Sending virtual hugs to all narcissists who wishes to come out from it, and be healed. I tell you I've been there, so I know how it feels. Now, I am here for all of you sending love and understanding. We can get back up. We are beautiful and amazing creatures. We are achievers. This time, let us learn to see ourselves without that fake mirrors. Let's learn to truly love ourselves. Not our fakes self. And learn to love others unconditionally. We can do this! We are achievers afterall. Liebe. Liebe to all of you!
@@tipoftheiceberg7034 I see your point but do you see mine? Those words I've said was to encourage that as long as we're genuinely trying to run from our hideous self, we don't have to beat ourselves up. We don't need to dwell on the thoughts that we are "ugly" "fakes" "monster" "hopeless reprobate" since we have the desire to be changed. I also said we're achievers yes. In the sense that when we were used to direct our efforts and energy to success, why not direct it to conquer those shackling obsessive thoughts and fantasies that tell we are special, unique, and superior when in actuality we're not and nobody really care that much. So I do not think that it was narcissistic of me to tell those favorable words when my goal was to encourage someone who's down casted by their discovered mental disorder. Let me ask you, do you also think we should continuously beat ourselves up?
I hate my narcissism, and want to change, but you know what happens when I contact a therapist and tell them my diagnoses (borderline and narcissistic personality disorder)? Well they basically hang up. Trying to work through it by myself now. But it's hard to even stay aware of my "condition". Thanks to Dr. Malkin for not judging us like literally the rest of the internet, but trying to be helpful.
God made each of us in his image. It is amazing that you want to change and I will be praying for You! People should be happy to hear that you want to change. People run when things are not easy. Narcassium is hard to change, but you can if you work hard! Be blessed!
Hi thanks for your post I can relate. People don't realise what a torturous experience it is to live in this prison called narcissism. I can't let anyone in no matter how I want to and I'm blessed with 2 beautiful children that I keep pushing away because they have needs. Because I feel fear all the time I can hardly ever feel my love for them and anyone I love and care about. It is a very isolating conditioning that can easily lead to other mental conditions such as anxiety and depression
I'm so sorry to hear that you get hung up on; that sounds painful to experience, especially when you're seeking out help. I wish you the absolute best of luck in making the changes that you wish to make - not everyone is the same, so keep working on yourself from within. I'm personally still on the fence about what I believe as far as narcissism is concerned (lots of people say narcissists can't/won't ever change, but I don't like the idea of society or other people pushing that decision on anyone, especially if it turns out that they DO want to change and are willing to put in the work and effort to go for it), and the more individuals who are able to heal themselves no matter what the condition might be, the better off we all are in the long run. I commend you for your efforts and hope you feel more encouraged. Keep at it - as long as you're making an effort, you're doing great. Jen
My friend is in recovery, he is aware and has managed to start to feel, have to back in time and find the child you once was and try and pinpoint when it started, face the fear, you have nothing to fear apart from fear itself , you need to find someone you trust to open up to and start working on facing those fears
Finally, there’s some compassion for the narcissist. Just that helps me to feel more peace. I don’t know what I am, maybe an echoer. Thank you for all your work on this. 🙏
Sparrow I think many times people see the world as black and white and ignore the feelings of the narcissist which can contribute to the understanding of why they do the things they do
@@boxelder9147You deserve everthing thats coming to you too. I dont know you but see how stupid I sound. Try having some empathy. Its not black and white. I also dont wish any harm to you btw, its just stupid to say someone "deserves" something.
3:45 “Not all abusers are narcissistic, but abuse is inherently narcissistic because it’s really directed towards controlling others and entirely focused on getting what we want; that’s what abuse is about. Better you’re the victim than me; that’s the logic of abuse. Better the victimizer than the victim.”
I learned to shut off feeling, emotions, and input from others, as a survival skill in dealing with first abuse, then PTSD from childhood. The first trick anyone learns in controlling fear is anger. I was an angry young man, for a long time, but it never shut down my empathy. So it became a mask to cope with hurt, betrayal, and difficulty trusting. My father and older sister were/are aggressive narcissists. What I learned was that the path to recovery was through the courage to forgive, to see them as hurting broken people, and to forgive myself for my part in being compliant in the abuse dynamic. It takes courage to own my own stuff and the consequences of my decisions, as well as extend empathy to those who hurt me, without using them as an excuse or holding on to the past. It's a path and a process, so it isn't instant.
I wish you the very best.. I also have incredibly narcissistic traits and I‘ve really improved in the last year. It is a beautiful, enlightening journey to reconnect to your emotions. We aren‘t bad people, we‘re just horribly hurt and developing a sense of self in that state is hard. But you will make it. I believe in you
I had to copy part of your comment on my notebook . Thank you! I am in the process of healing and I feel much much better . I’ve been working on this as an addict through the 12 steps and it does work . Addiction to manipulation/illusion
you are an answer to my prayers! i believe i have become a narcissit due to things that happened to me. i want to heal & change. this vid gives me hope.
I'm a former narcissist. It's so clear looking back. I started to change in my late thirties. I didn't realize at that time that I had been a narcissist. I'm 51 now. At about 45 I figured it out and set about to remove or minimize the last of it from my life. I had always been the fastest learner/the smartest person in the room. This real trait, made me feel as if I was inherently and uniquely "better" than others. Until one day that I wasn't, and I couldn't deny it. I'm so damn glad I was humbled.
I love your that you are explaining this in a way so we can understand narcissists. That there actually human and are hurting inside. Most RUclips channels just occupied with explaining how terrible they are. But you are explaining where they come from. So we can understand, and don’t have to judge them. Everything has it’s reasons and everyone can change. Everyone can better if there is awareness and everyone needs and deserve forgiveness. I love what you’re doing! Awesome🙏🌸🎉✨🙌
you don't have to judge them and you can understand them too and feel sorry for them of course but never be around them and fall for their manipulation
I must say, out of all the narc videos on RUclips, these are by far the most coherent, structured and positive. The amount of snake-oil out there is mesmerizing. These should serve as the go-to for people wanting to actually understand clearly what narcissism is, what it does, and how it should be approached. Nice, a much needed injection of clarity.
I’ve finally decided to get some help and be honest with myself and others. I’ve ruined my whole life being like this. It’s just time to change. I hope to god I can get some help.
This is actually one of the best vids I have come across. It is very hard to communicate with a narcissist personality or traits of one. I feel like when I'm trying to communicate and more often it's when I'm trying to help fix the problems within the relationship, it's like talking to a running brick wall that throws it's bricks at you!! I feel like I'm back at kindergarten. Although I understand the trauma that has most likely lead to the (immature) behaviours. It's confusing all the same. And while I will break down from utter despair from the years of what feels like my friggin soul dying of hopelessness, he can switch a button on/off from his emotions, And for me, this disconnect is a slap in the face, it's a reality check, because for healthy relationships you need those human emotions on a daily basis to interact, to connect!!, the joy and the sadness.
You can feel special you can feel you are better than others you can feel you are gifted you can feel you deserve better and it is all fine and it is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of you as long you don't hurt others ! Once you put someone down and crossed boundaries and made out of this a way of living no matter how beautiful or talented you are or no matter what you acomplished you are a piece of sh*t that is of no good for nobody.
@@janegreen191 Horrisble but I was about to say the same thing. I can't feel sorry, people have been through hell and still remain people, they don't become entitled robots raging around town looking for people to hurt and put up with their crap.
@@spokeraq I agree. What was your experience. Over a year without the narc and it is still affecting me. I'm not the same person anymore. It's hard to trust. He's with someone else now and she's not much to look at. Maybe he's happier with her and he's really found his soul mate. I wish I had more support to get over this.
@@janegreen191 I got rid of him about 3 months ago. If feels lonely but the peace is well worth it. I don't know what he's up to, I'm sure he had groomed somebody for a while so he won't be alone. But he's always been secretive about his ill doings and will not be public about any romance until she makes him. He was the same with me, it took ages before he'd be seen around with me. No pics on social media, not even of his 20-year wife. I'm going back to being what I was 5 years ago, before I met him. Only more aware of my issues, less sociable as I am enjoying my own company in the process of healing from the mischief, the lies, the verbal abuse an putting down that were constant in last months together. The childlike behaviour was so appalling that I couldn't take any more. I thought I'd die but here I am! Therapy helped, a group of people that had been through the same ordeal. No soul mates for narcissists, just another toy to break and get fed up of. No happiness, they don't know what it is. A constant play where they mimic any feeling they can't really feel.
It bothers me so much how much of the internet is filled with people disgracing narcissism. Although I understand the vitriol, there *are* people who have learned/echoed narcissism throughout their life, unconscious of what they were doing, and who later become conscious of these wicked attributes. These people, like myself, want to work on and change themselves. I want to understand narcissism so that I can extend beyond it. What most people fail to recognize is that our culture becomes our subconscious. Unfortunately, because an understanding of the ego has yet to become mainstream education, we have allowed our subconscious to be consumed by self-serving values, which have leaked out into the external world, creating a narcissistic culture. Narcissism is profoundly common these days. So, more and more people are going to be awakening to the truth of what they've become, and more and more people are, thus, going to be seeking help. Narcissism is a cancer of the mind, and freedom comes from understanding what narcissism literally is. Every person *can* change, but the desire has to be there.
Not a narc, but half of those anecdotes about narcissists sound like normal stream of ordinary everyday experiences. Infact when I look at communities like raised by narcissist on reddit ,I realize half the people there are crazy/hyper-sensitive much like a narc and they don't ever change and keep on repeating the pattern of self-entitllement, offense-taking within their peer groups.I'm very glad to be living in a much harsher but also much less narcissistic culture.
