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I was born with a weight in My shoulders. My brother has special needs, so when my parents passes out I have to take care of him until my last breathe. Also, is scary to think giving birth a child with conditions. My whole life could be ruined.
It's more selfish to have children because you want them, but not be prepared to make the commitments and sacrifices necessary. To be a neglectful or bad parent is much more selfish.
And then one day, the child asks "mom, dad, why did you bring me into this world? For what purpose?". 100% of all human parents don't have even a remotely reasonable answer to this. I'd say they should only indulge in having a child after a spiritual progress of awakening. Until then, humans are best being anti-natalists.
What I wish is that people who want kids would ask themselves and each other why, rather than focusing on asking us why not. And I don't mean that in a horrible way. I have just noticed that when I ask people upfront why they want or had them, there is a lot of uncertainty and a lack of sound reasoning, and quite frankly, it leaves me incredulous! If there was ever a decision that shouldn't be an "it was the done thing so I did it" decision, this is it!!! If you have them and don't like their personalities, you can't easily divorce them. If they have health issues or additional educational needs then your whole life will change big-time - a huge chunk of your remaining time on earth will be spent at meetings with various professionals ... you will HAVE to fight/advocate and socialise a LOT more than you do now. You and your partner will clash over the best way to parent or the child may become the only thing you talk about. And if you're not co-parenting then it will be very hard and very lonely. You will spend the next 20-odd years repeatedly cleaning up after someone else... the list goes on. I work with children and that automatically means I work with families too. Some people had the most unrealistic view of having children EVER ... I actually squint in confusion, like HOW did you not consider X, Y and Z? Others genuinely didn't weigh up what it would cost them physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. If you don't like noisy environments, cooking, cleaning, teaching, supervising daily activities and considering the insightful questions that kids often ask, why have them? I hate when parents treat their kids as though they are a nuisance ... It makes me so ANGRY! My observation is that more people love their kids than love being parents, if that makes sense. Many hate the mundane tasks, the lack of gratitude and the constant sacrifice but it's too late to back-track ... I just don't want that to be me. I don't want to resent a child for being the centre of my life (which they would 100% be because I'd be determined to pour everything into them.) The worst thing is that there's an invisible forbidden rule that mothers are not supposed to resent the sacrifice so it isn't talked about and carrying this secret thought eats you up inside. Recently, two different friends confided to me about this ... each had felt it for years and said nothing because they LOVE their kids and didn't want to sound ungrateful. As per my comments under yesterday's video, I cannot live without acknowledging the truth, and what a truth to hold in!
@@SheenaHolly Amen to that! All these holidays we have and yet none to be spent carefully considering your life decisions! I have had people tell me they didn't realise marriage would involve so many communication issues or having kids would involve so little sleep and I genuinely just sit there like "Um.... do you seriously lack any ability to IMAGINE situations before you get into them?!" I have seen parents struggle with buggies or a screaming child in public or cry purely due to tiredness or look like a hot mess whilst trying to make sure the kids and house look presentable and I'm seriously wondering how so many people are missing it! It's not a perceptive superpower that helps me detect this stuff; I just have these things called eyes and ears!!
This is an amazing insight! Really enjoyed reading your thoughts and it sums up precisely WHY I don't want them and the struggles I see others go through!
I agree with your reasoning. I seriously can't fathom WHY people WANT children. Maybe we are just visiting from a distant galaxy and are here to observe and report.
I'm guessing that the comment about coming from outer space was a bit tongue in cheek? However, this has actually been asked of me in the past - jokingly of course! My mother is very similar to me in some ways, and her parents used to say the same to her, as she seemed so otherworldly. My mother had children though (well, obviously!), butI knew at a very young age I would never have children - or marry either. It's becoming more common now in the West (many of my older friends are in their late 30's and are yet to marry or have children), but I suspect that this is usually down to different expectations in this day and age. I always knew though!
Because we are aware of all the bs that's going in this world. Being an infj can be difficult at times because we are so complex. That we dont want bring other people or even a child into crazy place we call earth
I agree with why you chose not to have children but not that you're selfish for your choice. You are actually thinking about the life of the child, the kind of life you would want them to have. If you don't feel you could provide that for them and had a child anyway just because people told you you should or because you were like well I just want a baby, that would be selfish. I also love child reen but don't have any and don't want any because I couldn't be the mother I would want for my child, the kind of moth a child deserves. I hope this makes sense.
i didn't know this was an InFJ theme/pattern. I personally didn't want children because i didn't feel like i had my own childhood (had to grow up too fast) - i was married - people tried to pressure us to have children - thankfully we didn't. we divorced a decade later, he died two years after the divorce; and i'm so ever so grateful i didn't have children with him. at this point; you'll just have to be with a partner that will not put that pressure of children on you. i also; feel so weighed down by everything else in life that a child will just feel like added stress; i love sleep - and walking my dogs - i don't feel like i need to nurture more - that's it - but congrats on your freedom :)
Starting age 30, I hear, "When you have kids...blah blah blah" or "Don't worry, you'll have kids some day" (when I never wanted kids in the first place). I hate the presumptuous comments and attitude that my life is somehow incomplete without a child. I've always shared your viewpoint as far as why I do not want to have kids.
I’m Punjabi Sikh, my husband is Mexican (that was a battle in my family as you can imagine). And I also don’t want kids. Thankfullyy husband feels the same. I’m 35 and I value my freedom too much. Freedom is so valuable! I’m also an INFJ. Thanks for posting this ❤️
I have 3 daughters and you are correct it is a huge responsibility and I find I always fall short of what I believe I should be. They are all 3 artists and are deep feelers so I have to be as emotionally strong as I can for them. It never ends either it’s your job for the rest of your life. I have grown in so many ways because of it. It has been the most rewarding, loving, and and important things I have done in my life. It is also deeply painful as it absolutely breaks your heart when they hurt. I would give anything I have including my life to know they are safe and happy. When it comes to them my strength is off the charts. It’s for sure not for everyone and I don’t believe everyone should do it. I admire that you have thought about it so thoroughly and stand firm with your decision. More women need to do that. For me I have only been able to be there for them fully as they have become older unfortunately, but I had a lot of battles to fight of my own. Thanks for talking about this ❤️
I watched this video and looked at my 35-year old self. I am an Indian, 21, INFJ and I am in the middle of making this decision for myself rn. It is so logical. I want to do so much in my life and I always have this deadline stuck in my head, hearing from everyone "You should be settled, married and buy a house before you turn 30 to have kids on time". I have spent a couple of years working hard planning my life to get done ASAP. But then I started thinking and it hit me. I don't want to do that. I don't have to have a house and a husband by 30, why are people saying that? Answer : Children. I want to be spontaneous. I want to travel. Meet new people. And if I have a kid, being an INFJ, I will give my whole life to that kid and I would love to, being a mother. But being a human being who has so less time on this planet I will be very unhappy. I don't know if I want to get married either or have a pet. I just don't want someone to be dependent on me. You being an Indian woman, made my day. Loved this video. It gave me such power and support. I know how Indian parents can be. Sonali from Mumbai, btw :)
Wow, thank you for this message. I was really happy to read it and see that you are already, at 21, thinking about such important things. Love it!!! xx Please check out this publication where I write a lot more about feminism, and childfree choices. medium.com/rage-against-the-patriarchy
I used to think the same but now I think that if there is someone who could give a child the love, support, who can make a human being achieve its highest potencial, that someone is an INFJ
personally, I don't and won't ever want a biological child. but I would love to be able to adopt one day. I want to make at least one child feel loved and cared about. I don't want them to feel like they weren't wanted and were abandoned. I want them to feel needed and feel special in a good way. I grew up abused and with no attachment figure, so I know how it feels to grow up alone and be hurting constantly. if I could make a difference for at least one child, I would. I have developmental trauma because of the abuse though, so this will probably never happen as it takes a lifetime to heal....but that doesn't prevent me from feeling that way. instead of thinking about spreading our genes, we should focus on helping and loving the children who are already here.
I’d LOVE to adopt. I hope to want to adopt and give that person the best life they could ask for. Be the best parent they could ask for. It breaks my heart that there are so many kiddos here with no parents :(
People say and even some psychologists believe that women who do not want kids come from dysfunctional families, there is nothing more degrading and false than this you can say to a strong self-made woman. I completely relate to your situation. I do not want kids and I had a completely healthy childhood.
Being a mother today isn't just raising a child anymore. Now it is producing the perfect human being, with best grades, very interested in sport and anything with many friends and no mistakes... If your child isn't interested in doing different sports or just doesn't fit in, it is YOUR MISTAKE AS A MOTHER AND YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! too much pressure for me because I am a total human mess...
