Yes, after high school i spent my 20’s trying to dull my own shine and not taking care of myself/ embracing my beauty because i was trying to avoid jealousy and mean girls but I now realize that i will always have to deal with jealousy and mean girls regardless and now embrace and enjoy all of my beauty and youth!!
I did the same but in a different( just internally I guess) way. I made my persona more distant and isolated. I don’t get as intimate with ppl as I use to. My personality has now just taken a hit with other major unfavorable life changes and stress. I hope I can glow again someday but it started after being bullied by those I once called best friends or sisters.
@@spearit3336 i completely understand. Its become harder for me to make girlfriends because of trust issues and the shell ive created around my personality!!
I had a co worker tell me I was so pretty she could " Punch me in the face" I was 18 and had no clue what to say. I kinda laughed it off. Definitely caused beauty PTSD. I'm older now and no longer have that issue thankfully!!
I was once told by a Karen I was so beautiful it made her want to throw up I was 13 It was at beauty pageant finals It was one of the other pageant girl’s mom I think …
Wow😮 at least they were brave enough to verbalise their desire to harm beauty and admit their aversion to beauty instead of faking to be good people like many do only to backstab or sabotage
@@Lovebellzz Ikr. Truly morally revolting that a grown woman was willing to verbally bully some kid who she was probably 3times older than. I remember crying but by the time another adult came over she was gone
I've been told I smile too much by darker men and women. Or that I look better when I don't smile. I have an ear to ear Julia Robert's smile with straight white teeth. It took me until my late 20s to realize how beautiful it was and actually smile in pictures.
My best feature are my eyes..... I had a uabw try so hard to recruit me for her lash extensions. I've learned by letting them touch my hair to stay far away. She probably wanted to blind me.
In high school I was very vibrant, wore expressive clothing, and I attracted a lot of men. I also had a positive and naive demeanor. My father who is a narcissist did something sneaky that I didn’t fully realize until 10 years later. He would start nit picking at my beauty and would heavily imply that if I don’t get my looks together, no man would want me. This caused me to shrink more into myself and I slowly started donning darker clothes and longer sleeves and covering myself because my dad would act a little strange around me and I felt uncomfortable. Every morning when he took me to school he would talk about my looks. Years later I stopped attracting men and I felt scared of my beauty. After doing my shower routine I would look at my naked self and I would gasp on how beautiful I looked. But then fear and anxiety would come after. I’m slowly unlearning the psychological lies that my dad placed on me and starting to find my style and skin care activities again. I’m about to enter my first pageant at 27 years old. Recently I started eating healthier food and my mom kept commenting how expensive my food was. As a result I started eating badly until I realized, I can’t allow people to control my decisions anymore. Beauty PTSD is so real.
“you’d look so good with short hair” “even if you big chop it it’ll still be super long” i’ve alwayssss gotten comments like that about my full, hip length hair… “you’re so blonde & air headed” because im bubbly, carefree, laugh about everything & don’t take life too seriously. i cut it ONCE & neverrrr againnnn. & yes i look a million times better with my long hair like my family’d always tell me lmao. i was scared to wear lashes to work the other day!! because i KNEW it would draw hella attention, id get many compliments which make other women around me jealous, every single time. i mean im super pretty without lashes don’t need them, but when i wear them i’m HELLA pretty. i’ve been told i look like a famous person even when i get minimally dolled up. this video made me realize how much i hold back to make other women around me feel more comfortable with themselves…
Some women can be so jealous of other women to point they murder them. I have recently watched this true crime documentary called “Mean Girl Murders” and the things the women did were just evil and sadistic. It’s crazy how people can let their jealousy get so bad to point where they do uethical actions.
Oh girl, even worse are acid attacks. Jealous women will PAY a hit 🧍♂️ or sometimes do it themselves to douce your face with acid. The result is the skin on your face melting off in an irreparable way, robbing you of your beauty forever. These were happening frequently in the UK a few years ago. To me that’s even worse than murder.
Can you make a video on how hard it is to be single and pretty? I get asked by men and women why all the time. men especially are always so intense with their questioning trying to figure out if something is wrong with me. I like to go out by myself and when I do that is when they bombard me with questions. It’s starting to get to me 😢
when i was in high school i always covered my body with sweatshirts because everytime i didn’t, people would make comments about my body. boys would stare at me, classmates i had never spoken to would compliment me, and even (male) teachers would say something about my appearance. like if i was wearing a crop top, i would have several male teachers joke about them staring at my bellybutton, or just saying something creepy. i was a cute girl in high school but i felt like i wasn’t allowed to be pretty since whenever i put effort into my appearance, i got too much attention. i had also been sexually assaulted the few times i decided to dress up. i had a lot of anxiety during that time too, having all of these eyes on me didn’t help. so i chose the safe option and tried to make myself invisible. even when i wore my sweatshirts, people would always comment on my hair or asked what i was mixed with (i went to a predominantly black school btw). i had a boy in my class that would bully me. he would debate me on what race i was almost everyday, trying to invalidate me and make me feel like i wasn’t “black enough”. he even got other people to agree with him and alienated me. the same boy also physically attacked me one day by choking me. we had gotten into the same fight we always had and he took his chance while the teacher wasn’t in class. ever since i graduated and went to college, i’ve been trying to feel more comfortable with dressing how i really want to dress, doing my hair even though it tends to get people’s attention, and not be afraid to look pretty. your videos talking about these subjects really help me feel validated. nobody wants to talk about things like this because for one; it’s not taken seriously. and two; we’ll seem stuck-up or full of ourselves for talking about it. i’m glad you’re not afraid to.
my grandma was very protective (im sheltered) over me and made me wear turtle neck and baggy clothes and kept my hair in braids only when my body started to mature more at 18 (i became slim thick) that when the turtle neck didnt help or anything else but that when i was graduating highschool so i didnt get SA thank god by any of the boys. (im light skin) i now go to college only online just so i dont have to deal with any of the con of being pretty. sad.
