Wow! It’s so crazy how much I relate to this. From the difficulty to receiving & asking for help when needed, receiving gifts (all while having the willingness to give), problems in romantic relationships involving my refusal to be vulnerable, etc. You hit the nail right on the head with this. I’m aware that I have transitioned from being independent minded to being hyper independent. Trying to break down those barriers I built to let people in is really tough.
It recently came to my attention as well that being too independent is a trauma response. I had never thought about it in that light before. I think it goes hand in hand with the need to project a kind of perfectionism too. Trying hard to demonstrate that nothing is wrong. You've got it all together and you don't need any help. I remember years ago, I met an English teacher couple in Korea from Texas. We were hanging out one night and for some reason I decided to let them in and let them know a bit about my upbringing, which is something I very rarely do and they surprised me. I remember them saying I was the most level-headed person they had ever met. So, they were completely surprised by what I had told them. I had never heard anyone say that about me before, so I was surprised. It dawned on me then the kind of outward projection I was giving and that maybe if I wanted to have more genuine relationships in my life I needed to change. Long comment again, sorry! haha. Love the real talk! Could talk about this forever I think! Anyways, thanks Zoey! Lots of love! Ciao!
I was a kid that went through a lot of fights and arguments between my parents. My father has anger issues and even though I know he is a great dad and a good person, once he gets angry, he struggles to control his anger. I grew up being scared of my father and being scared of making mistakes. Because for my father, there was no way we could make mistakes. There were times where he beat us and yell at us and even hit my mom once. I saw him put a gun on my sister's head, throw an empty cereal box to my face, and hit my sister because he hit his head on the wall accidentally because of her. Growing up in a family like this, I became introverted over time. I cried alone, got upset alone and never shared it with anyone. Because of this, I had to learn how to make myself happy because there were nobody who could do that for me. When I think of my childhood the first things that come to my mind are these bad memories. I believe that I am an independent woman because of what I went through in the past. I daydreamed a lot, talked to myself a lot, or roleplayed I can say. I had my own special, unique world where I was happy all the time, happy and fearless. I am not good with people. I try to be a good friend all the time and try to be there for everyone whenever they need me. But when someone's starting to get too attached to me, it scares me. It scares me that they will have expectations from me and once they realize that I'm not doing what they expect me to do and make time for them, they will start to move away from me. I like being alone, I'm enough to entertain myself. I love meeting new people but it only lasts to a certain point. I'm well aware that I'm not creating enough time for people I care about although I do love them. They think I don't care about them but it's just that I'm not used to spending so much time with someone. After a while I miss being by myself and when I do that, they misunderstand me and we keep fighting because of it. I feel like this is wrong and I am willing to change a little bit but it's quite difficult for me to do that and I don't know what to do.
I have the same behavior with you. I relate so much. I think the reason why I’m like this is because I’ve felt emotionally neglected as a child. I learned to deal with myself in almost everything and I chose not to get help from people. I feel like it’s better to help someone than asking for help.
I relate to this so well! My struggle is that lately I’ve been craving being with someone but I also have seen this terrible pattern every in interaction. Whenever I’m with someone it starts with me idealizing it and fantasizing a lot. And then when it gets into the more serious steps I start to feel like I’m being taken advantage of. The reason behind this is that even being in love and giving in sexually, is not something I’m doing for myself even when I’m the one receiving the affection, it feels like I’m still giving because I’m succumbing for them so they’re pleased with me and want to date me. So I feel deflated and taken advantage of and I feel so repressed that I walk away. The longest thing I had was with someone so emotionally unavailable and only came to me for sexting, and I was like I like this person because they’re too busy with their job and studies that I can live most of my life without them. I’m no longer with them. I’m now aware of my patterns. I guess that’s progress. I just don’t know how to navigate through it.
