How to Learn to Love Oneself More
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- Опубликовано: 11 авг 2020
- Self-hatred is a particularly vicious disease which destroys our ability to defend ourselves and to confront enemies. Here are some tips on how to make better friends with ourselves.
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FURTHER READING
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“Every day, especially in the era of social media (from the mental health perspective, probably the single worst invention of modern times), we are likely to face enemies. People who disagree with us, people who tell us we’re ‘bad’, people who say we should be ashamed of ourselves - or even be destroyed…”
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I love your channel so much i tell my friends to subcribe 💖💖
me too
Please fix your audio, there's a reverb and too much high frequency Ssss
Turn up 250-2k hz and lower 4k 8k and 16k
More philosophy! Thanks :)
We have to learn the language of love. Thank you!
In a society that benifit from your self doubt and insecurities, being comfortable in your own skin is the most valuable asset one can have.
Is this victim mentality?
Well, it would have been if I were to say anything about how unfair it is. The comment is a mere suggestion as to what is an important weapon to keep in one's arsenal.
@Adolf Hitler Well, for starters don't start another world war based on ideas of racial supremacy. And on a serious note - being comfortable with oneself and being full of oneself has a difference. But I dont think youtube comment section is the right place to point that out.
I think your comment would have been stronger with examples/stats.. perhaps that is why someone asked if this is victim mentality?
Vayu just add a comment to say I like your comment and your response to Mr Hitler above :)
Love yourself like you're your own child, that's the rule of my self love
So beautifully explain self-love
I dont have a child and i hate kids
@@agstinacueva1673 lmao 😂
never gonna have Kids, they would get messed up as me
@@agstinacueva1673 : What did children ever do to you to give you reason to actually hate them all? :/
I grew up hearing and seeing my mom’s insecurity and self-hate. I remember she’d use a shirt to cover up at the pool and I would do the same thing as a young child because I thought if I wasn’t perfect then I can’t be showing myself. I also developed a horrible view on men because of things she’d share with me.
It’s really sad because my mom never deprived me of love or affection, but she still ended up passing onto me her self-hate and bitterness.
It just goes to show how careful we must be with how we speak and act around our children. We might think we’re not doing anything to harm them, but we are.
Kinda stupid if you ask me. You chose maybe subconsciously to take on her self hatred and shame, by blaming your mother for everything and not yourself you give her more power than she deserves and you think you don't have the power to change since you are shaped by someone else
@@foufa5965.. Well obviously she's not giving her mother that power since she's just now publicly denormalized it and condemned it
@@foufa5965 : _"Kinda stupid"_
You should ask yourself: _what is it in you that makes you desire to add to the pain and self doubt of another?_
@@redpillsatori3020 : "liked". It's not often I agree with someone who has taken the red pill, since usually they just blame feminism for everything. So thank you for this! I mean it, because I have literally been chomping at the bit to get behind the men's movement. I just refuse to oppress others in an effort to help any group who is *also* being oppressed by society, that only harms us all. May we all find freedom. ^-^
@@foufa5965 what u say is true ..but now she realizes it..thing is when we were a child..we wouldn't even think about shaping ourselves ..and we just followed what we see from our surroundings..
Take my cats for example..one is given freedom by its mother to explore( this one is not afraid of confronting people) ..and another group of kittens are protected by their mother like their mother will scream *meow sounds* at me whenever i get close and the kittens followed her actions.. u get the idea here mate
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Sharon Salzberg
Think Different - Thought Provoking Ideas You should also be able to take valid criticism or else you’ll wind up hating yourself, and never the less act like an arrogant ass
That's what the Buddha said, shes just paraphrased him. Just for your information
Yea
why does anybody 'deserve' anything? what a shitty fairytale. anybody in the universe includes hitler as well as black holes and your friendly rapist next door. calendar wisdom is so funny to me.
@@bobohobo7652 : One simple fact you obviously need to consider: _we were all born innocent._
This literally couldn't have been better timed.
Fr
Swear... Similar comments I've seen so many times with TSOL's videos.
X2
Same here
Agreed. Thank you school of life!!
Considering how we spend 100% of our lives in our own company, it only makes sense to treat yourself as you would a best friend.
❤️
Awwww❤🤗😫
Makes sense but life often times doesn't. You take me for example and I treat myself like I'm an enemy, an abomination. It stemmed from childhood and it never left. Negative self image always brought me to those same ideas of being unworthy. This was the genesis of how I view myself. Now it seems impossible to change. I have friends and ppl who love me but I know they love me more than I love myself.