I’ve had women get mad at me for wearing makeup. I have a low visual weight face, so I wear light natural makeup, so it’s not like I was wearing anything that made me stand out. I got accused of wearing fake eyelashes, fake nails, weave/wigs, and stuffing my bra. I started wearing big oversized clothing to hide my body and I would look at the ground when walking by people. And I’ve seven women at my job be nasty to me for no reason and would make up lies about me. It’s weird, because I don’t view myself as someone others would be jealous over.
My mother is very light and would wear darker makeup and keep a short haircut to keep black women from saying something negative. Black will with poor self-esteem will have you with your head down and , being abused, and out of your mind. Pretty PTSD is real.. I'll do story time about this 📣
My mom is a libra so pretty and don’t do nothing because of jealousy… I’ve been doing most of the work for her just so she can atleast feel like on the othersidr till she stop caring about jealous ppl .. I’m making lil progress
same thing happened to my sister, my family would always call her fat when she was actually really slim and now that she's gained a lot of weight to the point her health is act risk my family are concerned when they caused this
I definitely have beauty ptsd in the gym 😔 over critical of what I wear, because ive had comments made about how “I think I’m better than ___” or “you think you’re so cute” but I’m slowly breaking away from that and owning it
I have been having PTSD since I was 14 years old and now I'm 35. I'm too afraid to have female friends because I always think they're going to betray me like the others have. I love your channel so much and if you ever come out with some merchandise I'm happy to buy from you! #stay pretty #exoticalsunited
Ugh, the amount of times I've been ridiculed and made fun of by family and peers growing up for being skinny caused me to develop body dysmorphia that I still struggle with today. Also been made fun of and criticized for wearing make-up, and wearing certain clothes, etc. I'm trying to learn not to gaf anymore and have been doing whatever I want that makes me happy these days. I even shaved my head, which I thought I would never do and I love it!
You hit the hammer on the head with the phenotypes, growing as a dark skin exotical I was always told i look "african" as a humbling tactic I genuinely thought I looked like Lupita N'yongo until my sister who falls under Rihanna's phenotype told me that I look like Justine skye, it was the biggest eye opener to me
What's even worse if you get these bad beauty tips and comments from your own family. It's not even PTSD at that point, it's C-PTSD. Watching this is a little triggering ngl but I need to hear I wasn't crazy.
OMG Yes! I get told I look just black by a lot of black people who wanted to knock me down a peg. It was always said in a sly manner and with a weird expression. Mind you I have blue eyes, kind of have Meghan Markle's phenotype, and wear shade vanilla wafer for my makeup. No other race did this to me and everyone non black that I spoke to assumed one of my parents was white or asian. I'm mgm. They do the "you're just black" with anybody. In fact I feel like I had more people try to make me prove how "down" I am because of how I look. It was like they said that phrase to test me. It made me not want to straighten my hair or dye it blonde back then because I was so scared of looking even less black or being a self hater.
When I was a freshman in high school, I had a guy come up to me after school and he snatched my phone out of my hand. He said he would only give it back if I kissed his friend. They were throwing my phone back and forth if I tried to take it. At one point, the guy tried to tell me that he dropped it down a rain grate because he wanted me to stick my hand in. I have all kinds of stories.
There’s nothing crazy about saying that. I’m white, and I’ve even heard other white people whining about people of other races being given extra scholarships or having an easier time getting into schools for being minority.
I’m indigenous and I believe this. POC often had richer cultures, better food, etc and Europeans had to invent wyt supremacy around 1200 to justify ransacking other places.
YES!!!! Being objectified or being placed on a beauty pedestal by the malefolk is deeply traumatic for women who do not like male attention. It can even be frightening at times.
Such a worthy conversation. I still struggle with this, so I downplay myself soooo much. At my best I’ve gotten attention from NBA players, called out for having a stand-out type of beauty in venues full of people and have men coming out of the woodwork to talk to me. Other times I get accused of thinking I’m better, have people gossiping about me or starting rumors when I don’t give them the attention they feel entitled to. Its also uncomfortable getting attention from men that I don’t want attention from. It’s so alienating and scary to truly be an attractive person. You have to really know how to handle the attention, good and bad. I don’t know how to so I lay low most of the time to try to protect myself and stay relatable. Being too beautiful in the wrong spaces can have serious consequences.
Yes. Please do a series on this. Indeed I did suffer with Beauty PTSD. So much so that I didn’t look in the mirror at myself at all when I was in high school (except for Homecoming and Prom); I would avoid mirrors b/c I was around ppl that always picked on my skin color or my body (having other women saying you have the body of a whore doesn't do great things for your self-esteem), in my religion we could wear makeup but my mom didn't want me too b/c she said i looked too much like an adult and she due to conditioning from some insecure ppl in my midwest family, I always thought I was DS so I bought my foundation and powder darker than it needed to be (keep in mind, I'm between a fenty shade 315 and 330 ok and I was buy the equivalent of 390 or higher). Also YES EU, my WW friends did the same to me. When i wasn't a threat, they treated me fine but once i started getting on their "perceived" level, I became a problem.....but being a creole, I was always warned about that but b/c of what they teach us in high school and middle school, I treated to be nice but being nice to them makes you ans open target for their foolishness. LOL! We're different but I think we would've been great BEFs (Best Exoticals Forever😂❤️) at an HBCU, you with your fruit smoothies and me with Louisiana King Cake bites 💯💯💯 Great video 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It’s hilarious. When I was totally clueless about makeup , my first point of call was the MAC counter. Lo and behold, I was given the ubiquitous NC45. For about a year, I walked around with a tanned, orange looking face. My mother insisted that I get a new one because it was too dark for me. After much trial and error, I came to realise that my correct shade was actually NC42.
YES 😭. I just wanted it to end but i could never get there. Ive been trying to support all of the under dog categories, and they hated me. I just could never win. I've gaslit myself so hard. Now ive got to learn to accept myself outloud and proud. Its so freaking hard.
@fireinthesky_71 Its the "in two episodes" 😭 but they're so right! I woke up this morning super proud of me being able to keep my weight under control but it's taken me 20 years in total. I was thinking "But I did it!". I needed to see this comment this morning 🙏🏾✨️🥹
I’ve had the lady that works for us swirl mine and my sister’s toothbrush in the toilet 😭🤣 Bonus point: She’s a UADSW Because in her mind us not helping her with her job that she is paid for is being spoiled. She even went on to tell people my lotion smells like a potion 😂😂 PS: Yes I am African. I will have to send a story time for this because soft living monoracial light skin young African women have our own trauma over here.
