Uh… if she was unhappy being a CEO or whatever, okay! I’m glad she found the way she wants to live! Now, she needs to stop telling everyone within earshot that because it worked for her, it is THE ONLY WAY. I can’t stand people who do this. Just say this made you happy and move on! Don’t sell your personal experiences as universal cure-alls. Ugh!
I'm a masculine/androgynous women and oh boy, I'm definitely not gonna be a CEO or something. I don't want to and I'm not strong enough for that stuff. So no, there's no link with masculinity and feminity (I see most women CEO be more feminine than me anyway). That's not masculine energy, that's determination and strength, any feminine person can have this and not all masculine people have this. And you can be feminine and be a feminist, that's it, please people, stop considering these as antonyms. (And not all women, feminine or masculine, need men. We aren't one single entity with the same needs.)
@@Ducklover_101 The stereotypes of gender binaries and heteronormativity are still prevalent in our societies, if we want to move past them we have to acknowledge their power and force in patriarchal structures of institutions within our society.
Can confirm that not all men are physical. Both me and my partner are asexual. The fact that this woman has generalized men as sex-cravers is ridiculous and that narrative needs to be put to an end. Thank you for talking about this, it isn’t said enough 💚🖤
@@luka_va hey i just have a question! i just wanna be more educated on the asexual community ☺️ so *if ur both asexual does that mean there's no physical attraction or touch? ive never quite understood, u don't have to answer if you don't want. I just thought I'd ask someone who is within that community💚🖤
@@annalisageiger Asexual people can be sex-repulsed or touch averse, but not all of them are. Asexual people usually have libido, so they may engage in sex and sexual acts for various reasons. Asexual people are also free to have any other kind of attraction, besides sexual: romantic, sensual, aesthetic and physical. And, since asexuality is on a spectrum, people may not completely lack sexual attraction either, there are grey-asexuals and demisexuals.
Eijiro Kirishima says: “Doesn’t matter what gender you are. Whether you’re male, female, or anything in between (or outside), you should be able to live your life as you see fit. If you’d like to stay at home, that’s absolutely fine. If you’d like to work out of the house, that’s fine too. If you’d like to do a bit of both, that’s fine as well. Just do what works best for you in your situation. As long as you’re comfortable and happy with how you live your life, then you’ve got a major part of your life taken care of.” Edit: Well I’m not kiri now lol, but I still stand by this 😆
Everyone is talking about how bad it is to expect all women to be submissive, but not about how it is also bad to expect all men to be leaders. I'm a male and I don't want to be a leader. I'm terrible at leading things. Edit: Turns out I am a pretty damn good leader but my point stays the same.
Same. Like, I don't care if I eventually marry a woman or a man, just that they lead while allowing me to make choices for my own because Science knows I'm one indecisive person that needs guidance but it gives me such a strong feeling of accomplishment when I am actually able to make decisions.
Most of men just don't listen when we try to say that feminism is for them too, it is not easy to carry all the pressure that men do, but sometimes it seems that they don't think about it enough, they should be talking about it more (I think)
My parents had a pretty "traditional" marriage. Dad worked 2 jobs and mom stayed home with us. They were happily married for 50 years until my dad died 2 years ago. While they had traditional roles, they also had a true partnership. They compromised and made decisions together. They truly submitted to one another. Neither had an ounce more power than the other and it worked for them. My dad took care of my mom through 10 years of debilitating depression and she took care of him through 10 years of a slow decline due to Parkinson's disease.
I hate how much society invalidates the effeminate man and the women who prefer them. The raw amount of times I've heard people tell me women want a manly man and I'm like noooooo. Even back when I was still indoctrinated in Christianity I preferred feminine men and femininity in general (discovered later I'm pan with a preference towards femininity) and every time I see people crapping on men who aren't "manly" it pisses me off, both on behalf of the man being crapped on but also for myself like hello?? People like me exist in the world.
I feel you. I'm still trying to figure myself out because I was also indoctrinated into pentacostal beliefs. I'm definetely Ace Spec but unsure of the details. I love my man and I try to encourage him to be creative when he musters up the courage to do so, because he grew up in a very toxic and discouraging household.
@@Angel_Kittichik I was in denail of my sexuality for about four or five years i convinced myself I couldn't be gay because I wasn't masculine enough I thought being a femenist was basically just hating the color pink and trying to be stronger than men I can say that i AM a lot happier once I embraced my femeninity but she handeled that realization terribly. I would never rely on another person to carry all my struggles and make decisions for me that is the job of a parent and I find it disgusting when relationships do not share equal power, because this can lead to abuse and manipulation love your channel btw!!!
Right??? I’m bisexual and I’m pretty evenly attracted to men and women, but I’m always more attracted to femininity. Feminine people just tend to be so much more kind and nurturing tbh.
I love how you talked about mens struggles as well as womens. I don't hear that a lot, but it's true that even though the world is set up to make most things harder for women, that doesn't mean men don't struggle. Edit: I know y'all probably won't read this, but I've been reading all your replies, and I
yes. i have a female friend whose fiancé had to _literally hide from the army for days_ because the army was out to draft him she had to hide him with her relatives and friends time after time dude has a bach and a masters and he has to spend 1 year at the literal idiot factory that the russian army is unless he pulls a houdini twice a year
another fun case, a male friend of mine was brainwashed into thinking crying is for weaklings and women and he LOST THE FUCKING ABILITY TO CRY that was a fun thing to explain to his therapist thats for damn sure
@The Gator Bandit Sadly that's the social mentality that patriarchy and control of the military industrial complex has created, a population of women who are basically put off by men being human and men being put off by women who aren't emotional nutbags with the desire to be a baby factory.
I just wanted to clarify that she didn't go to a registered therapist for this counseling. "Pre-marital counseling" is a term used by some religious institutions. In some religions you have to meet with a religious leader or pastor to "make sure you're ready to get married". Usually it's actually just an excuse to do what was done here, convince a partner to change their beliefs to be more in line with the churches. Most of the time the more religious partner will refuse to get married until the other agrees. Feminism is about you having a choice. You want to be a stay at home wife? Great! You want to be a CEO? Great! Yout want to marry, retire to a cottage and live with 5 cats, a fox, and a crow? Great!
Suddenly it makes a lot more sense what happened there, and not in a good way. Because it sounds a lot like her more religious husband and the priest brainwashed her.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite nothing, the " being and old cat lady" turning into a negative stereotype was created by men andu happy married women, who hated women who were happily single and enjoying life instead of being trapped in a miserable marriage being basically a servant.
what some anti-feminists don't seem to realise is that feminism isn't about encouraging every woman to be a powerful CEO girlboss, it's about giving women the choice to do that *if they want to*. if a woman wants to be a stay at home mum/housewife, that's cool! but women shouldn't feel like that's the only way to be a real woman and it seems like she's trying to push that idea
unrelated to the video but as a cis girl, i gotta say that i sometimes love being 'masculine' (or however people string together its meaning). by no means do i wanna BE a boy, but having to act like the ideal of a 'young lady' at any given point of time can be downright stressful and exhausting. i love my femininity and i embrace my partial masculine demeanor also- this goes out to anyone who identifies as a female: YOU DON'T OWE BEING EXTREMELY WOMANLY TO ANYONE AROUND YOU. SAME GOES FOR ANY OTHER GENDER. ik its kinda random to put it here but i am INFURIATED when i see a cishet tell a trans person "you don't seem [insert gender] enough" gender is a silly construct and what we consider as "for boys" or "for girls" is made up bs for example: i declare that popcorn is now only available for people who don't identify as male. its not for men. sorry yeah its THAT stupid
True but what this woman was talking about wasn't even describing masculinity. I hate the whole idea of thinking feminine people can't be powerful. And that being a leader and being successful just means you're all of a sudden masculine. Feminine people can be a leader and they can be successful. Thinking of those as masculine or male traits is just misogynistic in nature. (I know that masculine doesn't always equal male, but I feel like that's what this women thinks haha)
Why is society/capitalism so obsessed with the idea of a single leader? Like two brains are better than one! Partnerships! Cooperation! Teamwork! All amazing things! There doesn't need to be one person who calls the shots at the end of the day, whether that's in a marriage or a business or a country
As a man, these videos make me upset. My ideal partner is somebody who is an equal to me. I don't want to treat women as lesser or greater than me. In general I don't think we should treat anybody as greater or lesser. But more importantly these videos makes me scared. Promoting "differences" among men and women in a relationship like this, only further pushes back gender equality. And her way of phrasing these points makes her come across as a reasonable person, especially considering the place she came from, but some of these points ARE ANYTHING BUT REASONABLE.
