Real Narcissists - Dangerous Narcissism
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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2016
- Real Narcissists - Dangerous Narcissism
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book
How do you spot signs of danger at the start of a relationship? What are the different types of narcissism and what do they all have in common?
These are questions that come up so frequently I wanted to address them in a video. The answers may surprise you.
When most of us hear the word narcissism or narcissist, we envision vain, preening, braggarts who can’t stop talking about themselves. But most of the time, we’ve got it wrong; many narcissists aren’t driven by looks, fame, or money-some may even be shy or soft-spoken. The startling truth is we’ve been distracted by an empty stereotype that blinds us to far more reliable signs of danger-and an entire generation is suffering because of it.
To learn more about recovery and more easily spot even subtle narcissism at the start of a relationship, read my internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism. tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh
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Having a relationship with a narcissist is simply heartbreaking for everyone left in their path. Like a whirling dervish. Trust and narcissism simply can’t coexist.
In the 23 years that I have been alive I have never heard my parents say "I'm sorry". I also have post traumatic stress disorder
22:36 "If a person is secure about themsemselves, then they don't need to put others down".
Thank you! you've just settled a problem that I've tried highlighting with 2 narcs.
If you are in a relationship with a full on Narcissist, just be glad you are not dead. Narcissistic people do murder their partners. My brother was drugged by his Narc and she had a plastic bag placed over his head and cut off his ability to breathe. She murdered him and claimed it was a suicide. If you know you are "hooked" by Narcissistic person you should take this much more seriously than you realize. God Bless
I think I am trauma bonded to a malignant Narcissist. We have a daughter under 2. I kicked him out last February and have a DANCO in place and have remained No Contact until yesterday. I'm losing my mind. How can I miss him and the good times so much when he is an absolute monster on a mission to destroy me and my kids?! And😭
The subtle narcissism is very difficult to recognize and very hard to escape. I have never felt so alone and dismissed, but it's hard to explain to anyone what exactly the problem is. It's a list of subtle manipulation tactics where somehow I am responsible for everything, the good and bad and not even sure how it got that way. Thank you for answering people's questions, this is very helpful and insightful.
Kyra Watkin who doesn't want to feel special? That's weak diagnostic criteria bud😢
I didn't mention feeling special, did you mean to post this under my comment? I actually didn't list any diagnostic criteria either... so...
You are not alone in how you feel. It's part of the narcissistic abuse.
Kyra Watkin thats exactly how i experienced this. i have done inner child work to understand my attachment to those kind of people. knowing my unconcious childhood pattern has changed my life. it was very hard to face my fears, also to change my behaviors, but absolutely worth it. thank you for your comment.
They mentally handicap u by constantly yelling at u every day coercing and make u afraid to even leave
I realized my husband was a narcissist a few months ago , but it has a combination of behaviors I believe I’m the only one able to understand it , the thing is he finally went to get therapy but he is getting worst instead of improving and in a conversation I realized that he is playing victim with his therapist because he plays now a game that apparently he needs to protect himself from ME , he has not changed for good but for worst , he has less conversation, he lies more has less empathy , he is more distant and cold and has like a close relationship with his therapist like trying to bring that relationship into our conversations , I don’t know if any one may be able to understand me !!!!
Therapy is working because the mask doesn’t s falling off! And you’re dangerous to him now, it’s actually a good sign because he’s getting ready to probably leave, his insecurities are coming to the surface.
I had met a lot of narcissistic people seeking a psychotherapist at VA and your explanations are par execellent . Being a war veterans and I realize you don’t have to be in a war for PTSD .
Thanks very much for sharing . It is most generous of your lifetime
Be well.
Maurice
Yes, your point about fluctuating empathy is very helpful. I was also seeing faked empathy in social situations to fit in with everybody.
NDP....exploitation...entitlement...empathy impairment...one thing they all have in common is the extreme drive to feel special. Addiction to feeling special. Communal Narcissism - I'm the most helpful person you know.
My sister is a Narcissist. You would never guess. She is the nicest person, and her husband is so nice BUT. She talks behind my back in order to make everyone think "she is the best". She has to put me down, manipulate me, pins people against me, set me up for a fall and watches me. She spent her life setting me up and encouraging me to do things SHE WOULD NEVER DO. SHE always blames me if I don't do what she wants me to do. SHE will do anything to make sure I look bad, so I never get ahead, so I look like a loser next to her... I went no contact!
Should you let the person know that you have learned what he is about, and what he is doing? Since I have been listening to you and learning I have totally stopped reacting.
gorilla twist
I'm so sorry you have this horrible sister. Sorry I have only just found this page. I too have a sister the same. I am now an old person. I went no-contact immediately after our mother died. She was/is the most evil, lying manipulating dishonest person you could imagine. In fact you couldn't imagine what she is like. My earliest memories of her are about her lies and evil ways of getting me into trouble. My mother favoured her, and was a N too. Then I married a "covert" N, when I was very young, my mother rushing the wedding to happen. Dear gorilla twist, please get away as soon as you can, live your own life and protect yourself. There are so many of us who understand. Sending lots of Granny loveland strength, E.
gorilla twist: So Sorry! I just re-read and saw you said you WENT no contact. I have a bit of a visual problem and read it as I wAnt no contact. Sorry. Congratulations on going no-contact! Best thing you could possibly do. I do hope the memories do not hurt you too much. I married one, having been in a family of them, and still am suffering although he died 25 years ago. Sending you lots of strength and comradely love.
This is exactly what they do! Once they set their sights on someone and the acidic envy kicks in, there is no stopping them. They become obsessed with your destruction. It's like they can't rest until you're completely broken. And it's an extremely dangerous situation for the one who's been targeted. The thing to keep in mind is that these people, in trying to destroy you, are actually destroying themselves. You simply cannot exist in such a toxic state of envy, malice, and hatred, actively and consciously doing harm to others, and not have that affect you. These people are existing in a cold, demented, loveless, absolutely joyless state and they will never know true peace or happiness. And, they do know they're scum. They're scum through and through.
@@ellyess7203 ...I am so touched by your comment. ..I am growing older, and have mostly had to give up, because I'm worn out, tapped out, and emotionally devastated. I am desperately trying to put a happy life together but I realize it may never happen. It's prevalent in many companies now, also and those if us who've been "branded", so to speak, or who don't become "flying monkeys", are targeted again and again with of course, no support. I feel like a rocket plowed deep into a rock and stuck there, crashed. May your golden years be, indeed, golden.
I believe it can be dangerous in different ways : a physically dangerous narcissist/psychopath might be easier to spot since physical abuse usually comes little by little. But a psychologically abusive narcissist can be as dangerous in the way that he/she can push someone to commit suicide for instance. His/her subconscience can also create dangerous situations that can be filed as "accidents", "mishaps" or the like.
