@@lewishowes One fundamental thing for your personal wellbeing is kindness. Kindness to others means kindness to our future self. The worst kind of life is when we can't forgive ourselves for past actions. So the worst punishment comes from our own conscience. You can own your reaction on how others treat you. If you can be a better person regardless of what has happened to you that sense of strenght is immeasurable. And to show and feel gratefulness in the present. I really liked this conversation. And I have listened to some others you have done too. Have a few more lined up and looking forward to them. Thanks for a great show!
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and we often ask each other why we think our relationship has lasted while many of those around us have not. I still don't think there's one answer, there are probably several reasons, but one thing is that we talk openly about our challenges and we support each other in our weak moments. No one is strong all the time and if you claim to be, you're not being truthful to yourself. He has shown vulnerability many times over the years and not once have I shut him down and told him he needed to be stronger. Because of that he knows he can be open again if he felt the need. We're all human and need support from those we love.
You obviously respect your man which IMHO is probably the biggest reason. Additionally over time you learn each other's strengths and weaknesses. You can either use this knowledge for good or evil and again you both chose to be supportive. Lastly you both guarded your hearts and minds from toxic ideology that would undermine your relationship.
Unfortunately, when you are in relationships with people who have a disorder, putting yourself in their shoes is what we do on regular basis because we´ve been taught to be empathic and that´s exactly what keeps us stuck in these relationships. People should be taught empathy but also boundaries. Most people dont even know the real definition of baundaries, where they start and end. In the affair example, there are people who just do it because that gives them power and validation and don't care about the partner at all. Or in even worse cases, they do it to inflict pain . Its important to learn to differentiate.
"My whole life is about healing trauma" "Before diagnosing someone with depression make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes" ...we have more agency than we think.. "Childhood lense...compassionate truthbombs..faulty narratives" Wow. Thank you! This is so clear and hooked me right away. So empowering. Makes me feel less alone, isolated and ashamed by the intense pain. Struggling with feeling at a crossroad of guilt and fear, obligation, about feeling that lockdown with chaotic family members in 2nd wave is going to be toxic for me. Excellent. How can we serve others? Let them tell you.."tell me more"...amazingly simple refresher about these key social skills. Would love to hear a survival guide for navigating longstanding patterns of family dysfunction that is more nuanced than just going no contact. I care and want to know my family is safe throughout the pandemic but they have tried to use guilt to manipulate me to visit them and join the bubble. Feeling so uncertain about choosing who to bubble with in potential 2nd wave, trying to heal from the FOG of childhood emotional abuse. Scared about choosing people other than my family and then potentially not being able to see them if they become ill. How can I maintain my freedom, dignity, and show my family I care when they don't think I'm doing enough, but it is never enough for them due to their personalities and lack of boundaries. They say "no pressure" but don't mean it. It feels so bad. I feel so helpless.
Mircale Question: "If you could have the kind of life that you want to have, what would that look like? And what is keeping you from having it? What is in the way right now? That you can do."
Answer: Having a wife that looks great in a bikini, cooks like Nigella and appreciates all the good things we both bring to the relationship rather than focusing on what I'm not currently bringing to the relationship - why can't I have this now? Does this even exist?
She shared a lot of nuggets of wisdom. Self-love is so important. Sometimes, though, the cheater in a marriage cheats because they have unhealed trauma. It's very painful to say to the hurt partner that they did something which made it easier for the cheater to cheat. It's good to work out how to be a better partner in the future, but it hurts to be told that you helped the cheater cheat.
It’s controlling to expect other people to change. 😬 We can only transform ourselves. People are either proactive or reactive in life. Reactive people are unhealed and insecure people. But it’s possible for people to overcome trauma but it requires work. Unhealed people are unable to move forward. So many depressed people are interested in the blame game and taking little responsibility for bettering their mental health to cope with other people and healing. I overcame suicidal depression when I learned to ACCEPT that there are awful humans in this world and I have to BE THE CHANGE I want to see in others. I also realised to rely on NO ONE to meet my needs. A lot of people don’t even know what their needs are and are expecting others to meet their needs. It’s vital we meet our own needs first before expecting anyone else to meet them.
I can absolutely relate to all of this. Y'all are the answer to my prayers. I am no longer a victim, nor will I be again... I'm a survivor, and through the turmoil I have learned that I have the power to change my myself... To be a better version of my self...so I can be a beacon of light to help others to find their way through the darkness. Thank you to God for all of you. Bless you all.
What an amazing interview! I think the woman who came to Lori and couldn't be helped (she couldn't change or see her need to change) is a classic narcissist and the reason she came every week is that she needed someone to dog down on or to abuse in order for her to feel better. She wasn't really interested in therapy but rather wanting to feel right. There are so many pearls of wisdom in this interview! Thank you so much!