@@darthzeppid it takes work but if you try, all wounds can be healed
“If you can’t enjoy your own company, you’re not fit company for anyone else.” - Annie Wilkes
…I mean,she was a total psycho but she did have a point. 😂💖
"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
--William Shakespeare
'Have more than thou showest; speak less than thou knowest.'
-WS
Mmm, when I left elementary school, a teacher wrote something similar in my autograph album...
“Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.”
@@kjamison5951 : Hurray for wise teachers!
- Mariah Carey
and don't forget, doing wrong to none includes yourself!
None of us are as great or terrible as we think we are...
Well said
I like that
Consider the vastness of just the known universe.
Ha! Thank you so much for reminding me!!
Aylbdr Madison consider the immense vastness of JUST two planets away: Jupiter
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but regardless of your past, you CAN be happy. You can do this, you can heal. ❤️
Thanks. I think we all need to hear this sometimes. So right back at you. ^-^
Lissie , thank you! I needed to hear this, and need to pass it on to a friend going through hard times. Stay and Be well.
❤🤗
Yes.
Your comment gave me the longest lasting goosebumps I've ever had. Thank you so much, Lissie.
I always thought I will never be able to be truely happy again but I will be, I just will be.
Much love!
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
― Maya Angelou
We think we will begin to love ourselves 'When' we do things right but actually we begin to do things right 'When' we love and forgive ourselves more.
Thanks School of Life, you enlighten us more than our actual schools ever did♥️🙏
I really liked this comment. Thank you.
Well said, Niyah. Thank you for that.
@@ThePedroppz Thank you so much. And you're very welcome ♥️
@@sourkantolope3521 It gives me immense pleasure that something in it resonated with you. Thank you♥️
great idea. well done.
For me, I learned to love myself more when I realized that I don't need to be perfect, or anywhere close to perfection, to deserve to live. It also came from a fear of becoming arrogant; I've always hated arrogant people who can't admit they've messed up. However, in that fear, I became the opposite: somebody who could never admit they did something good.
You don't have to be better than The Beatles or Beethoven to write a song worth listening to. Most people don't think worse of you if you give them a cake, but somebody else gives them a better cake; they're just happy to get two cakes.
It's OK if you still naturally want to beat yourself up. I just hope you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you don't have to, and you'll certainly be a better person if you don't.
Beautiful comment. I would only add that _perfection_ either does not exist, or everything is perfect as is.
This is a really good comment and outlook
self love takes practice..., make videos of yourself and love every second of it.
This comment is everything 💝
OMG the cake analogy is profound thank you. I struggle the same thing. Thank you for this advice.
There is a psychological condition called : Learned helplessness.
It was from a cruel experiment by attached a dog that was tied up with a rope to a pillar, than electrocute it once in a while. At first the dog would scream and try to run away when it was electrocuted, but because it was tied up by a rope attached to the pillar it unable to. until when it was electrocuted for many many times, the scientist released the rope and electrocute it again, it just screaming on the place but it didn't run away. It is called Learned helplessness.
The problem with learned helplessness when applying on people is, when too many people keep telling you that you are the problem that everyone don't liked you, you will start to believe it, even undoubtedly.
Very good, and relevant, comment
When one is drowning fighting the instinct to live is the quickest way to die. Learn how to swim and live. Or, more briefly: "Life cannot be cured, only managed." Part of managing oneself is to have the courage to be kind and compassionate to oneself. By learning to love and forgive oneself, one learns the power of compassion and kindness to free us from our demons, and promote resilience in the face of Life's ups and downs.
@@BigHenFor subconscious can be shaped and manipulated by many factors, and subconscious is the most dangerous that against us, because we can't control it with only sheer will.
and unlearning this deep conditions is very very very hard
@@vivvy_0 That's what therapy is for. And sometimes social work. Not sure if there's a difference between the two, but I know they help, personally.
To everyone who is reading this: you are worthy and whatever happened to you KNOW that you are here for a reason, to grow and to be loved. You deserve it ❤️💕🌟
but atheists say that there is no reason and that growth and love are purely human invented terms. Just like the agent in the matrix said. atheists also say the same about the concept of deserving. Its just a human invention and we just happen to be here without any meaning and purpose whatsoever. How to deal with these issues?
