Very good video! I love it. All of us who are still practicing the old tradition need to band together and strategize a way to reduce these ridiculous costs. I love the many ideas here. Shorten the length of the funeral will reduce a lot of things that equates to money. Yes no more catering to so called VIP guests. I agree with just 1 full day and 1 evening is good enough.
To my Hmong’ out there, if you are too weak to make the call for your family and keep waiting for your clan leader to come make it that means you are still behind and not smart enough, the day you can make the decision for your family is the day you can stand for yourself. The Hmong clan leader are corrupted and all they want is face, if you can’t provide what they want they’ll not be apart of it. Learn the system and stand up for yourself, be strong. Don’t let so call cousins ruin your life or put you in debt because at the end you are the one suffering. We can’t control the world but we can control what’s in front of us and what’s ours.
I agree. Hmong America has deformed our culture into a status and capitalistic/ for profit social gathering. The money blanket is covering/overpowering the sincerity and compassion for our families and our Hmong culture/practices. We don’t need to over decorate a venue, order BBQ pigs/ shrimp dishes to show our gratitude for people to show up. I’d rather have 2 truly sincere and compassionate people show up than those money grubbers, complainers about how cheap my food and decorations were, and koob moom stealers.
My parents passed away in the same year just 6 months apart in 2008. They have 5 kids and between us 5, we end up spending $150K in total. The OGs came down hard on us and demanded we do what they say. The pressure and arguments at the table was ruthless. Two of my brothers had to refinance their house. One had to take out a loan. Both my sister and I took out our 401K from work. My parents funeral that year made us all broke and we since then separated ourselves from our families & relatives. Even the 5 of us stopped communicating with each other. And the dude is right, been 14 years and we have not heard or seen any of those stupid OGs that was demanding we do as they say/want.
I'm sorry for the loss of your parents and then to hear that your parents funeral made things worse for you and your siblings. I know we all want to do the right thing, but at what cost? How can we be sure that our parents are in a better place now that all their kids are broke and divided? It's a lose-lose situation for everyone except the money collectors and jealous old people who enjoy seeing other people suffer. I have already decided I wasn't going to make someone else rich by giving them all my money just so my parents can have a "proper hmong funeral." As far as I'm concerned, once a person is dead, they're free of pain and suffering and/or old age, so there's no need to go through all the trouble and make the kids suffer.
when my family still lived in Thailand and my parents just started their life as a married couple and just had me. my maternal grandfather (1996) passed away so both were able to collect some money to slaughter a pig for the funeral. after 10~ yrs living in the US and my maternal grandmother (2015) died (still living in Thailand (they're Hmong-Thai)). Both my parents want to slaughter a cow for my maternal grandmother and already sent money via MoneyGram. The leader of their clan said that it was not fair to slaughter such a large animal for the mother and a little animal for the father, and my parents were like "we were young then, now we live in America and have money" then my mother older brother said that when his mother died (2006) my parents didn't slaughter any for his mother (we just emigrated to the US (2005) and kind of lost connection with them) so if my parents still want to slaughter a cow then my parents should allow him to include his name as well - they live in the mountain and a small shop is like the only place that has a phone in the mid-2000s. my parents were like "we already sent our money and mother-in-law asked for a cow when she was still alive so it's up to you guys." that older brother is the 2nd wife's kid, the 2nd maternal grandmother married one of my maternal grandfather's brothers so he died and she "married" my maternal grandfather so their clan can keep the two boys.
Happen to me when my mom pass away. My so call clan leader sent two goons to scam me at my house. They start buy saying how rich I am and that I live in a nice house and have a tundra. Then they would pressure me to give them 40 grand for their services. I decline and that's when the insult and shaming began to the point I had to kick them out or fist would start flying. Don't let this happen to you.
Taking notes. Thankyou for sharing because my parents are 54 and 50 years old and at that age, I simply don't know when they're going to kick the bucket. Being the eldest son also hurts because they will be sharking me left and right.
As someone who has a dad who is very important to his clan. I do not want to get to the day when he passes. The burden of catering to everyone is giving me anxiety. Seeing how expensive my cousins 1 week funeral was compared to my grandpas 1 day funeral really put into prospective how much it costs. I much rather have my grandpas style of funeral. It was under $10000 and catered to everyone respectfully.
Yep. The OGs are the caused of this. The living OGs. They don’t give a fuck if you can afford it or not. They don’t give a fuck if you will go broke afterwards. Good for you for kicking them out. Hopefully you were able to give your mom a funeral within your budget.
@@kuvjason7236 One of my uncles dab laug passed away YEARS BACK. The first night when you go to the deceased's house and baby sit for the whole next week. The OG straight up demanded all the sons(4 sons)each to fork up around 15k regardless if they are married or not and each will have to get cows. Niam dab laug said she can only afford 11k and one cow. One of the son was a junky criminal so the OG didn't bother with him. So the remaining 3 sons has to fork up the cash. Their total is 56k. Total of The funeral cost is around 55k. The extra 1k is for back up. One of the son had about 100k life insurance policy on uncle. That son planned to use the life insurance policy as proof to get 15k loan from the bank. The other sons wanted to lower down to at least 10k each, all of them will pitch in to get 1 cow. The OG straight up said no. Each fork up 15k, shame on them for being cheap, get the money within a week and if there's no money? The funeral can't be process. Next thing one of the OG was like...the son who had the 100k life insurance policy will have to LOAN money to the other 2 sons. Instead of 15k..now this son has to borrow 45k from the bank(15k for himself and 15k each for the other 2 brothers. Total of 45k) to loan to the other 2 sons. The other 2 will have to pay back. After the funeral is DONE and whatever money is remaining from the life insurance + the sunshine money will than be divided among the mother and the sons including junky son. So it's like... Life Insurance policy..100k total. 45k will pay back the bank. 100k - 45k = 35k remaining. The 35k is to be divided among 5 people = $7000 per person and after that the sunshine money is to be divided among them too.
A clan club member came to my dad at his home after a funeral tooting the kind $1,000 donation the 20+families in the clan associated with the club donated for a funeral for my brother (none of the family/clan members showed up for the funeral to help out without $ incentive-only to help drink up and get loud while we were crying and do rituals).
Yep. I've personally seen funerals that were above $70k. This needs to change or else our younger generation is just going to abandon the tradition. Very good video!
The people assigned tasks/roles factors in the costs of funerals. People who claim to help out during funerals (from essential funeral ceremony practices to the garbage person) may be getting props for helping out but they also get paid for it. White Hmong people task at least one teenager to do trash for an average of $200 during funeral event. Keep it simple(don’t pay influencial people to show up, keep the meals simple, don’t buy so much beer-funerals are not social parties for u to over drink to celebrate each other cuz u have reunited cousins and friends/get loud)!!! Show true sincerity and don’t ask to get compensated for attending a funeral. Show true sincerity and compassion.
@@ntxhaispaaj I was a person that took care of trash and wasn’t paid. A lot of people get small pay or none from my experience. I felt unappreciated but that’s just my upbringing.
@Ching Vang I believe it varies from time to time. Sometime we struggle a lot and money is an issue so we don’t get anything. I wouldn’t say we are broke but we are just barely making it. I have my own money so I could care less. If it was for an American funeral home, I would also get nothing as since it’s suppose to be out of love. I used to go to church in the past. The thing was we actively volunteer for tasks where as Hmong is more so given.
The Hmong in the States thinks of themselves too highly that they are pressured to make a funeral for a king and queen (ironically, the similar thing is happen to Hmong Laos and Vietnam in weddings today). Sometimes it's the fault of the parent or relatives, who demands certain requirement. When the Hmong were still in Laos and Vietnam, the average person had less than the value of $50 USD and everyone can make a funeral happen. I can understand $10K-$15K in the States, but you shouldn't need to spend over $20K (even with inflation) as a baseline requirement. The rich ones will say, we need to do it, but never think about the poor families who can't afford to spend more than even $5K without going into debt. Your loved one just died, why give yourself more burden with debt. We all know, it's about saving face. But the truth is, at the end of the day, nobody cares because most of them, 90% won't call you, won't ask about you, won't help you pay your debt. But hey, at least they'll be there again at your funeral, right?
