We are all judged by people. You are not alone. Don't reject yourself first. Work on your core concepts. Ask if what you are thinking is a fact. What is the proof?
That comes up a lot. Some exposures for that include telling someone you’re anxious or exaggerating the physical symptom of anxiety that you experience. If it’s sweating you’re concerned about, you can splash water on yourself. Or run in place and then go talk to someone.
I find them a bit much/ overwhelming as well. Much "smaller" situations would already trigger my anxiety enough... I think it's ok if we go slow and also adjust some exercises, to make them less intimidating. Or choose other, a bit less scary actions that would help us step out of our comfort zones. You're not alone!
Binging your videos and crying because it is such a relief to hear someone validate and articulate what I experience nearly every day. I would love to try some of the exposures but unfortunately the stakes and in turn, the fears are doubled because I live in a country where I'm not fluent in the language yet.
Maybe asking strangers to take a picture of you would be doable for you? You'd just seem like a tourist who knows at least _some_ of the language, which is something natives tend to be quite appreciate of. You also don't need to know the language to wear something funny/strange in public! (For me personally, though, that would still be harder, because I am uncomfortable with being looked at for an extended amount of time 🥴)
@@anniesoernym You're so sweet thank you so much for the ideas! I absolutely hate having my photo taken but I could ask for directions or something like that. Wearing something strange would definitely be a HUGE challenge for me because I already feel like people are looking at me and judging me constantly. It would be my nightmare but maybe that means it's a good thing to try :)
My issue stems from my habit of reading too much into body language and social cues. If I’m feeling good and confident and approach someone, and they look visibly uncomfortable or nervous I can’t help but shut down and it gets awkward very fast where I want to run away 😅 this comes to play more with people in a romantic scenario or people that are not as open or enthusiastically friendly with me. The sense of comfort is needed for me to navigate these situations.
That's interesting. For me it's usually the opposite. When someone I approach seems nervous, it can help make me feel more confident, because it puts me in the "stronger" position. I usually have more issues when people come across as very confident, that can trigger my insecurities. (Even though, lately, as I have been learning a lot about narcissism, I learned that the people who seem overly confident oftentimes actually have a very fragile ego and knowing that helps me.)
I have struggled with mental illness and my mental health since I was a kid. Before I even knew what those terms were. After years of depression, anxiety, and even an attempt to take my life, I never thought I would be able to live without psych medications. I clung to them because it was the only thing that made my mind quiet, but it also made me a zombie. Microdosing has given me control of my mental health for the first time, and they essentially gave me my life back.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@ohmakure4716 I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
I don't like video calls and talking to strangers can make me feel uncomfortable and insecure. I'm very proud of myself that I managed to chat with all of my sons teachers per video call for parent teacher conferences this week anyways! I was worried about moments of awkward silence or that I would come across as nervous or stumbling over my words/ saying weird things. But none of this really happened and I managed to stay pretty connected and even had some moments where I enjoyed the conversation. 😊
The biggest thing keeping people with social anxiety is often their mindset. These tips will actually help you, if you think the whole world is just judging only you, then you're wrong. I used to suffer from extreme SA and the only way I got rid of it was once a few years ago by drinking then eventually exposure to the things I was afraid of... It's not easy because it's a battle within yourself. SA is very hard to overcome when it's at it's strongest, but you have to be comfortable with being judged, and realizing at the end of the day you are completely normal, if not it's ok to be different. You must get to a point of being tired of being afraid that you will do anything to be normal. Accepting your anxiety and overcoming it is powerful, you need to be vulnerable in order to be strong sometimes. It's not a weakness or something to be ashamed of, you have to see yourself as a strong person for dealing with such a scary negative human emotion, and once you overcome it, you will feel stronger than most people.
You're so right. Just now in this season of my life social anxiety is at its peak, I think it was never this bad actually. So much that even a coworker talked to me about it and then I told her about my struggles. I think she told some other people for my sake because now they all want to talk to me and they're all extremely nice so like you said I think you have to be vulnerable and I want to be able to talk about it and for people to understand, especially when being anxious makes me seem rude and uncaring. I'm also trying to overcome by challenging myself and some things are harder than others but I know ultimately I'm safe. Anyway God bless you and have a great weak 🥰
My core fear I think is people judging me for who I am, how I act and what I look like. I’m scared that in someone’s eyes I’m not good enough..? And that I’ll be rejected and left alone in all situations, although I do love being alone a lot of the times in my life. But Idk..
I also have the same problem..I am so anxious around my relatives as I don't meet them on the daily basis..I really hope that one day I can be free from this 'social anxiety '
Thank you. I did the core fear exercise and discovered (although I deep down already knew) that my core fears are that people will not accept me and I'll suffer consequences for being an outcast. I realize that living in my fear will inevitably push people away and my fears will come true and the cycle continues with me being more afraid. I think for me, instead of always thinking about what other people are thinking about me, I need to do the things I value doing and be the person who I want to be.
Social anxiety is something I have overcomed more or less. And my advice is to understand that it is a process of retraining your thinking-patterns and the way you react to them and also to the feelings. For me what helped has been breath meditation, metta meditation, Buddhism in general. One need to practice mindfullness in order to see what’s going on in the mind and also to accept the feelings as more of physical sensations. One insight I gained is that the mind often thought that when I face a group of people “they” were thinking of me. But actually that is a lot of brains with different opinions and lives and they most likely could not have the same thoughts, I have realized that all people view life from there perspective and it is not a group of people thinking but many minds and that makes it very unlikely for me to know what all of those are thinking at the same time. (This is something I realized) Other Things that have helped is quit alcohol, changing friends and countries, drinking chamomile tea a lot. Eating healthy. 1st thing I would do practise metta meditation and keep sila (at least 5 precepts) 2. Breath meditation 3. Get your self some good company both inside and outside
My fear is being judged. I didn’t use to be like this but moving to a different state in your early 20’s trying to make friends and having people ghost you with no reasoning you start to wonder if something is wrong with you. If you wonder enough, you actually start believing something is wrong with you which is what happened.
felt this, i haven’t moved but most of my old pals won’t return calls or texts. if they *do* end up answering, it’s always a no or “i’ll let you know” (obvs i never hear back).
