When you think you’re the main character in a Hallmark movie. 🤪 “I thought any emotion hubby could have would be better cooled by a hug.” She doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.
She definitely did everything wrong. She should have told him that she contacted his mother. Even if he would get upset, she could get a better understanding on what he wants to do if she mentions that Mom did want to reconcile. OP might not know what happened, but she was wanting to help and figure out what happened. Not saying she should have done anything, but spouses tend to want to help their SO. I know I'd at least want to know why the estranged parent is that.
Usually Hallmark movie rifts don't involve something as severe as assault. They're trying to reconcile stuff like not approving of the partner or career choice or being upset they left their hometown. The fact they wouldn't even talk about it should have been a hint she was out of her depth.
If someone no longer wants contact with someone, you just have to accept it. You don't have the right to go behind their back and welcome someone back into their life like you know better.
Or maybe don't keep secrets from your partner. Just maybe that is why male SA and rape are not taken serious, because so many would rather bury it then talk about it.
@@mevan883 That's circular logic. The reason they don't speak up is because they aren't taken seriously; among other things. Husband does not have to open up about his childhood trauma if it makes him uncomfortable. He should be able to trust his partner not to go behind his back like this.
@@mevan883 Male SA victims are not taken seriously because they are men. So many people think "oh, you can't SA men, they like it so it's not SA." or they are told to "Man up and deal with it." a lot of men who come forward are mocked for "letting a woman push you around like that" or "Not being man enough" to stop them. Men keep secrets and bottle things up because when they DO come out about them, they basically get beaten down for doing so. Then people go "Why don't you just open up?" well, because when he opens up, it gets weaponized against him. I've got an uncle who was drugged and SA'd by another guy, and he recovered from the drugs and beat the other guy to death. He tried explaining that he was SA'd and defended himself. Guess what? Nobody believed him, and he's doing life now. That's how it is. Guys know that it doesn't matter what the scenario is, nobody will ever believe them and if they even bother to say something, they get mistreated all the more for being "weak". So, knowing all of that, it's fully reasonable for guys to not open up. They feel safer not saying anything to anyone. If a guy doesn't want to talk, you should absolutely never go behind his back like this. it's a betrayal of trust, and if it was me, she'd be crying that she lost her husband over it. She should count herself incredibly lucky she's getting another chance.
She's definitely the type to look back and say she did good getting mother and son back together again. Too bad husband couldn't reconnect with his mother and still divorce OP.
Story 2 "You have two Daughters to think about" yeah, and one of them has been sleeping with the other's Husband for two years. The Daughter who is going through a rough time needs more support than the homewrecker.
I'm guessing OP's sister was also a cheater hence why she supported the daughter who cheated. Next time she tries to defend her, OP should ask her when she cheated on her own husband.
I have a husband who isn't talking to his mother. Wasn't SA just other matters. You DO NOT force your ideal of family life on other people. I asked our first year of marriage if I should just send a Christmas card and he said no. AND THAT WAS THAT. I don't need to know more, I have no right to force myself into the middle of their issues. I was sad that it was this way, but I never mentioned it again or even that I was sad. I smiled and asked which university friends to send cards to and that was all. Why do arrogant idiots do this to their partners?
The OP in story 2 is the best mother ever. In most stories I read when this thing happens the mother would would just be like "get over it, be happy for your sister" but not this lady. If only all the other idiots out there would be like her.
Yep. They get all enraged at 1st. As soon as the home wrecking skank says We're Expecting, all bets are off. Then they start in with "That's your sister/brother. He/she is family. You can't keep this up. It's time for you to get over it. That was XX years ago."
Male victims are swept under the rug too much, people don't expect a man to have suffered like this. And a man will also never know how a woman will react if she finds out.
Story 1: I never understand why these people thinks they can bulldoze boundaries and believe they know what's best for their partners when said partners made it clear why they set the boundaries in the first place. Updates: OP better remember how close she came to being divorced before she makes another stupid decision.
Story 1: Damn! The husband LITERALLY said his wife was "too stupid" to do what she did maliciously! This should be a wake up call for him to NEVER have children with her...if she doesn't do anything else stupid enough to make him finally leave her.
I've said this several times before; trust your partner/spouse in these situations, and take a back seat. They understand what it means to be a member of their family far better than you do. Forcing reconciliation violates trust and shows that you don't respect their feelings or judgement.
