Imagine if you accept you are dying and you say I don't want any treatments it is only going to prolong my pain. I recently lost a loved one to cancer and I kept thinking she should do this and she should do that and she said to me "I want out of my body" and I realize she wasn't giving up she just had had enough and I respected that. I miss her but I understand.
Our for profit medical system will sell you as much “hope” as you want; our family chose to abandon hope and give our loved one the most precious gift of dying at home in peace. Thank you for your honesty . . . Rare.
"He that lives in hope dances to an ill tune" (16th Century Proverb). When I was seven years old my father said to me "hope is a fool's word". Now that I am an old man and facing the exit door of life I fully understand what my Dad said, and what Dr. Blackwell echoes, so I am choosing life and living today while I know the Grim Reaper is at my shoulder. Excellent talk.😁👋
I am stage 4 Glioblastoma and days from death,and this lecture is the most relevant, most spot-on understanding of how hope can actually work to our detriment. Dont waste your life hoping for more life & dont let your fear of death steal your ability to appreciate and be present in what time you have left.
Lisa is both living AND dying. I am in a very similar position as Lisa. Living every day and learning as much as I can to pass on to my children. This TED is lovely.
Great talk! We as a society are so obsessed with duration of life rather than quality, that we end up sacrificing our time in order to buy more time. If all our hope and striving went into enabling support for people to die at home, we might be able to change those numbers for the better and relearn what it means to be with death and dying. I once got to meet a neurosurgeons family... All his work was dedicated to prolong life. Death was what must never happen. He and his grown up children remained so traumatized by having lost the mother/wife and so unable to even remember her or speak of her, that they started to hurt the next generation by uncontrollably lashing out whenever the subject came up. Imagine of this doctor had had more space for death, for processing his own feeling and being with his childrens grief rather than abandoning them emptionally. All of those generational sufferings down to the grandchildren and nieces are "optional, additional sufferings" that might have been lessened by meeting death. The mother was going to die at some point. Why scream at the third generation, why lock them out over having mentioned "mother's day"? So much unnecessary suffering on top of the inevital grief...
Thank you for this important talk. My late husband (an M.D., J.D., MS in Bioethics), who was quite sick with Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, would never tell me when he was struggling, and tried to compensate for any deficits. He could not discuss his end of life because he was convinced that he would not die, at least not in the near future. I wish I had heard this talk before he died, because I feel guilty that I made the decision to cease life-support, but I was assured there was no hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this talk.
I have had two cancers. My most recent lung cancer is stable but expected to return. I found this lecture helpful. I try to live in the moment I'm in,with gratitude to God. I try to do the best I can to deal with the fatigue and being dependent on oxygen. I use talk therapy to ease the anxiety. It's a struggle to accept especially when you are sick. Death is part of life and I'm coming to terms with that.
I saw needless, painful procedures done to terminal patients while I was a nurse. I’m now facing an early death myself with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. I hope that I will refuse these treatments as my disease progresses and have instructed my family to refuse these treatments for me if I’m unable to talk for myself. Hospice is a blessing and hope to have comfort in the dying process.
Without a doubt one of the best discussions on death I have ever heard. I have never understood why people fear death. It's the most guaranteed thing in life. Live your life to the best you can, and when death comes greet him like an old friend.
I have feared death over one year now. its scary to me because i fear how will cope watching them die. and want is the point of living and we all have to die.
Once heard a man say "i'm not too scared of dying. Everyone before me has done it successfully, so i am pretty sure i will too." I was so amazed at this perspective. But i think there can be bad deaths - not incomplete ones, but unneccessarily painful and frightening ones when there are interventions, isolation, or refusal of hospisce medicine under the argument of" prolonging life" for a few hours
So honored to be Leslie's friend and colleague. This was an amazing presentation. What I hear is there a difference between more life and more living. There is also a point where hope slips into denial. Thank you for this amazing gift.
My late girlfriend recently died from stomach cancer and while it crushed me when it happened, she had a very peaceful, comfortable death, which is all she really wanted at the end of life. She was in the comfort of her own home, in her own bed when she passed away. She passed away a couple hours after saying her final goodbyes to a few of her friends on a Zoom call. She was very emotional during the call, but after I hugged her and she gave me one last kiss, she said "thank you," she laid back down in her bed, whispered something under her breath, I can't really tell what she said because I could barely her those final words, but I do know she was at peace when she said those final words and closed her eyes for the last time.
I’m sorry I went through the same thing with my wife over 30 years ago It was a secondary cancer from the radiation therapy At least that’s what the doctors say She had been in remission for over 3 years with Hodgkin’s disease She ended up with a high grade sarcoma in her spine When she passed I was relieved because she had been in so much pain
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and she believed she was going to beat it partly because her oncologist kept suggesting treatment that she herself said wasn’t a cure. I watched mom live for almost a year in total denial because her doctor had her on a comfort medication in a chemo pill. I’m glad she enjoyed her last few months, but in the end she didn’t even get the 18 months they suggested she had.
Thank you Dr. for an eye opening point-of-view on dying. How ironic it is that "hope" is what keeps us going in our daily lives, yet may morph into "denial" with regards to accepting our own mortality in the end. Very difficult for the human mind to grasp that concept. You must be a very special and patient person in your attempt to teach this.
We can live life and be hopeful for as many days as possible ...Drs. make mistakes and people need to be who they are ...hopeful or not hopeful , they are allowed to feel how they want to feel....