God this video is bringing up so many things I experienced all my life. It only hurt whwn my "friends", or family would be so jealous of me. Where now, my children seem to be a potential victim as well. I say potential because once i noticed certain behaviors I've kept my chikdren from my family. I had to pay attention, but my cousins children are ugly- & my children aren't. They get all the attention when we come around and the kids started making me children feel uncomfortable, so i just dont bring them around. Plus they had the nerve to start inviting ONLY me and NOT my kids to family events. Like WHAT!?
Thank you so much for these videos. They shine light on the darkness I had carried for so long. I used to have an inferiority complex when I was in university. I used to think I wasn’t beautiful and wanted so bad for people to like me and think I was pretty. I used to fangirl the girl I thought was pretty. But now I see all that happened because I lacked self worth and a sense of identity.
Told by old classmate was "too dark" for light hair, every winter get accused of bleaching, etc. all by unambiguous dark skin people. Family reminds you of how light and pretty you are. Sticking with other light skin people helps.
Got bullied out of my job by uadsbw. First thing I did was call this Light skinned girl I meet weeks prior. She got me on at her job right away. I told her what happened. I actually cried. Her boyfriend is mls he took us out to eat and treated us that day. We bonded over our experience. Her BF say he wouldn't date uabw because of how he seen his girl get treated, I really turned him off to them.
Grateful for your response. Even if I tried to express this to my family they would say I’m big headed or full of myself instead of acknowledging their hatred or jealousy or ignorance for you ❤❤
My experience is very similar to yours, even including the MAC NC-45. That exact shade! I also looked orange. It is nice to finally find women who have many of the same experiences, but what is even better is learning ways to love ourselves and appreciate our fluid identity. Thank you for sharing your story and the effort that you put into the content here.
@vwd3437 same here. I was matched with a perfect shade by Dior. They have 1/2 shades if you fall between colors 1, 1.5... It is expensive, but after getting a perfect match from Dior and Channel, I have found a few drugstore foundations that are similar.
Not directly related but I used to dress up and wear high heels a lot, I really loved my heels and I quit wearing them because I got a lot of attention for it and I'd overhear women saying how I'm doing too much and it made me uncomfortable, it made me second-guess myself. I miss my heels.
My 14 yr old told us most of the girls that bully her in school are UAB. I hate this for her. I'm mixed and obv extremely light, but my daughter has hair in the 4 category and has a gorgeous all yr tan. She's allowed them to take any feelings of beauty out of her. When we go out total strangers stop us to tell us how gorgeous she is. All ethnicities & races. Even old & young white ppl stop us and ask what she is, where she's from, is she a model. We were asked to enter her in a pageant. She was told by someone with ties to the industry to send in photos to modeling agency and she refused. They have made her feel unwelcome & unattractive. It is horrible! It gives me flashbacks of my teen yrs and the dark path i went down because being biracial was a no no back when i was growing up in a small town. I don't want this for her. I love the blk community. I love all the different ethnicities in the world. None of us humans are perfect and they're all flawed with in house fighting. I just don't know what to do but try to boost her self esteem. Reinforce what strangers say any time we leave the house but they're winning.
I have beauty PTSD from over 20 years ago after a family member relaxed my hair and skipped a process in the relaxer that caused a lot of my hair to come out overnight. And it was the first day of high school! Later that week, she confirmed that she caused my hair loss with malicious intent! The same person who shamed me for having 4B/4C hair and light skin!
@dearbrave4183 Yes, it eventually grew back! It was so devastating to know this person messed me up on purpose! That same person had a hard life due to her mean-spirited nature! I wasn’t the only one she tortured.
My sister over relaxed my hair too. She let it sit on my hair for over 30 minutes!!! I told her it was burning and she just kept talking on the phone!!! It was coming out in handfuls. Thank God it grew back. I never home relaxed after that.
OMG YES. I’m mixed; 3 Native American tribes and wyt. My mother was especially sabotaging and humbling towards me. She had a younger sister who was a stunning beauty and unfortunately was unfortunately pedastalized over my mother because of her beauty. Once my mother even had my long hair cut all off. And sooo many people around me were so hyper critical. One guy, that I cut off years ago, was always negging me. I could be all dressed cute with a snatched waist and perfect makeup and he Wallu’s point out a faded stain on my shirt. That kind of thing really affected me and even female relatives who’d had kids and were heavy from drinking and carbs would give me the stink eye over how skinny I was. I felt so rejected! This is all so validating! Thank you.
I used to cut my hair and wear baggy clothes to prevent attacks…I used to be loud and brash to fit in as well…being pretty used to stress me out so much but now I embrace it heavily!
Thank you for being candid about your journey, I made a lot of the same developments and mistakes as well. I even acknowledged years ago that my personality as a teen and young adult used to suck.
Yeah I do feel afraid because ppl always sexualize and I can’t even be myself or be nice without it being taken a certain way. Or even with males they’ll always have other motives instead of genuinely wanting to be friends. Like the other night a “friend” was grabbing on me saying how he would sleep with me( he used a different word). He was drunk but it’s like clearly that’s been on his mind and it creeped me out. So fear of being hurt does cross my mind. I hate I have to be so self conscious and can’t be comfortable in being beautiful and dressed up. And I too had the inferiority complex it deeply distorted how I saw myself
I'm getting PTSD from the high school throwbacks! 😅 I went to an all girls private Catholic school. Predominantly white. The beauty standards were for a completely different phenotype and I was outclassed. Gossip Girl was huge back then. As for make up, I remember getting mine done at MAC for debs ball and knew they fucked up when they had to mix two shades to try and get my skin tone. The pictures still make me cringe when I look at them. When nude was a thing, I couldn't wrap my head around colour theory that a white girls nude isn't going to be my nude. I had a different kind of dysmorphia and I literally gave up the pursuit of beauty because I felt like an alien 👽 E.T go home.