My social anxiety feels worst after I spend a great day with people I know love me the most in the world, but at night I lie awake wondering whether one little thing I said was the wrong thing. I'm afraid people don't actually like me and that I'm being talked about behind my back.
One of the things I struggle with the most is when I am in a silent room/environment. I start to focus on myself and my breathing and any sound I make such as loud breathing or even dropping a pen I feel like will draw lots of attention to me which I don’t like.
Makes total sense. A big part of all anxiety based problems is learning how to be less focused on what’s inside you and more on what’s outside. That’s difficult when there isn’t much going on out there. It might help to remember “oh this is what my brain does when I’m in a silent room, it magnifies what I’m doing and what’s happening inside.”
One thing that helped me was just doing stuff alone, like going to a coffee shop or a movie. I’ve even been to a concert alone. Had a great time with myself and I wasn’t anxious 🙂🤘
Core fear I had are shame, trauma from family-related issues and autism-related violence. It's also difficult especially in dating life and making new friends. Thoughts I might think for the worse includes getting arrested for saying a wrong word or harassment.
What sucks is that I want to get better, but I absolutely do not want to go into public and expose myself in an embarrassing way. This is what makes me feel so stuck. These kind of tips really make me feel like I am doomed to be an outcast the rest of my life.
You dont have to do that. I was scared to go into grocery stores and pay but ive taught myself to do that, making my anxiety better, and i didnt do anything embarassing. just do things youre scared of, small steps at a time
My core fear is being rejected and criticized. I think people think I am boring or have nothing important to say. I also fesr people misinterpreting the meaning of what im saying and then getting angry
The issue with exposure for me is not about actually trying them, but how to handle the consequences or the extreme cringe or awkwardness that follows. For instance, the scenario in a cafe, where if I order a coffee, and later tell them that I wanted a tea instead. What if they say no. Or what if they react rudely.
@@kumaresank4630As far as I understood, she wrote, that the consequences are actually her fear. So if she should try on her own fears it wouldn't be an example anymore 🤷🏻♂️ Would be helpful if you have some ideas how to handle such situations ?
Wearing my anxiety on my face in social settings was a big struggle I had for many many years. Since I was a teenager. I can overcome it sometimes but sometimes it creeps up unannounced
These tips were actually very helpful thank you. I know other creators say that confidence is key which it is but sometimes you don’t feel confident all the time and want real answers. Definitely will be implementing these tips.
I embarrasse myself daily, it will be hard to beat it :,) I have discovered your channel yesterday, it helps a lot, especially coming from someone who has been in our shoes. Thank you so much for sharing so many things with us!
I want to do this to defeat my ego and do more exposure especially in social situations. Do you think embarrassing yourself has helped you learn more ?
this hit home. i work sales and referals are supposed to be a good thing, i only meet clients once because if i make a good impression than im nervous that i have to live up to that again. your videos always hit different.
Most people are just more comfortable expressing their anxieties online, it's so much easier than showing that side of yourself in real life. Trust me, there are a lot of people with such issues everywhere around in real life too. Some people are very good at hiding it, but lots of people have mental struggles, in one way or another, including anxiety. You're definitely not alone.
Ive always been to myself growing up but now at 23 i really am regretting not socialising at a earlier age. Its getting out of hand and to the point where its starting to affect my child and others in my life, i find it hard just trying to leave the house for something as important as food for my kid. I know its all in my head but its hard to be in public and not think people are watching your every move
Your tips are unique and exactly what i've been looking for. these tips give me anxiety yes, but also give me hope :) at least I learned that these situations do happen in real life and it's normal and it's fine! thank u so much, Dr. Ali.
I have become very interested in politics the last few years. One thing that helped me last summer was petitioning! I had to ask hundreds of people if they wanted to "sign my petition so my candidate can get on the ballot in November". It took my out of my comfort zone and with my main core fear being rejection, it helped me practice that too. I definitely had people tell me no, I also had people who asked questions and I didn't know how to answer. It was amazing exposure therapy and it always felt so good afterwords. Petitioning is great too because you still feel a sense of accomplishment. even if I had 100+ rejections I still got many that said "yes". My advice, even if you don't like politics, find a local independent political party that needs help collecting signatures . the exposure to rejection, criticism, and embarrassment are real but it's so rewarding to have the accomplishment of collecting signitures AND facing your fear
Yeah ! I also feared of myself in socialising feel like I'm a weirdo and but got enough of attention in my school life to a anxious person is a bliss and sin itself . Want to cope up soon otherwise it's dangerous to yourself , pain is inevitable but misery is optional. Simple thing be kind to yourself .
My problem with this for me is that intentionally lying about the context of a social interaction to people just to gauge their reaction adds a different layer of anxiety about being a bad person that's separate from my social anxiety. I mean if someone came up to me for help under false pretenses and i figured that out, i would not think too highly of them, i would feel used.
Doing dares does not make me anxious but its the one on one conversations when i need to talk about myself … it makes me sweat soo bad and i look so anxious no matter how hard i try to fight it
All these are excelent exercises. I have overcame it for the most part but when I get away from social situations it comes back. The only positive things is that I know for sure how to overcome it now. Its just time and effort but its easier as I know that its possible.
After reading so many comments about people confessing their anxiety actually helping me about one of my thoughts that im not the only one who have these issues with every day of my life i feel like in anxiety you are not living you are surviving everyday
thank you for the video Dr. Ali. I am really enjoying your videos about SAD. I guess my hesitation or lack of motivation is that I think I am more comfortable being socially anxious than doing any of the CBT techniques discussed. I just don't want to pull other people into my struggle and ruin their day.
Glad you’ve found these videos helpful! For motivation it’s totally fine if someone doesn’t want to change the current situation. To clarify this you could make a list of things you currently like about your social anxiety. Next you can make a list of things you like less about it. Then rank 0-10 how much you want to change it now. If this is a time you’re happy with the way things are and motivation is low, that makes total sense and don’t put any pressure on yourself to make a change you don’t want to or need to. If your fear is about ruining someone else’s day by doing any of these things, that is definitely a part of social anxiety. Most people who don’t have social anxiety, while they might not seek out these types of situations, would be able to do them and not worry that they have ruined someone’s day. And if that is a big concern for you, focus on the exercises that have less of an impact on someone else. You could wear something embarrassing, play a guitar in public, write a typo, ask someone to take your photo. All of these things are normal parts of living in a community.
