.L. I'll try to appear whenever you're ready. :) Having said that, we're all teachers, aren't we--and we're all students.
Hi Dan, I have so much appreciation and love in my heart for you and all of these valuable lessons. I work with some people who can be very condescending and passive aggressive. Their comments leave me completely confused. I don't understand why people feel the need to communicate with such disdain instead of just being straightforward. Anyway, I come home and listen to your videos almost everyday, and it feels like your words are light that break up darkness in my thinking. I meditate on the power of love in the words you teach us to say, and I am just so glad I can keep being kind in the face of hostility. It is getting better because I'm learning healthy boundaries and responses. I notice coworkers being more careful around me. I just want to do my job in peace. It's far from great, but getting much better. One question I have is how would you respond to someone who only says things in situations when you can't respond? Like in front of my students? Or passing in the hallway when I least expect it? It feels like they attack me when I have to be focused on other responsibilities and can't respond. I share your videos and lessons with others who struggle with finding the right words.You are a Godsend. Thank you for everything.
So many thanks for your message, Jlfoster. You certainly made my night tonight! In answer to your question--whenever you are "attacked" in the situations you describe--you might want to have a standard line ready. "I'd like to discuss this with you but now is not the time. Please stop by my office later today if you want to pursue this." Or "I need time to think about this; let's discuss it later. Now is not a good time for me." Or "Put a pin in it and we can talk about it when I'm free. I'll contact you." Come up with a similar line and have it at the ready. If pressed, use the broken record and keep repeating it until the speaker gets the drift. Also, search "ambush" on my RUclips channel and you'll get more ideas from a recent video I did with "ambush" in the title. Hope this helps.
Thank you Dan. You have improved my communication immensely.
Great, Mc!
This is one of my favorites! Get that arsenal ready is right! Thank you Dan O’connor this page is so helpful to all
so happy to see you. You’re what my kids and i listen to , to navigate around toxic situations.. Thank you so much. Stay safe and Keep well, Dan.
I am so happy that your kids are watching these videos too. If young people learn mindful communication, there's a great chance they'll use it their entire lives. Wouldn't that be wonderful???
Absolutely! Will look into your courses too!
Hello dan! It's great to see you back, very good video. 😉
Well thank you Jorge!
Your words changed me life!! Thank you so much!!!!!!
Happy and gratified to hear that, Kevin.
Thanks this video has been really helpful, I can't afford any of your courses, but I enjoy watching and listening to videos over and over again to help me get strong as I have two work colleagues who think I am beneath both.
I come back to your videos in times of need and you make things so clear. I wish I realised that people are manipulative earlier than after getting upset and snap at them. Your point on being a loving communicator is so good. If we always prepare for conversations with the intent of attack those who are trying to use/exploit us it would make us so aggressive and angry which is not how any of us want to feel while worrying about other things in life. I like the idea of approaching things in a way that you stand your ground but also diffuse potentially dangerous situations with steel determination.
Right on, ErinLady :)
I am so grateful for finding you and your channel. Tysm ❤
Good stuff! You’re exposing the intent which shows that you know exactly what they’re up to. I also love that it’s okay to take a breath! 😊👍
Well we O'Connor's have to stick together.
The word that comes to mind for me is ‘hurt’, “You wouldn’t be saying that to hurt me, would you, John?”
You're advice is always soooo brilliant!!! Thank you.
Dan, I am afraid it is too late for me to effectively communicate at my job. In the beginning I did not communicate directly as much as I should have because I was shy, lacked confidence, and wanted to avoid confrontation and this unfortunately gave coworkers a wrong impression of how to treat me (and they are not very kind or caring people to start off with; I was bullied a lot).. I’m burnt out and feel I’ve reached a point of no return where I can’t just look the other way and bare a fake grin and get on with it, like I used to. The resentment has reached its boiling point now. The straw that broke the camels back came this week. I am about to give a two weeks notice but I also want to just stop showing up to make them feel the burn. I will place myself at a disadvantage though because I don’t have another job lined up. I am so burnt out emotionally and mentally that I have been unable to start a job search or study for my licensure exam. I have lost so much faith in myself and other people in general that I feel numb. I wish I had strength to continue but Im so burnt out.