Thank you Lewis for this great interview. Lori is my latest find and she has started helping me out already with her podcasts, interviews and her book. She is a true sweetheart, really. Her compassion, her mind, her humanity, her wisdom and her sweet language make her who she is. When she defined Wholeness as Greatness, she conquered the last bit in my heart. So full of wisdom. Thank you both of you again
Such a good interview and cannot wait to get the book. I would love to have had a therapist such as yourself “ I like how you called yourself an editor, helping them rewrite the story”.
It's all learned, evidence based knowledge. Is she smarter than the people that figure out everything on their own without any science and without research on their own? Yes! Unfortunately, most people won't find her message entertaining so they'll go with the people that are usually talking. It's not hard to figure out the intelligent people. It helps a lot if you can stop listening to the bad psychology. It's like improving your food diet. As long as you're eating junk, you're not going to eat the healthy food.
This conversation was so good. I don’t agree with everything but honestly just hearing this did something in my brain and thought pattern. As the conversation started I realized I recently heard the guest speaker of DOAC. So hearing the same things again has been so good 👌🏽 I especially loved the questions you asked Lewis
Thanks Lewis for interviewing Lori. She really opened up so beautifully to such important personal issues and gave very valuable insights to me to overcome my own inner issues. 🙏
Forgiveness is key. Forgetting is not possible as it is what it is. We are all imperfect creatures and we all make mistakes and don't say what we should when we should, we have to learn to forgive others and ourselves.
There are things I’ve never told anyone, and I’m a woman. Just told my therapist a couple things...and it’s my 6th therapist. The first one I actually trust. The other ones were not safe to open up to, poor empathy. I scan out a situation for a while to determine if someone is safe. While I’ve shared some personal things, my closest friend only knows me a fraction. At a party, I look like an extrovert, but I’m really just a skilled introvert. Sure, I’ve cried in front of other people, but it’s terribly uncomfortable and I’m more worried about their discomfort soon. So, we aren’t all the same.
When I was 5 there was this girl in my class that would pinch me all the time and I never forgot her or the teacher that would take her side. I’ve always thought the teacher was elitist because the girl was pretty and rich. The other day I had this sudden memory that that girl had lost her mother as a child and the father married again and had two kids. In That moment I felt compassion for her and understood the position of the teacher for protecting a kid that had lost a parent. That story created so many ramifications in my life. I’ve always associated beauty, social status with deserving more love. I’m 51 ...only now I was able to review that story with compassion...including compassion towards myself, for being so young and not knowing what was really happening to all people involved.
That’s true about having compassion for the little girl who was dealing with an incredible loss, but as you said, you were also young and did not deserve to be mistreated by the little girl. Compassion is one thing, but when we let hurt ppl hurt OTHER ppl and say, “oh but it’s so tough for them”, that still doesn’t justify the damage they do to other people. The really compassionate thing would have been to correct the girl, apologize to you, and helped the two of you become good friends (if you really wanted it). Because if you grew up on the false belief that beautiful ppl get treated better, what do you think her takeaway was later in life??
@@galaxylucia1898 that’s a good point, but the adults in charge at the time didn’t act accordingly.neither the teacher or my parents. Every time I complained at home they’d say go ahead and do the same to her. All I have now is the memory of it, and scars I’m now able to deal with. Thanks for your compassion.
@@saycog1084 I'm glad you're able to deal with it now. I know it doesn't change things, but hey, as long as we're alive we can learn how to cope as we get older. Hope you're well.
I felt that 16:27 "Ou" moment Lewis.. and that anxious pencil tap lol "We marry our unfinished business." That hit home, I'm not sure if I have unfinished business. But I guess I'll find out and comment back in 5 years.
Have to grab a pen and paper and write a letter to my unfinished business (trauma) And yes, I still believe my parents owe me something.. I'm still a little girl having tantrums about past experiences or what my mind made up It would be super cool to have Doctor Joe and this amazing woman together ❤ You rock, Lewis Therapy at non cost 💜😉
This lady is speaking to me right now as I am dealing with my grief and doing my work which is cool. It's like she's reflecting what's happening. I 100% agree with what she says about feelings as well and the saying “how can I help you right now” agree with a lot of other stuff she's saying! Awesome! 🙏🌻 @ lewis, I love that you are open and you share and are honest and always show u wanna grow, learn be better. I love that. 🌻
I loved this interview. Once thing I noticed her saying towards the end is how often she switches careers. I have been doing the same thing ever since I began working at age 17. It's difficult to stay at one job for more than a year or two. I get bored, complacent, and feel like I always need and love change. Otherwise, I am just searching for my true calling in life. Or maybe I am just skilled in many areas; a Jack of all trades.
Look into fearful avoidant attachment style... the Personal Development School RUclips channel has some good info on it. The need for novelty can be linked to some of the core wounds, subconscious programming that happens for fearful avoidants . Good luck! -a healing fearful avoidant :)
It’s one of my favorite ....episodes. Sometimes sharing is good but what happens when you’re not better after sharing....what are expectations of sharing ....