My thoughts exactly. Thank you. We all love you so be kind to yourself
Dream TheDream89 wherther there is an inherent meaning or not , do the things that you value and enjoy and ,are right by your beliefs thereby creating your own meaning
@@parthnigam916 agent in the matrix said that it is all meaningless in the end and all are just invented human concepts. He had an atheistic worldview.
Dream TheDream89 if he believed in the lack of meaning and value why did he so desperately try to capture Anderson(Keanu)
I have a similar one
“When speaking to yourself, do so, as if you were speaking to your past self, *as a child.* ”
Simple language is the easiest to understand and relate to, yes.
Snailords said that^^ love that so much, it can be hard to remember when the bad voices r so loud
Thank you
"Telling someone mired in self-hatred to 'cheer up' or 'like themselves a bit more' is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to 'just speak Bulgarian'." Very well said, ♥ from a Bulgarian! Обичам ви! :D
Yeah I agree also Zdr
In college getting a degree in psychology it was said " it's like telling a drowning person what they need to do is stand on dry land" true but not helpful.
Oh! And I really like your goat cheese. Go to the global market to get Bulgarian goat cheese often.
I disagree. Whether a person is told, or reads somewhere, that he needs to accept who he is, I liken that to a seed planted. Likely a person will hear this many, many times and often wonder what it means. But the day might come when he has reached the end of his tolerance of putting faith in others; or he might somehow be blessed to find acceptance somehow. It is then that seed may blossom and bring about a change for the better.
I'm literally crying right now, this channel is gonna save my life.
Same
It pretty much did mine, I found out about this channel while learning about philosophy to find out what’s the reason I should even keep going, then after that learning to build human relationships they’re here to help me learn emotional maturity and be skeptical again of my self this time
Frank Teng I’m here too, walking down the same path
I hope you are doing alright. You have my support! Take care
@@johnrocksoldschool Thank you, that's very kind.
You need to take care of yourself first before helping others. It's just like in an airplane, when the oxygen is low, you put your mask on first before helping others ❤️
I don't agree. One is never finished with taking care of oneself. So we can't wait for that moment. Sometimes caring for another person is exactly what I need.
Jan Stockings I get what you’re saying, me too! I think the idea is that you shouldn’t spread yourself too thin. Healing takes a lot out of a person, especially in the beginning. You should prioritize your own healing, down the road you may be able to help others better.
@@longstockings caring for yourself first is important. Your well being is important. Being there for other people is great too and no one said you shouldn't care for others but please don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
it's weird, isn't it? When a dear friend comes to me and wants to talk about a problem I'll be glad to listen to them and possibly help. But when I have a problem I tell myself "it's not that bad you fucking pussy, get over it", and I never even dare to ask for help or vent my feelings
@@stefm.w.3640 : It is sad that society has lied to men about feelings for so long. Feelings are every bit as important to us as balanced healthy beings as is physical health and mental fortitude.
Consider this: anger in it's purest form is simply energy to inspire us to keep from being hurt. It is what we do with anger that makes it negative, or positive too. It's a choice we get to make within.
“In a world that profits off your self doubt, to love yourself is a rebellious act”
Well paraphrased!
I realized this recently, that my major problem is life is that I didn’t love myself. I spent decades not knowing I didn’t love myself. My fathers abuse and hateful speech to me as a kid became my inner voice and it took me time to realize that and start to try to change it! I also make sure how I speak to my child is a way that would be good for her inner voice as an adult.
I'm so glad you realised it Amira. I hope you can forgive yourself and love yourself a little more. Afterall you deserve all the love ❤️
I knew i did not love myself since age 4, not much happened yet =/
Prashasti Pandey thank you!
Burnkastel you have to work on it everyday, first thing when you wake up. Wake up before anyone else if you live with people and sit and have a coffee or whatever you enjoy and listen to motivational speeches or something that gets to you. Over time you will learn. Also, make sure you do things immediately, make your bed, clean up after dinner, having things in order helps clear your mind so you can learn self love and self care. And also know that you are valuable and important, not one person isn’t, especially if you believe in God then you believe that we have a purpose. Try hard! You must learn how to love yourself!
@@vivvy_0 I think Amira have explained it so well to you what you need to do to come out of this. Remember if you cannot accept yourself for who you are, who will ? Respect this body that lets you do so much that you love. Try everyday. It gets easier but you've to do it everyday and it gets easier & easier. You deserve this. ❤️
"When there's no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you" - i don't remember where I heard that
I sincerely hope everyone reading this comment is having a good day and at peace with themselves. Don’t forget to smile today and every other day. Life is a gift that should not be taken for granted xxx
Thank you James
I appreciate that even though you don't know any of us. Seeing your smiling face is a delight!
