Build don't break relationships with communication - connect the dots | Amy Scott | TEDxQueenstown
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- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2024
- What if your natural communication style is breaking rather than building your relationships? Having an awareness of the different "dots" (communication styles) will help you to remove the biggest biohazard to your relationships and ensure that you can get onto other peoples' wavelengths as quickly as possible. Energising and engaging - this is a communication tool that is easy to apply!
Passionate about improving communication of people, families, businesses, organizations, teams, workplaces and communities everywhere - Amy Scott (former lawyer) says “It’s not rocket science - it is simply learning how not to rub people up the wrong way!” Living in beautiful Alexandra, she is proud born and bred rural Central Otago, New Zealand local.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Every relationship that fell apart is not because you have fallen out of love but sometimes the lack of communication plays the part. Always talk to your partner about your differences before the situation gets worse. If you can't talk to him anymore, your relationship is in trouble.
This video is over simplistic . People are complicated creatures and sometimes miscommunication is deliberate to cover over deceptions for example .
A New Love Official - 👍True and a good thing to practice. Keep in mind that to have successful relationships it takes all persons involved to be willing and open to communicate in a positive constructive manner. 💞
John Smith - 👍Perhaps it is over simplistic....life is teaching me that we humans tend to over complicate matters. ☝️Regarding those persons who tend to deliberately miscommunicate to deliberately cover over deceptions....I mostly refer to and have come to know them as narcissists!!! I avoid them at all costs and I recommend others to do the same. 💞
@@lovingatlanta Checkout , The Art Of Seduction on youtube just to see how manipulative people can be. There's always another level of consciousness to consider.
John Smith - Okay thanks!
Purple - high energy, talk a lot, want to know what you want not why. Red - think through before talking. Speak succinctly. Say it like it is. They are listening for the where do I fit in. Yellow - spatial, want things tidy, listen for when (always ten minutes early). Blue - want to keep the peace, process everything through emotions, hands on stuff, listening for the why.
There’s a great little book on Amazon entitled, “Hoots and Grunts” that addresses common everyday communication flubs that we make that can push others away from us.
Commutation -is to Listen NOT TO JUST REPLY, BUT TO UNDERSTAND
this has to be the most woman thing i've heard in a long time
... yes, and ... to understand we often need to ask clarifying questions in order to understand ... understanding can sometimes take some effort on part of both people communicating ... and that requires time and patience with each other. and ... communication is to be listened to when you are speaking ... It is fine that at times just one person needs to talk for a period of time straight ... but then the other person needs to be equally given time and attention to speak. If you speak more than, (in general, and there are exception for topic and for state of the person) 5 minutes straight without giving the other person a chance to clarify or confirm they are understanding you OR given them a chance to respond to the topic or respond to what you are saying ... You are not having a conversation you are either lecturing or just venting (and, again, sometimes venting is needed) Conversations require each person to listen and talk ... Good conversations allow equal opportunity for each person ... Great conversations are between two people who both present and respectful to the other person and the topic and will not change topics unless both are ready to proceed ... this can lead to deeper conversation and closer relationship connections.
Yes! 💯
I’m autistic (a social communication disorder) and this video was amazing to both give me some insight on my own thought processing, as well insight on the way neurotypicals think and communicate
Oh cool that’s great I was actually looking for tips and tools to help communicate better with my slightly autistic husband. Couples counseling sounds daunting and I think we just need to find some communication styles that work and organizational styles at home literally organizational tools and abs what works for you what other things could you share that would help me as a resource please
I am too
same
The lack of trust and not being able to express our feeling to each other is gone destroy any relationship it takes communication no matter the issue don't give up on your partner talk about whatever.
I agree totally. The problem is when You are unable to communicate with Your partner . When You love them more than anything and all You are trying to do is be as close to them as You can be as to experience a true intimate connection, but they won't or can't or don't know how to just listen to You . It's horrible to say the least. Usually ends up in heated argument with person who is trying to get close feeling unheard, unimportant, confused , worried because of no resolution or understanding but most of all Heartbroken!! thinking to self : all I am trying to do is love this Beautiful Person with all My being, be as close as I can possibly be to then because they mean so Much to Me and they can't even have enough patience or understanding or want to even hear My feelings? Wt* ... How can they truly Love Me? If they don't, How can I get over this amazing person... Stomache in knots,sick, heartbroken .... and the Person You confide in can't even hear You...... Then You start shutting down..... resentments etc.... all the Beautiful Fairy tales destroyed because of this....no communication .. Damned shame..
