Emotional "Intoxication" vs. "Emotional Sobriety": How to Heal a Little Each Day
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
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People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally "regulated." Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this video I talk about ways to determine when you're emotionally "intoxicated", how to become emotionally sober, and the signs that you're making progress.
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I am absolutely exhausted. For 47 years, I lived in a sort of denial about how much the childhood abuse from my PD mother had harmed me. When I finally realized the extent of the harm, I went to a very dark place and have yet to find my way out. I've had talk therapy (CBT), EMDR, hypnotism, reiki, self-help modalities (yoga, meditation, etc), healthy eating, supplements for brain health and relaxation, and others. Often, I feel I don't deserve the time taken on such "self indulgent" things and I don't do them or I feel guilty when doing them. (Guess whose voice that is?) I have never been in my body, as I am always dissociated, and with the realization of how harmed I had been, I am easily dysregulated as well. I've withdrawn from people, groups, events, jobs, etc. to try to heal and to not hurt other people, but I think abstinence does not equal healing for me. I don't yet know how to label my feelings, only my thoughts. I've become very apathetic -- just flat. I'm so boring I get on my own nerves. I feel like I swing from one extreme to the other, on a dime. I don't know if I can successfully re-integrate into society. It would be amazing to have the luxury of ease in my life. (Forgive a sort of rant. Today is a hard day.) I do appreciate your videos, so much. Later, I will re-listen as I became dysregulated the first go. (Feel free to delete if this is too much.) Thank you. xoxo
Praying for you that you find what works for your body's healing. I never thought I would be one to journal but through trial and error I found out if I journal like I am speaking with my inner child/inner critic, it helps with the intrusive thoughts. Yesterday was a hard day, so I understand where you're coming from.
Sending you my love. Been there
Same as you, take care
Hey girl..
Try a few things..🙏🏼
You can get theratappers.. used in EMDR, you can buy them.. and keep them near by.. they are a useful tool in releasing stored energy in the body, in the nervous system.
Trust me on this.
Once you buy those and have them ready.. try some yoga nidra for healing.. and I also made a recoding of myself doing my own guided meditation for what I needed to hear..
And you will slowly start to come into your body.. keep a therapist.. and a journal.. stay or get connected with safe others.. ACA is a place to start . ACOA.
I was sexually abused since I was in a diaper.. and suffered terrible emotional, verbal, psychological abuses as a child and had a complete breakdown about 5 years ago.. I'm 45.
When I had no choice but to talk about it.. my whole body collapsed.. I had never lived anywhere near my body and just taking about these events from my childhood caused an entire nervous system, full regression, fetal position reactions in my body. I had no idea that could happen.
The tappers balance the 2 sides of our bodies which balances our nervous systems.
They're about $120 on Amazon. Green handles, little control box.. ❤️
I'm proud to tell you, I live in my body and love my body very much. She is my friend.
It can be done.
🙏🏼
Don't give up on yourself! You're worth this work 🙏🏼 and it sounds like you've done a lot ❤️ don't stop! 🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My heart breaks for you. If you need some support, I’m here. I think you are doing what you need to do to heal… it’s different for all of us… I do what I can when I can… I wake up when the sun 🌞 comes out. And go to sleep when my body tells me to… I take care of it… eat when I feel hungry. Rest when I need it. Keep my kitties close. Take care of my kids. Pay my bills on time. Ground myself. Journal. Meditate. Limit screens, stress, and do not get triggered… if I do, I walk away… even from my kids… I go to my bedroom, close the door, and calm down. No one can bother me at all!!! Period. Until I say “hi” Mom is available again… TY 🥰
Started Anna's programs at the same time I started dating someone. Took it super slow, saw it wasn't right, mutually parted ways after 3 dates. It was a little cringy, but nothing like what I have experienced in the past! Because I did not jump in. I'll be staying celibate, no dating for the next year, at least.. All the best to everyone.
I dated someone who broke it off after she realized she needed to focus on herself. I was cool with it. Definitely better than dragging it on for months or years.
I'm so glad to think about sex as a complete choice and with clear sight. Knowing where we come from helps us to know our bodies and know that sex releases hormones, then we're hooked and at high rates of re-traumatzation.
If ever there was a reason to wait to have sex..
Right on to you!! I'm super proud of you!! And you said it was cringy ☺️ I'm so proud of you!!! I get it!! 🙏🏼!!
@@milletmongoose she is doing the work! Good for her… honestly.
