Men Communicate Differently
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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“I feel bad for her. She’s gonna have to put up with you. But thank God I won’t have to anymore”
I can hear the smile.
Exactly! Until he comes back crying 😂
@@mythmakroxymore1670and its exactly the opposite on the inside.
"You got a girlfriend? Is she blind or do you pay her?"
@@Admiral-General_Aladeen "maybe deaf?"
Im proud of you
My friend: are you gay
Your friend is insecure and immature bro dont be taking his word
@@robertsmith-williams5255 it's a joke
No, just proud
I would be worried that my friend is terminally ill or setting me up for a prank
yeah
for you
“You got a girlfriend? You??” -my old manager
Still miss him lol he was a good character
AINT NO WAY
What this line does specifically is really cool. Because its kind of negative but it also means we're taking the next step and succeeding in something. That's how we all take it. Which is really weird that we can't even take that negatively. It's such a difference in attitude between genders.
@@juaecheverria0 He originally said it with a pat on the back and a smile, and he yelled to my coworkers. It really brightened up my day tbh, as I was a relatively new-hire
LMAOOO
I can hear my friend saying that to me lol
"About damn time. Thought you'd be single forever"
Exactly what I would say
That’s exactly what I would say.
i thought exactly this
“Thought you were switching teams there for a minute”😂
Yeah this is more it for me. Ironically Dr. K's actually feels a little too close to insult whereas this is the more wholesome messing around imo. I've been friends with both types and I guess when you know those people you know they don't mean it in a harsh way, but it still isn't as nice to hear as the "about damn time" line
"Finally you found someone who can tolerate you besides me"
That's such a mood for me, lol.
"Hey friend, I'm really proud of you and I'm proud that you've been able to find someone who sees the lovable qualities within you that I see. I'm proud that you found someone who treats you the way that I think you deserve to be treated." - Dr. K
I am going to put this into my best man’s speech at my best friend’s wedding whenever that happens
I will never trust any human being that say that
@@holoshrimpingwhy?
@@ijustlike0010bro has never heard a word of affection a day in his life 💀
Gay
"So what's his name?"
This one got tactical crouching involved
😂
Yup. "Poor guy"
Lmfao
Duuuuuuude but whenever you apply this and you hadn't heard you homie came out the closet so it IS a him, and you gotta pretend you negative positive affection thing was actually honest, but you kinda uncomfortable bc you think it was obvious what you meant...
now that's a mood
Or is it just me?
"Couldn't be me what a loser, imagine"
Then cries because he wants a cool girlfriend to bring him snacks too lol
@@AspienWaifu Cries? Which men do you know that are crying?
@@kylerBDon the inside
@@AspienWaifu Fr
@@kylerBDthe ones that are human and not AI generated
Me and my guys actually do speak more like the first instance when it's serious or we genuinely want to compliment each other. Idk if it's a generational thing or we're just more comfortable with that level of forwardness, but I appreciate the clarity it brings to our friendship. We still rag on each other, but very rarely and not often in ways that could be seen as outwardly insulting.
This now has me questioning just how many of my acquaintances I've written off as enemies when they were trying to be friends...
i think it's the latter, some friend groups are different than others
Keep being empathetic with your brothers. it will bring us closer together as humans
Some people DO use this fact of communication to ACTUALLY dog on you but then be like "ah can't you take a joke?" If you get mad.
So while you MAY have misunderstood some people, some people may have actually been assholes. Your gut knows
I agree
But in my part, it was because I was sensitive. Still am. When somebody insults me, I took it as an insult. When my friends do something dumb, I say that. But when they do something cool, I say that explicitly as well. I've found guys enjoy compliments just as much as women.
And being one of the few guys who straight up compliments other makes has lead to a huge growth in my social circle. Guys want to be my friend more than vice versa. I get tons of invites to hangout.
Yesssss keep preaching my homie have the conversation tell your friends how much they mean to you it's so important 🥰🥰
Now I feel like something is wrong with me because I genuinely express positive emotion towards my bro.
You're just not insecure.
you re normal these dudes are obsessed with to seem tough
You’re authentic and healthy.
Same.
Nothing wrong with either tbh just depends on the dynamic of your friendship.
I speak the way he says no man does. I've been there with my gym bros listening to them sob their feelings out. Because I understand it's important for them to process. Stay strong brothers
Gaaayyye!!!!!
@@mikielgrato5705Made me laugh
You're doing well!
I am a woman and I speak the way he says men speak
Gym bros are different for some reason when you're in a gym all men agree to make sure everybody try to be as nice as possible
This type of communication is the reason why I had a hard time distinguishing between my friends and my bullies in high school.
@squiresandspurs219not anything a friend would say though
This is cause of people attacking masculinity for so long, you have men that are too afraid to be masculine and can no longer connect to other men
Basically internalised misandry
@@cassu6they actually do when they go to far which they do at least once in a friendship
@@moonbaby6813that aint a real one, get better friends
@@moonbaby6813If they are stupid yes, a mature person would just understand that they hurt him and explain himself/excuse
Communication only works when you're explained the rules of the game so you can do the translations in your head (which then becomes automatic over time)
Some of my male friends don't dog on their friends (probably cuz they weren't socialized to). It really comes down to who they surround themselves with.
I also notice my own comms change when I expose myself to other groups for long periods of time (like pro eSports gamers, swearing circles, non-swearing circles, etc.). I end up picking up certain words/phrases. Language is very group culture-centric.
This is by no means an insult. But to me it just sounds like you are neurodivergent. Like I don't need to be expressly taught anything about communication like this for me to participate in and understand it. And im pretty sure this goes for most neurotypical men
it significantly has to do with socialisation.
But for a lot of people, that's somethign which they are socialised to early on and see reinforced in a positive or understandable way.
The rules change between different groups, and switchinig your own communication rules for engagement is natural.
Anyone with cross-cultural experience understands this a bit more explicitly. But it's there regardless.
@@matthijsnorg9281
@@matthijsnorg9281I agree with your opinion, in this case being neurodivergent myself.
For me, issues related to social rules seem to be a bit of a mix between not noticing or picking on "obvious" (not to me) social clues, and actually learning or understanding the rule but having a hard time following it because it feels unintuitive to my natural thinking pathways and requires a lot of conscious effort.
Well, that sentence turned out fairly long.
Thanks for reading and have a nice day :)
Edit: Also, I find it incredibly hard to imagine how it feels to be able to naturally develop these skills, as you mentioned most neurotypical people usually do.
I guess practice still plays an important role in this, as with all skills.
It feels as if we had to train tennis and we were told to practice.
In your case, you can probably get better just by playing a lot, even without mindfully focusing on improving specific techniques during training.
On the other hand, you can't really improve by playing if you don't even know you have to swing a racket to hit a ball...
Well, I guess seeing other people play always helps with that, but doesn't inmediately reveal the rules behind their actions or behavior.
Does that make sense?
@@matthijsnorg9281"explained" then yes, but switch that to "teach" and it's a general statement. Most people who "just know" actually learned this through socialisation and most people who don't didn't. On average, people who grew up with people with bad communication skills will also have bad communication skills. Neurodivergent people have an additional disadvantage though
As a woman, I find that I communicate like this fairly often, but I also try to make a concerted effort to show genuine positive appreciation as well, even though it can be uncomfortable at times.