Story 1 - I see some people saying that OP's husband didn't trust her and he should have and told her about him being sexually assaulted. I have even seen some comments calling him the bad guy for it. Out of all the people in the story, OP's husband is most definitely NOT the bad guy. What people don't seem to grasp here is that OP's husband was COMPLETELY CORRECT not to trust OP!!!! Look what she did. She went behind his back and got his mother to come for a reunion. She also lied to the mother about the whole thing. And then...THEN, she posted on a public forum for all to see her husband's trauma when he didn't want anyone to know!!!! She's retraumatized her husband. What a bitch!
story 1: the only way to fix this is to let your future ex-husband to divorce you......op...you deserve this....ex-husband will need some therapy thru his lawyers for this trauma....
The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white
What actually angers me the most about the first story is that we are still hearing it. If it wasn't made up, then not only has just betrayed her husband in her arrogance, now she is waiting for him to finally divulge details probably because she keeps asking him until he gives in to tell her, and she is PROMPTLY sharing those details with the whole world. Shame on this lady. Honestly, she should have kept the rest of the story private after being told that she was indeed the AH and why she was wrong.
Story 1: If your spouse of *six years* refuses to open up about a parent that they cut contact with before your relationship, don’t meddle. You aren’t owed the details.
They grew up sheltered in fairly decent to good families and can't wrap their heads around the fact other people's parents are horrible. This story triggers me a bit, because I grew up with abusive parents who I cut all contact with at 19. The number of people who give me "advice" along the lines of "You should forgive them. They're your parents." and "I got spanked/whooped for doing bad stuff, and I still love my parents and would never cut them out" is ridiculous. Like no Bob, I was not spanked for being "bad" unless you consider getting dragged by my hair off a chair and kicked while I was curled up on the floor at 5 for dropping a soapy plate while doing dishes as my step-father screamed at me about not breaking his dishes because they're worth more than me a light spanking.
@@PandoraBear357I know damn well people like OP are raised in the way you describe yet always think that they've had the hardest life cause their parents didn't get them the latest iphone
S1, it feels like the updates are made up. It feels unreal and spends like some kind of idealized happy ending, what she wished happen. She sounds delusional, you dont call yourself a dork after ripping an old wound back open like that.
When someone sets a boundary of "no contact",you have to respect that. Real life isn't a Hallmark movie and some relationships are so damaged that they're better off left alone. Period.
unfortuately If I had to bet I'd savior complex gal in story 1 will do it again, especially since she really dindt have any consequences and ignoring the details the husband and mother did end up talking again so in a couple years with a foggy memory of this events she could easily revert to her know it all savior complex ignoring everyone's feelings
Story 1: These forced reconciliation stories always make me mad in general, but it's even worse when people try it without knowing what caused the seperation to begin with. They always assume it was something petty that could be forgiven. And that's how they end up in situations like these where they reunite victims with their abusers. At least the MIL had the common sense to realize that surprising him wouldn't go well unlike the ditzy hallmark protagonist.
People like OP have never faced any problems in their life and have had parents who cared about them amd spoiled them.They still think that they've lived the hardest life ever,so they think that the other person couldn't have suffered any worse and thus think that it was petty
If OP1 actually understands what she did wrong and is actually serious about improvement, I have to push back on the calls for divorce. Her husband doesn't read as a doormat. If she tries this shit again, she'll be out the door for good. Whether she geys another chance is the husband's call. He knows better than we do if she's hopeless. Yes, she only realised how much she hurt and violated him because it blew up in her face and she personally suffered consequences and almost lost him, but she sounds like that shock actually caused some self reflection (plus the comments may have aided with that) and she understands why what she did was wrong and is serious about working on herself and having the patience required to prove herself and build back the trust she broke. There's no guarantee she'll succeed, but this seems like one of the few relationships that may recover from this colossal fuckup.
Story 1: the ONLY defense ill give OP: The husband nor his mother told her what it was. To her, it could have been any multitude of reasons for NC. The problem with that excuse is context. If he shuts down, changes topics, and just avoids it all together? Something happened. And until you get more info *YOU DO NOT SURPISE THEM*.
Yeah well, the main reason male SA victims tend to not talk about their abuse is that society in general tends to dismiss them and ridicule them for it. Took me nearly twenty years to speak about it because of all the instances of 'he had a reaction so it was consensual' or 'lucky boy' or 'he's male, he cannot be SA'ed' The list goes on.
@zackkatian3436 it's why I don't excuse OP. I only explained the only defense I had for her but any adult with empathy and foresight would do better by not surprising their spouse. The question of "what if they were SA'd" should have been enough for them to pause.
It doesn't matter what the reason is. No one, not even a spouse, gets to decide who gets to be in someone's life. She wanted to have a feel good moment of being the one to make them reconcile. Most kids who cut contact do because their parents are abusive or toxic. She thought there'd be happy tears and everyone would be grateful to her. She was a selfish overbearing b and got lucky her husband let her off the hook.
