Is Parenting Harder for INFJs?
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- Опубликовано: 4 май 2023
- Many INFJ parents experience extreme self-doubt and self-judgment about their parenting style or the way they experience parenting. Many INFJ personality types who are parents may ask themselves, “Why is having kids so hard for me?” “Is something wrong with me?”
Nothing is wrong with an INFJ personality type who is having a hard time with the experience of parenting, because the truth is that, yes, parenting is harder for INFJs. This is because parenthood requires a few different things which are very hard for INFJs, such as being fully present in concrete reality, dealing with sleep interruption and sleep deprivation, dealing with loud and sudden noises, dealing with a stream of constant demands from another person, decreased solitude, continuous participation in mundane activities, and involuntary socializing. Any one of these things is highly stressful for the INFJ personality type, and most parents are hit with all these things at the same time.
So, if you are an INFJ personality type and you frequently think that you might be a horrible parent, or you made a mistake in having a child, or that the thoughts you have about being a parent are bad or wrong, or that you’re not going to be able to get through this, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are dealing with a legitimately stressful situation that is even more stressful on you because of your personality type, temperament and makeup. There is nothing you can do to make yourself more compatible with parenthood, but you should also know that your child is also probably okay with this.
INFJ personality types usually make wonderful parents, even though the experience of parenting may be more difficult for them than it is for other personality types.
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Funny thing is there is a stereotype that INFJ’s usually end up as a stay at home parent. And yes…I had the exact same experience with all my kids. After many years, I’ve now realize how truly difficult it was during those years compared to other stay at home parents that are probably not INFJ’s. It truly was a job that I gave 110% always. 🎉
Well, yes, I did, but it is because I wanted to Homeschool.
Infjs as parents:
Pros: Invested in kids’ growth, looking at kids emotional health a lot, accepting of kids who are not mainstream, trying to get kids to create and evaluate their long-term goals.
Cons: We’re permissive, kids feel like we’re aloof and/or their therapists, and we can appear to be weak as parents.
Kryptonite: We like to be alone (introverted) and feel like we’re never gonna be good parents and many/most of us prefer not to be parents.
Source: I’m an INFJ that raised 2 children after their mother passed when they were 3 and 5 years old.
Spot on!
Wow. You're a super hero! ❤
Everything you posted is spot on! Including the unfortunate part of raising my child alone after my partner passed this past spring. I do not want to fail as a parent.
@@Ali08 My condolences and I understand how this dynamic affected my children. My best advice is to be very selective in finding a future partner; understand that the child will have trauma from this; and that your first responsibility is to them.
Your child won’t be perfect and don’t put that burden on yourself or them to be perfect. Enjoy the time you have with them.
@@colonelgraff9198 Thank you. ❤️ It is not easy but I try to think and add some of my partner's parenting approach while raising our daughter.
I’m an Infj mom of a very strong willed 2.5 year old and I am SO tired and burned out. I thought I would love being a stay at home mom but I am so burned out it isn’t even funny. This video helped me not to feel so alone. Currently looking for work and daycare options for my son so I can be a better mom when we are together ❤
One part of the reason why it’s so hard is the fact that bringing a child into this world is a physical act, and we know that we are not a ‘always doing’ active type that a child requires. Society tells us our roles and we do those roles 100% but it is extremely hard for us because we’re always giving 100% for everything we do in life.
Oh my gosh, I am an INFJ married to an INTJ. I am crying, and Im only two minutes in. I have carried so much guilt and shame for struggling through the newborn phase, because we also didn't have any family to help. And honestly, so far even up into toddler phase it's been a real struggle. Everyone asks when we will have another. I have many friends with multiple kids and they seem to not struggle like i did. I compare myself and can't seem to see what's wrong with me, why it scares me so much to have another and go through that again. I am just so glad i found this video, thank you so much for making this💗
I honestly found the whole childcare thing got easier with each subsequent child, but I felt so torn, as though as I wasn't giving enough attention to any one of them. I love all my kids dearly, but even now think that I either shouldn't have been a parent, or I should have stopped at one.
Hi- I’m also an INFJ married to an INTJ, and I’m also crying listening to this! I think the crying may be an INFJ thing as well. I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old and it’s very, very, VERY challenging for all of these reasons.
From an INFJ parent of 3, now empty-nesting: I want to encourage all of you who are, as I once was, locking yourself in bathrooms for a cry; staying up--despite exhaustion-- until the small hours just to get a couple of uninterrupted hours to yourself; quailing at the thought of being social director for another playdate; etc.; etc. This too shall pass...though I also know and remember how you won't be able to truly believe it some days. Note that in the meanwhile it helps to make a permanent playdate agenda of "Go play!", ruthlessly and "accidentally" lose track of movies you just can't bear to hear on repeat, and....well, innumerable other tweaks to get you through the days (take UNAPOLOGETIC advantage of any of those you can invent or borrow!) .