You're so right on the point. That's why Neng Chue Xiong yelled out, "Malaqapi" to the other guy, who demanded a bigger cow for the deceased person. Also, there is not need to invite the "leaders" or VIP to a funeral. They offer nothing to the family of the deceased person. Thanks to COVID-19, the change was dramatic.
I agree this need to be change, when my father pastaway, he has 8 sons. But only 4 that are married, so Each of the married sons has to come up 10k. If u don’t have money you will have to take a loan or borrow from a family member. There will be some donations money to help also but doesn’t cover everything. Two weeks plus of grieving with the family at home before the funeral, we are drained due to cooking every day and spending money daily up until the funeral day. So many cows and pigs being kills to feed the guest who come help keep our home warm. During the funeral foods n drinks cost was over spent to many waste alcohol and foods. When the funeral is over, everyone goes back to reality and the sons are left with debts. Our family have spent over 56plus thousands dollars. Sometimes makes me think of the amt money that has been spent for his funeral.. it’s sad cause when he was alive.. we could have spent that much money to take him on vacation etc.
Great video. Very informative and on point. We as a community need to change our ways and do what is right for our loved ones. I agree that most of these costs just comes from peer pressure. Can’t wait to see more.
The political pressure is the issue! The American Hmong leaders and/or sometimes the designated (mostly paternal side-thank you maternal side helpers who volunteer on the day of!!!) helpers who were tasked are the problem: “we need more or this”; those people are dictating what is required on the day of!!! Hosting family already prepped for the meals preps and tasked the help to make the planned meals-just do it! It sucks for the lazy paternal side non-helpers who attend for the good koob moom-uncle said your whole family wasn’t helping, you weren’t helping cuz you’re busy!! Why did you attend?
5:00 what he said is so true. about a few months before covid-19, I went to a funeral and a pastor said about why Hmong people "show our love" only during funerals. those tens of thousands of dollars that we spent, why not spend on the person when they're still living, they wouldn't know it when they're dead. about 3 weeks ago, my family went to slaughter 4 cows for my grandfather's funeral. there was no signal so we went to a gas station to see if we can get a signal to call the vehicles that fall behind. that gas station own by a Hmong. he asked if we went to buy cows for a funeral or something then he said that when his father died, he slaughtered 15 cows. the last person to get 2-3 days of service will be my grandmother. i have asked my parents and they told me that it's up to us - the children - but my mother said outright that she just wants a day. because we're Christian, we can do it but it's hard for the non-Christian Hmong. since they said that, I said that I'll probably be going to slaughter a cow the week after their death (maybe on Friday/Saturday at home for dining), do a little service a week after it (or just the Saturday/Sunday after the dining), and bury them on the same day of the service (maybe Sunday or Monday) - everything done either within the same week or two weeks after the death.
I absolutely agree 100% with you that it needs to be changed. Otherwise, surely that the young generation would change their believe to Christianity or else. At the time then it could be already too late. Thank you
@Ying Vang, you are about right. Like what I said, “I do not wish to switch or convert about changes to the Christian beliefs.” That is why I don’t go to the Church. The Shaman and Christian Church (Mormon, Seventh Day, Baptist and Protestant, Catholic, etc.) had the same problems and experiences about funerals raising prices. That is truly sad! Thanks bro
@@kx6708 the decision of how much money you can afford for a funeral is up to you as the family, do not let it be up others ans/or do not depend on others to make decisions for you and then get suffered alone o.k. Keep in mind that those are just the talkers they won't give you a dime, every thing is from your own pocket so just speak out telling them that 's all you could afford. Thank you
I blame it soley on the clan leaders who tries to one up each other because they believe the more extravagant the funeral is, the more accolades and respect will be thrown their way. Most clan leaders who still cling to this mindset should be ashamed of themselves for using their families as stepping stones to reach an esteem affluence in the community.
Agreed! Cut down the cost means cutting down the activities at a hmong funeral... Some hmong OGs dont care cause its not their $$$ thats getting spent.... They just want to their names/faces and reputation to be heard more IMO. Its bullshit and I sure as hell dont want an OG hmong funeral nor a church one. I.would rather have everyone just come chill and remember me
I truly believe we need to improve and need to educate the elders about the cost and unnecessary expenses w/ funerals. Traditional can be uphold but it shouldn’t be putting so much financial burden to the surviving family. I am pondering about my burden to my parents - which i will fulfill. As for me, It will be hard to follow this tradition.
I stood up to my clan leader when we had my mother’s funeral cuz he wanted to have face by having a big funeral m spend a lot on food and beer. Once I stood up he didn’t want to lend a finger to help but I said that’s okay he will have his time.
Thank you for the educational, and well made video. It's great to have accessible, and informational videos like this, especially since Hmong culture is so oral. It's a great way of preserving knowledge, and reaching a wider audience.
These “professionals” talk about the “social pressures” but it’s the politics… The politics of it really sucks with clan leaders and co-leaders…Is it bad kharma for paternal side relatives to allow the hosting family to work the basic jobs (cooking/cutting meat/ restocking food) due to lack of support/sincerity? I’m from maternal side and tried my best to help and tell the hosting family to grieve well during the funeral. It sucks that politics kicked in during a funeral; n I hope the paternal family improves their sincerity.
so i am a first generation born in the United States, Growing up and having to learn two culture isn't a task that is easily understood by our elders. One hand you don't want to disappoint your relatives and culture but on the other hand you have the American culture that you need to adapt to as well. In my eyes and what i have seen through out the many funerals i have attend, is it REALLY necessary to have all of it?
I agree. Hmong America has deformed our culture into a status and capitalistic/ for profit social gathering. The money blanket is covering/overpowering the sincerity and compassion for our families/loved ones and our Hmong culture/practices. We don’t need to over decorate a venue, order BBQ pigs/ shrimp dishes to show our gratitude for people to show up. I’d rather have 2 truly sincere and compassionate people show up than those money grubbers, complainers about how cheap my food and decorations were, and koob moom stealers. Keep it simple and stop reinforcing the bad attitudes of those “influential” big mouth relatives who may be reaping the benefits of their parents’s rep/money/social status.
Ikr. Stupid Hmong funeral "directly" financially screw up the family of the deceased it also "indirectly" financially screw up the clan members, cousins or others too. All these stupid Hmong OG clan members and all the stupid culture leaders socially pressure people to show up at funerals for 3 days or whatever amount of time. Bruh. People has to work. Some people don't get pay if they don't work. Some people has 12 hours shift and they need to rest. People don't have time to come to "nyob hmo" for 7 nights and another 3 days for the funeral. This ain't the 80s to the 90s when 99% of Hmong people are on welfare+ foodstamp and have time to spare.
It’s all about “greed and showing off”. It’s not the wish of the person who died. It is the demand of all the old men coming to funeral. They don’t give a shit if your family can afford it or not. They just want to make the funeral “beautiful” to save face. And for some families, they want to show off that they have money but really they don’t.
The ones I did attend I including my grandfather's seems to me like everyone treated it like some kind of social gathering then a funeral. I didnt know more than half of the people that showed up ate drink and left. I know there is a lot of culture and traditions our people hold on to dearly especially the old country hmong. But the cost of those funerals I completely disagree with.
Yeah it’s costing a lot so don’t try to impress others..they are not the ones suffering after the funeral..just make it simple , one day only Hmong people damm
I know this for a fact, some Hmong funeral owners secretly give out commission behind door to any elder or family leader that referred deceased to them. Yup, regardless of the timeframe or how expensive it is, those elders will persuade you to use that funeral home. This also led to some Txiv Qeej, Tswj Kav, Niam Ua Mov, refuse to help unless switch to the Funeral Home of their preference just to make a little $$ on the side. Such corruption in a small Hmong community. SMH!! I encourage the younger generation to stand their ground, do some research and shop around. Some funeral home are cheaper than others. I hope this will be brought to light and make awareness.
If the clan leaders and spirit leaders knows that if the deceased has LIFE INSURANCE...say..about $100,000. They will "shame, manipulate and social pressure" the son(s) into SPENDING MORE ON the funeral. They "spend" the money. The son(s) hold the money but in name only. It's these old farts who does all the spending.
So truth. America Hmoob funeral is a burden. I have seen family broken from hmoob funeral. Is never the family way, always the clan leader way. With social pressure too you have to meet there expectations. Is a financial burden.
