Hey there! I hope you liked this video, and if you did, consider becoming my patron! There's an alternate version of this video on there with some different takes, and I talk a bit about a video that I couldn't talk about on here, because the video was taken down for being NSFW lol. Anyhow here's the link! www.patreon.com/bigjoel Also, do check out that footnote about modern architecture if you're interested! I think I could have made my point a bit better in a few ways (the cost of doing it on the spot, I guess). But if I make another video about School of Life, I'll get more into. The video is honestly worse than I suggested, and I wish I'd gotten into the more complicated reasons why more.
I adore you and your work, but jeebus h crispy, Joel, that is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen! That looks like something a thrift store vomited out because it was too hideous to go on the rack. It's scorching my eyeballs. URGHHHH.
Pro Tip: If someone with a British accent says something that sounds potentially profound, repeat it to yourself in an American accent just to double-check.
when you live in the UK and are used to accents like this sounding off about the falling quality of supermarket own-brand baked beans it tends to lessen the effect massively
Kind of reminds me of prager u. They are saying something with such a tone of claim authority that your subconscious accepts it as fact until the rest of your mind catches up and says “wait no, fuck that.” It’s like if the gps of your car told you to turn right into a field, your brain initially accepts that at first and then realizes that the gps is bullshit when you see what’s around you.
Whenever we went out, my tech obsessed ex-bf INSISTED on following the GPS cuz, u know, "oh, I trust it," instead of letting me guide him back to our house the fastest way. Dude I've lived here since 1968 - I KNOW this place better than your DAMN computer!! I don't like depending on tech to get stuff done when I don't HAVE to. Yes, it's convenient, but I'd rather get a picture of where I'm going in my mind - then fall back on the tech if I have a problem. I didn't even have roaming/data on my phone until a couple of months ago. I'm an introvert, why would I need it (actually, I did when I was driving back and forth to see my ex...)? Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway. No way, man. Not taking the download. We live in the damn Matrix. Can't see the bad guys ("sentinels" but you know who does bad stuff) yet - but I know this place ain't real. Figure reality has shifted a few times now. Some people figured it out some are still stuck on red/blue. There ain't no red/blue. There is only purple = HUMANITY = we are one. No. I do NOT mean QANON. Lol! I mean all humans have value - ALL of us are spirits having a human experience. We are starseeds. We are children of the Creator - the Universe.
"Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway. " You drive a CAR but don't need "tech" while doing so? I guess you didn't think that through.
Christian Schmidt many people don’t understand what technology actually is before they start ranting about how they don’t need it or it’s nothing but pure evil. A chair is technically technology, but you don’t see anyone complaining that they don’t need chairs.
@@christianschmidt2915 It's an inaccurate use of the term, but honestly, it's not that big a deal. We can still get the idea, yes? And quite frankly, it's probably a good idea to avoid overreliance on things like a GPS, or any other closed-source code. Not to the point of paranoia, sure, but if you can get away with not using corporate programs without too much difficulty, do it. I mean, unless you _want_ to be manipulated into buying stuff you don't need and can't use by ad companies that use harvested data for very targeted ad campaigns. Because you can never trust closed-source corporate programs not to harvest your data without consent.
@@jemolk8945 Not that I don't agree with you on privacy concerns and the reliance on digital gadgets, but that is not my point. Cars are a good example, as they shape our habits, social structures, cities, the way we do commerce, our social networks, the political landscape, power structures and natural environment in profound and, more often than not, harmful ways. But they are not part of "the Matrix" the commenter is concerned about. They are just a fact of life for them, while "Tech", which means digital networking technologies and the necessary user devices, I get that, is evil in and of itself, it seems. That is not thinking critical about technology, that is Just superstition. Also, the stuff about red, blue, purple and god doesn't help their case, but that's just my opinion, I guess.
As someone who grew up in an abusive home, "You're unhappy in your relationships because your parents were so nice to you" is the WILDEST, most sheltered take I've heard in a while lol
same 😒 also as someone who’s had abusive friends (whom i was vulnerable to because of early psychological abuse), the “friends are better” nonsense made me roll my eyes so far back in my head i think i saw god
As a teenager who struggles with chronic depression, your section about adolescents felt very validating. Many people dismiss my feelings as just "teen angst" and I admit I do have some of that, but I also have feelings that need to be accepted. Thanks for not dismissing kids like me.
I hope you have someone in your life who will truly listen to you and that you can work through your personal challenges in due time. Being depressed at that age is not easy, for the exact reason identified.
I'm 21 which isnt old obviously but i have a passion in how much i hate that people treat kids and teens like an all around joke of a human being. I think that often when it comes in the form of adults being condescending towards younger people or minors it's due to wanting to feel superior... "You think YOU know anything about the world?" "You think YOUR problems are bad?" Some adults dont recieve respect from people their age so it feels good to atleast imagine themselves as better than some 16 year old.
I hope you're doing better, as I came across your comment 5 months after you posted it. Your feelings are real, simply for the fact that you feel them. I'm glad you recognize your normal "teenage angst"; you'll be able to separate those out from the feelings that you find truly concerning. Adults fucking suck sometimes. If you have access to any adult who is committed to mental health, be it a psychologist, your school counselor, or even a family friend or neighbor who will sit and actively listen about your feelings and opinions, I urge you to take advantage of their time. Especially if you can access a licenced psychologist; if you're parents have the resources to send you to see one, impress upon them how much you need their services. Also, everything you say to your psychologist is protected information. They can only tell your parents if they think you're about to hurt yourself or others and what they recommend they do to prevent that from happening. As someone with clinical depression (among other things) I also urge you to take medicine if it's recommended. It can take a few weeks to kick in, so if it doesn't work immediately give it time. If there's side effects bring then up immediately, even if they don't seem worth mentioning. And if something doesn't work, say so and try something else. I hope you can avoid all that though! You're a bright kid so I have a feeling you'll navigate your way through this. You deserve to be happy and comfortable. We all do.
@@morbidsearch "you don't even know yourself yet!" bro and YOU, a literal SEPARATE HUMAN BEING from me knows me more than myself? and how can you know when i'll "truly know myself", then? what if i already know what i want or am while also being a teenager? lmao i can't handle these people
Ah yes, we did it boys, bad relationships are no more, because I had a shitty childhood and we are totally pleased with whatever relationship we have because at least it's better than what we had, because our standards will always remain the same as our childhood as we never learn from it
SeashellAmerican yeah well what if I’m not dead or alive huh? What if I’m an abiotic object? What if I’m just an igneous rock? Ever thought of that huh?
I would just like to add, my girlfriend is an animator and she has animated two school of life videos. What they do is that they get animators just out of university and hire them to do videos, but they give them a very short timeline, not much money and don’t give them much credit. They also for some reason don’t like animators using their work for their portfolios. A lot of her university friends have done a video and had the same experience. They kinda take advantage of newly graduated students and underpay them. That’s why people tend to do one video for them and then move on to hopefully better things.
Ryan R not really, not all freelance jobs involve bad pay, short workaround time and an employer who gets weird and defensive about putting your own work on your resume. They are not the worst employers by a long shot but they are not great either and for not real justifiable reason. Especially considering what they actually preach.
From a business perspective why would they pay more when they know people will continue accepting the job offer. So what happens if they put it on their portfolio. They send a hitman out to kill them or what. If they created the animation i dont see how they could stop you from putting it on there.
Yep. It is a fact that most TERFs have a Standard Pronunciation South-east English accent. Just don't call it British, you wouldn't understand a Glaswegian, let alone think they're talking sense.
Okay, as I guess I'm going to keep on getting more pedantic responses, I feel like I need to specify that when I said "British accent" that I was using the American colloquial definition which generally refers to English accents, and specifically only those that are intelligible to American ears. Apologies for the Yank-o-Centrism.
slyrax Fair enough. I just don’t like people treating all of britain as if it’s merely an extension of England. I hope that I didn’t make anyone feel bad.
The worst thing about School of Life is the way it's framed like advice from a therapist or academic of some kind but it's just like... some guy's mediocre thoughts. It should be called, "Some stuff I think about I guess, by Alain Boton (some guy)". It would still be bad, but less manipulative at least.
That's youtube in a nutshell though. Ultimately, youtube is just the video version of a 'blog' but with higher production values, and for people who can't, or don't have the time, to read. Almost everyone posting on RUclips, with a few exceptions, has no real qualifications for the opinions they're spouting beyond personal anecdote. Some channels are reasonably well researched, while many are not. Heck, some channels are all but automated rehashes of other, more successful, channels. And this is only going to get worse with new voice recognition, parsing, and voice synthesis software turning the process of creating these videos into an entirely automated affair.
Imagine thinking Skyscrappers look the way they do because an evil guy wanted to make it look ugly and not because it is the cheapest way to build a building this tall.
LOL Quite the leap of logic. The first thought that came to my mind when thinking about buildings is efficiency. To state that there are people out there who design buildings solely for the sake of making them ugly and getting away with it because “beauty is subjective” is pretty strange.
Well people argue that the fact that pyramids exist in multiple cultures must be aliens instead of just "Well if you make a big pile of rocks it won't fall over or burn down so lets do that" Being the easiest precursor to large scale architecture.
There was art deco fashion at the beginning of modernism, and it continued into the fifties. I like it more than most present-day architecture. But TSOL ommitted these facts from its video.
"We are sad later in life because our parents were so nice to us." But also: "We only start families because our parents were so terrible." Wow much thought, very smartness.
I mean, that makes sense if you accept both claims, right? People with nice upbringings may be unhappy about their relationships, and people who are unhappy with their relationships are less likely to have longterm relationships that lead to children, so most people who have children did not have very happy upbringings. The claims aren't true but they're not contradictory either
It's the same technique psychics use. They would say: "You're an introvert person... but you sometimes feel the need to look for relationships" or "You're an extrovert... but sometimes you feel like being on your own". And suckers will say "OMG, how did he know??"
This dude's literally making contradictory claims: - your childhood was SO GOOD and your parents were SO NICE to you, that now no other relationship can live up to your expectations - the only reason, why anyone would start a family is because your parents were BAD and made lots of mistakes and you want to try being a better parent like wat?
choronos by my eye its a coogi sweater, or at least inspired by the coogi sweater. biggie smalls famously wore them, so its only natural big joel has one too 😛
So we start families because our childhoods weren’t good but then we feel unfulfilled in our relationships because our childhoods were good actually? Did I get that right?
yk i think that's really impressive in a way. being able to articulate your thoughts in such a way that even when unscripted, what you're saying still feels like a well-written and thought out essay you'd usually present with just more sass, of course
School of life: youre dissatisfied with your relationship because of your nurturing relationship with your parents Me, who was abused by my parents: 👁👄👁
In fact, growing up in a home where the child's caregivers had a healthy relationship actually helps people not end up in toxic romantic relationships later in live. A loving, healthy relationship between the parents actually models both how one should be treated by a romantic partner and also how one should treat their SO.
100%, this is some basic social psychology. Also its just super fucking intuitive - learn good relationship models, have good relationships. But yeah, apparently not snappy enough for TSOL lmao
As someone who was raised for the majority of their childhood by an alcoholic single mother and has had a great deal of therapy to deal with the emotional trauma it caused, I can confirm that that difficult element of my upbringing really fucked up my conception of romantic relationships and intimacy and still gives me problems.
100%- bad parenting will certainly cause more problems than good parenting, in relationships and basically everything I'd say. I don't think that was the point of the TSOL video, it was more about how how general experiences of being taken care of can transfer to our expectations in our adult relationships (at least that's what I took away from it.) I think it's also sort of related to first becoming infatuated with a romantic partner, then that fading away somewhat but hopefully supplemented by a deeper lasting relationship.
"why truly sociable people don't like partying" sounds like something your mother would say when trying to convince you not to go to a high school house party when you were a teenager.
@@braden_m Or he went to one, didn't like it and decided that was everyone else's problem. His videos seem to have a theme of taking an entirely subjective opinion and turning it into this profound objective truth that's only contradicted when something goes wrong.
And how can you prove that you are actually "sociable"...if you never interact with other people. The word simply doesn't apply. Words need to have meaning. Not interacting with society is not compatible with the label "sociable." In the current English language, at least.
@@screamingcactus1753 i see a lot of it actually, some people that i know avoid social interactions and parties because they consider the masses to be "shallow" and "futile" while them themselves are not that interesting, intelligent and deep as they think themselves to be. I mean, i like to have deep conversations and to talk about philosophy, history and similar topics, but sometimes all i want to do is to sit down on an easy chair, drink, smoke and talk rubbish... Conservatives are too cocky.
Attachment theory and the studies by Ainsworth and Bowbly are the closest studies that link childhood upbringing to one's romantic life as an adult. However, TSOL got it completely wrong. Children that had healthy upbringings were more likely to have healthy romantic lives as adults. The opposite of what TSOL said lol.
Yeah that’s what I thought. Because they had a good relationship modeled for them as a kid, they know what to look for as an adult. TSOL make it sound like childhood is the be all end all of life in these videos, which is not a good lesson.
I have many times watching TSOL videos come away with it with a feeling of.. being lost? And the attachment theory one was the one where I caught just that - attachment theory is very clear that attachment styles are not set in stone. Describing them as such is not just wrong, but also disempowering for everyone on their enormous platform,
Yeah, I was gonna mention that as well. I've seen this stuff first hand as I have two stepsisters who are adopted. As young children they had neglectful addicts for parents and then spent time bouncing around the system before my stepmother became their foster mother. Both have had serious issues, one being Reactive Attachment Disorder which is an absolute trip to witness and beast to deal with firsthand.
The thing about parties was so obnoxious and pretentious 😭 Straight up sounds like something a teenager would make up to feel better abt not being invited to their crush‘s birthday partx or smth
Not even that. Many good parents express the difficultys they are under to their kids. And lots of people have unhappy childhoods for reasons outside of their parents. My parents are the most loving and wonderful people in the world but due to a medical condition i had my early childhood was mostly spent in a fair bit of pain. They forget about most people i would say. They idealise childhood well telling everybody to stop idealising adulthood. But neither should be idealised
straw beary Well, then that’s just even MORE proof that the channel is intellectually insincere. Like, if they already had or went on to make videos where they acknowledge that abusive or unhappy childhoods not only exist, but have a HUGE impact on a person’s emotional development, then why would they make an entire video that relies on the premise of that not being a factor in somebody’s life?
Everyone's pointing out the inconsistency of the childhood comments, but no one mentions the inconsistency of: "Nobody likes kind people. Kindness sucks." "Friendship is the best social relationship because it allows us to be, above all, kind."
Or, "We're unsatisfied in romantic relationships because they can't live up to our parents, whose flaws and failings prompt us to seek out romantic partners. "
I understand what Alain said about friendship tho. It’s not necessarily the “best” but compared to romantic relationship, friendship is more filtered. We show our romantic partner our darker side, which is true. But there are definitely external factors on why that’s the case.
This whole "REALLY social people don't even like parties" sounds like some "I'm a sigma male and lone wolf, so I'm actually not an unsocial loser beta or a Chad alpha male, I'm just as good" incel copium. This whole echochamber of "don't change yourself, you're actually not flawed" is so weird. We're literally all flawed, we have self doubts, failed relationships, varying degrees of social competence, etc. What you're supposed to do is work on parts of yourself you think you could improve. I get that some people with self hate might need a nudge from a motivational video or something telling them they shouldn't feel helpless, but that should never substitute making a personal effort to improve yourself.