Keep in mind this big strong angry hostile Cult of people attacking narcissism have failed to look at themselves and their own narcissistic wounds or perhaps they are narcissistic personality disordered. Watch Alan robarge narcissist wounds
ive been told im arrogant and i never truly listened to and reflected on that. i have been abusive, seeking revenge to others who have done me wrong. i have listened to people and played my role, fully excepting my role, and feeling overwhelmed with vibrations and positive feedback. ive been told im a badass when this happened, and also called “friend”, and was accepted by peer groups. I was told i was calm and questioned what drugs i was taking because i was acting so different. On two occasions, well three, my demeanor completely changed because i was triggered. Each time my demeanor changed, the people i was surrounded by were quick to let me know. My cousin goes “what just happened?” after i felt a trigger and repressed my feelings. Pretty much instantly she recognized i was a different person. My mom recognized my switch immediately when i was helping her move furniture with her ex husband and his friends. She said “arent you going to say goodbye?”, i snapped. And the third time was when my dad came at me while i was cooking eggs and enjoying my quiet, asking if i wanted to leave to go to college somewhere else. I answered him with what i felt like were the rights answers but we wouldnt have it. I took my phone out to record what was about to happen. Before this fight, i had visions of being killed by some force like it was inevitable. Maybe i attracted my dad calling the cops on me that day all because i was quiet and patient with him.
Thank you for this! I really appreciate your approach. I know dealing with addictive patterns is harsh. No rose colored glasses. Thank you for the value you bring. This is unique value.
I was shocked to hear the projected number of years in therapy to improve. I made the decision to leave. After a short relationship I don’t have enough invested to stay now that I know.
Great and resourceful video Dr. Malkin. Really appreciate the given tips and tools here. Recently I’ve discovered that I have narcissistic tendencies because of my upbringing. My father is overtly and my mother covertly narcissistic. And I keep attracting either covert or overt narcissistic men. Switching up my own role depending on whom I attract. And the degree in which I can be narcissistic. I’ve realized that most of these so called empathetic victims on RUclips who blame and shame The Narcissist actually come across as empathetic (covert) narcissists themselves. It’s like you attract who you are deep down. And being unaware of one’s own role in all of this is where the healing is halted. No one wants to be abused but there are those who need it to feel familiar/normal. They can’t have relationships that thrive on mutual respect because they don’t respect themselves or others. Giving too much to appease, being too dependent on others and even being too caring is a link to the “hey look at me” dysfunction in one’s personality. It’s annoying to see how many videos point out the narcissist in others when the narcissist in self is ignored.
Nice to see another light on this, I've always said empathy is a cognitive process rather than some measurable inherent quality. I think all of us when faced with being a perpetrator in any circumstance can avoid exploring those mental paths as we know automatically they lead to a more powerful sense of empathy.
Im a narcissist on the path to healing. How do I overcome questioning my motives? Am I actually that self aware or is this just another manipulation? I feel like a monster and everything I do must be rooted in selfishness, even when I do something good I question if im just lying.
If we really look deep we will likely all discover that our behaviors even genuine acts of kindness are to our own benefit in some form that is what makes this all so crazy making. Helping someone because they need and it may be the right thing to do it also makes us feel about ourselves and sometimes the person we help also shows us appreciation. So rather than question if what you do is genuine ask yourself what need you were able to meet in the process and if you could actually meet that need with a request from someone, it comes down to if you can allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone else and admit you have needs that only something outside of yourself can fill then genuinely ask for someone to fill this need. Also if a person tells that you hurt them are you able to override the defences response and accept that it does not matter if it was unintentional or if you think they shouldn't be hurt by it. What matters is they are telling you that they are hurt if you accept the responsibility of that behavior or remark they say hurt them and focus on them not you but them see the hurt accept you caused it admit you were wrong allow them to express without minimizing or blame shifting or excusing your part and simply ask for their forgiveness it must be genuine. The first step is getting past the denial that you are responsible. In taking responsibility and not deflecting it, and admitting you accept your part you come along way it opening that door of vulnerable asking forgiveness will help you reach that place of true empathy for what they are feeling. The fact that you know puts you on the right path. Blessings
Thank you for giving hope that I can change. As my marriage reaches a crucial point that might not survive, I have heard nothing hopeful. Everything I have come across has been for the survivors of the abuse that we as narcissists dish out and for them to basically run for the hills. This is exactly what I needed to hear!
I have found your talks to give me hope and clarity as someone who had struggled with a severe distorted sense of reality after a long-term, co-dependent relationship with a partner with traits you’ve described. Even after my “waking up” and the dissolution of the relationship, I found myself gravitating to others like my former partner. I had to examine myself more deeply and tease out the needs I had that were being fed by the partner, though I was falling into a deep well of anxiety and addiction, rather than dealing with the issues head-on. I have started to break my own pattern, which includes “allowing” my feelings rather than denial, or, self-abuse through addiction. I am also very grateful to have also have greater understanding of and compassion for deeply self-absorbed people. Thank you!
My ex sent me this video because she's still very upset that I left her. She sends me narcissism videos every other day from a new email address (she keeps making them). She's absolutely projecting. I just wanted us to have a happy relationship but she cheated over and over and constantly insulted me and put me down and nearly every day we were around each other for 7 years I cried. I am so glad to be away from her. She is a dangerous narcissist who doesn't even realize what she's doing. If you're in a relationship with someone like this get out as soon as you can or you'll lose a big chunk of your life.
Lost 20 years went no contact had phone off I a week she hoovered me love bombed me,discarded me and gave me closure.Now if I think she is in control she is not I am aware of all her games so that is what I am going to use to make me just stay away
Both my ex and my mother had insight and would sometimes voluntarily admit to ‘narcissism’, but neither was prepared to care or to do the work required. When confronted with the consequences of their behaviour, even when it involved pain for their young children, they became even more spiteful and justified their reactions by claiming victimhood. In both instances they seemed to derive power and pleasure from the pain they caused. It is difficult to believe this could ever change even though I spent years hoping that it would.
I have found your videos _very_ helpful! I am meeting with my estranged close relative narcissist soon, and you have given me some good ideas on how to approach that extremely stressful meeting. I also think your videos will help me heal.
The test offered in the book says I'm only moderately narcissistic i.e. a healthy level. But I think I am worse than that. I have used people & then gone cold on them. I think it flares up when I am lonely or stressed. I think a good bet for me is learning to be in groups. And learning to be close to people.
This is needed, I scored 100% on the positive side of things, and 27 on the scale, and ZERO on the echoing thingy. I’m no echo, look at my last name! I’m GRAND LIKE MY DAD❤ I take up space! I lead, I love! I’m a golden but was chosen for my truth telling and emotionality. I love my parents! I freaking ADORE THEM💕 they told me “be better than us” “don’t forget who you are”
This book really changed how I viewed a lot of my relationships, but I really feel for the author and all the stigma he encounters even just as someone who specializes in this topic it must earn him a double-facepalm a day
I really love this video. Its so kind and balanced. I loved a narcissist very much, I loved his shadow side, I saw through his false self. I genuinely loved him and would have stuck by him for life. But he became abusive after meeting someone while I was in and out of hospital (he wasn't a cheater though) and decided a bit of fun with a girl young enough to be our daughter was going to serve his needs as I was sick and couldn't support him. He found the pressure of supporting me and the kids and his mother fell very sick, he buckled under the pressure if it all and relapsed his crack addiction. The impact on my young daughter was too much. I left him and it broke my heart. I had to go no contact as me ending our relationship intensified the abuse. He used the young girl to punish me. I've seen him (he didn't see me) about town since I went no contact and he's not doing well. He's lost love, stability, routine, warmth, growth, fun and true love and it shows. He looks depressed, dirty, unshaven, constantly in the same set of clothes - he used to love looking sharp. The young girl trails up the road behind him, you'd never even know they were together. It breaks my heart to see him in such a state. I don't know what to do, I think he's missing my support and love and didn't appreciate what he had. I'm scared to break no contact in case I lose my new found peace. I truly loved him, I saw his pain and why he was the way he is. If you're a narcissist reading this, please know not everyone vilifies you some of us understand and love you. I wish you all well on your healing journey 🙏 ✨ ❤
A better understanding of narcissistism is a disfunctional seeking of feeling special. We should be able to go to others for this comfort instead of looking for ways of being better than someone else, projecting our need to be right or degrading the other person like it is some sort of competition, How about a pet, a dog or a cat to get this needed relief of emptyness.
How come so many people (including therapists) aren’t informed about this? All the definitions I see online lack nuance. I wonder if there’s another subcategory of Narcissism that just hasn’t been sufficiently researched. The kind that does want to be good but just cannot figure out how because they don’t know how to turn on their empathy. Or Narcissists who actually do love their kids but fail to create real connections with them. I just think the definitions are lacking... and it’s hurting both Narcissists who seek help and codependents who are seeking to heal.
I experienced that pets are awesome to support your healing as they accept you the way you are, you just have to feed them and not mistreat them, they give you straight answer
I hate adding this comment with my name but i really need help. I know for a fact that I'm a narcissist. I've realized that I am also extremely dissociated and out of touch and feel like a fraud as well. I don't know what to do without my narcissism either because without it I am bored and quiet and lame and never have anyone's attention. What am I supposed to do? My therapist doesn't believe me because I have so much self awareness but it's weird because I feel like I bounce back in forth between feeling empathetic and normal when I try really hard and then going back into my attention seeking angry narcissistic moody personality. I also can't shake my fear of intimacy I feel empty when I'm not acting like someone I'm not. What do I do?
You can change these habits, I promise. And I admire your courage in staying with the struggle. It shows tremendous strength. Think of it like treatment for a phobia. If you're afraid of heights, you have to gradually become comfortable with the first floor, then the elevator, then going in the elevator...until you can get to the top. The same is true of closeness. To yourself (your true self)--and to others. There are good reasons you have strong defenses against closeness. And the more you're able to catch your "moodiness", false self, and other ways of distancing, slow down, and share who you really are, bit by bit, the more you'll overcome the "closeness phobia" that drives your patterns. Especially if you do so in the safety of therapy and talk about what it's like. The process is easy describe. Working through the emotions is the hard part. Remember that moodiness, presenting yourself, attacking yourself or others, seeking attention, etc--all of these are actions, not feelings. They're ways of coping with feelings or pushing them away. It's the feelings you have to get to--sadness, fear, longings for connection, needs (without shame or panic)--that you need to share with people who care for you. And you need to share them with (recognize and feel them) in yourself. Hope that helps
Lora Alhammood....you are aware of it first. That is such a great start. Moving forward with that awareness and educating and possibly looking into therapy for it? I commend you for being self aware
hi dr Craig Malkin.... Lora described my situation. i'm fearing of my self, i don't want to hurt others with my behavior but i can't stop. and my therapist also doesn't believe me. No one can help you and believes u and when the others have to bargain the truth that u are a monster u hurt them and u feel helpless because u can't feel anything. I've destroyed eveything good was in my life because i know deep inside of me that without my narcissism i am nothing..i don't want to hurt people anymore. i want to be a human being but it's incredibly painfull and no one want to understand a psyco who can't feel the same of u. I'm a guy from Italy 28 years old...i don't know what to do anymore.
