grieving my own health
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- i was never going to upload this video but i feel so alone. if even person who sees this can relate, who is feeling the same as me, and this video makes them realise they're not alone, then it's worth it. i recognise this video is just 8 minutes of me crying lol, but this shit is hard. being chronically ill is so personally taxing, both on your body and on your mind, your social life, your family life, everything changes. i'll make a video soon talking about my health properly once i get my head together and am in a better place mentally. i know my thoughts and feelings in this video are not articulated properly, they're just raw and real. my thoughts and feeling spat out and on display. i'm being vulnerable and that's scary. who knows this video might be taken down by tomorrow but for now i'm just gonna be real.
I've never wanted to hug someone so badly. I am so sorry Alicia 😭
Do u want to be boyfriend and girlfriend y or n Alicia
@@user-zs8mf6sw8hweirdo
This is not an overreaction. This is raw, vulnerable, and real -god, it makes you such a beautiful person. I know the feeling of wanting to be medically believed. That’s a very real and common feeling, unfortunately. Just know that it gives you the opportunity to dive further into the world of possibilities on your end and you end up learning so much about self healing. You were born at a time where technology is growing exponentially. It will be okay 🤍 I’m so glad you made this because it’s something for you to look back at. It’s just part of your journey. Also, I know it feels everyone around you is hitting milestones, but just know, everyone hits a wall somewhere in life. Just at different times. Yours happening at a younger age contributed to the beautiful journey you’re on now. You’re strong, Alicia.
Love, A stranger who sees you, hears you, and acknowledges all your value.
I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2021 at 21 out of nowhere, and it really does freaking suck. I’ve missed things, and there has been so much fear about having seizures in public as well as the guilt about others experiencing the seizures - but it really does get better. In November I hit 1 year seizure free, so I could drive again! (It’s a full year in my country) I have also started drinking again, as it doesn’t affect my seizures. I hope it gives some hope for you, in case it does turn out to be epilepsy. While it does get better, give yourself grace because it is really shitty to suddenly have your life change (and again for you, I can’t even imagine). I grieved my health as well. But it does get better, and you can have normal life ❤️ Sending lots of love and hugs from Denmark
Also, if you need advice I would love to help as much as I can. There are tips to make, for example, going out easier. 💕
I was also diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 5... know I'm 12 and I still have the disorder I went to Gauhati appolo hospital
Hey! Jesus loves you and is with you! He cares for you and wants to help you through your pain! He died on a cross for our sins and rose again three days later. If you believe in Him, He will save you from hell and make you His child. He is the only way! Have a blessed day! 😊🌸
this was so sad to watch alicia😭 i have been watching you for a year now and i love ur videos. im 15 and was diagnosed with diabetes at 9, it was the most life changing experience ive ever been through and it completely how i viewed life, my friends, how my family felt, my everyday life and so much more. i COMPLETELY understand how you feel when you say that you wish u were normal. i have felt so incredibly insecure about my diabetes and always having this thing on my arm and a pump and i was a burden on my family and friends. im so glad i have someone who i can watch who is going through a similar thing. i get diabetes burnout so much and often its hard to take care of myself. UR NOT ALONE❤❤❤❤ i hope u see this comment
Gurl you are describing me 😭🫶🏻
I am so glad im not the only one who feels like this and has so much Diabetes burnout
I was diagnosed at 10 and I'm 29 soon! You're so much stronger than you think! Burnout is real, we deal with a lot. I love our little support community. Take care kid.
❤🙏🏻❤️
take care of yourself 🤎 you’re such a gorgeous soul, you’ll get through this and come out so much stronger and happier :)
I'm crying with you right now .
You are such a good person at least on the internet you are so inspiring and maybe I can't really relate to it but this video just shows that people you think have a perfect live have really got their own problems. I think posting this helps many people including me so stay strong ok you'll be OK and even if you don't pleas don't give up ❤
I had the same thoughts!
I’ve never commented on any video before
I’m a bit younger than you. this made me cry the entire video. I was diagnosed around 5 years ago with a chronic illness that has caused both disabilities and pain, im so sorry you’re going through this. I currently have no friends and RUclips is my comfort place. I come here for people like you who feel like my friends. I found you 3 or 4 months ago probably, but your cozy vibe is so comforting. I’ve been binging your concert vlogs lately and honestly I’m always to happy for you that you get to go to them! I recently got Melanie Martinez tickets for the trilogy tour in June, and it’s probably people like you who made me want to go! please try to look at the brighter things more then the darker things, I promise life is worth living and I wish you good things to come. 💕
You're the sweetest Willow💗 I hope life turns out good for you and your kindness will definetly get you a friend very soon💓💓
hey alicia i am also turning 18 in three weeks (on the 25th) and in the past year have been diagnosed with chronic illnesses. i completely sympathise with and understand the grief that comes along with that - watching your friends move on with their lives and feeling left behind. and it sucks, i won't pretend it doesn't. bc of a medication i have to be on i also can't drink and (at least for now) i'm not allowed to drive so yeah its difficult to have that sense of adulthood and freedom. i want to believe that its gonna get easier, but i'm also struggling with it all rn. so i guess i just wanted you to know you're not alone in these feelings!! but we'll be alright ❤️ much love
oh my gosh my bday is on the 24th! i’m so sorry to hear your also dealing with the physical, emotional, mental and social toll that comes with being chronically ill. hopefully the future gets a whole lot better for the both of us real soon ❤️❤️
@@aliciajade happy early bday girly. keep fighting ❤❤ u too tasmin :)
okay what- I turn 18 march 21 and also am chronically ill!! much love to you both
I'm turning 18 on march 25th too, and i was diagnosed with T1D for about a year now
@@aliciajade🔘2 Peter 3🔘
The Day of the Lord
Dear friends, this is now my second letter to you. I have written both of them as reminders to stimulate you to wholesome thinking. 2 I want you to recall the words spoken in the past by the holy prophets and the command given by our Lord and Savior through your apostles.
