To all the single ladies - you're fine : Terri Hilmey at TEDxBuffaloWomen
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- Опубликовано: 15 янв 2013
- In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
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I've always vibrated so much higher when I'm single and caring for myself, there's a glow you can't get anywhere else. I was single for 23 years, single again and sure I miss men but a lot are just not worth it. The ones I have good relationships with are emotionally intelligent, respectful, and have integrity. This goes for any partnership and it's worth it to hold out for the right one, which is actually yourself. She's right, the good people add to your life and you're a team.
*"Single people really just want the pictures"*
EXACTLY THIS LOL. As a 22 year old where pretty much 95% of everyone I know getting in a relationship, married, or having kids, it's easy to feel left out. But I don't want it lol. I just signed a lease on an apartment with me and my cat and I cant wait lol
You know that womens have a peak? at 30 they age and become less attractive.
You likely to get less man at 30 than 20, women complaining being single at 30.
Thats why high quality women can not be find at 30-40 cuz they found their lover at 20-25
Cat lady😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lonely future ahead
Not everyone wants a relationship, kids and marriage guys, I don't. Just let people be single and happy in peace🤷🏼
If people want to get married when they're older that's okay too. It should be a choice
i’ve been married before and choosing to be single was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made! it has its lows but the highs are greater!
Yea I’m sure😂 how many cats do you own @Diamondunicorn ??
you dont sound happy with great highs
Your husband dumped you and now you're trying to convince yourself that you're happy.
@@hellogoodbye4061
And you're chronically single and can't attract women
@@nightfighter7452 Nah, happily married with four, yes four, daughters so that insult went right out the window. Okay, now let's put on your thinking cap and try again. YOU.....CAN....DO.....IT!!!!!!!!!
pure honesty.. I'm single & have friends & family you say the exact same thing. They love there children & husband but it's extremely hard. well done for being so courageous to be honest.. knowing that you would get a lot of backlash from it. GO YOU!!! x
what a witty way to explain why being single is ok! i think it’s time that people see being married and being single as equally good status, none is better than the other. the quality of one’s life depend on how one lives his/her life - not on whether he/she has a partner or not =)
Marriage is better
@@tyroneharp9658
What????? Said by Tyrone????,
Ha ha ha.
However I must agree.
@Commander Cecil McBragg Why be alone then?
👏👏
Single and no family at 95 years old sounds amazing
Sounds lonely
Because you are happy .
Lol sarcasm?
@@westphillybabe yes lol
If you are a young man, let's say age 19-25 reading this... Do Not Get Married! You have been warned lads.
The Midnight Surf mwahahahahaha!
@samie solanas Exactly! Lol
Age 18-85 ftfy
The amount of people in the comments ragging on single women is insane. Chill y'all, it's not your life, just let people be happy in peace 😅
that's because "single woman" are all over youtube complaining they don't have a husband and chidren.
I saw all this when I was 16 (I'm 58 now) and never married because of it, which I don't at all regret. I am happier and healthier than ALL of the married women I know (according to THEIR own opinion/self-reporting) and often have to deal with what I can only describe as hostile envy of my freedom and control over my own time, resources, and attention. Not to mention my dating options (the worst "trigger topic" by far). I still would not even consider getting married.
Wesley Chapman At least cats don't talk, we don't have to hear bullsh*t men say. :)
@@jeaninaribeiro8964 Can you please stop being sexist. Thought you'd be more pissed off at the guy 2 comments up who states that women are only interested in a man's money.
58 glad to hear you nuns are living so long
You should marry yourself, Barb. I had a girlfriend do that. There are actual ceremonies for this and friends and family come and just taking part in the ceremony gives them space to honor your life as you have made it. It's a way fro them to see you are already complete. Then you can treat yourself to a dream honeymoon. My girlfriend did this too and even hired a photographer for some portraits on the honeymoon. Some people are just obsessed with seing you go through the marriage steps, so it's a way to just end all that. Married. Done.
@@firstlastqaz thats the funniest thing i've heard and seen by far.........oh you won't believe how hard i laugh at that.
Gotta find the joy in the journey no matter what stage of life your in!
Lol. Then why doesn't she take her own advice?