So she's saying, I have research that says what I'm saying is true, it's not just what I think. It's pretty much the opposite of what many advising people are saying. She does package it well and she's quick with listening and applying the most helpful ways of seeing things but, it all has decades of research and study supporting it. "idiot compassion" is golden. Idiot compassion is when you are drawn to an article like, 10 signs your heading for divorce. The article tells you your partner is the problem.
I've never been repulsed seeing a guy cry even over small things. It should be a huge relief to see honest emotions from a guy. I think Gen Z is eliminating the shame around that because the girls I know would never shame a guy for crying no matter how messy it is.
Thank you so much for doing this interview 🙏 really quite eye opening on a number of topics : grief v guilt, forgiveness and apology. I immediately downloaded her book on audible. Thank you Lori for sharing your thoughts, wisdom, and insights. Success = being whole. You give me great hope and encouragement that if I work on myself I can improve my relationships.
Attachment styles are significant to understand and then work through your trauma. Lewis if you could interview Thais Gibson of Personal Development School that would be awesome!
Are you talking bout anxious attachment, avoidant dismissive, etc..? I’ve never heard of Thais Gibson but if that’s what it’s about count me in..very interesting topic.
@@jmgmetal Yes, it is. She has such a wise selection of videos that are about 10 to 20 minutes each. And if you want to delve in deeper she has the courses you can take as well
It's interesting to here how we can all benefit from not being in a box, it's ok for men to be vulnerable because they are human like us, like women and they hurt and have insecurities just like we do.
Yes Louis, What if the person did try to hurt them, ... if the story isn’t rewritten, it’s relived! Not all therapists are alike or helpful. There are different specialities like ones that specialize in family systems therapy.
Thank you, Lewis, so much! That was ...perfection! She's very knowledgeable and conveys the message so clearly. And You ask excellent questions!! Really spot on, and helful! Thank you very much again! I'll make sure to share this with all who I know needs it! (esp. men:))
Amazing episode! I DO know the solution to how couples can speak safely into their innermost vulnerabilities to eradicate double standards. I teach on it. I am a woman who does feel safe when men open up. I have been facilitating this for decades but privately. Now as I am approaching going public it looks like I am starting out, it feels like a mountain to translate the content and build up the online presence. I'm working on it!
The part of mans vulnerability and our troubles to open, and the desire of women to the middle position about it reminded me of the Friends chapter between Rachel and The character played by Bruce Willis, that illustrates that soooo well
@51 i think she describes the plight of an empath, they're (we are) no different than a narc, one makes the sacrifice, the other makes a business decision, but for the same reasons
I have to disagree on creating the space for honesty and that will encourage the other person. Maybe with some people. I have been open and honest and had the difficult conversations and always reminded my partner that they can tell me anything and I will accept them But they havnt. They have still deceived me and still said yes I know I could talk to you and tell you but I couldn’t. That is because some people cannot be honest. They are cowardly when it comes to admitting the truth and taking responsibility. It’s not always a given unfortunately that you will get what you put out there
This is so true to real life and the most difficult part of a relationship. It also depends on how you have been open and honest and how the other person interpreted it. Most of the time when I'm open and honest it results in the other person feeling hurt, even if what I say is true but they interpret the feedback as an insult as an example.
Wonderful interview. This helped me understand myself. I connect more to my masculine side. You said why can’t woman handle when men break down in front of us is because we cannot handle our own big feelings and until we’re able to face our own feelings without being co-dependent thank and maybe than can we be vulnerable to our own emotions as well as our friends partner and significant other.
Interesting hearing this. This is great information. Im in a relationship with a Narcissit person . its horrible constantly fighting verbally, mentally , emotionally. Every since I got with him I was diagnose with cancer, financial depleted, not happy and miserable. I have never been so unhappy in my life . I want him to just go but I hate the fact that he just wont leave even though I tell him he has to do . Mentally its disturbing , draining not free to be me. I hate facing the rejection , i hate confrontation how can I overcome this.
2 points Point A- Amazing therapists. Don’t cry too little don’t cry too much... aka for men only;-) She’s on it... I’ve even delt with female healers who freak out when you go real... She is VERY pro couple and not biased. Amazing. Love it. Will follow- Point B- A culture who treats boys and girls a certain way... yes it was crafted from lions, bears, famine, tribal war... and fear the tribe will be exterminated and or go extinct. Protect all females... both men and women held to this for fertility and future existence. That’s what trained us... we simply kept repeating it. Till this day.
So true been in 3 relationships and never found the love I was searching for and yes I came for a home that I was the black sheep I would so love to feel loved and even love myself would be a start , great interview very on point .
Woman: “I don’t feel safe when you don’t open up, and I don’t feel safe when you’re vulnerable.” Man: “Come see me when you figure out what you want and can accurately communicate it. I’m going to the golf course.”
Lewis, this is the most phenomenal interview I have heard. Your questions were so profound and powerful. They clearly show that you’ve done deep work down to the core. Thank you both for showing up day in and day out.
I don't mind having an emotional partner. I feel very supportive when someone opens up to me. Balance it's the key when in comes to a relationship. I like the men to opens up emotionally.