@@lorrainepatterson6300 Very well said Lorraine. Hope is usually what keeps us all going. I can see how acceptance towards the end can bring some peace for some. Regards.
My family, ten remaining siblings and I have varying beliefs about our mom's breathing condition. The matriarch is 88 yo.requiring an oxygen mask to keep her alive. She failed the video swallow test during her hospital stay, and all foods and meds taken orally were immediately stopped. The doctor stated that they can do no more for her. As I said, there are varying degrees of acceptance among us about mom's emanate death, about choosing artificial technology to prolong her life or choosing comfort care for nurses to treat only visually observed distress symptoms. Some siblings don't want to give up hope, and are not willing to let mom go, based on fear or traditional religious beliefs of right to live no matter the cost. Some siblings sense that her condition will not improve and wish a natural death for her. Personally, I don't want my child to suffer to provide care for his ailing mum. I believe that life on the other side is much better, so when death nears, I'll be willing to "check out" and "check in" to another realm of being.
Hope springs eternal. I've heard that some reasoning people see that it is rational to let go if they become terminally ill. But when it actually happens, many people are hooked on life and they want to continue on as far as they can.
I don't agree with her about hope. I have stage 4 liver cancer and because my hope has never been an earthly-based one but a heavenly hope......I am actually excited. I chose quality of life over quantity and it has been more than enough. Get right with God. He's the only real source of hope.
Real hope is a person, he is Jesus... Lets not spend our time dying but living for the Lord. Lets live with a... H-eart O-f P-ursuing E-ternity... 🕊️🙏🏾❤️
When I was young, I watched my dad die of cancer and going through treatments that stripped away any semblance of the man he was. Ever since, I've been waiting for the inevitable to happen to me too. I've got 6 more years until I'm the age he was and in much worse general health, I'm not counting on being here much longer... So I try to live well, to enjoy it while it lasts... But thanks to disabilities and a traumatic past, I never got to do the things I wanted to, and I likely never will. There was never any hope here. When the time comes, I welcome it as the release it is. It's all part of the journey, and I've been ready to get off this train for a long time.
Our bodies don't live forever but our souls do. The greatest hope is when we're in Christ because then we go from this life to life everlasting and we are spared the sting of death.
Dr. Blackhall reminds me a great deal of Mrs. Kemp in the Lindsay Anderson movie ...IF. The character played by Mary MacLeod. Yes, Dr. Blackhall is doing it for me.
OMG I turned on this video and I was already thinking everything she was saying I’ve got 4th stage cancer It’s prostate cancer in the bone Doctor tells me I could have quite a few years left with the zytiga I’m taking But the pain is unbearable Thank God for oxy’s
Interesting talk, it’s a calculation of when to pull the plug, I have stage four cancer not feeling too bad but it is progressing, I hope the stars align and I could release my body with dignity with my family about
I feel like I have to hold onto hope for the future because "living a fuller and richer life right now" isn't always possible. Some moments are just painful. I would love to live more fully. But I can't get out of bed. The only thing making these moments any better is remembering there were moments not like this and hopefully there will be some more.
@@rosemaryoconnor630 That can help!! I love seeing how cool the world is through the internet. Also, thank you for bringing me back to this comment....A year has passed since I felt that way, and my life is already so different now!! I'm excited for what the future holds and for everything I am currently doing :) It was definitely hard back then, though, and I won't be surprised if I have more times like that, too! But at least I am now very confident that good times can be thrown in the mix :) I am very lucky, though...I managed to finally get diagnosis and beginning treatment for a medical issue that was making it hard for me to live (lesson learned: if you only feel calm when you're lying down, and feel anxious as soon as you sit or stand, and have dizziness, fatigue, blood pooling, weakness, and seem to need twice as much water as anybody, track your heart rate bc apparently that isn't normal and could be a treatable condition called POTS! wish I had known earlier, when I'm treating it well, life is so much easier. Thought i was just depressed or anxious or something.) Thank you for the tip!! I'm glad you have found things that work for you!! Sending care your way!! 💜💜💜
Dr. Blackhall, such an important talk. Thanks! I am currently in palliative care and expect a long period before expiration due to the nature of my disease and without any known medical treatment available after several major surgeries with chemo - pseudomyxoma peritonei - so your talking about living in a way that recognizes it will end makes great sense. Have you read Stephen Jenkinson’s book on this called, “Die Wise”? You two should collaborate.
It's still so hard to realize that our close ones can disappear from our lives at any moment and we won't see them again.. It's so hard to understand we're just organisms. Our close ones are the meaning of our lives. But what happens when they're gone? We just don't want to think about it. We ignore it. But all our hope in life depends on others... Humans lost all their natural instincts... We think we're smart, but we just hurt ourselves and our environment more and more, we can't accept nature as it is. We always look for ways to change it, for ways to become superiors. But we're not. And we'll never be. We're just animals. And death will always be there to remind us that.
Since most MD,s know when your life will fail, they have the obligation to inform the patient. It is the human right to be aware, if your MD is a good Dr. They should tell you. Most people do gave a sence of it,but need to hear the Dr. say it straight.
True. Which is why in Dr. Blackhall's talk she told the story of the resident saying "I don't think the patients understand what is happening to them". They don't. Because the medical profession isn't being honest with them.
Failure to discuss the right of the patient to decide when and how they will die of the terminal illness of advanced old age makes this irrelevant. Having been part of the torturous "dying by slow starvation until your organs finally fail" of three close relatives has made me a firm supporter of right to die legislation but it must include "old age" as a terminal illness.