Kheem lam Hmoob pab cov tub-ntxhais hluas kawm ntawv qeb siab (doctoral degrees) npaum li Hmoob ua ntees ZOO rau cov NEEG TUAG mas Hmoov lub neej VAM MEEJ TSHAJ txhua haiv neeg nyob thoob qab ntuj...Tiam sis, TSIS MUAJ TSEEB thiab npau suav los twb tsis pom! Yog muaj TSEEB li txhua tus TXIV XAIV cov lus ces HMOOB CIAJ huab tais thiab LWM HAIV NEEG UA hMOOB QHEV TAAG LAWM! Luag tswv yim loj ces LUAG muab yus NTXIAS NOJ thiab KIB ROJ! YUS tswv yim me ces luag MUAB YUS NTXIAS "QHE" xwb las...MUAJ LAIJ DAB TSI! Yog Hmoob nquag thiab siv nyiaj nrog tua tsiaj npaum li Hmoob sib koom 1 sij mus (ua) 1 lub ntees ces Hmoob lub neej (society) vam meej tshaj txhua haiv neeg nyob thoob qab ntuj BUT NO ONE CARES.... Cas thaum muaj teeb meem tshwm sim tuaj...Ho tsis mus khawb cov neeg tuag uas Hmoob siv nyiaj thiab tua tsiaj ntau ntau rau los pab Hmoob? CUAG NKAUS li cov tub-ntxhais hluas kawm tiad PhDs tshuad Hmoob NQE PIM (PAUM), QAU, SIB TSOOB, SIB TXIAG, SIB AIM thiab NQE PHEV; YOM? Es ho tsuas pom cem thiab hais cov tub-ntxhais kawm ntawv qeb siab thiab tshawb fawb (PhDs) tuaj pab Hmoob DAWB DAWB? Cas yuav ua PLUAG TSAB MUAJ thiab RUAM TSAB NTSE UA LUAJ! Luag tshuad nqe txais nyiaj them rov qab, poj niam, txiv thiab me nyuam yuav siv nyiaj NAD! The theory of the "Foom Kom and Qhuab Kom" are simply BRAINWASHING people who have no education and/or research SIMPLY they are DEEP ROOTED WORDS IN the Hmong ideological thoughts and concepts. NOTHING HAS BEEN PROVEN WHAT THEY SAID WILL GET ANYONE BETTER IN LIFE...TRUST ME AND BELIEVE ME! I'VE BEEN INVOLVED IN THIS KIND OF PROCESS SINCE 1974 TO NOWADAYS and I'd considered it a WASTE TIME AND WASTE FULL SPENDING TO PAY CASH! A good example of this is HOW TO TRANSLATE and INTERPRET the United States Constitution, in particular, in your own words if you can. REMEMBER: No matter how much you spent $ for a funeral for a deceased loved one that is DEAD..That deceased person CANNOT take it with him/her to the SPIRITUAL WORLD (sab ntsuj plig teb chaws)...BUT all of the expenses for the UNNECESSARY LAVISH funeral BEAUTY will ONLY CREATE a BURDEN to the LIVING FAMILY MEMBERS OF the DEAD. We all need to know, realize, BE LOGICAL, REALISTIC, EDUCATIONAL and IDEOLOGICAL that based on Hmong sob lus: "Tub tuag tsis nco tub ciaj tshaj ntuj" nawb.... We have to EARN our REPUTATION and we CANNOT buy REPUTATION!
What is being done about this? Are we just going to talk and not do anything about it? How would we implement these changes? Funeral cost is high because it drags on forever (3 days) and this is NOT NECESSARY, is it? Food and beverage is NOT as costly as the rent of the funeral home. I don't know the break down of funeral costs, but I'd rather buy food for everyone and get it over with in one day than drag the ceremony on for 3 days, thus racking up the cost. The worst thing we can do is burden our children with funeral costs and ruin their lives. How is this considered "honor," if we do this to our children? If someone tells you to jump off a cliff, are you going to do as they say and jump? We should never tell someone to do something that we're not willing to do ourselves. Neither should we demand others to sacrifice anything for us because to do so is called "m u r d e r," which is NOT love. Love does NOT make demands but offers/gives freely without expecting anything in return.
i think 1.5 days should be enough. we have airplanes and cars, it's not like we going to walk 5 mountains and 4 valleys in the "good old days of Laos."
What about the funeral cost for the Hmong Christian? They don't do extravagant ceremonial activities like the old Hmong tradition. The food might not cost a lot, but it takes a lot of effort, times and hard works for the family and relatives when they should spend the time grieving.
I'm Christian and I went to two funerals before - one of my grandpas in the Twin Cities and my grandfather like 3 weeks ago. The cooking are done by the church members because there are members who are assigned for funeral events. at that grandpa in Twin Cities, I remembered that uncle slaughtered 5 cows and 2 pigs. for my grandfather, we slaughtered just the 4 cows - $1200 each. snacks, ingredients, drinks (soda, juice, and water - no alcohol at Christian funeral) and other foods related cost are out of the family. the flowers displaying at the casket are individual purchases. my grandfather got those Laotain wooded casket for $5,000, $3000 discount because my grandparents know the seller. i didn't ask for the cost of the funeral home - hmong funeral home. my grandfather got two lots because my family tilted the coffin at an angle per family tradition. I'm assuming that it's around $30k-$40k for my grandfather. only the older generation - the early believers - are the ones that still want the 2-3 days services. i have heard of some families that did 1.5 days service as well.
Guess what? The other day I purposely played this video in front of my mom. Mom got super triggered. My hmong brothers and sisters. Look up the word..."narcissism" and do some research on it. You will easily see that our Hmong culture is full of narcissism.
Greed is what change, we pay 40k n the place cant afford speaker, my family slowly abandoning some of the useless stuff already, but yes cost needs to go down
If you're going overboard, you only have yourself to blame. When Hmong first arrived in America, funerals were quick and simple. Affordable. The way some adopt funerals now is a new trend made up.
They need to stop bringing Beers to the Funeral. Waste of money, it's for their own safety. Banned Beer, The Clan leaders must change now, No one would a support the OGs anymore in the next generation. Culture is not modernized. It's time for a change for Hmong Culture and I believed we need to simplified it. Game over for Hmong People if nothing changed.
Know the tradition first, then decide on your own what you want to cut out! Cut cost... knowledge is power! Dont let others bully you..its just tradition/ culture, not law. Do what you can afford!
I BLAME THE LONG FUNERAL RITUAL( FRI, SAT, SUN, MON), 10 C0WS(DO WE NEED 10 SPIRIT COW AFTER LIFE), SNACK AT FUNERAL (WHY EAT AT A FUNERAL WHILE FLIES SPREAD BACTERIA FROM THE DEAD).
The clan leader does not see but himself only. He is selfish and just wants to save his face. I think the children should stand their ground and should not listen to the leader but how much they have in their pocket.
Txhob txhawj vim hmoob txoj kev coj qub no nyuaj dhau lawm ntuj thiaj muab peb ua kom tuaj nyob lub teb chaws vaj tswv kuv xav tias tsis ntev xyoo tsis tsawg tiam no peb cov tub ki yuav mus coj kev cai tshiab tas kuv ntseeg 100% li no .
My parents will be the last generation to have Hmong funerals (out of respect). When it comes to my death, I want the cheapest process for my kids to have to deal with. I can't wait to be done with these pointless rituals that have no place in the modern world. Everything is poison, the social pressures, the financial burden, the excessive feasting and drinking leading to metabolic health problems. They don't even question why they are dying younger and from complications unheard of by than their ancestors.
You wanna know what's really fucked up after funerals? Lets say Joe bought life insurance for his folks. He pay the fee every month. Nobody else pay for it. Joe bought..say....100,000. One of the folk passes away. The total cost is..say....55,000. The remaining cash is 45,000. Now the fucked up part is when the clan leaders demand Joe to "share the life insurance money" among his brothers, sisters and to the Mom or Dad depending who's still alive after the funeral.
Awwwe, Bee Vue (Vam Huas & Bee Yang (Txawj Teeb) bring down the costs of Hmong Funerals Service to Hmong (Old Culture Society). Tu siab cov npwb Hmoob yuav yuam ua lub ntees kom lawv tau Ntsej muag xwb2. (Lawv tias luag yog cov coj noj coj haus) tau li lawv hais ces lub thiaj mus taus. That's not normal here. So sadness, calling your self clan leader!