I think this is less of a man/woman issue, and more an issue of social factors that teach us that it’s not safe or ok to convey what we truly mean. Cause the moments where I talk “like a guy” are when I’m feeling afraid that my true sentiments will make me too vulnerable and open to the ridicule or negative perceptions of others.
Since men in particular often receive feedback that they shouldn’t be emotionally open and that their guys will rag on them for it, they are particularly prone to this shielding behavior. And since everyone becomes too nervous to break out of this mold, this style of communication becomes second nature to them till they don’t even question it anymore. Then by assimilating, they end up feeding back into this feedback loop that made them act like this in the first place.
Geez I didn’t expect to say so much lol
I think what u said is possible but it’s not the rule. I and my peers don’t feel this pressure and I’m usually, at moments, ok with being genuinely serious in my compliments.
However most of my compliments tend to be like how he said. Banter as we like to call it is a very common way of talking. I think it has little to do with society and more to do with temperaments. Dudes like to immaturely joke about a lot of rude things. But most guys I know always say their willing to be very genuine and positive when they feel like it matters. In the end banter still expresses that ur happy for someone and that’s all that matters. For most guys if u were to be extremely honest and genuine in certain scenarios we would think “damn, it’s not that deep.”
Nowadays I think men’s way of behaving and communicating has been “demonised” by this idea of mens social environment and patriarchy. When really a lot of men choose to and enjoy interacting the way they currently do. I’m not going to my friends for loving stories about crushes. I’m there for entertainment and insults. Obviously there’s issues and the problem with being to inflexible with that behaviour is that some men when they need it don’t feel like they can get the support they need.
I think it’s mostly women who understandably communicate slightly differently find it bizarre and perhaps harmful. But most dudes I believe when they say there is a communication issue. They don’t mean they need to start being completely open in every compliment. Also most dudes are willing to be genuine IF they feel like their friend is in the dumps. But if something great is going on we celebrate with some slap on the arms
Hmm, interesting. I learned a few things from that.
Well, I don't know if I ever dogged on someone before I matured more, but I guess I can relate with the (not phobia) fear of being vulnerable. It was very hard to show emotions for me in some situations and especially when I got sad or hurt. I don't know why, I was just uncomfortable showing people what I actually felt which led me to hiding it.
But as of now, I'm getting better in expressing my emotions and giving compliments. Although I still sort of shield my true emotions by speaking plainly or robotically, that was still a step for me in developing an emotional and social skill when communicating.
Emotions are very important. I'm sorry if I strayed from the topic you were speaking of, but I- a stranger, still encourage you to learn how to be more humanly vulnerable. A type of vulnerability that is not seen as weak or to attack, but one that allows you to show your humanness.
Pick me girls😂😂😂 I'm just playin
“Good shit bro” is the nicest acceptable compliment
Im brutally honest with zero sarcasm when i talk to my boys about serious things and that includes positive statements. Love my boys and i aint afraid to say it
Pause
Good.
Be yourself queen!
Aww this is so sweet... We need more men like you..
Keep doing it bro. Spread love and kindness
Men are tsunderish??!
Basically yeah, to other men
Best comment I've seen all day istg 😂
Always have been
If they show their love in a non-roundabout way they’ll combust instantenously
“It’s not like you’re my homie or anything….b-b-baka”
As a woman, it's so valuable to hear this kind of stuff, to realise we don't all communicate the same. At the same time, I am REALLY digging all you men in the comments pointing out that you don't all communicate like this, and like things sincere and transparent. ❤️
I honestly think Dr. K is wrong on this one. Both men and women are usually straight forward with their communication when talking to strangers or acquaintances but with someone close it’s different. Both sexes sometimes show their joy through a negative expression in a playful way because they’re close enough with the person to know that they won’t get offended and understands that the person knows what they truly mean.
Me too. Like teasing is one thing, but I honestly can't imagine doing it in response to my friend telling me that the just got a new job or something.
Also like... It's just kinda sad if that teasing is your response to everything. I mean no wonder some dudes rely on just their partner for emotional support, because if their friends are like that then the support isn't really there.
@@bluebird1914 you guys are assuming that this is a negative thing and that men don't realize they do it lol. I congratulate my man on getting a promotion, I am genuinely proud of his hard work and discipline and say that to him. His friends tease him with jokes about who he slept with to get the promotion and what sort of blackmail he has on his bosses lol. But he loves it and understands the true meaning of their words.
Yes, it's weird to look at from the outside, but there's a reason men's friendships tend to be stronger and last longer than women's friendships. Perhaps we should learn from them lol
I think it's really a case by case thing. The way I communicate feeling proud or congratulatory is I put a lot of stress in how awesome it is and how deserved I feel it is for my friends. I might make it a bigger deal than it might need to be because gassing up my friend's self-esteem is like a "do unto others" thing and I'm showing how I would like to celebrate my own victory with them. I'm not set in my own self-esteem just yet and I "inherited" a bad amount of mistrust where anything negative is caught and I'm guessing if it's genuine or banter even from someone I know shouldn't have that opinion. So, straight up positivity is preferred or maybe exaggerate it a little.
I remember I started doing this with my friends around 9 years ago, and it was even kinda a weird turn. I used to be this edgy teen, but I kinda had an apifiny at around 18, realizing I had to drastically change for people to actually want to spend time with me in the future. I started sincerely apologizing, have philisophical conversations with them and eventually start telling them i was proud of them and how much they meant to me. Today I have an amazing and wonderfully supportive network who I genuinely love and respect 🌸
I think it’s a generational gap. It’s hard to tell when people are being sarcastic on the internets, so Gen Z tends to be more straightforward, and Gen Z sarcasm tends towards absurdisms rather than subtleties with tone of voice. I was born in 1998, before around 2012 having a computer made you a rich kid in my town, and if you had a computer it was 20kb/s internet. I noticed while I was in the Army that soldiers older than me do a shit load of dogging and “hazing” while younger soldiers are very forwardly supportive with eachother. It’s kind of off putting tbh. You make a good catch in football and hear “nice catch!” you think they’re talking shit but they’re being dead serious to eachother. It feels extremely fruity.
Epiphany, brother.
@@SBDdauntlessI'm 20 years older than you, but always hated hazing, even as a concept. I've come to understand that it had a purpose though, which is that dudes had much much harder lives in the past, especially in the military.
The chances of seeing/experiencing truly horrific life scarring stuff was really high, not to mention the chances of being captured and tortured by the enemy, etc.
Hazing in that environment mentally prepares people for much harder possibilities in the future.
These days everyone has it easy by comparison. Drone striking people from a desk in another country or even on another continent, and/or being backed up by such on deployment, may still result in PTSD situations. But it's not like you are going to see your best friend from childhood throw himself on a grenade to save everyone else and then die slowly with nothing below the waste while screaming in agony for his mother, and other similarly bad things on a daily or even hourly basis for months or years at a time.
My great grandfather was in The Great War (WWI). He died when I was a year old, but supposedly like the stereotype, he never talked about the war, except partially, ONCE. Otherwise he was quiet or talked baseball for the rest of his life. Or so I'm told. Maybe my perception/knowledge here isn't exactly accurate of him, but in general my impression is that war veterans from Vietnam or longer ago went through things most people can't relate to and it permanently changed who they were. In such a situation, other dudes toughening you up before hand is doing you a favor. In our current environment it's more likely to just be bullying for not so good reasons.