The whole channel screams copium energy, in a pretentious way lol. As Joel pointed out, some of these explanations about life are so BS you have to wonder how he came up with them, yet Alain says them like they’re truth.
@@bdstudios6088 it really seems like a demonstration of how anything, said with confidence against a well edited video, can convince some people to think the way they do.
@@viktorthevictor6240 oh yeah totally, I agree. I'm just saying that for someone who is totally socially inept they might interpret that point as validating to their lack of social skills as a whole. Like, it's okay to not like parties, and it's okay to be an introvert. But if you're the sort of person watching these kinda videos it's likely you're questioning your own social ability. Those sort of people often have social anxiety, and while it's completely valid not liking parties the implied notion that it's okay to be unsocial as a whole is backwards. The real kicker being that it's not only "okay" to avoid large social gatherings, but actually better and is indicative of you being "superior" to those who do. Idk the whole thing just breathes an undercurrent of appealing to a crowd of socially incapable people who harbour some self resentment and even jealousy towards the socially capable, and it's intentions really seem to be to direct that anger towards the latter, which is just mindless ignorance to a person's own flaws as well as being a very poor way to live. I've met many people who judge their own self worth by weighing themselves against their peers and it's always bad, when you have to put down others to feel better about yourself it's always fucked.
It doesn't even make a lick of sense, when presented as matter of fact and absolutist. If everybody, throughout history, has gone through this process of having a happy childhood with loving caring parents, then grow up and find themselves on a spiral of unhappiness and disappointing relationships, the how, how is it possible for the parents to had had a healthy relationship when raising the person to begin with? Are parents not people? are they thise magical entity that exist just to breed unhappy incels? Make it make sense!
The animation clips seem very Freudian and suggestively Oedipal. I'm sure the SoL anti-party genius knows his Myers-Briggs type, being a card-carrying Jungian pseudoscientist.
@@luismarioguerrerosanchez4747 the probably when people try to psychoanalyze without a shred of psychological education is you end up with comments like these which aim to discredit things they dont understand for the convenience of simplicity and familiarity of self assurance that what you know is all you need to know and the world of the unknown is unnecessary or misguided. Theres a reason why these topics require years of dedicated research that a short 20 minute dismissal wont provide. It also requires a certain degree of openness to appreciate what you can learn with also the humility to acknowledge the valid criticisms that might not make us feel very comfortable to acknowledge.
There is truth to the notion that childhood development leads to relationship problems down the road, but literally for the opposite reasons SoL says. When our needs aren’t met by our parents, we develop unstable attachment styles such as avoidant and preoccupied. Those styles affect both whom we date and our relationship satisfaction. That, there’s evidence for. But having a good childhood with stable attachment actually leads to better relationships in adulthood because good relationships have already been modeled to you.
Hai-mel Hai-mel not really. If we take SOL claims as full throttle they’re saying: everyone has their needs met as a child therefore they can’t be happy as adults (ie constant unconscious comparing.) happy cared for kids usually go on to be happy and care for others. The same can typically be said about uncared for kids, the difference being either they neglect caring for themselves, OR others. Sometimes both. SOL claims with happy childhoods come unhappy adulthood’s based on unconscious comparison.
@@maybelikealittlebit Oh sorry, I now see what you're referring to. The video BigJoel mentions was objectively bad, but they've made dozens of others about styles of attachment and how they influence adult relationships. I'll post a link down here. That video wasn't a summary of their entire theory of love, it was just about something some people might experience (namely, people with happy childhoods).
@@kokubo399 Just for reference, here is a SoL video which is just about attachment styles. ruclips.net/video/2s9ACDMcpjA/видео.html It perfectly agrees with what Jenifer Joseph stated.
So this is what the 2% dislikes on a School of Life video look like. And I love it! You helped me understand the unexplained bad vibes I got from their videos.
@@Scerttle same here, i used to watch them a lot but after a while it feels like there really is something odd about them. so glad that i can finally figure out what makes me feel odd about watching 1 of their videos
Since you've taken at least one more class with a Neofreudian professor than I have, I'm inclined to take your word for it. But that channel's ideas strike me as not even grounded in any academic theory, just homebrewed junk that sounds plausible to someone who hasn't studied any psychology or philosophy.
To summarize: "All unhappiness is either a natural response to the growing pains of life or a direct result of your own moral/intellectual failings. Systemic injustice doesn't exist and all perceived flaws of modern society stem from a wrong turn somewhere upstream wherein people tried to blame their unhappiness on anything other than themselves."
I'm of the mind that sometimes it _is_ a result of personal failures, but most of the time, it's because people get the short end of the stick for the unforgiveable sin of existing.
@@tinydave17 Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you know what conservatism means. This isn't a "liberal vs conservative" thing. Isn't it a bit childish to try to reduce everything into a bipartisan issue? Blaming anyone or anything other than yourself while at the same time believing that someone's unhappiness is due to their own logical misgivings is seen everywhere, regardless of political background or intent. These are the characteristics of a shitty person, and if you genuinely believe that any shitty person must be a conservative, then you have your own issues to work out.
6:40 It’s just such a narrow definition of “party”. Imagine if someone said “truly athletic people hate sports, because you spend most of your time either sitting in the dugout or standing around in the outfield hoping that a ball comes your way”. Or “real film buffs hate movies because they’re nothing but car chases and endless fight scenes, punctuated by the occasional implausible explosion.” And I don’t know how the speaker has any idea what is “average” or “typical” for a party, but I’d bet that “have a dozen friends over for BBQ and a movie” or “have 6 friends over for boardgames” are at least as common as “Animal House”. Maybe SoL’s observations are valid for the sort of party where it’s too loud to converse and everyone is drunk and high-but that’s not every party.
Jesus Christ, every day it passes the more I realise how close I was to being an actual and proper incel. It's terrifying how easy it us to fall for that kind of stuff and how hard it is to get out. I honestly believe the only thing that kept me out of it was having a significant amount of female friends
A while ago, while I was going through a tough time, I started watching Jordan Peterson videos. They sort of made sense and resonated with me. I then told my (female) best friend about them and I felt so foolish. Not only did I have a hard time actually explaining WHAT they were about, the implications of so many of them were so insidious. I then realized JP has no concrete points but oh boy does he love alluding to creepy shit.
I can relate to that, but instead of being an incel I was so gaslight by their videos i began to push away people i considered my second family and began to have a toxic outlook on human relationships I already had. It wasn't until I really went to my therapist to talk about this i saw how flawed the channel is.
I remember that a few of his videos seemed down to earth and more of a cup half full type of thing but than again I’ve only watched like 3 videos every couple years lol
@@jonathanj2106 I'm really glad you made it out too. I feel the same way about him, it's sad how effective his pseudo-intellectual-talk-about-nothing is to make you feel like life is simple and you're just doing it wrong, hence why things are not going your way.
Congratulations on avoiding that vicious cult. They say they are looking for friendship and support but then once they are thoroughly brainwashed they sit there laughing about their online "friend's" suicides. All they really want are misery and destruction.
Love the circular logic of “it’s good to have bad parents because that will make us start families because we want to be good parents” - like, doesn’t that imply that wanting to be a good parent is a selfish way to treat your child?
Well no. See the highest state of human existence is to not create anymore humans, as life itself is flawed and pain. We are good parents, thus giving our children a happy childhood and teenagehood, and if we’re good enough parents we can break the cycle of life, bringing our bloodline to its ultimate state: extinction. (joke btw)
@@Coeurlarme I'd say that they have some interesting, if highly flawed, nihilistic philosophies. But let's be real, jokers like this "School of Life" guy or the ones who actually talk like your comment aren't smart enough to even make a decent self-destructive nihilistic argument.
The other problem I would identify with the "romantic relationships are bad" argument is that it seems premised on "if we only judged romantic relationships by their worst possible effects, we would not want them," which is an incredibly empty argument because (1) it's true of anything, and (2) why would it be productive to try and actually understand anything by looking only at its worst possible qualities?
Right, like if i ignore everything about pizza except that one time i burnt my tongue on a hot slizza then yeah fuck pizza but why on earth would anyone do that
@@leaffinite2001i think your apology is great but i think it is missing 1 thing. You burning your tongue was an experience that you would have had. Their argument doesn't make their point with experiences that you had but the potential negative experiences. so it would be you loving pizza but rejecting it because you could maybe make the experience of burning your tongue.
Old comment to reply to, but I wanted to say with regards to number two, that you would be doing that out of abundance of precaution. If your overriding goal is to avoid negative experiences, rather than to seek out positive experiences, then it makes perfect sense to judge things by their worst possible outcomes.
@@RickJaeger I recognize that sometimes people do, in reality, think this way. But it actually doesn't make perfect sense, because it ignores the possibility/likelihood that being lonely because one avoided relationships could also be a negative experience. I suppose one could argue that the worst possible outcome of a relationship would be worse than the worst possible outcome of being lonely, but even this calculation doesn't help one "actually understand" the two things, as I originally wrote.
The School of Life isn't one guy. The School of Life is an organization that has several, a lot in fact, of trained psychologists. Honestly, this video made me check their website and they do a lot: www.theschooloflife.com/
@Gonzalo Ariel Sotelo What are you even trying to prove? OP: actually an unhappy childhood was bad to me You: SOL is not made by one person but by many specialists Wtf
the whole “we have families because of our shitty parents” completely undermines the theory that we are unhappy in relationships because our childhoods were good and our parents shielded us
Also in my personal experience and what I see from many friends around me is that if you were abused or neglected by your parents you are much _less_ inclined to start a family. If you know that you never had anything resembling a good example of parenthood and also still carry deep-seated traumas and unhealthy coping mechanism with you that you will never quite be able to shake the rest of your life, then you're much more likely to say: 'Fuck this shit, abusive parenting and trauma has been echoing through the generations of my family for far too long, I'm breaking the damn chain and remaining childless.' For me personally that's a big factor in why I'm never having kids.
Weirdly I think they did actually cover this back when I was subscribed: "How To Be a Good Parent" or something. The channel is a mess and each video contradicts the next.
I remember watching one of his videos on why sexless relationships are inherently flawed and as an asexual, it was painful. But then I saw a video on why the oedipus complex should be brought into your sex life and I brushed off any invalidation immediately.
i don't understand why that's painful. it would make sense for an uncommon condition such as asexuality to be bad for relationships. just like narcissism and psychopathy
@@friedtea9969 it really isn't shallow. sex is one of our most primal desires. replace sex with love or respect and you'll see the stupidity of your comment
The “mostly, kind” tells me this guy has upset his partner, and didn’t like their negative reaction. He doesn’t get he probably has absolutely upset his friends, but because a friendship can be less serious than a relationship, it’s easier to just react nicely and move on, especially if you realize you can distance yourself from him later. Dude’s damn delusional with how much he really thinks he knows the world.
you know any person who say friendships doesn't have any problems, either didn't have friends or he is a very shitty selfish friend himself who never do or give anything for their friends.
@@ralison23 Can you imagine being in a relationship, becoming close with your partner, and on encountering a vulnerable moment where things don’t go well- Instead of taking time to process and take ownership of one’s own actions and grow, just be like “That woman has no self control, indeed what an illness that she would allow her feelings to ever get the better of her!! This whole ‘love’ thing is indeed an illness! A GOOD person should never acknowledge their feelings and act like everything is perfect until the world is perfect” in this dude’s condescending tones.
Are you saying that both can get viruses, but PCs are significantly more likely to get viruses because the design of Macs simply doesn't give users the freedom to do things that would likely cause viruses?
'You only want to have kids because you had a screwed up childhood' That's weird, 'cause I hear the same exact thing said to people who *don't* want kids.
This sounds like someone who's gone through some really awful relationships, starting with his parents and only continuing through life, and he's putting in a lot of effort to not recognize that he's got a lot of issues
One of the videos looked at here suggests that we are sometimes unhappy in are relationships because our relationship with our parents was so good when we were young we unrealistic expectations of our partners. This goes against your analysis.
Theo_Caro yeah, i think it’s more likely it’s a guy who had a virtually perfect childhood but struggles with socialising and relationships nowadays and wants, somehow, to still blame his parents for the fact that his social skills aren’t great despite the fact they were fine parents. It’s very easy for people like this to point the finger at others in their life when things go wrong for them, especially for men directed at their mothers.
Totally. The only way I can comprehend the perspective SOL presents is if I try to imagine only ever having toxic romantic relationships and very shallow friendships. If you really get close with someone, it is hard to accept the idea that it is possible to avoid normal relationship growing pains.
Okay but TSOL genuinely harmed my psychological state as a young teenager and older. They had all these videos about how you shouldn't break up with people because nobody is perfect and you probably won't be able to find anyone better, and it made me feel like I was a terrible person for ending relationships that weren't working out, to the level where I stayed in an abusive relationship despite the fact I could tell something was very off and I didn't want to be with this person. TSOL seriously warped my mindset around my relationships in a really misogynistic and just terrible way. PSA to any young people reading this: dump them. If it feels wrong, if they just aren't what you're looking for, if they treat you weird, leave their asses because ultimately the most important relationship you can have is with yourself, and you break your own trust and individuality by staying with the wrong people.
Coming back to this because I thought of something else: all the videos about relationships make it feel like relationship problems are always your personal fault for being psychologically damaged by uuuuh Freud stuff, but like, spousal abuse is extremely common and that message is a terrible thing for people in that situation to hear??? Not only is spousal abuse common, but so are relationships that are just not working or fulfilling enough. No-one needs to blame themselves more for relationship problems unless they are actively creating those problems by being a dick.
It’s the sort of channel that sounds like it’s being backed up by some psychological study, but when you actually look into it, it’s just out their ass
Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through something like that and that you've found yourself in a better place now. Abusive relationships are no joke especially when it gets to the point when you lie to yourself about how things are going. And while I don't know a lot of their videos, but this whole "most important relationship you can have is with yourself" ironically sounds like a video that they would make.
Yeah, they're not a good channel, I also used to watch them as a teenager but I don't think they did that much damage to me, because I think I dropped them quickly. Alain has this morbid freudian fascination that we all want to fuck our moms and that made me stop taking him seriously. I'm thankful for them for the fact that they introduced me to the stoics. After that, I actually started reading stoicism and attending stoic lectures from phds in philosophy and then, I went back to the SOL video where they introduce stoicism and I realized it was a terrible video that completely misrepresents stoicism. I figured all their other content is like that. Pop physolophy that misrepresents actual philosophy. However, their self-help stuff seems to be even more toxic.
honestly all that stuff just reminds me of being a super depressed angsty teenager trying to hate myself less by trying to pretend that i believed i was more somehow better, mature, stronger or whatever for constantly feeling like shit. and that's extremely unhealthy. a lot of people develop or find out about mental health issues during their teenage years, and basically saying "this thing that makes you feel sad/lonely/miserable/whatever is actually good and necessary and also it makes you better than other people so you should hold onto them" is just very harmful
I went through the same thing. I really loved their channel when i was in high school because it made me feel better about feeling miserable, and the way the script is written made me feel smart. In the end I started to notice that something didn't add up, although I couldn't put my finger on what exactly. Looking back, their videos are weird and sometimes really toxic. I'm glad that i stopped watching.
