How Jealousy Distorts Your Thinking
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Getting jealous can warp your mind - here's what to do about it.
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Humans are complicated: a tangled web of amazing biology and bad behaviours. This illustrated field guide will equip you with the necessary tools to navigate the lying, jealous and judgmental tendencies of your fellow humans. This week we explore jealousy.
BrainCraft was created by Vanessa Hill (@nessyhill) and is brought to you by PBS Digital Studios. Talking psychology, neuroscience & why we act the way we do.
This episode was written by Bahar Gholipour and filmed by Dominique Taylor. Animations by Vanessa Hill.
SELECTED REFERENCES 📚
The genetics of jealousy: www.cambridge....
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Jealousy: www.researchga...
Remember: jealousy itself is a normal reaction and not something we should feel ashamed about. Just beware of imagined scenarios (like mind-reading and personalising) - that's where problems can arise.
Aaaaaaand this is the last Bad Behaviour episode I have planned! Would you like to see more? Something else? Practical tips or more theoretical science? Let me know! 🧠👇
I would.
Well, yeah jealousy did ruin my life. I regret it every time I am being reminded of what I did.
Thoughout the video I heard a confusion of jealousy and enviousness.
I would like more videos on theoretical science. Those get my brain thinking & can mentally entertain me all day!
Definitely more theoretical. Even if some of the science does go over my head, I love being fascinated by what we're discovering every day.
You are wearing my shirt
"Comparison is the thief of joy" -Theodore Roosevelt
This has been destroying me for the past 3 days. It's the mind reading that gets me the most, I feel a tightness in my chest and stomach, I even lost my appetite.
Hey, how is it going now? Did you find anything that might have helped you?
@@lotusdijkstra9102 Time went on and I slowly didn't care about it anymore. I distanced myself from the person that I was jealous with.
@@hellscream46 ahh thank you so much! I Will Just want then buy how is it going with you?
I have a different alien world 😂 jealousy to my side of perspective is 🎉
Try to remember, it is your problem, not theirs. So the responsibility for the solution is yours, not theirs. It may not make it easier to deal with, but hopefully we can keep it from making for problems in relationships (or making it worse).
I really needed to hear this, thank you.
The only time I was jealous was when I thought I was being cheated on, but I ended up being right. Even if you want to trust someone and dial back your jealously, check to see if the facts line up before dismissing anything.
Trust is great, but there isn't much that can make you feel worse than putting all your effort into trusting someone and being betrayed anyway. Then in subsequent relationships it is harder to trust and innocuous things make you unnecessarily jealous.
Same here, the advice (As in this video) was a big mistake. Trust yourself, because if you don't trust them you should cut your losses. They won't tell you the truth and its not worth waiting to find it out.
Reminds me of something we did in DBT therapy. There are strategies such as "checking the facts" and scoring your emotion and intensity levels based on your fact check. I was always overreacting so I'm not sure how it would work in a situation where there is something going on, but it helps to see all possible sides before writing off your emotions and 'accepting' the situation. There are free DBT skill practices online for anyone interested.
I'm so glad you used "jealousy" in the correct way (not that I expected differently from you) but I get sick of hearing how someone is jealous or "jelly" of someone and their life etc. That's _envy_ (envious) but so many people get it wrong and say they are jealous. It's my pet hate and makes me want to rage to heavens! :D
Cheers for the content.
"Wow, he's right." - Lisa Simpson
Pet hate? Isn't it pet peeve? lol
Mariposa Redimida _Peeve_ implies that I'm only slightly _annoyed_ by them. I truly _hate_ when people use "jealousy" over "envy".
I see the irony, do you?
Jealousy is a synonym of envy. Saying you're jealous of someone, is the correct use. Being envious or jealous in that case would be correct. The reverse is not true, you aren't in a state of envy when talking about the jealousy in this video.
It is hard when your parents always compare you with better people. After the seeds of jealousy & inferiority are sown, they die of old age. You lose a lot of respect for your folks because of the psychological damage they had caused you years ago
Jealousy can often arise from a sense of entitlement. If I had more time, I'd go into it further, but this idea that you are entitled to have things go a certain way...whether or not it's good for you or the object of your affection.
Welp. It is what it is!
Just want to praise Vanessa's hard work researching these topics and doing these amazing stop-motions. The results are truly wonderful and eye-opening!
