Shame | ContraPoints
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- Опубликовано: 14 фев 2020
- Oops, I'm gay.
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Am I a Lesbian Masterdoc: docs.google.com/document/d/e/...
Check out my other videos:
Canceling: • Canceling | ContraPoints
Opulence: • Opulence | ContraPoints
Men: • Men | ContraPoints
Transtrenders: • "Transtrenders" | Cont...
Beauty: • Beauty | ContraPoints
Gender Critical: • Gender Critical | Cont...
The Darkness: • The Darkness | ContraP...
"Are Traps Gay?": • "Are Traps Gay?" | Con...
The Apocalypse: • The Apocalypse | Contr...
Pronouns: • Pronouns | ContraPoints
The Aesthetic: • The Aesthetic | Contra...
Incels: • Incels | ContraPoints
The West: • The West | ContraPoints
![Finesse2Tymes - Pretty Ricky [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xIoP_mhYRT0/mqdefault.jpg)
![overcoming malignant shame [cc]](/img/1.gif)
It feels amazing to finally come out of my shell and let you all know that I’m a broken person.
❤❤❤
ContraPoints love you ❤️
Who isn't
We'll be broken with you❤
I love you so much! You are an inspiration, thank you!!!
I can’t believe I’ve spent all this time living in shame of being trans and gay when being Belgian is what I should’ve been self loathing about
Paused the video to check the comments
Saw this, thought it was really strange and random, wanted to saw something but decided not to
Played the video to hear "whose left for me to feel superior to? Fuck these waffles" 😂😂😂
It all makes sense now
@@robinswampangel I adore how you spread this over 4 comments. LOL
The gay experience truly is looking at a woman and thinking "oh no"
The only unifying comment between mlm and wlw
You mean every time I see Natalie?
I feel that.
both for men and women
That is frequently the experience of the poly as well. "Monogamy will work fine this time, I can ju--oh. Oh no. What . . .
. . . Fuck."
Unironically, I love the way you talk about lesbianism as advanced womanhood, as if gender and sexuality are part of a tabletop RPG and Lesbian is a prestige class
Now you’re making me want to see contrapoints in a live-streamed campaign for Thirsty Sword Lesbians
Truuuuuuuuuuue
I really love that comparison too. It's not low-level stuff to negotiate all these emotional, societal, and physical hurdles.
when you stop multiclassing and fully level up Gay
Lesbianism in this instance is, "Queen me."
"My brain wants a good man to take care of me. But my heart wants a high-maintenance diva to ruin my life."
this is so real
"Why's that girl not wearing any clothes"- my dad, looking over my shoulder as I watch this video
Shoulda said "because lesbians"
@@QueenKittKat My mother said "because it's art" lol
@@valariediane6490 lmao I like your mom
10/10 passing is making the archetype that is "yer dad" deeply concerned about your toplessness, regardless of the volume of tiddies on display.
"It's biblical!"
girl I cant just find out Im a lesbian, I have a date tomorrow.
Daniella Presti goodluck babe
Leira Rekceb you too honey
Same 😅
Trying to figure out how to tell my husband that I get hot from how much he wants me but that I need to move on with my lesbian life.
@@daniellapresti9131 Please just tell him. I was in a 6-year long relationship. I'm happy for her but she destroyed my heart.
"Submission to a man was simply the only way I could enjoy sex without shame"
I can't be the only one who's whole sexual existence has been called into question by this sentence.
Oh absoLUTEly same. I attempted to use submission to get through sex. Later came out as asexual.
Me accepting to be a bottom and most of the time, pretending to like it.
Wait wait wait. I haven't got to this part yet but I am questioning my entire existence 😳
Ruh roh
to me it was "now let's choose some boys to get attracted to" and turns out I'm aroace
I absolutely love that Natalie has mastered self deprecating humor that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable
how do i do this. i make everyone uncomfortable all the time
@@4xcleo Not sure but I'd say the fact that this is framed as a step in a journey and not an end goal helps.
yeah there's a very subtle difference between "i sound like i mean it but I'm joking" and "i sound like I'm joking but i mean it" that is really really hard to nail down, especially when its, in all truth, a mix of both, that she has completely mastered
ContraPoints is keeping the vintage furniture business alive.
A white industry
Well, someone has to
@@MrBooYa-yd5er Well so is modern mass produced low quality furniture industry. At least the high quality classic design furniture produced today is made by people who work under good conditions and on their own terms, setting fair prices on their work and not alienated from the consumer.
I’ve noticed the big name antique dealers lately are young gay men so this is solidarity
aesthetics is a gay business tbh
Shout out to Chad, sounds like a better person than most. Worth reminding that those people are out there.
At first oh not using name of respect for possible villain. One minute later. Oh he would have half the audience asking for dates, such a charmer.
We will stan Chad.
@@BossALKENO internet historians will quote this four word sentence.
the most giga of gigachads
I'm not a straight woman but I've only seriously dated men and I am most certainly not men about make bodies I am very very inti them. But ALL of my female friends have that meh attitude and think the penis is gross where mm i dont agree. So you are right it is most of us but not all.
the part when natalie talks about how looking at a beautiful woman can almost be painful is so interesting to me. i'm a straight cis woman and i do feel that way when i see beautiful men, like it's too much, it hurts to look because i am so attracted. it's amazing to actually hear it spoken aloud, even if it is about a gender i am not sexually attracted to. i love this video and the vulnerability natalie showed. i had never heard of comphet before, so thank you for sharing your experience, natalie 💕
me too! like they're so hot it's frustrating
@@sourceeeefor me it’s a dissonance between mind and anima
As a sex-positive asexual (a guess demisexual would be a better description), I also find it very interesting. I have only ever felt that for one person and I couldn't explain it at all. Not to mention that it took me years to even figure out I'm asexual in the first place, because there's just nothing to compare yourself to. I wish we had someone like Natalie for asexual people to explain it as good as she does.