I’m thinking more its because many INFJ’s are 9’s and they love their peace of mind and can be lethargic, that being said there is nothing more chaotic than children and nothing that takes on more responsibility. Not to mention, i noticed single children often end the bloodline for some reason, i guess its a form of reductionist nihilism. I completely, understand your reason to not want a kid but i suspect like most INFJ’s not wanting to address any weaknesses, like INFJ’s attend to be high on emotional empathy and HSP, could only imagine what a crying child that you could not help, would do to you emotionally or even to fathom the idea of their premature death would do to you on an existential level, id imagine the perfectionistic mentality doesn’t exactly bode well with childrearing mainly because no matter the amount of effort there is always gonna be some anount of hairline damage on that egg.
Yes Right.. I understand your perspective.. that's exactly how I feel since I chose to be a mother and sacrificed my job to do my best to be with them full time..
It must be annoying to have to deal with those questions all the time. Like why must we have kids and get marry why must we do as the sheep do. Why cant we live out our own lives how we chose. I never got why people felt the need or felt like it's there positions to CONSTANTLY tell us how to live. From what I hear it seem like you would be a fanominal mother plus you can see the love you have for kids and being. Plus i remembered you said something about how cruel this world is and to bring a child into this world would probably would be a cruel act in its self so that's pretty selfless. compared to people who have baby fever and then when the child turn 10 -12 they neglected it which is selfish. It's just that it's not the choice you want which is cool because life has no purpose. So the purpose is whatever you chose it to be. Every life journey is different
I do not understand why people that decided to be child free are questioned all the time and stigmatized. On the other hand, people that are breeding irresponsibly do not get the same social pressure. Seriously I know people that have already 5 or 6 kids and they are expecting another child during this pandemic! people getting pregnant while the world is basically going to hell! Why those people are not being questioned about their choices?? It is more and more frequent to see people on social media bragging about having 7, 8, 9 and even 10 children!! In the current world people still feel the need of having 10 kids, really? If this fact is respected and even celebrated, why not respect and celebrate people who decide to be child-free?
You can have kids. But you will work until you're dead. I'm 40 now and at my current investment rate I will be able to exit the work force at 52 with a passive income of $6000 a month. I will retire and live on my sail boat in Ensenada, Mexico.
If I can't do it well, I'm not gonna do it at all. Yes. I don't feel equipped to be the mother that I wanted to be so I might skip it this time. I also think that raising a child is one of the greatest responsibility and honor that a human living can do. Not selfish at all, in my view. As an INFJ, I know you'll be the best mother that you can be. If you decided not to then you're thinking that it's the best decision, if you know what I mean. Actually, on the contrary, aren't you also selfless in a way that you've decided to give yourself to more people.
WOW!!! What a PHENOMENAL video! You worded perfectly everything I’ve been feeling inside but didn’t know how to express to others!!!! I’m 42 years old, never married- no children- and feel such a sense of joy and contentment within myself with my decision to remain child free! Thank you for creating this video!!!👏🏼 😃 🎉 ✨
I'm an ENFJ who doesn't want children. As a teacher I LOVE having the opportunity to give children my knowledge and affection in the classroom! Children are the greatest life choice that anyone can take! Like you said "I don't want to half ass" parenting. I already went to school to become a teacher. Parenthood is way more difficult.. Maybe I'm selfish. However, it's my body and my life choice that makes me happy!
Yes!!!! That's it. I don't want to half-ass it. Parenting is one of the most important jobs on the planet. I want to ensure if I ever did it, that I was absolutely up for it. And right now, I'm not. :) Thanks for sharing.
I always love the way you put your thoughts together and express them. I agree with the reasoning you have stated as you said having a child would be the biggest responsibility i could take on and i would absolutely have to put everything i am into raising said child. Also for me i think because i spent my childhood raising myself and my siblings and in constant chaos i don't want that kind of responsibility now. I feel as though i am still raising myself. Also wanted to express a thought i had for myself that maybe in the future if i have changed my mind but have passed a woman's natural age for having children. I could adopt. Now i know that this would not be exactly the same as having my own child. However i think that every child deserves that love and endless effort so wouldn't it be possible to still be the best mother to a child who may not have been so fortunate? I certainly wish that more people would put as much thought into having children as an infj does. There are far too many children hurting in the world without anyone there to comfort them. It breaks my heart. So in all honesty i think the choice to not have children may be one of the most selfless things we chose. I really have so many thoughts on this. I hope what i have shared here makes sense. Best hopes to all. Thank you for sharing such an important topic.
I agree with everything you've said. I am still growing and accept thst I have no idea who I will be at 40, for example. Maybe I will want kids then and if so, isn't adoption an incredible thing? You don't bear the responsibly of putting them in this sometimes shitty world yet you get to help them navigate it and feel loved! I have tried to explain this to my family: motherhood isn't about carrying a child. It's about the many years of love, effort, stability, growth etc that you invest in a child of any age.
I completely agree with you. Since I was a child, I knew I would never have kids. I reared my 4 younger siblings, so I know the effort it takes...and like you, I have the greatest respect for mothers, too. It’s such a responsibility!!!! 🤯I never wanted to ruin another human being. 😅So I just enjoy my friend’s kids.😉
It’s crazy I found this video after recently finding out that I’m a INFJ. But it’s even more a blessing because I’ve been Childfree for years before I knew what it meant
Respect to you! Respect for sticking to your decision to not breed. There is a link between poverty, breeding and misogyny. Breeding in 3rd world countries is a major problem and poverty breeds poverty. How can poor, dysfunctional or 3rd world parents bring life into the world? It's unconscionable and despicable! I'd rather stay in the nothingness of the abyss and be asked permission first to be brought into the world.
But I DO NOT think that 3rd world vs 1st world has anything to do with it. It has to do with the psychology of the parent and their readiness, no matter where they live.
Thank you!! This is so true and honest, amd exactly what my reasoning has been. I love children and are good with them-- that doesn't mean I should or need to be a mother. I can't even fathom being married, let alone raising a child on top of it . I applaud loving parents who are everything they can be for their children. If anything, if/when I am financially stable in the futute, I may adopt a child-- not a baby-- and provide a stable environment. But not now. Possobly not ever.
Hi Shikha , i keep fluctuating between INTJ/FJ personality types , i didnt know it was because of this , i live in India , married and not having kids . Everyone for sure gets after my life. Initially i used to react , but i dont have an urge to bring kids in this world , polluted , diseased , traumatic lifestyle, financial stresses , and just create children because of some selfish reason that they would support me in old age . Its 36 years of my life , dont have regrets at all . I appreciate people who want to have kids 🙂 . You can express your nurturing energies through parents , friends , spouse , children , arts , society , purpose or anything . Many people don’t understand it in India , they doubt at your fertility hahhaha , it is like I don’t want to give them any evidence of how much hormonal i am . But the thing is , i honour my feelings , i understand my body doesnt want kids. And it is okay 🙂 , i have even seen extreme anti natalists movements in India , i appreciate creative potential on earth and don’t like human races to extinct lol . But my body is done with that .🤣🙃 . People say all sorts of things , but its okay , i channelise my energies productively. Thanks for video.
I understand where you are coming from. I waited until 31 to have kids. I knew I couldn't have a career and children and do them both well. I also don't do things half way either. I am a full time, home schooling mom of four and know I can't get back into the work force or my creative outlets until my kids are grown up. I also read tons of books and continue to go to conferences about raising kids.
Hi Boom I could relate a lot being from indian origin. When I used to tell my mother I don't want children or I will adopt she used to say "it's like a tree that does'nt give any fruits"...Now that I can no more have children she tell's how fantastic it is to not have children. There is a lot of social pressure on women in the world and especially in India.
Women are compared to lots of things, cars, trees, and other things like that. We are not any of those things. We are humans who can live without doing anything, and still be human.
It’s so refreshing to see other INFJ’s, like myself, on this platform, who has made certain choices that may not be, to the majority of the population, the norm. But as a child, I thought that being a mother was my dream, in life. I wanted to have a huge family, and literally be a housewife. But now, since turning 30, it seemed more like a phase than an actual goal because frankly, I enjoy it being just me, myself, and I, and literally having the freedom to just do and go wherever I please, without the worries or responsibilities of another human being.
No regrets my dear live your life the way you want .... Here I thought I was the only one who didn't want to have kids. Too many variables, what if I mess up, what if my partner messes up and then consider the modern world. Maybe I should tho, I guess one day I will figure it out.
