China MAD Over Shot Down “Weather Balloon,” Trump Wants Firing Squads & George Santos Steals Puppies
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- Опубликовано: 14 фев 2023
- Jimmy and his wife Molly started the morning by having an argument about whether you put lotion on before or after the shower, Microsoft announced that they have officially disabled Internet Explorer, Trump is reportedly talking to advisors about bringing back firing squads if elected again, fraudigal son Don Jr has been doing Daddy’s dirty work again lashing out at Biden’s press Secretary, Men will soon be able to take a pill that will stop their sperm for swimming for an hour, George Santos was charged in Pennsylvania with stealing puppies from multiple breeders, the Senate was briefed yesterday on the three UAPs shot down over the weekend, China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown off course, and people are dumb so we headed out to Hollywood Blvd for a lying saucer edition of Lie Witness News.
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Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy®-nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” is well known for its huge viral video successes, with over 15 billion views and more than 18 million subscribers on the show’s RUclips channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets,” “Lie Witness News,” “Unnecessary Censorship,” “Halloween Candy RUclips Challenge,” and music videos like “I (Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum.” 
Приколы
Wow Don Jr is cracked out
Boy isn't he?? Damn...
Floater ...
He dont care. His lill vids are payd for by" daddy".. gop! .. this is camping money for the son of the self proclaimd trillon air.
Tax deductable.
Nah, he’s coked out, he doesn’t use crack.
"Take me to your dealer" 😂😂 That was a great line snuck into the Don Jr. clip.
The Russian mob
Isn't it Hunter that likes dealers?
I didn’t hear that 😂
@@KaiserBlade how do you know what he likes?
Hunters dealer too
They should bring back firing squads for one last Traitor.
I can supply the rifles!
The only problem with that is the Amish don’t have enemies lists. They are turn the other cheek, kind of people, and they don’t retaliate. I grew up in Pennsylvania. The Amish built barns and silos for us. We always paid them and gave them a ride home.
In your horse drawn carriage?
Love your show.
Honey, it's a joke for goodness sake. A joke that you completely and utterly missed.
Family Guy explains it well: "The flock of amish fly away as avoiding confrontations is their best way to survive."
It must've been an Amish paradise there.
as a dermatologist i can say the best time to slather on lotion is within 3 mins of exiting the shower. you want to lock in the moisture and prevent transepidermal water loss. they have done studies on this...
Somehow, I believe you! Thank you for your expert opinion 🙂
That explains the water that sloughs off me 5 mins after I’ve left the shower & towel-dried.
Good answer Guillermo.
Don Jr calling anyone an imbecile is a clear cut case of psychological projection.
And the 40% that support Biden (fact check me Please Please) at this time are puppets of the media
Well if he's using psychological projection that means he's ready to become a Democrat. That's rule #3 in the handbook I got.
@@g4l430 Naw, that means he's staying a republiKKKan.
@@chuckrambo4401 ~ Says a feeble-minded fan of the network that won its most recent defamation lawsuit by successfully arguing no reasonable person would take Tucker Klansman seriously. Think much?
Kamala/Mayor Pete 2024
"It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again!"
so... Gumb was actually telling us the right order? Water THEN lotion?
Thoughtful guy 🙂
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 He fixed the cable?
@@brianjones7521 Oh, don't ask me. I believe in NUSSINK!!
There's a human that's cruel & not decent. Don jr. Thanks Jimmy.
Firing squads... madness... of course, Donnie's base is gonna love that, though.
Not when they are lined up at the receiving end, then they will cry, it is barbaric. 🙄
@@pannachawangkul585 how many of his followers do you think have done enough to warrant a death penalty? They wouldn’t be lined up against a firing squad.
@@albuquerquehotspot7835 Treason is punishable by death.
Ironic since Tub of fun is guilty of treason
On February 16 1568 the "holy sea" issued death warrant to every citizen of the Netherlands, 3 million men women and children. That's the Vatican.