@@fdc184 For me, now that I've figured out the difference between feeling the two, the almost painfully beautiful woman is Gender Envy, and the hunger I feel seeing one is attraction.
i watched this when it came out while i was still with my ex-boyfriend, and i couldn't stop crying and didn't understand why. today i came out to him as a lesbian.
🤗❤️
❤❤❤ I'm so proud of you
Good for you 💖 it's not easy to accept yourself sometimes
Are u cis or trans?
Then he come out as trans
I went into this video thinking I was gonna use it as background noise for drawing. I am now laying in bed, staring into my ceiling, questioning my sexuality.
Right!?
same, even worse, this is actually happening to me for the second time....
Yeah, Natalie as background doesnt work for me either. too much thinkey-jokey subtext and visual communication.
Though I gave up on the questioning thing.
Not really relevant for my life at this point.
Did I write this?
Ok same
"I've never once been in pain over male beauty" is the defining lesbian phrase.
I mean I'm gay and I haven't either. you gals are INTENSE
"I've never once been in pain over male beauty"
Gay here, and didn't realize/come out till my 30s. This felt parallel to my experience. My version of this was more like "I've never once felt like I couldn't let go of a female body"
@@aarondeemer5610 Same!! There's been plenty of women I thought were beautiful maybe even attractive but never this intense gravitational pull I have with other guys. Never wanting to let go is a great way of describing it.
Is it? A lot of people don't have a "painful" reaction to beauty.
@@Stallya the pain comes from intense unfulfilled desire
'I want to wake up next to you for every day for the rest of my life'. That is love. You can take it from someone who is almost old enough to be your mother.
Super-late to the comments party on this one (I just finished watching). My ex-wife & I married young (21-22), as often happens, & in just under 8 years it fell apart because she realized she was a lesbian.
It didn't fall apart in a *bad* way, just a way that was messy & painful for her to go through. She still has my support & is still one of my best friends. We've been divorced about 12 years now & I absolutely love her wife, too. I don't think I could ever really understand what that kind of life-changing realization can be like because I've always been cis-het, how could I possibly? But this video gave me a new perspective on *all* of it, & I'll be sure to share it with her (& her wife).
dude i need to ask: does it not hurt to see your ex-wife now? like, not in the slightest? is it really 100% ok? cuz i'm about to go through something kinda like that but idk if i'll handle the afterwards... cuz i wanna still be friends with the person :C
@@brunopereiralima8785nope, not at all -- not in the ways you'd think, anyway. She's gone through some health problems the past couple years & especially the last 5 or so, & it just breaks my heart to see her suffering long-term as well as to see the strain it's put on her wife (who I adore, we've been friends since before the divorce & I always kinda figured they'd end up together -- they did!).
But honestly life has a way of doing that. You gain perspective over time, you learn things, feelings change. You might change too, I don't know -- I think every time we learn something important it has the potential to change us for better or worse, & we can't always decide which it's going to be. I try to make the best out of all new knowledge, even if it's something painful.
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't run from experiencing negative emotions -- just learn what they're for & how to use them to grow. Emotions themselves aren't rational or proper or predictable, but you *can* learn things about yourself by experiencing them & analyzing them.
Matthew you're just great. all the best to you and your ex wife (and her wife).
@@Matthew.E.Kelly. Ey, bossman here, most supportive, your ex is lucky and you're good for sticking with her. You're a good friend.
Me: Lurks on Grindr
My Phone: Sends push notification that says "Shame"
You almost made me spit my tea
Someone make this app
With the the notification sound including the bell from Game of Thrones.
Someones grindr notification went off at work me and I was looking around so I can tell them FOR SHAME!
Ha LOL!
6 months later and "Are you attracted to men or do you just like being warm" is still personally attacking me
FUCK, THIS HITS DIFFERENT NOW
Hello, update: have a girlfriend now, she's really cool, and i'm really happy ☀️
@@cottage-core_ am jealous 🥺
@@cottage-core_ ✨ Girls ✨
@@cottage-core_ proud of you ✨
Falling in love with your best friend is a time honored Sapphic tradition. It has happened to be 3 times, so I can REALLY relate to this video.
Count me in
IDK if anyone has told you this about "Chad": every major relationship has a psychological effect on the people involved. It's okay to have emotions about a previous relationship. This is true regardless of your gender, their gender, and whatever genders y'all are into.
It's okay to be a lesbian and have complicated emotions about an ex who is a man.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I'm still moving on from my ex and have recently also come out as lesbian. I keep thinking back on whether I actually loved him or not. Still, I have a lot of feelings toward him because he was also almost like a best friend to me. And it's the second time in 2 years that I lose a best friend 😭
Thanks for this -- chiming in as another newly-out lesbian who needed to hear it. Ex and I were together for almost four years and through a lot of big life events, so I know exactly why I'm grieving that thing we built together being gone (or at least changed), but it's hard for that grief not to feel completely invalidating sometimes. It's hard to hold space for both.