@@amyludwig8685 exactly! It’s cortisol… when cortisol is released we go into fight or flight… my endocrine system has been incredibly screwed up my whole life… and it never came out until I got pregnant with my son… and my obstetrician was stumped! Because I had zero history of diabetes in my family… but sure enough, I had gestational diabetes… my son was almost stillborn. 9 1/2 years later, the same thing happened with my daughter… and again, obstetrician stumped… emergency cesarean section, tied my tubes, and I went bat 🦇 shit crazy, diagnosed with PMDD and anxiety disorder, referred to a psychiatrist and put on meds… and this begins the journey of quite the story of doctors, surgeries, diabetes, and me… going in and out of psych wards, abused by a covert narcissistic man, drug after drug, after drug, misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis. And me at 52. Not diabetic. Back at the same weight I was at 25. Grounded. Not with the same money 💰😂😂😂😂 about $250K less and it’s 25 years later! Imagine if I had that in Apple stock… or even just the original investments I had… a house in Naples, Florida & a condo in downtown Chicago… real estate… now, I’m not going to get bitter, I’ll just laugh… but, narcissism is insidious…
@@amyludwig8685 Thank you, it means so much. Before this date, I had a blast from my past, she came to my town and put me down, again. Let's say I didn't handle it well🙃So I was on the rebound. I realized it just in time. I bought all the programs LOL I am headlong all in!! 💖✌️ From Tulsa
Being in love with being in love, is what comes to mind. Thank you for sharing of yourself 😁💜
great timing. Yesterday i was super-humanly full of resentments, bitterness and rage. I've learned to acknowledge the feelings, not act on them, and try to understand the hurt, vulnerable little boy, who's narc parents never validated him. It's happening at a time when i'm no longer feeding my needs by being Mr Understanding of everyone else. So another period of transition. I'm 62, and you once said that childhood trauma was the gift that kept on giving. Agreed. Thank you for what you are doing, you really do help me feel less of an alien.
Sending best wishes.
@@Kitcat363 thanks!
Keeps on giving for sure.....Im your age and couldn’t agree more. Cutting yourself some slack and taking care of that little boy can be tougher than facing the triggers without melting down. You aren’t alone.
I gained much more emotional sobriety when I stopped drinking two and a half years ago. My strong emotions and reactions to situations have calmed down greatly.
I have C-PTSD and substance use disorder. I needed to hear this today. Im back in full-blown active addiction and I have been feeling so much shame and self hate because I know I can do better. And that is never gonna be helpful. So thank you for reminding me that even though I'm struggling with this again, it doesn't negate my value and all the hard work Ive done in my life.
Emotional sobriety!!! What an amazing time!!! That is what I am in!!! It’s an amazing space to be in!!!
Your videos have helped me tremendously. I’m a survivor of severe CPTSD. You’ve helped me to accept my normal and needs.
This is the first time I have heard anyone speak about good news being a trigger! When I receive good news I suddenly think, Ok, I'm going to buy my mother a house and she will live by the sea and be happy. I am going to help and fix one and all!! I now know that in those moments I have lost my emotional sobriety. Thank you fairy.
Omg this is also an addiction that I’m noticing as I do the work. I came to realize that I would create the chaos for the emotions. I catch myself overthinking or getting into arguments in my mind with an event that might of happen that day.
I love this term “Emotional Sobriety “ thank you for sharing, I have a new tool! 💪🧠💛🕯🙏
HI there!!! @Frank_Villa so nice to meet you in Tucson :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Hi @Cara!
Yes it was very nice meeting you and Anna. Hope to connect again!! 🙏💛🕯
Always felt the emotional hangover and overwhelm after an experience of joy. Never thought it could be dysregulation. Anna, you are brilliant! Thanks.
I've been trying to achieve this for 51 years of life and I'm still working on it...
Lust and excitement lead me to magical thinking..
And emotional intoxication and shame set the stage for self harm for me too.
I don't mess around with my Inner world any more..
I nurture myself and pay attention 🙏🏼
But that's not all..
I'm writing because lately I've been observing that I feel shame when I am great.. and I'm great 😊
I'm going to keep journaling,, talking to my therapist and friends and travelers and video makers 😉
It's been a long road to here..
And I thought to myself, what an interesting phenomena to feel shame when I'm succeeding...
What a trip.
I recognize it.. I've done so much work . And I'll no doubt keep showing up for myself in this way..❤️
And thank you for showing up in this way too!
The beauty of all of this is, try it..🙏🏼 do it if you're sick and tired..
Look within... this is ALL a PRACTICE which makes it practical.. and only you can do it.