@@ExoticalsUnited Lol our mishaps were the foundation that Fenty was built on. Gonna check out a few brands mentioned in the comments and try again thanks to your chats 💅🏾
I'm on a popular karaoke app and a woman went out of her way to send me an invite to a group of bad-sounding karaoke singers lol (I personally don't care what people sound like while having karaoke fun).I know what I sound like, but I think she added me to that group as a humbling tactic! lol
Thank you for this work. I was gaslit into thinking I'm darker and more afro than I am. I am triracial and now fully embracing all my pretty privileges... I'm in this for the long haul for me. Listening to this after conditioning my hair about to do my light skin mani/pedi!
Yes It's hard to go out in public without having mean girls give you d1rty looks (which has resulted in me having social anxiety) and the fact that i just can't trust my own community and constantly have to look for happiness and peace outside of it is so frustrating
I gained a lot of weight because people would constantly talk about my body 😢 I’m mexican, and my whole life I’ve been told by everyone (including children, strangers, men, women) that I’m very pretty, and it’s always been akward to me. I couldn’t handle being pretty AND skinny. I need a mindset change.
8:13 something similar happened to me 😭 in college, i was one of the only people that consistently dressed up. i would wear cute little outfits, heels, and do colorful “euphoria” makeup. one day, randomly, this girl that i’d shared a few classes w at the time posted a bunch of pics to her snapchat of the night before where she was looking cute. one of the selfies read “i don’t have to try to look cute everyday. i can pop out when needed”. i didn’t think anything of it at first. then i swiped back registering that she was low key taking shots at me 😭
Oompa Loompa 😂😂😂 anyway, I was also wearing a darker foundation shade for years 🙃due to body dismorphia. I was too scared to wear my true shade because I didn't want any more accusations from some friends and family that "I'm bleaching my skin". It's like they didn't understand that I get really light during winter when my tan fades. Also I'm an introvert, so I try to avoid attention directed at me.
When I was younger, from pre-teens to early thirties, I would always find myself cutting my hair shorter because I hated the attention I would get from girls and women. They would always marvel and try to touch my hair and I would stop them only to be told I was acting better than for setting boundaries. I switched out to shorter wigs as I grew older and only in recent years, I realized it was a coping mechanism to quell envy. Although I enjoy my brand of beauty and adorn myself, I am introverted and in reality, I dress for myself but it would be met with contempt by both women and men. Ever since, I let my hair grow out and even though I would get the nice nasty compliments like, “where’d you get your wig/weave?” My body and my hair is mine to embrace and enjoy.
Omg please tell me you have a storytime about the nair in your hair, like wtf 😤..im also curious if your parents ever felt any guilt or responsibility for not exposing you to your black or latino culture? Do they know what you went through with your identity? I sometimes think about this when it comes to raising children of color around white people. I get it because their communities usually have the best education and resources but i know it can be daunting and alienating being raised like that
I have been raped in early three times in my life by three different guys, are used to get cat called all the time, and I hated it because it was only towards me and not my friends. Guys are always call me red, my cousin, who I thought was my best friend for many years bullied me, it was very jealous of me, and so was her mother. I have so many stories. I didn’t think that I was anything special, but looking back at things now I see that I must’ve stood out. Even going back to visit my hometown, there is a childhood friend with a twin brother, who is still obsessed about my skin color. He knows I am married now, but he was still flirting with me in front of my husband, and I had a nerve to FaceTime me out of nowhere in the middle of the night.
@5:50 I'm Fenty 360 and I can easily tan to Fenty 385 in summer and NC45 was even too orange for me so I can't imagine how it looked on you 😱😂 I want to know if you matched yourself to NC45 (because you thought you were darker) or if the MAC rep choose that shade for you (what happened to me). Most reps could never find the right fit for me (my face is neutral but my neck is clearly olive) and I had to learn how to make things work for me.
39:12 omg yes!!! i hate when people say that when is it scientifically proven that all humans need love, community, and validation. this a video also made me realize that having no friends and just locking in and focusing on my own hobbies and improving my health, wealth, and overall life has made me a lot happier and gave me the validation I used to chase or shy away from in the past 🩷
Right . A lot of people actually hold themselves back because they don’t wanna be seen as “validation seeking.” Then later they complain that they’re invisible or being replaced by others .
Yes, after high school i spent my 20’s trying to dull my own shine and not taking care of myself/ embracing my beauty because i was trying to avoid jealousy and mean girls but I now realize that i will always have to deal with jealousy and mean girls regardless and now embrace and enjoy all of my beauty and youth!!
Absolutely ❤ I can relate to this. The crazy thing is you can't even successfully hide, might as well enjoy standing out ❤
I did the same but in a different( just internally I guess) way. I made my persona more distant and isolated. I don’t get as intimate with ppl as I use to. My personality has now just taken a hit with other major unfavorable life changes and stress. I hope I can glow again someday but it started after being bullied by those I once called best friends or sisters.
@@spearit3336 i completely understand. Its become harder for me to make girlfriends because of trust issues and the shell ive created around my personality!!
This!!! I definitely need to work on this.
I am in the same boat and getting back on my BS 💪🏽
I had a co worker tell me I was so pretty she could " Punch me in the face" I was 18 and had no clue what to say. I kinda laughed it off. Definitely caused beauty PTSD. I'm older now and no longer have that issue thankfully!!
Omg yes! The random people who “want to fight” you 😂 I’ve had those types of comments as well in CHURCH of all places smh !
I was once told by a Karen I was so beautiful it made her want to throw up
I was 13
It was at beauty pageant finals
It was one of the other pageant girl’s mom I think …
Wow😮 at least they were brave enough to verbalise their desire to harm beauty and admit their aversion to beauty instead of faking to be good people like many do only to backstab or sabotage
@maenad1231 that is disgusting behavior! I'm sorry that happen to you!
@@Lovebellzz
Ikr. Truly morally revolting that a grown woman was willing to verbally bully some kid who she was probably 3times older than. I remember crying but by the time another adult came over she was gone
I've been told I smile too much by darker men and women. Or that I look better when I don't smile. I have an ear to ear Julia Robert's smile with straight white teeth. It took me until my late 20s to realize how beautiful it was and actually smile in pictures.