I'm of the belief that a person will not actually be aware of their own death. I don't think anyone will be, like "Ok, this must be it- looks like it's time, and I shall now die." and then cease to live. You can't suffer if your brain's been shut off. I THINK that *most* likely, it will be like that period during sleep when there's zero conscious thought. You never remember the moment you fell asleep because there's no conscious thinking at that stage. You are *incapable* of *experiencing anything* . You *will never actually be aware* of *it* , so don't be afraid.
ACTUALLY WE NEVER DIE, THIS IS AN ILLUSION KIND OF, WE ARE IMMORTAL, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IS HOW WELL YOU DID WHILST HERE, DID YOU EVOLVE OR DEVOLVE OR STAY STUCK AND GET NO-WHERE; MY REGARDS TO ANYONE WHO IS SUFFERING THOUGH, MEDICAL THC IS VERY GOOD IF YOU CAN GET FR YOUR GP!
Common sense. Realistic perspective of a reality very few individuals wish to consider, let alone have an open conversation about with our loved ones. Dr. Adul Gawande (Being Mortal) and Dr. Sherwin Nuland (How We Die) so eloquently address her point regarding doctors not taught how to have end of life conversations. Most, if not all, oncologists have one foot in the grave with their patients.
yeah, i sure wish the docs who ooked at my dad knew how to diagnose multiple myeloma, we almost lost him right away when his kidneys failed. docs kept saying he had alzheeimers.neither side of the family had it. we had 10 months with him, not long enough for him or me. he fought dying so hard. he was off dyalisis because he was so weak and non-functtional forr nearl a month before he could let go.
I think we are a strange species I was watching a TV show based in a real live hospital and there were at least 10 people trying to save the life of a 65 year old man and somewhere in the world 18 year olds are being sent out to wage war for whatever reason the person in charge wants Why is one old man important and hundreds of young men are not ? Can some one explain the logic of this ?
Basically I just don't want to live anymore. I'm 56 and I've absolutely no joy left in life . No notes. No whining. Just a rope and I'll have peace within 8 to 9 minutes.
What is life but a prolonged terminal illness? We all like to pretend we won't be dead when the time comes, we all desire to live forever but what will you gain from living forever? The time we have now is a present- the present.
I watched my mother suffer and deteriorate over a decade. Seeing that was terrifying for me. She was 4 stones when she passed. Not only that but I feel I was robbed of that decade (my 50's) as I was her carer. I now have no chance to find someone so I am alone. I have no one who would care for me and care in the UK is almost non existent unless you're rich, and I have no faith in the medical system, I treat myself with food and supplements and I am fit and healthy after some very bad health issues. I am pretty sure suicide will be my end. (unless I have an accident) That's O.K. Life has never held much joy anyway.
I hope your feeling better. I wish you find someone special or build a network. I have single friends with no children and we all take care of each other.
Hello, I’m willing to do an English to French translation for this video. Is there someone to contact or something to do to add a translation to this video? Because I believe this has to be shared as much as possible and I know lots of people won’t hear this message of language barrier. If anyone knows how to achieve that, I sure would appreciate their help. Thanks !
WHATS THE MEANING OF Life.. ? ? ? People ask me all the time -What is the meaning of life? Is it about having a fancy car, a big house, a great job or even being famous? No.! - Ok. Then it’s about being in love having a wife, kids- family and the white picked fence ya-ya...thats it.! No.!.. Ok. Then GOOD HEALTH -NO..! -Tel that to someone who’s on there death bed-NO..! Life is all about realizing that this is just a temporary stop in our journey to Heaven… All the highs life has to offer does Not compare with what God has planned for us and the Lows in life only strengthens our desire for Heaven…. So Please….. TURN TO JESUS- life is to short-and tomorrow my be to late…. Pastor Johnny ray....
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the word of God. It has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." - Discovering Reason. Thomas Paine
I'm going to shower you with attention and my awareness. I'm going to give you a lot of my time. I'm going to be in physical proximity to you. I'm going to touch you, hold you, cuddle you. I'm going to try to connect with you physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. I'm going to take good care of you. I'm going to care about your needs. I'm going to help you to meet your needs. I'm going to help you to survive. I'm going to shelter you from excessive suffering, fear and trauma. I'm going to have your back. I'm going to defend you and be loyal to you. I'm going to take on your agenda as my own. I'm going to make you an extension of me. I'm going to treat you as well as i would treat myself. I'm going to be happy for you when you succeed. I'm going to want for you what you most want for yourself. I'm going to sacrifice for you and work on your behalf. I'm going to support you nurture you and encourage you. I'm going to cheerlead you. I'm going to encourage your self-exploration, self-expression and self-actualization. I'm going to respect your sovereignty as a consciousness. I'm not going to try to manipulate you, control you, dominate you or exploit you. I'm going to totally accept you and never judge you. I'm going to value you for your sake and appreciate you and see your intrinsic beauty. I'm not going to need anything from you and I'm not going to make you a tool to satisfy my own needs. I'm going to respect your point of view, wanting to understand your point of view, wanting to understand you, your uniqueness, taking the time to deeply get to know you. I'm not going to force my agenda or point of view on you. I'm going to listen to you and care about your interests and share similar interests with you. I'm going to develop togetherness with you and collaborate with you. I'm going to be there for you when you're down and hopeless. I'm going to be there for you when you're lonely. I'm going to validate your feelings, sharing your emotions with you, empathizing with you. Your pain is going to be my pain. I'm going to meet you where you're at, at your developmental level. I'm going to forgive you for your mistakes. I'm going to be patient with you. I'm going to see the good in you even when you don't see the good in yourself. I'm going to be generous and kind. I'm going to give you verbal approval and praise. I'm going to compliment you on your uniqueness. I'm going to keep my promises to you. I'm going to keep my peace with you, avoid conflict with you. I'm going to tell the truth to you. You're going to be able to fully trust me and I'm never going to cash in on that trust. I'm going to see your realness, warts and shadow and all as you truly are. I'm going to deeply appreciate the finite portion of consciousness that you are and I'm going to accept your selfishness whenever you have the urge to be selfish. Now ask yourself on a scale of 0 to 10 how loved do you feel? Open Your Eyes. 😂🦘🦘🧨
All of this is great happy-clappy horse manure, until you are the one told you are dying. Then its terror. Fear of the unknown: which is perfectly rational
If you have an incurable disease then why get treatment for it just to possibly get another year or two? Why burden your family with medical bills that will always be sent their way? The medical bills never end, even after the person is gone.