@Itzel Bastian Yes it's bullsh. According to this dude's line of "reasoning," I am (apparently) a freak in that I was a deliriously happy adolescent who wasn't unprepared for adulthood as a result. I'm 47 now and although I've certainly faced tough times in adulthood which were painful as a result, I've never really been depressed or without a sense of hope. That said, I would absolutely NOT conclude (from my mere 1 anecdotal data point which is inherently subjective) that a happy adolescence is predictive of a happy adulthood. My life serves as neither a pesky outlier contraction to dudeman's (correct) hypothesis nor proof that the hypothesis is incorrect, instead I would just say that his claim doesn't even address all the stuff you would need to form a hypothesis like this. The whole idea of there possibly being anything like a consistent correlation is absurd. There are far too many variables for determining what it means to be happy versus troubled, etc.
@Itzel Bastian I apologize because I don't know how my reply became a direct reply to you in this case; I meant it to be a reply to the op. But since you ask, I'm talking about the School of Life video that Joel is discussing in this video. SOL's assertion is that being unhappy in adolescence is the normal and essential step one needs to become an effective adult, or at least that's my one-sentence summary. Therefore, according to him, someone who was a happy and functional adolescent should not turn out to be a happy and functional adult, therefore the fact that I did would make me a freak, an aberration, an outlier. Of course he didn't use the word 'freak'; I didn't say he did. But he also didn't talk about morals so I don't know why you keep bringing that up.
honestly i got into watching School of Life in a pretty vulnerable state in my personal life and at the time it was genuinely hard to think critically and differentiate fact from opinion, its almost shocking to look back and imagine myself absorbing this shit and it having actual harmful effects on my mental health, thanks for the video
I haven't watched the video yet, but I'm commenting- I used to watch school of life when I was 11 and severely depressed. The main message I got from them was that I was wrong for feeling sorry for myself. That was a short term solution. I forced myself out of my depression out of sheer willpower but also pushed away my feelings and became cruel to people who couldn't just will their way out of mental illness. Eventually (within less than a year) I became dysfunctionally depressed again, and was extremely in denial about it. I think that even during the time that I "fixed" myself, I was mostly just in denial. I still have a problem of blaming myself for my own illness. Their philosophy is not a cure.
To some extend I feel like his opinions aren't that bad, it's just the fact that he's proclaiming them like he's some kind of arbiter of moral truth. Like if a friend said to me "hey you know, relationships aren't everything and sometimes you're better off being friends with someone" I would find that completely inoffensive. Even if a youtuber said these things in a more conversational tone, it wouldn't be that weird. But the videos are so preachy about those same half-baked opinions, it's off-putting.
Yeah, it’s less the information itself, more the format in which it’s given - it’s a perfectly sound thing to hear as something a buddy would tell you when you’re feeling glum, not something an authority of any sort can say.
I feel like a lot of school of life videos are good conversation starters and catalysts for self-reflection, but not good as definitive answers for any educational or intellectual purpose. Their conclusions are often rubbish but the topics and questions/arguments proposed are interesting to think or debate about, and might lead to you form your own opinions about these topics, whether you agree or disagree
@@theMoporter this. One or two "idk maybe my childhood didn't prepare me for adulthood" videos, especially presented not as universal truths but as one person's experience, is innocent enough. In no way proof they should be listened to or that the advice within applied to anyone else's life, but innocent. Dozens of videos not only presenting untested hypotheses and unproven advice is some health-guru cult of personality shit, it casts doubt on all the "innocent" or "helpful in some cases" videos, and I'm kind of waiting to see the big scam drop.
Anyone else notice his point about having relationship problems because we had a good childhood and that we can be good adults because we had a bad childhood are contradictions?
Tbh this channel feels like it was made as a response to a neurodivergent person’s trauma from feeling socially alienated. The positions that he’s brought up are things I thought at my lowest points when I was younger, especially the contradictory statements abt childhood.
Me at 14 living in an abusive household: “Gee, I wish I didn’t feel like shit all the time” TSOL adolescent video: “Actually that’s completely normal and good and actually you should be grateful for this bad bad time you are currently having” Me: Oh. Cool I guess.
@@jacky9575 So is the narrator, but those aspects just amplify the illusion of good information and well constructed arguments that they want to put out.
I have kids. I'd like to think we are above average loving and caring parents, and we have happy kids. Our kids aren't happy all the time. They never have been. You know what babies do? They cry sometimes. You know why? Because their needs aren't always effortless and completely met. Sometimes, they shit in their pants and they just have to cry until finally someone cleans it up. Sometimes, they are hungry and the person with the milk ducts is the fuck asleep. And that's before you even get to what happens when a three year old gets the wrong color sippy cup.
as someone who has been in more toxic friendships than he can count, NO we are not patient, encouraging, tolering, funny and kind. Sure, friendships are great, but they can be just as horrible as any relationship.
Just as Friendships can be good, so can be Relationships. Just like Relationships can be bad, so can toxic Friendships. I don't know why but people just don't want to admit that there can be toxic friendships as well. They are just simply harming themselves by associating with these toxic friends. I absolutely hate this Incel propoganda.
The School of Life isn't one guy. The School of Life is an organization that has several, a lot in fact, of trained psychologists. Honestly, this video made me check their website and they do a lot: www.theschooloflife.com/
@@FlamasNegras I don't know man..that's coming from *their* website. And companies/promoters wouldn't really tell the truth about themselves...also they have said some blatant misinformation in the past about Psychology....his beliefs of blaming your childhood for your bad relationship sounds like something coming straight from 20th century Psychology....also "the darkest pits of hell" yeah...such a Scientific term!
“Sometimes people get sad, and that can get caused by a lot of things” would actually be very comforting to hear from a channel revealing itself as a mental health channel
I hate the name School of Life. Here in Finland people who despise education say they went to ”School of Life”. As if life hasn’t taught all of use no matter the education level.
Oh man you'll hear that in the particularly rural corners of North America too. Unfortunately I think it's generally a result of people not being able to afford education, here, rather than an active choice not to go.
“Its normal for teens to experience agony so they are more satisfied with their next 6 or more decades” is making me sit here, shaking my head with my PTSD, chronic depression, and personality disorder. The statement sounds like someone who did struggle with mental health a little, and I do not want to fully discount that experience, but I cannot imagine myself or any of my friends who have had extreme mental health issues ever saying that. Its horribly ignorant, full stop.
@@joevaghn457@joevaghn457 it is ignorant to valorize suffering for many reasons but i think most of all because it "redeems" the suffering or even endows it with a "meaning" (i.e. "suffering builds character"). It seems obviously questionablr to me to tell people who endured contingent suffering and or cruelty and who are still suffering from the psychological consequences that "their trauma is good actually". This becomes obvious in extreme cases, people who end up severly ill or otherwise debilitated obviously do not benefit from that. imagine telling a holocaust survivor that their suffering actually served them becoming a "better" more "resilient" person.
@@joevaghn457"this sounds like someone who did struggle with mental health *a little*" Who coulda guessed, the guy who confidently proclaims that 99% of the comments are unreasonable also repeatedly misunderstands comments and tries to blame the OPs for it. I couldn't write something funnier if I tried.
Does he know that the next 6 decades aren't exactly sunshine and rainbows either? Oh, of course he knows, he'd just blame it on us being "weak" and "lazy" instead of the system screwing us over.
Wow. Big Joel's profound hot take: Hey maybe the reason sometimes things feel shitty... is because they're shitty! Its these amazing lessons that make me love this channel.
He should do a collab with school of life, I'd love to see what incredible script they would make with just "sometimes things are shitty" as the point of the video lol
Mat Roqueta yeah, I kinda feel bad for the guy. If this is really how he feels about life, I’m worried he’s in a toxic relationship and has unresolved trauma from his teenage years. He might also be mysogenistic, and not in a relationship, in which case I also feel sorry for him.
I also found that strange! And I feel like he glossed over the fact that a ton of working class people got better housing because of functionalism. Where I live, functionalism introduced things like running water, central heating and bathrooms at an affordable price, which meant more people got access to it. My city literally has an area called "the child houses" that was built in the 30s to provide poor families with good housing. It's still owned and run by the city, and it's still giving low income families a place to live without having to spend their entire income on rent. Functionalism prioritized daylight and hygiene in a time when kids still got rickets because poor housing conditions (lack of sunlight) caused vitamin D deficiency. Sometimes the beauty of things lies in the intent behind them, rather than in superficial decor.
I've never heard of this channel before, but based on what you've presented here, it sounds like it's entirely devoted to explaining away this guy's personal failings. "I'm not a selfish and inattentive boyfriend, romantic relationships are just supposed to be harmful."
I also hate how unnecessarily verbose it is, it’s annoying as hell. Like instead of saying “bagels are good” they’ll be like “these Jewish bread treats are delectably simplistic in all their toasty soft glory.”
The second one is more poetic and playful- I enjoy it. It conveys not only the idea that “bagels are good” but also conveys the texture, warmth, and heritage of freshly toasted bagels.
I have an attachment disorder (among other things) because of childhood neglect. I constantly have issues with feeling like my needs aren’t being met because I have incredibly high and low expectations depending on what it is. I was never shielded from “the burden” my parents took by raising me. If anything, it’s been proven that having a healthy childhood makes your adulthood relationships more stable. That is much more believable
The video arguing that sad or tough teenage years are beneficial for the rest of your life actually made me genuinely upset and angry. My life sucks *because* my teenage years were tough, and sad, and riddled with mental illness. The pain I went through is still holding me back from building a happy, sustainable future for myself. It's preventing me from enjoying my hobbies, knowing how to juggle all my responsibilities as an adult, hell, even finishing university. Being mentally broken didn't make me deep, or better at art, or more capable, or kinder, it just made me afraid, unproductive, and in need of serious therapy. And the only reason why I am in this situation now is the fact that no one acknowledged my problems on time because "oh, teenagers are just moody!" and "teenagers and their phases!" and "oh, you'll get over it when you become an adult". Well, I am an adult now, and I'm still mentally ill, and the only reason why I'm still doing so poorly is that no one took me seriously when I, as a teenager, asked to see a therapist, or told people that I'm sad beyond reason, or that I don't understand what exactly is wrong with me. For the love of all that is good in this world, take teenagers seriously when they tell you something is wrong, or that they're struggling in any way. Even if it ends up being something "silly" from an adult perspective, it's going to mean a lot to them that you were still willing to help them and treat them as an equal. And for fuck's sake, don't ignore symptoms of mental illnesses in teenagers just because they're teenagers. Being sad all the time, having intrusive thoughts, self-harming, being anxious to the point where you can't function, having obsessive-compulsive habits etc. aren't "just teenage things", they're symptoms of serious issues that need professional help and support. Stop romanticising mental suffering and treat teenagers better, for crying out loud.
As a teen who struggles with mental health, and is friends with other teens who likewise struggle with mental health, everything you said hits home. Adults project what they want us to feel unto us and disregard what we tell them. Our actual feelings are invalidated because our parents "know better", or because "it's just a phase". My parents are amazing people at everything else, but when it comes to things like these... not only do they not understand, they don't even try to. They don't listen to me. Whenever I have a string of really bad days, whenever I self-harm in a way that leaves scars, they always treat it as a coincidence, a one off thing, and not something that is constant for me. My feelings are labelled as "hormones" and cast aside. Being treated like this isn't helping me build character in any sort of way. It's making me constantly question my feelings, repress emotions so adults'll take me seriously (and then having outbursts at random people or coping through really unhealthy and self-destructive ways), and lie so I won't get mocked by the people I'm supposed to trust the most. I pretend to be someone I'm not around my parents so instead of seeing me as a stupid emotional child they'll see me as Adult Lite(TM), and holy shit. It takes its fucking toll on you. Extra points if you're queer and have to hide that part of you around them because hearing "you're just confused" another damn time will make you stab someone. But what do I know? I'm just a confused teenager.
@@handsofchange11111 big hugs to you. I'm sorry you're doing through all this. Get some help if you can. If you can't get a therapist, try to find another adult outside your parents that you can speak to. Best of luck to you and if you need help finding a therapist or counselor, please send me a message. Love, a social worker
Good grief, you sound like you have a very deep level of insight about yourself and a very good understanding of psychological matters regarding other people. I am a postgraduate psychology student and I too have faced shitty years in childhood and adolescence and I have to tell you, I felt proud reading your comment and seeing that your hardships didn't only brake you, but you also managed to grow through them. Though going through mental illness is by far the least preferable and safe way to grow and it often leaves us with lifelong challenges, I just wanted to let you know that I believe in you and your ability to become happy and functioning. Seek proper therapy, work your ass off and try to make your life as you want it, find out what truly matters to you and go after it. It's hard, but doable.
I was one looking for a short video about friendship for an ESL class and used one of theirs because I couldn't find anything else under 7 minutes. It was so individualistic, I decided to make a "watch the video and say why you disagree with it" activity. And even before I gave the students leading questions to say why they disagreed with it, they were already saying it was dumb.
His video on friendships vs romantic relationships isn't even an argument for more fulfilling friendships: he likes that he can care less about his friends and not get called out.
Yeah, I thought it was really weird when TSOL said that friendships were great in comparison to other forms of relationships because we expect less from them. Sometimes friendships can form on a more casual basis but there’s here’s nothing wrong with expecting/wanting more from friendships. They can run just as deeply and profoundly as any familial or romantic relationship. In trying to put friendships in a positive light he also kind of discredits it lol.
I feel like he could learn a lot by reading about attachment styles. For me personally, I kind of relate to that statement not because I like having an excuse to care less, but because it prevents me from caring too much. I have an anxious attachment style and tend to worry about friends or romantic partners secretly not liking me or abandoning me, or me being a problem in the relationship. Romantic relationships exacerbate this insecurity, whereas it's at a more manageable level with friendships. And yes, I'm trying to work on my insecurities, but it's also reasonable, I think, to content myself with friendships until I'm ready for something more
Yeah, just from this clip it sounds like he's never planned a party or even truly known someone throwing one. Just that guy who gets invited by a friend of a friend or because he's on the mailing list. Heck, I have a hard time believing Alain isn't still in high school with how he frames a lot of things, but there he is, a 50-year-old fairly successful philosopher.
Can we just stop for a moment and talk about how TSOL starts criticizing modern design and architecture while showing a photo of Fallingwater... an iconic building and landmark designed by Frank Loyld Wright? Last I knew his designs were considered innovative and beautiful. I grew up 40 minutes away from Spring Green, WI and one of his other most famous structures, Taliesin. Which serves as his home, studio and school for a time.
To be fair to the video, it never states that the modernist buildings shown are all ugly, just that the principles of modernism gave capitalists an excuse to make ugly buildings. Still shit video tho.
For a split second I thought you were referring to the iconic 80s punk band the True Sons of Liberty. More insightful than anything The School of Life has to offer
@@KarlSnarks True... but it comes off more that the photo is meant to go with the thesis of the section, that the majority of buildings were "ugly" because of profit margins. Although it seems like the "Fallingwater" photo is meant to be a demonstration of one of the first examples of Modern architecture, how it can be used to create beautiful buildings, and how major developers gutted the designs only using aspects that increased profits. Just shows how poorly scripted and edited the entire video is.