"Make friends with it". Yes, indeed. When I was a newly graduated and hired engineer, I was immediately given higher-level responsibilities because I had worked my way through college while working part-time at that company. I had received so much support and flexibility there, that it directly contributed to my academic success (as did the pay, as I was an independent student). I had to present my designs in Design Review meetings, where peers and management would review my work and offer suggestions. To me, these "suggestions" felt like rejection, harsh criticism, attacks even. A huge change compared to the pre-graduation relationship. My anxiety and stress raged. I began visibly sweating, fidgeting and exhibited many of the other signs of panic. Finally, in one meeting, unable to contain myself further, I broke down and started "ugly crying". My boss took me aside and gently helped us both understand what was going on, and what we could do about it. The underlying cause was clearly my warped perception of what absolutely was very constructive criticism. This was before I started to receive effective treatment for my depression, so I was dealing with that as well. I was basically a crunchy depressed core within a fluffy anxiety wrapper. The conversation took me to a very simple place. Before interacting with ANYONE on a professional basis, I'd repeat a simple mantra: "I NEED feedback to succeed. I LOVE criticism!" This put me in a near-ideal receptive listening state, encouraging me to "lean in" to the criticism, to try to obtain all I possibly could from the interaction. This change in perspective triggered an enormous change in my professional demeanor and conduct. In particular, it encouraged me to go the extra mile when delivering my own feedback, making me a much better collaborator. The anxiety was still there, deprived of its power, though it did still serve to keep me on my toes! Friends with criticism? Sure. Then it turned into a superpower.
My biggest fear is that they will know I am weak and attack me... as it happened before. I feel like I always need to either become invisible or look scary/unapproachable and never make connections because that could also make me more vulnerable to them. Yeah, trauma-based fear of people is real.
Most people are good and not out to harm you or judge you. Unfortunately, due to some negative experiences with evil people the anxiety sets in and doesn't differentiate between good and bad people.
Just lost my gf primarily to this. Killing the vibe in public always scared to be myself around new people. I truly hope this videos helps me solve my problem and learn to live a better way of life.
You had me at “Exercises you can do on your own to combat social anxiety.” Because that means I don’t have to be around people to work on my fear of being around people 😅
My biggest fear is being criticized, which drives me to constantly try to prove that I’m doing my job well. For example, yesterday, when my boss asked me about the progress of a specific project, I felt the need to exaggerate my progress. Even though I had only completed 10% of the work, I told him I had achieved 30%, purely out of fear of being criticized or scolded.
My favourite exercise is to ask the places which I do intentionally and speaking to public. Thank you so much sir, it really works and I try level best to do all the exercises listed here. Thanks ❤🎉
I'm anxious about being anxious in front of people! Its hard for me to stay socially connected and I often feel trapped or overwhelmed. When the discussion turns to me, I really panic. I struggle to concentrate and stay on conversation. I just want to run off and be alone. I was once a social Butterly and thrived in social situations. I don't know what has happened to me.
same might not be the same for you butI i used to be a social butterfly as well and did not care ab peoples feedback I actually enjoyed awkardness in other people bc it showed their authenticity and quickly knew how to reverse the convo and make it feel comfortable. After some tramautic experiences , losing friends and being in high school really changed the way I perceived myself and made it 10x harder to communicate with peers and join conversations almost feeling like im frozen
This is exactly me! I was once, a few years ago, THE personality in the room and always felt super confident but over the past couple years I have been struggling with self doubt and have dug my way into this hole, wondering how I got here. Some days its easier than others, but when its bad I just feel so awful and trapped.
What makes me really uncomfortable about some of the excercises you proposed is that by doing them I would be inconveniencing other people. I'm not sure that's something I should do 😕
People bring up that concern a lot. Something to remember is people with social anxiety have a MUCH lower threshold for what is considered inconveniencing someone. Most people who have it think nearly any request they make of someone else is an inconvenience. That being said, usually there are versions of these you can do that are bringing about the attention on yourself and also don’t inconvenience anyone. For example, dressing up in embarrassing clothing doesn’t hurt anyone else. Playing a guitar in public doesn’t. Neither does asking someone to take your photo. They’re all just part of living in a socially connected community.
@@drali_"Most people who have [social anxiety] think nearly any request they make of someone else is an inconvenience."_ Oh! Well, if that doesn't describe me to a T 😅🙈
@@drali "Something to remember is people with social anxiety have a MUCH lower threshold for what is considered inconveniencing someone." Excellent point here, never thought of that this way :O
This video is great!! But if anyone tries to follow up every single tip that is given (those practical exercises), that person is actually gonna end up being hated 😅 😂 But I feel good after watching this, it's nice to see people who have been through the same problem giving tips and solutions, cause I often feel lost and can't find a way out of this
This video was so helpful! What I've noticed with myself is that all of these exercises, particularly for rejection or embarrassment, I would feel 100% more confident doing them if I had a friend with me who I'm very comfortable around. I wonder what to make of that...
Thank you so much for bringing this subject to light. So many people have no idea what social anxiety is! They just think it's being withdrawn and shy. I became aware of my social anxiety about 2 years ago. I've lived with social anxiety pretty much my entire life. Its been completely crippling at times. I've had so many big dreams smothered by the likes of social anxiety. I've been working with a therapist for the past year or so but I just don't feel like I'm getting much out of it anymore. I need more help with social anxiety specifically and talking about my feelings and my week isn't cutting it. Not to say it hasn't helped me but I feel like I need something different, something more targeted. Do you have any suggestions? I would love to find a Doctor with your level of experience in this matter.
Glad the video was helpful! Try looking here (services.abct.org/i4a/memberDirectory/index.cfm?directory_id=3&pageID=3282) and here (members.adaa.org/page/FATMain) for a therapist that does this type of treatment.
