How To Actually Be Good At Texting (With Anyone)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- Texting has evolved into a communication labyrinth, leaving many of us grappling with its challenges. Join us in this video as we delve into the realm of modern communication, aiming to unravel the complexities and offer insights on how to become a proficient texter.
Learn more from Dr. K in his Guide to Mental Health: bit.ly/45NirwY
Not sure which module to start on? Take our quiz: bit.ly/47dGzKj
In today's digital age, texting has become a primary mode of communication, but navigating this medium effectively isn't always straightforward. In this discussion, we'll explore the nuances of texting, dissecting common pitfalls and offering strategies to elevate your texting skills.
Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation
with 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree: bit.ly/3GaubzI
Not sure which module to start on? Take our quiz: bit.ly/47dGzKj
Comprehensive mental health resources here: explore.health...
▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Preview
00:19 - Guru
00:26 - Introduction
02:49 - If a text upsets you
03:29 - Don't respond
06:10 - What if they don't text back?
10:33 - You can't control someone else's behaviour
14:39 - Conclusion
────────────
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #mentalhealth #texting
This fucking guys uploads are always impeccably timed with my real life experiences
I swear is like I'm having some kind of issue in my life and there goes Dr. K with a video about it
exactly I was just thinking about this like 5 minutes ago
SAME
Sometimes you don't fully realize what you're going through is impacting your life until it slaps you in the face, and you go "oh sh@t, that makes a lot of sense", and it's happening more and more the further i deep dive my brain with this genius
He is being fed information about the daily happenings of your life through the NSA. They are listening through a microphone hidden in your window banger A.C. unit.
“Don’t assume you’re upset for a good reason”. That advice is gold. Applies to way more than texting
Yeah, I need to apply this to professional emails that upset me
Assumption is the mother of all failures.
And it needs to be on a poster.
Don't let the seriousness that Dr. K is displaying distract you from the fact that he winked at you at 2:26 when he said "non-verbal communications"
Broo 😂 why is it funny?
😳
😳
😳
😳
That thumbnail is legendary
I see nothing wrong with that text message
reads like the sanest replies in the group chat
@@ca-ke9493 ikr, it's interesting
I would actually enjoy getting a message like that 😭
My first thought before clicking was “legendary thumbnail now I gotta watch”
This is the first vid of him where it feels like he's ranting rather than actually trying to help anyone xD. Love it
It was fantastic
It's just one big rant lol
he's so smart even his rants are informative
A rant may be exactly what some people need lmao. So many of us fed up with the terrible expirience of online dating.
Well it may be a rant but it certainly helped me!
One thing I like to do with texts (particularly if they seem mean) is to "misinterpret" things as the most charitable interpretation. That way, if they're not tryin to be mean, it never becomes a thing, and if they were trying to be mean, not only does it fail, but sometimes they'll accept the chance to be more reasonable.
zen monk level stuff
Love that. I always think, "If you're trying to piss me off, you're gonna have to try harder than that."
i love this advice. kill em with kindness!!
Basically the opposite of what people do on the internet.
It's quite common for an internet argument to start for no good reason just because one person misinterprets another person's response as aggressive or offensive or something.
@@WanderTheNomad What!? YOu think you know internet people? You're so judgemental!
/s
I don't even know if it's sarcastic or not but Dr. K's introduction of the "boomer concept" of communication made me laugh harder than I have in days
Boomers are terrible at communication tho
Yo ong no cap
@@capnbarky2682 True, but it's not necessarily their fault. Past a certain point in life it's hard to keep up with newer and newer things. I could not imagine this as a kid and I was frustrated at my parents too, but now at 29 the realization is kicking in slowly but surely.
I’m 38 years old. When I tell people to try just calling the person they want to communicate with, you’d think I had three heads and twelve arms, the way they look at me
@@Moose92411 At almost 40 its shocking people don't want to talk on the phone. Its going to hurt us in the long run.
There are some interesting ideas about asynchronous communication (the opposite of realtime communication) that helped me. Basically, a big trap we fall into is trying to replicate social norms from face-to-face conversations. Stuff like saying "hi" first and waiting to get a reply before saying anything else. But when you do that with texts you risk dragging out the conversation WAY longer than it needs to be, which makes communication way harder. So when writing a message, include everything you want to say all together. That way it doesn't matter if the recipient is too busy to read or respond right away, because whenever they do respond they actually have your half of the conversation to work with, more than just "hi" or "how are you".
For example: Instead of just texting "How are you?", write "Hey what's up? Kinda bored at work/school right now, wondering if your day is any more exciting."
Or: Instead of "You busy?", write "Hey, you busy? We should watch a movie, I'll buy the tickets and you get the popcorn."
Bonus tip: if you've tried this already and you run into a topic where you're nervous about saying it all at once, that's a warning sign that maybe a text isn't the best way to say it. Texts are bad for sensitive subjects for all the reasons Dr K talks about here, they come with a huge risk of misunderstanding. That doesn't mean you can't still use a text, but you might need to make an extra effort to compensate for that risk of misunderstanding.
Great advice, thanks!
Reminds me of "don't ask to ask".
Regarding the last paragraph, I think I often overdo that. Write the text, add clarifications to clear any possible misunderstandings, answer any possible questions the person might have, add clarifications to them, add extra explanations in case they don't get it on the first go… In the end, look at that wall of text, look at the time, and realize that something went wrong.
Omg, thank you so much
This is kinda my current situation and the conclusion I've come to. Literally best comment under the video here. Imo you cracked the code on texting
Keep realtime realtime and asynchronous asynchronous is the idea I'm coming up with. Text shouldn't beused for realtime communication unless you're in an IRC chat or something
Honestly, his whole point at the end about not playing games in your communication expecting certain outcomes and to instead represent yourself and what you want while accommodating the other person is just good advice in general.
Yeah specially when playing games frequently leads to frustration when you don't get what you want - and then blame it on the other person for not getting it!
Yeah. Don't assume things and/or expect telepathy, too. Please.
My parents did that so much that I'm still trying to guess what game the person I'm talking to is trying to play. The only thing more frustrating than that is when I do/answer exactly what the other person said, and they complain that they meant something else!
Biggest thing that works for me, be a bit wordy on texts. I've gotten, "You send novels" before, but it worked as a point that people who didn't mind reading could understand me much better. The ones who didn't enjoy it stopped texting me, but I knew that there was no compatibility. Actually got engaged last month to someone who used the "You write novels," but it turned into "I love your long texts." Don't send a wall of text doesn't work unless you're specifically wanting something shallow.
