I learned very quickly that some kids do better sleeping in the same room as my bio kids and some want to sleep alone. I didn't think anything of this at first and the first night with our first placement was sleepless. I found out in the family call the next day she slept in a room with 5 other people. I switched around our girls room and added a crib and she was silent the whole night. I haven't done this but I've heard it can be helpful to put alarms on the bedroom doors and let them know its so they know if the door is opened so they can feel safe. It also helps you as the parent to know if they come out in the middle of the night. You touched on food, I've heard of snack baskets on a nightstand and things like that. We haven't had an issue with food like this yet. I love watching you learn and grow. We started watching your videos as we were entering classes for fostercare. So fun to see your journey and join you now too. ❤️ We've had 3 placements (8m, 6m, current is 3m so far) and several respite.
Yes, that makes sense if kids are used to noise or not if they would do better sharing a room. It’s whatever they are used to. I’m glad you find our videos helpful as you also foster :)
I love the tips about the visual timers (and that you do it in a way that's not going to feel "babyish" to older kids) Any time information or reminders (prompts) can be given in a visual form, it's far less invasive than verbal. I've never fostered, but I've worked with kids with trauma in a residential setting. One thing I'd tell someone getting into foster care is to listen to the kid and try to avoid assumptions about what will make them feel safe. What makes one kid feel safe may be scary to another. (Some kids have triggers relating to trauma that hasnt even come to light). I've known kids who NEED their door firmly closed to feel secure and others who want the door open, comforted by the noise of people moving about in the house. I've known a preteen who wanted a staff member to sit by his open door as he fell asleep, and others who would sometimes sleep on the floor blocking the closed door because they didn't feel safe if the door may open or even in a tradional bed. There's commonalities, but every kid's sense of security is a bit different.
Yes, thanks for sharing. it’s definitely individualized felt safety based off their life experiences. For each child/teen, it’s important to be curious as you figure out how to best help them.
Oh and a little advice from my experience. I had a teen with food hoarding issues. Bc she didn’t know when she would get her next meal. She would literally sleep on food. I took her to the store weekly and let her pick out her own snacks and she had a snack box in her room. The hoarding stopped!! She knew she had food!
I love this idea! Yes, normally we don’t have food in rooms, but depending on placements and their needs, we have an always ok to eat snacks/food in kitchen. And eating meals and snacks at consistent times also is helpful 👍 When they are older, I think food in the room makes more sense :)
Hi! You're the only one who ever replies and basically today I'm planning on talking to the counsellors about what's going on (something my friends have been essentially begging me to do for ages, and most are saying ill nearly definitely be put into foster care). So my mum has spent my entire life basically making me terrified of the foster care system, and im fairly sure you're in a different country, but if you could tell me like. basic differences thatd happen, what foster care parents are/arent allowed to do and all that sort of stuff, because google is giving me nothing but things for people who want to be foster parents. Like, i have a fairly big account on a certain social media site (just Tumblr, i roleplay with friends), and would they be able to just stop me from doing that? (im hoping not, my friends on there are what keep me going). So uh... sorry to bother you but im hoping for help and i dont know anyone whos been in the foster system or is a foster parent
Hey Faye, you are a courageous teen! I admire you a lot. Kids and teens need to be safe and that is why the foster care system exists. I’m not sure how it is everywhere, but here in my part of the country, once kids are over 14, they have a lot more say - obviously doesn’t mean they get to do whatever they want, but they are invited to court days and have a say, they have a say if they want to go home with birth parents or if they would want to move foster homes, etc. Every family is going to have different house rules. Some may limit the time on social media (for example not during school hours, after homework is done, after room is clean, etc). For the safety of the teen, a caseworker may need to remove a phone (for example if the teen was using the phone to have inappropriate conversations). A caseworker comes to check in monthly in the foster home and you have the right to contact your caseworker with any concerns you have between then. If you are not safe with your mom, then yes, talk to the counselor - being in foster care means that you will be safe and it means that your mom can get the help she may need if she’ll accept it. Be open with your foster parents - let them know your likes and dislikes. Be gracious to them too, because we’re human and we don’t do everything perfectly. They may say or do something that upsets you - don’t hold that in, but talk respectfully with them so they don’t have to guess why you may be upset. Also, don’t feel like you have to tell your whole life story to everyone you meet - even your foster parents until you feel comfortable to do so. I’m praying you end up somewhere really great and you accept the help 🙏
@@HappyHoppe thank you! And i really hope that i do get a say (i am over 14), because i think i'd rather stay in a foster home. and really, thank you, you're a great help
Great tips! I learned that a lot of time kids feel a lack of control over their circumstances. Giving them control can help minimize their feelings. For me that looks like: “do you want the green plate or the yellow plate?” “Want to help me pick out a pillowcase?” “We got 3 super cool nigh lights which one do you like?” Of course my placements are 2-7
Oh yes, this is a great recommendation I should’ve added. Yes, we do this all the time of giving choices - for fun stuff and when it’s something we need them to do like a shower - “do you want to shower before or after dinner?”
I learned very quickly that some kids do better sleeping in the same room as my bio kids and some want to sleep alone.
I didn't think anything of this at first and the first night with our first placement was sleepless. I found out in the family call the next day she slept in a room with 5 other people.
I switched around our girls room and added a crib and she was silent the whole night.