I, a handful of communists, respect you.
we must rally the comrades
Seize the means of transition
I second that, comrade.
@@therealgaragegirls Communists can pound my ass
Megan A. With the bodies of the bourgeoise perhaps
Well, this boring old cis lesbian grandma just wants to give you a hot cup of cocoa, a hug and say “welcome to the family, darling”.
Yeah and most of us have a 'Joanne' lol
Almost accurate, just switch the cocoa for vodka 🤣. I love her
being cis (or straight) isn't boring! And being a lesbian grandma sounds very interesting for that matter.
Cool grandma 😎👵
love you granny 😵👵
So two years ago this woman both enlightened and ruined my life by presenting the information that I’m a lesbian while in a relationship with a man. Fast forward two years and I’ve found my Joann. She’s a polyamorous, bisexual, absolutely incredible and stunning woman with an ultimately monogamous long term boyfriend. She’s now explicitly said that she will never love me back the way I love her. Quick, someone write an HBO show about this mess.
I’m so happy to not be in the soulless cycle of dating men I’m not interested in out of the fear of loneliness, but goddamn, put me out of my MISERY.
At least I have tragically beautiful aesthetic content to commiserate with lol.
oh christ, I am so sorry!!!
I'm afraid I'm only a hapless demi (who only falls in love once every 6 years on average--y'know, when the planets align, and Mercury is in retrograde, and it's a Bull Market, etc.-- and always tragically), so all I can do is offer you this warm blanket through my laptop screen.
"goddamn, put me out of my MISERY"
Hope ur doing better
I hope this comment finds you in a better place - I've been there, and it's taken me a long time to heal. So sincerely, I hope your heart has been glued back together, at least a little.
@@rdpsysium7340 aww thank you 💕
I actually am much better and have good updates!! In the year since I posted, we stopped talking, I spiraled into the depths of alcoholism, got hospitalized, went to AA, and got my life back together. Once I got over my resentment towards her, I reached out to her and we’re genuinely friends again and have our friend group back together, which I thought would never be possible.
Oh and turns out I’m bisexual actually! I had a whirlwind high octane relationship with a guy I met right after the hospital. 👹 BUT somehow that actually turned out okay too and we’re still pals and I’m happily single for the first time ever!
Sobriety kinda kicks ass actually lmao I’m vibing.
"Who you love is such a basic part of your humanity, and shame about that cuts to the core of your being. It's not 'I'm ashamed of what I did.' It's not 'I'm ashamed of how I feel.' It's 'I'm ashamed of who and what I am.' And living in that state of mind is garbage. It's basically hell."
It breaks my heart to think of all the people living with this kind of shame, who only need a little empathy, but get nothing but condemnation instead.
Sorry to bring kink into this (not sorry), but I feel that quote so much as someone with a few kinks. That, and I *am* ashamed of what I feel along with who/what I am. It hurts, it all hurts
edit: i hate myself for making this comment but i'm not taking this down
@@samtinkle9076 Man, the whole thing is about sexual shame. Straights and gays. I'm pre-transition, and I struggle with a lot of the shame Natalie has a hard time with, though not all of it. Yet, cis lesbians just have the sex part, so that applies to you, too(whatever your gender is idk).
We're all made to be ashamed of sex down here(at least after the modern era, centuries past, people were purportedly WAY more comfortable with sex. Now we're simultaneously shunned for and advertised with sex at every turn.)
break the shackles at your feet!.............. n' put 'em tight on your neck, or even your- OwO
“Let’s choose some boys to be attracted to”- every closeted lesbian ever
I used to crush on who my friends were crushing
well
My asexual ass when I was younger.
Me a closeted asexual
I remember making the comment "I usually don't notice how hot a guy is until someone else points it out to me," thinking that that was a normal thing that straight woman do, and everyone around me was just like "wtf?"
"Lesbianism is a very advanced form of womanhood."
_-Natalie Wynn, 2020_
Amem
"I'd fuck the Parthenon."
_-Natalie Wynn, 2020_
Lesbianism is adult human female homosexuality, Karen.
@@TheVintress ""YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT, KAREN. (to girlfriend) Acts like she's never seen a kiss before. (back to mom) TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, KAREN. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!"
@@ahmedamine24 what the fuck are you on about?
it is mandatory to revisit this video every time you get your heart broken in a homoerotic friendsituationship
Literally coming back to this after confessing to, and being rejected by, my best friend. Shame!
As an asexual woman, I am so moved by your description of the difference between "desire" and "being desired". It's so intriguing to me and something I think about a lot. I think the reason that I feel more straight than gay, despite being neither of those things is that I do like being desired by men in just the way you describe in this video.
"Shame. Shame is a landfill emotion. Ask me what that means........People toss things into your landfill; then one-day you're like where did all this baggage come from?" -Trixie Mattel
Jordan Peterson is probably disappointed because he now knows when you call him daddy you don't really mean it
I was thinking the exact same thing. Lobster daddy's year hasn't been bad enough you have to break his heart? Shame on you. Um...
I want his Kermit voice deep inside my ear
He’s probably got bigger things to worry about ever since going to that quack doctor in Russia that almost killed him lol
he's got his own battles to face at the moment
I think he'd be broken up by the palpable human pain contra is going through
I'm about to be 27 and I only started to accept myself as a lesbian this year, I'm cis but the most comfort I've found in my journey came from trans lesbians, there's just something to the concept of running towards womanhood *twice* that makes me feel safe, you know? I thank you so much for this video, it made me cry even when I didnt specifically identify with what was being said.