Wouldnt have mattered why, the fact i said i no should have been all the reason to not get in contact with his mom. I wouldnt trust the wife after that ever again, she already thought she knew better about his history and choices. Nothing could be fixed
Story 1: I think she's lying, nobody in their right mind would forgive like that. What's in the past will always be remembered in the future, and what happened to that poor man will always stick with him forever, because of his birth giver. She doesn't even deserve to be a mother, and she would've done the same thing to the new born. Because when you give people a second chance they always take it for granted.
His trauma is the type that could take his whole life to get over. She does have right to know doesn't mean what she did was right. For all we know he could been working towards telling her what happened
Story 1: glad it all worked out but if the husband wasnt already considering reconciliation with his mother and if his mother was genuinely cruel, i could see a divorce Story 2: bitch slap him for even asking Story 3: she sounds like a nightmare. Hope she finds help, far away
I kind of understand why the husband didn't told OP about his past trauma in the first place. However, I don't believe that OP will ever change as seeing a therapy don't often work but it depends on the people and the therapist. The main one is that the MIL should've believe her son in the first place about that man.
Story 1 op is lucky her husband is a spineless doormat. Any other man with aelf respect would've gone through the divorce. The lack of consequences for her will make her think ahe can do it all over again. And this time will be the husband's fault
I do not blame the husband of OP for maintaining no contact with his mother because she would not believe that her fiancé sexually abused her son until she saw it for herself! She was pregnant with his child and lost it due to miscarriage because of the stress! OP was stupid for not respecting his boundaries when he did not want to talk about his mother! She is lucky that he did not divorce her!
Story 1: I would’ve dumped her, she really got lucky her husband was a great guy. Story 2: has to one of the best reddit moms ever Story 3: he may stink at English, but it doesn’t matter, he has more than enough sense to trust his wife but what’s more impressive is how he dealt with his sil. He was neither judgmental nor condescending but never enabled her.
2nd story. When Sally gets cheated on by Peter - I think that's their names here - and she comes to OP crying I hope she says to her "you gotta get over it sometime." And closes the door.
Story 1: OP’s husband is a doormat who should have divorced OP. It’s crazy how women don’t believe men should be able to have boundaries or standards. OP is the rule when it comes to women not the exception.
I like listening to these stories and all but why exactly would you be talking about your husband's CSA on Reddit right after massively breaking his trust already? You could even make this post without mentioning this thing he clearly doesn't want you telling people let alone thousands upon thousands of people. Literally just say "The situation with his mother was a lot more serious than I originally thought but I won't reveal it out of respect for my husband" but instead she just told everyone about the most traumatic experience of his life without his consent - there's a point where stupidity becomes indistinguishable from malice and OP clearly hasn't learnt anything.
the only thing that i disagree a little with the commenters is whether op has a rite to know. shes his wife. the one hes supposed to love trust and spend the rest of his life with. to be estranged is a pretty big deal. if he cant bring himself to trust and tell his spouse why, then maybe he shouldnt have married
Rather than trust, I think it's more trauma issue. By telling her, he had to, you know, relived the experience. Not all SA victims ready for that even after decades past
Gonna go against the grain, but... if you marry someone, you should at least give them some details about your past and family. I don't know if maybe OP would have done things differently if she knew, maybe not. But, she can't be completely blamed when he's not telling her things that you'd think you would tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, and most definitely your spouse. How do you marry someone and not tell them about your past and family?
First Story: Gonna have to go with ESH. I know I'll probably get heat for this, but hear me out. Being one whose read, listened, and even watched reddit stories, to tend to catch onto things that others wouldn't. OP is an AH for the obvious, trying to force a reconciliation between her husband and his mom, MIL is an AH for the stuff she put OP's husband through in the past, and I'm sorry about this...but even OP's husband is an AH for not telling OP the truth about why he doesn't talk to his mom anymore, and I don't wanna hear this "it's not her business to know" or "she didn't need to know" cop out bullsh*t excuse. ANYTIME you are in a relationship with someone, REGARDLESS on how bad one's past is, I understand that trauma is a thing folks, and it affects a lot of folks differently, but STILL...folks in any relationship need to be honest about their past, that way sh*t like this won't happen. Trust goes both ways folks, and for OP's husband to keep changing the subject every time OP brought up the topic about his mom, those would be some serious red flags. Just saying folks...