Not to mention that multiple studies, repeated for decades in a row show that married men-as a group-are consistently the happiest people whereas married women-as a group-are consistently the unhappiest people. Gosh, I wonder why...
What are you smoking? Women's happiness has been on the decline since the 60s 😂 Since the rise of single motherhood and divorce, women have been getting unhappier. They are more likely to suffer from depression. In the UK, women are most likely to commit suicide between 50 to 54 years of age. Wonder why? Women have higher levels of debt in their old age and less savings.
Sorry, but statistics are not on your side here 🤨
@@alcoholandfun243 lots of single women are happier married women gain weight and drink more
@@jacindapeters2303 Lots? Cause all I see are tons of interviews and articles like 'Where have all the good men gone?', articles about being happy when 30 and single. Know why? Cause they are all unhappy.
Divorce? Really? 60% of marriages end in divorce. Most women divorced before 38. 1 in 4 women have depression. Women's happiness on the decline.
What decade were women the happiest? 1950s 😂 Wonder why 🤔
@@alcoholandfun243 actually women weren't really happy in the 50's either ...it was the culture to "wear" a happy face although deep down the depression and suicide rates among married women were higher than you think. It was assumed they were happy...that was all a façade. Women didn't have a voice...
@@kyvministries Sure they didn't. Women just shut their mouths, said nothing, and lived in oppression. Can I have some sources to back up your points? Or is it just all anecdotal?
Fact, women have never been so free, or had so much opportunity as they do today. And for the first time, they are actually unhappier than men 🤯 The big bad world sucks, doesn't it.
I've finally chosen to be single. And love it. Feels good to focus on ME
pls change ur Idea of being single, as per God it is not good to be alone long time unless u are called by God to be alone... U need a friend in flesh as a life partner..Its a illusion being single means
@@KP-lw1oi of course but In Gods time. Only he knows The right person for me. He will align things in his order for me. N I trust that he will be right on time as always. 🙌🤲
@@crissibeatty2094 of course God is Faithful...
@@crissibeatty2094 marriage is a practical decision. God will not just send you a man. Also there are more women than men so be ready to complete!
@@tyroneharp9658 lolol that last part is cute. I will never have to compete for anyman. If he doesn't see the value in me then he isnt even worth my energy. A man that wants me will never make me compete for him. Hes only ready to be of help and share his time with me . Never a sleezy competition lol
when i was in primary school, a teacher told us to write our future plans and dreams, and i wrote "not married, not having children", then the whole class laughed at me and saw me as a joke eversince. I was 10 years old.
Wise beyond your years, I like it.
😂😂🤣🤣wise?
cool
You were a joke, did I miss something?
Smarter than most adults 😂
I definitely needed to hear this. To hear that i still need more time to be happy doing me. Doing things that make me happy. I was crying before watching this. It left me at peace. This was good
You're pathetic.
Me me me. Funny how people that strive the most for “happiness” end up the most miserable…
Save your breath.
I can sum it up for you in three easy words. DON'T GET MARRIED!
I always hoped that I would get married, but instead I'm still single. I am trying to come to terms that I will likely be single for the rest of my life.
Me too, I have hougt I would get married and have family but ige had other plans ,,I will enjoy it no matter what ..
So as a woman the worst life is the one of a single mother. 😕
Someone gets it
@like bro it's your mom
To all the poor people - you are fine. - rich guy
Lol
There is truth to your statement.
DO NOT GET MARRIED LADIES!! says the happily married woman with three children... nonsense!
Truth speaker! And very, very funny! The part she says at the last brings it all together. It's just not worth it without the right guy. Selfish or abusive men or emotionally stingy men? No. Adds to your life, makes sacrifices for you and is an equal partner in raising kids? Yes. Otherwise, it's better to be single or go to a sperm bank. She's just telling it like it is. And obviously, men need women who are into equal, loving relationships as well!
All the single ladies is much happier without ring on it. Bitter men in comment section is funny.
MGTOW honey 😉😁😉😁😎
They just can't handle the truth
@@alcoholandfun243 MGTOW.
Look out for that wall
how come TED doesn't give a talk on no-fault divorce, alimony and child support?