I am so grateful people like you exist on the planet. I wish you were part of my squad. Whenever people question my decisions, at least I won't be an anomaly. If I'm going to be very honest I do believe I'd be a great mother, for several reasons & I do have the ability to reproduce & I am fertile. I feel I have contributed to society, positively & my children would. I was born in the UK but to very backwards, indian born parents - but they are not even the stereotypical Indian parents & they are very nasty to me yet lovely to others , and they make me feel like I am nothing & they stifle me & torture me & they are so pathetic & tragic & ruined my life. I wish I had social support. As a child,then adolescent & now adult(although undeveloped, currently But the thought of someone as ugly as me having children, & them also getting bullied & enduring the suffering I endure, it's not something I ever wanted nor want. I'm still a victim of unbelievable hardship. Thanks to science & tech there are options. Everyone should be allowed to do as they please with their own bodies, but I wonder about all the kids in poverty,and social care homes. All the kids born into injustice. I my self was born into horrendous disadvantage. I wish my parents had never brought me into the world. Now As much as I love the idea of raising my very own children , on my terms, in my 30s it is not a worthy risk. I also hate people. There's only one planet. Personally, I've had such a bad childhood, There are still people in my generation getting it on & popping out sprogs & in my opinion they're not making the world a better place. I do get it. Without the human population how will society survive and thrive. 'God' wants all women to be impregnated by disgusting men & continue the vicious cycle. I want to live in a world where being child free and even staying single & unmarried & yes abstinent & yes even a virgin is celebrated & praised rather than mocked or pitied etc! And let's be real, there are far too many psychopaths being created in the world. Perhaps stop having sex / use relevant methods if you're that desperate to have it. Only have kids if you're 95% or more that your child will improve the planet,abundantly. :)
If you ever decide to have children, I think you would make an amazing mother. I get that cultural thing people try to place on people, especially women. We are a whole person regardless if you procreate or parent in general. Ugh...what a lot bypass is the other ways people can parent in the village sense. That is important as well.
I didn't know that you had a video on that subject and I'm glad that I've found it! I'm researching a lot about this lately since I'm more and more convinced that I don't want to have children and I totally agree with your points. Personally, I think that some people don't even ask themselves why they want kids, whether they are ready to become parents, what are the implications of having them, etc. So many people think that it is their responsibility to procreate without questioning their ability of taking that charge. Then they complain about having children and dare to actively encourage others to join the club! But it's their choice, which I respect and I would have liked that they respect others' choice also. It's sad that we have to justify our decision not to have kids while it is legitimate. Thank you for sharing your views with us💛 #introvert #infj #childfree #nokids
People who have babies do it for very selfish reasons. So selfish that they point at others saying they are selfish for not doing it!! The ego says I must reproduce and see myself or I must trap this man by getting pregnant (the illusion of safety)
I made a similar decision when I was in my late teens-early 20’s. I even purposely stayed single until my early 30’s. Oddly enough, life has been introducing kids into my life through my work. I feel like I’m being prepped to be a parent. Anyhow, my SO and I, are planning to give parenthood a chance.
I can relate to your mentality. I always thought if I’d were to have children, I’d want to do it the best I can by researching and improving myself in several areas, because raising children is an incredible responsibility and I’d want to see them excel as individuals in whatever life path they desire. I don’t know about the personality types, but it’s strange to see someone who’s had similar thoughts like this. But I’m not quite achieving the things I want in life right now like you, so big props! I hope you continue to find success, happiness, or whatever it is you like!
I was thinking about this topic the other day and decided I’m good with not having kids right now. I’m 28 and just learning about myself after having gone through a tough quarter-life crisis and loss of self. I don’t want to bring another life into the world if I’m not mentally ready for it. If it’s in God’s plan by age 40 then so be it, but it’d be selfish of me or my non-existent hubby to not think of what will happen once a new life is created.
Having a child at 40, that late is irresponsible, higher odds of complications and disorders, with autism on the rise, having children or not having children can both be selfish (narcissistic) its really more about the reasons.
ever since i was very young I always knew I did never want children of my own. I use to get pressured by my mother due to her wanting badly to become a grandparent. Since I am the oldest of 6 siblings I eventually around 28 years old after her very obvious hinting and reassuring any fears I might have.. Told her if she was to ever get any grandchildren it would be from the other 5 and that it would never be from me, and IF i ever were to acquire a child it would likely be inherited due to some unfortunate circumstance.. I said it in a firm tone but still light enough to try and ensure that i wasn't angry with her.. After that I got nothing from her since regarding relationships or children.. well verbally anyway. I however get along quite well with children, they tend to become attached to me quite quickly and i would never turn down the need of a child relative.. I do from time to time get looks from my mother tho when interacting with children sometimes.. >.> but what can ya do? at least she isn't actually voicing it lol.
BOOM, the decisions we make define us and there is no wrong answer. I am on the other side of the fence. You are so right about INFJ parents, we surrender all for the kids, total dedication. My kids are grown and out of college now. Great video BOOM, Keep them coming......
i would like to marry but i won't give birth and that's my decision for myself and i will prefer to adopt a child of a certain age(not too young) ....though i haven't yet found a guy with the same mindset as me...and my last bf broke up with me 6months ago becuz of these reasons, although he had some other issues too.i loved him a lot, but just can't change my decision becuz it's only the mother that has to be though all the things and no man can take care of those things....so obviously the final choice should be the women's of course. and if that guy isn't okay with that decision then i will have no other option left except leave him.(rahter i'd prefer to tell guys from the very beginning as i didn't do that before cuz i didn't realize) but i will stick to my point.
Thank you for your well-reasoned explanation of why you don't want children! As a fellow INFJ, I find I agree with your points and may borrow them in the future.
Awesome!!! In general though, it's ridiculous that we need to come up with reasons to not have children. I mean, no one ever asks people who want children, why they want them, when in fact, they should really be thinking long and hard about bringing a life onto the planet. But I'm glad you found the video helpful. xx
Herro, enjoying your videos a lot! Just wanted to just let you know though when you said logical and analytical thinking which gave you this answer. I would like to say my counter argument and say it's actually a feeling based thinking. So INFJ 8 functions, in order, is Ni(hero), Fe(parent), Ti(child), Se(inferior), Ne(nemesis), Fi(critic/witch), Te(trickster), and Si(demon). So Fi critic tldr is "I'm critical with my feelings". This is why I believe so many INFJ has so many bad feelings about themselves becuz it keeps criticizing their Ti child or their logic or their own thinking. What usually protects from critic attacks from either self or other ppl critic is the trickster. Your trickster is Te. So to use Te, you must bring out what you think to the external world. So writing a journal, talking outloud, organizing, planning, etc. Fi is also where your values and morales is. These your non-negotiable stuff and if anyone breaks them, you will delete their existence out your life. So, your Fi(values, morales) will start attacking your Ti(internal logical/analysis thoughts) and the only thing will protect your child is to plainly write down the pros and cons of having a kid and not having a kid. Well, no one will use their shadow function consciously at 21 unless forced/taught at a young age. So you're Fi values got into your Ti child and now your Ti will start analyzing, find the cause and effect, and then stick with it forever becuz we took such a long time thinking and thinking and coming with a conclusion. I definitely understand as Ti is my hero. It was very hard for me to change my opinion or thought once I had it settled. Well the only way to change Ti's already made opinion is to activate Fe(other ppl feeling, keeping harmony, doing the best for others). However parent function is most of time meant for others, not for self so it didn't come out to protect your Ti. So if you did think about prob what your parents might want (idk if you even care about them) or your spouse wants it, or something idk. My inferior is Fe so idk much about feelings anyways 😅. But yeah, tldr Fi critic attacked Ti child and Te trickster wasn't there to save it by writing down your thoughts or making a pros and cons table or thinking outloud and only thing that can change a Ti already made opinion is Fe but it's in the parent section and it's usually for others and not self.
Also an INFJ, I feel like you spoke FOR me here. However, I don't see the selfishness that people tend to bring up: whom am I being selfish against? Selfishness would only come in once there is a child to be cared for and I abandon it. No kid, no foul... Right?
