Narcissism | The "Secondhand Smoke" of Mental Health
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 11 дек 2018
- Get access to hundreds of exclusive LIVE workshops and videos with Dr. Ramani: bit.ly/3wMS8WT
Narcissism is the secondhand smoke of mental health, according to Dr. Ramani. Here's why.
We've talked to Dr. Ramani about narcissism before, but we've NEVER gone this in-depth. Welcome to the MedCircle interview series, Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The "Secondhand Smoke" of Mental Health.
She answers:
Why is narcissism all of a sudden so prevalent?
Why is it so important to talk about & learn about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
What is your experience with NPD?
Why did you decide to specialize in NPD?
What will viewers gain from this series?
What will narcissists gain? (If anything?)
What will supporters gain?
#Narcissism #MentalHealth #MedCircle
Is Kyle a narcissist? Dr. Ramani puts him through an example therapy session to find out in an EXCLUSIVE bonus episode that's only available here: bit.ly/2QTnHwi
No, I don't think he has NPD. I think people who come here to learn about narcissism and NPD have their radar on, seeing narcissists everywhere. But they're not professionals so, how can they diagnose someone they even didn't meet? My guess is, everyone on earth has a certain amount of narcissistic traits, some have more, some have just a little (my opinion)
When it's at an healthy level, it helps with self esteem, and your sense of efficacy. To me it seems he believes in what he's doing and he puts a lot of enthusiasm in it, so it's a good thing.
Also, I don't think a full blown narcissist could take the amount of information given by dr Ramani without falling apart xD I imagine his head would've already exploded in narcissistic rage if he was one or if he had NPD lol
Going to watch all the episodes now! Let's see, I'm curious xD
I have a completely different question. I am writing a dissertation about trends of unexplained violence in millennials and about mass shooters and stabbers. We know most of the serial killers have either narcissistic or antisocial traits. Some of the mass shooters were either suicidal or seek fame as they are committing their atrocities. My question to Dr. Ramini is, is there a corelation between the narcissistic patterns she is recognizing in our society and the sudden trend of mass shooters and stabbers? If millinnials become so self consumed, wouldn't it also drive to unexplained violent patterns and the mass shooting trend? From 1903 to 2013, America had an average of 13 mass shooting per year. From 2013 to today, we are witnessing 324 mass shooting per year.
Dude with this personality to be narcissist? I know its a joke question,but DO NOT JOKE WITH ONE AND ONLY KYLE. :D Great dude!! :D
My mom and 2 of my ex’s. It was hell on earth.
@@MarieBeatriceNoel I have two thoughts on this. No, I'm not a medical expert. First, I was under the impression that serial killers are often people with physical brain damage, and unable to see the difference between right and wrong. Look at Ted Bundy. Second, the mass shooting statistics should be compared to the population. Of course, yes I believe there are many factors in modern American society causing greater violent incidents. However, the population should be included in those statistics. How many mass shootings per 100,000 people?
The moment we understand that we can't help them change, no matter how loving we are towards them, is the moment we start to get our lives back.
Edna O.n. I was taught to remember the C's in dysfunctional family relationships, maybe it could help in other situations as well.
1. I didn't CAUSE this dynamic, I was born into it (or married, etc.)
2. I can't CHANGE it, I'm not the fixer.
3. I can't CONTROL anybody's behavior or choices; only my own.
And my spiritual advisor, also a therapist, helped me to add 2 more C's.
4. I CAN continue to avoid conflict and confrontation whenever possible.
5. I CAN continue to follow the path of love and forgiveness. 😊
The hardest one to learn and practice is number 4, not engaging or getting sucked into situations of conflict or confrontation. The key is number 3! Remember you can only control YOURSELF and YOUR responses and behavior!
@@todosassd1855 Thank you Nancy!!! Thank you so much!!!
Yup.
Edna O.n & Nancy L. & all, when you get these 5 steps, I hope you'll get enough clarity & strength for step #6:
Get hell out of here & live my life free, free to be me, not tippy-toeing around a selfish monster, not pleasing the drama-queen/drama-king, not feeling down, confused & hurt sometimes daily, not having my energy & health drained, not wondering what's wrong with me, until something eventually goes wrong with me.
Get hell out of there & live life free, healthy, peaceful, be selfish for all the good reasons, invest in yourself, breathe slowly, relax, enjoy, love yourself, cherish yourself.
Completely AGREE.I now see this when before I never got it
It’s a terrible experience. All they do is deny and blame others. No matter how patient you are how careful you are talking to them they have severe anger issues and turn tables around on everyone else it’s sad
Wow
Especially as a parent. 😪
It’s literally awful… it makes you want to rip your hair out everytime you speak to them. Even if you’re just having a lighthearted conversation, they will flip it into something ugly and then blame you for why It went left. They’ll say the most heinous, rude things to you and about you, even going as far as blatantly lying on you TO YOUR FACE!! And if you say anything they’ll just yell, scream, or talk over you and they will also try to get others involved once they see you’re upset so they can go “see, told you they were crazy. I’m just sitting here calmly and they’re starting problems”, when they literally just antagonized you, sometimes for hours on end.
You’d have to be the most patient person in the world to deal with a narcissist,especially one with mental illness on top of it. It’s a living nightmare. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. They don’t care about reasoning, they don’t care about understanding, they don’t care about compromise.. it’s just all “me me me”, I’m always right and you’re always wrong and I’ll go to the ends of the earth to make sure of it, even if I have to lie and involve innocent people. They won’t ever mess up their “perfect” image they have of themselves. They’ll destroy everything and everyone in their path if they have to…. There’s no helping them, stay away if you want your sanity…
@@Kmarialay I’m living with one for financial reasons but making an exit plan. It is very challenging being around such individuals, there is no love, peace, joy, authenticity, etc. One must be strategic dealing with them to survive.
@@shebakali6 I know the feeling…. You definitely have to be strategic in your actions and words because they WILL harm you….Be careful and I hope you make it out safely soon.
Until you live with them you can’t really appreciate the serious of the illness of personality disorder. I really didn’t believe that these people really do exist . It’s a roller coaster ride of extremes ups and downs and extreme manipulation . What makes it so painful it starts as a wonderful love affair .
try working with them, with them as your direct boss. that’s hell on earth.
My first experience with a narcissist was my first marriage at 19 and I stayed until almost 30. I was terrified in place, had a complete mental breakdown, suffered acute anxiety/panic disorder and completely lost myself, who I was. I am just learning that he was a narcissist and what a narcissist actually is. My analogy of this is being in the centre of a pit of sharks and no matter which way you step your gonna get bit and that is daily living with a narcissist. No matter how hard you try you can't please them or do anything right. My nervous system has been shot most of my life because of this 11 years.
My mother has NPD and my whole life has been extremely difficult and all I’ve done is struggle immensely. For those who have loving warming supporting parents, cherish them and be grateful
Same! Took me 30 years to figure it out. On and off again back relationship until I figured it out.
It is OK Michael, sadly they are so many of us. Acceptance is first step. But you can create better life for yourself through your own effforts. Start working on your pain, eat well, exercise, find work that you enjoy, love yoursef & live your life. Hugs.
Same here.
Very true. Be thankful and grateful for supporting parents
Honestly the last part of this comment serves to emphasize one of the biggest struggles of living with this how often people with healthy families and loving parents dismiss you because they are so clueless to what they think is everyone else’s normal was actually a tremendously huge leg up they might not even be capable of acknowledging
My mother is a narcissist. You guys should do a video on growing up a child of a narcissist, because there are many of us who grew up thinking that we were crazy. It's an extremely abusive dynamic.
My mother is a covert narcissist. I did not recognize this until about two years ago and I’m 41. It made so many things about my formative years make so much more sense.
Same!