I wake up everyday hoping to die soon. And I think I might be really sick. I’d rather die than living sick. That’s Forsure. I already lost both of my parents, and I’m only 27.
I have terminal cancer but I am not afraid of death, I just have culture shock, I lived in Mexico with a family and man I love and I am very sad.I wish I could be around love and smiles.
Her tone is suggesting that is wrong to want to live longer. She tries to make her opinion fact by making those who hope to live longer seem foolish. Also, I don’t care if you tell me if I have issues, but don’t say that to others, it might be degrading and demeaning to them.
I am really not sure ! I think she is more of a '' good morning it's a miracle we are still alive and what a blessing '' kind of person ! _ there is two ways of taking this talk, live everyday as it was your last, or live everyday as it was the first day of your life ! Either way, i don't think it is a bad experience ! Anyway, we can live in the present, trying to be grateful for the life we have !
Clearly there are good reasons why brain dead people are not doctors, and not even intellectuals a bit, and those people are rather like animals. Chickens from chicken run. Only the brave could face reality, and plan real alternatives, the rest just living with hope even when hope is not a real option... Real option is plan, actionable intelligence.
I don't understand your comment here - what author, Dr. Blackhall? She has no power to control comments on a RUclips video. Aside from that, knowing Dr. Blackhall as I do, it is my belief that she would not feel at all intellectually threatened by someone holding a contrary view.
Imagine if you accept you are dying and you say I don't want any treatments it is only going to prolong my pain. I recently lost a loved one to cancer and I kept thinking she should do this and she should do that and she said to me "I want out of my body" and I realize she wasn't giving up she just had had enough and I respected that. I miss her but I understand.
Our for profit medical system will sell you as much “hope” as you want; our family chose to abandon hope and give our loved one the most precious gift of dying at home in peace. Thank you for your honesty . . . Rare.
"He that lives in hope dances to an ill tune" (16th Century Proverb). When I was seven years old my father said to me "hope is a fool's word". Now that I am an old man and facing the exit door of life I fully understand what my Dad said, and what Dr. Blackwell echoes, so I am choosing life and living today while I know the Grim Reaper is at my shoulder.
Excellent talk.😁👋
I am stage 4 Glioblastoma and days from death,and this lecture is the most relevant, most spot-on understanding of how hope can actually work to our detriment. Dont waste your life hoping for more life & dont let your fear of death steal your ability to appreciate and be present in what time you have left.
Six So true!
Was there a miracle cure? Spontaneous remission? It does happen, but if not, then rest in peace, and thank you for your wise words
Well said.
Rest In Peace brother.🙏🏻 May the next life be better than this one.
U r stronger than I
Lisa is both living AND dying. I am in a very similar position as Lisa. Living every day and learning as much as I can to pass on to my children. This TED is lovely.
Great talk!
We as a society are so obsessed with duration of life rather than quality, that we end up sacrificing our time in order to buy more time.
If all our hope and striving went into enabling support for people to die at home, we might be able to change those numbers for the better and relearn what it means to be with death and dying.
I once got to meet a neurosurgeons family... All his work was dedicated to prolong life. Death was what must never happen. He and his grown up children remained so traumatized by having lost the mother/wife and so unable to even remember her or speak of her, that they started to hurt the next generation by uncontrollably lashing out whenever the subject came up. Imagine of this doctor had had more space for death, for processing his own feeling and being with his childrens grief rather than abandoning them emptionally. All of those generational sufferings down to the grandchildren and nieces are "optional, additional sufferings" that might have been lessened by meeting death. The mother was going to die at some point. Why scream at the third generation, why lock them out over having mentioned "mother's day"? So much unnecessary suffering on top of the inevital grief...
I'm 75 and have no family. I have a DNR and Living will and just hope it's honored and that's the scary part for me.
Thank you for this important talk. My late husband (an M.D., J.D., MS in Bioethics), who was quite sick with Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, would never tell me when he was struggling, and tried to compensate for any deficits. He could not discuss his end of life because he was convinced that he would not die, at least not in the near future. I wish I had heard this talk before he died, because I feel guilty that I made the decision to cease life-support, but I was assured there was no hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this talk.
I have had two cancers. My most recent lung cancer is stable but expected to return.
I found this lecture helpful. I try to live in the moment I'm in,with gratitude to God. I try to do the best I can to deal with the fatigue and being dependent on oxygen. I use talk therapy to ease the anxiety. It's a struggle to accept especially when you are sick. Death is part of life and I'm coming to terms with that.
