Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
I’m basically in the same spot. Mine ended almost two days ago. I don’t want anyone else. Nobody catches my attention like him. I don’t see myself being with anyone else.
1. Feelings minus fears 2. Clearly communicated needs 3.Effort when needs are communicated in the positive 4. They will text you back 5. They will open up in smaller ways -They will communicate and express interest 6.They will let you know they need space 7. Will bring you around their friends .. may not be immediate but it will happen slowly but surely.
This video says, "learn to read between the lines" when I watch it. This has proven to be invaluable to me in the dating realm as it has allowed me to respond instinctively and (usually) correctly. For example, I remember I dated a woman who I realize now was an avoidant. Although I wasn't familiar with attachment styles at the time, I was aware enough to know that when she pulled away, I did the same by default. I went about my business as usual and she always came back. On the flip side, I always understood when someone wasn't interested at all. If I went on a date with someone and they became "wishy washy" when I asked for another one, I simply told them to reach out when they fixed their schedule. I never contacted them again and (sometimes) they didn't contact me either. I learned to "read between the lines" so to speak and determine which relationships were worth investing in. Great video!
I am fast losing my patience with enabling dismissive avoidant behavior. The push/pull gets old. Get help work on yourself instead of forcing everyone to work "around" you. Life is too short to throw emotional investment into a non-reciprocal bottomless pit.
Understand where you’re coming from, I think one of the biggest issues is that they don’t know they’re doing it themselves, it just feels like somethings not quite right but they can’t put a finger on it. Not enough awareness on the issues
Dismissive avoidant show up beautifully until they deactivate. When they deactivate, it’s obvious and they pull back hard and shut down. Before that point, they pursue, initiate communication, set up regular dates a few times a week and text you back promptly. When they want something, and they are not deactivating, they are not afraid to go for it! That is when it is easy to fall for the dismissive avoidant.
Yeah he did all the things. Picture perfect relationship for over a year (minus one moment where he needed space for a day around the 6 month mark), until he wanted to go on a break and then 2 weeks later, told me he liked his space too much and we are over. It really sucks. The discard is so painful. Especially when he said he would never hurt me like I've been hurt in the past. He was right. He hurt me more 😢
Sorry you experiences this. I am now over 45+ and think however to be grateful even for 1 year of beautiful connections in our lives. As sad as it is - not all relations are meant to last. Nice connections are rare, but possible - best wishes to you to find your partner!
💯 I dealt with one. I got tired of being ignored and only got texts when he wanted to. Would NEVER call or answer when I called. Stood me up more than once. I went off on him more than once. He had the nerve to say "it's crazy how you go off on me". Like WTF? Excuse me? Stop treating me like a dog and I won't go off on you. I realize now it was the wrong thing to do. I should've just blocked the POS. They're a COMPLETE waste of time. They'll do nothing but hurt others.
Exactly.I wasted years of trying to figure them out ,now as soon as the first signs are there Im out .I dont even need any closure or explanation.Im good.
Thank you. Wanted to comment like this as well. As much as I would like to make it work. This kind of reciprocation is not worth it. Leave them be and find a better one.
my FA boyfriend was always consistent with text but avoided seeing me for two weeks after i told him i need more quality time….everything is on his time.. he told me i should just go with HIS flow.. i dumped him lol😂
I don’t know what you’re fake laughing for. He’s the one that let you know how unimportant you are for two weeks. So you dumped him, ooooooooooh you’re such a hardass you go girl yass queen lmao. 😁
He checks out all these boxes and I felt loved in the relationship too, I'm wishing him nothing but the best and a lot of healing even if the ending was very abrupt and messy.
To all DAs reading this: If you want out, fine. You don't have to be an a-hole about it. Be kind. Show some class and freaking compassion and end it with respect.
Yeah sorry, this is a fair hit. On behalf of DAs, just understand that conflict is so hard for us that doing a proper break-up can be terrifying, and so we chicken out and bail. If we have already decided to leave, why have that miserable experience on the way out? There's no pay-off for us, maybe it's just one more fight. But sorry. It's not you, it's us.
@@MilesIncognito Thanks again for another honest response. I hope you realize that none of that excuses a DA for being cruel. ESPECIALLY when a lot of you know that you have a pattern of going back to the "scene of the crime" when you've realized what you missed. Still, I get that you don't think that way at the time. Even then, break up with class. Your karma isn't going to work out well for you if you don't.
Having just come off a DA break-up with a ghosting to boot, I would go one step further. If you are a DA in the dating scene trying to seek out "relationshipP' (or whatever the hell it is they think they want), GET OUT. Grow up, try to become self aware and get some help. The relationship wreckage you create is horrific both from personal experience , that of friends and family and, apparently, a whole host of people online. And when you decide to get back into the dating scene, talk about attachment style early on and give the other person fair warning of your style and tendencies. For me, with that knowledge, we would be done. Again form personal experience, dating a DA is EXHAUSTING and not worth the effort as that style has a high probability of ending in heartbreak.
Before anyone comes back with "you should have seen the red flags," I want to say - NO. Not necessarily. People with open, loving hearts might not see the warning signs. And it's not fair to put the blame on us. The DAs know who and what they are. Blaming the victim is the lowest of the low.
Welcome to PDS! you will learn here how to meet your own needs and how to communicate your needs to a DA! So you can quit posting such generalised and hatred comments. DAs are magnificent and respectful, and also insecure. (For the record, I'm FA). Smh.
On our last date, in January, my DA said that I was the best and I make her so happy and giggly. We planned for holidays and our next date.... BUT....I remember her saying, I can't believe you like me! I didn't think anything of that apart from, "Cool...She likes me like I like her"! THEN....Her best friend sadly passed away and she ended our relationship....by text! All I got there after was, "Leave me alone!!" We haven't spoke since February and she blocked me in April. So sad...because regardless of her attachment style, she's a great,funny person who I want in my life. But there's nothing I can do about it.
Sounds like a person struggling with dealing with grief no so much DA. Grief can be difficult and juggling a relationship that's just starting at that same time might not be possible. Grief and take long time or short time. Depends on the person. Just be happy she didn't use you as coping mechanism. That never ends well.
There are no 'shoulds'. These are individuals and they differ on the amount of fear triggered by a genuine connection. Mine is consistent in texting, until he isn't. So, there is a constant exchange of interesting texts and then, suddenly, he has pulled away for days. This gap can be up to 10 days. He will always come back, as if nothing happened.
@@jsav9979 I think there are many different reasons. In my case, he's pretty much living in survival mode, travels a lot, new business owner etc. He gets overwhelmed
Ten days??? Wow... Idk if i can do that. The video said theyre usually 24hrs and you're saying it can be 10 days. After 3 or 4 days ive already broken up with them in my mind. Until she messages me again...