H H give the two week notice. Failing to do that will punish you more than "them." You sound as though you need a new start--a new environment. You'll find that once you leave this place, you'll have a great deal more strength, and hopefully your faith in yourself and others will return. There ARE good people with whom to work, and good employers for whom to work. Use the next few weeks to begin a job hunt, study for that exam, and reexamine who you are and where you want to go. Please don't be defined by others--and in this case a bunch of negative bullies? Don't let that happen to you. YOU decide who you are and where you want to go. Start by developing your personal compass; that will help you get back on track. Search "personal compass" on my channel to get you started.
aw, i can totally relate to you. Good luck and i hope you can get out sooner and find another job. There are always people at work that are annoying and manipulative bullies. I do have to deal with such co workers.
I love that Dan! The opposite of weakness is love! Thank you‼️
Wow. Very powerful. Extremely healthy communication skills. I wish I would of known these things earlier in my life.
Thank you so much for your videos! Step by step, I am learning to work through my anxiety and start to stand up for myself. I often have trouble communicating. I am an introvert so it hard for me to communicate my thoughts or get my point across. Thank you 🙏🏼
Very happy to help.
My favorite question is, "What do you have planned tonight?" If I say, "Nothing.", the perpetrator fills in my empty time with something they want! Now, I say, "Why are you asking me that question?"
Dan, thank u for your content! Your words and advice is an answer to prayer. Is sounded like Lord, help me not blow up and play into these haters. Being quiet and drama free stopped working and I don’t know what to do other than lose my cool because I don’t know what to say and they know it and use it against me... then it’s 4am I stumble on ur channel and golden answers and new ways to gain and keep my power meet me! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 ur saving jobs and lives keep it up 👍🏽 ur so clear, straightforward and real! Many blessings Dan!!!! I can’t thank u enough. I’ve spent good money on coaching and sessions and I’ve gotten more from u with a few videos! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thanks, K. If I can save you from waking up troubled at 4 AM, I've done my job. :)
Thank you for illustrating direct, productive, honest communication WITH LOVE. I am trying to memorize every video.
Remember, Janet, the important thing is to practice the lessons. Whatever you're having trouble with at any given moment--practice the approaches and responses, always bearing your personal compass in mind (who you are and where you're going).
You are amazing 🙏 Thank you
Please share this video, Viviana.
Having a plan and developing confidence in your communication skills will make your life easier and better in so many ways. Thank you, Dan.
You're welcome, Sharon. Please share these videos with anyone you think wants to make his/her life easier :) :)
Thank you so much Dan! I missed you and your videos a lot!! I hope you're doing well 💕 have a nice day!!
I'm doing well, Mary. I've been working on this new course for a couple months--and actually for quite awhile before that. But now I'm back to RUclips too. So please like and share, Marty--and check out this new course. Now you've had a taste . . . .
These are wonderful lessons ‼️
I’m so glad that I found you on RUclips
Welcome aboard!
This is info is outstanding. I love being able to teach my 18 and 20 year old son and daughter.
Happy to be of help and I am especially grateful that you see applications beyond the workplace :).
As always, gold. Thank you
Many thanks, again, Mercurius.
Left a company when I saw unethical and illegal practices in motion.
Think too many people were manipulated or coerced into going along.
These tactics are vital!
Many thanks, Stevie.
Your videos are so incredibly helpful! Thank you so very much.
Glad you like them, RM and hope you share them.
Thanks Dan, and welcome back
Thanks Elizabeth, happy to be back.
I struggle so much in turning a blind eye to evil at work. I feel like what makes me successful serving the business is my downfall working in competitive teams (transparency + working long hours)… praying for a spiritual filter bc some* women are typically so nasty and rude to me (always talk down to me and laugh in my face). They’re allowed to talk down to me but I can never stand up for myself. Will start to watch your videos and continue praying. Thank you!
Thank you so much Dan 😫❤️❤️❤️
You're welcome, Catherine. Be sure to share these videos, won't you?
I love this. Its what I needed. Thank you for your channel!
You are so welcome!
1 minute 34 seconds in and I’ve now subscribed to you. I can’t wait to explore your content 🙌🏼😊
Great video. I’ll be sure to use this!! 👍🏿
Happy to contribute, Bonn!
You have helped me to take my power back!Grateful for all you’re sharing!
Happy to help, Lunarae.
Dan! Thank you so much. 👍🏽
You're most welcome, Liz.
Powerful lesson!