Also it's like u can't understand other..because u don't feel anything and your emotion are driven by your narcissism. when others are gentle with me i feel special but it's horrible not to feel the same. becuse u feel broken and no one can teach u how to love. My feelings are shutted..ive no awarness of what is like being in love with my self or being in love with others. i've not decided to be like this. No one believes u when u say that u are like a robot. everyone has their needs, and everyone has they're problem. . My life when i was child wasn't easy. i'm trying to change even if myself push m back everytime. It's really painfull,,my entire life is spent of wisting my energies because with anxiety, feeling ashemed of what i am and trying to suck energy from others because alone u are nothing cosumes u from everything. it's true you are like a toxic addicted.when u realized that your feelings is just a fruit of your NPD is not easy. because u don't have the tool to understand what is real or what is not. u just know that u push people away anyway because u are afraid of use them either way.
Lora, we all have healthy narcissism. Some of us have narcissistic traits but not the personality disorder. I dont know if you got this diagnosis from a professional or if you are self diagnosed. Narcissistic behavior can be a defence mechanism for some but they do not have the disorder. My sister has struggled all her life. Her most recent diagnosis was bipolar disorder. Ive worked in mental health and she presents as a classic person with borderline personality disorder. She cant figure why her bipolar meds havent fixed her. If a professional gave you this label just know that people with mental illness can see 10 therapists and they all give a different diagnosis. If you havent done this yet find a professional that specializes in cognative behavioral therapy and mindfulness. If this is self diagnosed, stop it and whether "normal" or mentally ill our personalities have many facets.
Question: are you a narcissist if you are very aware of things narcissist do and try to avoid doing these negative things with in the back of your mind feeling like you're better than the narcissists?
Don't know if anyone is still reading this looking for an answer, but I often get this feeling from being AROUND narcissistic behavior. I don't want to become like that person because they are so difficult to be around and cause me such stress. If you grow up around narcissists this can happen as well (to the extent you could become an echoist). Especially if you're trying to "outdo" the narcissist, I'd think this was the case.
I've been with a narcissistic personality disordered man for almost 24 yrs. I guess I am a slow learner. When I went through one the most terrifyingly year of my life 4 yrs ago. I told my husband I needed help, like inpatient , because he dejected me for 2 yrs while I was unemployed, unemployable due to the dead end our " friendship " took. He claims he doesn't remember any of it. When I asked why he behaved that way, and if he couldn't get to the bottom of this with me, I was leaving. He came up with "well I guess I was mad at you for " xyz", stuff I did years prior. Made no sense. For the last few years his ability to treat me with acknowledgement, (my presence in a room), respect and kindness were nil. If he truly didn't know what he was doing, how come he treated everyone else kindly, ie: cab drivers, doctors, clerks, people in line at CVS, etc....but forgot his manners with me. From all the reading I've done, he's a narcissistic sociopathic man. Raised by narcissistic mom and dad. I was raised by the same kind of people, but I became an empath. I'm a nurse too. Surprise, surprise. I dread him waking up its 4pm. He has health issues up the wazoo, so I'm a bride of 21 years, going on 24 yrs with him. We have 2 kids, girls, who date narcissistic boys/men. Sad to watch despite my mini in services to educate them. Kids don't want to know about parental defects. I didn't until it hit home and I started to unravel this nightmare I'm in. I need to leave, but am finding it so so hard to do.
Are you aware of @one moms battle on Facebook? and Twitter. Or the website. So much support and wisdom there. I"m so sorry to hear what you've been through.
maryann burrows oh dear, you need to find help! Do it for your daughters because they WILL follow your example. If you start working on yourself (whether you stay with your husband or not), they will likely follow your lead. I have recently unraveled the issues within my family together with my cousin and after speaking to my uncle who is not only a narcissist, but also a sexual abuser and recorded the conversation, it became clear to us that this dance between narcissists and empaths has been the story of my family for at least 3 or 4 generations. Break the cycle, get help for yourself and become more balanced, being an empath might seem great compared to being a narcissist, but its just as unhealthy, (i know coz im struggling to become more balanced myself), i raised a son who is now showing signs of narcissism as well and i do feel responsible because i raised him! Not only your girls but your grandchildren may live healthier lifes if you do!!! much love to you!
I think you sound agreeable and inteligente. Personally I think everybody is narcissist but the broken ones. How nice we need more Sam Vaknin (narcissist specialist in narcissism)
Thank You. All the narc videos on RUclips talk about narcs being the devil. I just learnt im one recently. But i don’t think i do the things i do to hurt people. Sometimes it doesnt even cross my mind that i can be hurting someone with my behavior
My understanding is that narcissists target people who are empathic and also submissive, since the narcissist always needs to be in control and have a partner who agrees with him or her in everything. I was targeted by someone with whom I had had a 45-year friendship and who I am now sure is a narcissist. I am an empath, but I am definitely not submissive. Even as a child, I was famous for being stubborn and very much my own person. What I'm having trouble understanding was how someone who had known me for many years didn't pick up on that and thought I would be a properly submissive person for him in a romantic relationship.
I am a psych nurse. It's about time someone came out and said narcissist are human too and should not be abandoned, but rather helped to learn new behavioral skills.
@@maplenook-- you are wrong. Wounded narcissist are people who were mistreated by their primary caregiver. How dare you say they don't want help. There are those who do want help and that is when we should be there for them.
Silence of the lambs- they dont change Clarice. All psychopaths ARE narcissists but a narcissist isn't a psychopath UNTIL he gets caught with blood on his hands. These people leave a trail of destruction behind them. A lot of them brag as to how they drove exes to attempt suicide. Some have actually driven their victims to suicide. You should talk to the victims of these people before you decide they are worthy of empathy and help. Dont let their psychopathic charm fool you. They manipulate to play victim very well. Pure sickos & their evil knows no bounds.
@@eaumartineau7890 ain't no "we". If YOU want to play with venomous vipers that's YOUR decision. The rest of us are not obligated to expose ourselves to poison.
Really insightful video......has helped me to understand where the narcissists in my life, are coming from. You explain things very well..... I told a friend of mine, about the the three "E"s, and she got it straight away, that she was in a relationship with a Person with Narcissistic traits. The three E thing, is such a good, ultra quick measure. I really like how you liken Narcissism to an addiction......I have always wondered if it could be triggered by Complex-PTSD..... Your gentle approach is very calming, and I really like how you see both sides of the equation, and can demystify the "between" that is going on. Look forward to watching more videos...have watched 3, so far. It is also awakening to see it from a male perspective also......
I wonder what how my narcissism spectrum test results would differ if I take it with my significant other asleep beside me (she wouldn't see the results, she's out like a light when she's asleep) versus when I haven't been with her in a week? My personality seems to differ in those two situations. I feel like I have a lot more empathy when I'm with her and have a lot of thoughts that honestly seem pretty narcissistic when I'm away from her for a long time.
What if your affirmation is the best choice for people with your singular productivity. For a large audience and it involves no loss or harm to anyone. But internally it is very motivating? :) A lot of people just want the productivity of a narcissist?
I just wanna feel love in my heaet, i just wanna feel satisfied with the beauty of life, wanna love someone and be loyal and true, wanna not lie. I've been through alot as a child from trauma to the loss of hope, to 10 moves throughout elementary and not alot of friends, I've hurt people alot and feel soooo SHAMEFUL AND SAD ABOUT IT, i admit it and wanna move on. i just wanna feel emotion and love
Very interesting topic. Can you please explain why a person becomes narcissist. I know that the root starts in the house, mainly the relationship between the child and the parent.
Ashley Santana it does start from home,usually a parent has spoiled them or has rejected them.an overt narc who is loud and boistrous has been spoiled...a covert narc has been rejected or ignored...both need attention either way,but it stems from an early age and experiences theyve had x
Is there any brain imaging being done of the narcissist brain? Most of the narcissists I know have addictions of one or more vices or another. And I have seen a talk where addicts have brain imaging that show physical variation/deformity to a healthy brain.
Donald Trump is addicted to diet Pepsi I heard and ice cream and fast food LOL. And I heard Hillary Clinton is addicted to all sorts of painkillers and pills and Valium and Xanax who knows. And alcohol?
I feel like a very good way to determine if you are a narcissist is to take seriously the feedback from others. Because narcissistic behavior is very anti-social. If you are behaving in narcissistic ways you are going to be affecting others around you in negative ways that they will eventually be showing. Either by pulling away from you, or by their annoyance and anger. Narcissists tend to be very insultive. If you are insulting others they are either going to become defensive or have hurt and baffled looks on their faces. Don't be oblivious to social cues. Pay attention to the body language of those around you. It will tell you everything you need to know.
I have narcissistic behavior, the problem is most people around me are narcissistic and showing vulnerability is hard because it’s not received well. They are narcissistic too so it’s thrown back in my face or used for their gain. I don’t feel safe with anyone.
I think my experience with a narc is their insatiable appetite to feel important with all of their needs met. They are a black hole. A bottomless pit of needs and wants. And in the video when you referred to self a acknowledging narc who wants to change -that they need to self examine their fears with a supportive partner who has their back. Thier in lies the problem, They only know how continuously feed off of that other person & their fear is that person won’t meet their needs... it’s often true because they want so much that it becomes impossible to meet their every single need, wants and desires. That is the problem.... the ‘me’ mentality. And some can not change or walk away from being that parasite. They know no other ways of existing. They have to internally balance to reach outside of themselves and be selfless. And for a full blown narc where is the reward in putting others above yourself? I enjoy you videos very much. I learn so much. Thank you.
