Derek MPMD On How To Develop Confidence With Women
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- Derek from More Plates More Dates explains how to develop confidence with women. Does Derek from More Plates More Dates think that pickup artists still work in 2022? How can guys overcome approach anxiety when talking to girls? What does Derek think is the biggest mistake guys make when talking to girls?
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I had higher social anxiety than basically anyone I knew. I was an absolute train wreck in social situations. What changed things for me was deliberately placing myself in the scariest possible social situations which I believe to be improv and karaoke. You face that fear over and over and over and over and over and the fear ever so slightly diminishes over time. Also, what took things up another notch was when I stopped treating those conversations like transactions. Now I pretty much treat everyone the same and make an attempt to bring out the best in them by actively listening (great improv skill) and asking them interesting questions. When you act genuinely interested in people, all of your interactions improves and you are opening yourself up for anything to happen at any time, which could be a girlfriend, could be a business partner, could be a great friend, could be an old lady who has a beautiful niece that she sets you up with, who knows.
Yes as you get older talking becomes an interest and comparing others experience with your own, and you know what go's around comes around, you have pity for the hardship people go through, things are better now than they were in the 1970's etc for instance and just comparing the things people do now
I tried karaoke a couple of weeks ago. I felt great afterwards!
Your a dope human being! ❤️
Suicide mission bro
Better advice than the video!
I love how “MPMD” sounds like some wild higher educational degree 😂
Also sounds like an intense recreational drug
@@MrJTH1999 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine
Medical Practitioner Medical Doctorate 😂
Hahah
@@Trenifierqqpaqpppllll😊l
After learning and experiencing, I found that confidence is just being comfortable with yourself. When your comfortable with yourself you don't really care if a women like your or not and you don't develop a high sense of anxiety.
I took acting classes and dancing classes. I wasn't shy, but I was just terrible at public speaking or anything like that. The acting classes helped so much that I have done it as a very good part time job for the last 30 years, even to the point of being in Netflix, Disney+, over 100 tv commercials and roles on dramas etc
How did you go about getting work? Did you find a manager or just know someone?
happy for your success, please share some tips for finding gigs?
Those who look hungry do not get fed. Develop the rest of your life, and get excited about other things! Work on being social with guys and girls.
One reason why I haven't bloomed yet at the age of 32 is because I was taught that my fear of women was a thing that society tangibly wanted from me. It was all about not saying the wrong thing, not acting the wrong way, not looking at them a certain way, not taking up the wrong amount of space.
It's a terrible way to live and we're all working on it, but it's especially hard to break from that when people more intellectually and rhetorically advanced than me seem to tell me that innocuous men is what's expected of me.
You gotta just learn to live by your own code and not care what the others think. There will always be people who get offended when we keep it real.
I didn't break out of this til my late 30s. Loud angry feminists lied to us. Most women love it when a kind and charming man gives them a compliment. I've got do many texts from women thanking me for approaching them. I held myself back for years (and didn't meet anywhere near as many girls as I could have) because I believed the man haters.
As of now you are trying to jump through their hoops of expectations. Gotta unsubscribe from their realities and create your own.
@@mytruthslays1303 those kinds of women are out here! I know a few of them
This is shockingly relatable for me. Thank you for that comment, it puts my own experiences to well defined perspective.
Going from the thumbnail essentially be at least a small child’s length taller than the girl and be built like a tank. Seems easy enough.
@@mytruthslays1303 it was sarcasm.
@@Stierenkloot exactly!
Lmao
You will be dripping confidence if you are able to throw that girl 10 yards through the air
@@danfontaine8179 i know I feel confident when I do that. Definitely draws attention though.
Chris brought up a great point, I’ve went up to a few women and some are lost for words as if they never actually flirted/talked to men that approach them. Kind of leaves me puzzled as of where I went wrong or am I not doing something right here. I never thought of it that way, and it really kills the vibe you’re attempting to stimulate when a women can’t carry on the convo and you’re the one to hold it down.
I used to have this problem bc it was really hard to improvise and I didnt know what to say when they were lost for words.
Then for like 4 weeks I talked to literally every girl I met on a night out but without the intention of flirting with them or doing anything remotly sexual. Just being a chill dude the same way I would talk to guys at a party. I didnt ''get laid'' when doing this but Ive grown to be very comfortable around girls which makes them open up sooner.