Aww. And i agree. I used to have such a long profile text and some people would start the conversation with improvement suggestions that boiled down to "TLDR" :D, but the length was very purposeful. Even if what i write isn't exactly poetic, a person who would like my personality should still at least be curious enough to read through it.
But i guess a lot of people don't have the self confidence for that pov. I have a loving family and friends. If i had neither, i wonder if i'd feel so comfortable putting myself out there and not caring what people think.
why waste time say lot word when few do trick
@@RafaelMunizYT it is a bit of a bummer when after 5 years of being together you find out that a few words were not enough actually. Because people (including yourself) are more complex than you'd think.
It is a funny joke though, yes.
damn I used to type such lengthy texts and infodump like a mf, and I never was aware that this type of behavior is weird or a thing you should avoid doing. I missed those days bc now I just feel guilty every time I even TALK in more than 2 sentences about my passion.
I don't think it's really about the actual length of the text but rather it goes down to being authentic and true to yourself wherever it's long or short rather than contorting yourself. Now when ppl say things like you write novel or anything I'm like : yeah maybe I do, so what ? that's me.
Regarding "ghosting", a lot of times people just read the text and intend to respond later, then there's no alert so they forget there was a text there. Its so easy to just lose track of texts, especially if you get a lot of texts or are in a lot of group chats.
When someone "forgets" to give you a reply, this means they don't give a flying f to you 99% of the time
@@osmanguney7324 I'm not so sure this is true. As someone with social anxiety, I often delay responding because I am overthinking the response--in fact I care a lot and that's why I'm not responding. I suspect I'm not the only one who does that.
@@osmanguney7324 not true, sometimes we just don’t know what to say or how to respond in the moment, or if we are busy (working is a common one) and see it but forget to respond to it later
@@tyrsia I said 99% of the time, you might be inside the 1%. I hope you cure your social anxiety. I cured mine, I stopped giving a flying fuc..
@@osmanguney7324 it really depends. I have the attention span of a goldfish..., I've left many people on read because I read their message whilst brushing my teeth and forgot that I got a message at all.
My boys know to just bombard me until I notice. I'm so lucky that somehow women (of every age) can read that I'm just scatterbrained within seconds of meeting me. People are much more "forgiving" if you're transparent with where your head is at.
I hate texting because I can't really read people properly. It's OK with friends and people I know, but making new friends through text is so hard for me because I just don't know what to expect or how is that person reacting to my humor or topics, etc.
Sir, this is a Wendy's...
If they show good emojis like "😅" or ":))" then it is a positive reaction.
If they don't text back or don't use emojis then it is a negative reaction. Behind their phone are unimpressed with a straight face. 😐
This is the biggest issue with online dating... when getting to know someone the last thing I want to do is text them. I only text my friends when speaking with them is inconvenient. It's not how we get to know each other.
@@HideorEscape Well then everyone assumes im negativ lol, im bascially never using emojis
@@HideorEscape That's... what. People have different texting styles. Some people never use emojis. Some people overuse emojis. Getting emojis doesn't mean the person is interested. It's very contextual. Does the person usually not use them, but they do when they're excited and talking to you? Well that can be a good sign. But even then you can't be sure lol. Don't just assume based on superficial shit like that
I sort of have the opposite problem. I feel like I'm much better at communicating via text because it slows down the pace of the conversation and I get to think about my responses. Sometimes I feel like irl conversations go 900 miles per hour and by the time I'm done processing my response to whatever we're talking about, we're already on the next subject.
I'm with ya there! But there's no detecting tone through text, so it's really difficult sometimes.
@@christowers7307 Oh, definitely. And that has led to some situations. Communicating tone in text is its own artform entirely.
Sarcastic. In Starbound, Glitch characters (robots) prepend description of voice tone before anything they say, seems like a great idea for texting.
Seirous. I can't think of anything better, though, maybe demolishing the flow for the sake of clarity is worth it.
Thoughtful. Maybe, if it is used regularly, brain would adapt and ignore the tags, only using them to reproduce intonation.
With a chuckle. I mean, phantom touch is a thing, so this has to be plausible too.
I have had this too! And after working on it for like a year, it's (from my side) not noticeable anymore
I feel the similar way, written conversations are more like a book text, whereas verbal communication is often nonsense for me. For instance, when you write down every word someone says, it won't be like a story but more like a mess with lots of filler words, ungrammatical sentences, sometimes people change their mind mid sentence and so on. Written communication is much more coherent. Though I dislike short form communication also in writing, like someone posting only emojis or a few words, unless it is a response to a concrete question. Walls of texts are great in my mind, the problem with those who write walls of texts on dating sites is not so much the length but the topic - usually they just complain and blame the opposite gender, instead or talking deeply about a subject.
the last 1 minute is probably the most important thing I learnt from my psychologist. She taught me that I don't have to, and I actually CAN'T figure out what the other person wants me to say. It's not my "job" to entertain a date, or a coworker, I shouldn't worry about finding THE perfect words to say in THE perfect order.
The only person whose thoughts and intentions I know for certain is me (mostly). My "job" is to express and represent MYSELF, my feeling, my wants, and my goals, so that the other person understands me, understands my position.
It's still hard sometimes, but even the hardest situations now are much easier than the usual situations back then.
💯✨
I really liked the point about how texting is for convenience. When I was younger, I really struggled with receiving text messages because they would feel so invasive to whatever I happened to be doing. I also felt so pressured by people because I knew that if I responded, they would instantly respond, and they would expect me to have the same effort and quickness. Then there's the horror of the never ending conversation! So, I would ignore texts for a time just out of being overwhelmed. Well, I started feeling better about texting when I began setting better boundaries and communicating to people how I text in general. I've also learned to not worry so much about people pleasing when responding. I respond when I'm ready and when it's convenient. Otherwise, I'm just needlessly miserable and stressed about texting.
That a good thing.
Just try to explain that in a way to the person you are communicating with.
If they are the live/instantly responsive they might think you are ignoring them.
Texting became so strange for me. I was able to text with friends for hours. Just talking to eachother, with both of us not even leaving the chat app. That’s how much we were invested. Nowdays, I can’t remember when I texted someone for more then 10 mins. Nowdays we just exchange couple of memes + couple of funny comments following the memes and we make plans. I’m not sure if it’s just me - maybe I’ve forgot how to text or maybe it’s a thing you grow out of.
Isn't that... Good? Like, you prefer irl plans over chatting online
@@shitlordflytrap1078 sure, but I also want to be able to have a good conversation every now and then 🙃
Sameish, but I think it might have something to do with growing up. 70% of our texting was goofing around and saying nonsense :D I miss that though.