3 Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. 4 They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.” 5 But they deliberately forget that long ago by God’s word the heavens came into being and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 6 By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. 7 By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.
8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.[a]
11 Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives 12 as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.[b] That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. 13 But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.
14 So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. 15 Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. 16 He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.
17 Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. 18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.
hey it's so heartbreaking to see you like this :(( 💗 we love you so so much. We might not be able to help you as much as we want but just know that you are so so strong for this.
Im so sorry Alicia...we love you and we'll always be there for you ❤❤ youre beautiful and kind and just perfect....we love you ❤❤please dont cryy you're an angel💗💕
alicia, i feel your pain when you said “why me?” i don’t have a chronic illness but i have really bad anxiety that affects my everyday life to this point where it’s hard to just get through a day. i’m constantly drained and exhausted from dealing with it all the time. i have, in the past just started searching for a different diagnosis and even got misdiagnosed with another illness only because it felt like i was actually sick and i wanted it to stop. but i just want to say you are so strong and i absolutely adore your channel, seeing you cry makes my heart break. i love you ❤ sending you love and hugs.
I rarely comment but I just want to say thank you for being vulnerable and as you said everything is going to be fine and I know that right now it's terrible and awful but you'll be fine, we all believe you and you're loved so so much. You are so much stronger than you could even imagine and love you immensely Alicia!!
I just saw this right now, and I really needed this. I have been 4 years unable to walk like a normal person because of a medical complication. It was all during the pandemic, and I also turned 21 that year. Safe to say, it was the saddest 21st birthday you could possibly imagine. I really wanted to, for the first time in years have a decent party, a birthday with the new found friends from university but the pandemic hit and I got injured, so my priorities had to be managed between the world coming to a crash, my health and the safety of everyone. I was put on a cast that lasted too long since everything closed off, that caused multiple issues afterwards. I unfortunately was a victim of very unprofessional medical people who didn't see the urgency, even after a year and finally at the end of 2021 I was diagnosed. But even now after all the therapy for my Sudeck Syndrome, my circulation hasn't changed and a condition that kept me out of school for most of 2017 came back to haunt me, "sincopes". So while I'm lying unconscious for hours without answers, put on meds by almost every doctor and can't walk normally for my life, living on crutches. I had a breakdown last year around December for the first time, I grieved my health. While everyone else did it, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I don't know if it's because of the way my mom shows 0 to no emotion, the problem solving mindset, or the intense positivism. I just couldn't grieve because I always felt it was supposed to end after therapy. After almost getting rid of my crutches for good. I had my first set back then and now again, with my knee giving up on me. I have liquid retension and the unconsciousness happens daily, and I have no clue what it is and so much more attached to that. It feels as if a time bomb exploded again, and I can't control anything. I see my friends on vacation, getting jobs, dating and my favorite, traveling. It sucks, it sucks and just sucks to see everyone moving on with their lives, and the slightest setback sets me back to square one of intense pain and inmobility. I absolutely understand the frustration and wonder of "Why me? Why did this happen to me? Is it something I did? Why do I deserve this? It isn't fair" Because this is the reality, you sit there in a doctor's appointment and you try to convey everything but somehow it just seems so little as to get a prescription in most cases or run a bunch of tests, sometimes repetitive, which feels like a useless time wasting thing. The patience us people dealing with illnesses and things you can't control about your own health need to have, is something only those going through it can know for sure. The number of times I wished I could walk without feeling tired from 10 minutes or less, and the past year has been the toughest. Even during the pandemic, somehow I didn't feel this awful, but that's because my injuries hadn't gone into the severe territory. Malpracticioning is the worst-case scenario. Unfortunately, the first doctor couldn't help because of the condition of the world, but their was no excuse for the second one to be so cruel, to the point of not even giving me an appointmet for 10 days, just to tell me I needed therapy after I had told them if I needed it first visit. I'm not saying people should seek a therapist for this stuff, but it sucks when you are aware that you aren't certainly in a bad headspace necessarily, and just need people to listen and be kinder. Be empathetic and understand the situation you're in. Not everything is meds. Not everything is just paying for someone to tell you what you already know. If anyone needs that kind of support in the mental health area, I highly suggest you to find it, especially if you don't have a good support system at home. I'm still in the process of finding what's causing so many issues to my health. I am hopeful it will be solved soon. Thank you for being real and honest. ❤🥹🫂
hey hey hey, i know I'm just a stranger on the internet and i also don't have a chronic illness, so i might not be able to understand completely your situation, but i wanted to jump in and try to bring a little bit of comfort. i believe (and hope) people have told you this before, but please remember that ALL of your feelings and concerns are valid. you have every right to miss the person you were before and be worried about what's going to happen. i understand that it sucks to be "left behind" by all of your friends who are already older and experiencing life while you feel you're stuck behind, i'm also turning 18 this year and all of my friends already have their license and are graduating this june (while i'm starting my last year in september).
we all know you're a strong person, you might be struggling from time to time but it's normal, we all have our ups and downs. i can't imagine how it feels to live with t1d, and i really wish i could understand better, but from what we can all see you're handling it like a pro, you're still here and thriving and even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you're going to be fine. you've probably heard these words a million of times before, and you might sometimes not believe them, but everything is going to be fine. you have the support of your family, your friends and also your little virtual community who loves and appreciates you so so so so much.
please remember that we are here for you, lots of love
This is the absolute loveliest comment I have ever read 🤍
@@ItsKi_ah thank you! i appreciate the effort in reading it all haha
you have such a kind soul! i agree with everything you said
@@aswyvee hehe yeah I always feel as if people never read any of my long comments, yours was truly worth reading!