So glad to see you again.. you are the best, thanks for learn me to come up for myself ♥️♥️♥️
Manipulation me ..
Happy to help, Janette.
@@TheWizardOfWords 💪👌
Thanks Dan I love your videos
And way of your communication
Thank you H20. I hope you share these from time to time.
Thank you Dan for sharing all these brilliant strategies. Using your power phrases has really worked for me and they have given me confidence to handle "difficult" conversations/situations at work - with both colleagues and clients - in a professional, calm and kind way. Ìt has certainly reduced feelings of stress & anxiety that I used to have in challenging situations.
Sincere thanks to you & God bless x x
Christine, I am so gratified to hear that. Isn't it amazing how, when you remain calm, professional and kind, situations become less stressful and less challenging. It is absolutely true that you are in charge of every relationship in your life. When people understand that, their lives begin to improve dramatically.
Welcome back MrDan , great to see you again. Hope was well during your hiatus.
Hi PMUK. I wish it were a hiatus, but it was just a redirect of my efforts towards my new course. CHECK IT OUT and spread the word, please :)
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm glad to read you've been busy with work. I will definitely spread your "phrases of wisdom" 🤗
Love the new vid! and... the new background!
Thank you for noticing the new background. I kind of like it myself :)
Thanks Dan. I love the dog.
I wish I had heard you years ago, I could have saved myself so much pain.
They did not teach us in school how to respond to unkind comments and manipulations.
So glad to see you again
Happy to be back; I've been finalizing my 8-course Communication Master Class. Much work. :) :(
Hello from Brazil! I am new here! Loving it! 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Hi Papo! And welcome (from Saint Paul, MN and Ajijic, MX).
Welcome back! Great video. Look forward to more.
More are coming; most will be an example of the new program I'm working on.
I'm ready.
Priceless!! Always
Thank you!
Love your videos! It is helping me communicate clearly and stand up for myself. I’ve already shared with a friend with whom is in the same boat. We’ve been talking about being each other’s Guinea pigs due to being too passive and not liking confrontation. Thank you so much. Truly grateful! Have a wonderful day! 🤞🙏🤘🏻😊
Thanks for sharing, destinyds. Now you have someone with whom to practice; that is uber-helpful.
💘 I've learned so much from you. helped me know myself more. Thank you.
So much love 😍
Very happy to help, Enoon!
I find your advice useful. Thank you.
Glad to hear it!
My communication abilities have improved so much by watching your videos. Thank you. What to do when your supervisor uses undertones and physical gestures of passive aggression but not blunt.?
Holly, can you give me an example of what he/she is doing?
Ur awesome Dan I devour ur videos they r gold
When one asks me personal questions, I respond, "why do you ask?"
Thank you Dan🤗
You are welcome, Char.
Being introvert , im struggling about this, i just breathe and smile and i escape, thanks 👍🏽
Hey, that works too, @nahcusiruk
Great Video Dan 👍🏽💯! I enjoy all your videos and content is very informative knowledge! I like humor and comedy you add to it and funny voices you do to mock the naysayers and nosy mother in law. Ha 😂. Stand up for yourself and be assertive. Practice until it becomes ingrained in the mind. People with bad intentions and problems are orchestrated and presented to us to know how to react without getting pissed 📴 or defensive. I like "I Can't Broken Record" method. Great Job Dan 💯!
Many thanks, Phil. Yes, we have to react without getting pissed--and we also have to learn our lessons along the way.
@@TheWizardOfWords Hi Dan, You're welcome 🙌🏽💯 & thanks for the reply! I appreciate the kind words and feedback! You're right and I agree 💯. We are learning from the lessons of Life to become better people. Even for an Introvert such as myself. I will stay tuned for more and learn the tools and apply them. Enjoy your weekend.
Consider simply saying, "Ha!" That is amusing, John. Ha-ha-ha! And then say, "I have to return to work. However, let's meet for coffee soon. How about next week?"
The point is to convey to them that you are not in the least bit irritated or concerned about what they are asking. If they assert, "However, you have not addressed my question." Then employ the broken record strategy.
I enjoy playing the role of "jokester" on occasion. And I believe that the use of non-abusive humor to defuse awkward conversations is significantly underrated. Besides, humor, used appropriately, makes you feel good!
Thank you Dan so much! 💐
You are so welcome Olja!