I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I was able to mask it to a degree because I was aware it was unreasonable. However, I got a brain tumor that left my face partially paralyzed, and that I couldn't hide, so it's only gotten worse over the years.
Hi Doctor Ali Mattu ! My anxiety stems from the fact that I don't articulate myself well. I end up being misunderstood so often that I feel lazy correcting people.
Of all the examples in this video, the one that really made me cringe was going up to a stranger and greeting them as if I know them. I think one of my fears is to get something that should be obvious wrong and then embarrass myself. I get really anxious when I have to wish people a happy birthday (because what if I got the date wrong?) or when I have to by a bus ticket from the bus driver (what if I pronounce the name of the bus stop wrong and/or get on the wrong bus?). Also, two years ago I had a garden and barely used it because it made me really anxious to think about being observed while in my garden (what if I mow the lawn in a weird way or do something else that's wrong?).
Instead of greeting strangers, start with a smile. I started to practise smiling and its really giving me benefits. Try smiling all the time whether you feel like it or not. Its a very gentle smile on the lips, not forcing much. Your brain releases feel good hormones when you practise it.
ok i have mega social anxiety to the point that i often get dizzy... but thinking of doing some of these exercises made me feel super amused and excited?
I am quite introvert . I don't why it makes me shy when I face guests or talking to strangers. Even it has become difficult talking to relatives😢but I talk with my friends and parents without any fear. I will try these tips
core fear: ppl will misunderstand and misjudge me, spread lies what will destroy me, and eventually nobody will see the real me. Now this is complex, and im just realizing.
Hi Dr.Ali I am a college student. My anxiety and fear is When I entering the other class When I meet a crowd and when I talking with girls How do I overcome?
My fear is being judged in the gym, because i dont want people to think im weird or someone who doesnt fit in or is supposed to be there and i dont want people to laugh and look at me
Interesting topic. I have some kind of meltdown in social situations. It feels like I want to have fun and be part of the group, but I just can't. I simply don't know what to say and how to act. Then I'm getting mad at myself because of that and spiral down with negative thoughts. From the outside I look like a zombie and I start declining everything even when other people try to engage with me or give me cake or something. Last weekend we went to a wedding. It happened again and I decided to take a walk to catch some fresh air. I ended up waiting in the car for 10 hours until the wedding is over. It feel like a situation I cannot win. I feel miserable being there. I feel miserable not being there. And I'm so so sad that I can't just have fun like everyone else. I'm experiencing this whenever I'm left alone at a party, club, event... It's also hard for me because I have absolutely no interest (and knowledge) about all the topics that are usually coming up at parties (politics, history, geography, music). I can't remember names, I can't sing songs (and don't remember artists, song names), and when something comes up that interests me I tend to interrupt and overshare... I have ADHD (inattentive) and maybe some elements from the Autistic spectrum (not sure, I got the ADHD diagnoses a few months ago, we haven't gotten further yet). I know that avoiding social settings is not a solution... but just thinking about them makes me depressed.
My core fears are: abandonment and rejection. It always happened to me. It hurts that the people Itusted most chose to leave me and not to be part of their life anymore.
My core fears are being judged by others and then leading to rejection/being alone and seen as a loser/weird. Thanks for the great video!
Sameeee 😢
Same
Me too man. Hang in there
Yeah I relate. Sometimes it helps me to say to myself "It's none of my business what others think of me."
We are all judged by people. You are not alone. Don't reject yourself first. Work on your core concepts. Ask if what you are thinking is a fact. What is the proof?
My big fear is the fear of being seen anxious
That comes up a lot. Some exposures for that include telling someone you’re anxious or exaggerating the physical symptom of anxiety that you experience. If it’s sweating you’re concerned about, you can splash water on yourself. Or run in place and then go talk to someone.
What about the fear of being anxious & shaking in front of someone or freezing up?
😄
@Alenabell Road to 70 subs! Right, that's why I'm asking about that specific one. I know what it means. 😊
Likewise :(
Even thinking about these exercises makes me anxious.
I find them a bit much/ overwhelming as well. Much "smaller" situations would already trigger my anxiety enough... I think it's ok if we go slow and also adjust some exercises, to make them less intimidating. Or choose other, a bit less scary actions that would help us step out of our comfort zones. You're not alone!
@jessicaras4540except he won’t respond
that's a good sign then. means you'll grow from it
@@TatchaiBunmaswe hope
Binging your videos and crying because it is such a relief to hear someone validate and articulate what I experience nearly every day. I would love to try some of the exposures but unfortunately the stakes and in turn, the fears are doubled because I live in a country where I'm not fluent in the language yet.
Maybe asking strangers to take a picture of you would be doable for you? You'd just seem like a tourist who knows at least _some_ of the language, which is something natives tend to be quite appreciate of.
You also don't need to know the language to wear something funny/strange in public! (For me personally, though, that would still be harder, because I am uncomfortable with being looked at for an extended amount of time 🥴)
@@anniesoernym You're so sweet thank you so much for the ideas! I absolutely hate having my photo taken but I could ask for directions or something like that. Wearing something strange would definitely be a HUGE challenge for me because I already feel like people are looking at me and judging me constantly. It would be my nightmare but maybe that means it's a good thing to try :)
Try TRE exercises. I've got healed by this amazing thing
Same here
Same here
My issue stems from my habit of reading too much into body language and social cues. If I’m feeling good and confident and approach someone, and they look visibly uncomfortable or nervous I can’t help but shut down and it gets awkward very fast where I want to run away 😅 this comes to play more with people in a romantic scenario or people that are not as open or enthusiastically friendly with me. The sense of comfort is needed for me to navigate these situations.
just wanted to say you’re beautiful haha
@@AJ-qb1sx thanks bro
I’m exactly the same way
That's interesting. For me it's usually the opposite. When someone I approach seems nervous, it can help make me feel more confident, because it puts me in the "stronger" position. I usually have more issues when people come across as very confident, that can trigger my insecurities. (Even though, lately, as I have been learning a lot about narcissism, I learned that the people who seem overly confident oftentimes actually have a very fragile ego and knowing that helps me.)