As Lauren says, it will incrementally improve, until, in fact, you may end up loving exactly those years that other parents dread. That's what happened for me; I revelled in my kids' teen years. The exhausting (and to me, mind-numbing) physical care/attention diminished, and I was able to enjoy a different, emerging relationship with my kids; one that both drew on and fed my INFJ strengths. Even when they were tiny, I loved watching evidence of their thought processes and independence developing, but those occasional plusses of the early years expanded exponentially throughout the school years. As I said, I can trace the beginnings of it all the way back to the baby years to some extent, but by the time they were teens, my kids and their friends were so interesting and thoughtful and innovative about so many things, and they in turn soaked up my real interest in what they thought. Our kitchen conversations were amazing! I loved interacting with them, and we were able to navigate so much of what many parents fear about "the teen years" simply because we were able to discuss issues in an open and curious way. Despite the crushing nature of a lot in the early years, I wouldn't give up that later part of parenting for anything! Hang tough! For INFJs, the best is probably yet to come!
Sounds very much like my experience too. I now have two teens and we have wonderful, thought provoking, and insightful kitchen talks! I'm looking forward to the rest of their siblings to catch up.
Yes, to ALL of it! ♥️
Now I have teenagers, and it is much better. The stress is different, but I feel like I can breathe again.
As an INFJ in fatherhood, my experiences mirrored yours. It was hard but I would do it all again.
I have two kids: boy 4 and girl 21 months this video is so accurate. This is so hard, bless me!
Thank you SO MUCH for this video! I am 29 years old and thinking about having children someday. But every time I think about it I get a very bad feeling, that I will not be good enough as a mother, that it will be too overwhelming for me. It is weird because I see others my age who are looking forward to having children or already have children and are happy about their decision (even if it is stressful). I remember my childhood clearly and how much I suffered as a child and teenager. I'm not sure if I can do a better job than my mother and I don't want to bring a child in this world that has to suffer as much as I did. But then... I would really like to have children and show them how amazing life can be, truly love them and make a childhood possible for them that wasn't possible for me.
I'm in the exact same boat as a 33 year old
All i can say now is that I'm relieved and glad i didn't have any children when I was younger 😂. I already went through bouts of insomnia and depression.
I think our gut knows best. We don't have to prove anything to anyone by having children or not 💖
I'm in my 60s, had the children, still feel stacks of guilt about so much of my parenting, even though at the time I know I was doing the best I knew how. I don't know what the answer is for us.
This was so incredibly validating. Thank you. 🙏🏻
Infj with 4 children. Age 10, 9, 6 and 4. The constant demands, mundane tasks, constant big emotions and bickering and fighting. The amount of energy and noise. The father of my children HAS to let me be home alone for an entire day once a week and by the time it comes I have lost my mind too many times. My nervous system is ALWAYS just burnt to a crisp. I feel like not only does it make it difficult for my kids to see me in the light they do other mothers but I feel like it can be a real burden sometimes to my partner. Its all so sensitive all the time. I will say I only allow feeling guilty for a very small amount of time. I love myself and what I bring to the table, especially as a mother. My children are emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and kind. I may not play barbies on the floor or you may have to pull nails off my fingers to get me to play a board game most times, BUT my kids have explored magic and astrology, different religions and cultures, are allowed to express themselves with whatever style they choose, and are never afraid to express their true feelings. Some days I wonder how I went from not only never wanting children of my own but to having 4 - some days I feel like I fail miserably, some days I feel like I absolutely won at Momming, and other days I am just purely raw and honest about where I am and what I need because they know that I matter too and that needing space or quiet a bit more often is OK.
