Doctor REACTS to FRIENDS | Psychiatry Doctor Analyzes "The One When Chandler Can't Cry" | Dr Elliott
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- Опубликовано: 1 ноя 2023
- #doctorreacts #reactionvideo #friends #drelliott
This Doctor REACTS video is watching an amazing Chandler themed episode after we sadly lost Matthew Perry this week. I'm watching The One When Chandler Can't Cry and covering the neurobiology of emotional crying, why some people are big criers and other people aren't, defences, sex and mental health and much more. Let me know what you think!
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Chandler was very much the best character on Friends. He had the most character development and changed so much in the years since the show began. Also, his story arc towards forgiving his dad for leaving and acceptance of them was really sweet.
Chandler is me.
We'll have no trouble crying with Matthew Perry gone
True.
Matthew Perry was very open about his struggles with mental health, specifically addition. In an interview last year, he said, *"The best thing about me, bar none, is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, 'Will you help me?' I will always say ‘Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself.’ So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one. [...] When I die, I don't want **_Friends_** to be the first thing that's mentioned. I want that [helpfulness] to be the first thing that's mentioned, and I'm going to live the rest of my life proving that."* Of course I do still think of _Friends_ first when I hear his name-that's what happens with a show that was such a phenomenon-but his other efforts are certainly worth mentioning.
I know this video is about Chandler, but Phoebe being happy and optimistic despite a ton of trauma reminds me of my grandfathers. Both of them were the happiest people you could meet. Both had been in WW2. For them, every day they didn't wake up in war was a great day. They both had PTSD but overall were extremely functional and happy b/c they were just happy to have survived.
I rewatched this series so many times and Chandler always made me laugh. I don’t think I will ever view this series the same way again. R.I.P. Matthew Perry ❤️
It's sad that Matthew Perry is gone. Fifty four is young. I relate to Chandler a lot. My nickname growing up was "hard-hearted wench" because I never cried. I think a lot of it was due to how angry I was at the time. I do cry now, though it is mostly hormonal or angry crying.
I remember a period of time in my mid 30's where I couldn't cry at all. Almost like I was all cried out from previous years' trauma. Now I'm Menopausal and I cry at EVERYTHING! RIP Matthew. 😔
Literally in tears, he was always my favourite character in Friends.
A lot of trans people find that HRT changes our experience of crying.
I found going on testosterone made me less able to cry. I still feel sad just as much, but tears don't come as quickly as they used to. It's similar to how I used to get more teary at certain points in the month than others, it wasn't about being more upset, just teary because of hormones. Hormones definitely affect crying.
I've had the opposite experience! A couple years after starting testosterone, I cry way more easily now than I did then. Pre-T, I couldn't cry at my mother's funeral, for example. These days, songs and adverts have a good chance of getting to me, haha
Within the whole of "Friends," this episode perplexes me, because before this episode, we've already seen Chandler cry. So, it doesn't make sense with what we already knew about his character. That said, I found your analysis of this individual episode interesting. I was born just a year before Matthew Perry, so boys of that generation were told "big boys don't cry," then us women had to figure out how to get men to communicate their feelings. I cry easily in various emotional states. "Red, White, and Royal Blue" had me crying from laughing, crying because I was happy, crying because I was sad, and thankfully, crying again from happiness. As for Matthew Perry, I've cried several times this week. I was a fan of his work in various shows and movies, Chandler was my favorite "Friends" character, and Matthew seemed like a genuinely awesome, kind person regardless the challenges he faced. I feel like I grew up with him. He brought light into the world, and it's sad to know he's not here anymore.
I burst into tears when I found out he died. He kept me coming back to Friends even when I had largely stopped caring about it. The One Where Everyone Knows will always be in my top ten favorite episodes in tv. I've seen everything he has ever been in, he was a great actor and an even greater man. He was a light in the world. He is greatly missed.
There's an episode where Ross is prescribed psych meds (I think it might be The One With Ross' Sandwich?). I'd love to see a video about that.
We lost Matthew. Chandler will stay with us forever ❤
I remember watching the film "Numb" (2007), which starred Matthew Perry, and motivated me to get help for mental illness, I'd like to hear your reaction to that. I couldn't help but think of that film when I heard the news.
I'm a little weird when it comes to crying. I didn't cry at my nan's funeral, didn't shed a tear at my great aunt's funeral where I heard my great uncle cry over the loss of all 3 of his sisters in the space of 18 months. But make me watch the 12th Doctor regenerate or Colin's story in Its A Sin, listen to Closer by Waterparks or Famous Prophets by Car Seat Headrest and I turn into a blubbering mess
The fact that I didn’t understand a word after “make me watch the” 😂
I have finally learnt at the age of 45 that I shouldn't drink alone 😂 I always end up in a puddle on the floor 😭 but I'm a very teary person anyway. I cried for my fake clients in any role plays we did when I was studying mental health support work.