I'm a DA... I'm an only child. And I didn't believe anything was wrong with me until I try to get into relationships. I really don't ask for much from people. I do love my independence... I don't have an issue with emotions though. So I don't know for sure. But I definitely need space. And that has always been the issue. I'm also introverted and sometimes just feel drained from relationships. Being alone is sometimes peaceful and regenerating for me. Actually it always is...but I don't want to stay alone forever...lol I just need my own world a little too much I guess. Sometimes in relationships I feel like I'm living in the other persons world too much. But in a relationship, it is supposed to feel like my world. But it doesn't... I'm making so many little compromises at all times. I don't mind it... until I want my own world for a few hours, days, weeks...lol But that always hurts someone's feelings
My DA ex was the worst. Its exhausting to constantly have to teach someone how to show love. Why do I have to tell him that if he leaves to get coffee, he should ask if i want something before he comes back to the hotel?
Yeah cuz he’s inconsiderate. I know exactly how you feel. You literally feel like you gotta raise these dipshits. You gotta teach them “basic” human connection. So shitty. Dealing with them is like pulling teeth. My ex is a DA.
Omg, thank you!!! Months into our relationship I realized my DA was buying me a coffee for the first time. I was like, wow lol. But later I became so frustrated and hurt that he never picked up on anything normal boyfriends would… stopped planning dates, didn’t surprise me, make dinner, or even try with little gifts. I was begging for normal things to the point that I felt controlling with my detailed requests. I just craved romance and intimacy so badly because he seemed void of it. It led to a lot of resentment towards him and my harsh vocalizing of this hurt pushed him away and caused him to resent me too. Not to mention, he neglected me when I got sick (not even a drop off care package, just a “get well soon” text) when I had driven an hour to drop off a Covid care package when we were only FRIENDS. Then he would say, I’ll bring you whatever you need when you’re sick (later in our relationship) “because that’s how much I care about you”, when to me, that’s just a basic no brainer in a freaking relationship. 🤷🏻♀️ like you with the coffee, I was always factoring his needs into my plans while he was only thinking about how to get away from me 😅 such bull crap.
My DA picked a dumb fight a week ago, hung up in me, then drug the fight out a week by just stonewalling me while I tried to reconnect. When he did reply, it was to say that if he makes me feel so Awful, maybe he’s not the one for me. Instead of apologizing. Several times. And that he doesn’t want to be with someone who he makes feel bad. And I took the bait and dumped him. He took all my stuff at his place and literally put it on a city street outside of my car instead of outside his place as I asked. Even the food. And he imported a plant to return the pot. Notes I’d written him… Why couldn’t he just validate my feelings? Now I just feel totally worthless.
I know it's hard. Imagine a petulant child being told they cannot have five ice creams for dinner and you have your exact scenario. Unfortunately, you know what he did was wrong but he doesn't because he's a child trying his best to manipulate you into giving him five ice creams which you know are going to cause havoc. I know it's tough as hell and it is easier said than done but you are better off. He's not however, he's miserable trust me but just like a child, he's willing to die on that hill until his mother either gives in or chooses to teach about emotional regulation. You are doing the right thing by staying away, for yourself and for other potential women. Be strong.❤
Walking on eggshells with DAs, it's exhausting if they're not putting in their own work to heal and personal growth. I was off and on with a DA for 4 years. After our last disagreement, now we haven't talked in over 10 months and I'm okay with it now
Avoidant woman are so hard to deal with. One week we have such a great, romantic, loving time followed by, I’ve had the best days by your side. I’m very attracted to you and you make me very comfortable. But I’m sad now, I can’t do this anymore. Don’t text me or call me anymore. Then 3 weeks later she’s sending me pictures out the blue, saying she misses me. Every time I’ve ever scheduled something romantic ahead of time, she flakes. And then later says I never show her any romance. It’s very exhausting.
Yep, I felt that way too. It almost seemed like gaslighting. I felt like it was a double edged sword. I gave her space = she contacts me saying she’s bummed she hasn’t heard from me. I text her more = she says she’s confused and overwhelmed. Could not win.
Text me 4 times a day, every day for two years. Talks about himself all the time. Empty promises went out 3 times over the period. No sex, no kissing but said he loved me. He asked me to be patient. I was! Time to move on now. Very sad day 😢
Sounds like a potential prospect that didn’t evolve into what you wanted. You expect us to think that you were loyal to him and did not see anyone else and had it locked down like a nun for those 2 years? Not buying it.
Thais, I see that sometimes you get suggestions about how to improve your videos. I want to tell you to just to "you" and be "you." Your videos and your channel are both very helpful and informative.
Hi there. Thank you so much for your knowledge about this topic. your videos are incredibly insightful. I'm married to an avoidant and it wasn't until recently that i developed an understanding of these dynamics. For me, an anxious attached, it's been a big challenge trying to understand my wife. Hoping these tools will help us move forward. thanks again!!!!
I ask my partner to tell me something nice when i feel low, you know what his response is? "I don't have anything nice to say right now" 😂. So, even if you communicate your needs, it doesn't always work. It's a lot of effort.
I hear you. Mine would say he was coming over to comfort me when I felt sad, only to show up acting cold, like he didn’t know what to do and made me feel like a burden. All I wanted was for him to hold my hand while we watched his favorite show or movie. I didn’t even want to talk about it. He acted like he wasn’t even comfortable sitting on my couch months into our relationship, simply because I was having a bad day.
They are selfish and narcissistic. Take everything as critisim, don't care about others needs and the time they disappear they are entertaining others while.you pour into their cup. Save your energy and time and run the other way.
The DA I'm dating travels alot. When hes away and I go out with friends and hes aware of that, he then completely withdraws from communication with me for days, usually not until I reach out to him first. Its a pattern with him. He has been severely hurt by a past love more than a decade ago, and I figure that this is a display of his insecurity in our relationship, even though I give him no reason to feel insecure.
My guess, as a DA, is different. He likes when people grant him space to do things. When you say you have plans with others while he isn't around, he's probably thinking 'ok I should give her uninterrupted space to do what she wants and enjoy herself'. Which probably isn't hard because he's got his own plans too. When my best friend is online but tells me hes chilling at somebody else's place, I say 'ok have fun' then leave him be. When my ex used to have nights out with her friends I would do the same. We like to afford others the freedom that we would like to be afforded. We recognise that we are only the centres of our own universes, and that others exist outside of their relationships to us.
@@Lord_of_Dreadso interesting to hear an insightful DA perspective. Does it make any difference to you as a DA if your partner/dating partner has lots of plans/independence going on? Does it make them more attractive? Or does it not matter if they are occupied with other things or not? Or do you see it as an opportunity for you to have your own space?
I experience the the opposite reaction. When I'm out with friends, he contacts me to reassure himself that I still answer and show I still want to be around him, too. He'll actually will make plans for us to get together
@@Nika-je6zddo u feel like not reaching out for days is common for a DA, but responds when the partner texts? Are they still interested, just sitting back waiting for the partner to initiate?