I'm the same, and I'm not gonna lie it's taken me a while to find a partner that is well suited for me, but I do feel I've met someone recently who wants to be my equal and who doesn't see me as some nymphomaniac but as a man that appreciates romantic intimacy. I get bothered by this idea now that it seems everyone has to be a dom or a sub in some way, whether in the bedroom or just in life in general. Love is a two way street as far as I'm concerned, I will absolutely help with the cooking and the dishes, I will help with the cleaning, and I will be a provider. The truth is nowadays most women are providers, less and less are stay at home mums because their financial situation in this economic climate where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer means it's extremely difficult for a stay at home parent to even exist, man, woman, non-binary etc.
Everything she is saying is fine if it works both ways. Women, find a man you can lean on. Men, find a woman you can lean on. Support each other! This concept isn’t difficult!
I love this video. As a non-binary person who was assigned miserable at birth, I can tell you that the worst part of being seen as a man, is women not internalizing the knowledge that men feel the full spectrum of human emotions. It hurts when I'm not treated with the same level of empathy or gentleness by the woman in my life as they have for other women.
@@lefu87williford55 o ur welcome c: I was gonna offer talking if you needed but maybe that seems weird hshhs, and btw I'm non binary too. Have a good night (it's almost midnight where I live) and I really hope you find someone to trust and that can give you the empathy you need ): ❤️🌸
I fully agree and I'm sorry you don't get to experience the gentleness you crave. But I can't get passed "assigned miserable at birth" because WHAT A MOOD!
Not really related to the video but I just read a comment from a guy saying "I don't respect men who don't control their sexual urges. For women that is acceptable, as they are physically and mentally the weaker sex known to be shallow." and I just felt so disgusting in my own skin
I don't respect any one who has zero control over their sexual urges. It's okay to get those feelings in public, but it's not ok to act on them publicly or to take this feeling out on someone or something that doesn't or can't consent
To be fair, I understand where she's coming from. Being a CEO, she's always the one calling the shots and making important decisions, it can get really exhausting when you're doing it for years. She just wants her partner take over in that aspect.
@@shiny2401 There's a difference between wanting to get in on the Dom/Sub set-up (or even going to the extreme by doing DDLG, as an example) and making your relationship more kinky, and being told you _have_ to submit and keep repeatedly belittling yourself like a child and give up your career because it's expected of you and you demand every other woman go the same path while blaming feminism and forcing your husband to take care of your every little needs while disregarding that he's got emotions and needs outside of sex
@@shiny2401 How is she gonna handle having kids if making decisions is to hard for her? like yeah CEO is hard but you shouldn't advocate for women to just not do it b/c you found it hard? Sure she might be happy to have no say in her life outside of work but saying all this extra bs is dumb in my opinion at least
@@lazyperfectionist3978 I don't exactly think she's trying to advocate for a kinky Dom-Sub relationship, despite her use of the term submit. It seems to me she just wants someone to take charge of her life outside work, to be responsible of the decision making process and she's happy with that dynamic. But no one should submit to their spouse or give up their career just because of gender roles and I don't agree that taking a leadership role (in work or in the family) is necessarily a masculine trait. I certainly agree that it isn't fair to leave the responsibility on one partner without considering their emotional needs. It reinforces the stereotype that men are sexual creatures and generally prioritize their sexual need over their emotional needs.
She sounds like Classically Abby. This woman's seems extremely self-centered. She was overwhelmed and now she wants a partner who does everything. 'Hold me, listen to me, take care of me.' In return, the man gets respect and support. Holding these unrealistic expectations of men and consistently invalidating their emotions tends to destroy relationships. All partners want to know they are valued by their partner. I have seen so many men trying to break their bodies down and not feeling valued. I have seen how these relationships end when they realize they ate only valued for their resources and have no emotional support or consideration.
You do a fantastic job of pointing out the fundamental problem with these sorts of arguments. She found something that works for her, which is fine, but she thinks it works for everyone because every woman is just like her and every man is the same as her husband (assuming he's as happy as she is). But we're just not. And that is why this is so destructive. She is so, so patronizing and misogynistic. My mother (who was born in 1923) would have been horrified by this kind of relationship. She and my dad had a marriage based on mutual responsibility. Even among older generations, this woman's model of marriage/relationships would have found critics.
Giving being a housewife this value of tradition has always made me cringe. Traditional for whom? My mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother were all working women. Being a housewife was a privilege and in has never been the reality for all women.
Even women in ancient Egypt were working women, with breweries and other respected businesses . Although they were expected to care for household work, this is just one example of how being a stay at home mother was not always the case for women throughout history.
I just wanted to say that you saying that men struggle with mental health and have bad days feels so validating. As a trans boy who was told more than once that “if i want to be a boy so bad i should stop being so sensitive and crying all the time”, i can’t help but feel dysphoric whenever im feeling sad even on the slightest. You make me feel so much better about it :) Sorry for the small vent, and thank you
Your comment reminded me the text I wrote about men's mental health and how I found things saying it is ignored/not take so serious. PS: It's all right, fellow. You're doing great! As we say in my county: "Yeah, that's it, fellow!! Keep thus!!"
"Does this mean that I do everything that he says? Absolutely not! I just trust all his decisions and he makes all decisions on everything we do." Uhm... okay. What I gather from her points is that she wants to be a child. That's what she wants to be. No responsibilities, no need to worry about money, safety, reality, just blind belief in her husband, who then takes on the role of her father/caretaker/God. Sure, that is a nice feeling to have, to be back in the cradle, fetal position, sucking your thumb. Good on her for being happy that way and having found a man able to provide that, but to then go out and claim that your own experience must be the only truth, that's just, well... childish.
I could not imagine piling every responsibility on my poor husband like what. Makes me wonder how her husband or boyfriend whoever he is truly feels about it.
Seriously. It sounds like she means submissive in a more uh… RUclips unfriendly sense, *but* if so that’s _still_ unhealthy. Just because your dynamic is that, doesn’t mean you’re like that or in that headspace 24/7. The ‘leader’ is still a human with needs and wants. They still get exhausted. Wanting to be taken care of is valid but as the cared for, you _have to_ take into account the carer’s life and feelings, and check-in with them.
23:15 I find it very strange that she tells the woman to give the man respect in the relationship. EVERYONE DESERVES RESPECT! It should not be something that one person has to specially give to the other. Respect should be given equally from both people in the relationship, and to everyone else!
I’m a gay man and I agree. In gay/lesbian relationships there is no pre determined patriarchal roles that people try to force gay men or lesbians into. We get to decide what works for us.
This video was also in my recommendations and I decided to watch. My conclusion is that if you really want to be traditional and that makes you happy, then go for it. I don´t think I want that in a relationship, but we shouldn´t shame people for wanting to be traditional
Honestly, I went to that comment section and everyone were shaming women that decided to work or don't have children instead of being a housewife. And that's awful. If she didn't spread her message in the way she did, she's right, bc everyone should decide what to do with their own lives. But she didn't, and that's a problem.
@@TheQueerKiwi I totally agree on this. You can tell me about your believes and such, because I´m open to learn about things. But if you force your believes on me, that´s where I draw the line and I don´t like that.
I feel like a major issue for this lady is confusing dominance and submissiveness with masculinity and femininity. Like I know there's some gender role coding around them, but her issue seems to go beyond that to actually thinking they're the same thing. Pretty much anytime she's talking about dom behaviors and tendencies she calls it "masculine", and she really never says "femininity" she seems to sub it out with "submissive". She seems like a sub who lived her life trying to chase more dom oriented pursuits because that's what she was told was the only way to be successful, realized she was way happier devoting herself to a subby lifestyle, and knows nothing about BDSM tendencies so she was just like "this must be my inherent feminine energy I've been denying for so long! Feminism must be a lie!" as if dom/sub dynamics in a relationship are diametrically opposed to societal gender equality.
Gods yes, that is exactly what I thought listening to her. Like she is just a submissive and somehow expects that if she is all other women must be too. It is so hairbrained
It baffels me how many christian women are saying that being feminine means to abide to agressive sex or bdsm, since God is totally opposed to that, and order christian man to not hurt their wives bodies.
it's strange to me that ppl still think in black and white of women being emotional and men being rational problem solvers. We are all individuals and have our own strengths. For the record, I learned in psychology that hormones actually make women tend to be better at interpersonal problem solving so maybe we should listen to women's emotional intelligence more instead of discrediting them.
Weirdest thing for me is when that "rationality issue" thing comes up, women tend to be portrayed as emotional unstable due to their hormones, but at the same time most people who use that argument claim that men can't control their sexual urges ...