My wife is one; I recognized her parents were about 10 years ago, but I believed her that she was putting up appropriate boundaries to protect our family (even though I saw no evidence of this). She is the golden child, everything she did in our marriage was done to try to make her parents happy. 20 years of compromising on my career and own life goals to support my wife's "happiness" while she didn't deliver on anything she ever promised in return. I was told constantly that I didn't help enough with the kids (paid $3,000 a month in early childhood education to allow my wife to pursue her career goals), and that I didn't support her emotional needs (like her parents did). Forgave her for several instances of online affairs and bizarre behavior, depressive episodes. Never told anyone until she discarded me 2 years ago, kidnapped my 3 kids and claimed I was abusive and financially controlling. We had joint bank accounts and credit cards; never questioned her purchases, although she insisted we were a one car family, and of course she needed the car for work and the kids. In 20 years of marriage she never earned more than me in a single year, despite her having a graduate degree (which she obtained while I worked to pay for the house she asked me to buy). My oldest daughter just turned 13 and no one in my family, included myself, has been permitted to have any contact with her or her siblings in 2 years. Of course because she's a woman, she's automatically believed. Watching this video, I kind of cringe when she references the stereotypical male narcissist. The covert female narcissist is far more destructive to families, believe me. She destroyed my life and career, and my children's childhoods (hopefully not their futures).
Its hard to call them out because they can be helpful, giving, generous (especially with advice) and they love to save others. Its the motivation that differs between them and the person who is a normal giver. In order to really figure them out, you have to live with them for a long time so you can see the 'other' person inside or hiding underneath.
Then you will live in their world... what about yours?
@@jennyhernandez6297 I would not live with them on purpose in order to understand them, but if you do, then things become clear after the fact.
Married a narcissist, and didn’t know such a person existed until I ended my marriage & did research.
Me too
Me too
Me too for 14 years couldn't wrap my head around with what was wrong. All these years I thought there was something wrong with me. I started working on my self. Self development self awareness etc I left being a better version of my self.
@@akazicool87 That's the point. These are twin flame relationships, here for our evolution.
I hope you have all experienced personal evolution for the adversity & wish you great love
LOL!!!
My father was definitely a narcissist. He never accepted responsibility or acknowledged his own behavior. Absolutely no self-awareness.
i am suffering w/such a man. 19 years.
kristy barnes please find freedom! It’s possible, don’t sell your soul.
Oh no, he is aware but only cares about himself.
Reggie Cyde Paid the cost to be the boss because he had sex that resulted in a child? Doing something billions have done and will continue to do doesn’t absolve anyone of accountability for their own actions.
Mine too
I’ve dated a narcissist, for 8 long years. I left several times through the years and was “hovered” and “love bombed” and would always go back. Until one day I came across Dr. Ramani and watched her videos. It all started making sense, it’s like she said in this video you feel sick for so long and tired but you’re not sure why until someone like her makes it make sense. Dr. Ramani completely saved and changed my life and I am forever greatful for her. I’ve been away from this narcissist for 3 years now and I’ve never been happier! Hats off to you, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for everything you do! ❤️🙏🏼❤️
7 years for me.
Stay strong Heather
I was married to a narcissist, trauma bonds kept me hoping and wishing things would get better. It never improved
just got out of a 5 year thing where i learned our bond was a trauma bond
I dated a narcissist for 4 months and when I felt like I was loosing my mind. I came across your video on how to recognize the signs and left with out contact. That was the most frustrating, frightening and unsettling relationship I’ve ever been in. Now I feel like I dodged a bullet. Thank you so much for all you do.
Hope you are doing well😊
Good for u!!! ❤
Give some examples of that person's narcissism? To better help the rest of Us understand the patterns
it's sad, in reality I was just excluded from ANY human contact in this town for years, and this made me completely vulnerable to attacs of other people.......
that is in reality the sad thing, I have been gaslighted and manipulated, because I never got the cahnce to meet anybody else EVER...... due to professional situation........ Otherwise I would've had other contacts, other opportunities to meet people etc, like this regardless what I do I remain their "puppet"
1-3% is a complete underestimation. It is way more prevalent than what is being reported.
George Dominique I believe the reason why only 1-3% is being reported is because majority of narcissists aren’t self aware they are even a narcissist. I am with a woman now that was previously with a narcissist and I hear these horror stories of how he treated her but she actually has the same characteristics as he did. So she isn’t self aware she is even narcissistic
As a sample for stats...out od her last hundred new patients...how many would be narc...and how many would she feel comfortable saying is under distress from a narc in thier lives.
Truth be told. They are not just liars, abusers, manipulators, criminals, cheaters. They are also very delusional, identity crisis and disorder, psychotic
Ikr!!!!!
George Dominique 1-3% is for those with NPD, not for those that exhibit narcissistic tendencies.
Been with a narcissist, and the devaluation and discard phases have been one of the most confusing and hurtful parts of my life so far
Get out. It gets worse with time.⏰
She mentioned Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde. That's what I've been thinking about my father for decades. So two-faced it's like two different people, the charmer and the executioner. I see them as his war wounds he inherited.
That's exactly how I described my husband for many years. The mental and emotional torment is indescribable.
Mine too. Mine is so mean and then just when you think he's being nice I'll smile and you think he's going to say something kind and he'll completely hurt you I have spent 60 something years and he's finally ignoring me he's had it with me and it's wonderful he's 93..
@@elainelingenfelter6140 That's crazy. Your entire marriage was painful.
I BELIEVE YOU. You are not alone. Blessings and healing to you.
@@elainelingenfelter6140 I am very sorry you spent your life with this SICK BEHAVIOR. I believe you. If you can. LEAVE. IF NOT🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ secrets in the sauce SISTER. GODSPEED
I was raised by a narcissist father and ended up attracting partners who were narcissist. I have had to go through healing and therapies to help myself.
same here Fathima.. raised by a narcissistic mother..
Same.
Raised by two narcissistic parents and now my little sister is a scary narcissist. I had to leave and move away to even get a shot at a healthy life.
@Anton Boludo not necessarily unfit Anton. . Depends. . Not all narcissists are the same.. my mom had a very unhappy childhood with a lot of emotional abuse where as my husband is a narcissistic spoiled brat. . My mom, in her ignorance tried her best to raise me and my siblings well..
shame that's so sad my heart goes out to you! i too lived with one & it is hell on earth because everything is your fault always - they are never the problem they are never at fault - it's always YOU
Married to a Narcissist for 35 years, almost killed me. He was devaluing, demeaning and a pathological liar. I left him and will never look back!
I'm happy for you!
@Reggie Cyde It easily can be
Me,too...same length of time but him being a "covert narcissist", he did all those things too, just so passive aggressively because he is such a "nice guy" so everything wrong in our failed relationship had to be my fault ,right? Still has everyone snowed....The lying is out of control, the gaslighting is crazy making.. I will be in an early grave unless I can escape soon...
Reggie Cyde actually narcissistic relationships are 10x harder to leave. For multiple reasons. My longest relationship was with a narcissist, not because it ‘wasn’t that bad’, but because he manipulated me into believing I couldn’t leave and would die alone without him. And it took years to finally snap out of it with support from the very people he had tried to isolate me from.
@Reggie Cyde she might have had reasons to stay
I’m slowly starting to get my life back after I realized that my sister was a narcissist. It’s been the biggest heart break of my life. I will miss her for ever 😔
I think my sister is, and I’ve no idea how to deal with that. She lives with me.
My sister in a Vulnerable narcissist. She’s a lazy slob, always right and never wrong no matter how clear it is that most of the time she make mistakes. It’s sooo hard to spot because she seems to be a simple, polite introvert and I’m a party girl extrovert. But in reality, I am the one who has a genuine heart, always fighting for fairness and very sweet and loving. The hardest part is the societal ignorance. People won’t believe you specially if they seem to be a nice person in the outside world. It took me years to see her for who she really is. I just can’t wait to move out! I’m rooting for all of us! 🙏♥️
You and me both. I kept hoping she'd mellow out (she got worse). I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. Nope.