OMG! I was thinking about this possibility just today. I have been in few relationships and I have always struggled with don’t get them too involved in my life or be careful to don’t take or ask any help as it would mean to don’t be auto sufficient, or better words don’t be worth it as I wouldn’t do completely by myself. Similar story in my childhood, growing up in a really chaotic household (alcoholism, financial stress and deaths) led me to have to grow up earlier than my peers. Everyone see me as independent, wise and responsible person. I love those traits of myself, but in the same time that independence can create disconnection with others, maybe for the fear to be let down and be disappointed I dismiss people try to get close. And funny enough in the same time I am looking for connections with others wondering why I can’t connect! I am really glad I watched your video today, I will surely drown deep down more this topic.
My advice for you to attract the perfect partner in your life is to have a perfect relationship with yourself FIRST. Many people don’t understand what relationships serve for?Relationships are like permission slips that allow us to know ourselves more and more. Each and every relationship teaches us more about us and our preferences. But at its very core a relationship is between you and the beliefs that are active in you on a subconscious level. We must learn to fall in love with ourselves first and be a vibrational match to the frequency of love first in order to perceive and experience love. There is a grid within us and most of the time we seek for relationships to feel emotionally stable but that is what creates a void in us and makes us feel empty! We must learn to fill that Grid ourselves without needing anything from the exterior! This is what unconditional love is!
Abusive relationships usually deepen this wound. However, independence has to be part of a partnership in a healthy way many ppl slip into the other opposite codependence.
this is exactly what i'm looking for.. thank you for making such an incredible video. i thought i was the only one who feeling this way so i tend to "labelled" my self as a weird but now through this video i finally be able to understand my self more
this resonates alot with me, and this video makes me feel so seen, heard and understood. thank you for being so open and vulnerable so that people like me can feel connected! i hope that we both can open our hearts and create space to accept nurturing and caring love from others as well.
Thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable. My mom has bpd and I carry a lot of shame about my distance from her. Your videos help. And I really get you on the independence- I'm the same way. The first step is recognizing it.
Zoey I relate a lot with you. Thank you for always sharing your story and process, it really helps me to not feel lonely. It's so cool to find other people who are working on healing and going as deep as necessary to improve and grow. Love your content, thanks again.
The thing about hyper independent people... is that we are lonely. Having a connection with someone, platonic or romantic, requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires trust - trust that we won't be abandoned, let down, minimized or ignored. And growing up receiving this message from our environment, it's hard to let go of control because we'd rather not experience being rejected and belittled just as we had when we were growing up. Before I used to think being HYPER independent was such a great thing, until therapy made me realize it created this life of loneliness for me. So now I am also putting in the work to become more attune with the world and with people, and trusting myself that if ever I do get left behind by others I learn to put my trust in and be vulnerable, I will be OKAY. I can and will be able to push through. Negative experiences should not be the defining factor of how I live my life. I would still very much want to try to be open to people and experiences, and know that I will be okay regardless of the result 🙏
Love is a choice you make as though you choose to be independent, abundant, healthy and so on. Choose to be love and then you will attract love. create your lovelife as though your work life. Look at what you want and keep your focus set in bulls eye. Every man you meet is your guideline to what you really want in your lovelife even though you have met some men you wouldn't tell about. there is always a learning and this learing leads you in the arms of the right one.
Thank you for sharing this. I knew I was in a situation that many don’t share or discuss. That’s awesome your recognize this and is working towards healing this part of you. I’ve learned a lot about myself the past few years. Growing up gay and not having an open mind set family, I had to internalize and grow up to relay only on myself. Yet, when I started dating, I was a sponge to all those insecurities they dumped onto me. The dramatic changes of emotions, the cheating, the projections, the lies, the secretive agendas, rushing love and sex, etc etc. I was a mess with my last ex. I went to therapy and helped myself become reconnected to my independence and myself. So much so that I didn’t need to date anymore. I was becoming independent and felt amazing! I’m peaceful. Of course, I manifested a good man when the time came. Funny thing, I unexpectedly connected with someone a few months ago and is now long distance dating til we officially meet in a couple months. This guy is quite grounded and hasn’t rush us into anything which I appreciate yet I’m so confused lol I’m not used to this good nature and now I’m having trouble balancing my insecurities or the ones I carry like neediness or emotionally driven and feeling like I’m giving away my independence to share space with someone. It been quite hard to balance a happy medium.