Wish I could believe you. My ex said the same all the time..when I finally caved and opened up you should have seen the look of..DISGUST...on her face. The relationship lasted about a week tops after that.
Its important that a man knows that when he is vulnerable before and with his woman that he is safe with her,she still sees him as a manly tough man, and that she is with him completely. Vice versa also....
I agree with what she said but 9 times out of 10 if I share with my girl or wife how I really feel. She becomes afraid and feels unsafe as Lori says and that is the beginning of the end of the relationship but the women doesn't understand why she has lost attraction.
This my friend, this. I think it’s nature, not cultural/societal standards. Even...even if you found a woman who mentally understood what was happening with the man emotionally and psychologically , and even if she decided to stick it out with the man, be there for him, stay loyal to him, comfort him etc....please pardon my crassness , but it still won’t change the fact that it is going to physiologically cause that vagina to dry up real fast..she’s gonna be turned off, even if she doesn’t want to be.
oh i didn’t know it was yesterday’s episodes..... it’s true . I can’t imagine not allowing men to open up .....everyman I’ve met I’ve heard this ...and men open up to me. The relationships don’t last , it’s hard for me to open up ....but the pain of abuse gives me the power to help men....it’s hard to help myself.
I feel very confortable with men vulnerability. In fact only that way I can see them clear and connect, when the masks fall down and I can see their soul.
There's no story :) If there's, U uphold it :) U probably enjoy it :) Pain may be there, suffering is optional :) Live the present moment. Do not strengthen past events :) Thank you, no complaints whatsoever :)
If you truly forgive a person it is amazing for your self but it doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life.
so true
Bottom line is when you married is until the 3rd due you apart 😂 worst in the new millennium era .. good luck ppl getting married 👰
Forgiveness has nothing to do with trusting that person again.
@@lewishowes
One fundamental thing for your personal wellbeing is kindness. Kindness to others means kindness to our future self. The worst kind of life is when we can't forgive ourselves for past actions. So the worst punishment comes from our own conscience.
You can own your reaction on how others treat you. If you can be a better person regardless of what has happened to you that sense of strenght is immeasurable.
And to show and feel gratefulness in the present.
I really liked this conversation. And I have listened to some others you have done too. Have a few more lined up and looking forward to them.
Thanks for a great show!
@ Kenneth..That is correct. I agree
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and we often ask each other why we think our relationship has lasted while many of those around us have not. I still don't think there's one answer, there are probably several reasons, but one thing is that we talk openly about our challenges and we support each other in our weak moments. No one is strong all the time and if you claim to be, you're not being truthful to yourself. He has shown vulnerability many times over the years and not once have I shut him down and told him he needed to be stronger. Because of that he knows he can be open again if he felt the need. We're all human and need support from those we love.
You obviously respect your man which IMHO is probably the biggest reason. Additionally over time you learn each other's strengths and weaknesses. You can either use this knowledge for good or evil and again you both chose to be supportive. Lastly you both guarded your hearts and minds from toxic ideology that would undermine your relationship.
You are both very lucky
Sometimes when I listen to A School of Greatness episode, I feel like I'm having a therapy session. This was great, thanks Lori and Lewis! :)
Unfortunately, when you are in relationships with people who have a disorder, putting yourself in their shoes is what we do on regular basis because we´ve been taught to be empathic and that´s exactly what keeps us stuck in these relationships. People should be taught empathy but also boundaries. Most people dont even know the real definition of baundaries, where they start and end. In the affair example, there are people who just do it because that gives them power and validation and don't care about the partner at all. Or in even worse cases, they do it to inflict pain . Its important to learn to differentiate.
"My whole life is about healing trauma"
"Before diagnosing someone with depression make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes"
...we have more agency than we think..
"Childhood lense...compassionate truthbombs..faulty narratives" Wow.
Thank you! This is so clear and hooked me right away. So empowering. Makes me feel less alone, isolated and ashamed by the intense pain. Struggling with feeling at a crossroad of guilt and fear, obligation, about feeling that lockdown with chaotic family members in 2nd wave is going to be toxic for me.
Excellent. How can we serve others? Let them tell you.."tell me more"...amazingly simple refresher about these key social skills. Would love to hear a survival guide for navigating longstanding patterns of family dysfunction that is more nuanced than just going no contact. I care and want to know my family is safe throughout the pandemic but they have tried to use guilt to manipulate me to visit them and join the bubble. Feeling so uncertain about choosing who to bubble with in potential 2nd wave, trying to heal from the FOG of childhood emotional abuse. Scared about choosing people other than my family and then potentially not being able to see them if they become ill. How can I maintain my freedom, dignity, and show my family I care when they don't think I'm doing enough, but it is never enough for them due to their personalities and lack of boundaries. They say "no pressure" but don't mean it. It feels so bad. I feel so helpless.
I only see two outcomes in this scenario. Take responsibility for your life and make the choice which makes most sense to you in the long run.