38:00 straight white guy here. I’ve always found your videos hilarious and highly educational, but, watching this video back, I think your elaboration on the kinds of attraction you have to men and women was eye-opening for me. It led me to question my feelings and ultimately resolve some of my own insecurity and denial about my place within the gender spectrum. Your insights have greater reach and impact than you know ❤️❤️ wishing you all the best from Pennsylvania!
@@alexis-un4uf Well he said straight so I assume he likes women
Youre not straight 😂
"sexual submission can be a way of avoiding what your desires actually are" please Natalie I can't have a gay breakdown first thing on a tuesday morning
Save yourself, it’s been happening to me all night. It’s 9 in the morning and I haven’t slept for 5 minutes.
It took me watching this 9 fucking times for my gay brain to go "Oh hey, you do that a lot".
I was already thinking I might be bi, this video has just convinced me even more... I don't have any sexual experience though so I'm really unsure. It's almost like I'm not attracted in that way to anyone (like I don't make up scenarios in my head about people), but I don't think I'm asexual.
what if I'm just a bottom
@@m.g.4060 based
Contrapoints: I’m not...I’m not gay
Narrator Voice: Contra was extremely gay
"I hate catgirls, but also I love them!" - Totally Justine and Not Contra
Protest though the lady may, there simply is no stopping gayness.
O. Abominable. Fate.
I believe the exact quote was "extremely gay". :)
XD that's EXACTLY what I was thinking of during this video. Justine's sexuality crisis in Transtrenders ;D
“I am just another worthless freak without the authority of society behind me” just uncovered all of my hidden insecurities.
I will always stand proudly behind you Natalie - you changed my life ❤
"are you attracted to men, or do you just like being warm?" is way too funny to me
I'm a bi girl and the phrase "My brain wants a good man to take care of me, but my heart wants a high maintenance woman to ruin my life" hits too close to home
(upd): i'm a lesbian
I'm a bi guy and same lol
Why did I think I was the only one
lmao im like I want to spoil a woman and let her ruin me.... WHY
I'm a bi girl and I feel like I'm constantly questioning if I'm just a lesbian, but then I remember shit like this hahaha
Ugh. Same. Felt it in my soul
"Are you attracted to men. or do you just like being warm?"
This is the question
Hahahahaha! It’s a good question.
Lucky for me honey, I’m both attracted to Men and like being warm 😻😊😊😊
Ask the same question to any cat!
I’m lucky enough to be a naturally warm woman and that’s how I get the girls
Huh. She's the first person I've heard talk about sexual submission as a way to indulge one's sexuality while dodging blame for it. Which is weird, because as a woman for whom that's always been a core fantasy, I decided really early on that the whole ravishment fixation was probably caused by social stigma around women's sexuality--that is, some subconscious reasoning that "It's not my fault if they're 'forcing' me."
"And it's maddening to me that she feels that way, because I would have chosen her over every cis woman in the world."
The way you say that "maddening" -- it gets me every single time I come back and hear it, and outside of those times it comes to me too. I think about it a lot. 'Struck a nerve' is..a well-worn phrase but that's the closest description I can think of, of how it physically feels to hear it. It twinges something alive even when I'm atrophying, in that kind of cold, dead, shrivelled-up-walnut-husk ofa heart.
godamm woman you are something else
there is actually a word for what you're talking about: dialecstatic. Basically it's that feeling when someone says a word in such a special and amazing way that you have a physical reaction to it. It's part of the dictionary of obscure sorrows, which has a bunch of words for feeling that the english language doesn't have names for.
Stay tuned for 2021: Natalie Wynn directs porn-only it’s entirely plot build-up and no actual sex.
Spencer Kelly it’s called softcore 😂
Sounds awesome. I'm sure they would be Foucauldian subtexts.
omg that would be amazing
I would definitely watch it.
That's basically all her fictional dialogues
If your girl is "straight," then why does she watch the contrapoints shame video once every three months and not talk to anyone for a weekend and then come back full force with tons of energy talking about how deeply in love she is with men and how certain she is about her sexuality and gender, which happen to be what is most socially convenient?
This comment is so fucking accurate I got scared... But guess I should be happy because it means more people are having the exact same experience lol
not once every three months 😭 I came here to have a (bad) time and honestly-
i - 🥲
I feel so called out.
I kept coming back to this video too
This video is absolutely devastating in retrospect. I’ve been coming to terms with my own sexuality recently, on top of starting hormones a few months ago. I’m in a similar situation of a man not being ashamed to be seen with me, and dealing with my own personal shame of not being the perfect bio-girl I know I am inside. This is honestly really helpful, and it’s good to know that this isn’t a complete crock of shit I’m experiencing. Your vulnerability is admirable Natalie. Thank you for sharing.
About 8 months ago I came across this video again and it finally cracked my egg. I could never quite explain how, but I always knew my attraction to women seemed different than that of the other guys in my life. Something about this video finally made it click in my mind that the missing piece in all my relationships was my gender.
Congratulations Natalie :) I wish you a wonderful, beautiful life 💕💕
Interesting choice of name, any particular inspiration? 😁😁😁
the 2 sexualities: warm and lesbian
Warm and Gorg
@Poetic Playwright the logic of morons, who don't know shit about women.
Poetic Playwright, can confirm. I’m a guy who doesn’t carry a wallet and girls never notice me. I think they like leather...