That had to be jealousy. Glad you're smiling now. Julia Roberts has a great smile. And it is a best feature of many
My best feature are my eyes..... I had a uabw try so hard to recruit me for her lash extensions. I've learned by letting them touch my hair to stay far away. She probably wanted to blind me.
I love that type of smile❤
In high school I was very vibrant, wore expressive clothing, and I attracted a lot of men. I also had a positive and naive demeanor. My father who is a narcissist did something sneaky that I didn’t fully realize until 10 years later. He would start nit picking at my beauty and would heavily imply that if I don’t get my looks together, no man would want me. This caused me to shrink more into myself and I slowly started donning darker clothes and longer sleeves and covering myself because my dad would act a little strange around me and I felt uncomfortable. Every morning when he took me to school he would talk about my looks. Years later I stopped attracting men and I felt scared of my beauty. After doing my shower routine I would look at my naked self and I would gasp on how beautiful I looked. But then fear and anxiety would come after. I’m slowly unlearning the psychological lies that my dad placed on me and starting to find my style and skin care activities again. I’m about to enter my first pageant at 27 years old. Recently I started eating healthier food and my mom kept commenting how expensive my food was. As a result I started eating badly until I realized, I can’t allow people to control my decisions anymore. Beauty PTSD is so real.
“you’d look so good with short hair” “even if you big chop it it’ll still be super long” i’ve alwayssss gotten comments like that about my full, hip length hair… “you’re so blonde & air headed” because im bubbly, carefree, laugh about everything & don’t take life too seriously. i cut it ONCE & neverrrr againnnn. & yes i look a million times better with my long hair like my family’d always tell me lmao. i was scared to wear lashes to work the other day!! because i KNEW it would draw hella attention, id get many compliments which make other women around me jealous, every single time. i mean im super pretty without lashes don’t need them, but when i wear them i’m HELLA pretty. i’ve been told i look like a famous person even when i get minimally dolled up. this video made me realize how much i hold back to make other women around me feel more comfortable with themselves…
Yes ! Definitely beauty ptsd
Yes my experience word for word. That workplace jealousy is actual hell. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Z
you’re so gorgeous 💖 make the haters mad 🤭
I've been in a dark place behind workplace bullying due to beauty. It's traumatic
Some women can be so jealous of other women to point they murder them. I have recently watched this true crime documentary called “Mean Girl Murders” and the things the women did were just evil and sadistic. It’s crazy how people can let their jealousy get so bad to point where they do uethical actions.
@Chocolatechocolate7224
I will check to see if it is on you tube. Thanks!
@@vwd3437 it’s on HBO max
@@vwd3437 it’s on HBO max
Oh girl, even worse are acid attacks. Jealous women will PAY a hit 🧍♂️ or sometimes do it themselves to douce your face with acid. The result is the skin on your face melting off in an irreparable way, robbing you of your beauty forever. These were happening frequently in the UK a few years ago. To me that’s even worse than murder.
And this is why when women notice the red flags they need to remove themselves or be very careful about them.
Can you make a video on how hard it is to be single and pretty? I get asked by men and women why all the time. men especially are always so intense with their questioning trying to figure out if something is wrong with me. I like to go out by myself and when I do that is when they bombard me with questions. It’s starting to get to me 😢
Yes I believe i made a video titled “you can’t be pretty and single” a while back
when i was in high school i always covered my body with sweatshirts because everytime i didn’t, people would make comments about my body. boys would stare at me, classmates i had never spoken to would compliment me, and even (male) teachers would say something about my appearance. like if i was wearing a crop top, i would have several male teachers joke about them staring at my bellybutton, or just saying something creepy. i was a cute girl in high school but i felt like i wasn’t allowed to be pretty since whenever i put effort into my appearance, i got too much attention. i had also been sexually assaulted the few times i decided to dress up. i had a lot of anxiety during that time too, having all of these eyes on me didn’t help. so i chose the safe option and tried to make myself invisible.
even when i wore my sweatshirts, people would always comment on my hair or asked what i was mixed with (i went to a predominantly black school btw). i had a boy in my class that would bully me. he would debate me on what race i was almost everyday, trying to invalidate me and make me feel like i wasn’t “black enough”. he even got other people to agree with him and alienated me. the same boy also physically attacked me one day by choking me. we had gotten into the same fight we always had and he took his chance while the teacher wasn’t in class.
ever since i graduated and went to college, i’ve been trying to feel more comfortable with dressing how i really want to dress, doing my hair even though it tends to get people’s attention, and not be afraid to look pretty. your videos talking about these subjects really help me feel validated. nobody wants to talk about things like this because for one; it’s not taken seriously. and two; we’ll seem stuck-up or full of ourselves for talking about it. i’m glad you’re not afraid to.
💔❤ I feel for you!! May you continue to heal
my grandma was very protective (im sheltered) over me and made me wear turtle neck and baggy clothes and kept my hair in braids only when my body started to mature more at 18 (i became slim thick) that when the turtle neck didnt help or anything else but that when i was graduating highschool so i didnt get SA thank god by any of the boys. (im light skin) i now go to college only online just so i dont have to deal with any of the con of being pretty. sad.
I'm so sorry for your experience 😢
I'm glad you rose above it ❤
@@Satin.Bthat's terrible 😢
Hopefully you can eventually afford to live in a safer neighbourhood❤
I’ve had women get mad at me for wearing makeup. I have a low visual weight face, so I wear light natural makeup, so it’s not like I was wearing anything that made me stand out. I got accused of wearing fake eyelashes, fake nails, weave/wigs, and stuffing my bra. I started wearing big oversized clothing to hide my body and I would look at the ground when walking by people. And I’ve seven women at my job be nasty to me for no reason and would make up lies about me.
It’s weird, because I don’t view myself as someone others would be jealous over.