Ive only just found your channel and I want to say everything youve said is so relatable... you're not alone. I'm disabled too and I've been through those feelings so often. My mantra is often "Life is shit!"
Yeah, dont tell me it'll get better. I know that. Let yourself feel all the feels. Greive. Your feelings are so real. You seem so strong and wonderful despite everything you've said. 💞
god, trust me, it's not an over-reaction, i cried right along with you. my heart is breaking for you, i know what it feels like to watch your life fall apart right in front of you after it took you years to build it up. i just hope you know like you said, it'll get better, i will pray that you never ever get a seizure again and that in six months you can drive. i will pray for strength for you to get through this. i love you so much, we all love you so very much and it SUCKS that you have to go through this. if i could, trust me, i would share your pain to lessen the burden on you.
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 14. Im 15 now and i hate it so much, im so jealous of other people my age who are able to do things i cannot.
One if the things i hate the most judgement. I hate how kids stare in horror when i do my bloods, my classmates making fun of me and people assuming things about me. Ive been crying so much lately because i overheard my classmates say i have 'special privilege' because i have to eat food in class and leave when i need to do insulin. It hurts so much to live in a world where people dont understand and don't even try to. Even my friends dont fully understand. I dont really know anyone else with diabetes in my life either so it feels increadibly lonely.
The strain it puts of my mental and physical health feels like a massive burden. I feel ill all the time. It just hurts so much all time to see others enjoying their teens whilst i have to sit at the side sipping a carton of apple juice. My mum says i should be thankful im alive at least, but the burden, the prejudice, often it feels like too much to bear. This video already has a ton of comments, so i doubt youll read mine but i want to say a massive thank you for your videos, it feels horrible to have this condition, and i feel so sad for others who have to deal with it too, but having know others feel the same as you is comforting in a way. I hope medicine improves and one day it can be reversed. I can run a race and eat a giant slice cake on its own then go on a rollercoaster and a party and drink a can of cider without going into a deep hypo afterwards. ❤
I feel the same. Used a disabled bathroom to do insulin and some lady told me off and said it was for disabled people and I tried to explain but she wouldn't listen 😭😭😭
@1nfl0r3sc3nc3 that sounds horrible sorry that happened :(
I can't stand how ignorant people are about it, kinda just makes it feel more lonely :(
don't listen to what those kids say or let it get to you, okay? it's just not worth it. you can't help how your body is, and theres no use letting your rude classmates control your feelings even more than your diabetes already does. you're just living life with extra steps! i'm so sorry you have to deal with all that, and reading all these comments of other people who experience similar things make me deeply saddened but truely grateful that i don't have to deal with the same issues. i wish you nothing but the best, stay strong forever!
oh hon i’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that. i promise that it does get easier as someone whose had it for 9 years. it fricking sucks all the time and is so tiring. please know that there are good people out there too who will love and support you. they may not be in your class, but i promise that there are those who do care and won’t judge you 💖
I promise that I would always try to understand even if I didn't ❤
lo siento muchísimo Alicia, no puedo ni imaginar el dolor y enojo por el que estas pasando, sos demasiado fuerte, no es una exageración, en tu situación se que muchos no podríamos soportar ni la mitad de las cosa que vos si, me parece perfecto que llores y te desahogues porque no creo que sea algo menor por lo que estas pasando, espero que pronto puedas superarlo, volver a tu rutina e intentar ser lo más feliz que puedas, debe ser muy difícil afrontar este tipo de situaciones pero por favor segui luchando, no te rindas.
te mando un beso y un fuerte abrazo desde Argentina 🇦🇷, te deseo todo lo bueno del mundo reina, espero que pronto puedas ver esto como un tropiezo y no como una caída, cuídate mucho y recorda que siempre vamos a estar acá para lo que necesites
❤❤❤
I’ve never related to something more. I may not have diabetes or seizures but I have my own struggles and I constantly grieve the “normal life” I envisioned and I see my fiends going though. You’re not alone ❤
I have now learned that everyone suffers in a different way. And I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the energy that your Guides give me when my family destroys my life😢
U are the best youtuder ever and u are so strong for telling that we ❤❤
That a true phrase about the fact that you literally miss that time before the illness.
I'm 21 now, and I was diagnosed with diabetes at 18. And I still miss the time when I could drink a whole bottle of Coke and not worry.
I'm sending you the strongest hugs, honey, you will definitely cope with everything, you are very strong❤❤
we all love you alicia we are always here for you, for all your good, your bad and ugly. You've got this we love you💞
i’ve had diabetes for nearly 3 years and have been struggling with my mental health a lot because of it and seeing this has made me feel so validated and like i’m not alone, so thank you for sharing this and im so sorry that you have to put up with all of this stuff ❤❤❤
This is how I felt exactly when I was 12 and crying in the bathroom and asking why me why me I'm just a child why I can't eat like others and l have to go to the hospitals so much. And I cry with you today too because I know how you feel and I'm so sorry that I don't have anything else to say other than "It'll pass". I can assure you it passes, it will get better and you will get used to it but until then my heart is with you❤
I have single sided hearing loss and I understand because I have always wanted to be normal and I didn’t want people to treat me differently because I am I understand what you’re going through I hope you feel better soon
I’m very sorry that you feel this way, I completely understand you. I was diagnosed with T1D when I was 2 years old so I don’t remember what it was like to switch over, so I can’t imagine what you felt like during high school. It gets hard to face the fact that I’ll never be exactly like my friends and do what they can do without having to take extra care of yourself.