He seemed fairly subtle for the first ten years but I was so lonely. Then he tipped over into extreme. You are describing him exactly, the problems at work, the entitlement surge...My ex would sometimes split, and then in collapse, seemed devastated when he got called out for some horrible thing, but it took me 20 years to realize he was devastated for HIM. How terrible he was. He would scream at me, "Run! RUN!!!! Far and fast!!!! He never was able to simply say, "This must have hurt you." Is this emotionality remorse? God it was a hot mess of confusion, and pain.
I've been diagnosed with cptsd and dissociative disorder. I seem to be a magnet to NPD types. My current partner is a very covert narcissist and tells me constantly that I'm the crazy one. I don't know how to get away because children are involved and she has told me I will never see them again if I leave. She has in the past even convinced therapist that I'm the abusive one, I don't have friends, the ones I did have were driven away and now believe I am a very disturbed person. I don't make friends easily anyway, although most people believe me to be an extrovert I am very introverted and guarded. I am an INFJ personality type, and I'm with my fifth therapist, all others have abandoned me once I finally opened up with them after a year or so and they realized the depth of my pain and numerous traumas, and one unlucky therapist triggering a disassociation during therapy. I am reluctant now to be open with my new therapist and have them run away in fear. I have thought about suicide daily for 6 years now, i fear one day the voices in my head will win.
Such good information presented so well! Thank you! I was just taken to task in a deposition for labeling my soon-to-be ex as a NPD. I just held my ground and simply said "I am 100% convinced she has NPD." Her lawyer responded, "Do you have educational training that would qualify you to make such a diagnosis?" I responded quite simply, "No". We left it at that. Later I was able to mention some incidents where she had thrown cell phones, stomped on my laptop, ripped glasses off my face and thrown them against wall, gone to court and filed false statements, and even accused me of being NPD! My lawyer said the deposition went well.
My experience was with a malignant narcissist. He demonstrated both introvert and extrovert modes, depending on the situation. He reported quite marked social anxiety when he is not feeling comfortable in social situations, particularly when dealing with people that he is not famliar with and prefers to blend in to the background if possible. But when he is comfortable, he is quite different. I have the impression that the introvert/extrovert distinction is not fixed but fluid.
I do too, definitely. The one I know has the three distinctions he talks about : introvert/extrovert/world savior.
thank you. that bit about being delisional hit home. I saw in my teens how delusional family members were and made a firm promise to myself to tell the truth, and consider myself a truth seeker even before that. I have always felt that was my saving grace.
Wow. What an excellent channel. Grateful to have access to your expertise and benefit from it, without having to attend classes at Harvard. Thank you very much.
So glad you're finding it helpful!
I was thinking the same. I wish he would teach many of the psychiatrists out there because many don't know how to deal with it. Also there needs to be a system that stops parents from bringing their children up to become abusive adults. It's time to break the chains.
right! my ex was a covert- introverted "Christian raised " narc... it took me 15 plus years to figure it out what the heck was going on. not with him anymore.
oomybeauty.... 15 years for me as well!!. What tipped you off???
I've been there. I completely understand. It took me 6 years. Don't feel alone.
oomybeauty 23 years and just asked for a divorce. He is refusing. I am still pursuing a divorce and he is telling the kids I am ruining our “family” and I don’t care about anyone but myself. He asked them who the better parent is...he gives them whatever they want...and if course they picked him. They think I am the problem because for years he tells them, in front of me, that I am crazy and not living in reality. That I am a right wing hypocrite nut job. I have taken the abuse for 23 years and I have nothing left. I don’t know who I am anymore...accept in Jesus. I am a child of the King. That is who I am! But he says that if I was a Christian and obeyed Jesus, I wouldn’t get a divorce because Jesus hates divorce. He’s not even a believer yet he tells me what the Bible says I can and can’t do...if it suits his purpose.
@@suddenlyhope Similar situation. Using Christianity to try and guilt me from leaving abusive situation and forgive/forget. Pastors don't always understand.
Congratulations. Nothing better than being narc free!
The world needs more Dr . Malkin's!!
I huge clue for me was while in mediation with my ex he kept saying 'my' kids, the mediator had to keep reminding him it was 'our' kids. It was actually painful for him to remember and he was emphasize the word. As long as hes in control all is well but once someone challenges him he has a quick rebuttal. Reminds me of trying to save someone that's drowning and they pull you down with them.
Yes you hit the nail with the flashes of empathy...
My sister exhibits all three stops signs : emotional abuse, denial, and remorseless lying and deceit. She also shows a combination of the three types of narcissists : she can act like she is so profound ans special that she's above gatherings that don't cover high spiritual or psychological masturbative conversations (constant exhibition of her knowledge of the Bible and dwelving into the mind and intimacy of people), she is also grandiose and love showing off original furniture, objects, sets and clothes, but also thoughts (that she took from others), driven to become famous but through quality creativity , and she is now into presenting herself as a healer and a shaman, also a psychotherapist without a diploma and training.
She is very destructive to close ones.
I doubt she will ever want to recognize her problem. She's the eternal victim.
Thank you for speaking on denial that is very helpful. I left my 20 year pathological relationship 3 months ago, it took me two years to escape the abuse and it became unsafe and very scary. He was so gentle and kind but lied all the time, then we moved away from family and I saw this side of him that was shocking! He was seeking attention from 20 year younger women and making them feel uncomfortable and yet he continued. He gaslighted me and blamed me. He has convinced everyone who doesn’t really know me that I was the controlling one, and narcissist and he was so good that he still had them believing after I got a restraining order and he had to wear a GPS because of his behavior.
I remember for so long crying begging him to please stop, and he told me lost empathy for me because “I was yelling all the time” he thought boundaries where to control him.
I know I am a catch and now I find myself in deep pain that I let someone like that in my life.
I see a lawyer today to start the divorce proceedings and I am ready to heal. ❤
How dangerous can these people be if they feel you have made a complaint about them (especially if they continue not to feel empathy, still blame you, deny their behaviour and show a continued desire to manipulate) and have threatened you in the past, not to talk about them or that there will be consequences if you go against what they want and have proven their ability to enact threats? Even if they go quiet, could they do something in the future/are they a potential threat and what is the best precaution to take?
If I may, I really want to note the KEY thing that is nearly always overlook with NPD and this is the NPD person is dissociated. I think those that have loved/love a NPD person nearly ALWAYS get stuck in a mental loop focused on all the endless traits of NPD - the abuses. This to me is a never ending cycle that is seriously unhealthy for people & traps them in pain & memories.