Being an INFJ overthinker, I've been bandying these ideas about for a long time. Our INFJ neuro-wiring is strung tight, for sure. But the reality is that the things that cause us stress are supposed to cause humans stress - by design. Baby's crying is supposed to trigger people. It's supposed to break through and stimulate action. It's designed by nature to cause stress cause stress leads to action. It's the whole point. The same with screaming. It's supposed to upset people, it's supposed to bring people running to the rescue. It's the whole point. I think part of what freaks INFJs out is the general insensitivity of society, and the overuse of meds that dull people's natural responses. So what does society do, it's makes everything louder, brighter and more intense to break-through the fog people have installed in their brains. Look no further than with sirens and lights on emergency vehicles - they literally made them louder and brighter because people weren't paying attention. Children scream more and louder because their parents pop a pill and tune them out. Meanwhile, us INFJs go out of our freakin minds because every thing is becoming more and more and more intense to compensate for other people's inattention. I agree with everything you pointed out, Lauren, but parenting also must be getting worse for INFJs than it ever was before. I used to live in a neighborhood where the houses were close together and the kids would be out in their yards literally screaming at the top of their lungs all day long. I went out of my mind. When I was a kid, mothers didn't tolerate noise for the sake of noise. And my mother told us explicitly, NEVER SCREAM UNLESS YOU REALLY NEED HELP. We made the mistake once of pretending to be on a sinking ship and calling out for help and my mother came flying out of the house wild-eyed thinking someone had a limb hanging off. We kids never did that again. I blame the drugs. Much in life is supposed to create anxiety. Like driving too fast is supposed to make you anxious, popping a pill and hitting the accelerator is not the solution. Making risky investments is supposed to be nerve-wracking. Meds are not the solution, especially when you're playing with other people's money. Taking the edge off and then doubling down is not the answer. P.S. I'm trying to start an 'INFJs Against Drugs That Make People More Insensitive' campaign. Life is hard enough for us without creating more insensitive people chemically. And it's a self-escalating problem. Because every time someone self-medicates instead of solving a problem, they just push that problem on to others. We INFJs are the canaries in the coal mines and we can't take anymore of other people's screaming problems left undealt with.
Great comment! I'd like to know more about this campaign. I totally agree.
After my first experience of having a kid, which was becoming a teen mom at the age of 16, then after a few months also being a single mom without any support from the father, I always said I never wanted children again. But I also lived in a city, finished school, studied social work and took care of my sister's children on a regular basis, then became addicted to Cannabis as I was so overwhelmed with everything, so that contributed to this overall really exhausting experience. But my daughter turned out well nonetheless and now with almost 16 has a great personality and is extremely resilient.
But I quit eyerything, now I don't consume any drugs; alcohol, nicotine and caffeine included; and my life got much better, so my attitude changed over the last few years and now I have another child, he is 6 months now and everything is different because I knew what I don't want and how the circumstances must be for me to thrive as a mother. I was very selective with my partner making sure he will be a good dad, and we literally live at the end of the country now in a small village at the sea, but not too small so that there's at least one grocery store and a bus station nearby as well as a kindergarden and elementary school.
And I had a wonderful home birth experience with the help of a specialised midwife and to be in childbed this time was probably the most wonderful experience of my life.
I think for INFJs it's maybe even more important than for other types to know who you are and what you need and how to fullfill that before you become a parent, not that it's not possible otherwise, but to perhaps make it a great experience for everyone involved and not only a hustle.
@@noctiloucous I think you are already part of the 'movement'. I think what we need to do more than anything is to use our INFJ persuasion skills, in comments just like yours, to share our insights and experiences without lecturing or claiming we 'know', to help persuade people away from the stuff that makes things worse rather than better. I liked your story. I liked the way you 'showed' how being attuned worked for you rather than just told people what to do. That's an INFJ strength. So if you want to be in the movement, just keep sharing your experiences on-line, just the way you did. Tailor them for the video, but don't shy away from the truth, and I think it will work. We INFJs know better than anyone how persuasion works. That people don't just change course at the drop of a hat because someone said something. We know that real, lasting, valuable change is gonna come slowly, seeping in from the edges and put out there by stable, rational, caring people who truly understand the nature of the problems they are hoping to help solve. That's you! These are our INFJ gifts and you use them well. Thanks.
100% to EVERYTHING you said here! It's only after learning about the cognitive functions of an infj that I started understanding why raising babies and young children felt so hard. Being in Extraverted sensing mode every waking moment was incredibly draining and stressful, but no one around me seemed to understand why I struggled so much. I felt ashamed, selfish, and so guilty about how I felt. However, I always figured I would make up for whatever I lacked raising young children when they got to their teenage years. For myself, this has come true. I believe Infj's can be the best parents for teenagers because of how well we listen, our unbiased nature and our genuine willingness to want to help. So if you're an Infj parent struggling raising young children, please know you're not alone and it will get soooo much better when they're older. You will probably love being 100% present with your teen and hopefully feel as much joy as I do knowing this is the phase of parenthood where your natural abilities can shine in unexpected and unimaginable ways ❤.