Stay safe❤
I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease last year. (a chronic autoimmune disease) I had to push back my college graduation and move home. It uprooted my life. I understand you so well. Currently in my 2nd flare, missed my best friends 23rd birthday and now I’m worried I’ll miss my birthday next month as well. I missed out on so much last year and I find myself getting jealous of my friends and my sister because they are healthy. You’re not alone. Keep fighting🤜🏼 you’ve got this💕
Eat carnivore diet. Healing miracle for people with Crohn and other digestive problems.
Stay strong for forever ❤❤❤❤
Alica please don't cry😢❤
You’re not alone, know this. When I was 37 I started getting really sick and didn’t know why. It took almost 9 years for them to diagnose me and I went through so much in that nine years so much pain. It turns out I have a yeast allergy of all things in the world. And also a connective tissue disorder. I literally was crying yesterday because I wish that I was normal too. My body doesn’t do what everybody else’s does and I haven’t seen reactions to normal things like food. My diet is limited. It’s very difficult and I know what exactly what you’re going through but you’ll get through this. And if you ever feel like giving up, please reach out to me.
i can feel what you're feeling honestly through the screen so strongly. I got diagnosed a few years ago and its just been getting worse, especially with the burnout. I've been ready to give up so many times. Its my 21st birthday in two days(march 12th) and usually people go out to drink and have fun, but i cant drink, which it took me a while to just accept what i cant do, honeslty some days it does feel like im doomed and what did i do to deserve this, but other days i feel ok with it. Not even to go into how we physically feel sometimes which can be the worst and a hindrance in life. Were all on this together through the good and the bad. sending so so so much love and support
alicia it was so brave of you to post this and i completely understand what you are going through i went through something very similar last year where lots of people were making fun of me last year and i was struggling with body issues and not being able to eat stuff because of this horrible disease and i wanted to be normal and i wanted to
say that i haven’t been through seizures so i feel so te terribly sorry for you ❤ and i want to say that this is not an overreaction and you don’t have to act like your fine you can talk to family members because trust me they will understand and if they don’t then talk to someone else and i just want you to know that you are amazing and we all love you and you are going to be okay ❤❤❤❤❤❤ ily
Hi Alicia, i have a similar story. When i was 14 i was diagnosed with a chronic illness and i sympathise with you i understand so much. I’ve had to learn how to live with it, i haven’t been able to get my licence along with my friends. I know how much it sucks. I turn 18 this year. I hope you can find some sort of peace that there are others struggling and grieving too. It’s not at all your fault it’s just stupid life. We will all get through it. Sending you all the love and joy ❤
I send you lots virtual hugs. Cry all you need and always remember there is a big community supporting you here, that love and appreciate you ❤. At the end everything will be ok, and if it not, it's not the end yet. I'm 18 since February and i'm so lost and scared, there are happening a lot of changes and responsabilities are growing, but there is nothing more than accept it and... Keep living throut it. We love u ❤❤❤
Oh my gosh!!! I have never ever wanted to hug someone so badly. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't have a chronic illness fortunately, but I have had severe depression and anxiety for about three years now and I totally understand how it feels to go through this, let me tell you this you didn't do anything to deserve this. You are such a nice person and I love watching your videos. You are like my inspiration to go through with life and honestly, I have grown to love you like a big sister I never had. I love you so much ❤❤. I have faith in God and he will help you go through this and make your life lovely!!
I never related to the “why me” more I’ve broke both my ankles multiple times and had other injuries and the “why me” is so true and real and please take the time to appreciate yourself and feel your feelings and I really hope that you’ll feel happier soon ❤❤
Im sorry for what you're going through! We love you and care about you❤❤ everything will get better
I’m so sorry. I was in the exact position in 2022. I was 17 and heading off to college, and I had my first noticeable seizure. I had been having little myoclonic ones all through high school but thought they were just a quirk. It sucks so hard, nobody really knows what to say, it’s very isolating, because it’s not common for people of our age to go through things like this. All your friends continue to go on and be normal and Godspeed, but it hurts to be a spectator in seemingly one of the most crucial parts of your life. I totally feel your experience even down to the poor experience with doctors. They told me I fainted, but fainting doesn’t cause blood in your mouth and head thrashing. I am grateful a doctor believes you- that at the very least brought me comfort. Because I felt sick and now it felt like I was going crazy as well. It’s not easy. I’m a very peaceful girl, but during this point in my life I’d never been more angry. Angry that my body betrayed me after taking care of it well my whole life, angry at the time it happened, angry at how isolating the experience was- just angry. Anger turned into rage. Two years later I’m in University living a normal life besides not being able to drink due to my medication. I have the best friends I’ve ever had, I learned a lot about myself in my unprecedented isolation, and I’ve regained a new passion and affinity for life because I’ve seen how bad it can get. This is a lengthy comment, but all to say I pray and wish and dream that you stay seizure free until September until forever. And that you are not alone, because I know exactly how you feel. This is not an over exaggeration. Take care of yourself, stay rested and know that on the other side of the globe, I am rooting for your recovery ❤️🩹 You are NOT alone. Much love
I went to school with a friend who had 2-3 seizures in high school. I am glad to tell you that over 30 years later, those seizures were episodic to those few times. He is a very successful guy today. He was never told why he had them. The medical system can be exhausting and frustrating. I wish you all the best Alicia!
I know a girl who had type 1 diabetes. She got stem cell treatment and is almost normal now. Before that she used an insulin pump that actually worked very well. Technology is improving all the time. Stay strong. You will get through this and remember you are NOT alone.
I totally understand you,I’ve been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety and it sucks,you’re not alone
Awww Alicia ❤️ it is just so sad that seeing you cry like this :( i wish i could hug you and tell you that everything is gonna be okay. As you said in the last minutes of the video, you're gonna be alright i really do believe that and i love you so much.