"cocaine's a hell of a drug" - rick james - Don Jr.
And Aaron rogers
Wow, the Brit chic really committed to that lie. So crazy.
Later the puppies were made into the clothes worn by MTG at the state of the union.
DTjr has the audacity to talk about not having "earned" his job? Not being qualified for her job? Are you f'n kidding me????????????
As if santos can’t get any more cartoonishly evil
"i'M sTeAlInG pUpPiEs... FrOm ThE AmIsH!!
BWA HAH HAAA!!!!!!"
- George's inner voice, probably.
If it wasn't him, it would sound ludicrous. As it is him, it's still ludicrous... but yeah, definitely evil. He's like a Scooby Doo villain at this point.
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 That's not George Santos, it's the old janitor!! *Rips off mask*
Jimmy, you need to invite Santos on Lie Witness News sometime. :)
Santos died on a cross for All of us.
@Jack DeRipper Lies!! He's super spider iron bat man. He's impervious to all humans including the press.
Oh yes!
Yeah, and Don't Forget to include Hunter Biden to that Party. He needs another Hit !! Stop and THINK.... That idiot left his Laptop at a local PC repair shop with All his sensitive Info about the Biden Crime Family and Forgot about it. How Stupid is He?
DJTJ with his wild cocaine arms
I’ve done alot of it for a long time I’ve never acted anything like him - it has to be something else
@@nicb4103 seems more like meth to me!!!!
@@nicb4103 every body is different
I think they look like hostages, desperately signalling for rescue!
@@jamesjoy7547 good one! 😆
Coke Jr. has got to be traveling with a huge squad of bodyguards that keep him from getting popped in the mouth.
Wishing death upon people is really mature. But then again, not surprised as your account indicates politics are your personality trait. I’m assuming gender is your second personality trait? 🤡
🥱
Absolutely
He definitely needs to be punched in the face a few times.
Lmao!
Man I need my dose of Jimmy Kimmel!!
Same!
Not alone
No you don’t. He’s obsessed with trump. He needs to mix things up more. Trump hasn’t been prez for a while now
I think this every day/night.. sometimes I just need to rewatch..
Chester go away
That Lie Witness News segment is brilliantly transparent and thus…..scary at the same time.
There’s no way JR is not doing coke. He’s trying to steal his dads hand gestures
You're right. He's not a coke addict, he's a crystal meth addict.
Yeah, why can't he be more respectable like Hunter. At least he's paying his dad back.
@@g4l430 He's not "paying his da da back." Troll 🙄
@@g4l430 At least Hunter (and Beau) didn't claim "bone spurs" to get out of serving his country. What did Junior and Eric do? Fortunate sons indeed 😆
this is why the GQP really does NOT want to reveal what is on Hunter's laptop... DJTJ's coke supplier network, all the details for the Jan 6 coup, the Green Bay sweep, Epstein's client list, and how they are going to bring JFK Jr back to life...🤣🤣🤣
Congratulations from Germany for hitting the 19mio subscribers Jimmy! 🇩🇪❤️🇺🇸
Wow!
Hello from Oregon USA have a great day
OMG! DJT Jr is speeding on coke!
Nothing new there!
Continuingly accelerating ... but then again, think about how scaring Kimberly Guilfoyle must look with White Powder up your nose ? 🤯
"Speeding on coke" 😂👍
Just a side note. The Amish man was most likely not a simple, good farmer who happened to be selling puppies. The Amish are well known for having puppy mills, in which the animals are treated as livestock and raised in conditions that other breeders consider to be inhumane.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, jack would make all of his indictments stick
If there ever was an indictment......USA is just a joke.
Ty
Is it supposed to be stick or shtick ?
In the meantime, he drives his Chevy to the levy even when the levy is dry ... 🎶
George Santos is a career criminal.
Santos died on a cross for All of us.
So apparently how the US works, he will be president in 2024.