Will they avoid you? Because that's what my coworker did and I couldn't figure out what I did wrong to make him want to avoid me until a few months later I started to realize I think he liked and had feelings for me. My mind was blown.
I find it interesting that anxious attachment folks always blame the DA partner. They don't take any responsibility for their own choices. They don't seem to get that it is a zing/zang cycle, and that is the crux of the issue, they are often self centered and think that there emotions are their trump card. If you are finding that you put yourself in a situations where you feel that you are putting in more effort than the the other person, and you stay there, that is on you. I find anxious attachment folks are extremely selfish and don't seem to understand that everything is not about them, they are like an unending pit of need. You try and fill it up that emptiness inside them, but it is futile. The passive aggressiveness and the manipulation because you failed to meet "their needs'" s ridiculous. Such immature behavior. The outbursts, the threatening - come on.. If you don't get what you need - move on, but its not the DA's fault. Try the same thing with a secure attachment person and they won't give you the time of day or even try to meet your needs, you won't get out of the starting blocks.
@@EternalflameC.L. nobody said it was. God forbid you ever hope someone who says they love you puts effort into learning about you 😁 Sounds like they were better off without you
@@SarahC-yc1db ouch..very bitter victim mentality there,go heal!Healthy ppl need healthy ppl.Theres plenty unhealthy one’s who will agree with you tho,infact majority.But you are not ready to hear this.
Lol. They will text you back by the end of the day? My husband goes days-weeks without messaging. When ive questioned it before he says the world doesnt evolve around you and more than 2 messages is emotionally bombarding.
@ShadrockMarciano welcome to life with a DA. Now in no contact. He's ether emo withdrawing or flirting with another woman. He just wants to be my friend
@wizardofaus2985 yeah I've gone through the experience of a DA, off and on for 4 years, finally ended for good this past September. Sorry to hear about your situation, especially your with it being your husband - who you wanted to commit the rest of your life to, just wants to be your friend. These DAs want to have their cake and eat it too, everything has to be on their terms
@ShadrockMarciano exactly. At least as an AA I'm loyal. My husband refuses to acknowledge he is married. When I met him he didn't acknowledge he was in a long term relationship with his ex either. He just causes emotional distress and distance which causes fights and arguments and he uses the fighting as a reason to dump and move on.. says true love should be on the same page and never argue- refusing to acknowledge his distance caused the arguments!!@
@@ShadrockMarciano where do the videos appeal to the DA to call them out for their emotional neglect and their shitty behaviour? We are all adults. DAs should take some responsibility or remain single. My childhood wasn't exactly roses.
GREAT question. IT hit me like a ton of bricks when Thais said '"they stop texting back". But then again, I stopped trying, humiliating myself for breadcrumbs. But I knew NOTHING of this all. That was 4 months ago. So I have no idea if she would have replied. Her face on her social media a few days later - she seemed distressed.
@@luketimewalker so sorry, I know it’s very tough. Yes Thais wasn’t clear. She said if they’re interested they text back. But also said they won’t go days without contact if they’re interested. Well mine doesn’t initiate much anymore but always texts back when I text. 🙏 So…. which is it????? 😰🤷🏻♀️ 5 likes on my comment so seems like a common thing. Also she didn’t do what she said in the intro … tell us the KEY thing they do when interested, and some honorable mentions. Disappointing.
Mine started with a day, then a few, then a week. It's been a year that we've been on and off,and going out stopped, and he lives a whole different world with family, not involving me. But...if I text or call, he eventually and always responds. So I guess I'm going to have to have that talk in a positive light and just end it. I tried a couple of times, and then he keeps calling like nothing is wrong.
Okay, but what if they showed consistency for the first few weeks and then pulled away? Is that them not having interest, or is that a fear of getting close?
None of this matters if both people in the relationship arent willing to take accountability for their insecure attachment and actually work on it. The same anxious/avoidant dynamic will play out in time.
i was seeing a girl for 3months but i landed on a landmine pretty much she is a fearful avoidant and even BPD so combination was lethal but i still like her .I came to conclusion that its not my part to fix her so i ended it there as i was getting bread crumbed .Just gotta be strong and know what you want and set boundaries and most important if you notice it to evaluate the situation from a objective point how does it make YOU feel .Even if you think that is your soulmate its usually just your projection of them but reality is that you will drain your sanity trying to help them
So when they say to you something like " your cool af " how am I supposed to translate it into? " I'm addicted to you " but don't really show it, not that I want the person to become addicted to me... but be more consistent
You may want to see if the DM also has NPD…. Since they do the love bomb in the start then all the sudden start trailing off… is possible NPD MAY be part of the equation. And yes as adults we should be more responsible for our actions
Sorry Thais, u didnt cover what u said u were going to. U said in the intro u would cover this ONE BIG THING DAs will do if they like u, and then some honorable mentions. Nope, not in the video. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I am so confused. After discard my ex blocked me everywhere. But since she is sharing stories almost daily to all of her thousands of followers concerning me and our time. It seems like she is missing me very bad but she does not reach out. This is so strange and been going almost for a whole year now. What is this weird behaviour about?
@@smileyglitter852I distanced 48 days waiting for an apology that never came. Then I reached out to him. Do u think this really bothered him? I’m pretty sure he’s DA/FA. He won’t say so of course, but he said during an argument, “Do couples do that?”
@@smileyglitter852"don't lie to them" here lies the problem. They consider everting they don't know a lie. Mine started making a big scene after I told her I had a 2nd passport lmao why would I mention that if we never talked about it? And then she withdraws and believes I lie smh. She lies about a million things I bet but I never questioned it
I am worried about myself. I don't know which Attacment Style I would be described as. But I reflect whatever it is, even though I am an attentive, caring, empathetic, thoughtful character type, by NOT encouraging nor initiating physical intimacy. And I am quite old now, and the pattern is long ingrained. I need deep help please.
Ok, so what if the communication was there (usually within 12 hours or less - sometimes immediately), and the DA has opened up a lot...but then I feel I triggered him with showing I cared a little too much (I mean just Caring for his mental state/physical health - not professing my undying love, or anything like that). Now he's not texting - it's been maybe 4 days now. I'm not in a romantic relationship with this person, he's just a friend I do love, and I want him to be in a healthy, happy place, sincerely. He's stonewalled before, but I can absolutely see how I'd be too much! 😅 I don't want him to feel like he's been abandoned, but I also am feeling like letting the process repeat is just enabling the behavior, instead of showing that I'm still 'holding space'. Does this make any sense?
I don't see the link for the dismissive-avoidant in the 6 stages of relationships. I see one for securely attached but not the avoidant as mentioned at the end of the video.