"Before diagnosing someone with depression make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes"
Is this you, Joe? This is marie.
Mircale Question: "If you could have the kind of life that you want to have, what would that look like? And what is keeping you from having it? What is in the way right now? That you can do."
O
Answer: Having a wife that looks great in a bikini, cooks like Nigella and appreciates all the good things we both bring to the relationship rather than focusing on what I'm not currently bringing to the relationship - why can't I have this now? Does this even exist?
Husband and kids-instead I have lonlines:-(
What a wonderful interview, Lewis...She is gold, and so are you. Congratulations, i really enjoyed it!
She is spot on I cannot see her name but she’s perfect I need her email please
Focus on the message, not the messenger...🥳🥳
She shared a lot of nuggets of wisdom. Self-love is so important. Sometimes, though, the cheater in a marriage cheats because they have unhealed trauma. It's very painful to say to the hurt partner that they did something which made it easier for the cheater to cheat. It's good to work out how to be a better partner in the future, but it hurts to be told that you helped the cheater cheat.
So true....I'm heal and find love again
It’s controlling to expect other people to change. 😬 We can only transform ourselves. People are either proactive or reactive in life. Reactive people are unhealed and insecure people. But it’s possible for people to overcome trauma but it requires work. Unhealed people are unable to move forward. So many depressed people are interested in the blame game and taking little responsibility for bettering their mental health to cope with other people and healing. I overcame suicidal depression when I learned to ACCEPT that there are awful humans in this world and I have to BE THE CHANGE I want to see in others. I also realised to rely on NO ONE to meet my needs.
A lot of people don’t even know what their needs are and are expecting others to meet their needs. It’s vital we meet our own needs first before expecting anyone else to meet them.
Just finished her book last night!!! I couldn't put it down!! IT'S A MUST READ!!!
so good!
Yes!! Loved it!!
Absolutely loved Lori Gottlieb's book too - couldn't put it down either.
Indeed. I have started reading from my phone last night and I read straight 30 mins even though it was 2.30 am and I was so sleepy already.
Thank you for sharing! Putting it on my must read book list now. 💗
I can absolutely relate to all of this. Y'all are the answer to my prayers. I am no longer a victim, nor will I be again... I'm a survivor, and through the turmoil I have learned that I have the power to change my myself... To be a better version of my self...so I can be a beacon of light to help others to find their way through the darkness. Thank you to God for all of you. Bless you all.
What an amazing interview! I think the woman who came to Lori and couldn't be helped (she couldn't change or see her need to change) is a classic narcissist and the reason she came every week is that she needed someone to dog down on or to abuse in order for her to feel better. She wasn't really interested in therapy but rather wanting to feel right. There are so many pearls of wisdom in this interview! Thank you so much!
Thank you Lewis for this great interview. Lori is my latest find and she has started helping me out already with her podcasts, interviews and her book. She is a true sweetheart, really. Her compassion, her mind, her humanity, her wisdom and her sweet language make her who she is. When she defined Wholeness as Greatness, she conquered the last bit in my heart. So full of wisdom. Thank you both of you again
I wish I had a therapist like her 😞
I really enjoyed watching this and surprisingly discovered things I need to really ask myself.
Only the spiritual life has the answers... develop your mind...read widely... meditate...serve mankind... become truly great...
Such a good interview and cannot wait to get the book. I would love to have had a therapist such as yourself “ I like how you called yourself an editor, helping them rewrite the story”.
It's all learned, evidence based knowledge. Is she smarter than the people that figure out everything on their own without any science and without research on their own? Yes! Unfortunately, most people won't find her message entertaining so they'll go with the people that are usually talking. It's not hard to figure out the intelligent people. It helps a lot if you can stop listening to the bad psychology. It's like improving your food diet. As long as you're eating junk, you're not going to eat the healthy food.
This conversation was so good. I don’t agree with everything but honestly just hearing this did something in my brain and thought pattern. As the conversation started I realized I recently heard the guest speaker of DOAC. So hearing the same things again has been so good 👌🏽 I especially loved the questions you asked Lewis
Thanks Lewis for interviewing Lori. She really opened up so beautifully to such important personal issues and gave very valuable insights to me to overcome my own inner issues. 🙏
3 truths question & answer are both amazing
Forgiveness is key. Forgetting is not possible as it is what it is. We are all imperfect creatures and we all make mistakes and don't say what we should when we should, we have to learn to forgive others and ourselves.
It is all about one working on himself, and about being around positive people.
There are things I’ve never told anyone, and I’m a woman. Just told my therapist a couple things...and it’s my 6th therapist. The first one I actually trust. The other ones were not safe to open up to, poor empathy. I scan out a situation for a while to determine if someone is safe.
While I’ve shared some personal things, my closest friend only knows me a fraction.
At a party, I look like an extrovert, but I’m really just a skilled introvert.
Sure, I’ve cried in front of other people, but it’s terribly uncomfortable and I’m more worried about their discomfort soon.
So, we aren’t all the same.