Thank you James, you too :)
No thank you
Hugs for everyone. I love us all. ^-^
I feel like I’m in Truman show here... just had this “revelation” after 2 years of therapy that deep internally I hate myself. I’ve spent a week watching all School of Live videos on “self-hatred”. Now you post this! Can’t help but believe it was meant for me! So thank you.
Not to toot on your parade but that's a pretty standard therapy insight.
Rex Oper KKKKKKKKKK this is actually comforting to know, thanks
@@stephanimahl : I wish you comfort and joy in your journey toward wellness. Just remember we are all on that very same journey, though we often take different routes to get there.
From both of your comments here, it's clear you are on the right track. ^-^
4:19 Almost similar to my frequent thought : "They can't hurt me more than I hurt myself".
For selfless people, self-love is hard. Most of the time, we don't even know what is self-love and how.
Im like "What a noob. You should hear my own mind insult myself" 😂
srsly tho I say that so frequently whenever someone would say something negative I'd be like "yea whatever that doesn't rlly mean anything lol I've told myself worse..."
And what truly is self love? Its so complex
I literally just started crying, because I finally alowed myself a positive thought for the first time in idk how long haha good stuff
What the hell, I cried too
You are strong! Everything will be okay. I don’t know you, but I’m sending you a big hug. I am also working on it and I know that it gets better.
I am trying to really love myself and stand up to people who say otherwise and negatively.
Go for it ♥
@@erwinsmith2066 yes I will! Thankyou❤❤
@@potatowarrior747 We are literally on the same plane. We may have different journeys but i feel you mate.
I'm trying to do the same thing it's a process
Fight dude. You got this, just learn to love yourself, keep your head down, and get out of that situation. You have what is takes to be happy, you will find peace.
Self love and self acceptance are essential to a happy, peaceful life. We might not be perfect, but we are enough ♥️
You are right but partially.
What about the person who always think he is right.
He thinks that he can never do wrong.
Though he is continuously failing in his exam from last 5years but still he thinks he is good and the exam was also easy.
How can the exam be easy and still he fails but there is always a reason with him.
He always explains reasons,he always have explanation.
I always knew that his explanation is wrong. I am telling him that please analyse yourself but it always leads to something wrong and he reaches at the point where he is socalled right.
@@Vishal-lo8pz well, narcissists usually overcompensate for smth. it's not like they have healthy self-esteem. if they accepted themselves they wouldn't be nearly as militant
All this means is that a happy and peaceful life, is not a guaranteed thing..
As a young adult in his early 20’s- You guys are amazing and I wouldn’t know and understand so much about adulthood if it weren’t for you. No one teaches this kind of stuff and I really appreciate all of your collective efforts to actually shape this world into being a better place ❤️
"In order to defend one's external foe, one has to be on one's own side" This is poweful 💎
My self loathing has been building up over the years. I would yell at my family, put myself and others down, and was just bitter overall. Finally had a therapist help me understand that I've been self loathing, and it has given me some clarity. Now I need to mend the broken relationships with my family and work on loving myself more and knowing that I am worth it.
I hate myself, I always have since I was a kid. I’ve always been negative, angry and I don’t know why. It bothers me because I struggle to love anyone else since I’m so internally angry all the time.
I give my parents and sibling the cold shoulder for no reason it seems. I know they love me and I do them but I just can’t communicate that. I’m so caught up in my own frustration that I can’t give them the love and care they deserve. And it hurts more because I’m aware that they’re only getting older. Once they’re dead I know I’ll look back and wish I had done more for them, with them.
I just have this unlimited hatred and anger within me. I can’t see life in another way. I wish this video was the answer....but it isn’t. I’m not looking for attention, I just need to get this out of my system somehow.
@MK Great how you took this out of your system. It's been 5 months now, how do you feel? Not all great answers are answers to everyone. I'll suggest you keep trying to identify the root of your attitude. No one is born bad, no one is born knowing bad but these negative mindsets are formed by our conditioning.
Trace back to what happened since you were a kid to seek the psychological roots of your problem. If you don't find one, seek a professional to help break this down for you. It could be what science refers to as an inherited personality disorder or in Christian terms, a generational curse. Either way, there's always a solution to your problem the ultimate one being God, our maker who knows the intricate details of our being.
Ask yourself why and take your time. He isn't joking it takes a lot of time to heal
This: "Identifying with the aggressor" and told it's a form of love initiating new waves of self harm.