I really struggled from ages 3-6.. I felt like a nervous breakdown at any moment..I always felt guilty for not liking motherhood as much as I thought I would.. my son is now 9 1/2 and it’s gotten better
*make this video viral*
Deeply relatable. My boys are 19 yo and 15 now and are my favorite people. I like and love them
My friend and I adopted 2 sisters at the age of 7 and 8 through foster care (we did not intend to be adoptive parents but...) My intuition told me this was not for me. But here I am. They are now 16 and 17, trauma survivors, attachment disorders, mental illness. On top of the regular things that happen with having children in your life, the last 2 years have been a crisis. They are verbally abusive, have breakdowns which end in things being broken or police being called and I have recently been pushed into a door by one of them. I can't describe what this does to my nervous system. Constant chaos and unpredictability. The screaming. The loud noises. The arguing. I have always been the one who has been patient, can see their pain, can empathize, can listen... But I just can't anymore. It's been 10 years of escalating behaviors. I feel like the worst person in the world. What have I done? I ask myself. Why did I make this mistake of being a parent? The 16 year old is currently in a PMIC. Her sister was in treatment 2 years ago. This has been the most exhausting and emotionally painful thing in my life, yet I care for them both. I have to care from a distance now, I have no choice. I'm at the point of self-preservation. I'm aware of the doorslam and I am forcing the door open with all I have left. Honestly, I don't know how long I can do it. I need to make it 17 more months, when the youngest turns 18. If you know you are an INFJ, please think seriously about parenthood, especially adoption. I wish I would have listened to myself. Thankfully my co-parent does not have my personality type.
Thank you for this video. I always knew that being a parent was hard for me as an introvert (dad of two). I know realize that I'm an INFJ which explains why I'm struggling even more than I expected after almost four years. I know I should be so hard on myself but I feel odd and expect myself to be better. I'm gathering the puzzle pieces and it makes so much more sense now. Thank you.
I know that I can be a better mom and I'm not a terrible mom but I can't get over the feeling of being judged by others like my son's teachers and paras. 😣😣😭
i FINALLY feel SEEN as an infj mom 😭 thank you you’re spot on about everything: no alone time, no quiet time, and being my child’s everything all the time 😅 i love my kids but i’m so worn out every day 🙈 you’re the first person to tell me there’s nothing wrong with me it’s my personality and i will get through this time
I thought the exact same thing. I wondered if parenting would be way too much for me. The fact that you even said we need nine hours of sleep is very accurate with me. When I allow myself to sleep as long as I want on a day off, I always sleep about nine hours. It’s so unfair it’s like we’re not really supposed to be here in this world with so much go go go mentality and quick quick quick. Now we don’t even have enough time in the day like everyone else can take. It’s really exhausting in its own.
I love that you talk about this because I was actually just wondering about this very thing so my eyes were huge when I saw the title pop up on my phone! I have an almost nine year old and I do marvel at how it seems so many make parenting look “easy”! In the time I was watching this video as I ate my lunch while my daughter is home sick today, she interrupted me I think four times. 😂 I am grateful for her and the role she has given me and I have a lot of fun with and because of her overall. I can’t not imagine a world without her in it, but I agree that it’s not easy. I am grateful for my INTJ husband for managing play dates for her benefit as an only child, however, sometimes they are at my house as well as birthday parties (which I do not think the big parties need to happen every year) and I always feel a mix of just get through it so I can relax, and also make it awesome, but not “too” awesome. Ride that line and know where to cut, but I want her to have sweet, fun memories. Whew! I can literally feel the release in my being when I am alone in the house and it totally makes sense for what you say- having to be uncharacteristically “on” all of the time! I realize I do value being utterly alone and I find I usually only get that in late hours which steals from sleep. And I am terrible at asking for help because I don’t want to miss anything and I didn’t/don’t want to pass on the responsibilities that are ours and I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t want to reciprocate. When I had my baby, people jeered that I could count on one hand the number of times I’d changed a diaper up to that point. That soon changed. But I was not one to babysit in my youth. I made games for the big kids! Anyway, super relatable as always! Thanks, Lauren!
Ooh, and actually I’ve been struggling with where the line is with co-dependency with my daughter. Not sure if I “have” that
but maybe it’s just feelings as an INFJ parent. I want to do “everything” for her (within reason) because I have been for 9+ years, but I don’t want to make her too dependent and I want her to learn to trust herself and have confidence. But as a kid, she is dependent on her parents, so I don’t really get that. I see signs of anxiety in her and I wonder if it’s my fault: nature vs. nurture! Ack! I just want to be there for her and watch her grow into a happy, healthy adult where she pursues her heart’s desire (whatever that ends up being). I stopped bring an elementary teacher after one year because I detested the sound of my own voice at the end of the day and I didn’t like telling others what to do and constantly redirect 20+ children (first graders), and I knew that if I stayed a teacher, I wouldn’t want to be a parent. I’m glad I get to experience it, but here I am enforcing things like getting ready for day anyway. I’m here for it, but I am glad I don’t spend the rest of my day enforcing other people to do anything. Thanks for your thoughts!