People need to understand that these folks never learned how to engage IN reality - they are escaping to a 24/7 fantasy that they are worthy of love instead.., and the of course it's the endless ways they dream / disassociate INSTEAD of allowing everyone around them to speak of their real experiences with him/her - all that their dreaming CAUSES in the real world / reality. People just really need to know that the NPD are NOT THERE so to speak - there is a hole inside them where they are to be PRESENT in their humanity ----engaged from the heart, what they feel, what they cause etc that is awhol & replaced with their dreaming. For them to "come out" && be present presents them with near psychosis or actual full on breaks where the mind shatters a bit & spins before they can ever get it grounded & touch ground. So we can talk abut their abuse all day long, but no one seems to realize what is DRIVING THEM. And in that - also happens to be the answer in their own healing - or saving families etc. I know a wide range of NPD person's and honestly, it's not always the case that they don't care - some just do not know the way back to being present in their humanity & knowing why they need to be.., understanding that they even "left", why, what the answers to getting ones needs met always where in the first place etc. Then of curse their are very serious NPD person whom have no understanding that social engineering & trauma programing is being hurled at all of us / humanity and they have zero intention of healing or "rejoining humanity" in a context & spirit of decency which is what MAKES & provides for all of our / his/her needs... We are ALL coded for decency --- there are the higher Universal Laws coded in our Hearts for a reason - but not everyone is meant to "take back their humanity" in these early transhumanism days... It is however important to seperate who longs to heal under all that dreaming & whom is "to far gone" & who is ready for the A.I. that society has been being prepped for via very organized & planned trauma programing - domestic operations for our "shock & awe". But this is all where things get really complex (and a bit haunting).
The way to know if anyone is going to hurt you (not just who has NPD) is to see if they are comfortable or uncomfortable in being present & acting from the Heart Compass, vrs whatever is fashionable in a society of exploit. Check and see if anyone is capable of listening to you when you express your sensitivities, cares, ethics, needs etc. Are they truly listening & demonstrating a deep understanding of your cares, or are they shifty & gas lighting you making you feel like a bitch or jerk to require responsibility from them - responsibility in your environment. The key is always going to be checking if they are present in their Heart & humanity, or are they living a life of exploit (which forces around us WANT to stimulate). It's complex, BUT there are things going on which WANT us DETACHED from our humanity.
Agree completely! Well said.
I have CPTSD and grew up with a likely narcissist father. I worry I'm an introvert narcissist. I even wrote a play about my upbringing and produced it.
If you have narcissistic parents, it is literally true that no one understands the kind of problems that you have.
Very informative. Thank you for doing this video. Can you please address /explain the following: a man who has NPD, but who also has what used to be paranoid personality disorder (delusional...talk about denial) and who also was diagnosed with psychopathic tendencies and who would act on those tendencies if his delusions made him feel that a person, an institution or a group were “dangerous to him/out to get him”....by the way, this feeling of people “out to get him” made him feel special...that such an institution or an entire group of people at work were out to get him and spent so much time plotting his demise somehow kept his cracked core of damaged being from crumbling further. Eventually, in the style of the Unibomber, he fled society to live in 40 acres of land on a mountaintop...the only person he took with him was a woman who never questioned his delusions and never challenged him...she passed all his “tests”.
If I tell my mom that she hurt me by doing something and she responds with a martyr attitude: "Oh, I'm just a horrible person.." - is that also gaslighting?
Toni Spaulding my moms words exactly and yes it is. She also loved to say mean things and then when I protested she would say “I just can’t say anything right can I.”
rhsb They're very hard to converse with, about anything!!
Yes it is gaslighting indeed ! I relate ! That's what my mom said & did horrendous shit to me !!
@@christinehaigh9807 God forbid you want to talk for 40 seconds STRAIGHT with some of those people... You'll be accused of being a conversation hog! Yet ironically still semi silent treat you back as punishment for standing up for yourself or for merely disagreeing with them on something that has nothing to do with either you or them
@@meredithe1361Tell her back how she cheated on her husband or something you know she did really bad. Say it sarcastically and with contempt. Then, when she reacts back, use her phrase :"I just can't say anything right."
Thought: Could this be the "hardening of hearts" of renown?
My Ex has been diagnosed as Narcissistic Grandiose.By a psychiatrist but he still deny"s that he is. Told me I was insane. I tried 14 years. I walked out 2 months ago . I need to implement No contact now. He contacts me daily. I hope others out there can get out. I had a nervous breakdown 12 yrs ago. I thought it was my job. I was in a constant Fight or flight had nightmares where I awoke screaming. Since I have left I feel calm and rested but when I hear his voice I get stressed and feel sadness. and yes he is a sex addict. Negative about every thing and has Road rage. I did feel alone. and afraid to even speak any more.
Block his number. You do not have to hear his voice. You need to shut the narc completely to get to you. Only when you truly get rid of them you can start to heal. Now he still gets to you. You can stop that, it seems you ar still in his power and that is very very dangerous to you. My narc is blocked from every chanell, he is exposed and tons of work and a million articles, youtube clips and still going that is the first thing. The narc wont stop, you have to stop it. If it doesnt work and he stalks you and do not give up - go directly to the police. You have suffered enough, Big hug
you can get better. focus on you only
Narcissists make up events to lure you into feeling bad...My sister invited me to a birthday party at her house, My 50th birthday. The whole time I was driving there I was thinking,,, Really? A birthday party for ME?? this seemed too strange...When I got there she answered the door and said "We are not having a party for you because nobody likes you". and slammed the door.! My sister is so Narcissistic that she has to lie and lure me into " made up events" so she can watch me feel bad while she makes herself feel good.. I went no contact, and she still wants me to come over...
:( that's horrible. Going no contact with someone who is that jealous of you is the right thing do even if it hurts. My former best friend did that to me on my 40th birthday. I flew out to spend it with her, she moped all day and said I don't celebrate aging and was mean to me all day and told me she wasn't giving me anything to celebrate that even when I said I would pay if she was broke. We are all aging every day, one day older. Lol. We need to celebrate ourselves and our lives. Btw, my last birthday, my so-called friend made sure other friends forgot my birthday, then she made sure she brought it up again in person a few weeks later, they all missed my Birthday dinner. These are some of the reasons I don't celebrate it much if at all, they use these times to hurt us but the good thing is we find out who they are as clear as day but we can't allow it to hurt us, they make us miss Mile Stones, they're freaking nasty people.
I LMAO about the door slam... Sorry, I hope you weren't really hurt about what happened there - could easily be I guess, but if that was the final straw then it sounds like it was something to look back on, almost favorably.
gorilla twist
That is the cruelest thing I have heard in a long time. Please go no-contact immediately.* Lots of love, from another who was treated the same way.
*I'M JUST EDITING TO SAY I just saw you said you've gone no-contact, I miss-read it at first, sorry! So glad you are no contact. It's essential. What a wicked person she is! Take care of yourself.
That is insane and SICK behavior. Your sister is massively self-loathing. I agree with the others - go no contact!
gorilla twist that is so evil and childish what age did her narc mentality show up 🤔
Wow. I'm with a powerfully narsissistic husband of almost 50 years. A few years ago a counselor told me counselors see cases like mine every decade or so. I wish you would do a segment on ritualized sexual abuse - my term.
Research and many many survivors have shown that narcissism social path and antisocial personalities are not curable... it just gets worse and worse and usually ends with deadly means. Someone for sure gets hurts. Alot of times, someone dies...
They need to add the communial narcissits to the DSM. These people are extremely dangerous. The one in my life that I can't shake, is an alcoholic, compulsive gambler, pathological liar, diabolical, master manipulator, oh and a school teacher. But now that I am awake, most of my school teachers were vulnerable narcissits. This one is the father of my children. Frightening!!!