Same situation. I used to stay so long on the chat apply texting my friends, and now i rarely text. I still enjoy my life same as before, but this is something i reminisce abt every now and then
Same. I really dislike texting. With friends I just plan stuff unless a particular event happened and we want to talk about it then and there. With people i'm getting to know it sucks because having a conversation that is not going back and forth at a decent pace kinda bores me. I'm not saying it should be instant responses but if we are talking about something and it takes 2 days to get a response it's kinda pointless, at least for me. I'd rather go out with a person I don't know and talk face to face over a cup of coffee or a beer but a lot of people don't accept to go out with you if they don't know you at least a bit. But then they take ages to respond. Too much of a hassle for me so I usually just don't bother anymore.
"Don't assume you are getting mad for a good reason" Wow you just summed up so many of my frustrations with society nowadays damn, been feeling really stressed about how everyone always seems angry at eachother and I really needed to hear that I think. It's just nice to have words to put to my emotions, so thank you Dr. K.
The Key and Peele sketch “when a text conversation goes very wrong” they both misinterpret the tone of each others text is hilarious a great illustration of texting gone wrong 😂
Whatever sounds good to you.
I think part of the difficulty is that when we talk to our friends, after a while we get a pretty good idea of how they communicate. What they find funny, when they're being sarcastic, etc. This can be translated into text relatively easily, we know when we send a joke that they'll probably laugh, and we can ascertain from the conversation and what words they use when they're being sarcastic. Suddenly this text conversation isn't too far off from a regular conversation and we can follow the flow of it fairly well. We think texting is easy. Suddenly now you're texting a complete stranger and none of that applies anymore. We don't know what they find funny, we have no idea when they're being sarcastic, and everything's a mess. We send a joke and they respond with... sarcasm? Are they offended by that joke? Do they not like me anymore? It's hard.
Tl;dr when texting a friend, you know how they communicate and can fill in the gaps that texting doesn't allow you to fill. When texting a stranger, those gaps remain empty and the whole process is way harder.
When you get upset, don't assume that you're upset for a good reason. Words to live by! It took me too many years to realize this.
What I really want to know is how to stop avoiding replying It makes me anxious that I've taken too long, next thing I have 100 unread messages and people think I'm intentionally ignoring them, which just eats away at friendships.
I understand this completely "oh shit i 'read' the text now the clocks ticking, uhh shit i should have responded in 1 or 2 minutes but its going on 5 and now they think somethings wrong' this other video he had about only speaking when spoken to explains these mental gymnastics we do when interacting with people in person
Oof... I have a similar issue
@@Elderhorn95the video you're referring to (speak when spoke to), is it a recent video?
If you don't mind, could you please either tell me what's the video's title, or post the link here please?
lol i have ppl i haven’t replied to in MONTHS :(
As someone who's been on the receiving end, is it that you don't want to reply as in send a message at all or is it just when you have to think of a response to what they sent specifically? If it's the later, then sending one short clarifying message helps a lot. For example, "sorry, I'll answer back later" or "I need a moment, I'll reply later" are sometimes enough to make us know that you are not ignoring us and that you have your own stuff going on. If they are closer people you can even try to explain to them the kind of spiral you go through and figure out a code with them of like one letter or emoji you can send instead of having to respond with a full text. To break a spiral of not texting back for weeks/ a month or two, you can always pull the "I'm really sorry, I was gonna respond but something came up and then I forgot because I didn't have the unread notification to remind me"
Hope this can help you a bit in the future 🤍
I got in a relationship for double texting. We were chating normally, when she stopped responding. After two days I remember saying something like "Hey, I really liked you and it would be a shame if I let this conversation die. What about we meet up?".
The only time I really did it and it worked. Today I dont do it anymore for no real reason.
double text didn't do shit. Being upfront about your feelings, being proactive and being clear was what landed you the date and the relationship. Bet it would have worked out the same if the last text was hers and not yours :)
The double texting rule is all about appearing aloof and like you aren’t desperate, as if you don’t actually need the other person. It’s sort of a red pill thing imo. In reality, double texting doesn’t actually mean you’re desperate-if you are desperate/clingy, it’ll be apparent in multiple ways.
It’s OK to show interest, and if you don’t like the other person will move on. Same thing with “oh I can’t reply right away”.
That being said, if you’re in high school then people are still too emotionally immature to realize this and you must play by the rules. Because people don’t know how to read texts
@@bracco23 Totally. I wanted to hint this, but you said it better.
@@bruhdabones this thing that red pill do to try to look superior or confident took me back to a conversation I had with my therapist.
I told her how my selfsteam influenced me at parties. Once I was talking with people, I danced and ended having a quick romance with a girl. But I was acting so silly, being a little bit ridiculous, but confident, creative and romantic at the same time.
She told me that the most important chacarteristic was allowing my self to be ridiculous. For exemple, if a person that acts as a charming and serious guy trips and fall, he will be lost in his acting, but a ridiculous person tripping and falling turns this action in a extension of his personality.
This is a reflection that stayed with me until today.
This double texting debate is not related to red pill. Its advice found in most dating advice / tips; I'm sure you've heard of "play hard to get" way back in high school.
I will usually double text if my last reply was very weak, like an emoji or "haha". After all, I can't expect the other person to continue off a response of me that might be considered lukewarm.
I just finished watching every video on this channel. I hear Dr. K in my brain every day now.
How long does it takes?
@@DearLittleSable I discovered the channel in April 2021, so have been watching since then. At that point, there was already a ton of videos, so I just kept up with all of the new ones and caught up with the old ones. Takes a long time because there are plenty videos that are over 2 hours long.
@@MahRiiN0oo Appreciate the answer! Does it worth invest time in your opinion?
@@DearLittleSable Well, I really enjoy Dr. K, so yes. I found it interesting and helpful, but also really enjoyable.
It's really up to you though. I'd say watch one video, if you like it, then check out another. Rinse and repeat.
@@MahRiiN0oo The real question is 'how much advice did you apply from the videos in your real life?'. Are you seeing any transformations in your day to day life?
The only part I disagree with are the reasons someone won't text back that he gave (covid, depression, emergencies) Those are understandable but at the same time people are just lazy as well and overall bad at texting. Like he said, we cant control others and most of it is our expectations but it's important to know when to move on especially in a dating scenario
Agreed. If it's a friend, and it doesn't happen often then I can tolerate it. But if it goes on for months and consistently makes you unhappy, at some point you have to start prioritizing your own wellbeing over being considerate towards the person.
Yeah, great video but i think hes missing the point where, sometimes you ARE getting ghosted.