+Pricilla Prickles/peachie05 Because then leftist like you would have to confront the fact that both of those issues are far more prevalent among minorities.
Half of all domestic violence is by women. Even worse, women don't get jailed for it.
Get a clue.
@sam 7 men don't cause war. It happens in nature. Limited Resources cause war. And men participate in combat because women are weak and cannot
@@KushKoopa405 I guess we learned from beasts like you.
Well i am sick of my sister reminding me to get married. I think this is ridiculous. The idea that your happiness based on your relationship status. Single ladies can shine without men!
😂🤣🤣🤣 sure!
If society crumbles you have nothing to rely on but yourself. Good luck on that
I hope you reconsider because you won't be good looking forever and life gets hard after 35.
Good luck
And single men shine without women ❤️
The goal: marry someone who also doesn’t want kids 😂. I’m good single for now without kids. If I do want kids, I would rather adopt when I’m a much older age. I’m only 24 but so many of my younger friends are already married with kids and I’m just like..so soon? 😳
After two years are you of the same opinion?
Hilarious, Terri. Great talk. It's the sad truth. Opted out myself. Never been happier since i consciously made 'the choice'. It's a huge relief. A lot of my siblings, friends and nieces/nephews did too. We're all kinda 40 now. We didn't miss any boat, we waved at it as it went past. Of course with crushing sorrow in our hearts but it's better this way. Onfortunately, some are still living in the dream. Statistically, most of them will fail in this environment and i don't envy them at all. I'm just waiting for another call of another family memer or friend who cracked under the pressure. All i see is women struggling to keep it all together nowadays and also suffer from it mentally. Divorced women with children are even worse off. Especially the children. Let's not forget them.
It's not the life i see for myself or my children. I'm nobody's packing mule. I would like to have a life so i could actually be a useful and effective part of the deal, thank you very much. If this was a guy, all the men in the audience would be cheering and calling him a hero. All the blabber about "we share responsibillity in the household!" is simply not true. Women still do 75% of all the total work, both inside and outside the household plus pretty much the entire emotional support of the whole family, and as long as this doesn't change, more and more women will opt out. Marriage is no longer a sanctuary for both and not for the children, it has turned into complete hell. I don't care about having children if i can't raise them in a stressfree, calm environment.
Women like me are not progressive, anti-marriage or modern. We are actually ultra conservative and family minded and can't see how we could raise a healthy family anymore in this world. Don't bash us. It is the most hurtful thing you could possibly do to women like us. We actually believe in the sanctity of marriage so strongly, we will forego it in difficult times. The odds are just stacked against us. We would do anything for healthy children and family, including not having them in the first place. I don't want to be just another statistic and pass this image of what a family is, onto the next generation.
I didn't say that , you have worth to yourself, family , employer. But in terms of having worth to men it goes into free fall in your 30's , pump and dump would be the most common value.
L Mc then no one should get married if one won't be attracted to their wife after 30
Pr C the man has no idea that the woman will gain 150 lbs and nag him incessantly when they first get married. Stay fit, don't be a bitch. He just wants you to look good and treat him decently. He will gladly have you work less and make less if it means you have time to workout and not be stressed out/bitchy.
craigmak men get fat just as much and nag or complain just the same. That isn't gender specific. Not all women want to stay home either, that's so boring. Plus, there have been plenty of cases where women and men have done everything "right" based on what is considered social norms and still get screwed over. Best not enter into such an archaic contract.
all in all men and women have changed from their stereotypical roles that either we as a people need to adapt to the new social norms and expectations or the ancient institution of marriage is no longer a viable option because it seems that no one is willing to adhere to the vows"for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer til death do you part" It is more like, " for as long as I want you" which is just dating... stay single or enjoy the partner your with. The rest is unnecessary.
Perfect humor and true words
Marriage is encouraged because it helps the economy make more money. This was a really good video!! Especially the end.
Sunflowershowers lol wrong
Stephen B She's right, Marriage encourages men to contribute to the labor force and to the consumer market on behalf of their wives and children.