I was diagnosed with something similar so I can sort of understand the pain of what your going through and I’m not great at consoling people but you just need to know that ther are people who are gonna be there for you and that future you has it covered, if there was anyway I could hug you I would girl I love you so much and you’ve got this I know you do and I believe In you
Its perfectly okay, especially on bad days to be frustrated with your health and well being, especially if it controls your like SO fr*cken much 🥺 when it all comes flooding back to you, & you need to break down like this, and vent its okay, you are human. And this truly is perfectly understandable in hearing what you are saying, to have these wants and wishes, but then to have health problems controlling your life constantly. Its got to be hard. But you are still so strong 🙏
I completely understand how you feel. I'm a little younger than you and was born with a chronic illness that causes pain crisises which has stopped me from doing so much in life. I was always looked at differently, even by my own family because they didn't want me falling ill as I could potentially die from even a common cold worsening. In middle school, my dream was to become a cheerleader, and everyone else in my grade had been doing it, though when I signed up, I was rejected due to me not even having a PE class because of health risks. In 9th grade I caught pneumonia and was in the hospital for a month, which caused my grades to fall drastically. I was always the golden child when it came to school, so when this happened and there were officially F's on my report card, it put me into a depression that I still struggle with now. 10th grade hadn't helped because I honestly was giving up. Since then I've been taking 7/8 classes a semester, going to summer school, and even doing college courses to attempt to raise my credits. But still, this ruined my GPA and I can no longer get a work permit that I had been motivating me to raise my grades. Now, I truly feel like there's nothing left for me to work toward and I have absolutely no passions strong enough to pull me forward and keep me continuing, so as long as I get credits, which only require a D to get, I literally don't care about school anymore because if I made myself care it would make everything worse. You're definitely not alone. I wish I was normal everyday because being not normal is slowly killing me, literally and mentally.
You seem like a great person, please take care of yourself
You are the most inspirational person❤️ your not alone please don’t cry.. I love you.. you got this
I hear your heartache and is feeling your pain. It makes me really sad to see you are going through this. Nobody deserves this including yourself. Please know that it is because you are special and beautiful in your own unique way and continue to stay strong for yourself and for those who are having hard time going through this.
I cried with you throughout the entire video. Believe me, your feelings do not seem exaggerated, I can imagine how painful it is. I don't have diabetes, I have another problem that I don't even want to talk about. But the feeling that you are not like everyone else simply tears you apart from the inside. Honey, your videos have always supported me. Please don't give up, you will definitely get through this. You are truly a wonderful person💔
I'm diagnosed last April when I was 27. I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with and totally amazed at your resilience and endurance at dealing with it in your teens. There's a lot to diabetes that doesn't get covered and noone without it will ever understand. I'm so sorry you're going though this hard time. Some months are good and some are awful. You are doing amazing for the circumstances. In life there is always going to be things that get in the way of what you want to do , whether it's money, health , family, etc, we all have our limitations but all you can do is push through. It's okay to grieve what we lose to this illness but we can live in the loss or we can make the most of it. Take time to be angry and then make sure to focus on what you can do xxx
i was hesitant to comment but i understand so so much.
This makes me feel like im not alone. The things you said like “i want to be normal” “why me” “i just want to sleep all day” i’ve said those exact things about my chronic illness which is crazy and also heartwarming that someone feels the same and im not alone. I’ve been in a good spot for awhile with my chronic illness but recently it’s been having side effects and things that bring back memories of when i got diagnosed. i have cyclic vomiting syndrome. I always feel alone because no one else knows or has this illness but it’s impacted and changed my whole life. i take 10 pills a day and it’s crazy that this ever happened to me. If someone is reading this out there I would love if you took time to research about it. I want to make it more known and aware to others. Anyways just know your not alone with anything your going through :)
I know this must suck for you, i dont have a chronic illness my self , but my mom has diabetes and other health issues and it's hard to see what she has to go through ,let alone how she feels. I dont think you should be mad at youself, you cant control this ,im happy you were able to find the help you needed. I really wish you better for the future. I love your videos and all your content. I hope you feel better❤❤
I am so sorry this is terrible. I’m currently going through something too. I homeschooled last year do to bullying and the home schooling women told me I had all my credits so it was all good, but by the end of the year I started to feel extremely isolated so I decided to go back to school the next year (now) and then the teachers told me I had no credits and I was like no I have my credits and they told me homeschooling credits aren’t “real” credits like what? So they told me I had to restart all of Highschool when I’m already at the end of Grade 11!? And I relate to this so much because I just wish I could be normal why do I have to restart? I had good grades I did all my work and yet because nobody told me I didn’t have my credits I thought I did and I didn’t so yk like I can’t handle this so I started self harming and now I’m stuck in the darkest place I’ve ever been waiting for something good to happen but I also feel like my life’s falling apart. I’m almost 17 and I don’t even have my learners license because I’ve been too stressed to do anything and all I wanna do is cry and sleep and lock myself away from the world. I hope everything gets better for you, you’ve been my comfort channel for a while now and as someone randomly online telling you this you may not take it seriously or yk but you got this. You’re trying so hard you just graduated you were doing amazing and you did not deserve this in anyway. I know the pain of this kind of stuff I have illnesses and stuff too and it’s not great it’s trash but we’ll get through these trials and we will push our selves up that hill because after all this is life we’ll get up that hill no matter how many steps it takes and we’ll get the relief of this pain off our shoulders. I believe in us
I’m so sorry Alicia! I absolutely understand what you’re going through. I’ve never shared any of this on the internet, but I was diagnosed with a Chronic Illness at 13 years old. This is completely relatable and I’m so sorry you have to go through this! You can do this 💗
My angel please don’t cry, I’m sure everything gonna be okay again, you are an angel but life is doesn’t fair, you are right it’s sucks but you are so strong baby, nobody can judge you about what you feel about it, you are doing your best, You spend your time more productively and better than most people I've seen in my life. I’m sure everything gonna be alright I’m really sure, nobody have to be happy and okay everytime, that’s so normal that you are thinking why me, but life is really isn’t fair for asking that, you are doing great and I’m sure you’ll have the best life, I love you soooo much Angel, don’t forget that❤️❤️❤️♾️
I've been through this same recurring sh*t just today, after the 8th month being diagnosed, you don't know till you know...