This sounds SOOOO familiar... i have dated several partners with this same dynamic. I know in my own journey, feelings of low self-worth have inhibited my own ability to ask for help.... or accept praise... or nurturing. Just recently a lovely person was trying to nurture and care for me and when she told me that she appreciated ALL of me, I could feel all of these dark, hidden little places inside jump up and say "no! you aren't ALLOWED to appreciate this part! it is TOO broken and unlovable!" The core wound of "I am unlovable" can emanate from childhood abandonment or neglect. I have personally witnessed that wound sabotage and poison romantic relationships that would have been beautiful and epic. At the beginning of the relationship, when the other person shows up with love and support and passion, that wound is forgotten for a little while... the resulting good feelings can be so powerful that it creates a drug-like euphoria. (which can be very addictive) But the wound will always come back and reassert itself if it wasn't healed. Then, sometimes... in the worst of moments... the subconscious believes so completely that it is unlovable that it looks at this external person who is showing so much love and it says "there must be something wrong with this person! there is no other explanation for someone who is loving something so obviously unlovable." At that point, it is just a matter of time before the relationship is dismantled, poisoned and destroyed. Good advice to all people: find your wounds! hunt them down like you life depends on it! because your future surely does. peace and light and love upon you 🧡
I got so much to achieve to give time for someone who needs care, romance, lovey-dovey and other stupid things. No romantic stupidity, no heartbreaks, I think I'm good! I am letting go of all of them, since no one's gonna stay: they'll leave one day, isn't it?
I resonate with this. But maybe on a slightly defensive posture. In a males perspective, my independence came about after a toxic relationship where all I did was pour everything into the relationship, but never myself. I think after the break up, I had a realization I needed to take care of my own and well being to the point, I've become completely comfortable and happy being on my own 3 years later. But any approach or mention of a relationship almost activates my flight and fight. Like as if my independence is threatened. I always say to myself "You don't need anyone. You are completely secure and happier by yourself. I don't want to deal with someone".
I know that this comment is quite late compared to the timing of your video. I feel exactly like you, at times I feel like a lonely being seeking companionship but then I tried seeing a guy for 3 weeks, then called it off because I felt too suffocated. I also felt at times as if I really can't date anyone and I still think because I barely have a time for anyone. I would rather stay home and watch TV/read books rather than meeting someone over a coffee date or something.
Great video. My fiancée is going thru this right now as a strong, independent woman who hasn’t lived with a man for 17 yrs - much less relied on / counted on one for anything. I’m being patient and supportive. Any specific tips or advice on how I can support her and gradually encourage her to exhale, and count on me? I will never fail her; I love her to pieces. I want her to see this and genuinely know it. Thanks. :)
Interesting Zoey! Yeah, I get what you’re saying :) I had to laugh at the image of a guy wondering: “okay, she’s got it so together, I’m not sure where I fit in?? 🤔 I can relate from the guys pov because I know it’s really important for me in a relationship to be able to feel that I have something to give that feels powerfully wanted. You could say that’s my ego, and I’m okay with that ...... I love the feeling of validation ... it’s magical .... and I don’t completely buy the idea that ALL of our validation needs to be something we get from ourselves. As always, loved today’s share :) Thank you for stimulating self reflection! 💕 Yahn
The independent women are the hardest to love, they are ice cold . But once you find the hidden fire within their soul, their love melts into the holiest of waters. Trust the universe. It wil bring the magic.. loads of love my bbe gal 💘💘💘💘
i love how i resonate with you...and those light just made your eye even prettier.. But my reason to not create a relationship is because i believe that the sacred female should be a free soul without any construct from 3d reality, like the girlfriend idea or a ring, what matters is the now and if she wanted to try someone else she should be able. That just fucks with my ego, my body says shit she is fucking someone else and my immortal soul says whatever she must be free..
I am exactly like you and the way we are is great. A lot of women nowadays get into relationships with beta males and they will never be satisfied. You need an alpha male in your life.