Tree seer your premise is nonsense. Marriage is encouraged because it provides the best environment for raising kids. Mix in some monogamy and you totally eradicate stds. Single mothers cost the economy more money as you put it. They raise unhealthy children with a higher chance of crime, imprisonment and suicide. They require more public assistance for food and shelter and are generally a drain on economies. Married people are less of a drain on the economy and therefore the economy is stronger. Marriage between two loving partners especially normal straight couples who have been socialized and matured will always have an advantage over single mothers or fathers. Men can learn a lot from women and women definitely can learn a lot from men.
Truth!
Damn! You are BOLDLY wrong
Thank you so much for posting this...
If only I understood this ten years ago! Everything rings true for me!
There is not much to understand. It is obvious that marriage and raising kids is hard. What we are getting is her emotions. Maybe she is depressed.
Then Why don't you get divorce and become single and happy again ?
Lets normalize being single.
Marriage is an antiquated, dying institution. Only problem is it's not dying fast enough.
Wesley Chapman no, hateful sexist men like yourself killed it.Stop blaming us for your failures.
I'd ban marriage.
@peter littlehorse You don't need to be married to be in a monogamy relationship nor polygamy
@Wesley Chapman PREACH!!!
@@kristenb180 Pot meet kettle
Awesome!! Thank you!
Oh, thankyou!
Wow, lots of pissy men in the comments. How dare single women be happy and have autonomy!
Wesley thank you. women don't want you either
Single men are happiest so your still losing now matter what you do.
@@rasronin not really men don't have that kind of power over women's lives anymore nice try son.
@@pink1237480 men age like wine women age like milk take that make up off and see how confident you feel in yourself then 👍
@@Payne.. I haven't worn make-up in 40 years.
than you very much!
So, according to this woman, women do everything and men just sit around doing nothing.
Most men do. How useful was your father?
But married does not mean with kids. The misery she describes is almost all because of kids. That misery would be the same even if you were not married. Solution: not having kids. Besides that, I think married or not married, nothing changes. Being with someone can be great or miserable either way, the contract itself does not make the relationship good (though it can easily give a sense of suffocation)
Thank you! I needed this today
This got pretty misandric at the end...
I understand that I'm not her target audience, but as a male, she's a reminder to me that even my best will never be good enough for women in our society.
It does make me feel content in being perpetually single, at least.
@Samsung 7 awwww daddy and bf both walked out on you honey that's why so miserable ...trying to get some attention feel so sorry for you
But as male..this isnt geared to you..
@@casy6203 But it is relevant.
She's the most stressed "talker" in any Ted talk I've ever seen.
Because she's a liar
What is she lying about? Being in front of a huge crowd is probably just stressful
Not really ive seen worse
@@randompotato7391 I think a number of people think that she is saying nice things about her husband and kids but in reality resents them.
@@primoed77 what is she lying about?
I was happy single, and I'm happy with my man. I do think it's wise to become content with yourself, and develop hobbies. It is important to have strong bonds with some good friends and family that aren't just an echo chamber. If I became single, I'd be a happy woman. I have my man and I'm happy, even though things aren't perfect. Neither he nor I are perfect. We have a friendship that is at the base of our relationship. Men and women should find what they love to do, feel proud of what they add to the world, and if someone compatible comes along, enjoy the ride with them. I love my kids, and they're almost grown. I'm looking forward to the next leg of the journey. Be your best, whether single or coupled. Men and women are both pretty awesome at our best. Do what makes you happy and don't lie to yourself, whether that is with someone or not. Like a Looney Tunes cartoon, that's all folks!
This is SO refreshing!
That's true. I'm single so I do have a choice to keep it clean.
Thank you ❤️
There are some women who want to get married and not have children. It is nice to have someone to wake up to, a life partner and a best friend.
Lol
Id want to do a heck of a lot better than 'nice'.....
@@sheilabull3323 agreed 👏
Why are folks so triggered by her speech? Her target audience is single woman with no kids. She is simply encouraging us to enjoy and be grateful for the life we have now! She never said "do not get married" she was just being real about what marriage is and what it is not...
With all that she said, I would still like to marry...I'm not interested in having children but if that happens that's ok too. Bottom line...single ladies and men need encouragement too... that's all it was...geesh!