My mother is very light and would wear darker makeup and keep a short haircut to keep black women from saying something negative. Black will with poor self-esteem will have you with your head down and , being abused, and out of your mind. Pretty PTSD is real.. I'll do story time about this 📣
My mom is a libra so pretty and don’t do nothing because of jealousy… I’ve been doing most of the work for her just so she can atleast feel like on the othersidr till she stop caring about jealous ppl .. I’m making lil progress
I subconsciously got fat due to bullying and harassment
Oh I believe it
same thing happened to my sister, my family would always call her fat when she was actually really slim and now that she's gained a lot of weight to the point her health is act risk my family are concerned when they caused this
Ughh me tooo😭😭
I definitely have beauty ptsd in the gym 😔 over critical of what I wear, because ive had comments made about how “I think I’m better than ___” or “you think you’re so cute” but I’m slowly breaking away from that and owning it
these videos always trigger me but heal me in so many ways, love your channel
I have been having PTSD since I was 14 years old and now I'm 35. I'm too afraid to have female friends because I always think they're going to betray me like the others have. I love your channel so much and if you ever come out with some merchandise I'm happy to buy from you! #stay pretty #exoticalsunited
@fireinthesky_71 I appreciate you're insight. 💜💫
Ugh, the amount of times I've been ridiculed and made fun of by family and peers growing up for being skinny caused me to develop body dysmorphia that I still struggle with today. Also been made fun of and criticized for wearing make-up, and wearing certain clothes, etc. I'm trying to learn not to gaf anymore and have been doing whatever I want that makes me happy these days. I even shaved my head, which I thought I would never do and I love it!
You hit the hammer on the head with the phenotypes, growing as a dark skin exotical I was always told i look "african" as a humbling tactic I genuinely thought I looked like Lupita N'yongo until my sister who falls under Rihanna's phenotype told me that I look like Justine skye, it was the biggest eye opener to me
What's even worse if you get these bad beauty tips and comments from your own family. It's not even PTSD at that point, it's C-PTSD. Watching this is a little triggering ngl but I need to hear I wasn't crazy.
OMG Yes! I get told I look just black by a lot of black people who wanted to knock me down a peg. It was always said in a sly manner and with a weird expression. Mind you I have blue eyes, kind of have Meghan Markle's phenotype, and wear shade vanilla wafer for my makeup. No other race did this to me and everyone non black that I spoke to assumed one of my parents was white or asian. I'm mgm.
They do the "you're just black" with anybody. In fact I feel like I had more people try to make me prove how "down" I am because of how I look. It was like they said that phrase to test me. It made me not want to straighten my hair or dye it blonde back then because I was so scared of looking even less black or being a self hater.
When I was a freshman in high school, I had a guy come up to me after school and he snatched my phone out of my hand. He said he would only give it back if I kissed his friend. They were throwing my phone back and forth if I tried to take it. At one point, the guy tried to tell me that he dropped it down a rain grate because he wanted me to stick my hand in.
I have all kinds of stories.
You know what’s interesting I always said racism is basically jealously but people would say I’m crazy for saying that
There’s nothing crazy about saying that. I’m white, and I’ve even heard other white people whining about people of other races being given extra scholarships or having an easier time getting into schools for being minority.
I'm just realizing this!
Yoo I’ve been saying this too
I’m indigenous and I believe this. POC often had richer cultures, better food, etc and Europeans had to invent wyt supremacy around 1200 to justify ransacking other places.
I get beauty ptsd from men
YES!!!!
Being objectified or being placed on a beauty pedestal by the malefolk is deeply traumatic for women who do not like male attention. It can even be frightening at times.
I get it from unambiguous blk women 😢
Thank you for shedding the light on how sometimes it isn’t racism the problem but literally, us 😅.
Such a worthy conversation. I still struggle with this, so I downplay myself soooo much. At my best I’ve gotten attention from NBA players, called out for having a stand-out type of beauty in venues full of people and have men coming out of the woodwork to talk to me. Other times I get accused of thinking I’m better, have people gossiping about me or starting rumors when I don’t give them the attention they feel entitled to. Its also uncomfortable getting attention from men that I don’t want attention from. It’s so alienating and scary to truly be an attractive person. You have to really know how to handle the attention, good and bad. I don’t know how to so I lay low most of the time to try to protect myself and stay relatable. Being too beautiful in the wrong spaces can have serious consequences.
Yes. Please do a series on this. Indeed I did suffer with Beauty PTSD. So much so that I didn’t look in the mirror at myself at all when I was in high school (except for Homecoming and Prom); I would avoid mirrors b/c I was around ppl that always picked on my skin color or my body (having other women saying you have the body of a whore doesn't do great things for your self-esteem), in my religion we could wear makeup but my mom didn't want me too b/c she said i looked too much like an adult and she due to conditioning from some insecure ppl in my midwest family, I always thought I was DS so I bought my foundation and powder darker than it needed to be (keep in mind, I'm between a fenty shade 315 and 330 ok and I was buy the equivalent of 390 or higher). Also YES EU, my WW friends did the same to me. When i wasn't a threat, they treated me fine but once i started getting on their "perceived" level, I became a problem.....but being a creole, I was always warned about that but b/c of what they teach us in high school and middle school, I treated to be nice but being nice to them makes you ans open target for their foolishness. LOL! We're different but I think we would've been great BEFs (Best Exoticals Forever😂❤️) at an HBCU, you with your fruit smoothies and me with Louisiana King Cake bites 💯💯💯 Great video 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Sorry for this 💔 you story is so relatable. Sending you lots of love ❤
There needs to be scientific research study on the amount of MLS women who were gaslit into buying and wearing MAC NC45
I know right 😂😂😂
@maenad1231
Too funny!! lol
It’s hilarious. When I was totally clueless about makeup , my first point of call was the MAC counter. Lo and behold, I was given the ubiquitous NC45. For about a year, I walked around with a tanned, orange looking face. My mother insisted that I get a new one because it was too dark for me. After much trial and error, I came to realise that my correct shade was actually NC42.
YES 😭. I just wanted it to end but i could never get there. Ive been trying to support all of the under dog categories, and they hated me. I just could never win. I've gaslit myself so hard. Now ive got to learn to accept myself outloud and proud. Its so freaking hard.
@fireinthesky_71 Its the "in two episodes" 😭 but they're so right! I woke up this morning super proud of me being able to keep my weight under control but it's taken me 20 years in total. I was thinking "But I did it!". I needed to see this comment this morning 🙏🏾✨️🥹
I’ve had the lady that works for us swirl mine and my sister’s toothbrush in the toilet 😭🤣
Bonus point: She’s a UADSW
Because in her mind us not helping her with her job that she is paid for is being spoiled. She even went on to tell people my lotion smells like a potion 😂😂
PS: Yes I am African.