All my cousins female or male, communicate the "longer and happy version" full of lov e empathy appreciation, they show genuine interest and are curious about people´s opinion..... they somehow managed to have very happy marriages and nice kids.... Some of them are religious and very positive people, full of humor...... full of love smiles and they love adventures.... It´s interesting that they also have very interesting jobs.... I guess as you start changing your language, you start attracting right people and the right jobs, in your life who use the same genuine language.
Probably the best decision is to not wait for an approval from people, to change your lifestyle and you may up-grade to the higher version of you, and it is still you... you don´t change you/your values....You still love the same hobbies, you just upgraded the version of you, that is more genuine, if you really care about people and love them.
@SBDdauntless 'You cooked!' Is what my Gen Z and Gen A kids say when their teammates do well at something.
I think it’s more a culture thing because I’ve lived in different communities where men are pretty straightforward about their appreciation or love for each other.
My three best - and most masculine - "bro" friends all tell me that they are proud of me. They communicate with me directly and I would not trade it for anything. We joke and tease each other too and that's really fun. But I get tired of people who banter and joke 100% of the time. It gets so boring and sounds ingenuine and insecure (but you can't become secure without being genuine, you have to drop the shield). Also my girlfriend and female friends can both be genuine and tease to both men and women. I hugely admire Dr K's insightful content and have found it very helpful, but he is wrong on this one: the gender difference is no where near as extreme as he stated it (and might be largely or purely culturally conditioned). Lots of men know how to behave genuinely with eachother - give love to your bros boys!
Yeah I just tell my friends that love them and that I'm proud of them.
Gay😂
i completely agree
@@Void_and_Colors you scared of something?
I think it's something much more prevalent in the US tbh, this kind of behavior looks like what we see in US movies and sitcoms, my friends dont act like that most of the time. But maybe I'm wrong 🤔
Men act like women are confusing when this is how y’all act
Exactly. Thry complain that women are complicated while the men are sooo direct and to the point. While in reality lool
Good point 😅
tbh, everyone is confusing.
WHO EVEN AM IIIII
Negative attention is still attention. If we really dislike something or someone, we just remove it from our lives. Simple as.
I never understood the frenemy politics women have with each other. There is nothing confusing about men making fun of each other but still smiling and hanging around all the time
I (F) was raised in a macho culture and had almost exclusively male friends. I couldn't connect with women. Turns out, it was because we weren't even speaking the same language. I spoke dude fluently. This includes burns, teasing, and insults. What I grew up with. Apparently, that was *not* a recipe for success when hanging out with women lol.
I am much better-received by other women now that I've learned to speak to people differently.
So it's a combination of genetics and culture. Because you are high estrogen by nature, yet you adapted to the roasting kind of socialisation
@keylanoslokj1806 I grew up with sisters, a single mother and grandmother and yet am the same.
So what's my analysis lol
Yea everyone is always gonna be different depending on circumstance, a good way measure in my opinion to allow that behavior would be the amount of trust one another has for each other to know those words aren't true. Although i think it also comes down understanding sarcasm
@@Elizabethpepper8 Males are more rebellious than females
@@keylanoslokj1806estrogen doesn’t have anything to do with communication lmao, especially not in early life
The way you talked about no man speaking, my best friend spoke that way. He told me what he thought and felt and articulated his emotions and logics together into this beautiful tapestry of love and compassion and comradery the likes of which I have never known before or since.
He died suddenly April of 2023 and my life has been completely shattered. I fear I'll always be chasing the way this titan of a man eloquated, and I'll always find and be found wanting.
If you find someone like this, hold on to them and tell them unabashedly how much they mean to you.
Oh Holy shit. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a best friend like that. He spoke openly and kindly and was so caring. I miss him every day. He broke up the friendship last year in April too. He was the biggest inspiration to be myself.
I think because I know how rare it is, maybe I held on too tightly. People thought I was in love with him because of my deep awe and admiration ( cause i have made a habit of telling people who are far tome that i love them). He was a great friend. Hope to find others, great people along the journey
And I know what you mean with waiting- I have been waiting ever since. But I hope that it comforts you a little that after every great, great person I've had in my life and sadly lost, I have found other great people who I could have learned a lot from. And I sometimes don't even know how to say or give something back.
It's with this short that I became hyper aware at how differently I communicate with my male and female friends. And maybe the reason why I feel more comfortable around my female friends is because I'm not too comfortable with this way of speaking because I would often take both meanings at the same time.
This strikes me as an impressive moment of growing self-awareness. I admire your self-intuition, and your example encourages me to work harder to cultivate my own intuition.
Thank you for sharing!
Autism?
Same, I don't like this way of speaking either.
Personally I don't like that dogging around kind of communication, so I've simply been picking friends who communicate normally.
i don't have many friends because i don't have patience for superficial communication. most people just don't have the capacity to cut through the bullshit and talk about things that actually matter. not every conversation needs to be completely serious, but it's obnoxious how much people use crutches like this to make up for the fact that they just have nothing to say.
I both like and dont like it, its a problem when the other person can never do it differently, but when me and another bro are on the same wavelength, it feels great. It's like an inside joke where we both know exactly what's being said, we both know what they mean. But I generally love this type of tough love from friends, because for one: i give them specifically permission to do it, and they show acknowledgement of said permission by doing it and trusting me that i won't get upset. Plus it certainly lends to some creativity, the more creative you get with insults the deeper appreciation I grow cause, that's putting effort.
@@eebbaa5560are you sure it's not just that these other people find different things to be important to them? I'm only asking because this is how my dad communicates to me that he isn't interested in what i'm talking about.
@@eebbaa5560What things actually matter?
❤
I had a raised eyebrow the first half, as that's exactly how I (a man) communicates with other men - also how I'd want to hear it. I used to talk like the second half of the video but now it just seems too sarcastic and lacking emotional maturity and coming from a negative place.
Maybe the reason most men don't communicate in the first way is because we are still encouraging the latter behavior and saying this is "how men should continue treating each other" which is mostly shitty.
Start supporting your bros with positive "fuck yeah bud that's what I like to see! Keep goin!"
Agreed. The second is a result of stunted emotional growth. When you encourage a child to act immature, they're going to continue to be immature later in life. When a person is routinely shamed for a certain behavior, no matter the morality of that behavior, that behavior is going to start being harder for them to do until eventually they'll abandon it altogether because it's easier to not do it. So if we encourage emotionally immature communication, and shame healthy communication by mocking it or name-calling, etc, you're going to see a persistence in emotionally immature communicate and people will be less likely to choose healthy communication because it's viewed externally as negative or shameful.
Communication is the foundation for all relationships. But we as a society have somehow developed a mindset that healthy communication is "weaker" than emotionally stunted communication.
Nah, I'd much rather my friend do the negative expression of a positive expression. It's what I'm far more comfortable with personally, and if my friend said the first one, I'd understand what they're saying and whatnot but be a bit uncomfortable. And I think it's also worth pointing out that at no point in this did Dr. K say or imply that the negative expression is a bad or immature thing
@@lazerboy4942watch the rest of the video
Yeah, I do a combination of both. I tend to say the more real stuff ("Hey man, I'm happy for you") with my closer friends.
