Why Couples Fail After An Affair - Part 3: Hiding in Denial
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Is your spouse living in denial? Have you been accused of living in denial? I can tell you, as an expert treating those in crisis for over 40 years, nothing hinders our own journey to wholeness like denial does. Denial is seductive in nature as it provides an opportunity to be a false refuge which only perpetuates the pain and agony of both spouses. While it may seem like a fortress, it’s not. There is a way through it, and here’s help.
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Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: www.affairreco...
My husband has told me this for 20 years, despite countless relapse’s most of which I have no knowledge of since he can’t “remember”.
Most of us betrayed have wholeheartedly loved the "true self that is good" in our unfaithful partners. I know that is what I thought about during intimacy, even when he became more distant during his affair. We all have that not so wonderful aspects under stresses of everyday life. The "true self that is good" is the only side that my unfaithful presented to his affair partner (that did not know of my existance). Only if the pretentious unfaithful present their not so good sides only when stalking out their ego and serotonin fix We know that will not work well. If the unfaithful does not get help to delineate and deal with their weaknesses, chances are that it will happen again. No one else could have inflicted such deathlike agony upon me. Selective secretiveness and exercise of control to what the unfaithful is willing to man up to equates to not being worth the humility to regain love within all of my being again. Scars will be with me until I die. A person that has failed their commitment has to relinquish control and minimization to earn trust again.
This is spot on! Over 2 years out from dday, abusive behavior never stopped, been through EMSO, Harboring Hope and Hope for Healing. Reality is, my UH still cannot accept/hear what he has done without serious resistance. It is heartbreaking.
You are so awsome! This whole website has been a lifesaver! Especially this series and the last you gave! I love what you said about couples in this experience are closer to living the best life to come. I have seen so much ugliness come from myself in reacting to his choices. I am learning and growing. That stagnant place like quicksand was literally killing me! I feel so much lighter now! God bless and thankyou again!
These videos are such a lifesaver. I want so much to delve in recovery with my wayward spouse, but he’s not seeing that there’s a problem
That's where I'm at. We are failing, eventhough we are still together. The lack of communication from my wife. Is shutting my doors. My wife acts like noting happened or denial when I want to talk.
I totally understand.. 😕
My s/o says I need to stop the rehashing and act normal. Says I act stupid and crazy. I am at my wits end. I want him to leave so I can start to heal.
@Sharon Davis I am right there with you. I have decided to focus on my healing and my health. He hasn't really showed any empathy and is in denial. I am over his behavior. I am working on myself so I will be healed no matter what the outcome of my life. I am enough and so are you! You are not crazy or overreacting. You just want to heal. Take care of yourself and God bless you ❤️.
This is the same thing my unfaithful husband has said about me. That I am depressed, angry and that I cannot get over he cheating. Yet he keeps cheating 3 years after the discovery to this every day. Of course I am depressed. It seems that he wants me to get help for the depression he caused without any change on his part. We did AR couples counseling. He cheated the whole time. He acts like I am crazy for feeling depressed by his actions that he will not change. I guess he just wants me to accept his continuing cheating behavior. Maybe he just needs to blame me? I just don't understand?
Wayne, how do you find (or start) a local small group?
Thank you ❣️ these videos are amazing
Wow,, really insightful...highly recommend
I'm going ot get that book! I eed it! My wife is the unfaithful in my situation.
Definitely will check out Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) along with Dr. John Gottman’s book and worksheets and ADHD literatures
Please please, where can a I find a therapist in this organization near me in Southern WI.
I need help as a wife as an unfaithful 🙏
Hi, Tracie. I can't recommend anyone personally, but this website is a good resource to see who has availability near you: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Tracie
I too am in WI but trying to find one that is either free or can work with someone who doesn't have a lot of $ is a bit hard.
I did find something for free, went thru the steps of signing up all to find out they want money.
I'm going to search online and check to see if there could be any group forums that are active.
If you see my message and if you have found anything let me know
Need a group in northern Virginia
Please share you have information