@@kingsoutdoors4379 me right now. I lobe this person so much but. i just cant communicate with him
@@jobelles87 I would suggest patience... Best of wishes to You
King's Outdoors for how long someone should have patience mate? 😊😊
You both must trust enough to be vulnerable. If that is not the case, there may be a childhood issue worth investigating. Brene Brown: the power of vulnerability. Also Brene Brown TedTalk on shame.
What a life changing talk. This popped up on my feed at just the right time in my life. Thank you for this. I know this will change my life.
I enjoyed this talk. Thank you Amy!
The mass of positive comments here are a good indication of the resonance of this talk
My communication is excellent as I know how to really listen and express myself and have empathy for others also I can read other's extremely well. I find with other's if they don't listen to me or consider my feelings I start to shutdown and don't want to talk to them even have them in my life.
I absolutely relate
Pisces too ?
@@mikejohnson1567 dude astrology is BS
🍎🙏🍎
🙂👌
@@mikejohnson1567 yes 😁
@@funnygay I definitely don't believe it can define a person completely but elements can be true although people change and grow.
Very informative, truly enjoyable.Thank you
wow, i am thoroughly impressed with amy's presentation style, charisma, positively buoyant energy and message. yes, how amazing this world could be if we took communication as seriously as we do driver's licenses!
Oh thanks so much Mya :-)
This was very helpful to me. I wish I was taught this as a child.
Wonderful tool for the complicated aspects of communication.
I always thought of myself as a very clear communicator. I’m a purple dot first and foremost. But in marriage I was constantly told “we don’t communicate well”. I think this is the reason. It’s very hard for me to slow down my thought to mouth connection. Ideas pop up and they come out. Ideas form through speech. But somehow I truly ruined things. I am coming to realize things far too late.
Same here
Better late than never. Life is a marathon, not a sprint
@@Oddie99000 I have many different thoughts at this point.
Thank you for the information. This improves my communication.
Lovely presentation. I enjoyed it a lot!!! Not too long, not too short, just right!!
These 4 major temperament types were identified by the ancient Greeks, and have been explained using "love languages," the Myers Briggs sorter, and many other tools meant to help us realize that other people can perceive the world through a lens very different from our own. Not surprisingly, these biologically predictable traits even underly our political leanings.
A community of people could not thrive or survive if we all had the same temperament. We need architects and builders, doctors/caregivers and defenders/first responders, scientists and artists (to name a few). Each must value different things (a scientist must experiment, while an accountant must stick to the rules). A nurturer sensitive enough to help a nonverbal patient or baby might not make a good warrior. We each have a role to play.
We used to know this.
Damn good comment!
I really needed to hear this ♡
So intuitively I'm thinking the process is to communicate, to the best of your ability, as the person you're speaking to in their style of communication.
Helpful tools. Great talk. Thank you
A little compartmentalised. People are often a combination. I didn’t find these definitive in any of the psychometrics I use in my practice.
Useful concepts to try and understand people’s different styles and therein, lies the brilliance of this concept. We all communicate AND receive information differently.
That’s really true some people are slow receiving information but that’s how they were rise from a different way some slow and some fast learners who received information and communicate well.
This women is very smart. We have a lot of simple miscommunication all over our nation and world. Of course the times are always changing like the bob dylan song. What dot are you, she said. I couldn't agree more with her, but there are many different varieties of dots, and some dots stay undiscovered that just blend in. Millions and millions of dots. Great speech.
Yup, my communication style is playing a factor in my relationship (RED DOT). My style sometimes is perceived incorrectly; as cold and distant. My brain takes more CPU and time to download emotions correctly. Its frustrating when my partner is higher speed than me because she is at step 3 and im still at step 1.
Shoot u sound like me ! I sometimes feel like I don’t always want to talk about every emotion I feel inside and my bf already has a paragraph about how he feels , the situation, how I feel , what he thinks I feel and how and why did or did not talk about it .
i am here for a family communication class. i really enjoyed this speech & video. the dots really remind me of “the human design” types
I really really love this video.
This video is basically an ASMR video for me. ❤️
I think I pass between the dots, especially when my emotions come into play. I wish that a little more clarity had been given to the interplay of the dots but I understand it's a short time slot. Nonetheless excellent presentation, well said all around. To anyone on here posting rude or hateful comments, the only lasting impression you're making is on yourselves. This woman has spent years researching in a rigorous scientific field. You write ignorant comments on the internet. She has been the subject of 78,000 views and therefore 78,000 opinions. You hide behind a username. Who's to pity here? What's sad is that by acting so ignorant you give away your power. But you likely won't understand that before you've given it all away.