Sometimes the best thing to do, is love someone from a far.
@@HannahBanana_XO but my little sister is just way too young yet to be but ever since she is in 4thstd, she never helped me ever or shown me any empathy, children can pick up from their around environmental like my from my covert narcissists mother, yet I didn't give up on my sister lover her unconditional but for a narc covert it was never felt and she kept her usual game and triangulating us, so now I do understand now, why my every plan to move forward in life and having goals & success was backfired,I was just all alone with no father, no brother and it was just the covert narcissist mom with narcissist siblings, narcissist ex father, I stood with my mom against my narcissist mom,yet my mom destroyed me in such a way, that it is all impossible to repair, all my human hopes,love,care,self-esteem for such a selfish family, I went from 8th wonder of the world to no wonder,by encountering such utterly rubbish relatives and their family dynamics from both side, my family, my covert mom's family, they all sided me like I don't exist at all for anyone, I came to the conclusion now about my little sister that even though she had no one to go to and selfish father abandoned her & us so little, and she only had somewhat covert mom and yet there wasn't much exposure to her to good development life yet I feel like, now they have abandoned me all alone, but if she ever stays or interact, I will consider her as yet to be a personality development,so that there's no conflict inside my conscience, about my true nature for her to love and care 😭😪😔 as my middle narcissist sister controls her,and my narcissist mother as well, and they ignore and deny it my worth,existence,love,empathy completely!
My parents are narcissists and they passed that trait on to me and my siblings. Dr. Ramani is correct that getting beyond NPD is quite painful. I recognized and adjusted my behavior without any assistance from a medical professional. I still have the narcissistic thought patterns, but recognize how acting on those thoughts are NOT in my best interest.
As a narcissist in remission, I don't often spend time with people. When I am with people, I have to mask my NPD. This frequently leads to physical pain and illness if I have to leave the mask on too long. (Migraines, back aches, stomach aches, etc)
However, if I want something from a person, I can be amazingly persuasive. I can love-bomb like no other. Except when I get what I want, that person ceases to exist for me. I worked in sales/ on commission. I love closing a deal for 2 reasons: 1.) money 2.) I can stop being nice to them.
I don't think you're a true narcissist. I a true narcissist would NEVER admit that there is ANYTHING wrong with them. At. All. Period. They truly believe they are without faults. Not to say you don't have some other personality disorder, but narcissist never "suffer" with there disorder. That's a job for there enablers.
@@tarpon112 I disagree. It can be unlearned and you can recognize and adjust you behavior as they stated, but it's not likely and I imagine very rare.
@Ms Gen Xodus I have never been so understood as I did when I read your statement. I work in Sales too & am currently relapsing scrupulously planning to crush a weasel in my company who attempted to undercut me. They are covert but not intelligent enough to do simple things such as research. Part that sucks is I can’t escape my abusive ex husband who also has NPD & my only option is to move back in with the one who started it all. My mother… I am about to lose everything I own again. My ex is a powerful man. I feel backed up against a wall. I have to step on the weasels head. Keep my position at work & continue to save to escape. Feels like an ongoing cycle of shit. Sick of people until I get bored. Great thing is, I have an extremely high pain threshold & still usually always end up winning as most people are unaware even when they are narcs themselves. But when I get everything I want. I’ll get bored again. 🌀
@@kplchannel9027 Its lucky your narcissistic you'll be back on your feet in no time an empath would take years to rebuild. I'm narcissistic and have a great life. The only thing i lack is friendships, I have networks of people who im 'friendly' with but no true friends. I have two kids who I hope also will be narcissistic, this planet is made for narcissistic people. Kindness is OK once you have looked after yourself.
You guys need delivered
I married two different men who definitely were narcissists. I was married to the first one for ten years. He was a serial cheater. He went through jobs, quitting or getting fired was always someone else's fault. I next went in an eight year relationship, married for 3. I spent at least tens of thousands of dollars building his dream that I agreed to make my own. I worked until it broke my health. I have now been married to my third husband for 23 years. He was my best friend for two years before we became romantically involved. I became disabled two years after we were married, for about the first five years I kept asking why he stayed with me when I no longer had anything to offer. His answer always has been "because I love you. I love who you are, our vows said in sickness and in health. This is truly till death do us part. We are more in love now than we were 23 years ago. We understand each other completely and know that together we can survive anything. There can be life after thinking you have given everything to a narsacist. All you need is someone who also gives.
Janet Scofield what a beautiful story ❤️ thank you for sharing! 😊
@@zxipex123 it seems 3 is a charm in these situations, take 2 failed to understand it
Thank you for sharing it, I’m glad you made it 🙏🏽 x
NPD individuals are always serial cheaters. My last The one I divorced a year ago has always cheated and will be a cheater until he dies. They do not stop.
Beautiful ❤️
Wife of 23 years is one. Stayed for my daughter, bc I couldnt leave her in that mess. She needed a clear, loving mind and defense. Shes 18 now and is ready to leave just to get away. Once shes left I have no reason to continue being mistreated in this relationship. Adios
Just left the narcissist!! Going through hell with the guilt!!
Thank you for staying.
Good luck
To whom shall I speak, and give warning, that they may hear? He that has ears to hear, let him hear.
Are you saved? Where will you go when you die? Heaven or hell?
The Gospel, which means the Good News is the news that God Almighty, the Creator came in the flesh as Jesus Christ to take away the sin of the world. The one God is a trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Son came and laid down his own life to save ours. His sacrifice on the cross paid the price for our redemption with his own blood. On the third day he rose from dead and offers the gift of salvation and forgiveness to those that repent and trust in him. Although God's creation was created perfect, having no death, sickness and disease, the creation became corrupted through Adam and Eve in them disobeying God. In this rebellion the creation became fallen through the curse of sin and mankind became separated from God. This world is fallen, but God offers reconciliation to him through his provision at the cross. Ultimately God will restore his creation to perfection when he returns but those that who reject his offer of redemption will remain condemned by their sins and go to hell.
John 1:1,14 KJV
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and THE WORD WAS GOD. [14] And THE WORD WAS MADE FLESH, and dwelt among us,
1 John 3:8 KJV
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Isaiah 9:6
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty GOD, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
John 1:10
He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and THE WORLD KNEW HIM NOT.
Dr Ramani is such a blessing exposing what this narcissism really is, because it truly is epidemic and its such a lonely battle for those suffering cause its always under the radar.
I grew up with my father being a narcissist I’ve just figured it out and I’m 25 years old he’s being playing with my emotions my whole life.
Exactly my situation, empathy towards you
Narcissists rarely get Into therapy but their partners/children do!
My mom is a narcissist and so was my first boyfriend. I got help from a therapist and got WOKE! 👀😮
I left him... and I have low contact with my mother. The happy ending.... I’ve been married to a total gem for 20 years. Life is good.
u give me hope!
corsican lulu 💪🏽
So happy for you. Well done, breaking the cycle. Lots of love
Right on, girl! 💪🏻💐
My son is narcissistic and I his mother has been the punching bag. We had realized that he was always pushing our buttons and would get at me when I was alone. After suffering this abuse my husband and myself moved to another city and since all his comfort lifestyle was taken away, he stopped talking to us. It has hurt me since he is my only son however I have accepted it and after following Dr Ramini’s lectures it has opened our knowledge so much more. Thank you.
This is good for u, narcissist tend to hurt the person that they are most closest to which in this case it was u
You probably created him through emotional neglect and/or abuse.