You can never see your own psych records but a court can. Think about that before you go to find a job or get a divorce. Never hire a psych
I don’t have one healthy relationship in my life. I’m focusing on the ones that matter. This was helpful for us so thank you 🙏 I
When I was 5 there was this girl in my class that would pinch me all the time and I never forgot her or the teacher that would take her side. I’ve always thought the teacher was elitist because the girl was pretty and rich. The other day I had this sudden memory that that girl had lost her mother as a child and the father married again and had two kids.
In That moment I felt compassion for her and understood the position of the teacher for protecting a kid that had lost a parent.
That story created so many ramifications in my life. I’ve always associated beauty, social status with deserving more love. I’m 51 ...only now I was able to review that story with compassion...including compassion towards myself, for being so young and not knowing what was really happening to all people involved.
That’s true about having compassion for the little girl who was dealing with an incredible loss, but as you said, you were also young and did not deserve to be mistreated by the little girl.
Compassion is one thing, but when we let hurt ppl hurt OTHER ppl and say, “oh but it’s so tough for them”, that still doesn’t justify the damage they do to other people.
The really compassionate thing would have been to correct the girl, apologize to you, and helped the two of you become good friends (if you really wanted it). Because if you grew up on the false belief that beautiful ppl get treated better, what do you think her takeaway was later in life??
@@galaxylucia1898 that’s a good point, but the adults in charge at the time didn’t act accordingly.neither the teacher or my parents. Every time I complained at home they’d say go ahead and do the same to her. All I have now is the memory of it, and scars I’m now able to deal with. Thanks for your compassion.
@@saycog1084 I'm glad you're able to deal with it now. I know it doesn't change things, but hey, as long as we're alive we can learn how to cope as we get older. Hope you're well.
I felt that 16:27 "Ou" moment Lewis.. and that anxious pencil tap lol
"We marry our unfinished business."
That hit home, I'm not sure if I have unfinished business.
But I guess I'll find out and comment back in 5 years.
Have to grab a pen and paper and write a letter to my unfinished business (trauma)
And yes, I still believe my parents owe me something..
I'm still a little girl having tantrums about past experiences or what my mind made up
It would be super cool to have Doctor Joe and this amazing woman together ❤
You rock, Lewis
Therapy at non cost
💜😉
One of the best interviews I have ever heard! Thank You!!! 😊💕🌈🥰
Thanks JoyAnn! I appreciate you for listening. 😊
This lady is speaking to me right now as I am dealing with my grief and doing my work which is cool. It's like she's reflecting what's happening. I 100% agree with what she says about feelings as well and the saying “how can I help you right now” agree with a lot of other stuff she's saying! Awesome! 🙏🌻 @ lewis, I love that you are open and you share and are honest and always show u wanna grow, learn be better. I love that. 🌻
I loved this interview. Once thing I noticed her saying towards the end is how often she switches careers. I have been doing the same thing ever since I began working at age 17. It's difficult to stay at one job for more than a year or two. I get bored, complacent, and feel like I always need and love change. Otherwise, I am just searching for my true calling in life. Or maybe I am just skilled in many areas; a Jack of all trades.
Look into fearful avoidant attachment style... the Personal Development School RUclips channel has some good info on it.
The need for novelty can be linked to some of the core wounds, subconscious programming that happens for fearful avoidants .
Good luck!
-a healing fearful avoidant :)
Thanks so much! @B the Change I will definitely look into this.
It’s one of my favorite ....episodes. Sometimes sharing is good but what happens when you’re not better after sharing....what are expectations of sharing ....
What a beautiful conversation! You don't have idea how much this helps to people. Thanks!
So she's saying, I have research that says what I'm saying is true, it's not just what I think. It's pretty much the opposite of what many advising people are saying. She does package it well and she's quick with listening and applying the most helpful ways of seeing things but, it all has decades of research and study supporting it. "idiot compassion" is golden. Idiot compassion is when you are drawn to an article like, 10 signs your heading for divorce. The article tells you your partner is the problem.
There is much wisdom here, a lot to learn that can be very helpful. Thank you, Lori and Lewis!
I've never been repulsed seeing a guy cry even over small things. It should be a huge relief to see honest emotions from a guy. I think Gen Z is eliminating the shame around that because the girls I know would never shame a guy for crying no matter how messy it is.
Im genuinely surprised and happy to hear this. I have to admit deep down I've always thought women were repulsed by a man showing sadness or pain.
Thank you so much for doing this interview 🙏 really quite eye opening on a number of topics : grief v guilt, forgiveness and apology. I immediately downloaded her book on audible. Thank you Lori for sharing your thoughts, wisdom, and insights. Success = being whole. You give me great hope and encouragement that if I work on myself I can improve my relationships.
Attachment styles are significant to understand and then work through your trauma. Lewis if you could interview Thais Gibson of Personal Development School that would be awesome!
Cavelle Ardiel,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news 😊😊🤙
@@oscarwilliamson1264 You just made my day!! Thank you.