For me the most nerve wracking things in life is where you feel like you're getting gehosted by someone you like. Especially after a first date. Where you want to immediatly know what they thought about the date but they take a long time to respond to a basic "hey had fun tonight". The texting changes (or it doesnt and its in your head) and you just want to know what they thought about it. Ive also been on the oppositie end where i (maybe subconsiously) change the way i text because the date waste great for me. So whenever that happens to me i start to fill in all the blanks because i have been dissapointed before, even if its just 24 hours or something, man i hate my brain sometimes, Hate texting alltogether tbh
but how do you know when to move on? I feel I struggle a lot with this if they are lazy is it bad?
I'm a bit of a lazy person too but for that same reason I have no clue how to know someone doesn't care about having any kind of relationship with me or if they do care but maybe don't like to text.
some times a girl would "ghost" me but still have me in close friends so I'm completely lost.
these reasons still apply, you have a lot of work or some problems with other people and just forget texting back
It's different for everyone. Some people are busy, some people aren't that connected to their phones, I know people who get screen anxiety and literally avoid their phones because they associate them with stress and conflict or addiction.
As Dr K said once, "human brains will try to form certainty from uncertainty", but I have learned in my own life that it's always best to just ask people and try get to know their own situations rather than trying to find a general pattern because every one of my friends sees texting in different ways and with different rules and obligations for that medium of communication itself.
Someone actually accused me of ghosting after giving delayed responses (of a few days, less than a week) when by my book, if you can have a conversation with someone about their ghosting "pattern" on conversation it's probably not ghosting. My reason was depression and reading from the other person that they were always too busy to talk and assuming I was bothering them, and not even seeing the messages they were sending as something wanting a response but rather as ways to disengage.
Another friend sees text as just asynchronous communication for addressing non-urgent priorities since calling is for urgent stuff.
And then there's the friends who get anxious at anything but texting, it of social interaction in general or for whom leaving the house isn't very accessible, for whom texting is their main method of communication.
Different implications, different protocols and different things going on in people's heads, so nowadays my friends and I try to just ask or disclose my expectations, like "hope I didn't overwhelm you with my multiple messages there, don't feel pressured to answer all of them, I just thought some of these links might be useful to you" etc.
This is it, guys, this is the video. Dr. K has finally had it with us, demonstrated by unheard of levels of sarcasm and irony.
Maybe he has read too many of our comments and lost faith in us? lol. This may be week 2 where Mrs. K hasn't put out. No way to read this yet lol.
@@Bf26fgewell that's inappropriate. Ew. Don't be creepy dude.
I feel like you're watching us or have dangerously good psychic abilities cuz these uploads are uncannily in tune with our life events. Thank you for your help Dr. K
It's his monk training that got him in tune with the psychic forces of the world.
He is a 5 Dimensional being. Not only can he be anywhere, anywhen. He is also you. He is AGI, he is an alien, he is God, he is the Devil, he is The Buddha, he is The Jin.
Dr K. is a practicing psychiatrist. He has contact with people with problems. This whole rant could be titled "I'm sick of fixing your psyche when you constantly wreck it with your stupidity." Or "Modern youth communication is a freaking madhouse, I'm out"
Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Starting at just $30/session.
Learn more here: bit.ly/3WhLtAy
Dr. K always providing the information I need EXACTLY when I need it.
I love your charisma so much. And you’re also so spot on with understanding people’s perception of messages and their reacting 😆😆😆 i LOVE your impersonations. So smart!! What a joy to listen to you
I JUST had a serious discussion with my significant other about this yesterday, and it went really well, basically we were just looking for different things through texting.
Same
Yeah you gotta adapt your conversational style to every person if you want to get the most out of texting them. Some people generally leave everyone on read. Others will send a wall of text no matter what. It's about managing expectations and knowing your acquaintances and how they like to talk on the internet.
The ‘if you see a text and get upset, don’t respond to it right away” is such good advice, i’ve avoided alot of headache by stepping back a minute before responding
What a fantastic timing! I dated a girl for one and a half months or so, but we broke it off and continues as friends. She's the most caring person I ever met and I'd have to go out of my way to upset her. However, that doesn't mean I'm immune to feeling super nervous or conscious about texting too much or too little. We've talked almost daily since we broke up romantically, but for the past 2-3 days I'm afraid I'm claiming her too much, which makes every conversation starter I can think of sound like a stupid idea...
I'm in the same boat, except me and my ex are also roommates. We're still on really good terms, it's just weird and difficult
Would it make you feel better if she didn't reply right away? Like perhaps then it wouldn't feel like she's making you that much of a priority that it could interfere with other things in her life. And it could just be more casual as a chat. If that might be the case, perhaps it's worth explaining and suggesting this to her.
Personally, for me, a video call once a week feels nice with a close long-distance friend. Whenever something happens that is worth talking about, i can note it down and then bring it up during the video call. And if there is nothing to talk about, that's also ok. Then it's just like checking in.
@@Desimere yeah I'm not sure, if we were still dating it might have been different, but I have been down this road of texting a friend too much and then not at all anymore so I'm just worried I guess. Even when I think "maybe today I'll try to minimize it a bit" she eventually asks how I am and how my day was.
@@jaytavares3105 I'm sure you'll grow out of it. I have never met such a nice person and she's very open to discuss the thoughts and feelings we have/had about each other
@@rachellejanssen2655 well, if you agree together with her to save whatever comes to mind for weekly video calls, it should prevent her from asking as well.
For me it usually slows down gradually though, so perhaps it's not quite clear to me where you're coming from. Is it you who suddenly stops writing or the other person?
This is why I love calling, I do it whenever I can. I rarely use texting anymore for anything except initiating a phone call (and work). It's amazing how differently people respond.
One great piece of advise I got a while ago is that in stuff like comments and texts we often like to jump to the worst case scenario when assuming a person's intentions in what they wrote (or did not write) but in reality that is almost never the case and very few people really speak with ill intent but so many people don't know how to communicate their intent so it is better to speak to them as if they had good, or at least, neutral intentions towards you and recognize that it's often so easy to create imaginary animosity where there wasn't ever any.