Can you do a video or short video on why avoidants either DA or FA act like they don’t care after a break up? Like you never mattered? My ex is still trying to communicate with me indirectly but won’t share any feelings and acts like he doesn’t really care.
@leah3301 speaking as a fearful avoidant that leans more avoidant, yes.. a lot of the time it is a front. There is deep pain inside but an inability to communicate it/ a desire not to show it. I am "close" to an avoidant and I can tell he struggles in the same way. If I really listen to the words he says sometimes... I can tell he is MASSIVELY beating himself up inside. And he retreats inwards when he feels too vulnerable.
Depends on the person and the dynamic with their partner. But regretful? Yes! Especially if they have deep feelings. They suffer, but at the same time they understand that they cant have the relationship because of their fears. And they do everything they can to avoid pain. So they end up harming themselves in every possible way to distract themselves from experiencing pain. Which builds up more problems like anxiety, depression, addiction on the way through each new painful experience. Its building up new traumas on the way. Its sad to see if you are the loved one and you watch them destroying themselves. you want to support them but you cant, if they refuse your help. I learned it the hard way
Hm, Im working from spouses diagnosis at year 7 in marriage (also enmeshed). I experienced love bombing at first, the flags seem to have started about the 2nd or 3rd year.
I’m 62 and I have never heard about DA people until now. I find learning about them to be depressing. I just met a girl who seems to fit this category. I’m mostly turned off by this type. Sounds like a job instead of a romantic relationship.
Ask him does he know his attachment style and ask what work has he done to know himself and what he needs in a relationship. That’s better than just flat out asking that question.
A key characteristic of a DA is that they DON'T WANT FEEDBACK. Or insight. They see it as criticism - which makes them RUN. they don't want to change. And we all know you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, pure and simple.
No and take it from someone who dated a DA on and off for 4 YEARS...get out and run now. If you stick around any longer, you have a world of hurt, pain and heartbreak ahead of you. And this is a guy I've known since childhood and was friends with first. They just won't change and will just end up hurting you. And yes, I brought up the attachment styles a few times, and he admitted he was a DA. It still didn't change a thing! End it now before you really regret it later.
personally, I would have appreciated it - if my partner had presented it properly. Not like an attack, like "here's what I think you are", but more like "I saw this video on the anxious/avoidant cycle and I worry this could be something that happens in our relationship." Like depersonalize it - what do you think of this CONCEPT of how people behave in relationships? Does it sound like how things actually happen sometimes? But still, depending on maturity and how insecure they are, some will be ready to take the feedback and some won't...
I'm an FA. Not sure if this is an exclusive DA video. When I like someone, I let them see more of my life, but not too much due to control issues. I'll seek them out to talk & make myself available to them. I have to be careful not to like them too much too fast or the tendency to self-sabotage comes up.
Ich werde jedes Mal traurig, wenn ich sehe, was du mit deinen Augenbrauen hast machen lassen. Warum machen Menschen das?? Sich selbst so verschandeln? Ich hoffe, es ist nicht so permanent, wie es aussieht…
I realy enjoy your content. But I am sorry to tell you that you need to work on your voice. Its very dry, especially when you speak very fast. I am not sûre if Its the quality of the video or your own voice tho. I do think you dont breath enough. Please work on it for better experience thank you
I think she is great just the way she is. Have listened to hundreds of videos of hers and have NEVER had a problem with anything you are referring to...do you have a need to criticize others? What does it give to you emotionally?
@@linnie14 I say the truth. Not to hurt her. This truth many I am sure think it inside. Voice can impact your everyday life and opportunities in life. So I al not going to be the one thinking that and not trying to help her saying the truth. There are professionnal that help when you have voice issue. There are not here for nothing. So stop lying and say good truth to people to help them grow better
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I’m basically in the same spot. Mine ended almost two days ago. I don’t want anyone else. Nobody catches my attention like him. I don’t see myself being with anyone else.
1. Feelings minus fears
2. Clearly communicated needs
3.Effort when needs are communicated in the positive
4. They will text you back
5. They will open up in smaller ways
-They will communicate and express interest
6.They will let you know they need space
7. Will bring you around their friends .. may not be immediate but it will happen slowly but surely.
What’s the “KEY SIGN”? She didn’t say.
This video says, "learn to read between the lines" when I watch it. This has proven to be invaluable to me in the dating realm as it has allowed me to respond instinctively and (usually) correctly.
For example, I remember I dated a woman who I realize now was an avoidant. Although I wasn't familiar with attachment styles at the time, I was aware enough to know that when she pulled away, I did the same by default. I went about my business as usual and she always came back.
On the flip side, I always understood when someone wasn't interested at all. If I went on a date with someone and they became "wishy washy" when I asked for another one, I simply told them to reach out when they fixed their schedule. I never contacted them again and (sometimes) they didn't contact me either. I learned to "read between the lines" so to speak and determine which relationships were worth investing in. Great video!
I am fast losing my patience with enabling dismissive avoidant behavior. The push/pull gets old. Get help work on yourself instead of forcing everyone to work "around" you. Life is too short to throw emotional investment into a non-reciprocal bottomless pit.
Just know yourself and your boundaries and how to put them in place.
I love that that sums it up
Non-real bottomless pit
That is so on point!!
Speaking into the phone it didn't come out correctly reciprocal not real
Put them in their place then you get discarded!!! So be prepared!!!
Understand where you’re coming from, I think one of the biggest issues is that they don’t know they’re doing it themselves, it just feels like somethings not quite right but they can’t put a finger on it.
Not enough awareness on the issues
Dismissive avoidant show up beautifully until they deactivate. When they deactivate, it’s obvious and they pull back hard and shut down. Before that point, they pursue, initiate communication, set up regular dates a few times a week and text you back promptly. When they want something, and they are not deactivating, they are not afraid to go for it! That is when it is easy to fall for the dismissive avoidant.
Yeah he did all the things. Picture perfect relationship for over a year (minus one moment where he needed space for a day around the 6 month mark), until he wanted to go on a break and then 2 weeks later, told me he liked his space too much and we are over. It really sucks. The discard is so painful. Especially when he said he would never hurt me like I've been hurt in the past.
He was right. He hurt me more 😢
So sorry you experienced this!
You dodged a bullet. He sounds like an immature jerk!
Sorry you experiences this. I am now over 45+ and think however to be grateful even for 1 year of beautiful connections in our lives. As sad as it is - not all relations are meant to last. Nice connections are rare, but possible - best wishes to you to find your partner!
@@Nika-je6zdyes agree appreciate the moments learn lessons and move on happily ❤
I can relate to this. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Why are we making excuses for these people? They are a complete waste of time. Let them have their space - permanently.