Dan is the best. A rare one for sure 😍🤩
Your brilliant thank you 😊
You are awesome. Thank you for sharing these rich insights. 🤩
Happy to share, and I hope you do the same :( )
I have a supervisor who overwhelms you with talking really fast and giving you no chance to think. By the time she is done, you don’t know which way is up and you don’t even know how to answer. What can I do to stop that behavior?
Currently having this issue now. This manager rushes me and I somehow ended up coming in to do extra and overtime hours. I walk away feeling duped.
In the video, he says take a breath before you respond or agree to more work, then respond with clerifying questions. "Are you saying...?" "Do you mean....?" This highlights her unnecessary expectation on you to come in, when you haven't agreed or volunteered.
@@Celery459 Please see Sarah's response.
@@sarahnewson4060 Precisely. Your deep breath and clarifying question will slow down the fast talking manager and give you time to think.
Hell I STOP her put my hand up - to STOP her, "Ms Fst Talker, I would appreciate you slow down to comprehend your instructions as it is COVID19 has truly traumatized everyone and we must truly meet the Mission, Thank you, so i am ready."
Thank you Dan🎉
You bet!
Loved this!
Many more coming.
Woo hoo! Yay 😁
Thank you so much
And I should've said give me time to answer that
I'm working at a warehouse
And I feel this video is going over what I was put thru yesterday
Cuz once management begins to single me out
I go to my other job and request more time on my schedule
And i begin to plan my leave and look to work else where
Basicly I was singled out, management took my scanner so he's in my way of working and said im insubordinate when I said, ok, i am turning on the machine.. plus there's 3 other girls up there we should be talking to everyone not just me,, im not the selected leader, the manager tell me I can be fired, like Ishe isn't using that term wrong
I definitely needed some new words
I watch these videos over and over
I'm one of the people who come to work to work, period. And I get mad when people think ima push over because I'm jolly and naturally joyful and start treating me ill outside of rules
Thanks for your videos so much
I'm going to practice these phrases
Happy to help, Jael.
Great!!!! Thank you!!!! Ur the best!!!!
That is high praise, especially coming from one who is Priceless.
Wish you had a podcast
Working on it, Hatm-- working on it.
Woooohooooo can’t wait
A new video!!! Thanks!
More coming.
Hi,
Sorry, where do we get your little flash card you posted in the video?
K F, check the script below the video; you'll see a link.
@@TheWizardOfWords I did but still I could not find it.
i have been asked to clean up and vacuum the caregivers med area
I use this tactic often, I always reply to those manipulative questions with "Oh I'd love to but I can't do it right now"
And I hope you use that as a broken record, too, in case they persist. I think they'd soon get the hint :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords 😀 That is a broken record for Me, it's loving yet direct
@@dylanrussell5781 I agree, Dylan. It is loving yet direct. I simply meant that if they persist, you'd repeat it--thus, the broken record :)
I love your videos
I hope you share the love!
I'm concerned that someone may bring up aspects of my past, so I suppose I would ask if the person/family member etc, were trying to shame me! Thanks very much for this very helpful video Dan. Julia (London, UK) X
Hi Julia (from London :) ) It absolutely boggles my mind that anyone would deliberately try to shame someone else. I really do hope this video helps you handle anyone trying to shame you. If we all addressed our own shortcomings, we would have NO TIME to address the PERCEIVED shortcomings of others.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks very much for your supportive message and advice Dan, much appreciated.
Dan -- Based on culture and language, how we define fear, strength, weakness, and love vary.
We see it differently, J J. I think the experience of love is one of the few universals and in any culture we recognize when we are being treated without love. The person treating us this way is acting out of weakness, not strength. Yes, some cultures might need to catch up on this thinking, and I believe this is happening. If, for example, a culture sanctions putting women down, that doesn't suddenly make the practice right or loving. It means the culture is embracing lovelessness in this instance and needs to "catch up." A culture's definitions and a culture's practices might be two entirely different things.
Nice one!! Dan Truth will always be relevant & real. No matter what fun name each Generation is called, what's True has always been, is now & & will continue 2be True. Ergo, uuur reminding us by speaking what's True....u get the drift will always be relevant & so will you be🍒
Many thanks, L R.
@@TheWizardOfWordsWelcome Dan:)
I love IT !
Then spread the word, Nathalie.
