I think the institution of church as we know it today does not foster an environment for most to engage in meaningful relationships. Think about it, the Sunday morning service, which is known as the highlight of the institutions week, is the most passive couple of hours in 80% of the attendees lives. They are there as consumers, not contributors. The service is set up that way. The band and whoever fills the pulpit that day are the focus.
No one church or church family is perfect, maybe for some of us it may mean looking around at other churches because sometimes they are not structured well to foster a loving community and spiritual growth. But, we can all make a difference in our church. For a long time I didn’t feel like I knew anyone as a teen with lukewarm parents growing up in my church. When I convinced them we should start going to the Sunday school/small groups it got better. And over the past 4 years or so I’ve grown to love my church. It’s a little strange because there is a relatively small circle of our memebers who are really the pillars of our church, some of them honestly do too much and I fear they wear themselves out, but when we all work together and try and participate and volunteer our time when we can to events or whatever is going on, you grow closer to these people. It’s a joy that I can hug and kiss many other ladies in my church like family (it’d be weird with the men🤣) but I truly feel loved. Sometimes in the regular Sunday service I do feel a little detached, but we are encouraged to move around before our music starts to say hello and go around hugging folks, which my self conscious self has only let me do that maybe once or twice, but I’m still learning to let myself be free amongst the congregation and show everyone what love in a church community can look like. I will say, the small groups can really make a difference. I love my college church group (being in college isn’t a requirement, just the age range they’re going for), when at first I didn’t really like any of them that much😂 church retreats with the college group and mission trips with them have also helped me grow closer. Are we still awkward and uncomfy sometimes in groups? Yes, we’re college students after all🤣 but we still all love our group and have some really great times together in and outside the church. We’ve also got some great young adult leaders guiding us, and our main college leader is also just the best Bible nerd I know. I know not everyone has this, and it’s probably harder for other age groups but we can all do this. It was really uncomfortable for me at first too, and still is sometimes. I would say finding good small groups is pretty important because of the conversations you can have that aid in spiritual growth and relationships in your group as you get to know people better. Sometimes we have to be open and honest with what we add to the conversation as well, even the ugly parts of our life or past. You can keep it relatively vague but letting people know you aren’t a perfect Christian, and that you admit you’re broken too, is a great start to help everyone feel less pressure and contribute something real in a way that helps the group bond. Visiting and getting to know folks outside of church too is great. Especially those who can’t come to church much or have suffered some loss and need extra loving, or just some help around their house! And making plans with folks outside of church is so big too. Hope this helps. Love y’all and God Bless
I agree to some extent. But then the same loneliness can happen in home church setting. Personally, I think it's the mindset of leadership and programs. I think programs are crippling the church and her purpose all around. Programs can be a good tool but unfortunately, they tend to quickly stray from that. My current fellowship was wonderful until the youth group got established. Instead of a game night where everyone can come, now it's just a teen game night. And if you're a single with no kids/family you definitely get left out of a lot of stuff. You identified a problem. Do you have a good solution? Because I don't and I've been trying to figure it out for a long time now.
I was in a church that claimed that small groups were important, but after a relatively short period, roughly 12 weeks, the groups were split up, to be replaced by other groups-if at all. I don’t know if it was intentional, but it had the effect of squelching actual friendships. I have no proof but I felt that the pastor felt threatened by the potentiality of small groups supplanting his being the center of things.
I think the institution of church as we know it today does not foster an environment for most to engage in meaningful relationships. Think about it, the Sunday morning service, which is known as the highlight of the institutions week, is the most passive couple of hours in 80% of the attendees lives. They are there as consumers, not contributors. The service is set up that way. The band and whoever fills the pulpit that day are the focus.
No one church or church family is perfect, maybe for some of us it may mean looking around at other churches because sometimes they are not structured well to foster a loving community and spiritual growth. But, we can all make a difference in our church. For a long time I didn’t feel like I knew anyone as a teen with lukewarm parents growing up in my church. When I convinced them we should start going to the Sunday school/small groups it got better. And over the past 4 years or so I’ve grown to love my church. It’s a little strange because there is a relatively small circle of our memebers who are really the pillars of our church, some of them honestly do too much and I fear they wear themselves out, but when we all work together and try and participate and volunteer our time when we can to events or whatever is going on, you grow closer to these people. It’s a joy that I can hug and kiss many other ladies in my church like family (it’d be weird with the men🤣) but I truly feel loved. Sometimes in the regular Sunday service I do feel a little detached, but we are encouraged to move around before our music starts to say hello and go around hugging folks, which my self conscious self has only let me do that maybe once or twice, but I’m still learning to let myself be free amongst the congregation and show everyone what love in a church community can look like. I will say, the small groups can really make a difference. I love my college church group (being in college isn’t a requirement, just the age range they’re going for), when at first I didn’t really like any of them that much😂 church retreats with the college group and mission trips with them have also helped me grow closer. Are we still awkward and uncomfy sometimes in groups? Yes, we’re college students after all🤣 but we still all love our group and have some really great times together in and outside the church. We’ve also got some great young adult leaders guiding us, and our main college leader is also just the best Bible nerd I know. I know not everyone has this, and it’s probably harder for other age groups but we can all do this. It was really uncomfortable for me at first too, and still is sometimes. I would say finding good small groups is pretty important because of the conversations you can have that aid in spiritual growth and relationships in your group as you get to know people better. Sometimes we have to be open and honest with what we add to the conversation as well, even the ugly parts of our life or past. You can keep it relatively vague but letting people know you aren’t a perfect Christian, and that you admit you’re broken too, is a great start to help everyone feel less pressure and contribute something real in a way that helps the group bond. Visiting and getting to know folks outside of church too is great. Especially those who can’t come to church much or have suffered some loss and need extra loving, or just some help around their house! And making plans with folks outside of church is so big too. Hope this helps. Love y’all and God Bless
I agree to some extent. But then the same loneliness can happen in home church setting. Personally, I think it's the mindset of leadership and programs. I think programs are crippling the church and her purpose all around. Programs can be a good tool but unfortunately, they tend to quickly stray from that. My current fellowship was wonderful until the youth group got established. Instead of a game night where everyone can come, now it's just a teen game night. And if you're a single with no kids/family you definitely get left out of a lot of stuff.
You identified a problem. Do you have a good solution? Because I don't and I've been trying to figure it out for a long time now.
Amen!!! So true and needed!
I was in a church that claimed that small groups were important, but after a relatively short period, roughly 12 weeks, the groups were split up, to be replaced by other groups-if at all. I don’t know if it was intentional, but it had the effect of squelching actual friendships. I have no proof but I felt that the pastor felt threatened by the potentiality of small groups supplanting his being the center of things.
The church I was going to switch the groups up in that timeframe. The intent was that you were to meet more people.
I wish we had small groups for single people. They are the ones who need it.
Small church groups are absolutely awful.