I feel like I’ve gotten better about this over the years, so I’m just enjoying watching you talk about it for fun lol
Some lessons I’ve learned:
- Back off and take your time
- Don’t assume tone
- Clarify your tone (explicit statements, tone indicators, etc)
- Ask for confirmation if something can be interpreted poorly or dramatically
I think the best way to text is to just not care about how the other person will perceive it. Say what you wanna say and if they don’t like it then they can move on
My favorite way of texting is the exact opposite of what everyone will tell you and that is when people split the texts up into ideas and you send one idea at a time so one text bubble becomes 3 or 4 smaller bubbles and you just say and respond to thing as the ideas come up. It feels like both people are excited and engaged and it takes advantage of texting because you don’t need to worry about talking over someone or missing what someone is saying or overloaded someone because they have all the time they need to process and the ideas are compact and easy to respond to
I’m so surprised your comment doesn’t have more likes! I do this constantly
I love doing that! I have friends who get stressed out by multiple messages though (I think multiple texts is a trigger of past trauma from past abusers who'd text incessantly) and some actually prefer a wall of text in a single message. I guess that's easier for people who can constrain all their thoughts on a topic neatly into a paragraph or two. And others can only handle succinct responses overall.
Both of these are really hard for me as an autistic/ADHD person with so many thoughts and ideas at once.
Dr K is the best thing that’s ever happened to RUclips!
Love the idea that texting is not just about you le perspective and goals but also theirs! Learn how to read a text, AND how to respond to a text with mental capacity is what I’m taking out of this
12:45 THIS! I think this happens to me a lot from my best friend. I texted him to wish him a happy holiday and got an attitude of a text, so i didn't reply simply because I wont participate in that kind of energy exchange. The following day he told me his family was getting on him recently so he was in a bad mood.
I HATE how it's normal to essentially treat innocent people shitty because of your previous experiences
i hope he apologised or something..it's normal to but it shouldnt be. but it's good that he explained that it wasnt you.
There's nuances and caveats to everything. With that being said, if someone is repeatedly leaving you on read/taking forever to respond and/or simply really lacking in carrying their side of the conversation, then the reality is it's probably just not a relationship/friendship worth it for the individual to continue investing in.
or: some people are terrible at texting. A close friend of mine is so frustrating to talk to over the internet because she either doesn't reply or just sends a short thing reacting to one single topic. But when we meet up in person, it's nonstop talking!
I briefly met a guy (we talked for maybe 10 mins in the hallway at an event) who's an acquaintance of a friend. Despite us barely knowing each other, he started aggressively messaging me and spamming me with new texts whenever I didn't respond within a certain amount of time. Then he seemed annoyed when I didn't tell him if I was too busy to respond. I'm not sure why he felt entitled to that level of communication in the first place, considering we barely knew each other and didn't even have any kind of established relationship. When I asked him to please chill with the incessant texting, he would make excuses about how he was worried about me. How could he be worried about somebody when he knows nothing about them or their lifestyle? Even when I did try to tell him I was busy, he would start spamming me with anxious texts again if I didn't respond within 24 to 48 hours. It was bizarre. Maybe he would benefit from watching this video
This guy offered really solid advice 👍Texting truly feels like a game of rules and you have to figure out what kind of game everyone is playing. I have one friend who sends memes and often texts in all caps so I imitate that and our messages are short and witty. I have another friend where we text every day and our responses to each other are 3-4 big blocks at a time. My mom's texts can seem blunt but she's a boomer and I have to imagine how she would say it in person. And I have one friend who doesn't respond until 12 hrs later but we're very close in person. Everyone has a different ruleset
This video is just one big example of why I still prefer to just call people 😂 Texting is convenient but I hate it when the people I'm talking to have a style of texting that is incompatible with me. Some people send too many messages without giving you a chance to respond, some people send very little messages and when I try to ask open ended questions to keep the convo going they STILL somehow manage to find the shortest response humanly possible. Like, do you even want to talk to me? Are you engaged at all? Or for people who text too much, do you just want to hear yourself talk? This is why I just call people. It's so much easier to answer these questions from the tone of their voice and the cadence of their speech patterns.
In texting, the most important thing is being honest and true to yourself. Never change yourself or the way you text because you need to get the other person to like you. Just be yourself and ASK. QUESTIONS. If you're not sure how they meant their last message, ask them. If you're not sure if you're being ghosted, ask them (nicely and straight up, it's better to have them tell you they're not interested instead of being unsure for weeks and getting one word replies until the conversation just stops forever).
how should i ask someone if im being ghosted?
@@luana6975 "Be honest. Are you even interested in me or not? Cause I feel like I'm being ghosted and I'm not gonna put any effort into trying to get to know you if you're not trying to get to know me. Just tell me if you're not interested so we can move along and not waste anyone's time." Is what I'd say.
Remember- No response is a response.. I determine Ghosting by trend.. Did they respond between 5 min- 3 hours?... suddenly... to now its 3 days? means you've gone from the front burner to the back burner.. or not on the stove at all.
They definitely saw it and have chosen to not respond. NOBODY is SO busy that they can't take 20 seconds to acknowledge a text extended periods of time.. unless something big has happened.
Does one side only initiate? Or am I the one who is required to initiate always?
I dont agree that ghosting is based of expectation on our part. Its based off a pattern of messaging the other person has themselves estabilished. Not only that, but with certain messaging services you can easily see they're active online, but singling you out to ignore. In my long list of ghosting exeriences their attitude changes, they message less and less, then they ghost you. Unfortunately I don't know why this occurs.
I love the sarcasm in the beginning and throughout lol
I think the Key and Peele skit about the two friends texting each other, and one guy is totally chill, and his friend is reading and sending everything with increasing upsetness 😂
The solution for all social anxiety: Stop over-thinking it. Too many anxiety-based problems are created in your head and not actually based on experiences in reality
Yes, but "just don't overthink" is not particularly useful advice
@@gralha_ It is, what are you doing right now? Literally over-thinking, I don't mean this rudely but if you struggle with this just try to force yourself to speak because having thoughts stuck in your own body isn't good.
@@gralha_ as an overthinker, it is actually good advise, tend to be more active in your decisions, paralysis by overthinking will lead to fear, guilt and procrastination
Another thing that I think helps is being more candid when writing a message. I think people get in their heads when online dating and they spend too much time trying to craft the perfect message. It just ends up coming off inauthentic. Obviously read over the message before sending and don’t text anything offensive.
Is someone gonna tell Dr.K that emojis dont even convey their intended emotion anymore
😭 😭 😭 is literally used as a Laugh right now
Same principle for how your behavior changes around different people.
If i'm texting a friend, I can be as goofy as I desire and feel that anytime is right to text them.
However when I go on a first date with a girl or before we meet up (messages through dating apps) and afterwards, texting becomes insane difficulty. The timing matters, the way you convey matters. One wrong move and it's a recipe for ghosting.