Nadine Hamburg I was clinically diagnosed with NPD yet I have no trouble trying to change my ways, so you're wrong. Stop assuming we are all the plague for once, geezus. And stop referring to us with "they can do" and "they can't do" it's like you yourself are trying to decide how we act, you don't have it. How would you know how people are dealing with it?
Hi, I just realized that I am a narc after my boyfriend rejected me for someone else. the first sign was, I wanted him to be my friend after the break up.. My friends told me that I cant be friends with an ex... and I said, I dont know, I just cant hate him.. Until i found narcissim and read everything... I was so hurt by the truth that I am.. I dont want to be... Almost all of the things I have read about narcissim says a lot about me... and it makes me feel so awful and I cried every night why I am like this ...Why I hurt the person I love?now, I told myself, it's better that he found someone else that makes him happy because all he had with our almost 8 years relationship was just pain :( :( It crushed my heart... really......Until now, I have that guilt of how I mistreated him... I dont want to be like this person...
Add me Gale through my channel you can find fb, i'd like to know speak with you, likely a narc, of some order :) Not sure which, but i bring out honesty and help people recover with the truth :)
Hi sound vector, thanks but I dont want to talk about this on FB. I've done some research and I found out that, it's because I am emotionally insecure... and at the same time I made him feel that way too... I want to forget him so that I wont keep hurting myself with the past..
Gale 2009 you are not a narcissist. You may have some narcissistic tendencies as most ppl do but true narcs lack empathy completely, and the fact that you feel guilt means that you are not one.
I think i have a real problem. Im aware of being narcistic. Things have gotten a very bit better by getting out of the victim role cycle. I would want to appologize to someone i know i can never fix again. But it wont change their judgement. In fact it is hard to believe myself i changed because i might also feel empowered by knowledge (awareness). So have i truely changed ? Or am i yet again unaware trying to get mercy from my surroundings.
All I wanted from my narcissist ex bf was an apology. Don't underestimate how much that might mean to the person you have hurt. It might not change what happened, but it will change their will towards you.
hi! ive been told that i display narcissistic behavior. im not sure if this is just a phase during my teenage years but the issue of my behavior has been reoccurring since i was 12 (now im 16). my country doesn't really take mental health seriously but i just need some help to overcome it since its been ruining my relationship with other people.
Obviously this concerns you. I am very insecure, and have some serious social anxiety disorder problems. I don't think many narcissists are concerned about being narcissists. Maybe you should just sit back and be quiet in social settings for a while, and observe how other people interact. And watch lots of videos on social anxiety and depression. Narcissism is ok too, but don't focus all your attention on that, because that is probably not what is wrong with you. I have serious issues myself, so I am not someone who can help you, but I am offering another perspective, so maybe you can help yourself.
You are only 16 and have time to introspect. You are still growing, evolving and learning. It is pretty normal to be a little selfish as a teen because you are still learning and I don't know your circumstances. I wish I realised this as early as you, always stay kind and in integrity. Now you know, you can improve. Good luck!
how to heal from PTSD flashbacks? the man I revered as my best friend... raped my soul. he betrayed and abandoned me. discarded me like garbage. replaced me with another. I want to die. he slammed the door on me. I want to die. he did this almost exactly 10 months ago, and I'm still not healed, and I still don't breathe, and I still have nightmares every night. I can definitely detect my patience waning in life... I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief. I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness... I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed: trying to desperately understand someone who doesn’t understand themselves. I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me, the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure, the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Wow, this has been an eye opener. I endured narcissistic abuse. That experience is so heavy. It’s only through this session, that I understood the basis to narcissism. I don’t think I’m gonna take their, gaslighting and projections into consideration anymore.These are wounded people, they need help. I feel sorry for them.. wow, these people ruined and killed lives.... oh my God...
I'm afraid that I'm fundamentally too ugly and unlovable, especially in the romantic context. Grew up in a family environment and religious community that taught us we were fundamentally evil for being human.
I feel like I am a narcissist but I really don’t fear anything anymore the worst case scenario happened. Lost 2 girlfriends 7 years to finish a 4 year degree all my friends gone accept for 1 childhood friend. Fired 3 times didn’t get a job in my field. No one ever called me a narcissist I just did my research and my behaviors fit the bill of what I believe is covert narcissist. Everything on the internet says I’m a demon and going to burn in hell or die alone. Or that there’s no help for so what’s the point in giving a shit anymore. I just want to enjoy my hobbies and finish my bucket list at this point which I’ve thankfully been able to put a significant dent in because god felt sorry for me and dropped a good job in my lap. I haven’t behaved like a narcissist in probably 6 years. I didn’t actually figure out what was happening until I got out of college and I had time to sit and think while I was looking for a job. My final wish for this life is to travel to Japan and visit 2 amusement parks I’ve always wanted to visit since childhood. If I can make that happen I’m good. I’ve had the opportunity being out of college and away from triggers to truly enjoy life and do the things I’ve truly wanted. Being single with no kids or social life has its perks I feel like there’s no pressure anymore because there’s nothing to fight for. I feel like going to therapy would be a waste of time. Only a time machine could fix my scars and paying hundreds of dollars to talk about them to a therapist doesn’t sound appealing to me. I’m only 31 years old and I feel like my life is over. But if I can at least finish my bucket list I’ll be able to tell my younger self that at least there’s something positive out of all of this. 2021 to 2023 has produced more good memories than the rest of my life combined hopefully that can continue.
My ex was traumatized and abused by his alcoholic parents and mentally ill mother..during our 21 year marriage he never spoke about his childhood..I was told by people who knew the family after I divorced him his mother was a horrible person who took every opportunity to belittle..criticize and demean him.. as child he learned to shut down and block her out... our oldest son has spent his life beating himself up trying to win his Dads love and attention...who as a parent was indifferent.. emotionally and physically absent from his life...when my ex passed away 3 years ago and my son transfered his anger ..pain and feelings of rejection onto me...blaming me for his Dads death and calling me names...lying about me ..humiliating me in public and blocking me..I believe he feels I betrayed him...he was my only child for 7 years having all of my attention all of the time until I had the audacity to have his brother who he is insanely jealous of and despises...when I asked what I had done to offend he couldn't give me an answer..just some imagined slights I was never guilty of.. .I also believe because he had a volatile relationship with his Dad he blames me for not being able to rescue him from his Dad's wrath..
Would narcissists high on the spectrum answer the questions honestly for the narcissist test? I have someone in my family who demonstrates many covert narcissist traits. She certainly believes I am the one with the issues. The fact is, we both have work to do. I have many echoist traits, but I have been getting help and working on it. She doesn’t think she has to, because she is special.
My ex was also an ex heroine addicted. He learned nothing from therapy. No way was he going to picture somebody that was not himself. No chance he'll ever even ask himself what's wrong, raving lunatic unleashed.
Sending virtual hugs to all narcissists who wishes to come out from it, and be healed. I tell you I've been there, so I know how it feels. Now, I am here for all of you sending love and understanding. We can get back up. We are beautiful and amazing creatures. We are achievers. This time, let us learn to see ourselves without that fake mirrors. Let's learn to truly love ourselves. Not our fakes self. And learn to love others unconditionally. We can do this! We are achievers afterall. Liebe. Liebe to all of you!
That's so beautiful, I hope you find true self love and peace ❤🌸❤🌸
How about- making up to all the empaths you have inevitably devastated.
💖
Beautiful and amazing creatures, we are achievers. Yep that narcissim is still there dude or at the time it was
@@tipoftheiceberg7034
I see your point but do you see mine? Those words I've said was to encourage that as long as we're genuinely trying to run from our hideous self, we don't have to beat ourselves up. We don't need to dwell on the thoughts that we are "ugly" "fakes" "monster" "hopeless reprobate" since we have the desire to be changed. I also said we're achievers yes. In the sense that when we were used to direct our efforts and energy to success, why not direct it to conquer those shackling obsessive thoughts and fantasies that tell we are special, unique, and superior when in actuality we're not and nobody really care that much. So I do not think that it was narcissistic of me to tell those favorable words when my goal was to encourage someone who's down casted by their discovered mental disorder. Let me ask you, do you also think we should continuously beat ourselves up?
First video that doesn't demonize narcissistic people. They need help too, not every one of them like what they are.
I hate my narcissism, and want to change, but you know what happens when I contact a therapist and tell them my diagnoses (borderline and narcissistic personality disorder)? Well they basically hang up.
Trying to work through it by myself now. But it's hard to even stay aware of my "condition".
Thanks to Dr. Malkin for not judging us like literally the rest of the internet, but trying to be helpful.
God made each of us in his image. It is amazing that you want to change and I will be praying for You! People should be happy to hear that you want to change. People run when things are not easy. Narcassium is hard to change, but you can if you work hard! Be blessed!
Rimantas me too. Feel very cornered and terrified
Hi thanks for your post I can relate. People don't realise what a torturous experience it is to live in this prison called narcissism. I can't let anyone in no matter how I want to and I'm blessed with 2 beautiful children that I keep pushing away because they have needs. Because I feel fear all the time I can hardly ever feel my love for them and anyone I love and care about. It is a very isolating conditioning that can easily lead to other mental conditions such as anxiety and depression
I'm so sorry to hear that you get hung up on; that sounds painful to experience, especially when you're seeking out help. I wish you the absolute best of luck in making the changes that you wish to make - not everyone is the same, so keep working on yourself from within. I'm personally still on the fence about what I believe as far as narcissism is concerned (lots of people say narcissists can't/won't ever change, but I don't like the idea of society or other people pushing that decision on anyone, especially if it turns out that they DO want to change and are willing to put in the work and effort to go for it), and the more individuals who are able to heal themselves no matter what the condition might be, the better off we all are in the long run. I commend you for your efforts and hope you feel more encouraged. Keep at it - as long as you're making an effort, you're doing great.