My 74year old sister and I had chest cold day10 she had back pain then pneumonia Gone😢
@@bobravenscraft5376 so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
I saw needless, painful procedures done to terminal patients while I was a nurse. I’m now facing an early death myself with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. I hope that I will refuse these treatments as my disease progresses and have instructed my family to refuse these treatments for me if I’m unable to talk for myself. Hospice is a blessing and hope to have comfort in the dying process.
God bless you as you live the rest of your life, however long that is, on your terms.
Tamara Jessup, thank you
Thank you. I feel well currently. Every day is a gift!
Carol I hope you are still doing well
I suggest you watch Dr Mary Neals talk here on Ted Talk
🙏🙏🙏
Without a doubt one of the best discussions on death I have ever heard. I have never understood why people fear death. It's the most guaranteed thing in life. Live your life to the best you can, and when death comes greet him like an old friend.
I have feared death over one year now. its scary to me because i fear how will cope watching them die. and want is the point of living and we all have to die.
Once heard a man say "i'm not too scared of dying. Everyone before me has done it successfully, so i am pretty sure i will too."
I was so amazed at this perspective.
But i think there can be bad deaths - not incomplete ones, but unneccessarily painful and frightening ones when there are interventions, isolation, or refusal of hospisce medicine under the argument of" prolonging life" for a few hours
The continuation of life is Real...nothing to fear....Jesus's Light and Love is with us all...thank you for sharing.
Great talk. I wish more doctors had this common sense approach. Well done! 👏🏾👏🏾
Hear hear.
Now in my 47th year of being with elderly people leaving this mortal coil. This woman speaks my thoughts.
Many thanks.
she is so on point........the medical community has to be told to step down and stop filling us with useless chemicals
So honored to be Leslie's friend and colleague. This was an amazing presentation. What I hear is there a difference between more life and more living. There is also a point where hope slips into denial. Thank you for this amazing gift.
Good points, Jonathan: the difference between more living and merely "more life"; and hope slipping into "denial"...
My late girlfriend recently died from stomach cancer and while it crushed me when it happened, she had a very peaceful, comfortable death, which is all she really wanted at the end of life.
She was in the comfort of her own home, in her own bed when she passed away. She passed away a couple hours after saying her final goodbyes to a few of her friends on a Zoom call. She was very emotional during the call, but after I hugged her and she gave me one last kiss, she said "thank you," she laid back down in her bed, whispered something under her breath, I can't really tell what she said because I could barely her those final words, but I do know she was at peace when she said those final words and closed her eyes for the last time.
I’m sorry I went through the same thing with my wife over 30 years ago
It was a secondary cancer from the radiation therapy
At least that’s what the doctors say
She had been in remission for over 3 years with Hodgkin’s disease
She ended up with a high grade sarcoma in her spine
When she passed I was relieved because she had been in so much pain
Absolutely Brilliant. Thank you for discussing this most difficult issue with such clarity, dignity and peacefulness.
13:45.. "death is not a failure of will, or something we let happen. It's a part of living"
Brilliant talk. About facing reality and death, which none of us knows how to do.
Hope was what drove my partner to get chemo, ruining his last 5 months and keeping him from eating and in constant pain.
My thoughts exactly.
I hope more people can watch this and really think about it. Thank you, Doc for putting it in to words.
Sshhh
an excellent, sensible discourse, and what really should be "common sense"
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and she believed she was going to beat it partly because her oncologist kept suggesting treatment that she herself said wasn’t a cure. I watched mom live for almost a year in total denial because her doctor had her on a comfort medication in a chemo pill. I’m glad she enjoyed her last few months, but in the end she didn’t even get the 18 months they suggested she had.
Thank you, Dr. Blackhall, it is very wise and kind speech that, I believe, every person needs to hear and not just once...
Thank you Dr. for an eye opening point-of-view on dying. How ironic it is that "hope" is what keeps us going in our daily lives, yet may morph into "denial" with regards to accepting our own mortality in the end. Very difficult for the human mind to grasp that concept. You must be a very special and patient person in your attempt to teach this.
We can live life and be hopeful for as many days as possible ...Drs. make mistakes and people need to be who they are ...hopeful or not hopeful , they are allowed to feel how they want to feel....
@@lorrainepatterson6300 Very well said Lorraine. Hope is usually what keeps us all going. I can see how acceptance towards the end can bring some peace for some. Regards.
GREAT TALK! I agree with you completely. Dying is a part of life -- EXACTLY!
@Guybrush Threepwood if you're human you will die regardless if you like it or not
My family, ten remaining siblings and I have varying beliefs about our mom's breathing condition. The matriarch is 88 yo.requiring an oxygen mask to keep her alive. She failed the video swallow test during her hospital stay, and all foods and meds taken orally were immediately stopped. The doctor stated that they can do no more for her. As I said, there are varying degrees of acceptance among us about mom's emanate death, about choosing artificial technology to prolong her life or choosing comfort care for nurses to treat only visually observed distress symptoms. Some siblings don't want to give up hope, and are not willing to let mom go, based on fear or traditional religious beliefs of right to live no matter the cost. Some siblings sense that her condition will not improve and wish a natural death for her. Personally, I don't want my child to suffer to provide care for his ailing mum. I believe that life on the other side is much better, so when death nears, I'll be willing to "check out" and "check in" to another realm of being.
Thank you for this brilliant,, heartfelt , thoughtful talk.. ❤️❤️❤️
Hope springs eternal. I've heard that some reasoning people see that it is rational to let go if they become terminally ill. But when it actually happens, many people are hooked on life and they want to continue on as far as they can.