I guess its all about making people feel comfortable around you and creating the feeling like youve know each other for ages, which is a skill that comes naturally. You also cant make them feel comfortable when you yourself arent comfortable around them either.
You’re right, I agree.
That’s true online too. God women on these apps expect you to carry the whole conversation. It’s miserable. Some of them have zero game whatsoever
I did do this. Never lead to any relationship/sex or dates. However, It definitely improved my confidence + that's adrenaline rush u get is quite thrilling too. For me, a little of butterflies in stomach when approaching a woman makes it more exciting too
How long did you do it?
As a wizard I'm not even concerned with trying to "get" sex out of an interaction with a woman, and in fact I can interact with anyone, any gender, as my genuine self without any kind of trepidation. My problem comes when I want to interact with a woman I'm interested in.
I find my default is to avoid interaction because I fear rejection the most of all outcomes. This has ended up in a coping mechanism where I create a fantasy, in my head, of a (wholesome) life shared with a woman I take interest in. Rather than just biting the bullet and taking the leap I end up torturing myself for minutes, days, even years with this.
Someday I hope to reverse this and just act like a normal human being.
As a wizard?
cast a spell on em
Instead of seeing how women see you as a reflection of your self worth think about what kind of person you want to be and what kind of person you want have children with and spend the rest of your life with and think of dating as looking for that person. You’ll have much less anxiety if you have honest intentions. Same goes for just wanting to have sex with someone who also wants to have sex with you. It’s an honest interraction. If you treat dating like some kind heist or con where you trick a girl into having sex with you of course you’re going to feel anxiety. The same way you would feel anxiety about lying to someone or shoplifting.
100%
I wish I could bookmark this comment. Thank you for commenting truly. This genuinely helped me. I hope you had a great Christmas
You brilliantly articulated the anxiety portion of it, and while I've come to learn how to improve this part in myself already, I know for a fact that younger me would have had his approach reevaluated from something like this comment. Super well said!
.
Super physiological clips lately Chris. Keep it up.
The sad truth is that social anxiety and self worth of men is only compounded by online dating. When 4 out of 10 women reject the 6's and 7's men habitually then you get a self worth issue if the men can't figure it out. It unfortunately also reinforces the lower caliber women and their unrealistic standards.
At the end of the day it's on the individual to assign their own self worth to who they are as a person. Not what they think other people might perceive them as.
I wonder if ppl take stuff like a woman’s physique into consideration when saying things like a 4 could pull a 7 or 8 outta 10 guy. Like yea she might pull those guys cuz she has a phat ass or huge breasts… I’ve never heard anyone mention those
The point about being able to approach beautiful women in a reasonable way translating well to any kind of networking situation is totally overlooked yet so important
@@ZM-dm3jg Sure, but I think you're only looking at the subset of hardcore "PUAs" who go in for it really hard. Most of the people who went into the community did it with less extreme intentions and got a ton out of it, from my own estimation at least, based of off sweden
I belive if you approach with no expectations and are able to accept rejection very well your good I think the same goes for business be able to walk away happy and don't come at it with a expectation or you will come across as desperate.
Derek's video on cold approach in 2021 absolutely changed my life
Do you know the title or where it’s at? I remember watching it on his page I believe a year or so ago and it changed mine as well, would love to re watch it
@@ARdave311 yeah dude it's called Cold Approach in 2021
@@roycegarvin lol sorry I didn’t know that was the actual title name, thanks bro found it right away, damn good video
@@ARdave311 all good dude!
@@346sammy made me have the balls to approach women. My confidence the last two years compared to when I first started is not even close. I seriously don't think I would of done it without watching that video. It gave me the push to actually do it and realize I could.
I can’t relate. I never had any issues with my confidence around women due to my upbringing. I wasn’t the best looking guy, just average. But I grew up around a lot of women. Sisters, mom, grandmother, aunts, cousins. I was comfortable around women because they were around me all the time. So I understand a lot about what made them tick.
That answers the question. Be around women often
Same. But what is hurting me is shitty relationships. I've realized that coming out of a bad relationship as done more to break my confidence then getting turned down by 100 women in a single night. I can barely hold eye contact with a woman after a break up let alone spark up a convo. It eventually goes away but man it's tough to get through and I think if I didn't have 3 sisters and raised by my mother I'd be stuck in that lack of confidence the rest of my life.
My older sisters always roast the shit out of me, and i developed a tolerance for it. I am super confident among chicks now.