This comment sounds red to me 😂
One of my students told me that when he discussed his anxieties with someone close to him, like his wife or a close friend, then he found that the moment he started opening up to them, the anxiety decreased-even before he received any advice or support.
Togetherness definitely decreases anxiety. There is a saying in the wisdom of Kabbalah that “a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved,” i.e. when we share a sensation, we divide it up, and in turn it becomes more manageable.
Since it is quite easy to see how sharing our experiences lessens our negative feelings, the question is why do we not use this ability more? Why is it so hard for us to share our fears and anxieties with others?
We are indeed afraid of opening our hearts, letting everyone see that we have certain fears and anxieties. That is, in addition to whatever fears and anxieties we hold within, we usually have additional anxieties about sharing them with others, that it might cause others to perceive us as weak. Since society in general values stronger, smarter, wealthier and fitter individuals, opening up our anxieties to such a society makes us vulnerable to exploitation. We thus need to seek a social environment that would not exploit us for opening up, but would rather give us a sense of faith and confidence that it can help us cope with any negative feelings.
A social setting that can guarantee faith and confidence in its members is one that actively draws itself to the upper good and benevolent force-the force of love, bestowal and connection. It is this very same force that awakens negative feelings in us, whether they be fears, anxieties or several other painful sensations, in order for us to draw closer to that force, and we do so by drawing closer to each other.
If we wish to connect with the upper force and let its perfect quality of love, bestowal and connection fill our lives with a sensation of faith and confidence, then we need to emulate such a quality toward other people-giving them a sense of faith and confidence, and for them to do the same toward us. By wanting to positively connect with others, we then start awakening the positive force dwelling in nature into the connections we create, and we then feel a new sense of faith and confidence wash away any anxieties that we might be holding within. 0:07
I'm glad to see someone else thinking about these things, I strive to live my life by values such as those, of open heart and mind, of love, and of authenticity. I feel like I've spent most of my life fleeing from fears and judgements, but by just turning around and facing them, confronting them even and you feel the full force of the fear in your mind, I feel like I've learned that the fears weren't so scary after all and in fact, while they would require a little work and change, they were pretty manageable after all! I wish I could say that I've found the solution and that I don't feel or even flee from fears still, but the very nature of human living demands that we must experience these feelings time and time again, as long as we're alive. What we can do, however, is develop the mental toolset to learn how to more effectively overcome those fears and by doing so, grow stronger and wiser as a person.
Short sweet, to the point in clear understandable and entertaining style. Bravo Amy...I am inspired to use this information!
I too beleive that communication and that too an effective communication is the building block of a relationship. Not everybody is good at communicating the emotions and ideas in their mind but for sure one can train their communication skills and make it better with various techniques.
I genuinely appreciate my Bachelor of Arts in communications studies. This, nonverbal communication, is a mandatory course and it has strengthened every aspect of my social and professional life.
All arrogant people think like you.
This was hilarious and she explained the differences of types of communication very well. I red dot 🔴 must work on myself. Thank you
Thank you for sharing
Thank you
What a great presentation by Ms. Amy Scott. I really enjoyed listening to her and understanding more about this tool :)
If you need your married back
(+2348145392721)💕💕💕
she is just a soooooooooo interesting person, i love her talking
A true definition of "GROUP THINK" is what I understand!🤓
That was too brief~ I wanted to learn more! She has a website under her name which I found easily. For those of you who commented that you are not any one of the dots; she said you can be a combo of more than one! These comments just go to prove that the message sent is not necessarily clearly received by the listening party!!! Communication is key and yet so rarely is it actually successful. I think we all need help in this area and it may even be the key to less friction worldwide🌍
I agree its the active listening part that people have trouble with.
@@lynjesson3033 but I bet you’re a “great” listener. Right?🙄
Would you pls share her website, I tried to catch it but could not . Thanks
@@ellegh.a4238 yes please
Amy communicated just fine. If there were some who didn’t “hear” the part about the possibility of their being a combination of the dots, it is because they weren’t truly paying attention or listening closely enough… which is a clear indication that they need to improve their listening skills (ie their communication reception process).
I don't even know how to communicate anymore. I think I've lost interest in meeting new people . I crave for a meaningful relationship and at the same time i don't know how to socialize or like socializing
I can totally relate.