Jen
My friend is in recovery, he is aware and has managed to start to feel, have to back in time and find the child you once was and try and pinpoint when it started, face the fear, you have nothing to fear apart from fear itself , you need to find someone you trust to open up to and start working on facing those fears
Finally, there’s some compassion for the narcissist. Just that helps me to feel more peace. I don’t know what I am, maybe an echoer. Thank you for all your work on this. 🙏
Sparrow I think many times people see the world as black and white and ignore the feelings of the narcissist which can contribute to the understanding of why they do the things they do
You should have compassion for yourself and not a shit bag narcissist who doesn't have compassion for you.
@@RPMcM09 yes they only think about themselves and they are here to get our support and the dummies are giving it to them.
Finally some compassion for a narcissist? Are you kidding? They deserve everything that's coming to them
@@boxelder9147You deserve everthing thats coming to you too. I dont know you but see how stupid I sound. Try having some empathy. Its not black and white. I also dont wish any harm to you btw, its just stupid to say someone "deserves" something.
3:45 “Not all abusers are narcissistic, but abuse is inherently narcissistic because it’s really directed towards controlling others and entirely focused on getting what we want; that’s what abuse is about. Better you’re the victim than me; that’s the logic of abuse. Better the victimizer than the victim.”
I learned to shut off feeling, emotions, and input from others, as a survival skill in dealing with first abuse, then PTSD from childhood. The first trick anyone learns in controlling fear is anger. I was an angry young man, for a long time, but it never shut down my empathy. So it became a mask to cope with hurt, betrayal, and difficulty trusting. My father and older sister were/are aggressive narcissists.
What I learned was that the path to recovery was through the courage to forgive, to see them as hurting broken people, and to forgive myself for my part in being compliant in the abuse dynamic. It takes courage to own my own stuff and the consequences of my decisions, as well as extend empathy to those who hurt me, without using them as an excuse or holding on to the past. It's a path and a process, so it isn't instant.
Beautiful!
Bless you
I wish you the very best.. I also have incredibly narcissistic traits and I‘ve really improved in the last year. It is a beautiful, enlightening journey to reconnect to your emotions. We aren‘t bad people, we‘re just horribly hurt and developing a sense of self in that state is hard. But you will make it. I believe in you
I had to copy part of your comment on my notebook . Thank you! I am in the process of healing and I feel much much better . I’ve been working on this as an addict through the 12 steps and it does work . Addiction to manipulation/illusion
I’m proud of u...keep going !
you are an answer to my prayers! i believe i have become a narcissit due to things that happened to me. i want to heal & change. this vid gives me hope.
Same with me ! I am so thankful & grateful to Dr. Malkin !!
Poor shit bag narcissist. Only here for narcissistic supply.
I'm a former narcissist. It's so clear looking back. I started to change in my late thirties. I didn't realize at that time that I had been a narcissist. I'm 51 now. At about 45 I figured it out and set about to remove or minimize the last of it from my life. I had always been the fastest learner/the smartest person in the room. This real trait, made me feel as if I was inherently and uniquely "better" than others. Until one day that I wasn't, and I couldn't deny it. I'm so damn glad I was humbled.
I love your that you are explaining this in a way so we can understand narcissists. That there actually human and are hurting inside. Most RUclips channels just occupied with explaining how terrible they are. But you are explaining where they come from. So we can understand, and don’t have to judge them. Everything has it’s reasons and everyone can change. Everyone can better if there is awareness and everyone needs and deserve forgiveness. I love what you’re doing! Awesome🙏🌸🎉✨🙌
You are delusional if you think a narcissist can change.
you don't have to judge them and you can understand them too and feel sorry for them of course but never be around them and fall for their manipulation
I must say, out of all the narc videos on RUclips, these are by far the most coherent, structured and positive. The amount of snake-oil out there is mesmerizing. These should serve as the go-to for people wanting to actually understand clearly what narcissism is, what it does, and how it should be approached. Nice, a much needed injection of clarity.
agreed!
Thank you!
Surviving narcissism is better
@@backwatersandbackroads
You can not compare them.
Both are very good.
No comparing needed.
I’ve finally decided to get some help and be honest with myself and others. I’ve ruined my whole life being like this. It’s just time to change. I hope to god I can get some help.
Good work clueless. I love you.
I like comments like these😊
Good luck well done I hope you get all the help you need
We are proud of you!
You won't change shit bag. You just want sympathy from a therapist and narcissistic supply.
Thank you for giving me hope! Every other post seems to tell everyone to just avoid the narcissist and there's no hope for change.
This is actually one of the best vids I have come across. It is very hard to communicate with a narcissist personality or traits of one. I feel like when I'm trying to communicate and more often it's when I'm trying to help fix the problems within the relationship, it's like talking to a running brick wall that throws it's bricks at you!! I feel like I'm back at kindergarten. Although I understand the trauma that has most likely lead to the (immature) behaviours. It's confusing all the same. And while I will break down from utter despair from the years of what feels like my friggin soul dying of hopelessness, he can switch a button on/off from his emotions, And for me, this disconnect is a slap in the face, it's a reality check, because for healthy relationships you need those human emotions on a daily basis to interact, to connect!!, the joy and the sadness.
Great description of how it feels to be in relationship with a hurt soul who just can’t see themselves.
You can feel special you can feel you are better than others you can feel you are gifted you can feel you deserve better and it is all fine and it is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of you as long you don't hurt others ! Once you put someone down and crossed boundaries and made out of this a way of living no matter how beautiful or talented you are or no matter what you acomplished you are a piece of sh*t that is of no good for nobody.
Thank you so much for making this type of content, Craig.
Fear of being exposed. Messages as a child that I wasn't good enough or that I was inadequate. Getting judged for every little thing I did.
This is like my boyfriend :/ you didn’t deserve this! You are at least aware and in the recovery process. My heart goes out to you.
Oh poor you. Other people have been hurt in childhood but they didn't grow up to abuse other people like you, shit bag narcissist.
@@janegreen191 Horrisble but I was about to say the same thing. I can't feel sorry, people have been through hell and still remain people, they don't become entitled robots raging around town looking for people to hurt and put up with their crap.
@@spokeraq I agree. What was your experience. Over a year without the narc and it is still affecting me. I'm not the same person anymore. It's hard to trust. He's with someone else now and she's not much to look at. Maybe he's happier with her and he's really found his soul mate. I wish I had more support to get over this.
@@janegreen191 I got rid of him about 3 months ago. If feels lonely but the peace is well worth it. I don't know what he's up to, I'm sure he had groomed somebody for a while so he won't be alone. But he's always been secretive about his ill doings and will not be public about any romance until she makes him. He was the same with me, it took ages before he'd be seen around with me. No pics on social media, not even of his 20-year wife. I'm going back to being what I was 5 years ago, before I met him. Only more aware of my issues, less sociable as I am enjoying my own company in the process of healing from the mischief, the lies, the verbal abuse an putting down that were constant in last months together. The childlike behaviour was so appalling that I couldn't take any more. I thought I'd die but here I am! Therapy helped, a group of people that had been through the same ordeal. No soul mates for narcissists, just another toy to break and get fed up of. No happiness, they don't know what it is. A constant play where they mimic any feeling they can't really feel.
It bothers me so much how much of the internet is filled with people disgracing narcissism. Although I understand the vitriol, there *are* people who have learned/echoed narcissism throughout their life, unconscious of what they were doing, and who later become conscious of these wicked attributes. These people, like myself, want to work on and change themselves. I want to understand narcissism so that I can extend beyond it.
What most people fail to recognize is that our culture becomes our subconscious. Unfortunately, because an understanding of the ego has yet to become mainstream education, we have allowed our subconscious to be consumed by self-serving values, which have leaked out into the external world, creating a narcissistic culture. Narcissism is profoundly common these days. So, more and more people are going to be awakening to the truth of what they've become, and more and more people are, thus, going to be seeking help. Narcissism is a cancer of the mind, and freedom comes from understanding what narcissism literally is. Every person *can* change, but the desire has to be there.
Not a narc, but half of those anecdotes about narcissists sound like normal stream of ordinary everyday experiences. Infact when I look at communities like raised by narcissist on reddit ,I realize half the people there are crazy/hyper-sensitive much like a narc and they don't ever change and keep on repeating the pattern of self-entitllement, offense-taking within their peer groups.I'm very glad to be living in a much harsher but also much less narcissistic culture.
I hear you.
Keep in mind this big strong angry hostile Cult of people attacking narcissism have failed to look at themselves and their own narcissistic wounds or perhaps they are narcissistic personality disordered. Watch Alan robarge narcissist wounds
Let go Accept I was raised by a narcissist I’d like to help myself I’m sure I’m a product of that environment.
ive been told im arrogant and i never truly listened to and reflected on that. i have been abusive, seeking revenge to others who have done me wrong. i have listened to people and played my role, fully excepting my role, and feeling overwhelmed with vibrations and positive feedback. ive been told im a badass when this happened, and also called “friend”, and was accepted by peer groups. I was told i was calm and questioned what drugs i was taking because i was acting so different. On two occasions, well three, my demeanor completely changed because i was triggered. Each time my demeanor changed, the people i was surrounded by were quick to let me know. My cousin goes “what just happened?” after i felt a trigger and repressed my feelings. Pretty much instantly she recognized i was a different person. My mom recognized my switch immediately when i was helping her move furniture with her ex husband and his friends. She said “arent you going to say goodbye?”, i snapped. And the third time was when my dad came at me while i was cooking eggs and enjoying my quiet, asking if i wanted to leave to go to college somewhere else. I answered him with what i felt like were the rights answers but we wouldnt have it. I took my phone out to record what was about to happen. Before this fight, i had visions of being killed by some force like it was inevitable. Maybe i attracted my dad calling the cops on me that day all because i was quiet and patient with him.
Thank you for this! I really appreciate your approach. I know dealing with addictive patterns is harsh. No rose colored glasses. Thank you for the value you bring. This is unique value.
If you can acknowledge it
Than you can be healed and cured
Bingo!
I was shocked to hear the projected number of years in therapy to improve. I made the decision to leave. After a short relationship I don’t have enough invested to stay now that I know.