Needless to say I couldn't finish my studies and don't work in the field.
I'm a trans man. Before taking testosterone I would cry intensely and often, on testosterone I can barely ever cry. Ofc me getting older also plays a role, but testosterone really has made it very difficult for me to cry
Chandler is one of my favorite characters on Friends (Phoebe is my other favorite) so I have been very sad recently because of Matthew Perry's untimely passing. Thank you so much for making this video Dr. Elliott. could you BE any more on time with this? ❤
Chandler, my favourite friend. I can't relate to the not crying thing myself - I cry just THINKING about a sad movie.
i haven’t cried since december when i went through something really awful, but i used to cry all the time. now even when i feel like i need to cry i just can’t. is it possible you can go through something so traumatic it “breaks” your ability to cry?
I relate to this so much. I went through a traumatic breakup and can't cry like I used to.
I’ve struggled to cry after a difficult few years stress wise. I really want to but I feel blocked. This happened to Cameron Diez’s character in The Holiday. Any chance you could do a video on that topic?
Some music makes me feel really emotional. You could try the Mountain Goats "Matthew 25:21" followed by "Deuteronomy 2:10". (The songs have Christian names but they're not at all preachy or hateful and don't really sound religious as all, let alone Christian.)
Thanks for the new vid. I still can't believe he's gone 😢
If I yawn too hard or laugh too hard I cry. Thank you lacrimation, I did not ask for this
Phoebe has the backstory of a Shonen Anime protagonist, with no exaggeration.
10:10 I never thought about it before but:
Dorthey = Rachel
Wicked Witch = Monica
Scarecrow = Joey
Tinman = Chandler
Cowardly Lion = Ross
Glinda The Good Witch = Phoebe
Emerald City = Coffee House
The Wizard of Oz = Gunther
For true shits and giggles,
The Apartment building = Munchkin Land. 🤣
Any episode with chandler’s parents are my favs.
I want to see lots more Friends segments!!
Another subject that is interesting in the crying response, is cameron diazs character in The Holiday. Would be great to get your perspective in her character
ooh, thanks for the upload doc!
another show you should totally react to--super-queer, aussie show 'Please Like Me' which has multiple mental health storylines. it is so sweet and so funny. every generation of my family loved watching it! (plus episodes are only 30 min!)
I feel like good episodes could be: 2x02 josh's mum makes new friends in a mental health care home, 2x07 josh and his mum have an extended d&m about her mental health and his sexuality, 2x09 josh explores a relationship with arnold (and arnold's psychiatrist gets involved). lots of good episodes in series 1 (more gay, less mental health), series 3 (my faves, but more multi-episode plotlines), and series 4 (makes me cry).
It’s easier for me to cry for others (including fictional characters), than it is to cry for myself. If something happens to me personally (somebody dies…) it feels like I’ve just been handed a briefcase filled with elephant sperm. I don’t want that anywhere near me. People think I’m heartless, but really I’m a germaphobe.
One of my best friends is like that (well I don't know about the elephant sperm in particular^^). Whenever she feels like it would probably be appropriate and healing for her to cry she puts on a sad film to take her to a more emotional place. It's really hard for us to get each other sometimes as I come from a long line of sobbers 😅
@@hightidemidafternoon Putting on a film isn’t a bad idea actually.
Is there a chance you've been having to self-soothe, and you've done it for so long that you've created a block that prevents you from crying when awful things happen to you?
@@hearmymotoredheart I don’t know. I don’t know what that would look like.
Ty for making this 💕
I only recently started crying in movies. 10 yrs ago started crying at movies. Cried a lot about real life stuff. Laughter and fear were my primary feelings in film.
I waited awhile to watch this one.I'm a GenX gramma who watched a lot of Friends and then Friends in syndication, and then Friends in streaming. It's one of my all-time comfort shows and Chandler was one of my favorite friends. I'm not sure if the order but it's definitely Joey/Chandler/Phoebe/Rachel than Ross and Monica. I love Ross and Monica also but, you know. Anyway, I didn't want to cry so I've avoided any clips in memoriam to Matthew Perry for the first few days. Ironic that this is the one I'm watching.
My wife and I are Wiccan and we celebrate the Pagan form of Halloween Samhain. For Samhain we honor the dead and Matthew Perry was someone that we honored that night.
Long time viewer first time commenter, but wanted to give a quick tip! I'd avoid the colour changing lamp when recording I think. It's more noticeable/distracting with jump cuts :p
I don’t cry that often, and I don’t think I’m particularly unemotional
You should do that episode where Phoebe dates a psychologist
I've always believed that true men aren't afraid to cry so I never bought into the whole "boys don't cry" thing.