As a mechanical engineer I do get what she means by feeling like she was in a masculine form, engineering like other male dominated fields requires women to be “like one of the boys” in certain respects in order to be taken seriously. But of course not too masculine because then you are just pretending. It’s a thin line and it’s hard to walk. Especially if you are also a CEO. It is easy to see this dynamic as a choice between being yourself and being successful, and it takes real effort and strength to do both (though really that’s the only way to have sustainable success). Hardly a reason to stop being a feminist though…. just the opposite.
And because I know I’ll get this comment--similar effects have been noticed in female dominated fields like nursing; however, they do not affect the men’s ability to be successful (male nurses have higher salaries for the same positions and are more likely to be promoted than their female counterparts)
As an electrical engineer (currently back at school) I can confirm this. It's a line I was never really good at walking but my social skills have never been the best. It's a problem that women in engineering (and other male dominated fields) have to adapt like that.
Its like she had a breakdown and then literally became a stepford wife. Its really sad and kinda horrible, i really hope she finds a way to grow and be happy
And part of the cause was that premarital counseling, which probably was one of those church curses...idk, kinda sounds like she had a lot of stress, was not in her best moment, and the priest from the counseling+ other religious people in her life, took the chance to convince her that she was unhappy because she was " trying to be man instead of the woman she is" and not following traditional roles.
Yeah, she has a painfully narrow worldview. All of her arguments are based on the belief that every woman is just like her and that's just not true. It's really sad, like I'm happy she's living in a way that makes her happy now, but her telling others they have to live the same way just rubs me the wrong way. Also greetings fellow nonbinary lesbian ^^
@@HyLo-rule Lesbian used to be exclusively woman-loving-woman, but these days it's a broader term, for non-men loving women or other non-men, something like that.
The Mainstream: "engaging in BDSM is deviant behaviour." Also the Mainstream: "wives, you must SUBMIT to your husbands for a truly happy and fulfilled life!"
Whenever I hear people talking about how cis women need to go back to traditional gender roles/lifestyles I remind them that we’re only two generations removed from women being able to have their own bank accounts. I gotta get my money and change my own tires walk home by myself without an escort because great great grandma Louise legally couldn’t ✌️ ✌️ ✌️
Less in spain, with franco's dictatorship women were not allowed their own bank account or even travelling or get a job without husband/father authorization. My grandma lived that, and i, her oldest grandkid, am not even 30.
I always ask them what those traditions are and if they think they are universal. And the bop them ober the head with 'the making of home' by Judith Flanders.
I hate how these videos always go on about "traditional lifestyles", when the "traditional female roll" of a submissive home maker is a completely untraditional fantasy made up in the 20th century by a burgeoning middle class aspiring to a faux-upper class lifestyle. For the thousands of years since the advent of agriculture Women have had to work just as hard as Men, both inside and outside the home, to produce a livelihood for their communities, even if this work is unrecognised by cultural history. And this is still the way it is in most developing societies, where a "stay-at-home" wife would be an unbearable burden on a household in a sustenance agricultural society.
I really like how you respect her and appreciate the points she made that were good while still pushing back against the whole "this worked for me therefore everyone must do it, every woman is the same and every man is the same" mindset. I hope we can show women like this that we respect them and their choices and will stand by their right to make those choices, they just have to stop trying to tell everyone else that they need to make those same choices.
it's really annoying that some people find what works for them and then start imposing that solution on every one. Like okay, we get it. You find it more liberating to be a housewife. But I can give you a ton of examples of women who found it more liberating to leave the position of being a housewife and go out and work. Now imagine all those working women coming to you and telling you that your life must suck because you're a housewife and that the ideal thing for you is to be a working woman. Pretty invalidating, isn't it? So how can you just apply what you think works for you onto everyone else?
Hope is always closer that you think, and you are loved more than you know and you're stronger than you realize or feel in this moment, you are amazing, strong and brave and you are doing great.
i dislike that her way of thinking is if this didnt work out for me, it wont work out for you either like?? being in charge is not a “masculine” thing you don’t need to give up your femininity to be a CEO. it didnt work out for you it doesnt mean it wont work out for another woman it makes no sense. her videos arent inclusive in the slightest either as a lesbian who am i supposed to rely on for security and decision making then? people need to stop viewing the simplest things as masculine or feminine, thats all socially constructed. men feel emotions and are still men, women can be in leadership positions and are still women.
as a lesbian, i'd like to know what she'd have to say about that. i'll never have a boyfriend/husband, so according to her, i'm gonna be miserable my whole life? also, i love having my feminine and masculine energy balanced out
Something I often say is “don’t mistake my femininity for weakness” I’m not sure if I heard it somewhere and my subconscious remembered it or I came up with it but I really like it. I like to wear skirts and dresses, they make me happy, but I’m not weak or incapable of things
She seems like she got so burned out and there was finally someone there who took everything off her and she felt such relief she would rather burden someone else in order to cling to that relief
Feels like sometimes it's easier to pretend the entire world is wrong than admit to yourself that you are. Easier to claim it's women who are not cut out to be CEOs than admit that maybe it's not for you. You didn't fail. Women did.
Honestly, that woman's view and experience reminds me of the series Aggretsuko. Retsuko, the main character, is a woman in a tiring workspace, an office job, and she dreams of becoming a housewife after getting married so she can be free from work. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, if it works for her. At least she doesn't push her dreams onto others.
Omg i love that show, I also watched The Way of The Househusband, which shows the woman working while the guy is the Househusband (and he used to be part of the Yakuza)
Ugh why can't people do whatever they want without assigning it to gender? Like want to be a CEO? Be a CEO then. Being a CEO isnt masculine nor feminine, it's literally a job.
I feel like her growing as a businesswoman was her playing along with the patriarchy to get ahead, and she decided now to play along and let it take control. I've seen that happen with a few of my friends :( .
I am curious if she will respond to your video, and if she will, how she will respond. Because you came up with really respectful criticism, not calling her a pick me, being empathetic, respecting her and hers husband ect. I really hope she wouldn't be like "omg I make another crazy feminist mad" like she described people (women) that were disagreeing with her once.
i mean who cares what that woman thinks. Kiwi's arguments were incredibly strong, so if she resorts to 'crazy feminist with colored hair lol', you know she has no counter.
I've watched the "Feminist to Feminine" video a while back and I felt really strange about that video. I actually was glad for her because she found her Path. But I hated the wording She used, when She said that She was "in her masculine form" when She worked as CEO... It's like she was uselessly gendering working hard or being powerful etc. Beside this, it looked like she thought that being Feminist and Feminine were two distinct separate things, and they are not. I felt strangely patronaized by that video...
I believe that the pre marriage counseling was with a leader of a church, which can help to explain why they were talking about the traditional gender roles
Damn I'm extremely feminine but I have natural leadership skills. It's difficult to get a foot in the door because of my femininity. It's a hard world out there friends
I am a female going into the engineering field. I currently work at the college where I got my certificate. People judge me based on how I dress and how I look more often than not. It’s annoying, but I am respected amongst my students and my coworkers and my bosses. Masculine energy has nothing to do with how well you do your job or how respected you are. You have to earn respect and trust from people no matter your job field or gender.
love the explanation they gave abt how men shouldn't be expected to make all the decisions and carry the workload because they also struggle; amazing video
I think when she says that women should be men's coaches, she is reframing the misogynistic idea that women should be a pseudo mother figure for the man in a more feminist friendly way. She seems to be unconsciously presenting misogynistic ideas about relationships in a more palatable way for a feminist audience.
On the love language thing, my friend’s platonic love language is physical touch (she’s so damn clingy and there are three people in our friend group, myself included, that hate being touched) but their romantic love language is deep, meaningful conversations. Her boyfriend is also really awkward so they just don’t show affection. A lot of people in our year don’t get how they’re even still dating after 2 years because they don’t touch but he’s uncomfortable doing so and her romanticness thingy (I dunno I don’t know about relationships lol) is being close emotionally. Not to mention she’s ace so even if we were of age nothing like that would happen.
I'm a woman that she describes. I like to follow, I'm also pretty nurturing (not to kids but to people) and I'm good at tasks thats usually listed in stereotype gender roles (e.g. taking care of the home), the only difference is that I'm not emotional. Doesnt mean that I dont need feminism. Feminism enables me to choose the life I want to live and choose a partner that's suitable for me. That's the thing about feminism, it's about opening up choices for both men and women that was before dictated by gender roles.
I love that this was a conversation more on the ways traditional family structure harms men, as an afab feminist, I don't hear people in my communities bring this up enough. Obviously feminists don't need to talk about men's issues constantly but we should bring them up more and advocate for solutions more, I think that could help redirect the MRAs to different solutions than the ones that community currently advocates for. We could make things better by showing them feminism doesn't just help women.