This may be a weird comparison, but when the Tiffany's Law part came up this is what came to mind:
I am a heroin addict 8 years into recovery. One of the most fascinating parts of the drug culture was that very, very often, heroin addicts look down on meth addicts. "They're gross methheads, and they don't even HAVE to use. Not like us. We get sick if we don't use, so we are justified because we're just trying to stay well."
Methheads would do the same thing. "At least I'm not a gross junkie shaking in the corner. They're pathetic and desperate."
The shame of being on the outside of society, of being a drug addict at all, meant we were grasping at anything to convince ourselves there was someone worse out there. As soon as I got clean I realized how silly the whole thing was.
Just a random train of thought I had!
Girl, I think this applies to all kinds of freaks.
I don't want to try to get too into it, but there's definitely a weird disconnect comparing your mental health/ shortcomings/ disability to others'. Like, I get a sick sense of pride knowing that even though I'm on the spectrum, I'm 'better' at social skills and communication than other members of my family. Like, 'yeah I'm blind to picking up on body language, but at least I'm not totally oblivious to my surroundings!' And then, added in my head: '(like some people).'
We don't see 'freaks' in a different subset of our main 'type' of freak as equals. They're either beneath us, or they're above us (which in other words means they're not considered freaks to us).
I come from a long line of addicts and I see this a lot. "Do you know how dirty meth is" "at least I don't use needles",etc. I didn't jump to thinking about that in this video until I read your comment. It's kind of amazing what justifications our brains can make to not "be" the worst of the bunch and that there will always be a pecking order in all aspects and situations.
"Tiffany, there is nothing more sad, and pathetic, and desperate, and low in this world than a tran who thinks she's better than other trans. It's like a drunk feeling superior to a junkie. You seem to think that you're queen of the world because you're hanging onto societal acceptance by two fingers instead of one.”
Nat makes a similar comparison in her "Transtrenders" video!
This reminded me of the movie Paraside, where the main protagonist felt superior to the people who leave under the house
Yesssssss! Yes I totally agree. 60 days clean here. Congrats on your sobriety. I always noticed AA looks down on NA. So weird, we are all fighting the same battle.
That whole part about harshly judging submissive UwU catgirl trans women to stave off your own shame is fascinating to me because I feel literally exactly the same way about straight trans girls, being weirdly judgemental and paranoid about being roped into some embarrassing cult of hyper-femininity and patriarchal submission to big strong men because of our degradation kinks UwU which terrifies me because of gender-related trauma. Like, it’s so surreal to me to see someone feeling the exact same way about trans lesbians, which i see as like, something noble and awesome and completely the opposite.
uff, well said. i relate hard. ashamed when i had/have those thoughts about straight trans woman.
One thing I really like about Natalie's videos is the way they're edited. Cuts basically seem to work as periods, commas, parenthesis and hyphens (I don't think I can explain it any better than this, that's the best I can do).
I noticed that watching this video, and it just works so well with her delivery. I don't know if she edits them herself or someone else does it, but anyway, kudos to the editor.
Anyway, I think youtube video essayists could probably learn a lot from watching Contrapoints videos.
very astute observation i agree
Ok the bit where she's choking up about Chad saying "he was a lot less ashamed of me than I was of myself" is heartbreaking and I hope everyone who lives being in anyway ashamed of themselves can find someone like that whether their just a friend or a romantic and/or sexual partner.
Iris Kiely
My favorite. ❤️
True art takes guts.
"I hope everyone who lives being in anyway ashamed of themselves can find someone like that..." Very easy for me, lol. Tbh, it doesn't help. I always end up breaking up with those guys anyways. The brokenness is on the inside, no one else can fix you for you.
I cried
I don’t think she was choking up because of being happy about how he felt about her, she was choking up because its difficult to admit to yourself that you feel so ashamed of yourself. It’s difficult to know that you still have so far to go before you can truly love yourself.
I know, it made me choke up too and a soft "oh natalie" came out
Natalie one minute into the video: so I fell in love with my best friend.
Every single lesbian watching, me included: *having intense war flashbacks*
fucking p r e a c h
+
totally!!! my college roommate for 4 years....sigh.
Every lesbian when her high school best friend approaches: "why do i hear blue Jasmine music?"
*nods in bisexual pain and solidarity*
also im calling being rejected being “romantically canceled” forever now
I come back to this video a lot. "I can deconstruct the fantasy, but it's still painful to let it go" resonates with me so much. For a while, I convinced myself that I wanted children. Eventually I realized what I actually wanted was not to raise a kid, but to be a Normal for once. I'm queer and fat and neurodivergent and unable to work, and in my mind parenthood became like my last chance to prove that I too can succeed at a Regular Person Thing. My super hecking valid ticket. And it still hurts to admit to myself that I don't want it.
I'm not saying it's the same as coming to terms with one's sexuality, of course it's not, but I find the video deeply cathartic still
*"Are you attracted to men or do you just like being warm?"*
I did not ask for an existential crisis today, Natalie.
You just did.
Same. Am I just a space heater?
I suspect I am, and have ever been, just a space heater.
OH NO
I came out as a lesbian ten minutes after finishing this video. Thank you.
Coming back to this after watching Contra's video on Twilight, and it's so satisfying to see so many plot threads now tied up re: desire, sexual attraction, roles in sexual relationships
This has honestly been really helpful in helping me to separate femininity from liking men. Thinking about this video has helped me self-analyze and recognize that no, I don't like men, I like the aesthetic of being a woman in a relationship with a man. That's helpful! It has prevented me from getting into unsustainable relationships with people I'm not actually attracted to.