It has been over twenty years since I 'discovered' the source cause of my own negative beliefs and dysfunctions. They became embedded in my mind...and are indelibly a part of me. Using every tool available, I have been able to partially reconstruct my once positive mindset. The damaged child that I left behind long ago has now found his proper place within my being. Even a partially healed adult mind can offer new insight and relief to a once forlorn inner child. Every word of this video resonates with me. The first step toward healing is to bravely ask ourselves...our inner child...how we feel about ourselves. How our inner child feels about itself is the key to begin to understand and correct a self-hatred mindset.
"we hate ourselves, because somewhere along the line, we were not properly loved," hit really hard. but i think this was a good thing for me to click on. i've always found that the times i feel most comfortable about myself is when i can tell my friends genuinely care about me. it's less about what they say and more about the idea of them saying it...? like, when i tell them i feel badly about myself, and they explain what they like about me, i get super emotional at the thought of them taking the time to explain that. never knew that that's the proper way to learn to love yourself. i really love my friends, dude. love the person reading this, too. it's rough but we're getting somewhere. take it easy everybody
The ultimate answer for every question is LOVE . 🌻
I have severe depression and body dysmorphia..i just kinda want to listen to this everyday
Well, um. I'm from Bulgaria... You can't imagine the smile that went on my face when I saw 6:10 🤗😉😀
Alain's voice overshadowed all the sages who ever lived. He might have trained as a philosopher, but he spoke finer than a prophet.
Wow!
The Gods of poetry speak through your writing skills!
Hamas Saleem , he sure does!
School of Life is like my personal therapist to help me fighting with my depression because I can't afford to pay for a therapist
Put yourself out there. When you see that people wouldn't hesitate to put themselves over you and walk all over you, there would be no other choice apart from loving yourself.
Bit cynical. Also that's not the only choice.
@@rexiioper6920 Yeah, you can uppercut their sorry faces... or better yet their chin... with a Smash Sendoh Style...
Not that easy
Did you watch the video ? Do you think it's easy ?
@@AissataDCisse Nothing in life is easy, especially when it comes to relationships. At the end, you've to make a choice. You either push back or get pushed around.
Treating myself like I would a good friend or loved one has been the best mindset to have for self love 💕
Remember to always wash your hands after loving yourself.
I've always got a box of tissues handy
@@Hadrianus01 are you a girl?
You should wash them before too if you’re a girl.
Before and after
This thread is all win, lols.
“Perfect isn’t the criterion for deserving to exist.”
De Botton out here spittin’ straight facts. Go further, kids: there is no criterion. You don’t protect yourself by hurting yourself first or more or more often. But we can rebuild. Time, time, time! One thought at a time! 🙌🏻
Compassion is an art, and giving it to someone becomes more than that 💝
For those who sometimes have random suicidal thoughts, one strategy I found to be quite effective is to tell yourself one of these:
1. My family will be heartbroken. (Or any significant others)
2. Let's wait til this time tomorrow. (By then you would of changed your mind)
3. The chance of you being born is on a miniscule galactical level, wouldn't it be such a waste?
: ) true
Number 2 is sensible.
1 is what always helps me out. I lost a friend to suicide, so I know how much it hurts to lose someone like that.
I want to add: you can experience more joys and create amazing things
@@rexiioper6920 Yh I've used that one quite a few times cos I think it's more or less realistic than the other more cliche 'you matter' types
little over a year ago i made a commitment to myself that i would start loving myself a little more. i would stop repeating the horrible things my mom told me growing up, and i will forgive myself more. it's been a really hard journey, i regress quite often, i find myself thinking i deserve the bad things that happened and continue to happen to me because i'm a bad person or not good enough. but despite all of that i have made a ton of progress and i am miles away from the depressed, suicidal girl i used to be two years ago, especially after i started cutting ties with my abusive mother. it's hard to love yourself and learn to forgive your mistakes when you grow up hearing you're bad, stupid and useless, but it can be done, i believe.
so, if you're reading this and going through something similar, this is a reminder that you didn't deserve the bad things that happened to you and you can heal from them. tell yourself one good thing about yourself today, and tomorrow too. we will make it through.
It is impossible to treat others better than we treat ourselves. Love's beginnings are inside all of us.
For years this content has always came at the perfect time.