Agree with this so much!! I don't get how are we childfree people selfish when there's no said kid in existence. Aren't they the one who is being selfish for having a kid knowing how bad the state of the world is right now
Holy shit!! I thought it was just me lol I can't believe it's also an infj thing 😂I married an INTP please do a vid on that please please please👏🏼 Love your videos!! you're amazing!!!!💕
BIG Thumbs Up from a guy leading a Child-Free life AND loving it! Now if we people can get REAL tax justice from the NY State legislature who has forever enabled super school tax places like Nassau and Suffolk Counties to commit GRAND THEFT EXTORTION against us EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL TAX YEAR!! Any Long Islander will tell you that school taxes typically comprise at least 65% of a homeowner's or renter's tax bill. I don't mind paying some school tax to support the public school system, but child-free homeowners shouldn't be paying anywhere near what their neighbors with kids pay, living in homes on the same block and of comparable assessed value. NO WHERE in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights is it stated that people have a right to reproduce. Doing so is a PRIVILEGE, thus no one should be compelled by the state under threat of eviction and foreclosure to pay for someone's privilege! Furthermore, child-free people are an obvious super minority and we are long overdue for justice against a discriminatory federal and state income tax code which rewards parents while it and the property school tax system penalize us EVERY INCOME AND SCHOOL TAX YEAR!! And if you're terrified and disgusted by the pace of deadly climate change like I am, it's a no-brainer that with >> 100 million more every year since the early 60s, along with a declining death rate, over population is the hottest fuel driving climate change. Furthermore, if humans are smartly serious about saving themselves and every living thing from this otherwise advancing apocalypse then those who do reproduce had best stick with a 2 kid limit-and that includes zero kids for parents who remarry after divorce. Grow up humanity and stop living in denial mode! We owe it to the economic, environmental, physical and mental health of every living thing on earth to end this self-destructive madness. As a wise Grecian leader said long ago “The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom.” Meanwhile……. WE NEED AN ONLINE PETITION FOR EVERY STATE TO LOBBY FOR CHILD-FREE TAX JUSTICE!!! Indeed, all signatories would be welcome, but income and/or school tax reduction eligibility would be based on proof of age (somewhere between ~ 30 and 50), legal residency for some number of years and life long Child-Free status. And, of course, Child-Free seniors would pay almost no school property tax. Something between 3,000 and 10,000 signatures will legitimize the petition for it to be put before any state legislature. That number of ONLINE Child-FREE TAX JUSTICE petition signatures can probably be amassed in virtually every state in TWO WEEKS! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
I can understand why people would make a pragmatic decision not to have children. I wanted to be a mommy from the time I could understand what that meant, but I also had really great parents. I’m sure that if my parents hadn’t been so great, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a mom. And if I had somehow ended up single with no children at 35, I definitely wouldn’t have had any, or gotten married, because by that time, I understood how evil late stage capitalism is, and knew that the only way to go, as far as humanity is concerned, is down, because of it.
Oh yes!! That's one main reason I WON'T have children, even if I could potentially have them now. The world right now, IMO, isn't a place to bring in new innocent beings. :)
I'm an INFJ and have made the choice to be childfree. The responsibility of raising a child is absolutely unappealing to me. I'll be the first person to admit that I am a highly self-centered individual, very focused on my own personal growth and happiness. I don't feel that I'm equipped with the emotional capacity to want to care for another human being, as I'm already trying to care for myself. I put so much energy into my own self-discovery and personal stability. A dependent would absolutely destroy the me I've put so much time and energy into.
It will be fine. You seem like a smart person - just relax and let go. Study as much as you can, and then let your brain work its magic. It knows more than you realize. 🤗🤗🤗
It's sad that you or anyone has to explain their own personal life choices to people. Its understandable that it might be strange for some people, But it's your life and your decisions and in a perfect world, no one would even ask such judgmental questions :)
@@BoomShikha True, This might be an imperfect(shitty) world, but we can still do anything we want, just have to have a very thick skin impervious to judgments and prejudice. :)
It’s funny because I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently. I have conflicting views on it. Yes I would like to have kids. I would like to help guide them along the way to whatever path they choose, but I have to ask is that for me? Having children would require me to give up a lot of my space and time to make it work. I’m not sure if I’m willing to give all that up.
4:23 I'm sure my mother was saying the same thing when she institutionalised me. She thought it was the best thing, a way for me to access highest potential. She was cruel and gaslit me when the programming didn't take... she used her disappointment to beat me.
Hi Shikha, in your opinion why every single CF woman who is childfree by choice feels so that they have to add the remark ".. but i do like children"... when they speak about not wanting children in their life? I personally find them annoying under the age of 6 and want nothing to do with them if possible - does that make me a bad person that an instant defense sentence is required when i mention CF status by choice? Thanks! :)
I do not think it is a lot of peoples choices to raise children, even though you and I had mentioned our reasons 4 months ago (had to check how far back it was hahah), some people could find they cannot have children, which is sad for those wishing to continue their family heritage, then there are those who have a rare condition which means they are not allowed to get pregnant otherwise they would bleed to death. If they choose, then that is their choice, but not all have the option.
Hi boom hope ur doing well , I would love to be a father , I see my brothers and sisters with their children , how they get caught up in life , they ignore , yell at and basically think they need to rule it over them , it's heart breaking to see them miss the obvious fact that their is a little soul growing and learning right in front of them , I see , my nieces and nephews follow me around like I'm the pied piper , I love spending time with them and they all seem to love spending time with me , they are always being told to leave me alone , by their parents because I normally keep to myself , 1 nephew will ring just to talk to me , he gets the phone off his mother and goes into his room to chat , one day I hope I can be a father to a child the way a child deserves a father to be . Namaste 8 )
You’re the first Indian person I‘ve seen that tries to avoid interaction with Indian people. Moreover you don’t want children! I always suspected that a lot of women in India don’t want children but don’t have that many options given the societal „norms“ in India 🇮🇳. Greetings from South Africa 🇿🇦
Sorry to make an important criticism, but 99.99999% of people are going to have NO idea what your acronyms mean, no matter how many times you repeat them (INFJ, MBTI) over and over, including in your links that you provided that I just now went to. You need to define SOMEWHERE at least ONCE (once is enough, but it should be on each separate webPAGE) what INFJ and MBTI stand for. After that, on the page, you don't have to use the full expression just the acronym.
That's a great point!! :) I didn't even think that someone wouldn't know the term. Most people come to my videos because they were searching for INFJ-related videos on RUclips Thanks for the suggestion. :)
Anti-Natalists are people who are against procreation because they think it's morally bad. I don't care if anyone else has children, but I don't want any, because I am not interested in being a mother or a parent. :) Cheers!
Thank you so much to everyone who has chosen to support my video mission on Patreon.com/boomshikha! If you want to learn more about how to get involved, check out my Patreon page! ❤😍❤
I cnt believe, u pick this topic.
I have same thoughts for kids.
Even I feel ,it's biggest project one can take.
I don't want kids. I raised my brother growing up and that was enough for me 😂😂
Yeah!!! 😜
I know what you mean, it's totally fine
Same here, I raised my sister who's 11 years younger than me.
I realized the struggle.
I was born with a weight in My shoulders. My brother has special needs, so when my parents passes out I have to take care of him until my last breathe. Also, is scary to think giving birth a child with conditions. My whole life could be ruined.
same here. but i didn't find any guy yet to consider my points. so i'm still single
It's more selfish to have children because you want them, but not be prepared to make the commitments and sacrifices necessary. To be a neglectful or bad parent is much more selfish.
I absolutely agree!!
And then one day, the child asks "mom, dad, why did you bring me into this world? For what purpose?". 100% of all human parents don't have even a remotely reasonable answer to this. I'd say they should only indulge in having a child after a spiritual progress of awakening. Until then, humans are best being anti-natalists.
What I wish is that people who want kids would ask themselves and each other why, rather than focusing on asking us why not. And I don't mean that in a horrible way. I have just noticed that when I ask people upfront why they want or had them, there is a lot of uncertainty and a lack of sound reasoning, and quite frankly, it leaves me incredulous! If there was ever a decision that shouldn't be an "it was the done thing so I did it" decision, this is it!!!
If you have them and don't like their personalities, you can't easily divorce them. If they have health issues or additional educational needs then your whole life will change big-time - a huge chunk of your remaining time on earth will be spent at meetings with various professionals ... you will HAVE to fight/advocate and socialise a LOT more than you do now. You and your partner will clash over the best way to parent or the child may become the only thing you talk about. And if you're not co-parenting then it will be very hard and very lonely. You will spend the next 20-odd years repeatedly cleaning up after someone else... the list goes on.
I work with children and that automatically means I work with families too. Some people had the most unrealistic view of having children EVER ... I actually squint in confusion, like HOW did you not consider X, Y and Z? Others genuinely didn't weigh up what it would cost them physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. If you don't like noisy environments, cooking, cleaning, teaching, supervising daily activities and considering the insightful questions that kids often ask, why have them? I hate when parents treat their kids as though they are a nuisance ... It makes me so ANGRY!
My observation is that more people love their kids than love being parents, if that makes sense. Many hate the mundane tasks, the lack of gratitude and the constant sacrifice but it's too late to back-track ... I just don't want that to be me. I don't want to resent a child for being the centre of my life (which they would 100% be because I'd be determined to pour everything into them.) The worst thing is that there's an invisible forbidden rule that mothers are not supposed to resent the sacrifice so it isn't talked about and carrying this secret thought eats you up inside. Recently, two different friends confided to me about this ... each had felt it for years and said nothing because they LOVE their kids and didn't want to sound ungrateful. As per my comments under yesterday's video, I cannot live without acknowledging the truth, and what a truth to hold in!
Excellent reply. This should be a VIRAL POST. I propose the world needs a WHAT WERE YOU THINKING DAY!
@@SheenaHolly Amen to that! All these holidays we have and yet none to be spent carefully considering your life decisions! I have had people tell me they didn't realise marriage would involve so many communication issues or having kids would involve so little sleep and I genuinely just sit there like "Um.... do you seriously lack any ability to IMAGINE situations before you get into them?!" I have seen parents struggle with buggies or a screaming child in public or cry purely due to tiredness or look like a hot mess whilst trying to make sure the kids and house look presentable and I'm seriously wondering how so many people are missing it! It's not a perceptive superpower that helps me detect this stuff; I just have these things called eyes and ears!!