Story 1: I see everyone bashing OP but I'm on one of the commenters sides of this. You can not want to reconnect all you want but misinformation can lead to problems. OP was uninformed and OP's husband refused to inform her, perhaps she went a bit too far by inviting the mother but still how was OP supposed to know when the dude never informed her. Telling people about trauma should happen before marriage not after, your partner is (for the most part) supposed to know you better than you know them and vice versa.
Uninformed may play a part but it seems OP is more to insensitive and couldn't read situation. She admit he always changed subject even dropping the matter right away when asked about it. Most people already took that as "oh, okay. Do not mention about this anymore. Noted." unless they were trying to be AH or as intrusive insensitive as OP
@@NessieNice Yeah that's where I say OP's partner is in the wrong in this. OP has a right to know, he's her fricking husband. He should've told her sometime during when they were dating. In fact OP should've pushed more, how was she supposed to know the situation. If my significant other while we're married changed the subject or tried to drop it immediately I'd keep pushing until I got an answer. I'm supposed to know my partner inside and out, at least for the most part.
@@jamesplayzreviewsNoone is owed a victums truama no matter how close they are. Respecting the very deliberate avoidance, and intead of intruding, leave the door open to being a safe outlet is the most reasonable apporach. My wife 6 years into our marriage finally became someone i can confide in about my past traumas. Unlike the OP in s1 she let me know when i am ready she is ready.
@@jamesplayzreviews understandable, I just re read your comment and it comes off as very brazen and entitled to sensitive information. I hope you don't pressure your significant other to give you information they haven't felt comfortable bringing up yet, that's rather demeaning.
This will not be a popular opinion but when you marry someone you have to disclose all relevant information about your past like sexual experiences, finances, trauma, problem with drugs or gambling or let's say that one of your uncles was a mafia boss, so that your partners can make a informed decision. About the wife's savior complex you can tell your partner your point of view about anything but imposing it on people can't be tolerated because respect is even more important than love to healthy relationship and one have to make peace with the fact some people hate each other and reconciliation is not an option or your will grow bitter trying to stick together something which fate is to be broken.
I think the husband is lowkey a bad guy here… you’ve been married to this woman for 6 years together for at least a decade and you don’t tell your wife this? No ones mind is going to immediately jump to “my husband is not talking to his mom because her bf SA’d him” you need to be up and honest with your partner it would’ve been different had he told her… if you don’t trust the person you married with that information you shouldn’t be married
Blud how did you come to that 1. she destroyed an boundary of his only toxic mfs does that 2. She doesnt have to 'immediately jump to' you dont just cut out your bc you feel like it, there obviously has to be a big reason for it 3. While where your coming from you need to realize that maybe talking about it messes him up
It's not about trust. He just wasn't ready. If he was to tell her, he would have to, you know, relived the experience. Not many SA victims ready for this even after decades left. They might even carry it their whole life to the grave.
No. SA is not the only valid reason to cut contact. If you think it's okay to try to force a reconciliation unless it's a worst case scenario that you are explicitly told about, you're a selfish ah. People who do that sort thing don't do it for their partner. They do it for their own self gratification. She wanted praise for being such a good person and fixing her husband's family.
When you think you’re the main character in a Hallmark movie. 🤪
“I thought any emotion hubby could have would be better cooled by a hug.” She doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.
💯👍🏿
She definitely did everything wrong. She should have told him that she contacted his mother. Even if he would get upset, she could get a better understanding on what he wants to do if she mentions that Mom did want to reconcile. OP might not know what happened, but she was wanting to help and figure out what happened.
Not saying she should have done anything, but spouses tend to want to help their SO. I know I'd at least want to know why the estranged parent is that.
She is an arrogant prick who has decided she knows everything about family life and no one else knows better than she does!
I doubt she even has one brain cell
Usually Hallmark movie rifts don't involve something as severe as assault. They're trying to reconcile stuff like not approving of the partner or career choice or being upset they left their hometown. The fact they wouldn't even talk about it should have been a hint she was out of her depth.
If someone no longer wants contact with someone, you just have to accept it. You don't have the right to go behind their back and welcome someone back into their life like you know better.
Or maybe don't keep secrets from your partner. Just maybe that is why male SA and rape are not taken serious, because so many would rather bury it then talk about it.
@@mevan883 That's circular logic. The reason they don't speak up is because they aren't taken seriously; among other things. Husband does not have to open up about his childhood trauma if it makes him uncomfortable. He should be able to trust his partner not to go behind his back like this.