Right🙄
Young women have the world at their feet. This abundance gives them the impression it will last for ever. It does not, it will fade along with your fertility. Alot of women, regret not settling with the almost perfect guy they met in their 20s only to find out that no one is asking when they are in their 30s.(just type in to google "where are all the good men" there is article after article) We have a rising problem of depression amongst women in later life. That just some of the social issues. There are also the economic problems that arise when a culture's birthrate becomes unsustainable. But, do you owe your community and culture anything? I mean they only raised you, protected you, fed you, educated you in fact you are who you are soley because of your community. But f them hey, you do you.
@@chadcadsonvii5258 Says Chad.
This gives me hope, I’ll try it!!!
And this is why we need Kevin Samuels.
i really love it, but i have not seen the whole picture.
I am grinning ear-to-ear. This is sooo lovely!
Never before has a TED talk made me angry, then there was today when I listened to this. Her husband must be so happy and proud. Someone who never wanted marriage but got married now tells those of us who want marriage that we're fine without it because she and other people are stressed. Clearly she and those people have completely missed the concept of marriage. Anything that requires selflessness and compromise is going to be stressful but that bond between two people to create from it is still beauty and never meant to be a picture perfect world. Hope her kids don't grow up hearing what a burden they have been to their mother!
Get therapy.
Bottom line is do what You feel is right for you, Some folks are cut out for the single life, some long for partnership and children. I gotta say that I'm a little tired of all the negativity in this world, people putting down one choice as opposed to another. Do something because your heart leads you there, not because you think you are supposed to, or because someone pressures you.
I appreciate the message here, but by the time she was finished talking I found myself feeling a little depressed
yup, I also made a lot of progress using it
I enjoy being alone,I like to have a chitchat and befriend with everyone I meet without having a jealous boyfriend glaring at us. I would feel very unsafe in a relationship and due to bad experiences I no longer want to bond. Just date nights and after that you can leave. It's a less aggressive form of hump and dump.
Emma Frost you are still being pump and dumped at the end
Stephen you're still being "HUMP and DUMP at the end. Work both ways sweetie.
@@runningshoes6253 Nah
Married woman have a society to backup that is not always for single woman. This is the biggest difference
Marriage is a terrible option in modern times. Remaining single is the only way you will truly be happy.
terrible option for most men ............ it's a great deal for most women.
I hope there was a talk given by a married man after this talk.
So true after having a family
Don’t want to hear how wonderful it is to be single by a married woman.
It seems Ingenious
She should know best . There is a lot of pressure to keep up this perfect family act and please your husband. She probably envy’s her single friends.
Unless you're a single mother...
and to all the single men you'll most likely be in for a lifetime of despair and loneliness..
so will women who we will not marry or date ........whats your point?
Men are built to be alone. Our counterparts......different story
@@ehtishamamin5601 Peer reviewed studies beg to differ. Unmarried, childfree women are happiest because we are not attached to you losers
@@tyroneharp9658 Alone? Pfft. Not ehen we have family and friends that are amazing companions. Your name is ghetto, by the way. You should change it. Women are better off without men. Our lives are full and rich outside of you and that's what hurts your widdle feelings.
I could not continue watching you for long. I wish you were more structured and prepared !
As a believer I'm going to put you on to another benefit of staying single there's two bible verses saying avoid partiality synonym racism, low, high, rich, poor and there's one bible verse saying God sees all rewards good and there's one bible verse saying Gods word always brings results
so honest I love u so much 💓
Guess I'm a romantic. I get it. It's an obligation and full of responsibility. Being single in the last part of my life I feel like I've Already been doing tons of laundry, housework, and full time job. I have long term insurance. If I need it I hope that will pay claims! Frankly, many women would like to try with a compatible person. Committed not commitable? as far as bad breath there is listerine. Some folks need a partner or a friend at right time. Excellent talk to let us know it's not perfect hence so many divorces!
Feels super great after listening to Terri!
thats called cope
I laughed my head off! So funny, so true!
Thank you for this video. It gives me a good reason to not get married. Also, I don't agree with the last things you said in the video.