This is an understanding I am coming to grips with: *I am a narcissist; self diagnosed; now how narcissistic is that!?* However, I am working on it diligently. Please pray for me and that prayer will come back to you...🙏🏽
I pray for you. How did you get to diagnose yourself? What was the thought process. How can i help my Narcissist gf self diagnose and realise and try to change her behavior. It is as though she convinces herself to be whom she is not (nice loving faithful). She is such a manipulator... im her empath but i figured it out within 1 event 6months in the relationship. Trying to speak with her... tried speak about her childhood but could not find anything besides a father who had a hidden daughter before marrying her mother who ingrained in her brain that all men are the same.
To me, you're a recovered narcissistic. You're aware but it may be that at times that awareness drops off a bit (fatigue etc)
My husband is a recovering narcissist. It is possible. He was saved by Christ and follows God, and God healed him from a lot. But he still has to work at it... and of course I pray for him all the time when I see those behaviors and attitudes creeping up..
Praying for you, I feel unhealed trauma is to blame possibly but just a feeling I get idk if that's true
I dun think u r truly a narcissist cuz u think urself is.mayb u were raised by one or have a long relationship with one that ur attitude was influence by them.i believe u just have toxic behavior bcuz a narcissist will nvr admit or think themselves as a narcissist.
coworker: i will say it like this....he doesn’t just wants to win...he wants everyone to lose
My ex used to rant about not winning but "getting even" which meant going way overboard and destroying the other lol
my current boss is same. his wife left him 25 years ago
My mother is a monster. 67 years.
I was married to a narcissist for 19 years. For the first 14 years I didn't even know anything about narcissism but I knew something was very wrong I just couldn't put my finger on it. Then the last 5 years of our marriage I discovered his double life and multiple affairs. I come from faith and I started to pray and ask God for clarity on what was happening in my marriage and with my husband. God guided me to information on Narcissism. I struggled with "should I stay or should I go? "
I knew I had to get out for the sake of my own mental well-being. I've been divorced for a year now and I'm emotionally happy and thriving
Very similiar to my story!! God is good! Romans 8:28
Iva Wood So happy for you that you found the strength to get out of that unhealthy and I presume toxic relationship.
Iva Wood Reading your comment and having experienced first hand 23 years of marriage to a covert narcissist absolutely breaks my heart I know what it is like to go through that living hell. I have been no contact now for three years and divorced for two. I learned a long time ago that if I need or want something from the LORD to extend my prayers beyond myself to others. I ask him to send healing, strength, comfort, and restoration not just to you but to every nation, every tongue and every kindred. I can't tell you how many of my prayers have been answered within minutes or even right on the spot praying like this so, please pray me as I will certainly be praying for you, GOD bless you and yours.
I can resonate with what your saying. In the beginning he was so charming and complimentary etc., the minute I said I do, he was critical and judgemental. His rages over the top and such immature behavior, just nuts. He’s walked out again but this time I’m getting the divorce. He had withheld live from me for the three years of him coming back and I just learned he’s been in another relationship. He’s a sick person and extremely cruel. How did you heal from this?
To whom shall I speak, and give warning, that they may hear? He that has ears to hear, let him hear.
Are you saved? Where will you go when you die? Heaven or hell?
The Gospel, which means the Good News is the news that God Almighty, the Creator came in the flesh as Jesus Christ to take away the sin of the world. The one God is a trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The Son came and laid down his own life to save ours. His sacrifice on the cross paid the price for our redemption with his own blood. On the third day he rose from dead and offers the gift of salvation and forgiveness to those that repent and trust in him. Although God's creation was created perfect, having no death, sickness and disease, the creation became corrupted through Adam and Eve in them disobeying God. In this rebellion the creation became fallen through the curse of sin and mankind became separated from God. This world is fallen, but God offers reconciliation to him through his provision at the cross. Ultimately God will restore his creation to perfection when he returns but those that who reject his offer of redemption will remain condemned by their sins and go to hell.
John 1:1,14 KJV
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and THE WORD WAS GOD. [14] And THE WORD WAS MADE FLESH, and dwelt among us,
1 John 3:8 KJV
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Isaiah 9:6
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty GOD, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
John 1:10
He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and THE WORLD KNEW HIM NOT.
My ex is an undiagnosed narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. These videos are very helpful for victims such as myself. Thank you 💕
I really appreciate this program on the Narcissist. I just got out of a relationship with a pathological narcissistic alcoholic in 2019. Sad thing is that I went right into relationship with another narcissist...only this time he was the “fragile” narcissist. I didn’t “see” the second one coming. Fewer Red Flags.
So when I say I appreciate your videos from MedCircle, I mean it from the bottom to my heart!!
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and every man I’ve been in a relationship with has been a sociopath or a narcissist. I’ve stopped dating. 😂
Elizabeth Terlindon , I’m in same boat. If my marriage doesn’t work I’ll probably be single. My son is adhd and even if I found right guy I don’t think I would pursue it. Just want to focus on being healthy and on helping my kids. I think I’ve given too much and now I don’t have anything to give left. These toxic relationships take so much energy , by time you fix reason you attract these situations , the little energy you have left goes into rebuilding yourself .
Amen I been stop before high school and I knew it would get bad
Find the nice dorky hard working guy. They can hurt you too emotionally but they will try to make up for it and have empathy
Yep, did that too. Married a narcissist myself.
Same!!
Was married to one. So kind and charming in the beginning but once we were married he became a control freak. Mean, cruel and ice cold. The marriage lasted 18 months but I only realised what he was once I educated myself. So grateful to be away from him.
I dated a narcissist for about a year. The periods of ghosting, the devaluation of my feelings, the abject lack of support and empathy was staggering--still a seemingly charming person on the surface. The friends of my ex- learned a GREAT deal about their friend once we broke up. She did NOT like the fact that I was still friends with them and even accused THEM of betraying her trust. When I talked about narcissism with them--not in an attempt to gaslight or blame her--they immediately saw through the "game."
Been dealing with narcissists ever since beginning of my life. 25 right now. Thank you soo much Dr Ramani :)
Yes, I think my mother is a narcissist. Took me over 30 years to realize that, but now that I am not in contact with her anymore, my life is way way better and less stressful.
Made by Wera I feel this
I'm 49 and did not understand that my Mother is the classical Malignant Covert Narcissist until I was 47 lol, oh well. It's a very rough ride to say the least.
I did the same thing. I also disconnected from relatives since they were brought up by my grandma. Also from my half brothers. My father too and half sister from that side of family. No one is well. No one was close to me or showed any initiative. Sad but had to do it. I’ll see a therapist soon just to feel better with alll of this and for the sake of my own family.
Same here It has been 2 years for me with no contact. I feel like a new person ❤️ Wishing you love and happiness ❤️
Same, also 30 years for me before I saw it
My mother is a narcissist. I never realized it and never realized just how much she screwed me up till many years later. I limit my time with her as much as possible now.
Can you describe more about it? I want to know if there's some sense of severity of how narcissistic a person is because I think my mom is (showing a ton of symptoms)
Same here Sharon... it took me 40 years to figure it out... my husband is a narcissist and while learning about him I discovered that my mom fits the picture entirely and everything started to make sense for me... while my hubby is a narc with paranoid personality (and raised as spoiled brat), my mom is a narc with borderline personality ( opposite to my husband she grew up in neglect and abuse)...
@@wiljtrash Watch Dr Ramani's videos.. it would take too long in here for Sharon to start writing about it... it's an entire book of her life .. or mine.. or others who were raised or live with a narc...