@@mevan883 Male SA victims are not taken seriously because they are men. So many people think "oh, you can't SA men, they like it so it's not SA." or they are told to "Man up and deal with it." a lot of men who come forward are mocked for "letting a woman push you around like that" or "Not being man enough" to stop them. Men keep secrets and bottle things up because when they DO come out about them, they basically get beaten down for doing so. Then people go "Why don't you just open up?" well, because when he opens up, it gets weaponized against him. I've got an uncle who was drugged and SA'd by another guy, and he recovered from the drugs and beat the other guy to death. He tried explaining that he was SA'd and defended himself. Guess what? Nobody believed him, and he's doing life now. That's how it is. Guys know that it doesn't matter what the scenario is, nobody will ever believe them and if they even bother to say something, they get mistreated all the more for being "weak". So, knowing all of that, it's fully reasonable for guys to not open up. They feel safer not saying anything to anyone. If a guy doesn't want to talk, you should absolutely never go behind his back like this. it's a betrayal of trust, and if it was me, she'd be crying that she lost her husband over it. She should count herself incredibly lucky she's getting another chance.
OP is wrong but it is weird to not tell your spouse something that big
@@rubymeaddleIt's not weird.. some ppl want to leave their SA in the past & having ppl know about it kinda defeats that purpose
Good job OP, you betrayed your husband just like his mother betrayed him when he was a child.
Story 1 op is so lucky he didn't leave her high and dry. But I bet she'll try doing stuff like this again.
If she has a Savior Complex, she likely will.
Without a doubt. Like she said:I have always felt that I know better than my hubby.
This gal has less brains than a slug.
Sounds like she watches too many movies
She may have a second chance, she won’t get a third.
We’ll see this story again.
She's definitely the type to look back and say she did good getting mother and son back together again. Too bad husband couldn't reconnect with his mother and still divorce OP.
Story 2 "You have two Daughters to think about" yeah, and one of them has been sleeping with the other's Husband for two years. The Daughter who is going through a rough time needs more support than the homewrecker.
I'm guessing OP's sister was also a cheater hence why she supported the daughter who cheated. Next time she tries to defend her, OP should ask her when she cheated on her own husband.
I have a husband who isn't talking to his mother. Wasn't SA just other matters. You DO NOT force your ideal of family life on other people. I asked our first year of marriage if I should just send a Christmas card and he said no. AND THAT WAS THAT. I don't need to know more, I have no right to force myself into the middle of their issues. I was sad that it was this way, but I never mentioned it again or even that I was sad. I smiled and asked which university friends to send cards to and that was all. Why do arrogant idiots do this to their partners?
They live in a fantasy world
Bet after rebuilding her relationship with her husband, she reaches out to the stepfather and forces "reconciliation" from her husband and mil.
Doubt it.
There would be no third chance and she knows that.
When the estranged person themselves won’t even tell you why, that should be enough of a red flag.
Thats a level of trust broken i could never recover from.
The OP in story 2 is the best mother ever. In most stories I read when this thing happens the mother would would just be like "get over it, be happy for your sister" but not this lady. If only all the other idiots out there would be like her.
Yep. They get all enraged at 1st. As soon as the home wrecking skank says We're Expecting, all bets are off. Then they start in with "That's your sister/brother. He/she is family. You can't keep this up. It's time for you to get over it. That was XX years ago."
People, sexual assault victims will not broadcast their trauma. They feel embarrassed and ashamed
Male victims are swept under the rug too much, people don't expect a man to have suffered like this.
And a man will also never know how a woman will react if she finds out.
Story 1: I never understand why these people thinks they can bulldoze boundaries and believe they know what's best for their partners when said partners made it clear why they set the boundaries in the first place.
Updates: OP better remember how close she came to being divorced before she makes another stupid decision.
Story 1: Damn! The husband LITERALLY said his wife was "too stupid" to do what she did maliciously! This should be a wake up call for him to NEVER have children with her...if she doesn't do anything else stupid enough to make him finally leave her.
I've said this several times before; trust your partner/spouse in these situations, and take a back seat. They understand what it means to be a member of their family far better than you do. Forcing reconciliation violates trust and shows that you don't respect their feelings or judgement.
'Cooled by a hug' someone is smoking the good stuff. He should have divorced her
story 1: if i was OP's husband, I 100% would have divorced OP.
Story 1 - I see some people saying that OP's husband didn't trust her and he should have and told her about him being sexually assaulted. I have even seen some comments calling him the bad guy for it. Out of all the people in the story, OP's husband is most definitely NOT the bad guy. What people don't seem to grasp here is that OP's husband was COMPLETELY CORRECT not to trust OP!!!! Look what she did. She went behind his back and got his mother to come for a reunion. She also lied to the mother about the whole thing. And then...THEN, she posted on a public forum for all to see her husband's trauma when he didn't want anyone to know!!!! She's retraumatized her husband. What a bitch!