An opinion, I think you would suite a guy who is very very alpha as you are a feminine alpha, who is evolved and in his element when you are in your power and not threatened by it.
What I'm hearing is that you define relationship like the mainstream defines it, 1 man + 1 woman living together and fulfilling each other happily for the rest of their lives. If the truth about yourself is that you are independent, then why is it so important for you to have that kind of relationship? Perhaps redefining the idea of what kind of relationship would work best for who you really are would be more productive than bending yourself into something you are not on an intrinsic level, then learn to be content if your ideal relationship doesn't fit the propaganda fed to you by the mainstream culture. Perhaps filling your life with meaningful relationships with family and friends would ultimately be more satisfying than spending 5+ years looking for "the one".
I don't think there is any problem with you being independent or you being self reliable. That is a trait which some person have or would be okay to have. I think you allowing them to be close to you is the problem you are referring to. and may be to receive love. I have very difficult time receiving love and its due to past experience which i don't want to talk about here. and to add as i watched later part of video you said its issues with control its not, its issues with trust. you don't trust someone else can do what you want them to do so naturally you want to take control. some light to mind too as i said this. two independent people can totally be in relationship, and that two full cups in a way (theoretically speaking); but you receiving love is what you are referring to i think. i guess what i am getting at is relationship is not to fill another's cup ye syou can fill but its not for that its to elevate and honor what you already have. I want to give you advice and help (words of wisdom or intuition) but I don't want to do it here so much so as i feel like i am just doing it one way. I can't hear any of your reflection or appreciation back. geneuine feeling. may be someday we will message eachother in fb or insta so that we could reciprocate, I can hear you reply or appreciation, and talk effectively and I can share more my wisdom and how we do relate. P.S. I never saw any likes from you on my comments before and i wanted to recheck as if it was true and went to some of past comments i did on your videos and i saw you did shared like/love in couple comment and that ofcorse made me feel better. its not about validation its about aprreciation of my genuine giving which i beleive its pure and potent for why i am being asked to do so.
Thank you for covering this topic. I am a woman who is extreeemely independent not just in relationships but in life in general. So much so that I never take people up on any offers bc I always feel like what's the catch? Nah... I don't want to be in debt to anyone. And I also hate to ask for help because I feel like you said I'm inconveniencing people. I'm very reclusive, stubborn and standoffish, maybe even a little misanthrope. I also have almost zero tolerance for being controlled or told what to do which is difficult in work environments. I actually went into trucking solo so that I could be around ppl and being told what to do at the bare minimum. At first guys would try to help me park and other things but I was so mean to them like I got it! 😠 Leave me alone, You're embarrassing me! They got the hint fast lol. I can be calm even happy but as soon as a person starts giving me orders I get angry overwhelmed irritated and mean as a cornered raccoon 🦝 I'm Very selective about who I let get close to me. I have put my put up barriers so high and resilient that now I literally have only my Mom and nephew to talk to. Ironically I am an extremely generous and giving person and I have a hard time saying No to the ppl I care about. It only dawned on me recently that no one at the top made it there alone, without some assistance. You need at least a small team of people to have your back. I don't know what caused me to be this way, but I am going to work so hard at changing it. It's not good. And I would like to be submissive to a Husband one day before I turn 80 😂
Wow! It’s so crazy how much I relate to this. From the difficulty to receiving & asking for help when needed, receiving gifts (all while having the willingness to give), problems in romantic relationships involving my refusal to be vulnerable, etc. You hit the nail right on the head with this. I’m aware that I have transitioned from being independent minded to being hyper independent. Trying to break down those barriers I built to let people in is really tough.