Same
@@wiljtrash look for videos here on RUclips about narcissistic parents. Both of my parents were but my Mother was the worst of the two. Although Sam Vaknin is a self-proclaimed narcissist his videos on narcissism are like a treasure trove. He knows A LOT. He knows himself very well so he's good at his job! lol Look up his name on here. He taught me A LOT about the subject. Also, another GREAT teacher on learning about narcissism is Michele Lee Nieves. WOW do I LOVE that girl! Her youtube videos on narcissism are SPOT-ON! I especially liked her video on when the narcissist steals your identity and tries to become you and you begin to behave more like them. That one was great! Here is the link to check it out if you want. I love this girl! ruclips.net/video/SytFV-PtlAE/видео.html
Kyle and Dr. Ramani, if you are still counting count me. I am a 3 years younger sister to a brother with NPD. At 67 I have had a front row seat to this person who checked all the boxes. I figured out he was a narcissist many years ago, but your series helped me understand his impact on me personally. Growing up was hell but as an adult not living under the same roof with him I was able to become more of an observer. From your channel I have learned that I was setting boundaries and didn't know it. I called it "self preservation".
I am in a relationship and I love him so much and I am learning so much. Sending love to anyone that reads this. Just know you are so loved and I know there are someone that needs some positive loving energy
I always gravitated to narcissists because I am an enabler and an empath. At 56 years old, I finally run as fast as I can when the red flags go up! I’m done with them!
Thank you so much Dr. Aloha. Here is a permanent Solution to Eliminate Herpes 1 & 2, lupus, Acne, shingles and HPV and It's 100% money back guarantee. ruclips.net/channel/UC_YFEEZEr1BxGkNg1d4vqww 🇺🇸💗💚
My mother is a perfect example of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. It has destroyed our family. The pain is unending.
As you said, the pain is unending.
Yes the pain is unending. My narcissistic mother destroyed my family into pieces and because of her every one in my community talks about me. Even went to an extend to mock me and they say to each other, she’s bad to her own mother. They see me as a horrible, mean person. Been like that for 20 years. She acts all nice and tells people that she likes and cares for me so that they would feel sorry for her. But when I was home with her she made my live hell. I still remember it and developed emotional problems because of it. I live in soo much fear. But I am improving slowly since she is out of my live.
Same here,it completely destroyed my life,I haven't had much of a life
@@hodan1962 Sounds like your Cluster-B "mother" was employing a common narcissistic trait, Jekyll and Hyde tactics. You were *very wise* to cut this individual out of your life.
My mother has ruined relationships with my sibling as well. I know this sounds horrible, but I have this feeling that my siblings and I will get along once she passes away.
I think I was in a fling with a person with NPD (not just narcissism) for 2 months and haven't recovered 2 years later. This video series changed my life. Thank you ❤️
Married to one 20 years. When I (instinctively) "grey rocked" him, he left me fir another. Thank God. If I had know more about narcissistic personality disorder, I might have saved alot of heartache. Lesson learned💞
That royal blue is WORKING for you Dr. Ramani 💙💙💙
My pen is Royal Blue. It's my favorite.
she's such a beautiful and wise woman!
I'd say more of a cobalt blue
She looks beautiful in those vibrant colors!
This lady is the greatest expert on this subject. Very well done!
If this lady is the greatest expert, then who are you to judge that, and her?
Richard Grannon, Sam Vaknin, PC Racamier (who identified the disorder), Nazare Aga, JC Bouchoux, Philippe Vergnes etc... Dr Ramani is pretty cool.
Check out Peace and Harmony on RUclips. She gets it.
She's good but Sam Vaknin!!! and he has even now come up with new developments that makes so much sense as I've also dealt with a toxic and emotionally abusive/unaware/insensitive narc. Sam's videos were the first videos that detailed the exact experiences I was dealing with at the time and how to treat with it and eventually leave. I've realised that the narc I dealt with did suffer extreme trauma (his mother was murdered and he himself was a golden child and very intelligent, charming and good looking, polished) but when it came to dealing with adult issues he would revert to a child like/teenager state, which coincides with the age he was when his mother was murdered. It is almost as if his mind cannot think beyond and as if his development was arrested, so he is still to this day, unable to deal with personal issues. External issues he is able to handle like an adult, absolutely, but his own decisions, responsibilities and being accountable for his own actions... it is very immature and VERY predictable! Sam has also recently spoken on this arrested development and treating narcissism as a trauma/post traumatic injury and not just a personality disorder.
18QueenHearts Sam Vaknin is great but dr Ramani makes things more understandable and more relatable. Get what I mean?
I have no doubt whatsoever that my partner of 45 years has narcissistic personality disorder. It explains everything. I am so grateful for your work in bringing this to light and helping families talk about it and make informed decisions. Through the years I have realized his family of origin suffered in silence the abuse of his father. Even to this day I think they would deny he had a serious mental illness. It is a long and painful road to travel.
Recently broke up with a girl who I always believed was narcissistic, but couldn't fullly makes sense of her. Watching these videos convinced me that my ex suffers from a serious Narcissistic personality disorder.
She broke it off with me without any thorough reason. She believed I couldn't ever say no to her. I grieved the relationship and desperately seeked closure.
I, no longer, seek closure. She's incapable of closure, honesty, or empathy. This series has been a real eye opener to me and has really helped me move on, feeling grateful. Dogded a bullet, literally. Thank you @Dr. Ramani
Father, mother, husband of 27 years. Working on exit plan.
I understand you. Don't take to long.
Kids?
Start practicing gray rock until then. Leave the house as much as you can. Go on walks, long walks, start working out, get a dog so you can walk it and leave the house. And the more you leave the house and the less you are around them watch how much better you'll feel and even look! Being around these people sucks your life force away. They're like soul force vampires or some shit.
me too. where to start!
I recently just left a friendship of 5 years who I believe is a narcissist. Had a tragic upbringing too which is why she probably is narcissistic. But not my problem anymore and I am free! The hardest part is telling yourself no matter what I do they won’t change. I made excuses for years why my friend treated me this way. All the horrible things she did to me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I bounced. I mentally clocked out.
My father. I was the scapegoat, Sister was the golden child. When I was in therapy after his suicide, I found out that there is such a thing as complicated grieving. It was then that my therapist said “I can’t diagnose him because he isn’t present, but it does sound like a very accurate description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” She gave me a book and HOLY MOLY; HE WAS ALL OF IT!!!
It was about 2 sessions after that, that I was diagnosed with PTSD, which I thought only happened to people whom come from war or a crime scene. Since then flood gates have opened up with info like you wouldn’t believe!
Look into c-ptsd. It's the complex PTSD that isn't associated with a single trauma but rather a series hence complex. In my case a narcissistic mother set me up for a narcissistic wife that created a narcissistic daughter. Talk about a living hell.
Stay strong!!
Stephanie Robertson Brown CPTSD. It’s basically PTSD from childhood abuse. I have it too
Sorry you had to experience all of it, but at least he’s no longer in your life and you can start to heal
@Starscream91 Life is not star wars and people are not inferior. Some are not nice people, though, and should be avoided.
If you are genuine in your questions than search narcissism here on RUclips and watch a few hours of it so that you have a basic understanding. On the other hand, if you are our enemy, know that someone will see you for what you really are and sound the alarm.
Cheers!
@Starscream91 you know nada about me but I am seeing your comments towards others. Speaks volumes. You are aggressive and defensive when you the one being offensive. You have already cursed at someone, without any reason other than you do not agree with her statement. Yes, you are certainly looking like an enemy.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. Last one month I am watching your videos. After watching your videos I am right now mentally so strong ever before and I relief 100 tons of stone from my head which I was carrying last 3 years. My daily dose is at least one hour of your videos and gym. I feel free and refresh.
Thank you so much just for having these resources available. Sometimes I feel so gaslit I cant keep my head on straight. This video really puts my boundaries into context. THANK YOU!!
My mother is a narcissist. It took me 23 years, but I’ve finally cut her out of my life completely.
Megan Cara what if u were the narc
God bless you🙏
my dad is a narcissit i didn’t realize what narcissim was until i was 26
Eish l hear you, my mom is also and l am not strong enough to cut her out,l keep forgiving her and try to make her happy although she never acknowledges anything l do and its painful
I will do the exact same thing one day. Perfect decision.