💯 I dealt with one. I got tired of being ignored and only got texts when he wanted to. Would NEVER call or answer when I called. Stood me up more than once. I went off on him more than once. He had the nerve to say "it's crazy how you go off on me". Like WTF? Excuse me? Stop treating me like a dog and I won't go off on you. I realize now it was the wrong thing to do. I should've just blocked the POS. They're a COMPLETE waste of time. They'll do nothing but hurt others.
They are just scared and unhealed
Exactly.I wasted years of trying to figure them out ,now as soon as the first signs are there Im out .I dont even need any closure or explanation.Im good.
Thank you. Wanted to comment like this as well. As much as I would like to make it work. This kind of reciprocation is not worth it. Leave them be and find a better one.
They can go heal, and then return to the playground @@amberrosevlachu
my FA boyfriend was always consistent with text but avoided seeing me for two weeks after i told him i need more quality time….everything is on his time.. he told me i should just go with HIS flow.. i dumped him lol😂
I don’t know what you’re fake laughing for. He’s the one that let you know how unimportant you are for two weeks. So you dumped him, ooooooooooh you’re such a hardass you go girl yass queen lmao. 😁
Go with his flow?? Yeah okay. Boy bye 😂😂
He checks out all these boxes and I felt loved in the relationship too, I'm wishing him nothing but the best and a lot of healing even if the ending was very abrupt and messy.
To all DAs reading this:
If you want out, fine. You don't have to be an a-hole about it. Be kind. Show some class and freaking compassion and end it with respect.
Yeah sorry, this is a fair hit. On behalf of DAs, just understand that conflict is so hard for us that doing a proper break-up can be terrifying, and so we chicken out and bail. If we have already decided to leave, why have that miserable experience on the way out? There's no pay-off for us, maybe it's just one more fight.
But sorry. It's not you, it's us.
@@MilesIncognito Thanks again for another honest response. I hope you realize that none of that excuses a DA for being cruel. ESPECIALLY when a lot of you know that you have a pattern of going back to the "scene of the crime" when you've realized what you missed. Still, I get that you don't think that way at the time.
Even then, break up with class. Your karma isn't going to work out well for you if you don't.
Having just come off a DA break-up with a ghosting to boot, I would go one step further. If you are a DA in the dating scene trying to seek out "relationshipP' (or whatever the hell it is they think they want), GET OUT. Grow up, try to become self aware and get some help. The relationship wreckage you create is horrific both from personal experience , that of friends and family and, apparently, a whole host of people online. And when you decide to get back into the dating scene, talk about attachment style early on and give the other person fair warning of your style and tendencies. For me, with that knowledge, we would be done. Again form personal experience, dating a DA is EXHAUSTING and not worth the effort as that style has a high probability of ending in heartbreak.
@@earldavis3782 Beautifully said 🤩
Before anyone comes back with "you should have seen the red flags," I want to say - NO. Not necessarily. People with open, loving hearts might not see the warning signs. And it's not fair to put the blame on us. The DAs know who and what they are. Blaming the victim is the lowest of the low.
Save yourself the time and run
on and off 2 yrs with DA hoenstly not worth it...dont waste your time you will never have your needs met
Welcome to PDS! you will learn here how to meet your own needs and how to communicate your needs to a DA! So you can quit posting such generalised and hatred comments. DAs are magnificent and respectful, and also insecure. (For the record, I'm FA).
Smh.
On our last date, in January, my DA said that I was the best and I make her so happy and giggly. We planned for holidays and our next date....
BUT....I remember her saying, I can't believe you like me! I didn't think anything of that apart from, "Cool...She likes me like I like her"!
THEN....Her best friend sadly passed away and she ended our relationship....by text! All I got there after was, "Leave me alone!!"
We haven't spoke since February and she blocked me in April. So sad...because regardless of her attachment style, she's a great,funny person who I want in my life. But there's nothing I can do about it.
Sounds like a person struggling with dealing with grief no so much DA. Grief can be difficult and juggling a relationship that's just starting at that same time might not be possible. Grief and take long time or short time. Depends on the person. Just be happy she didn't use you as coping mechanism. That never ends well.
I'm in the same boat
Argh they perceive themeselve so badly
There are no 'shoulds'. These are individuals and they differ on the amount of fear triggered by a genuine connection. Mine is consistent in texting, until he isn't. So, there is a constant exchange of interesting texts and then, suddenly, he has pulled away for days. This gap can be up to 10 days. He will always come back, as if nothing happened.
I have similar and I’m in early stages of dating - but he shows other signs
Why do they think that’s ok
@@jsav9979 because you let them think it's OK.
@@jsav9979 I think there are many different reasons. In my case, he's pretty much living in survival mode, travels a lot, new business owner etc. He gets overwhelmed
Ten days??? Wow... Idk if i can do that. The video said theyre usually 24hrs and you're saying it can be 10 days. After 3 or 4 days ive already broken up with them in my mind. Until she messages me again...
I'm a DA... I'm an only child. And I didn't believe anything was wrong with me until I try to get into relationships. I really don't ask for much from people. I do love my independence... I don't have an issue with emotions though. So I don't know for sure. But I definitely need space. And that has always been the issue. I'm also introverted and sometimes just feel drained from relationships. Being alone is sometimes peaceful and regenerating for me. Actually it always is...but I don't want to stay alone forever...lol I just need my own world a little too much I guess. Sometimes in relationships I feel like I'm living in the other persons world too much. But in a relationship, it is supposed to feel like my world. But it doesn't... I'm making so many little compromises at all times. I don't mind it... until I want my own world for a few hours, days, weeks...lol But that always hurts someone's feelings
My DA ex was the worst. Its exhausting to constantly have to teach someone how to show love. Why do I have to tell him that if he leaves to get coffee, he should ask if i want something before he comes back to the hotel?
You have two feet, don’t you? Get your own stuff, lazy bones.
Yeah cuz he’s inconsiderate. I know exactly how you feel. You literally feel like you gotta raise these dipshits. You gotta teach them “basic” human connection. So shitty. Dealing with them is like pulling teeth. My ex is a DA.
Omg, thank you!!! Months into our relationship I realized my DA was buying me a coffee for the first time. I was like, wow lol. But later I became so frustrated and hurt that he never picked up on anything normal boyfriends would… stopped planning dates, didn’t surprise me, make dinner, or even try with little gifts. I was begging for normal things to the point that I felt controlling with my detailed requests. I just craved romance and intimacy so badly because he seemed void of it. It led to a lot of resentment towards him and my harsh vocalizing of this hurt pushed him away and caused him to resent me too. Not to mention, he neglected me when I got sick (not even a drop off care package, just a “get well soon” text) when I had driven an hour to drop off a Covid care package when we were only FRIENDS. Then he would say, I’ll bring you whatever you need when you’re sick (later in our relationship) “because that’s how much I care about you”, when to me, that’s just a basic no brainer in a freaking relationship. 🤷🏻♀️ like you with the coffee, I was always factoring his needs into my plans while he was only thinking about how to get away from me 😅 such bull crap.