I’d love to explain to you somehow my multiple abuses ☹️ I’m currently starting proceedings. I’m autistic too. It’s so hard after 18 years of living with a sociopath narc. Then havin had an abusive childhood.
I think I sort of have that covert thing at the end, recent got engaged and have had trouble connecting emotionally with my partner, I think it is because my mom was a narc, so I did not learn how to receive and give affection, and it is hard learning how to accept that you can receive affection, social isolation was my defense mechanism, insecure attachment mixed with neediness for emotional attention. I'm changing myself because I don't want to my partner to be miserable or my kids. I will have to learn how to receive and give affection, I can't use my defense of social isolation anymore. I may have picked up on some narc habits from my mom over the years as well, will have to watch myself so I don't repeat the cycle. We have arranged marriages from where I'm from, so this relationship just happened out of nowhere for me. Seeing her emotional freedom and healthy sense of self, and just her free spirit that comes with healthy parenting was so foreign to me it sent me into anxiety panic attacks. Because it was something I never got to experience myself, so this extreme surge of jealousy, anxiety, and panic just took me over, I never expected it to be this severe and pronounced, that I would be so jealous and disturbed by someone else's healthy and free outlook on life. I discovered my mom was a narc until about after college, I think sheerly by chance, I started to meditate more, maybe this helped me slow down and start to analyze my self and my environment. I had started to have major arguments over the phone with my to be wife, it was my bottled up desire for a healthy relationship escaping outwards all at once, since she was the first closest thing I had besides my narc mom, this pent up anxiety released on her. It was something I could not control, I also realized why this was happening to me, but the anxiety and panic was too strong for me to just bottle up again. It had to come out eventually if I were to actually get close to her. I explained it to her she half understood and half did not, I explained narcissist s to her and about my mom, she could not understand too well. But She said she would give me the love my mom could not, I told her she should leave me because I may not be right for her, but she said she did not want to. Raised by a narc mom affects sons just as much as daughters, I have developed trust issues as well because of my unloving relationship with my mom, though not as severe, a hint of paranoia will come about about being deserted or cheated on, that she will leave me for another, sometimes my brain has thinks I might lose her in some sort of natural calamity where we are separated by life and death. So foreign and unsure my psychology has become to positive intimate contact, contrasted to an intimate relationship with a narc mom. I will meditate more to help slow down my thinking and try to cure this uneasy existence. Have also developed a sort of OCD as well from the anxiety, will just have to meditate and meditate more. Will have to overcome it with sheer will power and inner meditation. I can only try and persevere with my own efforts, but the One will help me defeat this. Ego is the central enemy in my form of meditation.
Good for you brother. Change is for the strong and those with courage. Cowards hide and remain forever out of touch with other human beings. Only those who change actually get to real the rewards that change brings. Change was the hardest thing I've ever done. Its a daily struggle that is 100% worth it. I spent my life before changing around some of the scariest human beings imaginable. Im grateful I got to see the full darkness of humanity. It made me who I am today.
But if they really have NPD, they aren't going to see or care how much they hurt you, other than enjoying it, becuase they are not capable of empathy.
Actually the latest abundance of research suggests that people with just NPD (no other existing personality disorders like ASPD), have "impaired or dysfunctional empathy." ASPD, the closest the DSM comes to describing malignant narcissism, is defined by an "absence of empathy."
So when people run into the zero empathy problem, it's likely psychopathy is at play as well as NPD.
Because of repeated evidence from neuroimaging and clinical (therapy outcome) research, the criteria for NPD were changed from lack of empathy to impaired or dysfunctional, which means it can fluctuate (creating a good deal of confusion for partners and other loved ones).
But here's the rub: ASPD occurs at rates of 6%; NPD at 1%. which means zero empathy is actually more common.
Either way, likely to care little or not at all... But I was really thinking of malignant narcissism, I should have been specific.
That's right then.
@@CraigMalkin these numbers do not surprise me just since waking up last year. The abuse I've endured my whole life sadly I am just beginning to see, and I'm 47. I knew something was definitely not right with my family, but I'm sure you could finished my sentence "I thought it was me." Isn't that sad? I knew I was good, but WOW my whole life has been a lie, with some great great natural, and mostly unnatural trauma. I mean massive.
Not true they are capable of empathy. Ive seen them change. Its all whether or not the person denies it or accepts it and works on changing. Every personality disorder can improve
My father is creepy in that he compartmentalizes his life and lies with no problem. Complete denial about any problems he causes. He has this pattern of denial you mentioned. Any problem in his life is never his fault and he spends crazy amts of time feeling sorry for myself and creating lists of those who have wronged him while forgetting his lengthy list of wrongs. He also gets really angry if you don't agree with him and assumes you have no ability to come up with thoughts on your own and someone must have been poisoned you. Any plan made becomes his plan and he creates reasons why you cannot do your plan although they make no sense. Is he dangerous? As a father I don't have to see him much maybe every other month for a day and I would not want to see him more.
I should say I'm worried he has psychopath tendencies
You are lucky to see him that lil. Unfortunately my ex is getting 50% of the time with our children which is absolutely devastating. I am doing my best to be an available and trust worthy patent. Where children feels safe. Its a tough situation but it wont be forever.
I just discovered so many wonderful videos pertaining to NPD and I must say that I can’t even begin to tell you how much ongoing trauma I’ve been Through beginning in 2010 and ongoing and it’s 2020. I was married and dated for 4-1/2 years prior to getting married and although he was somewhat controlling it was ok seeing I’m passive to a degree so we seemed to be ok together . But we marry have two children and things changed when our son was around 4 and daughter 2. I’ll comment later but really need some advice as I’m divorced and have been through devastating nightmare thanks
i got average echoism, but low on both narcissism scales, the 2 narc scores seem to contradict the average echo ism. even with low narcissism i fall in to a trap i made for myself: some one needs something and i decide i could give what they need with out hurting myself. like a ride or grociereis or some money, then later if they act like they are mad at me or act with disdain to me low and behold this pops out my mouth : a scolding for rejecting me, then a list of what i did for them. when im doing something for someone and they are being nice to me, the thought never occurs to me i want something in return. that thought only comes after they have been kinda mean or disapproving of me--then my brain switches and scolds me for being so stupid to allow myself to be used by someone who would act like this right now. its happened enough that people wont ask me for help cuz they think im doing it as a version of emotional black mail. that isn't my original intent, but their coldness and dismissal after words triggers me to act like a narc. how can i comfort myself when i feel alittle used so i dont' revert to guilt tripping when someone i care about hurts my feelings?
The scores are all moderately correlated, running from a lack of healthy self-enhancement (echoism) to the pathological. I've addressed many of your questions here. I wish you healing and recovery :-) www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201607/4-keys-leaving-bad-relationship
Thanks Dr. Malkin. I've really been enjoying listening to you videos!