@@lazerboy4942It's a way of hiding emotion
I guess that’s the main reason why women love fictional men written by women lmao 😂😂😂😂😂
edit: grammar
edit (again): 2,9M MOM I’M FAMOUS
I’ve never heard that before, but whatever, I’m bothered by you not using the plural for “man” and “woman”. It’s “men” and “women”. You don’t say “why woman love fictional man written by woman”
@@Ryan-Bellbro is actually hurt by bad grammar
@@Ryan-Bell Thanks for letting me know! English is not my first language so I appreciate the correction, gonna fix it now!
@@chriscab47 I don’t know if they’re hurt but if I learned something it’s just good for me lol
@@queenofgoldenhearts Thank you my day is so much better now
My father used to kill for a living (is a combat veteran) he was not done super sensitive dude, but he did give positive support to everyone and taught us to and taught us to give hugs and kisses and say I love you. Basically what I'm saying is a real man doesn't do this they give positive affirmation because they don't need to act tough and manly they just are.
It's not about acting tough or manly, it's just more fun to mess with them! Rather than turning a positive event into a serious heart to heart, we celebrate it with jokes at his expense!
@@Igneusflama yeah jokes can go to far. It is acting tough. It's a way to assert dominance over another.
What do you mean by areal man?
All that and yet you still had the need to prove your father's manliness by telling everyone he killed people 😂😂 oooh so manly
@@TheNIKOLASRBIN this!
That’s a pretty broad generalization. My husband doesn’t talk like that, he’d say the first thing. It’s bc many have been socialized to not say those things. It’s possible to change that, it just takes effort.
He's not talking about your husband then.
@@dengar96he did say "no man communicates like that." He did speak in absolutes..which is odd. Most therapists advise against doing that for this very reason. 😂 He's only human though, we all make mistakes.
@@Mistyfaery pretty sure it's just hyperbole. Obviously not EVERY man speaks this way, but it is very common.
@@Mistyfaery No. He said "i don't think" about those sequence of words. Think is the operative word that indicates it was not an absolute assessment.
@@ReaveIdono Drats. Got me with the infamous "I don't think" loophole 😂
Men: “We communicate logically and straight to the point. There is confusion or nuance I’m out commutation”
Also men:
It's sarcasm. It's not that complicated.
Nah, sarcasm is pretty simple and basic
If you think that kinda sarcasm is nuanced I worry for you.
Be mad at me, maybe I throw out the good old stereotype thing but isn't this because men expressing their feelings in front of friends is seen as weak?
Or is it just naturally wired in men?
I've just seen how men act differently around their friends and I can't tell if they're acting tough bc they have to or that's just how it is.
@@jessIe76468 It's probably mostly a societal thing but still partly biological.
That said, you're looking at how men act "around their friends," but in those situations they're probably aware that there are people not in the friend group who are within earshot.
I can't speak for all men but some of us do express things to each other, sometimes even with the kind of language you'd hear them using out in public or in your presence, even behind closed doors.
this would explain why, as a guy, i have so much trouble having "masculine" guy friends. i don't know how to neg someone.
No you're fine, its the idiots out there, a friendly jab is ok but too much is just narcissistic
I wouldn't call this neging. When someone neg's someone the intent is to bring them down, this is to raise someone up it just isn't as direct.
I'm a guy and I've never understood guys doing this.
@@zebedeesummers4413"possing"?
They probably think you’re gay for being nice 😂😂😂
People act like women are hard to understand, but the truth is that everyone is hard to understand and then society makes it worse with gender roles.
Hm. No there's actually a difference. Aka women tend to not struggle to understand their peers and they can frequently relate to what is going on for men. Meanwhile men tend to struggle to understand themselves, their peers and women, with "their peers" oddly still being their most likely point of person-to-person understanding.
Which has to change!
True people say men are simple and straight forward but in reality that's just what society allows them to be, if processing emotions and being vulnerable was more encouraged we'd all be similar in this aspect regardless of what gender we are.
@@KxNOxUTAMen communication with peers is pretty straightforward, it's not hard to understand your boys. With understanding oneself - I'm sure it's hard for both men and women.
@@KxNOxUTANot every woman is like that though, im a masculine bi woman and i struggle hard to relate with other women, I'll give you a example. There's a couple that goes to the gym I work at, the woman tries to talk to me about kids and femmine things and I can't relate and don't have much in common with her. Meanwhile me and her husband get along really well and talk about wrestling weightlifting games ect.
Men are under a lot of social pressure to PRETEND to be simple and straightforward.
My ex left his friends for particularly this reason even though he is a man..he’s very very sensitive to even the slightest forms of rejection or disrespect…he said to me i can’t have the guts to be harsh with words the way many guys are..so I prefer being on my own..than to hear jokes that are actually insulting me…I believe it is a toxic way of communicating
I talked a lot with my best friend, and he always said "I am proud you did it" after I overcome fears like rejection. And I guess I appreciate that, and it felt like the best bro moments we ever had.
I only did fun like you say when I talk to colleagues bro's (more superficial connection)
I imagine this stems from men classicaly not being allowed to express emotions other than anger. "Huh, you are *happy* for another dude?! What are you, not masculine?!". Men raised like that also have a really hard time processing direct, positive affection from others, particularly other man. It's been getting better as far as i can see, and as we get older and wiser it tends to get a little better too. Source: been there, done that.
^^^^^^^^
i'm betting this is also why it is much more common in competitive contexts(i.e. pro gaming groups et similia)
Problem is, it isn't only socialised. People do this across all cultures. Men are built like this.
@@krulak292well, then I'm a broken kind of a man. I don't think I ever did something like that
I don't think you know the majority of men.
@@EonMist and that's fine, we're not a programmed AI to act the same. It's just a general trait men and women have, just more prevelant in men.
In my experience these kinds of interactions with other men are only okay if you can have the other conversation too. I’ll say something like “hey man I’m impressed by how you’ve bounced back from this breakup, seriously. But you better get used to being alone because we both know you’re doomed” or something to that effect
Definitely
Actually, healthy men do speak like this. I'm true with my feelings all the time, even with my male friends. I tell me friends I love them or am proud of them, etc.
It's the same for me. Short surface level banter or dark humor comes just in between long, serious discussions. It's quite weird to me when especially men as good friends only insult each other and never talk about their feelings. That just can't be healthy. Only thing I like more than banter is probably joking about wanting to have intimate sex with my friends. That way you can show some kind of affection (in a weird way I guess) while still just having lighthearted fun and laughing a lot.
Yeahhhh this dude is absolutely weird. ‘GG NOOB’
Who are you to say what's the healthy way to communicate or not?
Keep being empathetic with your brothers. It will bring us closer together as humans
Thank God somebody said it. Some men notice that toxic behavior & care to not keep that cycle going.
i dont think that sequence of words has ever been spoken by a single woman either✨
Lol, said something similar to my best friend yesterday. It’s a super power if you can do it - every Relationship with everyone of my friends is elevated to new hights. Some don’t get it, but the good ones do. They feel if your words are genuine and respond with love.
I think he's onto something, most of my friends are men and I'm a dumbass with social cues, I take everything literally and at face value (you ask me to bring me a couple of apples, I'll usually bring two because it's a couple) so this creates really funky situations
I'll get easily frustrated or offended when they're trying to be loving and treat me as a friend the only way they know how and I still can't connect the dissonance of the emotion and the words.