Wait so are we unhappy in relationships because of our innately perfect childhoods, or do we start families to compensate for our deeply flawed childhoods
Yes and yes. He specifically says words like 'sometimes' cause there are so many different types of childhoods. In one case our clearly unhappy childhood caused our relationshp problems. In the other, parents being overprotective towards the child in many ways, but most importantly about their own hardships, weakness's, and flaws, can lead us to unrealistic views of relationships. They werent able to be honest about how hard relationships are. and they are.. even the best ones.
School of Life seems like the things a stoned 20 year old nursing their first big heartbreak, would say to their stoned friends, and then they would all nod and agree on how profound and deep they are.... I know this because I was that stoned 20 year old 🙈 in college, some of us going through our first major break-ups, along with the regular depression that goes with studying engineering, had exactly the same views on how friendships, since expectations are lower, are purer and healthier than romantic relationships, and that in order for any relationship to work, you need to not expect anything from the other person! But now, in a healthy marriage, I understand that having some basic expectations of your partner is not a bad thing! And that friendships and relationships are both valuable and also very different, and thus, should be nurtured in different ways. And the fact that toxic friendships exist, just like toxic relationships, and those can and should be ended too. But I guess Alain never really learned anything beyond undergrad level pop philosophy in the so called School of Life🤷🏽♀️
Someone *hurt * this man, also this is just proof that you can smuggle right wing talking points into the main stream as long as you make it seem non-ideological and sound soothing while saying it
Outside of RUclips, School of Life also run in-person lectures and classes for a ridiculous amount of money. I’ve met a few people who have gone and it seems really cult-y.
At a glance, I thought "hey what's wrong with The School of Life!?" Then I realized I've only ever watched the videos introducing philosophers and authors...
Haha, same! Their other videos have a rather... clickbait-y thumbnails, so I don't watch them. I watched one once, didn't click well with me, then forgot about it. I have to admit, though, their videos on authors are engaging enough to get people read respective author's books!
@@miramiell_kairaku I know right? I subbed for a high school teacher a few years ago who wanted to introduce her students to the basic philosophers, and I recommended those videos, and she told me they were exactly what she was looking for. That felt really good : )
"It would be lovely if you could explain things from your *no doubt very legitimate* perspective" just sounds like passive aggressive sarcasm. Like, who would ever say that sincerely?
As an architect, who has studied history of architecture, "traditional" and "modern" to be reductionist, that is not how things happened, and that's not why they are the way they are
SoL's videos give me a strong sense that Alain de Botton needs a divorce but he's too pass-agg to ask for one directly, so he made a RUclips channel instead.
Omg I didn’t know lab muffin beauty science watches Big Joel 😂 .. everyone should check out her channel for entertaining and well-explained scientific information about the usefulness and safety of products many of us use in our daily lives 😁😁 Ive learned a lot from this channel
I can’t believe my suspicions on School of Life’s advice being bullshit were true. I watched their video “Are You Difficult to Love?”, and all it did was put me in a depressive state and make me believe I wasn’t worthy of love and that people were just putting up with me to be nice. I still have issues with feeling like a burden, and I can’t say that video is what caused it, but it definitely contributed if only a little bit. Edit: In retrospect, this comment doesn't get my point across. I was writing this from a place of spite, similar to how I vent, and that anger was unnecessary as being upset over a video likely wouldn't aid the strength of my argument. If I had to reword what I was trying to express, I'd say that self-help videos in general are meant to be useful to the most people they can, which means making sure to consider the variability of one's experiences and accommodating for as many as possible. Personally, School of Life failed me in that aspect, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate the people it did help. I don't want to put anyone at fault, but I do want to draw attention to that potential issue.
It is not BS. But if are not well read on philosophy and paychology it can be dangerous. On a creative level, the videos are excellent and very powerful. It aint fair to call it BS. Because their are other channels that are super cringe. The channel is great. But its mainly for the masses.
@@eduardochavacano I see your point. When you make videos, you have to cater to a wide audience. Then again, what one considers a “wide audience” is up to them, and from what I’ve seen, the channel’s idea of a wide audience seems to leave out those who’ve had trauma or are suffering from certain mental illness. It feels worth it to be considerate about how one’s advice is worded, since a channel that people may supposedly go to for self improvement may draw in people who might not be in the soundest mental place, and a video entirely explaining how one’s struggles in love is an issue on their part may not be healthy advice for all. School of Life’s advice can be helpful, but I think Joel’s point is that a blanket statement shouldn’t be put over a topic as complex as mental health. I just wanted to express how I was one of those people at the time, and how I agreed with his point. I admit, though, that I may have worded it strongly, and I’m sorry for that.
Maybe you are a little bit difficult to love. And that's okay. We are trying our best and people who have gone through some sht in life will always be more difficult to love than someone conventionally attractive with a good childhood.
My ex husband loved Alain de Botton. I'd never seen anything but a few tweets from him before this video. Really appreciating my divorce in a new way today.
Like 3 years ago I had to argue over the course of the entire semester with my intro philosophy professor about how horrible this channel, and the dude himself is. It actually taught me a lot about how to spot a bad argument.
It's also a pretty wonderful example of how easy it is to buy a bad argument when it's presented along with a soft-spoken deep british accent, and some pretty looking animations.
@@Erin-ks4jp True, I really think the presenter's accent and the very intimate sounding voice his recording setup gives him are major keys to the channel's success.
That bit about the "viciousness of the insults" that happen when you love someone tells me that the person who wrote that script has never loved someone in their entire life. They talk about an abusive relationship like it's love. I feel for that person and hope their life gets better, but judging by the way they talk about other humans, and the way they seem to think their preferences and opinions have to be objectively right, the prognosis isn't great. Edit: And it gets so SPECIFIC, assuming their individual, weird hangups are universal to the human experience. "You know how we all decided to become parents when we were 14 1/2 so we could to Dad that we could do it better!?" but without the "no? Just me?" And I don't know what I was expecting from the Internet comments vid, but it sure wasn't "want to grouse? Use a thesaurus to look more polite when you whine!" Not "point out specifically what you didn't like, give constructive feedback, suggest ways to improve," but "tell them they suck in a quasi-intellectual way and demand an explanation" is actually more of a waste of time than the shorter complaint for writer and reader.
Everything The School of Life says has the same energy of the guy who told me "You dress nice. Would you like to go on a non platonic outing with me?" In junior year physics class
Dear Mr. Joel I hope this comment finds you well. Despite my long standing admiration of your content, of late I have found myself disappointed with the direction that you appear to be taking with your channel. Of course because of the deep abiding respect I feel for you and your art, I do not hold this against you. Instead I merely wish to be furnished with an explaination as to why your videos have become disappointing to me. Perhaps it is because I seek to recreate the paradise of my childhood? Yours, Internet person
Same. And, to be fair, I ALSO blame a lot of my current unhappiness on my childhood experiences but at least I admit it instead of just asserting that it's the truth for everyone.
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Hey there! I hope you liked this video, and if you did, consider becoming my patron! There's an alternate version of this video on there with some different takes, and I talk a bit about a video that I couldn't talk about on here, because the video was taken down for being NSFW lol. Anyhow here's the link! www.patreon.com/bigjoel
Also, do check out that footnote about modern architecture if you're interested! I think I could have made my point a bit better in a few ways (the cost of doing it on the spot, I guess). But if I make another video about School of Life, I'll get more into. The video is honestly worse than I suggested, and I wish I'd gotten into the more complicated reasons why more.
Pog
I adore you and your work, but jeebus h crispy, Joel, that is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen! That looks like something a thrift store vomited out because it was too hideous to go on the rack.
It's scorching my eyeballs. URGHHHH.
In case you’re wondering where all this BS comes from, it’s all Neofreudian psychology (someone who took a class from a Neofreudian professor)
This video was a rancid waste of time, I love you bby, talk to me about it
The reason you don't like The School of Life is that your parents fulfilled all of your RUclips content needs when you were a baby.
Pro Tip: If someone with a British accent says something that sounds potentially profound, repeat it to yourself in an American accent just to double-check.
It's like using Google Translate!
Thanks for the laugh. ^^
when you live in the UK and are used to accents like this sounding off about the falling quality of supermarket own-brand baked beans it tends to lessen the effect massively
@@snitterdog7276 hahaha yeah same
@@snitterdog7276 also there's the innate hatred of poshness thanks to the class system :D
Kind of reminds me of prager u. They are saying something with such a tone of claim authority that your subconscious accepts it as fact until the rest of your mind catches up and says “wait no, fuck that.” It’s like if the gps of your car told you to turn right into a field, your brain initially accepts that at first and then realizes that the gps is bullshit when you see what’s around you.
Whenever we went out, my tech obsessed ex-bf INSISTED on following the GPS cuz, u know, "oh, I trust it," instead of letting me guide him back to our house the fastest way. Dude I've lived here since 1968 - I KNOW this place better than your DAMN computer!!
I don't like depending on tech to get stuff done when I don't HAVE to. Yes, it's convenient, but I'd rather get a picture of where I'm going in my mind - then fall back on the tech if I have a problem. I didn't even have roaming/data on my phone until a couple of months ago. I'm an introvert, why would I need it (actually, I did when I was driving back and forth to see my ex...)? Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway.
No way, man. Not taking the download. We live in the damn Matrix. Can't see the bad guys ("sentinels" but you know who does bad stuff) yet - but I know this place ain't real. Figure reality has shifted a few times now. Some people figured it out some are still stuck on red/blue. There ain't no red/blue. There is only purple = HUMANITY = we are one.
No. I do NOT mean QANON. Lol! I mean all humans have value - ALL of us are spirits having a human experience. We are starseeds. We are children of the Creator - the Universe.
"Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway. "
You drive a CAR but don't need "tech" while doing so? I guess you didn't think that through.
Christian Schmidt many people don’t understand what technology actually is before they start ranting about how they don’t need it or it’s nothing but pure evil. A chair is technically technology, but you don’t see anyone complaining that they don’t need chairs.
@@christianschmidt2915 It's an inaccurate use of the term, but honestly, it's not that big a deal. We can still get the idea, yes? And quite frankly, it's probably a good idea to avoid overreliance on things like a GPS, or any other closed-source code. Not to the point of paranoia, sure, but if you can get away with not using corporate programs without too much difficulty, do it. I mean, unless you _want_ to be manipulated into buying stuff you don't need and can't use by ad companies that use harvested data for very targeted ad campaigns. Because you can never trust closed-source corporate programs not to harvest your data without consent.
@@jemolk8945 Not that I don't agree with you on privacy concerns and the reliance on digital gadgets, but that is not my point. Cars are a good example, as they shape our habits, social structures, cities, the way we do commerce, our social networks, the political landscape, power structures and natural environment in profound and, more often than not, harmful ways. But they are not part of "the Matrix" the commenter is concerned about. They are just a fact of life for them, while "Tech", which means digital networking technologies and the necessary user devices, I get that, is evil in and of itself, it seems. That is not thinking critical about technology, that is Just superstition. Also, the stuff about red, blue, purple and god doesn't help their case, but that's just my opinion, I guess.
As someone who grew up in an abusive home, "You're unhappy in your relationships because your parents were so nice to you" is the WILDEST, most sheltered take I've heard in a while lol
yeah... that one really stuck out to me even in a video full of ignorant generalisations
He probably had a fight with someone about him being an asshole and thought he was still in the right because their parents were good and his weren't
Maggie - He will blame them for their expectations being “too high”
Milka - indeed :| (tho I do blame it for my issues lol, that's just, yk, the opposite of what he said lol)
same 😒 also as someone who’s had abusive friends (whom i was vulnerable to because of early psychological abuse), the “friends are better” nonsense made me roll my eyes so far back in my head i think i saw god
As a teenager who struggles with chronic depression, your section about adolescents felt very validating. Many people dismiss my feelings as just "teen angst" and I admit I do have some of that, but I also have feelings that need to be accepted. Thanks for not dismissing kids like me.
I hope you have someone in your life who will truly listen to you and that you can work through your personal challenges in due time. Being depressed at that age is not easy, for the exact reason identified.
I'm 21 which isnt old obviously but i have a passion in how much i hate that people treat kids and teens like an all around joke of a human being. I think that often when it comes in the form of adults being condescending towards younger people or minors it's due to wanting to feel superior... "You think YOU know anything about the world?" "You think YOUR problems are bad?" Some adults dont recieve respect from people their age so it feels good to atleast imagine themselves as better than some 16 year old.
I hope you're doing better, as I came across your comment 5 months after you posted it. Your feelings are real, simply for the fact that you feel them. I'm glad you recognize your normal "teenage angst"; you'll be able to separate those out from the feelings that you find truly concerning.
Adults fucking suck sometimes. If you have access to any adult who is committed to mental health, be it a psychologist, your school counselor, or even a family friend or neighbor who will sit and actively listen about your feelings and opinions, I urge you to take advantage of their time. Especially if you can access a licenced psychologist; if you're parents have the resources to send you to see one, impress upon them how much you need their services. Also, everything you say to your psychologist is protected information. They can only tell your parents if they think you're about to hurt yourself or others and what they recommend they do to prevent that from happening. As someone with clinical depression (among other things) I also urge you to take medicine if it's recommended. It can take a few weeks to kick in, so if it doesn't work immediately give it time. If there's side effects bring then up immediately, even if they don't seem worth mentioning. And if something doesn't work, say so and try something else. I hope you can avoid all that though! You're a bright kid so I have a feeling you'll navigate your way through this. You deserve to be happy and comfortable. We all do.
@@00RoxPink
This is the foundation of why so many people are dismissive of trans teens (not that most of them give a shit about trans adults either)
@@morbidsearch "you don't even know yourself yet!" bro and YOU, a literal SEPARATE HUMAN BEING from me knows me more than myself? and how can you know when i'll "truly know myself", then? what if i already know what i want or am while also being a teenager? lmao i can't handle these people
Luckily, my childhood was terrible, so all my adult relationships are completely satisfying.
Ah yes, we did it boys, bad relationships are no more, because I had a shitty childhood and we are totally pleased with whatever relationship we have because at least it's better than what we had, because our standards will always remain the same as our childhood as we never learn from it
You will live until you die
SeashellAmerican don’t tell me what to do
@@tinyblonde bitch you're already dead i can't do shit
SeashellAmerican yeah well what if I’m not dead or alive huh? What if I’m an abiotic object? What if I’m just an igneous rock? Ever thought of that huh?
I would just like to add, my girlfriend is an animator and she has animated two school of life videos. What they do is that they get animators just out of university and hire them to do videos, but they give them a very short timeline, not much money and don’t give them much credit. They also for some reason don’t like animators using their work for their portfolios. A lot of her university friends have done a video and had the same experience. They kinda take advantage of newly graduated students and underpay them. That’s why people tend to do one video for them and then move on to hopefully better things.
Yikes. If anything, some of the animations are the best parts of SoL >.
wow thank you for sharing this, not only are their videos bad (apparently) but now they are starting to seem like bad people
You just described every job where you as a talent produce something.
Ryan R not really, not all freelance jobs involve bad pay, short workaround time and an employer who gets weird and defensive about putting your own work on your resume. They are not the worst employers by a long shot but they are not great either and for not real justifiable reason. Especially considering what they actually preach.