I will have to send a story time for this because soft living monoracial light skin young African women have our own trauma over here.
@@chizzy-y7s I’m glad I don’t have to gaslight myself anymore.
God this video is bringing up so many things I experienced all my life.
It only hurt whwn my "friends", or family would be so jealous of me. Where now, my children seem to be a potential victim as well. I say potential because once i noticed certain behaviors I've kept my chikdren from my family.
I had to pay attention, but my cousins children are ugly- & my children aren't. They get all the attention when we come around and the kids started making me children feel uncomfortable, so i just dont bring them around. Plus they had the nerve to start inviting ONLY me and NOT my kids to family events. Like WHAT!?
Thank you so much for these videos. They shine light on the darkness I had carried for so long. I used to have an inferiority complex when I was in university. I used to think I wasn’t beautiful and wanted so bad for people to like me and think I was pretty. I used to fangirl the girl I thought was pretty. But now I see all that happened because I lacked self worth and a sense of identity.
Told by old classmate was "too dark" for light hair, every winter get accused of bleaching, etc. all by unambiguous dark skin people. Family reminds you of how light and pretty you are. Sticking with other light skin people helps.
Got bullied out of my job by uadsbw. First thing I did was call this Light skinned girl I meet weeks prior. She got me on at her job right away. I told her what happened. I actually cried. Her boyfriend is mls he took us out to eat and treated us that day. We bonded over our experience. Her BF say he wouldn't date uabw because of how he seen his girl get treated, I really turned him off to them.
Grateful for your response. Even if I tried to express this to my family they would say I’m big headed or full of myself instead of acknowledging their hatred or jealousy or ignorance for you ❤❤
Wow. This content gets better and better. This is valuable.
My experience is very similar to yours, even including the MAC NC-45. That exact shade! I also looked orange. It is nice to finally find women who have many of the same experiences, but what is even better is learning ways to love ourselves and appreciate our fluid identity. Thank you for sharing your story and the effort that you put into the content here.
@sunshinegirl1655
Lol Me personally, I gave up on MAC and Fenty Beauty!
@vwd3437 same here. I was matched with a perfect shade by Dior. They have 1/2 shades if you fall between colors 1, 1.5... It is expensive, but after getting a perfect match from Dior and Channel, I have found a few drugstore foundations that are similar.
I second this. I was recommended NC45 when I’m really NC42. Dior 4WO is the best match I’ve ever found
Not directly related but I used to dress up and wear high heels a lot, I really loved my heels and I quit wearing them because I got a lot of attention for it and I'd overhear women saying how I'm doing too much and it made me uncomfortable, it made me second-guess myself. I miss my heels.
I'm so proud that MLS women are finally speaking out for themselves
My 14 yr old told us most of the girls that bully her in school are UAB. I hate this for her. I'm mixed and obv extremely light, but my daughter has hair in the 4 category and has a gorgeous all yr tan. She's allowed them to take any feelings of beauty out of her. When we go out total strangers stop us to tell us how gorgeous she is. All ethnicities & races. Even old & young white ppl stop us and ask what she is, where she's from, is she a model. We were asked to enter her in a pageant. She was told by someone with ties to the industry to send in photos to modeling agency and she refused. They have made her feel unwelcome & unattractive. It is horrible! It gives me flashbacks of my teen yrs and the dark path i went down because being biracial was a no no back when i was growing up in a small town. I don't want this for her. I love the blk community. I love all the different ethnicities in the world. None of us humans are perfect and they're all flawed with in house fighting. I just don't know what to do but try to boost her self esteem. Reinforce what strangers say any time we leave the house but they're winning.
I have beauty PTSD from over 20 years ago after a family member relaxed my hair and skipped a process in the relaxer that caused a lot of my hair to come out overnight. And it was the first day of high school! Later that week, she confirmed that she caused my hair loss with malicious intent! The same person who shamed me for having 4B/4C hair and light skin!
Wow ! 😮 So sorry !
Were you able to regrow your hair?
@dearbrave4183
Yes, it eventually grew back! It was so devastating to know this person messed me up on purpose! That same person had a hard life due to her mean-spirited nature! I wasn’t the only one she tortured.
🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀
My sister over relaxed my hair too. She let it sit on my hair for over 30 minutes!!! I told her it was burning and she just kept talking on the phone!!! It was coming out in handfuls. Thank God it grew back. I never home relaxed after that.
@@c4tmh133 Oh my God! That is horrible.
OMG YES. I’m mixed; 3 Native American tribes and wyt. My mother was especially sabotaging and humbling towards me. She had a younger sister who was a stunning beauty and unfortunately was unfortunately pedastalized over my mother because of her beauty. Once my mother even had my long hair cut all off.
And sooo many people around me were so hyper critical. One guy, that I cut off years ago, was always negging me. I could be all dressed cute with a snatched waist and perfect makeup and he Wallu’s point out a faded stain on my shirt.
That kind of thing really affected me and even female relatives who’d had kids and were heavy from drinking and carbs would give me the stink eye over how skinny I was. I felt so rejected!
This is all so validating! Thank you.
Oh wow . Thanks for watching ! I’m glad we have a safe space now
I used to cut my hair and wear baggy clothes to prevent attacks…I used to be loud and brash to fit in as well…being pretty used to stress me out so much but now I embrace it heavily!
Thank you for being candid about your journey, I made a lot of the same developments and mistakes as well. I even acknowledged years ago that my personality as a teen and young adult used to suck.
You explained my life experience perfectly. I really thought there was something wrong till recently. Thank you.
Yeah I do feel afraid because ppl always sexualize and I can’t even be myself or be nice without it being taken a certain way. Or even with males they’ll always have other motives instead of genuinely wanting to be friends. Like the other night a “friend” was grabbing on me saying how he would sleep with me( he used a different word). He was drunk but it’s like clearly that’s been on his mind and it creeped me out. So fear of being hurt does cross my mind. I hate I have to be so self conscious and can’t be comfortable in being beautiful and dressed up. And I too had the inferiority complex it deeply distorted how I saw myself
Thank God for your videos. The beauty PTSD is real!