And it can be done 🥰
Love the daily practice and I'm a 12steper.. ❤️
The commitment is to showing up for yourself as much as you do for others. 🙏🏼
Thanks Anna and Community Here 🙏🏼
Be Brave and Kind ❤️
Oh, wow. Me, too. Lust and romance lead me to magical thinking on a grand scale. Success also. I am also a 12-stepper, and am in therapy. It's a life-long project, I guess. Good luck to you.
@@northofyou33 ❤️
Very helpful: when triggers occur, like being ignored, our seeking balance (homeostasis) often leads us into our "fix it", often the use of substances and/or dissociation to cope.
Have to relearn how to gain balance, without the former ways, by learning new ways and learning from the inevitable mistakes.
Thanks Anna
Love your channel name, TYBTG.
Thank you so much, Anna. Trying to balance accountability with self-compassion is so hard, but I think it's probably gotta start with self-compassion, even though that feels unintuitive at times (especially when I keep making the same mistakes over and over again). I thought I'd share my notes on this for anyone else who wants some written notes.
Emotional Sobriety
- I can notice fairly quickly when I am dysregulated.
- When experiencing dysregulation, I pause. I don’t make hasty decisions or big pronouncements. I engage in activities or practices that help me to re-regulate. I breathe. I write my fears and resentments. I meditate. I exercise. I give myself a hug. I take a shower, cold or otherwise. I dance. I share my thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend.
- I keep a fairly positive attitude, even when life’s problems come up.
- I use words and honesty to express my feelings rather than manipulate people or fear how they’ll react if I tell the truth.
- I am comfortable when I am alone and I am comfortable with other people.
- I can say no to other people, gracefully, when I need to. I don’t feel the need to people please.
- I am willing to help other people when they ask and when it’s reasonable to do so. I can say yes to helping people without feeling the need to fix or save them. I trust other adults can acknowledge and meet their own needs.
- I have the power to go slow in dating relationships so I have time to get to know the other person and assess if they’re a good potential partner. When I see red flags, I can step away.
- When I feel sad, I cry, but I don’t get sucked into an emotional black hole.
- When I’m angry, I’m able to stand up for myself, or work things out if I want to.
- When the other person is not willing to work things out, I can accept that without losing my calm.
- I feel more genuine interest in and curiosity about other people. Rather than wanting another person to fix me, I know I am capable of meeting my own needs.
- I can acknowledge when I need the help of others and I am not afraid to ask for this help when I need it.
- I can tune out other people’s unnecessary drama.
- I have enough self-discipline to care for myself, and the people who depend on me, in an ordinary and good enough way.
- I give myself enough sleep, exercise, good food, and a good social life.
- I feel confident that I can handle life’s unexpected challenges.
100% self compassion before accountability - at least in my experience.
Emotional sobriety. I hear what your saying. Sobriety. I've been diagnosed with BPD. This is helpful
This is really speaking to me. I believe I experience CPTSD. When I was in my early to mid 20's I went through a radical change of boundary building and owning who I was after being controlled and/or neglected for my entire life. I became happy for the first time in my life, I became active and healthy for the first time in my life and I believed the rest of my life would be this way. Then I fell in love and I moved across the country to be with the man I love (now my husband) and without my realizing it, I fell back into the same sorts of patterns of self doubt, self sabotage and fear of voicing my thoughts and opinions (or fear of holding my ground in a disagreement) and I gained about 70lbs in a few years due to binge eating and denial about it. Then I dove headfirst into my job in a very unhealthy way and became entangled in dynamics at work that mirrored toxic relationships of my childhood and late adolescence. This negatively impacted my relationship with my husband. I've been in denial for a long time but slowly over the last 10 years digging myself out of this hole that I fell into. I no longer work for that company and I am taking time off to heal. We moved to the mountains and I feel much better but when little things go wrong I am reminded that I still have a long way to go. It took me almost a month to become productive again after an uncontrollable incident occurred. I think I am on the right track but I also feel this extreme resistance to taking action to build the life I want (to be a professional artist). I always thought "if it weren't for my job" that I would have the time to make my dream come true and now that I have the time I find myself terrified to move forward but I can also feel something stirring in me. I am making progress and I need to give myself credit for that.
Sending you lots of love and encouragement!!
I definitely resonate with this a lot. Keep going and I will too - at least we try for our dreams and that is work in iteself :) xx
@@amyludwig8685 💙💙
@@careybuchanan 💙💙
Beautiful . Thank you for honoring your journey, even the slightest bit
It‘s inspiring to me, I appreciate it
THIS IS NEW AND USEFUL for me.
Its so tiring to feel intense emotion everyday while walking on healing journey.