From a business perspective why would they pay more when they know people will continue accepting the job offer. So what happens if they put it on their portfolio. They send a hitman out to kill them or what. If they created the animation i dont see how they could stop you from putting it on there.
I feel like the American perceived authority of a British accent is doing a lot of work for that channel
Yep. It is a fact that most TERFs have a Standard Pronunciation South-east English accent. Just don't call it British, you wouldn't understand a Glaswegian, let alone think they're talking sense.
Add a large dose of typical british cynicism and you can do some real damage
It’s English- not british. As a person who is both Irish and Welsh I have a strong urge to remind everyone of that.
Okay, as I guess I'm going to keep on getting more pedantic responses, I feel like I need to specify that when I said "British accent" that I was using the American colloquial definition which generally refers to English accents, and specifically only those that are intelligible to American ears. Apologies for the Yank-o-Centrism.
slyrax Fair enough. I just don’t like people treating all of britain as if it’s merely an extension of England.
I hope that I didn’t make anyone feel bad.
The worst thing about School of Life is the way it's framed like advice from a therapist or academic of some kind but it's just like... some guy's mediocre thoughts. It should be called, "Some stuff I think about I guess, by Alain Boton (some guy)". It would still be bad, but less manipulative at least.
That's youtube in a nutshell though. Ultimately, youtube is just the video version of a 'blog' but with higher production values, and for people who can't, or don't have the time, to read.
Almost everyone posting on RUclips, with a few exceptions, has no real qualifications for the opinions they're spouting beyond personal anecdote. Some channels are reasonably well researched, while many are not.
Heck, some channels are all but automated rehashes of other, more successful, channels. And this is only going to get worse with new voice recognition, parsing, and voice synthesis software turning the process of creating these videos into an entirely automated affair.
@Harrison Fross
Spot on!!!!
That some guy is a Great Philosopher you Cretin
Facts
@@BustermachineYeah people tend to forget the only thing you need to make a RUclips channel is a valid email
Imagine thinking Skyscrappers look the way they do because an evil guy wanted to make it look ugly and not because it is the cheapest way to build a building this tall.
LOL Quite the leap of logic. The first thought that came to my mind when thinking about buildings is efficiency. To state that there are people out there who design buildings solely for the sake of making them ugly and getting away with it because “beauty is subjective” is pretty strange.
Yah... Imagine thinking arguing for taste and cohesiveness when it comes to buildings... Wacky stuff
@@busessuck1 See that's not the argument being had here at all. Congrats.
Well people argue that the fact that pyramids exist in multiple cultures must be aliens instead of just "Well if you make a big pile of rocks it won't fall over or burn down so lets do that" Being the easiest precursor to large scale architecture.
There was art deco fashion at the beginning of modernism, and it continued into the fifties. I like it more than most present-day architecture. But TSOL ommitted these facts from its video.
"We are sad later in life because our parents were so nice to us." But also: "We only start families because our parents were so terrible." Wow much thought, very smartness.
"now thats a deep thought, innit??"
I mean, that makes sense if you accept both claims, right? People with nice upbringings may be unhappy about their relationships, and people who are unhappy with their relationships are less likely to have longterm relationships that lead to children, so most people who have children did not have very happy upbringings. The claims aren't true but they're not contradictory either
It's the same technique psychics use. They would say: "You're an introvert person... but you sometimes feel the need to look for relationships" or "You're an extrovert... but sometimes you feel like being on your own".
And suckers will say "OMG, how did he know??"
@@americantoastman7296 I'm british and I hate the fucker too
Why so salty? Can’t you let people put their ideas on RUclips?
Is no one going to talk about Big Joel’s three identical, but differently-sized paintings
I was going to bring it up but I was afraid I'd missed a joke somewhere
I didn’t even notice til I read your comment lmao
Its just that much of a fantastic picture i don't see the problem here.
Samuel Miriello we do not speak of them
Not identical, one is faded
This dude's literally making contradictory claims:
- your childhood was SO GOOD and your parents were SO NICE to you, that now no other relationship can live up to your expectations
- the only reason, why anyone would start a family is because your parents were BAD and made lots of mistakes and you want to try being a better parent
like wat?
that sweater is FRESH. king
All of his sweaters are tbh :o
he saw Alan from The Santa Clause and said ‘Yes.’ We have no choice but to stan 👑👑👑
It's a remarkable sweater. I wish I knew where he found it, and if there are more like it.
choronos by my eye its a coogi sweater, or at least inspired by the coogi sweater. biggie smalls famously wore them, so its only natural big joel has one too 😛
@@TheMicroMotion Google confirms that you're certainly correct! Thanks!
So we start families because our childhoods weren’t good but then we feel unfulfilled in our relationships because our childhoods were good actually? Did I get that right?
Bad childhood makes things worth.
Read that twice and still feel weird about it lol.
I think ill just say... hang out with people that like you...
Yep, you've got it down. You're ready to start your own channel, and spread this wisdom to the masses.
I caught that too
You had a good bad childhood, I guess
School of Dude Trust Me
Lmfao
+
Lel
I took a psych class in school once. And I'm British.
😅
"Nice people can be scary because we aren't used to it" damn School of Life who hurt you
Almost everyone apparently
Big Joel's unscripted videos are just like his scripted videos, just with more sass
Sassy!
Vibey, chillin 😎
*_sassy_*
Exactly!!
yk i think that's really impressive in a way. being able to articulate your thoughts in such a way that even when unscripted, what you're saying still feels like a well-written and thought out essay you'd usually present
with just more sass, of course
School of life: youre dissatisfied with your relationship because of your nurturing relationship with your parents
Me, who was abused by my parents: 👁👄👁
How does it feel to never be dissatisfied with your relationship?
You’ve got a point here. Maybe that’s why this Joel guy hates their channel too? Why else would someone hate such a wholesome channel?
My aromantic and thus extremely happily single ass who was severely emotionally neglected by my parents: ??????
@@TKUA11 because the videos make outlandish claims that are unsupported, did you even watch the video?
Jits Fingers Nah he’s probably just as flippantly contrarian as school of life
In fact, growing up in a home where the child's caregivers had a healthy relationship actually helps people not end up in toxic romantic relationships later in live. A loving, healthy relationship between the parents actually models both how one should be treated by a romantic partner and also how one should treat their SO.
100%, this is some basic social psychology. Also its just super fucking intuitive - learn good relationship models, have good relationships. But yeah, apparently not snappy enough for TSOL lmao
As someone who was raised for the majority of their childhood by an alcoholic single mother and has had a great deal of therapy to deal with the emotional trauma it caused, I can confirm that that difficult element of my upbringing really fucked up my conception of romantic relationships and intimacy and still gives me problems.
100%- bad parenting will certainly cause more problems than good parenting, in relationships and basically everything I'd say. I don't think that was the point of the TSOL video, it was more about how how general experiences of being taken care of can transfer to our expectations in our adult relationships (at least that's what I took away from it.) I think it's also sort of related to first becoming infatuated with a romantic partner, then that fading away somewhat but hopefully supplemented by a deeper lasting relationship.
This guy just took every experience in his life and said "this must be universal"
"why truly sociable people don't like partying" sounds like something your mother would say when trying to convince you not to go to a high school house party when you were a teenager.
I feel bad but honestly I just couldn't stop thinking "dude must have never been invited to a party and is now salty about it"
@@braden_m Or he went to one, didn't like it and decided that was everyone else's problem. His videos seem to have a theme of taking an entirely subjective opinion and turning it into this profound objective truth that's only contradicted when something goes wrong.
And how can you prove that you are actually "sociable"...if you never interact with other people.
The word simply doesn't apply. Words need to have meaning. Not interacting with society is not compatible with the label "sociable." In the current English language, at least.
^referring to how "School of Life" misuses the English language.
It drives me crazy.
@@screamingcactus1753 i see a lot of it actually, some people that i know avoid social interactions and parties because they consider the masses to be "shallow" and "futile" while them themselves are not that interesting, intelligent and deep as they think themselves to be.
I mean, i like to have deep conversations and to talk about philosophy, history and similar topics, but sometimes all i want to do is to sit down on an easy chair, drink, smoke and talk rubbish... Conservatives are too cocky.
If a fourth painting of that girl in the red dress with the cat appears I’m gonna loose my mind
Attachment theory and the studies by Ainsworth and Bowbly are the closest studies that link childhood upbringing to one's romantic life as an adult. However, TSOL got it completely wrong. Children that had healthy upbringings were more likely to have healthy romantic lives as adults. The opposite of what TSOL said lol.
Yeah that’s what I thought. Because they had a good relationship modeled for them as a kid, they know what to look for as an adult. TSOL make it sound like childhood is the be all end all of life in these videos, which is not a good lesson.
I have many times watching TSOL videos come away with it with a feeling of.. being lost? And the attachment theory one was the one where I caught just that - attachment theory is very clear that attachment styles are not set in stone. Describing them as such is not just wrong, but also disempowering for everyone on their enormous platform,
Wow. This was an unexpected crossover.
I was gonna mention attachment theory but just check comments fast if someone else did it, ya beat me to it gosh darnit.... and good job!
Yeah, I was gonna mention that as well. I've seen this stuff first hand as I have two stepsisters who are adopted. As young children they had neglectful addicts for parents and then spent time bouncing around the system before my stepmother became their foster mother. Both have had serious issues, one being Reactive Attachment Disorder which is an absolute trip to witness and beast to deal with firsthand.
The thing about parties was so obnoxious and pretentious 😭 Straight up sounds like something a teenager would make up to feel better abt not being invited to their crush‘s birthday partx or smth
School of Life really forgot about orphans, kids in abusive households, kids who live with neglectful parents, homeless kids, and immigrant kids
Yeah, I have PTSD from my dad. ....TBH, feeling happy, close and secure in a relationship feels too weird to me.
Not even that. Many good parents express the difficultys they are under to their kids. And lots of people have unhappy childhoods for reasons outside of their parents. My parents are the most loving and wonderful people in the world but due to a medical condition i had my early childhood was mostly spent in a fair bit of pain. They forget about most people i would say. They idealise childhood well telling everybody to stop idealising adulthood. But neither should be idealised
Its super on brand for the channel.
Like, they’ve made videos saying that suicidal tendencies result from a lack of imagination.
straw beary Well, then that’s just even MORE proof that the channel is intellectually insincere.
Like, if they already had or went on to make videos where they acknowledge that abusive or unhappy childhoods not only exist, but have a HUGE impact on a person’s emotional development, then why would they make an entire video that relies on the premise of that not being a factor in somebody’s life?
straw beary Nah. Pseudointellectual at best, damaging at worst.
Everyone's pointing out the inconsistency of the childhood comments, but no one mentions the inconsistency of:
"Nobody likes kind people. Kindness sucks."
"Friendship is the best social relationship because it allows us to be, above all, kind."
Good point.
Or, "We're unsatisfied in romantic relationships because they can't live up to our parents, whose flaws and failings prompt us to seek out romantic partners. "
Wait sorry where is the quote "Nobody likes kind people. Kindness sucks." from?
@@poopsmith890 it's from the section of "why girls are scared of nice guys"
I understand what Alain said about friendship tho.
It’s not necessarily the “best” but compared to romantic relationship, friendship is more filtered. We show our romantic partner our darker side, which is true. But there are definitely external factors on why that’s the case.
Another case of a soothing well enunciated voice tricking us into thinking an argument is good
It's too true. At least they showcase good artists in their video.
Don't you talk that way about Big Joel.
B-but...he’s BRITISH! That means he MUST be smart, right? /s
Nelson Thangjam oh you know it helps if they use big words and unnecessary adjectives!
Ah, the anti-Hbomberguy approach.
This whole "REALLY social people don't even like parties" sounds like some "I'm a sigma male and lone wolf, so I'm actually not an unsocial loser beta or a Chad alpha male, I'm just as good" incel copium.
This whole echochamber of "don't change yourself, you're actually not flawed" is so weird. We're literally all flawed, we have self doubts, failed relationships, varying degrees of social competence, etc. What you're supposed to do is work on parts of yourself you think you could improve. I get that some people with self hate might need a nudge from a motivational video or something telling them they shouldn't feel helpless, but that should never substitute making a personal effort to improve yourself.
The whole channel screams copium energy, in a pretentious way lol. As Joel pointed out, some of these explanations about life are so BS you have to wonder how he came up with them, yet Alain says them like they’re truth.
@@bdstudios6088 it really seems like a demonstration of how anything, said with confidence against a well edited video, can convince some people to think the way they do.
Nothing wrong with not liking parties though. Just throwing it in there
@@viktorthevictor6240 oh yeah totally, I agree. I'm just saying that for someone who is totally socially inept they might interpret that point as validating to their lack of social skills as a whole. Like, it's okay to not like parties, and it's okay to be an introvert. But if you're the sort of person watching these kinda videos it's likely you're questioning your own social ability. Those sort of people often have social anxiety, and while it's completely valid not liking parties the implied notion that it's okay to be unsocial as a whole is backwards. The real kicker being that it's not only "okay" to avoid large social gatherings, but actually better and is indicative of you being "superior" to those who do.
Idk the whole thing just breathes an undercurrent of appealing to a crowd of socially incapable people who harbour some self resentment and even jealousy towards the socially capable, and it's intentions really seem to be to direct that anger towards the latter, which is just mindless ignorance to a person's own flaws as well as being a very poor way to live. I've met many people who judge their own self worth by weighing themselves against their peers and it's always bad, when you have to put down others to feel better about yourself it's always fucked.
Incredible how this "sigma male" echochamber is like the "fat acceptance" echochamber but for boys
Nice things to comment on the internet:
"I had a very nice time"
"Thank you"
"I like the colour of your hair"
I also like the colour of your hair
Thank you.
I like to look at you while you're sleeping.
I had a very nice time reading this comment last night
I like the color of your hair, I don't know it but I think it's pleasant
That theory of "parenthood makes us disappointed for romantic love" sounds extremely Freudian
That’s not a Freudian slip, it’s a Freudian titanic
It doesn't even make a lick of sense, when presented as matter of fact and absolutist. If everybody, throughout history, has gone through this process of having a happy childhood with loving caring parents, then grow up and find themselves on a spiral of unhappiness and disappointing relationships, the how, how is it possible for the parents to had had a healthy relationship when raising the person to begin with?
Are parents not people? are they thise magical entity that exist just to breed unhappy incels? Make it make sense!
The animation clips seem very Freudian and suggestively Oedipal. I'm sure the SoL anti-party genius knows his Myers-Briggs type, being a card-carrying Jungian pseudoscientist.
And psychoanalysis has been refuted many times.
@@luismarioguerrerosanchez4747 the probably when people try to psychoanalyze without a shred of psychological education is you end up with comments like these which aim to discredit things they dont understand for the convenience of simplicity and familiarity of self assurance that what you know is all you need to know and the world of the unknown is unnecessary or misguided.
Theres a reason why these topics require years of dedicated research that a short 20 minute dismissal wont provide. It also requires a certain degree of openness to appreciate what you can learn with also the humility to acknowledge the valid criticisms that might not make us feel very comfortable to acknowledge.
There is truth to the notion that childhood development leads to relationship problems down the road, but literally for the opposite reasons SoL says. When our needs aren’t met by our parents, we develop unstable attachment styles such as avoidant and preoccupied. Those styles affect both whom we date and our relationship satisfaction. That, there’s evidence for. But having a good childhood with stable attachment actually leads to better relationships in adulthood because good relationships have already been modeled to you.