Who the hell needs 10 cows when they're dead at 1500 to 2k a cow that's utterly ridiculous some of these old folks will go out of their way to make sure that all of these cows are killed during a funeral as if it is a need and a must. Kings and Queens don't even get 10 cows why do we treat our dead better than we do when they're alive it's dumbfounding.
Why you (Bee Yang) and the inerviewed colleague are such a BIG MOUTHS and TALK THAT WILL LEAD THE HMONG TO NO WHERE! It's like an old Confucius saying: "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a SINGLE STEP..." BUT my warning is MAKE SURE THAT "first step...DOESN'T PUT ON THE MUD!"
Bee Yang: You're an EXPERT in Hmong practices: Don't you DARE to use the words: "Shaman, sacrifice, ritual, ancestor worship, altar, magic healing, etc." because these words HAVE ALREAD PRODUCED "CULTURAL STEREOTYPES" against the Hmong all over the world! Since you're an EXPERT and the Hmong TRUST YOU...YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH "BETTER TERMINOLOGIES" for in my own preferred terms: "Spiritual doctor, sacred spiritual healing ceremonies, traditonal Hmong funeral and wedding ceremonies." Hmong people HAVE "NEVER" conducted and practiced VOODOO AND SACRIFICE HUMANS or ANIMALS...PERIOD!
U are wrong Mr Heu. Professor Bee is accurate and true to Hmong religion. You just want to water it down and make it "palatable" or sound "nicer" to other races. If you dont like it, change yourself, and go join a new culture or religion.
@@kungfue1143 I agree with you. It is what it is, and it's up to each individual whether s/he wants to practice this way of life or not. I personally do not resonate with it so that's why I chose a different path for myself.
This so called "ancestors land", is it a physical place or more of a spiritual place? I had always thought that the ancestors land represented our original place of origin which was China and its where our souls go back too, but I'm sure this might be entirely wrong.
I almost got into a fight with my relatives after my grandma had passed away over this stupid idea of killing so many animals. My grandma only wanted 1 cow and 1 chicken.
Bee Yang: You're such a BULLY! You stated" "IN order to reduce the (funeral ) cost, we need to go back to the ORIGINAL." THAT'S A "DAMN" LIAR! We NEED TO DO "RESEARCH" HOW EVERYTHING AT "A HMONG FUNERAL BECAME and GOT INCORPORATED as TIME EVOLVED?"
BEE YANG: Again...Why are you such a BULLY! BIG ANIMALS being slaughtered at Hmong funerals traditionally are NOT and HAVE NEVER BEEN "cows" BUT "ONLY BULLS?" yOU KNOW BETTER!
we just have to work together and buy one for the community and the cost of funeral home cost. If the hmong clan leader and 18 clans want us to follow them and they are leaders in the communities they should open up their own funeral home to reduce the cost. Without that..those leadership and tradition means nothing. No one will agree to these tradition... Its not freindly for us all to follow, because some of these people has soo much ego.. Those spirtual leaders should know or specialize, specialist in multiple Clans ways and have ways to funds that. At the end is that.. If you cant control the cost.. It sure will change and no one may not follow it.. We ALL have to adapt to our enviroment, cost of living and with the country we live in... Another thought is that if organizations like Lao family isnt doing anything.. After all these years.. Give them the boot..
Hmong people also need to change about taking the meats at the funeral home too. Too many cows are killed, especially, the elderly and not enough meat to cook and serve at the funeral for the visitors. If we do the math correctly, a 1000 lbs or bigger cow should have enough meats to cook with vegetables for 3 meals (one full day) so 3 full days of funeral service we only need at the most 4 cows, yet, in most cases and most elderly funeral, there are 6, some even 12 cows were slaughtered but not enough meats to cook at the funeral, and no meat left over after the funeral too. Not every of those cow is killed for the purpose of txiv dab laug, maum phauj,..etc where the meats have to divide into those groups, some cows were slaughtered mainly for foods only but still not enough meats.
Peb cov hmoob kho tsis Tau lawm. Peb hmoob ua yuav yuav reputation xwb. Ua ib nteeg tag $50K rau $100K. Yuav kom kho Tau ces txog leej twg tsev ces yus paub yus tus kheej xwb.
Only go to heaven ascend or hell if not, but hell bound is chain to earth being reincarnated over and over on earth never meeting your ancestors but trick to be other humans to infinity until bad enough to go to hell
Hmong ritual process doesnot need to be legislated. Laws and legeslationa will only bring problems. A funeral will be a ritual for the deads not for the livings. Most of the costs stemmed from killing cows, restless alcohol wastes and food wastes. Have only 1 supper a day is fine, don’t need to have between 2-3 meals a day. I’ve seen people tsev xyom cuab, openning beers left and right offering to everbody, even to the ones that are not beer addicts. Stop the being too mannered and offer beers regardless of who drink it or not. And don’t set up a table for the old people or beer addicts.
I do agree with you and everything the OG said in this video. With you I agree that there should be no legislation and laws are needed. That will only bring problems. The Hmong culture is full of narcissism.(Look up that term and you will understand the meaning). The only way for the cost to drop is when all or MOST these old Boomers and Gen X dies off.
Niaj hnub no (nowadays) Hmoob, including koj (Bee Yang) twb yuam kev TAG about 60% lawm los TSEEM TSIS LEES LUB "TXIM TXHAUM" thiab tsis QHUAB QHIA txog TEJ YUAM KEV vim "NTSEJ UA DU, MUAG UA PLHU" xwb!
$40,000, $50,000, .....$100,000 for Hmong funeral costs is NOT too bad considering that the grandchildren will be guaranteed unlimited wealth without lifting a finger, guaranteed government & leadership positions with no experience needed, unlimited protection from the deceased relatives. Children and grandchildren have to realize that they are making a very BIG INVESTMENT for future generations and for themselves (since they will be re-born into their clans....clans elders say so at the funerals).
Folks, it is better to change your believe to Christian and do not go to Hmong Christian church but American church because Hmong church would very much treat you no different non Hmong Christian treating you either. Thank you.
"Unlimited protection from the deceased relatives," is not proven to be true. It could be made up and everyone just took it as "truth," because we don't know any better. Well now you can't say you don't have access to information or technology because you do and can research topics on "life after death."
I don't care about the cost. Funeral homes and services are rackets. I just don't know why so many cows have to die as well. The funny thing is how do they know about the spirits? My gripe is also with Christian families who attend traditional funerals. You might have to cater out for them.
Very good video! I love it. All of us who are still practicing the old tradition need to band together and strategize a way to reduce these ridiculous costs. I love the many ideas here. Shorten the length of the funeral will reduce a lot of things that equates to money. Yes no more catering to so called VIP guests. I agree with just 1 full day and 1 evening is good enough.
To my Hmong’ out there, if you are too weak to make the call for your family and keep waiting for your clan leader to come make it that means you are still behind and not smart enough, the day you can make the decision for your family is the day you can stand for yourself. The Hmong clan leader are corrupted and all they want is face, if you can’t provide what they want they’ll not be apart of it. Learn the system and stand up for yourself, be strong. Don’t let so call cousins ruin your life or put you in debt because at the end you are the one suffering. We can’t control the world but we can control what’s in front of us and what’s ours.
Thank you so much for educating our younger generations. With so much love and respect
The religious is not a big problem, the problem is the social demands from the clans leaders who are still wanting to have fun with their friends.
I agree. Hmong America has deformed our culture into a status and capitalistic/ for profit social gathering. The money blanket is covering/overpowering the sincerity and compassion for our families and our Hmong culture/practices. We don’t need to over decorate a venue, order BBQ pigs/ shrimp dishes to show our gratitude for people to show up. I’d rather have 2 truly sincere and compassionate people show up than those money grubbers, complainers about how cheap my food and decorations were, and koob moom stealers.
The hmong culture is such a beautiful culture; destroyed by alcohol and being taken advantage of by the clan leaders.