I haven't done this but I've heard it can be helpful to put alarms on the bedroom doors and let them know its so they know if the door is opened so they can feel safe.
It also helps you as the parent to know if they come out in the middle of the night.
You touched on food, I've heard of snack baskets on a nightstand and things like that. We haven't had an issue with food like this yet.
I love watching you learn and grow. We started watching your videos as we were entering classes for fostercare. So fun to see your journey and join you now too. ❤️
We've had 3 placements (8m, 6m, current is 3m so far) and several respite.
Yes, that makes sense if kids are used to noise or not if they would do better sharing a room. It’s whatever they are used to.
I’m glad you find our videos helpful as you also foster :)
I love the tips about the visual timers (and that you do it in a way that's not going to feel "babyish" to older kids) Any time information or reminders (prompts) can be given in a visual form, it's far less invasive than verbal. I've never fostered, but I've worked with kids with trauma in a residential setting. One thing I'd tell someone getting into foster care is to listen to the kid and try to avoid assumptions about what will make them feel safe. What makes one kid feel safe may be scary to another. (Some kids have triggers relating to trauma that hasnt even come to light). I've known kids who NEED their door firmly closed to feel secure and others who want the door open, comforted by the noise of people moving about in the house. I've known a preteen who wanted a staff member to sit by his open door as he fell asleep, and others who would sometimes sleep on the floor blocking the closed door because they didn't feel safe if the door may open or even in a tradional bed. There's commonalities, but every kid's sense of security is a bit different.
Yes, thanks for sharing. it’s definitely individualized felt safety based off their life experiences.
For each child/teen, it’s important to be curious as you figure out how to best help them.
17:28 Because time is a black hole in the car- and I'm not a kid!😂
14:02 You had that coming.😂 Cookies are important.
All great advice! You don’t think about these things going in! I didn’t!
And I’ve had teens that wanted stuffies!! Some of these kids have been from home to home and it’s a comfort thing!!!
Oh and a little advice from my experience. I had a teen with food hoarding issues. Bc she didn’t know when she would get her next meal. She would literally sleep on food. I took her to the store weekly and let her pick out her own snacks and she had a snack box in her room. The hoarding stopped!! She knew she had food!
I love this idea! Yes, normally we don’t have food in rooms, but depending on placements and their needs, we have an always ok to eat snacks/food in kitchen.
And eating meals and snacks at consistent times also is helpful 👍
When they are older, I think food in the room makes more sense :)
@@HappyHoppe she would sneak it to hoard it. So I decided to do the box in her room bc she felt her food was safe there. Normally I wouldn’t either
Hi!
You're the only one who ever replies and basically today I'm planning on talking to the counsellors about what's going on (something my friends have been essentially begging me to do for ages, and most are saying ill nearly definitely be put into foster care). So my mum has spent my entire life basically making me terrified of the foster care system, and im fairly sure you're in a different country, but if you could tell me like. basic differences thatd happen, what foster care parents are/arent allowed to do and all that sort of stuff, because google is giving me nothing but things for people who want to be foster parents. Like, i have a fairly big account on a certain social media site (just Tumblr, i roleplay with friends), and would they be able to just stop me from doing that? (im hoping not, my friends on there are what keep me going). So uh... sorry to bother you but im hoping for help and i dont know anyone whos been in the foster system or is a foster parent
Hey Faye, you are a courageous teen! I admire you a lot. Kids and teens need to be safe and that is why the foster care system exists.
I’m not sure how it is everywhere, but here in my part of the country, once kids are over 14, they have a lot more say - obviously doesn’t mean they get to do whatever they want, but they are invited to court days and have a say, they have a say if they want to go home with birth parents or if they would want to move foster homes, etc.
Every family is going to have different house rules.
Some may limit the time on social media (for example not during school hours, after homework is done, after room is clean, etc).
For the safety of the teen, a caseworker may need to remove a phone (for example if the teen was using the phone to have inappropriate conversations).
A caseworker comes to check in monthly in the foster home and you have the right to contact your caseworker with any concerns you have between then.
If you are not safe with your mom, then yes, talk to the counselor - being in foster care means that you will be safe and it means that your mom can get the help she may need if she’ll accept it.
Be open with your foster parents - let them know your likes and dislikes.
Be gracious to them too, because we’re human and we don’t do everything perfectly.
They may say or do something that upsets you - don’t hold that in, but talk respectfully with them so they don’t have to guess why you may be upset.
Also, don’t feel like you have to tell your whole life story to everyone you meet - even your foster parents until you feel comfortable to do so.
I’m praying you end up somewhere really great and you accept the help 🙏
@@HappyHoppe thank you!
And i really hope that i do get a say (i am over 14), because i think i'd rather stay in a foster home. and really, thank you, you're a great help
Great tips! I learned that a lot of time kids feel a lack of control over their circumstances. Giving them control can help minimize their feelings. For me that looks like: “do you want the green plate or the yellow plate?” “Want to help me pick out a pillowcase?” “We got 3 super cool nigh lights which one do you like?”
Of course my placements are 2-7
Oh yes, this is a great recommendation I should’ve added. Yes, we do this all the time of giving choices - for fun stuff and when it’s something we need them to do like a shower - “do you want to shower before or after dinner?”
Thank you Lisa! As always I love your videos and they are so helpful.
1st!👋🏻💗