I have a theory that people that grew up with sisters, friend girls, etc do better with women overall
@@jakonjhn see that's all it takes. Emotional and mental abuse from an older sibling lol. My older sister isn't to bad it's my twin sister that lays into me the most lol. Hold no punches and will tell me if I look or am acting like an idiot. No matter who's around lol
I had huge social anxiety and still has it, but in the last few months the scare I feet during socializing has dropped down a lot of.
I`m introverted, but I love to spend time outside and see people and when someone try to meet with me I`m less akward than before. Also I think my good looking body and my NoFap result gives me a little confidence. I faced a little fears that helping me to overcoming my social anxiety step by step.
One day I wish to be free :)
Good fucking luck bro, we will make it, just never stop trying
Wtf you're literally Countryball Bulgaria ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
"Simply put more plates on the bar, go on more dates for experience, and the confidence will come..." - Derek
Love the clip ! Thanks Chris
Assuming you have the basics down for socialization: Is there really a catch-all answer to these types of questions? I feel that by saying "women" as a generality, in a sense you have already failed. What kind of a woman? What kind of a person? What country is she from?
Speaking for myself, I don't go out with the mindset of I need to approach "X" amount of women cold, it just happens as a consequence of having a social life. I'd be stressed out and unnatural if I was forced to do that.
Does that affect how many dates I get? Probably, but I'm not the kind of guy who wants to be a serial dater anyhow. Does that mean I'll have less sex? Yes, but I'll be happier...so that's the trade-off I've made for myself.
I believe behaving courageously builds confidence.
“Why should I bother with you if you aren’t the embodiment of the spirit that will move into the unknown and face the Leviathan.”
- Dr. Jordan Peterson
MPMD sounds like an American until the very end... "Figure it out". ;)
Great Pod CW and MPMD!
@@mytruthslays1303 American vs Canadian pronouncing the word "out"
MPMD: "Hey babe, wanna touch my delts?"
Girl: **swoon**
6:38 more like a get into hell free card 😂😂😂
I think people learn too that 'failure' when it comes to putting themselves out on a limb socially is a win whether you land the date or not. You might learn something, but you will certainly close the loop you've opened in your mind and you can move on without regret or even decide to take another approach if you choose to not take a particular rejection as the end. You may get a double dose of rejection....to the point that it has real sting, but even that pain will never feel as bad as the dull ache of 'woulda, coulda, shoulda.'
Advice if you are good looking but have much higher than normal anxiety. from my experiance - start with baby steps - I would walk a street and quickly ask one question to an attractive girl like: what's the time rn? do you know a good place to eat around here etc. When you get comfortable doing that then next time ask two questions to the same girl. and then slowly progress until until you can start having normal conversations. in the beggining just simply asking the time gave me super anxiety and I would often bail :D
even if you are attractive tinder supply to demand ratio of women is bad so it will always be easier to find awesome girls in real life
How long does it take to beat social anxiety if you’re consistently putting yourself out there ? 3 - 6 years ?
I don't think theres a time frame on it, depends on ur environment. Some dudes I know completely changed over the course of the summer break, and other dudes over the span of middle school
I rarely see women who are attractive to me anymore. Most of them are overweight, non-feminine, pierced, too loud and obnoxious, etc. When I see one that does look attractive, she's usually in company of a man, several friends or is riding past me on a bicycle and I can't exactly stop her.
I've also lost most desire to even meet someone. Not sure what it is, guess I'm just tired of the world after the whole Covid debacle.
That’s cope
so much cope
Totes copeeeee
stopped reading after the first 4 words
This advice applies to every guy. If you're short or ugly as hell then go to the gym and focus on lifestyle and money. If you're tall and good looking then you might have an easier time cold-approaching but remember there are plenty of tall, good looking wealthy dudes that are absolutely terrible with women. Don't ignore Derek's advice and make excuses.
So true
@@mickethegoblin7167 yes. I like to think I’m an attractive guy and even I had to develop the skills to meet and date women. If you want to go for the hotties, you just have to
Easy. Dont worry about anybody else but your own self care and productivity
Then the woman will come
I couldn't make it as a bogan and new I would have to find another way to survive, I was sent messages when I was young that I was not a bogan, I knew this at a fairly early age, and looked into a higher class way I could learn and do, then the internet came along and I was able to elevate myself more intellectually, I was going to give up alcohol and smokes ( if I did that ) at age 40 anyway and did, I began and still do run and do exercises, and although I am still blue collar I am able to survive even with today's low wages, The opposite sex eludes me and my stars never lined up (on the fly), the funny thing is that with the early days of online dating I would be chatting to what I thought was a human female everything would be going Okay and then it was as if we were just cut off, it would be so easy to isolate and ostracize people via the internet
Anxiety is the fear of not meeting someone else’s expectations
The first step to get the confidence with women is to start eating the Tren Bologna Sandwiches. 😎🔥
“The Game” by Neil Strauss has some good practical tips on talking to girls.