Thank you for this. Humiliation. That hit me. I’m embarrassed to admit I suffer from intense insecurity-driven jealousy. Thank you for these tips on how to combat that.
@ 2:22 "Swedish twins" are the IKEA instruction People! I see what you did there
Thanks 😉
I didn't get it. Could you explain it to me, please?
Thank you so much for this video!! Jealousy sometimes is a really big issue, I've realised that in my past relationships, so this Is really helpful ❤😊
I can’t even imagine how long your stop motion art takes but I absolutely love it. Loving this bad behaviour series too! Cheers
This video is great in explaining jealousy! It also explains clearly why we shouldn't ignore our jealousy feelings. I just wanted to add that many people use the word "jealous" insted of "envious" became envy is socially seen as something worse than jealousy.
This has lead to many people using the word jealousy incorrectly when they are feeling envy.
Thank you sooo much for all the effort you put into your videos! You’re amazing!
I think one of the ways to reduce jealousy, after calming ourselves and gaining back rational thought process is to communicate reasonably with your spouse or friend, etc. Ask them how they feel, whether it's just in your head or is there something going on, if there is, then what is it? What can be done to solve the problem? Can it be solved? Communication is a very underused and unnoticed aspect of a relationship, when in actuality, it is the most useful and effective tool to maintain positive long term relationships. Good communication in relationships can strengthen them or if they're not salvageable, i.e. gone beyond the point of saving it, even then, communication helps break off ties in a manner that are least hurtful to everyone involved.
This is exactly right.
They manipulated my instincts to an insane degree to hold me down. It becomes frustrating when you separate from your thoughts. You start trying to edit them and the laughing starts. Thoughts think themselves. If I could be true to myself, it wouldn't be a big problem. However, it made me so sick that I needed help. I know why it happened, and I'd like to take their power away by not feeling it. That's what they should use the weapons for, but they can't handle them.
how secure of your videos are you vanessa? im pretty sure we all love it :)
As I find my way through my cPTSD that resulted from an abusive childhood, it's always interesting to discover its effects on my emotional development. It's strange to say, but even my jealousy is broken a little. :)
Samesies 🙂
This video has come at a right time. Been involved this week in events that were caused by jealousy and the aftermath. The video is totally relevant for the case I am dealing, but its not really easy to improve upon.
In conversation with my wife we've discovered that how we experience jealousy is very different.
For me is is a feeling of anger and possession (I realize the chauvinistic connotation here), but for her more a feeling of loneliness and fear of being forgotten. As such our coping mechanisms and ways to soothe each other have to be very different.
Well like Vanessa was saying, my first step is to try and calm down, for me that generally involves leaving the situation - going outside or similar. I then tend to employ something along the lines of counter examples and perspective. The phrase I ask myself is, "What else is true?" The goal of this line is to sidestep the negative thoughts about whatever is upsetting me at that moment.
I tell myself things like:
We've been together a long time now.
My wife loves me
I don't believe I should treat my Wife like a possession and I believe she is free to interact with who she chooses.
If she's uncomfortable she can come to me to to help ward off the advances of another person.
I know the person she's interacting with and I don't think they want to sabotage my relationship.
We rode here together and we can talk about my feelings on the way home - after I've clammed down.
My wife likes interacting with me better when I'm not behaving jealously.
But it's often hard to think in that moment. I do want to try the body analysis where I focus on where I am feeling emotion.
To combat my wife's lonely feelings I make a point of putting an arm around her and making sure to introduce her to whomever I'm talking to - or if she knows them already I make a point of asking my wife for her point of view on whatever we are talking about. Of course when my wife would do these things for my jealousy it would make it worse because I basically wanted to throttle the other person not chit-chat with them. She's learned now that the best way for her to help me is to take me aside and reassure me with the same kind of talk that I use on myself but all the more powerful since it's directly from her.
All that said said it's a process to develop the skill both to identify when you are actually jealous and then to take steps to act on it. It used to bury me more than it does now so there's hope.
Unlike others I have never been jealous of anyone which ultimately goes on to prove that I am not only better than others but also the Best in the world. #Proud of myself!!
At no point have I ever suspected someone of being interested in someone where it didn't later turn out I was right.
I'm jealous of your amazing accent
I believe her voice talks in the google translate's english reader.
Thank you for using dark colors in your drawings. So much better.
Chris from Missouri
Thanks Chris! Took a few videos to make the full pencil-to-marker transition, but I think it looks a lot better 🙃
BrainCraft Me too! lol...