It recently came to my attention as well that being too independent is a trauma response. I had never thought about it in that light before. I think it goes hand in hand with the need to project a kind of perfectionism too. Trying hard to demonstrate that nothing is wrong. You've got it all together and you don't need any help. I remember years ago, I met an English teacher couple in Korea from Texas. We were hanging out one night and for some reason I decided to let them in and let them know a bit about my upbringing, which is something I very rarely do and they surprised me. I remember them saying I was the most level-headed person they had ever met. So, they were completely surprised by what I had told them. I had never heard anyone say that about me before, so I was surprised. It dawned on me then the kind of outward projection I was giving and that maybe if I wanted to have more genuine relationships in my life I needed to change. Long comment again, sorry! haha. Love the real talk! Could talk about this forever I think! Anyways, thanks Zoey! Lots of love! Ciao!
I was a kid that went through a lot of fights and arguments between my parents. My father has anger issues and even though I know he is a great dad and a good person, once he gets angry, he struggles to control his anger. I grew up being scared of my father and being scared of making mistakes. Because for my father, there was no way we could make mistakes. There were times where he beat us and yell at us and even hit my mom once. I saw him put a gun on my sister's head, throw an empty cereal box to my face, and hit my sister because he hit his head on the wall accidentally because of her. Growing up in a family like this, I became introverted over time. I cried alone, got upset alone and never shared it with anyone. Because of this, I had to learn how to make myself happy because there were nobody who could do that for me. When I think of my childhood the first things that come to my mind are these bad memories. I believe that I am an independent woman because of what I went through in the past. I daydreamed a lot, talked to myself a lot, or roleplayed I can say. I had my own special, unique world where I was happy all the time, happy and fearless. I am not good with people. I try to be a good friend all the time and try to be there for everyone whenever they need me. But when someone's starting to get too attached to me, it scares me. It scares me that they will have expectations from me and once they realize that I'm not doing what they expect me to do and make time for them, they will start to move away from me. I like being alone, I'm enough to entertain myself. I love meeting new people but it only lasts to a certain point. I'm well aware that I'm not creating enough time for people I care about although I do love them. They think I don't care about them but it's just that I'm not used to spending so much time with someone. After a while I miss being by myself and when I do that, they misunderstand me and we keep fighting because of it. I feel like this is wrong and I am willing to change a little bit but it's quite difficult for me to do that and I don't know what to do.
I have the same behavior with you. I relate so much. I think the reason why I’m like this is because I’ve felt emotionally neglected as a child. I learned to deal with myself in almost everything and I chose not to get help from people. I feel like it’s better to help someone than asking for help.
I relate to this so well! My struggle is that lately I’ve been craving being with someone but I also have seen this terrible pattern every in interaction. Whenever I’m with someone it starts with me idealizing it and fantasizing a lot. And then when it gets into the more serious steps I start to feel like I’m being taken advantage of. The reason behind this is that even being in love and giving in sexually, is not something I’m doing for myself even when I’m the one receiving the affection, it feels like I’m still giving because I’m succumbing for them so they’re pleased with me and want to date me. So I feel deflated and taken advantage of and I feel so repressed that I walk away. The longest thing I had was with someone so emotionally unavailable and only came to me for sexting, and I was like I like this person because they’re too busy with their job and studies that I can live most of my life without them. I’m no longer with them. I’m now aware of my patterns. I guess that’s progress. I just don’t know how to navigate through it.
OMG! I was thinking about this possibility just today. I have been in few relationships and I have always struggled with don’t get them too involved in my life or be careful to don’t take or ask any help as it would mean to don’t be auto sufficient, or better words don’t be worth it as I wouldn’t do completely by myself.
Similar story in my childhood, growing up in a really chaotic household (alcoholism, financial stress and deaths) led me to have to grow up earlier than my peers. Everyone see me as independent, wise and responsible person. I love those traits of myself, but in the same time that independence can create disconnection with others, maybe for the fear to be let down and be disappointed I dismiss people try to get close. And funny enough in the same time I am looking for connections with others wondering why I can’t connect!
I am really glad I watched your video today, I will surely drown deep down more this topic.