People like that marriage counselor are partly why I feel like I'll just never be able to find a lady who is able to be the main source of financial income in the relationship. There are so many voices out there trying to influence women away from that sort of role or even tell them that the other person in that sort of relationship is worthless. There's just no hope for some of us, and there won't be for a very long time, until women are truly allowed to defy roles and truly dedicated to doing so.
I complained about the RUclips shorts feature spreading a lot of homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and racism right of the bat and EVERYBODY in the comment section after me insulted the emojis I used (lil sparkles ✨ bc I thought it gave ironic emphasis), they insulted my username, they called me a furry expecting that to hurt my feelings, and they sold me I lived in a bubble and wasn’t willing to learn new opinions… WHAT?? Of course I’m willing to learn new opinions, but complaining about the blatant hatred being spread in the RUclips shorts feature has nothing to do with that. I wish there was a way to remove it. It’s not good
I recently for some reason got this woman in my recommendations. She gave me major Sidney Watson's vibes. I once somehow ended up on her video and it was pretty decent and boy....did I ended up on a wild ride lol She cray. Same with this woman. I wouldn't say she's ''cray'' but she took wrong lessons out of it.
I am glad that you understand both problems for men and women. Everyone struggles and that woman seems to not understand that. I love your content, keep doing an amazing job!
All that stuff she was listing in the 'Things a man/woman needs from their wife/husband' sounds like the basic requirements for any relationship. Also, on the 'RUclips recommending videos with opposing views' thing, I found a video by a guy who fetishizes lesbians, so that does appear to be a thing now🤷
This is what happens when you define your entire life by one aspect of it. In this case, it's being a woman. It's such a big part of her identity that she conflates everything with it, and that anything that makes her miserable is a result of masculinity. It's okay to be a house wife. That's beautiful, there's strength in that. That's not the strength every woman wants though, and I wish people like her would respect that.
And just because someone's love language is physical touch doesn't mean they want sex! Just because someone is a physical person doesn't have to mean it has anything to do with sex. There are plenty of ace spec people who don't want sex but love physical contact and kissing and making out and that's because physicality doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
i really appreciate ur frequent validation of asexual people and relationships without sex. society bombards us with the idea that sex is what holds relationships together, so i appreciate the reassurance that it isn't necessary. ❤️
I dont like how she's telling women that they need to give thier husbands sex. Thats just so creepy and wierd to me. Its like she thinks its something that is owed to husbands from thier wife. Women shouldn't have to sleep with her husband to appease him thats just gross.
It sounds like to me that the marriage consoler she went to filled her head with stereotypical traditional gender roles & she took it as she had to tell everyone that there was only one way to live ur life because it worked for her which I'm glade it worked for her but it doesn't work for everyone. Also putting everything on ur partner is never good nor is ignoring their emotional needs. Both of those are not going to give a person a healthy relationship of any kind because they are a partnership & we should be working together
Just finished "The Cinderella Complex - women's hidden fear of independence" by Colette Dowling, which was written in the late 70s. Its a good analysis of the wife in this video. I can really recommend it
Not only do I want my bf to share his emotions but since I often feel the need to suppress my own feelings, I borderline need it. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or guilty when it comes to sharing negative emotions but I don’t feel that nearly as much in my relationship since my bf is open with me about his feelings. It honestly makes me feel so safe and I can’t imagine wanting to be with a guy who won’t share his emotions. I think it would just make it harder for me to be myself
People: women can't be manager and staying feminine Mothers and wifes: literally MANAGERS of houses, kitchens, children's life, sometimes men's life. My grandad has no chance to find anything at home without grandmother. He has no idea what and where to buy, he spends much more money when he shops alone, bying less and worse food. He does not what the size of his clothe is. I have never seen him bying a piece of clothe by himself. My grandma always know what and when they need to buy for their home, including her husband basic needs. She is truly the CEO of their house.
I just felt like she fought the patriarchy, and lost... it's really sad, the patriarchy broke her at the top. Because the path laid down was secretly unstable... and made by the patriarchy.
She describes pretty much the relation I (a 57 year old man) have with my dog. (Except for the sex part) I wouldn't want to have a relationship like this with a human.
It's funny, like in the whole traditional gender roles community, there are a ton of people who keep saying that the man should be leading the relationship, when the expectation is on the woman to do all of the emotional leading and the emotional work.
Uh… if she was unhappy being a CEO or whatever, okay! I’m glad she found the way she wants to live! Now, she needs to stop telling everyone within earshot that because it worked for her, it is THE ONLY WAY. I can’t stand people who do this. Just say this made you happy and move on! Don’t sell your personal experiences as universal cure-alls. Ugh!
The point of feminism is that you’ve got a CHOICE to be CEO or to be a house wife !!
@@graceloukota9634 thanks for coming here and supporting this channel by watching and commenting. 16 times. You should really change your name...
@@graceloukota9634 keep rambling
Right? What works for you doesn't work for everyone. Let people do what they want.
@@graceloukota9634 *Compliment
I'm a masculine/androgynous women and oh boy, I'm definitely not gonna be a CEO or something. I don't want to and I'm not strong enough for that stuff. So no, there's no link with masculinity and feminity (I see most women CEO be more feminine than me anyway). That's not masculine energy, that's determination and strength, any feminine person can have this and not all masculine people have this.
And you can be feminine and be a feminist, that's it, please people, stop considering these as antonyms.
(And not all women, feminine or masculine, need men. We aren't one single entity with the same needs.)
It's just as crazy as saying men can't be feminists
@@jewels3400 ikr, actually since feminism is about gender equality literally everybody should be a feminist, all men and women (and everybody else).
I think she is neglecting the fact that there are lesbians and nonbinary people. And I am both so just pretend I'm not here 😅✋
@@Ducklover_101 The stereotypes of gender binaries and heteronormativity are still prevalent in our societies, if we want to move past them we have to acknowledge their power and force in patriarchal structures of institutions within our society.
first thing i saw was stray kids
The way she equated masculinity with feminism just hurts my brain
Ikr like masc/fem are more about the way your express your style in clothing and appearance, it has nothing to do with social justice issues
@@sophi_pbbj2264 feminism, not femininity haha
Yeah feminism is when you get rid of femininity /s
@@aarishowton8037 yes but she said feminism makes women masculine
@@jasonellis4330which isn’t true lol
Can confirm that not all men are physical. Both me and my partner are asexual. The fact that this woman has generalized men as sex-cravers is ridiculous and that narrative needs to be put to an end. Thank you for talking about this, it isn’t said enough 💚🖤
aye, ace gang :D
@@thefrog69 ayyyyyy
@@luka_va hey i just have a question! i just wanna be more educated on the asexual community ☺️ so *if ur both asexual does that mean there's no physical attraction or touch? ive never quite understood, u don't have to answer if you don't want. I just thought I'd ask someone who is within that community💚🖤
@@annalisageiger Asexual people can be sex-repulsed or touch averse, but not all of them are. Asexual people usually have libido, so they may engage in sex and sexual acts for various reasons. Asexual people are also free to have any other kind of attraction, besides sexual: romantic, sensual, aesthetic and physical. And, since asexuality is on a spectrum, people may not completely lack sexual attraction either, there are grey-asexuals and demisexuals.
Exactly! Her whole argument is so stupid
By the way, hey there aspecs! Demisexual here💃
Eijiro Kirishima says:
“Doesn’t matter what gender you are. Whether you’re male, female, or anything in between (or outside), you should be able to live your life as you see fit. If you’d like to stay at home, that’s absolutely fine. If you’d like to work out of the house, that’s fine too. If you’d like to do a bit of both, that’s fine as well. Just do what works best for you in your situation. As long as you’re comfortable and happy with how you live your life, then you’ve got a major part of your life taken care of.”
Edit: Well I’m not kiri now lol, but I still stand by this 😆
This is why we Stan Kirishima
This is def something Kirishima would say and believe. we stan
I don’t know who you are but I agree -Veliona
We Stan this man
Is this an actual canon kirishima quote?
Everyone is talking about how bad it is to expect all women to be submissive, but not about how it is also bad to expect all men to be leaders.
I'm a male and I don't want to be a leader. I'm terrible at leading things.
Edit: Turns out I am a pretty damn good leader but my point stays the same.
This is evidence that only NB people should lead.
Me too! I feel like working makes me feel more busy whilst leading just keeps giving me so much doubt
Same. Like, I don't care if I eventually marry a woman or a man, just that they lead while allowing me to make choices for my own because Science knows I'm one indecisive person that needs guidance but it gives me such a strong feeling of accomplishment when I am actually able to make decisions.