...which is exactly what SoL claims. This comment is kinda confusing.
@@hai-mel6815 look up "styles of attraction." I learned about it in an interpersonal communications class, it's definitely real.
Hai-mel Hai-mel not really. If we take SOL claims as full throttle they’re saying: everyone has their needs met as a child therefore they can’t be happy as adults (ie constant unconscious comparing.) happy cared for kids usually go on to be happy and care for others. The same can typically be said about uncared for kids, the difference being either they neglect caring for themselves, OR others. Sometimes both.
SOL claims with happy childhoods come unhappy adulthood’s based on unconscious comparison.
@@maybelikealittlebit Oh sorry, I now see what you're referring to. The video BigJoel mentions was objectively bad, but they've made dozens of others about styles of attachment and how they influence adult relationships. I'll post a link down here.
That video wasn't a summary of their entire theory of love, it was just about something some people might experience (namely, people with happy childhoods).
@@kokubo399 Just for reference, here is a SoL video which is just about attachment styles.
ruclips.net/video/2s9ACDMcpjA/видео.html
It perfectly agrees with what Jenifer Joseph stated.
So this is what the 2% dislikes on a School of Life video look like. And I love it! You helped me understand the unexplained bad vibes I got from their videos.
Right? I stopped watching their stuff years ago cause they just felt off in some way. Now it's been put into words.
@@Scerttle same here, i used to watch them a lot but after a while it feels like there really is something odd about them. so glad that i can finally figure out what makes me feel odd about watching 1 of their videos
Exactly!
This guy nailed it. Always felt queasy watching that pompous stuff but this video put it into a rational form
Alain de Boitton is the world's most divorced man
This comment is wonderfully perfect LOL
That's a oof from me captain
Poor sad white man doesn't like buildings hah
perfect summary as always, Olly
like really?
It’s a all Neofreudian, as someone who took a class with a Neofreudian professor.
Since you've taken at least one more class with a Neofreudian professor than I have, I'm inclined to take your word for it. But that channel's ideas strike me as not even grounded in any academic theory, just homebrewed junk that sounds plausible to someone who hasn't studied any psychology or philosophy.
Oh definitely. Sigmund Freud populated the Seymour Skinner Meme brand of human psychological study.
not even that, it's just trash. i don't think freud or lacan would agree to such an analysis of anything really
shugaku Freud wouldn’t project his own incredibly specific experiences onto all of humanity?
Have you read Freud?
@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick thank you, I wanted to say the exact same thing
To summarize: "All unhappiness is either a natural response to the growing pains of life or a direct result of your own moral/intellectual failings. Systemic injustice doesn't exist and all perceived flaws of modern society stem from a wrong turn somewhere upstream wherein people tried to blame their unhappiness on anything other than themselves."
"Except for modern art"
@@tinydave17 Basically
I'm of the mind that sometimes it _is_ a result of personal failures, but most of the time, it's because people get the short end of the stick for the unforgiveable sin of existing.
I was just waiting for the narrator to say something about bootstraps.
@@tinydave17 Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you know what conservatism means. This isn't a "liberal vs conservative" thing. Isn't it a bit childish to try to reduce everything into a bipartisan issue? Blaming anyone or anything other than yourself while at the same time believing that someone's unhappiness is due to their own logical misgivings is seen everywhere, regardless of political background or intent. These are the characteristics of a shitty person, and if you genuinely believe that any shitty person must be a conservative, then you have your own issues to work out.
6:40 It’s just such a narrow definition of “party”.
Imagine if someone said “truly athletic people hate sports, because you spend most of your time either sitting in the dugout or standing around in the outfield hoping that a ball comes your way”.
Or “real film buffs hate movies because they’re nothing but car chases and endless fight scenes, punctuated by the occasional implausible explosion.”
And I don’t know how the speaker has any idea what is “average” or “typical” for a party, but I’d bet that “have a dozen friends over for BBQ and a movie” or “have 6 friends over for boardgames” are at least as common as “Animal House”.
Maybe SoL’s observations are valid for the sort of party where it’s too loud to converse and everyone is drunk and high-but that’s not every party.
😊å
😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊ää😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
ää
school of life: You're sad because there's a disconnect between your adult life and your happy childhood.
*everyone who had a horrible childhood: ??*
Don't worry, apparently it's important that you had a horrible childhood lmao, lucky you!
*Four attachment styles:* Allow us to introduce ourselves.
@@AstraIVagabond *[Assertive communication and healthy boundaries have left the chat]*
Jesus Christ, every day it passes the more I realise how close I was to being an actual and proper incel. It's terrifying how easy it us to fall for that kind of stuff and how hard it is to get out. I honestly believe the only thing that kept me out of it was having a significant amount of female friends
A while ago, while I was going through a tough time, I started watching Jordan Peterson videos. They sort of made sense and resonated with me. I then told my (female) best friend about them and I felt so foolish. Not only did I have a hard time actually explaining WHAT they were about, the implications of so many of them were so insidious.
I then realized JP has no concrete points but oh boy does he love alluding to creepy shit.
I can relate to that, but instead of being an incel I was so gaslight by their videos i began to push away people i considered my second family and began to have a toxic outlook on human relationships I already had. It wasn't until I really went to my therapist to talk about this i saw how flawed the channel is.
I remember that a few of his videos seemed down to earth and more of a cup half full type of thing but than again I’ve only watched like 3 videos every couple years lol
@@jonathanj2106 I'm really glad you made it out too. I feel the same way about him, it's sad how effective his pseudo-intellectual-talk-about-nothing is to make you feel like life is simple and you're just doing it wrong, hence why things are not going your way.
Congratulations on avoiding that vicious cult. They say they are looking for friendship and support but then once they are thoroughly brainwashed they sit there laughing about their online "friend's" suicides. All they really want are misery and destruction.
Love the circular logic of “it’s good to have bad parents because that will make us start families because we want to be good parents” - like, doesn’t that imply that wanting to be a good parent is a selfish way to treat your child?
Then because you were a good parent and that makes you selfish, you're actually a bad parent, and thus the cycle renews
Well no. See the highest state of human existence is to not create anymore humans, as life itself is flawed and pain. We are good parents, thus giving our children a happy childhood and teenagehood, and if we’re good enough parents we can break the cycle of life, bringing our bloodline to its ultimate state: extinction.
(joke btw)
@@Coeurlarme I'd say that they have some interesting, if highly flawed, nihilistic philosophies. But let's be real, jokers like this "School of Life" guy or the ones who actually talk like your comment aren't smart enough to even make a decent self-destructive nihilistic argument.
It also implies that parents shod be deeply offended when their kids have kids which is a fun new spin on reality and how all that works
Being an anti-natalist myself, I don't think it's necessary to think that all life is pain and misery, to be an anti natalist.
The other problem I would identify with the "romantic relationships are bad" argument is that it seems premised on "if we only judged romantic relationships by their worst possible effects, we would not want them," which is an incredibly empty argument because (1) it's true of anything, and (2) why would it be productive to try and actually understand anything by looking only at its worst possible qualities?
Right, like if i ignore everything about pizza except that one time i burnt my tongue on a hot slizza then yeah fuck pizza but why on earth would anyone do that
@@leaffinite2001 this is a stupidly good analogy lmfao
@@leaffinite2001i think your apology is great but i think it is missing 1 thing. You burning your tongue was an experience that you would have had. Their argument doesn't make their point with experiences that you had but the potential negative experiences. so it would be you loving pizza but rejecting it because you could maybe make the experience of burning your tongue.
Old comment to reply to, but I wanted to say with regards to number two, that you would be doing that out of abundance of precaution. If your overriding goal is to avoid negative experiences, rather than to seek out positive experiences, then it makes perfect sense to judge things by their worst possible outcomes.
@@RickJaeger I recognize that sometimes people do, in reality, think this way. But it actually doesn't make perfect sense, because it ignores the possibility/likelihood that being lonely because one avoided relationships could also be a negative experience.
I suppose one could argue that the worst possible outcome of a relationship would be worse than the worst possible outcome of being lonely, but even this calculation doesn't help one "actually understand" the two things, as I originally wrote.
Being miserable as a child just gave me depression and social anxiety, which were rather unhelpful as an adult until I got therapy in my 30s.
The School of Life isn't one guy. The School of Life is an organization that has several, a lot in fact, of trained psychologists. Honestly, this video made me check their website and they do a lot: www.theschooloflife.com/
@@FlamasNegras Mr. Button please touch grass
@@FlamasNegras nice try de botton i know it's you
@Gonzalo Ariel Sotelo
What are you even trying to prove?
OP: actually an unhappy childhood was bad to me
You: SOL is not made by one person but by many specialists
Wtf
@@FlamasNegras yeah, but still only psychologists that agree with his ideas.
the whole “we have families because of our shitty parents” completely undermines the theory that we are unhappy in relationships because our childhoods were good and our parents shielded us
Our boy playing both Engelbert and Charlemagne today!
Also in my personal experience and what I see from many friends around me is that if you were abused or neglected by your parents you are much _less_ inclined to start a family. If you know that you never had anything resembling a good example of parenthood and also still carry deep-seated traumas and unhealthy coping mechanism with you that you will never quite be able to shake the rest of your life, then you're much more likely to say: 'Fuck this shit, abusive parenting and trauma has been echoing through the generations of my family for far too long, I'm breaking the damn chain and remaining childless.' For me personally that's a big factor in why I'm never having kids.
Weirdly I think they did actually cover this back when I was subscribed: "How To Be a Good Parent" or something. The channel is a mess and each video contradicts the next.
@@AliceDiableaux same
I love how TSOL assumes that subjectivity was just not a thing before the modern art movement
This is very funny.
it wasn't i was there
Hey man, leave true sound of liberty out this..lol
@@marcospablomartinez4221 You dude, are a cool dude with cool taste.
Code Blue by TSOL, what a great, classic song. You know a song is good when the lyrics can stand on their own. Pure poetry
I remember watching one of his videos on why sexless relationships are inherently flawed and as an asexual, it was painful. But then I saw a video on why the oedipus complex should be brought into your sex life and I brushed off any invalidation immediately.
i don't understand why that's painful. it would make sense for an uncommon condition such as asexuality to be bad for relationships. just like narcissism and psychopathy
@@tonyisnotdeadAsexuality isn't a 'condition', though. It's a sexuality.
@@tonyisnotdead yes because relationships at their core are about sex 😒 you know how shallow that sounds?
@@jackmclean4120 are the two mutually exclusive?
@@friedtea9969 it really isn't shallow. sex is one of our most primal desires. replace sex with love or respect and you'll see the stupidity of your comment
Saying friendships don't have any of the problems romantic or sexual relationships do is like saying Macs can't get viruses, only PCs can.
this analogy works oddly well tbh
The “mostly, kind” tells me this guy has upset his partner, and didn’t like their negative reaction. He doesn’t get he probably has absolutely upset his friends, but because a friendship can be less serious than a relationship, it’s easier to just react nicely and move on, especially if you realize you can distance yourself from him later. Dude’s damn delusional with how much he really thinks he knows the world.
you know any person who say friendships doesn't have any problems, either didn't have friends or he is a very shitty selfish friend himself who never do or give anything for their friends.
@@ralison23 Can you imagine being in a relationship, becoming close with your partner, and on encountering a vulnerable moment where things don’t go well-
Instead of taking time to process and take ownership of one’s own actions and grow, just be like “That woman has no self control, indeed what an illness that she would allow her feelings to ever get the better of her!! This whole ‘love’ thing is indeed an illness! A GOOD person should never acknowledge their feelings and act like everything is perfect until the world is perfect” in this dude’s condescending tones.
Are you saying that both can get viruses, but PCs are significantly more likely to get viruses because the design of Macs simply doesn't give users the freedom to do things that would likely cause viruses?
'You only want to have kids because you had a screwed up childhood'
That's weird, 'cause I hear the same exact thing said to people who *don't* want kids.
This sounds like someone who's gone through some really awful relationships, starting with his parents and only continuing through life, and he's putting in a lot of effort to not recognize that he's got a lot of issues
One of the videos looked at here suggests that we are sometimes unhappy in are relationships because our relationship with our parents was so good when we were young we unrealistic expectations of our partners. This goes against your analysis.
Theo_Caro yeah, i think it’s more likely it’s a guy who had a virtually perfect childhood but struggles with socialising and relationships nowadays and wants, somehow, to still blame his parents for the fact that his social skills aren’t great despite the fact they were fine parents. It’s very easy for people like this to point the finger at others in their life when things go wrong for them, especially for men directed at their mothers.
Personally think a friendship is a lot like a romantic relationship just without the romantic part.
Totally. The only way I can comprehend the perspective SOL presents is if I try to imagine only ever having toxic romantic relationships and very shallow friendships. If you really get close with someone, it is hard to accept the idea that it is possible to avoid normal relationship growing pains.
I struggle with plutonic relationships.
i hope that as i grow i’ll be able to have strong friendships, bc i feel like those connections are needed most
romance is friendship+
Yup, you nailed it
Listening to School of Life trash relationships like bruh who hurt this dude
This comments section :(
Tl;dr: TSOL is a diary into the whining mind of sheltered ~special~ boi who needs therapy...and a wake up call
Except when the video is about uncomplicated friendships??
It has helped me through break ups though.. I guess keeping you single is the goal lol
Everyone, apparently...
Okay but TSOL genuinely harmed my psychological state as a young teenager and older. They had all these videos about how you shouldn't break up with people because nobody is perfect and you probably won't be able to find anyone better, and it made me feel like I was a terrible person for ending relationships that weren't working out, to the level where I stayed in an abusive relationship despite the fact I could tell something was very off and I didn't want to be with this person. TSOL seriously warped my mindset around my relationships in a really misogynistic and just terrible way. PSA to any young people reading this: dump them. If it feels wrong, if they just aren't what you're looking for, if they treat you weird, leave their asses because ultimately the most important relationship you can have is with yourself, and you break your own trust and individuality by staying with the wrong people.
Coming back to this because I thought of something else: all the videos about relationships make it feel like relationship problems are always your personal fault for being psychologically damaged by uuuuh Freud stuff, but like, spousal abuse is extremely common and that message is a terrible thing for people in that situation to hear??? Not only is spousal abuse common, but so are relationships that are just not working or fulfilling enough. No-one needs to blame themselves more for relationship problems unless they are actively creating those problems by being a dick.
It’s the sort of channel that sounds like it’s being backed up by some psychological study, but when you actually look into it, it’s just out their ass
Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through something like that and that you've found yourself in a better place now. Abusive relationships are no joke especially when it gets to the point when you lie to yourself about how things are going. And while I don't know a lot of their videos, but this whole "most important relationship you can have is with yourself" ironically sounds like a video that they would make.