Yes, I married a pathological narcissist in 1985. I didn't know anything about narcissism; but I learned, maybe a bit too late. But I learned. And because suicide or homicide wasn't an option for me, I divorced him, beginning in 1998. During that 2 year process, I learned firsthand about narcissist rage. Terrifying. Thank God for wise counselors, family and friends who supported me and my kids through it all. I found my voice. I now have a better life. I have good relationships with my grown kids. Unless you are a trained psychologist, stay away from pathological narcissists!
I was married to a Narcissist. We knew each other since high school and liked each other. Fast fwd to 5 yrs ago, we dated for 7 months before getting married. Total Narc! I never even heard the word before leaving him. My friend sent me a video 3 years ago and Im still learning everything I can to ensure that never happens to me again. Like my friend tried to warn me when we were dating, "He's not the same person he was in high school! Well, she was 100% right!!! I got out and am living the best life ever being single... I adore Dr. Ramani, she's amazing! Thank ya'll for educating us about the sick Narcissist, may I never have anything to do with one again!
I’ve just discovered that the man my mom married (at 70, and he was 59) is a narcissist. He’s been annoying for 6 years, and I’ve suspected he has a personality disorder, but only in the past two months have I clearly realized he has NPD. And he’s in control of my mom, who just had a stroke. She thinks they have the love of a lifetime. However, he only truly loves himself. All 5 of us in her family, and a bunch of her friends. He has zero friends and none of his family talks to him. I’m stressed out of my mind, and I think my blood pressure has never been worse. Thank you for your videos. I need to arm myself with knowledge so I can get through this without him slowly killing me! Thank you!
Married to one for 29 years! I nearly lost my mind as I was the sole person upon whom he worked his destructive magic. Not many people, including family, believe you when your narcissist is covert. I moved out and onward after 23 years and with the help of some very aware therapists. He-- is now busy continuing his practice on his 2nd wife. I wish I could be a friend to her, but it's not worth the discomfort of being in his presence again. Not ever again.
She has a very strong clue in that his first marriage lasted almost 30 years meaning she will have to come face to face with his lies about why it disintegrated.
I am so glad you have gotten away from your narcissistic husband and have begun your healing process. My x-husband is practicing his "destructive magic" on his 3rd wife. Interestingly enough, my x always chose very young wives. His first wife was 15 and he was an adult when they started a relationship. I was 8 years younger than him. His current wife was 19 when they started dating and he was almost 50 years old.
Linda Carraway. For sure. Stay away. You don't need to start feeling crazy again. From emotional & verbal abuse to physical abuse. And even though my ex fathered our four amazing children (which he barely acknowledges), I have stopped trying to even be in his presence. Stay well. Namaste
We make the mistake of thinking they can’t be a narcissist only to their spouse. It’s simply not true, mine reserved all of his destructive rage just for me.
Suzanne Thompson. It's also that Jekyll-Hyde behavior that is so confusing. The 'second hand smoke' to be sure. Take Care. Namaste
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and became a very empathic codependent. After six years in a romantic relationship with a man I thought I would marry, I discovered that he is a covert narcissist. I immediately left him and went no contact. At the same time and realizing my vulnerability, my cluster b type boss decided to show her true self. I was being ambushed by this sick individual on a daily basis. My psychological and physical health deteriorated to the point of having to take a medical leave of absence or completely implode. I’m currently undergoing intensive outpatient treatment for complex PTSD. The symptoms are excruciating. You teeter between being numb and then feeling as though your soul has literally been gutted. Devastating and raw.
Yes. I liken it to being dragged backwards through Hell...........
Yesssss😔
I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I hope things get better for you. 🌼
we survived and transformed. It was necessary for us to recognize our codependent behavior. It makes it hard for me to hate that I was married to a covert narc for 14 years. It was painful. Excruciating. My self-harm almost killed me. I am 41. I still struggle.
@Beth Pleasants and @Rachel M, I am so sorry. Sending love. I can relate.. you both used the word 'excruciating', and unfortunately that is how I'd describe it as well.
oh my dear I am living with a Narcissist .it is become so toxic. but society does not see it..Wonderful to hear such discussion. please continue it as you are helping a large no of men who are Narcissist. it is destroying lives .
My sister and believe me, it has been a nightmare with her ALL my life. I’m 71 and she is 74. I never knew why or how she was this way until about two years ago. Knowing what this is has been a game - changer. Now I understand ! Thank you!
My mother is a covert/toxic narcissist she provokes fights with my sisters and I but she will call us disrespectful when we defend ourselves. I can't relate to anyone who has a good and healthy relationship with their mothers. My mother would buy my sisters and I food/gifts we didn't necessarily need and brag and complain about what she did for us. Narcissist bring up the same issues during every debate you have with them. My mother didn't let my sisters and I work as teenagers she wanted us to live off of social welfare so at twenty-six years old I have to rebuild my life. Relationships with toxic people are NOT worth mending.The environment you grew up in can influence your behavior, if you're not careful you can pick up narcissistic traits. You have the power to change this toxic pattern of thinking, action and behavior.
@@Sercanto Truth be told at the age of twelve I understand that I will never have a healthy relationship with my mother.
@@Sercanto if you had a bad day give yourself all the love and support your mother could never give you.
@@Sercanto My advice to you is work on the relationship you have with yourself, complete some inner child healing mine took me four years and eight months to complete so be patient with yourself.
@@Sercanto I'm in a similar position sadly
I am sorry you have dealt with this. My mother is 84 and still enjoys hurting me and bearing false witness against me. I will keep you in my prayers.
I was married to one and worked with one. The pain that they cause its out of this world.
Believe me I know!
Absolutely!! Fell for a narcissist and it was the hardest thing to deal with. Still coming out of it now but to know it’s a problem they have is a big help.
I was with a narcissist for 30 years and until a year ago I didnt know. This man caused so much damage!! He told everyone I was crazy etc..
I am very aware now and I'm living in my own place. This was of course all based on very cruel lies. A couple of months ago I saw one of ir shows why they stay 21 yrs old and never grow. He has never acknowledged, taken responsibility or apologized for anything. Now I understand that actually keeps them from learning growing an maturing. It makes so much sense. TY
I feel like I’ve turned into the narcissist after being around a narcissist
That's actually a really normal thing for people who have been with narcissists. As long as you work heal to from the trauma they caused you it'll go away in time. A true narcissist would never acknowledge their narcissistic traits
Try looking up "narcissistic fleas"
My brother! He's both paranoid and has Narcassistic personality disorder.
The paranoia came years later. Not sure why or even if the paranoia is real. Mostly we think he is faking it.
He gets depressed because he says he is lonely, yet he's just not very nice to people, so no surprise there hey??
@@anomometer191 💯👏
@@LeeLee-qi8gl when your brother is nice to people, his depression will cease 🙏
My ex boyfriend was so narcissistic. It all makes sense now that I know about it--the lovebombing, the devaluing, the gaslighting, the crazy arguing in circles. I'm so glad it only took me less than a year to figure it out and escape. The recovery is surprisingly long, however. It takes a while to heal when they really know where to hit you.
Theresa Johnston +1. This right here girl. This. Right. Here.
The recovery is indeed long but so worth it.
It took me 18mths to recover from a 2 year non live in relationship with a Narc.
The "while to heal" comes from trauma bonding. Check into it and the light bulb will come on...
Theresa Johnston I had the same experience
My father is definitely one. Never knew there was a word for it, I just thought he was difficult. Gaslighting is his favorite thing.