Most people are awful. You aren’t missing anything.
I think people are capable of all of these characteristics in different contexts, different time periods, with different people, etc
I did the quiz and got red, I think I might be a mix of red and blue. Interesting stuff!
I can make sense from this ideas, next time I will be trying to anticipate others pace of communication and try and connect to them in same pace! That way they will feel connected to me and better understanding will develop.
Simple & Useful 😉👌🏼
AMAZING!!!!
Purple dot - what
Red dot - where
Yellow dot - when
Blue dot - why
👏🏽. Nice presentation
I think that some people on here are saying that this is terrible because it is the only way and thing how to communicate, and that is not the case. It is simply something that can help. That is all! take it, and do not overthink it!
I really enjoyed listening to this Tedx Talk. I'm woking on a conflict resolution/bullying/is violence an answer/war project for my master's in curriculum and instruction. In my undergrad work I took a class on language and the subtleties of meaning. It's interesting you say no dot is better or worse than the other but always describe the purple dots as lovely, beautiful, strong but give the impression you don't really like purple dots. You present them like Southerners' when they say "Bless their hearts." Poor things they are "blissfully unaware." I think this is a fascinating philosophy and does bring up lots of great points. It reminds me of the "5 Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. I am going to search for more information to be able to add this video or others to my research. Thank you
Blue, for sure☺️
I was looking for actual communication organization tools like a Calendar ways to keep yourself organized of events planning projects house projects and then this came up I think I need to listen to this
Excellent 👌
Good one ....
She's adorable
What if you can identify with a little bit of all? All dots!
great talk! as I was listening to your talk I envisioned previous coworkers and friends with dots... and I would totally be putting the coffee cups away! Hahaha. great job amy!
I love this woman 😅 heard the accent immediately
Bravo!
Yeshi Choedon
come on baby 😱😱🍴🍴🍴
So what’s the tool? She described different types of communication but not about the tool to help communicate with people from other dots. I’m confused.
I'm yellow. I absorb and process information and feel it. I'm a deep thinker. I go into more than just thinking of facts. Facts ain't enough for me
watching this video, I thought it was interesting, however I know that within myself I can see varying different degrees of each element of the dot colours. Maybe I talk a lot in order to process things, but also I view things visually and feel things internally and my ultimate questions are not just one but 2, what do you want and why? Then inevitably when and where. If you are going to deal with people in the world at large, you need to be able to have an understanding of all different aspects of reality and other people's needs in order to function. Maybe I'm essentially a blue dot at the end of the day, & my main aim is to keep the peace, and if we are going to understand each other, and get anything done, then you need to know all of the whats, whys, wheres & whens and know how they all fit together to make everything work. Nothing exists alone in a vaccum.
Definitely a red dotter.... Thanks so much
I got the blue dot! yay, that feels about right :)
Heyy fellow blue dot
Because you are a simpleton?
Some great wisdom being shared here on how we communicate. Keep up the great work!
Where is the “wisdom”?
@@vipermad358 It was a year ago that I made that comment. Can't really remember what I thought, then.
Wow!!!, I would love to give a big shout-out to Amy Scott for her fantastic talk on communication styles in relationships!
The insights about being aware of different communication styles were truly eye-opening. However, I've been curious about the 'dot' concept lately. Is it possible to belong to more than one type of dots? I seem to identify with the red, yellow, and blue dots based on your descriptions. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! Thanks
Where we mess up as humans is trying to label each other as anything other than, human. When labels come into play, that’s when hatred also enters the room. We are all indifferently the same because we are all humans. If you try hard enough and spend enough time with a human, you start to pick up on subtle ways they communicate. It’s then your choice to communicate back or let it go. And that’s when love comes into play. By just trying to understand someone, Love is shown. There are so many ways to communicate that if you force people into categories, it would be hard to free their minds to intermingle. That’s why alien don’t come here lol
@2:23 she says, "you cannot be just one, and none are better or worse than the others," but then the end question which I'm assuming she wrote and rehearsed multiple times, "What...DOT...Are...You?"
I was hoping for more elaboration on how they blend. I don't want to attempt to pigeonhole myself into one. I know she was using the one-dimensional individuals as examples, but that first caveat really begs questions about why they were introduced that way.
Im yellow and blue no questions asked. I think she just means we have all but just like the love languages done may be more prominent.