YES!!! Beautifully said. Thank you.
I agree.
This is an amazing insight! Really enjoyed reading your thoughts and it sums up precisely WHY I don't want them and the struggles I see others go through!
I agree with your reasoning. I seriously can't fathom WHY people WANT children. Maybe we are just visiting from a distant galaxy and are here to observe and report.
Hahahaa!
I'm guessing that the comment about coming from outer space was a bit tongue in cheek? However, this has actually been asked of me in the past - jokingly of course! My mother is very similar to me in some ways, and her parents used to say the same to her, as she seemed so otherworldly. My mother had children though (well, obviously!), butI knew at a very young age I would never have children - or marry either.
It's becoming more common now in the West (many of my older friends are in their late 30's and are yet to marry or have children), but I suspect that this is usually down to different expectations in this day and age. I always knew though!
@@laurenceegan6136 Same here. ALWAYS KNEW!
starseed
@@SheenaHolly I am into esoterics, tarot, Akashi and I absolutely agree with you! 👍✨
Because we are aware of all the bs that's going in this world. Being an infj can be difficult at times because we are so complex. That we dont want bring other people or even a child into crazy place we call earth
Yes, exactly!!!
I agree with why you chose not to have children but not that you're selfish for your choice. You are actually thinking about the life of the child, the kind of life you would want them to have. If you don't feel you could provide that for them and had a child anyway just because people told you you should or because you were like well I just want a baby, that would be selfish. I also love child reen but don't have any and don't want any because I couldn't be the mother I would want for my child, the kind of moth a child deserves. I hope this makes sense.
Yes, it does make sense!!
Sarah, YES! PERFECTLY Sensible.
i didn't know this was an InFJ theme/pattern. I personally didn't want children because i didn't feel like i had my own childhood (had to grow up too fast) - i was married - people tried to pressure us to have children - thankfully we didn't. we divorced a decade later, he died two years after the divorce; and i'm so ever so grateful i didn't have children with him. at this point; you'll just have to be with a partner that will not put that pressure of children on you. i also; feel so weighed down by everything else in life that a child will just feel like added stress; i love sleep - and walking my dogs - i don't feel like i need to nurture more - that's it - but congrats on your freedom :)
Yes!! Thank you so much for watching!!
Starting age 30, I hear, "When you have kids...blah blah blah" or "Don't worry, you'll have kids some day" (when I never wanted kids in the first place). I hate the presumptuous comments and attitude that my life is somehow incomplete without a child. I've always shared your viewpoint as far as why I do not want to have kids.
Yes!!!
I’m Punjabi Sikh, my husband is Mexican (that was a battle in my family as you can imagine). And I also don’t want kids. Thankfullyy husband feels the same. I’m 35 and I value my freedom too much. Freedom is so valuable! I’m also an INFJ. Thanks for posting this ❤️
I love it!! Thank you so much for sharing this. :)
I have 3 daughters and you are correct it is a huge responsibility and I find I always fall short of what I believe I should be. They are all 3 artists and are deep feelers so I have to be as emotionally strong as I can for them. It never ends either it’s your job for the rest of your life. I have grown in so many ways because of it. It has been the most rewarding, loving, and and important things I have done in my life. It is also deeply painful as it absolutely breaks your heart when they hurt. I would give anything I have including my life to know they are safe and happy. When it comes to them my strength is off the charts. It’s for sure not for everyone and I don’t believe everyone should do it. I admire that you have thought about it so thoroughly and stand firm with your decision. More women need to do that. For me I have only been able to be there for them fully as they have become older unfortunately, but I had a lot of battles to fight of my own. Thanks for talking about this ❤️
You are absolutely amazing, and I'm sure they are lucky to have you as a mother, as I am to have my mother as mine. :)
💜
I watched this video and looked at my 35-year old self. I am an Indian, 21, INFJ and I am in the middle of making this decision for myself rn. It is so logical. I want to do so much in my life and I always have this deadline stuck in my head, hearing from everyone "You should be settled, married and buy a house before you turn 30 to have kids on time". I have spent a couple of years working hard planning my life to get done ASAP. But then I started thinking and it hit me. I don't want to do that. I don't have to have a house and a husband by 30, why are people saying that? Answer : Children. I want to be spontaneous. I want to travel. Meet new people. And if I have a kid, being an INFJ, I will give my whole life to that kid and I would love to, being a mother. But being a human being who has so less time on this planet I will be very unhappy. I don't know if I want to get married either or have a pet. I just don't want someone to be dependent on me. You being an Indian woman, made my day. Loved this video. It gave me such power and support. I know how Indian parents can be.
Sonali from Mumbai, btw :)
Wow, thank you for this message. I was really happy to read it and see that you are already, at 21, thinking about such important things. Love it!!! xx Please check out this publication where I write a lot more about feminism, and childfree choices. medium.com/rage-against-the-patriarchy
hmm
I used to think the same but now I think that if there is someone who could give a child the love, support, who can make a human being achieve its highest potencial, that someone is an INFJ
I do agree with that!!
personally, I don't and won't ever want a biological child. but I would love to be able to adopt one day. I want to make at least one child feel loved and cared about. I don't want them to feel like they weren't wanted and were abandoned. I want them to feel needed and feel special in a good way. I grew up abused and with no attachment figure, so I know how it feels to grow up alone and be hurting constantly. if I could make a difference for at least one child, I would. I have developmental trauma because of the abuse though, so this will probably never happen as it takes a lifetime to heal....but that doesn't prevent me from feeling that way. instead of thinking about spreading our genes, we should focus on helping and loving the children who are already here.
I know what you mean. Adoption is something that I would definitely consider. :)
I’d LOVE to adopt. I hope to want to adopt and give that person the best life they could ask for. Be the best parent they could ask for. It breaks my heart that there are so many kiddos here with no parents :(
Amazing! I really chose not to be a parent and now I find out through you that I'm not the only INFJ who chose so...
Thank you for sharing!!
Me too
People say and even some psychologists believe that women who do not want kids come from dysfunctional families, there is nothing more degrading and false than this you can say to a strong self-made woman. I completely relate to your situation. I do not want kids and I had a completely healthy childhood.
Yes!!! I agree with you completely. :)
Being a mother today isn't just raising a child anymore. Now it is producing the perfect human being, with best grades, very interested in sport and anything with many friends and no mistakes... If your child isn't interested in doing different sports or just doesn't fit in, it is YOUR MISTAKE AS A MOTHER AND YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! too much pressure for me because I am a total human mess...
Oh my god, yes!!! Absolutely too much pressure. 🌻🌻🌻
I’m thinking more its because many INFJ’s are 9’s and they love their peace of mind and can be lethargic, that being said there is nothing more chaotic than children and nothing that takes on more responsibility. Not to mention, i noticed single children often end the bloodline for some reason, i guess its a form of reductionist nihilism. I completely, understand your reason to not want a kid but i suspect like most INFJ’s not wanting to address any weaknesses, like INFJ’s attend to be high on emotional empathy and HSP, could only imagine what a crying child that you could not help, would do to you emotionally or even to fathom the idea of their premature death would do to you on an existential level, id imagine the perfectionistic mentality doesn’t exactly bode well with childrearing mainly because no matter the amount of effort there is always gonna be some anount of hairline damage on that egg.
Interesting analysis!!
It almost sounds like antinatalism. We couldnt bear to see children we brought into this world feel pain, get sick, suffer through loss and death.
Yes Right.. I understand your perspective.. that's exactly how I feel since I chose to be a mother and sacrificed my job to do my best to be with them full time..
Absolutely!!
It must be annoying to have to deal with those questions all the time. Like why must we have kids and get marry why must we do as the sheep do. Why cant we live out our own lives how we chose. I never got why people felt the need or felt like it's there positions to CONSTANTLY tell us how to live.
From what I hear it seem like you would be a fanominal mother plus you can see the love you have for kids and being. Plus i remembered you said something about how cruel this world is and to bring a child into this world would probably would be a cruel act in its self so that's pretty selfless. compared to people who have baby fever and then when the child turn 10 -12 they neglected it which is selfish. It's just that it's not the choice you want which is cool because life has no purpose. So the purpose is whatever you chose it to be. Every life journey is different
Absolutely annoying, but thank you for your kind words!!!
I do not understand why people that decided to be child free are questioned all the time and stigmatized. On the other hand, people that are breeding irresponsibly do not get the same social pressure.
Seriously I know people that have already 5 or 6 kids and they are expecting another child during this pandemic! people getting pregnant while the world is basically going to hell!
Why those people are not being questioned about their choices??
It is more and more frequent to see people on social media bragging about having 7, 8, 9 and even 10 children!!
In the current world people still feel the need of having 10 kids, really?