@@BestBetterBestest YES
Most of men just don't listen when we try to say that feminism is for them too, it is not easy to carry all the pressure that men do, but sometimes it seems that they don't think about it enough, they should be talking about it more (I think)
My parents had a pretty "traditional" marriage. Dad worked 2 jobs and mom stayed home with us. They were happily married for 50 years until my dad died 2 years ago. While they had traditional roles, they also had a true partnership. They compromised and made decisions together. They truly submitted to one another. Neither had an ounce more power than the other and it worked for them. My dad took care of my mom through 10 years of debilitating depression and she took care of him through 10 years of a slow decline due to Parkinson's disease.
That is a beautiful story and honestly? Incredibly romantic also.
I hate how much society invalidates the effeminate man and the women who prefer them. The raw amount of times I've heard people tell me women want a manly man and I'm like noooooo. Even back when I was still indoctrinated in Christianity I preferred feminine men and femininity in general (discovered later I'm pan with a preference towards femininity) and every time I see people crapping on men who aren't "manly" it pisses me off, both on behalf of the man being crapped on but also for myself like hello?? People like me exist in the world.
I feel you. I'm still trying to figure myself out because I was also indoctrinated into pentacostal beliefs. I'm definetely Ace Spec but unsure of the details. I love my man and I try to encourage him to be creative when he musters up the courage to do so, because he grew up in a very toxic and discouraging household.
@@Angel_Kittichik I was in denail of my sexuality for about four or five years
i convinced myself I couldn't be gay because I wasn't masculine enough
I thought being a femenist was basically just hating the color pink and trying to be stronger than men
I can say that i AM a lot happier once I embraced my femeninity but she handeled that realization terribly. I would never rely on another person to carry all my struggles and make decisions for me
that is the job of a parent and I find it disgusting when relationships do not share equal power, because this can lead to abuse and manipulation
love your channel btw!!!
Right??? I’m bisexual and I’m pretty evenly attracted to men and women, but I’m always more attracted to femininity. Feminine people just tend to be so much more kind and nurturing tbh.
@@strawberrymilk619 ovo Oh really? I wasn't expecting a compliment like that. Thank you
@@Angel_Kittichik of course! stay safe guys♡
I love how you talked about mens struggles as well as womens. I don't hear that a lot, but it's true that even though the world is set up to make most things harder for women, that doesn't mean men don't struggle.
Edit: I know y'all probably won't read this, but I've been reading all your replies, and I
yes.
i have a female friend whose fiancé had to _literally hide from the army for days_ because the army was out to draft him
she had to hide him with her relatives and friends time after time
dude has a bach and a masters and he has to spend 1 year at the literal idiot factory that the russian army is unless he pulls a houdini twice a year
another fun case, a male friend of mine was brainwashed into thinking crying is for weaklings and women and he LOST THE FUCKING ABILITY TO CRY
that was a fun thing to explain to his therapist thats for damn sure
@@yarraidalg That's pretty common
@The Gator Bandit Sadly that's the social mentality that patriarchy and control of the military industrial complex has created, a population of women who are basically put off by men being human and men being put off by women who aren't emotional nutbags with the desire to be a baby factory.
@@yarraidalg yes yo your username simulacra :) Tamora Pierce fan?
I just wanted to clarify that she didn't go to a registered therapist for this counseling. "Pre-marital counseling" is a term used by some religious institutions. In some religions you have to meet with a religious leader or pastor to "make sure you're ready to get married". Usually it's actually just an excuse to do what was done here, convince a partner to change their beliefs to be more in line with the churches. Most of the time the more religious partner will refuse to get married until the other agrees.
Feminism is about you having a choice. You want to be a stay at home wife? Great! You want to be a CEO? Great! Yout want to marry, retire to a cottage and live with 5 cats, a fox, and a crow? Great!
I do want to live in a cottage with five cats, a fox, and a crow. Sadly, supplies seem to be limited.
Yeah what is wrong with my cats???? I love my cats!
Suddenly it makes a lot more sense what happened there, and not in a good way. Because it sounds a lot like her more religious husband and the priest brainwashed her.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite nothing, the " being and old cat lady" turning into a negative stereotype was created by men andu happy married women, who hated women who were happily single and enjoying life instead of being trapped in a miserable marriage being basically a servant.
@@nessyness5447 I genuinely want to be that 'old lady with a cat' (or multiple cats), it sounds so peaceful to me
what some anti-feminists don't seem to realise is that feminism isn't about encouraging every woman to be a powerful CEO girlboss, it's about giving women the choice to do that *if they want to*. if a woman wants to be a stay at home mum/housewife, that's cool! but women shouldn't feel like that's the only way to be a real woman and it seems like she's trying to push that idea
I agree, I really wanna be a housewife when I’m older
unrelated to the video but as a cis girl, i gotta say that i sometimes love being 'masculine' (or however people string together its meaning). by no means do i wanna BE a boy, but having to act like the ideal of a 'young lady' at any given point of time can be downright stressful and exhausting.
i love my femininity and i embrace my partial masculine demeanor
also- this goes out to anyone who identifies as a female: YOU DON'T OWE BEING EXTREMELY WOMANLY TO ANYONE AROUND YOU. SAME GOES FOR ANY OTHER GENDER.
ik its kinda random to put it here but i am INFURIATED when i see a cishet tell a trans person "you don't seem [insert gender] enough"
gender is a silly construct and what we consider as "for boys" or "for girls" is made up bs
for example: i declare that popcorn is now only available for people who don't identify as male. its not for men. sorry
yeah its THAT stupid
This is Stan worthy
As a non-binary person that often dresses feminine, I agree. For some reason, most people find it very hard to use my correct pronouns tho? 🤔
True but what this woman was talking about wasn't even describing masculinity. I hate the whole idea of thinking feminine people can't be powerful. And that being a leader and being successful just means you're all of a sudden masculine. Feminine people can be a leader and they can be successful. Thinking of those as masculine or male traits is just misogynistic in nature. (I know that masculine doesn't always equal male, but I feel like that's what this women thinks haha)
@@SammyLammy1D What's your pronouns? Maybe it's hard to adjust to or something?
@@kyliviie2903 they/them
Why is society/capitalism so obsessed with the idea of a single leader? Like two brains are better than one! Partnerships! Cooperation! Teamwork! All amazing things! There doesn't need to be one person who calls the shots at the end of the day, whether that's in a marriage or a business or a country
I really have no idea. We’re obsessed with the idea of a hierarchy.
Because it's all a huge power grab
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite exactly
Funny, that reminds me of dictatorship which is often associated with the commies who are radical left… and here we have the conservatives 🤔
As a man, these videos make me upset. My ideal partner is somebody who is an equal to me. I don't want to treat women as lesser or greater than me. In general I don't think we should treat anybody as greater or lesser. But more importantly these videos makes me scared. Promoting "differences" among men and women in a relationship like this, only further pushes back gender equality. And her way of phrasing these points makes her come across as a reasonable person, especially considering the place she came from, but some of these points ARE ANYTHING BUT REASONABLE.
Ikr… as a woman I can completely agree
Bro men watching savannah's videos just makes me hopeful about gender equality
I’m a trans dude and I agree.
I totally agree with you - and would much rather date a man like you and how you think
I'm the same, and I'm not gonna lie it's taken me a while to find a partner that is well suited for me, but I do feel I've met someone recently who wants to be my equal and who doesn't see me as some nymphomaniac but as a man that appreciates romantic intimacy. I get bothered by this idea now that it seems everyone has to be a dom or a sub in some way, whether in the bedroom or just in life in general. Love is a two way street as far as I'm concerned, I will absolutely help with the cooking and the dishes, I will help with the cleaning, and I will be a provider. The truth is nowadays most women are providers, less and less are stay at home mums because their financial situation in this economic climate where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer means it's extremely difficult for a stay at home parent to even exist, man, woman, non-binary etc.
I'm pretty sure they did not go to a therapist and just got counseling at their church.
that,,, makes a lot more sense
Everything she is saying is fine if it works both ways. Women, find a man you can lean on. Men, find a woman you can lean on. Support each other! This concept isn’t difficult!
Yup its really not
👏👏👏
I love this video. As a non-binary person who was assigned miserable at birth, I can tell you that the worst part of being seen as a man, is women not internalizing the knowledge that men feel the full spectrum of human emotions. It hurts when I'm not treated with the same level of empathy or gentleness by the woman in my life as they have for other women.
I feel so sorry that you have to deal with that crap, do you have anyone to lean on and trust? ):
@@causeistillwantyou7516 no. No I do not. Thank you for asking.