*By knowing that you have this ONE LIFE!* 🙏
One of the best things you can do is to actually improve a lot! One baby step at a time will add up to a lot after some time if you are consistant. The self-worth will automatically increase on the way. Bad news, since improvement requires effort, good news since you can achieve it as a side-effect!
Can I marry a comment? 😂
I used to believe, what I needed to heal, sounded too simple, but simplicity was the key.
Simply loving myself; letting in: Joy, Love, self acceptance, empathy for others. 'Snap', and I'm there.
Sending energy to love yourself from my psyche. Love each other, love yourself, live for you.
I think I'm pretty, but always when I mention it, people say I shouldnt be that self-centered and that I'm not that pretty. Society doesnt really understand the concept of selflove. Don't let them bring you down, we all know that you're beautiful (and I am too btw)
I think it’s positive that you feel pretty and like yourself. Also I get why people might feel irritated by you just mentioning that you think you’re pretty. I’m what context do you speak about this? I personally really don’t like people who come of arrogant, selfish and self centered but I do admire if someone is happy with their life and themselves and speaks about something they really love or like to do. Imagining a friend just randomly say "I think I‘m pretty" without any other context would make me feel uncomfortable in that situation because I don’t get what this statement was for and or how I should response to that. If this comment just was said to me to approve it because the person wants to hear "yes you’re pretty" would change my feelings towards this person.
@@lisahessinger6172 I agree with what you say about mentioning being pretty. Who does that?
Ria. You don’t ever say to people “I’m pretty”! It sounds so conceited!
@@kirstymackenzie2437 I don't say it like THAT. But as teenagers do, you're often asked how u think about yourself (dunno what they expect from that) and then I say "actually, I like the way I look" and then it's considered arrogant and I don't get that
@@ria1918 Well Ria, that does sound different. It just sounds honest. You’re lucky!
A huge thank you to the people who have ever worked on this channel. The content is priceless.
Feeling this, I always feel totally worthless as bullying and abuse was everywhere, school, outdoors, in the household, I'd have to just put my head down and put up with it, as time passed little changed, harrassment and exploitation happened at every work place.
I'm always greatful for videos like this, I'd like to have discovered them earlier yet the timing is perfect as I'm uneasy about returning to work.
We cannot fight bullying back because we are identifying with our aggressor
We believe what he said is right.
School of life is helping alot. thanks
I only wish these resources were available when I was growing up, but I know have hope for the future generations.
' Always try to leave something better, than when you arrived/started/found it etc' applys to your job, doing dishes, relationships etc
Ben Baker ! Yes, especially relationships and hiking! Be well.
" In order to be able to defend oneself against an external foe, one has to be on one's own side"
- The School of Life.
Lesson learnt after living 26 years on this earth (which is all of my life), but nothing is too late ❣🌻
4:30 I don't agree. Because not everyone can rely on other people to say good about themselves. Not everyone has good and wise people around them, and the thought, 'why I don't have good friends/family' can make you even more sad and angry. Therefore we have to build up our own mind filter to judge ourselves.
That's true.
I don't have people to just blurt out nice things at me either.
I don't know if you're referring to yourself but affirmations on RUclips can substitute to that.
We can't choose our family members but we can always choose our friends. If your "friends" are not kind to you, you can cut them off. You will meet others who will respect you.
I Said " Friend" because a true friend will respect you and love you as you are... if not that's not a true friend.
@@AissataDCisse You are correct about selecting friends, but that was not my point. You cannot rely on other people to say good things about you. You should have your own mind filter
I dont know how to love myself… let’s watch
My father was often depressed and aggressive when I was young. I don't know how that made me very sensitive when I come across some Internet discussion and I disagree with someone, but I know it is related to it.
our fathers are normally agressive, yes?
I was subjected to bullying throughout my working life, starting from the architecture faculty, where there was a brutal competition. That's why I got a terminal illness. I finally had liver transplant surgery. I retired due to disability. Now I'm fine. But I constantly think about those bad times. Why are people so bad? Or was I wrong?..
A bit broad, cannot fathom how you can develop a terminal illness in such way, I mean I got skin cancer due to a medicine for my incurable Crohn Disease, sure it did solve temporarily my Crohn, but later gave me Cancer, then Spent all or most of my money in Chemo, to later see that Life is Fleeting and Ephemeral and if you let others push you around then you have to push them back, as for faculty dunno, Universities are Shit but to let yourself ruin your health for such, I did quit Uni 2 times in my life and quit Jobs too, sure some may say I'm a coward, others that I did ok, the thing is that I'm quite Violent, yet I can control myself that is why I quit when I know I can't hold it more and might go on a Berserk Rampage.