I think the ghosting segment is very interesting. I definitely agree that people have stuff going on in their lives and that ghosting is subjective, but at the same time I think that everyone's on their phone so much nowadays, even being very busy, that it's pretty easy to still send at least a text or two to someone if you care about keeping a relationship with them. Maybe it's just me personally but I will always find time to text someone an update (something like "hey sorry I'm super busy, I will text you later" or something) and I find that usually me not texting someone for extended periods of time is because I don't care as much about texting them, not because I am unable to. Just my 2 cents.
It's not exactly just you, but based on just what people are saying in this comments section you are quite possibly wrong in some cases. For some/many people it's more to do with them simply being uncomfortable and overwhelmed with the whole process of texting. Same deal as social anxiety in general really.
When connecting with new people, it's important to know that you are not familiar with each other's communication styles and patterns. It takes a while to figure out how long people typically take to respond. For me, if someone typically takes a week or more to respond, that person isn't going to be someone I rely on too much and get attached to.
Thanks again for the great advice. I’m so dumbfounded by how simple life gets when you don’t overthink everything.
Bro this channel is literally a lifesaver.
Your deep sarcasm surrounding the entire concept of texting is exactly what I came here for and I didn't even know it. I resisted texting for the longest time but once smart phones came out there really was no way around it. I love hearing other Xennials rant about these kinds of things. 😄
wish my ex-friend knew how to read texts before he alienated the entire friend group. he had a meltdown over a girl sending him a text with the 😮 emoji because some completely random unrelated person used it sarcastically on him once.
C, wherever you are I hope you've stopped having temper tantrums and making girls who actually want to help you cry.
One thing I would like to add, is don't reply for the shake of replying, reply while having something to add or to discuss, add value to the convo even if it takes like 2-3 days.
Thank you so much. This is why I hate texting. Everyone expects you to respond a certain way and within a certain timeframe and if you don’t, they get upset at you, and you don’t know what you did. Also, some people literally only text. And then, they expect a quick response because they texted you something urgent. But, because texts are extremely easy to miss or not notice for a time, you don’t notice and they get mad at you because they don’t know how a phone call works. It’s very frustrating.
Great Editing guy. and I love Dr. K's points being displayed on screen, VERY helpful!
Just let go of expectations💀
I love this dude man.
"... called the phone call"
LEGEND
I actually came to this conclusion of “learn how to read/interpret a text” on my own a few weeks ago. Watching this video really helps me to feel that this switch I’ve made is the right decision. However, I will always think of texting a girl who I have the intention of either dating or getting with in some way as a total game that you have no choice but to play. The approach varies based on each situation and woman, but regardless it will always be a whole song and dance until you end up in a relationship. Learning the bit about taking time to interpret texts helps tremendously.
That eggplant metaphor caught me off guard lol
I hate texting, because I either don’t want to talk to anyone, or I want to have a semi long exchange, with long texts. Usually people don’t work like that. I find short texts to be pointless. Unless it’s for scheduling a meeting up or something like that. If it was up to me, I would have semi long exchanges with people every other week. I don’t need to keep up simple exchanges every few days. Unless I’m messaging my family or something. There’s a lot of mental energy that goes into texting and the idea of texting for me, so I’d just rather not usually, unless there’s some substance.
Hmm, I can't say this video taught me anything new.
It is good advice, but...
I already know not to misread texts and not overreact to them. I usually take things in the most positive or realistic way I can imagine.
I try to not only be self-aware, but also be outwardly-aware of how the other may feel in response to my response. It's just something I already do second-nature all the time, or at least try to. I try to be aware of the other person's perspective, feelings, and position. I actually think twice before I say stupid things to my friends.
I already understand people sometimes just forget to respond, or can't, and that is a fairly innocent thing - but I still have friends who are "just always like that" and it's difficult for me compared to friends who aren't just like that. Should I just stop trying with these friends who are chronically difficult then? I know I can't just change them...
It was one of your other videos where you mentioned to treat it like a game of tennis, once the ball is in their court... wait for a response back. This is a common rule anyway.
Alright. I have a friend who will just stay silent if she can't think of something to say, or if she forgot about it that day, she will almost never get back to it and go back to being perpetually busy. If it's from yesterday, it practically doesn't exist anymore.
Fair enough, we've had talks about it, I know she's forgetful, and I know she simply has little or minimal to say sometimes. I know exactly what to expect from her, because she is reclusive in very much a similar way to how I reclusive I am.
When we have actual real voice to voice conversations, we get along great though.
But being on the receiving end of such unresponsiveness... it's difficult every time. The way I've adapted is to just not make a fuss and forget about it unless something new comes up to talk about, treating the day before as if it didn't exist... it's not just my one friend who does that and it baffles me... but I play along.
For people I care less about, I strike them out of my life for it and it's problem solved. But when someone I care about does it...
Alright, so I am making sacrifices here. The goal is to some degree accommodate the other, but also to represent myself.
Okay... but I don't feel represented if I don't feel listened to. I just feel ignored. And that does create that resentment, but I have long since learned not to act on resentment and to wait myself out and re-approach things with a better mindset later.
But oftentimes, later, the only answer I can think of is to just still not say anything. I have had the worst experiences from calling people out for being unresponsive and it has only ever made people grow to dislike me for trying.
I know for a fact, that if I didn't try to keep up the friend ship, she would just let me go... because I already silently avoided her for over a year. Partially because of her, partially because I had other difficulties in my life. She said nothing until I came back one day asking to talk and ask if we should stay friends.
Thankfully, that actually went well, and i learned she does value my friendship... but... it feels so one-sided, even though I know what to expect.
I have equally strong urges wanting to stay friends with her and wanting to cut her out for life. But I'm an optimistic person so I never go the doomsday route with genuinely good people.
All for the sake of not becoming just "a problem" to her, I try not to make all of this too big of a deal for her and not make too much conversation be about this...
I still have all the same problems on a loop.
No option seems good. Put up with it? Confront her? Get rid of her?
I feel like I feel equally bad with her in my life (I get this painfully one-sided friendship), or with her out of my life (I'll miss her dearly - the friendship is really good most of the time). At least with her in my life, sometimes we have fun together.
I feel this so much and had trouble putting it like this. I have no trouble communicating wether it's work-related or private, in-person or text, but texting with that one friend and that friendship in general is exactly like you described yours. I try to think of the positive when meeting up which outweighs the negative, but sometimes the negativity bias whispers "I probably won't get an answer" which doesn't make it easy all the time.