My 44 yrs old son is a true narcissist. He is the best and would win the guinness book of records for it. He convinced absolutely the whole town, city that I was crazy and I don't know what else was said. I lost all my friends, was fired from my job, my own family, absolutely everyone turned against me. I've lived with this my whole life. My X-husband was the same, in that his mother and sister always hated me, even when I was beaten by him, they said, "We know you push his buttons"> Now my son who has been very cruel to me since he was 15 has only escalated. I've had to move several times. I am getting older now, and I just want to be away from all narcissist people, and I am well aquainted with isolation now, and prefer it. My X-husband, my son't father was very abusive, mostly emotionaly (only hit me a few times, but once really bad) He was a minister, so to keep his secrets, had spread lies througjh his flying monkeys to all the "churches", that even after 25 yrs of divorcing him, I could not even go to a church for help, but that a minister from his church would litterally show up the second week, after hearing that I was trying to go to church. I was stopped at all sides to get any support. At some churches I tried to get help, I was accused, yelled at and ostracized . I was even accused at my work place to the point where I was Investigated by forensic phyciatrist, which gave me a good report. I knew evil so well, that I decided to study criminal behaviour at the college for two years. I found the entire courses rather easy and just made sense. I graduated all 8 courses,with an average of 97 percent, getting 99 percent in criminology. My entire life, I've felt in danger. My father and stepfather were also abusive and my mother, the flying monkey spread many rumors about me. I know I've done nothing to anyone, and was a good mom, (the opposite of mine) Even though treated so badly all my life, I helped my mom, helped my sons, and my reward was always negative. I do not ever remember having a birthday party, or being invited to dinners. It has been a hard life. But my education has helped me to know this was not my fault. I am just tired as I am getting older now, and I just want to live somewhere where I can live in peace. My son knows I am avoiding him and says things like, "I heard about a car crash and was hoping it was you", then another time a few months ago said, "I like to kill people". I think he was, as usual trying to make me afraid of him. He is a master maniplator that even the police once, after I called them took his side. There has never never been anyone that has believed me or helped me. I have lost my faith in humanity!
Do they want to change. Oh certainly, momentary. It doesn't stick, it's baffling.
I can't stand narcs in the comments building on their game. Devils and proud of it.
As long as you don't allow them into your life or if they are a parent and you know how to manage them then its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. For me it tooks years of struggle and lots of knowledge to be able to properly deal with Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disorder. Im living proof though it can be done. Its not for everyone though. When you've been around Narcissists enough you learn how to deal with them. I take pride in being able to handle them properly. It was a very difficult skill to obtain
It can be horrific when they are malignant types. Although had I not had to go through what I did then I'd never have the internal strength I now have. So in a way it made me be able to tolerate anything. I would never recommend my methods and what got me here. Its only for a very select type of person who's willing to push their own limitations and suffer to develop the strength and skills necessary to deal with Narcissists.
Hi Dr Craig. I am so glad i found you. I am from Norway and I was married to a covert demonic narcissist for 12 years. He is an American, him and his kids mooved here after we married. Him and his adult kids left Norway a couple a months ago. i got a child with him, a daughter, she is 10 years old, her name is Elizabeth,. me and her are alone now, one day when we came home, they was just not there and they never came back we are both seaourisly damaged menthally. we are going to get counselling now. I finnally pressed charges on him , that is why him and his kids left Norway because he knew the police would finnally put him in jail ,when i came out with the truth. No one knows where they are,but i have a friend who saw them on facebook, someone over there was tagging them in a pitcure, it was in ARIZONA Him and his adult kids (witch was his helpers) did not say bye to little Elizabeth. they just dissapeared. i am glad they are gone but i am worried about little Elizabeth, her hole family dissapeared. He claim he was Jesus , that Jesus never died on the cross, he said he was over 5000 years old. his adult kids belive that, i do not belive that anymore ofcourse. This is a long story, i know now he had the Jezebel demonic spirit. It is unbelivable what we gone through. i was totally brainwashed. I am waking up. thank God. I have a few recording that i took the last week before he dissapeared, it is scary. i have God in my life, i will be okey but this is very very hard. i could write a book and i am sure it would be sold quick. i am exhausted and tired most of the time, he drained me. but you know what? i will get up on my feet again. During those 12 years he broke my back, he broke my arm, my nose and at least 20 broken ribs, he bit my ears til they bled, he stroked me many many times, he loocked me outsise the house many many times, one time for 3 houers in my garment and bearfeet in wintertime and a lot of snow outside , it was in the middle of the night and we have no neighbours. i did not ask anyone for help until now. I am on internett a lot , to find answers for what i have been dealing with and I am glad i found you. All love from Tone Sofie
God bless you and heal little Elizabeth in the coming days. It may be dark now but morning is coming for you. God will make sure you are comforted and the predator will be judged. Don't be hard on yourself, deceit is a skilled craft and we don't expect people to be this evil. Now we understand. Will be praying for you.
Very informative, I can’t wait t read the book. Thank you.
Great information. A lifesaver. Thank you, and God bless your efforts.
I had live-in fiance who I now believe was a/is introvert narcissist Three or four months into our relationship when I was already very much in love, he stopped the car and the end of a long driveway, looked down and said, "One day I'm going to F---you up, and you aren't even going to know who you are afterward" He stopped in the driveway to tell me that. I didn't know how to even know to understand or internalize this statement. It was as if he was speaking a language I didn't understand. I became upset and kept repeating, "Why would say something like that you me? Where did that come from? I can't even process what you just said" Fast forward 7 years, I know exactly what he meant by saying it. Honestly, I had no idea people like THAT were on earth. I knew there was evil. When I met him when I was the happiest I've ever been in life. I was finally completely okay not to have a boyfriend. I was happy at work and with friends. I don't believe I could be giving out any codependent energy to him. I am a nurture though. So I believe this guy KNEW what he was. He'd already established I was his next victim because he was going into a high education, high stress internship. He needed something to keep him company, be his maid, and act like his wife. (even though we weren't married) We secured a job with my help, and we found a house which he had just recently paid a lot of money to have it moved 30 feet up so I'd have a backyard garden. I wasn't in that house after moving for two weeks when he told me he didn't love me anymore and literally went inside and handed my robe. Two to three weeks later, another woman was in the house. They married at the place we'd discussion marrying. She was 5 months pregnant when they married. Everyone THINKS he had to marry her because she was pregnant, but I know better. He tried too many times to count for me to agree to get pregnant before we married. That was the (for lack of a better word) the worst mind F I've ever experienced in my life. P. S. I was seeing a new, young, psychiatrist at the time. He told me that he was about to break the ONE rule you should never break as a psychiat which is to tell me what I have to do. He believed that I was in danger from this man. He wanted me to live him ASAP. They guy did emotionally abuse me, but I'd never been afraid of him physically nor had he ever laid a hand one me. I often wonder why that psychiatrist was so convicted about me getting our immediately because he felt I was in danger. I was surprised to hear that advice because I had zero fear of him physically hurting me.
Omg the first time ever someone knows the exact behaviours. You are a master.
Oh my God this is my husband I sit here stunned those are the very words that come out of his mouth
If you are raised by an NPD or 'dark tetrad' person, how do you figure out you are not like them? And how do you get rid of the 'us' and 'them' dogma?