It's horrible to get married and I am in that pain. It just biggest mistake which you will regret but cannot get out easily. Merrage is only about Pain, suffering,sacrificing yourself and it's not flower. I think that 1% of people may be getting true love.
i thank you so much for this..THANK YOU.
Imagine being her husband or kids listening to this lol savage
That’s my mom and I’m so unbelievably proud of her! She’s a true savage.
So those who posted years ago. Is your opinion still the same?
Ted x is definitely to end humanity life itself.
Is her husband watching this...she is full of regrets apparently
She not…actually she’s just trying to make a point!
Who wants those pictures? One of the cringiest things about a lot of people who are married and have kids are all those pictures they put up everywhere. They matter to you, no one else cares. The worst is when even their profile pictures are of their kids or their partner - did they stop being individuals when they were sucked into the vortex of that nuclear family, poor things?
I love this ❤️
I’ve had people tell me that I am free.
It's a free market, just don't change your mind in your late 30's.
exactly ......... post wall women are whining and complaining that there aren't any good men to marry and have children with.
You type like a broke man. Get a job. Get a hobby. Stay out of women's business
yeah same as rich people say money is no big deal
Being single helps the economy - single women spend more hands down. Retail companies love it when you pay premium prices for everyday items.
Been marru6for 20, but choosing to be single, feel so suffocated
Life is hard. Some of the most difficult tasks such as raising a child or maintaining a relationship are the most rewarding though. I'm not afraid of having children of my own because I know it will be hard but one of greatest experiences of my life. I won't regret spreading love, even if it requires puke and poop. Being alone and not working hard is boring and unfulfilling even if it's the most enjoyable. Nothing will make me happier then to keep pushing myself, loving myself and loving others.
Jamimi Storms what is important to you may not be important to others. What brings happiness to you may not bring happiness to others. Some people are wired like you and some are not. I think we should learn to respect the choices of other individuals provided they are not hurting anyone or anything
Four years later, seeing what parents experienced during the lockdowns, what say you? Lol
As a man I’m not particularly interested in marriage either. Had a girlfriend for 6 years then she cheated.
If I get married, the next woman will take my money and kids with her when she cheats.
Dude please say you're not still considering getting married?
@@JennySparkz Not if he's smart. No man should ever get married. Ever. There's no benefit to it whatsoever
Your probably impotent
I'm saving this video 😂
Today’s parents don’t have to put baloney on bread, the government does that now.
this was amazing! on point
The new crucible of evolution is going to get interesting over the next 10 years as things hit home.
Cool speech👍👍😁
sounds good, I will definitely give it a try
Why she reads it??
Why you not use grammar?
Oh I will get married, have kids. darn I think I made a mistake. Single ladies don't do it. I know because I 'm now miserable. mwahahahaha!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
All these bitter men are just mad we don't need them anymore.
@DJ_Trolly As long as your batteries don't die and there is plenty of boxed wine and cats for your party of one.
@DJ_Trolly So why are YOU so bitter if you don't care?
Marriage is not for everyone. And there is nothing wrong in being single also. But whatever decision you take, think a 100 times. The lady talking is not happy married. She should have stayed single. A family is a unit of a community. Some people feel fullfilled being married and obviously its not her. Looking back in history human beings lived married for 1000s of years and this history has programmed us to be fullfilled that way. Dont know if one fine day we can reverse all that.
Ha, buy a condo, build a pink bathroom...that's right ladies, keep up the consumerism and belief that material items will fill that void. ..then get cats when it's too late. ..
Because engaging in consumerism is the only way for us to spend our time? Our lives are full of enriching experiences. Unfortunately, it seems like you cannot say the same. Have you ever travelled outside of your state?
@@aquaabundance4077 yes, consumerism is all women know. It’s built in biologically. No hate, just is what is. As far as my never leaving my state, that’s rich. I’ve lived in more diverse locations than most people ever dream of traveling. You can deny biology all you want to prove whatever life decision you choose…. But Mother Nature always wins. Good luck 🐱🐱
I love her hahaha
These are the types of people who should be ministering to single women.
I can never make it through a TED talk, but can always make it through this one as a single woman..lol
If you are truly happy being single you wouldn't need a speech. It comes from the inside, not some random person.