Main takeaway for me is that i need to forget about my past trauma and grow some balls and change my life
Once you learn not to give a fuck what anyone thinks you will be able to ask more questions, think more loosely, and just a sense of freedom.
Remember the goal and put yourself out there.
i asked a guy spot me in the gym we had a chat after and the next time i see him he completely blanked me lol people are weird could have said hi alright nod but no lol however i have asked people to spot me and now when i see them they say hi. one woman see in gym most days one time we locked eyes she smiled but before would ignore me people are strange. my biggest fear is humiliation i dont want to be humiliated with people watching those feelings will have me go mad and become violent.
Derek the god damn brontasorus looks like he's a about 6'7, dense af, king of the dinosaurs
Bro how can we relate to this man if he’s really wealthy off RUclips and some other deals, absolutely massive and tall as hell.
@AS Ride Yeah. In fact, back when he was really into the PUA stuff he was basically a nobody. I mean he was in good shape still but that's a lot easier to achieve then being a wealthy RUclipsr.
Get taller
@@asride6812 obviously no one could get to close to his physiche naturally, but u could damn well always build a nice one. But still the money and height is something that not all of us can relate too. NOT tryna be crazy blackpill
@@mytruthslays1303 yeah diss the mentality but i think it would be better getting avice from someone who had been handed the worst cards. Coming from this guy just seems off.
i have zero success on tinder but doing pretty good irl.
You just gotta watch Dice videos
The days of approaching strange women are done. Unless she signals for you to approach.
-Be tall
-Be good looking
-Have lots of money
Fucking easy guys, c’mon.
Need lots of money and my life is perfect.
grow up
@@frightfactoryYT define game.
The only way to get on with a woman is to not give a shit what she thinks. Same thing to get on with men. No difference. Be who you are. You can't fake baddass and cool no matter how hard you try.
I actually agree. Being unapologetically you is a good trait to have. However the paradox is, if youre being unapologetically you in order to gain approval from others, then youre not actually doing it properly
it all depends on the girl but generally speaking... work on your appearance. no gut. sexy haircut. upgrade clothing style. practice approaching women no matter how many times you get rejected.
Wouldn't recommend dating apps to anyone tbh. Women on there are flooded by messages from guys and subconsciously get the idea that they have all the choice in the world and don't need to try at all. A simple convo is like pulling teeth. And if you don't agree with the first woke talking point they bring up (in the first few messages if not already on their profile) you're also out. Seems oddly specific but that's 50% of 'em
Only thing id recommend from using apps is that rejection on text (personally) is good practice for real life. Not just rejection, but just what convos work etc.
I still cannot stand that outro :)) Chris can you A/B test one that tries less? or is funnier? I know, weird comment to make but I just can't, I find myself rushing to pause the video just so I don't go through it :)))
Confidence isn’t going to change your outcomes unless you were previously super awkward and ruining it for yourself. It’s a correlation not a causation- men who have confidence are successful but the reason they have confidence is THAT they are successful. The true value of confidence is feeling good about yourself.
Think about it- in no other realm of life would you say the key to success is just believing you are already good at it. That makes no sense.
There are plenty of delusional men who don’t actually get girls (although they may delude themselves into thinking the girls are into them) but are very confident. Likewise there are many many married men who have terrible self esteem and aren’t social at all.
“Confidence” to get women is a grift.
There is no one thing that will guarantee you get any woman you want. Confidence is one factor out of many, but a very important one. No amount of confidence is going to help an average guy get a 10/10 model material woman, but assuming you're going after women "within your league" confidence can be that one factor that makes or breaks.
4:49 5:55
Wow Derek, if I work out for years I can get chicks like that?! Wow, sign me up!
Smoke a joint you'll be alright foo 😂
Talk to women even if you get rejected, just keep doing it and you should learn.
Step 1 : use Gear till your insides turn rotten
Man I always confuse you with tucker max
NGL only watched for the thumbnail to see if Derek’s in a relationship or not.