This advice is so fresh
This was a really necessary and really good one Anna. I can catch myself quicker and quicker to prevent a descent into full-on dysregulation as i go along but i am still working on staying in the "even keel" state rather than on of elation or a shame spiral.
Elated just feels so good, like "i'm full of love and including everyone in it, how can that be bad?" and l then later it's like "omg i was annoying everyone and taking up all the oxygen." smh. Usually the elation is just from being with a group of people and joyful about it as well as anxious, so staying calm is a challenge.
Oh. I definitely do that. If I hear myself responding to everything everyone says I know I gotta take it easy.
Just socializing semi-successfully is a trigger. Whew.
Balance in all things. I think trauma victims, as you've pointed out, do tend to get an emotional high from absorbing other people's emotions and doing emotional work for others. Like any high, it tends to have diminishing returns. I think it is ok to do, so long as you are also taking care of yourself in equal parts.
Such a good point, thank you for sharing
This is amazing. So many good points. A few hit me and I’m taking it in and fixing to go learn more on it. Also, thank you for your points on addiction and alcoholism. It’s been a medically diagnosed disease since 1937. The stigma is so thick I’ve known people who actually have the disease, judge themselves and others for having it. I am an alcoholic. I will always be one. I’ve been in recovery now for 13 years. I don’t feel judged by you which is rare. And yes trauma is connected to addiction. I’ve met several thousands of people in recovery and everyone has had major sometimes shocking trauma. My trauma lasted 17 years. I’m not going into it. But it’s much much better now. I’m 43. I’m still growing. And I get to help people and heal myself Love to you and yours
In recovery as well... One day at a time. Good for you take care
8p
Ah, I can’t handle being too happy, it scares me
A Gabor Mate reference!!! Awesome.
So good and true. Great to know why things trigger and how to step back rest and assess!!! Thank you so much for your wisdom and honesty. I feel I am coming home to myself xxx🌺🌼🤗❤️
This reminds me of stoicism.
Very helpful, as always…thank you!
Hi Anna,
I want you to know how much your work has transformed me, I made a video about how much you impacted me and also shared your channel on my latest video.
Dave!
Thank you for a very informative and supportive video. It is extremely important to cultivate emotional sobriety as it really helps with dysregulations and its fruit are sweet for all of us suffering from the CPTSD. Healthy sleep patterns, deep breathing, right diet, exercise, time spent outside, medication and praying are great help on our healing path.
Barley 1 minute into the video, thank you for saying that intense emotions "including ELATION" can cause setbacks! This is something that I am just now (weeks ago) realizing can create upsets and emotionally addictive behaviors. I was confused by this and didn't connect the two until recently. Thank you for acknowledging it, Ana. I don't know what to do with it quit yet, but I am One more step closer to healing.
What wonderful, sane advice for so many of us.
Today I had an episode at work was trying so hard to fight the tears and have someone see me and automatically think I’m emotionally unstable. Thankfully I sit in a spot with very little coworkers and can usually hide when I’m having a crying episode. It’s exhausting trying to function normally without self medicating I have been trying to quit weed but it’s my go to nightly to decompress. Some days I wish I could just disappear but I have a very young daughter who is counting on me and after being abandoned myself I would never do that to her.
It takes time.... but you will get better. I know how hard it is to work on your trauma, being abandoned, and trying to be a good mother at the same time is not an easy job. Take care, love from Europe
Try omega 3 oil, and stop the weed completly
This is such a helpful way of thinking. Thank you.
What do you think about the theory that we actually do get addicted to the body chemistry that accompanies very strong emotions?
We were also brought up with nightly dramas, so we re attracted back into what feels familiar and 'at home'. I also think there s a lot of domestic drama on tv and in films, its everywhere.
Lord this sounds so familiar... so helpful... I never would have thought I had CPTSD, but I deeply identify with everything said here.
I can't imagine living "basically free of free" - as an older woman I am still always afraid of getting in trouble- I obsessed all past weekend- afraid my physician will be put by my mind into the parental role because I am immature and am used to being "drunk" on fear, addicted to it- I am so stuck- he asked me to use my DBT workbook and to have bloodwork and some tests done and I haven't and GUILT has made me more afraid- I don't blame others anymore- but I feel hyper-dysregulated all the time. I KNOW I should meditate but I am too tired to even try to seek motivation- emotional sobriety- food for thought to use a cliché. As always Anna, great advice. Namaste
Amazing! Im in alanon and someone said this and i was like, i think im relapsing or something cuz i cant stop thinking about a situation i have at work and its making me nuts.
You are explaining it so well! Im trying so hard to play both sides because im trying to anticipate the other persons needs but listen i just cant because the other person is totally dissociating and im having a cptsd reaction. We are both circling a drain.