If this fact is respected and even celebrated, why not respect and celebrate people who decide to be child-free?
Oh my god, I agree with you so wholeheartedly. How are people still having children when the world is going to hell in a handbasket?? :S
You can have kids. But you will work until you're dead. I'm 40 now and at my current investment rate I will be able to exit the work force at 52 with a passive income of $6000 a month. I will retire and live on my sail boat in Ensenada, Mexico.
Thanks for sharing!
If I can't do it well, I'm not gonna do it at all. Yes.
I don't feel equipped to be the mother that I wanted to be so I might skip it this time. I also think that raising a child is one of the greatest responsibility and honor that a human living can do.
Not selfish at all, in my view. As an INFJ, I know you'll be the best mother that you can be. If you decided not to then you're thinking that it's the best decision, if you know what I mean. Actually, on the contrary, aren't you also selfless in a way that you've decided to give yourself to more people.
Thank you so much for your support!!!
WOW!!! What a PHENOMENAL video! You worded perfectly everything I’ve been feeling inside but didn’t know how to express to others!!!! I’m 42 years old, never married- no children- and feel such a sense of joy and contentment within myself with my decision to remain child free! Thank you for creating this video!!!👏🏼 😃 🎉 ✨
Glad it was helpful! xx
I am INFP and also chose to not have kids! Interesting correlations between the introverts and not having kids
Thanks for sharing!! :)
I'm an ENFJ who doesn't want children.
As a teacher I LOVE having the opportunity to give children my knowledge and affection in the classroom!
Children are the greatest life choice that anyone can take!
Like you said "I don't want to half ass" parenting.
I already went to school to become a teacher. Parenthood is way more difficult..
Maybe I'm selfish.
However, it's my body and my life choice that makes me happy!
Yes!!!! That's it. I don't want to half-ass it. Parenting is one of the most important jobs on the planet. I want to ensure if I ever did it, that I was absolutely up for it. And right now, I'm not. :) Thanks for sharing.
Hello, dear! I even forgot I was infj but then I've recalled and like - whaaaa? I am infj and childfree too! Wow! Thank you for your video ☺️❤️✨
You're so welcome! Thank you for being you. :)
Ive known that i want to be childfree and that Ive gotten INFJ as personality type and then I got tripped over this😃
Awesome!!! :) Welcome to the dark side. :P
I always love the way you put your thoughts together and express them.
I agree with the reasoning you have stated as you said having a child would be the biggest responsibility i could take on and i would absolutely have to put everything i am into raising said child.
Also for me i think because i spent my childhood raising myself and my siblings and in constant chaos i don't want that kind of responsibility now. I feel as though i am still raising myself.
Also wanted to express a thought i had for myself that maybe in the future if i have changed my mind but have passed a woman's natural age for having children. I could adopt. Now i know that this would not be exactly the same as having my own child. However i think that every child deserves that love and endless effort so wouldn't it be possible to still be the best mother to a child who may not have been so fortunate?
I certainly wish that more people would put as much thought into having children as an infj does. There are far too many children hurting in the world without anyone there to comfort them. It breaks my heart. So in all honesty i think the choice to not have children may be one of the most selfless things we chose.
I really have so many thoughts on this. I hope what i have shared here makes sense.
Best hopes to all. Thank you for sharing such an important topic.
I agree with everything you've said. I am still growing and accept thst I have no idea who I will be at 40, for example. Maybe I will want kids then and if so, isn't adoption an incredible thing? You don't bear the responsibly of putting them in this sometimes shitty world yet you get to help them navigate it and feel loved! I have tried to explain this to my family: motherhood isn't about carrying a child. It's about the many years of love, effort, stability, growth etc that you invest in a child of any age.
Yes, agreed, absolutely!!!
@@ellea2541 love this😊
I completely agree with you. Since I was a child, I knew I would never have kids. I reared my 4 younger siblings, so I know the effort it takes...and like you, I have the greatest respect for mothers, too. It’s such a responsibility!!!! 🤯I never wanted to ruin another human being. 😅So I just enjoy my friend’s kids.😉
Amazing!
Ok this is scary. How can it be that I can relate to every single topic of yours. I finally feel so understood..
Hehehehe! 🤗🤗
It’s crazy I found this video after recently finding out that I’m a INFJ. But it’s even more a blessing because I’ve been Childfree for years before I knew what it meant
YES!!! Thanks for watching. :)
Respect to you! Respect for sticking to your decision to not breed. There is a link between poverty, breeding and misogyny. Breeding in 3rd world countries is a major problem and poverty breeds poverty. How can poor, dysfunctional or 3rd world parents bring life into the world? It's unconscionable and despicable! I'd rather stay in the nothingness of the abyss and be asked permission first to be brought into the world.
Thank you for sharing!
But I DO NOT think that 3rd world vs 1st world has anything to do with it. It has to do with the psychology of the parent and their readiness, no matter where they live.
Thank you!! This is so true and honest, amd exactly what my reasoning has been. I love children and are good with them-- that doesn't mean I should or need to be a mother. I can't even fathom being married, let alone raising a child on top of it . I applaud loving parents who are everything they can be for their children. If anything, if/when I am financially stable in the futute, I may adopt a child-- not a baby-- and provide a stable environment. But not now. Possobly not ever.
Yes!!!
Hi Shikha , i keep fluctuating between INTJ/FJ personality types , i didnt know it was because of this , i live in India , married and not having kids . Everyone for sure gets after my life. Initially i used to react , but i dont have an urge to bring kids in this world , polluted , diseased , traumatic lifestyle, financial stresses , and just create children because of some selfish reason that they would support me in old age . Its 36 years of my life , dont have regrets at all . I appreciate people who want to have kids 🙂 . You can express your nurturing energies through parents , friends , spouse , children , arts , society , purpose or anything . Many people don’t understand it in India , they doubt at your fertility hahhaha , it is like I don’t want to give them any evidence of how much hormonal i am . But the thing is , i honour my feelings , i understand my body doesnt want kids. And it is okay 🙂 , i have even seen extreme anti natalists movements in India , i appreciate creative potential on earth and don’t like human races to extinct lol . But my body is done with that .🤣🙃 . People say all sorts of things , but its okay , i channelise my energies productively. Thanks for video.
I love it!! You are brilliant and very well said. I’m so glad that you found the video useful. :)
I understand where you are coming from. I waited until 31 to have kids. I knew I couldn't have a career and children and do them both well. I also don't do things half way either. I am a full time, home schooling mom of four and know I can't get back into the work force or my creative outlets until my kids are grown up. I also read tons of books and continue to go to conferences about raising kids.
Thank you for sharing!!
Hi Boom I could relate a lot being from indian origin. When I used to tell my mother I don't want children or I will adopt she used to say "it's like a tree that does'nt give any fruits"...Now that I can no more have children she tell's how fantastic it is to not have children. There is a lot of social pressure on women in the world and especially in India.
Women are compared to lots of things, cars, trees, and other things like that. We are not any of those things. We are humans who can live without doing anything, and still be human.
It’s so refreshing to see other INFJ’s, like myself, on this platform, who has made certain choices that may not be, to the majority of the population, the norm. But as a child, I thought that being a mother was my dream, in life. I wanted to have a huge family, and literally be a housewife. But now, since turning 30, it seemed more like a phase than an actual goal because frankly, I enjoy it being just me, myself, and I, and literally having the freedom to just do and go wherever I please, without the worries or responsibilities of another human being.
Yes indeed! 🤓
No regrets my dear live your life the way you want .... Here I thought I was the only one who didn't want to have kids. Too many variables, what if I mess up, what if my partner messes up and then consider the modern world. Maybe I should tho, I guess one day I will figure it out.
Yes!!
I am so grateful people like you exist on the planet. I wish you were part of my squad.
Whenever people question my decisions, at least I won't be an anomaly.
If I'm going to be very honest I do believe I'd be a great mother, for several reasons & I do have the ability to reproduce & I am fertile. I feel I have contributed to society, positively & my children would.
I was born in the UK but to very backwards, indian born parents - but they are not even the stereotypical Indian parents & they are very nasty to me yet lovely to others , and they make me feel like I am nothing & they stifle me & torture me & they are so pathetic & tragic & ruined my life.
I wish I had social support.
As a child,then adolescent & now adult(although undeveloped, currently
But the thought of someone as ugly as me having children, & them also getting bullied & enduring the suffering I endure, it's not something I ever wanted nor want.
I'm still a victim of unbelievable hardship.
Thanks to science & tech there are options.
Everyone should be allowed to do as they please with their own bodies, but I wonder about all the kids in poverty,and social care homes. All the kids born into injustice.
I my self was born into horrendous disadvantage. I wish my parents had never brought me into the world. Now
As much as I love the idea of raising my very own children , on my terms, in my 30s it is not a worthy risk.
I also hate people.
There's only one planet.