Glad you're still here Evrim ❤️❤️
"We hate ourselves because somewhere along the line we were not properly loved."
The part explaining that you just agree with the agressor and can go to "I hate me more than you do" is just so on point ! ='(
So I was just looking for being properly loved. And now I wonder why I don't know how love even works. -_-"
Your way of explaining the darkest things is enlightning.
Thank you for that.
Just wanted to share that when I came out of an emotionally empty friendship with two people, they told me that I never deserved whatever affection and care they showed me. I just kept reminded that throughout this video.
"It's easy to laugh it's easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind" - The Smith (I know it's over)
I know it's over as well, they broke up years ago.
This channel has singlehandedly led me to the truth; discovering that my childhood is, in fact, a bad one, marred by horrible parenting from manipulative, abusive, passive-aggressive caregivers. I have always thought, and was trained to think, that everything that went wrong in my life can be blamed back to one and only one thing: myself. So great was their manipulation that I have viewed these deviations as a sign of normalcy. I couldn't have been more wrong. Funny enough, they tried to pull one on me just recently. I found out that I failed some of my classes. These classes were those that put a lot of grading on group work, and due to an administrative error in my campus, I was only registered as a student in my classes in the third week, leaving myself grouped with the leftovers and the near-dropouts. I pulled my own weight as much as I can, following foolproof study practices, time management strategies and communication tricks from from people like Thomas Frank and Charlie Houpert. Yet I still failed, and what did my parents have to say about that? "Introspect your self, I don't want to hear about other people, the problem must be in you." And for the first time, I stood up for myself. I refuted their weak arguments. I asserted my position, backed with my proof of work. Defeated, they defaulted to the old passive-aggressive schtick: "How should I know? I wasn't there in your dorm. I don't care, but you must to think yourself."
I swear, I'm gonna leave these toxic people behind for life, who gives a damn about filial piety.
In fact, one of your videos taught me that luck is a part of life and we are never fully in control of situations. Because of this, I have learned to be less harsh on myself.
Well, i have the exact same critical parents. My advice to you is to not say things you'll regret. Maybe they overcame their troubles on their own, and really don't know how to guide you properly. I believe if you don't have people you can count on overcoming something, you need to learn one simple process: 1. summarize your mistakes, all of them. 2. come up with an honest explanation to the bad results. 3. Get your chin up again and strategize changes you'll do to get better results.
The video appeared like what i needed.
Abused by caregiver...
Abused in school.....
Abused in college...
Now it's in workplace....
I am feeling like someone has lifted a load which i was bearing...
The enemy within is strong, but i will beat him certainly... Love you school of life team... Thank you so much
I agree. It is not an easy process but I believe that bringing awareness is one of the most important things when we talk about self-love. Sometimes we call ourselves "stupid" for so simple errors in daily life, but just forget that not every day we are in the same mood state. We constantly check the news, we get stressed at work, procrastination pops up, people cross our boundaries, and so on. Accepting so many variables help us to forgive ourselves and overcome/soothe self-hatred. But life is not just about defending and overcoming issues, that's why surrounding ourselves with good friends and/or kind people helps to lift us a bit more from the struggles of everyday life.
Не знам какво ме кара да мисля така, но подозирам, че човека, който седи зад невероятния сценарий на това видео има нещо общо с родината. Благодарна съм всеки ден за труда, който влагате във тези невероятно направени видеа и смело мога да заявя, че благодарение на тях се намирам на едно по-добро място. И не само аз, но и приятелите ми, на които (вече) знам как да помогна.
I can't really express my gratitude towards the people who continue to put so much effort behind every single video. It made me grow as a person (maybe it did not help my humbleness in particular as I, as soon hearing my mother's language decided to post a comment showcasing my ability to speak both languages). Nevertheless Im able to understand the great importance of mental health and understanding just a little more about one's feelings.❤
My mental health was spiralling the past few months but I’m now back on track and I find watching videos from this channel helps a lot, I don’t rely on them fully but it’s just interesting and puts a lot of things into perspective. I can’t thank this channel enough ❤️
seems like no matter how many positive affirmations I tell myself, I’m unable to shake my core beliefs that have shaped who i am since childhood.