My parents passed away in the same year just 6 months apart in 2008. They have 5 kids and between us 5, we end up spending $150K in total. The OGs came down hard on us and demanded we do what they say. The pressure and arguments at the table was ruthless. Two of my brothers had to refinance their house. One had to take out a loan. Both my sister and I took out our 401K from work. My parents funeral that year made us all broke and we since then separated ourselves from our families & relatives. Even the 5 of us stopped communicating with each other. And the dude is right, been 14 years and we have not heard or seen any of those stupid OGs that was demanding we do as they say/want.
if they want it so bad idk why they don't come up with the money...but ch of pos imo
I'm sorry for the loss of your parents and then to hear that your parents funeral made things worse for you and your siblings. I know we all want to do the right thing, but at what cost? How can we be sure that our parents are in a better place now that all their kids are broke and divided? It's a lose-lose situation for everyone except the money collectors and jealous old people who enjoy seeing other people suffer. I have already decided I wasn't going to make someone else rich by giving them all my money just so my parents can have a "proper hmong funeral." As far as I'm concerned, once a person is dead, they're free of pain and suffering and/or old age, so there's no need to go through all the trouble and make the kids suffer.
when my family still lived in Thailand and my parents just started their life as a married couple and just had me. my maternal grandfather (1996) passed away so both were able to collect some money to slaughter a pig for the funeral. after 10~ yrs living in the US and my maternal grandmother (2015) died (still living in Thailand (they're Hmong-Thai)). Both my parents want to slaughter a cow for my maternal grandmother and already sent money via MoneyGram. The leader of their clan said that it was not fair to slaughter such a large animal for the mother and a little animal for the father, and my parents were like "we were young then, now we live in America and have money" then my mother older brother said that when his mother died (2006) my parents didn't slaughter any for his mother (we just emigrated to the US (2005) and kind of lost connection with them) so if my parents still want to slaughter a cow then my parents should allow him to include his name as well - they live in the mountain and a small shop is like the only place that has a phone in the mid-2000s. my parents were like "we already sent our money and mother-in-law asked for a cow when she was still alive so it's up to you guys." that older brother is the 2nd wife's kid, the 2nd maternal grandmother married one of my maternal grandfather's brothers so he died and she "married" my maternal grandfather so their clan can keep the two boys.
Sorry to hear you guys spent so much money on the funeral.
That's why you tell them if they want it that way they can do it.
Happen to me when my mom pass away. My so call clan leader sent two goons to scam me at my house. They start buy saying how rich I am and that I live in a nice house and have a tundra. Then they would pressure me to give them 40 grand for their services. I decline and that's when the insult and shaming began to the point I had to kick them out or fist would start flying.
Don't let this happen to you.
Taking notes.
Thankyou for sharing because my parents are 54 and 50 years old and at that age, I simply don't know when they're going to kick the bucket.
Being the eldest son also hurts because they will be sharking me left and right.
As someone who has a dad who is very important to his clan. I do not want to get to the day when he passes. The burden of catering to everyone is giving me anxiety. Seeing how expensive my cousins 1 week funeral was compared to my grandpas 1 day funeral really put into prospective how much it costs. I much rather have my grandpas style of funeral. It was under $10000 and catered to everyone respectfully.
Yep. The OGs are the caused of this. The living OGs. They don’t give a fuck if you can afford it or not. They don’t give a fuck if you will go broke afterwards. Good for you for kicking them out. Hopefully you were able to give your mom a funeral within your budget.
@@kuvjason7236 One of my uncles dab laug passed away YEARS BACK. The first night when you go to the deceased's house and baby sit for the whole next week. The OG straight up demanded all the sons(4 sons)each to fork up around 15k regardless if they are married or not and each will have to get cows. Niam dab laug said she can only afford 11k and one cow. One of the son was a junky criminal so the OG didn't bother with him. So the remaining 3 sons has to fork up the cash. Their total is 56k. Total of The funeral cost is around 55k. The extra 1k is for back up. One of the son had about 100k life insurance policy on uncle. That son planned to use the life insurance policy as proof to get 15k loan from the bank. The other sons wanted to lower down to at least 10k each, all of them will pitch in to get 1 cow. The OG straight up said no. Each fork up 15k, shame on them for being cheap, get the money within a week and if there's no money? The funeral can't be process. Next thing one of the OG was like...the son who had the 100k life insurance policy will have to LOAN money to the other 2 sons. Instead of 15k..now this son has to borrow 45k from the bank(15k for himself and 15k each for the other 2 brothers. Total of 45k) to loan to the other 2 sons. The other 2 will have to pay back. After the funeral is DONE and whatever money is remaining from the life insurance + the sunshine money will than be divided among the mother and the sons including junky son. So it's like... Life Insurance policy..100k total. 45k will pay back the bank. 100k - 45k = 35k remaining. The 35k is to be divided among 5 people = $7000 per person and after that the sunshine money is to be divided among them too.
A clan club member came to my dad at his home after a funeral tooting the kind $1,000 donation the 20+families in the clan associated with the club donated for a funeral for my brother (none of the family/clan members showed up for the funeral to help out without $ incentive-only to help drink up and get loud while we were crying and do rituals).
Yep. I've personally seen funerals that were above $70k. This needs to change or else our younger generation is just going to abandon the tradition. Very good video!
Awwwe, WTH!
The people assigned tasks/roles factors in the costs of funerals. People who claim to help out during funerals (from essential funeral ceremony practices to the garbage person) may be getting props for helping out but they also get paid for it. White Hmong people task at least one teenager to do trash for an average of $200 during funeral event.
Keep it simple(don’t pay influencial people to show up, keep the meals simple, don’t buy so much beer-funerals are not social parties for u to over drink to celebrate each other cuz u have reunited cousins and friends/get loud)!!! Show true sincerity and don’t ask to get compensated for attending a funeral. Show true sincerity and compassion.
@@ntxhaispaaj I was a person that took care of trash and wasn’t paid. A lot of people get small pay or none from my experience. I felt unappreciated but that’s just my upbringing.
@Ching Vang I believe it varies from time to time. Sometime we struggle a lot and money is an issue so we don’t get anything. I wouldn’t say we are broke but we are just barely making it. I have my own money so I could care less. If it was for an American funeral home, I would also get nothing as since it’s suppose to be out of love. I used to go to church in the past. The thing was we actively volunteer for tasks where as Hmong is more so given.
Nobody love us when we alive but only when we die
Wow this is awesome! Very high quality and educational content. Please continue to upload many more.
$31K is not accurate. Average costs is about $80K to $100K
Very professional!! Sharing this.
The Hmong in the States thinks of themselves too highly that they are pressured to make a funeral for a king and queen (ironically, the similar thing is happen to Hmong Laos and Vietnam in weddings today). Sometimes it's the fault of the parent or relatives, who demands certain requirement. When the Hmong were still in Laos and Vietnam, the average person had less than the value of $50 USD and everyone can make a funeral happen. I can understand $10K-$15K in the States, but you shouldn't need to spend over $20K (even with inflation) as a baseline requirement. The rich ones will say, we need to do it, but never think about the poor families who can't afford to spend more than even $5K without going into debt. Your loved one just died, why give yourself more burden with debt. We all know, it's about saving face. But the truth is, at the end of the day, nobody cares because most of them, 90% won't call you, won't ask about you, won't help you pay your debt. But hey, at least they'll be there again at your funeral, right?
You're so right on the point. That's why Neng Chue Xiong yelled out, "Malaqapi" to the other guy, who demanded a bigger cow for the deceased person. Also, there is not need to invite the "leaders" or VIP to a funeral. They offer nothing to the family of the deceased person. Thanks to COVID-19, the change was dramatic.
I agree this need to be change, when my father pastaway, he has 8 sons. But only 4 that are married, so Each of the married sons has to come up 10k. If u don’t have money you will have to take a loan or borrow from a family member. There will be some donations money to help also but doesn’t cover everything. Two weeks plus of grieving with the family at home before the funeral, we are drained due to cooking every day and spending money daily up until the funeral day. So many cows and pigs being kills to feed the guest who come help keep our home warm. During the funeral foods n drinks cost was over spent to many waste alcohol and foods. When the funeral is over, everyone goes back to reality and the sons are left with debts. Our family have spent over 56plus thousands dollars. Sometimes makes me think of the amt money that has been spent for his funeral.. it’s sad cause when he was alive.. we could have spent that much money to take him on vacation etc.
Ty amazing job
My siblings and I are going through this right now
Great video. Very informative and on point. We as a community need to change our ways and do what is right for our loved ones. I agree that most of these costs just comes from peer pressure. Can’t wait to see more.
Thank you for bringing light to this topic. We'll done.
Yes! We need to reduced our culture about hmong funeral as soon as possible. Thank!!