THANK YOU FOR THIS! just hearing this and having it laid out so clearly is really comforting and cathartic. I always feel like I'm so wretched because of how often I find myself wanting to just hide from my kids of feeling so incredibly overstimulated and overwhelmed. I feel a lot of guilt and shame about how in so many moments I struggle to appreciate their smallness and newness because I'm just out of physical and mental energy or patience. It really is HARD! We are a blended family. I have 3 kids and my husband has two. 4 girls and 1 boy between us and they are ages 5-11 (all except 1 are extroverted). My co-parent is out of the picture and I dont have any family where we live and my Husband is an only child. It is intense. I always feel like I need to sleep for a week after a busy weekend with all five, never mind the challenge of making sure we get them out in the world and actually give them experiences. I always feel like there's something wrong with me because of how taxing it can feel sometimes, but I really am just sensitive. I really do have to consciously and proactively. make time for myself to recharge and rest and just not have anything asked of me. My social life has gone to shit because there's just nothing left in the tank for any other people or social interactions, but I think that's just going to have to be ok at this phase in life. Thank you for just making this video. It just feels like validation that I'm not crazy or bad because I struggle with these things.
OMG. WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME ELEPHANT LAMP. And like ALL the things you said you experienced, those are the thoughts that run through my mind when I think about about being a mom. I get so paranoid. All of this was really helpful. I think to be safe I will still get a nanny to help me as a stay at home, and my husband is an ENFJ so he will be very supportive of me, and he's a great person who will be a wonderful dad. I just want to make sure I am prepared as much as I can be because I want to be a good mom and I am terrified of making my child think they were ever UNLOVED at any point in their life... bc my parents accidentally did that with me
YES! I brought my second one home the DAY Covid quarantine started, along with a 2.5 year old who just started to talk. The baby had reflux, my husband was traveling and I was trying to run my business still with All of this as an INFJ. I pretty much lost my sanity and no one understood
The days are long, the years are short.
The Mbti said many times that I am an INFJ.
I’m also a childfree by choice 30yo female. But I felt deeply in love with a man who has kids. Now I am trying to learn and be the best step parent I can be, this is proving harder than I thought. Thank you for putting your words out there, it helps people like me a lot. You really did put in to words my feelings. Thank you.
That is incredibly validating ❤
Wow.. thank you for this.
What a boon it was for me to go back to work after 18 months of mat leave. Thanks for this share, it does alleviate a lot of the pressure I put on myself during the baby phase.
Oh my goodness... THANK YOU!!!!!
Thank you so much for this video ♥️
Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤
Thank you, this is so hugely validating to me🙏 I never considered the links with parenting. I experienced maternal abandonment as a child and so being a good mum to my kids has always been the most important thing to me. Yet so often I felt out of alignment with this and then felt so guilty for not finding the early years at all easy or enjoyable. They are wonderful teenagers now things certainly got easier ❤ I'm so glad to have found your channel as I start out in my learning about being an INFJ. Much love from UK
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I had discovered that I have INFJ personality type. Your story is very relatable.
INFJ stay at home dad here of 5 and 9 year old. Lots of love required, lots of self care, and lots of forgiving yourself for not being perfect. The involuntary socializing is the worst, especially school events, blah! Meditation practices are saving me. My kids are awesome though and everyone can see it too, we’re good at this, but it is so hard.
You helped me feel better about parenting, ThankYou
Thank you for this video. It was a great help. My three kids are adults already, but I felt like what you were talking about when they were small.
Thank you
Thank you so much for making this video! I love my son more than words can express but I've struggled so much with being a parent, for the exact reasons that you described. This video is incredibly validating.
Oh. My. All of this. I felt such despair and anger during newborn and toddler phases for all of these reasons. I have a 7 year old and it’s finally so wonderful to be a parent, but I feel PTSD about the birth experience and the first few years and will never ever ever ever (ever) have another child. I’m still dealing with involuntary socializing. I really do not enjoy trying to make small talk at children’s birthday parties! But I love love love my son and am enjoying watching him blossom. It’s intense being an INFJ parent, but I’m glad I got through those tough years. If you are in the tough years, please know it gets better!
Thank you for this, i can't explain how much this video has validated my experience of motherhood. Could you do a video of your experience raising hsp kids? Is your toddler an infj too?
I was raised by INJT-T 😂 Fun times. I tend to get along the most with Infjs because of it. I believe my INTP-A personality was developed out of our dynamic.