I see it all the time at my part-time job where I work evenings at a grocery store. They don’t necessarily just come up to me. It’s more of, oh Jason’s here. He can help with whatever they need help with when that task should’ve been completed long before I ever shown up. Let’s say for example if I worked at a grocery store and they so happen to ask me we need you to go get carts and let’s say that my job title was utility clerk a.k.a. cleaning the store. When they asked me to go get carts I always inform them. Supervisor, who do we have doing that task at this moment are you asking me to fill in while someone takes their break or are people not doing their job to the point the task is falling behind. I really have a problem going out to so-called help them when they are not doing the duties they are expected to do. So you want me to stop whatever duties I’m a post to be doing to go help someone who is not fulfilling their duties like they should. Does that sound OK. What would happen if the roles were reversed. If I was the one out in the parking lot and someone else was cleaning the store could I get away with it. Let me answer that for you, no I could not get away with it. So why are you letting them get away with it. Now let me clarify, if I am giving someone their break and I’m only going to be out there 15 to 30 minutes. That’s fine glad to help. However, I am not out there to replace I am out there to assist if things get too far behind.
Also, are we shorthanded, have clerks that are scheduled been calling in. Why do I need to stop my duties to go help someone else with better duties. Please clarify that for me. My manager eyes got so big, my manager said never mind go on about your duties as normal
Your such a beautiful human being
You are making me blush, Eppy VonPeppy.
Your amazing!
I wish I would have found your channel when I started my job last year I really needed this I'm so ready to quit it's ridiculous I have a question what do you do about supervisors that play favoritism and allow people to get away with things and make you do all the extra work instead of that person everybody else sees it but no one wants to say anything about it
Omg I have the exact same thing at work. I’m binge watching Dan’s videos to find help. I’m ready to quit my job because of it 🙈
I had an ex work colleague/friend always ask me: is your son married, has he got a girl friend, is he single? Followed by: he'll probably always be single! Also she would say: you two have a weird relationship! Simply because when my son lived at home he called me a few times from the supermarket asking if I'd prepped dinner because he was going to buy ingredients to make me nachos or tacos or pizzas. Or he would ask me if I wanted to see a movie of my choice as a treat to say thanks for being the best mum. Btw her boys (who treated her like she was the hired help) were investigated for downloading certain porn. 2 car loads of detectives turned up at her house one day....guess they didn't know who with 3 men in the household. I just dissociated myself from her toxic behaviour and no regrets at all.
Your distancing yourself from this relationship was just what the relationship needed. For ANYONE to make that comment about your "weird" relationship with your son is appalling. It is a reflection on her relationship with her sons and has nothing to do with you and yours at all. Here's a quick anecdote for you. My grandmother told it to me. She had a friend/relative/acquaintance who once said to her (referring to her husband and her youngest daughter) "Ron has a strange relationship with Jeanie. I think they're too close." My grandmother, who never minced words and did not always speak mindfully (ahem . . . .) said "You wouldn't know a healthy relationship if you had one. And you don't." It was a very harsh thing to say, and I am not recommending that. My point is this. The woman speaking to my grandmother had strained relationships with her husband and all her children. People who knew her well knew this. When she spoke to my grandmother, she was speaking from a place of lack. SHE lacked good relationships and didn't recognize a close and loving one when she saw it. She saw a close relationship between father and daughter as strange or weird because she was accustomed to a father/daughter relationship wherein the father was dominating and belligerent and actually a bully. She simply didn't now any better because that was how she saw her husband treating the children. My grandfather didn't treat his children like that. People tend to criticize in others what is lacking in themselves. BTW, that woman never brought up my grandfather's relationship with his youngest daughter again. Never. :)
Thank you Dan! Your videos have helped me so much in standing my ground at work. I'm definitely interested in purchasing your materials. If only I could get a raise first...
How's my hometown these days? Well, Chapala isn't exactly Guadalajara, but close enough 😉
I'm in San Antonio, Victor--between Ajijic and Chapala--and life is good :) Victor, you have it backwards. If you invest in my materials, perhaps that's when the raise will come. :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords ¡Órale! Is there a course or book of yours in particular that you suggest for helping to get a raise?
" I Love your videos, Dan" 😁
It is a new year!👏🏽 thank you 🙏 ….by the way, the link in your description isn’t working
Which link, SDMG???
Dan your videos are offer great advice. Something is off with audio. No one else is complaining, maybe it's my ears 😮