My DA picked a dumb fight a week ago, hung up in me, then drug the fight out a week by just stonewalling me while I tried to reconnect. When he did reply, it was to say that if he makes me feel so Awful, maybe he’s not the one for me. Instead of apologizing. Several times. And that he doesn’t want to be with someone who he makes feel bad. And I took the bait and dumped him.
He took all my stuff at his place and literally put it on a city street outside of my car instead of outside his place as I asked. Even the food. And he imported a plant to return the pot. Notes I’d written him…
Why couldn’t he just validate my feelings? Now I just feel totally worthless.
I know it's hard.
Imagine a petulant child being told they cannot have five ice creams for dinner and you have your exact scenario.
Unfortunately, you know what he did was wrong but he doesn't because he's a child trying his best to manipulate you into giving him five ice creams which you know are going to cause havoc. I know it's tough as hell and it is easier said than done but you are better off. He's not however, he's miserable trust me but just like a child, he's willing to die on that hill until his mother either gives in or chooses to teach about emotional regulation. You are doing the right thing by staying away, for yourself and for other potential women. Be strong.❤
Walking on eggshells with DAs, it's exhausting if they're not putting in their own work to heal and personal growth. I was off and on with a DA for 4 years. After our last disagreement, now we haven't talked in over 10 months and I'm okay with it now
Avoidant woman are so hard to deal with. One week we have such a great, romantic, loving time followed by, I’ve had the best days by your side. I’m very attracted to you and you make me very comfortable. But I’m sad now, I can’t do this anymore. Don’t text me or call me anymore. Then 3 weeks later she’s sending me pictures out the blue, saying she misses me. Every time I’ve ever scheduled something romantic ahead of time, she flakes. And then later says I never show her any romance. It’s very exhausting.
Yep, I felt that way too. It almost seemed like gaslighting. I felt like it was a double edged sword. I gave her space = she contacts me saying she’s bummed she hasn’t heard from me. I text her more = she says she’s confused and overwhelmed. Could not win.
Text me 4 times a day, every day for two years. Talks about himself all the time. Empty promises went out 3 times over the period. No sex, no kissing but said he loved me.
He asked me to be patient. I was!
Time to move on now. Very sad day 😢
Sounds like a potential prospect that didn’t evolve into what you wanted. You expect us to think that you were loyal to him and did not see anyone else and had it locked down like a nun for those 2 years? Not buying it.
Thais, I see that sometimes you get suggestions about how to improve your videos. I want to tell you to just to "you" and be "you." Your videos and your channel are both very helpful and informative.
Thank you for your kind and insightful comment :)
Hi there. Thank you so much for your knowledge about this topic. your videos are incredibly insightful. I'm married to an avoidant and it wasn't until recently that i developed an understanding of these dynamics. For me, an anxious attached, it's been a big challenge trying to understand my wife. Hoping these tools will help us move forward. thanks again!!!!
I ask my partner to tell me something nice when i feel low, you know what his response is? "I don't have anything nice to say right now" 😂. So, even if you communicate your needs, it doesn't always work. It's a lot of effort.
Wow
I hear you. Mine would say he was coming over to comfort me when I felt sad, only to show up acting cold, like he didn’t know what to do and made me feel like a burden. All I wanted was for him to hold my hand while we watched his favorite show or movie. I didn’t even want to talk about it. He acted like he wasn’t even comfortable sitting on my couch months into our relationship, simply because I was having a bad day.
They are selfish and narcissistic.
Take everything as critisim, don't care about others needs and the time they disappear they are entertaining others while.you pour into their cup.
Save your energy and time and run the other way.
The DA I'm dating travels alot. When hes away and I go out with friends and hes aware of that, he then completely withdraws from communication with me for days, usually not until I reach out to him first. Its a pattern with him. He has been severely hurt by a past love more than a decade ago, and I figure that this is a display of his insecurity in our relationship, even though I give him no reason to feel insecure.
My guess, as a DA, is different. He likes when people grant him space to do things. When you say you have plans with others while he isn't around, he's probably thinking 'ok I should give her uninterrupted space to do what she wants and enjoy herself'. Which probably isn't hard because he's got his own plans too. When my best friend is online but tells me hes chilling at somebody else's place, I say 'ok have fun' then leave him be. When my ex used to have nights out with her friends I would do the same. We like to afford others the freedom that we would like to be afforded. We recognise that we are only the centres of our own universes, and that others exist outside of their relationships to us.
@@Lord_of_Dreadso interesting to hear an insightful DA perspective.
Does it make any difference to you as a DA if your partner/dating partner has lots of plans/independence going on? Does it make them more attractive?
Or does it not matter if they are occupied with other things or not? Or do you see it as an opportunity for you to have your own space?
I experience the the opposite reaction. When I'm out with friends, he contacts me to reassure himself that I still answer and show I still want to be around him, too. He'll actually will make plans for us to get together
@@Lord_of_Dreadas a secure/mild DA myself - dating another DA - I can confirm it is exactly this way!
@@Nika-je6zddo u feel like not reaching out for days is common for a DA, but responds when the partner texts? Are they still interested, just sitting back waiting for the partner to initiate?
Ignored me for 7 weekends in a row. Constant excuses not to meet.
Block and move on. Next!
Maybe she's just not that into you? No need to overthink it.
Better luck next time, sorry.
lol why’d you need 7 different occurrences to figure that one out? Sorry but after the 2nd one, I’ll just never speak to her again
Not into you. Move on
@@RayLiotaToyota why would you waste seven opportunities in a row to meet more and better women? You need to charge her to the game.
Thank you so much it's clear to me now. I'm a new subscriber. Your channel has shed light on my DA ✨️🌈💕 appreciate your information thanks so much 😊
Will they avoid you? Because that's what my coworker did and I couldn't figure out what I did wrong to make him want to avoid me until a few months later I started to realize I think he liked and had feelings for me. My mind was blown.
I find it interesting that anxious attachment folks always blame the DA partner. They don't take any responsibility for their own choices. They don't seem to get that it is a zing/zang cycle, and that is the crux of the issue, they are often self centered and think that there emotions are their trump card. If you are finding that you put yourself in a situations where you feel that you are putting in more effort than the the other person, and you stay there, that is on you. I find anxious attachment folks are extremely selfish and don't seem to understand that everything is not about them, they are like an unending pit of need. You try and fill it up that emptiness inside them, but it is futile. The passive aggressiveness and the manipulation because you failed to meet "their needs'" s ridiculous. Such immature behavior. The outbursts, the threatening - come on.. If you don't get what you need - move on, but its not the DA's fault. Try the same thing with a secure attachment person and they won't give you the time of day or even try to meet your needs, you won't get out of the starting blocks.
Comments are pretty harsh. Avoidants arent monsters or doing it intentionally.