I have struggled with mental illness and my mental health since I was a kid. Before I even knew what those terms were. After years of depression, anxiety, and even an attempt to take my life, I never thought I would be able to live without psych medications. I clung to them because it was the only thing that made my mind quiet, but it also made me a zombie. Microdosing has given me control of my mental health for the first time, and they essentially gave me my life back.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
His name is *DR Adolf Petter*
@ohmakure4716
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@dilara4130Does he deliver to various locations?
Love this! The more we face uncertainty and doubt and respond differently to it, the more confident and less anxious we become! 👍
Well said!
I don't like video calls and talking to strangers can make me feel uncomfortable and insecure. I'm very proud of myself that I managed to chat with all of my sons teachers per video call for parent teacher conferences this week anyways! I was worried about moments of awkward silence or that I would come across as nervous or stumbling over my words/ saying weird things. But none of this really happened and I managed to stay pretty connected and even had some moments where I enjoyed the conversation. 😊
The biggest thing keeping people with social anxiety is often their mindset. These tips will actually help you, if you think the whole world is just judging only you, then you're wrong. I used to suffer from extreme SA and the only way I got rid of it was once a few years ago by drinking then eventually exposure to the things I was afraid of... It's not easy because it's a battle within yourself. SA is very hard to overcome when it's at it's strongest, but you have to be comfortable with being judged, and realizing at the end of the day you are completely normal, if not it's ok to be different. You must get to a point of being tired of being afraid that you will do anything to be normal. Accepting your anxiety and overcoming it is powerful, you need to be vulnerable in order to be strong sometimes. It's not a weakness or something to be ashamed of, you have to see yourself as a strong person for dealing with such a scary negative human emotion, and once you overcome it, you will feel stronger than most people.
You're so right. Just now in this season of my life social anxiety is at its peak, I think it was never this bad actually. So much that even a coworker talked to me about it and then I told her about my struggles. I think she told some other people for my sake because now they all want to talk to me and they're all extremely nice so like you said I think you have to be vulnerable and I want to be able to talk about it and for people to understand, especially when being anxious makes me seem rude and uncaring. I'm also trying to overcome by challenging myself and some things are harder than others but I know ultimately I'm safe. Anyway God bless you and have a great weak 🥰
Thanks for advice, I need hear this 🙌
In case you’re wondering, Mario Kart DS is my favorite version.
I was wondering, my favorite is the SuperNES version. The nostalgia I get from that game is great.
My core fear I think is people judging me for who I am, how I act and what I look like. I’m scared that in someone’s eyes I’m not good enough..? And that I’ll be rejected and left alone in all situations, although I do love being alone a lot of the times in my life. But Idk..
Same same same 😪
Me too.
My social anxiety is worse around certain types of people. Anyone else relate?
I’d say that’s very common with social anxiety. Certain people can feel more safe while others seem like more of a threat.
@@drali So true. Especially if a certain person or group of people makes you feel inferior, intimidated.
I really relate to this. I've been trying to put myself in environments with people I feel afraid of. Maybe I'll give these exercises a try.
I also have the same problem..I am so anxious around my relatives as I don't meet them on the daily basis..I really hope that one day I can be free from this 'social anxiety '
Yes, kids and older people I'm more comfortable around, it's much worse with like young adults, around my age
Thank you. I did the core fear exercise and discovered (although I deep down already knew) that my core fears are that people will not accept me and I'll suffer consequences for being an outcast.
I realize that living in my fear will inevitably push people away and my fears will come true and the cycle continues with me being more afraid.
I think for me, instead of always thinking about what other people are thinking about me, I need to do the things I value doing and be the person who I want to be.
100%, same here
Social anxiety is something I have overcomed more or less.
And my advice is to understand that it is a process of retraining your thinking-patterns and the way you react to them and also to the feelings.
For me what helped has been breath meditation, metta meditation, Buddhism in general.
One need to practice mindfullness in order to see what’s going on in the mind and also to accept the feelings as more of physical sensations.
One insight I gained is that the mind often thought that when I face a group of people “they” were thinking of me. But actually that is a lot of brains with different opinions and lives and they most likely could not have the same thoughts, I have realized that all people view life from there perspective and it is not a group of people thinking but many minds and that makes it very unlikely for me to know what all of those are thinking at the same time.
(This is something I realized)
Other Things that have helped is quit alcohol, changing friends and countries, drinking chamomile tea a lot. Eating healthy.
1st thing I would do practise metta meditation and keep sila (at least 5 precepts)
2. Breath meditation
3. Get your self some good company both inside and outside
I'm afraid people will think I'm anxious and make them anxious. Then when they become anxious I become even more anxious. It's so sad. 🙁
samee
The way to break out this cycle to accept your anxiety for what it is rather seeing it as a pest. Anxiety isn't contagious btw
@mueezyasir Thanks for the insight, I will meditate on this! 💙
when i hear about these exercises i want to burst out crying
like literally..it literally happened to me not a while ago
Same
-Currently crying
Anxiety attack
My fear is being judged. I didn’t use to be like this but moving to a different state in your early 20’s trying to make friends and having people ghost you with no reasoning you start to wonder if something is wrong with you. If you wonder enough, you actually start believing something is wrong with you which is what happened.
felt this, i haven’t moved but most of my old pals won’t return calls or texts. if they *do* end up answering, it’s always a no or “i’ll let you know” (obvs i never hear back).
My social anxiety feels worst after I spend a great day with people I know love me the most in the world, but at night I lie awake wondering whether one little thing I said was the wrong thing. I'm afraid people don't actually like me and that I'm being talked about behind my back.
One of the things I struggle with the most is when I am in a silent room/environment. I start to focus on myself and my breathing and any sound I make such as loud breathing or even dropping a pen I feel like will draw lots of attention to me which I don’t like.
Makes total sense. A big part of all anxiety based problems is learning how to be less focused on what’s inside you and more on what’s outside. That’s difficult when there isn’t much going on out there. It might help to remember “oh this is what my brain does when I’m in a silent room, it magnifies what I’m doing and what’s happening inside.”