Natalie Wynn: she makes these mistakes so the other gays don't have to.
“But are you attracted to men or do you just like being warm?”
I didn’t come here to be called out.
Ugh same.
Yeah, me too. The warm is one of my favorite parts.
Sucking the warmth from other guys with your cold lizard body is literally the best
As a very warm bloke I quite like having an ice cube for a bed fellow. I feel that must be weird of me.
LindonSound __13 girl, this IS the call out network
I'm a gay transman that gets tons of hatred from cis gay men and then I'm outcasted by so many transmen. I remember in my local trans group, I mentioned my BF and the other transguy made a mixture of 😱🤢😡 those faces. He pretty much said that I wasn't a REAL transman because I wasn't attracted to women. So this shame and self loathing really speaks to me.
Wow jesus im so sorry that happened to you
I’ve also never understood gay cis men who take issue with being with a trans guy. If he looks like Montgomery Clift circa 1960 you bet your ass I’m dating him. And then marrying him.
@@AtoMicEyeScream ...WOW.
@@AtoMicEyeScream gtfoh. Not liking a type of genitalia is one thing, you are just a hateful POS!
J Browning My guy, there’s nothing wrong with genital preferences but trans men are still men, not women. You don’t have to be attracted to transgender men in order to acknowledge their identity
I know the plight of the cis white man has been completely beaten to death but i just want to say that when your partner leaves you becasue theyre gay and they were attracted to how much you desired them is one of the most heartbreaking and image shattering things ive ever experienced. Up until that point i had struggled with my self image and that it was super unlikely that any woman would ever find me attractive (ive since gotten therapy) and when she told me she loved me and thought i was handsome and all of that i finally felt like someone who could be desired as well and it made me love her even more because i felt confident for the first time. But when she left me and told me she was gay and that she had never really been attracted to me it fucking broke me into a million pieces, here was the person who helped me gind confidence ripping it apart because she was attracted to women the whole time but refused to accept it and instead manipulated and used me.. ive also since realized that i myself am bi and ive also stayed friends with her and her girlfriend (who is just the sweetest person) so it all worked out but man did it hurt at the time.
I'm rewatching your library, and I gotta say, as a gender-nonconforming guy, I totally understand that feeling of not fitting in or feeling like an invader just for being who I am.
As a cis Belgian man who loves his trans boyfriend, I am extremely offended you stabbed that waffle.
I read this comment before getting to that moment and just assumed this was a euphemism for something.
@@katiejj9052 me too
ngl i think about this comment like once a week as a reminder of “wait, i CAN find love as a gay trans” 💛
@@aba4055 Same, as a gay trans guy my eyes just lit up
Everytime I see like cis men who see trans men as men and date them and like are happy, I like start leaking a clear fluid from my eyes, I think I have a coolant leak oh god
This is not the first time she stabbed waffles to retaliate against Belgians. What is the deal between Natalie and the Belgians, anyway? Is she banned from your country or something haha…
I still stan Chad and hope he’s doing well.
He’s a prime example of non-toxic masculinity.
I'm wandering if he is a notable philopher and youtuber...
I doubt it. While Olly PhilosphyTube is a total babe I wouldn’t describe him as “a total Gigachad”.
Jornalista Renata Rosa furthermore, it’s not our place to speculate and try to dig up this dirt. We should be grateful that Natalie is sharing her story but what and who Chad is is none of our business
@@BossALKENO The only part that really matters about him in the story is that he was a dynamite dude - an archetype to be for all dudes, regardless of their cis/trans, gay/het status.
He is literally the real Chad; both in name and conducting himself like a decent person which I guess is impossible to do.
I really like when Natalie discusses attraction, because as someone who is aro/ace it can be hard for me to understand so I feel like it's very valuable for me to listen to understand
Natalie calling people "sweaty" on purpose whenever she makes fun of them n im living for it
Natalie stop making me think critically about my sexuality and gender it's ruining my life
Yan A She has destroyed all of us. My brain is in another dimension rn because of this video.
Eh I have it worse
She made me question my sexuality as a heterosexual man
@@page__kevon7038 Heterosexual man? Not for long...
Same. Big same. I am like destroyed today.
the story about Joanne is a universal lesbian experience I swear.
I was howling laughing because its the single most lesbain story I've ever heard
Oh jeez, isn't it though? 😂 😂
Sigh... It do be like that
@Nerdish OH MY GOD SAME
Yep I cry every night
Hi. Just been binging all your videos and wanted to say that... well... holy crap. I've never had someone voice so much that I've identified with so much... Thank you for being brave enough to talk about all this stuff. Looking forward to getting where you are in several years even. Despite all the difficulties. I think your lessons will help me manage this wild river of life.
"I was experiencing an intensity of emotion that has no right to exist outside of 19th century Italian opera"
Iconic
That’s her police... she’s the one who attacked me.
Guilt of being too real
literally
"a lot of straight women are just 'meh' about male bodies and men in general"
once in college I saw a male classmate in jorts and I instantly burst into flames. wish I was kidding.
Im a cis girl (?) but i feel the exact same way with my attraction to women and lesbianism than Natalie she literally just put into words everything i felt
you get me
I cried at the part where her voice is breaking about Chad not feeling ashamed of her... less ashamed than she is of herself...
I sobbed like a baby in a fucking packed train
there's some really painful but poetic tension in seeing someone in pasties suddenly that naked for a second...