The political pressure is the issue! The American Hmong leaders and/or sometimes the designated (mostly paternal side-thank you maternal side helpers who volunteer on the day of!!!) helpers who were tasked are the problem: “we need more or this”; those people are dictating what is required on the day of!!! Hosting family already prepped for the meals preps and tasked the help to make the planned meals-just do it! It sucks for the lazy paternal side non-helpers who attend for the good koob moom-uncle said your whole family wasn’t helping, you weren’t helping cuz you’re busy!! Why did you attend?
5:00 what he said is so true. about a few months before covid-19, I went to a funeral and a pastor said about why Hmong people "show our love" only during funerals. those tens of thousands of dollars that we spent, why not spend on the person when they're still living, they wouldn't know it when they're dead.
about 3 weeks ago, my family went to slaughter 4 cows for my grandfather's funeral. there was no signal so we went to a gas station to see if we can get a signal to call the vehicles that fall behind. that gas station own by a Hmong. he asked if we went to buy cows for a funeral or something then he said that when his father died, he slaughtered 15 cows.
the last person to get 2-3 days of service will be my grandmother. i have asked my parents and they told me that it's up to us - the children - but my mother said outright that she just wants a day. because we're Christian, we can do it but it's hard for the non-Christian Hmong. since they said that, I said that I'll probably be going to slaughter a cow the week after their death (maybe on Friday/Saturday at home for dining), do a little service a week after it (or just the Saturday/Sunday after the dining), and bury them on the same day of the service (maybe Sunday or Monday) - everything done either within the same week or two weeks after the death.
I absolutely agree 100% with you that it needs to be changed. Otherwise, surely that the young generation would change their believe to Christianity or else. At the time then it could be already too late. Thank you
@Ying Vang, you are about right. Like what I said, “I do not wish to switch or convert about changes to the Christian beliefs.” That is why I don’t go to the Church. The Shaman and Christian Church (Mormon, Seventh Day, Baptist and Protestant, Catholic, etc.) had the same problems and experiences about funerals raising prices. That is truly sad! Thanks bro
@@kx6708 the decision of how much money you can afford for a funeral is up to you as the family, do not let it be up others ans/or do not depend on others to make decisions for you and then get suffered alone o.k. Keep in mind that those are just the talkers they won't give you a dime, every thing is from your own pocket so just speak out telling them that 's all you could afford. Thank you
Funeral expensive still happens with Hmong Christians. Some even still do 3 day funeral, just without the drums and all, but the expense is similar.
I blame it soley on the clan leaders who tries to one up each other because they believe the more extravagant the funeral is, the more accolades and respect will be thrown their way. Most clan leaders who still cling to this mindset should be ashamed of themselves for using their families as stepping stones to reach an esteem affluence in the community.
Funeral home rental is $22k-$25k. It's the funeral homes running the show
Agree. Funeral homes are pocketing all the hmong people's money, lol
Agreed!
Cut down the cost means cutting down the activities at a hmong funeral...
Some hmong OGs dont care cause its not their $$$ thats getting spent....
They just want to their names/faces and reputation to be heard more IMO.
Its bullshit and I sure as hell dont want an OG hmong funeral nor a church one.
I.would rather have everyone just come chill and remember me
Stop catering and paying so much for decorations. There are loved ones out there who are willing to help. Keep it simple-food/deco/ceremony.
I truly believe we need to improve and need to educate the elders about the cost and unnecessary expenses w/ funerals. Traditional can be uphold but it shouldn’t be putting so much financial burden to the surviving family.
I am pondering about my burden to my parents - which i will fulfill. As for me, It will be hard to follow this tradition.
Can we cut the alcohol and food out? McDonald's right around the corners
I stood up to my clan leader when we had my mother’s funeral cuz he wanted to have face by having a big funeral m spend a lot on food and beer. Once I stood up he didn’t want to lend a finger to help but I said that’s okay he will have his time.
Thank you for the educational, and well made video. It's great to have accessible, and informational videos like this, especially since Hmong culture is so oral. It's a great way of preserving knowledge, and reaching a wider audience.
I'm fast becoming your fan! 💕
These “professionals” talk about the “social pressures” but it’s the politics…
The politics of it really sucks with clan leaders and co-leaders…Is it bad kharma for paternal side relatives to allow the hosting family to work the basic jobs (cooking/cutting meat/ restocking food) due to lack of support/sincerity?
I’m from maternal side and tried my best to help and tell the hosting family to grieve well during the funeral.
It sucks that politics kicked in during a funeral; n I hope the paternal family improves their sincerity.
so i am a first generation born in the United States, Growing up and having to learn two culture isn't a task that is easily understood by our elders. One hand you don't want to disappoint your relatives and culture but on the other hand you have the American culture that you need to adapt to as well. In my eyes and what i have seen through out the many funerals i have attend, is it REALLY necessary to have all of it?
That's why I love you n way u do to have war. 😎😍😘😗😃😄😂
BIG THANKS
I agree. Hmong America has deformed our culture into a status and capitalistic/ for profit social gathering. The money blanket is covering/overpowering the sincerity and compassion for our families/loved ones and our Hmong culture/practices. We don’t need to over decorate a venue, order BBQ pigs/ shrimp dishes to show our gratitude for people to show up. I’d rather have 2 truly sincere and compassionate people show up than those money grubbers, complainers about how cheap my food and decorations were, and koob moom stealers. Keep it simple and stop reinforcing the bad attitudes of those “influential” big mouth relatives who may be reaping the benefits of their parents’s rep/money/social status.
Ikr. Stupid Hmong funeral "directly" financially screw up the family of the deceased it also "indirectly" financially screw up the clan members, cousins or others too. All these stupid Hmong OG clan members and all the stupid culture leaders socially pressure people to show up at funerals for 3 days or whatever amount of time. Bruh. People has to work. Some people don't get pay if they don't work. Some people has 12 hours shift and they need to rest. People don't have time to come to "nyob hmo" for 7 nights and another 3 days for the funeral. This ain't the 80s to the 90s when 99% of Hmong people are on welfare+ foodstamp and have time to spare.
Very nice topic to discuss
It’s all about “greed and showing off”. It’s not the wish of the person who died. It is the demand of all the old men coming to funeral. They don’t give a shit if your family can afford it or not. They just want to make the funeral “beautiful” to save face. And for some families, they want to show off that they have money but really they don’t.
The ones I did attend I including my grandfather's seems to me like everyone treated it like some kind of social gathering then a funeral.
I didnt know more than half of the people that showed up ate drink and left.
I know there is a lot of culture and traditions our people hold on to dearly especially the old country hmong.
But the cost of those funerals I completely disagree with.
Yeah it’s costing a lot so don’t try to impress others..they are not the ones suffering after the funeral..just make it simple , one day only Hmong people damm
My family start doing that now 1day is enough, buried the next day
You think you can translate the English dialog in Hmoob too??
I'd like my elderly non-understanding-English parents to watch your videos too
I know this for a fact, some Hmong funeral owners secretly give out commission behind door to any elder or family leader that referred deceased to them. Yup, regardless of the timeframe or how expensive it is, those elders will persuade you to use that funeral home. This also led to some Txiv Qeej, Tswj Kav, Niam Ua Mov, refuse to help unless switch to the Funeral Home of their preference just to make a little $$ on the side. Such corruption in a small Hmong community. SMH!! I encourage the younger generation to stand their ground, do some research and shop around. Some funeral home are cheaper than others. I hope this will be brought to light and make awareness.
If the clan leaders and spirit leaders knows that if the deceased has LIFE INSURANCE...say..about $100,000. They will "shame, manipulate and social pressure" the son(s) into SPENDING MORE ON the funeral. They "spend" the money. The son(s) hold the money but in name only. It's these old farts who does all the spending.
This has always been my concern.
So truth. America Hmoob funeral is a burden. I have seen family broken from hmoob funeral. Is never the family way, always the clan leader way. With social pressure too you have to meet there expectations. Is a financial burden.