My advice for you to attract the perfect partner in your life is to have a perfect relationship with yourself FIRST. Many people don’t understand what relationships serve for?Relationships are like permission slips that allow us to know ourselves more and more. Each and every relationship teaches us more about us and our preferences. But at its very core a relationship is between you and the beliefs that are active in you on a subconscious level. We must learn to fall in love with ourselves first and be a vibrational match to the frequency of love first in order to perceive and experience love. There is a grid within us and most of the time we seek for relationships to feel emotionally stable but that is what creates a void in us and makes us feel empty! We must learn to fill that Grid ourselves without needing anything from the exterior! This is what unconditional love is!
Abusive relationships usually deepen this wound. However, independence has to be part of a partnership in a healthy way many ppl slip into the other opposite codependence.
this is exactly what i'm looking for.. thank you for making such an incredible video. i thought i was the only one who feeling this way so i tend to "labelled" my self as a weird but now through this video i finally be able to understand my self more
I relate to you so much. Trying to heal this part of me right now. Its so hard but I know its possible. Going to keep creating space and letting go.
this resonates alot with me, and this video makes me feel so seen, heard and understood. thank you for being so open and vulnerable so that people like me can feel connected! i hope that we both can open our hearts and create space to accept nurturing and caring love from others as well.
Thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable. My mom has bpd and I carry a lot of shame about my distance from her. Your videos help. And I really get you on the independence- I'm the same way. The first step is recognizing it.
Zoey I relate a lot with you. Thank you for always sharing your story and process, it really helps me to not feel lonely. It's so cool to find other people who are working on healing and going as deep as necessary to improve and grow.
Love your content, thanks again.
The thing about hyper independent people... is that we are lonely. Having a connection with someone, platonic or romantic, requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires trust - trust that we won't be abandoned, let down, minimized or ignored. And growing up receiving this message from our environment, it's hard to let go of control because we'd rather not experience being rejected and belittled just as we had when we were growing up. Before I used to think being HYPER independent was such a great thing, until therapy made me realize it created this life of loneliness for me. So now I am also putting in the work to become more attune with the world and with people, and trusting myself that if ever I do get left behind by others I learn to put my trust in and be vulnerable, I will be OKAY. I can and will be able to push through. Negative experiences should not be the defining factor of how I live my life. I would still very much want to try to be open to people and experiences, and know that I will be okay regardless of the result 🙏
Love is a choice you make as though you choose to be independent, abundant, healthy and so on. Choose to be love and then you will attract love. create your lovelife as though your work life. Look at what you want and keep your focus set in bulls eye. Every man you meet is your guideline to what you really want in your lovelife even though you have met some men you wouldn't tell about. there is always a learning and this learing leads you in the arms of the right one.
Thank you for sharing this. I knew I was in a situation that many don’t share or discuss. That’s awesome your recognize this and is working towards healing this part of you. I’ve learned a lot about myself the past few years. Growing up gay and not having an open mind set family, I had to internalize and grow up to relay only on myself. Yet, when I started dating, I was a sponge to all those insecurities they dumped onto me. The dramatic changes of emotions, the cheating, the projections, the lies, the secretive agendas, rushing love and sex, etc etc. I was a mess with my last ex. I went to therapy and helped myself become reconnected to my independence and myself. So much so that I didn’t need to date anymore. I was becoming independent and felt amazing! I’m peaceful. Of course, I manifested a good man when the time came. Funny thing, I unexpectedly connected with someone a few months ago and is now long distance dating til we officially meet in a couple months. This guy is quite grounded and hasn’t rush us into anything which I appreciate yet I’m so confused lol I’m not used to this good nature and now I’m having trouble balancing my insecurities or the ones I carry like neediness or emotionally driven and feeling like I’m giving away my independence to share space with someone. It been quite hard to balance a happy medium.
This sounds SOOOO familiar... i have dated several partners with this same dynamic.
I know in my own journey, feelings of low self-worth have inhibited my own ability to ask for help.... or accept praise... or nurturing.
Just recently a lovely person was trying to nurture and care for me and when she told me that she appreciated ALL of me, I could feel all of these dark, hidden little places inside jump up and say "no! you aren't ALLOWED to appreciate this part! it is TOO broken and unlovable!"
The core wound of "I am unlovable" can emanate from childhood abandonment or neglect.