I feel like that is every relationship ive had
That bit hit me RIGHT in the feels
I would have cried for her...but she put up the crying emojis that make me roll my eyes. It kind of caused conflicting emotions so I balanced out.
I think she did it purposely as a defense. A way to not make it as raw and sad.
Yeah, this almost broke me down crying too :(
“orange is the bluest L word” sorry i DIED
@@Dimitris_Half its the name of some tv series that portray lesbian relationships in them. Orange is the new black, blue is the warmest color (this one is actually a movie) and the L word.
I feel so good for getting this joke 😩✋
When I tell you I WHEEZED 😂
Orange is the new black + blue is the warmest colour + lesbian
I think that was the most emotionally invested I've EVER been in a youtube video/youtuber. God fucking dammit, the story about Joan was HEARTBREAKING, and all of these comp-het things? Hit too close to home. Even the trans gender feelings did, which was a surprise at first, but made sense the more I thought about it.
I'm a cis lesbian, and one of the reasons I took so long to fully embrace it despite knowing was that, while I felt very much comfortable performing femininity, it felt wrong to do so in my body. I was a fat kiddo, too tall and had dark hair coating my arms. I felt like a man, or worse, a sort of beast even the guys were disgusted by.
Only when I started to lose weight and shave and do makeup religiously I began feeling like I AM a lesbian, I AM a woman and the girls I wanna be with? They won't find me as freakish as the ones in my childhood did. They won't EWW me when I come near. But I still strive for male approval too. I still want to prove the world that EVERYONE desires me now, because girls are pretty and I am finally a girl.
But that's not always the case. Some days I wake up bloated, and all these traumas? Come crashing like waves of shame shame shame. I don't wanna be perceived then, because if I cannot be a girl, I don't wanna be NOTHING at all.
These things are so fucked up. Like, was associating femininity with delicacy and thiness my own doing somehow? Why are the rules only ever appliable to me, if I still see non-conforming, butches, hairy, fat women, tall women all as WOMEN regardless? I wanna throw up but hate hate HATE throwing up and cry.
Update >4 months after I first watched this video
Wow, this comment really hit for me. I hope your Joann didn’t totally grind you into a paste
I first learned about you from your interview on "Dyking Out". You are amazing. I knew I was a lesbian since I was 12 years old, but because of "shame", I only dated men. I finally came out when I was 25 years old. I've never been happier.
Natalie: **emotional and genuine coming out video detailing her lesbian experience**
Me: **gay sweating** s-so yoUr saYinG therEs a ChanCE??
No chance for us fans - and that's definitely for the best.
Having said that, she's into another youtube-famous person.
*we know what must be done*
@@julietrainey1346 its proooooobably theryn
@@julietrainey1346 who?
Haha I had the same thought, and I had to reconsider my sexuality. Again.
My crush on Natalie Wynn is as hopeless as my sadly familiar crush on my bi best friend that doesn't reciprocate my feelings lol, a girl can dream
You ever just find contrapoints videos on your recommended even though you’ve already watched it like twice and you’re like “yeaaaaaa, it’s been a few months let’s watch it again.”
Haha I just watched this video for the first time a month ago, because the first time I wasn’t confident enough in the fact that I actually am bi to not be hella confused. But now I can watch it without having a mental breakdown, so that’s good I guess
Literally just now, you freaking Time Cop!
What I’m doing right now lol
Dingdingding
watched this video when I was actively struggling with the idea of being a lesbian and it was just... so comforting. thanks as always Natalie
Honestly, I don't know what possessed me but I really wanted to be straight. I felt like I was mourning a death or something when I realised that I was a gay lol thanks for the video, it helped me finally work myself out ❤️
I don't know about you but I come from a judgemental family and have endured years of bullying. The fantasy of telling everybody that despite everything, I became "normal" and achieved everything they could... that of course I want all of the typical stuff (a husband, two kids etc.), after all I'm just like everyone else. And I'll show it to the world. And then this fricking video blasted into my brain and I realized that while I could do that, I don't want to. And thus my whole world view shattered into pieces.
Women in the 1920s: tons of letters confessing their love for each other. Basically snail mail sexting each other, wanting to be buried with their so
Historians: omg they were roommates
Historians: GAL PALS
Bonus points to you for the vine reference
I don't know if there is a difference between countries but in Sweden most historians I hear have upgraded 'close friends' and 'roommates' to partners and they absolutely mean the word in a romantic way. So that's nice.
"They seem to be very good friends"
(vine) OMG they where roommates [guy whispers *they were roomates]
Lesbians: "I love women."
Straight men: "I love women."
Gay men: "I love men."
Straight women: "I love lamp."
Well yea, I do love lamp
Bisexuals: “we exist....”
@@catherinetheegreat8742 pansexuals: AHHHHHH
Asexual people: uhhhhh
HeLp_I_KpOpEd AnD_I_cAnT_gEt_Up *D O U B T*
@@wohdinhel a bisexual. Reporting in
I married a man. Young. I’m bi and was too ashamed to tell anyone, to try to date the friends I fell in love with, to step outside of the norm, because I felt that if I did, I would lose everything. I am still in the closet and only my therapist knows I’m bi. I love my husband to death but I wish I had tried dating a woman even once. I mean, at least I’m with someone I love and am very much attracted to. Isn’t that what life is about? Right?