I remember her saying what’s your natural bend of them put together
Blue dot in a relationship with a purple dot and we sometimes struggle with communication
Depending on whom I am interacting with I notice I am a different style of thinking and communicating. Am I weird?
I'm not any of these, but a mix of a few. But not one more than the others. :/
I love when she says what she says about the purple Dot and the Red Dot and they're on a two hour drive.. well let me tell you my husband is most definitely a Red Dot.. and I am absolutely a purple Dot and we thought it would be smart to start a transport trucking business and drive together all over the country we did almost 200,000 miles in a year and we have been together 12 years at the time we never fought until we started that company and then we almost got divorced twice.. we went through so much pain and agony hurtful things were said we almost ruined our marriage and I am happy to say that now we have just celebrated our 15-year anniversary this past Saturday but he has taken so much work and we do not drive together anymore either. We are still learning our communication skills but we'll get there if I learn to shut my mouth.. 😆
Her telling us we can't be only one kind of dot in the beginning then finishing with asking which kind of dot I am confused the whole talk for me.
Where do I get the book?
Idk if you can be two dots. But I feel related to a purple and a blue dot
Excellent video. I'm a red dot that likes to ask why.
It can be useful, like astrology, as a pretext to reflect on ourselves
Late comment! ☺️ But I totally agree and I see so many parallels with astrology. There are four elements earth, wind, fire, water, as well as four dots. The fact that each are split into four groups reinforces the validity of this theory
Communication is easy? Wonder why so many relationships break because of that...
I realized I’m a blue dot but I also pass as a purple bc when misunderstanding happens or whatever the case may be I always want to talk about it I never want to leave things the way they are so I constantly try to get to the bottom of it an it has caused friction bc it’s viewed as arguing or going back n forth
what about dots who have multiple colors like mainly these attributes but also some attributes over here...
We all have each of the colour dots in us - which was why it was super hard to try to cover it all in only 12 minutes!!! Flick me an email amy@amyscott.co & I'll send you some more detailed notes - some Quick Tips :-)
Amy Scott I am definitely a why person. I need to know and express the why of almost everything I come in contact with. However, everything else about the purple dot was spot on for me.
Awesome Sheena Beltz - it's such a great down to earth, easy to use yet still an incredibly powerful tool :-)
BLUE
Sabem dos tênis do lidl
You would be suprised how some people can´t communicate. For an example my girlfriend, soon to become my ex girlfriend, has big troubles how to communicate with a partner. She is over 30 years old, works as a attorney but communicates like a child. Many parents do the mistake and don´t learn their children how to communicate, for an example, when we are in a argument, the only thing she wants to do is to her computer or close the door to our bedroom, and I need to come to her and solve our problems. She has big troubles finding what she does wrong, even when I have told her for years what really annoys me, and her default communication voice is with a over exaggerating voice. She does not now that when she talks like that, it stresses her partner. But I blame her parents! She is beautiful, kind, smart and giving but her communication is really really terrible and after 3 years it´s perhaps time to go. Sorry for bad english, just wanted to write me off a bit.
She's probably better off without you. You sound like a terrible person.
I connected, but ima confused now even more…. I’m are those dot ! So , how do I approach communicating now
All I want is my ex to clearly communicate what is going on with him, then we decide what we will both be doing next and we settle it once and for all. He has my phone number and email. It won't take 5 minutes but if he isn't willing I will just have to move on.
Interesting but where's the Application of this to enrich a Work Team ?.
There are several factors in improving your partnership. One resource I found that succeeds in merging these is the Pavs partner pundit (check it out on google) without a doubt the best resource i've heard of. look at all the unbelievable info .
Red dot!!
my favorite part was the kill and maim part. she made me giggle hard.
1/3 each is me......
Purple-Yellow-Blue
I think a lot & I want to talk about all of them. and I want to know why something is happening to I be able to finish & understand it fast. so....it's mean I'm a colorful dot?
What if you are a mixture of different color dots?
What if a person is all 4 dots. Asking for a friend.
1. Red
2. Blue
3. Yellow
Hardly a purple.
But what if you did too much damage and you lost the courage
To speak to your relationships what do I do...?
Feel like I’m more of a blue dot
This material is a source of inspiration and novel ideas. A book I read with comparable themes guided my personal evolution. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
I'm here for all my fellow blue dots
This correlates with aura colors.
red and purple dot relationship🙋♀️
I'm blue :) so what dot can match with blue ???:)))
AMAZINGLY PRECICE :D
Amazingly simplistic.
Iam a blue one surly purely. 😀