But we can at least have a choice, is about how we choose to take it. One step further to cure ourselves, I send you a lot of hugs sister
I'm so sorry to see you like this, Alicia 😢 it breaks my heart to see such a good, nice, pure and beautiful person suffer like this. I'm sending you strength and a huge comforting hug. It plainly sucks. You have people supporting you here from all around the world ❤
I'm so sorry alicia, sending you massive hugs ❤❤
So never be anxious about the next day for the next day will have it's own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.
You don't have to keep your feelings inside that is not good coming from my own experience I would tell people I am fine until I broke and I spent nearly a week crying to myself. Your not alone just take it day by day and don't worry about the future focus on today then when tomorrow comes focus on that day.
i’ve had t1d for 9 years. you’ve literally described all of my struggle. it is an absolutely horrible situation to be in but please know that you aren’t alone. 💖
Hi I'm from Thailand, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 9 years old. Now I'm 16, I want to say that I understand you very well. I understand every word you say. Sometimes we want to live a normal life. I understand that words. I use a translation machine but I wish you understand🥺,I want to let you know that you are not alone. Even though we can't live a normal life like other people, but I want to tell you that , we still have to live with it. I just know that there will be a lots of things that we can do even though we have this ,Please smile a lot and go out to find delicious food, read book ,go to coffee shop, listen to taylor swift 🎀we just gonna have to find something good in this bad luck of us
I follow you just to remind myself that I’m not alone and your videos motivate me to take care of my health more so don’t be sad ❤️🩹🤍🫶🏻 wish you get what I mean
I feel so awful for you girl you are actually so strong and I’m praying it will get better for you ❤❤
I got diagnosed when i was 4, ive known nothing but diabetes. I left school due to not doing my insulin as i was so worried what people would say about me having diabetes. I hope your doing okay alicia your not alone x
What an incredibly inspiring and courageous lady you are.
Having to act like you’re fine and feeling like you have to pretend sounds far worse than diabetes or seizures. It is a big deal because it’s a big deal to you and it’s right where you’re living now. I know so many people who don’t even have the capacity to feel emotion as deeply as you have here. It may not seem that way right now, but that is a real gift to be so connected between your body and your emotions- cherish it.
It will sound really odd, but you enjoy a depth of friendship and feel richness in the personalities of others who you meet throughout life and you’re even feel a twinge of sadness for others because of how shallow they are.
I remember feeling sad when I was going to have my left eye removed. I had to laugh at the share ridiculousness of grieving the loss of something that had never worked in the first place, and only a couple of years before started becoming a source of pain. I felt like the appropriate response should’ve been gratitude for finally moving towards stabilizing life in a positive direction, but that’s not how humans are wired for a visceral response.
My eyes developed such a sensitivity to light coupled with perpetual dizziness that I had to live face down in a dark room or bent over trying to shield my eyes for a little over two years. Because I wasn’t telling doctors the typical things they expect to hear when dispensing pain medication: like my back or neck hurts, but I kept telling everyone that I wanted to scoop out my eyes if it would just make the pain go away. Since doctors thought I was crazy, I was put on several flavors of psychotropics.
After I was able to have right eye, laser, glaucoma, surgery, left eye removed, and the right eye cataract removal with lens implantation, I thought everything was over. Before I could find my footing in life again, nine months later after the last surgery, a work truck creamed my mother’s giant SUV and I had no clue where I was for six days. It was then I was told that no one would know the extent of the brain damage until far into the future. All I knew was that it was difficult to formulate sentences and find optimal vocabulary items, which was a real bummer, considering I was supposed to be the language person having majored in German, minored in Spanish/psychology and done tutoring for blind Spanish speakers who wanted to learn English.
Because of all that ordeal, I’ve been able to be the health and wellness/rehabilitation coach for for others who are overwhelmed. I managed to pick up networking and cyber security Certifications, in troubleshooting comes naturally since I had to troubleshoot myself for so long. I’ve been at Brazilian jiu-jitsu for 6 1/2 years and just got my brown belt. Because things are harder to learn now combined with the fact that I was a lifelong musician, not athlete, everyone says I have a real gift for teaching.
Only a couple of weeks ago, I faced my fears and started trying to study the foreign languages. I know best. To my shock, pieces are falling into place at an incredibly rapid rate like I never thought would be possible.
That tome is to tell that you will come out of this an even more glorious creature than the one you remember previously And that you will find lots of other people who are ostensibly left behind, who will appreciate your enhancements to their lives in ways that the so-called normal people won’t even be able to understand as you will.
I was diagnosed with type 1 at the age of 12, now I am 19. In the beginning it was something that stepped in my way that made things a lot harder, but now it's like peace of cake I mean...sometimes I struggle with it but in the majority of the time I have good glucose levels because of all the experience I've been gadering through all these years.