Lbh nobody would be blaming the child 🍇 victim for not talking about it if he was the woman.
story 1: the only way to fix this is to let your future ex-husband to divorce you......op...you deserve this....ex-husband will need some therapy thru his lawyers for this trauma....
The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
What actually angers me the most about the first story is that we are still hearing it. If it wasn't made up, then not only has just betrayed her husband in her arrogance, now she is waiting for him to finally divulge details probably because she keeps asking him until he gives in to tell her, and she is PROMPTLY sharing those details with the whole world. Shame on this lady. Honestly, she should have kept the rest of the story private after being told that she was indeed the AH and why she was wrong.
Story 2: I remember this one. With sisters like this, who needs enemies.
Her two last brain cells are running for third place.
Story 3: "We shall refer to me as me" GENIUS!!! xD
Story 1: If your spouse of *six years* refuses to open up about a parent that they cut contact with before your relationship, don’t meddle. You aren’t owed the details.
Story1. Op does not sound like a good person. I probably would not have forgiven them.
I hate this forced reconciliation movement, why do some people think it's a grand idea like things will just fall into place like a Hallmark movie!
They grew up sheltered in fairly decent to good families and can't wrap their heads around the fact other people's parents are horrible. This story triggers me a bit, because I grew up with abusive parents who I cut all contact with at 19. The number of people who give me "advice" along the lines of "You should forgive them. They're your parents." and "I got spanked/whooped for doing bad stuff, and I still love my parents and would never cut them out" is ridiculous. Like no Bob, I was not spanked for being "bad" unless you consider getting dragged by my hair off a chair and kicked while I was curled up on the floor at 5 for dropping a soapy plate while doing dishes as my step-father screamed at me about not breaking his dishes because they're worth more than me a light spanking.
@@PandoraBear357I know damn well people like OP are raised in the way you describe yet always think that they've had the hardest life cause their parents didn't get them the latest iphone
Story 3: OP is the MVP of how to tell a story lol
S1, it feels like the updates are made up. It feels unreal and spends like some kind of idealized happy ending, what she wished happen. She sounds delusional, you dont call yourself a dork after ripping an old wound back open like that.
Story one husband is a doormat for taking her back. Complete doormat.
He didn't take her back. She is crazy.
When someone sets a boundary of "no contact",you have to respect that. Real life isn't a Hallmark movie and some relationships are so damaged that they're better off left alone. Period.
Story 1. It would have been impossible for me to forgive either my wife or mother…
Story 1 OP Just wait when your husband gets to find out that you posted everything about him on public forum.
Story sounds fake
unfortuately If I had to bet I'd savior complex gal in story 1 will do it again, especially since she really dindt have any consequences and ignoring the details the husband and mother did end up talking again so in a couple years with a foggy memory of this events she could easily revert to her know it all savior complex ignoring everyone's feelings
Story 1: These forced reconciliation stories always make me mad in general, but it's even worse when people try it without knowing what caused the seperation to begin with. They always assume it was something petty that could be forgiven. And that's how they end up in situations like these where they reunite victims with their abusers.
At least the MIL had the common sense to realize that surprising him wouldn't go well unlike the ditzy hallmark protagonist.
People like OP have never faced any problems in their life and have had parents who cared about them amd spoiled them.They still think that they've lived the hardest life ever,so they think that the other person couldn't have suffered any worse and thus think that it was petty
If OP1 actually understands what she did wrong and is actually serious about improvement, I have to push back on the calls for divorce. Her husband doesn't read as a doormat. If she tries this shit again, she'll be out the door for good.
Whether she geys another chance is the husband's call. He knows better than we do if she's hopeless.
Yes, she only realised how much she hurt and violated him because it blew up in her face and she personally suffered consequences and almost lost him, but she sounds like that shock actually caused some self reflection (plus the comments may have aided with that) and she understands why what she did was wrong and is serious about working on herself and having the patience required to prove herself and build back the trust she broke.
There's no guarantee she'll succeed, but this seems like one of the few relationships that may recover from this colossal fuckup.
When someone doesn't want to be around somebody, it sometimes means something bad happened.
Story 1: the ONLY defense ill give OP:
The husband nor his mother told her what it was. To her, it could have been any multitude of reasons for NC.
The problem with that excuse is context. If he shuts down, changes topics, and just avoids it all together? Something happened. And until you get more info *YOU DO NOT SURPISE THEM*.
Yeah well, the main reason male SA victims tend to not talk about their abuse is that society in general tends to dismiss them and ridicule them for it. Took me nearly twenty years to speak about it because of all the instances of 'he had a reaction so it was consensual' or 'lucky boy' or 'he's male, he cannot be SA'ed' The list goes on.