That said, when I was a kid I cried way too much. Like, I'd cry in frustration when I couldn't figure out a math problem, or when the popular kid didn't pick me for his team during recess. As I got older I suppressed things more since I believed I was worthless so I shouldn't bother those around me with my nonsense. Occasionally the dam would break but usually due to something big.
Back in 2018 my brother died and understandably I was a blubbering mess. Ever since then I haven't really had a good cry probably because nothing can ever come close to that feeling. I don't feel like I'm bottled up or anything though.
I remember once in school we watched the movie chicken run, which has one of the chickens being slaughtered, and one of my classmates got mad at me for having a similar reaction to it as Chandler has towards Bambi, that is only one way I always related most to Chandler and why he was my favorite character on the show.
not pink bunny chandler in the background instead of a drag queen 😭
The Whole Nine Yards I'd good movie w/ Mathew Perry.
In live with the FRIENDS episode. I didn't cry forever, got to the point tear ducts just randomly well up. So it might be an "emotional" question that allows the regulation or cleaning of the eyes and surrounding area. I did wind up crying because of frustration and my inability to cry.
I am not an easily crying person, just like chandler here. (RIP) But I remember in my last year at university, while everything was allright and there was no stress at all, sitting in my dorm room with my roommate casually, I started to cry like crazy. She thought I lost someone or sth like that but I was loudly crying for no reason or with no sad thoughts, trying to convince her that there is nothing wrong. :))) We both were shocked. It was a loud, ugly, long cry on a lovely sunny relaxed day. No one can explain that to me.
I could see testosterone being an inhibitor to crying as plausible. I know a trans man who couldn't cry for a while after he started T injections.
My recommendation for crying is of course the Grave of the Fireflies movie 😢
Sometimes when you show weakness, people do leave you. Or when you have a mental health problem. They leave you then as well.
My friend did a study in uni (cant remember the outcomes but it was Portsmouth uni and about thermal imaging and crying so you can probably find it) and i was what he called a "super crier" 🤣 and the funny thing is that was years ago, and since having a child i cry wayyyyy more than i used to, so its interesting that you mentioned prolactin. Because my child is 2½ and i didnt breastfeed so the prolactin shouldve died down a long time ago but i still am an emotional wreck 🤣 i cry at happy, i cry at sad. I cry at a wholesome moment on tv.
My partner doesnt cry at anything. He claims he had tears in his eyes when our daughter was born but i was crying way too much to see. But i havent seen any tears ever. But he wasnt raised with any emotional capability as one of 10 kids. And i was raised by an overemotional abusive mother who used tears to get her own way so crying was very normalised.
Up until my early 20s, I would cry very easily. Now in my late 20s, I haven't cried in many years (maybe since 2019). I dont feel any less emotional, I just dont cry. I used to really want to make myself cry again, like it would be cathartic, but I'm starting to accept that it doesn't really matter either way.
this episode reminds me of Cameron Diaz' character Amanda Woods in the movie Holiday. It's a similar concept of not being able to cry due to suppressing your trauma.. I wondered would you be interested in talking about that story too, if you haven't already, now that christmas season is nearing us :D
I love this episode bc I AM Chandler. My dad was kinda abusive and, it made him even more angry when my siblings and I would cried so, I learn really early to suppress it. Until it wasn't really a conscious choice anymore, I just didn't cry. The only times I would actually tear up was when I would get really hurt and I used to cry of laughter a lot, too. Until I was around 16 yo and my friend pretty much did the exact same thing as Monica, Joey and Rachel. They would try and find some movie or book to make me cry, they would tease me about it. And I don't really how or when exactly but at some point I began to cry again. And when it started, it was pretty much like Chandler. Once the gates were open, I could not closed them back up. It was like every little thing triggered me and unleashed years of repressed tears. But after a few weeks, it slowed down and now I'm what I would called an healthy crier.
Oh you should do the Bruce Willis episode!
2:24 MISTAKE HERE
"orbicularis oris" is a muscle around the mouth
you meant to say "orbicularis oculi", a muscle around the eye
I think neuronormativity is to blame for a shit load of shame around people expressing emotions differently. As an AuDHDer who has for a long time struggled with crying and how my expressions of emotions confuse others it’s very tiresome when I see those tropes of someone being called a robot or an alien for expressing them differently.
R.I.P Matthew Perry from what’s I’ve seen on socials his impact on many other peoples lives, is profound and passing at such a young age truly was a shock to my system especially as someone whose experienced a fair bit of addiction myself and makes me consider my mortality once again.
I don’t know from memory if you’ve done a video on grief and mortality before but I’d like to watch one if that’s something you’d be willing to do.
i cant cry a funerals. awkward when even my male relatives are tearing up. i can only cry when im alone.