Its not someone elses responsibility to help them.They need therapy or stay single.
@@EternalflameC.L. nobody said it was. God forbid you ever hope someone who says they love you puts effort into learning about you 😁 Sounds like they were better off without you
@@SarahC-yc1db ouch..very bitter victim mentality there,go heal!Healthy ppl need healthy ppl.Theres plenty unhealthy one’s who will agree with you tho,infact majority.But you are not ready to hear this.
@EternalflameC.L. 15 year relationship here. Nothing bitter from my end, your first comment was though 😁
@@EternalflameC.L. am I not horrible researching and healing ? 😁 What makes you think your so healthy ? Stop judging, it didn't work out, move on
Lol. They will text you back by the end of the day? My husband goes days-weeks without messaging. When ive questioned it before he says the world doesnt evolve around you and more than 2 messages is emotionally bombarding.
Sheesh, that's really inconsiderate for him to say that to you
@ShadrockMarciano welcome to life with a DA. Now in no contact. He's ether emo withdrawing or flirting with another woman. He just wants to be my friend
@wizardofaus2985 yeah I've gone through the experience of a DA, off and on for 4 years, finally ended for good this past September. Sorry to hear about your situation, especially your with it being your husband - who you wanted to commit the rest of your life to, just wants to be your friend. These DAs want to have their cake and eat it too, everything has to be on their terms
@ShadrockMarciano exactly. At least as an AA I'm loyal. My husband refuses to acknowledge he is married. When I met him he didn't acknowledge he was in a long term relationship with his ex either. He just causes emotional distress and distance which causes fights and arguments and he uses the fighting as a reason to dump and move on.. says true love should be on the same page and never argue- refusing to acknowledge his distance caused the arguments!!@
@@ShadrockMarciano where do the videos appeal to the DA to call them out for their emotional neglect and their shitty behaviour? We are all adults. DAs should take some responsibility or remain single. My childhood wasn't exactly roses.
A really helpful video🙏even if I do your courses😂but I take all the perspectives I find, to understand these different attachment styles😅so thank you❤
This helped me. Thank you.
What if theyre consistent but for a fwb degree of closeness
What if they go days without reaching out but always text back when we initiate?
GREAT question. IT hit me like a ton of bricks when Thais said '"they stop texting back". But then again, I stopped trying, humiliating myself for breadcrumbs. But I knew NOTHING of this all. That was 4 months ago.
So I have no idea if she would have replied. Her face on her social media a few days later - she seemed distressed.
@@luketimewalker so sorry, I know it’s very tough. Yes Thais wasn’t clear. She said if they’re interested they text back. But also said they won’t go days without contact if they’re interested. Well mine doesn’t initiate much anymore but always texts back when I text. 🙏 So…. which is it????? 😰🤷🏻♀️ 5 likes on my comment so seems like a common thing. Also she didn’t do what she said in the intro … tell us the KEY thing they do when interested, and some honorable mentions. Disappointing.
Mine started with a day, then a few, then a week. It's been a year that we've been on and off,and going out stopped, and he lives a whole different world with family, not involving me. But...if I text or call, he eventually and always responds. So I guess I'm going to have to have that talk in a positive light and just end it. I tried a couple of times, and then he keeps calling like nothing is wrong.
@@erich8265 yes I think we’re done. He was hurtful and mean when I tried to “communicate.“ I’m not initiating this time.
@@erich8265 yours sounds extra confusing. :(
Okay, but what if they showed consistency for the first few weeks and then pulled away? Is that them not having interest, or is that a fear of getting close?
Hi, great video. Is it possible for an avoidant to break this attachment and develop a secure attachment style?
DA will always demand to be told what you need. He/she will make you feel as if you need to keep begging them.
None of this matters if both people in the relationship arent willing to take accountability for their insecure attachment and actually work on it. The same anxious/avoidant dynamic will play out in time.
Thank you. This makes sense.
i was seeing a girl for 3months but i landed on a landmine pretty much she is a fearful avoidant and even BPD so combination was lethal but i still like her .I came to conclusion that its not my part to fix her so i ended it there as i was getting bread crumbed .Just gotta be strong and know what you want and set boundaries and most important if you notice it to evaluate the situation from a objective point how does it make YOU feel .Even if you think that is your soulmate its usually just your projection of them but reality is that you will drain your sanity trying to help them
Dude I have the same girl
So when they say to you something like " your cool af " how am I supposed to translate it into? " I'm addicted to you " but don't really show it, not that I want the person to become addicted to me... but be more consistent
You may want to see if the DM also has NPD…. Since they do the love bomb in the start then all the sudden start trailing off… is possible NPD MAY be part of the equation. And yes as adults we should be more responsible for our actions
I think there's an obvious difference. DAs can seem very normal at first, not intense and dramatic like NPDs.
Sorry Thais, u didnt cover what u said u were going to. U said in the intro u would cover this ONE BIG THING DAs will do if they like u, and then some honorable mentions. Nope, not in the video. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Love your channel 👍.
What about working with the avoidant/ anxious attachment dynamic in marriage?
I am so confused. After discard my ex blocked me everywhere. But since she is sharing stories almost daily to all of her thousands of followers concerning me and our time. It seems like she is missing me very bad but she does not reach out. This is so strange and been going almost for a whole year now. What is this weird behaviour about?
What about Fearful Avoidants?
They will be very present with you
I'm an FA....as long as you're consistent and don't lie to them you are good.
@@smileyglitter852I distanced 48 days waiting for an apology that never came. Then I reached out to him. Do u think this really bothered him? I’m pretty sure he’s DA/FA. He won’t say so of course, but he said during an argument, “Do couples do that?”
@@smileyglitter852"don't lie to them" here lies the problem. They consider everting they don't know a lie. Mine started making a big scene after I told her I had a 2nd passport lmao why would I mention that if we never talked about it? And then she withdraws and believes I lie smh. She lies about a million things I bet but I never questioned it
It’s just too much work and I deserve more. Don’t have time and energy for this type of behavior 🚮
I am worried about myself. I don't know which Attacment Style I would be described as. But I reflect whatever it is, even though I am an attentive, caring, empathetic, thoughtful character type, by NOT encouraging nor initiating physical intimacy. And I am quite old now, and the pattern is long ingrained. I need deep help please.
Read this book: breaking the habit of being yourself- Dr.Joe Dispensa
How many of these are necessary?
Really struggling here hopefully I can gain something here😭
I can confirm these with the former DA
Ok, so what if the communication was there (usually within 12 hours or less - sometimes immediately), and the DA has opened up a lot...but then I feel I triggered him with showing I cared a little too much (I mean just Caring for his mental state/physical health - not professing my undying love, or anything like that). Now he's not texting - it's been maybe 4 days now. I'm not in a romantic relationship with this person, he's just a friend I do love, and I want him to be in a healthy, happy place, sincerely. He's stonewalled before, but I can absolutely see how I'd be too much! 😅 I don't want him to feel like he's been abandoned, but I also am feeling like letting the process repeat is just enabling the behavior, instead of showing that I'm still 'holding space'. Does this make any sense?