@@drali Thankyou for the reply! Your videos are really helping me and many others.
One thing that helped me was just doing stuff alone, like going to a coffee shop or a movie. I’ve even been to a concert alone. Had a great time with myself and I wasn’t anxious 🙂🤘
Core fear I had are shame, trauma from family-related issues and autism-related violence. It's also difficult especially in dating life and making new friends. Thoughts I might think for the worse includes getting arrested for saying a wrong word or harassment.
What sucks is that I want to get better, but I absolutely do not want to go into public and expose myself in an embarrassing way. This is what makes me feel so stuck. These kind of tips really make me feel like I am doomed to be an outcast the rest of my life.
You dont have to do that. I was scared to go into grocery stores and pay but ive taught myself to do that, making my anxiety better, and i didnt do anything embarassing. just do things youre scared of, small steps at a time
For every exercise you said my brain just went: "but they'll be madddd"
Yes! Like…how do you get out that situation gracefully? Like…how many times do you ask to see Mr.Dunkin?
Exactly! It's not even fair... Why should I make people wait at an ATM...? But we need to get the point of it, not every example works for everyone.
My core fear is being rejected and criticized. I think people think I am boring or have nothing important to say. I also fesr people misinterpreting the meaning of what im saying and then getting angry
The issue with exposure for me is not about actually trying them, but how to handle the consequences or the extreme cringe or awkwardness that follows.
For instance, the scenario in a cafe, where if I order a coffee, and later tell them that I wanted a tea instead. What if they say no. Or what if they react rudely.
Hey.. those are just examples. You should try on your own fears
@@kumaresank4630As far as I understood, she wrote, that the consequences are actually her fear. So if she should try on her own fears it wouldn't be an example anymore 🤷🏻♂️
Would be helpful if you have some ideas how to handle such situations ?
Need an answer too
i like how the rejection exercises section made me immediately tense up and feel an intense feeling of dread lol
Wearing my anxiety on my face in social settings was a big struggle I had for many many years. Since I was a teenager.
I can overcome it sometimes but sometimes it creeps up unannounced
My main fear that people will sense how miserable I am and that I’m useless and that people will judge me because how I’m unconfident is
1:51 and im already crying
When i try sharing thoughts , no one listens to me. That's my fear of going unheard
These tips were actually very helpful thank you. I know other creators say that confidence is key which it is but sometimes you don’t feel confident all the time and want real answers. Definitely will be implementing these tips.
I embarrasse myself daily, it will be hard to beat it :,) I have discovered your channel yesterday, it helps a lot, especially coming from someone who has been in our shoes. Thank you so much for sharing so many things with us!
I want to do this to defeat my ego and do more exposure especially in social situations. Do you think embarrassing yourself has helped you learn more ?
Sometimes making conversations makes me feel tired than I feel on completing my 3km run
i feel same way
this hit home. i work sales and referals are supposed to be a good thing, i only meet clients once because if i make a good impression than im nervous that i have to live up to that again. your videos always hit different.
So great to know that I'm not alone, though, it seems everyone else who experiences this are online.
Most people are just more comfortable expressing their anxieties online, it's so much easier than showing that side of yourself in real life. Trust me, there are a lot of people with such issues everywhere around in real life too. Some people are very good at hiding it, but lots of people have mental struggles, in one way or another, including anxiety. You're definitely not alone.
Ive always been to myself growing up but now at 23 i really am regretting not socialising at a earlier age. Its getting out of hand and to the point where its starting to affect my child and others in my life, i find it hard just trying to leave the house for something as important as food for my kid. I know its all in my head but its hard to be in public and not think people are watching your every move
This guy is a genius. I got this, I mean we got this. Let’s gooo
Your tips are unique and exactly what i've been looking for. these tips give me anxiety yes, but also give me hope :) at least I learned that these situations do happen in real life and it's normal and it's fine! thank u so much, Dr. Ali.
I’m going to try to ask more people how they feel about me and my social skills in group settings as this is where I feel most socially anxious.
I have become very interested in politics the last few years. One thing that helped me last summer was petitioning! I had to ask hundreds of people if they wanted to "sign my petition so my candidate can get on the ballot in November". It took my out of my comfort zone and with my main core fear being rejection, it helped me practice that too. I definitely had people tell me no, I also had people who asked questions and I didn't know how to answer. It was amazing exposure therapy and it always felt so good afterwords. Petitioning is great too because you still feel a sense of accomplishment. even if I had 100+ rejections I still got many that said "yes".
My advice, even if you don't like politics, find a local independent political party that needs help collecting signatures . the exposure to rejection, criticism, and embarrassment are real but it's so rewarding to have the accomplishment of collecting signitures AND facing your fear
Thank you for stepping up to help someone run for office!
I was doing the exercise, and I have a few core beliefs fears like a combination of rejected, embarrassed, and criticized.
I don't connect to people ever. I could speak to someone all evening and in the end feel nothing for them.
Yeah ! I also feared of myself in socialising feel like I'm a weirdo and but got enough of attention in my school life to a anxious person is a bliss and sin itself .
Want to cope up soon otherwise it's dangerous to yourself , pain is inevitable but misery is optional.
Simple thing be kind to yourself .
My problem with this for me is that intentionally lying about the context of a social interaction to people just to gauge their reaction adds a different layer of anxiety about being a bad person that's separate from my social anxiety.
I mean if someone came up to me for help under false pretenses and i figured that out, i would not think too highly of them, i would feel used.
Most of these exercises boil down to being inconsiderate to someone else and wasting their time.
Doing dares does not make me anxious but its the one on one conversations when i need to talk about myself … it makes me sweat soo bad and i look so anxious no matter how hard i try to fight it
That is pretty specific stuff, thank you.
first step to cure your anxiety. Do what makes you anxious.
All these are excelent exercises. I have overcame it for the most part but when I get away from social situations it comes back. The only positive things is that I know for sure how to overcome it now. Its just time and effort but its easier as I know that its possible.
I've found that my core fear is being unsuccessful. I feel like I've been alright so far, and I guess I don't want to mess that up.
That's understandable. If you haven't had much experience with setbacks that feel like a failure, those experiences can be scary.