He's the head of the Keystone Cops
Like Trump
And welcome in the GOP.
Just put the lotion in the basket!
It puts the lotion in the basket
@@lenawagenfuehr53 Good girl!
Does Don Jr. know how his father used to say Tanzania and Thailand... Tan-za-nia and thigh-land... really?
He mispronounced names all the time! He didn't know how to pronounce Yosemite - instead saying YO-se-Min-MIGHT.
And Namibia, at an important UN speech, he called the country Nambia, not once but twice😂
@Bongani Tshabalala oh yes I forgot that little gem. Isn't he charming🤮
Love you Jimmy! Keep us laughing through all this craziness 🙏🏽
Laugh is not really you need in craziness.
Truth , courage. These things , definitely not laugh.
Guillermo’s wisdom. “Ladies always right!”
He is now No. 2 on Amish's enemy list. First being the "Electricity" 🤣🤣🤣
Moisturize directly AFTER the shower will help seal the moisture in Jimmy. Lol
👏🏾
I look forward every night to watching Jimmy Kimmel. His monologs crack me up.
Who cares what you want, your routine. Just say his show is great and walk off
His one log is indeed hilarious.
Whoever came up with the "I invented Silly Putty, with my feet" line would make a fantastic DM/GM in any table top game.
Guillermo's readiness to be the punch of a joke is admirable. 🤣
Am pretty sure its in his job description
@@suemilne6174 i’d love to hv his job.
yeah, bet he’s at least a million dollars richer than sitting in the guard booth at the parking lot
punchline
@@jangguttok7437 I read that he was on 500k/year. Wouldn't be surprised if it was true.
Love him! Would so love to have a beer w him...
USA has so many guns, surely one can point to Trump and say you are fired.
If only!
Dude. i fired trump. On a phone call with a helpless federal government employee manning a government helpline...Got fed up said the words.
Hung up called the governors office for here and let the state go too. But i'm mentally disabled
yes Cruella Dsantos made a coat out of the puppies
😆
I'm amazed on how the blonde girl was able to made up all that story in matter of seconds
DJT’s hands are just like his father’s 😂😂
Little boy blue and daddy to
Tiny?
@@marvinmartin4692 Widdle. Widdle teeny weeny hands.
Jimmy is the best in the buisness. Always a pleasure to see a professional at work making us laugh for over 20 years! Hope you continue your amazing show!
DJTJ needs reminding that his genius father once said “Thighland”
Don't forget "Nambia".
and Unpresidented vs unprecedented
As a lifelong Green Bay Packer fan, I really wish we had a quarterback that kept his crazy thoughts to himself. After having people tell him how great he is for the past several years, Aaron Rodgers has lost touch with reality.
Hopefully he stays in the dark forever
Jimmys comments are kind of creepy now. It seems that his name is being reported to be on this list.
Cause nothing says we weren't involved like getting super pissed because we shot down your balloon
Mr. Jimmy Kimmel really makes me laugh.🤣😂
Except for that annoying as hell fake laugher from the audience.
Great, I learn more about the balloons from Jimmy than our government. TU Jimmy for being on it, I just keep watching you to get my news since can get it anywhere else.
Where do you think Jimmy gets it from?
Good gad, please read
Where you been
That sounds like a You problem, J. Literally every major news network has been talking about it and had government spokespeople on to interview about it.
It's criminal the rest of us are forced to share an insurance pool with your level of stupid.
Trump:- "You're fired" (In the show)
American voters:- "You're fired" (In reality)
Yessss Bro!! I COMPLETELY AGREE. LOL
77 yrs old in June. What's with the US and these old men.
I agree, his idiot supporters can't help themselves from being con victims. He literally said if he isn't nominated for President, he won't support their cause, which should show them exactly how much them, and their agenda means to him. He demands 100% loyalty from these goofballs, while they get none in return. They don't even get anything done for them in return, for being zealots.