I hope you can overcome this and have a happy life ❤❤❤
Im crying watching this my mum has diabetes as well and i hate that you bothe struggel with this stupid illness but to motivate you you will get through this because you are sooo strong dealing with this illness at your young age proves this even when you have down moments
I hope you get better and we all love you ❤❤
Hi! I randomly came upon your video. I am about 10 years older than you are now, so I feel a tad bit like a boomer making this comment here, but for what it's worth: I also have a chronic illness that was diagnosed in my late 20s. It's been a very rough journey. Everything you said is valid and describes what you, me, and many others who are chronically ill go through. There is a silver lining in all of this: you will find it. I found mine. Hang in there, you are so much more than your diagnosis and people will remember you for your courage and strength through it all. Sending a warm hug. Be gentle with yourself and never, ever give up fighting--you are worth the fight.
This so heartbreaking Like watching you is like watching one of my best friends making videos, and I really really love and appreciate you and ur content and i hope ur healing and i hope u get better to the state where u can do whatever u wish to . Btw i just want to say that i love you sm and please take good care of yourself and just remember that i appreciate and love you and u always would have our support! 💌
I am so so sorry that youve had to go through so much,and youve felt that you've had to go through all of this alone,with no one to believe you.just remember that no matter what we are here for you,to trust you even when no one will.You are not overreacting in any way, instead you are handling with this shit the way any adult would.Its okay not to be okay sometimes.We are all here for you forever! Love you alicia!
I’m so sorry Alicia it will get better, things happen that you can’t control but it will get better. I’ve felt different my entire life because of mental and physical health issues and I completely understand what you’re feeling as another teen girl. I’m so so sorry, sending love 💗
I'm so sorry this has happened, I know the feeling. Diabetes sucks on its own (I've been diagnosed since 2017) never mind other conditions on top of it. You'll be okay. Sending the biggest hugs from the Uk❤❤❤❤
Everything really will be okay and diabetes really is so frustrating and I am type one diabetic too😢😢😢 you are not alone Alicia love you so much ❤ 😢😢 I'm so sorry that you had to go through that 😢😢😢😢😢 love you
Hope you get well soon and hope you doesn't struggle anymore and your seizure stopped soon 😓
I'm 16 rn , i was told i have diabetes since i was 10 , it was fine in the first year it was hard but it was fine but the last 2 year and specifically those 2 months i started to lose my eyes i can't see well alot of people look at me like i don't know how to say it but i hate how they look at me , anyways my body my heart my family problems my family money issues and connections, i fell like i can't keep doing this i just need normal life i hated this wolrd i hated everything
My life is black and white these days ,but anyways you are a strong person, i am a strong person , let's win together 😊❤
Girl your not alone. I completely understand how you feel. I feel so heart broken about my own illness and i also have a hard time feeling like i dont fit in. Thank you for sharing your struggle. ❤
Your not over reacting at all. ❤❤❤
Alicia, how you're feeling is completely normal, and it's okay to feel this way.
I don't have diabetes, but being homeschooled makes me unable to experience milestones that other people have gone through, and it makes it harder to find friends and socialize with people.
I feel like crying every time it's my birthday, I know I did when I turned 18 last April...
Growing up for me is especially hard because I feel like I get less chances.
You should know that it's okay to feel these emotions to be going through these things, and while it's good to remind yourself that things will get better you should also remember it's okay to feel things and to let your emotions out.
I'm sorry Alicia, having all those health issues and not being able to drive does suck. It's not an overreaction. I have a bad knee, I'm 55 and I realized I can never rollerskate again. I sat in the car and ugly cried. Your feelings are valid, feel them.
Girl it's ok you are still lucky that you were diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 14 . I was just 1.5 years old when i was diagnosed with diabetes😢. Ook just remember that we all are here to support you. Dont give up ok lot of love with this little 13 year fan of your Love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😊😊😊
Alicia it hurts to know ur hurting, ur such a beautiful soul, and I cannot personally understand what you are going through, I am struggling in life but I’m a different way, but I wanna give u advice that maybe u won’t wanna hear but is true to me, life has a plan, and everything is gonna be ok. Ily and you got this❤
I love your videos so much and it hurts me to see you have to go through such a tough time like this. My brother recently had a awful seizure and it was hard to see him fade away after he woke after being asleep for 24 hours and he didn’t seem like him self. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and I hope it only up from here.
I'm so sorry 😔
We all will support you ♥️♥️
Your a gorgeous soul😊😊
Get well soon❤
I know that you will become stronger🦋
Ur not alone♥️♥️
I've been watching you for so long now, and it makes me so sad to see you like this. Trust me, you WILL be ok, everything will work out!! You are a strong person and thats why I loved watching you! I hope you see that you will get better!!
Hi Alicia, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can't imagine the mental and physical pain you are facing. I really hope you get better super soon and you get to do all the things you want to. We all are rooting for you and we know you will come out of this stronger than ever. We all love and and are praying for your speedy recovery. Sending all the love, hugs and strength to you🤍🌟
I know life is tiring, I have depression and suffer from social anxiety, I try my best to live life to the fullest, but there are days when I feel exhausted...i love your vídeos ♡♡♡♡
This isn’t an overreaction. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m glad you are letting yourself grieve the fact that life just sucks. Thanks for being vulnerable and helping others going through something similar remember that they are not alone, and that it’s okay to grieve.