Addiction to feeling special...brilliant!
The narcissist I was with is still a dangerous being! We went to counselling yet he has never changed his wild behaviours and his extreme anger, he's impossible to live with, I had to leave for my safety and for my peace of mind, as I was leaving he called out, I love you, yeah, as if, I called out! Consumes too much drugs, too much alcohol, drives like a wild man, then denies all these unhealthy behaviours. Never have I ingested alcohol, drugs or any other substances then nor have I touched any of that stuff after him, because of my painful migraines and medication I take for them. I find it hard to imagine any normal woman could live with a pain inflicting monster like that, No screwed up man like that, is worth the trouble!!!
So if I see a regular pattern of denial in my 13 year old son, what can I do to change that? I believe his dad, my husband, to be quite narcissistic, and worry that my son is following that path.
no way will I believe these disgusting narcissists can change! ,,,,,, I allowed one to ruin my life by believing he could heal hes a menace to anyone in his inner circle..... one thing he did for me was make sure I will NEVER get aligned with this kind of animal again! it cost me everything and it didnt have to .... I apparently needed to suffer the horror of this evil creep! if you think you are even remotely near one SAVE yourself and get the hell away from them ASAP!
I love being a narcassistic psychopath is great having emotional control over others it means im powerful its orgasmic sometimes. we dont do it to hurt people thats not our intention we just love the power
I found your video very informative. I know Narcissistic Personality Disorder is complex to understanding and there are many dynamics in that. For example, their way thinking and reasoning differ in a selfish unreasonable sense. I'm curious though in reference to the question "Can a narcissist love?" I read in a book that used Abraham Maslow's theory of hierarchy of needs to illustrate that people with NPD did not mature past the psychological needs level of belonging/love. That it was due to an inability to trust another and empathize as well? I have a passion for psychology but no degree. I am an INFJ-A and my life has been an experience of ecounters of people that exhibit traits of NPD, pyschopathy, BPD, & APD..etc... They all seemed to me, to be stuck on that level of personal development (belonging/love) and seem to lack in self esteem and self actualization? This is just something I thought maybe worthy of mention and interest in exploration? I would like to know what are your thoughts on this? I commend your efforts in educating society on this topic. I hope I used the appropriate wording here and that I don't sound offensive in any way, but more so interested in your perspective and feedback. Also, I think my older sibling (who I obeyed as a mother figure) maybe be covert community narcissistic but she seems so sweet to everyone except me, the baby of the family in which I often feel she sometimes envies my very birth. She invalidates my feelings, discredits my efforts, gaslights me, shames me and guilt trips me big time and she lies. But she seems subtle in these traits until the topic turns to money and family assets and control of that? That is when she flies into extreme rage and plays out these traits to the fullest but it seems she directs only towards me and plays the sweet angel person towards every one else? I am currently dealing with this with her as my inheritance has disappeared all of the sudden and as a trustee she can't comply or recall anything about it?
Thankyou for posting these, I'm buying the book :)! . I have covert NPD / subtle narcissism...don't want to be the way I am, playing the victim in relationships is what bothers me most and find it hard if not impossible to show vulnerability / to trust or get close to anyone. I feel like a fake, like I'm not a real person and very depressed and detached from emotions. I would say if you have mild NPD, you would be capable of love, but will have a hard time letting someone in, even if you want to, it's hard to do what others find so easy....to accept and show genuine love and care for another, it leaves you open to hurt, humiliation, rejection etc.! My brother is severely NPD as is my mum and will never change. Guess each case is individual. I have read that narcissism traits reduce once the narcissist gets into a pivotal and healing relationship, but they have to want to change...just my opinion :)
I always come to tears reading comments like yours. We on the receiving end sound like spoil brats. It's so difficult to wrap our heads around the suffering that goes on in you. Here we are enjoying the ups and downs of emotions complaining about their effects. Yet you don't even get to exercise them freely. I have borderline and my emotions spill out of me uncontrollably beautiful, bad and ugly, crying, laughing , cursing or kissing. All I can think of to say is yes opening yourself up exposes you hurt hurt, humiliation and rejection but those are just as good as all the positive emotions once you get used to feeling and then overcoming them. Its a reverse process. We come down from good emotions, we go up from bad emotions. So in many ways the bad ones end up being the best, the ones that help us grow stronger, more open, and thus able to express and feel even deeper emotions. I was always very extroverted but what really helped me express the pain of life was moving to watching dramas as opposed to melodramas. Films that are dramatic are those that are 100% possible. No special effects, no unrealistic gunfights, no bling, no comedy, nothing quirky or cool, just regular people like you and me talking as if no script was being read. Stories about family, love, art, culture, war, poverty, sadness, loss, heroism, and the depths and triumphs of the human soul in everyday life.
Thank you for sharing--so important that people hear from those struggling with NPD. #Courage: you can change if your willing to. I've helped many do the same. Hope you found #RethinkingNarcissism helpful in your journey.
Thanks Dr. Malkin, I did buy the book and it's very useful and far more approachable than most psychology books on this subject (I bought a couple of others too). I like the redefinition of an addiction to feeling special, this is true for me, and it's an attachment to an image of oneself to avoid dealing with feelings of being defective and or vulnerable, that's how I experienced it anyway. I'm actually a high functioning BPD (I didn't realise this at the time of my last comment and thought I was just a narc!) but discovering this and understanding my behaviour has helped me immensely to start to change and I already feel much more 'real' and accepting of myself as I am now rather than a fantasy I cannot live out. This has only come about from allowing painful feelings to surface, but atleast I'm on my way to living a real life and starting to reconnect to people again (isolation caused depression over many years). It's startling the difference in the way I view others now; although I'm a kind and compassionate person by nature, my fear of being hurt kept me separate and I really didn't bother much to create relationships or care about anyone but myself. Now I'm part of the human race and care about others. Still have a long way to go though. Thanks for demystifying and removing jargon from this subject.
Socially speaking, I believe that extreme wealth or extreme poverty creates Narcissim.. The less we see of a middle class society with stronger value systems, the more we will see more of the 'isms' and codependency in society.
your post on fb was actually the first I came across about a narsasistic... I knew I was in a pattern of something...I didnt know what ..... and I stayed with my abusive partner for another 2 years...till he discarded me for the 8th time 3 months ago...I'm still spinning out of control 😢😢😢
My narcissist husband served me divorce papers about a week after I had brain surgery (SDH) in Feb. However he refuses to leave our home and continues to try and intimadate. He had affairs, and is a pathological liar. After he exposed himself, I went into a depression and has been diagnised with PTSD. We have 2 children , one with Aespergers , the oither ADHD. This is obviously very distressing for them. My lawyer is filing for a court application to have removed from the home. He has been asked by the pyschiatrist to leave voluntarily, but he refuses to do so. He is also trying to get custody of the kids. Question: How can I further protect myself and kids from further trauma? He has depleted me financially.