Matthew Perry was our real life Bojack Horseman
Oh if I want to cry, I'll watch Watership Down. Or maybe House of Mirth.
What about the episode with Phoebie’s psychology boyfriend?
is there such a thing as people who seek out things that elicit a strong reaction (like crying) to try to get catharsis for their own trauma or what have you? there have been periods of my life where I did that, because it was easier than directly processing my own experiences.
in case anyone is curious, it was phoebe's twin sister in the porn film, working with phoebe's name because, why use her own ?
3 movies will 100% make me cry even if I think too much about certain scenes
Fox and the Hound "goodbye may seem forever"
Homeward Bound "Peter...wait...stay..."
Iron Giant "you stay. I go. No following"
I just discovered a theme there
We could really try to break Dr Elliott by making him watch Neon Genesis Evangelion.
❤❤❤❤😢
😢😢😢😢😢😢
do supernatural and sam and dean relationship next please ❤️
But doesn't the new voyeuristic disorder entry in ICD-11 now include something about it only being pathological if it is harming you or others?
(or did I interpret your intonation wrong? Sounded a bit like you deemed the entry questionable and I'm curious what the points against or for it would be :) )
all i need is 2 beers, and 10 mins of les mis.
Sex doesn't make healthcare professionals only embarrassed but sometimes they tend to be unable to separate their puritanical ideas from their work. I got slut shamed by my gynecologist, who is a bloody woman for Pete's sake! I was so shocked I didn't know how to respond
That’s terrible and so inappropriate!
...okay someone's going to have to explain this to me. As a dude, I get why dudes are like this - dads and society model toxic shit, we internalize it, boom, slut shaming ensues - but why would a woman hate on a woman for having sex? Presumably she's been through being shamed, so why do it to someone else? I genuinely do not understand. Wtf.
@@morganqorishchi8181 she was very religious (she had a bunch of christian iconography in her office) so I guess that had something to do with it. Needless to say I never went back there
@@morganqorishchi8181 Internalization, religious brainwashing, etc. are all quite strong factors.
This is the weirdest way to hear of a celebrity death
should make people watch Plague dogs if you are a dog lover, to test if they have a soul.
I love the video but I do find it really disrespectful when people refer to an actor who has passed as their character. These actors are real people and are so much more than a character. I think they deserve for us to use their actual name (ie Matthew Perry, the actor who played Chandler)
Aw, thanks for pointing out that it’s completely normal to have a lack in sexual practices. Asexuality is still so misunderstood and disregarded.
Related to what you said about doctors not being great at discussing sex with patients, especially in a mental health situation: when I was first diagnosed with an anxiety/depressive disorder (GAD), I was put on SSRIs for the first time, and I experienced some sexual side effects. I brought it up to my psychiatrist, and he just immediately dismissed it. He literally said, "That usually only happens in women, but I guess now you can just have longer foreplay," and then moved right along to another topic. I thought that was extremely unprofessional and unhelpful and to this day I resent how he handled that.
so sad i love Matthew Perry and your so right about its a sin
Lacrimation, huh? Is that where the term "cry" comes from?
HI Doc, you reviewed a lot of awesome background, but it still assumed samesness, as well as the "moral judgment" that people who "can't cry" are somehow deficient, everyone wants to cry and people who can't cry must be repressing. But, you should REALLY be aware of some recent developments in neurodiversity, specifically debunking all the assumptions about everyone WANTING/NEEDING to cry: Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory.
ruclips.net/video/hiFaw5RrKNQ/видео.html (What is SDAM? With Dr. Brian Levine)
Truth in lending, I'm SDAM, and it gets old everyone assuming I really just want to be just like them.
Well.... I enjoyed your reaction, BUT they had the attitudes closer to right in the nineties than we have today for sure, althoug I'd like us to go back to Leave it to Beaver days... too many "professionals" who've been brainwashed by "college". Sorry if that seems rude, but it's the truth. Our society is spiraling down in a very bad way......... I can't believe beautiful Matthew is gone... still does not seem real... :'(
I used to cry regularly (like 5-7 times a week) - I'd intentionally think of something sad, real or imagined, in order to cry & am convinced from that that tears naturally release the emotional stress we carry. Adult crying may not be that difficult or complicated an issue to understand. It could be the body's way of providing relief. You let the tears flow & they carry away some of the pent up stuff that serves you no purpose. Nowadays, it's still easy for me to cry when watching some touching scenes or reading a particularly moving passage in a book. It can provide catharsis, something that may sorely be needed. It's why we (as humans) create dramatic content (plays, movies, books, etc.) that is meant to be sad & evoke overflowing emotions. We don't just want to be entertained, we also need that emotional release that comes from crying. My theory, ofc, and I'm not saying everyone's experience should be the same, but for me, it's a very healthy thing to cry when faced with sad or touching moments.