@@macmcmullan3675
🤗
Yeah, they're not a good channel, I also used to watch them as a teenager but I don't think they did that much damage to me, because I think I dropped them quickly. Alain has this morbid freudian fascination that we all want to fuck our moms and that made me stop taking him seriously. I'm thankful for them for the fact that they introduced me to the stoics. After that, I actually started reading stoicism and attending stoic lectures from phds in philosophy and then, I went back to the SOL video where they introduce stoicism and I realized it was a terrible video that completely misrepresents stoicism. I figured all their other content is like that. Pop physolophy that misrepresents actual philosophy. However, their self-help stuff seems to be even more toxic.
honestly all that stuff just reminds me of being a super depressed angsty teenager trying to hate myself less by trying to pretend that i believed i was more somehow better, mature, stronger or whatever for constantly feeling like shit. and that's extremely unhealthy. a lot of people develop or find out about mental health issues during their teenage years, and basically saying "this thing that makes you feel sad/lonely/miserable/whatever is actually good and necessary and also it makes you better than other people so you should hold onto them" is just very harmful
I went through the same thing. I really loved their channel when i was in high school because it made me feel better about feeling miserable, and the way the script is written made me feel smart. In the end I started to notice that something didn't add up, although I couldn't put my finger on what exactly. Looking back, their videos are weird and sometimes really toxic. I'm glad that i stopped watching.
I use to be the same back in high-school
@Itzel Bastian Yes it's bullsh. According to this dude's line of "reasoning," I am (apparently) a freak in that I was a deliriously happy adolescent who wasn't unprepared for adulthood as a result. I'm 47 now and although I've certainly faced tough times in adulthood which were painful as a result, I've never really been depressed or without a sense of hope. That said, I would absolutely NOT conclude (from my mere 1 anecdotal data point which is inherently subjective) that a happy adolescence is predictive of a happy adulthood. My life serves as neither a pesky outlier contraction to dudeman's (correct) hypothesis nor proof that the hypothesis is incorrect, instead I would just say that his claim doesn't even address all the stuff you would need to form a hypothesis like this. The whole idea of there possibly being anything like a consistent correlation is absurd. There are far too many variables for determining what it means to be happy versus troubled, etc.
@Itzel Bastian I apologize because I don't know how my reply became a direct reply to you in this case; I meant it to be a reply to the op. But since you ask, I'm talking about the School of Life video that Joel is discussing in this video. SOL's assertion is that being unhappy in adolescence is the normal and essential step one needs to become an effective adult, or at least that's my one-sentence summary. Therefore, according to him, someone who was a happy and functional adolescent should not turn out to be a happy and functional adult, therefore the fact that I did would make me a freak, an aberration, an outlier. Of course he didn't use the word 'freak'; I didn't say he did. But he also didn't talk about morals so I don't know why you keep bringing that up.
Exactly!
honestly i got into watching School of Life in a pretty vulnerable state in my personal life and at the time it was genuinely hard to think critically and differentiate fact from opinion, its almost shocking to look back and imagine myself absorbing this shit and it having actual harmful effects on my mental health, thanks for the video
I haven't watched the video yet, but I'm commenting- I used to watch school of life when I was 11 and severely depressed. The main message I got from them was that I was wrong for feeling sorry for myself. That was a short term solution. I forced myself out of my depression out of sheer willpower but also pushed away my feelings and became cruel to people who couldn't just will their way out of mental illness. Eventually (within less than a year) I became dysfunctionally depressed again, and was extremely in denial about it. I think that even during the time that I "fixed" myself, I was mostly just in denial.
I still have a problem of blaming myself for my own illness. Their philosophy is not a cure.
oh shit I feel like you’re describing me
To some extend I feel like his opinions aren't that bad, it's just the fact that he's proclaiming them like he's some kind of arbiter of moral truth. Like if a friend said to me "hey you know, relationships aren't everything and sometimes you're better off being friends with someone" I would find that completely inoffensive. Even if a youtuber said these things in a more conversational tone, it wouldn't be that weird. But the videos are so preachy about those same half-baked opinions, it's off-putting.
Yeah, it’s less the information itself, more the format in which it’s given - it’s a perfectly sound thing to hear as something a buddy would tell you when you’re feeling glum, not something an authority of any sort can say.
I feel like a lot of school of life videos are good conversation starters and catalysts for self-reflection, but not good as definitive answers for any educational or intellectual purpose. Their conclusions are often rubbish but the topics and questions/arguments proposed are interesting to think or debate about, and might lead to you form your own opinions about these topics, whether you agree or disagree
There are too many of his opinions which are either objectively wrong for me to vibe with that.
@@theMoporter this. One or two "idk maybe my childhood didn't prepare me for adulthood" videos, especially presented not as universal truths but as one person's experience, is innocent enough. In no way proof they should be listened to or that the advice within applied to anyone else's life, but innocent. Dozens of videos not only presenting untested hypotheses and unproven advice is some health-guru cult of personality shit, it casts doubt on all the "innocent" or "helpful in some cases" videos, and I'm kind of waiting to see the big scam drop.
Anyone else notice his point about having relationship problems because we had a good childhood and that we can be good adults because we had a bad childhood are contradictions?
You have bad childhood you become desensitized to stuff. You have good childhood... bad relationships?
Tbh this channel feels like it was made as a response to a neurodivergent person’s trauma from feeling socially alienated. The positions that he’s brought up are things I thought at my lowest points when I was younger, especially the contradictory statements abt childhood.
Yeah that was my first immediate thought and was surprised when Joel didn't bring it up.
People with good childhoods are bad people who have bad relationships and aren’t social and like things like parties and modern art.
actually confused rn. both points are bullshit but they dont contradict themselves, good = bad bad = good am i crazy?
Me at 14 living in an abusive household:
“Gee, I wish I didn’t feel like shit all the time”
TSOL adolescent video:
“Actually that’s completely normal and good and actually you should be grateful for this bad bad time you are currently having”
Me:
Oh. Cool I guess.
Everyone at 14 feel like shit all the time. 💀
i hope you’re better now
I'm pretty sure what u watched had nothing to do w abuse..
@@MrSqueamishJam i'm pretty sure you don't have a concept on what abuse is
@@pipzog389this being the automatic response from many people is one of the reasons why why adolescent abuse is ignored so much
The worst thing of all is they call all of their RUclips videos "films."
I mean, their animations are good
@@jacky9575 So is the narrator, but those aspects just amplify the illusion of good information and well constructed arguments that they want to put out.
yikes
John Maclean does that, but he makes it work
cringe
I have kids. I'd like to think we are above average loving and caring parents, and we have happy kids. Our kids aren't happy all the time. They never have been. You know what babies do? They cry sometimes. You know why? Because their needs aren't always effortless and completely met. Sometimes, they shit in their pants and they just have to cry until finally someone cleans it up. Sometimes, they are hungry and the person with the milk ducts is the fuck asleep.
And that's before you even get to what happens when a three year old gets the wrong color sippy cup.
Oh God....... The three year old got the wrong color sippy cup?!?! How on earth did you survive?
as someone who has been in more toxic friendships than he can count, NO we are not patient, encouraging, tolering, funny and kind. Sure, friendships are great, but they can be just as horrible as any relationship.
Just as Friendships can be good, so can be Relationships. Just like Relationships can be bad, so can toxic Friendships. I don't know why but people just don't want to admit that there can be toxic friendships as well. They are just simply harming themselves by associating with these toxic friends. I absolutely hate this Incel propoganda.
The School of Life isn't one guy. The School of Life is an organization that has several, a lot in fact, of trained psychologists. Honestly, this video made me check their website and they do a lot: www.theschooloflife.com/
@@FlamasNegras I don't know man..that's coming from *their* website. And companies/promoters wouldn't really tell the truth about themselves...also they have said some blatant misinformation in the past about Psychology....his beliefs of blaming your childhood for your bad relationship sounds like something coming straight from 20th century Psychology....also "the darkest pits of hell" yeah...such a Scientific term!
Don't you think a person who ends up in multiple 'toxic' friendships might be doing something terribly wrong themselves?
To be fair you are a kpop Stan
“Sometimes people get sad, and that can get caused by a lot of things” would actually be very comforting to hear from a channel revealing itself as a mental health channel
I hate the name School of Life. Here in Finland people who despise education say they went to ”School of Life”. As if life hasn’t taught all of use no matter the education level.
You see it on dating apps a lot under education. lmao "The School of Hard Knocks", I get it you're a tough boy.
That's pretty much what it means in the UK, too. Which means it's odd coming from Alain de Boton, BA MPhil.
Oh man you'll hear that in the particularly rural corners of North America too.
Unfortunately I think it's generally a result of people not being able to afford education, here, rather than an active choice not to go.
Yet if you don't have a college degree, companies will act like you are incapable of learning anything.
That's a common English phrase everywhere, that's where the name is from.
Everything old was better, girls dont talk to me, im smarter than everyone.
Mmmm you sound sexy
And probably it's because you're smarter than everyone that girls don't talk to you. Also you're just too nice.
You’re probably too good for the girls besides
Genkai spitting facts
I was pretty much like this as a teenager, and I guess a lot of others are too, but still clinging onto this as an adult is really sad.
"We have relationship problems because our parents were so good to us"
"We start families because our parents were so bad to us."
“Its normal for teens to experience agony so they are more satisfied with their next 6 or more decades” is making me sit here, shaking my head with my PTSD, chronic depression, and personality disorder. The statement sounds like someone who did struggle with mental health a little, and I do not want to fully discount that experience, but I cannot imagine myself or any of my friends who have had extreme mental health issues ever saying that. Its horribly ignorant, full stop.
How would that be ignorance if they experienced it and gave that sentiment? Makes no sense to me.
@@joevaghn457@joevaghn457 it is ignorant to valorize suffering for many reasons but i think most of all because it "redeems" the suffering or even endows it with a "meaning" (i.e. "suffering builds character"). It seems obviously questionablr to me to tell people who endured contingent suffering and or cruelty and who are still suffering from the psychological consequences that "their trauma is good actually". This becomes obvious in extreme cases, people who end up severly ill or otherwise debilitated obviously do not benefit from that. imagine telling a holocaust survivor that their suffering actually served them becoming a "better" more "resilient" person.
@@joevaghn457"this sounds like someone who did struggle with mental health *a little*"
Who coulda guessed, the guy who confidently proclaims that 99% of the comments are unreasonable also repeatedly misunderstands comments and tries to blame the OPs for it. I couldn't write something funnier if I tried.
Does he know that the next 6 decades aren't exactly sunshine and rainbows either? Oh, of course he knows, he'd just blame it on us being "weak" and "lazy" instead of the system screwing us over.
Wow. Big Joel's profound hot take: Hey maybe the reason sometimes things feel shitty... is because they're shitty!
Its these amazing lessons that make me love this channel.
He should do a collab with school of life, I'd love to see what incredible script they would make with just "sometimes things are shitty" as the point of the video lol
Its a very important lesson for this modern Hellscape.
Friendships can be just as toxic and abusive as relationships.
Yup.
Facts
That vid just proves that TSOL guy is a sharply insular and misanthropic person who has no familiarity with frienship.
Mat Roqueta yeah, I kinda feel bad for the guy. If this is really how he feels about life, I’m worried he’s in a toxic relationship and has unresolved trauma from his teenage years. He might also be mysogenistic, and not in a relationship, in which case I also feel sorry for him.
@Saad Bin Masud no one?
...really? _YOU_ don't even believe that.
Bro, he’s literally showing Dadaist art in the “functionalist” slide. School of life doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
I also found that strange! And I feel like he glossed over the fact that a ton of working class people got better housing because of functionalism. Where I live, functionalism introduced things like running water, central heating and bathrooms at an affordable price, which meant more people got access to it. My city literally has an area called "the child houses" that was built in the 30s to provide poor families with good housing. It's still owned and run by the city, and it's still giving low income families a place to live without having to spend their entire income on rent. Functionalism prioritized daylight and hygiene in a time when kids still got rickets because poor housing conditions (lack of sunlight) caused vitamin D deficiency. Sometimes the beauty of things lies in the intent behind them, rather than in superficial decor.
His thought process was probably "Urinals have a function. So clearly it is must be Functionalism!"
I've never heard of this channel before, but based on what you've presented here, it sounds like it's entirely devoted to explaining away this guy's personal failings. "I'm not a selfish and inattentive boyfriend, romantic relationships are just supposed to be harmful."
This dude’s projection is so powerful, he should open a movie theater.
More like a couple dozen IMAXes.
which meaning of projection is implied here?
*Bruh*
@@anonymouslearner2454 yes
@@anonymouslearner2454 both. That's what a play on words is.
So what happens to people born without their parents support? They just have fantastic relationships? Damn I'm so unlucky. Lol.
The deeper subtext is
"If you're sad in your relationship, just lower your standards"
Right? I had a shit upbringing so by that logic I should only have amazing relationsh - Oh, wait.
Yes, but then they go on to never have any children or get married, because they've got nobody to beat in that area
Yhes, thats what they always say "dont avoid partners with bad family relationships" right?
takethewordss this 1000%
I also hate how unnecessarily verbose it is, it’s annoying as hell. Like instead of saying “bagels are good” they’ll be like “these Jewish bread treats are delectably simplistic in all their toasty soft glory.”
Part of me kind of likes the second way you phrased your praise of bagels, especially "toasty soft glory." XD
I think you are missing the point by making the second sentence sounds good
I imagine that all born-to-the-upper-class Europeans like Alain talk like this, though I could be wrong. Not exactly my circles lol.
If you deliver it with British accent, it will hypnotize Americans
The second one is more poetic and playful- I enjoy it. It conveys not only the idea that “bagels are good” but also conveys the texture, warmth, and heritage of freshly toasted bagels.
I have an attachment disorder (among other things) because of childhood neglect. I constantly have issues with feeling like my needs aren’t being met because I have incredibly high and low expectations depending on what it is. I was never shielded from “the burden” my parents took by raising me. If anything, it’s been proven that having a healthy childhood makes your adulthood relationships more stable. That is much more believable
The video arguing that sad or tough teenage years are beneficial for the rest of your life actually made me genuinely upset and angry.
My life sucks *because* my teenage years were tough, and sad, and riddled with mental illness. The pain I went through is still holding me back from building a happy, sustainable future for myself. It's preventing me from enjoying my hobbies, knowing how to juggle all my responsibilities as an adult, hell, even finishing university. Being mentally broken didn't make me deep, or better at art, or more capable, or kinder, it just made me afraid, unproductive, and in need of serious therapy.
And the only reason why I am in this situation now is the fact that no one acknowledged my problems on time because "oh, teenagers are just moody!" and "teenagers and their phases!" and "oh, you'll get over it when you become an adult". Well, I am an adult now, and I'm still mentally ill, and the only reason why I'm still doing so poorly is that no one took me seriously when I, as a teenager, asked to see a therapist, or told people that I'm sad beyond reason, or that I don't understand what exactly is wrong with me.
For the love of all that is good in this world, take teenagers seriously when they tell you something is wrong, or that they're struggling in any way. Even if it ends up being something "silly" from an adult perspective, it's going to mean a lot to them that you were still willing to help them and treat them as an equal. And for fuck's sake, don't ignore symptoms of mental illnesses in teenagers just because they're teenagers. Being sad all the time, having intrusive thoughts, self-harming, being anxious to the point where you can't function, having obsessive-compulsive habits etc. aren't "just teenage things", they're symptoms of serious issues that need professional help and support.
Stop romanticising mental suffering and treat teenagers better, for crying out loud.
As a teen who struggles with mental health, and is friends with other teens who likewise struggle with mental health, everything you said hits home.