@zackkatian3436 it's why I don't excuse OP. I only explained the only defense I had for her but any adult with empathy and foresight would do better by not surprising their spouse.
The question of "what if they were SA'd" should have been enough for them to pause.
It doesn't matter what the reason is. No one, not even a spouse, gets to decide who gets to be in someone's life. She wanted to have a feel good moment of being the one to make them reconcile. Most kids who cut contact do because their parents are abusive or toxic. She thought there'd be happy tears and everyone would be grateful to her. She was a selfish overbearing b and got lucky her husband let her off the hook.
OP got a second chance.
I would not have given her one.
Wouldnt have mattered why, the fact i said i no should have been all the reason to not get in contact with his mom. I wouldnt trust the wife after that ever again, she already thought she knew better about his history and choices. Nothing could be fixed
Story 1: I think she's lying, nobody in their right mind would forgive like that. What's in the past will always be remembered in the future, and what happened to that poor man will always stick with him forever, because of his birth giver. She doesn't even deserve to be a mother, and she would've done the same thing to the new born. Because when you give people a second chance they always take it for granted.
My partner is NC with his parents, therefore I am NC with his parents. It's not difficult.
Story 1, if you've got to see a therapist to not be stupid, you are a lost cause.
His trauma is the type that could take his whole life to get over. She does have right to know doesn't mean what she did was right. For all we know he could been working towards telling her what happened
S2. For once i find a story like this there the parent are on the hurt child side
Is no one going to comment on the final story and how sure redditors were that op's wife WAS cheating on him?
How to lose your marriage just like that.
1st story : Is why you should mind your own business.
Story 1: glad it all worked out but if the husband wasnt already considering reconciliation with his mother and if his mother was genuinely cruel, i could see a divorce
Story 2: bitch slap him for even asking
Story 3: she sounds like a nightmare. Hope she finds help, far away
S1: nah hes never gonna forget this. She got what she wanted. This will be a problem down the road.
I kind of understand why the husband didn't told OP about his past trauma in the first place. However, I don't believe that OP will ever change as seeing a therapy don't often work but it depends on the people and the therapist. The main one is that the MIL should've believe her son in the first place about that man.
Story 1 op is lucky her husband is a spineless doormat. Any other man with aelf respect would've gone through the divorce. The lack of consequences for her will make her think ahe can do it all over again. And this time will be the husband's fault
I do not blame the husband of OP for maintaining no contact with his mother because she would not believe that her fiancé sexually abused her son until she saw it for herself! She was pregnant with his child and lost it due to miscarriage because of the stress! OP was stupid for not respecting his boundaries when he did not want to talk about his mother! She is lucky that he did not divorce her!
Story 1: Could think how someone can make her a mother.
Story 3: fart powered personal had me dying
English is also my first language and i also suck at it 😅
Story 1: I would’ve dumped her, she really got lucky her husband was a great guy.
Story 2: has to one of the best reddit moms ever
Story 3: he may stink at English, but it doesn’t matter, he has more than enough sense to trust his wife but what’s more impressive is how he dealt with his sil. He was neither judgmental nor condescending but never enabled her.
2nd story. When Sally gets cheated on by Peter - I think that's their names here - and she comes to OP crying I hope she says to her "you gotta get over it sometime." And closes the door.
Story 1: OP’s husband is a doormat who should have divorced OP. It’s crazy how women don’t believe men should be able to have boundaries or standards. OP is the rule when it comes to women not the exception.
Naw, she made the rest up. She is crazy.
I like listening to these stories and all but why exactly would you be talking about your husband's CSA on Reddit right after massively breaking his trust already?
You could even make this post without mentioning this thing he clearly doesn't want you telling people let alone thousands upon thousands of people. Literally just say "The situation with his mother was a lot more serious than I originally thought but I won't reveal it out of respect for my husband" but instead she just told everyone about the most traumatic experience of his life without his consent - there's a point where stupidity becomes indistinguishable from malice and OP clearly hasn't learnt anything.
What is it with women forcing victims to meet the ones who hurt them?
It’s because they’re demons. All of them. Even your own daughters.
the only thing that i disagree a little with the commenters is whether op has a rite to know. shes his wife. the one hes supposed to love trust and spend the rest of his life with. to be estranged is a pretty big deal. if he cant bring himself to trust and tell his spouse why, then maybe he shouldnt have married
Rather than trust, I think it's more trauma issue. By telling her, he had to, you know, relived the experience. Not all SA victims ready for that even after decades past
Gonna go against the grain, but... if you marry someone, you should at least give them some details about your past and family. I don't know if maybe OP would have done things differently if she knew, maybe not. But, she can't be completely blamed when he's not telling her things that you'd think you would tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, and most definitely your spouse. How do you marry someone and not tell them about your past and family?