" My dad"/ " my parents" were/ are psychaths. I dont write " believe" because I know they are/were. I am 40 and I have been abused to the point of disability and cant get free, neither physically ore emotionally. And I am constantly scared, cause I am constantly fightting death at the hands of my " background". And there really is no help in Dk.
Dr Malkin, I believe both of my parents are Narcissistic. No physical abuse... mostly indifference and withheld love, by mother.
I was never good or special, so I worked at being a very good person.
I usually don’t feel understood, or safe to trust others. My mother is still in my life.
Your description of a communal narcissist could apply to me. It’s such a confusing thing, raising yourself, when neither parent is healthy. How do you learn to feel “special”, in a healthy way?
I understand and empathize with others, but I attract really narcissistic people.
I’d like to get clarification on the communal type, please. Where can I find more info?
Thank you
Hi Dr Craig i'm Roe. Glad to have finally found you here on RUclips. Will add you on my Facebook ☺
The disordered one has zero empathy and refused to take responsibility for anything...gaslighted that the abuse even happened and he is a nice guy.
In the past I would talk him through what I was feeling then he pretended to be understanding in the moment then have a weekend sex marathon.
Then he would give the "I didn't say that "
"that never happened '
let's not forget telling me I am crazy.
I'm so sorry, MaryLynn. I hope you're healing.
+Dr. Craig Malkin Thank you Dr. Malkin.
I am healing in big way.
Thanks to you and others here on RUclips bringing the information.
I am completely emotionally detached and for the first time in my life finding out who I am.
MaryLynn this man sounds a lot like my husband my story is huge I could probably write a book but it's not your imagination I am out of the situation thank God
Justice is closure for me.
Very informative. Thank you. So what is the difference between a narcissist and a person with borderline personality disorder? And which are more likely to stalk their former "hero"?
I look at video an learned alot it helped me to understand a lot more thani knew. Thank you.
Gita Ramjitsingh Glad you found it helpful! You’re so welcome :-)
I’ve split up with my ex it’s been 4 weeks we were together for 6 years. It took me at least 8 months to figure this out. I have now identified all the signs of a covert narcissist. I felt bad for him in our relationship because he had PTSD from going to Iraq twice but I realized that’s not what was causing all the problems it was the narcissism. He was going to a therapist for just the PTSD and she decided he needed to go to the VA hospital and stop their visits because he wasn’t getting anywhere ... do you think this is the truth? Would she have told him to go to a different therapist and she could do no more? What sucks about my situation is we are in LE and see each other at work every day so I try to do low contact if it’s work related but it’s very difficult ughh. 😔 I miss him and I still love him but I know all the facts now and i’ve finally excepted that he is a narcissist... he meets all nine traits.
Blondehairedwarrior yeah a therapist would say that if they tried and nothing worked
I really appreciate it. The addicting to being special and using this as a coping mechanism makes sense. Do they know what they are doing? It is difficult to understand why they have to be this way.
I'm wondering if the man in my life is a narcissist. He definitely lacks empathy but you state that's a myth. He's very out of touch with his emotions and tightly controlled. He's not grandiose really and he's not abusive, but he did have this "secret life" as a "Dom" who liked to hurt women (consensually) - he's definitely sadistic and likes to control women when he interacts sexually and is a sex addict. For me his abuse manifests in his avoidance and dismissal of me - the Silent Treatment that can go on for weeks at a time. Also, I found out to my horror that in the first few years we were together (long distance) he was a compulsive, pathological liar who made up a false persona to lure me in, and when I found out he showed no remorse but seems to believe that the end justified the means. He made up stories and lied looking straight into my eyes without flinching. Would you say he's malignant enough that there is no hope? I feel constantly very lonely and neglected, even invisible and very abandoned. I'm showing signs of PTSD such as nightmares and an extreme startle reflex. Dr. Craig Malkin thank you very much for your deeply informative videos. You've shed so much light on this for me.
Oksana Mulyk if you feel like this you need to get out of the situation and quick
O Mulyk you need to watch Knowing the Narcissist here on year tube. He is a narcissistic sociopath but debating if he is a narcissistic psychopath from the good drs as he calls them.
Trust me you watch him you will learn a lot and what better to learn about there kind then one himself. He tells the truth ad in why he does what he does and every other question you may have but he has taught me a lot and if it wasn't for him I would still be stuck but now I am free again. I hope you take a chance to watch his videos because there is no better feeling then being free...... please take a chance and watch his videos and trust me you will be grateful that you did because for once you will be free also.....there is no better feeling then being free... God bless.💕
Wow.. I think you might have been dating my ex!!
Being alone for self knowledge and spiritualisation (when not needing people) is great. You grow independent and so long codependency of any kind. This was my choice for my healing and continued. I live in harmony and only I know what I need.
Actually we seldom need anyone.
I got super secure of myself, do my daily meditation and besides authors I like, RUclips is full of competent people talking about any subject by respected professionals.
Hearing Abraham Hicks daily in RUclips (and books, cds if you want) helps any victim of narcs and anyone who wants keep their vibrations high.
Abraham Hicks - RUclips
I suffer from ptsd from my marriage to a narcissist. There’s NO HELP in the uk where I am and my ind isn’t right 3 years on. I going through the panic attack stages again, errrrrm, I actually don’t know what to do as I have 2 young son’s whom I don’t want to present my trauma’s to as they are for the rest of my life. Pls leave them because I’m telling you, he broke me mentally I broke but family disbelieved me over his gaslighting etc behind my back and tried to remove my children. So I couldn’t get help professionally at that time whilst fighting to keep my son’s with me. My mum and sister are narcissist’s, I try to have no contact but if I fall out with one and have no contact the other maintains contact, and my mind snaps itself back to sanity. It’s so hard to explain. But I won but recovered alone (if you can can call it that) with love 💖 from the 🇬🇧
I'm being told now, that my narc is a psychopath. He is quite dangerous & he didn't just hurt me, but others. He would gladly put me 6' feet under!! He is in a medical building out of town. My doctor just told me to get a restraining order against him, when he gets out. Over sexed, you are right on the money!!
how do you protect your kids from a narcissistic father that has been violent to the mother in the past...do u end the "not so there" relationship with the kids and if so how
Violence is a rule out for contact--for you and the the kids. You definitely don't want anyone exposed to it.
How do you break up with someone you genuinely feel might be a dangerous covert narcissist? I've tried being the one breaking up and he comes back more desperate and strong, I've manipulated situations getting him to pull the plug himself and he still comes back. His ego is bar none but He's very sneaky, fluctuating from overt to covert, has changed passwords on a few of my accounts. I want to get rid of him without triggering his inner psycho, I feel he's potentially a dangerous stalker type.
You are helping me ALOT to understand this better.My question is is it normal to go through a process to leaving once you understand that your dealing with someone that's abusive type of Narcissist?
Hi Dr. Craig.
Just a little input as I was watching your Utube.on Narcissists.
Well I was married to one...... and some of your comments are fairly accurate. I to have researched and gained the knowledge on D.M.S.
cluster B ..personality..dis.. Because I couldn't understand what was wrong with this person .