Just dont cry... Never... Being ill doesnt mean that you r not a normal kid... I just cant see you crying alicia! You are an inspiration to many teenagers like me... Know that you are just the best... Just dont cry.. Your tears are really precious 🥺... I love you soo much my favourite youtuber ❤🥺
you bring me so much joy and it's awful to see you being this sad... you're such a beautiful person and don't deserve this at all. I truly hope that you'll be able to gain that freedom. Sending lots of love
I am so sorry for you Alicia, you're so brave, strong and such a sweet person. You deserve to pull through all of this, we've all got your back - even from the other side of the world (I'm from the UK haha). I also went through a breakdown about life the week before I turned 18, and whilst I know everyone's situations are different, it really does suck. But just know this, there are so many wonderful people in your life who will help you get over anything, and you are the best person ever. I wish you so so much luck, I'm so happy that someone believed you! You deserve all the happiness in the world. You can do this, WE LOVE YOU 🤍🤍🤍
dear Alicia, I want you to know how much we love and support you♡
you are just a ray of sunshine in my life! your videos have often helped me through difficult times. so I also want to give you joy and help . you are a very strong person. Just because you are different from others does not make you a bad person. just look at the amount of support in the comments! such difficulties happen. life can knock you down, but the main thing is to get back up
I hope these words helped you somehow. we love you very much ♡♡
I've been following you for a really long time now, and I've always felt like, if we knew eachother, we would be friends. We're the same age, and I can only imagine how it must feel to have to stop your life for a while, but you have to remember it's no one's fault, especially not your fault. Take your time to be angry and sad, you'll have time to learn how to live with it. You'll see it will be alright ❤️❤️❤️
i’m so sorry it is happening to you. I’m not brave enough to describe my condition but i just wanted let you know that you’re not alone in this feeling that you can’t do what everyone can. You’ll be okay, i promise ❤
I completely understand. You are not alone! I’ve had a chronic illness all my life and a lot of my symptoms are quite similar to diabetes so I can relate with the sugar levels dropping. As you go through the motions you have bad days where you feel like your chronic illness was consumes you. But some days you feel empowered and you embrace that you’re thankful your body is accepting the treatment you’re given. At times you do feel lonely because you can’t do other things normal 18 year olds do ( I’m 18) and it’s frustrating. But maybe there’s a better purpose for you out there and that’s what I keep trying to tell myself. Keep going, I hope you feel better soon ❤❤
Dear Alicia, listen to me, it's okay to cry as much as you feel like. I 'm telling you that people who don't suffer from any disease still grieve on their own lives for some reason or the other. But YOU are ALICIA ! YOU are Strong Girl !
You literally had me in tears . But I tell you that you will not need to adjust to a new medical problem because I am praying for your health really, and you are never going to get seizures ever again in your life ! 🤞🤞LOVE YOU DEAR, don't worry , take rest , VIRTUAL HUGGS to my sweet friend 💕
alicia, you did absolutely nothing to deserve this. you are a perfect soul and you have changed lives! like mine, you changed my life and now i'm eternally grateful for you. i'm only 15 years old and i have all the confidence in the world to tell you this: you are perfect, and beautiful, an amazing, and wonderful soul. i don't have the right to say i understand what you're going through because i don't. i can only imagine how tough it is and i wish i could take that pain away. i'm sending all my prayers your way and i i hope you feel better ❤ i love you
I was diagnosed with T1D when I was 17 almost 18 the day after I graduated high school. I never even got to experience what “real life” should’ve looked like and it has taken me a long while to adjust. My life was put on pause and now at 19 almost 20 I am still trying to get my license and work and live my life without the constant fear it gives us. Take the time to grieve love, be sad and angry you have every right to be. From a girl on the other side of the world who might possibly understand, your life will be everything you dreamed of with a couple extra steps along the way. Give yourself gentleness, there is nothing wrong with you because our bodies forget how to act. Sending you a little dust of the things that make you happiest ❤️
Alicia, this is amazing, you are so brave and I cannot express how much you are strong, you have given me so much motivation in the past, you got this love❤
I'm so sorry for you Alicia. Mental and physical illnesses can be so life-altering that you can feel as if your whole life is over.
You most likely feel very alone at this time. However, you are not. Even if most people don't have seizures, many out there are living with some kind of chronic illness and have had to work around them and adapt to their new normal.
There are probably many online communities and forums with people who are experiencing similar things and you will be able to find people who you can relate to.
Most importantly, keep taking care of yourself even if you're grieving. It might be something as simple as brushing your hair, washing your face... Whatever you can get yourself to do. You don't have to force yourself to keep working very hard during these days, but you can try to continue with your healthy habits little by little so your mind and body can cope with this new normal. Self-care goes a long way to healing your spirit.
Wish you the best
Edit: typos
Im very sad for you Alicia but don’t lose hope mate and inshallah my month’ll be something good for you bc I was born in September. I will keep thinking about you until September comes, and I wish that nothing will happen to you. I will pray for you in my prayers. Stay strong, for you were a source of positive energy. I don’t wanna see the source of my positive energy in such a bad way, I want you to return to the strong and happy Alicia I know, and if you lose some of your energy, we are here for you to regain it, and I want to say that nothing will benefit you now except for getting closer to God, for He is our Lord, and in whose hand is everything. Draw close to Him, pray to Him, and I wish for you. Great health ily ❤️
Oh my God,I myself needed to hear these words as a diabetic teen too😭❤️Alhamdulillah I am trying and I know ,though it's incredibly hard , I will be fine and May God help Alicia she made me sobb in this video 😭💔💔💔
Heyy Alicia i understand your rage and sadness but girl pls stay positive 💗 good things need time to happen okay?? During these six months just take care of yourself and be here for yourself. take it as a new beginning. Im praying for you. Things are gonna get better have faith💗 we all love you a lot you are an amazing person💗💗
I will pray for everything and you, and it touches me that you chose to share this with everyone. All I know is that God will be there waiting and if you ever need Him, just ask and you will receive. Faith is powerful and clearly you have faith to get through this hard season. I pray everything will be okay, and I hope you know you are loved ❤
Stay strong Alicia....
You can share your feelings with us ,we will be there for you to listen ❤❤... ..
We believe you can do it girl ..❤