Thank you so much for this!!!! I had heard there was no cure but this gives me hope. Managing is crucial. Step one. Knowing. And looking inward.
I wished I could talk to you. Someone I love is dealing with this . I love what you've said in this video. So kind, considerate and helpful!
Great and resourceful video Dr. Malkin. Really appreciate the given tips and tools here. Recently I’ve discovered that I have narcissistic tendencies because of my upbringing. My father is overtly and my mother covertly narcissistic. And I keep attracting either covert or overt narcissistic men. Switching up my own role depending on whom I attract. And the degree in which I can be narcissistic. I’ve realized that most of these so called empathetic victims on RUclips who blame and shame The Narcissist actually come across as empathetic (covert) narcissists themselves. It’s like you attract who you are deep down. And being unaware of one’s own role in all of this is where the healing is halted. No one wants to be abused but there are those who need it to feel familiar/normal. They can’t have relationships that thrive on mutual respect because they don’t respect themselves or others. Giving too much to appease, being too dependent on others and even being too caring is a link to the “hey look at me” dysfunction in one’s personality. It’s annoying to see how many videos point out the narcissist in others when the narcissist in self is ignored.
Nice to see another light on this, I've always said empathy is a cognitive process rather than some measurable inherent quality. I think all of us when faced with being a perpetrator in any circumstance can avoid exploring those mental paths as we know automatically they lead to a more powerful sense of empathy.
Not necessarily.
Empaths are bathed in feeling everything around them.
Without trying.
And it is inescapable.
Monumental stuff, thank you for sharing your wisdom so freely Dr. Malkin!
Im a narcissist on the path to healing. How do I overcome questioning my motives? Am I actually that self aware or is this just another manipulation? I feel like a monster and everything I do must be rooted in selfishness, even when I do something good I question if im just lying.
Literally ever thought, interaction and feeling I question.
If we really look deep we will likely all discover that our behaviors even genuine acts of kindness are to our own benefit in some form that is what makes this all so crazy making. Helping someone because they need and it may be the right thing to do it also makes us feel about ourselves and sometimes the person we help also shows us appreciation. So rather than question if what you do is genuine ask yourself what need you were able to meet in the process and if you could actually meet that need with a request from someone, it comes down to if you can allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone else and admit you have needs that only something outside of yourself can fill then genuinely ask for someone to fill this need. Also if a person tells that you hurt them are you able to override the defences response and accept that it does not matter if it was unintentional or if you think they shouldn't be hurt by it. What matters is they are telling you that they are hurt if you accept the responsibility of that behavior or remark they say hurt them and focus on them not you but them see the hurt accept you caused it admit you were wrong allow them to express without minimizing or blame shifting or excusing your part and simply ask for their forgiveness it must be genuine. The first step is getting past the denial that you are responsible. In taking responsibility and not deflecting it, and admitting you accept your part you come along way it opening that door of vulnerable asking forgiveness will help you reach that place of true empathy for what they are feeling. The fact that you know puts you on the right path. Blessings
You are soooo self aware! You recognize!! You just gotta keep working at GROWING and learning!!
Thank so much to see me again. I did really appreciated of you.
perhaps the single best video online
thank you
Thank you for giving hope that I can change. As my marriage reaches a crucial point that might not survive, I have heard nothing hopeful. Everything I have come across has been for the survivors of the abuse that we as narcissists dish out and for them to basically run for the hills. This is exactly what I needed to hear!
I have found your talks to give me hope and clarity as someone who had struggled with a severe distorted sense of reality after a long-term, co-dependent relationship with a partner with traits you’ve described. Even after my “waking up” and the dissolution of the relationship, I found myself gravitating to others like my former partner. I had to examine myself more deeply and tease out the needs I had that were being fed by the partner, though I was falling into a deep well of anxiety and addiction, rather than dealing with the issues head-on. I have started to break my own pattern, which includes “allowing” my feelings rather than denial, or, self-abuse through addiction. I am also very grateful to have also have greater understanding of and compassion for deeply self-absorbed people. Thank you!
Human magnet syndrome
My ex sent me this video because she's still very upset that I left her. She sends me narcissism videos every other day from a new email address (she keeps making them). She's absolutely projecting. I just wanted us to have a happy relationship but she cheated over and over and constantly insulted me and put me down and nearly every day we were around each other for 7 years I cried. I am so glad to be away from her. She is a dangerous narcissist who doesn't even realize what she's doing. If you're in a relationship with someone like this get out as soon as you can or you'll lose a big chunk of your life.
Sorry to hear that I have similar story just started crying though.
It's gonna be okay.
Lost 20 years went no contact had phone off I a week she hoovered me love bombed me,discarded me and gave me closure.Now if I think she is in control she is not I am aware of all her games so that is what I am going to use to make me just stay away
Take care of yourselves. I'm touched by the support in this thread. And it's what you both need.
Dr. Craig Malkin thanks for reply, very thankful for your videos!
Both my ex and my mother had insight and would sometimes voluntarily admit to ‘narcissism’, but neither was prepared to care or to do the work required. When confronted with the consequences of their behaviour, even when it involved pain for their young children, they became even more spiteful and justified their reactions by claiming victimhood. In both instances they seemed to derive power and pleasure from the pain they caused. It is difficult to believe this could ever change even though I spent years hoping that it would.
I’m arrogant and aloof. I don’t use and abuse people. Big difference between “narcissism” and “disorder/addiction”
I have found your videos _very_ helpful!
I am meeting with my estranged close relative narcissist soon, and you have given me some good ideas on how to approach that extremely stressful meeting.
I also think your videos will help me heal.
so glad!
i cant wait to get your book. i want to heal
The test offered in the book says I'm only moderately narcissistic i.e. a healthy level. But I think I am worse than that. I have used people & then gone cold on them. I think it flares up when I am lonely or stressed. I think a good bet for me is learning to be in groups. And learning to be close to people.
How about making up to
Those
U hurt+used
Listening to you is like listening to guided meditation. Great affirmations for healing narcissists. Thank you.
This is needed, I scored 100% on the positive side of things, and 27 on the scale, and ZERO on the echoing thingy. I’m no echo, look at my last name! I’m GRAND LIKE MY DAD❤ I take up space! I lead, I love! I’m a golden but was chosen for my truth telling and emotionality. I love my parents! I freaking ADORE THEM💕 they told me “be better than us” “don’t forget who you are”
The universe and cosmic trusted you as well. I hope you didn’t made us disappointed.
That was amazing, thank you ❤️
I can tell you are the one I can trusted.
This book really changed how I viewed a lot of my relationships, but I really feel for the author and all the stigma he encounters even just as someone who specializes in this topic it must earn him a double-facepalm a day
I really love this video. Its so kind and balanced. I loved a narcissist very much, I loved his shadow side, I saw through his false self. I genuinely loved him and would have stuck by him for life. But he became abusive after meeting someone while I was in and out of hospital (he wasn't a cheater though) and decided a bit of fun with a girl young enough to be our daughter was going to serve his needs as I was sick and couldn't support him. He found the pressure of supporting me and the kids and his mother fell very sick, he buckled under the pressure if it all and relapsed his crack addiction. The impact on my young daughter was too much. I left him and it broke my heart. I had to go no contact as me ending our relationship intensified the abuse. He used the young girl to punish me. I've seen him (he didn't see me) about town since I went no contact and he's not doing well. He's lost love, stability, routine, warmth, growth, fun and true love and it shows. He looks depressed, dirty, unshaven, constantly in the same set of clothes - he used to love looking sharp. The young girl trails up the road behind him, you'd never even know they were together. It breaks my heart to see him in such a state. I don't know what to do, I think he's missing my support and love and didn't appreciate what he had. I'm scared to break no contact in case I lose my new found peace. I truly loved him, I saw his pain and why he was the way he is. If you're a narcissist reading this, please know not everyone vilifies you some of us understand and love you. I wish you all well on your healing journey 🙏 ✨ ❤
They wouldn't watch this..
Great video, many similarities between a narcissist and and addict. If you bring the two together there is a big risk of isolation and switching off.
much love to you ⚡️thanks
A better understanding of narcissistism is a disfunctional seeking of feeling special. We should be able to go to others for this comfort instead of looking for ways of being better than someone else, projecting our need to be right or degrading the other person like it is some sort of competition, How about a pet, a dog or a cat to get this needed relief of emptyness.
Thank you so much
How come so many people (including therapists) aren’t informed about this? All the definitions I see online lack nuance. I wonder if there’s another subcategory of Narcissism that just hasn’t been sufficiently researched. The kind that does want to be good but just cannot figure out how because they don’t know how to turn on their empathy. Or Narcissists who actually do love their kids but fail to create real connections with them. I just think the definitions are lacking... and it’s hurting both Narcissists who seek help and codependents who are seeking to heal.
I experienced that pets are awesome to support your healing as they accept you the way you are, you just have to feed them and not mistreat them, they give you straight answer
Amazing knowledge.. Good people need this knowledge 🇺🇸❤️
I hate adding this comment with my name but i really need help. I know for a fact that I'm a narcissist. I've realized that I am also extremely dissociated and out of touch and feel like a fraud as well. I don't know what to do without my narcissism either because without it I am bored and quiet and lame and never have anyone's attention. What am I supposed to do? My therapist doesn't believe me because I have so much self awareness but it's weird because I feel like I bounce back in forth between feeling empathetic and normal when I try really hard and then going back into my attention seeking angry narcissistic moody personality. I also can't shake my fear of intimacy I feel empty when I'm not acting like someone I'm not. What do I do?
You can change these habits, I promise. And I admire your courage in staying with the struggle. It shows tremendous strength.
Think of it like treatment for a phobia. If you're afraid of heights, you have to gradually become comfortable with the first floor, then the elevator, then going in the elevator...until you can get to the top. The same is true of closeness. To yourself (your true self)--and to others.
There are good reasons you have strong defenses against closeness. And the more you're able to catch your "moodiness", false self, and other ways of distancing, slow down, and share who you really are, bit by bit, the more you'll overcome the "closeness phobia" that drives your patterns. Especially if you do so in the safety of therapy and talk about what it's like. The process is easy describe. Working through the emotions is the hard part.