I want to avoid so i dont wake the sleeping dissociatier because im feeling sorry for them...... i want out of whatever this is. I want out of the work relation but still need to work with them. There seems no way out.
God will find a way. God grant me the serinity.
Thanks, as always. Appreciate you.💜🌹❤🕊
I have withdrawn because I've needed to step back and learn about this and how to go about repairing the damage. Hoping to get back.out there, but need to work on dealing with triggers, etc. Really appreciate your work and the people of this community.
Thanks for watching! A great way to start is the free Daily Practice. You can also check out Anna's course Healing CPTSD.
Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing Childhood PTSD Course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Julie@TeamFairy
This brings me a lot of joy. I needed this today.
This is a very accurate description of what I'm experiencing in life. Maybe because I'm not prone to alcoholism, I view emotional sobriety as training certain muscles. Each relapse is an opportunity to do better next time. With romantic relationships is kind of tricky but we all learn by our mistakes, so maybe this can't be compared to alcoholism either. Rather the sense of elation, this is very close. Or maybe I'm wrong, I totally agree that it means avoiding any situation that would trigger intense emotions.
I have relapsed so hard due to having a friendship with a man who has serious mental health issues. I felt I was doing the right thing by just befriending him and trying to help him, but he now believes he's madly in love with me, and he is totally disregulated now because I told him I care about him but am not in love with him. He is so angry, and I feel so stupid and guilty for having befriended him. Sent me into such a tailspin.
Thankyou for this xxx
I have been watching your channel for a bit now Anna. I just wanted to say that I appreciate the perspective that you bring. I am a guy in my 40's and feel as though I have "done a few things in life, got the t-shirt".....I can look back and see what was normal ....was not....it is a process that I wish I had endeavored years ago but nothing like the present and near past to pull up your big boy pants and get on with it! I suppose we never really arrive in the here and now but always looking to be better?
This is absolutely stunning - I loved the examples all at the end of what emotional health actually is and I love how we get to visualise what this could look like instead of it seeming like a mystery. I can't recommend this video highly enough. I have already sent it to some of my loved ones. Thank you for your wonderful work of healing.
Thank you.I
Hi Anna! Great video as always! :) #Believe - Feb
Ragepiggery isnt good. This yelling, cussing needs reparenting reschooling retooling at here, Patrick Teehan Jessica Heslop vortex success at RUclips. Anna, your work is part of my recovery how I thank u💚🌏💛🌎🧡🌍 save the soil.
🎨🕯️🎵💡🎨🔦🎀🎁life is gift most days some days I work with the lowest vibrations or emotions. Please mind, please body, please heart respond to healing.
~I wish id seen my elated denial a few days ago when an old 'friend' wanted to come visit~At first i wanted to pretend it was like the good old days, before she deliberately screwed me over~I started getting scared & backed out~I just hope she doesnt do something passive-aggressive to hurt me back for it, again~
Awh... this is so relevant for me to hear today!!! Thank you so much
no thing or nothing in my life worse than my (self created!!) emotional hangovers.....brutal
Thank you so much!😘
I really needed this.
You're so welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Perfect! This is just perfect . I mean the way you describe everything 😎😊🙏❤️
😎😎😎👏👏👏😍
Mystical magical thinking about life is just unhelpful, judgemental, ineffective, calcified thinking.
Emotional sobriety promotes calm. Quiet the inner critic. Calm catastrophic thinking.
I was reading teal swan on toxic shame. It's just calcified pain today. After therapy meds there's no ego no shame no blame no judgement just being in life matters.
Thank you so much , I am working very hard with emotional dysregulation and this concept on emotional sobriety is powerful thank you
Oh yes! I am at the stage of healing where elation and a hopeful change of events is handled with caution. I am doing a conscious flatlining… you know how people are placed into a coma so their brain can heal? I tell people almost every day that I have no desire to date or adventure or “be my old self”. I have put myself into sabbatical. Detached in many ways. Simplified. Even chasing the positives
Thank you for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Just taking in some of these ideas over the last few months has really helped. I don’t know how you figured all this stuff out, but thanks for putting it out there. It’a not easy to create anything. Let alone something so helpful.