Mother - from listening to another interview of yours - I think she is a Covert Narcissist - very crafty. When you said Jekyl and Hyde in this video - I've said that for years. I have a masters in Psych and am very good at coaching people to a better life. And I am finally waking up now more and more fully - to - "I'm not crazy" - "I'm truly was not and am not crazy". It was crazy making - always being the one 'at fault'. Sharing that she has said whatever to me and being confronted with complete denial and avoidance. Speaking up and having her just stop talking and then 'not remember' and deny our conversation. etc, etc, etc.... No way to collaborate, change, evolve, make a difference. She could 'agree' for the moment and then actions were as if nothing had happened. I finally said respectfully - No More and wished her well. My best to everyone... and As I Do - I've rebuilt my body and my life three times --- how can this learning be of greater value than any 'cost' and use it to make a bigger difference.
Absolutely.. ..my exhusband was a narcissist and made my life a living hell....I came thru it with Gods guidance and grace ❤❤❤❤
such a nice fictional story can change our lives.
@PollasEnVinagre unbelievable how people are now a days....God bless you and may He guide you in this turbulent times....Amen!!!! He lives!!!!
@PollasEnVinagre /that looks like a comment from a narcissist.
@@roxwashington Amen!!!
if only god guided you before you became involved with this awfull person etc, etc.
My mother is a malignant covert narcissist that destroyed our family and alienated us siblings from one another.
Same 😞
Both of my parents did this. Very sad. I don't have a relationship with anyone in my immediate family. Too toxic!!
I am so sorry we had to go through this. I can now have compassion for the siblings who still worship in the cult of mom. So sad.
SAME THING HERE!
J Sal Would appreciate if you would elaborate a little bit on this. What were the behaviors and how did it alienate you from other people?
Greatly Valuable, two words that tell all about this piece. Save this as a favorite, it's a guide with good counsel
I love this Dr and her talks are so easy to understand.
I've been married to one for 23 years and am finally trying to get out because of your show I have found Myself again. I never knew!
Kal hu aeplicesn ksari aazro maro bh masno labh litho ne maro video pote rakhi litho mne teno smss aaviyo gto thodivar thya kik hoy ti jan karje mar bharthi chho smji pachii tene jvab deje aagr mentioned m up temate hmaza na pan mari help ok 6 savar padta de ne pachhi jo
Rhonda Burkett me too!
@Reggie Cyde gtfo these videos
Still getting over leaving a narcissist. When he had me he was unempathic, intolerant, impatient and dismissive, now that he doesn't have me, he is so seductive and charming...and I am not going there. Tough though because I am forced to let go of my fantasy safety net...but it was just a fantasy....he knew that, and hooked me in, and is still trying to. I am having to stay sooo strong right now. Dr Ramani is sooooo ON it!!!
Penny Sharland stay strong. Be your own safety net. Build your own beautiful life and surround yourself with beautiful people to share it with.j💛
I'm going through the same rn, he calls me many times a day trying to get me back. I learned to turn my hopes off and heart out of it. He also hates me trying to tell him he's a narcissist, he won't even hear it.
Stay focused. Just remember those initial tears when you just have a fight, and realise that he will never change. They're like a different species almost sometimes.
How long was the relationship?
@@RiverofLife95 block his number. He's not going to listen. Give up the wish that it could be different. Be good to yourself, you are worth it! You are allowed to have a happy healthy relationship with another person! Pulling for you!
Dr. Ramani has been very insightful and I've followed this series all-through. I admit that I have been with a narcissit and they have done a good one one me
My grandmother was an overt narcissist and my sister, my brother, and I all ended up marrying a narcissist. Of course, I just discovered this after someone on Facebook told me that I was living in an abusive relationship. I need to learn as much as I can so that my three daughters do not end up in this hellhole! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
I had a narcissistic partner. He gaslighted me, he "lovingly" listed my physical flaws and said he loved me anyway in spite of them, he demanded that I be the person he wanted me to be, he lied, he cheated, he was dishonest, and at the same time he was very sweet. It took me years to recover my self esteem and establish a caring relationship and to realize that actions spoke more than words.
One way of knowing you've 'gotten through it' is when it crosses your mind with a bit of resonance, that they will likely Never have a deeply-connected, abiding love in their life that works out (something they desperately want even if secretly) ... and you feel sorry for them for that, but you're not thinking about them a lot anymore -- that's when I knew I was through it; survived it to thrive once again. 🌷
ikr.. these people are a metastasizing mental illness..
This sounds familiar- they decide you're not good enough but then make out they are doing you a favour by accepting you.
narc sweetness is a killer
@@bluemandarin701 I am the second x who hes convinced others was nuts and last time I was the one waiting in the wings and not on the divorce paperwork even though I was living there just like his girl now..
Married to a narcissist for 15 years. Emotionally abusive, manipulative to control. I was discarded immediately after I figured out that he was a narcissist.
@Sheila Mchgee Thank you! I will!
Ditto!
@Sheila Mchgee
People Of The Lie by Scott Peck? I'll check him out.
@@jbak87 While reading, ask yourself if you'd want him as a therapist in light of the things he has to say about his clients and his moral rigidity.
@@nerdyali4154
Really? I don't know about anything controversial about him. I've yet to check him out. Will do.
Talkin to friends n family bout my wife has blown me away! They all had a sense something wasnt right ,so now im here
Thank you for your truth. I'm a victim of several narcissists, male and female. Started later around late 50's. I know who they are. 1 sibling, an ex-relative and other(s). I find jealously, envy and wrath as 3 projections they predominately use. Gaslighting and breadcrumbing are popular vehicles for them, also. I see a doctor and say a lot of prayers. Taking care of myself and staying positive help much. Your teaching is spot-on. Thank you.
9:17 You know they’re going to be mean and then they’re going to be nice.”
Yesss!!
Yes yes
EMPTY AND INSECURE describes a Narcissistic Personality Disordered person accurately.
Yes, but also a codependent imo
Irene Madrid .... after peeling back the layers of my ex narcissist girlfriend.... I saw her almost childlike (fearful and insecure)....totally opposite from her exterior persona ....
I agreed, married to a narcisits for 30, I asked her a couple of times, in one of our endless fights because of her intolerance to everything and anything, so I asked her "what in life would make you ever happy!"...... She did not answer, she looked at me as I was talking in another language.
@Quiche Lorraine amen
Quiche Lorraine So someone who has a disorder is evil? Wow just wow.
This was excellent information. I’m pretty certain I’m dealing with someone who’s been in my life for at least 20 years that is showing signs of NPD. He’s one of those that would never admit it.
Recently and briefly dated a narcissist, classic signs. When I wanted to leave, wouldn’t take “no” for an answer, said everything under the sun to get me to hold and as SOON as I gave them a chance to prove themselves they took it as an opportunity to covertly discard me and move onto someone else, only to get the “upper hand” emotionally and make me feel like I was obsessed with them after disappearing with no real explain or clarity.
The frustrating thing is I saw everything CLEARLY upfront and it makes me so angry and hurt that I still fell for it.
Came from a narcissistic family dynamic and had a horrible experience with a truly evil narcissist very young.
Crazy how you can know better, and still fall for it. Makes you feel horrible. And they don’t care except to have the “upper hand”. I take solace in knowing they’ll never have what beautiful reflection drew me in in the first place…my soul. Or any sense of true self/love.
My stepfather. My stepmothers. My first love. My second boyfriend. My third boyfriend. My ex husband. I just recently bolted from the worst one...wow was he good. Academy award winning performance!!! Tragically, I do not think I've ever been loved by anyone I was in love with.
Hugs for you, I have had that kind of relationship too. It's so lonely and stressful. I just felt better without the stress and I had to stop having those kinds of things in my life. It's just that narcissists can be so charming, lovely and may be totally unaware of the impact of their actions toward others. One of my exes, who can be extremely lovely and was very successful, got away with so much for so long, because people wanted to be around him. He could be so delightful and fun. But there was a dark side after the honeymoon phase with people, and ultimately it drove everyone away from him. I still ponder it because I really did love him, but to this day (I sometimes email his sister who I liked) he has not ever accepted even partial blame for any of his problems. I saw him treat so many people badly and tried to talk to him about it over the years. He always just came back with attacks on his latest conquest....people would meet him, fall in love, get hooked, and then the honeymoon would end and he would start playing with emotions and becoming critical. It's like he was two different people. I still wonder how we could have had such good times but ultimately there was no trust. No trust, good times always turn bad. It was an important lesson to me. Be sure to take time for yourself to reflect, or write, it helps to process the events.