One minute he's a victim of his past . the next minute he yelling and screaming all sorts of crazy accusations and all that goes with the narc. rage explosion.
When he became physically violent to control me .ie..he began strangling me as well as shouting that he was going to murder me..
Very dangerous position to find yourself in ...
My advice is don't bother with any type of counselling ...I tried it with the narc for years.
DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE ON THESE NARCS.
LET THEM GO . .GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP..AND GO NO CONTACT...I. WASNT ALLOWING THE VIOLENT ABUSE or the GASLIGHTING AND all the rest of the stuff that they need to inflict on their Victims to get narcissistic supply.
I left with the shirt on my back and oh boy I could write a book on the subject.
But guess what ..I've got better things to plough my energy into......
Thank you.
where do you find support...to heal? I been to a therapist and she believed that I had no real problem....therapist did believe I had a Narcissist Mother...I attract Narc's into my life and I would like to stop this cycle...I read everything I can get my hands on and use youtube to help me understand...but I need steps or changes I can make to grow and heal from this emotional abuse, that I believe I suffer from....and yes I am going to Amazon now to order your book...thank you for writing the book!
Read about Echoism. It's pretty new out there.
Could early warning signs include chronic boredom and restlessness? My ex partner had no capacity to relax and just "be" if that makes sense? I felt like I was constantly regulating her emotional state when were together. Where the wheels would really come off though is when we were apart. I'd get text messages where there was no eight answer and the lack of a timely response was in of itself a wrong answer. Like a trap so to speak. I could see it winding winding up but there was no getting around it. She was going down the rabbit hole come hell or high water and I was going with or getting dumped. Sometimes both
I find your videos extremely informative and helpful. Thank you. much appreciated
Why does narcissism appear as a sort of chameleon disorder. It seems that narcissists are abuser towards some people and in some relationships, but then victims in some other relationships?
same question?
my question is acording all the video's i was listening, all the red flags all the singh all the testemony of peole with my experiance with my boyfriend he is defently a murcissist. if ill do a video and he will find out, he can go agains me ligally? i need an answer. thank you.
I am retired and was in a relationship with an abusive narcissist. We were together only 6 months. I left him when I realized what was going on, but we are in a small remote town where I still have to have some contact with him. I keep my distance as much as I can. I struggle now with low self esteem and depression. Is it possible to have PTSD after such a short relationship?
mysticpluck8 Yes, it is possible. The best thing you can do for yourself is to move to a different town & find a supportive therapist. You are re-traumatizing yourself every time your paths cross.
I agree
I would move.
Dr. Malkin, can you please do a video on your understanding of parental alienation. Dr. Susan Ilkov-Moor, Geriatric psychiatrist, Queens University and alienated parent and former echo
Dear Doc. I am highly sesitive, I remember I had to beg my mom for hugs, she was generally a loving person, but I felt a sort of ake in my heart that I needed to sitting and embracing for a while and she had a hard time to do that, how would you define that, and now I experience the same thing with my sister, whom I love very much, but when I open my heart she seems like confused and says she works a lot?`????? How many seconds do you need to touch each others hands or hug, what's failing???????
We NEED HELP in Brasil! It's absolutely devastating how professionals ARE NOT skilled AT ALL about DANGEROUS MALIGNANT (not grandiose) ABUSIVE NARCS
I've just listened to several of your videos, and I'm hoping you can comment on or clarify this: My girlfriend is a pretty close match to a lot of the traits and behaviors of introverted narcissism as you describe it, and not that far off from others. However, there's a very serious gulf when it comes to not admitting to sadness, upset, etc. Quite the contrary; she often speaks most vociferously about how awful she feels when she's in distress. I find that her reactions and descriptions can be inordinate and inappropriate, and her monologues about them can often serve as a warning sign that trouble is a-brewing for later in the day. Can this be part of narcissism, or is there a separate phenomenon at work?
My question is have you have any Narcissistic 'Traits" or have you had to deal with NP's personally?
I never knew end was up with her. I had to leave for self preservation
visit tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh to learn more about dangerous narcissism
When I left my narcissist living girlfriend did Dad make her more of a narcissist or did that set set her back can you please elaborate
Dr. Thank you for all the Advises...How can I know your email? God Bless...
I wonder if I can email you?
Is mommy issue's full circle with narcissistic behaviour?
I'm struggling with my rageful anger towards my mom whom I suspect is extremely narcissistic(I've always known there to be something not quite right but didn't have the words). As I am coming to realize (through highly irritating flashbacks)and accept how the relationship (and the family as a unit as well)has affected my ways of coping, I can't see myself forgiving the abuse (and that is soooo hard for me to say aloud)which continues even after having had years of no contact. My problem is: I hate that I think I cannot forgive and that perhaps it is better not to continue immediate family relations. This causes me much sadness and confusion and it feels like failure or shame ... again and again and again. Does this rage ever pass? And is it really as necessary to forgive as is always suggested? I mean, if they know not of what they do or have done(that is questionable though)how is forgiveness going to provide me release?
It's like going through the 7 states of emotion after someone dies, there is a series of stages but no one has put this into order yet. This Dr..Malkin is great at this and I hope he put this information out there, in a series so people can self help themselves because this disorder is big globally. There will always be a need for psychiatrists and self help, so they don't need to feel it will take business from them, they will simply be helping the world be a better, safer place.
Richelle Lemon this is just my point of view she is your mom she has a condition you don't have to see her all the time but you should consider the condition she would have probably been a different mother if she didn't have this problem
From my perspective and experience don’t focus on forgiveness quite so much. Keep getting educated and work on yourself. You’ll know you’re in great shape once you can see reality - that they’re very poisonous to you (and best avoided) but their behaviour is so commonplace and predictable that you recognize it as merely a syndrome and strange to say out loud......nothing personal. Once you get to the point where you find you can’t hate them despite the deliberate damage they’ve inflicted on you, consider yourself very successfully healed and in control. Forgiveness means you’re giving them a second chance to do better. Bad idea. Instead you’ll be fully aware and emotionally calm.
Richelle, just remember that your mom probably wasn't born this way - something very sad about her own childhood probably "broke" her. Marc Smith's perspective really rang true, strange though it sounds: it really was "nothing personal". I can't see how forgiveness is going to make any difference, but feeling guilty about not forgiving definitely does. Your forgiveness won't mean anything to the people who've hurt you - face it, they just don't care! - so why should it be important to you either? I hope you'll move on and love someone worthy and be fully loved in return.
Richelle Lemon if you hold on to anger and unforgiveness, you will become obsessed and bitter. You will seek to get closure by wanting them to acknowledge something, they probably will never recognize. If you walk through the pain and look at it from a larger prospective and empathize with you injured self...acknowledging the pain you went through and changing your mindset from a victim, to a position of strength, you will empower yourself and shake free from the chains you are hanging around your own neck. Jesus was my answer. I have so much peace and I love my abuser...though I must distance myself for my health and happiness. I pray you have peace.
How can he relapse when he never went into remission