Everything she says is 100 percent right on. But here's another perspective. Maybe our babies are harder because as our personality we are more aware and strive to take care of everything our child needs immediately. I'm an INFJ mom. My kids also cried all the time and didn't sleep through the night until FIVE. YEARS. OLD. We analyze everything, we research, we try to make sure we are doing the best things and our children are comfortable. If they cried I would console them immediately. I changed them constantly- never let them sit in a dirty diaper. I had feeling charts and calm down corners. I fed on demand. I overthought everything. I held my babies. A LOT. I wasn't perfect, but I gave it my all. And it was hard.
I once babysat an 11 month old for someone who recently adopted him. He didn't cry at all, he was very quiet. I was asking myself, why did my babies constantly cry? What did I do wrong? Why is this baby so quiet and calm. I later found out that the child was taken out of his home because he was neglected and ignored, sitting in a crib all day and night, only fed and changed before my friend adopted him. He didn't cry because he knew nobody would come. Obviously, some children are just easy going and a baby that doesn't cry does not mean they are neglected. But it was something that put things in perspective to me.
And while I questioned my parenting as far as tending to every need and if that was the reason they were demanding babies/ toddlers, I no longer question it because I realized that I was teaching empathy. I now have caring, responsible, intelligent, empathetic teens whom are leaders and not followers. The stress and hard work was 100 percent worth it. I've had teachers ask me what did I do? I had one recently say my oldest was the kindest student she's ever had in her 20 years of teaching. Hang in there parents. It's hard but I promise it is so worth it.
Thank you!! I've noticed that I markedly dislike motherhood MUCH more than anyone else I've met. I'm very frank about it, so people feel comfortable letting me know their feelings about their experience. Yet I've only met one other person that hates it. It feels like going against every grain of your being... And at every stage. My eldest is 8 and it's still horrible.
😭 validation!
Hi Lauren, I'm not sure if I'm p or J as I appear to have traits from both my father (INFP) and Mother (INFJ). My mother really didn't let us kids do much as my Step Father ENTJ would go wild when us kids didn't get things right nor were we praised or rewarded for our efforts by him.
My Aunty (INFJ) was able to get her children to do things through a reward system, and the husbands would take a back seat.
So I think more about how much power an INFJ holds in the relationship as well as the partners' ideals that will determine what kind if parent they become.
This is so helpful ;(
As a child-free INFJ I have always wondered where I could find other introverts to talk to about opting out of parenthood. It is definitely not for me, but I do commend those who do their best, especially INFJs.
I’m 65 years old, INFJ, childless by choice, and SO happy with my choice! I knew parenthood was not for me when I was still in high school, and despite the millions of times I was told “you’ll change your mind,” I never did. You know what’s best for you. Enjoy your child-free life! 🥰
Yes I been looking everywhere...I'm a single mom of two teenagers grown adult child and a autistic pre teen ...it has been way more challenging for me .. because of my need to isolate and recharge...I'm exhausted...my kids hate me because I'm not the soccer mom they want me to be ...my spiritual lifestyle is taboo for them ...
Very helpful as an ascribing mother😅
I loved every phase. But it was highly intense.
This is actually why I'm kinda terrified of being a parent.
X2
Thank you 🙏 Single Dad INFJ War Veteran appreciate yea . ALSO Your very attractive much love ❤️ am a cynic of Personality types But It’s fully documented AM A INFJ WHY do Folks Fake This personality As a man It’s Not much fun . When Everyone already knows everything. I know I know nothing yet I Know More then everyone i meet
I'm an INFJ male and I can make a scrumptious cake from scratch, so I'm not convinced that's an INFJ thing! I do have to give credit to my mother who was a wonderful cook for teaching me those skills! As a father, I seem to struggle with discipline (we INFJs would feel bad on our own when we did something wrong and didn't need so much disciplining) but I am good at listening and giving counsel to my son. The power struggles between him and his mother are so very draining to me. To make it worse he is ODD and most likely some ADHD.
Oh well, I really enjoyed raising my kids. Does this mean I am not an infj?? 🤔
I also believe I’m a INFJ, and I absolutely love being a mother of three too. Every part of it (wee, almost! Ha). I can’t relate with this video as easy as others on here. I believe you and I just experienced different situations.
Its always going to be different.
I didn’t think it was hard to raise my three kiddos myself as a single Dad. I helped others raise their own kiddos. Food shelter love easy peasy!
After my first experience of having a kid, which was becoming a teen mom at the age of 16, then after a few months also being a single mom without any support from the father, I always said I never wanted children again. But I also lived in a city, finished school, studied social work and took care of my sister's children on a regular basis and then became addicted to Cannabis as I was so overwhelmed with everything, so that contributed to this overall really exhausting experience. But my daughter turned out well nonetheless and now with almost 16 has a great personality and is extremely resilient.