Personally, I've had such a bad childhood,
There are still people in my generation getting it on & popping out sprogs & in my opinion they're not making the world a better place.
I do get it. Without the human population how will society survive and thrive. 'God' wants all women to be impregnated by disgusting men & continue the vicious cycle.
I want to live in a world where being child free and even staying single & unmarried & yes abstinent & yes even a virgin is celebrated & praised rather than mocked or pitied etc!
And let's be real, there are far too many psychopaths being created in the world.
Perhaps stop having sex / use relevant methods if you're that desperate to have it.
Only have kids if you're 95% or more that your child will improve the planet,abundantly.
:)
Thank you for sharing!!! 🤗🤗🤗
If you ever decide to have children, I think you would make an amazing mother. I get that cultural thing people try to place on people, especially women. We are a whole person regardless if you procreate or parent in general. Ugh...what a lot bypass is the other ways people can parent in the village sense. That is important as well.
Awwww, thank you for the vote of confidence. :)
I didn't know that you had a video on that subject and I'm glad that I've found it!
I'm researching a lot about this lately since I'm more and more convinced that I don't want to have children and I totally agree with your points.
Personally, I think that some people don't even ask themselves why they want kids, whether they are ready to become parents, what are the implications of having them, etc.
So many people think that it is their responsibility to procreate without questioning their ability of taking that charge. Then they complain about having children and dare to actively encourage others to join the club!
But it's their choice, which I respect and I would have liked that they respect others' choice also. It's sad that we have to justify our decision not to have kids while it is legitimate.
Thank you for sharing your views with us💛
#introvert #infj #childfree #nokids
You are so welcome!
Society: Have kids
I had kids....
Same society: That’s your problem
Oh gosh. :S
People who have babies do it for very selfish reasons. So selfish that they point at others saying they are selfish for not doing it!! The ego says I must reproduce and see myself or I must trap this man by getting pregnant (the illusion of safety)
Thank you for sharing!!
I made a similar decision when I was in my late teens-early 20’s. I even purposely stayed single until my early 30’s. Oddly enough, life has been introducing kids into my life through my work. I feel like I’m being prepped to be a parent. Anyhow, my SO and I, are planning to give parenthood a chance.
Amazing!!! Good luck... :)
@@BoomShikha Thank you!
I can relate to your mentality. I always thought if I’d were to have children, I’d want to do it the best I can by researching and improving myself in several areas, because raising children is an incredible responsibility and I’d want to see them excel as individuals in whatever life path they desire. I don’t know about the personality types, but it’s strange to see someone who’s had similar thoughts like this.
But I’m not quite achieving the things I want in life right now like you, so big props! I hope you continue to find success, happiness, or whatever it is you like!
Everyone has their own path in life and there's no timetable to run by. I hope you achieve all that you want as well. xx
Damn I wish I knew you in rl. I'd kill for a girlfriend that understands the INFJ mindset. Your videos are so wise and refreshing! Subscribed 🤧💘
Thank you for subscribing!! 😍😍😍😍
I differ here... I love kids..wanted to have as many as possible...feel very motherly..yes and I took the role very seriously
Awesome!!! Thanks for sharing.
I was thinking about this topic the other day and decided I’m good with not having kids right now. I’m 28 and just learning about myself after having gone through a tough quarter-life crisis and loss of self. I don’t want to bring another life into the world if I’m not mentally ready for it. If it’s in God’s plan by age 40 then so be it, but it’d be selfish of me or my non-existent hubby to not think of what will happen once a new life is created.
Awesome. Thank you for sharing!!
Having a child at 40, that late is irresponsible, higher odds of complications and disorders, with autism on the rise, having children or not having children can both be selfish (narcissistic) its really more about the reasons.
Thanks for your insight!
ever since i was very young I always knew I did never want children of my own. I use to get pressured by my mother due to her wanting badly to become a grandparent. Since I am the oldest of 6 siblings I eventually around 28 years old after her very obvious hinting and reassuring any fears I might have.. Told her if she was to ever get any grandchildren it would be from the other 5 and that it would never be from me, and IF i ever were to acquire a child it would likely be inherited due to some unfortunate circumstance.. I said it in a firm tone but still light enough to try and ensure that i wasn't angry with her.. After that I got nothing from her since regarding relationships or children.. well verbally anyway. I however get along quite well with children, they tend to become attached to me quite quickly and i would never turn down the need of a child relative.. I do from time to time get looks from my mother tho when interacting with children sometimes.. >.> but what can ya do? at least she isn't actually voicing it lol.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. :)
BOOM, the decisions we make define us and there is no wrong answer. I am on the other side of the fence. You are so right about INFJ parents, we surrender all for the kids, total dedication. My kids are grown and out of college now. Great video BOOM, Keep them coming......
Thanks for watching! ♥️ ♥️ ♥️
good, people like you are a blessing for this planet.
Thank you so much!! :)
I salute ALL my fellow childfree antinatalists! Cheers from the USA!
Thanks for watching. :)
What a surprise, I’m an INFJ and I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately too. I’m a bit late though lol
Hehehe. :)
i would like to marry but i won't give birth and that's my decision for myself and i will prefer to adopt a child of a certain age(not too young) ....though i haven't yet found a guy with the same mindset as me...and my last bf broke up with me 6months ago becuz of these reasons, although he had some other issues too.i loved him a lot, but just can't change my decision becuz it's only the mother that has to be though all the things and no man can take care of those things....so obviously the final choice should be the women's of course. and if that guy isn't okay with that decision then i will have no other option left except leave him.(rahter i'd prefer to tell guys from the very beginning as i didn't do that before cuz i didn't realize) but i will stick to my point.
Yes, I always tell men on dates that I am not interested in having babies, and that's where it usually ends. :P
Thank you for your well-reasoned explanation of why you don't want children! As a fellow INFJ, I find I agree with your points and may borrow them in the future.
Awesome!!! In general though, it's ridiculous that we need to come up with reasons to not have children. I mean, no one ever asks people who want children, why they want them, when in fact, they should really be thinking long and hard about bringing a life onto the planet. But I'm glad you found the video helpful. xx
Herro, enjoying your videos a lot! Just wanted to just let you know though when you said logical and analytical thinking which gave you this answer. I would like to say my counter argument and say it's actually a feeling based thinking.
So INFJ 8 functions, in order, is Ni(hero), Fe(parent), Ti(child), Se(inferior), Ne(nemesis), Fi(critic/witch), Te(trickster), and Si(demon). So Fi critic tldr is "I'm critical with my feelings". This is why I believe so many INFJ has so many bad feelings about themselves becuz it keeps criticizing their Ti child or their logic or their own thinking. What usually protects from critic attacks from either self or other ppl critic is the trickster. Your trickster is Te. So to use Te, you must bring out what you think to the external world. So writing a journal, talking outloud, organizing, planning, etc. Fi is also where your values and morales is. These your non-negotiable stuff and if anyone breaks them, you will delete their existence out your life.
So, your Fi(values, morales) will start attacking your Ti(internal logical/analysis thoughts) and the only thing will protect your child is to plainly write down the pros and cons of having a kid and not having a kid. Well, no one will use their shadow function consciously at 21 unless forced/taught at a young age. So you're Fi values got into your Ti child and now your Ti will start analyzing, find the cause and effect, and then stick with it forever becuz we took such a long time thinking and thinking and coming with a conclusion. I definitely understand as Ti is my hero. It was very hard for me to change my opinion or thought once I had it settled.
Well the only way to change Ti's already made opinion is to activate Fe(other ppl feeling, keeping harmony, doing the best for others). However parent function is most of time meant for others, not for self so it didn't come out to protect your Ti. So if you did think about prob what your parents might want (idk if you even care about them) or your spouse wants it, or something idk. My inferior is Fe so idk much about feelings anyways 😅.
But yeah, tldr Fi critic attacked Ti child and Te trickster wasn't there to save it by writing down your thoughts or making a pros and cons table or thinking outloud and only thing that can change a Ti already made opinion is Fe but it's in the parent section and it's usually for others and not self.
Wow! Thank you for this! 💯 💯
Also an INFJ, I feel like you spoke FOR me here. However, I don't see the selfishness that people tend to bring up: whom am I being selfish against?
Selfishness would only come in once there is a child to be cared for and I abandon it. No kid, no foul... Right?
Exactly!
Agree with this so much!! I don't get how are we childfree people selfish when there's no said kid in existence. Aren't they the one who is being selfish for having a kid knowing how bad the state of the world is right now
Holy shit!! I thought it was just me lol I can't believe it's also an infj thing 😂I married an INTP please do a vid on that please please please👏🏼 Love your videos!! you're amazing!!!!💕
You are so bubbly. I love it!! And married to an INTP, that sounds like a roller-coaster ride. Thanks for the suggestion. 🤗🤗🤗
You're speaking my mind.
Thanks for watching!!