I have a relarionship for 9 years. He admitted he is not in love with me anymore after i asked him why he never initiates sex. He said that he doesnt want to have sex with me because my body is not attractive as it was (i lkst many pounds due to stress) and because i do not know how to seduce him and because i dont do what he asked me to do durind sex( not something extreme) . He suggeated that we should stay away from sex for a while(even i sex is rare and always initiated by me) so that we go to the gym fix our bodies, find our lost sexuality and confidenxe, so that we try to save our relationship. What should i do? I feel that i want to break up with him because his words hurt too much and i dont know if falling in love from his side is possible again. On the other hand, the things he asks are not dramatic, only self improvement, confidence wise , sexually, and physically. If i dont try to do these simple things , then it will be like i prefer to leave than try to save the relationship. Please, help. Am 28 years old. He is 34
i love your videos!!
I appreciate you so much! It's like you're me with all the answers lol. Thank you
I can still remember how it felt the first time I heard the expression "emotional sobriety". Even tho it was unlikely the most accurate 12 step program for me, the ideas breach many boundaries of addiction and trauma and trauma-based addiction. It was like that gentle cling of the ring of truth that stills one to the core of their being.
Adding, emotional intoxication and sitting here hoping today will be the day I decide to fully commit to myself :) Without grasping for anyone or anything. Congratulations to everyone who is taking responsibility for their own healing!
A great (and in-depth) book on this is "Emotional Sobriety" by Tian Dayton. Provides tool to take care of it as well.
This does and doesn't make sense to meeeee xD I have adhd and autism, and I get high on life sometimes. So I can't avoid that and I will enjoy that!!!! I love LOVE LOVE MY BIG FEELINGS! (although I'm just learning to now!! Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!)
Enjoy your good feelings for sure!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Compassionate. Honest. Trusting. Healing ❤️🩹
"Waking up disregulated is an emotional flashback"
Amazing content anna runcle. 👏 yes I do struggle with peptide addiction 😫. I am not my negative thoughts and emotions. 1 2 3 process, stop process respond not react. How does this benefit me? Something wonderful is about to happen for me. I am not what others think, say, do about me or to me. I am grateful 🙏 for infinite wisdom 🙏 ✨️ 🙌 💖 💛 ❤️ peace joy abundance sanctity not perfection. Nameste everyone.
Thank you Anna
Reassuring x I’ve just had a couple of weeks without watching anything on tv that causes me stress, and feel much better for it. So many product placements and adverts that make it hard to keep addictions under control.
I watched two episodes of The Crown and had to stop ✋
Brilliant 💫
Emotional Sobriety ... really powerful words
As I heal, I always learn of new things that I didn’t know were problems. I started with really big ones of being triggered into depression where I can’t move, and stopping that snowballing. Then being triggered into doom/bleakness/angrily thinking that nothing mattered. Then I had to deal with things that triggered huge fits of anger/annoyance.
Now my new ones I have only recently discovered is blind spending money (like, zoning out and just buying coffee/trinkets or something to feel anything), and (during different occasions) going mute and crying quietly. I used to do these when I was a kid, I realized. … I mean, I think I did most of them as a kid but the others were so much more intense and consuming that these other two were less pressing.
Now I just have to figure out what is triggering me… and why.
💡Elation. Simple joy (happiness), a weakness exploited by abusers. Happiness is a massive vulnerability, DANGER! Hide happiness, squash it until it's so small it's invisible. 👉▪️👈
Ah ha! So that's where happiness went...... 🔍
Makes sense, about apathy, aversion & numbness towards positive emotional stimuli.
Thank you Anna and Crappy Family Team.
I remember dancing salsa by myself and feeling happy, enter my narc boyfriend coming home, and he got super angry, because I couldn't be happy without him, oh no.. What a jerk!
I appreciate your work very much. Thank 💚
So, after some awful experiences in my late teens and early 20s (stacked on top of unacknowledged childhood trauma) I went from being an attention magnet (usually the wrong kind, but I was blind to the right kind) to shut off. So much so that people who knew me after that time just assumed that I don't know how to attract or relate to men. And my confidence had indeed been busted because I saw others going on dates and being treated like they are desirable and lovable and getting married and I was always alone or treated like crap (briefly cuz i won't put up with it, but also, on repeat). I had decided that I wanted relationships based on respect, that I wasnt going engage in casual sex, etc. Yet, those respectful loving men that would want what I want have not showed up. I thought I was "taking a pause" and "setting boundaries" but all these years (we're talking decades, with occasional 3-week to 3-month attempts at dating or getting close to someone) later, I think I must (still) come off as really closed off, all while I think I'm available. If I go out and try to mingle, I almost always come away feeling even more alone. If I did show interest in someone and they rejected me, I feel humiliated and like I must be pathetic for even presuming that the man might like me - clearly dysregulated... After all these years of "working on myself". My general demeanor is pretty confident and even cheerful, except around love & relationship. How do you take a pause and then come back to the world? Is there such a thing as it being too late?