I need people to be extremely direct with me or I won't understand deeper meanings, and If I discover that someone uses deeper meanings or more layers, I'll start to become slightly paranoic on what they meant, so yeah.... it's a big issue for me with this particular style of communication
sign of autism? (joke comment/maybe something you wanna look at actually but cant say much about it from just this)
@@StrawberryfreakWas wondering the same
Yes I also have a few friends like you. Took many years, but they’re constantly getting better at understanding:)
@@Strawberryfreak wondered this for a while, never been sure.
I got a weird disfunctional family and I've been bullied the whole time I was at school, more often than not using weird social cues on purpose to hurt me. I'm now 24, I think that left some scars that I don't know.
Oh, some examples, to give more context:
- one of my bullies constantly disguised insults as compliments
- oftentimes, in middle school, a bully used other people to fuck with me mentally. They had to make me think that they were interested in me romantically for the bully, and they had the objective of making me say that I love them back, so when I did, they'd call other people and laugh at me. This happened a bunch of times.
My social radar has been severely fucked with for this and for a whole bunch of other reasons, so I don't know, I already wanted to get it checked
From other comments, could be a case of Neurodivergent.
im a guy and i say i love my friends and im proud of them all the time what
Fantastic. You may still be a minority but you're getting a way higher rate of peers amongst next generations of boys and men :D It's starting to get better. Also in some cultures it's generally better, too.
Most of the time you dont let em know your proud unless its sum big, like them getting married, getting a great job, or if you know they have issues with their parents, then its like no one else says it so i will, THEN you dog on em
So do you just not joke around with your friends at all then
@@brycegozoomyep definitely, leave actual compliments for actually cool/great things. Don’t just say them pointlessly. Actions speak louder than words after all
@@Pherretfish he never said that. Also your comment is very ironic cuz it sounds like you’re very uptight 💀
We need to make it where men learn thag its okay to communicate in a loving way. It doesn't make you less of a man.
Makes you gayer tho
I think this is definitely true in my 20s, but being 29 now my friend group has no shame in telling each other we love each other ❤️
I've found so many men who don't do this. I don't even bother putting up with it and condemn this behavior when I do.
I can honestly say that I have been pretty close to that exact statement. That makes me very proud of myself as a friend
Yeeeeaaahhhh, that ain't me. I'm a guy, and I'll be all in on positive affirmation stuff when it comes to things like getting dates or a new job or whatever. Doing otherwise is... unnecessary at best.
It's basically a game. This is done between friends who understand what is actually meant. Doing it directly is less friendly and less fun
@ahvin4764 And that kind of game is silly. Be openly and directly proud and positive for your boys. Tell em you love em. There's nothing wrong with that.
@@pyrosianheirWell this is how most of the guys say it. But of course, both parties have to understand and accept it. It's similar to how me and my parents call each other fatty and stinky and whatever, we never mean it and we always laugh about it. But that's because it grew naturally and we all accepted it.
@@pyrosianheir nothing wrong with expressing positivity, but there's a time and place for that. Which is normally for some formal purpose or a real deep moment of vulnerability.
Outside of that, dogging on each other is common and is standard across all cultures throughout time. Its biologically ingrained as a mode of communication for it to be so cross cultural.
Its basically teasing a point of vulnerability to see if you can handle it. If you can't handle it, that means its going to be a problem in/outside the group at some point. Making others have to cover for your weakness.
I much prefer this male approach of teasing with warmth wrapped in jabs rather than the female version of daggers wrapped in positive words.
@@pyrosianheirthat's just silly. It's implicit in the interaction, which is why everyone involved is usually smiling and laughing. It's literally just having fun while complimenting someone. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's bad in any way.
I’m so glad I’m friends with a group of people who don’t exclusively do this. We celebrate each others victories a lot and I think it’s good for everyone’s mental health
I once heard a quote from (i dont know if its originally from him) the competitive splatoon player gem, also known as squid school, which summed up as, even if something is meant as a joke and all parties know its a joke, subconsciously it can still hurt, even to a unnoticeable degree, but it can build up
I have never called any one brah or noob or wipped or homie lol but more so happy for you or you deserve it
Wild, its not how I communicate
That's another thing, if you don't like this kind of banter based relationship common to men it can be harder to have friends
@@gottagofastestand that's exactly the thing that gotta change
@@gottagofastest For sure, I dont mesh well with it. Unfortunately I am in Australia, the main group I am friends with is not filled with it at least.
@aj9662 it's pretty universal to banter. This isn't going to change not in society not in us as a species.
@@gottagofastestI’d be his friend if I lived close, why must a person be very roundabout in showing affection??
Men and everyone should express their feelings just as you described!
That's what we should be teaching our children. “How to communicate in a healthy manner.”
People are way too assholish and narcissistic these days.
I don’t think you understand that we like when our friends talk to us like this
Nobody on Earth would be around me if they knew me as well as my best friend does, but he's still there, he's the exception. With this kind of friendship I fail to understand how many guys don't feel the NEED to openly express appreciation. Why can't you just say the usual horrible things to each other and also openly show appreciation? You don't have to choose one or the other.
Yeah this is one of the parts of toxic masculinity I'm on board with labeling as such - men who think they're more liked than they are by people they take liberty to make jokes with
Thinking you are more liked than you are is toxic? What are you on?
@@mnzrk didn't mean to say that assuming you're in better graces with people than you actually are is toxic, that's more of a neurodivergent issue, wouldn't mean to assign moral fault with that --
but the culture of assuming that people who take offense to your stepping over the lines socially in a way that friends would allow and find humor in are soft, lacking masculinity etc would be something I'd allow to be labeled toxic, yes
@@SynergySource this so much.
it's always been the literal definition of modern masculine toxicity to me and i am flabbergasted seeing so many people defending it in the comments.
@@iota-09If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. I don't know why you're getting so worked up over other people's relationships. It might be hard for you to realize, but the type of friends described in the video do exist, and it's not even exclusive to men. As long as they're happy, what's your problem with them defending their position?
@@Blade.5786 because then judgement will come the other way around.
i don't mind people interacting whatever way they prefer outside of me not getting them, but it's whent that habit transforms in a belief that gets pushed on others who don't follow it that i start having issues with it, and if the belief is(as pointed by others in the comment sction) "if you canì't stand a few fake insults you're weak and should grow more"... that feels rough, not so much for the current me as i'm already past the point of being influencced, but for kids mainly and how they might view socialization and life, another person mentioned they prefer this method of interaction because "it feels more genuine and honest than being "normally positive" when supporting a friend", but it's not that much harder to fake than regular supportive talk from my experience with groups of people who partake in this type of socialization method, so in the end, isn't the real problem people's tendency to lie, and not their choice of communication method?
that's why i got an issue with all this, it's not the way people interact per se, but everything around it and how people seem to be defending and justifying it for the most part that bothers me.
Im actually upfront with it. I don't have the mental energy to not be honest. My friends are my family and Im not fake to my family.
I mean, I'm sure there's mature men out there who do feel comfortable saying these things without shame. It's a sign of emotional maturity imo.