It comes down to complacency in people not facing reality. We need good caregiver palliative providers to teach.
I don't agree with her about hope. I have stage 4 liver cancer and because my hope has never been an earthly-based one but a heavenly hope......I am actually excited. I chose quality of life over quantity and it has been more than enough. Get right with God. He's the only real source of hope.
amen!
Double Amen, going to our eternal home with our Lord💕🙏
I will see you in Heaven with our Jesus
How are you now? Did you overcome your cancer
Don't trust a middle aged woman with bangs.
Real hope is a person, he is Jesus...
Lets not spend our time dying but living for the Lord. Lets live with a...
H-eart
O-f
P-ursuing
E-ternity...
🕊️🙏🏾❤️
My thoughts exactly. Brilliant speech. Loved it. It all falls apart in the end... carpe diem...
When I was young, I watched my dad die of cancer and going through treatments that stripped away any semblance of the man he was. Ever since, I've been waiting for the inevitable to happen to me too. I've got 6 more years until I'm the age he was and in much worse general health, I'm not counting on being here much longer...
So I try to live well, to enjoy it while it lasts... But thanks to disabilities and a traumatic past, I never got to do the things I wanted to, and I likely never will. There was never any hope here. When the time comes, I welcome it as the release it is. It's all part of the journey, and I've been ready to get off this train for a long time.
I think that is part if who we are. And I think thats what brought us this far and will one day take us to inhabit the stars. Forever forward🤟
Loved this ❤️. Thank you for this needed talk to all mortals who think they are immortal in the human form.
Our bodies don't live forever but our souls do. The greatest hope is when we're in Christ because then we go from this life to life everlasting and we are spared the sting of death.
Excellent presentation 🙏🙏🙏
wonderful
Thank you for this insightful talk!
Perfect and excellent. Thank you.
Your friend is both living and dying at the same time, just like we all are.
Love it! Glad Dr. Blackhall is my palliative care doctor!
Best talk on dying
Well spoken!
Dr. Blackhall reminds me a great deal of Mrs. Kemp in the Lindsay Anderson movie ...IF. The character played by Mary MacLeod. Yes, Dr. Blackhall is doing it for me.
Well said!!
Only 20 comments...
I guess this is a topic we want to avoid. Beautifully presented.
Tough but a very illuminating talk
Brilliant. Thank you.
OMG I turned on this video and I was already thinking everything she was saying
I’ve got 4th stage cancer
It’s prostate cancer in the bone
Doctor tells me I could have quite a few years left with the zytiga I’m taking
But the pain is unbearable
Thank God for oxy’s
Interesting talk, it’s a calculation of when to pull the plug, I have stage four cancer not feeling too bad but it is progressing, I hope the stars align and I could release my body with dignity with my family about
@@barbossa70 I agree with you 100%
I hope you are still doing well
Carpe Diem
Live each day to the fullest
Take care
Thank you so much. This was wonderful.
I feel like I have to hold onto hope for the future because "living a fuller and richer life right now" isn't always possible. Some moments are just painful. I would love to live more fully. But I can't get out of bed. The only thing making these moments any better is remembering there were moments not like this and hopefully there will be some more.
I use the Internet to take me through experiences and to places I’d never get to have on my own. It helps me feel less deprived.
@@rosemaryoconnor630 That can help!! I love seeing how cool the world is through the internet. Also, thank you for bringing me back to this comment....A year has passed since I felt that way, and my life is already so different now!! I'm excited for what the future holds and for everything I am currently doing :) It was definitely hard back then, though, and I won't be surprised if I have more times like that, too! But at least I am now very confident that good times can be thrown in the mix :) I am very lucky, though...I managed to finally get diagnosis and beginning treatment for a medical issue that was making it hard for me to live (lesson learned: if you only feel calm when you're lying down, and feel anxious as soon as you sit or stand, and have dizziness, fatigue, blood pooling, weakness, and seem to need twice as much water as anybody, track your heart rate bc apparently that isn't normal and could be a treatable condition called POTS! wish I had known earlier, when I'm treating it well, life is so much easier. Thought i was just depressed or anxious or something.)
Thank you for the tip!! I'm glad you have found things that work for you!! Sending care your way!! 💜💜💜
Dr. Blackhall, such an important talk. Thanks! I am currently in palliative care and expect a long period before expiration due to the nature of my disease and without any known medical treatment available after several major surgeries with chemo - pseudomyxoma peritonei - so your talking about living in a way that recognizes it will end makes great sense. Have you read Stephen Jenkinson’s book on this called, “Die Wise”? You two should collaborate.
Jenkinson has several great interviews on utube. I appreciate his work also.
I wish I had found this a year ago. I would have fought harder for my sister to have the dignified death she was denied in the pursuit of hope. 💔
It's still so hard to realize that our close ones can disappear from our lives at any moment and we won't see them again..
It's so hard to understand we're just organisms. Our close ones are the meaning of our lives. But what happens when they're gone?
We just don't want to think about it. We ignore it. But all our hope in life depends on others...
Humans lost all their natural instincts... We think we're smart, but we just hurt ourselves and our environment more and more, we can't accept nature as it is.
We always look for ways to change it, for ways to become superiors. But we're not. And we'll never be. We're just animals. And death will always be there to remind us that.
Well said!!!! Im not alone in my way of thinking and that brings me a sense happiness.