Chileeeee has this been it this whole time!
Yes, yes, yes
Thanks for this in early stages of recovery.
Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love when you read emails, is good to hear other people going through same problems and relate to that. Do you think you can go back to reading emails?
Anna usually makes two videos a week based on a letter :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is Great ❤️🩹thank you 😊
YES!! Perfect timing. Thanks Fairy 🧚♂️
Good video and in my opinion it's similar to the adult children movement. I'm very attached to substance usage addiction recovery and very much attached to ACA as well. I've had 10 years of physical sobriety but truly only 5 years of emotional sobriety due to my previous choices. Trauma plus codependency enmeshment is all part of it. I am much better today...based in reality today.
So glad for you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Any emotion is powerfully overwhelming for me, it can be being happy or anger which leads to dissociation, totally spaced out like my brain has been given a powerful anesthetic. It's so intense that I feel I need to avoid feeling emotional. So I look and feel spaced out in any social situation, at work, sports activity etc. think it takes time to acclimatise to this new environment and slowly you get used to it and the intensity becomes gradually less and less, meaning your mind is slowly changing and very likely healing.
Thank you for your information! This is going to be a life changing 🙏💜
Thank you so much, Crappy Childhood Fairy and Team! Lots of Love, Jaden XXXOOO
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh dear, the pronouncements! Love this video, thank you CCF!
Thank you
Hey Anna, im only 17 but cptsd has absolutely turned my life upside down and made this world an impossible place to live. Especially being constantly retraumatised living in the environment that hurt me. Cptsd makes me feel like the worlds collapsing in on me. You have absolutely saved my life. I never really had any supportive adults in my life so its really relieving to hear an adult understand what im going through. You are like the mother i never had. I really dont think i would be here today without you. THANK YOU. thank you a million times. ❤️❤️❤️
Sending you Loving Strength
Sending you a virtual hug 🤗♥️
I wish i had known our dear Childhood Fairy at 17 (i m now 62). You are young, you are brave and you will make a great go at life! The amazing thing is that we can start to become our own mothers, its beautiful. Look up Inner Child and Reparenting. Good luck!
You are 17, which might make you feel unprepared for the healing you have ahead of you. May I say that acknowledging your trauma at the young age of 17…is also a gift. Unlike many people in my age group, you have time in life to heal and to flourish. I wish you all the best !!
12:52 ff. You include too much. I can be honest and non-manipulative, but still fear how someone else will react because s/he has a history of reacting badly and I have no control over that. You do this in most of your videos, tell us that, when we're emotionally healthy(er), things will be This Way, but you often make it black and white, as though healthy people _never_ get upset, and can always handle however others react. That's not so.
You need to listen more closely to what you say. There's usually some little catch in it so that we can never, by your definitions, be truly successful at this.
@@carlya3035 That she's setting up unreasonable standards and is thus contributing to emotional dysfunction and people's continued low self-esteem.
@@carlya3035 I appreciate their honest opinion. Suggesting that anyone with the slightest disagreement or difference of opinion stop watching the videos is unhelpful.
The Hulk is a common issue for Traumatic Brain Injury- (TBI) survivors such as I ...
You are helping me so much with my healing. I wish the best in the world for you Anna.
I am messed uo right now from being in a charged comment section. Not this one. Thank you for reminding us to be careful with our emotions.
Anna, what about HURT FEELINGS? Leading to DEBILITATING DFEPRESSION? My issue is not about rage, although that does come up in relation to the HURT.. Please HELP !!!
Hurt feelings can be excruciating and trigger a lot of fear. I recommend using the Daily Practice for all those feelings. bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
Another great video of advice.
My mother triggers me, and I live with her. She is 85, I'm 53, trying to get SSD, not working since Nov 2019. My mother has CPTSD, I have CPTSD. I also believe my mother has narc traits.
My CPTSD actually wasn't properly diagnosed until June of 2021, even though I'd been diagnosed with depression in 1994, on SSRIs since then, and in and out of therapy since then. Like most people who've had the misfortune of making contact with any of the BigPharma products, I acquired additional diagnoses, which means additional drugs. That's the plan, right? I mean, that IS the entire American Medical Association plan = AMA, WE DRUG 'EM FOR LIFE. It doesn't matter what your ailment is, physical, biological, genetic, mental, neurological, whatever - the AMA HAS A DRUG FOR THAT. Well. I ain't cooperating with their plan. One of my diagnoses was wrong, I don't have it. So, I'm tapering off that drug. I actually think my initial depression diagnosis was wrong, and I never needed SSRIs, especially since there is no scientific/medical proof of a chemical imbalance in the brain causing mental illness. Oh? Yep. That was a big fat lie. I've come down on my ADHD meds, since I'm feeling much better as my physical health improves - I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and re-diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. My plan is to get off as much medication as I can, and what I can't, take the lowest dose possible. It's a slow process, but worth it. Too much stress right now.