Oh my god I’m so glad someone else understands! I have a friend who is great in person and then non existent over text. For instance she’ll tell me at the end of a hangout that she wants to meet up again, so I follow up within 3 days to a week, and I get no response. Then I text her boyfriend (who is bffs with my bf) after two weeks or so and he gets on her case. Only then does she finally apologize and respond. One time I was sick for a month and (this is quite petty of me, I admit) I decided to test if she would check in at all if I went no contact. And to no one’s surprise she never reached out. I mentioned all this to my last therapist and her only advice was to “manage my expectations.” I don’t expect much from that friend anymore but it still kind of sucks to feel ignored on the rare occasions I try to talk to her anymore
We had the same problem with our best friend from school. For a while we tried to get her to respond more regularly, but it just drove her further away. Now we just write or call her occasionally without much expectation and being okay with either outcome of her either responding or not.
Since we made the decision that we want her in our life even if she never changes, things have been much easier for us to handle
If you've confronted them and they cant seem to do any different, it's your job to learn to accept that. Not everyone likes texting as a form of communication, so they end up not giving it as much weight as you may be doing and end up forgetting or directly ignoring messages because they're afraid to admit the conversation wasn't so entertaining to them. It's not a bad thing to want to communicate face-to-face only (or almost), remember that text messages aren't humans' natural way of communication.
If you know they're a bad texter and they've admitted it to you, why is it so important to text them? Can't you be friends without it?
A technique I use is I ask the other person if we can schedule a date and time when they're free to text for 30mins or 1hr. This way, both of you can text without waiting hours for each other's response and losing that momentum, and also to know if the other person id serious or not
What I got from this (in view of my texting experiences) is that some people get upset at texts (just like I do) and may not know how to respond to my text. So it might actually be a good technique when texting to try to write a text that will elicit a response from the recipient so they can have a better chance of knowing how to respond and therefor enjoy the texting experience with me more (and want to text with me more.)
I guess I'm used to writing letters, and the simple act of writing a letter sent with a stamp, etc, usually communicated how important the recipient was to me. But now texting is for convenience, and the sentimental aspect of written communication isn't a part of that anymore.
I used to text people a lot from the age of I dunno 11 to around 18 (i'm 20 now). The vast majority of those people were internet friends. I think I had many deep and interesting and enjoyable conversations through texting in this time. I had no problem with texting as the primary means of communication, even if I wasn't good at it with people irl for instance.
Nowadays I quite dislike texting and I just think it degrades basically any conversation that can be had, or that for me, it degrades any friendship I may have due to subpar communication... which is interesting cause I used to have legit good conversations over text, it was my habitat, but now I can't even stand it.
I would love to rely on phone calls instead of texting or voice messages. But the problem for me is that I'm not used to calling at all. I sometimes see my grandparents get a call from someone what seems to me like randomly. They tend to have a short conversation which I think updates each other on what's going on in their lives... which would be perfect, but I'm quite a lot more anxious about calling someone, cause then I feel like I'd certainly have to have something to say, you know a lot more is at stake, cause a text can sorta die out with a good friend but an awkward call is more of a burden.
I think I'll try to talk to my friends about this in the future, so that we can call instead of texting. But it's going against the grain and that sucks, cause I really despise texting now, it's so lifeless and imperfect, it's like burning your entire house down to power your car for the week instead of a few liters of gas.
I don't even feel like I had too much to say here, so the length of this comment is probably also indicative of why I don't really like texting... don't want to be some moron who makes huge texts just cause I can't really condense my thoughts into a few senteces.
Ha, sometimes it's refreshing to read something a bit longer but explained well. Usual comments are shallow
@@thaicuisineoui I just realized that, fully agree!
I was also thinking of bringing up to my friends to try calling together instead! :)
This was brilliant. and as I work more toward secure attachment and working with my therapist all of this and things like this are making so much more sense and I have so much less anxiety and issues surrounding this. Thank you for what you do Dr. K. You are an amazing resource and have such a wonderful way of delivering the message. I think the best way to deal with a lot of these issues is to start from an 'I'm ok, they are ok' mindset, a charitable, neutral way in which your life doesnt revolve around these texts and also assuming that the other persons life doesnt either, and that you are both ok with this.
This is what Andrew Tate was meant to be
Healthy Andru tate
I wish that messenger wouldn't let you know if they've seen your message or not. When I see they see it with no reply, I always imagine them with a disgusted look on their face. I know it sounds insecure but I can't be the only one who does this.
Just use Signal for SMS on Android. Has all the options you want and more. I've never seen a read receipt in my life.
This is why I prefer calls over texting. Texting can be so tiring... You can also cram a couple of hours of texting, into a 10-15 minute conversation. Texting also allows to people to plan their responses for however long they want, rather then to be genuine with what they say.
I know this is probably very helpful for many people.
But I just want to point to Dr.Ks (and the one who cut the video) incredible comedic timing. This rant is gold. It is hilarious. Thank you so much for your wonderful high quality content. You and your team are the best!
❤️❤️❤️
this channel is like a guide to life
In response to what to do if they don’t text back. He should’ve touched on if they ghosted you but you can see they are clearly active on social media
Yes!!
15:36 ;b He kinda did.
@@Sieggis kind of... 😅
Ghosting in itself is immature and if you can see if they are active on social media, cut bait and move on. It hurts to get ghosted but id tell myself if they do this to people as opposed to being honest and upfront then you probably dont need that energy in your life anyway
@@Elderhorn95 You phrase it like people treat everyone the same way. Priorities exists, and life events can fill up someone's mind or get prioritized over your message as he noted. It's only immature if you believe everyone deserves your time always, which i'd argue is the more immature view of interactions.
I just recently realised that whenever I texted someone, I was trying to do things so as to not look "desperate" and trying to make up excuses to write that seemed "genuine". Then I realised that "pretending to be genuine" is just "not-genuine". So I just texted this person and admitted to myself that "hey, im interested in this person, talking with them" and a text saying "hey, i was thinking about you and wanted to talk" can be something better for myself and the other person. I make things easier for myself and, even if there is a chance of "looking desperate", there is also the chance of making someone else's day better.
I love this omg thank you! And your deadpan jokes while legitimately frustrated had me chuckling XD
I do feel that people need to be able to assess possible intent wayyyy more than what happens too commonly nowadays. People are assuming negative first in anything they read it feels like. It's literally life saving to know the difference of when people are actually doing harm via text.
I love Dr.K. The way he explains things is so easy to digest, and his advice/opinions on controversial topics or any topic for that matter is the perfect sane middle ground of the highly polarizing opinions out there on the internet.
Did you guys change anything about your audio setup? The vocal quality (at least on youtube, no idea about livestreams) is very different in a not great way.
It seems like the context for this video is texting in the context of dating, but I think it's been a long while since Dr. K dated. The overall experience on dating app has gotten increasingly worse over the years, and I don't think it's because of some unwritten rules.