@@SkyliCyrus why would you be alone everyone dies
@@SkyliCyrus everyone is a person
@@yesyes3392 said “alone in my way of THINKING.”
@@SkyliCyrus everyone thinks this way that's what i'm sayiing. ???
Since most MD,s know when your life will fail, they have the obligation to inform the patient. It is the human right to be aware, if your MD is a good Dr. They should tell you. Most people do gave a sence of it,but need to hear the Dr. say it straight.
True. Which is why in Dr. Blackhall's talk she told the story of the resident saying "I don't think the patients understand what is happening to them". They don't. Because the medical profession isn't being honest with them.
Beautiful ♥
Thank God for Jesus who gives us eternal life the good news is john 3:16😮
Super pick me up at the beginning of this talk
Death is a fact of life... the issue is not about death but what we do with life? What is life at self's level? That needs our attention...
Failure to discuss the right of the patient to decide when and how they will die of the terminal illness of advanced old age makes this irrelevant. Having been part of the torturous "dying by slow starvation until your organs finally fail" of three close relatives has made me a firm supporter of right to die legislation but it must include "old age" as a terminal illness.
I'm of the belief that a person will not actually be aware of their own death. I don't think anyone will be, like "Ok, this must be it- looks like it's time, and I shall now die." and then cease to live.
You can't suffer if your brain's been shut off. I THINK that *most* likely, it will be like that period during sleep when there's zero conscious thought. You never remember the moment you fell asleep because there's no conscious thinking at that stage. You are *incapable* of *experiencing anything* . You *will never actually be aware* of *it* , so don't be afraid.
ACTUALLY WE NEVER DIE, THIS IS AN ILLUSION KIND OF, WE ARE IMMORTAL, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IS HOW WELL YOU DID WHILST HERE, DID YOU EVOLVE OR DEVOLVE OR STAY STUCK AND GET NO-WHERE; MY REGARDS TO ANYONE WHO IS SUFFERING THOUGH, MEDICAL THC IS VERY GOOD IF YOU CAN GET FR YOUR GP!
People are getting more practical and knowledgeable about the end of life. Don’t let religion get in your way.
What made you state this ? any additional information you would like to share... ?
Common sense. Realistic perspective of a reality very few individuals wish to consider, let alone have an open conversation about with our loved ones. Dr. Adul Gawande (Being Mortal) and Dr. Sherwin Nuland (How We Die) so eloquently address her point regarding doctors not taught how to have end of life conversations. Most, if not all, oncologists have one foot in the grave with their patients.
yeah, i sure wish the docs who ooked at my dad knew how to diagnose multiple myeloma, we almost lost him right away when his kidneys failed. docs kept saying he had alzheeimers.neither side of the family had it. we had 10 months with him, not long enough for him or me. he fought dying so hard. he was off dyalisis because he was so weak and non-functtional forr nearl a month before he could let go.
This seems to me to be a very existentialist view. Benevolent fatalism.
I think we are a strange species I was watching a TV show based in a real live hospital and there were at least 10 people trying to save the life of a 65 year old man and somewhere in the world 18 year olds are being sent out to wage war for whatever reason the person in charge wants Why is one old man important and hundreds of young men are not ? Can some one explain the logic of this ?
When you face death you instand Know the value of life...
Basically I just don't want to live anymore. I'm 56 and I've absolutely no joy left in life . No notes. No whining. Just a rope and I'll have peace within 8 to 9 minutes.
I hope you changed your mind…I’ve struggled with an unhappy life and have fought hard to stay afloat
I feel the same way at 48. All my important people have already passed away. What am I still doing here. Life has never had much joy for me anyway.
What is life but a prolonged terminal illness? We all like to pretend we won't be dead when the time comes, we all desire to live forever but what will you gain from living forever? The time we have now is a present- the present.
I watched my mother suffer and deteriorate over a decade. Seeing that was terrifying for me. She was 4 stones when she passed. Not only that but I feel I was robbed of that decade (my 50's) as I was her carer. I now have no chance to find someone so I am alone. I have no one who would care for me and care in the UK is almost non existent unless you're rich, and I have no faith in the medical system, I treat myself with food and supplements and I am fit and healthy after some very bad health issues. I am pretty sure suicide will be my end. (unless I have an accident) That's O.K. Life has never held much joy anyway.
@Michelle Nguyen Thank you. I'm feeling much better and stronger now. i'll just have to love myself.
@@Dawnwitchone glad that your feeling better but if you ever feel like your thinking about suicide again please don’t do it, I want you to live.
I hope your feeling better. I wish you find someone special or build a network. I have single friends with no children and we all take care of each other.
Please say you are okay Dawn? ❤
💜
Hello,
I’m willing to do an English to French translation for this video. Is there someone to contact or something to do to add a translation to this video?
Because I believe this has to be shared as much as possible and I know lots of people won’t hear this message of language barrier.
If anyone knows how to achieve that, I sure would appreciate their help.
Thanks !
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. Friedrich Nietzsche
I had hope until there was none.
Do you all believe in life after death. I used to.but not anymore!
It's very real
Same reason Aliens exist
When you doubt it you are pompous. Why are you special are you the best the universe has to offer
WHATS THE MEANING OF Life.. ? ? ? People ask me all the time -What is the meaning of life? Is it about having a fancy car, a big house, a great job or even being famous? No.! - Ok. Then it’s about being in love having a wife, kids- family and the white picked fence ya-ya...thats it.! No.!.. Ok. Then GOOD HEALTH -NO..! -Tel that to someone who’s on there death bed-NO..! Life is all about realizing that this is just a temporary stop in our journey to Heaven… All the highs life has to offer does Not compare with what God has planned for us and the Lows in life only strengthens our desire for Heaven…. So Please….. TURN TO JESUS- life is to short-and tomorrow my be to late…. Pastor Johnny ray....