Kindness and being a gentleman always scores BUT done consistently and of course the man NOT cheating online and offline . Take care .
In my experience kindess gets you absolutely nowhere and if anything its a turn off. The more of a cocky asshole or indifferent I act like the more women react positively to it. If a girl says you are "nice" its over rofl. It's pretty shitty because I am inherently a pretty introvereted "nice guy" but if you don't go out there and peacock and act like a tool women treat you like garbage. Every woman nowadays has 20 guys she is "talking to" and another 200 in her inbox. If you can't be more interesting than someone already on the roster she isn't going to care about you at all in a romantic context. Girls like the mean guy/the guy that pulls their hair. I don't know why you all are like that and then simultaneously complain about the guy with neck tattoos you are dating being an asshole but thats just the way the world works. A woman would rather date a guy that cheats on her than a guy that can't cheat on her.
Step 1: find a way to make a lot of money
Step 2:
Derek has some good pointers. If you want to talk to a real expert HMU Chris- my channel has 100s of videos of me teaching young lads how to actually talk to girls irl
Self promo
Being jacked helps
Treat girls like dudes? If you legit don’t care they’ll like you more
Cute Couple!.!.
All he's saying is: _Get good at not being intimidated by people._
Wow. Incredible advice mate, life changing.....
How can I get that 5 minutes back?
You would be amazed at how many people like you are in denial and think you're that baddass.
No one told you to watch the video mate stop hating
lol hilarious bro
I give up
Hi iam from India🇮🇳
Step one: have outstanding genes and be over 6" tall.
Nope, stop making excuses incel
Try to get in shape.
I genuinely don't know how you can believe that when there's so much evidence that suggests otherwise. I don't know where you live but I see average men with women all the time.
@@SkAmA136 lmao sure... Keep coping bro haha
@@tempsoda step three experience an average man's dating life.
Title should be how to build confidence in general.. why all men need to learn how be with women how to attract women what is this some kind game show .. stop making msg about men need women .. be better a person build yourself. Everything will automatically fall in your way it just hardships that can break u or make u something..stop letting these influencers to control u ..
The ONLY thing that GOOD WOMEN want (I’m not talking about these IG Mannequins):
It is not going to the gym.
It is not skin care routine.
It is not money.
It is not style.
it is GREAT CHARACTER. and nothing else.
Because none of that other shit matters if you’re selfish, a coward, or incompetent & irresponsible.
Develop your character, and the whole world will fall to your feet.
The gym (be it a lifting gym, a dance school or a martial arts club) is HOW you get good character.
In order to perform there you need good health, and skin care is part of that.
Money is also either built through character or is used to pay for the stuff that builds your character.
Same with style.
You literally can't be a coward if you fight or incompetent & irresponsible if you're rich.
The only part of character not touched by those is selfishness and greed. But tbf I found that you need to get rid of those to get the flow state, and you need the flow state to truly lift/dance/fight.
THIS, just be a genuinely good person. Taking care of yourself, taking care of others( being kind) and people in general( the ones you want to attract) will gravitate to you. At least thats how its been for me, because I also gravitate towards good people.
What I have found out is that guys are affraid of real women , most of them prefer type of kitties or so - called
" cute idiots " .
From what I understand many guys prefer women :
who do not think too much , do not
speak too much , subordinated and
submissive .
5:00 Incels confirmed correct, it's all about lifemaxxing fellas.
Go the gym. Make more money. Improve your conversation skills.... That way you can at least look buff and make new friends after she's taken your money and assets!
Be tall with a decent face and being yoked also helps. You're not? Oh well
How is Derek so tall? I always assumed 5"9/10
6'9
I've only ever met one woman worth marrying and she's nothing like today's biotches.
More Plates More Dates? More like Less Jaw Less Chin.
Men forget there's 4 billion women in the world so don't fret over one of them. Women forget there's 4 billion women in the world and so their value is about 1/4,000,000,000 th of what they think they are worth.
Why is his head so small? Weird…
Why do u care? Weird....
He was nerd always
This dude is making up his story on the spot. It's so obvious. Zero actual details.
Said a whole lot of nothing
Derek's a g, but I just realized he has no jawline
It's easy. Treat them like humans
Bad vibes from this dude, every time
Derek or Chris?
Your mum
@@stanleyelnats chris is awesome
lmao, I'm a fan of his channel, but he doesn't come across as someone who is doing great with women at all