It doesn't need to be uncomfortable, shameful, or immature why would you label it like that? Men just think differently from women. Women love to ponder and look backward at problems. Men like finding a solution and moving forward from them. You can talk it out, cry and huge for hours without moving forward or finding any solution whatsoever. But if I go to my friends with a problem, they make a couple of suggestions and tell me "now let's grab a beer before you start kissing me". That both gives me some solutions to consider when I'm ready to move on, and it has me laugh which is actually a super healthy way of dealing with grief. Now that's not to say I never have a desire to ponder and cry about stuff. But if I need that kind of support I have 2 sisters, a mom, and a wife. I lack no women in my life that can offer me exactly that. But most of the time I just want a solution, snap out of it, and move forward. Because it helps me faster and feels better.
Also known as “toxic masculinity”.
I’ve had the best father one could have. One that could share his feelings with me without that crap and that let me express in such a way with my male friends.
“I love you, man” is one of the greatest things to say to a friend and it’s even better when they say it to you sincerely.
I’m proud of my friends for being in the same wavelength as I am and I wish for all of you to be friends in the same sincere way. That’s not to say to constantly saying those things, but when times like these example come, being able to say to them that you are happy for them… I think makes us guys advance.
I’ve been around men who say nice things to their friends. Things like I’m proud of you, or I’m happy for you, or you deserve the best. Even say I love you to them, I ironically and genuinely.
That's how I like it too. When I engage in banter with friends it is mostly just in between longer, serious conversations. Then it boils down to just throwing around random insults sometimes even without context. We also tend to make it really, really obvious with our facial expressions, voices or body language.
When I actually roast a friend it's pretty much always about something small like almost tripping on stairs or a short stutter.
Best case scenario, I diss a friend and lift him up at the same time. A good example would be: "Stop blackmailing your gf to stay with you, she's way out of your league". I know, my friend isn't insecure about his looks because we talk about these things and I acknowledge his "accomplishment" of having an attractive woman by his side. After that we switch to normal instantly, which is quite intimate and involves talk about mental illness too.
Maybe it's not even about us liking banter that much, we just like black humor.
When it's somewhat important I am straight to the point. I rather articulate my thoughts as precisely as possible to avoid misunderstandings.
Seeing so many men in the comments complaining about this breaks my heart. This shit is universal to most of us. I have had the privilege of making friends from very different cultures, and we all do the same. The reason we don’t say things straight up is because most men are really bad at taking compliments in the first place. We save our friends from the embarrassment by making light of their achievements and sharing our joy through laughter.
Yeah this comment section is genuinely upsetting me. Its generalising so much too. If I genuinely want to say something, of course I'll just say it straight out. Doesn't mean I dont like some friendly banter tho.
It shouldn't break your heart. Some can actually say what they mean when it's appropriate, it doesn't *always* have to be banter.
@@VColossalV it's not always banter. I think there's few people with a friend group who'll speak their mind as openly as mine, but what I meant is that this comment section doesn't make a difference between likes banter, and is always bantering
Then men should learn not to be embarassed by honest compliments. It's baffling to me the level of emotional unawareness and immaturity
@@HanabiraKeikoCalling a whole group of people immature essentially downgrading them and expecting them to just take complements when people like you exists everywhere to dismiss their feelings is exactly the reason men can't take compliment
This is why I, a man, can no longer identify with other men. I spent around 5 years holed up and having little contact with the outside world. I was having a rough period and needed time to myself. Now that I’m back to pseudo-normality i hate interacting with most men with a fiery passion. I’m tired of having to do mental gymnastics. Just f- SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! I don’t have the energy to fucking decode every conversation I have.
and people say men are the straightforward ones compared to women- and women never mean what they say… but it’s definitely a person to person thing, and it may manifest somewhat differently, but at least in my experience, women ARE more honest.
@@arkidieIt's interesting cause I'm a woman and I just say what I mean and I mean what I say. Sometimes I'll say look I'm just gonna say it when I'm talking to my friends before I drop whatever. But my other friend, she beats around the bush with everything and it's like I have to go through a maze.
Then don't, Who forced you to?, ppl say what they want, if you don't like that then ignore them and move on, find some1 else lol
keep in mind gender does not define behaviour, one's upbringing does.
it's just sad that people treat men a certain way purely because they're men, which means they often turn out the same way because of how they've been treated while growing up.
This is just a hunch, but have you gotten checked for neurodivergence? We're infamous for getting exhausted of masking and we are also infamous for leaning strongly towards needing integrity to be a thing :'D There's also this relatively new theory of "monotropism" that explains very well how neurodivergence and the way we perceive things, can contribute to such issues.
In my case I'm leaning more towards ADHD but heck do I score high on monotropism. And I'm utterly exhausted by lack of integrity in people (all the more since I'm terribly good at seeing through ppl and read their aspects like an open book, which....is eating up resources in and of itself).
And I'm definitely having a particularly hard time with men, since they are more likely to not be aware of their emotional workings and thus struggle to recognize what is going on for them. Aka they CANNOT say what they mean. They literally are more likely to struggle with alexithymia and have no words for what is going on and why! (T~T)
And when I try to help out as a woman .... I tend to trigger shame and run into so much misogyny, that there's no even remotely safe way to help. All of this having a tendency to be made worse again by such conversations taking place in more close relationships. Said close relationships however, frequently being sexually motivated on the side of men, rather than being platonically motivated. So .... shame and defensive misogyny bouts are particularly easy to trigger. (;~;)
It's cursed. I'm glad men like Dr.K are out here to help! It gives me hope in many ways.
Please take care and check in with yourself what eats up your energy. There may be more going on there and you may need more self-care and more overwhelm management strategies + communication tools.
Yeah I'm a man and I loathe this, be Frank with me, for years me "friend's" made me cry at least weekly becuse they took it too far and just called me sensitive when they were being assholes, had no confidence myself my "friends" were basically my bullies, but that was better than being alone... 🙄
Nah bro, being alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. Better to be alone than to have asshole friends to drag you down with them
It wasn't the exact sequence of words but i fairly often give positive affirmations to my bros and co-workers as well as dog them. I think i started doing it because i noticed plenty of people don't, they just take that stuff for granted. I noticed an insecurity in myself about not knowing how i am perceived and realized it's probably true for others as well, so i started letting them know when i thought well of them.
I personally don’t communicate like this with my guy friends. I’ve always found it to be an aversion to vulnerability.
damn, I'm realizing I'm genuinely gaining an aversion to vulnerability because of getting hurt etc. but i get how maybe i should be more honest and uncomfortable more
Why is vulnerability among friends a good thing? Feels like sympathy hunting.
@@Pangora2 vulnerability isn’t always needing something from others. I see it more as a general disposition, being emotionally available to others and transparent and genuine with them. As opposed to putting up walls/using sarcasm to sooth yourself due to being uncomfortable with vulnerability.
@@donaldlawson1334 I was going to respond to him but you said it perfectly.
@@donaldlawson1334 bruh this is about as emotionally available as I get 😅
I think we men should learn to use actual compliments...
it's that old meme:
girls describing their best friend: "omg she's the best and so funny and gorgeous"
men describing their best friend: "he is a horrid individual. A war criminal. He will not flinch at ending innocent lives. He may have connections to terrorist organizations, the Islamic state, North Korea, and the Mexican cartel. His sexual exploits would make you sick to your stomach. He will not hesitate to kill you for monetary gain."