Kheem lam Hmoob pab cov tub-ntxhais hluas kawm ntawv qeb siab (doctoral degrees) npaum li Hmoob ua ntees ZOO rau cov NEEG TUAG mas Hmoov lub neej VAM MEEJ TSHAJ txhua haiv neeg nyob thoob qab ntuj...Tiam sis, TSIS MUAJ TSEEB thiab npau suav los twb tsis pom! Yog muaj TSEEB li txhua tus TXIV XAIV cov lus ces HMOOB CIAJ huab tais thiab LWM HAIV NEEG UA hMOOB QHEV TAAG LAWM! Luag tswv yim loj ces LUAG muab yus NTXIAS NOJ thiab KIB ROJ! YUS tswv yim me ces luag MUAB YUS NTXIAS "QHE" xwb las...MUAJ LAIJ DAB TSI! Yog Hmoob nquag thiab siv nyiaj nrog tua tsiaj npaum li Hmoob sib koom 1 sij mus (ua) 1 lub ntees ces Hmoob lub neej (society) vam meej tshaj txhua haiv neeg nyob thoob qab ntuj BUT NO ONE CARES.... Cas thaum muaj teeb meem tshwm sim tuaj...Ho tsis mus khawb cov neeg tuag uas Hmoob siv nyiaj thiab tua tsiaj ntau ntau rau los pab Hmoob? CUAG NKAUS li cov tub-ntxhais hluas kawm tiad PhDs tshuad Hmoob NQE PIM (PAUM), QAU, SIB TSOOB, SIB TXIAG, SIB AIM thiab NQE PHEV; YOM? Es ho tsuas pom cem thiab hais cov tub-ntxhais kawm ntawv qeb siab thiab tshawb fawb (PhDs) tuaj pab Hmoob DAWB DAWB? Cas yuav ua PLUAG TSAB MUAJ thiab RUAM TSAB NTSE UA LUAJ! Luag tshuad nqe txais nyiaj them rov qab, poj niam, txiv thiab me nyuam yuav siv nyiaj NAD! The theory of the "Foom Kom and Qhuab Kom" are simply BRAINWASHING people who have no education and/or research SIMPLY they are DEEP ROOTED WORDS IN the Hmong ideological thoughts and concepts.
NOTHING HAS BEEN PROVEN WHAT THEY SAID WILL GET ANYONE BETTER IN LIFE...TRUST ME AND BELIEVE ME! I'VE BEEN INVOLVED IN THIS KIND OF PROCESS SINCE 1974 TO NOWADAYS and I'd considered it a WASTE TIME AND WASTE FULL SPENDING TO PAY CASH! A good example of this is HOW TO TRANSLATE and INTERPRET the United States Constitution, in particular, in your own words if you can.
REMEMBER: No matter how much you spent $ for a funeral for a deceased loved one that is DEAD..That deceased person CANNOT take it with him/her to the SPIRITUAL WORLD (sab ntsuj plig teb chaws)...BUT all of the expenses for the UNNECESSARY LAVISH funeral BEAUTY will ONLY CREATE a BURDEN to the LIVING FAMILY MEMBERS OF the DEAD. We all need to know, realize, BE LOGICAL, REALISTIC, EDUCATIONAL and IDEOLOGICAL that based on Hmong sob lus: "Tub tuag tsis nco tub ciaj tshaj ntuj" nawb.... We have to EARN our REPUTATION and we CANNOT buy REPUTATION!
What is being done about this? Are we just going to talk and not do anything about it? How would we implement these changes?
Funeral cost is high because it drags on forever (3 days) and this is NOT NECESSARY, is it? Food and beverage is NOT as costly as the rent of the funeral home. I don't know the break down of funeral costs, but I'd rather buy food for everyone and get it over with in one day than drag the ceremony on for 3 days, thus racking up the cost. The worst thing we can do is burden our children with funeral costs and ruin their lives. How is this considered "honor," if we do this to our children?
If someone tells you to jump off a cliff, are you going to do as they say and jump? We should never tell someone to do something that we're not willing to do ourselves. Neither should we demand others to sacrifice anything for us because to do so is called "m u r d e r," which is NOT love. Love does NOT make demands but offers/gives freely without expecting anything in return.
i think 1.5 days should be enough.
we have airplanes and cars, it's not like we going to walk 5 mountains and 4 valleys in the "good old days of Laos."
We need to change the OG’s mindset. No doubt, the new generations don’t care to over do it anymore.
So what’s the follow up with 18 clans with this?
What about the funeral cost for the Hmong Christian? They don't do extravagant ceremonial activities like the old Hmong tradition.
The food might not cost a lot, but it takes a lot of effort, times and hard works for the family and relatives when they should spend the time grieving.
I'm Christian and I went to two funerals before - one of my grandpas in the Twin Cities and my grandfather like 3 weeks ago. The cooking are done by the church members because there are members who are assigned for funeral events. at that grandpa in Twin Cities, I remembered that uncle slaughtered 5 cows and 2 pigs. for my grandfather, we slaughtered just the 4 cows - $1200 each. snacks, ingredients, drinks (soda, juice, and water - no alcohol at Christian funeral) and other foods related cost are out of the family. the flowers displaying at the casket are individual purchases. my grandfather got those Laotain wooded casket for $5,000, $3000 discount because my grandparents know the seller. i didn't ask for the cost of the funeral home - hmong funeral home. my grandfather got two lots because my family tilted the coffin at an angle per family tradition. I'm assuming that it's around $30k-$40k for my grandfather.
only the older generation - the early believers - are the ones that still want the 2-3 days services. i have heard of some families that did 1.5 days service as well.
Guess what? The other day I purposely played this video in front of my mom. Mom got super triggered. My hmong brothers and sisters. Look up the word..."narcissism" and do some research on it. You will easily see that our Hmong culture is full of narcissism.
Greed is what change, we pay 40k n the place cant afford speaker, my family slowly abandoning some of the useless stuff already, but yes cost needs to go down
If you're going overboard, you only have yourself to blame. When Hmong first arrived in America, funerals were quick and simple. Affordable. The way some adopt funerals now is a new trend made up.
They need to stop bringing Beers to the Funeral. Waste of money, it's for their own safety. Banned Beer, The Clan leaders must change now, No one would a support the OGs anymore in the next generation. Culture is not modernized. It's time for a change for Hmong Culture and I believed we need to simplified it. Game over for Hmong People if nothing changed.
Our mom's funeral in MI cost more than $70.000. But that was cut out many things already, If we would do it fully, it might cost us around $100,000.
Know the tradition first, then decide on your own what you want to cut out! Cut cost... knowledge is power! Dont let others bully you..its just tradition/ culture, not law. Do what you can afford!
I BLAME THE LONG FUNERAL RITUAL( FRI, SAT, SUN, MON), 10 C0WS(DO WE NEED 10 SPIRIT COW AFTER LIFE), SNACK AT FUNERAL (WHY EAT AT A FUNERAL WHILE FLIES SPREAD BACTERIA FROM THE DEAD).
The clan leader does not see but himself only. He is selfish and just wants to save his face. I think the children should stand their ground and should not listen to the leader but how much they have in their pocket.
Txhob txhawj vim hmoob txoj kev coj qub no nyuaj dhau lawm ntuj thiaj muab peb ua kom tuaj nyob lub teb chaws vaj tswv kuv xav tias tsis ntev xyoo tsis tsawg tiam no peb cov tub ki yuav mus coj kev cai tshiab tas kuv ntseeg 100% li no .
Agree
If you understand funeral services are rackets, you will know what to do.
My parents will be the last generation to have Hmong funerals (out of respect). When it comes to my death, I want the cheapest process for my kids to have to deal with. I can't wait to be done with these pointless rituals that have no place in the modern world. Everything is poison, the social pressures, the financial burden, the excessive feasting and drinking leading to metabolic health problems. They don't even question why they are dying younger and from complications unheard of by than their ancestors.
You wanna know what's really fucked up after funerals? Lets say Joe bought life insurance for his folks. He pay the fee every month. Nobody else pay for it. Joe bought..say....100,000. One of the folk passes away. The total cost is..say....55,000. The remaining cash is 45,000. Now the fucked up part is when the clan leaders demand Joe to "share the life insurance money" among his brothers, sisters and to the Mom or Dad depending who's still alive after the funeral.
Awwwe, Bee Vue (Vam Huas & Bee Yang (Txawj Teeb) bring down the costs of Hmong Funerals Service to Hmong (Old Culture Society). Tu siab cov npwb Hmoob yuav yuam ua lub ntees kom lawv tau Ntsej muag xwb2. (Lawv tias luag yog cov coj noj coj haus) tau li lawv hais ces lub thiaj mus taus. That's not normal here. So sadness, calling your self clan leader!