I have personally witnessed that wound sabotage and poison romantic relationships that would have been beautiful and epic.
At the beginning of the relationship, when the other person shows up with love and support and passion, that wound is forgotten for a little while... the resulting good feelings can be so powerful that it creates a drug-like euphoria. (which can be very addictive)
But the wound will always come back and reassert itself if it wasn't healed.
Then, sometimes... in the worst of moments... the subconscious believes so completely that it is unlovable that it looks at this external person who is showing so much love and it says "there must be something wrong with this person! there is no other explanation for someone who is loving something so obviously unlovable."
At that point, it is just a matter of time before the relationship is dismantled, poisoned and destroyed.
Good advice to all people:
find your wounds! hunt them down like you life depends on it! because your future surely does.
peace and light and love upon you 🧡
But what do we do about it. How do u heal these things??!!! 🥺
I got so much to achieve to give time for someone who needs care, romance, lovey-dovey and other stupid things. No romantic stupidity, no heartbreaks, I think I'm good! I am letting go of all of them, since no one's gonna stay: they'll leave one day, isn't it?
I resonate with this. But maybe on a slightly defensive posture. In a males perspective, my independence came about after a toxic relationship where all I did was pour everything into the relationship, but never myself. I think after the break up, I had a realization I needed to take care of my own and well being to the point, I've become completely comfortable and happy being on my own 3 years later.
But any approach or mention of a relationship almost activates my flight and fight. Like as if my independence is threatened. I always say to myself "You don't need anyone. You are completely secure and happier by yourself. I don't want to deal with someone".
I know that this comment is quite late compared to the timing of your video. I feel exactly like you, at times I feel like a lonely being seeking companionship but then I tried seeing a guy for 3 weeks, then called it off because I felt too suffocated. I also felt at times as if I really can't date anyone and I still think because I barely have a time for anyone. I would rather stay home and watch TV/read books rather than meeting someone over a coffee date or something.
You have no idea how eye opening this video was for me. I massively resonated with this one. I feel you!!!
Great video. My fiancée is going thru this right now as a strong, independent woman who hasn’t lived with a man for 17 yrs - much less relied on / counted on one for anything. I’m being patient and supportive. Any specific tips or advice on how I can support her and gradually encourage her to exhale, and count on me? I will never fail her; I love her to pieces. I want her to see this and genuinely know it. Thanks. :)
Too bad the same kind of support does not exist in that kind of totality for the opposite male sex.
Yikes this hit me hard, slowly learning to let people in and help when I actually need it💕
Omg i can relate SO MUCH. I feel like this is something i needed to hear like a message from the Universe...
This is great awareness. This video was posted three years ago. How are you doing today on your journey moving from independence to interdependence? 🙏
I feel the same about this. You are so strong Zoey!
Yess Zoey!! Makes me so happy to see you have these a ha! Lightbulb 💡 click on moments. ❤️
i relate to this so much
My story is about the same except my grandmother wasn’t able to get out of bed and my mom and dad was never there
Interesting Zoey! Yeah, I get what you’re saying :) I had to laugh at the image of a guy wondering: “okay, she’s got it so together, I’m not sure where I fit in?? 🤔
I can relate from the guys pov because I know it’s really important for me in a relationship to be able to feel that I have something to give that feels powerfully wanted. You could say that’s my ego, and I’m okay with that ...... I love the feeling of validation ... it’s magical .... and I don’t completely buy the idea that ALL of our validation needs to be something we get from ourselves.
As always, loved today’s share :)
Thank you for stimulating self reflection! 💕 Yahn
Sending you love from Ireland!!🇮🇪🇮🇪
The independent women are the hardest to love, they are ice cold . But once you find the hidden fire within their soul, their love melts into the holiest of waters. Trust the universe. It wil bring the magic.. loads of love my bbe gal 💘💘💘💘
thumbs down, sir.
i love how i resonate with you...and those light just made your eye even prettier..
But my reason to not create a relationship is because i believe that the sacred female should be a free soul without any construct from 3d reality, like the girlfriend idea or a ring, what matters is the now and if she wanted to try someone else she should be able.