After reading so many comments about people confessing their anxiety actually helping me about one of my thoughts that im not the only one who have these issues with every day of my life i feel like in anxiety you are not living you are surviving everyday
Thank you so much for the social anxiety videos. Thank you so much
Thank you for your kind comment!
thank you for the video Dr. Ali. I am really enjoying your videos about SAD. I guess my hesitation or lack of motivation is that I think I am more comfortable being socially anxious than doing any of the CBT techniques discussed. I just don't want to pull other people into my struggle and ruin their day.
Glad you’ve found these videos helpful!
For motivation it’s totally fine if someone doesn’t want to change the current situation. To clarify this you could make a list of things you currently like about your social anxiety. Next you can make a list of things you like less about it. Then rank 0-10 how much you want to change it now. If this is a time you’re happy with the way things are and motivation is low, that makes total sense and don’t put any pressure on yourself to make a change you don’t want to or need to.
If your fear is about ruining someone else’s day by doing any of these things, that is definitely a part of social anxiety. Most people who don’t have social anxiety, while they might not seek out these types of situations, would be able to do them and not worry that they have ruined someone’s day. And if that is a big concern for you, focus on the exercises that have less of an impact on someone else.
You could wear something embarrassing, play a guitar in public, write a typo, ask someone to take your photo. All of these things are normal parts of living in a community.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WE NEED MORE SOCIAL ANXIETY EXERCISES
The rejection exercises sound good im going to try them out thank you
"Make friends with it". Yes, indeed.
When I was a newly graduated and hired engineer, I was immediately given higher-level responsibilities because I had worked my way through college while working part-time at that company. I had received so much support and flexibility there, that it directly contributed to my academic success (as did the pay, as I was an independent student).
I had to present my designs in Design Review meetings, where peers and management would review my work and offer suggestions. To me, these "suggestions" felt like rejection, harsh criticism, attacks even. A huge change compared to the pre-graduation relationship. My anxiety and stress raged. I began visibly sweating, fidgeting and exhibited many of the other signs of panic. Finally, in one meeting, unable to contain myself further, I broke down and started "ugly crying".
My boss took me aside and gently helped us both understand what was going on, and what we could do about it. The underlying cause was clearly my warped perception of what absolutely was very constructive criticism. This was before I started to receive effective treatment for my depression, so I was dealing with that as well. I was basically a crunchy depressed core within a fluffy anxiety wrapper.
The conversation took me to a very simple place. Before interacting with ANYONE on a professional basis, I'd repeat a simple mantra: "I NEED feedback to succeed. I LOVE criticism!" This put me in a near-ideal receptive listening state, encouraging me to "lean in" to the criticism, to try to obtain all I possibly could from the interaction.
This change in perspective triggered an enormous change in my professional demeanor and conduct. In particular, it encouraged me to go the extra mile when delivering my own feedback, making me a much better collaborator.
The anxiety was still there, deprived of its power, though it did still serve to keep me on my toes!
Friends with criticism? Sure. Then it turned into a superpower.
Always afraid of saying the wrong thing
my core fear is... people thinking i'm too angry all the time
My biggest fear is that they will know I am weak and attack me... as it happened before. I feel like I always need to either become invisible or look scary/unapproachable and never make connections because that could also make me more vulnerable to them. Yeah, trauma-based fear of people is real.
Most people are good and not out to harm you or judge you. Unfortunately, due to some negative experiences with evil people the anxiety sets in and doesn't differentiate between good and bad people.
Go gym or do martial arts
Go gym and do martial arts
I love this guy. Thank you for helping us all out
Hey, just discovered your channel. Thank you for your work, I wish you had more views! I've found so many answers to my questions
Impact is worth more than views 😎 Thanks for being part of the community!
excellent video, thanks for taking us through the process
Just lost my gf primarily to this. Killing the vibe in public always scared to be myself around new people. I truly hope this videos helps me solve my problem and learn to live a better way of life.
You had me at “Exercises you can do on your own to combat social anxiety.”
Because that means I don’t have to be around people to work on my fear of being around people 😅
My biggest fear is being criticized, which drives me to constantly try to prove that I’m doing my job well. For example, yesterday, when my boss asked me about the progress of a specific project, I felt the need to exaggerate my progress. Even though I had only completed 10% of the work, I told him I had achieved 30%, purely out of fear of being criticized or scolded.
My favourite exercise is to ask the places which I do intentionally and speaking to public. Thank you so much sir, it really works and I try level best to do all the exercises listed here. Thanks ❤🎉
Thank you so much....facing mind barriers intentionally with courage....thank you🙏
Thank you so much. Your content is so underrated!
I'm anxious about being anxious in front of people! Its hard for me to stay socially connected and I often feel trapped or overwhelmed. When the discussion turns to me, I really panic. I struggle to concentrate and stay on conversation. I just want to run off and be alone. I was once a social Butterly and thrived in social situations. I don't know what has happened to me.
same might not be the same for you butI i used to be a social butterfly as well and did not care ab peoples feedback I actually enjoyed awkardness in other people bc it showed their authenticity and quickly knew how to reverse the convo and make it feel comfortable. After some tramautic experiences , losing friends and being in high school really changed the way I perceived myself and made it 10x harder to communicate with peers and join conversations almost feeling like im frozen
This is exactly me! I was once, a few years ago, THE personality in the room and always felt super confident but over the past couple years I have been struggling with self doubt and have dug my way into this hole, wondering how I got here. Some days its easier than others, but when its bad I just feel so awful and trapped.
@@sabrinaihh I'm sorry to hear that. It's a horrible place to be, and a vicious cycle! I hope it gets better.
Amazing i will definitely try these exercises
What makes me really uncomfortable about some of the excercises you proposed is that by doing them I would be inconveniencing other people. I'm not sure that's something I should do 😕
Yeah, some of them seem like pulling pranks on people just so you can feel better...
People bring up that concern a lot. Something to remember is people with social anxiety have a MUCH lower threshold for what is considered inconveniencing someone. Most people who have it think nearly any request they make of someone else is an inconvenience.