Ends with
"Thats why.. we fricking love him"
My boys always say good shit and congrats. Always pushing to be better and when one of us is being stupid, then that’s when we clown them
Me: "hey dad I would like you to meet this girl we've been seeing each other for a while now"
My dad: "hello nice to meet you, its an unfortunate thing that your eyes don't work properly"
I swear this happened the first time they met, I knew he would say some variation of that but I wasn't sure it would be the literal first sentence. Went straight over her head though lol
I guess I might be an outlier here, but my friends and I actually work hard to tell each other how we feel. It’s not uncommon for us to genuinely compliment one another or say I love you
"In the history of humanity, I do not think that sequence of words has ever been spoken by a single man." 😂💀
Tons of guys saying otherwise in the comments but we know Dr. K ain't gonna change his tune 'cuz everything here is about making the worst men feel like they are the standard-bearers.
@@laurelgardnerbro those words feels very shallow,very fabricated. No man talks like that we use simple words.
As a man, I get it.
I hate it with a passion but, I get it. That's just how most of us are, and I have to play along.
You can be the hero who saves your peer group by stepping out of the pattern and paving the way for them. A step at a time and by showing them just how powerful it is to be able to openly practice vulnerability. Since only resilient ppl can actually afford to do so openly and regardless to the natural survival instinct screaming "HIDE IT" at us.
You don't need to play along, you'll just have no engagement, just speak freely about your thoughts and don't take yourself seriously, it's called sense of humor. If your group doesn't align with yours maybe you're in the wrong group, and apart from work, you shouldn't feel forced to be where you don't want to.
You say you “have” to play along but you really don’t “have” to at all. If they make you feel as if you “have to” do something then is that really healthy? Do you really get it? Or is it a fear of expressing your dissatisfaction so you just decide to live with it.
It’s like when a person purposely plays the fool but doing so is more foolish than just being a fool.
@@KxNOxUTApave the way for what? Less intelligent communication? Not sure how that’s a positive.
Everyone who dislikes this way of communication seems to think it’s a thing for emotionally and socially stunted people when it’s actually the opposite. You have to be way more aware of emotions and all the social cues to participate in this kind of scenario. Rather than being positive all the time
This is cause of people attacking masculinity for so long, you have men that are too afraid to be masculine and can no longer connect to other men
Basically internalised misandry
I did the "hey friend' speech to one of my friends, and he looked at me and called me "Siri" 😂. I asked him why and he told me i sound like A.I. 🤣
My personal response:
"Eyy you got it bruh gl with that"
lmao me growing up a queer neurodivergent amab person and thinking all my male peers hated me 😭😭😭😭 truly i was the “what’s up goob? || they all hated me” scene just instead of “cool binder” it was “gay shoes”(stylish) and “your hair is ridiculous”(so voluminous and radical) lmao rip child me😭😭😭😭
Sweet, you were not wrong. Because it was their job to communicate in a way that their care would have been understandable for you, but they failed very hard at them, since seemingly noone had taught them.
I'm so sorry things went down like this! I hope you could find peers now who have grown out of this a bit more and .... well ... sometimes - sadly - relationship experience may have helped with some of the growing (cause that's seemingly one of the few resources for that, or so men are taught).
@@KxNOxUTAyou’re weird dude. You seem to preach your word as a fact like you’re a prophet.
yeah You are soft lil bro i'm sorry
Huh, first thing I personally disagree on Dr. K
Same. He’s wrong about this
I don't think its completely true but I've seen it a LOT
It is true. To a certain extent. When applied to the average man-to-man friendships, this sort of behavior of dogging on each other is extremely prevalent, and even encouraged. I see it with my own eyes on a regular basis from a distance.
Despite that, however, I still think it's wrong to assume ALL male friendships are like this. While I may tease my friends here and there (when appropriate), I'm more direct and compassionate with my friends 99% of the time. I pick friends who who mutually treat each other with the same respect. There are many men like this. We just aren't in the limelight, lol.
Only happens in kids, men talk straight up this behavior Dr k described is based on fear of expressing yourself hence being vulnerable.
@@Ro7770lol no
I've had to change the way I talk to communicate with my boyfriend because he'd never understand anything I feel or want if I talked "normally", but he has never put in the effort to communicate with me the way I wish in return. I try changing how I express myself to him and I never get the same back even when I ask him to try. I'm genuinely considering breaking up after 3 and a half years...
Why change how you communicate with him? Doesn’t sound like he wants to change how you communicate. If you talk directly about what you feel or want, the only reason he wouldn’t understand you is if he can’t speak English.
Sounds like you want to change the guy you were initially attracted to. Let him find a girl who doesn’t want to change him.
Just talk to him about that bro I'm sure he'll understand lmao and if he doesn't then leave for your own sake, tf?
@@peripheralparadox4218they literally say why they do that in the first sentence lmfaooooo
Well, whether you do break up or not, I do think breaking up *either* because of difficulties adapting to each other’s communication styles *or* because it feels like there is unequal effort put forth in your relationship is reasonable on its own…But both? *Hella* understandable. No shame in that game.
Feeling so lost about what to do that you had to come to RUclips comments to feel heard or understood sucks. There are so many people out there. Feel free to find one who doesn’t make you feel alone in figuring out your *shared* relationship.
@@ellotheregovna401 ‘they’ is plural in that context. ‘She’ is the word you were looking for. Typical kind of error for someone who thinks they’re more intelligent than the person they’re criticising.
Yes she did say why, but I asked again because her reasoning is illogical.
Yep. My wife listened to this clip and asked me, "Do guys really talk like that to each other." I smiled and said "Only when the women aren't around."
Men insult each other and don't really mean it. Women compliment each other and don't really mean it.
That just seems kinda toxic and weird ngl
It's fun
Edit: ...when and ONLY when it's mutual. I wouldn't just do that with a stranger
And honest, weirdly enough, just know it exist. If you don't understand it just be you and ignore it, I can assure you, it is everything but toxic
@@cuongdang3304 You know how abusers AND abused ppl are generally bad at recognizing abuse, because doing so would be a hit to their integrity and inner safety and the brain is VERY insistent on protecting ppl from such damage?
When ppl are pointing out the toxicity of a dynamic and you feel the need to defend it ..... then that in and of itself should ring a bell for you. And you may wanna be careful about your own ability to asses things. You may not be in the best place to evaluate this.
And when a professional psychiatrist points out how it may be problematic, then that ABSOLUTELY should ring a bell for you.
And you may want to challenge yourself and your biases, by asking the people who detect damaging effect, on what they observe, how it has affected them and what concerns they have as well as what scientific knowledge they may or may not have on this. Especially: talk to ppl who have been into that communication style and then moved away from it and ask them what that changed for them.
I'm not saying "Change your mind". I am saying: Please notice the ringing bells and take a closer look at what is going on there, for starters.
@@KxNOxUTANah it's fine. Men banter with each other from a place of love, but women are more likely to be friendly to your face and be catty behind your back. Let men be men.
Generally it’s not, it’s the opposite actually. But sometimes it gets out of hand and turns into bullying, you have to titrate the dose and see how the other side responds.
An advantage gay man have is they are allowed to be emotional with other men. We are bilingual in that way.
You also got monkeypox😂
Well hello. Meet me. A woman who talks like this and wished a friend a nice wedding by saying "My condolences." cuz I grew up hearing that shit and never thought it was a "guy thing". Also, meet my best friend who's one of those fictional men who do give those positive wishes impossible by others.
We're both ADHD/Autistic. So yes, life's been hard AF and no, we've never fit anywhere.