But I quit eyerything, now I don't consume any drugs; alcohol, nicotine and caffeine included; and my life got much better, so my attitude changed over the last few years and now I have another child, he is 6 months now and everything is different because I knew what I don't want and how the circumstances must be for me to thrive as a mother. I was very selective with my partner making sure he will be a good dad, and we literally live at the end of the country now in a small village at the sea, but not too small so that there's at least one grocery store and a bus station nearby as well as a kindergarden and elementary school.
And I had a wonderful home birth experience with the help of a specialised midwife and to be in childbed this time was probably the most wonderful experience of my life.
I think for INFJs it's maybe even more important than for other types to know who you are and what you need and how to fullfill that before you become a parent, not that it's not possible otherwise, but to perhaps make it a great experience for everyone involved and not only a hustle.
Its like I’m telling my story to someone.
My son is almost 5 now, I hope it may get better for me when he turns 6 as well. The problem is, I understand his emotional needs and fulfill them so well that he’s growing more and more attached with me as the time passes than his mother. I can’t take even an ounce of my love from him but I also want him to be a little more independent. I want to zone out so bad. Hoping for the best.
My oldest son was colicky and didn’t sleep at all for a long time. He turned out to be an INFJ, as well…I did not enjoy my child as a newborn either. I thought there was something wrong with me as a mom. Thank you for this video.
This video gave me some much needed perspective, thank you so much
You've also confirmed my fears and worries 🙈 and hopes!
I just know I'll share your exact sentiments if i ever have children of my own!! I guess after reading these comments i might just adopt a teenager some day lol.
But i have to wonder, if we develop our Fe, would that help?
I say this because my mother is an Fe Dom (ESFJ), and she is just the picture perfect mum. Which is nearly annoying honestly as she's living for others as her default and therefore has insane standards.... That i could never meet...
She takes pride in living for others, while i just feel guilty that I'm not the same
Oh, how we torture ourselves..😂
But also, i have another question, you've mentioned being married to an INTJ 😊. How wonderful! What would you say is a good match for INFJ? I would love to hear your thoughts on this
Thank you again for all you do! 💕
I don't know for sure, but I don't think just developing your Fe will do it. ESFJs have a very different function stack to INFJs. It seems to me that being physically present is much easier when you don't have high Ni and low Se. If I'm right, ESFJs have high Si and low Ne. Same thing with meeting lots of small, mundane demands. ESFJs are built for that. One of the big differences I've noticed between myself and my Dad's sister, an ISFJ, is she's practical focused and I'm theory focused. Of course, this is just my opinion.
Yes Joyce Adegboyega personality is a INFJ or ibfj .❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
As an INFJ, I can’t agree with this video very well. I absolutely loved having newborns and toddlers and every age. I have 3 children and would love to have at least one more. But my 3 children were overly easy. They’d sleep well almost every night. My second child was draining because she always demanded me to hold her, but after 16 months, it got way easier. The other two kids have always been happy. And when my third child was a baby, she always nursed super fast and never wanted me to hold her. So, I always had my freedom with her. And my children have always been self-entertaining to themselves. Also, we aren’t involved in a community as we live in the country and live far away from a town or from neighbors. So, we rarely attend anything. And I always felt I still got plenty of alone time, especially for living in the middle of nowhere. But if I was in this lady’s situations, I’m sure I would have felt the same. Homeschooling helps though, because I can control all situations in our lives. If I had to be more involved with school activities or local sports, and live in a town, I’d feel very overwhelmed and drained. So, I get what she’s saying. I’m sure I’d be in her same boat if my life was line out like hers.
your mum was INFJ, lucky you !! I wonder what your boy is? And what is your dad type?? As for child care, yes, genuinely hard work and absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically.
💯💯💯
All of this makes so much sense. But also... I've been looking into autism... and thinking I am autistic. And all of these things also sound like autism things too. Are a lot of INFJs autistic I wonder?
I, an INFJ, had 3 in 3 years. I GET it.
Staying present was really hard for me.. But the most difficult as he grows up is that you feel your kid negative emotions😊😊❤❤
I thought raising babies was the hardest. I loved as my children got older and loved the teen age stage. As far as parenting i studied books on how to raise kids and went with what I learned. Also, when my first 2 were babies, I was in the Marine corp and i copied my babysitters. I didnt want to teach my children conflicting info.