1. "If a text upsets you." : In the cases where this does happen, it's usually because the person is genuinely being mean or offensive. Negging also occurs on dating apps. Jokes that land poorly can happen, but I'd say those are in the minority. There's a lot of mean judgmental comments being made on dating apps, and even discrimination. It's like they're saying "If that person is willing to put up with me, I can get them to do whatever I want." or "Dance for me monkey."
2. "What if they don't text back/What if they ghost": Ghosting is ridiculously common these days, and so is the expectation for some people that the other person should make all the efforts to "woo" them. And then if they're not interested, they will usually ghost to avoid having to say they're not interested or because they got bored and can't be bothered anymore.
Nevermind the fact that in most cases these days, the majority of "matches" you receive on dating apps aren't because the other person is interested in you, but because they're swiping right on all profiles, and then filtering who they might be interested in based on who they matched with. This is done to avoid having to pay the monthly subscription.
TLDR: Dating Apps are toxic, and encourage toxic behaviours.
They really and truly are not designed to help you meet anybody.
7 billion people on the planet, 100 million in app, and you only get 1 or 2 likes a week as a man?
You have to pay for filters? Otherwise you have to spend hours swiping through people you obviously already wouldn't match with?
They upfront have 6 month subscription options? That's a clear message saying they don't expect you to meet anyone any time soon.
They only exist to get you to spend money.
...
So then, what are people supposed to do? Is the only real route for us to find ways to meet new people randomly in public?
yeah, when i outright rejected people instead of ghosting, it could sometimes be really difficult. Even if 1 out of 10 people blew up at me, that's a lot of effort i had to put into calming them down. Then my friends told me i should have just ghosted them, but that's not the way i preferred to be treated, so i didn't do that. But rejecting people really is emotionally exhausting, even when it goes well and we mutually agree that we're not a good match. Considering how many people you're supposed to swipe through to find someone who is compatible (because the dating apps don't let you filter), rejecting people en masse is kinda required. It just seems like it's a choice between getting burned out and ghosting. I chose getting burned out after about a month on the apps every time, but i can't really blame anyone for choosing ghosting. I blame the apps.
Texting is nothing like face to face conversation. That's what people forget.
If you want to reply later, go back and mark as unread. This was a life saver for me
So basically texting is very problematic if used for conversation?
damn, this boomer concept of "communication" (sp?) is wild
This was one of the best things I've watched on this channel, and I really needed to hear this. Thanks. Hope this video gets recommend to more people.
The most common thing in all gurus' guides: "You want to write? You need to read"-wise man...
PS: Well made guide 🙂
I am kind of behind in the texting game . For the longest time I didn't know that there were any rules to texting . I thought it worked like a conversation like you send a text then they send a text and then if you are done texting you say bye i'll text you some other time and vice versa . I actually like texting because you can get a full thought out without being interrupted . I should have probably thought about other people liking texting because they can respond when and how they want to but I am following other people's texting rules . I didn't even know what asl meant on the internet for a long time . I am a late bloomer and have always been a few steps behind .
dr k please dont edit out the pauses in your speech!! it really helps me process what you say
I think since our generation lives on our phones, that we forget the original purpose of them. It's a great point that texting wasn't originally meant to be a form of back and forth deep conversation, but we treat it that way now. This also relates to us just doom scrolling between the same 3 apps. When you're on your phone, ask yourself what you're actually looking for. If you can't answer that, put it away. The more we treat phones like what they used to be, brief communication devices, it'll help our mental health.
“This boomer event called a conversation” that one hit hard
Conversations are way better than texting
Yeah, I really need to watch this one
I think Dr. k gives a bit too much leeway to bad texters, as a bad texter myself. I feel like bad texting really limits the ppl I want to connect with, u can lose out on a lot of opportunities nowadays if ur not fast and cultivate the skill of responding to texts in a timely manner. ppl won't bother if u take too long to reply and there is definitely a social expectation for the response time to be Abt a day. I find the secret complaining club of really fast texters who are on top of their shit really stressful, but I guess as the instigators and planners they have a point with us slowpokes.
Yeah. I see a lot of people have a problem with short texting deadlines, but in my experience when i say there are no deadlines, about 50% of people just never get back to me. I guess the people who set stricter deadlines will then always be a priority.
Although i do appreciate the friends who write to me every once in a few years, it's always so heart-warming to hear from someone like that and feel like we're still connected even without being in touch.
Honestly the only people i count on are when they just keep in touch once a month or something. ^^
It feels like they care more cuz its not spme kind of text message battle
Omg havent seen any of his video for a long time so no idea if the Guru is now a usual occurence or a one time thing but it was the funniest shit ever, I love his humour
This is kind of texting etiquette 101 and perspective taking. I was hoping it was how to master texting.
I feel ghosting is used to describe anytime somebody does not text you back. But I feel context is important.
There is a difference to not replying to „hey, what‘s up?“ and „hey, I happen to be close by. Wanna go for coffee?“
(One implies boredom and the other urgency to action)
Also there is a difference if you just started texting with someone via a dating app and they don‘t respond to you for a week versus you went on three great dates with someone and then they suddenly don‘t text you back. One is just life and one is rude.
Dr.K asking me if I want his eggplant was not on my bucket list this year 🍆
When people texted me and I was doing something, I had to stop doing my things, interests, hobbyies,whatever, because I knew I would upset them if I don't text back. I had to socialize for hours until I was tired and had to go to sleep so often. It was so draining. I wasn't able to do things I enjoy because the others didn't just call and I was not able to kinda say no to this. Now I dont do this anymore. I feel it is very good for me, but the people are angry and I feel guilty,too. But now I understand I dont have to feel guilty 😊 Thank you 💜
First off I gotta say thank you to Dr.K, pick ten compliments from the comments and I will give ’em a ditto!
It’s the “Add Break Swami-Guru” character, it made me laugh out loud, love it. I’ve heard you do your voice a hundred times, it was the whole outfit and head wobbling that got me, bravo team. I have personally witnessed the good Dr.K and HGGG do for all the maturing streamers and influencers. The good ones have taken your advise and grown as people. And, in turn they are doing their job and INFLUENCING their viewers, causing them to grow up a bit and learn about nuance and shades of gray. And the social skills, that seem to have skipped a few generations? Well, Bravo!
I’m choosing to believe that it’s okay for a fifty-Two year old sorta suburban, white guy, OG GAMER too enjoy his favorite internet Doctor doing his funny Indian stereotype, right?✌️…ugh, these rules?