@@lefu87williford55 o ur welcome c: I was gonna offer talking if you needed but maybe that seems weird hshhs, and btw I'm non binary too. Have a good night (it's almost midnight where I live) and I really hope you find someone to trust and that can give you the empathy you need ): ❤️🌸
I fully agree and I'm sorry you don't get to experience the gentleness you crave. But I can't get passed "assigned miserable at birth" because WHAT A MOOD!
@@nicoledorman8484 lol. Thanks
Not really related to the video but I just read a comment from a guy saying "I don't respect men who don't control their sexual urges. For women that is acceptable, as they are physically and mentally the weaker sex known to be shallow." and I just felt so disgusting in my own skin
This is like ‘they had me in the first bit’ but mixed with the Uno reverse card.
they should have just stopped their comment at the first sentence
I don't respect any one who has zero control over their sexual urges.
It's okay to get those feelings in public, but it's not ok to act on them publicly or to take this feeling out on someone or something that doesn't or can't consent
That premarital "therapy" sounds like they went to a pastor, not a counselor 😬
" I need a man to lead me through life like I'm a child holding my daddies hand walking through a crowded mall and all women are just like me "
glad I wasn't the only one who caught onto that self-infantilisation
To be fair, I understand where she's coming from. Being a CEO, she's always the one calling the shots and making important decisions, it can get really exhausting when you're doing it for years. She just wants her partner take over in that aspect.
@@shiny2401 There's a difference between wanting to get in on the Dom/Sub set-up (or even going to the extreme by doing DDLG, as an example) and making your relationship more kinky, and being told you _have_ to submit and keep repeatedly belittling yourself like a child and give up your career because it's expected of you and you demand every other woman go the same path while blaming feminism and forcing your husband to take care of your every little needs while disregarding that he's got emotions and needs outside of sex
@@shiny2401 How is she gonna handle having kids if making decisions is to hard for her? like yeah CEO is hard but you shouldn't advocate for women to just not do it b/c you found it hard? Sure she might be happy to have no say in her life outside of work but saying all this extra bs is dumb in my opinion at least
@@lazyperfectionist3978 I don't exactly think she's trying to advocate for a kinky Dom-Sub relationship, despite her use of the term submit. It seems to me she just wants someone to take charge of her life outside work, to be responsible of the decision making process and she's happy with that dynamic. But no one should submit to their spouse or give up their career just because of gender roles and I don't agree that taking a leadership role (in work or in the family) is necessarily a masculine trait. I certainly agree that it isn't fair to leave the responsibility on one partner without considering their emotional needs. It reinforces the stereotype that men are sexual creatures and generally prioritize their sexual need over their emotional needs.
She sounds like Classically Abby. This woman's seems extremely self-centered. She was overwhelmed and now she wants a partner who does everything. 'Hold me, listen to me, take care of me.' In return, the man gets respect and support.
Holding these unrealistic expectations of men and consistently invalidating their emotions tends to destroy relationships. All partners want to know they are valued by their partner. I have seen so many men trying to break their bodies down and not feeling valued. I have seen how these relationships end when they realize they ate only valued for their resources and have no emotional support or consideration.
Yep. she has to tell other people what to do.
You do a fantastic job of pointing out the fundamental problem with these sorts of arguments. She found something that works for her, which is fine, but she thinks it works for everyone because every woman is just like her and every man is the same as her husband (assuming he's as happy as she is). But we're just not. And that is why this is so destructive. She is so, so patronizing and misogynistic. My mother (who was born in 1923) would have been horrified by this kind of relationship. She and my dad had a marriage based on mutual responsibility. Even among older generations, this woman's model of marriage/relationships would have found critics.
submit to men? no, do the opposite, why should men be the one you should submit to?
They don't really have a good track record on why women should.
@@jessicayoung3656It's for sexual purpose, when conservatives men say that they want to a woman to submmit, they mean on bed, and bdsm stuffs.
Just remember your pronouns/Emotions and everything your going through is Valid..Love you and support you
- Your 5’10 gay friend
Tall 😒 /nm
@@certifiednerd542 isn’t 5’10 average??
@@MEDSZ13.08 depending on gender, it’s average for man
@@residententiy friendly reminder that AMAB refers to sex, not gender, and your height also has to do with sex not gender /nm
@@MEDSZ13.08 5'9 is average, and you're 5'10. So no, you're basically a giant 😤.
(I'm just joking btw xD.)
Giving being a housewife this value of tradition has always made me cringe. Traditional for whom? My mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother were all working women. Being a housewife was a privilege and in has never been the reality for all women.
Even women in ancient Egypt were working women, with breweries and other respected businesses . Although they were expected to care for household work, this is just one example of how being a stay at home mother was not always the case for women throughout history.
I just wanted to say that you saying that men struggle with mental health and have bad days feels so validating. As a trans boy who was told more than once that “if i want to be a boy so bad i should stop being so sensitive and crying all the time”, i can’t help but feel dysphoric whenever im feeling sad even on the slightest. You make me feel so much better about it :)
Sorry for the small vent, and thank you
Your comment reminded me the text I wrote about men's mental health and how I found things saying it is ignored/not take so serious.
PS: It's all right, fellow. You're doing great! As we say in my county: "Yeah, that's it, fellow!! Keep thus!!"
@@forcaaereabrasileira5394 ty
I’m also a trans boy and I can relate to this.
All humans feel sad or cry, the people who say otherwise should stfu
holy shit that souns aweful im so sorry for u
"Does this mean that I do everything that he says? Absolutely not! I just trust all his decisions and he makes all decisions on everything we do." Uhm... okay. What I gather from her points is that she wants to be a child. That's what she wants to be. No responsibilities, no need to worry about money, safety, reality, just blind belief in her husband, who then takes on the role of her father/caretaker/God. Sure, that is a nice feeling to have, to be back in the cradle, fetal position, sucking your thumb. Good on her for being happy that way and having found a man able to provide that, but to then go out and claim that your own experience must be the only truth, that's just, well... childish.
I could not imagine piling every responsibility on my poor husband like what. Makes me wonder how her husband or boyfriend whoever he is truly feels about it.
Seriously. It sounds like she means submissive in a more uh… RUclips unfriendly sense, *but* if so that’s _still_ unhealthy. Just because your dynamic is that, doesn’t mean you’re like that or in that headspace 24/7. The ‘leader’ is still a human with needs and wants. They still get exhausted. Wanting to be taken care of is valid but as the cared for, you _have to_ take into account the carer’s life and feelings, and check-in with them.
23:15 I find it very strange that she tells the woman to give the man respect in the relationship. EVERYONE DESERVES RESPECT! It should not be something that one person has to specially give to the other. Respect should be given equally from both people in the relationship, and to everyone else!
The way she explaind hetero reletionships made me even more glad im a lesbian
I’m a gay man and I agree. In gay/lesbian relationships there is no pre determined patriarchal roles that people try to force gay men or lesbians into. We get to decide what works for us.
This video was also in my recommendations and I decided to watch.
My conclusion is that if you really want to be traditional and that makes you happy, then go for it. I don´t think I want that in a relationship, but we shouldn´t shame people for wanting to be traditional
i absolutely agree! the problem is just how you go about preaching it !
@@TheQueerKiwi there is no problem
Honestly, I went to that comment section and everyone were shaming women that decided to work or don't have children instead of being a housewife. And that's awful. If she didn't spread her message in the way she did, she's right, bc everyone should decide what to do with their own lives. But she didn't, and that's a problem.
@@TheQueerKiwi I totally agree on this. You can tell me about your believes and such, because I´m open to learn about things. But if you force your believes on me, that´s where I draw the line and I don´t like that.
@@markdehaan3187 yess
I think every tradwife/traditional Christian relationship RUclipsr needs to think long and hard about the phrase “your experiences are not universal”
"If you want a man to-"
Bold of you to assume I want a man
I feel like a major issue for this lady is confusing dominance and submissiveness with masculinity and femininity. Like I know there's some gender role coding around them, but her issue seems to go beyond that to actually thinking they're the same thing. Pretty much anytime she's talking about dom behaviors and tendencies she calls it "masculine", and she really never says "femininity" she seems to sub it out with "submissive". She seems like a sub who lived her life trying to chase more dom oriented pursuits because that's what she was told was the only way to be successful, realized she was way happier devoting herself to a subby lifestyle, and knows nothing about BDSM tendencies so she was just like "this must be my inherent feminine energy I've been denying for so long! Feminism must be a lie!" as if dom/sub dynamics in a relationship are diametrically opposed to societal gender equality.
Gods yes, that is exactly what I thought listening to her. Like she is just a submissive and somehow expects that if she is all other women must be too. It is so hairbrained
Omg yes, I was thinking this the whole time she was talking. Girlie just wants to be a sub!