Thanks Chris from Missouri
How is loneliness related to jealousy? While I'm pretty sure the two are correlated could one be a trigger or amplifier of the other, or would both be caused by some other underlying factors?
Thank you! This video is really calming me down.🤶🧝♀️🧚♀️
Eh, I've already known my sibling was the favourite since I was a young child so I've accepted it. I'm pretty envious of them so I can see why they're the favourite. I have pretty intense jealousy issues although I never really act on them eg. accusing a partner of cheating when they haven't done anything to prove it. I tend to just internalise it or withdraw until I deal with the problem which isn't that healthy but it's better than being destructive. Sometimes I'll ask them questions or say things to gauge their response and usually it's relieving but if it isn't, then I'll tell the person outright how I feel which I think is probably the best solution if it's a rare occurrence. Otherwise, might need to evaluate the relationship and yourself to figure out why the jealousy is there and try to fix it with or without therapy (although therapy is recommended).
"cognitive mistakes" brilliant 1:42+ "Causes: 1) Mind Reading 2) Personalizing: interpreting everything in relation to your self 3)Fortune telling: predicting the outcomes of others lives
Jelousy breeds self loathing, and self loathing always turns outwards. In an unfair and unequal world, you will always have hatred.
"turn Jealousy into motivation" -me
Apathy does wonders for dealing with various stresses. Jealousy included.
Your channel is consistently awesome. Your ability to communicate big psychology ideas like this is superb, thank you!
I dont know if Im weird but I dont get jealous. Never have.
Soooooo lucky.
I have never understood why people would let jealousy eat them up inside, allowing it to consume you and control your feelings and emotions and disrupt your daily life. Feeling jealous of someone or something directing hate or any negative emotions towards it is a complete waste of time. It will only create more negative energy and attract more what you don't want. I've always looked at jealousy as a way to self reflect. if you are jelious of someone look at what they have that you are lacking and work on that. no doubt you will feel better about yourself and you will start to attract the things you want.
Jealousy gets you in trouble
I love this channel
Thank you so much! 🧠
So insightful and well done as always!!
I think we are taught to be jealous. Many movie or novel stories would not exist without jealousy. I got rid of jealousy and my life improved.
Jealousy is just Love and Hate at the same time.
I really liked this video!
Hey hey hello. Sorry for the non-relevant question, but where did you get that star map scroll behind you? It’s beautiful.
It's just from Urban Outfitters!
BrainCraft awesome, thanks. I’m thinking about it the way School of Life thinks of their paperweights. A beautiful reminder of my insignificance in the cosmic expanse. My mistakes can only be even more insignificant, so why not just go for it? You know, that sort of knick-knack.
Is jealousy related with having anxiety? I think somehow there is a connection
There is. Anxiety and any form of insecurity are interelated. All we can do, is breath through the emotion and wait until is gone.
Stay away from fortune telling? I feel like that is good advice for literally any situation.
3:30 wouldnt thinking about this cause you to stress more about losing the relationship, and all the time youve spent together. I think this could be counter-productive
After my mental illness in anontime i was more inferior ending up with comparision which made me high level of anxiousnes and anxiety as compared to my lufe before my illness i wasnt that guy anymore ...and so i hate myself
I just found out I do not remember being jealous my whole life. I am in my fourth decade of life and have above average memory (which is a must for my job). I am happily married now and had dated before just like any regular guy. I always happen to have an awful lot of trust in my partner (or in any previous partner in the past) which never really bothered me and still doesn't. And no, I have never cheated and never really felt a desire to cheat, like many other regular folks out there. I also don't remember to feel jealous about money or social status or this sort of things, although I am not really at the top on social/financial hierarchy compared to my peers/college buddies. So, should I be worried that I am/was never jealous?
I'm jealous of how smart you are, I'm going to check out more vids. More and likely gonna drop a like 👍 and a sub, cool video.
I needed this.
Is it normal if I rarely, if ever, feel jealous even over situations that would normally make others livid? I even spend more time thinking about the things I am not envious of rather than the things I am.
I thought you ghosted us... But I just missed last week's(this) video. I was jealous, for a moment, thinking you were off making videos for someone else.
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
Brilliant video, excellent content once again 😀👏👌
About the study with the twins, maybe homozygous twins are just more jealous for having an identical sibling which is usually close and are jealous of the sibling's attention
I don't seek attention from anyone, that's why I'm not jealous of anything.