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the word of God. It has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." - Discovering Reason. Thomas Paine
Funny😂
I'm going to shower you with attention and my awareness. I'm going to give you a lot of my time. I'm going to be in physical proximity to you. I'm going to touch you, hold you, cuddle you. I'm going to try to connect with you physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. I'm going to take good care of you. I'm going to care about your needs. I'm going to help you to meet your needs. I'm going to help you to survive. I'm going to shelter you from excessive suffering, fear and trauma. I'm going to have your back. I'm going to defend you and be loyal to you. I'm going to take on your agenda as my own. I'm going to make you an extension of me. I'm going to treat you as well as i would treat myself. I'm going to be happy for you when you succeed. I'm going to want for you what you most want for yourself. I'm going to sacrifice for you and work on your behalf. I'm going to support you nurture you and encourage you. I'm going to cheerlead you. I'm going to encourage your self-exploration, self-expression and self-actualization. I'm going to respect your sovereignty as a consciousness. I'm not going to try to manipulate you, control you, dominate you or exploit you. I'm going to totally accept you and never judge you. I'm going to value you for your sake and appreciate you and see your intrinsic beauty. I'm not going to need anything from you and I'm not going to make you a tool to satisfy my own needs. I'm going to respect your point of view, wanting to understand your point of view, wanting to understand you, your uniqueness, taking the time to deeply get to know you. I'm not going to force my agenda or point of view on you. I'm going to listen to you and care about your interests and share similar interests with you. I'm going to develop togetherness with you and collaborate with you. I'm going to be there for you when you're down and hopeless. I'm going to be there for you when you're lonely. I'm going to validate your feelings, sharing your emotions with you, empathizing with you. Your pain is going to be my pain. I'm going to meet you where you're at, at your developmental level. I'm going to forgive you for your mistakes.
I'm going to be patient with you. I'm going to see the good in you even when you don't see the good in yourself. I'm going to be generous and kind. I'm going to give you verbal approval and praise. I'm going to compliment you on your uniqueness. I'm going to keep my promises to you. I'm going to keep my peace with you, avoid conflict with you. I'm going to tell the truth to you. You're going to be able to fully trust me and I'm never going to cash in on that trust. I'm going to see your realness, warts and shadow and all as you truly are. I'm going to deeply appreciate the finite portion of consciousness that you are and I'm going to accept your selfishness whenever you have the urge to be selfish. Now ask yourself on a scale of 0 to 10 how loved do you feel? Open Your Eyes. 😂🦘🦘🧨
My mom had unnecessary 2nd round of chemo that killed her.
Drs get kickbacks for chemo
All of this is great happy-clappy horse manure, until you are the one told you are dying. Then its terror. Fear of the unknown: which is perfectly rational
All i want is tons of painkillers so i dont feel a thing.
If you have an incurable disease then why get treatment for it just to possibly get another year or two? Why burden your family with medical bills that will always be sent their way? The medical bills never end, even after the person is gone.
I wake up everyday hoping to die soon. And I think I might be really sick. I’d rather die than living sick. That’s Forsure. I already lost both of my parents, and I’m only 27.
You still have a long way to go
Wow 27
I want to die in the desert
I don't matter to anyone!!!!!!! I lost hope and nobody cares
Why do you feel such hopelessness...?
I have terminal cancer but I am not afraid of death, I just have culture shock, I lived in Mexico with a family and man I love and I am very sad.I wish I could be around love and smiles.
SUSAN DUNLAP I had children I had love now in a month nobody calls, I am so lonely this cancer it won't kill me
@@laurac904 Why does no one call? What happened?
🐳
this didnt help leslie is still ded
This angers me. Please don't tell me how to live my life. I live the way I live, I think the way I think, and I die the way I die.
Her tone is suggesting that is wrong to want to live longer. She tries to make her opinion fact by making those who hope to live longer seem foolish.
Also, I don’t care if you tell me if I have issues, but don’t say that to others, it might be degrading and demeaning to them.
This poor woman is scared of death...if u live ur life worrying bout that then ur already dead...u get 1 life so get on with...
I am really not sure ! I think she is more of a '' good morning it's a miracle we are still alive and what a blessing '' kind of person ! _ there is two ways of taking this talk, live everyday as it was your last, or live everyday as it was the first day of your life ! Either way, i don't think it is a bad experience ! Anyway, we can live in the present, trying to be grateful for the life we have !
Clearly there are good reasons why brain dead people are not doctors, and not even intellectuals a bit, and those people are rather like animals. Chickens from chicken run. Only the brave could face reality, and plan real alternatives, the rest just living with hope even when hope is not a real option... Real option is plan, actionable intelligence.
I have emphysema and now bowel cancer symptoms skin and bones tried to top myself but not successful. I believe the mind can heal the body
By the number of posts allowed through by author indicates the majority of viewers disagree with her.
Daniel Iwata very profound and rational
I don't understand your comment here - what author, Dr. Blackhall? She has no power to control comments on a RUclips video. Aside from that, knowing Dr. Blackhall as I do, it is my belief that she would not feel at all intellectually threatened by someone holding a contrary view.
You must be really really sick... You can not even read.. and you are delusional .