Adults project what they want us to feel unto us and disregard what we tell them. Our actual feelings are invalidated because our parents "know better", or because "it's just a phase". My parents are amazing people at everything else, but when it comes to things like these... not only do they not understand, they don't even try to. They don't listen to me. Whenever I have a string of really bad days, whenever I self-harm in a way that leaves scars, they always treat it as a coincidence, a one off thing, and not something that is constant for me. My feelings are labelled as "hormones" and cast aside.
Being treated like this isn't helping me build character in any sort of way. It's making me constantly question my feelings, repress emotions so adults'll take me seriously (and then having outbursts at random people or coping through really unhealthy and self-destructive ways), and lie so I won't get mocked by the people I'm supposed to trust the most. I pretend to be someone I'm not around my parents so instead of seeing me as a stupid emotional child they'll see me as Adult Lite(TM), and holy shit. It takes its fucking toll on you. Extra points if you're queer and have to hide that part of you around them because hearing "you're just confused" another damn time will make you stab someone.
But what do I know? I'm just a confused teenager.
@@handsofchange11111 big hugs to you. I'm sorry you're doing through all this. Get some help if you can. If you can't get a therapist, try to find another adult outside your parents that you can speak to. Best of luck to you and if you need help finding a therapist or counselor, please send me a message. Love, a social worker
too real. I'm struggling now as an adult because of this too. internet hugs for everyone in this thread. 💕
Reading your comment has actually really resonated with me, I really appreciate you sharing your experience, thank you
Good grief, you sound like you have a very deep level of insight about yourself and a very good understanding of psychological matters regarding other people. I am a postgraduate psychology student and I too have faced shitty years in childhood and adolescence and I have to tell you, I felt proud reading your comment and seeing that your hardships didn't only brake you, but you also managed to grow through them. Though going through mental illness is by far the least preferable and safe way to grow and it often leaves us with lifelong challenges, I just wanted to let you know that I believe in you and your ability to become happy and functioning. Seek proper therapy, work your ass off and try to make your life as you want it, find out what truly matters to you and go after it. It's hard, but doable.
Ain't no party like an insular misanthrope party!
Cause an insular misanthrope party dont stop
Nuki YT featuring DJ MF INCEL SHIT “MLG airhorns”
"friendships are great and important"
hey hi im at a party with my friends
"you are sharply insular and selfish to enjoy a party"
I was one looking for a short video about friendship for an ESL class and used one of theirs because I couldn't find anything else under 7 minutes. It was so individualistic, I decided to make a "watch the video and say why you disagree with it" activity. And even before I gave the students leading questions to say why they disagreed with it, they were already saying it was dumb.
His video on friendships vs romantic relationships isn't even an argument for more fulfilling friendships: he likes that he can care less about his friends and not get called out.
I feel like TSOL clearly has issues connecting with other people.
Yeah, I thought it was really weird when TSOL said that friendships were great in comparison to other forms of relationships because we expect less from them.
Sometimes friendships can form on a more casual basis but there’s here’s nothing wrong with expecting/wanting more from friendships. They can run just as deeply and profoundly as any familial or romantic relationship. In trying to put friendships in a positive light he also kind of discredits it lol.
I feel like he could learn a lot by reading about attachment styles. For me personally, I kind of relate to that statement not because I like having an excuse to care less, but because it prevents me from caring too much. I have an anxious attachment style and tend to worry about friends or romantic partners secretly not liking me or abandoning me, or me being a problem in the relationship. Romantic relationships exacerbate this insecurity, whereas it's at a more manageable level with friendships. And yes, I'm trying to work on my insecurities, but it's also reasonable, I think, to content myself with friendships until I'm ready for something more
Some parties are wonderful, some are horrible. Alain is a horrible generalist.
"Parties suck when I attend them."-- Alain de Botton
Yeah, just from this clip it sounds like he's never planned a party or even truly known someone throwing one. Just that guy who gets invited by a friend of a friend or because he's on the mailing list.
Heck, I have a hard time believing Alain isn't still in high school with how he frames a lot of things, but there he is, a 50-year-old fairly successful philosopher.
Can we just stop for a moment and talk about how TSOL starts criticizing modern design and architecture while showing a photo of Fallingwater... an iconic building and landmark designed by Frank Loyld Wright? Last I knew his designs were considered innovative and beautiful. I grew up 40 minutes away from Spring Green, WI and one of his other most famous structures, Taliesin. Which serves as his home, studio and school for a time.
To be fair to the video, it never states that the modernist buildings shown are all ugly, just that the principles of modernism gave capitalists an excuse to make ugly buildings. Still shit video tho.
For a split second I thought you were referring to the iconic 80s punk band the True Sons of Liberty. More insightful than anything The School of Life has to offer
@@KarlSnarks True... but it comes off more that the photo is meant to go with the thesis of the section, that the majority of buildings were "ugly" because of profit margins. Although it seems like the "Fallingwater" photo is meant to be a demonstration of one of the first examples of Modern architecture, how it can be used to create beautiful buildings, and how major developers gutted the designs only using aspects that increased profits.
Just shows how poorly scripted and edited the entire video is.
Wright buildings are SO ugly
Saying parties are misanthropic is some real “I don’t have any friends” shit
Sounds like Alain wasn't invited to bday parties as a kid and has been coping ever since.
Wait so are we unhappy in relationships because of our innately perfect childhoods, or do we start families to compensate for our deeply flawed childhoods
Everyone has a perfect life until age 13, then it's Donnie Darko time til college. That's just how it is.
Yes
Yes and yes.
He specifically says words like 'sometimes' cause there are so many different types of childhoods.
In one case our clearly unhappy childhood caused our relationshp problems.
In the other, parents being overprotective towards the child in many ways, but most importantly about their own hardships, weakness's, and flaws, can lead us to unrealistic views of relationships. They werent able to be honest about how hard relationships are. and they are.. even the best ones.
All of School of Life videos in a nutshell: “you’re single...mommy issues...yeah you’re depressed!”
Tl;dr: TSOL is a diary into the whining mind of sheltered ~special~ boi who needs therapy...and a wake up call
Waot when did Sigmund Freud get a youtube channel?
@@chaodan3029 was gonna say the exact same thing , lmao
he's basically a psychanalist then
School of Life seems like the things a stoned 20 year old nursing their first big heartbreak, would say to their stoned friends, and then they would all nod and agree on how profound and deep they are....
I know this because I was that stoned 20 year old 🙈 in college, some of us going through our first major break-ups, along with the regular depression that goes with studying engineering, had exactly the same views on how friendships, since expectations are lower, are purer and healthier than romantic relationships, and that in order for any relationship to work, you need to not expect anything from the other person! But now, in a healthy marriage, I understand that having some basic expectations of your partner is not a bad thing! And that friendships and relationships are both valuable and also very different, and thus, should be nurtured in different ways. And the fact that toxic friendships exist, just like toxic relationships, and those can and should be ended too.
But I guess Alain never really learned anything beyond undergrad level pop philosophy in the so called School of Life🤷🏽♀️
But is it not arguable that we carry narratives that may no longer apply to where we are now?
Someone *hurt * this man, also this is just proof that you can smuggle right wing talking points into the main stream as long as you make it seem non-ideological and sound soothing while saying it
You are really crazy. Get help!
Outside of RUclips, School of Life also run in-person lectures and classes for a ridiculous amount of money. I’ve met a few people who have gone and it seems really cult-y.
Small number of.people do thing in private=cult
I'm sure Nina's reasons for calling it a cult are more compelling than that.
At a glance, I thought "hey what's wrong with The School of Life!?"
Then I realized I've only ever watched the videos introducing philosophers and authors...
Haha, same! Their other videos have a rather... clickbait-y thumbnails, so I don't watch them. I watched one once, didn't click well with me, then forgot about it.
I have to admit, though, their videos on authors are engaging enough to get people read respective author's books!
@@miramiell_kairaku I know right? I subbed for a high school teacher a few years ago who wanted to introduce her students to the basic philosophers, and I recommended those videos, and she told me they were exactly what she was looking for. That felt really good : )
As a big fan of Peter Gabriel I was also surprised
Same for me, I just wanted an introduction to Philosophy, I was like "Wait, how can he be bad, he is just talking about philosophers, right?"
"It would be lovely if you could explain things from your *no doubt very legitimate* perspective" just sounds like passive aggressive sarcasm. Like, who would ever say that sincerely?
sounds condescending too, like you're talking to a child and you assume your sarcasm will go over their head.
i just... could never read a sentence like that and interpret it as genuine haha
As an architect, who has studied history of architecture, "traditional" and "modern" to be reductionist, that is not how things happened, and that's not why they are the way they are
"People suffer in relationships because their parents loved them so much"
Also: "people have kids because their parents were bad"
This guy really did make a whole channel just to tell on himself
I mean that's kind of all of social media really. Everyone telling on themselves.
SoL's videos give me a strong sense that Alain de Botton needs a divorce but he's too pass-agg to ask for one directly, so he made a RUclips channel instead.
Omg I didn’t know lab muffin beauty science watches Big Joel 😂 .. everyone should check out her channel for entertaining and well-explained scientific information about the usefulness and safety of products many of us use in our daily lives 😁😁 Ive learned a lot from this channel
What a surprise seeing you here!
Oh wow I knew you were cool but I didn’t realize you were “watches Big Joel” levels of cool
I don't remember where I read this, but he has already had at least one divorce
So much passive aggressive (but still really wack agressive) patriarchal energy on that. The channel is like a big ole gaslighting machine
I can’t believe my suspicions on School of Life’s advice being bullshit were true. I watched their video “Are You Difficult to Love?”, and all it did was put me in a depressive state and make me believe I wasn’t worthy of love and that people were just putting up with me to be nice. I still have issues with feeling like a burden, and I can’t say that video is what caused it, but it definitely contributed if only a little bit.
Edit: In retrospect, this comment doesn't get my point across. I was writing this from a place of spite, similar to how I vent, and that anger was unnecessary as being upset over a video likely wouldn't aid the strength of my argument.
If I had to reword what I was trying to express, I'd say that self-help videos in general are meant to be useful to the most people they can, which means making sure to consider the variability of one's experiences and accommodating for as many as possible. Personally, School of Life failed me in that aspect, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate the people it did help. I don't want to put anyone at fault, but I do want to draw attention to that potential issue.
It is not BS. But if are not well read on philosophy and paychology it can be dangerous. On a creative level, the videos are excellent and very powerful. It aint fair to call it BS. Because their are other channels that are super cringe. The channel is great. But its mainly for the masses.
@@eduardochavacano I see your point. When you make videos, you have to cater to a wide audience. Then again, what one considers a “wide audience” is up to them, and from what I’ve seen, the channel’s idea of a wide audience seems to leave out those who’ve had trauma or are suffering from certain mental illness.
It feels worth it to be considerate about how one’s advice is worded, since a channel that people may supposedly go to for self improvement may draw in people who might not be in the soundest mental place, and a video entirely explaining how one’s struggles in love is an issue on their part may not be healthy advice for all.
School of Life’s advice can be helpful, but I think Joel’s point is that a blanket statement shouldn’t be put over a topic as complex as mental health.
I just wanted to express how I was one of those people at the time, and how I agreed with his point. I admit, though, that I may have worded it strongly, and I’m sorry for that.
Boy go to therapy! A single video not made directly about you shouldnt be able to do this to you. This is not the videos fault.
Maybe you are a little bit difficult to love. And that's okay. We are trying our best and people who have gone through some sht in life will always be more difficult to love than someone conventionally attractive with a good childhood.
@@Noise_floorxx yeah idk what's wrong with me. I can't get therapy rn, but I want to eventually just to know how I'm screwing myself over.
My ex husband loved Alain de Botton. I'd never seen anything but a few tweets from him before this video. Really appreciating my divorce in a new way today.
It's a blessing you got away from that.
Alain de Botton is the word 'stilted' personified.
Well, I hope you and your ex have become happier people, then
Like 3 years ago I had to argue over the course of the entire semester with my intro philosophy professor about how horrible this channel, and the dude himself is. It actually taught me a lot about how to spot a bad argument.
It's also a pretty wonderful example of how easy it is to buy a bad argument when it's presented along with a soft-spoken deep british accent, and some pretty looking animations.
@@Erin-ks4jp True, I really think the presenter's accent and the very intimate sounding voice his recording setup gives him are major keys to the channel's success.
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Sounds like the guy who says he's not a feminist but an egalitarian.
The chuds who say that kind of stuff never consider that they can be a feminist AND an egalitarian at the same time.
I used to be that guy. Then I grew up.
blarg2429 same lol
blarg2429 for real. that was me circa age thirteen
@@gyz9599 lmao same here
That bit about the "viciousness of the insults" that happen when you love someone tells me that the person who wrote that script has never loved someone in their entire life. They talk about an abusive relationship like it's love. I feel for that person and hope their life gets better, but judging by the way they talk about other humans, and the way they seem to think their preferences and opinions have to be objectively right, the prognosis isn't great.
Edit: And it gets so SPECIFIC, assuming their individual, weird hangups are universal to the human experience. "You know how we all decided to become parents when we were 14 1/2 so we could to Dad that we could do it better!?" but without the "no? Just me?"
And I don't know what I was expecting from the Internet comments vid, but it sure wasn't "want to grouse? Use a thesaurus to look more polite when you whine!" Not "point out specifically what you didn't like, give constructive feedback, suggest ways to improve," but "tell them they suck in a quasi-intellectual way and demand an explanation" is actually more of a waste of time than the shorter complaint for writer and reader.
Everything The School of Life says has the same energy of the guy who told me "You dress nice. Would you like to go on a non platonic outing with me?" In junior year physics class
Ahh Yes totally non platonic
"Greetings, milady. Dost thou desire engagement in a courtship ritual with myself?"
I read this and immediately pictured in as a scene from Big Bang theory 🤢
So you think that guy was a terrible pseudo-intellectual because of that one phrase?
yeah okay first impressions are eveyrthing I guess
@@Shyguy5104 If someone said that to me and they were serious, yes. Yes I would assume that about them, sorry. lol
Dear Mr. Joel
I hope this comment finds you well. Despite my long standing admiration of your content, of late I have found myself disappointed with the direction that you appear to be taking with your channel.
Of course because of the deep abiding respect I feel for you and your art, I do not hold this against you. Instead I merely wish to be furnished with an explaination as to why your videos have become disappointing to me. Perhaps it is because I seek to recreate the paradise of my childhood?
Yours,
Internet person
jim I love the misspelling of disappointment and how it completely strips away the intellectual facade of the comment
Uh, stop it, internet man. Why are you pestering Joel? Joel’s done nothing to you.
@@jeniferjoseph9200 ah is that what did it 😄
Well played.
Not gonna lie, ya had me going there for a sec
I've always noticed this channel is OBSESSED with a bad childhood being the source of all unhappiness. It's bizarre...
possibly reflects the channel owner's own experiences.
I notice that a lot!! he keeps mentioning about bad childhood in every videos. that trigger mine too :(
@@ryeofoatmeal Mood. I first clicked on those videos, thinking I'd get some psychological explanations or that I'd get tips to deal with it. But no
It’s literally true
Same. And, to be fair, I ALSO blame a lot of my current unhappiness on my childhood experiences but at least I admit it instead of just asserting that it's the truth for everyone.