@@MsMAKEDONKA 2024 another loss this time it will be 10 million votes
@@MsMAKEDONKA funny!
When you receive gasps instead of laughs, you've reached ultimate level comedian. What a good show Jimmy y Guillermo!!!
Yeah, but imagine if he made a conservative joke. There would be dead silence. Only someone like Chappelle can pull that off. Now that's ultimate level. Anyone can make an audience gasp.
@@g4l430 jimmy makes fun of trump and Biden. I think you mean something like a transphobic joke? I love Chapelle too. Jimmy has to limit it cause he's on network television.
@@discgolfcasaus "Transphobic"? where did that come from? I was thinking about his jokes as Trump being a white billionaire calling the system rigged. Trump 95%, Biden 5% if you are being honest. Jimmy has no limit when it comes to bashing conservatives on network television. Just to be clear the gasp wasn't because it was funny. I'm sure we can both agree that comedians aren't always going for funny.
@@g4l430 Why are you here if you don't like Jimmy? Go troll Greg Gutless' site.
👋 Get lost....
Jack be nimble, be quick, jack would make all of his indictments stick
You should delete this one, the other one is better!
@@AR-ed3xw LOL 😋
We've had 3 weird balloon objects fly over and get popped, we've had 3 train derailments with toxic chemicals... Coincidence? I think not!
Don't be foolish, please....
@@morbidmanmusic …. Are you up to date on your COVID boosters?
Because the truth has been told about that debacle from the beginning, right?
Please do us a favor and go put your head back in the sand.
Love you Jimmy Kimmel and Guillermo 💕💕💕
Amish 'breeders' are puppy mills. A reputable breeder would never allow someone to take four puppies. There would be an interview process. Reputable breeders would not just have puppies available when someone walks in.
Thanks for the entertainment, Jimmy!
Wacky wavy arm man. The only time his hands are calm is when he's rolling up a dollar bill !!
Jr should have listened to his mother who said "Son if some thinks you are an idiot don't open your mouth and prove it! Dad said good speech son. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What kind of lunatic puts lotion on immediately BEFORE taking a shower? The soap will wash it off.
What a weird question and weird thing to argue with your spouse about.
Next comes the Running Man and sharks with laser beams on them.
Lie Witness News gives me the most second hand embarrassment I've ever experienced every time I see it, it's an ultimate cringe compilation. Particularly that British woman 😂
Doesn't Trump know the penalty for treason? He always says the quiet bit out loud and says what's going to happen to him.
Off with his head!😟😉
Treason only works in wartime.
"While seditious conspiracy is generally defined as conduct or language inciting rebellion against the authority of a state, treason is the more serious offense of actively levying war against the United States or giving aid to its enemies. Seditious conspiracy often occurs before an act of treason".
The guy literally tried a coup.
If what Trump did was treason he should share a cell with Biden.
If that's what he wants instead of prison time who are we to stand in the way.😆
If it wasn't for professional football Rodgers would be managing a trailer park instead.
Billy, don’t be mad Aaron Rodgers has accomplished more in life than you ever will. It doesn’t look good on you.
You looked it up instead of believing your wife? Yikes.
Great monolog Jimmie. Love the video about people on Hollywood Blvd seeing an UFO.
I don’t even understand the lotion debate, like, WHAT?!😳
AGAIN with the "Firing squads"! Look, can't they just admit they geeked out over The Dark Knight Rises, and there weren't going to be any "Citizen's tribunals and executions" after 1/6? And no, they're not going to bring the Scarecrow and Bane back to do them.
People who commit treason were traditionally put in front of firing squads.
Aaron has had too many head shots. I don't know whether he's getting nuttier or just more bold about going public with his innate crazy.
Firing squads??? That's really funny because that's what I've been thinking we should do to TFG....and his cronies. That or maybe we could put them in pillories in the town squares. We could take the pillory show on the road and bring him to everyone's towns, cities, and hamlets and then at the end of the tour do a finale show in Washington DC so everyone could enjoy it at the same time with fireworks and everything. That would be fitting.