He is working on himself, and he's aware of his behaviors - he's not just some DA ass that everyone wants to lump them under.
I don't see the link for the dismissive-avoidant in the 6 stages of relationships. I see one for securely attached but not the avoidant as mentioned at the end of the video.
What about a dismissive avoidant fearful style??
Can you do a video or short video on why avoidants either DA or FA act like they don’t care after a break up? Like you never mattered? My ex is still trying to communicate with me indirectly but won’t share any feelings and acts like he doesn’t really care.
Because they are very detached from their emotions
@@refreshingtwist is it a front?
@leah3301 speaking as a fearful avoidant that leans more avoidant, yes.. a lot of the time it is a front. There is deep pain inside but an inability to communicate it/ a desire not to show it.
I am "close" to an avoidant and I can tell he struggles in the same way. If I really listen to the words he says sometimes... I can tell he is MASSIVELY beating himself up inside. And he retreats inwards when he feels too vulnerable.
@@refreshingtwist thank you for sharing 🙏
He said he likes me as a person and as a friend.....
Yes. My husband said the same thing. Gee tanks
It's their way of keeping you in their life - AT A DISTANCE.
@@brownell.landrum how the heck can you ever start a family with these people?
@@wizardofaus2985 You'd have to be prepared to essentially be a single parent.
@@alexjoplin1075 but …. he initiates texts?
What is the KEY SIGN u said u would share ?
Yes thanks
Man I wish this video was produced like… exactly 10 months ago 😂😂
Do most avoidants end up alone, regretful?
Depends on the person and the dynamic with their partner. But regretful? Yes! Especially if they have deep feelings. They suffer, but at the same time they understand that they cant have the relationship because of their fears. And they do everything they can to avoid pain. So they end up harming themselves in every possible way to distract themselves from experiencing pain. Which builds up more problems like anxiety, depression, addiction on the way through each new painful experience. Its building up new traumas on the way. Its sad to see if you are the loved one and you watch them destroying themselves. you want to support them but you cant, if they refuse your help. I learned it the hard way
@@aristark559 sad AF. 🥹
I second that. They suffer a lot. They are essentially prisoners if their own fears.
Can you imagine?
@@kaiserchief9319 🥹
The worst
Where were you before i blocked him!? 😂
Hm, Im working from spouses diagnosis at year 7 in marriage (also enmeshed). I experienced love bombing at first, the flags seem to have started about the 2nd or 3rd year.
Do dismissive avoidance reach back after no contact for a while ?
Wow he really doesn’t like me.
😢
I’m 62 and I have never heard about DA people until now. I find learning about them to be depressing. I just met a girl who seems to fit this category. I’m mostly turned off by this type. Sounds like a job instead of a romantic relationship.
Do I have to break no contact for the DA?
What's FA mean?
Fearful Avoidant.
Run away if he is a DA and don’t waste your time
Think about why you attracted this partner….it’s a mirror right?
The answer is DRIVE YOU 🦇 💩 CRAZY 😂
It’s pretty packaged narcissism .
Period .
She doesn't talk to me
She refuses to amke eye contact unless its from a distance.
She gets nasty when I talk to her.
I'll let her
Fresh into dating a da guy. Should I bring to his attention that he is a da and I'm a anxious attachment?
Ask him does he know his attachment style and ask what work has he done to know himself and what he needs in a relationship. That’s better than just flat out asking that question.
A key characteristic of a DA is that they DON'T WANT FEEDBACK. Or insight. They see it as criticism - which makes them RUN. they don't want to change. And we all know you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, pure and simple.
@@brownell.landrum well it's best I find out asap, before I get too invested
No and take it from someone who dated a DA on and off for 4 YEARS...get out and run now. If you stick around any longer, you have a world of hurt, pain and heartbreak ahead of you. And this is a guy I've known since childhood and was friends with first. They just won't change and will just end up hurting you. And yes, I brought up the attachment styles a few times, and he admitted he was a DA. It still didn't change a thing! End it now before you really regret it later.
personally, I would have appreciated it - if my partner had presented it properly. Not like an attack, like "here's what I think you are", but more like "I saw this video on the anxious/avoidant cycle and I worry this could be something that happens in our relationship."
Like depersonalize it - what do you think of this CONCEPT of how people behave in relationships? Does it sound like how things actually happen sometimes?
But still, depending on maturity and how insecure they are, some will be ready to take the feedback and some won't...
I'm an FA. Not sure if this is an exclusive DA video.
When I like someone, I let them see more of my life, but not too much due to control issues. I'll seek them out to talk & make myself available to them. I have to be careful not to like them too much too fast or the tendency to self-sabotage comes up.
What’s that? Treat you like crap?
Title of video should specify dismissive avoidant, not just avoidant 👎
The content is so interesting, but this Lady is so hard to understand, the way she speaks
Topic suggestion: how to deal with a nasty narcissistic female homewrecker, who happens to be an influential family member of my partner?
Ich werde jedes Mal traurig, wenn ich sehe, was du mit deinen Augenbrauen hast machen lassen. Warum machen Menschen das?? Sich selbst so verschandeln? Ich hoffe, es ist nicht so permanent, wie es aussieht…
We really need to do something about the one making your eyebrows first.
Why did you even make this comment? It is so rude!
@@cindybothe9483 yes Cindy it's so rude.
He texts me back right after he sees my messages...
@alexjoplin1075 but does he initiate a text?
@@JustMeAndMyBoy yes most of the time..
@@JustMeAndMyBoy yes
girl those eyebrows are looking crazy
I realy enjoy your content.
But I am sorry to tell you that you need to work on your voice. Its very dry, especially when you speak very fast. I am not sûre if Its the quality of the video or your own voice tho. I do think you dont breath enough. Please work on it for better experience thank you
I think she is great just the way she is. Have listened to hundreds of videos of hers and have NEVER had a problem with anything you are referring to...do you have a need to criticize others? What does it give to you emotionally?
@@linnie14 I say the truth. Not to hurt her.
This truth many I am sure think it inside.
Voice can impact your everyday life and opportunities in life. So I al not going to be the one thinking that and not trying to help her saying the truth.
There are professionnal that help when you have voice issue. There are not here for nothing. So stop lying and say good truth to people to help them grow better
@@shakespear90 She doesn't have a voice issue. It is in your head.
Should try and speak more clearly
Thank you,your positivity , shared knowledge , realness as a great human, & help are so appreciated. 🩵
Hi, how I can talk to you about a Avoidant? Do you have a email?
How many of these are necessary?