As for Mom triggering me, I'll give an example. This morning she got mad because I moved her k-cups on the rack we share to fit mine on there. She has one flavor, I have two. I didn't pay attention, but she ended up with 3 rows, I got 4. She's a perfectionist, so she commented on that. She asked why I moved her stuff without asking. No one else I know, or have met, would have cared. It's not normal to be THAT controlling. I got triggered. I got a little reactive. When I get a little reactive Mom gets pissed. She thinks my getting a little reactive is a major thing. Cuz she's SO intolerant she can't tell the difference between a major response and a minor one. That would be from her abusive father, whom she HATES to this day, and my dad. Yep, 85 and still hates her daddy. Says it regularly, "I'll never forgive him." Also said the day he died was the best day of her life. Wow. My dad was awesome.... and had a nasty temper that he took out on her. Never physically hurt her. Mentally, I think he did. Me too. I heard it all. And now that Dad is gone..... Mom acts just like him.
So.... my solution is to give Mom whatever she wants. Not fight with her. Anticipate what she wants or needs to avoid conflict. Not my nature, at least, not now. I was a wallflower growing up. Now I'll fight, yell, sometimes scream, and stand up for myself. Actually went too far defending myself cuz I didn't know how, had to get nasty while I was learning, and I am still learning, to be assertive. It's hard with a mom who is extremely controlling. She doesn't want to share, gets mad if I change anything without asking, questions everything I do, is passive aggressive, has zero empathy, is constantly worried about what people think about her, ..... and wasn't like this before my dad died. I can understand some narcissism, but she's got full-blown covert traits. And it's been over three years, Dad died in Jan of 2019.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I needed to vent. 🌟💫
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I needed this. thank u, you are amazing
❤️
I'm committing to myself, to study what I went through in my childhood with my mother's alcoholism and rage, my father's distance, and their allowing a "babysitter" to beat me into being "potty trained." Powerful quote: "Adverse childhood experiences are the single biggest unaddressed public health threat in America today." Dr. Robert Block, former President of American Academy of Pediatrics. He refers to the much-increased rate of various diseases in those with CPTSD.
I’m constantly triggered having to share 50/50 custody with my emotionally abusive ex (who after 15 years of “not believing in marriage” just got engaged to his cheating partner.) However, despite the difficulty, I’ve been on a healing journey for the past 3.5 years and am def doing better with emotional regulation and bouncing back from difficulties that in the past were devastating. I also suffer from cptsd both from the relationship and childhood trauma. The idea of emotional sobriety really resonates with me. Learning to be comfortable being alone and not dating or sleeping with anyone for 2.5 years I think are examples of sobriety, because I’ve reduced and in some way eliminated the number of situations I’m in where I can get sucked back in to attraction to toxic people and codependency. My spiritual development also ties into these themes. Love to all of you here 💕
Thank you with all my heart for sharing your amazing experience. My brother & I have battled our whole lives with so many things & now that we’re in our late 50s I can see some help for him through your channel. 😂❤😃you also have a great gentle way of putting difficult thing across, I think your just lovely ❤
OMGosh! This means I am sober. I learn so much about myself from you. I made so many steps blindly learning on my own. I will always advise people with CPTSD to watch your videos.
I think this is the first time I've heard that positive emotion can grow too big and be a cause for dysregulation. This makes alot of sense to me. It's starting to feel like cptsd is like when people overeat excessively and their stomachs get bigger and bigger. It's like my emotional capacity is way too big and stretchy!! Like I need to reduce it in size so it can't bounce around, like I need to keep it reigned in, tighter, less stretched out of shape. I think the key to this at the moment is definitely remembering to pause. Doing that stops the emotions from getting a big stretch out of shape that then ends up feeling like shame for me. Thanks Anna 💐 it's really interesting following your work and it's a tremendous help.
I have emotional ‘sobriety’ and it’s resulted in me giving up on relationships entirely because how can I truly know that a partner isn’t going to eventually turn out to be toxic? Sometimes it takes them *years* to show who they really are- how can we know? Staying cool, unattached, observer mode, aware that one never truly knows another; accepting the lovely parts while accepting that the whole thing might just be an act for them.
Easily the best video from the channel I've watched so far. Thank you! CCFairy ❤