I heard bring back firing squads and was like "maybe he heard someone say mass shooter should get the fring squad" as I have seen that a few times. But then I heard guillotine and remembered why I shouldn't try to make it make sense
Dude george santos is so unbelievable I couldn’t tell where exactly the real interview stopped and the fake one began.
I honestly thought the whole thing was fake, initially!
Yes, a lot like your run on sentence with no punctuation.
Santos’ checkbook was stolen? He had a problem with a stolen checkbook in Brazil too, only he is the accused thief. It’s mind boggling.
So is sleepy creepy hair sniffing dementia Joe.
The reason they’re picking up on everything is because they weren’t even dialed in on slow moving objects.
DJTJ should put a sock in it.
Love when you guys hit the street 😂
Can I get a thumbs up for how much we’ve missed our daily Jimmy Kimmel monologue
❤️💙💙🎤📹🎨🤗
Canada here just checking in with Jimmy to make sure we're not done for yet 👀
Canadia you mean.
Hello neighbor of the North.
Jimmy 😂😂😂😂 Get with the lotion plan 😂😂😂😂
We don't need firing squads. We need people to be allowed to duel In a sanctioned league. There are too many issues where we cant sue someone . But we can all duel.
That's how I'd make america great again.
These "person in the street" things would be hilarious if I thought they were real.
Guillermo knows.
Trump thinks firing squads. Well,okie dokie, let's get him one.
8:00 Even the different signatures of George Santos on those checks don't match!
Someone did steal the checks! You proved it!
@@john33333 No, I didn't. Case in point, with his reputation and trail of lies, he is capable of changing his signatures from purchase to purchase.
It would be interesting to check his signature when he signed in after being sworn in, in the Congress.
I remember as a kid there was this airflow that would set up where I lived, that if you let go of a grocery bag in it, it would launch up into the air, never to come down within visual range.
Lie Witness News makes me wonder how many Santos are out there
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. "You can catch them with poo too" Sheldon...
*Asking someone from London about a UFO over LA....Aye Aye Aye!🤣*
Amish with checking accounts who knew. 😆 🤣 😂. I love the Aron Roger's joke. Lol
"It puts the lotion in the basket." 😳😳😳😳
the Lie Witness News segments are hilarious, but terrifying in showing how quickly people will lie for clout.
14:14 "Do you come in peace?" LOL!
His father said “oranges” instead of Origin 😂😂😂 twice
Love you Jimmy Kimmel, your show is terrific. Best talk show on the air, you rock Jimmy 🤗 😂❤️👍
DJTJ sounds like an old carnival barker.....
Step right up! Win a prize!
a carnival barker for his cult shitshow
I don't think he has a volume control setting
Why are people like this? It's frightening.
Don Jr really putting the Patrick Bateman American Psycho energy out there! I expected him to yell about reservations at Dorsia 😀
That British chick needs to be hired as an improv actress, stat. The way she can make stuff up on the fly, I think we finally found George Santos' soulmate 🤣
Man on the street: "People are talking about the Hollywood UFO. Did you see it?"
Kate Mckinnon: "Sure. The next thing you know I woke up in a dirty little dome with 40 little gray aliens watching me pee in a steel bowl."
Ahhh…you remembered!
Its just cofveve really.....
3:50 _Pull the lever, kronk!_ comes to mind 😂
Looks like Arron Rogers head is actually shrinking.
Aaron Rodgers lives in Dunning Kruger village.
..and he’s such a narcissist, he’s 100% SURE, he’s the smartest, and he knows “the truth“.
As a Canadian, I endorse the use of the word 'Canadia'. However, I do not consent to Don Jr. coming into my province and poaching our wildlife out of season.
Clever drone users and amateur/university balloonists are having a blast!
You're my Hero Kimmel, GOD bless you