I realized after I learned about narcissism that I was surrounded by them. I have weeded them out one by one, but I still fear getting involved with another one. Bottom line... you are a target, you are food ... if it seems too good to be true, you are likely with a Narc.
CantWeAll JustGetAlong I love your moniker 😊 My life story sounds like yours. I’m sorry for you.
RavenStealstheNight yes!!!
Raise your vibration. Are you an Empath?
I was in a brief relationship with a narcissist or borderline personality disordered person. She was a nightmare. Very charming people, until they're not.
Roger Parks there is a day and night difference between npd and bpd. Npd at its core is an inability to feel empathy, they don’t have the capacity to have feeling for others, they see them as prey to use for their own purposes, they’re predators. Bpd is a reaction to deep childhood trauma often caused by a parent with npd. Those who have bpd which is going to be re labeled “emotional regulation disorder” is at its core the opposite of npd- the person suffered deep trauma from another in childhood, as a result they have symptoms of trauma- including a lot of difficulty regulating their emotions- they are not predatory and are typically quite empathetic by nature, often times put themselves down as opposed to narcissists who put other people down
@@ladybug947
thank you for explaining. and can one be both?
yes
My EX in-laws were all Narcs....it was a nightmare..
Fortunately I didn't spend enough time with her to fully work out her many Phsycological problems. They were many. She heard voices, many delusions, on and on.
I’ve had to deal with a Covert Triangulating narcissist with psychopathic and psychotic tendencies and definitely bi-polar all my life.
The damage they do to their own blood, as well as others, and supposed friends, is shocking. Lots of families go through this and it does damage to a lot of kids, later in life. They also continue being this way and doing and saying the things they do and get away with, for decades and into old age, maybe because of lack of mental health help, early on in their lives. But the longer they continue to look at others well being as being inferior to their own, they will continue their ways until their final day. Ending those days, with barely enough friends to count on one hand at their funeral. Sad but true. Soz for rant. All spoken through experience.
You have helped me after living for 30 years I came to know that how dangerous it's to live with a NARC
Yes, being in a relationship with a Narcissistic person is fatal. There is no doubt in my mind!
I agree. He almost killed me
and if they r family then its worse.
Carol Shepherd it is completely true. After nearly 45 years with things getting worse and worse and worse so my health became worse and worse and worse. As he became older and far far worse ( only behind closed doors or unseen by others) my health became to the point where have anxiety disorder and all other mental health issues. I have gotten to the point several times where I have considered that death would be easier. When I go to bed at night all I hear is all the false accusations etc and I have to fill myself with medication to sleep and then I have trouble functioning the next day and then I am lazy and useless despite doing all in my power to do my work. I am seeing a therapist from time to time and in desperation I had several times turned to my daughter. I just found out a couple of weeks ago that she believes that it is all me and she hates me and blocked me. I am so shocked because I thought I knew her better than that even though the person causing the problems was ringing her several times a week laughing and joking and showing what a wonderful person they are. I was not trying to make trouble between them because I am totally aware that I could never ever come between them. I was just desperate for someone to talk to who cared about me and would keep it totally quiet. Now after what was said to me and the accusations made I can’t see a way to fix that either. The cunning, the manipulations, the lies, the public display verses the viscous attacks you begin to believe that you are going mad and I know who I am and would have considered myself on a core level strong once though shy inside of me and hate confrontations . When I hear the car leave for work I finally relax and sleep after taking multiple sleeping aids.
Carol Shepherd This happened to me
@@brigidmahon352 you need to get out now. You have to save yourself. No matter how late in the game there is a thing called self-preservation. Good luck sugar I hope you find peace and happiness.
My father is a narcissist. By far the lowest time of my life is when I was living with him. Everytime I see something in another person that even reminds me of him I get flashbacks. Hopefully I'll learn to trust people again someday
I have had a relationship with several narcissist. One I know that was actually diagnosed. Now I've been watching videos like this i can look back and identify them. I can see the traits in myself as well.
This is a great video. I let go of a friendship after 10 yrs because of narcissism. Constant lying, arrogance, taking advantage of people and alcoholism.
My sister. She really brought a lot of pain in my life. I had to put camera and microphone in the house to defend myself from her lies
That's awful
I mean awful for you to be in that situation
I'm struggling badly with a narcissistic sister as well, and I've been thinking of doing that.
I just broke up with a Narcissistic person. Hands down all the traits.
Ugh.. same. It was a complete nightmare.
Me too. Still torn to shreds over it after a month and it was only a short term thing. Ugh.
How did you stay away?
@@ericawhite9916 It's been a lot of sheer willpower for me. I just decided that I will no longer be a doormat, and I will not tolerate abuse or disrespect. Rebuilding my support network so I have people I can go to in moments of weakness who'll remind me of all the reasons to stay away. Rebuilding my "self" - working out, taking care of my body, eating what I want the way I want, following my own interests the way that I like. It's not been easy at all but it's slowly getting easier. Hang in there! ❤️
Me too. One in 2018. One 2021.
I really appreciate this Platform. I am currently severely struggling with the effects of being with someone who I believe suffering from narcissism. It has rove me nearly insane.
I dated a narcissist for 2-3years. I just ended last week. But I've been watching your videos for about a month. You helped me out a lot. Thanks
So many in my life, starting with my step mother, and her off spring! I'm 64 now and single, live alone and love it!
Tom Pasco my ex step mom was like this too. 27 years old and still trying to deal. No contact doesn’t work, she pops up calling from random numbers, playing the victim
I was involved in two commercial vehicle accident Im paralyzed my wife is a narcissist I have trucking business she took all the money from the bank account and cancelled the insurance on my trucking business and left the commercial vehicle insurance is very expensive like $5,000 down my business has been cancelled for four months now I can't afford the insurance
My ex boyfriend is a narcissist. And this series & Dr. Ramani have been helping me heal so much from that abuse. Thank you MedCircle!
Deja Jazmyn good for you! I too am healing from the abuse I was exposed to from my ex-boyfriend, along with his adult son who lived with us. I wish you the best in your healing! 💛
Nicki Tusa thank you so much, I wish you the best in your healing as well ❤️
Interestingly I have had relations with a string of narcissists, from as a child to adulthood, including parents, friends, partners, and even bosses. I feel there are plenty of narcissists in the world, and, or narcississtic quality in people, probably stemming from their child hood upbringing. I too have caught myself being narcissistic, probably cause I was around it so much growing up, and correct myself when I do recognize this disorder, by connecting to the part of mysrlf that has feelings, and knows what is right and what is wrong, and treating the other as I wish to be treated. Sometimes, though, i wonder if I am behaving narcissisticly, or if I am just tired of people's bullshit...
Nikole Alice give yourself a little slack. If you research, narcissism actually has a spectrum and most people have narcissistic traits in the low to normal range (it is human nature) so it doesn’t necessarily mean you have NPD. A major differentiating factor is the ability to be empathetic. Those with NPD have absolutely no span for empathy. If you have ever done or said something and later regretted, felt remorse or genuinely apologized for it without benefitting from it, odds are you don’t have NPD. Own it and then forgive yourself for those moments. 😊
Thank you Nicki Tusa, your comment brought a sigh of relief as I know I have empathic qualities, yet still trying to figure out why im only hard on myself. Its a mystery. Anyhoo, all the best to you on your journey of healing 🍀❤🌠
I am just learning that someone dear to me to a Narcissist. I’m praying and hoping that I can learn to work through our issues and understand how to live with them.