Remember that moodiness, presenting yourself, attacking yourself or others, seeking attention, etc--all of these are actions, not feelings. They're ways of coping with feelings or pushing them away. It's the feelings you have to get to--sadness, fear, longings for connection, needs (without shame or panic)--that you need to share with people who care for you. And you need to share them with (recognize and feel them) in yourself. Hope that helps
Lora Alhammood....you are aware of it first. That is such a great start. Moving forward with that awareness and educating and possibly looking into therapy for it? I commend you for being self aware
hi dr Craig Malkin.... Lora described my situation. i'm fearing of my self, i don't want to hurt others with my behavior but i can't stop. and my therapist also doesn't believe me. No one can help you and believes u and when the others have to bargain the truth that u are a monster u hurt them and u feel helpless because u can't feel anything. I've destroyed eveything good was in my life because i know deep inside of me that without my narcissism i am nothing..i don't want to hurt people anymore. i want to be a human being but it's incredibly painfull and no one want to understand a psyco who can't feel the same of u. I'm a guy from Italy 28 years old...i don't know what to do anymore.
Also it's like u can't understand other..because u don't feel anything and your emotion are driven by your narcissism. when others are gentle with me i feel special but it's horrible not to feel the same. becuse u feel broken and no one can teach u how to love. My feelings are shutted..ive no awarness of what is like being in love with my self or being in love with others. i've not decided to be like this. No one believes u when u say that u are like a robot. everyone has their needs, and everyone has they're problem. . My life when i was child wasn't easy. i'm trying to change even if myself push m back everytime. It's really painfull,,my entire life is spent of wisting my energies because with anxiety, feeling ashemed of what i am and trying to suck energy from others because alone u are nothing cosumes u from everything. it's true you are like a toxic addicted.when u realized that your feelings is just a fruit of your NPD is not easy. because u don't have the tool to understand what is real or what is not. u just know that u push people away anyway because u are afraid of use them either way.
Lora, we all have healthy narcissism. Some of us have narcissistic traits but not the personality disorder. I dont know if you got this diagnosis from a professional or if you are self diagnosed. Narcissistic behavior can be a defence mechanism for some but they do not have the disorder. My sister has struggled all her life. Her most recent diagnosis was bipolar disorder. Ive worked in mental health and she presents as a classic person with borderline personality disorder. She cant figure why her bipolar meds havent fixed her. If a professional gave you this label just know that people with mental illness can see 10 therapists and they all give a different diagnosis. If you havent done this yet find a professional that specializes in cognative behavioral therapy and mindfulness. If this is self diagnosed, stop it and whether "normal" or mentally ill our personalities have many facets.
The doctor and him set me up and my daughter’s jury’s.
Question: are you a narcissist if you are very aware of things narcissist do and try to avoid doing these negative things with in the back of your mind feeling like you're better than the narcissists?
I doubt it. It might mean you feel empowered by your knowledge.
Don't know if anyone is still reading this looking for an answer, but I often get this feeling from being AROUND narcissistic behavior. I don't want to become like that person because they are so difficult to be around and cause me such stress. If you grow up around narcissists this can happen as well (to the extent you could become an echoist). Especially if you're trying to "outdo" the narcissist, I'd think this was the case.
I've been with a narcissistic personality disordered man for almost 24 yrs. I guess I am a slow learner. When I went through one the most terrifyingly year of my life 4 yrs ago. I told my husband I needed help, like inpatient , because he dejected me for 2 yrs while I was unemployed, unemployable due to the dead end our " friendship " took. He claims he doesn't remember any of it. When I asked why he behaved that way, and if he couldn't get to the bottom of this with me, I was leaving. He came up with "well I guess I was mad at you for " xyz", stuff I did years prior. Made no sense. For the last few years his ability to treat me with acknowledgement, (my presence in a room), respect and kindness were nil. If he truly didn't know what he was doing, how come he treated everyone else kindly, ie: cab drivers, doctors, clerks, people in line at CVS, etc....but forgot his manners with me. From all the reading I've done, he's a narcissistic sociopathic man. Raised by narcissistic mom and dad. I was raised by the same kind of people, but I became an empath. I'm a nurse too. Surprise, surprise. I dread him waking up its 4pm. He has health issues up the wazoo, so I'm a bride of 21 years, going on 24 yrs with him. We have 2 kids, girls, who date narcissistic boys/men. Sad to watch despite my mini in services to educate them. Kids don't want to know about parental defects. I didn't until it hit home and I started to unravel this nightmare I'm in. I need to leave, but am finding it so so hard to do.
Are you aware of @one moms battle on Facebook? and Twitter. Or the website. So much support and wisdom there. I"m so sorry to hear what you've been through.
maryann burrows oh dear, you need to find help! Do it for your daughters because they WILL follow your example. If you start working on yourself (whether you stay with your husband or not), they will likely follow your lead. I have recently unraveled the issues within my family together with my cousin and after speaking to my uncle who is not only a narcissist, but also a sexual abuser and recorded the conversation, it became clear to us that this dance between narcissists and empaths has been the story of my family for at least 3 or 4 generations. Break the cycle, get help for yourself and become more balanced, being an empath might seem great compared to being a narcissist, but its just as unhealthy, (i know coz im struggling to become more balanced myself), i raised a son who is now showing signs of narcissism as well and i do feel responsible because i raised him! Not only your girls but your grandchildren may live healthier lifes if you do!!! much love to you!
You posted this a year ago, but I just wanted to say that I love you.
When a person claims....oh I can't remember that confrontation ......100% you are dealing with a narcissist
Do not give up on your children even if they are adults take them out for lunch talk to them gently and carefully about this.
I think you sound agreeable and inteligente. Personally I think everybody is narcissist but the broken ones.
How nice we need more Sam Vaknin (narcissist specialist in narcissism)
I need so much help....
Barb DeSouza u doin better? hope u are, and it’s ok if not yet!
Thank You. All the narc videos on RUclips talk about narcs being the devil. I just learnt im one recently. But i don’t think i do the things i do to hurt people. Sometimes it doesnt even cross my mind that i can be hurting someone with my behavior
@@boujeeposh4687 I feel the exact same way
@@boujeeposh4687 Hope you can open your eyes and see clearly soon.
Thank you.
My understanding is that narcissists target people who are empathic and also submissive, since the narcissist always needs to be in control and have a partner who agrees with him or her in everything. I was targeted by someone with whom I had had a 45-year friendship and who I am now sure is a narcissist. I am an empath, but I am definitely not submissive. Even as a child, I was famous for being stubborn and very much my own person. What I'm having trouble understanding was how someone who had known me for many years didn't pick up on that and thought I would be a properly submissive person for him in a romantic relationship.
I am a psych nurse. It's about time someone came out and said narcissist are human too and should not be abandoned, but rather helped to learn new behavioral skills.
Linda p they don’t want help. That’s the problem. Screw them.
@@maplenook-- you are wrong.
Wounded narcissist are people who were mistreated by their primary caregiver. How dare you say they don't want help. There are those who do want help and that is when we should be there for them.
Silence of the lambs- they dont change Clarice. All psychopaths ARE narcissists but a narcissist isn't a psychopath UNTIL he gets caught with blood on his hands. These people leave a trail of destruction behind them. A lot of them brag as to how they drove exes to attempt suicide. Some have actually driven their victims to suicide. You should talk to the victims of these people before you decide they are worthy of empathy and help. Dont let their psychopathic charm fool you. They manipulate to play victim very well. Pure sickos & their evil knows no bounds.
@@imanifest3138 -- excellent point.
@@eaumartineau7890 ain't no "we". If YOU want to play with venomous vipers that's YOUR decision. The rest of us are not obligated to expose ourselves to poison.
Really insightful video......has helped me to understand where the narcissists in my life, are coming from. You explain things very well..... I told a friend of mine, about the the three "E"s, and she got it straight away, that she was in a relationship with a Person with Narcissistic traits. The three E thing, is such a good, ultra quick measure. I really like how you liken Narcissism to an addiction......I have always wondered if it could be triggered by Complex-PTSD..... Your gentle approach is very calming, and I really like how you see both sides of the equation, and can demystify the "between" that is going on. Look forward to watching more videos...have watched 3, so far. It is also awakening to see it from a male perspective also......
I wonder what how my narcissism spectrum test results would differ if I take it with my significant other asleep beside me (she wouldn't see the results, she's out like a light when she's asleep) versus when I haven't been with her in a week? My personality seems to differ in those two situations. I feel like I have a lot more empathy when I'm with her and have a lot of thoughts that honestly seem pretty narcissistic when I'm away from her for a long time.
Thank you :)
Good points
All along that I wanted someone’s can understand who I am.
Turn other people into drugs. Absolutely. I over-talk everyone about me, and trash-talk. My mom was one. It is a LEARNED behavior 100%. Thank you.
over talking about you doesn't make you a narcissist .hurting others makes you a narcissist
What if your affirmation is the best choice for people with your singular productivity.
For a large audience and it involves no loss or harm to anyone. But internally it is very motivating? :)
A lot of people just want the productivity of a narcissist?
This vid is 5 yrs old. Can’t believe I missed it. I’ve left my narc because Ive been led to believe I can’t help him.
I just wanna feel love in my heaet, i just wanna feel satisfied with the beauty of life, wanna love someone and be loyal and true, wanna not lie. I've been through alot as a child from trauma to the loss of hope, to 10 moves throughout elementary and not alot of friends, I've hurt people alot and feel soooo SHAMEFUL AND SAD ABOUT IT, i admit it and wanna move on. i just wanna feel emotion and love
Upset of can’t see my father and daughter’s.
Very interesting topic. Can you please explain why a person becomes narcissist. I know that the root starts in the house, mainly the relationship between the child and the parent.
Ashley Santana it does start from home,usually a parent has spoiled them or has rejected them.an overt narc who is loud and boistrous has been spoiled...a covert narc has been rejected or ignored...both need attention either way,but it stems from an early age and experiences theyve had x
Genetics plays a role
SO tempted to send to my ex.