Thank you so much
But you can't control someone else's jealousy.
Their insecurity and drive to control can ruin your life.
My borderline partner .. & his fear of abandonment .... exactly what he does ... makes up his own elaborate scenarios & gets jealous .. mind reading personalisation & fortune telling ... cant get himself out of that loop
I guarantee you most men feel this
My dog gets jealous when I play with other dogs
Thank you. Could you make a follow up video?
I don't usually get jealous of people I love or admire. I'm not possessive by nature. I think this has to be because I'm a low-status female. Otherwise, it's like, I want to go to school so that I don't deserve dirt. When I can't, I become jealous. Here, only the best impress, forget about all the rest. We're ghosts, apparently.
Jealousy is too much of a paradox to run with this generality. Why being single is best option in life.
No, being single makes you jealous of others in relationships
@@jamesdean922
Speak for yourself
@@MarkTrujilloDesignsandMedia I am, as well as others
1:42 I think it might be the othwer way arond. Cognitive mistakes, in which we belive (or fool ourselves to belive in) cause us to be jelaous. What we call jelaousy is just a byproduct, a spandrel of evolution of our cognitive capacities to reason, evaluate, predict and make make assumptions (which in the case they are wrong mean that we are lying to ourselves). It is very useful for us, as we do not get overwhelmed by all the information from sensory input. But the drawback is that it can produce feelings like jealousy. We are not the only species to be jelaous, other animals can feel this too. I do not think that the jelaousy they experience (they probably cannot reason the way we do) is caused mind reading, personalising and fortune telling. It is just that they feel their status being threathened, their place in the hierarchy attacked. Dogs do not have a theory of mind (if they do, please let me know), so no mind reading, personalising or fortune telling is going on, yet they can feel jealous. At least my opinion...
I'd be curious to see some research of how age might moderate jealousy. I feel like I was much more prone to jealousy in my teenage years than I am now. (As if I needed more reasons to cringe when looking back on 16 year old me).
The older I get the more jealous I get. But I am a woman.
Jealousy is how your Partner feels when He sees the way you look at Neil deGrasse Tyson.
This is too real
😂 hahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Loved the Video,and the flannel 😋😍
My dog is a JLS (Jealous Little S***). I'll be making a fuss one of of the cats and he'll come up and push in ;)
What's the difference between jealousy and envy?
Compersion ftw
Ignore this comment as this is a personal msg for someone
Im just a normal person, i get turned on to by some guy too.
I think you were the one who said that you get jealous of everything that will come near me. Maybe im wrong, maybe it wasnt you who wrote that
I can't tell what you're really feeling. I think its truly affecting you whenever i get sexual with any guy, thats my impression for now
Jealousy Is probably also felt a bit more by more Extraverted ppl (not saying intraverted can't fell it tho), just saying someone that like to be the center of attention probably fell more Jealous whene someone ignore them for less time. (again the Intraverted would fell Jealous too I just think it probably take more time for them since they don't like being the center of attention Tho It depend on what they think they will lose If an intraverted fell like they will lose there only friend they may get jealous :P Any way just an idea like that could be totally Wrong there)
SORRY FOR THE BAD ENGLISH
When someone gets a heart from Vanessa 🤣
Ma'am, where is fear long term memory stored in the human brain?
Sir ,please let me know your valuable remarks 🙏.
The 2003 study may have been a false-positive. For example, look at the design of the study's method, the twins have similar choices may due to other causes than genetics.
I stay solely on the facts and I'm still fucked
Over thinking 🤔
I don't "feel like". I know my brother is the favourite child. But that's alright. He's a cool kid. He's my favourite brother as well :D
0:05 There's not much real favoring in our household, but there is a huge difference between how I was treated when I was little, and how my little brothers are treated. I'm just glad to see that they are not abused like I was.
0:18 Jealousy is never harmless, unless it is jealousy for God (but, never-mind, since no one will have a clue what that means).
1:18 Normal does not mean acceptable.
3:15 NO! Do not focus on yourself! Your thoughts direct your bodily reaction. Instead, redirect your thoughts, and think of all the positive things that you have learned from that person.
3:35 More important than positive emotions, is talking with that person, and letting them know that you care about them.
4:07 The best way to deal with jealousy is to remind yourself of how evil and destructive it is, and look at other people as more important than yourself.
Students of Planetary Tantra might say jealousy is evidence of archontic intrusion. 😳
Is this video made by vedioscribe?