First Story: Gonna have to go with ESH. I know I'll probably get heat for this, but hear me out. Being one whose read, listened, and even watched reddit stories, to tend to catch onto things that others wouldn't. OP is an AH for the obvious, trying to force a reconciliation between her husband and his mom, MIL is an AH for the stuff she put OP's husband through in the past, and I'm sorry about this...but even OP's husband is an AH for not telling OP the truth about why he doesn't talk to his mom anymore, and I don't wanna hear this "it's not her business to know" or "she didn't need to know" cop out bullsh*t excuse. ANYTIME you are in a relationship with someone, REGARDLESS on how bad one's past is, I understand that trauma is a thing folks, and it affects a lot of folks differently, but STILL...folks in any relationship need to be honest about their past, that way sh*t like this won't happen. Trust goes both ways folks, and for OP's husband to keep changing the subject every time OP brought up the topic about his mom, those would be some serious red flags. Just saying folks...
I understand but its not OP's business. And OP's husband has the right to have privacy
Story one is fake as f
Pure farming for karma.
Story 1: I see everyone bashing OP but I'm on one of the commenters sides of this. You can not want to reconnect all you want but misinformation can lead to problems. OP was uninformed and OP's husband refused to inform her, perhaps she went a bit too far by inviting the mother but still how was OP supposed to know when the dude never informed her. Telling people about trauma should happen before marriage not after, your partner is (for the most part) supposed to know you better than you know them and vice versa.
Uninformed may play a part but it seems OP is more to insensitive and couldn't read situation. She admit he always changed subject even dropping the matter right away when asked about it. Most people already took that as "oh, okay. Do not mention about this anymore. Noted." unless they were trying to be AH or as intrusive insensitive as OP
@@NessieNice Yeah that's where I say OP's partner is in the wrong in this. OP has a right to know, he's her fricking husband. He should've told her sometime during when they were dating. In fact OP should've pushed more, how was she supposed to know the situation. If my significant other while we're married changed the subject or tried to drop it immediately I'd keep pushing until I got an answer. I'm supposed to know my partner inside and out, at least for the most part.
@@jamesplayzreviewsNoone is owed a victums truama no matter how close they are. Respecting the very deliberate avoidance, and intead of intruding, leave the door open to being a safe outlet is the most reasonable apporach.
My wife 6 years into our marriage finally became someone i can confide in about my past traumas. Unlike the OP in s1 she let me know when i am ready she is ready.
@@DuratisDex I've frankly told everyone about my trauma but fine, you do you
@@jamesplayzreviews understandable, I just re read your comment and it comes off as very brazen and entitled to sensitive information. I hope you don't pressure your significant other to give you information they haven't felt comfortable bringing up yet, that's rather demeaning.
This will not be a popular opinion but when you marry someone you have to disclose all relevant information about your past like sexual experiences, finances, trauma, problem with drugs or gambling or let's say that one of your uncles was a mafia boss, so that your partners can make a informed decision.
About the wife's savior complex you can tell your partner your point of view about anything but imposing it on people can't be tolerated because respect is even more important than love to healthy relationship and one have to make peace with the fact some people hate each other and reconciliation is not an option or your will grow bitter trying to stick together something which fate is to be broken.
I think the husband is lowkey a bad guy here… you’ve been married to this woman for 6 years together for at least a decade and you don’t tell your wife this? No ones mind is going to immediately jump to “my husband is not talking to his mom because her bf SA’d him” you need to be up and honest with your partner it would’ve been different had he told her… if you don’t trust the person you married with that information you shouldn’t be married
Low key bad guy? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Blud how did you come to that
1. she destroyed an boundary of his only toxic mfs does that
2. She doesnt have to 'immediately jump to' you dont just cut out your bc you feel like it, there obviously has to be a big reason for it
3. While where your coming from you need to realize that maybe talking about it messes him up
Also theres like 4 people in this story and the husband is the least bad one
It's not about trust. He just wasn't ready. If he was to tell her, he would have to, you know, relived the experience. Not many SA victims ready for this even after decades left. They might even carry it their whole life to the grave.
No. SA is not the only valid reason to cut contact. If you think it's okay to try to force a reconciliation unless it's a worst case scenario that you are explicitly told about, you're a selfish ah. People who do that sort thing don't do it for their partner. They do it for their own self gratification. She wanted praise for being such a good person and fixing her husband's family.
Day 179 of commenting to help secretvoices