I won’t , not my place .
Will use for my own healing.
The narc/addict doesn’t want to know.
Is there any brain imaging being done of the narcissist brain? Most of the narcissists I know have addictions of one or more vices or another. And I have seen a talk where addicts have brain imaging that show physical variation/deformity to a healthy brain.
Donald Trump is addicted to diet Pepsi I heard and ice cream and fast food LOL. And I heard Hillary Clinton is addicted to all sorts of painkillers and pills and Valium and Xanax who knows. And alcohol?
I feel like a very good way to determine if you are a narcissist is to take seriously the feedback from others. Because narcissistic behavior is very anti-social. If you are behaving in narcissistic ways you are going to be affecting others around you in negative ways that they will eventually be showing. Either by pulling away from you, or by their annoyance and anger. Narcissists tend to be very insultive. If you are insulting others they are either going to become defensive or have hurt and baffled looks on their faces. Don't be oblivious to social cues. Pay attention to the body language of those around you. It will tell you everything you need to know.
I have narcissistic behavior, the problem is most people around me are narcissistic and showing vulnerability is hard because it’s not received well. They are narcissistic too so it’s thrown back in my face or used for their gain. I don’t feel safe with anyone.
I think my experience with a narc is their insatiable appetite to feel important with all of their needs met. They are a black hole. A bottomless pit of needs and wants. And in the video when you referred to self a acknowledging narc who wants to change -that they need to self examine their fears with a supportive partner who has their back. Thier in lies the problem, They only know how continuously feed off of that other person & their fear is that person won’t meet their needs... it’s often true because they want so much that it becomes impossible to meet their every single need, wants and desires. That is the problem.... the ‘me’ mentality. And some can not change or walk away from being that parasite. They know no other ways of existing. They have to internally balance to reach outside of themselves and be selfless. And for a full blown narc where is the reward in putting others above yourself? I enjoy you videos very much. I learn so much. Thank you.
Nadine Hamburg I was clinically diagnosed with NPD yet I have no trouble trying to change my ways, so you're wrong. Stop assuming we are all the plague for once, geezus. And stop referring to us with "they can do" and "they can't do" it's like you yourself are trying to decide how we act, you don't have it. How would you know how people are dealing with it?
I want that test...
That is me. Wish I could get treatment.
I wanted you be my consultant doctor. Please.
Think of the colour grey , I will tell my clients , I’m a trainee psychotherapist
Hi, I just realized that I am a narc after my boyfriend rejected me for
someone else. the first sign was, I wanted him to be my friend after the
break up.. My friends told me that I cant be friends with an ex... and I
said, I dont know, I just cant hate him.. Until i found narcissim and
read everything... I was so hurt by the truth that I am.. I dont want to
be... Almost all of the things I have read about narcissim says a lot
about me... and it makes me feel so awful and I cried every night why I
am like this ...Why I hurt the person I love?now, I told myself, it's
better that he found someone else that makes him happy because all he had with our almost 8 years relationship was just pain :( :( It crushed my heart... really......Until now, I
have that guilt of how I mistreated him... I dont want to be like this person...
Add me Gale through my channel you can find fb, i'd like to know speak with you, likely a narc, of some order :)
Not sure which, but i bring out honesty and help people recover with the truth :)
Hi sound vector, thanks but I dont want to talk about this on FB. I've done some research and I found out that, it's because I am emotionally insecure... and at the same time I made him feel that way too... I want to forget him so that I wont keep hurting myself with the past..
Oh i see, :/ :)
Gale 2009 you are not a narcissist. You may have some narcissistic tendencies as most ppl do but true narcs lack empathy completely, and the fact that you feel guilt means that you are not one.
MsChrissyLW thanks you. ☺☺
I think i have a real problem. Im aware of being narcistic. Things have gotten a very bit better by getting out of the victim role cycle. I would want to appologize to someone i know i can never fix again. But it wont change their judgement. In fact it is hard to believe myself i changed because i might also feel empowered by knowledge (awareness). So have i truely changed ? Or am i yet again unaware trying to get mercy from my surroundings.
All I wanted from my narcissist ex bf was an apology. Don't underestimate how much that might mean to the person you have hurt. It might not change what happened, but it will change their will towards you.
hi! ive been told that i display narcissistic behavior. im not sure if this is just a phase during my teenage years but the issue of my behavior has been reoccurring since i was 12 (now im 16). my country doesn't really take mental health seriously but i just need some help to overcome it since its been ruining my relationship with other people.
ive been told that my conversations usually become egocentric. i also often one up people or perhaps do some effort to shift the spotlight to me
ive also been told to be apathetic. when in fact i think my narcissism stems from a whole lot of insecurities
Obviously this concerns you. I am very insecure, and have some serious social anxiety disorder problems. I don't think many narcissists are concerned about being narcissists. Maybe you should just sit back and be quiet in social settings for a while, and observe how other people interact. And watch lots of videos on social anxiety and depression. Narcissism is ok too, but don't focus all your attention on that, because that is probably not what is wrong with you. I have serious issues myself, so I am not someone who can help you, but I am offering another perspective, so maybe you can help yourself.
You are only 16 and have time to introspect. You are still growing, evolving and learning. It is pretty normal to be a little selfish as a teen because you are still learning and I don't know your circumstances. I wish I realised this as early as you, always stay kind and in integrity. Now you know, you can improve. Good luck!
the shame and guilt i feel fuck its intense. thank you
I score high on narcissism
Psychologists tell me I'm narcissistic, my dad says I am,
I dunno people like me but my relationships trend to be shallow
how to heal from PTSD flashbacks?
the man I revered as my best friend...
raped my soul.
he betrayed and abandoned me.
discarded me like garbage.
replaced me with another.
I want to die.
he slammed the door on me.
I want to die.
he did this almost exactly 10 months ago,
and I'm still not healed,
and I still don't breathe,
and I still have nightmares every night.
I can definitely detect my patience waning in life...
I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief.
I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness...
I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed:
trying to desperately understand someone
who doesn’t understand themselves.
I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me,
the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure,
the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Wow, this has been an eye opener. I endured narcissistic abuse. That experience is so heavy. It’s only through this session, that I understood the basis to narcissism. I don’t think I’m gonna take their, gaslighting and projections into consideration anymore.These are wounded people, they need help. I feel sorry for them.. wow, these people ruined and killed lives.... oh my God...
I'm afraid that I'm fundamentally too ugly and unlovable, especially in the romantic context. Grew up in a family environment and religious community that taught us we were fundamentally evil for being human.
He still wanted to kick me out.
How about the other video that love yourself is the most important. Does it mean it's a narcissist
How can a narcissist diagnose themselves?
I don’t wanted you tell me what did they wanted to tell me the truth.
What if I like remaining a narcissist? Do I deserve to live?
Stay away from me
Elizabeth Collier honey, I wasn’t serious. Don’t be so emotional
I feel like I am a narcissist but I really don’t fear anything anymore the worst case scenario happened. Lost 2 girlfriends 7 years to finish a 4 year degree all my friends gone accept for 1 childhood friend. Fired 3 times didn’t get a job in my field. No one ever called me a narcissist I just did my research and my behaviors fit the bill of what I believe is covert narcissist. Everything on the internet says I’m a demon and going to burn in hell or die alone. Or that there’s no help for so what’s the point in giving a shit anymore. I just want to enjoy my hobbies and finish my bucket list at this point which I’ve thankfully been able to put a significant dent in because god felt sorry for me and dropped a good job in my lap. I haven’t behaved like a narcissist in probably 6 years. I didn’t actually figure out what was happening until I got out of college and I had time to sit and think while I was looking for a job. My final wish for this life is to travel to Japan and visit 2 amusement parks I’ve always wanted to visit since childhood. If I can make that happen I’m good. I’ve had the opportunity being out of college and away from triggers to truly enjoy life and do the things I’ve truly wanted. Being single with no kids or social life has its perks I feel like there’s no pressure anymore because there’s nothing to fight for. I feel like going to therapy would be a waste of time. Only a time machine could fix my scars and paying hundreds of dollars to talk about them to a therapist doesn’t sound appealing to me. I’m only 31 years old and I feel like my life is over. But if I can at least finish my bucket list I’ll be able to tell my younger self that at least there’s something positive out of all of this. 2021 to 2023 has produced more good memories than the rest of my life combined hopefully that can continue.
My ex was traumatized and abused by his alcoholic parents and mentally ill mother..during our 21 year marriage he never spoke about his childhood..I was told by people who knew the family after I divorced him his mother was a horrible person who took every opportunity to belittle..criticize and demean him.. as child he learned to shut down and block her out... our oldest son has spent his life beating himself up trying to win his Dads love and attention...who as a parent was indifferent.. emotionally and physically absent from his life...when my ex passed away 3 years ago and my son transfered his anger ..pain and feelings of rejection onto me...blaming me for his Dads death and calling me names...lying about me ..humiliating me in public and blocking me..I believe he feels I betrayed him...he was my only child for 7 years having all of my attention all of the time until I had the audacity to have his brother who he is insanely jealous of and despises...when I asked what I had done to offend he couldn't give me an answer..just some imagined slights I was never guilty of.. .I also believe because he had a volatile relationship with his Dad he blames me for not being able to rescue him from his Dad's wrath..
Would narcissists high on the spectrum answer the questions honestly for the narcissist test? I have someone in my family who demonstrates many covert narcissist traits. She certainly believes I am the one with the issues. The fact is, we both have work to do. I have many echoist traits, but I have been getting help and working on it. She doesn’t think she has to, because she is special.
If my Sister went to Harvard and I went to Boston college, is her superiority complex justified?
What if I’m faking not to be a narcissist?
Lol then you're a narc? It means you don't want your mask to be revealed. You don't want people to know the real you. Get help? 🤷♀️
My ex was also an ex heroine addicted. He learned nothing from therapy. No way was he going to picture somebody that was not himself. No chance he'll ever even ask himself what's wrong, raving lunatic unleashed.
Others’s controls me
I’m telling the truth.