That just fucks with my ego, my body says shit she is fucking someone else and my immortal soul says whatever she must be free..
Fantastic video, can identify. So insightful
I am exactly like you and the way we are is great. A lot of women nowadays get into relationships with beta males and they will never be satisfied. You need an alpha male in your life.
Wherever things get serious I bail 🤷♂️
An opinion, I think you would suite a guy who is very very alpha as you are a feminine alpha, who is evolved and in his element when you are in your power and not threatened by it.
👍 yup
I am the exact same. Thank you so much Zoey 😊💕
Thank you.
Relationships serve no purpose
I could have used just the same words!
What I'm hearing is that you define relationship like the mainstream defines it, 1 man + 1 woman living together and fulfilling each other happily for the rest of their lives. If the truth about yourself is that you are independent, then why is it so important for you to have that kind of relationship? Perhaps redefining the idea of what kind of relationship would work best for who you really are would be more productive than bending yourself into something you are not on an intrinsic level, then learn to be content if your ideal relationship doesn't fit the propaganda fed to you by the mainstream culture. Perhaps filling your life with meaningful relationships with family and friends would ultimately be more satisfying than spending 5+ years looking for "the one".
I don't think there is any problem with you being independent or you being self reliable. That is a trait which some person have or would be okay to have. I think you allowing them to be close to you is the problem you are referring to. and may be to receive love. I have very difficult time receiving love and its due to past experience which i don't want to talk about here. and to add as i watched later part of video you said its issues with control its not, its issues with trust. you don't trust someone else can do what you want them to do so naturally you want to take control. some light to mind too as i said this. two independent people can totally be in relationship, and that two full cups in a way (theoretically speaking); but you receiving love is what you are referring to i think. i guess what i am getting at is relationship is not to fill another's cup ye syou can fill but its not for that its to elevate and honor what you already have. I want to give you advice and help (words of wisdom or intuition) but I don't want to do it here so much so as i feel like i am just doing it one way. I can't hear any of your reflection or appreciation back. geneuine feeling. may be someday we will message eachother in fb or insta so that we could reciprocate, I can hear you reply or appreciation, and talk effectively and I can share more my wisdom and how we do relate. P.S. I never saw any likes from you on my comments before and i wanted to recheck as if it was true and went to some of past comments i did on your videos and i saw you did shared like/love in couple comment and that ofcorse made me feel better. its not about validation its about aprreciation of my genuine giving which i beleive its pure and potent for why i am being asked to do so.
It's a awesome talking about it.
this is me.
what about if I told you it wasn't you but men are scare .. I am not but i am sure other guys are because your pretty ..so don't feel bad 👍
Thank you for this a,aging video
Hello Zoey! 🤖
You are the best🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒
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Thank you for covering this topic. I am a woman who is extreeemely independent not just in relationships but in life in general. So much so that I never take people up on any offers bc I always feel like what's the catch? Nah... I don't want to be in debt to anyone. And I also hate to ask for help because I feel like you said I'm inconveniencing people. I'm very reclusive, stubborn and standoffish, maybe even a little misanthrope. I also have almost zero tolerance for being controlled or told what to do which is difficult in work environments. I actually went into trucking solo so that I could be around ppl and being told what to do at the bare minimum. At first guys would try to help me park and other things but I was so mean to them like I got it! 😠 Leave me alone, You're embarrassing me! They got the hint fast lol. I can be calm even happy but as soon as a person starts giving me orders I get angry overwhelmed irritated and mean as a cornered raccoon 🦝 I'm Very selective about who I let get close to me. I have put my put up barriers so high and resilient that now I literally have only my Mom and nephew to talk to. Ironically I am an extremely generous and giving person and I have a hard time saying No to the ppl I care about. It only dawned on me recently that no one at the top made it there alone, without some assistance. You need at least a small team of people to have your back. I don't know what caused me to be this way, but I am going to work so hard at changing it. It's not good. And I would like to be submissive to a Husband one day before I turn 80 😂