I actually kind of don't mind getting married, but I agree with you, having kids is definitely hard work.
Thanks for sharing!!
@@BoomShikha you're welcome.
BIG Thumbs Up from a guy leading a Child-Free life AND loving it! Now if we people can get REAL tax justice from the NY State legislature who has forever enabled super school tax places like Nassau and Suffolk Counties to commit GRAND THEFT EXTORTION against us EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL TAX YEAR!! Any Long Islander will tell you that school taxes typically comprise at least 65% of a homeowner's or renter's tax bill. I don't mind paying some school tax to support the public school system, but child-free homeowners shouldn't be paying anywhere near what their neighbors with kids pay, living in homes on the same block and of comparable assessed value. NO WHERE in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights is it stated that people have a right to reproduce. Doing so is a PRIVILEGE, thus no one should be compelled by the state under threat of eviction and foreclosure to pay for someone's privilege! Furthermore, child-free people are an obvious super minority and we are long overdue for justice against a discriminatory federal and state income tax code which rewards parents while it and the property school tax system penalize us EVERY INCOME AND SCHOOL TAX YEAR!!
And if you're terrified and disgusted by the pace of deadly climate change like I am, it's a no-brainer that with >> 100 million more every year since the early 60s, along with a declining death rate, over population is the hottest fuel driving climate change. Furthermore, if humans are smartly serious about saving themselves and every living thing from this otherwise advancing apocalypse then those who do reproduce had best stick with a 2 kid limit-and that includes zero kids for parents who remarry after divorce. Grow up humanity and stop living in denial mode! We owe it to the economic, environmental, physical and mental health of every living thing on earth to end this self-destructive madness. As a wise Grecian leader said long ago “The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom.”
Meanwhile……. WE NEED AN ONLINE PETITION FOR EVERY STATE TO LOBBY FOR CHILD-FREE TAX JUSTICE!!! Indeed, all signatories would be welcome, but income and/or school tax reduction eligibility would be based on proof of age (somewhere between ~ 30 and 50), legal residency for some number of years and life long Child-Free status. And, of course, Child-Free seniors would pay almost no school property tax.
Something between 3,000 and 10,000 signatures will legitimize the petition for it to be put before any state legislature. That number of ONLINE Child-FREE TAX JUSTICE petition signatures can probably be amassed in virtually every state in TWO WEEKS! "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. :)
I can understand why people would make a pragmatic decision not to have children. I wanted to be a mommy from the time I could understand what that meant, but I also had really great parents. I’m sure that if my parents hadn’t been so great, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a mom. And if I had somehow ended up single with no children at 35, I definitely wouldn’t have had any, or gotten married, because by that time, I understood how evil late stage capitalism is, and knew that the only way to go, as far as humanity is concerned, is down, because of it.
Oh yes!! That's one main reason I WON'T have children, even if I could potentially have them now. The world right now, IMO, isn't a place to bring in new innocent beings. :)
I'm an INFJ and have made the choice to be childfree. The responsibility of raising a child is absolutely unappealing to me. I'll be the first person to admit that I am a highly self-centered individual, very focused on my own personal growth and happiness. I don't feel that I'm equipped with the emotional capacity to want to care for another human being, as I'm already trying to care for myself. I put so much energy into my own self-discovery and personal stability. A dependent would absolutely destroy the me I've put so much time and energy into.
YESSSS!!! I agree absolutely. I'm the same. :)
Madam you really deserve an Award 😊😊
Thanks for watching!
By the way I am procrastinating through agony and anxiety - and I have my final exams tomorrow.
It will be fine. You seem like a smart person - just relax and let go. Study as much as you can, and then let your brain work its magic. It knows more than you realize. 🤗🤗🤗
August 1 international childfree day
Awesome!!
You expressed it perfectly!
So happy to hear that! ❤️ ❤️
It's sad that you or anyone has to explain their own personal life choices to people. Its understandable that it might be strange for some people, But it's your life and your decisions and in a perfect world, no one would even ask such judgmental questions :)
Yes, indeed!! In an ideal world.
@@BoomShikha True, This might be an imperfect(shitty) world, but we can still do anything we want, just have to have a very thick skin impervious to judgments and prejudice. :)
Exactly! 100% agreed!
Thanks for watching!
Yess u r a absolutely right mam ❤️👍👍
Thanks for watching!
Happy Childfree Day
Same to you!!
You're amazing and courageous
Thank you for your support! ❤️
an infj t here just turned 33 , 5 yrs married, no kids yet.and thats ok.
😎😎
It’s funny because I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently. I have conflicting views on it. Yes I would like to have kids. I would like to help guide them along the way to whatever path they choose, but I have to ask is that for me?
Having children would require me to give up a lot of my space and time to make it work. I’m not sure if I’m willing to give all that up.
Yeah exactly. It's definitely a huge sacrifice. 😍😍😍
Nice video... kudos to your choice...
Thanks! 💗
Thanku..u r just speaking my word..im an indian...so i know the situation..
Glad you liked the video!
Kids are tuff balance is key
Yup!!
thank you for this
Thanks for watching! ♥️ ♥️ ♥️
I thought I'm the only one this type of thinking.🙂🙂
Nah, there's a whole community of us out there. :)
@@BoomShikha Thanx mam for reply 😃. I hope I can connect with this community 🙂🙂.
4:23 I'm sure my mother was saying the same thing when she institutionalised me. She thought it was the best thing, a way for me to access highest potential. She was cruel and gaslit me when the programming didn't take... she used her disappointment to beat me.
Yikes! Wth! I'm sorry you had to go through that. 🤗🤗
Hi Shikha, in your opinion why every single CF woman who is childfree by choice feels so that they have to add the remark ".. but i do like children"... when they speak about not wanting children in their life? I personally find them annoying under the age of 6 and want nothing to do with them if possible - does that make me a bad person that an instant defense sentence is required when i mention CF status by choice? Thanks! :)
Bahahaha! Yes you are so right! It's like we are labelled evil if we don't like children as women. 😂😂
I do not think it is a lot of peoples choices to raise children, even though you and I had mentioned our reasons 4 months ago (had to check how far back it was hahah), some people could find they cannot have children, which is sad for those wishing to continue their family heritage, then there are those who have a rare condition which means they are not allowed to get pregnant otherwise they would bleed to death.
If they choose, then that is their choice, but not all have the option.
Yes!!!
Hi boom hope ur doing well , I would love to be a father , I see my brothers and sisters with their children , how they get caught up in life , they ignore , yell at and basically think they need to rule it over them , it's heart breaking to see them miss the obvious fact that their is a little soul growing and learning right in front of them , I see , my nieces and nephews follow me around like I'm the pied piper , I love spending time with them and they all seem to love spending time with me , they are always being told to leave me alone , by their parents because I normally keep to myself , 1 nephew will ring just to talk to me , he gets the phone off his mother and goes into his room to chat , one day I hope I can be a father to a child the way a child deserves a father to be . Namaste 8 )
Great thoughts. Thanks for sharing!!
Happy International Childfree Day
Thank you! 😊 Same to you.
Dear Ma'am.... kudos to you...
How can I find like minded people here in India so that there is some kind of community we form...
Maybe you should create it?
@@BoomShikha will try🙏
I feel the same
Thank you for watching!!
You’re the first Indian person I‘ve seen that tries to avoid interaction with Indian people. Moreover you don’t want children! I always suspected that a lot of women in India don’t want children but don’t have that many options given the societal „norms“ in India 🇮🇳.
Greetings from South Africa 🇿🇦
Thanks for the support! :)
How have you dealt with the pressures from fam?
They can only pressure you, if you are not financially independent from them.
I understand very well, maybe you'll be a mother in your next life who knows ;D
Yeah, who knows??
Ps: Ah Yes, by the way, I am also an INFJ. Of course.
Thanks for watching!
Any infjs local to central coast California? Specifically San Luis Obispo county!?
No takers yet???
I just want to go to Japan.
Me tooo!! I love it there. :)
Sorry to make an important criticism, but 99.99999% of people are going to have NO idea what your acronyms mean, no matter how many times you repeat them (INFJ, MBTI) over and over, including in your links that you provided that I just now went to.
You need to define SOMEWHERE at least ONCE (once is enough, but it should be on each separate webPAGE) what INFJ and MBTI stand for. After that, on the page, you don't have to use the full expression just the acronym.
That's a great point!! :) I didn't even think that someone wouldn't know the term. Most people come to my videos because they were searching for INFJ-related videos on RUclips Thanks for the suggestion. :)
I'm 23 - would you please adopt me?
Joke x
Hahahha!! 🤗🤗🤗
are you anti natalist
Anti-Natalists are people who are against procreation because they think it's morally bad. I don't care if anyone else has children, but I don't want any, because I am not interested in being a mother or a parent. :) Cheers!
@@BoomShikha i appreciate woman like you, i wish woman become independent, so that they can have freedom in talking such decisions.