That's facts!
Who the hell needs 10 cows when they're dead at 1500 to 2k a cow that's utterly ridiculous some of these old folks will go out of their way to make sure that all of these cows are killed during a funeral as if it is a need and a must. Kings and Queens don't even get 10 cows why do we treat our dead better than we do when they're alive it's dumbfounding.
We need a change
Cut down the on beer and liquor. It’s like 2k!!!
CREMATION $20k for now if you buy in advance and lock in the price. Hope this helps.
dang cremation here is under 5k and direct burial is under 10k
No lets be clear. Non-christian hmong funerals cost that much. A christian hmong funeral is more cost effective.
Ok to stop these funeral traditions anytime
Why you (Bee Yang) and the inerviewed colleague are such a BIG MOUTHS and TALK THAT WILL LEAD THE HMONG TO NO WHERE! It's like an old Confucius saying: "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a SINGLE STEP..." BUT my warning is MAKE SURE THAT "first step...DOESN'T PUT ON THE MUD!"
That what the boys do in my hmong family
Bee Yang: You're an EXPERT in Hmong practices: Don't you DARE to use the words: "Shaman, sacrifice, ritual, ancestor worship, altar, magic healing, etc." because these words HAVE ALREAD PRODUCED "CULTURAL STEREOTYPES" against the Hmong all over the world! Since you're an EXPERT and the Hmong TRUST YOU...YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH "BETTER TERMINOLOGIES" for in my own preferred terms: "Spiritual doctor, sacred spiritual healing ceremonies, traditonal Hmong funeral and wedding ceremonies." Hmong people HAVE "NEVER" conducted and practiced VOODOO AND SACRIFICE HUMANS or ANIMALS...PERIOD!
U are wrong Mr Heu. Professor Bee is accurate and true to Hmong religion. You just want to water it down and make it "palatable" or sound "nicer" to other races. If you dont like it, change yourself, and go join a new culture or religion.
I remember as a kid, I saw my neighbor cousin sacrifice an uncommon animal so I know animal sacrifices do occur.
@@kungfue1143 I agree with you. It is what it is, and it's up to each individual whether s/he wants to practice this way of life or not. I personally do not resonate with it so that's why I chose a different path for myself.
They are so expensive my dad had to pay 7,000
The cost is really up to the family in my opinion. Family chose to feed their guests more over actually spending it on the funeral.
This so called "ancestors land", is it a physical place or more of a spiritual place? I had always thought that the ancestors land represented our original place of origin which was China and its where our souls go back too, but I'm sure this might be entirely wrong.
Paradigm shift to adapt to the current financial landscape and to preserve culture. Very interesting
I almost got into a fight with my relatives after my grandma had passed away over this stupid idea of killing so many animals. My grandma only wanted 1 cow and 1 chicken.
Bee Yang: You're such a BULLY! You stated" "IN order to reduce the (funeral ) cost, we need to go back to the ORIGINAL." THAT'S A "DAMN" LIAR! We NEED TO DO "RESEARCH" HOW EVERYTHING AT "A HMONG FUNERAL BECAME and GOT INCORPORATED as TIME EVOLVED?"
Dude, chill. You're the bully here
65k is standard
Sorry it just corruptions as usual 😅😮😅😢😅😅😅
BEE YANG: Again...Why are you such a BULLY! BIG ANIMALS being slaughtered at Hmong funerals traditionally are NOT and HAVE NEVER BEEN "cows" BUT "ONLY BULLS?" yOU KNOW BETTER!
we just have to work together and buy one for the community and the cost of funeral home cost.
If the hmong clan leader and 18 clans want us to follow them and they are leaders in the communities they should open up their own funeral home to reduce the cost. Without that..those leadership and tradition means nothing. No one will agree to these tradition... Its not freindly for us all to follow, because some of these people has soo much ego.. Those spirtual leaders should know or specialize, specialist in multiple Clans ways and have ways to funds that.
At the end is that.. If you cant control the cost.. It sure will change and no one may not follow it.. We ALL have to adapt to our enviroment, cost of living and with the country we live in...
Another thought is that if organizations like Lao family isnt doing anything.. After all these years.. Give them the boot..
in the next decade there will not be this hi cost funeral anymore
Hmong people also need to change about taking the meats at the funeral home too. Too many cows are killed, especially, the elderly and not enough meat to cook and serve at the funeral for the visitors. If we do the math correctly, a 1000 lbs or bigger cow should have enough meats to cook with vegetables for 3 meals (one full day) so 3 full days of funeral service we only need at the most 4 cows, yet, in most cases and most elderly funeral, there are 6, some even 12 cows were slaughtered but not enough meats to cook at the funeral, and no meat left over after the funeral too. Not every of those cow is killed for the purpose of txiv dab laug, maum phauj,..etc where the meats have to divide into those groups, some cows were slaughtered mainly for foods only but still not enough meats.
because of dumb superstition that if all the foods are eaten then it means the dead doesn't bless the living so that's why so many cows has to die
Peb cov hmoob kho tsis Tau lawm. Peb hmoob ua yuav yuav reputation xwb. Ua ib nteeg tag $50K rau $100K. Yuav kom kho Tau ces txog leej twg tsev ces yus paub yus tus kheej xwb.
@9:40
Yall just figuring this out now 🤣🤣🤣
For me I only want 3-4 hours….I didn’t buy life insurance to make the owner of the funeral home rich.
Yes, there is no need to kill so many cows and drink alcohol!!!!
👍👍👍👍👍
Txo meej mom, tsis txhob quab yuam, muab txoj kev noj haus tso rau tom qab me ntsis xwb ces pab tau ntau lawm.
Changes begin with oneself:::one session…3 hours
We need to get a government building that cost very minimal
Only go to heaven ascend or hell if not, but hell bound is chain to earth being reincarnated over and over on earth never meeting your ancestors but trick to be other humans to infinity until bad enough to go to hell
Hmong ritual process doesnot need to be legislated. Laws and legeslationa will only bring problems. A funeral will be a ritual for the deads not for the livings. Most of the costs stemmed from killing cows, restless alcohol wastes and food wastes. Have only 1 supper a day is fine, don’t need to have between 2-3 meals a day. I’ve seen people tsev xyom cuab, openning beers left and right offering to everbody, even to the ones that are not beer addicts. Stop the being too mannered and offer beers regardless of who drink it or not. And don’t set up a table for the old people or beer addicts.
I do agree with you and everything the OG said in this video. With you I agree that there should be no legislation and laws are needed. That will only bring problems. The Hmong culture is full of narcissism.(Look up that term and you will understand the meaning). The only way for the cost to drop is when all or MOST these old Boomers and Gen X dies off.
Niaj hnub no (nowadays) Hmoob, including koj (Bee Yang) twb yuam kev TAG about 60% lawm los TSEEM TSIS LEES LUB "TXIM TXHAUM" thiab tsis QHUAB QHIA txog TEJ YUAM KEV vim "NTSEJ UA DU, MUAG UA PLHU" xwb!
$40,000, $50,000, .....$100,000 for Hmong funeral costs is NOT too bad considering that the grandchildren will be guaranteed unlimited wealth without lifting a finger, guaranteed government & leadership positions with no experience needed, unlimited protection from the deceased relatives. Children and grandchildren have to realize that they are making a very BIG INVESTMENT for future generations and for themselves (since they will be re-born into their clans....clans elders say so at the funerals).
WTF No. That is too expensive and your comment made ZERO sense!
Folks, it is better to change your believe to Christian and do not go to Hmong Christian church but American church because Hmong church would very much treat you no different non Hmong Christian treating you either. Thank you.
@@exoteeb9204 makes perfect sense. Notice he is being sarcastic 🙄.
"Unlimited protection from the deceased relatives," is not proven to be true. It could be made up and everyone just took it as "truth," because we don't know any better. Well now you can't say you don't have access to information or technology because you do and can research topics on "life after death."
@@exoteeb9204 he's making a joke about the dead blessing the living so that's why people wasted so much money
I don't care about the cost. Funeral homes and services are rackets. I just don't know why so many cows have to die as well. The funny thing is how do they know about the spirits? My gripe is also with Christian families who attend traditional funerals. You might have to cater out for them.
This has always been my concern.