That being said, usually there are versions of these you can do that are bringing about the attention on yourself and also don’t inconvenience anyone. For example, dressing up in embarrassing clothing doesn’t hurt anyone else. Playing a guitar in public doesn’t. Neither does asking someone to take your photo. They’re all just part of living in a socially connected community.
@@drali_"Most people who have [social anxiety] think nearly any request they make of someone else is an inconvenience."_ Oh! Well, if that doesn't describe me to a T 😅🙈
Takes one to know one :-)
@@drali "Something to remember is people with social anxiety have a MUCH lower threshold for what is considered inconveniencing someone."
Excellent point here, never thought of that this way :O
This video is great!! But if anyone tries to follow up every single tip that is given (those practical exercises), that person is actually gonna end up being hated 😅 😂
But I feel good after watching this, it's nice to see people who have been through the same problem giving tips and solutions, cause I often feel lost and can't find a way out of this
This video was so helpful! What I've noticed with myself is that all of these exercises, particularly for rejection or embarrassment, I would feel 100% more confident doing them if I had a friend with me who I'm very comfortable around. I wonder what to make of that...
Thank you so much for bringing this subject to light. So many people have no idea what social anxiety is! They just think it's being withdrawn and shy. I became aware of my social anxiety about 2 years ago. I've lived with social anxiety pretty much my entire life. Its been completely crippling at times. I've had so many big dreams smothered by the likes of social anxiety. I've been working with a therapist for the past year or so but I just don't feel like I'm getting much out of it anymore. I need more help with social anxiety specifically and talking about my feelings and my week isn't cutting it. Not to say it hasn't helped me but I feel like I need something different, something more targeted. Do you have any suggestions? I would love to find a Doctor with your level of experience in this matter.
Glad the video was helpful! Try looking here (services.abct.org/i4a/memberDirectory/index.cfm?directory_id=3&pageID=3282) and here (members.adaa.org/page/FATMain) for a therapist that does this type of treatment.
11:05 if you freeze this frame it looks like he’s teaching people how to be a menace 😂😂
This causes me anxiety!
Thank you for the video! Great work!
of course, the ways the ideas you have explained here are really a SUPER HELPFUL INFORMATION DR. Than you so much. With Best Wishes.
My Core fear is been Judged by other people I never had Social Anxiety I just developed it by been isolated from people.
I think lockdown caused mine.
I prefer this style of solution oriented stuff 😃
Really helpful thanks🙂🙂
Glad it helped!
I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I was able to mask it to a degree because I was aware it was unreasonable. However, I got a brain tumor that left my face partially paralyzed, and that I couldn't hide, so it's only gotten worse over the years.
Hi Doctor Ali Mattu ! My anxiety stems from the fact that I don't articulate myself well. I end up being misunderstood so often that I feel lazy correcting people.
I have similar challenges
Same
Of all the examples in this video, the one that really made me cringe was going up to a stranger and greeting them as if I know them. I think one of my fears is to get something that should be obvious wrong and then embarrass myself. I get really anxious when I have to wish people a happy birthday (because what if I got the date wrong?) or when I have to by a bus ticket from the bus driver (what if I pronounce the name of the bus stop wrong and/or get on the wrong bus?). Also, two years ago I had a garden and barely used it because it made me really anxious to think about being observed while in my garden (what if I mow the lawn in a weird way or do something else that's wrong?).
Instead of greeting strangers, start with a smile. I started to practise smiling and its really giving me benefits. Try smiling all the time whether you feel like it or not. Its a very gentle smile on the lips, not forcing much. Your brain releases feel good hormones when you practise it.
ok i have mega social anxiety to the point that i often get dizzy... but thinking of doing some of these exercises made me feel super amused and excited?
I love your advice!
What to do after triggering anxiety?
Thanks sir it's really helpful ❤
The anxious picture looks more confident XD. anyway, your content sure means a lot to people. Be proud!
I am quite introvert . I don't why it makes me shy when I face guests or talking to strangers. Even it has become difficult talking to relatives😢but I talk with my friends and parents without any fear. I will try these tips
thank you! Now I know a new word - selfsuiting!
AWESOME EXAMPLE S!!!! TO pick from !!!😮
This is great! Get to what's fueling the social anxiety underneath ❤
Thanks alot I will use your technics
My core issue is that I am afraid they will laugh on me and judge me. This leads to nervousness and my voice begins to tremble
core fear: ppl will misunderstand and misjudge me, spread lies what will destroy me, and eventually nobody will see the real me. Now this is complex, and im just realizing.
Hi Dr.Ali
I am a college student. My anxiety and fear is
When I entering the other class
When I meet a crowd and when I talking with girls
How do I overcome?
My fear is being judged in the gym, because i dont want people to think im weird or someone who doesnt fit in or is supposed to be there and i dont want people to laugh and look at me
Interesting topic. I have some kind of meltdown in social situations. It feels like I want to have fun and be part of the group, but I just can't. I simply don't know what to say and how to act. Then I'm getting mad at myself because of that and spiral down with negative thoughts. From the outside I look like a zombie and I start declining everything even when other people try to engage with me or give me cake or something.
Last weekend we went to a wedding. It happened again and I decided to take a walk to catch some fresh air. I ended up waiting in the car for 10 hours until the wedding is over. It feel like a situation I cannot win. I feel miserable being there. I feel miserable not being there. And I'm so so sad that I can't just have fun like everyone else. I'm experiencing this whenever I'm left alone at a party, club, event...
It's also hard for me because I have absolutely no interest (and knowledge) about all the topics that are usually coming up at parties (politics, history, geography, music). I can't remember names, I can't sing songs (and don't remember artists, song names), and when something comes up that interests me I tend to interrupt and overshare...
I have ADHD (inattentive) and maybe some elements from the Autistic spectrum (not sure, I got the ADHD diagnoses a few months ago, we haven't gotten further yet).
I know that avoiding social settings is not a solution... but just thinking about them makes me depressed.
My core fears are: abandonment and rejection. It always happened to me. It hurts that the people Itusted most chose to leave me and not to be part of their life anymore.
this is awesome
My big fear is to go blank and faint in front of other people which makes them think I am a total failure