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Too much Independence HURTS your Relationship
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
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We need to make sure we're finding a balance between too much independence or not enough. Both are important, but too much independence can create distance and disconnection within the relationship.
#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution
“Nobody wants to remind a lover to love them.” THIS!
Yup
I totally find this man beyond. words. No word can express this mans ability to say the truth. His ability to go beyond the surface is totally sane.
True!
This story hit REALLY hard because it's EXACTLY what is happening right now in my marriage with my spouse and I. He is the one who is VERY affectionate, loving, needy and at times smotherng, but that's just not me and over the years, we've just come to live 2 separate lives because of it and it feels like we're just 2 people raising kids. Nothing more.
2 people raising kids have some "passion" in common.... maybe there is recovery from that. 🙏
It's hard to understand how someone feels when you have never been in that position, but I'm trying to understand and validate my feelings and hurt from my experiences to heal myself. Being vulnerable is hard it's not the feelings that anyone wants to feel, it's scary.
Spot on! I’ve become used to writing down in my journal affirming letters to myself to tell myself that I’m worthy of being pursued, and how healthy discussions are supposed to play out thanks to this and other channels! I feel like if he’s going to insist on being independent and just have me around as a glorified roommate, then I need to be kind and loving to myself first so I can at least get a smile out when he comes through the door.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep...
❤❤❤ So true!!! 😊
Question: Could this have more to do with extroversion mismatching with introversion versus independence? My husband and I have been blissfully married for the last 12 + years of our 22 year marriage (yes, we definitely had to take the first decade to work out the kinks) but I've found that much of our peace and happiness is in prioritizing our alone time as ardently as our together time. Both of us are verified introverts (the scientific definition pertaining to recharging, not societies version of shy vs. outgoing) and in my work as a therapist, I have found that extroverts married to extroverts, do very well. It is always two people seeking one another out to recharge their batteries, very symbiotic. Introverts married to introverts, tend to enjoy their time together and apart as well, respecting one another's need for space as well as connection. What you're describing here sounds like what happens when an extrovert and an introvert try to build somthing meaningful without understanding their own limitations. The extrovert is always chasing trying to recharge and the introvert is always running away, trying to recharge, creating a pursuer distancer relationship that I have yet to see work out without professional intervention. Personally, we (hubby and I) don't find that our independence creates laziness, or disconnection, and we spoil each other daily and consistently, while still loving our independence. I love your channel, and tell others to follow you as well, this is just the first of your videos that I really felt missed the mark, if only in definition of the word "Independent." Thanks for all your wisdom and sharing, it is truly appreciated.
I think the main thing I got from this is to communicate what is needed. Ask your partner and both be willing to make changes as needed. So happy u and your hubby understood and make it work ❤
Beautiful ❤
Overly independent creates problems just like being overly codependent.
In my case: He said it wasn’t his fault I didn’t have any friends to go on trips with. That I could go anytime, anywhere if I wanted to. That wasn’t the point. And also apparently he needed space. I was like Wow! I’m I really that’s bad to be with?
I donno, I personally feel suffocated in my marrage with no independence from my husband at all….
Insist on being totally independent, and they will start doing the same. It's awful.
😢 I have created this in my relationship with my wife.
And too little independence means too much dependence. Turns out that’s not attractive either.
What if the husband says to go to therapy so the therapist can put the wife in in their place?
you could find a neutral therapist where both parties agreed to give in a little, meeting half way if the relationship is worth it or finishing it if any of you think it is not.
Ironically, I'm the more independent one, but the one that does, faces, and prioritizes all of those things - which has ultimately resulted in me becoming more independent and giving him space to do the same. (There's a backstory, but if I go into detail, it will go on too long. It has been 10 years, after all.)
What does it even mean to be “independent “ in a relationship? It even hurts to listen to that. If someone has to even talk about is is not with the love of their lives which happens to be a once in a lifetime experience. Everything else is meaningless. Even the word “partner” sounds repulsive. Means you’re replaceable.