Was a that a Scorpio constellation?
consider the counter evidence
i don't think a person who is capable of considering the evidence in a clear light is capable of jealousy
Interesting! Personally I'm pretty logical and consider the facts a lot, yet I still get jealous.
in day to day life it is easy to be logical but once you get jealous it is kind of hard to accept maybe everything is in your head
Stop being envious of rich, powerful and successful men. They're just really used to succeeding.
Jealousy is when your friend's hair looks better then yours. They use expensive hairspray and you can only afford cheap styling gel which makes your hair look... gel lousy.
Just realized, there are 2 definitions of "lousy." Bad and infested with lice. Quite by accident I made a pun within a pun. Life Tip - If you want to say you hair looks bad today, don't say it looks lousy ;)
What you're describing is envy.
remilia scarlet
Hey, You're right! Thanks. "The more you know" 🌈⭐
I dont get it I've never ever been jealous what a waste of time and it's not nice that's not true friendship that bull people need to sort them self out learn to love them self blooming grow up we all can do anything in this world mind over mater where there a will there's away. I got no time for it it's silly.
I'm just a jealous guy...
And as always....
.... thanks for watching??? No???
Lol it's not Vsauce3! How about I go with... "As always, thanks for staying curious"
Haha, I see what you did there! 😂 Great video, by the way. Also, I would like to see more of this series because in retrospect, I'm guilty of most of these behaviors. Or whatever is on your mind 😀
Really just Vsauce3, Vanessa? I thought the other Vsauces also used that endcard catchphrase. If you haven't yet, I suggest you also take a look at Vsauce and Vsauce2 and analyze them, maybe you'll learn something for your own productions or get some inspiration... Just don't get jealous of them for taking away your viewers and views. Because they don't.
Have a nice existence instead!
I was jealous and I was right! He was cheating on me.
pro tip: you wont feel jealous if you own nothing
Jealousy is natural. I embrace it.
Yes and no.
1:35
“Jealousy is a normal reaction”. That’s not in Islam, it teaches that if you feel the slightest of discomfort as to why he has that, then it means you are sick in the heart. That’s why I love Islam :)
Mohammed became jealous in his life since he had a horrible childhood. First he lost his father and then his mother, then his grandfather who was his custodian. Then his uncle had to raise him up with economic problems. Mohammed had to be a shepherd while he was a kid. He experienced poverty and insecurity as a child. Than he became jealous of wealthy people and wanted to be powerful by gathering wealth. That’s why he became the enemy of Jews merchants who were successful. He wanted to gain their wealth by making them to be his followers. Once Jews denied his prophecy, he got revenge and committed massacres and killed 600 Jews in one day. That all happened because of Mohammed’s jealousy.
I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous..?
I’m a high functioning sociopath so that probably contributes to my lack of attachment
vsauce3 is cute
This is Jelly School
Interesting that she says jealously is "a universal emotion", but I really can't recall ever feeling the way she describes.
is it wierd that i don't feel jealousy
Kostos2222 that’s a good thing, I guess.
Kostos2222 perhaps you do, just differently
more like advantageous
Me neither. Might it be related to depression? I generally cannot feel jelaous, nor angry.
I guess I don't feel jealousy because I don't really value relations. It's probably part of my diagnosis of schizoid personality disorder, which is something that only 1% have, supposedly. So I guess that qualifies as being weird?
I don't think this advice is useful.
Generally or just for you? I'm always keen to improve. Also, the videos are meant to be educational and entertaining too (the advice is just the last part!) so I hope you enjoyed watching anyway.
I took this approach to dealing with jealousy in a past relationship where there was some but not 100% conclusive evidence that he was unfaithful. My misgivings proved true, and now I find it hard to retrospectively reconcile trusting myself and controlling myself, and I'm still trying to get back to the healthy approach to relationships I had before that relationship. The advice doesn't help identify what to do in such a situation, since means of gaining adequate information to make a conclusion on the reasonableness of your jealousy is generally a breach of trust.
I only felt jealous when they broke up with me by being with someone else... for a very long time. !
Nor your way of criticizing. Try showing some arguments before making such a statement, it's pointless otherwise.
@@yuritoshiotomikawa1736 That's fair enough. Lazy comment by me. I wasn't 100% sure why I felt that way.
Meditation. Good video though, thanks.
I’m jealous of your perfect skin ugh