Losing my mother almost a month ago has taken a toll on me. It seems I fear everything. Afraid of getting sick, afraid of losing loved ones, afraid of dying. My health is being affected, I couldn't even find a job. I feel so hopeless and lonely...but for the record I'm not depress. Just sad and disappointed on how my life is going.
your videos have helped me so much , every time i feel like i’m in a really dark place i just come here and watch some of your videos. you guys helped me how to think and how to understand myself and others better i used and might still have some suicidal thoughts but they’re becoming less by time. Thank you very much for putting so much efforts to make these incredible videos the guy’s voice, the animations everything is so well made.
Thanks for putting it into words, I guess I’m not the only one that goes through this
In my eyes, if you spread Goodness and do your best, in your heart you will know regardless of what your mind is thinking.
This is so perfect not only to oneself that is going through this but to help a friend that is going through it too. Thank you!
You have changed my life for the better, Alain de Botton and staff at School of Life. Thank you for contributing to the world in this way 💗
'Where you are is the result of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on who you choose to be' - Hal Elrod
💗💯👐
this channel has helped me re-parent myself for the past 6 years. videos still brings me to tears. thank you.
I just had a conversation with someone on discord, they were very passive aggressive and somewhat mean. And this video popped in my notifications after I mute them, because I don't have the tools to help them, and I'm in a dire need of self-care and love.
Aside from the excellent content of this video, the animations in these videos are so gorgeous and creative, big compliments to whomever make(s) them.
Self love my liege is not so vile a sin as self neglecting
William Shakespeare
Most of what appears to be just narcissism or self love on the surface is actually a mask to cover deep self loathing
@@redpillsatori3020 : Narcissism and self love are complete opposites. Just like cockiness and confidence.
In before everyone here realizes that Shakespeare is actually talking about masturbating
@@stolenhero6650 😂
I have been unloved by others, including my family members, for such a long time. Loving myself is even harder than dating. I just wanted to be loved.
Unlike the cliches I heard about self- love in the past, this message is so deep and insighful that it brought tears to my eyes.
It's definitely nice to get appreciation but the reality is that in life, you don't choose what happens to you, but rather, only how you react to it.
We should be taught not just to avoid the worst circumstances but also how to deal with them if they do occur.
But other than that, it was definitely a great video and pretty eye-opening
Soooo, it sounds like you don't make choices in life.
Just kidding... Sorta. It sounds like you're prescribing a Stoic tenet, but absolving oneself of the responsibility of planning one's life, simultaneously. Stoics often say you can only react. It's a good way to cope with the unpredictability of life. But it isn't exactly true. Reacting is a choice. Planning is a choice. All you can do is choose. Choosing not to take the initiative is also a choice.
@@JATherapist911 Yeah I am focusing on developing a Stoic mindset and also propagating it, but I by no means recommend that you should live a life free of planning.
I try and find a balance.
I needed this
*Thank you*
Alain de Botton, you are one of my all time favorite philosophers! Your videos are so meaningful to me, thank you for all you do.
This guy's voice is the only one that doesn't piss me off. Thanks school of life.
I don't know if this will help anyone but I tell myself that if God, whose love is in the most ultimate and définitive form, loves me, than I am loved, Period. And therefore I am certainly worthy of human love, including from myself. I also think of nourishing my inner child as I'm naturally maternal, so I try to be maternal to myself. 💜🙏
It’s taken me a long time, been a long journey , to finally learn to give myself the love I deserve.
I watch your videos when all the cases I read get too much. They're immensely helpful for calming down. Please never stop. Thank you.
- A tired Law student
I love how he nonchalantly adds, "and a piece of a shit." lol
This spoke directly to me. Thank you
I always read comments saying “ idk who needs to hear this but you are loved the universe loves you “ but i feel emptiness when i read it - ive never felt true consistent love
Very relevant to me as the lack of self love is at the core of my emotional problems.
Long time bulgarian fan, here! That 'Just speak bulgarian' hit me like a brick :D Nice one!
Стивън Генчев same here :D was scrolling through the comments to see if any other bulgarians noticed it
, Did you see any, 'cause I didn' t. But still, hooray for representation! 😊Makes me curious who and why decided to include this particular phrase.
How i learned to love myself:
Say it to yourself all day. At the beginning it will be very hard, but day by day i started to feel better and better and by 3 weeks it really changed my life. I just said I love myself to myself all day. I invite you to do the same.
I recently started living by loving myself as I would others. Putting that importance on me and how I would want my loved ones to be.
Your videos are always so amazingly timely and on point for my life. 35 years in, and I've finally been realizing how to love myself. I still have plenty of stumbles, but that's the learning process. Keep up the amazing content!