"it can actually be painful how beautiful a woman is". Yes, and yes, and yes!
contrapoints being gay feels like a triumph for all lesbians
YES. THIS. MY PRIDE IS REAL.
tbh
*No one:*
*Contrapoints:* buys a lyre for one sight gag.
Uncompetative it seems like an item she’d just have tbh
I bet you'll see it again.
That’s the level of baffling theatricality I aspire to
Uncompetative this has been an expensive lyre joke *PATREON*
Worth it.
im a straight man and i felt so seen when you said that thing about thinking a woman is so beautiful it hurts
Revisiting this video for no reason.
"Chad" sounds like the biggest Alpha out there. A shining example of true, non-toxic, masculinity. We all need more people like Chad in our lives.
The term Chad now refers exclusively to this one guy
Hope you’re doing well, Chad
--said nobody until this video lol
All hail Chad 🙇♂️
@@helengordon-smith5753 we just broke the incel forums. They're scrambling to rewrite and redefine their vocabulary
Yup
“There’s a kind of sick masochism in wanting someone who doesn’t want you back. It’s insatiable! Like an addiction!”
... I feel very called out right now.
Indeed.....
Yep, I'm here, too.
I had a therapist recently put this into sharp focus for me, and it both hurt and made me feel a bit better (after awhile anyway).
Paraphrasing, but he said, “if [insert crush/forlorn love here] doesn’t want you, then they’re probably not right for you. You wouldn’t want to be with them, really.”
Yeah, he’s right but...goddamn if [insert crush here] isn’t the personification of human goodness and beauty!
@@dylankornberg4892 For me I know its purely stubborn ego and it makes me sick to fully know that if [insert crush] wanted me back, I'd be over it. How am in my 30's and still this much of a goddamn toddler?
It hurrrrrrrt
Not me feeling so personally called out in the first seven minutes that I'm considering turning the video off in embarrassment (or shame 😅)
Maybe it means nothing to y'all but I'm a rather conservative, straight, cis man and I just want to say you're a beautiful soul. You've opened my eyes to the challenges that trans people face in everyday life.
People like you give life some much needed flavor.
constantly questioning if I'm bisexual, lesbian or asexual. it's a constant war, send help.
You are not alone 🤯🆘️
Me tooooo...I am literally so confused
@@amelia1775 that's generally how i feel too.
@@amelia1775 That's how I felt for years until I realized just recently that I'm a lesbian. I literally only liked some vague idea of a man in my brain and it was purely theoretical, whilst men in real life were generally repulsive to me and having crushes on them made me feel like hot, humiliated garbage. Meanwhile, despite being sure I was bi, I regularly repressed my feelings for women, while propping up those for men. For example, I had a strong crush for my classmate in highschool that I repressed so hard that she kept appearing in my dreams for years since graduation. During self isolation my dreams became more vivid and memorable and so I kept wondering why I dream about her so often. That + the comphet doc that Natalie was talking about helped me realize that my natural, biological orientation has always been towards women and everything I felt for men was just internalized comphet.
Hi! If you want to talk to a 25-yr-old asexual (who only allowed herself to realize she was ace at 22, but now it feels so effing obvious looking back) to get some clarity, I gotchu fam.
So that whole bit where Tiffany made Justine realize she was lesbian was really Contra describing herself
It's terrible when your self comes out in your art and you hadn't intended it to. Or realised.
@@MethCrystal666 I'm not sure that artists have a choice, once they create work. It's not like art comes from something different other than their mind.
@@PanagiotisLafkaridis Yup, that was my point. It's happened to me, too - sometimes I read my own creative writing and say "Oh gee, that character sure has a lot of anger, I wonder where that came fr- oh."
@@MethCrystal666 Not always terrible! I wrote something 2 years ago when I thought I was cis and when i revisited it recently i saw all the signs that I'm NB 😂 It can actually be great validation to see your past subconscious working through things in your art 🙂
Oh shit
I think the way you describe how depression can make you pause and think about your life is the impact your videos have on me. They don't make me feel "good", certainly not happy, and they can be a difficult watch for me, but... they put into words my feelings and experiences. They bring out my worse memories and feelings and parts of myself, and force me to confront them. You explain them to me, explain why they're here and why they won't go away, and force me to realize the impact they've had on my life. And it feels harsh and depressing, but also weirdly conforting. Knowing that I'm not the only one out there to feel these things brings me confort. And ultimately, forcing myself to become familiar with all the things I shun away, try to forget or repress helps me feel at peace.
So thanks, Natalie Contra W. Points
Coming back to watch this every few months literally keeps me sane.
Sane?
“I wanted to be straight so bad.”
God those nights were the worst.
This is the most racist comment of 2019. Where do you get your white sheets cleaned at?
Lil Ben LOLCAT
@Esben M If you can’t see the white privilege in that comment you are part of the problem.
@@lilben4184 oh sweetheart... you're just barely holdn on to reality aren't you? Let us know when you get better. We're rootn for you. Sending love
I really don't get this. What does the original comment mean and what is the problem with it?
I’m a 20 year old cis girl from the Deep South. Literally only just started accepting that I’m not straight this year, but my self-esteem is at an all time low. This helped. Thanks Natalie
What's wrong with being cis?
Jorge rivera Absolutely nothing.
@@louis-on5vj about being straight!?
@@louis-on5vj nah it's cool
@honey Watch the goddamn video, honey.
Natalie describes womanhood so much more truthfully and vividly then anyone else I’ve ever heard.
"Let's choose some boys to be attracted to and get started on this" oh no I was pretty much as self aware as that