It baffels me how many christian women are saying that being feminine means to abide to agressive sex or bdsm, since God is totally opposed to that, and order christian man to not hurt their wives bodies.
it's strange to me that ppl still think in black and white of women being emotional and men being rational problem solvers. We are all individuals and have our own strengths. For the record, I learned in psychology that hormones actually make women tend to be better at interpersonal problem solving so maybe we should listen to women's emotional intelligence more instead of discrediting them.
Weirdest thing for me is when that "rationality issue" thing comes up, women tend to be portrayed as emotional unstable due to their hormones, but at the same time most people who use that argument claim that men can't control their sexual urges ...
Religious premarital counseling focuses on teaching traditional roles. Marriage counseling by licensed therapists typically does not have that focus.
it’s so fascinating to me when people are just SO CLOSE to having the right idea, and yet so far off
As a mechanical engineer I do get what she means by feeling like she was in a masculine form, engineering like other male dominated fields requires women to be “like one of the boys” in certain respects in order to be taken seriously. But of course not too masculine because then you are just pretending. It’s a thin line and it’s hard to walk. Especially if you are also a CEO. It is easy to see this dynamic as a choice between being yourself and being successful, and it takes real effort and strength to do both (though really that’s the only way to have sustainable success). Hardly a reason to stop being a feminist though…. just the opposite.
And because I know I’ll get this comment--similar effects have been noticed in female dominated fields like nursing; however, they do not affect the men’s ability to be successful (male nurses have higher salaries for the same positions and are more likely to be promoted than their female counterparts)
As an electrical engineer (currently back at school) I can confirm this. It's a line I was never really good at walking but my social skills have never been the best. It's a problem that women in engineering (and other male dominated fields) have to adapt like that.
Its like she had a breakdown and then literally became a stepford wife. Its really sad and kinda horrible, i really hope she finds a way to grow and be happy
And part of the cause was that premarital counseling, which probably was one of those church curses...idk, kinda sounds like she had a lot of stress, was not in her best moment, and the priest from the counseling+ other religious people in her life, took the chance to convince her that she was unhappy because she was " trying to be man instead of the woman she is" and not following traditional roles.
She also doesn’t count with same genders relationships. Or nb people dating other people. In those situations there’s no woman or man or neither.
Yeah, she has a painfully narrow worldview. All of her arguments are based on the belief that every woman is just like her and that's just not true. It's really sad, like I'm happy she's living in a way that makes her happy now, but her telling others they have to live the same way just rubs me the wrong way. Also greetings fellow nonbinary lesbian ^^
@@ScaredyCorvid I absolutely agree with you, and hi, glad to find another nonbinary lesbian around here ^^
@@sinimeg isn't nonbinary lesbian kind of oxymoronic?
@@HyLo-rule Lesbian used to be exclusively woman-loving-woman, but these days it's a broader term, for non-men loving women or other non-men, something like that.
The Mainstream: "engaging in BDSM is deviant behaviour."
Also the Mainstream: "wives, you must SUBMIT to your husbands for a truly happy and fulfilled life!"
Submitting is only okay if you only have sex in the missionary position. Anything else is feminism or some shit idk
Whenever I hear people talking about how cis women need to go back to traditional gender roles/lifestyles I remind them that we’re only two generations removed from women being able to have their own bank accounts. I gotta get my money and change my own tires walk home by myself without an escort because great great grandma Louise legally couldn’t ✌️ ✌️ ✌️
Less in spain, with franco's dictatorship women were not allowed their own bank account or even travelling or get a job without husband/father authorization. My grandma lived that, and i, her oldest grandkid, am not even 30.
I always ask them what those traditions are and if they think they are universal.
And the bop them ober the head with 'the making of home' by Judith Flanders.
She's just talking about how she let herself get indoctrinated into being her husband's personal slave and refusing to admit it.
Am i the only one feeling like she sounds a lot like a young Lory who is at the begining of the indoctrination still?
TL;DW Woman gets burnt out by Decision Fatigue, blames Feminism for some reason?
I hate how these videos always go on about "traditional lifestyles", when the "traditional female roll" of a submissive home maker is a completely untraditional fantasy made up in the 20th century by a burgeoning middle class aspiring to a faux-upper class lifestyle.
For the thousands of years since the advent of agriculture Women have had to work just as hard as Men, both inside and outside the home, to produce a livelihood for their communities, even if this work is unrecognised by cultural history. And this is still the way it is in most developing societies, where a "stay-at-home" wife would be an unbearable burden on a household in a sustenance agricultural society.
“traditional marriage roles” are so close to 24/7 bdsm dynamics but with none of the communication
You better make me some damn dinner woman or youre gonna get punished >:)
I really like how you respect her and appreciate the points she made that were good while still pushing back against the whole "this worked for me therefore everyone must do it, every woman is the same and every man is the same" mindset. I hope we can show women like this that we respect them and their choices and will stand by their right to make those choices, they just have to stop trying to tell everyone else that they need to make those same choices.
it's really annoying that some people find what works for them and then start imposing that solution on every one. Like okay, we get it. You find it more liberating to be a housewife. But I can give you a ton of examples of women who found it more liberating to leave the position of being a housewife and go out and work. Now imagine all those working women coming to you and telling you that your life must suck because you're a housewife and that the ideal thing for you is to be a working woman. Pretty invalidating, isn't it? So how can you just apply what you think works for you onto everyone else?
👏👏👏👏👏👏
I would have k****ed myself had I lived in the 50s, or earlier, I could have never been a wife or mother.
Patriarchy: men NEED sex, and will leave you without it
Me and my bf [both guys]: *sexless asexuals*
Hope is always closer that you think, and you are loved more than you know and you're stronger than you realize or feel in this moment, you are amazing, strong and brave and you are doing great.
I needed your comments 10 years ago 😢♥️
I love finding your comments. They're always comforting to read, thank you for taking the time to put them out there
i dislike that her way of thinking is if this didnt work out for me, it wont work out for you either like?? being in charge is not a “masculine” thing you don’t need to give up your femininity to be a CEO. it didnt work out for you it doesnt mean it wont work out for another woman it makes no sense. her videos arent inclusive in the slightest either as a lesbian who am i supposed to rely on for security and decision making then? people need to stop viewing the simplest things as masculine or feminine, thats all socially constructed. men feel emotions and are still men, women can be in leadership positions and are still women.
as a lesbian, i'd like to know what she'd have to say about that. i'll never have a boyfriend/husband, so according to her, i'm gonna be miserable my whole life? also, i love having my feminine and masculine energy balanced out
Something I often say is “don’t mistake my femininity for weakness” I’m not sure if I heard it somewhere and my subconscious remembered it or I came up with it but I really like it. I like to wear skirts and dresses, they make me happy, but I’m not weak or incapable of things
i feel obligated to thank you for ace inclusion so that you don't stop cuz it's important please
If you haven't talked to your friends in a while, talk to your friends. Good luck!💖
I haven't spoken to them in months
I don't have any lol, all of them were toxic bullies and I was forced to leave them☠
She seems like she got so burned out and there was finally someone there who took everything off her and she felt such relief she would rather burden someone else in order to cling to that relief
Feels like sometimes it's easier to pretend the entire world is wrong than admit to yourself that you are. Easier to claim it's women who are not cut out to be CEOs than admit that maybe it's not for you. You didn't fail. Women did.
Honestly, that woman's view and experience reminds me of the series Aggretsuko. Retsuko, the main character, is a woman in a tiring workspace, an office job, and she dreams of becoming a housewife after getting married so she can be free from work. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, if it works for her. At least she doesn't push her dreams onto others.
Omg i love that show, I also watched The Way of The Househusband, which shows the woman working while the guy is the Househusband (and he used to be part of the Yakuza)
@@byulharangforlife that one is so good, love the anime trope of the scary looking guy who is actually a really soft and good person XD
Honestly it sounds like she doesn't want a partner, she wants a pet that also pays the bills.
Ugh why can't people do whatever they want without assigning it to gender? Like want to be a CEO? Be a CEO then. Being a CEO isnt masculine nor feminine, it's literally a job.
I feel like her growing as a businesswoman was her playing along with the patriarchy to get ahead, and she decided now to play along and let it take control. I've seen that happen with a few of my friends :( .
I am curious if she will respond to your video, and if she will, how she will respond. Because you came up with really respectful criticism, not calling her a pick me, being empathetic, respecting her and hers husband ect. I really hope she wouldn't be like "omg I make another crazy feminist mad" like she described people (women) that were disagreeing with her once.
i mean who cares what that woman thinks. Kiwi's arguments were incredibly strong, so if she resorts to 'crazy feminist with colored hair lol', you know she has no counter.