Same spectrum and can very well understand how tempting it is to go there. And the sources of upset and frustration are VERY real, particularly in triggering areas such as e.g. partnerships and hence also weddings.
That however is what makes it somewhat different. Aka that comment in particular stems from quite real data of us likely being worse off in partnerships than out of it. :'D It's not simply toxic banter, it's commentary on the bitterness of reality.
That said: this can be unlearned and re-trained. Some degree of radical acceptance can be healing, but it's dangerous and can also drag ppl down and trap us in vicious negative cycles.
So, whenever you can, you may want to start throwing in honest appreciation of things that are easy to appreciate. Start out with nature and pet topics and then work your way to "I hate it here, but its kinda nice you're here, too" and then on to more.
Things are OBJECTIVELY harder and more filled with negative criticism for us neurodivergent ppl. You are actually having permission to cut yourself some slack.
Eh, men can give eloquent advice and compliments to another friend but to me it’s about the situation, its importance to the individual, and the severity of a situation.
I see joking/dogging happen a lot between coworkers or other friend groups but it’s not a common occurrence in my group nowadays.
Idk why people are saying men can’t be eloquent or show compassion. They can, it’s just not the first instinct between bros or friends. There has to be a good reason.
This communication style is extremely precious to me when it comes to my bestie and I. He means the world to me and I make sure to tell him to go die once a day ❤️
The follow up question is then why do men feel uncomfortable expressing themselves without a level of opacity like this? Is it good that men cannot engage honestly with their true feelings and affection for others?
Dunno, I think it’s dumb tho. Just be straightforward dawg
Because “true feelings” are just words. When you say “I feel proud for you blablabla” it doesn’t mean shit and isn’t appreciated. Men value actions or at least intents to action much more because that’s what matters and that’s what’s much more genuine. If you make me angry, I don’t say literal “You make me feel angry”, I say “I’ll smash your f head”. Same with positive affection.
Because it’s fun? Has literally nothing to do with uncomfortability (most of the time)
@@mnzrkDefinitely! Words that are meant to convey emotions usually mean only a small portion of what you’re saying. Tone/body language/expressions are what actual convey the message
We only act vulnerable in close doors with our best friends not on a daily basis.
as a woman this actually makes me sad 🥺 please tell me you guys do that because you genuinely understand it better and not because you dont allow yourself real connections
We do, this is just a bunch of misinformation. If we didn't allow ourselves connections, we wouldn't be friends in the first place.
nah were not stupid we all know how it feels to get a W
Proper banter requires a level of connection with a friend that goes well beyond surface level. Being able to push someone's buttons just enough to open dialog like this is how you can tell people are very good friends and understand each other deeply.
That IS our real connection. If they're joking around with us, and giving us a hard time, we understand that it's because they're happy that we're happy. When the conversation turns serious, then we understand something is wrong.
And yet, those are the ones we'll know we can count on when things fall apart. The ones knocking on our doors, or kicking them down if need be. And if a fight breaks out, those are the ones we put our backs to because we trust them in a way that cannot be explained.
This comment is a demonstration of you not understanding men.
Damn. Must suck to be straight and neurotypical. I absolutely do not talk like that to my friends, whatever their gender. It's not hard to just say "Hey I'm happy for you man"
Doesn’t suck. I think it’s fun.
Yeah that’s an us thing unfortunately. Male friendships never last because I don’t like being treated poorly for “fun”
That's what the entire rest of humanity doesn't get about straight men. We say things that only other straight men can understand the true meaning of while everybody else would think we are tapped in the mind. We roast the sh!t out of 'em every day and when stuff hits the fam we would blow out our brains for each other
Also, trust me when I say that we act more gay towards each other than actual gay men ever will
@@davidceres4516speak for urself
Men do that and then wonder why they have so few friends and complain about male loneliness epidemic.
And then go and expect their gf/wife to shoulder everything the actual close friends are supposed to do.
I've seen it in my own friend groups when one of them gets sick of being bullied for the others asserting how masculine they are and leaves. I'm just glad they don't try to play this stupid domination game with me and other women, but it's a weak consolation.
Sometimes when i catch myself on the fact, that I'm going to verbally abuse someone with love, i just shut up, get my shot together and just say what i really think instead
The strangest thing is that men don't do that, but they go to heaven when their partner say she is proud of him or admire him.
i have been making a more genuine effort to tell my homies im proud of them and that i love them. it started off with "thats gay bro" but now we hop off discord calls with "i love you bro" and "i love you too bro" and it feels really nice just being able to express to my friends that i love them, because i do. they brighten my shitty life even if its a 10 game league losing streak with them, at least we get to laugh. im 26 this year and i just started this habit last year, i hope i can keep it going forever so all my homies know theyre loved and appreciated
Ideas like this are exactly why men have way higher self ending rates. Talk to someone. What you're refusing to speak on doesnt go away. It festers and grows.
You dont understand men or if you are a guy then it is worse.
Suicide has many different factors, this is not one of them. It boils down to not seeing any other way but to end the misery by ending it.
The vast, vast majority of time the source of his problem is the pressure a women has put on him or screwed him over.
I don't think this is what he's talking about. The goal of speaking this way isn't to hide your true emotions. If the person your speaking to is actually offended, you did it wrong.
People don't like complements because it challenges their perception of themselves. Negative affirmation is like the humble bragging of complements.
Telling your friend that his new girlfriend is "out of his league" acknowledges his accomplishments, doesn't challenge his humility, and keeps the focus on him so it doesn't look like you're too interested in his girlfriend.
I think your comment is underrated. Thats a good way to look at it.
Men moment 🗿
Bruh moment
honestly my friend group really took it to an extreme and I just didn't like being around them because they were so toxic
Being terminally online in the Anglosphere reaches of youtube I really appreciate the frankness and blatant honesty of my own culture.
What I do is I try dogging them a bit at first, but then I get serious and I tell them some wholesome things, to try to hit that sweet spot of wholesome and playful. Of course this changes from person to person, it's up to me to think how to best say things while having in mind that person's individual circumstances and way of being.
Yep definitely how I roll as well
I’m hoping this short is just made a lot worse by being taken out of the context of the video but this shouldn’t have been posted if that’s the case, that type of communication is not healthy at all and is one of the causes of so many problems men have with their mental wellbeing. You should be promoting open and honest communication regardless of gender, not seemingly excusing people being too insecure to communicate how they really feel as just “because Men lol”. Really disappointed that you also gloss over casual misogyny like that’s acceptable at all in any circumstance.
You’re god damn right brother 🤠
I’ve read this in Walter White’s voice 😂😂😂
I have a healthy balance of this. I dog on my friends. Men and women. But, I always make sure to tell them how much I love and appreciate them. It's important to do both.
I spoke those words to my brother when he found the love of his life. I always hated how men spoke with each other and I didn’t want my feelings to be mixed up when communicating with him.
Nah I’m not like that. I’m genuinely proud and happy for my bros or friends when good things happen to them or they overcome something hard.
So basically men communicate through misogyny? :/
No, not really. I don't rlly know why he said that. It's more just negative stuff in a positive manner.
No infact I’m not even sure why he said that..we are making fun of our MALE friend. Has absolutely nothing to do with hating on women
@@creeper_tristethat’s what I said as well lol, I’m very confused now that I realize he said misogyny when it’s not even close
XD misogyny?! Y’all wildin these days