@@cavelleardiel you are welcome my dearest 🌹🌷🌷🌺🌹🌹.I'm Oscar Williamson from the States ❤️.You?
Are you talking bout anxious attachment, avoidant dismissive, etc..? I’ve never heard of Thais Gibson but if that’s what it’s about count me in..very interesting topic.
@@jmgmetal Yes, it is. She has such a wise selection of videos that are about 10 to 20 minutes each. And if you want to delve in deeper she has the courses you can take as well
Live your truth
Yes. Would you be interested in further communication? nice to meet you here.
Wow this lady is so on point
Thanks Lewis, perfect walking companion for this evening. Agreeing with people to avoid conflict is idiot compassion.❤️🙏selfhelpchampion
It's interesting to here how we can all benefit from not being in a box, it's ok for men to be vulnerable because they are human like us, like women and they hurt and have insecurities just like we do.
I felt relieved after seeing that video. Man so many emotions i repress, thats not cool
She seems really accurate.
Yes Louis, What if the person did try to hurt them, ... if the story isn’t rewritten, it’s relived!
Not all therapists are alike or helpful. There are different specialities like ones that specialize in family systems therapy.
Gosh I loved every word. As a new therapist! I value this very very much. Thank you both👏!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
We marry our unfinished business. That spoke gold to me! So how do we finish the business?
This was useful and fruitful topics
Thank you, Lewis, so much! That was ...perfection! She's very knowledgeable and conveys the message so clearly.
And You ask excellent questions!! Really spot on, and helful!
Thank you very much again! I'll make sure to share this with all who I know needs it! (esp. men:))
Excellent interview and psychotherapist.
Amazing episode! I DO know the solution to how couples can speak safely into their innermost vulnerabilities to eradicate double standards. I teach on it. I am a woman who does feel safe when men open up. I have been facilitating this for decades but privately. Now as I am approaching going public it looks like I am starting out, it feels like a mountain to translate the content and build up the online presence. I'm working on it!
I wish I could go back in time, kidnap myself as a baby and raise myself
i often think this too, and then my therapist told me that's what we get to do know as adults; raise ourselves :)
@@ilana3122 that's one way to see it. ❤️
@@ilana3122 l
@@ilana3122 ⁰
Most of us wish that!
The part of mans vulnerability and our troubles to open, and the desire of women to the middle position about it reminded me of the Friends chapter between Rachel and The character played by Bruce Willis, that illustrates that soooo well
Such a lovely interview... You have given me such great information on where i go wrong. 😊
My appreciation💕
Forgiveness is always focussed upon what you think went wrong and you can't do that unless you still think it.
@51 i think she describes the plight of an empath, they're (we are) no different than a narc, one makes the sacrifice, the other makes a business decision, but for the same reasons
This interview was amazing!
Appreciate you! 🙏
I have to disagree on creating the space for honesty and that will encourage the other person. Maybe with some people. I have been open and honest and had the difficult conversations and always reminded my partner that they can tell me anything and I will accept them
But they havnt. They have still deceived me and still said yes I know I could talk to you and tell you but I couldn’t. That is because some people cannot be honest. They are cowardly when it comes to admitting the truth and taking responsibility. It’s not always a given unfortunately that you will get what you put out there
This is so true to real life and the most difficult part of a relationship. It also depends on how you have been open and honest and how the other person interpreted it. Most of the time when I'm open and honest it results in the other person feeling hurt, even if what I say is true but they interpret the feedback as an insult as an example.
Ppl who spend their life lying cannot stop.
The lying is a way of micro managing everything and everyone.
Wonderful interview. This helped me understand myself. I connect more to my masculine side. You said why can’t woman handle when men break down in front of us is because we cannot handle our own big feelings and until we’re able to face our own feelings without being co-dependent thank and maybe than can we be vulnerable to our own emotions as well as our friends partner and significant other.
👍
Interesting hearing this. This is great information. Im in a relationship with a Narcissit person . its horrible constantly fighting verbally, mentally , emotionally. Every since I got with him I was diagnose with cancer, financial depleted, not happy and miserable. I have never been so unhappy in my life . I want him to just go but I hate the fact that he just wont leave even though I tell him he has to do . Mentally its disturbing , draining not free to be me. I hate facing the rejection , i hate confrontation how can I overcome this.
@@joycesmorales6469 thank you
Hey guys, you are doing something really very needed. More power to you and your cause.💖💖💖💖
Such clarity and actionable very cool
Thanks so much for this session!! very eye-opening!! make you want to self-reflect!
Thank you Lewis for all those conversations they are soooo helpful, I love especially those about relationships.
2 points
Point A-
Amazing therapists.
Don’t cry too little don’t cry too much... aka for men only;-)
She’s on it... I’ve even delt with female healers who freak out when you go real...
She is VERY pro couple and not biased. Amazing. Love it. Will follow-
Point B-
A culture who treats boys and girls a certain way... yes it was crafted from lions, bears, famine, tribal war... and fear the tribe will be exterminated and or go extinct.