I really needed this video. It's been rough. 😢
Thanks!
I'm getting PTSD from the high school throwbacks! 😅
I went to an all girls private Catholic school. Predominantly white. The beauty standards were for a completely different phenotype and I was outclassed. Gossip Girl was huge back then. As for make up, I remember getting mine done at MAC for debs ball and knew they fucked up when they had to mix two shades to try and get my skin tone. The pictures still make me cringe when I look at them. When nude was a thing, I couldn't wrap my head around colour theory that a white girls nude isn't going to be my nude. I had a different kind of dysmorphia and I literally gave up the pursuit of beauty because I felt like an alien 👽 E.T go home.
Omg yes I had to tell them NOT to mix my shades, so they settled with NC45!
@@ExoticalsUnited Lol our mishaps were the foundation that Fenty was built on. Gonna check out a few brands mentioned in the comments and try again thanks to your chats 💅🏾
I don’t like people coming up to me
I'm on a popular karaoke app and a woman went out of her way to send me an invite to a group of bad-sounding karaoke singers lol (I personally don't care what people sound like while having karaoke fun).I know what I sound like, but I think she added me to that group as a humbling tactic! lol
excellent video, gaslighting is a big tactic by insecure people but I'm so happy to see it being exposed a lot more.
Thank you for this work.
I was gaslit into thinking I'm darker and more afro than I am. I am triracial and now fully embracing all my pretty privileges... I'm in this for the long haul for me.
Listening to this after conditioning my hair about to do my light skin mani/pedi!
I was insecure about people picking on my skin tone calling me white. Literally asked if I'm anemic.
Really enjoyed this video
Yes It's hard to go out in public without having mean girls give you d1rty looks (which has resulted in me having social anxiety) and the fact that i just can't trust my own community and constantly have to look for happiness and peace outside of it is so frustrating
I thought I was going crazy when I was thinking the same thing
I gained a lot of weight because people would constantly talk about my body 😢
I’m mexican, and my whole life I’ve been told by everyone (including children, strangers, men, women) that I’m very pretty, and it’s always been akward to me.
I couldn’t handle being pretty AND skinny. I need a mindset change.
Well I’m glad we have a safe space now 😍
8:13 something similar happened to me 😭 in college, i was one of the only people that consistently dressed up. i would wear cute little outfits, heels, and do colorful “euphoria” makeup.
one day, randomly, this girl that i’d shared a few classes w at the time posted a bunch of pics to her snapchat of the night before where she was looking cute. one of the selfies read “i don’t have to try to look cute everyday. i can pop out when needed”. i didn’t think anything of it at first. then i swiped back registering that she was low key taking shots at me 😭
Oompa Loompa 😂😂😂 anyway, I was also wearing a darker foundation shade for years 🙃due to body dismorphia. I was too scared to wear my true shade because I didn't want any more accusations from some friends and family that "I'm bleaching my skin". It's like they didn't understand that I get really light during winter when my tan fades. Also I'm an introvert, so I try to avoid attention directed at me.
I still wear my makeup too dark but mostly because I struggle to find my shade and rather go too dark than too light. I also just suck at makeup lol
27:15 oof! floodgate of high school memories unlocked 😭
This was a great conversation, thank you for talking about these topics💛
Thank you so much for the work you do 🥳🥳🥳 sooooooooo healing babe 😭
Thank you soo very much your videos are spot on perfect 👌 thank you
When I was younger, from pre-teens to early thirties, I would always find myself cutting my hair shorter because I hated the attention I would get from girls and women. They would always marvel and try to touch my hair and I would stop them only to be told I was acting better than for setting boundaries.
I switched out to shorter wigs as I grew older and only in recent years, I realized it was a coping mechanism to quell envy.
Although I enjoy my brand of beauty and adorn myself, I am introverted and in reality, I dress for myself but it would be met with contempt by both women and men.
Ever since, I let my hair grow out and even though I would get the nice nasty compliments like, “where’d you get your wig/weave?” My body and my hair is mine to embrace and enjoy.
Omg please tell me you have a storytime about the nair in your hair, like wtf 😤..im also curious if your parents ever felt any guilt or responsibility for not exposing you to your black or latino culture? Do they know what you went through with your identity? I sometimes think about this when it comes to raising children of color around white people. I get it because their communities usually have the best education and resources but i know it can be daunting and alienating being raised like that
She does have the nair story in another video. An HBCU story or hair video. Forget which but definitely heard it. 😭
@@yahainHotPink thanks
I have been raped in early three times in my life by three different guys, are used to get cat called all the time, and I hated it because it was only towards me and not my friends. Guys are always call me red, my cousin, who I thought was my best friend for many years bullied me, it was very jealous of me, and so was her mother. I have so many stories. I didn’t think that I was anything special, but looking back at things now I see that I must’ve stood out. Even going back to visit my hometown, there is a childhood friend with a twin brother, who is still obsessed about my skin color. He knows I am married now, but he was still flirting with me in front of my husband, and I had a nerve to FaceTime me out of nowhere in the middle of the night.
@5:50 I'm Fenty 360 and I can easily tan to Fenty 385 in summer and NC45 was even too orange for me so I can't imagine how it looked on you 😱😂
I want to know if you matched yourself to NC45 (because you thought you were darker) or if the MAC rep choose that shade for you (what happened to me). Most reps could never find the right fit for me (my face is neutral but my neck is clearly olive) and I had to learn how to make things work for me.
Yesssss
❤❤❤
🌹🌹
♥️👏
Ya i alao got unwanted attention from white men in my peer group and older most of the time. And sometimes white women would get insecure about it.
oh HELL YEA
39:12 omg yes!!! i hate when people say that when is it scientifically proven that all humans need love, community, and validation.
this a video also made me realize that having no friends and just locking in and focusing on my own hobbies and improving my health, wealth, and overall life has made me a lot happier and gave me the validation I used to chase or shy away from in the past 🩷
Right . A lot of people actually hold themselves back because they don’t wanna be seen as “validation seeking.” Then later they complain that they’re invisible or being replaced by others .
💖