I've watched the "Feminist to Feminine" video a while back and I felt really strange about that video. I actually was glad for her because she found her Path. But I hated the wording She used, when She said that She was "in her masculine form" when She worked as CEO... It's like she was uselessly gendering working hard or being powerful etc. Beside this, it looked like she thought that being Feminist and Feminine were two distinct separate things, and they are not. I felt strangely patronaized by that video...
Ace people, including cis/peris3x ace men: Exist
People like her: "No they don't"
Also: People with low/no libido: Exist
Her: "No they don't"
straight relationships sound exhausting
From what I hear from my classmates around me, Yeah, they really are. not all of them, but THOSE ones, they are so exhausting.
They are
yeah it's rough over here 😔
I believe that the pre marriage counseling was with a leader of a church, which can help to explain why they were talking about the traditional gender roles
Damn I'm extremely feminine but I have natural leadership skills. It's difficult to get a foot in the door because of my femininity. It's a hard world out there friends
"Men don't have emotions."
"Don't date a man with emotional problems, he seeds to be secure."
I am a female going into the engineering field. I currently work at the college where I got my certificate. People judge me based on how I dress and how I look more often than not. It’s annoying, but I am respected amongst my students and my coworkers and my bosses. Masculine energy has nothing to do with how well you do your job or how respected you are. You have to earn respect and trust from people no matter your job field or gender.
"RUclips is starting to show you things that have opposing views to you"... is that why I was recommended one of Onision's videos yesterday?
love the explanation they gave abt how men shouldn't be expected to make all the decisions and carry the workload because they also struggle; amazing video
I think when she says that women should be men's coaches, she is reframing the misogynistic idea that women should be a pseudo mother figure for the man in a more feminist friendly way. She seems to be unconsciously presenting misogynistic ideas about relationships in a more palatable way for a feminist audience.
On the love language thing, my friend’s platonic love language is physical touch (she’s so damn clingy and there are three people in our friend group, myself included, that hate being touched) but their romantic love language is deep, meaningful conversations. Her boyfriend is also really awkward so they just don’t show affection. A lot of people in our year don’t get how they’re even still dating after 2 years because they don’t touch but he’s uncomfortable doing so and her romanticness thingy (I dunno I don’t know about relationships lol) is being close emotionally. Not to mention she’s ace so even if we were of age nothing like that would happen.
remeber you are 100% valid -your local lesbian nb
You should remember the same too^^
Thank you
- your local bi enby
I'm a woman that she describes. I like to follow, I'm also pretty nurturing (not to kids but to people) and I'm good at tasks thats usually listed in stereotype gender roles (e.g. taking care of the home), the only difference is that I'm not emotional.
Doesnt mean that I dont need feminism. Feminism enables me to choose the life I want to live and choose a partner that's suitable for me. That's the thing about feminism, it's about opening up choices for both men and women that was before dictated by gender roles.
I love that this was a conversation more on the ways traditional family structure harms men, as an afab feminist, I don't hear people in my communities bring this up enough. Obviously feminists don't need to talk about men's issues constantly but we should bring them up more and advocate for solutions more, I think that could help redirect the MRAs to different solutions than the ones that community currently advocates for. We could make things better by showing them feminism doesn't just help women.
People like that marriage counselor are partly why I feel like I'll just never be able to find a lady who is able to be the main source of financial income in the relationship. There are so many voices out there trying to influence women away from that sort of role or even tell them that the other person in that sort of relationship is worthless. There's just no hope for some of us, and there won't be for a very long time, until women are truly allowed to defy roles and truly dedicated to doing so.
She's like "a woman has to do this for her man" and "a man has to do this for a woman"
Gay people exist too lol
I complained about the RUclips shorts feature spreading a lot of homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and racism right of the bat and EVERYBODY in the comment section after me insulted the emojis I used (lil sparkles ✨ bc I thought it gave ironic emphasis), they insulted my username, they called me a furry expecting that to hurt my feelings, and they sold me I lived in a bubble and wasn’t willing to learn new opinions… WHAT?? Of course I’m willing to learn new opinions, but complaining about the blatant hatred being spread in the RUclips shorts feature has nothing to do with that. I wish there was a way to remove it. It’s not good
I recently for some reason got this woman in my recommendations. She gave me major Sidney Watson's vibes. I once somehow ended up on her video and it was pretty decent and boy....did I ended up on a wild ride lol She cray. Same with this woman. I wouldn't say she's ''cray'' but she took wrong lessons out of it.
Hello!
Excuse me, is "cray" a slang?
@@forcaaereabrasileira5394 it is where I live.
I am glad that you understand both problems for men and women. Everyone struggles and that woman seems to not understand that. I love your content, keep doing an amazing job!
All that stuff she was listing in the 'Things a man/woman needs from their wife/husband' sounds like the basic requirements for any relationship.
Also, on the 'RUclips recommending videos with opposing views' thing, I found a video by a guy who fetishizes lesbians, so that does appear to be a thing now🤷
This is what happens when you define your entire life by one aspect of it. In this case, it's being a woman. It's such a big part of her identity that she conflates everything with it, and that anything that makes her miserable is a result of masculinity. It's okay to be a house wife. That's beautiful, there's strength in that. That's not the strength every woman wants though, and I wish people like her would respect that.
I got my Pride Kiwi Plush in the mail the other and I love it! U did a great job designing it and its so soft!
aaahhh!! i’m so glad you got it and you love it 🥺 thank you 🥰🥰
@@TheQueerKiwi omg i didn't think you see this! This made my day! I love ur videos and ur an amazing person. Have a nice day! 🖤
I'm happy for you. I'm still waiting.
@@estarramanderley8172 I can't wait till u get urs they're so soft
I want one but I'm still in the closet 🙂🙂
And just because someone's love language is physical touch doesn't mean they want sex! Just because someone is a physical person doesn't have to mean it has anything to do with sex. There are plenty of ace spec people who don't want sex but love physical contact and kissing and making out and that's because physicality doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
"men need sex"
Asexual men: "well, actually..."
I got a guy talking about being a sigma male in my recommended it just about killed me
He's more like a ligma male
i really appreciate ur frequent validation of asexual people and relationships without sex. society bombards us with the idea that sex is what holds relationships together, so i appreciate the reassurance that it isn't necessary. ❤️
I dont like how she's telling women that they need to give thier husbands sex. Thats just so creepy and wierd to me. Its like she thinks its something that is owed to husbands from thier wife. Women shouldn't have to sleep with her husband to appease him thats just gross.
i was not expecting that intro at the beginning oh my god i needed that
💕💕💕
i thought this said quit your job and submit to women and was so ready but now I'm disappointed
It sounds like to me that the marriage consoler she went to filled her head with stereotypical traditional gender roles & she took it as she had to tell everyone that there was only one way to live ur life because it worked for her which I'm glade it worked for her but it doesn't work for everyone. Also putting everything on ur partner is never good nor is ignoring their emotional needs. Both of those are not going to give a person a healthy relationship of any kind because they are a partnership & we should be working together
For the last time. People are individuals. Different things work for different people. Why is this so hard
Just finished "The Cinderella Complex - women's hidden fear of independence" by Colette Dowling, which was written in the late 70s. Its a good analysis of the wife in this video. I can really recommend it
Not only do I want my bf to share his emotions but since I often feel the need to suppress my own feelings, I borderline need it. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or guilty when it comes to sharing negative emotions but I don’t feel that nearly as much in my relationship since my bf is open with me about his feelings. It honestly makes me feel so safe and I can’t imagine wanting to be with a guy who won’t share his emotions. I think it would just make it harder for me to be myself
People: women can't be manager and staying feminine
Mothers and wifes: literally MANAGERS of houses, kitchens, children's life, sometimes men's life.
My grandad has no chance to find anything at home without grandmother. He has no idea what and where to buy, he spends much more money when he shops alone, bying less and worse food. He does not what the size of his clothe is. I have never seen him bying a piece of clothe by himself.
My grandma always know what and when they need to buy for their home, including her husband basic needs. She is truly the CEO of their house.
"men NEED SEX"
me: *stares at my ex who wasnt very sexual and me who was the complete opposite* uh huh
I just felt like she fought the patriarchy, and lost... it's really sad, the patriarchy broke her at the top. Because the path laid down was secretly unstable... and made by the patriarchy.
"quit your job" yeah so i kinda forgot to do the second step...
She describes pretty much the relation I (a 57 year old man) have with my dog.
(Except for the sex part)
I wouldn't want to have a relationship like this with a human.
It's funny, like in the whole traditional gender roles community, there are a ton of people who keep saying that the man should be leading the relationship, when the expectation is on the woman to do all of the emotional leading and the emotional work.