Protect all females... both men and women held to this for fertility and future existence.
That’s what trained us... we simply kept repeating it. Till this day.
So true been in 3 relationships and never found the love I was searching for and yes I came for a home that I was the black sheep I would so love to feel loved and even love myself would be a start , great interview very on point .
Every new day is a new chance to live our dreams and create the life we want🌻
Lori is so amazing! Lovely kind smart. Thanks. And Lewis is great 👍🏻
Very insightful interview! Thank you so much for all the hard work 💐💝
Lewis is doing a good job with his interviews! I see his improvement.
#YOU ARE ONLY STUCK WHEN YOU DON'T TAKE YOUR ACTION. NAMASTE SHE IS THE BEST FEMALE DR.. . THANK YOU. .
YES! Thank you for having her ❤️ love her work!
A beautiful analogy with the dance.
Woman: “I don’t feel safe when you don’t open up, and I don’t feel safe when you’re vulnerable.”
Man: “Come see me when you figure out what you want and can accurately communicate it. I’m going to the golf course.”
Lewis, this is the most phenomenal interview I have heard. Your questions were so profound and powerful. They clearly show that you’ve done deep work down to the core. Thank you both for showing up day in and day out.
I don't mind having an emotional partner.
I feel very supportive when someone opens up to me.
Balance it's the key when in comes to a relationship.
I like the men to opens up emotionally.
Jael Garcia,hope you are with a better man!
Hi Oscar.
I'm still single.
Divorced few years ago.
I prefer to be alone then felling alone with someone.
@@jaelgarcia4576 oh ok my dearest 🌹🌷🌷🌺🌹🌹🌷🌷🌺.I'm Oscar Williamson from the States ❤️.You?
@@jaelgarcia4576 which country are you from?
Wish I could believe you. My ex said the same all the time..when I finally caved and opened up you should have seen the look of..DISGUST...on her face. The relationship lasted about a week tops after that.
Very Interesting interview.
Its important that a man knows that when he is vulnerable before and with his woman that he is safe with her,she still sees him as a manly tough man, and that she is with him completely.
Vice versa also....
Your getting smarter Lewis...keep doing your homework....great interview!!
This was super helpful 💜
So happy to hear we have supported you!
Ahhhh! I love her! Her book is amazing!
This advice does not apply to narcs.
What are they？
@@Melly16yr10 narcissists
Ya trap game narcs
This is so good!! Thank you so much for this.
I agree! we all needed to hear this. Would be nice to correspond with you and look forward to hearing from you.
Great one Lewis. Thanks to Lori too. Best regards ;)
👍
So she is saying don’t just forgive, actually forgive... 🤔
👍
must be.
Lew also gave 👍
True forgiveness
is really productive and nice.
Shalom
I love psychology, great interview.
I can relate to the "Groundhog Day" comment.
Some people recognize that their childhood environment was not healthy and do not find negative familiarity comfortable.
I agree with what she said but 9 times out of 10 if I share with my girl or wife how I really feel. She becomes afraid and feels unsafe as Lori says and that is the beginning of the end of the relationship but the women doesn't understand why she has lost attraction.
This my friend, this. I think it’s nature, not cultural/societal standards. Even...even if you found a woman who mentally understood what was happening with the man emotionally and psychologically , and even if she decided to stick it out with the man, be there for him, stay loyal to him, comfort him etc....please pardon my crassness , but it still won’t change the fact that it is going to physiologically cause that vagina to dry up real fast..she’s gonna be turned off, even if she doesn’t want to be.
@@jmgmetal Yes I agree. It is innate within them. Unconscious
This pain has changed both of us.
Hi this is true to the point in the fact about being surrounded by a holes n I just got rid of a pack of toxic friends
Don’t think that your marriage is mistake Just take to the Lord in prayer never be discouraged
Beautiful thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
You are welcome and thanks for watching!
oh i didn’t know it was yesterday’s episodes..... it’s true . I can’t imagine not allowing men to open up .....everyman I’ve met I’ve heard this ...and men open up to me. The relationships don’t last , it’s hard for me to open up ....but the pain of abuse gives me the power to help men....it’s hard to help myself.
Thank you for this ❤❤❤ Wishing the best to Both!
What’s it all for when we can’t be vulnerable with each other?
Absolutely a great interview!
I feel very confortable with men vulnerability. In fact only that way I can see them clear and connect, when the masks fall down and I can see their soul.
Thank You🙏🏼. What an amazing talk🙏🏼🙌🏼
Resonates for me and all my clients 💗 thank you for this one Lewis 💗
Incredible! So glad to hear it. Thanks for watching. ❤️
There's no story :)
If there's, U uphold it :)
U probably enjoy it :)
Pain may be there, suffering is optional :)
Live the present moment.
Do not strengthen past events :)
Thank you, no complaints whatsoever :)
Excellent interview
Awesome advices ❤ Thank you guys 🤗
Could I make an appointment with this therapist. She is smart!!