Im not sure about your topic either, but i was wondering if the INFJ personality is just indicitive of Autism or a genuine personality type? If its just autism, it would easily explain the difficulty with parenting. I am having a hard time seperating the personality traits from those of high functioning autism... like everything with an INFJ , Its just another paradox. Lol
My child didn’t sleep through the night until the age of 2,5 years yaaaay
And it could take hours before baby went to sleep…. And I needed to bounce/rock/carry all of that time and the crying was all the time then I found others with “high need babies” and got support but was all alone for all that time with everything
Not a parent here and have come to realize I wouldn't have been even a good one until that ship had already pretty much sailed anyway (late forties). Gay male INFJ 52. When you see gay boys who are apparently very "close" to their mothers keep in mind that clinging is not the response of an adequately-nurtured child. Quite sure that's a wildly unpopular observation, but it's objective. The epigenetic mechanism in utero that determines male sexuality is a stress-mediated neuroendocrine immune response (androstenedione). I'm pretty sure when this mechanism isn't ensuring enough childless spares in large clans (avg. every 4th male fertilization / uterus) it's one way natural selection prunes the parenthood potential of people who are about to be badly parented ourselves. Just is what it is. And strongly suggests kids need competent fathers. Natural selection's signature is all over not simply achieving this goal with sterility, as pairing us with other males improves the application of female fertility. Keep in mind with the every fourth male formula that most miscarriages go unreported and even unrecognized (mischaracterized) as "late" menstruation.
And ACTUALLY the current trend toward social homogenization of the appearance of heterosexuality with the availability of puberty blockers to induce a whole other kind of chromosomally impossible transsexual delusion from the one Cher began coercing Chaz Bono toward when she named him Chastity works in direct contravention to that natural order. Most adolescent females fabricating non-binary pseudogender fantasies are undiagnosed / untreated BPDs and ASDs with too much untreated psychopathology going on (parentally induced so of course it goes untreated until the possibility of secondary gain by way of ego enhancement activates their parents' Munchausen) to realize they are mocking developmental trauma--and not even doing it right (nonbinary....LOL, bitches please). And like I said most of the boys are just gay, but hijacking their puberty prevents them from figuring that out. Guess I just went off on a tangent.
Not reining it in just yet, either.. Even though duplicity is the highest form of stupidity it arises from the ignorance with which our mammalian emotions HAVE to handicap us (to distract us from the fact that we're just here to eat screw and poop and have no more ordained destiny or higher purpose than any other organism). If your mom conceals her likely infidelity or possible rape with a story about getting knocked up by an angel I guess she's going to have to be satisfied putting you forth as the daughter of an angel if you're female, but otherwise that Munchausen bitch just induced a messianic delusion in her proxy. Yup, duh. Monotheistic god is about guaranteed third-party forgiveness (and a developmentally fixated immortality fantasy)
MBTI is socially and professionally of no more use than someone's astrological sign for the absence of a deception scale and lack of any accompanying diagnostic interview. The context gathered in clinical interviews by other instruments increases the accuracy of a subject's first result and the deception-flagging questions decrease their ability to game the test by retaking it. It's utility to commercial and institutional application is actually in the ABSENCE of those safeguards. A snapshot that doesn't identify psychopathologies a candidate is masking tells potential employers who they will be at work everyday.
INFJ parent creating an INFJ adult child seems consistent with my suspicion that we don't make good young parents. Making videos about being an INFJ is so antithetical to INFJness it's hard to fathom even doing without a disclaimer advising skepticism. The lesson in that is of course information credibility and source credibility are not linearly correlated. AAMOF someone who's trying to be you actually has insights into it that someone who isn't doesn't. Not calling you personally phony (I actually don't think you are), just pointing out for those as naive as my younger self that phony people who are convincing enough to pass polygraphy do so BY CONVINCING THEMSELVES. What better way to do that than being all over RUclips with it? Rhetorical, just it's to be expected actual INFJs making infj content will be scarce enough to be considered rule-proving exceptions. Extraversion is the adaptive solicitation of information from the environment of which introversion's increased neuronal density has less need. INFJs don't externalize much anyway but types who do would absolutely use this mechanism to "get into character" of whatever role they're method-acting. And one would EXPECT them to conflate rarity with exclusivity, completely overlooking that eight of the sixteen are less than 5% of the population, no?
To my point about useful information from deceptive sources I have my doubts about Wenzes and Erik Thor but think their content is some of the best. Not sure about the Frank Something guy and haven't seen enough of your videos (1) or Badurina's to say. Drawing a blank on one other so surely forgetting two or three more and overlooking still others. I can always be wrong or change my mind too, but I wouldn't have said shit if my reasons weren't already solid
that's just you. not all INFJ's are disconnected to their children
It’s not about being disconnected. I’m very connected to my kids and parenting is very overstimulating for me.